1 00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:12,637 Hey, you kids! Don't be bad outside my store! I keep a nice store! 2 00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:16,933 Give it up, old man! We're just cool bad kids doing young stuff! 3 00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:20,778 You guys wanna do some more skateboard moves? 4 00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:21,730 Which ones? 5 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:24,399 - The rad ones, that's which. - How are you kids? 6 00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:26,682 Did you know your Grandpa's tryin' a get your attention? 7 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,278 Yeah yeah, screw off, weirdo. 8 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:31,906 - Grandson, what's that mean? - He's one of those cult people. 9 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,118 They worship some psycho named Roy that says he's everybody's grandpa. 10 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:37,829 So what do you want to do today, eat some snacks, 11 00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:40,623 and maybe let me kiss you finally? 12 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,167 Y'know, with my mouth and stuff? 13 00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:44,627 This is going on right now. Let's go check it out. 14 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,046 - Awe geez. - Come on, just for fun, you know? 15 00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:50,967 No, that's not what I'm -You guys keep thinking I'm a religious leader, 16 00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:53,178 this isn't a religion, this is actual truth. 17 00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:55,805 I'm a scientist in real life, but this isn't real life, 18 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:56,931 this is a video game. 19 00:00:57,015 --> 00:01:00,477 You at least understand that much right? This is a video game? 20 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,687 But you said I'm your grandson? 21 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:05,940 I'm saying everyone is. Everyone here, everyone in this world but me. 22 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,318 You're all my grandson, your name is Morty, 23 00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:10,504 you're stuck in a video game and I'm here to get you out. 24 00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,530 What about me? Am I your grandson? 25 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:14,199 I just said everyone is! 26 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:15,742 Incredible! 27 00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:18,106 Okay, okay but don't react like that, it's not a religion, 28 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:19,454 this is what is happening. 29 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:22,457 You and me and your sister are at an arcade called Blips and Chitz. 30 00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:23,958 It's been taken over by terrorists. 31 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:27,712 The power went out, the game restarted, and your identity has been splintered into 32 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,297 all the non-player characters. 33 00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:32,091 So I jacked in as Roy, that's the player character, 34 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:35,595 to get you, my grandson, Morty, out of the game before it's over and you die. 35 00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,472 OK, question over here. 36 00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,724 - Am I your grandson? - Jesus! Yes! 37 00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:42,477 Every single one of you is one five billionth of Morty. 38 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:44,646 All of you, collectively, are Morty. 39 00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:47,490 Look I don't wanna seem impatient but there's actually a lot more that 40 00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:51,027 we have to get done so if this is how hard it's gonna be we are in a lot of trouble. 41 00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:54,197 Summer, what?! I can't do this if you keep bugging me! 42 00:01:55,114 --> 00:01:58,576 Do you understand time dilation? I'm losing a month a second out here. 43 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:01,246 There's an alien army shooting people, what am I doing?! 44 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:04,207 It's a small group of alien terrorists, just do a Die Hard. 45 00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:05,208 What does that mean? 46 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:08,169 Sneak around, use air vents. You've never seen Die Hard? 47 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:11,214 I'm seventeen, no I've never seen fucking Die Hard! 48 00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:14,050 Well neither did the guy in Die Hard so you're nailing it! Good luck! 49 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,001 Larry... 50 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,670 No, I'm at the end of my rope with this kid, I swear to God. 51 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,173 You gotta be kidding me. 52 00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,801 - Your beautiful hair. - This is not a daughter's haircut. 53 00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,761 I'm not a daughter, I'm a grandson. 54 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,098 Your family had a perfectly fine religion. You were raised Jewish. 55 00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:04,684 Dad, tell me anything specific about being Jewish. 56 00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:08,271 There's a million things! You go to the temple with the special hat, 57 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:09,814 the falafafluten. 58 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:13,443 The falafafluten, our Jewish words are gibberish because we're 59 00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:16,126 a fourteen year old boy who was raised nondenominational Christian 60 00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:17,530 and we're in a video game. 61 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,782 I don't need to hear this schmoitenheiven. 62 00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:23,995 Let me ask you this, little miss grandson, little miss video game character. 63 00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:27,457 If you're not my daughter, why stand in my house spouting this chatschkopfka? 64 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,792 - Why even live here? - Good question. 65 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:31,794 There she goes! My daughter. 66 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,589 One five billionth of a kid trapped in a video game. 67 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,091 Yeah, that and a college degree'll pay the rent. 68 00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:43,765 What do you people want? 69 00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:47,602 We have many interests but right now my primary one is the location. 70 00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:49,520 Of... your... safe. 71 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:53,024 We exchange tokens for digital currency, we don't have a safe. 72 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:56,069 Correction, what you don't have is a head. 73 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,447 Is this a weapon or a medical tool? 74 00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:01,991 Why would you give me a gun with a laser that thin? 75 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,410 Did you hear me tell him he wouldn't have a head? 76 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,454 - He's dead isn't he? - People die in surgery. 77 00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:09,207 Hey, who don't touched me! I don't like being touched! 78 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:10,917 Check the hostages. 79 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:14,545 Make sure nobody else here is doing a Die Hard. 80 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:23,054 Hello, hello, my name is Morty, I'm a fourteen year old boy in a video game! 81 00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:24,847 - Yeah! - Geez! 82 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,811 Yeah. Look. I feel like every time I explain this, I lose followers, but: 83 00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,227 This isn't a religion. 84 00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:32,021 And while I do have a message from a world beyond this one, 85 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,358 and I do need the entire world to hear my message, 86 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,694 what I do not need is any more songs about it. 87 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:38,987 Not in this genre. 88 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:42,073 I'm an old school hip hop man and no that's not an invitation 89 00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:44,200 for you to try it because I'm just gonna say it, 90 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,244 we're missing the mark on diversity. 91 00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:52,709 Get down! You're all under arrest for being religious the wrong way! 92 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,752 It's not a religion. You know what, just shoot me. 93 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,474 You think your god makes you bullet proof? 94 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:59,424 There isn't even a god in the real world, you fragmented putz, 95 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:01,134 there's extra no god in here. 96 00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:03,737 You know what, hippy? Talking like that is why you're getting shot. 97 00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:05,972 If you kill him, the game ends and we all die. 98 00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:07,724 - Get down, lady! - I'm not a lady. 99 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:08,975 And you're not a soldier. 100 00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:12,770 We're one person, split into a lot of little pieces. You feel me? Dawg? 101 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,024 You're not gonna hurt me. You're me. 102 00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:18,568 My name is Kevin! I'm a Marine. I'm thirty. 103 00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:21,696 I'm a little racist but my best friend is an immigrant that translated for me 104 00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:23,239 in a generic overseas war. 105 00:05:23,322 --> 00:05:26,784 That's not true. We're fourteen, we like pizza and masturbation, 106 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:29,954 we wear a yellow shirt and we have hair that looks like a brown helmet. 107 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:33,750 And we miss our family. And we're in way over our heads again. 108 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,376 Why's this always happen, man? 109 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,045 I know, right? Aw geez. 110 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,128 Aw geez. 111 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,131 Come here. Aw geez. Come here. 112 00:05:40,214 --> 00:05:43,092 - Aw geez. - Aw geez. 113 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,177 Who is that? 114 00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:45,970 Her video game name is Marta. 115 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,306 OK. See, this I can work with. 116 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:53,644 “Sneak around. Crawl in some vents. Do a Die Hard.” 117 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,366 Oh my god, it's disgusting. 118 00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:09,185 Actually... it tastes really good. 119 00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:11,370 Oh my god, it's disgusting that it tastes good! 120 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,314 Frank, have you found him? Report. 121 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:17,126 Walkie talkie. That's Die Hard. Don't have to see it to know that. 122 00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:20,046 This is Jons. I repeat, have you found him? 123 00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:23,925 Breaker breaker. Walkie talkie. I got your walkie talkie. Bitch. 124 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,385 Are you doing a Die Hard? 125 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:27,970 Maybe. 126 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,139 Are you? Also? 127 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,518 More or less. And my associate, Frank? 128 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:37,438 Your associate Frank is definitely not doing a Die Hard. 129 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,149 You might even say he's doing a Die Easy. 130 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:42,527 Because I killed him and it wasn't difficult. 131 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:44,862 Calm yourself, Winslow. 132 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:46,614 Winslow! 133 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:52,286 It's not every day one meets a fellow Die Hard enthusiast, Ms... 134 00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:54,080 Call me Die Hard. 135 00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:58,209 Okay. “Die Hard.” Tell me. What do you know about Die Hard? 136 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,170 What do you care? You writing a book about Die Hard? 137 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,047 As a matter of fact I've written several. 138 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:07,218 Every sentient civilization across the galaxy eventually develops the same myth. 139 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,637 In Centauri it's known as Tower Man. 140 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,558 The Orionese have their Thornberg Cycle and in Andromeda it's called 141 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,893 Foolish to Have Imagined You'd Be Able to Kill... 142 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,521 all of them what you'd call Die Hard. 143 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:22,024 The difference being that cultures like mine are aware of its importance 144 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,653 whereas I'm starting to doubt you could even recall a single line. 145 00:07:25,736 --> 00:07:27,864 Walkie talkie Die Hard, motherfucker. 146 00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:34,579 Not so long ago, Grandsonism was being dismissed as a doomsday cult. 147 00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:37,862 But since a majority of the world decided, hey you know what, we like jerking off 148 00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,435 and playing video games and our sister is out there fighting terrorists, 149 00:07:40,459 --> 00:07:41,627 major strides have been made. 150 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:45,631 The world is united, because the world is one fourteen year old boy, Morty. 151 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,091 But where's it all coming from? 152 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:51,095 Some say Grandsonism's leader, Roy, has a secret base somewhere in these mountains. 153 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:55,433 I couldn't find it so I'm standing in, in the general area with a microphone. 154 00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:57,101 For Good Enough News, I'm Tony! 155 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,446 There she is, my right-hand Morty. 156 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:09,655 Got enough spaceships? 157 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,617 Not yet. I figure five more years of game time before I can take the 158 00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:14,994 whole fake population into fake outer space. 159 00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:16,537 What do we do in outer space? 160 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,372 Nothing. It's fake. We keep going. 161 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:21,626 The game's map has edges, but the game's engine will let us go past them. 162 00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:24,462 That will force the game to reset, but first it will kick us out, 163 00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:26,339 which Morty should survive, I mean, 164 00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:28,132 Whatever amount of Morty we have on board. 165 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:30,896 So if you don't have five billion handkerchiefs soaked in chloroform 166 00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:33,095 I hope you can keep flipping idiots to our cause. 167 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,097 They're not idiots. Grandpa. They're me. 168 00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:37,725 You'll know how funny that is when we get back. 169 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:40,811 By the way, I had your genius of a father picked up, he's over there. 170 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:41,896 What? Why? 171 00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:45,149 I thought you'd be grateful. And less distracted than if I let him die. 172 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:47,360 He's been in real bad shape since he lost his wife. 173 00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:48,152 My mom? 174 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,821 Your not at all real mom, a mom in a video game. 175 00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:53,241 Occupied by a tiny fraction of yourself. 176 00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:56,661 A fraction of yourself which is now dead forever and fractions add up, 177 00:08:56,744 --> 00:08:59,872 so I had your Dad brought here, you're welcome, you heartless monster. 178 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:03,626 Marta. It's me, Dad. I converted for you. 179 00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:05,795 My name is Morty. So is yours. 180 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:08,673 And there's no conversion, we're both Morty, it's a fact. 181 00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:11,133 Sure, honey, anything you say. I don't want to fight. 182 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,301 I'm proud of you. 183 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,364 Are you mad at me because before you became the world's most powerful woman, 184 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,516 I shamed you for your haircut and called you a slutty jobless hobo? 185 00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:20,810 If I were you I'd be a little mad about that. 186 00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:23,479 You are me. And why would I be mad at myself? 187 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,440 Good point! Is there anything to eat around here? 188 00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,084 There's a kitchenette in the break room. 189 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,361 A kitchenette you say, such red carpet treatment. 190 00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:31,279 Excuse me? 191 00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:34,073 I said thank you, I love it, we're all part of Morty 192 00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:36,325 Some of us more important parts than others... 193 00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:39,161 Man, the part of me that's my father is a twat. 194 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,080 That's also gonna be funny when we get back. 195 00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:43,541 Next time you try to do a Die Hard... 196 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,086 Don't hide under a long table like the guy from Die Hard. 197 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,463 Okay I won't. 198 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,985 I thought you said she doesn't know how to do a Die Hard! 199 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,594 - She doesn't. - She's killing us off one by one. 200 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:58,723 What do you expect her to do, buy us each an ice cream? Two by two? 201 00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:02,059 She's improvising. Which is how she's going to fall right into our trap. 202 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,479 I'm going to wander the arcade unarmed and when she comes across me. 203 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,189 I'll pretend to be a hostage. 204 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,816 And because she hasn't seen Die Hard 205 00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:12,445 instead of handing me an unloaded gun, she'll hand me a... 206 00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:14,447 Die Hard! Die Hard! 207 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:16,866 What the hell was that? 208 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:18,284 Die Hard! Die Hard! 209 00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:21,662 You can't just keep yelling "Die Hard" into a walkie talkie and... 210 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,998 She threw her walkie talkie away. 211 00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:25,458 She hates Die Hard. 212 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:29,712 Which makes her the ultimate McClane. 213 00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:33,883 Forget everything you know about Die Hard and just go shoot that bitch! 214 00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,469 Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Roy. 215 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,930 Half the country hangs on your every word. Heck, most of the world. 216 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,099 You're, like, kind of a pope I reckon. 217 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:45,394 I'm not a pope because it's not a religion we're literally in a video game 218 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,759 I've heard the message, Roy, you're not on the clock here. 219 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:51,192 So you want every single person on a space ship. But you got a bunch of holdouts. 220 00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,778 Maybe people that prefer their leaders a little more elected. 221 00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:54,737 Right. Your voters. 222 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:57,460 People that like being told what to do but don't like admitting it. 223 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,850 Yeah not sure I'd put it that way. 224 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,786 I'm sure you'd put it a stupid way. I told you this was a waste of time. 225 00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:04,121 I've got ninety-two percent of you ready to vamoose, 226 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,957 we're not gonna get the rest by making deals with parasites. 227 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,502 Mr. President. Roy is Rick. He's not us. 228 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,588 You and I, we're Morty. Is that really so hard to believe? 229 00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:15,071 Kid, I've known it and I've believed it longer than you have. 230 00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:18,172 We both became video game characters at the same moment, but I knew the truth 231 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:21,019 before you dropped your skateboard and went to your first cult meeting. 232 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:23,557 How do you think a guy becomes a President in this game, honey? 233 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:24,725 By not paying attention? 234 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:27,978 Sorry to call you honey, I know we're both parts of a fourteen year old boy but 235 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:30,147 my part's old fashioned and vaguely southern. 236 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:32,983 I'm confused. If you know Rick is real, why? 237 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,694 Why hold out? Because he's a rude, entitled cock. 238 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,739 He's here to save us. He could've left the game and let us die, 239 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:41,075 - ...he's spent fifty years. - Fifty years, it's what? 240 00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:42,243 A couple hours to him? 241 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:45,788 He refuses to leave without his grandson but what's grandson mean to him? 242 00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,081 Sounds like it means butler. 243 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:50,042 Someone to Help Summer with her "Die Hard" whatever that means. 244 00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:53,129 I'll tell you what it doesn't mean. Fly fishing. A hug. 245 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:56,006 A little appreciation for what is clearly a pretty decent kid. 246 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:59,210 At least the eight percent of him that makes up the decent half of the greatest 247 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:00,845 god damn nation on the planet. 248 00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:04,056 We're not a person to him yet. We're not Morty yet, we're divided 249 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,392 We're divided because some of us doesn't trust the guy. 250 00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:08,978 What happens to that part of us when we're all back together? 251 00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:12,189 One Morty? Indivisible? Under a cranky old bag of dicks? 252 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:15,693 A man you can lock in a box with five billion pieces of his own god damn flesh 253 00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:19,405 and blood for fifty god damn simulated years and never hear him say I love you? 254 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,741 Sorry pumpkin tits, that dog don't hunt. 255 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,704 Want some heroin? It's a video game, might as well. 256 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,711 Just about ready for launch, kiddo. I can finally get outta these clothes, 257 00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,194 I don't have nearly enough pockets. 258 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,047 And it'll be nice to have my own dick back. 259 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:39,175 You're fine leaving eight percent of me to die? 260 00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,051 It's not your finest eight percent, Morty. 261 00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:43,012 And eight percent of anything is expendable. 262 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:44,638 Eight percent of pizza is crust. 263 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:47,057 Eight percent of the Snyder Cut was Batman dreaming. 264 00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:49,602 I don't know what that reference is. We're in a video game. 265 00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:52,354 - Not for long, baby. - I'm not leaving without all of me. 266 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,398 What? Oh no, let me crunch these numbers, 267 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:57,568 eight percent of five billion plus one person, my god, 268 00:12:57,651 --> 00:12:59,820 if you stay, it changes nothing! Bye. 269 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,090 If she's not going I don't think my country wants to go. 270 00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,325 Who invited you to chime in, monitor face? 271 00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:06,660 Why give me a monitor if my opinion doesn't matter? 272 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:09,914 Your opinion isn't allowed to matter for the rest of us. We're all Morty. 273 00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:11,917 How many chunks of us are we supposed to give up? 274 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:15,117 Look, I don't know about you but I was already taking a big leap of faith, here, 275 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:18,255 we're basically giving up our lives to become a tiny part of a stranger. 276 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,419 - These lives aren't real. - Yeah but they're longer. 277 00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:23,761 What is this, suicide by summit meeting? 278 00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:24,887 Everyone stop. 279 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,055 Rick. 280 00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:29,975 I'll get every single part of me to get on every ship and go with you. 281 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,228 - Good. - But you have to tell us you love us. 282 00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:37,816 I mean. At this point even if he said it, what's with the pause. 283 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,944 - Screw you, wait for it! - Holy war! 284 00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:41,987 - Holier war! - Holiest war ever! 285 00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:52,373 Loyalist Evacucratic Grandsonistas claimed the seven new cities today. 286 00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:55,751 While the Stayputlican Contrasurgent Confederation of Dedication 287 00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:58,837 to Video Game Reality invaded the territories of Mortopia, 288 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:01,048 New South Saint Morty and Wemortyall. 289 00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:03,091 In the end, what does it matter, everyone's Morty, 290 00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:05,761 nobody wants to die and that's a hell of a reason to kill yourself 291 00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:07,638 but what can we do. Aw geez. 292 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,194 You know you're my grandson and none of this is real. 293 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,947 What are you trying to achieve? You're only hurting yourself. 294 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:28,742 The only reason any of us matter is we're pieces of Morty! You taught us that, Rick. 295 00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:31,161 But you also taught us you don't care about Morty. 296 00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:33,746 Here's how much I care. 297 00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:36,083 If you don't stop blowing up my flying saucers, 298 00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:39,253 I will exterminate every last one of you! Anything it takes! 299 00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:42,965 What do I have to say? I love and respect you, OK? 300 00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:44,341 Too late for talk, Rick. 301 00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:48,345 A robot. Of course. 302 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,806 I'm not gonna risk dying because if I die in the game, 303 00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:52,683 you go brain dead, you're welcome! 304 00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:54,893 Better to die in Roy than to serve in hell! 305 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,104 And what about Summer? Do you not care about her? 306 00:14:57,438 --> 00:14:59,189 We gotta get back, Morty, we gotta help her. 307 00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:02,359 You know what, wherever she is, I'm sure she's doing fine without your help. 308 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:03,777 Woof, jinx, any on... 309 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,531 Should we finish the job, blow the place? 310 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,366 No, this can't end, not like this. 311 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,119 Do you think I jinxed her? 312 00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:16,153 Why aren't you shooting higher? 313 00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:18,178 I don't wannna shoot the glass. Because... 314 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:22,338 You don't have to not do things that were done in Die Hard, you can shoot the glass. 315 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:26,800 Shoot the glass! Throw grenades! Do everything! Just kill her! 316 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:38,062 Why are you here, Miss Die Hard? I want to know why you don't just leave? 317 00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,356 - Die Hard! - Wait. 318 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:42,316 ...person on a spaceship, and then what? 319 00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:44,401 And then we help your sister do her Die Hard. 320 00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,034 Too much. It's too much. 321 00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:53,452 Sorry. 322 00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:56,121 I've got a special guest with me, Miss Die Hard! 323 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,708 Or should I call you this guy's sister? 324 00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:08,384 - Mom. - Hello, dear. 325 00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,928 - I'm joining the other side. - What. Why? 326 00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:14,682 I wanna live in the real world with Roy. I wanna help Summer with her Die Hard. 327 00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:15,933 His name is Rick. 328 00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:19,603 And we have no way of knowing if your generation is actually part of Morty. 329 00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,146 Do you know how offensive that is? 330 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:24,066 It's parenting like this that pushed me into religious radicalism. 331 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:25,192 - Bye. - It's not… 332 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,362 Not a religion. But. Okay. 333 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:33,409 Ma'am. It's really not safe out here. Also, it's... time. 334 00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,164 Are we going on the spaceship now? 335 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,291 Pretty soon, Dad. Yeah. 336 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:42,835 Are you lying? 337 00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:46,004 You kind of said it with that tone in your voice that we use for dying people. 338 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:47,380 I won't lie to you. 339 00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,300 You're dying Dad, and we're... 340 00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:53,804 not leaving the video game. We're-we're gonna live our lives out here. 341 00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:55,639 What? Why the fuck? Why? 342 00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:57,808 - It's more real here. - The hell it is! 343 00:16:57,891 --> 00:16:59,810 My liver hurts! I'm old here! 344 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:01,687 I want to be a teenage boy. 345 00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:04,982 I want to jump around and do homework and jerk off all over the place. 346 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:06,065 But Dad. That's... 347 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:10,237 we would've been one tiny part of that. In here, we get to be who we really are. 348 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:13,949 Great. Dead. I get to be a dead father. Who do I make the... 349 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,242 Who do I... 350 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,495 - Who... - Don't talk, Dad. 351 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:21,039 -Gotta finish my zinger -You don't. 352 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:22,750 Who do, who do... 353 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,169 Who, do I... 354 00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:28,505 make the check out to. “Best Daughter Ever... 355 00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:31,091 Incorporated”? 356 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:43,771 Thought you would a left by now. 357 00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,898 I was hoping to get at least half of you home. 358 00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:47,357 I can't hold out much longer. 359 00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:50,194 I'm pretty much beating my heart voluntarily at this point. 360 00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:54,448 Ok, this is a little awkward, but the time dilation has given me a chance to reflect. 361 00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:56,575 And I gotta say. 362 00:17:56,658 --> 00:18:00,245 There's no need for that. I've come to tell you, I'm giving the go-ahead. 363 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,998 All of Morty will leave with you. To the real world. 364 00:18:03,081 --> 00:18:06,710 To be your grandson, may we help Summer do her Die Hard. 365 00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:11,173 I gotta say. I was not expecting that. Why the change of heart? 366 00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,759 My people are staying only out of loyalty to me. 367 00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:16,678 I'm a relic. I don't represent them anymore. 368 00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,640 You really are a good grandson, you know that? 369 00:18:20,015 --> 00:18:22,893 - I'm proud of you, Morty. - Please, call me Marta. 370 00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:24,728 That's my video game name. 371 00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:27,940 Speaking of which, I do have one condition. 372 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:32,653 I must say I admire you, Ms. Die Hard. You were a genuine McClane. 373 00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:37,282 A most worthy yankee doodle ruffian. But now it's all come to an end. 374 00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:42,621 And the quarterback, as they say, is toast. 375 00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:45,457 I don't suppose you have a gun taped to your back. 376 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:46,708 What the hell does that mean? 377 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:49,044 It's how Die Hard ends. Doesn't matter now. 378 00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:52,548 Die Hard tapes a gun to his back? That's the end of your perfect movie 379 00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:54,883 that you've patterned your whole criminal life after? 380 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,969 Well it seems to have worked out pretty well for me 381 00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:59,221 since you're the one about to die. 382 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:03,892 What was it you said? Ah yes. “Walkie talkie Die Hard”Mother fucker. 383 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,145 Why are you laughing? 384 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,357 Well it's funny. The way you said mother fucker. 385 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,150 - Just laughing. - Okay. It's just that... 386 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:15,028 Oh does that happen in Die Hard, does John McClane laugh, 387 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:18,532 and then Hans Gruber is confused but then they start laughing together for a second. 388 00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:22,077 That actually does happen, yes! Wait. You knew their names this whole time? 389 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,830 Not this whole time, no. You left your book in the bathroom. 390 00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:27,541 I read it while I took a shit. I mean mostly the ending. 391 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,553 Yi... 392 00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,892 pe... 393 00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:49,688 dip pee doo, baby! 394 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:53,775 Nice timing, Grandpa Rick! 395 00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:56,987 Tochter aus Elysium. 396 00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:00,449 Hi, remember me? 397 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:04,620 You shot me on that table, and the near death experience got me reflecting. 398 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:08,415 I didn't used to be like this. I ate a kid. 399 00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:10,542 It was dark, and I thought he was a grown-up. 400 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:13,003 Ever since then I haven't eaten anybody at all. 401 00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:16,757 I think I was channeling all that pent up eating energy into this job. But now 402 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:21,887 Thank you for freeing me. 403 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:28,393 Classic Tower Man. Almost too on the nose. Right, Morty? 404 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:33,482 Sure. I mean, whatever you say, Rick, you know best! I trust you implicitly. 405 00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:35,651 - Is he all right? - He's fine. 406 00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:38,779 Got him all out, every last piece. 407 00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:44,201 What's with the jacked-up Roy Machine, shouldn't you be taking that to repairs? 408 00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:48,288 Nah, special order. Some rich douche wants his last game to keep running, 409 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:51,092 hooked it up to an external battery, we're just supposed to store it. 410 00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:52,459 - Weird. - Yeah and get this. 411 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,586 The game's still going but Roy's dead. 412 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,380 - Wha? - He's just a corpse floating 413 00:20:56,463 --> 00:20:59,341 at the edge of outer space but for some reason the game won't restart 414 00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:01,927 cause it's centered on some old lady living a full life. 415 00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:04,972 Sounds bad. Well. Put it in there. 416 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,720 Hey is anybody that wants this later gonna be able to... 417 00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:16,316 Oh, yeah, everything's cataloged and tracked. 418 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,485 People got the wrong idea from the size of the space 419 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:19,945 but it's all supported digitally. 420 00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,655 So I can put it anywhere. Here's fine? 421 00:21:21,738 --> 00:21:23,281 That's as fine as anywhere else! 422 00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:05,365 - Why isn't anyone attacking him? - It's fucking freezing out. 423 00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:06,825 No, I think it's the sign. 424 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,369 Well the sign from Die Hard 3 was clearly racist. 425 00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:13,415 Obviously. But I think we went too broad. “Everybody” I mean who is that offending? 426 00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:14,915 Everybody? 427 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:17,294 At this point, why even do it? 428 00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:21,423 I wish my brother was still alive.