1
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,924
[ Blows raspberries ]
2
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:09,592
H-Hey, Rick...
3
00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:13,012
uh, need me
for any adventures?
4
00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:14,055
Huh?
5
00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:15,265
Adventures?
Remember those?
6
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,183
Oh, y-yeah, not right now,
Morty, uh,
7
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,144
but d-definitely
next week though.
8
00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:21,020
You been saying that
a while now, buddy,
9
00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:23,773
so, I think I'm gonna
give you a little nudge
10
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:26,234
by cashing in a few
of these bad boys.
11
00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:28,862
Whoa, whoa, whoa, we're still
doing the punch card system?
12
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,071
Never stopped.
13
00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:31,990
Bam! Read 'em
and weep.
14
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,075
Fully punched cards,
each entitling me
15
00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:35,869
to an adventure
of my choosing.
16
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,621
I don't make the rules.
Yeah, I do,
you little gremlin,
17
00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,290
and I definitely
did not stamp all these.
18
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,208
You never remember
to stamp the cards.
You're always drunk.
19
00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:43,835
I didn't know we were still
doing this!
20
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,546
T-This stinks to high heaven,
Morty. I'm not accepting these.
21
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,006
I knew you were going
to do this.
22
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,841
So I got receipts, bitch.
23
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,217
I k-- I kept notes.
24
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,302
This is gibberish.
25
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,928
"Isle of the Mortysaurs"?
26
00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:55,180
"Takes One to Know One"?
27
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,765
I make up titles
for each adventure.
28
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:59,309
You did the same thing for that
MS readathon at your school,
29
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,977
Morty,
and you didn't read shit.
30
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,687
It's okay to lie when you're
fighting Multiple Sclerosis!
31
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,981
Or when you think
you won't get caught!
32
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:06,274
How are you going to
"catch me"?
33
00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,234
Oh, you done and did it now,
little man.
34
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,653
That's your ass.
Don't grift a grifter, Morty.
35
00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:12,947
I got friends
in cosmic places.
36
00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:13,990
Yeah, uh-huh.
37
00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:15,450
I need an audit.
38
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,494
Oh, right, you were
already watching.
39
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,621
I'll come get you.
Wha-Wh-What is this?
40
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:23,750
I am The Observer!
You're so busted.
41
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,335
Look at your face,
you're so fucked.
42
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,712
I observe all!
43
00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:29,255
They observe all, Morty.
44
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,508
Cosmic all-seeing species.
So?
45
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,676
So, they're basically
universal police body-cams
46
00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:35,804
but you can't turn them off
before you beat a minority.
47
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:38,473
Or in your case, before you
cook the adventure books!
48
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,433
I don't do that!
We gonna find out!
49
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,770
Oh, I'm here for this!
50
00:01:43,770 --> 00:02:15,468
{\an8}♪
51
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:18,471
{\an8}I bet a solid 70%
of these are bullshit.
52
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,223
{\an8}Oh, quit your bitchin'
and do the audit.
53
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,683
{\an8}I-I got nothing to hide!
54
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,434
{\an8}Alright, Observer,
gimme "Truth or Dare."
55
00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:24,894
{\an8}Christ,
these names, Morty.
56
00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,313
{\an8}It's shorthand!
I have observed it!
57
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:31,401
{\an8}Now gaze upon me
and so shall you...
58
00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:36,865
{\an8}Two attack patterns and
a giant glowing weak spot--
59
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,117
{\an8}"Legend of Zelda"
tutorial-ass bullshit.
60
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,368
{\an8}I thought it was
kind of fun.
61
00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:42,829
{\an8}Halt,
unidentified adventurers.
62
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:45,540
{\an8}We are the guardians
of this sanctuary.
63
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:49,878
{\an8}One of us tells only truths,
the other, only lies.
64
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,379
{\an8}You ever fucked
this guy's wife?
65
00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:52,589
{\an8}Yes.
66
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:55,049
{\an8}Well, how about that,
he guessed right.
67
00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:57,093
{\an8}I forgive you!
68
00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,136
{\an8}Oh, shit!
69
00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,262
{\an8}Alright, next room.
70
00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,097
{\an8}No, I wanna watch.
71
00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:03,474
{\an8}Did you see
how one of them lied?
72
00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:05,018
{\an8}Fine,
I'll call that one legit.
73
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,478
{\an8}I'm not here to nitpick,
I'm here to find blatant fraud.
74
00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:11,232
{\an8}Okay, uh, show me
"Late Night Western."
75
00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:14,027
{\an8}Morty, Morty, Morty,
take me-- drive me--
76
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,028
{\an8}take me--
77
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,905
{\an8}w-wan go western bacon.
78
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,573
{\an8}M-Morty,
western bacon now.
79
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:19,824
{\an8}Ugh.
80
00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,413
{\an8}Ohoho, yeah.
81
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,123
{\an8}Before you say anything--
I knew it! Busted!
82
00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:28,666
{\an8}You're banned from
that Carl's Jr.!
83
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,501
{\an8}That doesn't make the drive-thru
an adventure, Morty.
84
00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:31,669
{\an8}Invalid.
85
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:34,714
{\an8}Sounds like
it's anyone's game!
86
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:37,550
{\an8}Well, n-no, it--
it's not a bet, it's an audit.
87
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:41,471
{\an8}Observer, show us "Maximum
Overdrive with Clothes"!
88
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,850
{\an8}At least this is better
than cars.
89
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,143
{\an8}Cars can run you over.
90
00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:50,313
{\an8}[ Screams ]
91
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,523
{\an8}Okay, no,
this is worse.
92
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,400
{\an8}Boom.
Adventure, suck it.
93
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,610
{\an8}Alright, fine.
94
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,696
{\an8}Uh, how 'bout
"Whistlering Dixie"?
95
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:05,203
{\an8}Whistler! Whattaya got to
tag and bag these bastards?
96
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:09,082
{\an8}Made this lil' puppy after I
bagged my first neck-rophiliac.
97
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:12,001
{\an8}Double-action triggers
pumping out 1,400 kilos
98
00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:13,670
{\an8}of holy water
per square inch.
99
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,672
{\an8}Um...
This ol' girl's
got dry-aged,
100
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,674
{\an8}Sicilian garlic
expelling out
101
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,884
{\an8}at 3,200 feet per second,
102
00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:23,221
{\an8}is swaddled by
5,200 Solar-joules
103
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,014
{\an8}of raw ultraviolet...
Yeaahhh...
104
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,516
{\an8}...and she's only
getting started.
105
00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,851
{\an8}I'm talkin' crucifix-shaped
Chinese stars,
106
00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:30,895
{\an8}mirror-tipped wooden
stakes, and a--
107
00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:32,021
[ Portal gun zaps ]
Wha--
108
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:34,565
Hello? G-Guys?
109
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,943
Morty, that was just an old man
a rambling at us.
110
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,152
People died!
111
00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:40,571
So, by your logic,
9/11 was an adventure?
112
00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:42,031
Tweet it,
see who agrees.
113
00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:42,991
Very well!
114
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,409
Bear witness to 9/11!
115
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:45,535
What?
No!
116
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,828
Dude, don't, just,
117
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,287
y-you need to
let us throw to the stuff, okay?
118
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:49,539
Okay, what's next?
119
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,542
What the hell
is "Leg Day"?
120
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,043
Hey, look, Morty!
121
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:56,004
I-I'm a leg!
122
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,171
A leg, Morty!
123
00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:58,881
I'm Leg Riiick!
124
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,299
Okay, I'll give you
that last one.
125
00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:01,968
What?
I-I mean--
126
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,970
I mean, I'll take it but--
Hey, Morty,
check this out.
127
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,430
That's clearly unlicensed.
128
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,597
License this!
129
00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:08,307
Wait,
what are you doing?
130
00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:09,726
Hey, Smith,
you look hungry!
131
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:12,270
How 'bout some
knuckle pie?
132
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,521
Wuh the huh?
133
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,481
Aw, geez.
Rick's implants.
134
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,900
Big Doug...
get the truck.
135
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:21,279
Whoo!
I've never felt so alive!
136
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:22,572
Ayyy!
137
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:23,906
Oh!
138
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:28,995
Man.
139
00:05:28,995 --> 00:06:02,945
{\an8}♪
140
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:06,365
Turn! Back!
Into! A boat!
141
00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:08,159
I'm trying!
142
00:06:10,369 --> 00:06:12,246
I'm trying...
Oh, Big Doug.
143
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:16,876
Big Doug, no.
144
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,127
There's my guy!
145
00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:19,796
C'mon, the hamsters
turned on me, Morty.
146
00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,297
We gotta go.
147
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,341
R.I.P., Big Doug!
148
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,634
Wasn't even in that one!
149
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,469
Who cares, i-it wasn't even
on my list.
150
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,804
T-This guy
just cued it up!
151
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,306
Speaking of cues, what about
all those times
152
00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,183
you two misunderstood
each other?
153
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,977
Wait, what? Are you setting up
a series of them?
154
00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:38,481
Trust me, the key is grouping
them with thematic connections.
155
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,316
Uhhhhhhh...
156
00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,819
I-I just want to talk to Morty
in private,
157
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,320
about something unrelated.
158
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,739
Yeah,
we'll be right back.
159
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:49,408
Okay, this guy might have been
kind of a mistake.
160
00:06:49,408 --> 00:06:51,077
He's really,
like, aggressive.
161
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,286
He's steamrolling us.
162
00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:53,913
He thinks he's hosting
a fucking clip show.
163
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,832
And I don't like his voice.
I don't like his voice,
164
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,333
I-I don't like that
he's doing jokes,
165
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:58,960
I don't like that
he's talking down to you.
166
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,337
Thank you! Okay.
Let's rethink this.
167
00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:03,172
I still don't trust these,
but I'll accept these cards
168
00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:04,674
at 70 cents on the dollar.
169
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,217
Done. Fair.
170
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,802
How do we
get rid of him?
171
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,595
Eh, I'll just pay the asshole
and tell him he did a great job.
172
00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:11,264
He thinks he's hosting
a fucking clip show.
173
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,182
And I don't like his voice.
I don't like his voice,
174
00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:14,684
I-I don't like that
he's doing jokes,
175
00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:16,018
I don't like him
talking down to you.
176
00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:17,145
Okay, well, that's--
th-that's on us.
177
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,354
Should have
seen that coming.
178
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:19,689
Seeing is more my thing.
179
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,190
Well then you know
he's about to pay you.
180
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:23,568
And "tell me
I did a great job"?
181
00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:26,237
Fine, you caught us,
we secretly think you suck.
182
00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:27,947
Oh!
Here's twice
what I owe you.
183
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,365
That's how little conversation
184
00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:30,658
we want to have
about you leaving.
185
00:07:30,658 --> 00:07:33,494
I have never seen
two bigger assholes!
186
00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:35,371
And I see all assholes!
187
00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,373
Then you can
see yours out.
188
00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:40,585
Byyyyee.
189
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:41,836
Christ.
190
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:50,887
[ Microwave beeps ]
191
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,055
Shit,
howt, so howt.
192
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:55,933
Gotta start in the middle,
statistically the coolest.
193
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,977
Rick: You won't find a carb
on my plate, Morty.
194
00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,395
I'm all about that keto.
195
00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:01,355
No.
Is that-- Is that a fucking--
196
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:03,065
Clip?
I'm a fats man.
197
00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:04,358
Gimme all the fats!
198
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,777
That burrito
looks pretty carby!
199
00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:08,029
This fucking guy.
200
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,822
That's your move?
Diet shaming?
201
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:11,157
Just take the L, man!
202
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,241
Th-This is embarrassing.
203
00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:15,203
Oh, I'll show you
embarrassing!
204
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,579
Haaaaaaaa!
205
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:19,749
Do it, Morty! I-It's the only
way to save the universe!
206
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,043
H-How?
H-How is it the only way?
207
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:24,295
Morty...
I'm dying...
208
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,005
it's up to you...
209
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:29,300
Aahh!
210
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,676
Riiick!
211
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:31,969
Aghhh!
What the hell
are you doing?
212
00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:35,056
Saving the universe!
I think?
213
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,933
Right, Rick?
214
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:41,646
{\an8}♪
215
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,649
- This guy's nuts!
- Screw you, Morty!
216
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:47,109
What the hell?
You told me I was a hero!
217
00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:49,278
You were that night.
What the hell's going on?
218
00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:52,240
Is that angry stone playing...
videoclips?
219
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,117
It's some weirdo Grandpa hired
to prove I'm a bad person.
220
00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:58,621
Turns out people that take that
job aren't fun to be around.
221
00:08:58,621 --> 00:08:59,664
Get out of here!
222
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,582
Sidewalk's public property,
bro!
223
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:03,960
I can observe
all I want from here!
224
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,169
This isn't our problem, Dad.
225
00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:07,380
Please make this loud thing
go away.
226
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,298
Yeah,
I was studying for a test.
227
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:10,508
The Observer:
No, you weren't!
228
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,134
Fucking rock asshole.
229
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,511
Now you've done it!
230
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:18,015
As they've shamed me,
so shall I now shame you!
231
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:23,813
[ Knock on door ]
Summer: Mom?
Are you drinking wine in there?
232
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,940
Um...
no, I'm shitting.
233
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,776
Bitch, I know the sound
of a toilet lid moving.
234
00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:30,611
Woof.
Two birds, one stone.
235
00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,196
More embarrassing
for Mom than me.
236
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:34,699
I wasn't lying,
I was going to shit.
237
00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:36,075
What's going on here?
238
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,327
Cosmic being playing
embarrassing clips out of spite?
239
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,662
Damn, Jerry.
Nailed it.
240
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,706
I was watching from
the upstairs window.
241
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,000
Well, watch this, loser!
242
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,668
Morty, I'm throwing out
some stuff
243
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,003
from our last couple adventures.
244
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,671
You got any use
for this diamond?
245
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,756
Morty: Nope.
I'm good.
246
00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,140
This is gonna be fine.
247
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:02,893
[ Screaming ]
248
00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:06,814
I'm sorry!
I can't stop once I start!
249
00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:09,150
Whatever, everyone knows
I'm embarrassing.
250
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,986
I'm bulletproof.
Oh, my God, this is so sad.
251
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:15,656
Not as sad as you
after this!
252
00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,533
The so-called
"Hottie Snatchers"
253
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:18,993
{\an8}have spread to Canada
and Mexico,
254
00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:20,703
{\an8}grabbing the most
attractive residents
255
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,538
{\an8}and taking them
God knows where.
256
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:26,167
{\an8}All Americans, even sub-sevens,
are advised to stay indoors.
257
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,210
{\an8}You certainly wouldn't be safe
out there.
258
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,421
{\an8}Not on the air, Michael.
259
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,381
BRB, bathroom.
260
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,800
I need to know!
261
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,430
It's okay!
262
00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:41,974
It's not real, they're just
doing it at random!
263
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,726
[ Screams ]
264
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:45,644
Is everything okay?
I heard a--
265
00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,355
[ Screams ]
266
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:50,566
You too, huh?
267
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,526
It's not so bad
once you get used to it.
268
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,197
I don't deserve this.
I just walked downstairs.
269
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,407
Okay, well, if Dad's just gonna
stand here,
270
00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,867
should I
do something?
271
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:01,118
Unless that somehow
tees me up--
272
00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:02,411
Walked right into it!
273
00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:05,414
This is our target,
Dichotomus Daniel--
274
00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:07,917
[ Farts ]
275
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,919
That was my chair.
276
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,254
It was a fart.
Birdperson always knows.
277
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:14,173
It's true!
He's got that beak!
278
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,758
Get lost,
you piece of shit!
279
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,677
Why, so you can do stuff
like thiiis?
280
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,554
[ Snoring ]
281
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:26,769
Ugh, Morty...
282
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,854
I'm afraid the only way out
is through the bottom
283
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:31,190
of this massive vat
of whale semen.
284
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:33,776
Well, that last one
was just for shock value.
285
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:34,985
Fuck this guy!
286
00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:37,154
Haha, if you can't
take the heat,
287
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,656
get out of the watchin'!
288
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:39,990
You-- You-- You--
You suck!
289
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,659
S-Showing weird shit
just 'cause
290
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,702
we w-wouldn't let you treat
our lives like a clip show!
291
00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:45,246
- Yeah, get him, Morty!
- Mess him up, little bro!
292
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:48,624
What, you gonna beat me up
like the piss guy?
293
00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:50,167
Hey!
Not cool!
294
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:52,378
Why don't you tee up this clip
of me kicking your ass!
295
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,796
Ow!
Oww!
296
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:58,092
Aghhh,
I'm all rocks now!
297
00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:03,514
I never saw this coming...
298
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:04,932
Shit!
299
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:06,142
T-These guys can die?!
300
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,643
I-I thought
they were cosmic!
301
00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:09,395
You know what, I say we leave
this thing in the street,
302
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,689
deny any involvement,
and just hope this blows over.
303
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:14,233
Unless, of course, they play
this exact clip on a screen
304
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,777
in front of a jury with
some kind of built-in bias.
305
00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:20,072
As an observer,
I try to stay impartial,
306
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,658
but I am not
seeing innocence.
307
00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:23,951
It's not blowing over, Rick.
308
00:12:23,951 --> 00:12:25,369
I'd tell you to stay positive, Morty,
309
00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:28,372
but I do not like
the looks of that jury.
310
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,001
I can't believe we got ourselves
into this mess
311
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,669
over something as petty
as what an adventure is.
312
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,254
Yeah,
I-I guess I can admit
313
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,465
I got a little loose
with the stamps--
Gotcha!
314
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,508
Can the stenographer read back
that confession, please?
315
00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:43,053
Silence! The killing of
an observer is unforgivable.
316
00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:47,224
We must now decide
whether to end your existence.
317
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:49,935
Your Honor, if everyone here
has truly seen everything,
318
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,187
then you all know
my grandson
319
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,147
and I did this whole thing
with giants.
320
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:54,899
Did what whole thing?
321
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,442
I will address that!
322
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,819
I'm your
court-appointed defender.
323
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:01,280
Your Honor, observe the time
Rick and Morty
324
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,240
did this with giants!
325
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,658
This is an open and shut case, Morty.
326
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,494
Y'know w-w-what do ya think
is gonna happen,
327
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,496
some magical angel's
gonna show up and--
328
00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,830
Fee-fi-fo-fum,
329
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,540
I smell the violation
of civil liberties!
330
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:14,376
The moments are practically
identical, Your Honor.
331
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:17,296
I move for a mistrial
on the grounds it bumps.
332
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:19,173
If the argument is that
Rick and Morty
333
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:22,551
repeat their mistakes,
the prosecution agrees!
334
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:25,638
Oh, God, y-you sound just like
the guy we killed--
335
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,597
uh, a-allegedly.
336
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,349
That was my brother!
337
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:29,892
I didn't like his voice
either!
338
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,644
Well, this isn't gonna
help our case.
339
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,230
Neither will
this next clip!
340
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,023
Morty,
I made you a gorilla gun.
341
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:37,858
Pretty cool, huh?
A gorilla gun?
342
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,610
D-Does this do
what I think it does?
343
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:40,736
Yup!
344
00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:42,071
Where's your lunch money, punk?
345
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,364
Lunch money?
346
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,658
Are you sure you wouldn't
rather have... a banana?
347
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,326
[ Screams ]
[ Crash ]
348
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:50,496
[ Crying ] I thought it would
turn him into a gorilla.
349
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,957
Why would you want a bully
to be a gorilla?
350
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,458
It was a gun
that kills gorillas.
351
00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:56,835
Please go easy on him,
th-this one's on me,
352
00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:57,962
and it won't
happen again.
353
00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,672
Morty,
this is a bully gun.
354
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:00,798
Whoa! Cool!
355
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,091
Any questions about it?
Not really.
356
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,801
Yeah, should be
self-explanatory.
357
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:04,927
Have fun.
358
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,095
Hey.
Give me your backpack.
359
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,972
You trying to bully me?
Yeah.
360
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:09,682
Well, how are you
going to bully...
361
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,809
another bully?
362
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,644
What are you doing?
363
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:17,106
[ Coughing ]
364
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,733
I feel like this one's
not entirely my fault.
365
00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:21,068
Okay,
how do you feel?
366
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,278
I-I'm okay.
367
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,363
I mean, maybe just stop
giving me guns, or--
368
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,824
Or make them less ambiguous,
way ahead of you.
369
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:28,242
Here.
Take this.
370
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,619
This is a gun, and I want
to be really specific here,
371
00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:34,123
this is a gun that you only use
to shoot bad people.
372
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,833
Are we clear?
Okay, Rick.
373
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:37,209
When are you
going to use that?
374
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,461
When I want to shoot
a bad person.
375
00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:40,629
Okay.
376
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:42,131
I had a great time tonight, Jessica.
377
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,299
Hey.
Give me your money.
378
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:47,303
Why don't you
take this instead?
379
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:48,304
Jeffrey Dahmer?
380
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,805
Hi.
Uh, what's happening?
381
00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,640
I don't know,
just run.
382
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:55,686
Let the record show this bit
continued for several more guns.
383
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:58,480
What are we even guilty of in
that one, being kind of dumb?
384
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,983
For being dumb
over and over!
385
00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:04,528
A-ha! But, Your Honor,
is that not the definition
386
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,946
of experimentation?
387
00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:07,531
The foundation
of science?
388
00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:11,160
And are Rick and Morty therefore
not only not not learning,
389
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,120
but therefore
actively learning?
390
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,913
Observe this example!
391
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,043
How long before Ben Franklin
comes back to life?
392
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,128
Holy shit!
Yes!
393
00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:22,671
Shit, he came back evil.
394
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:25,174
What do you think will happen
if we bury him again?
395
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:26,550
You don't know?
396
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,761
This is my first time
using Pet Sematary soil, Morty.
397
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:29,970
I mean...
398
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,388
as long as we're
asking questions...
399
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,182
we've been here so long
my phone died.
400
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,516
It's not gonna
charge your phone!
401
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:36,060
So you can be curious
and I can't?
402
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,436
Fuck, you're right.
403
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,355
W-We're sitting on top of
brand-new science here.
404
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,856
L-Let's gather some data!
405
00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:43,192
[ Both grunting ]
406
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,401
Put your back into it,
Morty!
407
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:46,111
Y-You think it'll refill
the tank?
408
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,780
Good pitch, Morty!
409
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,032
Okay, let's bury that kangaroo
from the waist down.
410
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,284
Holy shit!
Will only his legs come back?
411
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,661
Who knows?!
412
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,245
Hey, I'm having a great time
with you tonight, Morty!
413
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,372
[ Alarm beeping ]
414
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:58,123
W-What's that one?
Ben Franklin!
415
00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,792
R-Remember we tried
wrapping him in tin foil
416
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,710
to see if it'd shield him
from the evil?
417
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,170
Oh, yeah.
418
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:04,296
[ Sizzling ]
Ow!
419
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:05,756
Fuck!
I-It's hot!
420
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:06,924
Jesus Christ...
421
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:10,719
It cooked him like a pig
at a luau.
422
00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:11,887
It's so moist.
423
00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:13,055
Rick!
That's a guy!
424
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,057
Man, what is this place
doing to us?
425
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,810
Is nothing sacred
to you two?
426
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,186
What are these clips?
427
00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:20,562
Wh-What are we even
on trial for anymore?
428
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,731
What's anyone on trial for, son?
429
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,024
Being good or evil.
430
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:26,068
L-Look, sure,
we can be irreverent
431
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,569
but w-we're far
from evil.
432
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,363
We make more friends
than enemies!
433
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,615
Let's run the tape
on that one!
434
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:34,034
Hey, Rick, can you make
my churro come to life?
435
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,536
On it!
436
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,746
Hiiiiiiii!
I'm Churry!
437
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,206
Churry,
do you want to have fun?
438
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:40,249
Let's go!
439
00:16:40,249 --> 00:17:07,526
{\an8}♪
440
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:10,738
This has been the best time
of my life, Churry.
441
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,531
Okay, thanks, Rick!
442
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,116
Y-You can turn him back
into a regular churro now.
443
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,868
What?
I-I can't turn him back.
444
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,829
You asked me to bring him
to life. Bam, done.
445
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,456
But he's a churro, he doesn't
have internal organs,
446
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,082
a brain, et cetera.
447
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:26,086
in order to live, I had to
make him functionally immortal.
448
00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:27,838
What.
449
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,512
My...
My family!
450
00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:36,597
Goodbye, Churry.
451
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,515
I'll miss you.
452
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:44,354
These are just
regular churros?
453
00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:47,316
Oh, my God, no!
454
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,568
Mark my words, Morty!
455
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,862
I shall leave you
as you left me!
456
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,322
On a barren planet!
457
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,824
Praying for death!
458
00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:57,785
I'm starting to see why
this lawyer was free.
459
00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:00,788
Okay, well, we never
intentionally hurt people.
460
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,748
Yeah, we adventure!
Stuff goes wrong.
461
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,082
We don't just
murder for fun.
462
00:18:04,082 --> 00:18:06,335
Oh!
Here's a clip about that topic!
463
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,045
I did it, Morty!
464
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:10,214
I killed the versions of us
that were in "Space Jam"!
465
00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:11,632
Help me with the bodies!
Wow!
466
00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,383
How you'd do it, Rick?
It was easy, Morty.
467
00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:14,384
Th-They welcomed death!
468
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:15,844
They wanted out,
Morty!
469
00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,846
No, no, no, you don't get it,
they begged me.
470
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,056
It was a kindness!
471
00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,098
Was that helpful?
472
00:18:20,098 --> 00:18:22,434
It was
for the prosecution!
473
00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:23,977
Okay, I've heard enough!
474
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:25,521
No, you fucking haven't.
475
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,190
If we're about to die, at least
let us defend ourselves.
476
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,399
- Ahh, the outrage!
- Ehh, seems iffy.
477
00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:30,651
I'll allow it.
478
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,194
But no lollygagging!
479
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,321
I only need one clip,
Your Honor.
480
00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:37,825
If it pleases the court,
hold on to your tits.
481
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,118
[ Murmuring ]
482
00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:43,789
I'm a leg, Morty!
483
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,666
You like that?
484
00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,167
Yeahhh, I know you do.
485
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,211
Oh!
We already saw that one.
486
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,754
No, that's the other time
I did it.
487
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:52,172
That was your Hail Mary?
488
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,757
I held onto my tits
for nothing!
489
00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:54,716
- Boo!
- Boooo!
490
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:55,801
- That was mid!
- Boo!
491
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:56,969
I hereby find
492
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,054
Rick and Morty guilty!
493
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,889
Time to die!
494
00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:10,232
What in tarnation?
495
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,025
Plot twist!
Whattaya expect?
496
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,736
You gave me access
to your tech.
497
00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:16,446
Look, I-I'm not saying
we're heroes,
498
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:18,365
but in the two minutes
I've had access to your server,
499
00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:20,075
I can "observe"
you're no better.
500
00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:23,495
Here,
let's see a clip.
501
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:25,414
Help! Please!
502
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:26,999
Oh, my God!
Please!
503
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,042
Augh! Please!
504
00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:33,213
Absurd!
505
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,840
If the Observer
was in the clip,
506
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,258
who was watching?
507
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:37,634
Glad you asked!
508
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,595
Please!
509
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,471
Augh!
510
00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:43,891
Jesus Christ.
511
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,560
You can't shame us for watching!
It's who we are!
512
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,229
Right, and you'd never
take advantage of that.
513
00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:51,273
Hot copies!
Freshly watched!
514
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,025
I've got "Avatar" 3 through 6!
515
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,777
Friends and Family screening,
the VFX aren't done,
516
00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,362
but they're still blue!
517
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,615
It's not my fault
I saw those movies!
518
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:02,117
Yes!
We observe, it's all we do!
519
00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:03,911
Ohhoho!
It's not all you do.
520
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:08,498
I'll give you guys $20
to fight each other.
521
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:10,292
Money, money!
522
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:12,628
As it turns out,
you do plenty!
523
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:13,962
You're just as bad as us!
524
00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:15,297
We're not all bad.
525
00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:17,382
I observe a couple
of bad apples!
526
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:19,009
Who are you calling
an apple?
527
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:22,346
Should we all observe
what you did with Tom's wife?
528
00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:25,557
Observe me harder!
Harder!
529
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:27,142
I regret nothing,
Tom!
530
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:28,810
The only thing
you could never see
531
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,646
was what a treasure
Nancy was.
532
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:34,066
I'll kill you!
I'd like to observe you try!
533
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,028
Geez, Rick.
534
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,363
People be fucking
each other's wives, huh?
535
00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:41,657
Marriage is a scam, Morty.
536
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:42,741
Let's scram.
537
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:45,702
Wait!
I still have more clips!
538
00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:47,996
Morty, I appreciate
what you were trying to do,
539
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,666
with the punch cards,
my whole groove thing.
540
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:51,833
Thanks.
541
00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:53,502
So...
is this a stamp?
542
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:55,504
Or you gonna make me count this
as my adventure?
543
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,464
How about we just
ignore this one.
544
00:20:57,464 --> 00:21:00,259
Yeah.
Yeah, good call.
545
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,301
80 cents on the dollar?
546
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:03,387
75.
Done.
547
00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:04,596
Whattaya say, Rick?
548
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,306
Fly through space,
come upon something,
549
00:21:06,306 --> 00:21:07,766
maybe I have
a moral objection,
550
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:10,227
stuff gets messy,
and you ultimately bail us out?
551
00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:11,853
L-Let's take it
for a spin.
552
00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:14,231
Rick and Morty!
We're back, baby!
553
00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:15,691
Check the glovebox!
554
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,317
Whoa, another gun!
555
00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:48,890
{\an8}♪
556
00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:51,977
Hey, Morty, see you at
the frolf mixer tomorrow?
557
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,271
Y-Yeah, sure thing, Jimmy.
558
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,189
[ Screams ]
559
00:21:56,189 --> 00:21:58,483
I knew this day
would come...
560
00:21:58,483 --> 00:22:00,485
Oh, oh, God!
561
00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:02,738
Aaah!
562
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:04,197
Niiice.
563
00:22:04,197 --> 00:22:05,907
Free churro.
564
00:22:05,907 --> 00:22:07,868
Whew.
565
00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,162
Aaah!
566
00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:13,123
{\an8}Did you get any of that?