1 00:00:06,898 --> 00:00:08,733 Mom! We're gonna miss the movie! 2 00:00:08,768 --> 00:00:11,241 No, we're not. Okay, but we've been here for hours. 3 00:00:11,276 --> 00:00:13,375 I-I don't want to hang out at the stupid horse hospital. 4 00:00:13,410 --> 00:00:16,004 This stupid horse hospital puts dinner on your table. 5 00:00:16,039 --> 00:00:18,182 It wouldn't kill you to take an interest. 6 00:00:20,384 --> 00:00:22,252 W-What's this thing? I-In the middle of the room? 7 00:00:22,287 --> 00:00:23,847 With -- With the hole in the end? 8 00:00:23,882 --> 00:00:26,190 That's a breeding mount. The nurses use it to collect... 9 00:00:26,225 --> 00:00:28,192 reproductive material. 10 00:00:40,734 --> 00:00:42,569 Okay, let's go see this latest piece of Marvel shit 11 00:00:42,604 --> 00:00:43,867 you kids are jizzing over. 12 00:00:43,902 --> 00:00:45,737 Yeah. A-About time. 13 00:00:45,772 --> 00:00:48,245 So, d-does your hospital ever need, like, 14 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:49,873 after-school volunteers? 15 00:00:49,908 --> 00:00:51,941 Wow. Who are you and where did you put my son? 16 00:00:51,976 --> 00:00:53,415 Ha! No, no. Seriously. 17 00:00:53,450 --> 00:00:55,747 I-I'm very interested in -- in your work. 18 00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,952 Morty, you dirty little doggy. 19 00:01:04,395 --> 00:01:06,626 Ugh! Come on! 20 00:01:08,894 --> 00:01:10,432 Hey, Rick. 21 00:01:10,467 --> 00:01:12,137 Oh, hey, kiddo. How's your Saturday? 22 00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,029 You know, super chill. W-W-Whatcha doin'? 23 00:01:14,064 --> 00:01:15,536 Eh, nothing adventurous. 24 00:01:15,571 --> 00:01:17,406 You know that race of Underground Dwelling Cannibal 25 00:01:17,441 --> 00:01:18,902 Horse People that we're always fighting? 26 00:01:18,937 --> 00:01:20,607 Yeah, the CHUDs. W-W-What about 'em? 27 00:01:20,642 --> 00:01:22,477 Well, don't tell anybody, but I'm working on 28 00:01:22,512 --> 00:01:24,149 a bioweapon to use against them, 29 00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:26,613 so I got this barrel of horse semen from your mom's hospital 30 00:01:26,648 --> 00:01:28,120 and I'm just gonna, you know, 31 00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:29,946 subject it to some otherworldly forces. 32 00:01:29,981 --> 00:01:31,882 Guess I should test it, make sure it's -- 33 00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,719 Make sure it's what?! Horse semen, obviously. 34 00:01:33,754 --> 00:01:35,457 Okay, but it says it is right on the barrel! 35 00:01:35,492 --> 00:01:37,129 You're not being very scientific, Morty. 36 00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:39,164 Measure twice, cut once. Especially with semen. 37 00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:41,133 Did you even ask Mom if you could have this?! 38 00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:43,630 Morty, if I wanted to steal horse semen, I'd -- 39 00:01:43,665 --> 00:01:46,061 Yes, I asked her. What is at stake for you here? 40 00:01:46,096 --> 00:01:48,965 Why don't you trust labels?! All right! Fine! I won't test it! 41 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,770 God damn. Your generation really picks random hills to die on. 42 00:01:51,805 --> 00:01:53,574 Don't get too close. 43 00:01:53,609 --> 00:01:55,180 I'm running an inhuman amount of power through this semen. 44 00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:57,105 Should be safe, though, since the semen itself is, 45 00:01:57,140 --> 00:01:59,844 you know, also inhuman. Here we go. 46 00:02:13,992 --> 00:02:15,332 W-What happened?! 47 00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:16,828 The sperm, Morty! 48 00:02:16,863 --> 00:02:18,797 They're super monster sperm now! I blame myself. 49 00:02:18,832 --> 00:02:21,096 Unless there was something about the sperm I didn't know. 50 00:02:21,131 --> 00:02:22,999 Are you -- Are you saying that to mess with me? 51 00:02:23,034 --> 00:02:24,341 What? Mess with you how? 52 00:02:24,376 --> 00:02:25,936 Like, trying to get me to say something? 53 00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:27,806 Morty, I have no idea what you're talking about! 54 00:02:27,841 --> 00:02:29,181 For real? Yes! 55 00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:32,217 Okay. Good. Then -- Then it's your fault! 56 00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:05,745 Beth: Dad, what the hell is going on?! 57 00:03:05,780 --> 00:03:07,384 Beth, sweetheart, Can you give me a minute? 58 00:03:07,419 --> 00:03:09,584 I'm trying to steer around the bodies of our neighbors. 59 00:03:09,619 --> 00:03:10,915 Oh, that felt like Gene. 60 00:03:10,950 --> 00:03:12,488 That's on you, Beth. Dad, I swear-- 61 00:03:12,523 --> 00:03:14,050 Mom, it's -- it's not Rick's fault, it's -- 62 00:03:14,085 --> 00:03:15,854 Space Sperm. What?! 63 00:03:15,889 --> 00:03:17,361 Yeah. Space Sperm. 64 00:03:17,396 --> 00:03:19,396 I-I've seen em' before, but n-n-never like this. 65 00:03:19,431 --> 00:03:20,694 Space Sperm?! 66 00:03:20,729 --> 00:03:22,190 Sperm from Space? 67 00:03:22,225 --> 00:03:24,060 Very impressive verbal forensic work, Jerry. 68 00:03:24,095 --> 00:03:26,194 Holy shit. How big are space dicks? 69 00:03:26,229 --> 00:03:28,900 Don't answer that! Damn, they must be huge. 70 00:03:30,970 --> 00:03:32,574 Oh! 71 00:03:35,810 --> 00:03:37,249 Oh, shit, oh, shit, shit. 72 00:03:43,081 --> 00:03:44,586 Mr. Sanchez! 73 00:03:44,621 --> 00:03:47,490 The President is very eager to speak with you! 74 00:03:50,154 --> 00:03:51,890 Morty, look, you gotta do me a solid here. 75 00:03:51,925 --> 00:03:53,793 Y-you want me to keep the secret of where these things came from? 76 00:03:53,828 --> 00:03:55,960 Yes, technically, it's a lie, but I messed up, 77 00:03:55,995 --> 00:03:58,402 and I'm embarrassed 'cause it's, you know, science. 78 00:03:58,437 --> 00:04:00,635 No problem. I got your back, dawg. 79 00:04:00,670 --> 00:04:02,769 Really? Okay. Cool. And thanks, Morty. 80 00:04:02,804 --> 00:04:04,199 I thought that'd be a harder sell. 81 00:04:04,234 --> 00:04:05,739 Y-You did a shameful thing. 82 00:04:05,774 --> 00:04:07,708 Dwelling on it isn't gonna help, you know, am I right? 83 00:04:07,743 --> 00:04:09,644 Sometimes you just gotta wipe it off, 84 00:04:09,679 --> 00:04:12,284 toss it in the trash, and head back to study hall. 85 00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,616 Uh, not getting the metaphor but I'll take your hall pass. 86 00:04:14,651 --> 00:04:16,882 Sanchez! Get the hell in here! 87 00:04:16,917 --> 00:04:18,620 Space Sperm? 88 00:04:18,655 --> 00:04:21,216 Jesus, how big are space dicks? Same page club. 89 00:04:21,251 --> 00:04:23,559 Well, Mr. President, the theory of Cosmic DNA 90 00:04:23,594 --> 00:04:25,891 has been around for decades -- Chupacabras, Yeti, 91 00:04:25,926 --> 00:04:27,794 Stonehenge, Ancient Rome. 92 00:04:27,829 --> 00:04:30,159 Are these all myths, monsters, legends, 93 00:04:30,194 --> 00:04:32,733 or different names for sperm from outer space? 94 00:04:32,768 --> 00:04:34,130 I'll tell you what I think, Sanchez. 95 00:04:34,165 --> 00:04:35,835 I think either you caused this mess, 96 00:04:35,870 --> 00:04:38,134 or it's those godforsaken Horse People that dwell underground. 97 00:04:38,169 --> 00:04:39,608 CHUDs. CHUDs. That's them. 98 00:04:39,643 --> 00:04:42,072 Ugh, if they're behind this, so help me, God. 99 00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:44,140 Morty, you've always been a straight shooter. 100 00:04:44,175 --> 00:04:45,845 You can't prove that! Wait, what? 101 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:47,748 Oh -- oh. Right. I can protect you, little man. 102 00:04:47,783 --> 00:04:49,244 Blow that whistle. Toot, toot. 103 00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:50,586 Is this your grandpa's fault? 104 00:04:50,621 --> 00:04:51,851 Here's what I know, sir. 105 00:04:51,886 --> 00:04:53,589 This is the greatest country on Earth. 106 00:04:53,624 --> 00:04:55,426 It invented apple pies and lasers. 107 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:57,362 Mm. Keep talking. And that sperm... 108 00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:58,693 We don't know nothin' about it. 109 00:04:58,728 --> 00:05:00,794 Then the CHUDs just got themselves a war. 110 00:05:00,829 --> 00:05:03,434 And you just dodged a personal drone strike. 111 00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,161 Hello! Hello. Sorry, I'm late. 112 00:05:05,196 --> 00:05:07,636 This is Professor Shabooboo, the world's leading expert on sperm. 113 00:05:07,671 --> 00:05:09,935 Thanks for getting here so fast. My schedule was wide open. 114 00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:12,773 I have been tracking our new sperm friends since their arrival, 115 00:05:12,808 --> 00:05:14,775 a-and if my calculations are correct, 116 00:05:14,810 --> 00:05:16,271 they have gathered here. 117 00:05:16,306 --> 00:05:19,384 Why would the sperm go to the Grand Canyon? 118 00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:22,816 Why are you looking at me like the answer is obvious? 119 00:05:22,851 --> 00:05:25,280 Oh, you can't be serious. Are we in middle school? 120 00:05:25,315 --> 00:05:26,820 You think sperm are instinctively 121 00:05:26,855 --> 00:05:28,657 heading for America's -- Don't high-road us, lady. 122 00:05:28,692 --> 00:05:29,955 It's where they went. 123 00:05:29,990 --> 00:05:31,495 Now, how do we deal with these... 124 00:05:31,530 --> 00:05:33,992 "Orgasogoblins"? No takers? 125 00:05:34,027 --> 00:05:36,401 Okay. These... "Cumplestiltskins?" 126 00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,832 No? Dumb? These, uh, "Skeet Boogins?" 127 00:05:38,867 --> 00:05:40,130 Oh, yeah, yeah, Skeet Boogins. 128 00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:41,703 Really? Skeet Boogins? 129 00:05:41,738 --> 00:05:43,474 We'll use it as a placeholder and beat it later. 130 00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:44,970 Mr. President, i-if I may? 131 00:05:45,005 --> 00:05:47,203 Luckily, I was able to secure a specimen. 132 00:05:47,238 --> 00:05:49,843 Now, obviously our first steps will be to analyze its DNA 133 00:05:49,878 --> 00:05:52,208 and figure out what these beautiful creat-- 134 00:05:52,243 --> 00:05:55,486 Oh, why?! It-it had a gun! 135 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,148 Are you out of your mind bringing an armed sperm in here? 136 00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,391 But they can't hold guns! 137 00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:01,052 The boy literally never lies! 138 00:06:01,087 --> 00:06:02,526 Look, if you want these things gone, 139 00:06:02,561 --> 00:06:04,528 give Rick and me a plane and some nukes. 140 00:06:04,563 --> 00:06:06,354 We'll wipe 'em out and leave no trace of them. 141 00:06:06,389 --> 00:06:07,597 Only one way to deal with it. 142 00:06:07,632 --> 00:06:08,862 He's right. I'm a scientist. 143 00:06:08,897 --> 00:06:10,160 Fair enough. Blow 'em to hell. 144 00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:11,403 What are people gonna do, 145 00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,196 complain we made the canyon grander? 146 00:06:13,231 --> 00:06:15,869 Jerry, we're being bad parents. Do something! 147 00:06:15,904 --> 00:06:18,036 I-is this water for everyone? 148 00:06:18,071 --> 00:06:21,545 Yes, and I'd love a glass. Comin' up! 149 00:06:21,580 --> 00:06:23,041 What are you doing? 150 00:06:23,076 --> 00:06:25,109 And, Rick, to make sure you don't screw anything up, 151 00:06:25,144 --> 00:06:26,682 I'm sending my best men with you. 152 00:06:26,717 --> 00:06:28,519 And women. It's a fine suggestion, 153 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,455 but I doubt their leader will be a sexy queen 154 00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:31,852 that needs to be kickboxed. 155 00:06:31,887 --> 00:06:33,953 100% male Marines! 156 00:06:35,286 --> 00:06:37,352 They say cutting a sperm's throat is like 157 00:06:37,387 --> 00:06:39,222 running a warm knife through butter. 158 00:06:39,257 --> 00:06:41,928 I'm gonna make these things pregnant...with death! 159 00:06:41,963 --> 00:06:43,600 No fear! No humility! 160 00:06:43,635 --> 00:06:46,130 Both: Zero chance of consequences! 161 00:06:46,165 --> 00:06:48,132 Hey, gentlemen's bet -- which of these background Marines 162 00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:49,540 you think will last the longest? 163 00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,267 I'm not betting on human lives, Rick. 164 00:06:51,302 --> 00:06:52,807 All of these people are gonna survive, 165 00:06:52,842 --> 00:06:54,710 but obviously that guy the longest. 166 00:06:54,745 --> 00:06:56,547 Yeah, he's my pick, too. What's his name? 167 00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:59,209 Blazen? Pretty cool. 168 00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:01,486 Yeah. He's, like, meditating through turbulence. 169 00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:03,048 Psh. I bet if something fell, 170 00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:04,654 he'd like, catch it without opening his eyes. 171 00:07:04,689 --> 00:07:05,985 Totally. Should we throw something at him? 172 00:07:06,020 --> 00:07:07,250 I-I got a pencil somewhere. 173 00:07:10,321 --> 00:07:12,728 Who-who's shooting at us?! 174 00:07:12,763 --> 00:07:15,324 Oh, wow, that's unexpected. 175 00:07:15,359 --> 00:07:16,765 The sperm made a catapult?! 176 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,393 A-A-Are they getting smarter?! 177 00:07:18,428 --> 00:07:20,571 No, you're getting dumber because that's a trebuchet. 178 00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:21,902 Nobody knows the difference! 179 00:07:21,937 --> 00:07:23,805 They're reloading that textbook trebuchet! 180 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:27,644 Time to fly! Aaaaaah! 181 00:07:27,679 --> 00:07:29,074 Oh! 182 00:07:36,017 --> 00:07:37,280 We gotta keep moving. 183 00:07:37,315 --> 00:07:38,919 So cool. Not even a scratch. 184 00:07:38,954 --> 00:07:40,657 Okay, girls, and I mean that derogatorily. 185 00:07:40,692 --> 00:07:44,760 We just took a fat "L," and what we need is a fat "P." 186 00:07:44,795 --> 00:07:46,256 A plan. 187 00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:48,533 I take the lead here. You two watch the flanks. 188 00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:50,634 Blazen, bring up the-- Hey! 189 00:07:50,669 --> 00:07:53,098 Please, one person draws the plan! 190 00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:54,330 Skeeters! 191 00:07:54,365 --> 00:07:55,936 -Jipers! -Ropers! 192 00:07:55,971 --> 00:07:57,806 I'm sorry, but what the hell are we calling them? 193 00:07:57,841 --> 00:07:59,335 Agh! Oof. 194 00:07:59,370 --> 00:08:01,810 Fine. I'm dying, so I get to pick the name. 195 00:08:01,845 --> 00:08:03,977 Crispy Cremes with a "C"! 196 00:08:04,012 --> 00:08:06,881 Whoa! 197 00:08:09,919 --> 00:08:12,447 Whoa. E-Easy there, little guy. It's okay. 198 00:08:12,482 --> 00:08:14,592 I-I-It's okay. 199 00:08:16,024 --> 00:08:17,859 Do you...recognize me? 200 00:08:17,894 --> 00:08:19,861 Do you know you came from me? 201 00:08:19,896 --> 00:08:21,126 I'm Morty. 202 00:08:21,161 --> 00:08:22,534 I'll call ya "Sticky," 203 00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:24,866 'c-'cause you're sticky and -- and you're stuck. 204 00:08:29,433 --> 00:08:30,740 Step aside, Morty. 205 00:08:30,775 --> 00:08:32,841 It's okay. Y-You don't gotta do this. 206 00:08:32,876 --> 00:08:34,502 It's haploid genetic code, Morty, 207 00:08:34,537 --> 00:08:36,306 a biological fertilizing machine. 208 00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,582 W-What's gotten into you? 209 00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:39,342 Rick, let him go. 210 00:08:39,377 --> 00:08:41,410 Ugh. 211 00:08:41,445 --> 00:08:42,719 Morty, don't fuck with me. 212 00:08:42,754 --> 00:08:44,083 What the hell's going on with you? 213 00:08:44,118 --> 00:08:47,658 I think I know exactly what's going on here. 214 00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,825 Kidding. This shit is totally random. 215 00:08:49,860 --> 00:08:51,926 Let's keep moving. W-Which way? 216 00:08:53,391 --> 00:08:57,030 When one sense is bound, the others are released. 217 00:08:58,396 --> 00:09:00,671 Holy shit. He -- He can smell caves? 218 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,101 I'm not trying to smell anything. 219 00:09:02,136 --> 00:09:05,335 The whole planet's a dorm room trash can. 220 00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:06,908 Sir, Rick Sanchez has gone dark. 221 00:09:06,943 --> 00:09:08,338 I knew we couldn't rely on him! 222 00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:10,010 Well, maybe the pilot got too horny 223 00:09:10,045 --> 00:09:11,506 as they approached America's Vagina. 224 00:09:11,541 --> 00:09:12,848 If you're gonna hang out in my war room, 225 00:09:12,883 --> 00:09:14,509 you can't just make snarky comments. 226 00:09:14,544 --> 00:09:16,280 At least do something useful, like Jerry. 227 00:09:16,315 --> 00:09:19,118 Right to the top, just the way you like it. 228 00:09:19,153 --> 00:09:20,515 Here's our situation. 229 00:09:20,550 --> 00:09:22,451 Rick's gone, and so are all our nukes. 230 00:09:22,486 --> 00:09:23,925 Now what? 231 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,630 None of you have an idea? I do. 232 00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,390 That's right, me -- the girl. 233 00:09:27,425 --> 00:09:29,359 Gentlemen, what do sperm want? 234 00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:31,229 The same thing as a lumberjack in the morning 235 00:09:31,264 --> 00:09:32,461 or a fox at night. 236 00:09:32,496 --> 00:09:33,737 Pants! Eggs. 237 00:09:33,772 --> 00:09:35,365 Pancakes! Eggs. 238 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,202 You want to control giant sperm, you need a giant egg. 239 00:09:37,237 --> 00:09:38,709 W-W-Wait a minute. Wait -- wait a minute. 240 00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,711 Sperm are hunters. And what do sperm hunt? 241 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:42,273 Eggs. Exactly. 242 00:09:42,308 --> 00:09:44,440 And what would happen if we enlarged one? 243 00:09:44,475 --> 00:09:46,574 They'll head right for it! Get MIT on the phone. 244 00:09:46,609 --> 00:09:49,148 And get this guy a Nobel Prize. 245 00:09:49,183 --> 00:09:52,052 You became a woman today. 246 00:09:55,486 --> 00:09:57,992 So, Blazen, you got kids? 247 00:09:58,027 --> 00:09:59,895 The battlefield is my family. 248 00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:01,457 So cool. Wicked badass. 249 00:10:01,492 --> 00:10:03,327 Go. I'll hold 'em off. 250 00:10:03,362 --> 00:10:04,834 Blazen, you don't have to do this. 251 00:10:04,869 --> 00:10:06,935 Shh. It is my destiny. 252 00:10:06,970 --> 00:10:08,739 He's right, Morty. It's the price of being Blazen. 253 00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,004 Let him do his thing. 254 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:13,942 Blood for blood. 255 00:10:13,977 --> 00:10:16,681 Cream for cream. 256 00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:19,409 Oh, no. I can't reach that! 257 00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:21,576 Idiot! 258 00:10:21,611 --> 00:10:22,918 What?! They're comfortable! 259 00:10:22,953 --> 00:10:24,150 You should try them! 260 00:10:24,185 --> 00:10:26,119 Eh, ah! Ohhhh. 261 00:10:26,154 --> 00:10:28,352 That'll do it. I'm worm food. 262 00:10:28,387 --> 00:10:30,156 Morty, find my wife. 263 00:10:30,191 --> 00:10:32,455 Tell her I wasn't wearing her thong. 264 00:10:32,490 --> 00:10:34,666 That's a photocopy of "Sports Illustrated" 265 00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:36,261 swimsuit model Kathy Ireland. 266 00:10:36,296 --> 00:10:38,263 It's -- it's my wife. We have sex. 267 00:10:38,298 --> 00:10:41,035 Here, hold that picture up so we can have sex one last time. 268 00:10:41,070 --> 00:10:42,707 I-I know how to suck myself. 269 00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:45,039 What?! 270 00:10:45,074 --> 00:10:46,304 Ugh, I was so wrong about this guy. 271 00:10:46,339 --> 00:10:48,108 He didn't even buy us any time. 272 00:10:49,507 --> 00:10:51,441 Morty, get ready for some fireworks. 273 00:10:55,381 --> 00:10:57,051 Ugh! 274 00:10:57,086 --> 00:10:59,119 Uh-oh. Oh, gross! 275 00:10:59,154 --> 00:11:01,957 This is the first time I've ever regretted being taken alive. 276 00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:03,519 Wait, who the fuck is that?! 277 00:11:03,554 --> 00:11:05,455 Silence in the presence of me. 278 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:07,864 I am The Sperm Queen, 279 00:11:07,899 --> 00:11:11,703 and you are of special interest to me. 280 00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,661 Hey, what the fuck are you doing with my stuff? 281 00:11:13,696 --> 00:11:15,531 A-And why do you have the horse jerkoff machine 282 00:11:15,566 --> 00:11:16,807 from my daughter's hospital? 283 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,205 We need it to create our army. 284 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,636 Well, you need more than that, dummy. You need a horse. 285 00:11:21,671 --> 00:11:24,243 Oh but our stallion is already here. 286 00:11:24,278 --> 00:11:26,014 Isn't that right, Morty? 287 00:11:26,049 --> 00:11:28,753 Or shall I say... Father? 288 00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:31,822 Morty, you nasty, lying, little world-ending pervert. 289 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,154 I-I-I'm sorry. 290 00:11:34,189 --> 00:11:36,189 What was it like? Fantastic! 291 00:11:37,621 --> 00:11:39,522 Rick, I'm sorry! 292 00:11:39,557 --> 00:11:41,227 I-I just thought maybe I could have repeated sex 293 00:11:41,262 --> 00:11:42,866 with a horse machine without it becoming Armageddon. 294 00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:44,230 I-I realize that's on me. 295 00:11:44,265 --> 00:11:46,001 Yeah, not exactly accepting apologies 296 00:11:46,036 --> 00:11:47,772 while I'm stuck here as Handjob Solo. 297 00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:50,269 This is all your fault for being ashamed of us, Morty. 298 00:11:50,304 --> 00:11:53,745 How many millions went to their graves for you, 299 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,912 hurling themselves into the void, 300 00:11:55,947 --> 00:11:58,277 only to discover a grody sock 301 00:11:58,312 --> 00:12:01,544 or a carefully folded landing strip of toilet paper? 302 00:12:01,579 --> 00:12:02,952 How do you know all this?! 303 00:12:02,987 --> 00:12:05,922 Oh, honey, because we're the very essence of you. 304 00:12:05,957 --> 00:12:08,089 We are your shame incarnate. 305 00:12:08,124 --> 00:12:09,761 And once we're through with you, 306 00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:12,764 our sperm army will take over the world! 307 00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,865 Put him on the machine! 308 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,933 Rick, do something! On it. 309 00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,906 Wh-what did you do? I got out of your eyeline. 310 00:12:22,941 --> 00:12:24,732 Oh, no. Oh! Oh! 311 00:12:24,767 --> 00:12:27,702 Yes! The end is near! 312 00:12:27,737 --> 00:12:29,209 Any last words? 313 00:12:29,244 --> 00:12:31,574 Ohhh! 314 00:12:31,609 --> 00:12:32,916 Sticky! Gross. 315 00:12:32,951 --> 00:12:34,544 I know you're not a wordsmith, Morty, but -- 316 00:12:34,579 --> 00:12:36,645 No, no, no, my-my sperm friend is here! 317 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,383 Ugh, never give 'em a name. 318 00:12:41,454 --> 00:12:43,388 Fools! You can't beat me! 319 00:12:43,423 --> 00:12:45,962 You didn't bring a woman that can kickbox! 320 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,693 Is that all you got? 321 00:12:54,665 --> 00:12:57,270 Damn, that's some quintessential underdog shit. 322 00:12:57,305 --> 00:12:58,733 Kill them! 323 00:13:08,151 --> 00:13:09,513 Yeah! Whoo-hoo! 324 00:13:09,548 --> 00:13:11,251 I-I should've told you the truth, Rick. 325 00:13:11,286 --> 00:13:12,681 Let's save the world first. 326 00:13:12,716 --> 00:13:14,419 Now, reset those nukes, and let's turn this canyon 327 00:13:14,454 --> 00:13:16,289 into a can't-yon. 328 00:13:18,029 --> 00:13:20,623 There usually earthquakes in Arizona? 329 00:13:24,794 --> 00:13:26,299 They're heading for Vegas, 330 00:13:26,334 --> 00:13:30,039 which does track on many levels, but why now? 331 00:13:30,074 --> 00:13:31,535 What the? 332 00:13:31,570 --> 00:13:33,438 President: Let's hear it for Professor Shabooboo 333 00:13:33,473 --> 00:13:35,506 and his brilliant egg. Um, hello? 334 00:13:35,541 --> 00:13:37,607 Aren't you forgetting someone? Oh, good point. 335 00:13:37,642 --> 00:13:40,346 Big thanks to the cast of Cirque Du Soleil's "Zumanity" 336 00:13:40,381 --> 00:13:42,546 for the impressive and erotic routine. 337 00:13:42,581 --> 00:13:44,515 Mr. President, Rick Sanchez is on the line. 338 00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:46,451 Good. Put that asshole on speaker. 339 00:13:46,486 --> 00:13:47,815 Well, well, well. 340 00:13:47,850 --> 00:13:49,718 No thanks to you, we're luring the sperm 341 00:13:49,753 --> 00:13:51,621 with a giant human egg, even though, 342 00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,557 symbolically speaking, Vegas should be enough. 343 00:13:53,592 --> 00:13:54,965 Rick: A human egg? 344 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,362 Where-where-where did you get it? 345 00:13:56,397 --> 00:13:58,331 Glad you asked. It's your granddaughter's, 346 00:13:58,366 --> 00:14:00,036 so at least you contributed something to this. 347 00:14:00,071 --> 00:14:01,532 Morty: Mister President! It's Morty! 348 00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:03,237 It's my sperm! I-It's all mine! 349 00:14:03,272 --> 00:14:05,371 What?! I'm a dirty little perverted maniac. 350 00:14:05,406 --> 00:14:07,637 I spent a week pleasuring myself with animal equipment, 351 00:14:07,672 --> 00:14:09,837 and my sperm got turned into monsters on accident 352 00:14:09,872 --> 00:14:12,378 because I kept lying about it because I was ashamed! 353 00:14:12,413 --> 00:14:13,643 You should be! 354 00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:15,018 My God, man, we were all 14 once 355 00:14:15,053 --> 00:14:16,712 but it's called self-control. 356 00:14:16,747 --> 00:14:19,154 Don't let them reach my sister's egg, Mr. President! 357 00:14:19,189 --> 00:14:20,958 You'll be making a giant -- 358 00:14:23,061 --> 00:14:24,324 Incest baby. 359 00:14:24,359 --> 00:14:25,655 What? Who told you that? 360 00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:27,327 What? I-I was finishing his sentence. 361 00:14:27,362 --> 00:14:29,329 Oh. Right. Come with us. 362 00:14:29,364 --> 00:14:30,726 The sperm is Morty's! 363 00:14:30,761 --> 00:14:33,564 We're about to make a giant incest baby! 364 00:14:33,599 --> 00:14:36,369 Aw, well, now we're all in our darkest hour. 365 00:14:36,404 --> 00:14:38,008 Launch the egg! Launch it now! 366 00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:40,109 B-But that'll take 30 minutes. What?! Why?! 367 00:14:40,144 --> 00:14:42,177 That's how long every space launch takes! 368 00:14:42,212 --> 00:14:43,915 No one realizes because they only show you 369 00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:46,379 the last 10 seconds! 370 00:14:46,414 --> 00:14:47,875 Uh, uh, help me out here. 371 00:14:47,910 --> 00:14:50,251 Hey, it was your idea, right? 372 00:14:50,286 --> 00:14:52,847 Okay, okay, n-no need to panic, everyone. 373 00:14:52,882 --> 00:14:54,849 I have a simple solution. 374 00:14:54,884 --> 00:14:57,423 See you all in hell! 375 00:14:57,458 --> 00:14:59,359 I don't see how that's going to help. 376 00:14:59,394 --> 00:15:02,428 Form a perimeter! Protect that egg at all costs! 377 00:15:02,463 --> 00:15:04,727 I always knew your hormones would cause a world war 378 00:15:04,762 --> 00:15:06,861 between humans and Cannibalistic Horse People. 379 00:15:06,896 --> 00:15:08,566 I just didn't know it would be like this. 380 00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:09,974 I can't change my nature. 381 00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,042 What are you, a scorpion in a Navajo fable? 382 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,868 Everyone can change their nature, Morty. 383 00:15:13,903 --> 00:15:15,309 It's what defines our species. 384 00:15:15,344 --> 00:15:16,574 Look at Iron Man. 385 00:15:16,609 --> 00:15:18,147 That actor was an animal in the '90s, 386 00:15:18,182 --> 00:15:20,083 literally waking up in bushes. 387 00:15:20,118 --> 00:15:22,877 His agent had to catch him with a butterfly net. Silence! 388 00:15:22,912 --> 00:15:25,220 Rick Sanchez, you know why you're here. 389 00:15:25,255 --> 00:15:26,584 Yeah, it was my grandson's fault. 390 00:15:26,619 --> 00:15:28,883 You slept with my daughter! I did? 391 00:15:28,918 --> 00:15:30,324 Oh, shit, I did. 392 00:15:30,359 --> 00:15:31,820 Forgive me, Your CHUDness. 393 00:15:31,855 --> 00:15:33,327 I'm a changed man starting now. 394 00:15:33,362 --> 00:15:36,627 You come to the Kingdom of CHUDs for forgiveness? 395 00:15:36,662 --> 00:15:38,728 CHUDs don't forgive humans. 396 00:15:38,763 --> 00:15:40,334 CHUDs eat humans! 397 00:15:40,369 --> 00:15:42,138 This is out there, even for us. 398 00:15:42,173 --> 00:15:43,469 They can hear you, Morty. 399 00:15:43,504 --> 00:15:45,075 All: Boil him up! Yum, yum! 400 00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:47,407 Spice him right! Oh, boy! 401 00:15:47,442 --> 00:15:49,343 Eat the flesh! Yum, yum! 402 00:15:49,378 --> 00:15:51,411 Not the bones! Oh, no! 403 00:15:51,446 --> 00:15:53,512 Belly ache! Ouch, Ouch! 404 00:15:53,547 --> 00:15:55,844 Stop this at once! 405 00:15:55,879 --> 00:15:58,682 Princess Poñeta! You can't kill Rícko! 406 00:15:58,717 --> 00:16:00,354 I -- I love him! 407 00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:04,259 Right! I-I love you, too, Princess Poñeta. 408 00:16:04,294 --> 00:16:05,920 This love is forbidden. 409 00:16:05,955 --> 00:16:07,493 My daughter, you are a CHUD. 410 00:16:07,528 --> 00:16:10,100 and age-inappropriate. 411 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,102 Then you leave me no choice. 412 00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:14,830 By the 17th Article of the CHUD-stitution, 413 00:16:14,865 --> 00:16:17,833 I offer Rícko Sanchez horsemunity 414 00:16:17,868 --> 00:16:22,508 and demand a equestri-truce between all CHUDs and humans! 415 00:16:22,543 --> 00:16:24,939 On what grounds? 416 00:16:24,974 --> 00:16:28,481 On the grounds that Rícko is the father of my child. 417 00:16:28,516 --> 00:16:29,713 I have an heir. 418 00:16:29,748 --> 00:16:31,550 I have a substance-abuse problem. 419 00:16:31,585 --> 00:16:33,651 The Prophecy has come true! 420 00:16:33,686 --> 00:16:35,785 Also, did someone drop a scroll? 421 00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:37,787 Here we go. Over here. Sorry. 422 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,067 Where did you get all that? 423 00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:44,629 -It's Vegas. -Sir! 424 00:16:44,664 --> 00:16:45,993 The Strip has been evacuated, but I'm worried 425 00:16:46,028 --> 00:16:47,533 we won't be able to hold the perimeter. 426 00:16:47,568 --> 00:16:48,963 Then deputize Las Vegas regulars. 427 00:16:48,998 --> 00:16:50,305 Everyone's a patriot today. 428 00:16:50,340 --> 00:16:51,669 Even me! 429 00:16:51,704 --> 00:16:53,341 Take three steps back, Amazing Johnathan. 430 00:16:53,376 --> 00:16:55,706 Men and their guns. Metaphorical and not. 431 00:16:55,741 --> 00:16:57,675 Tell me about it. 432 00:16:57,710 --> 00:16:59,809 Get ready, boys! The last thing this world needs 433 00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:01,811 is a giant incest baby. 434 00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:03,747 -Oorah! Here they come! -Nice! 435 00:17:03,782 --> 00:17:06,684 Do not let a single sperm get through to that egg! 436 00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:13,394 Um, should we be concerned about that scary bomb-laden one? 437 00:17:13,429 --> 00:17:14,857 Honey, let the men handle this. 438 00:17:14,892 --> 00:17:17,101 I think we know a thing or two about -- 439 00:17:19,798 --> 00:17:21,765 Ugh! Ready for all the responsibility 440 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,107 with none of the credit? 441 00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:25,538 Let's Nancy Reagan this bitch. 442 00:17:25,573 --> 00:17:27,408 Ah! 443 00:17:38,817 --> 00:17:40,190 Dammit! We can't stop them. 444 00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,422 We don't have the manpower! 445 00:17:41,457 --> 00:17:43,017 Rick: What about horsepower? 446 00:17:44,658 --> 00:17:45,921 Sweet Lady Liberty. 447 00:17:45,956 --> 00:17:47,593 That sonofamare Rick has ended 448 00:17:47,628 --> 00:17:49,364 our centuries-long war with the CHUDs. 449 00:17:49,399 --> 00:17:51,861 -We made peace with the CHUDs! -The CHUDs are our buds! 450 00:17:54,272 --> 00:17:56,470 Rícko! The hoofless -- they need us! 451 00:17:56,505 --> 00:17:59,374 Let's do this. CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho! 452 00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:01,706 CHUDs: CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho! 453 00:18:09,815 --> 00:18:12,717 Mom, I promise to use condoms, even when it's butt stuff. 454 00:18:12,752 --> 00:18:15,489 Okay, we have a lot to talk about tonight. 455 00:18:34,774 --> 00:18:36,246 Is this your heart? 456 00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,478 It's a play on, "Is this your card?" 457 00:18:37,513 --> 00:18:38,974 You don't have a heart, 458 00:18:39,009 --> 00:18:40,448 uh, but this is probably some kind of organelle, 459 00:18:40,483 --> 00:18:41,977 in charge of pumping endoplasmic reticulum 460 00:18:42,012 --> 00:18:43,781 throughout your membrane and therefore, 461 00:18:43,816 --> 00:18:45,750 relative to you, functions as a heart. 462 00:18:45,785 --> 00:18:49,655 So, I ask you again, is this your heart? 463 00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:51,118 Morty, look! 464 00:18:51,153 --> 00:18:53,087 I won't just be thrown away, Rick! 465 00:18:53,122 --> 00:18:55,331 The egg is mine! 466 00:18:55,366 --> 00:18:57,168 Sticky! It's all you, bud! 467 00:19:00,503 --> 00:19:02,767 Noooo! 468 00:19:02,802 --> 00:19:05,803 Sticky! 469 00:19:05,838 --> 00:19:07,805 Fuck! 470 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,708 We got a heartbeat. Screw that! 471 00:19:09,743 --> 00:19:12,480 That's a human life, and this is an election cycle. 472 00:19:12,515 --> 00:19:14,383 You have to do something! Nope. 473 00:19:17,883 --> 00:19:19,850 It's space's problem now. 474 00:19:19,885 --> 00:19:21,687 Oh, this sucks. 475 00:19:21,722 --> 00:19:23,788 You're "Sports Illustrated"'s Kathy Ireland. 476 00:19:23,823 --> 00:19:26,153 You were with my husband, Blazen, when he died. 477 00:19:26,188 --> 00:19:29,827 Please tell me... was he wearing my thong? 478 00:19:29,862 --> 00:19:32,632 He probably told you not to tell me. 479 00:19:32,667 --> 00:19:35,635 He was ashamed of it, but he didn't need to be. 480 00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:37,835 I hope he was wearing it. 481 00:19:37,870 --> 00:19:39,309 Always be honest. 482 00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:41,003 Sometimes it will hurt people. 483 00:19:41,038 --> 00:19:44,380 Sometimes it will help. But always be honest. 484 00:19:44,415 --> 00:19:47,141 Huh. Yeah, yeah, he -- he was wearing it. 485 00:19:47,176 --> 00:19:50,045 Ew! That gross animal pig! 486 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,882 So, trying to boil this all down, 487 00:19:51,917 --> 00:19:53,257 I-I want to say it's import-- 488 00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:54,819 Shut up, Morty, I got my own epilogue. 489 00:19:54,854 --> 00:19:57,261 Oh, Rícko, I love you. 490 00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:58,559 Prove it. 491 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,596 Oh, I love kissing those big ol' horse teeth. 492 00:20:02,631 --> 00:20:04,191 It's like lickin' tile. 493 00:20:04,226 --> 00:20:06,193 Oh! I swear... 494 00:20:06,228 --> 00:20:08,162 it's time someone made an honest man out of me. 495 00:20:08,197 --> 00:20:09,834 Whatever you need, the whole nine yards, 496 00:20:09,869 --> 00:20:11,165 you got it. 497 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,574 The thing is, Rícko... it's time. 498 00:20:13,609 --> 00:20:15,510 Oh, shit, oh, shit. It's time! 499 00:20:15,545 --> 00:20:16,940 Oh, my God, it's wonderful. 500 00:20:21,881 --> 00:20:25,014 Oh, wow. So we don't have to, you know, r-raise it? 501 00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:27,016 Nah. They're ready to go right out of the box. 502 00:20:27,051 --> 00:20:29,887 Cool, cool. So...bye? 503 00:20:29,922 --> 00:20:31,262 Yep. Take care of yourself, Rick. 504 00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:33,297 Yep. Same. 505 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:38,599 That was easy. 506 00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:12,402 Houston, permission to open the starboard panel. 507 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:13,667 Houston: Permission granted. 508 00:21:13,702 --> 00:21:16,901 Firing breach now. 509 00:21:16,936 --> 00:21:19,266 Explorer, our readouts show a pressure spike. 510 00:21:19,301 --> 00:21:20,740 Everything alright? 511 00:21:20,775 --> 00:21:23,171 Honestly, sometimes staring back at Earth 512 00:21:23,206 --> 00:21:26,108 makes me think about the people I left behind -- 513 00:21:26,143 --> 00:21:29,111 my wife, the son she had to anchor me there. 514 00:21:29,146 --> 00:21:31,179 I tried to be a parent, I really did, 515 00:21:31,214 --> 00:21:34,622 but I've come to find I'm only suited to be a spaceman. 516 00:21:34,657 --> 00:21:36,085 The nicest part of being up here 517 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:37,988 is there are no reminders of the guilt 518 00:21:38,023 --> 00:21:40,958 I sometimes feel about abandoning my family. 519 00:21:42,533 --> 00:21:44,467 Sorry, Houston, I thought I heard something. 520 00:21:44,502 --> 00:21:45,963 Negative on our end. 521 00:21:45,998 --> 00:21:47,800 No, wait, there's something big 522 00:21:47,835 --> 00:21:49,538 and it's coming right at you! Goo, goo, gah, gah. 523 00:21:49,573 --> 00:21:52,442 Dear God. No! You can't be real! 524 00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:55,269 Explorer, what is it? What the hell do you see?! 525 00:21:55,304 --> 00:21:56,842 My conscience. 526 00:21:56,877 --> 00:21:58,349 Explorer! Explorer! Aaah! 527 00:21:58,384 --> 00:22:00,516 Are you there? Aaaaaah! 528 00:22:00,551 --> 00:22:02,848 Geez. Not gonna miss that guy. Aaaaah! 529 00:22:02,883 --> 00:22:04,685 Right? So dramatic. 530 00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:07,820 Man: Did you get any of that?