1 00:00:01,272 --> 00:00:03,098 What kind of parents drag their kids away 2 00:00:03,105 --> 00:00:04,780 for the entire week of spring break? 3 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:06,654 I'm missing Mike Triscuit's drug party. 4 00:00:06,676 --> 00:00:08,450 Look at this. He's already watching 5 00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:09,452 "Euphoria" to pregame. 6 00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:11,922 Pregame. Game. Video game. 7 00:00:11,946 --> 00:00:15,057 Yes, yes, drugs and video games. Poor babies. 8 00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:18,795 What you need is to level up with a bong rip of nature. 9 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,663 Trust me, this is good for you. 10 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,599 Can someone just kill me? 11 00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:23,934 Grandpa Rick, you can kill anything. 12 00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:26,669 No, he can't, Summer. We're roughing it. 13 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,471 And that means no sci-fi bull-[bleep] 14 00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:30,072 - Isn't that right, Rick? - Uh-huh. 15 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,614 - Rick, was that a sci-fi phone call? - Shut up, Jerry. 16 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,816 Damn it, I didn't think she had this number. 17 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,152 Why are you building a Faraday box to block out the signal? 18 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:43,820 Oh, my God, Grandpa's ghosting someone. 19 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,688 I'm not ghosting. Hey! Give it back, Summer! 20 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,357 "Rick. Please answer me. 21 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,691 I'm pregnant"?! 22 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,628 Oh, my God, Grandpa, you [bleep] boi. 23 00:00:51,650 --> 00:00:53,185 I'm not a [bleep] boi [burps] Summer! 24 00:00:53,207 --> 00:00:54,530 There's no way those kids are mine. 25 00:00:54,552 --> 00:00:57,430 Wow. At least we know why Rick actually came on the trip... 26 00:00:57,457 --> 00:00:58,769 to avoid his [bleep]-guy problems. 27 00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:00,637 - Why would this person lie? - I don't know, honey. 28 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:02,038 She's addicted to what the Rick did. 29 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,640 You know, it's... it's... it's a tale as old 30 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,175 as my huge dynamite penis. 31 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,254 Can we turn the radio on? 32 00:01:06,276 --> 00:01:07,770 I am not letting you abandon those kids 33 00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:09,712 - like you abandoned me. - Oh, my God! 34 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,048 We're going to see this baby mama right now! 35 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,383 What, like, literally now? 36 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:14,985 Yes, now! That's an order. 37 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,789 Aah! 38 00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:20,590 No! 39 00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,793 This is exactly what I was talking about! 40 00:01:22,817 --> 00:01:24,995 Rick, I hope you realize the tubing permit 41 00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:27,998 - was non-refundable! - Relax, Jerry, we'll be in and out in a minute, 42 00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:30,533 and then you can get right back to your dumb vacation 43 00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:32,124 with a family that doesn't need you. 44 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,338 Kind of expected someone to defend me, 45 00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:36,929 but, sure, okay. 46 00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:40,343 Hello, Gaia. Hold on. 47 00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:43,279 Let me just adjust my Seismic-to-English translator. 48 00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:44,881 Rick. You came. 49 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:47,550 - W-Where is she? - You're looking at her. 50 00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:49,019 I-I-I-I don't understand. 51 00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:50,420 Isn't it obvious, Morty? 52 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,977 I [bleep] a planet. 53 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:23,810 CREDITS 54 00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,322 So, what, you just go around knocking up planets now? 55 00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,191 I-I-Is that what you do when I'm at school? 56 00:02:28,215 --> 00:02:29,992 I'm a scientist, Morty. I try things. 57 00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:32,462 Sex with a living planet? Big step for mankind. 58 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,997 Yeah, we finally broke the deadbeat dad barrier. 59 00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:37,133 - Ah, where the magic happened. - Gross. 60 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:40,537 Hey, uh, Gaia, baby, Big Daddy Rick is here. 61 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:41,938 - What's the problem? - Children. 62 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,340 Birth cycle. Now. 63 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,792 Okay, gettin' right into it. 64 00:02:47,207 --> 00:02:48,870 - I am! I am! - Jesus Christ! 65 00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:51,548 - I am! - I am! - I am! 66 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:54,885 - Dad, do something! Make it stop! - You think I know how to stop this? 67 00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:56,942 I thought she was gonna shit an egg. 68 00:02:58,510 --> 00:02:59,483 Cool vacation, guys. 69 00:02:59,498 --> 00:03:01,150 So happy I got to see the human geyser 70 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,693 instead of micro-dosing with my friends. 71 00:03:02,717 --> 00:03:05,161 More coming. Kids. Need father. 72 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,697 Yeah, um, Baby Quakes, how big is your orbit again? 73 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,632 I mean, not to say you get around, but, um... 74 00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:11,167 Are you kidding me? Look at them! 75 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,102 They look just like you. 76 00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:13,904 Yeah, and snakes look like dildos, Beth. 77 00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:15,105 - What's your point? - They do? 78 00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:16,839 The fact is even if they were mine, 79 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,109 which they're not, the best parent is evolution. 80 00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:22,178 They'll probably develop harder skin or maybe even webbed arms. 81 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,180 Man, that'd be cool, huh? Flying squirrel people? 82 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,649 Yeah, Dad, that approach worked out great for me. 83 00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:27,984 Beth, I know it looks bad, but trust me. 84 00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,652 This is life in the galaxy, okay? 85 00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:30,809 It's totally normal. 86 00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:34,657 Fine. You won't do something, I will. 87 00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:36,126 Welp, there goes the surprise! 88 00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:37,928 I was gonna have us jump on the trampoline 89 00:03:37,952 --> 00:03:39,396 after we caught our first fish. I am! 90 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,397 - What? You're stupid. - I am! 91 00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:43,133 - I am! I am! - Beth, that's not gonna help. 92 00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:44,801 Uh, I hate to agree with Rick, 93 00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:45,936 but shouldn't we just let this be? 94 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,404 We're supposed to be on vacation. 95 00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:48,605 You're unemployed, Jerry! 96 00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:50,206 Every day is a vacation for you. 97 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,942 - Okay, ouch. - You guys do whatever you want. 98 00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:53,543 I'm staying here and fixing this. 99 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,078 - I am! - I am! 100 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,613 Goddamn it, Beth, if you're gonna do it, 101 00:03:56,630 --> 00:03:57,527 at least do it right. 102 00:03:57,730 --> 00:04:00,280 Gaia, baby, gonna need a little raw iron and steam. 103 00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:02,885 Whatever you need, baby. 104 00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,694 - So much for camping. - Nope. 105 00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,096 We are going camping. 106 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,298 There's trees over there. We're on solid ground. 107 00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:16,767 - Mom! - Summer, Morty, 108 00:04:16,791 --> 00:04:18,100 go camp with your father. 109 00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:19,702 - Ohh, son of a bitch. - Son of a bitch. 110 00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,103 - I am! - I am! - I am! 111 00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:23,662 Welp, welcome to lack of abandonment. 112 00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:26,709 Dad, can we please go back 113 00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:28,178 and hang out with Grandpa's clay people? 114 00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:30,981 Why? Because they might have a Sega Dreamcast? 115 00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:33,249 Why is it so hard for you two to let nature in? 116 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,185 Because this sucks ass. Camping is just 117 00:04:35,209 --> 00:04:36,987 being homeless without the change. 118 00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:39,122 Well, that attitude is exactly why we're out here. 119 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,257 You guys wouldn't last two seconds on your own. 120 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,059 You're only happy when you're penned in 121 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,996 and drugged up like some kind of chicken or lemur. 122 00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:48,131 Hey! I told you kids no phones! 123 00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:49,666 There's not even any service. 124 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,267 Just... Just let us be happy for a minute. 125 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,269 You know, maybe if you two stopped whining 126 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,138 and let your old man take the reins, 127 00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:58,274 you might actually learn something. 128 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,477 Here. Take a bite of this tasty treat. 129 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:03,013 Oh, you think this s'more makes you special? 130 00:05:03,037 --> 00:05:04,815 What? Because someone said, "good job," 131 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:06,349 to you once when you were 10? 132 00:05:06,373 --> 00:05:08,819 That's actually really sad, dad. Let's be real. 133 00:05:08,843 --> 00:05:10,353 You've been high-roading us non-stop, 134 00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:12,088 forcing us to do nothing in the middle of [bleep] 135 00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,490 nowhere because it's the only way 136 00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,957 you're gonna level the playing field, isn't it? 137 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,959 Because if you move the bar so low, 138 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,629 you might actually seem like you're worth a [bleep] 139 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,698 Huh. 140 00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,956 I'm gonna go take a walk. 141 00:05:27,862 --> 00:05:29,640 Jesus Christ. you really need to stop 142 00:05:29,664 --> 00:05:31,241 hanging out with Rick. 143 00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:37,648 Okay, so, if we divert the Lawyer Pipeline here, 144 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:38,952 they should avoid the Ethics Tube 145 00:05:38,981 --> 00:05:40,710 and come out spineless enough to do their job. 146 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,585 Right. Wait, why are the athletes 147 00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:44,054 going through the introvert sector? 148 00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:45,722 Obviously so they can bully the mathematicians 149 00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:48,391 - and give us astronomers. - God, you are such a space nerd. 150 00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:50,661 I'm not a nerd. We're raising a society here, Beth. 151 00:05:50,685 --> 00:05:52,195 If we want them to be self-sufficient, 152 00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:53,396 they need to get out into space. 153 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,665 Birth cycle. Coming. 154 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,334 We got you, Gai-Gai! Shoot 'em hard and up the middle! 155 00:06:13,258 --> 00:06:14,550 We got an oversupply of teachers 156 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,152 putting a strain on the literary drive. 157 00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,820 Activating playwright converter! 158 00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:19,356 Aah! 159 00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:21,091 Nice work, honey. Okay, the therapists 160 00:06:21,115 --> 00:06:22,559 are getting bored. We need to increase 161 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,895 - their supply of incest porn. - 20% wasn't enough? 162 00:06:24,919 --> 00:06:26,096 What the hell is that? 163 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,630 The unproductives. Goddamn it! 164 00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,700 - How are there so many of them? - Unproductives? 165 00:06:29,724 --> 00:06:31,834 Yeah, deejays, foodies, influencers. 166 00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:33,836 I just re-circulate them through until... 167 00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:36,907 [Bleep] they blew a hole in the human resources department! 168 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:39,098 - I'm putting this in your file! - Downsizing already? - You're fired! 169 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:42,589 We gotta fix this, Dad. 170 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,310 We can't keep recycling them through. 171 00:06:44,338 --> 00:06:46,182 I could add an online [burps] college workaround. 172 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,184 Or just push them out through a pipe in the back. 173 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,652 - Same thing. - Same thing. 174 00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:52,255 These kids may not be mine, but you definitely are. 175 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,524 Look at you. My little steampunk overlord. 176 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:55,792 Eeee! 177 00:06:57,163 --> 00:06:58,060 I don't think he's coming back. 178 00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,862 You know, you... you really messed him up, Summer. 179 00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:01,264 Yeah, well, he called me a lemur. 180 00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:02,399 Let's just go find grandpa. 181 00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:04,200 Maybe he can portal us home or something. 182 00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,936 - Should we leave a note? - Dad is fine. 183 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,470 He's probably sucking off a tree 184 00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,728 and having the time of his life right now. 185 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:14,477 Guess you don't want to learn how to skip rocks, either. 186 00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:15,746 Aah! 187 00:07:15,770 --> 00:07:18,815 Aaah! 188 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,283 Whoa! Whoa! 189 00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:23,353 Aah! Aaaaaah! 190 00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:24,621 Ohh! 191 00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,689 Aaaaaah! 192 00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,158 Gah! 193 00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:29,559 Ohhhh! 194 00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,361 Aaah! 195 00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:35,298 Aah! 196 00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:38,034 Aah! 197 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:46,709 Aaah! 198 00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:48,244 Ow! Hey! 199 00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:49,846 Aah! 200 00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:52,449 Aaaaah! 201 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:56,919 Aaaaaaaah! 202 00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:58,521 Ohh! 203 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:04,861 Who are you guys? 204 00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:08,264 We are... unproductives. 205 00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:10,132 Ahh, I get it. 206 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,057 Bunch of bull-[bleep] 207 00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:17,474 What is that? 208 00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:20,543 This? This is camping. 209 00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,545 Camping? Ooh! 210 00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:23,946 Camping! 211 00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:26,016 Camping! Camping! 212 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,819 ** Well there's a new thing going round ** 213 00:08:28,843 --> 00:08:31,554 ** People sleepin' on the ground ** 214 00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:35,514 ** And if it's fun to do then we're not doing it ** 215 00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:39,429 ** And that's called camping ** 216 00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:41,964 ** Let's go camping ** 217 00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:44,901 ** Do you wanna go camping? ** 218 00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:47,237 ** Can't wait to go camping ** 219 00:08:47,261 --> 00:08:49,840 ** Even if you hate camping ** 220 00:08:49,864 --> 00:08:53,510 ** You still gotta go CA-AM-PING ** 221 00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,912 ** EEK MOK MO MIR ** 222 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,180 Good work there, TickTock. 223 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,781 Keep whittling. Incredible. 224 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,518 You've almost got smoke over there, Florflock. 225 00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:02,919 There you go, guys! 226 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:03,986 Pump those cheeks. 227 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,722 That's the camping spirit. 228 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,190 What the... Squeeb! 229 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,725 This is not a tent. 230 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,593 It is a new kind of tent, 231 00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:13,996 with special gutters to funnel the rain, and a door. 232 00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:16,332 It's a house! No houses! 233 00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,801 No doors! Once you have doors, you have indoors. 234 00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:22,605 Once you have indoors, you won't want to camp anymore. 235 00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:25,742 Then why do they not camp? 236 00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,610 Because they're bad. 237 00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:29,612 Bad. Bad. Bad. 238 00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:31,481 Bad! Bad! Bad! 239 00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:33,684 Oh, my God. Maybe Dad was right. 240 00:09:33,708 --> 00:09:35,285 Maybe we have no life skills. 241 00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:37,554 I've definitely drank more pee than I care to remember. 242 00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,021 I'm just gonna sit down. 243 00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:41,824 If I die, don't eat my ass. That'd be weird. 244 00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:43,515 Uh, Summer? 245 00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,165 Damn, you think they got infected 246 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,567 by a mind slug or something? 247 00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,168 Probably drove through a nebula that made them 248 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,093 see their own fears. 249 00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:59,642 Whoa! These controls. 250 00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:01,978 It's just like my video game controllers. 251 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,870 I just wish I could read these symbols. 252 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:10,453 This looks just like Tricia's bong. 253 00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,322 Morty, I think these tubes might contain 254 00:10:12,346 --> 00:10:14,513 all of their collective knowledge. 255 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:21,134 - Mm! - Well? 256 00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,934 I think we got this, bro. 257 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:26,869 Beth, you wanna do the honors? 258 00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:27,938 What? Really? Wow. 259 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,221 Okay. Here we go. 260 00:10:29,222 --> 00:10:29,818 _ 261 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,476 If you told me six days ago I'd be christening 262 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,812 a generation ship for my half-rock children, 263 00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:37,347 I would've called you crazy. 264 00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:39,482 But I guess that's the lesson... crazy things happen 265 00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:42,285 when you put in the work. Salud! 266 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,354 [Bleep] Doopnar! Sing something! 267 00:10:45,970 --> 00:10:46,880 Great toast, Dad. 268 00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:49,492 - Thanks, sweetie. - Damn, listen to those pipes. 269 00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:51,161 You sure these kids are yours? 270 00:10:51,185 --> 00:10:52,695 What, you've never heard me sing karaoke? 271 00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:54,564 I'm... I'm pretty good when someone's in my register, 272 00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:56,366 like the guy that sings "Circle of Life." 273 00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:58,434 Can't remember his name. Dresses up weird. 274 00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:01,370 Look at this. Everyone's happy. 275 00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:03,173 They're about to go into space. 276 00:11:03,197 --> 00:11:05,175 I know things haven't always been great with us, 277 00:11:05,199 --> 00:11:07,510 but we do make a pretty good team. 278 00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,646 Uh, Rick? Can we talk? 279 00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:11,448 Kinda in the middle of a breakthrough with my daughter. 280 00:11:11,472 --> 00:11:13,650 Go ahead, Dad. Gaia deserves some time, too. 281 00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:16,378 - They're your kids. - Yes, about that. 282 00:11:17,478 --> 00:11:21,124 Pam! It's good to see you, baby! 283 00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,326 Um, Gaia? You know this guy? 284 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,195 Ha! You call her Gaia? 285 00:11:25,219 --> 00:11:27,130 - So lame. - Is that... 286 00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:29,265 - God? - Rick. The kids. 287 00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:31,868 I messed up. You're not their father. 288 00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,804 Little ones! Daddy's here! 289 00:11:33,828 --> 00:11:35,806 I'm sending some fog down. 290 00:11:35,830 --> 00:11:37,874 Feel my presence through the fog! 291 00:11:37,890 --> 00:11:40,385 - Ooh! - Beth! What the [bleep] Don't touch it! 292 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,850 You gotta be kidding me. God is the father? 293 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,021 No hard feelings, okay? 294 00:11:46,043 --> 00:11:47,580 We thought they were yours, you know, 295 00:11:47,610 --> 00:11:49,650 because they're so small. 296 00:11:49,670 --> 00:11:51,850 Oh, wow. No hard feelings. Y-You hear that, Beth? 297 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,390 Guy swoops in after we raised his whole civilization 298 00:11:54,410 --> 00:11:56,392 and tells us he forgives us. What a [bleep] mooch! 299 00:11:57,163 --> 00:11:58,836 Don't push me, asshole! 300 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,250 Rick, I think you should go. 301 00:12:01,265 --> 00:12:03,930 Seriously? You really want this pile of dry ice 302 00:12:03,950 --> 00:12:07,047 - to raise your kids? - Stop acting like you did a good job. 303 00:12:07,090 --> 00:12:10,270 You made my kids soft and empty inside. 304 00:12:10,290 --> 00:12:12,340 This city is a monument to nothing! 305 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:13,940 Where is their faith? 306 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,340 Reggie is right. 307 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,210 The children are not ready to leave. 308 00:12:17,230 --> 00:12:20,727 - He can give them more. - I mean, maybe we should just bail, Dad. 309 00:12:20,728 --> 00:12:23,134 At least this guy is immortal and can stick around. 310 00:12:23,178 --> 00:12:25,020 Bull-[bleep] They're my kids! We're staying! 311 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,680 Bad! Bad! Bad! 312 00:12:26,916 --> 00:12:29,690 See? Now, this is the kind of shit I'm talking about. 313 00:12:30,741 --> 00:12:32,430 Jerry! Oh, my God! 314 00:12:32,450 --> 00:12:34,430 - Is that you? - What the hell are you doing? 315 00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:36,960 - Camping. - Oh, look, Jerry finally found his people. 316 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,970 All it took was a deep enough drip pan. 317 00:12:38,974 --> 00:12:41,287 You labeled these creatures "unproductive," 318 00:12:41,330 --> 00:12:43,640 but I have given them more purpose than ever. 319 00:12:43,660 --> 00:12:45,710 Oh, yeah? They filing your unemployment forms? 320 00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:47,970 His tongue is sharp, but it cannot whittle. 321 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,040 The Great Roughing of It is at hand. 322 00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:53,476 you will now join the One Family on its Eternal Getaway. 323 00:12:53,570 --> 00:12:56,996 Or join the embers over which we hold marshmallows 324 00:12:57,076 --> 00:12:58,680 at just the right distance. 325 00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:02,220 Six inches! Until it gets golden brown! 326 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,950 Don't let it start on fire! 327 00:13:03,980 --> 00:13:05,789 The carbon is bad for you! 328 00:13:08,230 --> 00:13:09,047 What's happening? 329 00:13:09,069 --> 00:13:11,700 My children, I give you my power. 330 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,700 Use it to take what is yours. 331 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,370 Oh, this mother-[bleep] Raise the walls! 332 00:13:19,530 --> 00:13:22,440 Walls can't stop us, Rick. We are chosen. 333 00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:23,854 Sha-boom-boom! 334 00:13:24,730 --> 00:13:25,910 Sorry! Sorry! 335 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,640 Just trying to get the hang of this thing. 336 00:13:27,670 --> 00:13:29,850 Nice choice of chosen people, G-diddles. 337 00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:31,780 I guess you'll be playing the "mysterious ways" card 338 00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:33,580 - on that one. - You wanna go, bro? 339 00:13:33,610 --> 00:13:36,450 - I'll kick your ass myself. - Oh, dude, don't tempt me. 340 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,260 When I'm done with you, you'll need a staff 341 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,590 to un-part your [bleep] face. 342 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,580 Guys. Please. Not in front of the kids. 343 00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:46,130 Did you for real just try to smite me? 344 00:13:46,150 --> 00:13:47,745 Siri, triangulate source of power. 345 00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:50,670 Got you now, you son of a bitch. 346 00:13:50,690 --> 00:13:52,270 Sweetie, you handle the hippies. 347 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:53,470 I'll handle the off-brand Yahweh. 348 00:13:53,490 --> 00:13:55,774 - Kick his ass, Dad! - Bear witness. 349 00:14:01,927 --> 00:14:04,550 Now you see my true form. 350 00:14:04,570 --> 00:14:08,490 The clouds were simply a shape more appealing to Gaia's mind. 351 00:14:08,510 --> 00:14:10,550 No shit. Any form is more appealing than this. 352 00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:12,620 You look like Kid Rock [bleep] Zeus. 353 00:14:12,650 --> 00:14:14,690 Oh, seriously, you expect me to fight you like this? 354 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,792 You're the size of four Empire State Buildings. 355 00:14:16,887 --> 00:14:18,196 Alright, mother-[bleep] 356 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:19,970 Let's go. 357 00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:39,440 Aaah! Aah! 358 00:14:40,610 --> 00:14:42,120 Ha-ha! You like that? 359 00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:43,796 - Ohh! - Here comes some pain! 360 00:14:44,610 --> 00:14:47,190 Ohh! 361 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,740 Ow! 362 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,500 Ow! 363 00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:10,087 And... that last one should be... 364 00:15:10,970 --> 00:15:12,480 the start button. 365 00:15:12,510 --> 00:15:13,880 Perfect. I guess we're ready. 366 00:15:13,910 --> 00:15:16,020 Let's show Mom and Dad what video games 367 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,854 and partying are all about. 368 00:15:25,985 --> 00:15:28,370 Jesus Christ, was that the wings? 369 00:15:29,790 --> 00:15:31,500 This is not like a video game! 370 00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:33,300 Oh, my God, make it stop! Make it stop! 371 00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:36,734 How do I make it stop?! I don't know. I'm [bleep] high! 372 00:15:37,130 --> 00:15:39,040 Aah! 373 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,910 Oh, God, now I'm high, too! 374 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,098 Jerry, that's enough. Oh, hey, babe. 375 00:15:49,243 --> 00:15:51,860 You like these plagues I'm unleashing on your asses? 376 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,790 No, they're lame. It's not a great sign 377 00:15:53,810 --> 00:15:56,060 that your army's on the same side as disease. 378 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,600 Sorry we aren't modern enough to sort people by value 379 00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:02,420 and shit the losers through a mean butt tube! 380 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:07,470 Just admit this is about you wanting to feel needed! 381 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,610 Says the woman who sold out her family 382 00:16:09,630 --> 00:16:12,010 for an ounce of approval from her drunk father! 383 00:16:12,030 --> 00:16:13,880 Well, maybe he drinks because it isn't easy 384 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:16,550 - to be more powerful than God. - Well, if it's god power 385 00:16:16,570 --> 00:16:18,280 that gets you going, light some candles 386 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:21,420 and put on the Billy Ocean because Moses is home 387 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,490 and he's ready to burn some bush! 388 00:16:23,510 --> 00:16:24,458 Sha-boom-boom! 389 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,690 Ohh! [Bleep] Ow! 390 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,430 Alright, alright, stop. 391 00:16:30,450 --> 00:16:32,430 - Come on, bitch! - Look, you win, okay? 392 00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:33,700 Ju... I don't care about the kids. 393 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,570 Smite them, raise them to [bleep] sheep. 394 00:16:35,590 --> 00:16:37,170 Just keep the city, okay? 395 00:16:37,190 --> 00:16:38,500 My daughter and I built that thing. 396 00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:41,310 - It's important to her. - No, bro. I'm a Zeus. 397 00:16:41,330 --> 00:16:43,310 I can literally do anything. 398 00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:46,040 Think I'm gonna hang around and raise kids? 399 00:16:46,070 --> 00:16:50,450 The only lesson they need is right here... fear. 400 00:16:50,470 --> 00:16:52,850 And it looks like school's out, bitch. 401 00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:54,920 - I-I think you mean school's in. - What are... 402 00:16:55,207 --> 00:16:57,214 - What are you talking about? - I-If you're teaching fear, 403 00:16:57,215 --> 00:16:59,990 - then choking me... school would be in. - Fine. 404 00:17:00,010 --> 00:17:01,910 School's in, bitch. 405 00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:04,330 Oh. 406 00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:06,058 What the [bleep] 407 00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:14,070 Ohh! Are we dead? D-Did we die? 408 00:17:14,090 --> 00:17:15,670 I don't ever want to be high again. 409 00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:16,740 I-I got scared straight. 410 00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:18,480 Oh, my God, I got scared straight. 411 00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:19,680 [Bleep] Dad was right. 412 00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:20,880 We... We think we know everything, 413 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:22,740 but maybe we're the ones who suck. 414 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,280 You kids are my [bleep] heroes! 415 00:17:26,310 --> 00:17:28,290 You saved Grandpa's life! I [bleep] love you so much! 416 00:17:28,310 --> 00:17:29,820 - Papa! - Papa! 417 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,420 We played video games and got high! We did wrong! 418 00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:33,360 - We did wrong! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, little boopas. 419 00:17:33,380 --> 00:17:36,630 Come on, now. You kids, you did real good here. 420 00:17:36,650 --> 00:17:37,960 You did good. Getting high 421 00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,360 and playing video games is the best, 422 00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:40,970 - I swear to [bleep] God. - But mom and dad 423 00:17:40,990 --> 00:17:42,700 are gonna be mad. No, hey, hey, look, no. 424 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,300 [Bleep] your mom and dad. Your parents are a bag of dicks. 425 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,330 Getting high and playing video games is the best, 426 00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,240 and I will never sell you out, ever. 427 00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:50,910 Now, we got to get out of here before this guy 428 00:17:50,930 --> 00:17:52,780 falls out of the sky. He's generating an ionic cloud 429 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:54,910 from his own belief system. Holy [bleep] Summer, 430 00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:56,650 were you smoking this? You were basically 431 00:17:56,670 --> 00:17:58,770 inhaling brake fluid. Jesus! 432 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:02,390 Mm, yeah. 433 00:18:08,123 --> 00:18:10,660 It's over, Beth. Tell your people to lower the gates 434 00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:12,460 and pack - their moisture-wicking shirts. 435 00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:14,400 Incoming! 436 00:18:22,043 --> 00:18:22,610 Jerry! 437 00:18:22,630 --> 00:18:25,080 Beth! Just hold on! 438 00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:26,800 I'm losing my grip! 439 00:18:28,770 --> 00:18:30,350 - Jerry. - Squeeb? 440 00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,887 Use the s'more, Jerry. 441 00:18:33,770 --> 00:18:35,020 Ow! You stabbed my hand! 442 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,290 Sorry! Sorry! 443 00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:41,090 Should... Should we make love? 444 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,160 Jerry, I love you, but I can literally 445 00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:45,300 - smell your balls from here. . Oh, wow. 446 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:48,570 Ask God for a flood next time. It'll come with a shower. 447 00:18:48,590 --> 00:18:49,585 Noted. 448 00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,170 Aw, geez, that... that poor guy. 449 00:18:52,190 --> 00:18:53,840 Can you maybe not tell Mom and Dad? 450 00:18:53,860 --> 00:18:56,240 Relax, it's just a Zeus. If this was the real God, it... 451 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,709 it'd be a completely different story. 452 00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,450 Rick! What did you do?! 453 00:19:01,470 --> 00:19:02,850 I mean, gravity did most of it. 454 00:19:02,870 --> 00:19:06,120 - So, you, technically. - I told you to leave! 455 00:19:06,140 --> 00:19:08,180 Yeah, well, you also asked me to raise your kids. 456 00:19:08,210 --> 00:19:10,450 Uh, not sure if you heard the phrase, "pick a lane," 457 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,190 - but... - You killed their father! 458 00:19:12,210 --> 00:19:14,190 Father or not, he was a lying piece of [bleep] 459 00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,130 I don't care who else stuffed your crust, 460 00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:17,660 but I'm the guy that showed up. 461 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,860 But I mean, if you want, I can still power-wash his guts 462 00:19:19,890 --> 00:19:22,730 - off the tower and maybe... - Get oooout! 463 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,070 Okay, yeah, she's pissed. 464 00:19:24,090 --> 00:19:25,940 I mean, you killed her slam piece, Grandpa. 465 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:26,858 I don't blame her. 466 00:19:40,916 --> 00:19:44,420 See? you put the fire stick to the wood, and, voila! 467 00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:47,020 - Campfire. - You have known about this the whole time? 468 00:19:47,050 --> 00:19:48,890 I'm not gonna waste my time building you an ark, 469 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,630 but if your mom gets clingy, you can use this to get some space. 470 00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:54,160 Is that all you want to say to your children before you leave? 471 00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:56,990 Oh, yeah, uh, don't ask me for money. 472 00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:01,840 I mean, Gaia's not gonna raise those guys 473 00:20:01,860 --> 00:20:03,440 to hunt us down, right? 474 00:20:03,460 --> 00:20:05,780 Oh, most definitely. I put a tracker on their ship. 475 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,440 I'll blow it up if they come anywhere near me. 476 00:20:07,470 --> 00:20:09,710 Well, kids, never thought I'd say this, but, 477 00:20:09,740 --> 00:20:11,450 - Summer, you were right. - Wait, what? 478 00:20:11,470 --> 00:20:13,780 I thought I wanted to teach you guys about tents, 479 00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:16,050 but really, I just wanted to feel important. 480 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,520 I guess sometimes teenagers do know 481 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,660 what they're talking about, even if it's mean. 482 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,930 Right, but didn't you, like, go into god-mode and fight mom? 483 00:20:22,950 --> 00:20:25,000 Love is the only power that matters, Morty. 484 00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:27,530 No, you had actual power, and you did jack shit. 485 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,581 That was a divine staff. 486 00:20:28,589 --> 00:20:30,530 You could've cured cancer or raised the dead. 487 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,140 - Instead you made bugs. - Well, I was impressed, Dad. 488 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,374 He saved my life, no thanks to you. 489 00:20:38,378 --> 00:20:39,540 Your kids got high on alien mist 490 00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:41,280 and drove the ship into that Zeus guy's head. 491 00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:42,680 - Basically murdered him. - Grandpa! 492 00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,010 - What the hell?! - Come on! What? You did. 493 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:45,250 I mean, not to cast the first stone, 494 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,750 but, Beth and Jerry, pretty terrible parenting on your part. 495 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,490 Did you know Summer huffed a K-Zax Array? 496 00:20:49,510 --> 00:20:50,960 She basically smoked "The Ring." 497 00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:52,360 Most pilots die after three days. 498 00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:54,090 And Morty, the [bleep] moron, he thought 499 00:20:54,110 --> 00:20:55,890 the ship worked like a game controller. 500 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,830 What in the Disney Channel [bleep] is that? 501 00:20:57,850 --> 00:20:59,430 Maybe help him with homework next time. 502 00:20:59,450 --> 00:21:00,814 He's clearly crying for help. 503 00:21:01,156 --> 00:21:04,814 CREDITS 504 00:21:32,669 --> 00:21:35,600 Planets Only. Planets Only. Planets Only. 505 00:21:35,620 --> 00:21:38,870 Entire systems of steamy, lush globes 506 00:21:38,890 --> 00:21:41,410 and barely habitable celestial objects 507 00:21:41,430 --> 00:21:44,010 are drifting through the void just for you. 508 00:21:44,030 --> 00:21:46,210 - Planets Only. - Let's terraform. 509 00:21:46,230 --> 00:21:49,010 - Or colonize me as I am. - Planets Only. 510 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,750 Oops, there's a hole in my ozone. 511 00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:53,280 I didn't put it there. Did you? 512 00:21:53,310 --> 00:21:56,820 I can't fill it by myself. I'm not smart enough. 513 00:21:56,850 --> 00:21:59,560 Young, dumb, and orbiting the sun. 514 00:21:59,580 --> 00:22:02,712 The greenhouse is in full effect at Planets Only. 515 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,585 Oh, I want you to split my Pangea into distinct continents. 516 00:22:05,607 --> 00:22:08,230 I don't have hydrostatic equilibrium yet. 517 00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:10,230 Is that something you can learn? 518 00:22:10,260 --> 00:22:11,345 You get the idea. 519 00:22:12,930 --> 00:22:15,970 - Phew! - I was watching over your shoulder for a full minute. 520 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,310 So? I was watching because it's funny. 521 00:22:17,330 --> 00:22:18,840 It's... It's... They... They... They're planets, 522 00:22:18,870 --> 00:22:20,910 but they're sexy. It's a comedic premise. 523 00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:23,910 - Yeah. - Planets Only. 524 00:22:23,940 --> 00:22:25,265 Planets Only.