1
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,873
Are we -- are we gonna put it
back when we're done with it?
2
00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:11,543
Why? The only thing of value on
it is the secret treasure map.
3
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:13,145
The rest is just instructions
for running a country,
4
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,813
And I'm pretty sure
they're online.
5
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:16,281
It just feels a little wrong --
6
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:17,882
Morty, are you gonna be
a [bleep] america nerd
7
00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:19,017
Or are you gonna be cool
8
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,652
And steal the constitution
with grandpa?
9
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,157
Here, hold this while I
crack the hermetic seal.
10
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:28,227
W-why not
just use this again?
11
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:29,662
[ ding! ]
12
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,101
Morty!
You just destroyed the map
13
00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:38,503
And activated the giant assassin
hidden in the statue of liberty!
14
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:40,038
I'm sorry --
w-wait, what?
15
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,307
It was a trojan horse, morty.
Never trust the french.
16
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:44,042
Alright, fun's fun, but now
the federal government's
17
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:46,110
Gonna be pissed again.
Way to go.
18
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:47,445
And on america's birthday
19
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:49,181
Or whatever the [bleep]
thanksgiving is.
20
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:57,589
♪♪
21
00:00:57,591 --> 00:01:05,998
♪♪
22
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:14,339
♪♪
23
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:22,547
♪♪
24
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:23,816
Seal team leader:
Rick and morty!
25
00:01:23,818 --> 00:01:25,350
You are under arrest
and surrounded
26
00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:26,819
By an anti-portal shimmer!
27
00:01:26,821 --> 00:01:28,086
Come out
with your hands up!
28
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,954
Well,
happy thanksgiving to me.
29
00:01:29,956 --> 00:01:32,491
Can't wait to see what
a "shimmer" does to my prostate.
30
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,693
Dad, can you please
just end whatever this is --
31
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,428
I understand you're upset,
mr. President.
32
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,163
It's honestly
all morty's fault.
33
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:39,964
But in the meantime, you really
want to keep your army
34
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:42,567
Of pointlessly camouflaged
eagle scouts off my lawn.
35
00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:44,369
Don't tell me what I want,
you anti-american
36
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:45,704
Piece of [bleep]
you terrorist!
37
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,305
You know, you use that word
so much
38
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:48,773
It's lost all meaning,
mr. P.
39
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,375
It's like, at this point,
what's a terrorist?
40
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:52,177
It's a guy you don't like.
Big deal.
41
00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:53,512
Hoo-rah!
42
00:01:55,850 --> 00:01:57,582
[ screaming ]
43
00:01:57,584 --> 00:01:58,783
Told you to stand down.
44
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,253
You just lost two soldiers
over here. Good men.
45
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:02,987
Might be time to look
at the terrorist in the mirror.
46
00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:04,456
You want a war?!
47
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,725
I'll put your outer-space ass
in a goddamn phantom zone
48
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,460
With a bar of kryptonite soap
around your neck.
49
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,395
You're done, sanchez!
You hear me?
50
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:11,930
Oof.
He's really pissed this time.
51
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,532
Why don't you guys just [bleep]
and get it over with.
52
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:14,799
Okay, well thank you,
summer,
53
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,268
But I think
I've got a better option.
54
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:17,602
Dad, no.
Ehh...
55
00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:19,137
Hands are tied,
sweetie.
56
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,739
I have to turn myself into
a turkey and trick the president
57
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,674
Into giving me
a presidential turkey pardon.
58
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,877
Again? How many times
have you done this?
59
00:02:24,879 --> 00:02:26,411
I don't know, jerry, how many
years have I lived here?
60
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:27,880
Careful how you answer that.
61
00:02:27,882 --> 00:02:29,814
Geez, rick, y'know,
y-you've done this a lot.
62
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,750
Don't you think the president
might see it coming this time?
63
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,553
He probably will, morty.
That's all part of the dance.
64
00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:35,888
In the past,
I've inserted myself
65
00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:38,022
Into the potential turkey
pardonee population
66
00:02:38,024 --> 00:02:39,491
By brainwashing
the presidential turkey wrangler
67
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,025
Prior to the ceremony.
68
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:43,361
But this time, the turkey
wrangler's been euthanized
69
00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:44,496
And the turkeys
will be transported
70
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,164
By armored military vehicles.
71
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,701
Vehicles manufactured by ghost
corporations that I control.
72
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:52,237
-Which we have audited.
-Allowing me access to...
73
00:02:52,239 --> 00:02:53,638
-Central computers...
-To track the...
74
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:56,040
Real armored transports,
which he can never...
75
00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:57,309
Totally track
and sneak aboard.
76
00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:58,911
And even if he does,
he'll be on a truck
77
00:02:58,913 --> 00:03:01,379
Full of turkeys
and fully armed marines.
78
00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:03,315
Who won't recognize me
because the human eye
79
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:05,049
Is inherently face blind
to turkeys.
80
00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:07,986
President: Fortunately, those
marines won't have human eyes.
81
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,588
They'll have turkey eyes.
82
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,523
Jesus ever-loving christ,
why don't you two
83
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,458
Just [bleep]
and get it over with?
84
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:15,327
Careful, dwayne.
You're only vice president
85
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:17,061
Because I need 10%
of the white vote.
86
00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:19,731
There's a giant french assassin
attacking new york,
87
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,934
And you're using the war room
to measure dicks
88
00:03:21,936 --> 00:03:24,136
With your alcoholic
sci-fi boyfriend?
89
00:03:24,138 --> 00:03:25,604
Rick sanchez
is more dangerous
90
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:27,672
Than some steam-powered
french bitch,
91
00:03:27,674 --> 00:03:29,742
And new york can handle its own
global emergencies.
92
00:03:29,744 --> 00:03:32,344
General?
Initiate operation deep gobble.
93
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:35,413
[ cellphone vibrates ]
94
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:37,215
Coop,
not on thanksgiving.
95
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,550
It's what I trained for,
mary lou.
96
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,352
It ain't our fight.
Baby.
97
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,955
That little race car driver
you got bakin' in your belly.
98
00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:44,889
What world you want him
rearin' up in?
99
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,492
One where some...
Spiky-haired doctor who
100
00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:49,561
In a lab coat can
change the color of the sky?
101
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,164
Or a world where he can fill
his pickup with hot dogs
102
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:53,565
And drive it to a jukebox
103
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,034
Full of our demographic's
current favorite music?
104
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:57,569
Obviously the latter,
but --
105
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,838
Well, that world, mary lou,
the one with those meals,
106
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,175
Vehicles, and songs people in
this 30-mile area prefer...
107
00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:05,043
That world needs
a few good men.
108
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:06,578
In a secret pentagon lab.
109
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,246
Turning into turkeys.
110
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,416
You come back without feathers,
coop.
111
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,186
God, I love this country.
112
00:04:15,790 --> 00:04:16,989
Hoooo-ah!
113
00:04:16,991 --> 00:04:19,591
♪ I got a pregnant girl
and a pickup truck ♪
114
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,593
♪ I got one by choice
and the other by luck ♪
115
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:25,930
♪ but now it's time
to turn into a turkey ♪
116
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,266
♪ I hope there
can be peace one day ♪
117
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,335
♪ till then, I pray my dna ♪
118
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:31,870
♪ gets backed up ♪
119
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,138
General green: These pills
contain tracking chips
120
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:36,475
That identify each of you
as individuals.
121
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:39,478
That will be important later.
122
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,880
♪ gobble, gobble ♪
123
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,216
♪ gobble, gobble ♪
124
00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:48,620
♪ when I turn into a turkey ♪
125
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:53,792
♪♪
126
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,561
Alright, boys,
search every bird.
127
00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:59,164
If sanchez is here,
I wanna hear you gobblin'.
128
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:00,499
Let me look at you,
scum.
129
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:01,900
Get outta here,
you wobbleneck.
130
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:04,636
Sarge, this -- this ain't
like the simulation, man.
131
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,571
I don't like it
-keep it together, martinez.
132
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:07,906
Eyes are on the ground,
sir.
133
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:10,242
No sign of einstein.
Stay frosty, gentlemen.
134
00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:13,712
I want this pardoning pipeline
airtight.
135
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,580
Sir!
We have hacked the garage door.
136
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:17,382
We are in.
Eyes on the bogey.
137
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:18,917
Or you've got eyes
on a robot.
138
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,253
All due respect, sir,
I know flesh when I see it!
139
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:23,988
Those flesh-covered [burps]
robots should buy us some time.
140
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,324
The pardonable turkeys
should be on that truck.
141
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,460
Ship, go stealth.
142
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:31,129
Rodriguez, fincher.
Get eyes on that.
143
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,331
Huh.
Turkey marines.
144
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,933
The president
came to play.
145
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:35,934
Jam those two radios.
146
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,135
Ship: Confirmed.
147
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,871
[ radio static ]
ah! Geez!
148
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,082
Fincher, rodriguez, come in!
149
00:05:50,084 --> 00:05:51,750
Copy, copy, tango,
all good.
150
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:54,619
Just a couple of branches
on the roof.
151
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:56,421
Don't ever turn your radio
off again.
152
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:58,022
-We will not surrender.
-We will never surrender.
153
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,624
-We will not surrender.
-Oh, yeah?
154
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,727
Bring in
the david blaine box.
155
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,230
Damn, is that
a david blaine box?
156
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,632
I told you we should have just
gone to my parents' house.
157
00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:09,634
No, you didn't.
Well, I didn't say it out loud,
158
00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:11,103
But it should be
well known by now
159
00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:12,837
That I'd always
rather be there.
160
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:14,172
-Oh, god, oh no!
-Aw, geez, rick!
161
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:16,308
Sir, we've got rick and morty
inside the box!
162
00:06:16,310 --> 00:06:17,776
Then that confirms it.
Sir?
163
00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:20,645
No david blaine box
can hold rick sanchez.
164
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,046
Scan the turkey truck!
165
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,115
Huh. That's weird.
166
00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:25,383
Id chips for fincher
and rodriguez are glitching.
167
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,518
Sanchez...
168
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,320
I'll deal with
this bastard myself.
169
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:29,521
Sir, don't be a cowboy.
170
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,256
You can't
get re-elected dead.
171
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,857
System is calibrated,
sir.
172
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:34,659
That pill contains a tracking
chip that will identify --
173
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,929
I know,
it'll be important later!
174
00:06:36,931 --> 00:06:38,330
Do it.
175
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,999
[ screams ]
176
00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:42,734
Reporter: Moments from now,
177
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,870
The president will be
pardoning a turkey...
178
00:06:47,341 --> 00:06:48,807
Home stretch, morty.
179
00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,742
Here comes dip [bleep]
right on schedule.
180
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,478
Nothing can go wrong now.
181
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:54,679
Morty: Jesus, is that --
oh [bleep]
182
00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:55,814
The president
has the upper hand.
183
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:57,282
G-grandpa [bleep] up.
Sunglasses on.
184
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:59,351
Act like a turkey.
What? Wha--
are you scared?
185
00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:00,953
Act like a turkey!
186
00:07:03,157 --> 00:07:04,757
That's rodriguez
and fincher, sir.
187
00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:07,492
It's rick and morty, you
useless [bleep] stump humper!
188
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:10,228
Sorry, don't tell 10% of
your friends I called you that.
189
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,229
Mr. President.
190
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,031
Sanchez, admit it.
You lose.
191
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,033
Say it and I'll let
your loser ass go.
192
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,368
[ exhales ]
193
00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:18,170
Did you just try to spit
in my face with no saliva gland?
194
00:07:18,172 --> 00:07:20,372
Just pardon me, dick.
Why the hell would I?
195
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:22,174
Oh, I dunno,
'cause if I move to canada,
196
00:07:22,176 --> 00:07:23,441
They'll be the best country!
197
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,310
I'll peck your
goddamn eyes out!
198
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,578
Ow!
Hey!
199
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,246
Shit!
My plume!
200
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:30,182
Hey, back off!
201
00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:32,717
Blueberries!
We got blueberries down!
202
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:34,719
Hold your positions,
it's a feeding frenzy!
203
00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:35,988
I-I can't see.
204
00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:37,122
I mean, I can see.
205
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:41,726
270 degrees --
it's too many degrees!
206
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,862
Sir, we are losing
the mental game down here.
207
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:44,997
General green:
Keep it together, soldier!
208
00:07:44,999 --> 00:07:46,965
Potus is still in that pen --
209
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,740
We just lost new york
to France!
210
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:57,142
Pull out the president
right now!
211
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,277
Gobble tango --
I want potus out of that pen!
212
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:02,080
That is an order!
Locate the president's chip!
213
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:03,415
Roger, roger.
214
00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:04,749
There he is, I got him.
215
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:07,019
Let's go, boys!
Let's fly out the eagle!
216
00:08:08,823 --> 00:08:09,822
Hey, that's not me!
217
00:08:09,824 --> 00:08:13,625
Package is secure.
Pull us out.
218
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:17,029
Computer:
Reinjecting subject dna.
219
00:08:17,031 --> 00:08:19,631
[ all scream ]
220
00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:27,372
Hoppin' jehovah, you look
like five pounds of shit
221
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,707
In a whore's lunchbox.
222
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,709
You alright,
mr. President?
223
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,377
Yes.
I am...
224
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:33,645
The president.
225
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:36,114
Clean his ass up
and get him to the war room.
226
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,516
Hey!
Gobble squad!
227
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:39,184
You got the wrong guy,
you morons!
228
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,318
[ gobbling ]
229
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,587
Look at this dumb piece
of [bleep]. Gobbling away.
230
00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:44,256
Get back in there!
231
00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:47,259
Alright boys, you heard the vp.
Pardon is tits up.
232
00:08:47,261 --> 00:08:48,861
Pack up and ship out!
233
00:08:51,465 --> 00:08:53,665
As for you, sanchez...
234
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,467
Bon appétit.
235
00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,738
Where is
this elevator going?
236
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:02,140
Where all the
unchosen turkeys go.
237
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:03,876
The feeding chamber.
238
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:07,279
[ creature roars ]
239
00:09:07,281 --> 00:09:08,747
What the [bleep]
is that?
240
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,883
Not what...Who.
241
00:09:10,885 --> 00:09:13,952
The only thing to fear is...
Me!
242
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,353
How the [bleep] does
the white house
243
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,222
Have a cloned spider
of fdr?
244
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:18,823
It's no clone,
it's fdr.
245
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:20,358
He was a guinea pig
for the polio vaccine.
246
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,695
We asked ourselves
"what walks the most?"
247
00:09:22,697 --> 00:09:24,496
"we?"
you're taking credit for this?
248
00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:27,766
The office comes with baggage,
morty.
249
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:28,967
Rick,
I'm afraid to die!
250
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,302
You won't have to be for long,
morty!
251
00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:31,703
We're due to return
to human form any second!
252
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:32,971
Then what?
253
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,707
Then we just have to not
get eaten by the spider!
254
00:09:34,709 --> 00:09:36,375
Oh, so in other words,
be afraid to die?
255
00:09:36,377 --> 00:09:38,243
Morty, if winning an argument
is that important to you,
256
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,177
You were never alive!
257
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:42,046
Time for a new deal...
Murder!
258
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:44,116
President: I'm sick of hearing
how iconic you were!
259
00:09:44,118 --> 00:09:47,852
Try having an historical
administration after facebook
260
00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:50,989
Goes online,
you old-timey bitch!
261
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:53,525
Morty,
tear open that panel!
262
00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:55,728
How's this
for a fireside chat?
263
00:09:55,730 --> 00:09:58,863
[ screaming ]
264
00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:00,198
Woof.
You just killed fdr.
265
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,733
He was a monster,
though.
266
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:03,468
Don't mythologize him.
He was a politician.
267
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,738
Speaking of, you kind of saved
our bacon there,
268
00:10:05,740 --> 00:10:07,005
So I'll make you a deal.
269
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:09,074
You pardon us
and I'll make you human.
270
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,208
Wrong turkey.
271
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,177
Man,
the face blindness is real.
272
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,880
I'd like these...
Men...
273
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:17,549
Turned back into humans,
please.
274
00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,217
Uh, yes, of course,
mr. President.
275
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,553
But I thought we
already rehumanized
276
00:10:21,555 --> 00:10:22,755
All the turkified marines.
277
00:10:22,757 --> 00:10:25,890
I'd like these men
turned back into humans.
278
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:26,959
I am the president.
279
00:10:26,961 --> 00:10:28,226
Yes, sir.
Uh, sure thing.
280
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:32,765
Increase their strength
by 1,000%.
281
00:10:32,767 --> 00:10:34,967
But...
That wouldn't be human.
282
00:10:34,969 --> 00:10:39,237
Turkeys have always been
more than human.
283
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:42,641
Okay, uh, so right there,
now I'm starting to --
284
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:48,380
I am selling new york
to France.
285
00:10:48,382 --> 00:10:51,650
And giving all of the money
to congress.
286
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,118
[ cheering ]
287
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,519
Now that's how you do it!
288
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:56,288
He became president today.
289
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,723
[ gasping, murmuring ]
290
00:10:58,725 --> 00:10:59,992
That's right, murmur!
291
00:10:59,994 --> 00:11:01,460
And when you're done,
get me some pants.
292
00:11:01,462 --> 00:11:04,128
If you're the president,
who the hell have we been
293
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:06,465
Governing the country with
for the last three hours?
294
00:11:06,467 --> 00:11:08,200
An impostor, you good
for nothing idiot!
295
00:11:08,202 --> 00:11:10,268
You humanized
the wrong turkey!
296
00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:11,470
It's possible.
297
00:11:11,472 --> 00:11:13,672
We shouldn't leave
anything to chance.
298
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:17,609
Wouldn't want congress working
with the wrong president.
299
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:20,212
A very good point,
mr. President.
300
00:11:20,214 --> 00:11:22,014
Do we believe
this fine feathered,
301
00:11:22,016 --> 00:11:24,416
Collaborative gentleman
to be our commander-in-chief?
302
00:11:24,418 --> 00:11:27,820
Or are we gonna let "mr. Cash
bar at the christmas party"
303
00:11:27,822 --> 00:11:29,087
Stay in office?
304
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,956
All in favor of
turkey president?
305
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:33,157
You can't be serious.
306
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:34,493
You think he cares
about america?
307
00:11:34,495 --> 00:11:36,829
Is that why this is happening
to you?
308
00:11:36,831 --> 00:11:40,432
Because you cared
about america?
309
00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:42,634
Guards, these men are...
310
00:11:42,636 --> 00:11:43,702
Oh, what is the word?
311
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:45,103
Uh, terrorists.
312
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:48,106
Okay, screw this.
Go, go, sanchez laser fists.
313
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:51,043
Oh [bleep] I was a turkey
for a while, wasn't I?
314
00:11:51,045 --> 00:11:52,845
Okay, guy's pretty strong.
315
00:11:52,847 --> 00:11:54,646
Mary todd lincoln!
316
00:11:57,651 --> 00:11:59,651
Who's dead weight now,
bitch?
317
00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:03,222
♪♪
318
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,259
You should regain feeling
in your ass in a minute.
319
00:12:07,261 --> 00:12:08,861
Sorry my turrets
blew up your motorcycle.
320
00:12:08,863 --> 00:12:10,529
Just give me
some goddamn clothes.
321
00:12:10,531 --> 00:12:12,665
Must suck to have your only
safe haven be my house.
322
00:12:12,667 --> 00:12:14,066
Y-you want
your regular outfit
323
00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:15,467
Or should we dress you
like a terrorist?
324
00:12:15,469 --> 00:12:17,469
I don't need to be here,
and I'm still the president.
325
00:12:17,471 --> 00:12:19,404
Oh, glad to hear it. That means
you can give me that pardon.
326
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,073
Or -- or I could put you
out with the trash.
327
00:12:21,075 --> 00:12:23,075
What is your problem?!
Why do you hate this country?
328
00:12:23,077 --> 00:12:25,143
I hate every country
in the universe, brother!
329
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:26,411
They're job placement
programs
330
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:28,012
For the politicians
that invent them --
331
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,414
Okay,
fight club.
332
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,884
I get paid to protect
the sidelines you sit on!
333
00:12:31,886 --> 00:12:33,685
You get paid
to make sports metaphors!
334
00:12:33,687 --> 00:12:35,019
I clean your litterbox!
335
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:37,155
So your little nerd paws
don't have to touch
336
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,291
Another nerd's nerdy poopies
while you're flexing
337
00:12:39,293 --> 00:12:41,426
Your grody little edge lord anus
all over it!
338
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,628
Guys, maybe you're both right
and both wrong.
339
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,097
Both: Shut up, morty!
340
00:12:45,099 --> 00:12:46,899
You little bitch, you destroyed
the constitution.
341
00:12:46,901 --> 00:12:48,300
You're the biggest
booger eater here!
342
00:12:48,302 --> 00:12:51,035
Do not talk to my son
that way.
343
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:52,304
Sorry, mrs. Smith.
344
00:12:52,306 --> 00:12:53,906
The two of you
are ruining thanksgiving.
345
00:12:53,908 --> 00:12:55,240
Together.
346
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:56,641
And you can both either
come to the table
347
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:58,110
And eat food with my family
348
00:12:58,112 --> 00:13:01,380
Or you can keep doing what
you're doing at the corner bar.
349
00:13:01,382 --> 00:13:03,515
Bars actually suck
at thanksgiving.
350
00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:05,850
Dorothy: I'm still trying to
sort through this.
351
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:07,519
One of you wishes you had
the personal quality
352
00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:09,254
Known as courage
353
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,189
But the other two of you
want actual vital organs?
354
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,792
This charlie kaufman reboot
of "wizard of oz"
355
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,260
Is destroying itself.
356
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,595
That's why I need a brain!
357
00:13:16,597 --> 00:13:20,064
I'm doing a terrible job
writing this!
358
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:22,601
Pass the potatoes.
359
00:13:22,603 --> 00:13:24,469
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
360
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:25,938
Good green beans, mom.
361
00:13:25,940 --> 00:13:28,140
The turkey's raw, dad.
Shit's potato bunz.
362
00:13:28,142 --> 00:13:30,208
Sorry, summer,
the united states enclosed us
363
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,611
In a shimmer bubble
that scrambled my oven timer.
364
00:13:32,613 --> 00:13:35,147
So I guess elections
do have consequences.
365
00:13:35,149 --> 00:13:38,016
Eat my ass, jerry.
I've seen your irs records.
366
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:40,152
You can blame me
once you have taxable income.
367
00:13:40,154 --> 00:13:41,954
[ laughs ] yes, jerry is
a piece of [bleep].
368
00:13:41,956 --> 00:13:43,688
I agree.
[ news fanfare plays ]
369
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,490
Um, guys?
What's that?
370
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,759
Paula, as you can see,
president curtis has enacted
371
00:13:47,761 --> 00:13:50,094
A plan to turn
all turkeys in america
372
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:51,496
Into hybrid super soldiers.
373
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,432
The move has 100% approval
from congress
374
00:13:53,434 --> 00:13:55,834
Following its third pay raise
in six hours.
375
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:56,835
Back to you.
376
00:13:56,837 --> 00:14:01,105
♪♪
377
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:02,975
My god,
the bastard's unhinged!
378
00:14:02,977 --> 00:14:04,777
There won't be a single bird
left in dc!
379
00:14:04,779 --> 00:14:07,512
Oh, wow, wiping out a native
population on thanksgiving?
380
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,048
That's never happened before.
What did you just say?
381
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,850
Well, I-I associated
thanksgiving with genocide.
382
00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:14,052
It's what young people do.
I wasn't trying to --
383
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:15,587
The crypt
of the new world.
384
00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:17,990
That could be our one chance
to turn this thing around.
385
00:14:17,992 --> 00:14:19,257
You know
about the crypt?
386
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,925
Ugh, so the treasure's
already gone.
387
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:23,195
Wait, is that why you were
stealing the constitution?
388
00:14:23,197 --> 00:14:24,463
You old fart dick.
389
00:14:24,465 --> 00:14:26,198
The crypt of the new world
isn't a treasure.
390
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,932
But it might be our only hope.
Come on.
391
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:30,002
But isn't the crypt
underneath dc?
392
00:14:30,004 --> 00:14:31,670
The turkey president's
got an army.
393
00:14:31,672 --> 00:14:33,405
An actual army.
And an air force.
394
00:14:33,407 --> 00:14:34,673
And marines --
slow down, morty.
395
00:14:34,675 --> 00:14:36,341
Walk us through
every military service.
396
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:37,409
Does somebody have a pen?
397
00:14:37,411 --> 00:14:38,877
We've got something
more powerful
398
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,479
Than every army
in the world.
399
00:14:40,481 --> 00:14:42,747
Well, no, we don't,
but with the right speech,
400
00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:44,616
We could get a handful
of well-trained hillbillies.
401
00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:46,452
Eh, it worked against
the british. I'm in.
402
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:49,354
Birds replacin' people.
403
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,756
What would johnny cash
or dale earnhardt say?
404
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:54,158
He'd say "it's time
to walk the line"
405
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,160
Or "drive very fast
between two of them."
406
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:57,962
We don't serve
your kind here.
407
00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,498
Oh, my god,
are you serious?
408
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,033
Read the sign.
409
00:15:01,035 --> 00:15:02,167
He's my boss, marvin.
410
00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:03,235
It's okay.
411
00:15:03,237 --> 00:15:05,838
Mistrusting presidents
is a patriotic duty.
412
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,439
And that guy on tv
isn't me.
413
00:15:07,441 --> 00:15:09,842
He's a turkey
infused with my dna.
414
00:15:09,844 --> 00:15:11,844
I'll be damned.
415
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:15,580
Well,
I'm racist.
416
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,916
You better not be here
to take my man again.
417
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,651
-Mary lou.
-I'm poor!
418
00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:20,785
And pregnant!
419
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:21,920
With a poor person!
420
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,255
And I need you.
421
00:15:23,257 --> 00:15:24,857
And 10% of your baby.
422
00:15:24,859 --> 00:15:28,660
Now, look, I know it's gonna
take more than some speech.
423
00:15:28,662 --> 00:15:30,328
But what is a speech?
424
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,197
Isn't it just a question?
425
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:33,998
And isn't that a question too?
426
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,534
Speeches are words.
427
00:15:35,536 --> 00:15:36,669
Repeated words.
428
00:15:36,671 --> 00:15:38,070
Listed words.
429
00:15:38,072 --> 00:15:39,872
Repeated lists
of repeated words.
430
00:15:39,874 --> 00:15:41,406
None of that matters.
431
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:42,807
You know what does matter?
432
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:45,009
Me. Asking you.
433
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:47,546
"will you do what I say?"
434
00:15:47,548 --> 00:15:49,681
Just two questions,
chief.
435
00:15:49,683 --> 00:15:52,885
Lock?
And load?
436
00:15:52,887 --> 00:15:54,018
They're rhetorical, sir!
437
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,220
Lock and load!
438
00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:56,889
[ cheering ]
439
00:15:56,891 --> 00:16:05,029
♪♪
440
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:07,632
Sir, we've got rick and morty
coming in what appears to be
441
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,634
An unlicensed
"star wars" at-at.
442
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:12,237
Or as the millennials say,
a-t, a-t.
443
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:13,572
So it begins.
444
00:16:13,574 --> 00:16:14,573
Gobblers!
445
00:16:14,575 --> 00:16:16,174
Tonight, we rise!
446
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,843
[ gobbles ]
447
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:24,116
♪♪
448
00:16:24,118 --> 00:16:25,551
Aww, geez, geez, geez.
449
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,254
Nice driving, sanchez.
450
00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:30,989
Wire's down,
pen is clear.
451
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,390
You know the goddamn rules!
452
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:33,658
If you see something clucking
or pecking,
453
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,227
Put a buckshot
in its panties.
454
00:16:38,599 --> 00:16:40,933
[ roars ]
455
00:16:40,935 --> 00:16:49,141
♪♪
456
00:16:49,143 --> 00:16:51,743
Jesus christ!
T-they got johnson!
457
00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:53,278
He got off easy.
458
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,047
Cooper: Hold off the bastards!
459
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:57,816
What now, rick?
460
00:16:57,818 --> 00:16:59,551
Time to turn up
the broiler.
461
00:16:59,553 --> 00:17:01,019
[ roars ]
462
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:06,024
♪♪
463
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,359
Whoa, I-is that --
464
00:17:07,361 --> 00:17:09,595
The crypt of
the new world.
465
00:17:10,831 --> 00:17:14,833
The treasure you were after
is this country's oldest secret.
466
00:17:14,835 --> 00:17:18,971
One disguised by centuries
of thanksgiving folklore.
467
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,976
Is that...
A turkey dinosaur?
468
00:17:23,978 --> 00:17:25,377
America's original rulers.
469
00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:28,713
Merciless beasts, grazing on
the flesh of cowering humans.
470
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:31,650
Then, in the 15th century,
a vessel crashed.
471
00:17:31,652 --> 00:17:32,451
Two vessels, really.
472
00:17:32,453 --> 00:17:35,387
On board --
our saviors.
473
00:17:35,389 --> 00:17:38,857
Sanchez, pull that lever
at the same time I do.
474
00:17:38,859 --> 00:17:47,866
♪♪
475
00:17:47,868 --> 00:17:49,001
[ all growl ]
476
00:17:49,003 --> 00:17:51,135
Oh [bleep]
they're gonna fight!
477
00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:52,671
Morty:
No, wait, they love each other!
478
00:17:52,673 --> 00:17:54,406
They were at war
when they arrived,
479
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:56,809
But they united over
their hatred of turkeys.
480
00:17:56,811 --> 00:17:59,077
And what they love even more
than each other
481
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:00,813
Is kicking turkey butt.
482
00:18:00,815 --> 00:18:01,680
Gentlemen!
483
00:18:01,682 --> 00:18:04,149
Ba'ruka dar tin'in yo-tei!
484
00:18:07,688 --> 00:18:10,689
Coooooooooorn!
485
00:18:10,691 --> 00:18:16,161
♪♪
486
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:17,629
It's working!
487
00:18:17,631 --> 00:18:20,165
Come on, sanchez, let's power
down the humanizer ray.
488
00:18:24,905 --> 00:18:26,304
Whose side are we on?
489
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:28,674
I don't know, but we've done
enough to pay for college.
490
00:18:29,910 --> 00:18:31,576
Look, we're almost there.
491
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:34,446
Sorry,
my turn for a surprise.
492
00:18:34,448 --> 00:18:36,515
Damn, this guy loves
arriving from the shadows.
493
00:18:36,517 --> 00:18:38,983
Look around. You can't
beat our ancient warriors.
494
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:42,387
Can't I? My kind has always
dealt with predators.
495
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:44,456
That's why
we sleep in trees.
496
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:47,792
And that's why, in the wild,
we fly.
497
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,794
♪♪
498
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,796
Now you must choose ---
499
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,466
Fight me,
or stop that weapon from turning
500
00:18:54,468 --> 00:18:57,936
All of america's turkeys
into a new master race.
501
00:18:57,938 --> 00:18:59,538
You dumb dip [bleep],
there's three of us,
502
00:18:59,540 --> 00:19:00,873
And two of us
are spacemen.
503
00:19:00,875 --> 00:19:02,675
Obviously they're gonna
save america
504
00:19:02,677 --> 00:19:04,142
And bring that
monument home,
505
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:06,078
And I'm gonna
kick your ass.
506
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,345
Oh, and, sanchez?
507
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,680
You got your pardon.
Aw.
508
00:19:08,682 --> 00:19:10,815
Shut up, morty.
Come on.
509
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,284
Let's go, bitch.
510
00:19:12,286 --> 00:19:14,086
So be it.
511
00:19:15,890 --> 00:19:17,355
Is it true
what turkey man said?
512
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:18,623
That turkeys
sleep in trees?
513
00:19:18,625 --> 00:19:19,692
Who the hell cares,
morty?
514
00:19:19,694 --> 00:19:21,560
Let's just [burps] deactivate
this [bleep]
515
00:19:21,562 --> 00:19:23,428
Calibrating.
[ gobbles ]
516
00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:25,564
Targeting all american turkeys.
517
00:19:25,566 --> 00:19:27,099
Oh, my god,
they gave it a voice?
518
00:19:27,101 --> 00:19:29,768
Who is this for?
We're in space.
519
00:19:29,770 --> 00:19:31,570
Geez, rick,
I-I-I guess them?
520
00:19:31,572 --> 00:19:32,905
Morty, use this carefully.
521
00:19:32,907 --> 00:19:34,506
Crack the humanizer core
and cut the blue wire.
522
00:19:34,508 --> 00:19:35,774
You hear me?
Blue wire.
523
00:19:35,776 --> 00:19:37,242
Wha-- why don't we
just blow it up?
524
00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:38,577
It's a national monument,
[bleep] nut!
525
00:19:38,579 --> 00:19:39,844
We just got pardoned.
526
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,780
You really wanna do this again
next year?
527
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:46,651
[ both grunting ]
528
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:48,052
You forgot something,
turkey man.
529
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:50,589
No matter what you got people
to believe,
530
00:19:50,591 --> 00:19:52,857
I'm still
the goddamn president.
531
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:56,261
And you forget, in the one day
I've had your job,
532
00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:58,530
I've learned
10 times as much.
533
00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:00,198
I've underestimated you.
534
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,067
For the last time.
535
00:20:02,069 --> 00:20:06,739
♪♪
536
00:20:06,741 --> 00:20:08,941
Rick, they're not exactly
primary colors!
537
00:20:08,943 --> 00:20:10,943
A-are -- are we cool with, like,
t-turquoise?
538
00:20:10,945 --> 00:20:13,278
Are you kidding me, morty?
Just cut the damn thing!
539
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,412
[ gobbles ]
540
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:17,816
Oh, shit, oh [bleep] --
541
00:20:17,818 --> 00:20:20,218
Targets acquired.
Activating weapon.
542
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:23,355
Oh, shit! Oooooooh!
543
00:20:23,357 --> 00:20:25,157
Heritage destroyed.
544
00:20:25,159 --> 00:20:26,425
Morty!
545
00:20:28,562 --> 00:20:30,763
God damn it,
you had one job!
546
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,771
[ groans ]
547
00:20:38,773 --> 00:20:39,838
I beat you.
548
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,106
Look at me,
you turkey ass bitch.
549
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:43,575
[ laughs ]
550
00:20:43,577 --> 00:20:45,310
Wait, why are you --
551
00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:47,112
Is that a wishbone?
552
00:20:47,114 --> 00:20:49,247
I wish to explode.
553
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,850
[ laughs ]
554
00:20:51,852 --> 00:20:55,988
♪♪
555
00:20:55,990 --> 00:20:57,722
Man:
The berlin wall has come down.
556
00:20:57,724 --> 00:20:59,057
Man #2:
It's called the playstation.
557
00:20:59,059 --> 00:21:00,993
The winner is...
"shakespeare in love."
558
00:21:00,995 --> 00:21:02,661
-Playstation 2.
-Hurricane katrina
559
00:21:02,663 --> 00:21:04,663
Slams louisiana...
-Playstation 3.
560
00:21:04,665 --> 00:21:06,131
-This is maroon five...
-Playstation 4.
561
00:21:06,133 --> 00:21:10,002
-The cubbies win!
-I want a playstation 5.
562
00:21:10,004 --> 00:21:11,069
[ gasping ]
563
00:21:11,071 --> 00:21:12,671
I wasn't sure when
to pull you out.
564
00:21:12,673 --> 00:21:14,939
I-I assumed you were running
through your whole life.
565
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,140
Yes.
566
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:17,942
And what a life it was.
567
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:21,480
Gentlemen, thank you once again
for saving this nation.
568
00:21:21,482 --> 00:21:23,548
Slloosh garg blurrg.
569
00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:24,817
I don't speak googa.
570
00:21:24,819 --> 00:21:27,219
The cia only taught me
your activation phrase.
571
00:21:27,221 --> 00:21:28,553
But if I could say
anything...
572
00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:32,358
I'd say give america
one more chance.
573
00:21:34,428 --> 00:21:38,030
Kalaak 'ha
benben prilo garg.
574
00:21:38,032 --> 00:21:40,566
Oh, my god, they're gonna fight.
Th-they're really gonna fight.
575
00:21:41,635 --> 00:21:43,702
-Aw, they love each other!
-Never gets old.
576
00:21:43,704 --> 00:21:45,170
I'll never get tired
of that.
577
00:21:45,172 --> 00:21:47,439
So...After those aliens
discovered america...
578
00:21:47,441 --> 00:21:49,041
They went into
hibernation,
579
00:21:49,043 --> 00:21:52,577
Leaving us the technology
we used to lead the free world.
580
00:21:52,579 --> 00:21:54,779
That and also to do stuff
like slavery.
581
00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:56,715
I always thought we were...
More special than that.
582
00:21:56,717 --> 00:21:58,717
Like we invented everything
and did everything
583
00:21:58,719 --> 00:22:00,318
And that's why
we own everything.
584
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,454
Now I-I-I-I don't know
what to feel.
585
00:22:02,456 --> 00:22:04,389
Feel thankful, morty.
586
00:22:04,391 --> 00:22:06,058
Feel thankful.
587
00:22:06,060 --> 00:22:14,066
♪♪
588
00:22:14,068 --> 00:22:21,874
♪♪
589
00:22:21,876 --> 00:22:29,882
♪♪
590
00:22:29,884 --> 00:22:37,489
♪♪
591
00:22:37,491 --> 00:22:39,491
I know, baby.
592
00:22:39,493 --> 00:22:42,494
Coop, honey, should we get
lucky charms or kibble bibbitz?
593
00:22:42,496 --> 00:22:44,229
You know
we can't afford either.
594
00:22:44,231 --> 00:22:47,099
Baby, the president owes you.
You saved him.
595
00:22:47,101 --> 00:22:48,701
Ain't his fault our insurance
got cut.
596
00:22:48,703 --> 00:22:50,102
They gotta build missiles.
597
00:22:50,104 --> 00:22:53,405
Ugh, fine, just -- can y'all
hold jakey for a second?
598
00:22:55,576 --> 00:22:59,578
[ high-pitched ringing ]
599
00:22:59,580 --> 00:23:01,380
[ jakey crying ]
600
00:23:03,517 --> 00:23:04,849
Bag boy:
What the hell's he doin?
601
00:23:04,851 --> 00:23:05,984
Deli guy:
I think he's foraging.
602
00:23:05,986 --> 00:23:07,720
Crazy bastard thinks
he's a turkey.
603
00:23:07,722 --> 00:23:10,054
Well, I refuse to pay
for this man's health care.
604
00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:14,693
♪♪
605
00:23:16,263 --> 00:23:17,563
Did you get any of that?