1 00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,924 [ Blows raspberries ] 2 00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:09,592 H-Hey, Rick... 3 00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:13,012 uh, need me for any adventures? 4 00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:14,055 Huh? 5 00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:15,265 Adventures? Remember those? 6 00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,183 Oh, y-yeah, not right now, Morty, uh, 7 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,144 but d-definitely next week though. 8 00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:21,020 You been saying that a while now, buddy, 9 00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:23,773 so, I think I'm gonna give you a little nudge 10 00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:26,234 by cashing in a few of these bad boys. 11 00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:28,862 Whoa, whoa, whoa, we're still doing the punch card system? 12 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,071 Never stopped. 13 00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:31,990 Bam! Read 'em and weep. 14 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,075 Fully punched cards, each entitling me 15 00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:35,869 to an adventure of my choosing. 16 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,621 I don't make the rules. Yeah, I do, you little gremlin, 17 00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,290 and I definitely did not stamp all these. 18 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,208 You never remember to stamp the cards. You're always drunk. 19 00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:43,835 I didn't know we were still doing this! 20 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,546 T-This stinks to high heaven, Morty. I'm not accepting these. 21 00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,006 I knew you were going to do this. 22 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,841 So I got receipts, bitch. 23 00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,217 I k-- I kept notes. 24 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,302 This is gibberish. 25 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,928 "Isle of the Mortysaurs"? 26 00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:55,180 "Takes One to Know One"? 27 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,765 I make up titles for each adventure. 28 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:59,309 You did the same thing for that MS readathon at your school, 29 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,977 Morty, and you didn't read shit. 30 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,687 It's okay to lie when you're fighting Multiple Sclerosis! 31 00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,981 Or when you think you won't get caught! 32 00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:06,274 How are you going to "catch me"? 33 00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,234 Oh, you done and did it now, little man. 34 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,653 That's your ass. Don't grift a grifter, Morty. 35 00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:12,947 I got friends in cosmic places. 36 00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:13,990 Yeah, uh-huh. 37 00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:15,450 I need an audit. 38 00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,494 Oh, right, you were already watching. 39 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,621 I'll come get you. Wha-Wh-What is this? 40 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:23,750 I am The Observer! You're so busted. 41 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,335 Look at your face, you're so fucked. 42 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,712 I observe all! 43 00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:29,255 They observe all, Morty. 44 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,508 Cosmic all-seeing species. So? 45 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,676 So, they're basically universal police body-cams 46 00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:35,804 but you can't turn them off before you beat a minority. 47 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:38,473 Or in your case, before you cook the adventure books! 48 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,433 I don't do that! We gonna find out! 49 00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,770 Oh, I'm here for this! 50 00:01:43,770 --> 00:02:15,468 {\an8}♪ 51 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:18,471 {\an8}I bet a solid 70% of these are bullshit. 52 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,223 {\an8}Oh, quit your bitchin' and do the audit. 53 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,683 {\an8}I-I got nothing to hide! 54 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,434 {\an8}Alright, Observer, gimme "Truth or Dare." 55 00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:24,894 {\an8}Christ, these names, Morty. 56 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,313 {\an8}It's shorthand! I have observed it! 57 00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:31,401 {\an8}Now gaze upon me and so shall you... 58 00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:36,865 {\an8}Two attack patterns and a giant glowing weak spot-- 59 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,117 {\an8}"Legend of Zelda" tutorial-ass bullshit. 60 00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,368 {\an8}I thought it was kind of fun. 61 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:42,829 {\an8}Halt, unidentified adventurers. 62 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:45,540 {\an8}We are the guardians of this sanctuary. 63 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:49,878 {\an8}One of us tells only truths, the other, only lies. 64 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,379 {\an8}You ever fucked this guy's wife? 65 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:52,589 {\an8}Yes. 66 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:55,049 {\an8}Well, how about that, he guessed right. 67 00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:57,093 {\an8}I forgive you! 68 00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,136 {\an8}Oh, shit! 69 00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,262 {\an8}Alright, next room. 70 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,097 {\an8}No, I wanna watch. 71 00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:03,474 {\an8}Did you see how one of them lied? 72 00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:05,018 {\an8}Fine, I'll call that one legit. 73 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,478 {\an8}I'm not here to nitpick, I'm here to find blatant fraud. 74 00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:11,232 {\an8}Okay, uh, show me "Late Night Western." 75 00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:14,027 {\an8}Morty, Morty, Morty, take me-- drive me-- 76 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,028 {\an8}take me-- 77 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,905 {\an8}w-wan go western bacon. 78 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,573 {\an8}M-Morty, western bacon now. 79 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:19,824 {\an8}Ugh. 80 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,413 {\an8}Ohoho, yeah. 81 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,123 {\an8}Before you say anything-- I knew it! Busted! 82 00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:28,666 {\an8}You're banned from that Carl's Jr.! 83 00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,501 {\an8}That doesn't make the drive-thru an adventure, Morty. 84 00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:31,669 {\an8}Invalid. 85 00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:34,714 {\an8}Sounds like it's anyone's game! 86 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:37,550 {\an8}Well, n-no, it-- it's not a bet, it's an audit. 87 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:41,471 {\an8}Observer, show us "Maximum Overdrive with Clothes"! 88 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,850 {\an8}At least this is better than cars. 89 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,143 {\an8}Cars can run you over. 90 00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:50,313 {\an8}[ Screams ] 91 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,523 {\an8}Okay, no, this is worse. 92 00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,400 {\an8}Boom. Adventure, suck it. 93 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,610 {\an8}Alright, fine. 94 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,696 {\an8}Uh, how 'bout "Whistlering Dixie"? 95 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:05,203 {\an8}Whistler! Whattaya got to tag and bag these bastards? 96 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:09,082 {\an8}Made this lil' puppy after I bagged my first neck-rophiliac. 97 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:12,001 {\an8}Double-action triggers pumping out 1,400 kilos 98 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:13,670 {\an8}of holy water per square inch. 99 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,672 {\an8}Um... This ol' girl's got dry-aged, 100 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,674 {\an8}Sicilian garlic expelling out 101 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,884 {\an8}at 3,200 feet per second, 102 00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:23,221 {\an8}is swaddled by 5,200 Solar-joules 103 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,014 {\an8}of raw ultraviolet... Yeaahhh... 104 00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,516 {\an8}...and she's only getting started. 105 00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,851 {\an8}I'm talkin' crucifix-shaped Chinese stars, 106 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:30,895 {\an8}mirror-tipped wooden stakes, and a-- 107 00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:32,021 [ Portal gun zaps ] Wha-- 108 00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:34,565 Hello? G-Guys? 109 00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,943 Morty, that was just an old man a rambling at us. 110 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,152 People died! 111 00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:40,571 So, by your logic, 9/11 was an adventure? 112 00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:42,031 Tweet it, see who agrees. 113 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:42,991 Very well! 114 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,409 Bear witness to 9/11! 115 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:45,535 What? No! 116 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,828 Dude, don't, just, 117 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,287 y-you need to let us throw to the stuff, okay? 118 00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:49,539 Okay, what's next? 119 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,542 What the hell is "Leg Day"? 120 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,043 Hey, look, Morty! 121 00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:56,004 I-I'm a leg! 122 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,171 A leg, Morty! 123 00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:58,881 I'm Leg Riiick! 124 00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,299 Okay, I'll give you that last one. 125 00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:01,968 What? I-I mean-- 126 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,970 I mean, I'll take it but-- Hey, Morty, check this out. 127 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,430 That's clearly unlicensed. 128 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,597 License this! 129 00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:08,307 Wait, what are you doing? 130 00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:09,726 Hey, Smith, you look hungry! 131 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:12,270 How 'bout some knuckle pie? 132 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,521 Wuh the huh? 133 00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,481 Aw, geez. Rick's implants. 134 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,900 Big Doug... get the truck. 135 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:21,279 Whoo! I've never felt so alive! 136 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:22,572 Ayyy! 137 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:23,906 Oh! 138 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:28,995 Man. 139 00:05:28,995 --> 00:06:02,945 {\an8}♪ 140 00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:06,365 Turn! Back! Into! A boat! 141 00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:08,159 I'm trying! 142 00:06:10,369 --> 00:06:12,246 I'm trying... Oh, Big Doug. 143 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:16,876 Big Doug, no. 144 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,127 There's my guy! 145 00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:19,796 C'mon, the hamsters turned on me, Morty. 146 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,297 We gotta go. 147 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,341 R.I.P., Big Doug! 148 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,634 Wasn't even in that one! 149 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,469 Who cares, i-it wasn't even on my list. 150 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,804 T-This guy just cued it up! 151 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,306 Speaking of cues, what about all those times 152 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,183 you two misunderstood each other? 153 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,977 Wait, what? Are you setting up a series of them? 154 00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:38,481 Trust me, the key is grouping them with thematic connections. 155 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,316 Uhhhhhhh... 156 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,819 I-I just want to talk to Morty in private, 157 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,320 about something unrelated. 158 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,739 Yeah, we'll be right back. 159 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:49,408 Okay, this guy might have been kind of a mistake. 160 00:06:49,408 --> 00:06:51,077 He's really, like, aggressive. 161 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,286 He's steamrolling us. 162 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:53,913 He thinks he's hosting a fucking clip show. 163 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,832 And I don't like his voice. I don't like his voice, 164 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,333 I-I don't like that he's doing jokes, 165 00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:58,960 I don't like that he's talking down to you. 166 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,337 Thank you! Okay. Let's rethink this. 167 00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:03,172 I still don't trust these, but I'll accept these cards 168 00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:04,674 at 70 cents on the dollar. 169 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,217 Done. Fair. 170 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,802 How do we get rid of him? 171 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,595 Eh, I'll just pay the asshole and tell him he did a great job. 172 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:11,264 He thinks he's hosting a fucking clip show. 173 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,182 And I don't like his voice. I don't like his voice, 174 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:14,684 I-I don't like that he's doing jokes, 175 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:16,018 I don't like him talking down to you. 176 00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:17,145 Okay, well, that's-- th-that's on us. 177 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,354 Should have seen that coming. 178 00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:19,689 Seeing is more my thing. 179 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,190 Well then you know he's about to pay you. 180 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:23,568 And "tell me I did a great job"? 181 00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:26,237 Fine, you caught us, we secretly think you suck. 182 00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:27,947 Oh! Here's twice what I owe you. 183 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,365 That's how little conversation 184 00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:30,658 we want to have about you leaving. 185 00:07:30,658 --> 00:07:33,494 I have never seen two bigger assholes! 186 00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:35,371 And I see all assholes! 187 00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,373 Then you can see yours out. 188 00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:40,585 Byyyyee. 189 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:41,836 Christ. 190 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:50,887 [ Microwave beeps ] 191 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,055 Shit, howt, so howt. 192 00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:55,933 Gotta start in the middle, statistically the coolest. 193 00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,977 Rick: You won't find a carb on my plate, Morty. 194 00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,395 I'm all about that keto. 195 00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:01,355 No. Is that-- Is that a fucking-- 196 00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:03,065 Clip? I'm a fats man. 197 00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:04,358 Gimme all the fats! 198 00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,777 That burrito looks pretty carby! 199 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:08,029 This fucking guy. 200 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,822 That's your move? Diet shaming? 201 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:11,157 Just take the L, man! 202 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,241 Th-This is embarrassing. 203 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:15,203 Oh, I'll show you embarrassing! 204 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,579 Haaaaaaaa! 205 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:19,749 Do it, Morty! I-It's the only way to save the universe! 206 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,043 H-How? H-How is it the only way? 207 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:24,295 Morty... I'm dying... 208 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,005 it's up to you... 209 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:29,300 Aahh! 210 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,676 Riiick! 211 00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:31,969 Aghhh! What the hell are you doing? 212 00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:35,056 Saving the universe! I think? 213 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,933 Right, Rick? 214 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:41,646 {\an8}♪ 215 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,649 - This guy's nuts! - Screw you, Morty! 216 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:47,109 What the hell? You told me I was a hero! 217 00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:49,278 You were that night. What the hell's going on? 218 00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:52,240 Is that angry stone playing... videoclips? 219 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,117 It's some weirdo Grandpa hired to prove I'm a bad person. 220 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:58,621 Turns out people that take that job aren't fun to be around. 221 00:08:58,621 --> 00:08:59,664 Get out of here! 222 00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,582 Sidewalk's public property, bro! 223 00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:03,960 I can observe all I want from here! 224 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,169 This isn't our problem, Dad. 225 00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:07,380 Please make this loud thing go away. 226 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,298 Yeah, I was studying for a test. 227 00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:10,508 The Observer: No, you weren't! 228 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,134 Fucking rock asshole. 229 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,511 Now you've done it! 230 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:18,015 As they've shamed me, so shall I now shame you! 231 00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:23,813 [ Knock on door ] Summer: Mom? Are you drinking wine in there? 232 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,940 Um... no, I'm shitting. 233 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,776 Bitch, I know the sound of a toilet lid moving. 234 00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:30,611 Woof. Two birds, one stone. 235 00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,196 More embarrassing for Mom than me. 236 00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:34,699 I wasn't lying, I was going to shit. 237 00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:36,075 What's going on here? 238 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,327 Cosmic being playing embarrassing clips out of spite? 239 00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,662 Damn, Jerry. Nailed it. 240 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,706 I was watching from the upstairs window. 241 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,000 Well, watch this, loser! 242 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,668 Morty, I'm throwing out some stuff 243 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,003 from our last couple adventures. 244 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,671 You got any use for this diamond? 245 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,756 Morty: Nope. I'm good. 246 00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,140 This is gonna be fine. 247 00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:02,893 [ Screaming ] 248 00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:06,814 I'm sorry! I can't stop once I start! 249 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:09,150 Whatever, everyone knows I'm embarrassing. 250 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,986 I'm bulletproof. Oh, my God, this is so sad. 251 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:15,656 Not as sad as you after this! 252 00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,533 The so-called "Hottie Snatchers" 253 00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:18,993 {\an8}have spread to Canada and Mexico, 254 00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:20,703 {\an8}grabbing the most attractive residents 255 00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,538 {\an8}and taking them God knows where. 256 00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:26,167 {\an8}All Americans, even sub-sevens, are advised to stay indoors. 257 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,210 {\an8}You certainly wouldn't be safe out there. 258 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,421 {\an8}Not on the air, Michael. 259 00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,381 BRB, bathroom. 260 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,800 I need to know! 261 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,430 It's okay! 262 00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:41,974 It's not real, they're just doing it at random! 263 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,726 [ Screams ] 264 00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:45,644 Is everything okay? I heard a-- 265 00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,355 [ Screams ] 266 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:50,566 You too, huh? 267 00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,526 It's not so bad once you get used to it. 268 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,197 I don't deserve this. I just walked downstairs. 269 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,407 Okay, well, if Dad's just gonna stand here, 270 00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,867 should I do something? 271 00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:01,118 Unless that somehow tees me up-- 272 00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:02,411 Walked right into it! 273 00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:05,414 This is our target, Dichotomus Daniel-- 274 00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:07,917 [ Farts ] 275 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,919 That was my chair. 276 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,254 It was a fart. Birdperson always knows. 277 00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:14,173 It's true! He's got that beak! 278 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,758 Get lost, you piece of shit! 279 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,677 Why, so you can do stuff like thiiis? 280 00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,554 [ Snoring ] 281 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:26,769 Ugh, Morty... 282 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,854 I'm afraid the only way out is through the bottom 283 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:31,190 of this massive vat of whale semen. 284 00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:33,776 Well, that last one was just for shock value. 285 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:34,985 Fuck this guy! 286 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:37,154 Haha, if you can't take the heat, 287 00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,656 get out of the watchin'! 288 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:39,990 You-- You-- You-- You suck! 289 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,659 S-Showing weird shit just 'cause 290 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,702 we w-wouldn't let you treat our lives like a clip show! 291 00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:45,246 - Yeah, get him, Morty! - Mess him up, little bro! 292 00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:48,624 What, you gonna beat me up like the piss guy? 293 00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:50,167 Hey! Not cool! 294 00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:52,378 Why don't you tee up this clip of me kicking your ass! 295 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,796 Ow! Oww! 296 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:58,092 Aghhh, I'm all rocks now! 297 00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:03,514 I never saw this coming... 298 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:04,932 Shit! 299 00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:06,142 T-These guys can die?! 300 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,643 I-I thought they were cosmic! 301 00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:09,395 You know what, I say we leave this thing in the street, 302 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,689 deny any involvement, and just hope this blows over. 303 00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:14,233 Unless, of course, they play this exact clip on a screen 304 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,777 in front of a jury with some kind of built-in bias. 305 00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:20,072 As an observer, I try to stay impartial, 306 00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,658 but I am not seeing innocence. 307 00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:23,951 It's not blowing over, Rick. 308 00:12:23,951 --> 00:12:25,369 I'd tell you to stay positive, Morty, 309 00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:28,372 but I do not like the looks of that jury. 310 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,001 I can't believe we got ourselves into this mess 311 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,669 over something as petty as what an adventure is. 312 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,254 Yeah, I-I guess I can admit 313 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,465 I got a little loose with the stamps-- Gotcha! 314 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,508 Can the stenographer read back that confession, please? 315 00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:43,053 Silence! The killing of an observer is unforgivable. 316 00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:47,224 We must now decide whether to end your existence. 317 00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:49,935 Your Honor, if everyone here has truly seen everything, 318 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,187 then you all know my grandson 319 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,147 and I did this whole thing with giants. 320 00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:54,899 Did what whole thing? 321 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,442 I will address that! 322 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,819 I'm your court-appointed defender. 323 00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:01,280 Your Honor, observe the time Rick and Morty 324 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,240 did this with giants! 325 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,658 This is an open and shut case, Morty. 326 00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,494 Y'know w-w-what do ya think is gonna happen, 327 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,496 some magical angel's gonna show up and-- 328 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,830 Fee-fi-fo-fum, 329 00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,540 I smell the violation of civil liberties! 330 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:14,376 The moments are practically identical, Your Honor. 331 00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:17,296 I move for a mistrial on the grounds it bumps. 332 00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:19,173 If the argument is that Rick and Morty 333 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:22,551 repeat their mistakes, the prosecution agrees! 334 00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:25,638 Oh, God, y-you sound just like the guy we killed-- 335 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,597 uh, a-allegedly. 336 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,349 That was my brother! 337 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:29,892 I didn't like his voice either! 338 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,644 Well, this isn't gonna help our case. 339 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,230 Neither will this next clip! 340 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,023 Morty, I made you a gorilla gun. 341 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:37,858 Pretty cool, huh? A gorilla gun? 342 00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,610 D-Does this do what I think it does? 343 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:40,736 Yup! 344 00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:42,071 Where's your lunch money, punk? 345 00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,364 Lunch money? 346 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,658 Are you sure you wouldn't rather have... a banana? 347 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,326 [ Screams ] [ Crash ] 348 00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:50,496 [ Crying ] I thought it would turn him into a gorilla. 349 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,957 Why would you want a bully to be a gorilla? 350 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,458 It was a gun that kills gorillas. 351 00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:56,835 Please go easy on him, th-this one's on me, 352 00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:57,962 and it won't happen again. 353 00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,672 Morty, this is a bully gun. 354 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:00,798 Whoa! Cool! 355 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,091 Any questions about it? Not really. 356 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,801 Yeah, should be self-explanatory. 357 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:04,927 Have fun. 358 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,095 Hey. Give me your backpack. 359 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,972 You trying to bully me? Yeah. 360 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:09,682 Well, how are you going to bully... 361 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,809 another bully? 362 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,644 What are you doing? 363 00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:17,106 [ Coughing ] 364 00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,733 I feel like this one's not entirely my fault. 365 00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:21,068 Okay, how do you feel? 366 00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,278 I-I'm okay. 367 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,363 I mean, maybe just stop giving me guns, or-- 368 00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,824 Or make them less ambiguous, way ahead of you. 369 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:28,242 Here. Take this. 370 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,619 This is a gun, and I want to be really specific here, 371 00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:34,123 this is a gun that you only use to shoot bad people. 372 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,833 Are we clear? Okay, Rick. 373 00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:37,209 When are you going to use that? 374 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,461 When I want to shoot a bad person. 375 00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:40,629 Okay. 376 00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:42,131 I had a great time tonight, Jessica. 377 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,299 Hey. Give me your money. 378 00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:47,303 Why don't you take this instead? 379 00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:48,304 Jeffrey Dahmer? 380 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,805 Hi. Uh, what's happening? 381 00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,640 I don't know, just run. 382 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:55,686 Let the record show this bit continued for several more guns. 383 00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:58,480 What are we even guilty of in that one, being kind of dumb? 384 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,983 For being dumb over and over! 385 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:04,528 A-ha! But, Your Honor, is that not the definition 386 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,946 of experimentation? 387 00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:07,531 The foundation of science? 388 00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:11,160 And are Rick and Morty therefore not only not not learning, 389 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,120 but therefore actively learning? 390 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,913 Observe this example! 391 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,043 How long before Ben Franklin comes back to life? 392 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,128 Holy shit! Yes! 393 00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:22,671 Shit, he came back evil. 394 00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:25,174 What do you think will happen if we bury him again? 395 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:26,550 You don't know? 396 00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,761 This is my first time using Pet Sematary soil, Morty. 397 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:29,970 I mean... 398 00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,388 as long as we're asking questions... 399 00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,182 we've been here so long my phone died. 400 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,516 It's not gonna charge your phone! 401 00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:36,060 So you can be curious and I can't? 402 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,436 Fuck, you're right. 403 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,355 W-We're sitting on top of brand-new science here. 404 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,856 L-Let's gather some data! 405 00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:43,192 [ Both grunting ] 406 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,401 Put your back into it, Morty! 407 00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:46,111 Y-You think it'll refill the tank? 408 00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,780 Good pitch, Morty! 409 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,032 Okay, let's bury that kangaroo from the waist down. 410 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,284 Holy shit! Will only his legs come back? 411 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,661 Who knows?! 412 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,245 Hey, I'm having a great time with you tonight, Morty! 413 00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,372 [ Alarm beeping ] 414 00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:58,123 W-What's that one? Ben Franklin! 415 00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,792 R-Remember we tried wrapping him in tin foil 416 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,710 to see if it'd shield him from the evil? 417 00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,170 Oh, yeah. 418 00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:04,296 [ Sizzling ] Ow! 419 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:05,756 Fuck! I-It's hot! 420 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:06,924 Jesus Christ... 421 00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:10,719 It cooked him like a pig at a luau. 422 00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:11,887 It's so moist. 423 00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:13,055 Rick! That's a guy! 424 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,057 Man, what is this place doing to us? 425 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,810 Is nothing sacred to you two? 426 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,186 What are these clips? 427 00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:20,562 Wh-What are we even on trial for anymore? 428 00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,731 What's anyone on trial for, son? 429 00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,024 Being good or evil. 430 00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:26,068 L-Look, sure, we can be irreverent 431 00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,569 but w-we're far from evil. 432 00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,363 We make more friends than enemies! 433 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,615 Let's run the tape on that one! 434 00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:34,034 Hey, Rick, can you make my churro come to life? 435 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,536 On it! 436 00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,746 Hiiiiiiii! I'm Churry! 437 00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,206 Churry, do you want to have fun? 438 00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:40,249 Let's go! 439 00:16:40,249 --> 00:17:07,526 {\an8}♪ 440 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:10,738 This has been the best time of my life, Churry. 441 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,531 Okay, thanks, Rick! 442 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,116 Y-You can turn him back into a regular churro now. 443 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,868 What? I-I can't turn him back. 444 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,829 You asked me to bring him to life. Bam, done. 445 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,456 But he's a churro, he doesn't have internal organs, 446 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,082 a brain, et cetera. 447 00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:26,086 in order to live, I had to make him functionally immortal. 448 00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:27,838 What. 449 00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,512 My... My family! 450 00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:36,597 Goodbye, Churry. 451 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,515 I'll miss you. 452 00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:44,354 These are just regular churros? 453 00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:47,316 Oh, my God, no! 454 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,568 Mark my words, Morty! 455 00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,862 I shall leave you as you left me! 456 00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,322 On a barren planet! 457 00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,824 Praying for death! 458 00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:57,785 I'm starting to see why this lawyer was free. 459 00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:00,788 Okay, well, we never intentionally hurt people. 460 00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,748 Yeah, we adventure! Stuff goes wrong. 461 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,082 We don't just murder for fun. 462 00:18:04,082 --> 00:18:06,335 Oh! Here's a clip about that topic! 463 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,045 I did it, Morty! 464 00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:10,214 I killed the versions of us that were in "Space Jam"! 465 00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:11,632 Help me with the bodies! Wow! 466 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,383 How you'd do it, Rick? It was easy, Morty. 467 00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:14,384 Th-They welcomed death! 468 00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:15,844 They wanted out, Morty! 469 00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,846 No, no, no, you don't get it, they begged me. 470 00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,056 It was a kindness! 471 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,098 Was that helpful? 472 00:18:20,098 --> 00:18:22,434 It was for the prosecution! 473 00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:23,977 Okay, I've heard enough! 474 00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:25,521 No, you fucking haven't. 475 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,190 If we're about to die, at least let us defend ourselves. 476 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,399 - Ahh, the outrage! - Ehh, seems iffy. 477 00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:30,651 I'll allow it. 478 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,194 But no lollygagging! 479 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,321 I only need one clip, Your Honor. 480 00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:37,825 If it pleases the court, hold on to your tits. 481 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,118 [ Murmuring ] 482 00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:43,789 I'm a leg, Morty! 483 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,666 You like that? 484 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,167 Yeahhh, I know you do. 485 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,211 Oh! We already saw that one. 486 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,754 No, that's the other time I did it. 487 00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:52,172 That was your Hail Mary? 488 00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,757 I held onto my tits for nothing! 489 00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:54,716 - Boo! - Boooo! 490 00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:55,801 - That was mid! - Boo! 491 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:56,969 I hereby find 492 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,054 Rick and Morty guilty! 493 00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,889 Time to die! 494 00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:10,232 What in tarnation? 495 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,025 Plot twist! Whattaya expect? 496 00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,736 You gave me access to your tech. 497 00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:16,446 Look, I-I'm not saying we're heroes, 498 00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:18,365 but in the two minutes I've had access to your server, 499 00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:20,075 I can "observe" you're no better. 500 00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:23,495 Here, let's see a clip. 501 00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:25,414 Help! Please! 502 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:26,999 Oh, my God! Please! 503 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,042 Augh! Please! 504 00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:33,213 Absurd! 505 00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,840 If the Observer was in the clip, 506 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,258 who was watching? 507 00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:37,634 Glad you asked! 508 00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,595 Please! 509 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,471 Augh! 510 00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:43,891 Jesus Christ. 511 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,560 You can't shame us for watching! It's who we are! 512 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,229 Right, and you'd never take advantage of that. 513 00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:51,273 Hot copies! Freshly watched! 514 00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,025 I've got "Avatar" 3 through 6! 515 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,777 Friends and Family screening, the VFX aren't done, 516 00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,362 but they're still blue! 517 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,615 It's not my fault I saw those movies! 518 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:02,117 Yes! We observe, it's all we do! 519 00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:03,911 Ohhoho! It's not all you do. 520 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:08,498 I'll give you guys $20 to fight each other. 521 00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:10,292 Money, money! 522 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:12,628 As it turns out, you do plenty! 523 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:13,962 You're just as bad as us! 524 00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:15,297 We're not all bad. 525 00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:17,382 I observe a couple of bad apples! 526 00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:19,009 Who are you calling an apple? 527 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:22,346 Should we all observe what you did with Tom's wife? 528 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:25,557 Observe me harder! Harder! 529 00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:27,142 I regret nothing, Tom! 530 00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:28,810 The only thing you could never see 531 00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,646 was what a treasure Nancy was. 532 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:34,066 I'll kill you! I'd like to observe you try! 533 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,028 Geez, Rick. 534 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,363 People be fucking each other's wives, huh? 535 00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:41,657 Marriage is a scam, Morty. 536 00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:42,741 Let's scram. 537 00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:45,702 Wait! I still have more clips! 538 00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:47,996 Morty, I appreciate what you were trying to do, 539 00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,666 with the punch cards, my whole groove thing. 540 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:51,833 Thanks. 541 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:53,502 So... is this a stamp? 542 00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:55,504 Or you gonna make me count this as my adventure? 543 00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,464 How about we just ignore this one. 544 00:20:57,464 --> 00:21:00,259 Yeah. Yeah, good call. 545 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,301 80 cents on the dollar? 546 00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:03,387 75. Done. 547 00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:04,596 Whattaya say, Rick? 548 00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,306 Fly through space, come upon something, 549 00:21:06,306 --> 00:21:07,766 maybe I have a moral objection, 550 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:10,227 stuff gets messy, and you ultimately bail us out? 551 00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:11,853 L-Let's take it for a spin. 552 00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:14,231 Rick and Morty! We're back, baby! 553 00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:15,691 Check the glovebox! 554 00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,317 Whoa, another gun! 555 00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:48,890 {\an8}♪ 556 00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:51,977 Hey, Morty, see you at the frolf mixer tomorrow? 557 00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,271 Y-Yeah, sure thing, Jimmy. 558 00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,189 [ Screams ] 559 00:21:56,189 --> 00:21:58,483 I knew this day would come... 560 00:21:58,483 --> 00:22:00,485 Oh, oh, God! 561 00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:02,738 Aaah! 562 00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:04,197 Niiice. 563 00:22:04,197 --> 00:22:05,907 Free churro. 564 00:22:05,907 --> 00:22:07,868 Whew. 565 00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,162 Aaah! 566 00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:13,123 {\an8}Did you get any of that?