1
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:05,437
Rick, we did it!
We -- we got it!
2
00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:07,172
Hurry up, morty.
Get in!
3
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:08,540
Chachi!
[bleep] chachi, morty.
4
00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:10,642
Did you get it?
He helped me escape prison.
5
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:13,178
Did you get
the ultimate cube?
6
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,480
Oh, it's purple.
7
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,881
Y-you said
it was purple.
8
00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:17,282
I said mine was.
9
00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:18,984
I didn't know they all were.
10
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,153
And now we do,
thanks to chichi.
11
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,488
Chachi.
12
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:26,158
So, uh,
w-w-when do I get it?
13
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,593
Get what, a hug?
14
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,294
Let's find a planet
with a garden hose first.
15
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,696
A dragon.
A dragon.
16
00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,931
You asked me to cut class
and fight robots with you.
17
00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:34,233
I said, "no."
18
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:35,467
you said, "millions of lives
depend on it."
19
00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:37,169
I said, "I'll do it
for a dragon."
20
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,804
you said, "whatever."
21
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,205
I want my dragon.
22
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,607
You know who's into dragons,
morty?
23
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,475
Nerds that refuse to admit
they're christian.
24
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,577
I want my dragon.
Let me give you
rocket shoes.
25
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,079
Let me give you
wolverine claws.
26
00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:48,714
Let me give you
a [bleep] rocket hat.
27
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,282
Just be sure to use it
with the rocket shoes,
28
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:51,550
or it'll rip your head off.
29
00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:53,585
I want my dragon!
I want my dragon!
30
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:54,920
I want my dragon!
[ gas hisses ]
31
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,688
oh.
32
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:57,956
Oh, crap. [ coughs ]
33
00:00:57,992 --> 00:00:59,691
crap.
34
00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,029
Dad, are you okay?
35
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,864
Your ship
crashed in malta.
36
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,499
[ groans ] I'm okay.
37
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:10,102
Oh, thank god.
38
00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:12,004
Dad, did you promise
morty a dragon?
39
00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:13,572
Fuuuuuuu--
40
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:21,547
♪
41
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:29,521
♪
42
00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:37,496
♪
43
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:45,471
♪
44
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:46,605
ugh!
45
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,807
Bleed here and here.
46
00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:49,975
Rick:
I'm not co-bleeding.
47
00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:51,610
Under authority
of our treaty
48
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,712
'twixt the realms
of dragon and man...
49
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:55,080
Oh, my god,
it's my first gay wedding.
50
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,415
Summer!
51
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,584
...I hereby bind
this noble serpent and rider
52
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,252
at the soul.
53
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:03,255
Here's your tome of
dragon spells and lore.
54
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,623
That'll have everything
you need.
55
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:05,858
Enjoy your dragon.
56
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,493
Okay, dragon,
here's the house rules.
57
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:10,462
[ roars ]
my name is balthromaw,
58
00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:13,232
breaker of sky,
slayer of mountain.
59
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,834
Rule one -- you are now scooper
of your own poops,
60
00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:19,037
or I will take you down like
the black-light poster you are.
61
00:02:19,073 --> 00:02:20,839
I don't got any more rules.
That's it.
62
00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:22,241
[ door closes ]
63
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:24,042
I'm guessing you'd rather not
be tagged in this.
64
00:02:24,078 --> 00:02:26,011
Okay, I'll bite.
65
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:27,346
What's with
the talking cat?
66
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,947
It's a dragon,
dip knob.
67
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:30,449
I know that's a dragon.
68
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:33,285
I'm talking about
the talking cat in my bedroom.
69
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,187
Jerry, why would I give morty
a talking dragon
70
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:37,022
and you a talking cat
at the same time?
71
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:38,524
Those concepts bump.
72
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,325
If you're talking to a cat,
it's an abnormal event
73
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,761
unrelated to me like
when you went to pluto
74
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,329
or [bleep] my daughter.
75
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:47,032
Okay, there's really no need
to get savage.
76
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,668
Cat: So?
77
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,370
Eh, he says he has nothing
to do with your talking.
78
00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:53,672
Told you.
So then
why are you talking?
79
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:56,141
Why should that matter?
Why should it not matter?
80
00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,277
How do I know I'm not
hallucinating?
81
00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,245
Rick said this is
an abnormal event.
82
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:02,314
Do you always need rick
to tell you what's going on?
83
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,349
Maybe it's time you stopped
asking questions
84
00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:06,685
and started having fun.
85
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,120
Oh.
86
00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:11,023
Wow, okay.
87
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,291
So, what do you want?
88
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,725
I want you to take us
to the airport
89
00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:16,328
and get us two
first-class tickets to florida.
90
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:19,731
Why, I --
I can do that.
91
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:22,000
[ laughing ]
92
00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:24,269
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
93
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,939
Oh, this is so cool!
94
00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,274
[ sighs ]
95
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:33,378
I await
your next command.
96
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,714
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Nobody is commanding anybody.
97
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:39,218
I love soaring through the sky
with you as equals.
98
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,686
W-what do you
want to do?
99
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:43,889
I want to enter my lair
and sleep upon my hoard
100
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:46,758
until the age of man
expires.
101
00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:47,859
Okay.
102
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,428
Split the diff?
103
00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:52,564
20-minute nap
and soar through the sky?
104
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,966
Ugh.
105
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,834
As you command.
106
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,502
Okay, see you soon.
107
00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:58,804
T-this is fun.
108
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,173
Yeah, right.
109
00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:03,408
What's this show called,
"ass"?
110
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:06,111
Yeah, it's like "bones,"
but they solve ass crimes.
111
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,246
Woman on tv:
This ass is a clue.
112
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:08,447
Are these two
gonna hook up?
113
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,782
No, and only the lame fans
want that.
114
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,317
Don't tell me
how to enjoy things.
115
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,152
Go to her ass.
That's brenner.
116
00:04:14,188 --> 00:04:17,022
Go to brenner ass.
117
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,257
Honeymoon over
already?
118
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:19,391
What's that
supposed to mean?
119
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,193
Admit it, morty.
Dragons suck.
120
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,228
Why don't you admit you don't
anyone else to be happy
121
00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:26,198
because
you're a sad old fart?
122
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:27,866
How do you
saddle a fart?
123
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:29,334
Holy [bleep]
look!
124
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,637
-I love you, ass.
-I love you, brenner.
125
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:32,804
No.
Shh.
126
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,439
Ah!
Oh!
127
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:36,942
And that's the end of the
"morty gets a dragon" episode.
128
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,110
Are you gonna
slay it?
129
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:40,479
First off,
I always slay it, queen.
130
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,481
Secondly, yes.
Should I pause "ass"?
131
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:45,550
Nah, it's kind of boring
now that they're together.
132
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,419
[ snoring ]
133
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,291
hey [bleep]
134
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:55,060
will you shut the [bleep] up
or at least roll over?
135
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:57,162
[ groans ]
oh, no, it burns.
136
00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:59,498
Oh, my god.
Oh, the fire of -- of it all.
137
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,566
Ah, if only I had
prepared better
138
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,335
for this terrifying battle
by remembering
139
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:05,637
the only thing dragons
are known for.
140
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:12,544
♪
141
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,346
careful you don't
get heartburn.
142
00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:16,415
I made that android
with a lot of c4.
143
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:18,183
Oh, I'm sorry.
I imbued it with
144
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,986
a remote-controlled
explode-y potion.
145
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:22,754
You have bested me.
146
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,423
I am at your service.
147
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,091
Good to be on
the same parchment.
148
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:27,626
Now, I'm gonna tell
my grandson you ran off
149
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,829
with a low-flying 747
while you pack up your --
150
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,231
wait, is this --
why do you have an original
151
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:36,101
ecto cooler
juice box from 1989?
152
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:38,770
I hoard that which
your kind covets.
153
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:41,807
Give you 20 bucks for it.
[ chuckles ] nice try.
154
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,475
What the hell else
are you hoarding down here?
155
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,011
Cha-ching.
"small soldiers" spin pops?
156
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:47,646
Don't open that.
I'm not an idiot.
157
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,916
Hey, why do you have future's
self-titled album on vinyl?
158
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,384
Look closer.
159
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:54,386
Oh [bleep]
he signed it.
160
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:56,088
Closer.
161
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:58,123
He signed it in molly
and percocet?
162
00:05:58,158 --> 00:05:59,458
I could spend all night
down here.
163
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:02,361
Do you indulge
in volcanic fumes?
164
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:05,030
Is it gonna
[bleep] up my brain?
165
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,666
No.
I'll do it anyway.
166
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,836
Hoo, those were not
cheap tickets,
167
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:14,506
but, um,
I'm down to clown.
168
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,275
Uh, w-w-w-why can you talk
again, uh?
169
00:06:17,311 --> 00:06:18,710
It's not important,
jerry.
170
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,078
Okay,
but why florida?
171
00:06:20,114 --> 00:06:21,713
Because they don't
ask questions.
172
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:24,149
They play volleyball,
they party, and they have fun.
173
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:25,884
Right, right.
174
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,085
You can do this,
jerry.
175
00:06:27,121 --> 00:06:28,920
I can do this.
176
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,589
I can do this.
177
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:33,825
Ugh!
178
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,961
Oh, yeah.
179
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,629
Jipe:
Hey, jerry, after this game,
180
00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:39,564
come to my yacht
and bring your cat.
181
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,032
You got it, jipe.
182
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,701
I got to admit,
you were right.
183
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,503
I've got to tell you
something, jerry.
184
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:47,305
This is the happiest I've ever
been in my entire life.
185
00:06:47,341 --> 00:06:49,975
Woman: Oh, gross!
Who shit in the sand?
186
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,377
Someone took a small shit
in the sand
187
00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:54,379
and buried it with, like,
two little kicks
188
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:56,782
and just left it here
like a land mine.
189
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,984
Why and who?
190
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,119
It was him.
191
00:07:01,155 --> 00:07:02,587
[ booing ]
192
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,489
help!
193
00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:04,956
♪ yo ♪
194
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:08,493
♪ percocets, yeah, molly,
percocets, percosets ♪
195
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:11,463
♪ percocets, yeah, molly,
percocets, percosets ♪
196
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:14,366
♪ mask on,
mask off ♪
197
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:17,469
♪ gas gone, never nod off ♪
198
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:24,009
I'm being summoned
by morty.
199
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,911
Yeah.
He's, uh, texting me.
200
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,113
Hmm.
How are you responding?
201
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,448
Ugh, I tend not to,
202
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,883
or maybe I'll send, like,
a popular animated gif
203
00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:35,187
that could be interpreted
in almost any way.
Brilliant.
204
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:37,155
I summon thee.
205
00:07:37,191 --> 00:07:40,926
I summon thee,
balthromaw.
206
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,227
What the hell?
207
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,296
Taylor swift pumping her hands
in the air?
208
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,831
What does it mean when --
it means you're lame.
209
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:46,164
♪ yo ♪
210
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,734
♪ percocets, yeah, molly,
percocets, percosets ♪
211
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:52,637
♪ percocets, yeah, molly,
percocets, percosets ♪
212
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:55,474
♪ mask on,
mask off ♪
213
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:59,478
♪ gas gone,
never nod off ♪
214
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:03,482
balthromaw:
What's the saying?
215
00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:07,385
"orcs work to live.
Dwarves live to work."
216
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:08,353
so dumb.
217
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:09,788
If there's ever a saying
about me,
218
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,057
I'll fly into
the [bleep] sun.
219
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,793
[ laughs ]
220
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,462
oh, you're small for a dragon,
rick.
221
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:20,065
Well, I sleep on an extra big
pile of awesome shit.
222
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,367
Then there will be sayings
about you.
223
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:25,003
Your lessers
will hunt you down,
224
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:28,173
and you will be
owned or slain.
225
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:31,042
That's why they call it
a dying breed, brother.
226
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:35,547
Ugh! Ugh!
227
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:37,215
Oh, god, ugh.
228
00:08:37,251 --> 00:08:38,683
My soul.
Oh!
229
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:40,585
Oh, yeah.
I'm --
230
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,087
I'm -- I'm a dragon.
231
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,655
Oh!
Ugh, I'm bonding.
232
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:44,990
I'm bonding too.
233
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,626
Oh!
Yeah.
234
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:48,860
What the [bleep]
235
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,028
morty, I can explain.
236
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,162
Stop!
237
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,497
Why are you
still doing it?
238
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,399
Why does it
feel better now?
239
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,601
I hope it's not because you're
watching but don't go anywhere.
240
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,436
How did you find us?
241
00:08:58,472 --> 00:09:02,541
We followed the smell
of sulfur and skankery.
242
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:04,809
Oh!
Oh, yeah.
243
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:07,045
Oh, man, ugh.
[bleep] this.
244
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,381
You can take this stupid
fake soul-bond contract,
245
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:12,417
and you can -- mm!
Ah!
246
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:13,518
No refunds.
247
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:16,021
Your dragon soul-bonded
with my grandpa.
248
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,390
Oh, my!
I am so sorry.
249
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,158
That is
a total violation.
250
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,259
Yeah, no shit.
251
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:23,128
I'll take care of this
at once.
252
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,362
You slut dragon!
253
00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:25,597
What the [bleep]
you slut.
254
00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:26,498
Chill out, dude.
Slut!
255
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:27,832
Okay, that's --
you slut!
256
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,100
Y-you don't have to --
slut!
257
00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:30,335
Shame on you!
258
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,836
Shame, you slut!
You slutty, slutty slut!
259
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,738
Ow! Why the [bleep] does it feel
like you're whipping me?
260
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:37,676
Because your soul got tangled
in a dirty....
Ah!
261
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:38,777
...Slutty...
Ow!
262
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,078
...Slut soul!
Ow!
263
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,179
Let's go!
Ow! Ow!
264
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:42,614
Get to that portal,
you slut.
265
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:45,083
Grandpa, do something,
or I will tweet,
266
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:47,085
and you will be canceled.
267
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,689
Hey, dandruff the great, lighten
up and give the kid his dragon.
268
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:51,923
By whose command?
269
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,124
You have no magic.
270
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,093
Yeah, I know.
I have actual power.
271
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:56,394
Not here, you don't.
272
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:59,564
True power looks like this --
273
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,533
stone monster.
274
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,969
Stick that up your ass
oh, you're done?
275
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:07,439
I thought the rock monster was
here to introduce a physicist.
276
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:13,011
Spinal cord, uh,
activate morphine.
277
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,213
Oh,
I might be [bleep]
278
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:17,282
lightning bridge!
279
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,552
Okay, he's gone.
Listen up.
280
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,220
There's probably animals
in these hills.
281
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,556
If you spare me, I can make
your crotch a salt lick.
282
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:28,727
Agana aksaka sapooloo.
283
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:32,263
Thank you, morty.
284
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,532
Figures you'd be higher status
in lame world.
285
00:10:34,568 --> 00:10:36,401
Get your [bleep] together,
lair wrecker.
286
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:37,969
We need to rescue
balthromaw.
287
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:41,172
Morty, the moral of this story
is bros before dragons.
288
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,674
You know what
I'm talking about?
289
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,443
Yeah, if he dies while
you're soul bonded, you die too.
290
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:49,581
Morty, the moral of this story
is bros rescue dragons.
291
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,518
Balthromaw, by soul bonding
with multiple riders,
292
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:57,188
you have violated the treaty
between dragon and mankind.
293
00:10:57,224 --> 00:11:01,626
The dragonarchy sentences you
to hang by the neck until dead.
294
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,461
On the count of three.
295
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:05,430
One dragonarchy,
296
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,399
two dragonarchy,
297
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:10,101
2 1/2 --
I just wanted to make sure --
298
00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:11,970
three!
299
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,139
[ choking ]
grandpa rick, what's wrong?
300
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,941
Oh, god. The wizard must have
hung balthromaw!
301
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,677
Well, [bleep] it.
Can we go back then?
302
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:20,679
W-well, no, no.
It takes, like, 78 years
303
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,047
to hang a dragon
to death, so...
304
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,815
Aw, man.
It's so annoying.
305
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,384
You ever, like, try to swallow
a really big vitamin
306
00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:27,786
with no water?
Ugh!
307
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:29,120
You know, like
[clears throat]
308
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:30,955
really, like,
big one, you know,
309
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:34,025
and it kind of gets,
ugh, stuck in your throat?
310
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,293
It's -- it's annoying.
All right.
311
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,796
Morty, go ahead
and activate this golem.
312
00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:40,198
Agana aksaka sapooloo.
313
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,400
[ golem roaring ]
314
00:11:42,436 --> 00:11:47,605
♪
315
00:11:47,641 --> 00:11:52,844
♪
316
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,646
[bleep] dumb.
All right.
317
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:57,382
Who wants to be infused with,
like, uh, unreasonable power?
318
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,918
Oh, can I be, like,
a sexy arrow-shooty lady?
319
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:02,754
Yeah, whatever.
There's no rules. I don't care.
320
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,723
Morty,
you want superpowers?
321
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,691
No, thanks. I'm fine.
I've got my book.
322
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,359
All right.
Good luck with that.
323
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,861
Let's go.
324
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,162
[ roaring ]
325
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:12,697
[ coughs, clears throat ]
god, it's like --
326
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:13,932
have you ever had too much
orange juice,
327
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:15,366
or, like,
you know how egg yolk
328
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,302
kind of, like,
gets in your throat?
329
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,336
Yeah, we get it.
330
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:19,270
Come on and hurry.
331
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:21,339
W-we got to free
balthromaw.
332
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:22,941
Upsulu --
I got this.
333
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:28,546
Morty, how's that book
working out for you,
334
00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:30,749
you [bleep] d-d-dumbass?
335
00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:35,353
Huh. You know what?
You're right.
336
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:37,322
I could get used
to this magic stuff.
337
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:45,864
♪
338
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,699
there's balthromaw.
339
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,033
Check this shit out.
Watch this.
340
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,068
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Don't even look.
341
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,336
Don't even bother looking.
342
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,204
Just [bleep] let magic
guide your arrow.
343
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,173
Summer, what the hell
are you doing?
344
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,642
Take this seriously.
Shut the [bleep] up, morty.
345
00:12:57,677 --> 00:12:59,911
Stop trying to pretend like
magic involves skill or thought.
346
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:02,247
Summer, make it look like it's
coming out of your butthole.
347
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,648
Yeah, yeah.
348
00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:05,650
Ah!
349
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:08,219
Oh, [bleep]
my [bleep] eye, oh!
350
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:11,322
What in the medieval
equivalent of tarnation --
351
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,458
jesus christ!
352
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:14,959
Summer,
you [bleep] idiot!
353
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:17,128
Power of 12 feet.
354
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:17,996
Uh, ow [bleep]
355
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,531
I take it all back!
356
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:21,699
I [bleep] hate magic!
357
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,304
Ah!
358
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:27,539
Slut thief!
359
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,440
You're a slut thief!
360
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:32,043
[ electronic music playing ]
361
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:34,479
pretty fun boat,
fun people.
362
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:37,949
That's great, not being asked
why I can talk.
363
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:41,486
I'm a talking cat, but
"who cares why?" is my point.
364
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:44,989
Well, nice talking to you
for no reason.
365
00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:48,193
Jorge,
that was a good one,
366
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:49,994
but do you know what
a peanut butter gargoyle is?
367
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:51,262
Nah, what's that?
368
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,231
Dude, it's when you
take the chick,
369
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:55,233
put her feet on a cathedral --
sorry to interrupt, guys.
370
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:58,269
Just want to clarify,
are these real sex positions?
371
00:13:58,305 --> 00:13:59,504
Because if they are,
372
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:02,140
how are they gratifying
to the male at all?
373
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,042
And if the goal is
to make something up,
374
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:08,112
why not make up
something...Funnier?
375
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:11,416
I'm asking too many questions,
aren't I?
376
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:12,717
How ironic.
377
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,586
Get out of florida,
you overthinking cat.
378
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,855
Why don't you go overthink
[bleep] up north in georgia?
379
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,289
All: Hate that cat.
380
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,634
You got any money
for a cab?
381
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,202
Why ask questions?
382
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:32,770
Why not just have fun?
383
00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:34,172
I deserve that.
384
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,975
Wizard:
Attention, citizens of draygon,
385
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,777
a slut dragon has escaped.
386
00:14:39,813 --> 00:14:43,081
Anyone caught harboring it
is also a slut.
387
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:44,749
That's how it goes.
Ow, my eye.
388
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:47,685
It pains me that
you can feel my pain.
389
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:48,987
Yeah, how about
you suck your [bleep]
390
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,655
which is also
somehow my [bleep]?
391
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:54,192
Aw, why can't couples that start
out cheating ever end up happy?
392
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,461
M-maybe I can find
that wizard's portal spell
393
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:57,729
in here and g-get us home.
394
00:14:57,764 --> 00:14:59,464
How about finding the spell
that unbinds me
395
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:00,732
from your [bleep] dragon?
396
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,734
Debranavox:
No spells can do that.
397
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,869
Only the wizard
can unbind soul bonds.
398
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,271
Uh, who the [bleep] are you?
399
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:07,972
Who are we?
Who the [bleep] are you, bitch?
400
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,308
Debrah, stop.
We are the slut dragons.
401
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,343
We live in these slut caves
where we [bleep]
402
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:15,380
suck, and eat [bleep] and
we kindly ask that you leave.
403
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,882
If the wizard knows we are here,
he will imprison us.
404
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,284
Yeah!
We like it down here
405
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:21,653
'cause we can [bleep]
woolly mammoths. Get out!
406
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,221
Get the [bleep] out of here,
michael!
Shut up, michael!
407
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,722
You're the only one
that [bleep] that thing.
408
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,024
Get the [bleep] out of here.
409
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,725
Well, at least
I'm not into [bleep] play.
410
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:28,927
-[bleep] you!
-Hey, wait!
411
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,628
Everybody stop, stop!
412
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:32,196
Listen,
this is all my fault.
413
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:34,866
I started all this when
I tried to control balthromaw,
414
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:36,067
and that was [bleep] up.
415
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,735
Nobody should control anyone,
416
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,237
especially that guy up there.
417
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,773
And, um, you can eat [bleep]
if you want, I guess.
418
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:42,941
I, uh --
I got this, morty.
419
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:44,709
Okay, listen up,
slut dragons!
420
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,444
Wouldn't you rather
be sluts up there,
421
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:49,013
have a [bleep] world
instead of a [bleep] cave?
422
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,281
What's wrong with you?
423
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,450
This man with a ponytail
makes a valid point.
424
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:55,286
All dragons are sluts deep down,
even the ones up above,
425
00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:57,522
but we would have to kill
the wizard to be free.
426
00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:58,756
He is too powerful.
427
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,326
There is a way
to kill the wizard.
428
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:02,994
Whoa.
Who's this mysterious character?
429
00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:04,762
Shadow jacker,
you haven't come out
430
00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,397
of your masturbation cave
in eons.
431
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:09,867
It's high time I emerge
from my [bleep] cocoon.
432
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:12,103
I grow tired of eavesdropping
and masturbating
433
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,504
to the sounds
you all make.
434
00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:14,772
Jesus christ.
All right.
435
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:15,873
C-could use
a little more mystery.
436
00:16:15,909 --> 00:16:17,475
Oh, oh, just now
seeing the staff.
437
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,878
We've never had enough sluts
to defeat the wizard.
438
00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:23,314
Now, with the four fresh,
wet sluts that
439
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:26,884
just landed on our doorstep,
we finally have a chance.
440
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,020
So killing the wizard
will break my soul bond.
441
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:31,289
Yes, it solves
all of our problems.
442
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,591
We must begin
a 10-slut soul orgy...
443
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,126
Morty: Wait, wait, what?
444
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,729
...And become the all-slut
slut phoenix dragon, slut.
445
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,030
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on. Hold on.
446
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:40,565
There's got to be
something else in here.
447
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,166
There's got to be another way.
Just give me a second.
448
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:44,168
I haven't read
all this yet.
449
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:47,472
[ all moaning ]
450
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,507
maybe don't tell your parents
we did this?
451
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:53,644
[ moaning continues ]
452
00:16:53,680 --> 00:17:00,418
♪
453
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:07,225
♪
454
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:13,865
♪
455
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,567
oh, oh, no.
Oh -- wait, please, no!
456
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:18,069
Ice spell!
Ice spell!
457
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:19,937
Oh, god!
458
00:17:19,973 --> 00:17:21,639
That just made it
last longer.
459
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:23,341
Ah, it burns longer!
460
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,343
Ah, I could have died fast!
461
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:30,581
Thank you, strangers.
462
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,250
Well, it's your world now.
Have fun with empowerment.
463
00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:34,218
It seems to make everyone
that gets it really happy.
464
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,488
All right, guys.
I'll use this to open a portal.
465
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:40,058
Uh, open a portal
to earth.
466
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,893
Let's get the hell
out of here fast.
467
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,428
God, look at
this piece of [bleep]
468
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:46,164
why is there writing on it?
Who writes on a portal?
469
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,902
Should've taken me up on those
wolverine claws instead, morty.
470
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,570
Wait,
why did the dragon come?
471
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,806
I was thinking
we could hang out?
472
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,808
Oh, yeah.
Whoa, jesus.
473
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,609
Your dad's been texting me
this whole time?
474
00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:00,144
Uh, he's at an airport
with a cat.
475
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:01,879
Okay, that --
that sounds -- wow.
476
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,147
You know,
I better check on him.
477
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,882
Big season finale right there,
you know?
478
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:06,417
Better, uh --
better go right now.
479
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,319
Also, I told you not
to get a dragon, morty.
480
00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:10,388
This is your fault. [bleep] you,
worst adventure ever.
481
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,923
Worst adventure ever.
482
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:14,859
Yeah, uh, I guess you better be
on your way too, balthromaw.
483
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,561
Well, I've been thinking.
484
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:20,398
What you said back there in the
cave really resonated with me.
485
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,999
Maybe we could
try again?
486
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:23,367
Look, to be honest,
I'm kind of grossed out
487
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,803
with the sexual nature
of how everything unfolded.
488
00:18:25,839 --> 00:18:27,538
I didn't know
how sexual dragons were.
489
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,041
I kind of just wanted to do
some d&d stuff, you know?
490
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,243
And have a soul orgy
with your sister and grandpa
491
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,045
and every dragon
we could find, yeah?
492
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,047
No, look,
can you please just go?
493
00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:37,648
I-I-I really
want to shower.
494
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:39,517
Maybe a quick soul bone
before I go.
495
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:40,751
I-I-I-I'm good.
496
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,019
I think
I just need to be alone
497
00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:44,222
and sort of
un-- unpack all this.
498
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,289
What about your grandpa?
499
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:46,824
Would he want to?
I can wait.
500
00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:48,159
No,
I think you better go.
501
00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:49,927
I-I'm gonna take
that shower.
502
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,630
If it's just warm liquid you
want trickled over your body,
503
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:53,898
I could maybe --
no, no, look.
504
00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:55,266
I just want to be clean!
505
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,502
I-I-I feel dirty after
everything that's happened.
506
00:18:57,537 --> 00:19:00,238
How about
a quick hand bond?
507
00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:02,240
I like doing it.
You're embarrassing yourself.
508
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,875
I-I-I'm closing the door.
509
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,911
[bleep] soul teasers.
510
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:09,080
This is a cool car.
I like having fun.
511
00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:10,982
That's what I'm talking about.
Keep it moving.
512
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:12,483
Don't ask why I can talk.
513
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,252
Mm, mm, mm.
Uh-huh.
514
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:16,687
For sure. For sure.
515
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,122
Where are we going?
516
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:20,491
Quantum radiator might need
some nanowater.
517
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,660
We --
we can stretch our legs.
518
00:19:23,897 --> 00:19:27,965
[ bottles clatter ]
519
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:31,302
so, uh,
why can you talk?
520
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:32,703
What is this?
521
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:35,006
I need you in one spot
for a clean mind scan.
522
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:37,175
Mind scan?
Look, you're overthinking it.
523
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,143
The point of a talking cat
is to have fun.
524
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,612
I find the insinuation that
I can't ask questions
525
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,147
and have fun
condescending.
526
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,950
Y-you find it
condescending, jerry?
Yes.
527
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:48,753
All right. I'm from outer space.
Happy?
No.
528
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,988
Exactly, because no answer
would be satisfying.
529
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:52,256
Because it's a lie.
530
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:54,592
Let's see the truth.
531
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:55,693
What in the...
532
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:58,596
[ explosions ]
533
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,598
oh, son of a bitch.
534
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,200
Jerry, don't.
I want to see.
535
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:04,202
No, you do not.
536
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:09,473
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
537
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:11,742
At least now maybe --
538
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:12,843
get the hell out of here!
539
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:13,844
But I've got
nowhere to go.
540
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,179
Get out!
Get out!
541
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,180
Get out!
542
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:18,683
[ crying ]
543
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:24,121
[ crying ]
544
00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:28,593
he was in my home where
I keep photos of my parents.
545
00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:29,727
Jerry, I have a device.
546
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,062
I-it can make us forget.
547
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:34,098
No, I don't think we should
forget,
548
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,533
not this.
549
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,668
Someone
has to remember.
550
00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:39,403
Someone will.
551
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:42,673
Did we crash?
552
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:43,708
Where's the cat?
553
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,676
He, uh, ran away.
554
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:47,745
Did you scan his brain?
Yeah.
555
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,247
Did you find out
why he can talk?
556
00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:51,148
He's from outer space.
557
00:20:51,184 --> 00:20:53,050
Outer space?
558
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,752
That little --
[ chuckles ]
559
00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:58,189
of course, total mind [bleep]
560
00:20:58,224 --> 00:21:06,030
♪
561
00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:13,671
♪
562
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:21,545
♪
563
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:29,387
♪
564
00:21:33,826 --> 00:21:35,960
now, that's what I call
draggin'.
565
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:37,361
What?
It's a joke.
566
00:21:37,397 --> 00:21:39,764
You're a dragon
draggin' your stuff.
567
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:41,265
I understand.
568
00:21:41,301 --> 00:21:42,867
So, how you doing?
569
00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:44,802
I grow weary
of you humans.
570
00:21:44,837 --> 00:21:47,171
How about 50 bucks?
You weary of 50 bucks?
571
00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:48,606
I'm trying to
cheat on my wife.
572
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:50,841
I'm looking for a little magic,
a little fantasy.
573
00:21:50,877 --> 00:21:52,877
You could use some help.
Let's help each other, huh?
574
00:21:52,912 --> 00:21:54,211
50 bucks.
575
00:21:54,247 --> 00:21:56,714
[ roars ]
576
00:21:58,318 --> 00:21:59,950
nice.
577
00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:01,686
Is there a reason
you can speak?
578
00:22:01,721 --> 00:22:04,188
Yeah,
and I'm ashamed of it.
579
00:22:04,223 --> 00:22:06,757
Then speak of it
no more.
580
00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:09,827
Do you wish to eat,
maybe bond a little?
581
00:22:09,862 --> 00:22:11,829
Yeah, I could bond.
582
00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:13,998
How long does it take you
to fly to florida?
583
00:22:15,435 --> 00:22:16,967
Did you get any of that?