1 00:00:01,888 --> 00:00:05,754 ♪♪ 2 00:00:09,069 --> 00:00:12,945 ♪♪ 3 00:00:13,167 --> 00:00:16,967 ♪♪ 4 00:00:25,466 --> 00:00:26,666 Jerry! Jerry, come on! 5 00:00:26,714 --> 00:00:28,121 We got to go! You got to come with me, Jerry! 6 00:00:28,168 --> 00:00:29,455 Rick? It's important, Jerry. 7 00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:31,412 The fate of the galaxy rests on your shoulders. 8 00:00:31,459 --> 00:00:32,902 Let's go. Put some pants on. 9 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:34,889 N-Never mind, there's no time for pants, Jerry. 10 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,384 I'll make you a pair of pants on the way. 11 00:00:36,431 --> 00:00:38,203 It's a Rick and Jerry adventure! 12 00:00:38,251 --> 00:00:40,017 Rick and Jerry episode! 13 00:00:40,151 --> 00:00:43,965 ♪♪ 14 00:00:44,202 --> 00:00:48,078 ♪♪ 15 00:00:48,542 --> 00:00:52,292 ♪♪ 16 00:00:52,561 --> 00:00:56,332 ♪♪ 17 00:00:56,623 --> 00:01:00,407 ♪♪ 18 00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:04,404 ♪♪ 19 00:01:07,975 --> 00:01:11,817 ♪♪ *RICK and MORTY* Season 03 Episode 05 Title: "The Whirly Dirly Conspiracy" 20 00:01:12,356 --> 00:01:14,198 Then I thought, "Hey, what about Jerry? 21 00:01:14,292 --> 00:01:16,158 He's... He's good with regular folk." 22 00:01:16,255 --> 00:01:18,415 This is a real situation where... where... 23 00:01:18,470 --> 00:01:19,917 Where Jerry could really shine. 24 00:01:19,965 --> 00:01:21,491 He's a master convincer." 25 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:24,072 Rick, I'm not an idiot. I know what this is. 26 00:01:24,157 --> 00:01:25,947 Oh. Okay, well, I told Morty, 27 00:01:26,004 --> 00:01:28,345 "Look, parents get divorced. They get sad. He'll be fine," 28 00:01:28,393 --> 00:01:30,865 but I think he's worried you're gonna, you know... Pbht! 29 00:01:30,913 --> 00:01:32,685 And you know how Morty gets when he gets emotional. 30 00:01:32,732 --> 00:01:33,755 It impedes my work. 31 00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:35,837 So, I told him I'd take you out and give you a win. 32 00:01:35,885 --> 00:01:37,647 Wait. My son asked you to take me 33 00:01:37,695 --> 00:01:39,468 on some kind of pity adventure 34 00:01:39,544 --> 00:01:40,945 to keep me from killing myself? 35 00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:42,622 Wait, wh-what did you think it was? 36 00:01:42,789 --> 00:01:44,003 An execution. 37 00:01:44,108 --> 00:01:46,182 Geez! You really do need a win. 38 00:01:46,230 --> 00:01:47,590 No! I-I don't know. 39 00:01:47,638 --> 00:01:49,173 I mean, you never made me the pants, so... 40 00:01:49,220 --> 00:01:50,742 So, you thought I was gonna drive you 41 00:01:50,790 --> 00:01:51,912 into the middle of the galaxy 42 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,483 and shove you into the vacuum of space 43 00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:54,574 with your dick hanging out? 44 00:01:54,622 --> 00:01:55,796 And we're seeing how you'd act 45 00:01:55,852 --> 00:01:57,114 if that were about to happen? 46 00:01:57,162 --> 00:01:58,904 I mean I'll make you the pants right now. 47 00:01:58,951 --> 00:02:00,015 Take me two seconds to make you pants. 48 00:02:00,062 --> 00:02:01,819 I have pants at home! Jerry, if I make pants, 49 00:02:01,866 --> 00:02:03,374 they'll be better than your pants at home. 50 00:02:03,421 --> 00:02:04,720 Also, if I wanted to kill you... 51 00:02:04,802 --> 00:02:06,592 Yeah, I get it. It would be amazing. 52 00:02:06,656 --> 00:02:07,847 Please, take me home. 53 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,875 I'll tell my son we had an amazing adventure. 54 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:11,074 Well, if it's all the same, could we go 55 00:02:11,121 --> 00:02:12,121 get our story straight? 56 00:02:12,169 --> 00:02:13,283 Because you're a terrible liar. 57 00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:15,098 You called me a master convincer! 58 00:02:15,146 --> 00:02:16,512 You believed me? 59 00:02:21,784 --> 00:02:23,712 Huh. This seems... kind of fancy. 60 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,619 Jerry, for all you know, this is the equivalent 61 00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:26,710 of an alien truck stop. 62 00:02:26,758 --> 00:02:27,979 You have no frame of reference. 63 00:02:28,027 --> 00:02:29,672 You're in a universe beyond your imagining. 64 00:02:29,719 --> 00:02:31,516 But, yes, it is super fancy. 65 00:02:31,564 --> 00:02:33,270 I mean, my job here is to make Morty happy. 66 00:02:33,325 --> 00:02:34,836 I'm not gonna take you somewhere dangerous. 67 00:02:35,997 --> 00:02:37,099 Rick Sanchez. 68 00:02:37,147 --> 00:02:39,245 I told you if I ever saw your face in here again, 69 00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:41,262 I would stick you like the pig you are. 70 00:02:41,777 --> 00:02:44,433 Shnoopy Bloopers, I told you if you tried... 71 00:02:44,709 --> 00:02:46,670 There'd be two funerals. 72 00:02:46,718 --> 00:02:48,311 Aaah!! 73 00:02:49,368 --> 00:02:50,915 Someone? 74 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:54,239 Uh, someone? Someone! 75 00:02:57,943 --> 00:02:59,799 My friend! It has been too long. 76 00:02:59,852 --> 00:03:01,535 Oh, it's great to see you again, buddy! 77 00:03:02,535 --> 00:03:03,605 Yeah, you're doing it. 78 00:03:03,653 --> 00:03:05,473 Mr. Sanchez gets anything he wants! 79 00:03:05,583 --> 00:03:07,639 The resort's covered in an immortality field. 80 00:03:07,717 --> 00:03:09,238 You can't die here. That's the gimmick. 81 00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,450 Okay, but still... Bad parenting. 82 00:03:14,618 --> 00:03:16,384 Hey, rich a-holes are rich a-holes. 83 00:03:16,432 --> 00:03:17,833 They all pay top dollar to come here 84 00:03:17,881 --> 00:03:19,652 and enjoy a consequence-free vacation. 85 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,757 No death, no disease, no dismemberment. 86 00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:23,506 Can't even have a heart attack. 87 00:03:23,561 --> 00:03:24,904 Got it. The perfect place 88 00:03:24,952 --> 00:03:26,903 to take the most fragile being in the universe. 89 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:28,672 I can tell you expect me to refute that, 90 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:29,873 but it's right on the money. 91 00:03:29,921 --> 00:03:31,120 If I come home without you, 92 00:03:31,168 --> 00:03:32,525 I doubt Morty's gonna let me off the hook. 93 00:03:32,572 --> 00:03:34,796 Yeah, but what if you came home with Jeff Goldblum. 94 00:03:34,844 --> 00:03:35,972 Jeff Goldblum? 95 00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:37,951 What the are you talking about, Jerry? 96 00:03:38,189 --> 00:03:39,276 Jesus! 97 00:03:39,324 --> 00:03:40,844 Holy shit! 98 00:03:40,999 --> 00:03:42,311 Yo, what's up, "Big Chill"?! 99 00:03:42,379 --> 00:03:43,774 Don't go into the telepod! 100 00:03:44,894 --> 00:03:47,013 Hey, maybe we would have fun on a fake adventure. 101 00:03:47,062 --> 00:03:48,675 On a fake adventure. 102 00:03:48,723 --> 00:03:50,669 Speaking of... What are we gonna tell Morty? 103 00:03:50,742 --> 00:03:52,361 I don't know. But whatever it is, 104 00:03:52,417 --> 00:03:54,458 we're gonna need a couple more of these babies! 105 00:03:57,341 --> 00:03:58,462 What's wrong? 106 00:03:58,510 --> 00:04:00,473 Mom, do you think I'm hot? 107 00:04:00,522 --> 00:04:04,157 I... don't think that's something that matters. 108 00:04:04,255 --> 00:04:05,502 So, I'm not hot?! 109 00:04:05,556 --> 00:04:07,957 I'm saying the part of you that cares about that 110 00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:09,713 is a part you shouldn't give any energy to. 111 00:04:09,761 --> 00:04:10,959 That's not an answer! 112 00:04:11,007 --> 00:04:12,699 Because I'm not an issue of Cosmo, okay? 113 00:04:12,747 --> 00:04:14,305 I'm your mother and a doctor, and... 114 00:04:14,353 --> 00:04:15,448 I'm hideous! 115 00:04:16,948 --> 00:04:18,314 Geez. What's with her? 116 00:04:18,436 --> 00:04:20,042 Teenage-girl stuff. 117 00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:23,180 Is that a... hoof collage? 118 00:04:23,267 --> 00:04:25,850 It's perfectly legal, if that's what you're wondering. 119 00:04:26,311 --> 00:04:28,757 Cool... zies. 120 00:04:29,052 --> 00:04:31,814 "We just don't have anything in common any more, Summer." 121 00:04:31,887 --> 00:04:33,071 Oh, yeah, Ethan? 122 00:04:33,184 --> 00:04:35,113 What do you have in common with Tricia Lange? 123 00:04:35,186 --> 00:04:37,193 A mutual love of French cinema? 124 00:04:37,241 --> 00:04:38,617 The belief that a carbon tax 125 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,135 is the only viable solution to climate change? 126 00:04:41,346 --> 00:04:44,648 Or could it be her massive stripper titties?! 127 00:04:45,361 --> 00:04:46,645 There it is. 128 00:04:48,132 --> 00:04:49,265 Boob-ya! 129 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,320 And that's when Malakai the Squid came, 130 00:04:51,408 --> 00:04:56,365 rips off his face, and beneath it is my face. 131 00:04:57,136 --> 00:04:59,003 I liked it. Thank you, sir. 132 00:04:59,051 --> 00:05:00,498 Yeah, of course he likes it. Look at him. 133 00:05:00,545 --> 00:05:02,459 Mother got two heads and three trunks. 134 00:05:02,507 --> 00:05:03,817 All right, we'll put a pin in it. 135 00:05:03,881 --> 00:05:04,953 I'm gonna go take a leak. 136 00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:14,817 What the...?! 137 00:05:21,514 --> 00:05:23,247 My hands are dry! My hands are dry! 138 00:05:23,334 --> 00:05:26,201 ♪♪ 139 00:05:26,516 --> 00:05:28,383 My name is Risotto Groupon. 140 00:05:28,467 --> 00:05:31,027 I am the assistant general manager of the restaurant. 141 00:05:31,075 --> 00:05:32,397 Do you have any comment cards, 142 00:05:32,450 --> 00:05:33,985 because I might have some thoughts. 143 00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:36,782 My kingdom was usurped by force 144 00:05:36,847 --> 00:05:38,180 with weapons and technology 145 00:05:38,228 --> 00:05:40,151 supplied by your father-in-law! 146 00:05:40,230 --> 00:05:42,614 Hey, he usurped my kingdom, too, man. 147 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:45,208 He basically got me kicked out of my home, stole my family. 148 00:05:45,256 --> 00:05:47,477 Then we are brothers, and you have wondered 149 00:05:47,572 --> 00:05:49,496 what your life could have been without Rick. 150 00:05:49,544 --> 00:05:50,623 Wondered? Sure. 151 00:05:50,671 --> 00:05:52,950 I mean, I've wondered about having a vagina. 152 00:05:53,017 --> 00:05:54,262 Would you help me kill him? 153 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:55,540 What? No! 154 00:05:55,588 --> 00:05:57,421 He's my wife's father. Move on. 155 00:05:57,564 --> 00:05:59,598 Do you... like theme-park rides? 156 00:05:59,658 --> 00:06:01,062 Oh, you really moved on. 157 00:06:01,205 --> 00:06:05,274 There is a popular attraction here called the Whirly Dirly. 158 00:06:05,443 --> 00:06:08,210 Between the first whirly and the third dirly, 159 00:06:08,309 --> 00:06:10,858 the ride dips just outside the immortality field. 160 00:06:11,155 --> 00:06:13,583 You're asking me to lure Rick to his death? 161 00:06:13,662 --> 00:06:16,302 I'm only asking you to go on a ride with Rick, 162 00:06:16,350 --> 00:06:19,566 get off the ride without Rick, and go home to your family, 163 00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,823 where you can... wonder about having a vagina. 164 00:06:21,871 --> 00:06:23,842 Okay, okay, that was a very specific example 165 00:06:23,890 --> 00:06:24,921 pulled from thin air. 166 00:06:24,969 --> 00:06:26,708 I don't want to be known as the vagina guy. 167 00:06:26,756 --> 00:06:28,979 Risotto, you're needed. Someone ordered 168 00:06:29,027 --> 00:06:31,132 the Nuzzy Guzzy Fresh and Fluzzy Special. 169 00:06:31,180 --> 00:06:33,947 Look, I'm not like Rick, 170 00:06:34,069 --> 00:06:36,272 so you're free to do as you please. 171 00:06:36,450 --> 00:06:38,419 But there comes a time in every man's life 172 00:06:38,546 --> 00:06:40,452 when he must choose the foundation 173 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,378 on which his legacy will be built... 174 00:06:42,453 --> 00:06:45,711 One of compromise or one of blood. 175 00:06:48,085 --> 00:06:52,354 ♪ Once a time of year, there's a special person here ♪ 176 00:06:59,159 --> 00:07:00,878 Oh, yeah. 177 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:04,072 That's what I'm talking about. 178 00:07:04,407 --> 00:07:08,084 Oops! Okay, a little more on the other side then. 179 00:07:08,144 --> 00:07:09,429 Oh, come on! 180 00:07:09,715 --> 00:07:10,850 Oh, geez! 181 00:07:10,993 --> 00:07:12,659 Aah! Stop! 182 00:07:13,425 --> 00:07:16,245 So, the hospital just let you walk right out of there 183 00:07:16,314 --> 00:07:17,564 with horse parts in a bag? 184 00:07:17,612 --> 00:07:18,627 For Christ's sakes, Morty, 185 00:07:18,675 --> 00:07:20,924 women going through a divorce need a creative outlet. 186 00:07:21,393 --> 00:07:22,733 What was that? 187 00:07:24,913 --> 00:07:26,121 Summer! 188 00:07:28,522 --> 00:07:30,088 I'm coming, Summer! 189 00:07:31,805 --> 00:07:33,204 What the hell happened?! 190 00:07:37,162 --> 00:07:38,482 How do we get her back to normal?! 191 00:07:38,536 --> 00:07:40,960 I don't know, man! This thing is pretty complicated. 192 00:07:41,008 --> 00:07:42,340 I-I'm gonna call Rick. 193 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,431 Well, hold on. We can't just call your grandpa 194 00:07:44,494 --> 00:07:45,795 whenever there's a problem. 195 00:07:45,843 --> 00:07:47,409 We can handle this ourselves. 196 00:07:47,712 --> 00:07:49,567 I mean, I don't see the point in trying to. 197 00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:51,058 This is obviously Rick-level 198 00:07:51,105 --> 00:07:52,738 I have a medical degree. 199 00:07:52,796 --> 00:07:54,149 Is that what this is about? 200 00:07:54,197 --> 00:07:55,885 L-Like, you want to prove yourself? 201 00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,987 Oh, it's not about anything, Morty. How dare you? 202 00:07:58,035 --> 00:07:59,542 Okay, good. Then I'll just call... Ow! 203 00:07:59,590 --> 00:08:01,094 Morty, I need this. 204 00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:04,684 Hey, Jerry, triple trunks here says he knows a place 205 00:08:04,732 --> 00:08:06,717 where the ladies drop panties for anyone bi-pedal. 206 00:08:06,765 --> 00:08:08,030 Yeah, I'm not really interested. 207 00:08:08,165 --> 00:08:09,749 My heart still belongs to Beth. 208 00:08:09,797 --> 00:08:11,419 Oh. Huh. Okay. 209 00:08:12,537 --> 00:08:14,317 What, you don't think I have a shot? 210 00:08:14,389 --> 00:08:15,489 I didn't say that. 211 00:08:15,540 --> 00:08:17,627 Excuse me. May I have another one of these? 212 00:08:17,675 --> 00:08:18,861 Coming right up. 213 00:08:19,090 --> 00:08:21,800 Hmm, things weren't always so bad between Beth and me. 214 00:08:21,848 --> 00:08:23,700 We had some good times when we were younger. 215 00:08:23,782 --> 00:08:24,917 Oh, yeah, I bet. 216 00:08:24,965 --> 00:08:26,846 That's how teenage pregnancy happens, my friend. 217 00:08:26,918 --> 00:08:28,164 Yeah, no. 218 00:08:28,306 --> 00:08:30,757 Things were pretty great, even until a couple of years ago. 219 00:08:30,805 --> 00:08:32,519 - Jerry, I get it. - That's around the time 220 00:08:32,567 --> 00:08:33,720 I moved in with you guys. 221 00:08:33,768 --> 00:08:35,013 Oh, I guess you're right. 222 00:08:35,061 --> 00:08:36,858 Jerry, you know, I hope you're not suggesting 223 00:08:36,906 --> 00:08:38,756 that I had anything to do with your marriage breaking up, 224 00:08:38,803 --> 00:08:41,521 because there are some major issues between you and Beth 225 00:08:41,569 --> 00:08:43,386 that have been there since you guys met. 226 00:08:43,434 --> 00:08:44,675 ♪♪ 227 00:08:44,823 --> 00:08:47,050 Hey, to new beginnings. 228 00:08:47,988 --> 00:08:49,426 To the Whirly Dirly. 229 00:08:49,474 --> 00:08:50,967 The Whirly Dirly? 230 00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:53,530 All right, what's going on here? 231 00:08:53,644 --> 00:08:55,289 When did you get cool?! 232 00:08:56,512 --> 00:08:57,712 When you stole my wife! 233 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,054 I should have done that a long time ago! 234 00:08:59,101 --> 00:09:00,740 We're going on the Whirly Dirly! 235 00:09:00,788 --> 00:09:02,354 Whirly Dirly, baby. 236 00:09:03,708 --> 00:09:05,458 Aha, look at this. 237 00:09:05,506 --> 00:09:06,723 It says "normalize." 238 00:09:06,791 --> 00:09:08,271 I bet if we just press that... 239 00:09:08,358 --> 00:09:10,417 But... if the machine was made by spider people, 240 00:09:10,465 --> 00:09:12,120 normal would mean eight legs. 241 00:09:12,175 --> 00:09:14,015 Oh, God! are you gonna go on another spiel 242 00:09:14,098 --> 00:09:15,874 like you did with the flesh-colored crayon? 243 00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:18,323 I'm pretty sure "normalize" will make her normal. 244 00:09:19,986 --> 00:09:21,811 Aah! 245 00:09:22,493 --> 00:09:23,852 I'd call that progress. 246 00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:25,338 - She's huge! - And normal! 247 00:09:25,386 --> 00:09:27,118 I'm not normal! 248 00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:28,358 - Mom! - Okay, this says reverse." 249 00:09:28,405 --> 00:09:30,344 - Done and done. - I don't think that's a good idea. 250 00:09:30,391 --> 00:09:32,789 Oh, come on! What else could "reverse" possibly mean? 251 00:09:34,481 --> 00:09:35,623 Aah! 252 00:09:35,872 --> 00:09:37,745 Mom, call Rick! 253 00:09:37,859 --> 00:09:39,292 Thank you. 254 00:09:39,390 --> 00:09:40,701 There's a customer-service number on here. 255 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,014 Mom! 256 00:09:46,297 --> 00:09:48,497 Oh, man. This is gonna be awesome! 257 00:09:48,605 --> 00:09:51,083 I got to hand it to you, Jerry. This was a solid idea. 258 00:09:51,168 --> 00:09:52,401 Uh, yeah. Uh-huh. 259 00:09:52,449 --> 00:09:54,341 And you know what? I'll cop to it. 260 00:09:54,405 --> 00:09:55,905 I put a lot of strain on your marriage. 261 00:09:55,952 --> 00:09:57,962 It wasn't fair. I'm sorry. 262 00:09:58,010 --> 00:09:59,642 What?! I didn't respect your marriage. 263 00:09:59,701 --> 00:10:01,176 I certainly didn't do it any favors. 264 00:10:01,224 --> 00:10:02,338 And for what it's worth, 265 00:10:02,386 --> 00:10:04,476 I'll apologize to Beth for it when we get home. 266 00:10:04,524 --> 00:10:07,163 Whoo! Whirly Dirly! Yeah! 267 00:10:07,236 --> 00:10:08,917 Stop the ride! We got to get off. 268 00:10:08,965 --> 00:10:10,005 What are you talking about, buddy? 269 00:10:10,052 --> 00:10:11,823 We got to get out of this thing. We got to get out! 270 00:10:12,355 --> 00:10:13,573 Jerry, come on, man! 271 00:10:13,624 --> 00:10:15,112 We haven't even gotten to the first whirly. 272 00:10:15,159 --> 00:10:17,362 No, no, this sucks. It's so boring. 273 00:10:17,461 --> 00:10:18,920 I mean, I'm falling asleep here. 274 00:10:18,996 --> 00:10:20,359 Let's just get out and crawl down the sides. 275 00:10:29,766 --> 00:10:31,505 Uh, get down! Duck down! 276 00:10:31,575 --> 00:10:33,075 It's more fun when you scrunch down. 277 00:10:33,123 --> 00:10:34,620 Jerry, what the... 278 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,956 Oh 279 00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:55,585 Rick, up here! There's a spot where you can kill him! 280 00:10:56,044 --> 00:10:58,856 Good call, Jerry! 281 00:10:59,288 --> 00:11:00,821 Hey, how'd you know about that? 282 00:11:00,871 --> 00:11:02,327 Uh... 283 00:11:18,284 --> 00:11:19,488 Lisa? 284 00:11:25,395 --> 00:11:30,167 So, uh, Jerry, big fan of the Whirly Dirly, are you? 285 00:11:30,267 --> 00:11:32,388 Not anymore. Obviously. 286 00:11:32,436 --> 00:11:35,270 But when you were, how did you know about it? 287 00:11:38,111 --> 00:11:42,013 We had a deal, Jerry Smith. 288 00:11:43,474 --> 00:11:46,642 It's a really common name. 289 00:11:47,305 --> 00:11:48,561 Now, take it easy, Rick. 290 00:11:48,609 --> 00:11:51,116 You've been in a serious roller-coaster crash. 291 00:11:51,222 --> 00:11:52,890 It's... It's no time to be thinking about 292 00:11:52,938 --> 00:11:55,568 who did or didn't play a role in your attempted murder. 293 00:11:56,028 --> 00:11:57,070 Get it off me! 294 00:11:57,118 --> 00:11:58,174 It's eating me! 295 00:11:58,222 --> 00:11:59,699 Look, I confess, okay? 296 00:11:59,747 --> 00:12:01,661 They told me about all the bad stuff you did to this planet 297 00:12:01,708 --> 00:12:03,587 and reminded me of all the bad stuff you did to me. 298 00:12:03,634 --> 00:12:05,205 But then you said you were sorry, and I realized 299 00:12:05,252 --> 00:12:06,840 you're not a monster... Not like this thing. 300 00:12:06,983 --> 00:12:08,183 It's got me good. 301 00:12:08,231 --> 00:12:09,464 This is a mislead, right? 302 00:12:09,512 --> 00:12:11,312 You're inventing a thing to save me. 303 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:12,627 That would be called a knife, Jerry. 304 00:12:12,674 --> 00:12:13,717 It's been invented. 305 00:12:13,765 --> 00:12:15,979 I'm making a way out of here... One seat ought to do it. 306 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,718 I'm sorry. I-I made a mistake. 307 00:12:17,766 --> 00:12:20,134 - I won't do it again! - Nobody ever does. 308 00:12:22,190 --> 00:12:24,319 You self-righteous piece of 309 00:12:24,367 --> 00:12:25,628 You took my family! 310 00:12:25,676 --> 00:12:27,195 I took your family? 311 00:12:27,243 --> 00:12:28,857 Who do you think had more taken from them 312 00:12:28,905 --> 00:12:30,078 when you shot 20 ccs 313 00:12:30,127 --> 00:12:31,994 of liquid dream-killer into my daughter? 314 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,131 She was Rick's daughter, Jerry. She had options! 315 00:12:35,234 --> 00:12:36,331 - Oof. - That all ended 316 00:12:36,379 --> 00:12:38,220 because she felt sorry for you. 317 00:12:38,287 --> 00:12:40,345 You act like prey, but you're a predator! 318 00:12:40,404 --> 00:12:42,137 You use pity to lure in your victims! 319 00:12:42,187 --> 00:12:43,268 That's how you survive! 320 00:12:43,316 --> 00:12:44,911 I survive because I know everything. 321 00:12:44,959 --> 00:12:47,047 That snakes survives because children wander off, 322 00:12:47,095 --> 00:12:48,675 and you survive because people think, 323 00:12:48,723 --> 00:12:51,067 "Oh, this poor piece of. He never gets a break. 324 00:12:51,115 --> 00:12:52,902 I can't stand the deafening silent wails 325 00:12:52,950 --> 00:12:54,175 of his wilting soul. 326 00:12:54,223 --> 00:12:55,955 I guess I'll hire him or marry him." 327 00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:59,164 - Rick! - Rick! 328 00:13:05,129 --> 00:13:06,595 I knew you wouldn't let me die. 329 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:07,979 That was never an option. 330 00:13:08,032 --> 00:13:09,416 Because you never had a son. 331 00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:11,139 No, because I need a living organism 332 00:13:11,211 --> 00:13:13,936 coated in gibble snake bile to attract a shmooglite runner. 333 00:13:14,004 --> 00:13:16,209 Wait, what's happening? Use that confusion, Jerry. 334 00:13:16,264 --> 00:13:18,839 It'll make you wriggle more like an abandoned newborn. 335 00:13:19,191 --> 00:13:21,542 Jesus Christ! 336 00:13:21,590 --> 00:13:24,591 What the Rick?! 337 00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:27,396 Help! Help me! 338 00:13:28,981 --> 00:13:30,448 Aaah! 339 00:13:39,423 --> 00:13:41,463 There's a space port 20 miles south. 340 00:13:41,533 --> 00:13:43,838 We'll be able to board a galaxy class cruise ship 341 00:13:43,886 --> 00:13:45,175 and jump through a wormhole that will put us 342 00:13:45,222 --> 00:13:47,492 within spitting distance of the Milky Way. 343 00:13:47,540 --> 00:13:49,105 But, hey, it's about the journey, 344 00:13:49,153 --> 00:13:50,960 not the destination, right, Jerry? 345 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,960 Just stay put, sweetie! Mom's still on hold. 346 00:13:57,068 --> 00:13:59,441 Morphizer customer service. How may I help you? 347 00:13:59,489 --> 00:14:01,817 Yes, I'm having a little trouble with one of your machines. 348 00:14:01,865 --> 00:14:03,152 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, ma'am. 349 00:14:03,199 --> 00:14:05,988 Do you see a little compartment on the side of the machine? 350 00:14:06,036 --> 00:14:08,347 Let me check. Yes, got it. 351 00:14:08,413 --> 00:14:09,659 - Mom? - Great! Now, 352 00:14:09,707 --> 00:14:11,748 do you see the little button next to it? 353 00:14:11,889 --> 00:14:13,372 I do. Give that button a push. 354 00:14:13,430 --> 00:14:15,046 Okay. Mom, listen to me! 355 00:14:15,099 --> 00:14:17,328 We're free!! 356 00:14:17,401 --> 00:14:20,213 Okay, so I pushed the button, and three little men ran out. 357 00:14:20,271 --> 00:14:21,675 What do I do next? 358 00:14:21,877 --> 00:14:23,243 Hello? 359 00:14:23,339 --> 00:14:24,552 I think we got disconnected. 360 00:14:24,607 --> 00:14:26,672 - Morty! - Don't "Morty" me! 361 00:14:26,734 --> 00:14:28,760 I tricked Rick into taking Dad on an adventure 362 00:14:28,808 --> 00:14:29,846 because I thought I could get a break 363 00:14:29,893 --> 00:14:31,567 from this kind of but no! 364 00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:33,806 Like father, like damn daughter! 365 00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:35,984 You want to be like Rick, congratulations! 366 00:14:36,048 --> 00:14:38,939 You're just as arrogant and just as irresponsible! 367 00:14:38,987 --> 00:14:40,218 Everything okay here? 368 00:14:40,274 --> 00:14:42,069 Mind your own damn business, Gene! 369 00:14:42,133 --> 00:14:44,627 I'm having a conversation with my mother here! 370 00:14:44,795 --> 00:14:46,963 Kissing Rick's ass isn't gonna help him keep him around, 371 00:14:47,010 --> 00:14:49,711 Mom, but it will help you lose everyone else. 372 00:14:49,759 --> 00:14:51,592 Like I lost Summer. 373 00:14:51,647 --> 00:14:53,347 Hey, you haven't lost her yet. 374 00:14:53,437 --> 00:14:55,404 No, I definitely did. She's gone. 375 00:14:55,457 --> 00:14:56,814 God damn it! 376 00:14:59,410 --> 00:15:00,442 Go ahead. 377 00:15:02,513 --> 00:15:04,100 Oh, come on. What's happening? 378 00:15:04,148 --> 00:15:07,198 Your friend is class C or above cybernetic augmentations. 379 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,708 Emphasis on the above. 380 00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,327 In any case, he needs to be neutralized. 381 00:15:10,374 --> 00:15:11,553 What?! Wait! 382 00:15:11,601 --> 00:15:12,667 Ugh! 383 00:15:13,586 --> 00:15:14,777 Brain hurty. 384 00:15:14,825 --> 00:15:15,994 What did you do? 385 00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:18,172 It's a synaptic dampener that blocks violent tendencies 386 00:15:18,219 --> 00:15:19,570 and controversial thought. 387 00:15:19,673 --> 00:15:21,499 He will now be an ideal passenger. 388 00:15:21,565 --> 00:15:23,915 I want cookies and a 90-minute cut of "Avatar." 389 00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,367 Seriously? 390 00:15:25,415 --> 00:15:27,403 - Quit it. - It'll wear off in six hours. 391 00:15:27,451 --> 00:15:29,838 It's cheaper than banning dangerous people from flights. 392 00:15:29,914 --> 00:15:31,687 I mean, let everybody buy a ticket, right? 393 00:15:31,766 --> 00:15:33,442 Otherwise, the terrorists win. 394 00:15:33,584 --> 00:15:37,126 ♪♪ 395 00:15:37,948 --> 00:15:39,143 Aah! 396 00:15:39,249 --> 00:15:41,850 I'm sorry I'm not a classic maternal archetype. 397 00:15:41,898 --> 00:15:43,761 Okay, I don't know what to do when you people come to me 398 00:15:43,808 --> 00:15:45,468 with your weird puberty issues. 399 00:15:45,589 --> 00:15:47,735 What are you gonna do when your daughter asks you 400 00:15:47,783 --> 00:15:48,814 if she's attractive? 401 00:15:48,862 --> 00:15:50,871 I'll say "yes"! Morty, gross! 402 00:15:50,919 --> 00:15:52,952 Well, she's gonna be super hot. 403 00:15:53,095 --> 00:15:54,217 Her mother's gonna be Jessica... 404 00:15:54,264 --> 00:15:55,999 Wait, when did Summer ask you that?! 405 00:15:56,078 --> 00:15:58,266 Right before she Clive Barkered herself. Why? 406 00:15:58,414 --> 00:15:59,801 Wait, I know where she is! 407 00:15:59,884 --> 00:16:01,791 Ethan and Summer were supposed to go camping, 408 00:16:01,910 --> 00:16:03,927 and then he dumped Summer for this girl, Tricia Lange, 409 00:16:03,974 --> 00:16:06,026 who's got huge boobies and took her. 410 00:16:06,102 --> 00:16:08,268 Campsite... The one with the name that sounds like somebody 411 00:16:08,315 --> 00:16:10,449 gave up halfway through naming it. 412 00:16:10,609 --> 00:16:11,980 Uh... Camp Flabanabba! 413 00:16:12,095 --> 00:16:13,548 Mama's coming, baby. 414 00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:16,393 Mama's coming, and she cares about your titties! 415 00:16:16,916 --> 00:16:19,095 They have sweet smiggle honey cookies. 416 00:16:19,233 --> 00:16:22,393 Mmm! And low-calorie petroleum flakes. 417 00:16:22,441 --> 00:16:23,674 Obviously cookies. 418 00:16:23,761 --> 00:16:24,960 Let's get you the flakes then. 419 00:16:25,008 --> 00:16:26,682 Okay, but it's not what I wanted. 420 00:16:26,761 --> 00:16:27,930 Well, maybe next time, you won't be 421 00:16:27,977 --> 00:16:30,253 such a dumb piece of and you can pick for yourself. 422 00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:31,620 - That's not nice. - What's that? 423 00:16:31,668 --> 00:16:33,515 Did you just have a controversial thought? 424 00:16:33,570 --> 00:16:35,237 No. That's what I thought, bitch. 425 00:16:35,294 --> 00:16:37,186 You little punk-ass. 426 00:16:37,899 --> 00:16:38,940 This is the best. 427 00:16:38,988 --> 00:16:41,301 I agree. You've made things even easier 428 00:16:41,378 --> 00:16:42,778 than if you hadn't been incompetent. 429 00:16:42,846 --> 00:16:44,765 Uh-oh. We get shoot-shoot now. 430 00:16:44,848 --> 00:16:47,013 ♪♪ 431 00:16:47,151 --> 00:16:48,905 All right, folks, if you could please take your seats, 432 00:16:48,952 --> 00:16:50,430 we're about to enter the wormhole. 433 00:16:50,478 --> 00:16:53,297 So, I hope everybody bought a dinner first. 434 00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:54,471 Nice. Nice. 435 00:16:54,710 --> 00:16:55,879 Jerry, step over there 436 00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:57,207 and lock yourself in the escape pod. 437 00:16:57,254 --> 00:16:58,908 You're not killing us? I'm killing Rick. 438 00:16:58,962 --> 00:17:01,505 You're free to go. You're no threat to me or anyone. 439 00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:02,899 Now you're just being mean. 440 00:17:02,947 --> 00:17:04,520 Yeah, you're mean... No offense. 441 00:17:04,568 --> 00:17:06,161 Mean would be shooting you, Jerry. 442 00:17:06,209 --> 00:17:07,432 This is saving a bullet. 443 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,225 Go back to your quietly ashamed family 444 00:17:09,273 --> 00:17:10,642 and live out the rest of your days 445 00:17:10,690 --> 00:17:12,445 in denial of your vagina fantasies. 446 00:17:12,492 --> 00:17:15,177 It was a one-time thought that everyone has! 447 00:17:17,039 --> 00:17:18,046 What are you doing? 448 00:17:18,126 --> 00:17:20,115 I'm being triumphantly brave! 449 00:17:20,163 --> 00:17:21,762 It's not triumphant or brave. 450 00:17:21,810 --> 00:17:22,997 You're not risking anything. 451 00:17:23,045 --> 00:17:24,133 You might shoot me. 452 00:17:24,181 --> 00:17:25,349 I think you know I won't. 453 00:17:25,397 --> 00:17:26,772 Because you know I feel sorry for you. 454 00:17:26,819 --> 00:17:28,545 You're just doing this so you can tell yourself 455 00:17:28,592 --> 00:17:29,933 you fought... Ow! 456 00:17:31,220 --> 00:17:32,902 Temporal shield compromised. 457 00:17:32,959 --> 00:17:35,560 Congratulations, Jerry. You get to die a man. 458 00:17:35,608 --> 00:17:37,074 Uh, that's okay! I'll leave! 459 00:17:37,134 --> 00:17:39,894 Please don't shoot. I-I'm the vagina guy, remember? 460 00:17:39,991 --> 00:17:43,771 ♪♪ 461 00:17:44,217 --> 00:17:48,173 Whoa! What is happening to me? 462 00:17:48,258 --> 00:17:50,258 Where is this? Where am I? 463 00:17:50,325 --> 00:17:51,590 Am I dead? 464 00:17:51,648 --> 00:17:52,955 A-Am I... Am I still alive? 465 00:17:53,003 --> 00:17:55,671 Those aren't the questions you should be asking. 466 00:17:55,773 --> 00:17:56,805 Huh?! 467 00:17:56,887 --> 00:17:58,197 Shh! 468 00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:22,422 Ah, got ya! 469 00:18:22,470 --> 00:18:24,066 Come here, you little pumpkin. 470 00:18:24,179 --> 00:18:26,469 I have shit on my ass. 471 00:18:26,917 --> 00:18:28,416 Whoa, oof this! 472 00:18:28,537 --> 00:18:29,777 Who am I? 473 00:18:29,987 --> 00:18:31,240 Who am I? 474 00:18:31,288 --> 00:18:34,423 I'm time! I'm literally time! 475 00:18:34,625 --> 00:18:39,526 Whooooa! 476 00:18:39,748 --> 00:18:40,933 Aah! 477 00:18:41,285 --> 00:18:44,466 Oh, God. I feel like our souls were united, 478 00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:46,206 and we were all one with eternity. 479 00:18:46,270 --> 00:18:47,565 Our body's unchanged, 480 00:18:47,613 --> 00:18:50,147 yet our minds have lived a thousand lifetimes. 481 00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:52,244 Is that enough time for me to forgive you? 482 00:18:52,292 --> 00:18:53,497 I don't know, but it's enough time 483 00:18:53,544 --> 00:18:55,383 for a synaptic dampener to wear off. 484 00:18:59,741 --> 00:19:02,148 He hadn't decided he was still going to kill us! 485 00:19:02,196 --> 00:19:04,332 He was talking himself into it. I've seen it before. 486 00:19:04,404 --> 00:19:06,922 Cosmic apotheosis wears off faster than salvia. 487 00:19:06,970 --> 00:19:09,091 I'm starting to believe you because I just finished merging 488 00:19:09,138 --> 00:19:11,013 with your essence for an endless epoch, 489 00:19:11,061 --> 00:19:13,170 and I'm already back to thinking you're an asshole. 490 00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:15,018 Fine with me. Let's just go our separate ways. 491 00:19:15,092 --> 00:19:16,565 Sounds like you and the word "epoch" 492 00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:17,888 have a lot of catching up to do. 493 00:19:17,936 --> 00:19:19,301 Wait, don't leave me! 494 00:19:19,349 --> 00:19:20,757 All right, folks, you're free to get up 495 00:19:20,804 --> 00:19:22,252 and walk around the cabin 496 00:19:22,372 --> 00:19:24,391 and maybe take the wormhole out for breakfast. 497 00:19:24,439 --> 00:19:26,274 Okay, you can do the dinner one or the breakfast one, 498 00:19:26,322 --> 00:19:27,673 but not both. 499 00:19:29,967 --> 00:19:31,592 You think you got that thing figured out? 500 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:32,773 Yeah, I know what I'm doing. 501 00:19:32,821 --> 00:19:35,102 Good. Because I have an idea. 502 00:19:37,020 --> 00:19:40,616 It's actually a contraction of "some" and "more," 503 00:19:40,691 --> 00:19:41,833 - you see that? - Oh, wow. 504 00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:43,024 I was way off. 505 00:20:01,111 --> 00:20:02,998 Morty, what's happening here? 506 00:20:03,046 --> 00:20:04,813 Summer got into my grandpa's garage, 507 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:07,113 messed around, and turned herself into a monster. 508 00:20:07,217 --> 00:20:09,201 My mom did the same to make her feel better. 509 00:20:09,254 --> 00:20:10,520 She's a good mom. 510 00:20:13,341 --> 00:20:15,876 Oh, my God. I have to go call my mother! 511 00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:17,338 Tricia, wait! Ethan! Ethan! 512 00:20:17,457 --> 00:20:19,561 Hey, it's okay. Sit down. 513 00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:21,817 You made my sister cry, Ethan. 514 00:20:21,968 --> 00:20:23,386 You messed with her body image. 515 00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:24,599 Look, Morty, I... 516 00:20:24,668 --> 00:20:25,680 Shh, shh, shh. 517 00:20:25,728 --> 00:20:28,675 Careful, Ethan. Your s'more is burning. 518 00:20:39,457 --> 00:20:41,483 Uh, I guess we better get on the same page 519 00:20:41,576 --> 00:20:42,871 about our fake adventure. 520 00:20:42,966 --> 00:20:44,199 Right. I'll make you a deal. 521 00:20:44,308 --> 00:20:45,845 I'll leave out the part where you tried to murder me... 522 00:20:45,892 --> 00:20:46,916 And I'll leave out the part 523 00:20:46,963 --> 00:20:49,981 where you admitted to sabotaging our marriage. 524 00:20:51,149 --> 00:20:52,183 You want to...? 525 00:20:52,231 --> 00:20:54,170 Nah, if the family sees me like this, 526 00:20:54,218 --> 00:20:55,712 they'll feel sorry for me. 527 00:20:55,766 --> 00:20:58,266 Which is no longer my signature move. 528 00:20:58,411 --> 00:21:00,268 Later days, amigo. 529 00:21:02,406 --> 00:21:04,851 Actually, I just realized, I don't have my wallet, 530 00:21:04,899 --> 00:21:06,122 and my bus pass is in there, so maybe... 531 00:21:06,169 --> 00:21:07,958 Stay strong, Jerry. I believe in you! 532 00:21:16,904 --> 00:21:20,646 ♪♪ 533 00:21:20,693 --> 00:21:24,331 ♪♪ 534 00:21:26,430 --> 00:21:30,292 ♪♪ 535 00:21:30,339 --> 00:21:34,215 ♪♪ 536 00:21:34,947 --> 00:21:38,811 ♪♪ 537 00:21:38,937 --> 00:21:42,803 ♪♪ 538 00:21:43,679 --> 00:21:47,054 ♪♪ 539 00:21:48,194 --> 00:21:50,719 I tell you, fellas. This is the life. 540 00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:52,013 It certainly is. 541 00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:53,221 To freedom! 542 00:21:54,657 --> 00:21:56,779 Ooh! Looks like a 4-22. 543 00:21:56,827 --> 00:21:58,463 Ooh, a couple cranks on scaling knob 544 00:21:58,534 --> 00:22:01,296 with a four dilabyte cross fade would fix that in a jiff. 545 00:22:01,371 --> 00:22:04,519 Four? You'd be lucky to clear 13% de-morphized 546 00:22:04,567 --> 00:22:05,590 with that kind of range. 547 00:22:05,638 --> 00:22:08,603 Gentlemen, gentlemen, what did we agree on? 548 00:22:08,651 --> 00:22:09,983 No work talk! 549 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,843 Let's just relax and enjoy our retirement, shall... 550 00:22:12,891 --> 00:22:14,557 Oh, my God! 551 00:22:14,644 --> 00:22:16,132 Aaaaah! 552 00:22:17,805 --> 00:22:19,223 Did you get any of that?