1 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,093 Hey, Rick! 2 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,471 Need me for any adventures? 3 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,015 Adventures? Remember those? 4 00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:19,728 Not right now, Morty! But definitely next week though. 5 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:23,022 You been saying that a while now buddy, so I think I’m gonna give 6 00:00:23,022 --> 00:00:26,651 you a little nudge by cashing in a few of these bad boys. 7 00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:29,154 We’re still doing the punch card system? 8 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:32,157 Never stopped. Read ’em and weep. 9 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:36,119 Fully punched cards, each entitling me to an adventure of my choosing. 10 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:38,663 - I don’t make the rules. - I do, you little gremlin. 11 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:40,582 And I definitely did not stamp all these. 12 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,667 You never remember to stamp the cards, you’re always drunk. 13 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:44,419 I didn’t know we were still doing this! 14 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:47,088 This stinks to high heaven Morty, I’m not accepting these. 15 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:50,049 I knew you were going to do this. So I got receipts, bitch. 16 00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:51,217 I kept notes. 17 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:52,635 This is gibberish. 18 00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,638 "Isle of the Mortysaurs"? "Takes One to Know One"? 19 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,140 I make up titles for each adventure. 20 00:00:57,140 --> 00:01:00,143 You did the same thing for that MS readathon at your school, Morty 21 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:00,977 and you didn’t read shit. 22 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:03,188 It’s okay to lie when you’re fighting Multiple Sclerosis! 23 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,231 Or when you think you won’t get caught! 24 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,524 How are you going to catch me? 25 00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:09,819 You done and did it now, little man. That’s your ass. 26 00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:12,822 Don’t grift a grifter, Morty. I got friends in cosmic places. 27 00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:14,991 I need an audit. 28 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,952 Right! You were already watching. 29 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:19,913 - I’ll come get you. - What is this? 30 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,500 I am The Observer! 31 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,668 You’re so busted. Look at your face, you’re so fucked. 32 00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:27,879 I Observe All! 33 00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,547 They observe all, Morty. 34 00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:31,883 - Cosmic allseeing species. - So? 35 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,385 So, they’re basically universal police body-cams but 36 00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:36,429 you can’t turn them off before you beat a minority. 37 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,848 Or in your case, before you cook the adventure books! 38 00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,767 - I don’t do that! - We gonna find out! 39 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,478 I’m here for this! 40 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,847 I bet a solid seventy percent of these are bullshit. 41 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,641 Quit your bitching and do the audit, I got nothing to hide! 42 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,643 {\an8}Alright, Observer! Gimme "Truth or Dare". 43 00:02:24,143 --> 00:02:26,062 {\an8}- Christ! These names, Morty. - It’s shorthand! 44 00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:31,526 {\an8}I have observed it! Now gaze upon me and so shall you... 45 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,073 {\an8}Two attack patterns and a giant glowing weak spot 46 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,493 {\an8}- Legend of Zelda tutorial-ass bullshit. - I thought it was kind of fun. 47 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,371 {\an8}Halt! Unidentified adventurers. 48 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:45,832 {\an8}We are the guardians of this sanctuary. 49 00:02:46,165 --> 00:02:50,044 {\an8}One of us tells only truths, the other, only lies. 50 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:52,088 {\an8}- You ever fucked this guy’s wife? - Yes. 51 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,258 {\an8}Well, how about that, he guessed right. 52 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,093 {\an8}I forgive you! 53 00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,470 {\an8}- Oh shit! - Alright, next room. 54 00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:00,555 {\an8}No, I wanna watch. 55 00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:03,933 {\an8}Did you see how one of them lied? 56 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,269 {\an8}Fine! I’ll call that one legit, I’m not here to nitpick, 57 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:07,937 {\an8}I’m here to find blatant fraud. 58 00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:10,106 {\an8}Okay! Show me "Late Night Western". 59 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:17,113 {\an8}Morty! Take me drive me, wan go western bacon. 60 00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:18,698 {\an8}Morty western bacon now. 61 00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,457 {\an8}- Before you say anything... - I knew it! Busted! 62 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,125 {\an8}You’re banned from that Carls Jr! 63 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,502 {\an8}That doesn’t make the drive-thru an adventure, Morty. Invalid. 64 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,589 {\an8}Sounds like it’s anyone’s game! 65 00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:38,051 {\an8}Well, no! It’s not a bet, it’s an audit. 66 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,511 {\an8}Observer, show us "Maximum Overdrivewith Clothes" 67 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:47,185 {\an8}At least this is better than cars, cars can run you over. 68 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,273 {\an8}Okay, no, this is worse. 69 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,568 {\an8}- Adventure, suck it. - Alright, fine. 70 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,820 {\an8}How about "Whistlering Dixie". 71 00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:05,578 {\an8}Whistler! Whattaya got to tag and bag these bastards? 72 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:09,666 {\an8}Made this little puppy after I bagged my first neck-rophiliac. 73 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:12,418 {\an8}Double action triggers pumping out 14 hundred kilos 74 00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:14,128 {\an8}of holy water per square inch. 75 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:18,216 {\an8}This old girl’s got dry-aged, Sicilian garlic expelling out at 76 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:23,471 {\an8}32 hundred feet per second, is swaddled by 5200 Solar-joules 77 00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:26,975 {\an8}of raw ultraviolet. And she’s only getting started, 78 00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,310 {\an8}I’m talking crucifix-shaped Chinese stars, 79 00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:31,270 {\an8}mirror-tipped wooden stakes, and a... 80 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:33,398 What? Hello? Guys? 81 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,527 Morty, that was just an old man rambling at us. 82 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,444 People died! 83 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,947 So, by your logic, 9/11 was an adventure? 84 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,198 Tweet it, see who agrees. 85 00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:45,243 - Very well! Bear witness to 9/11! - What? 86 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:48,621 Dude, don’t, just you need to let us throw to the stuff, okay? 87 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,040 What’s next? What the hell is "Leg Day"? 88 00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:55,044 Hey look, Morty! I’m a leg! 89 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,715 A leg, Morty! I’m Leg Rick! 90 00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:00,800 Okay! I’ll give you that last one. 91 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,012 - What? I mean I’ll take it but... - Hey Morty! Check this out. 92 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,722 That’s clearly unlicensed. 93 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,724 - License this! - Wait, what are you doing? 94 00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:11,436 Hey Smith, you look hungry! How about some knuckle pie? 95 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,815 Jeez. Rick’s implants. 96 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:18,067 Big Doug... get the truck. 97 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,820 I’ve never felt so alive! 98 00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,578 Man. 99 00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:07,784 - Turn back into a boat! - I’m trying! 100 00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:12,538 - I’m trying! - Big Doug! 101 00:06:14,373 --> 00:06:16,042 Big Doug, no. 102 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:20,088 There’s my guy! Come on! The hamsters turned on me, Morty. 103 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,089 We gotta go. 104 00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:24,717 - R.I.P, Big Doug! - Wasn’t even in that one! 105 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:27,970 Who cares, it wasn’t even on my list. This guy just cued it up! 106 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:30,640 Speaking of cues, what about all those times 107 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,226 - you two misunderstood each other? - Wait, what? 108 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,727 Are you setting up a series of them? 109 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:38,940 Trust me! The key is grouping them with thematic connections. 110 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:44,487 I just want to talk to Morty in private, about something unrelated. 111 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,405 We’ll be right back. 112 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,992 Okay, this guy might have been kind of a mistake. 113 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,369 He’s really, like, aggressive. 114 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:54,497 He’s steamrolling us. He thinks he’s hosting a fucking clip show. 115 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,332 - And I don’t like his voice. - I don’t like his voice. 116 00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,625 I don’t like that he’s doing jokes, 117 00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:59,127 I don’t like that he’s talking down to you. 118 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,879 Thank you. Okay. Let’s rethink this. 119 00:07:01,879 --> 00:07:03,673 I still don’t trust these, but I’ll accept these cards 120 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,842 - at 70 cents on the dollar. - Done. Fair. 121 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:07,593 How do we get rid of him? 122 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,887 I’ll just pay the asshole and tell him he did a great job. 123 00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:11,889 He thinks he’s hosting a fucking clip show. 124 00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:13,683 - And I don’t like his voice. - I don’t like his voice. 125 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,976 I don’t like that he’s doing jokes 126 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,060 - Okay, well, that’s... - I don’t like that... 127 00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:18,354 that’s on us. Should have seen that coming. 128 00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:19,939 Seeing is more my thing. 129 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,399 Well, then you know he’s about to pay you. 130 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,026 And "tell me I did a great job"? 131 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,487 Fine! You caught us. We secretly think you suck. 132 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,615 Here’s twice what I owe you, that’s how little conversation 133 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,075 we want to have about you leaving. 134 00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:33,744 I have never seen two bigger assholes! 135 00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:37,206 - And I see all assholes! - Then you can see yours out. 136 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:38,541 Bye. 137 00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:41,836 Christ. 138 00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,472 Shit! Hot, so hot. 139 00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:55,725 Gotta start in the middle, statistically the coolest. 140 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,394 You won’t find a carb on my plate, Morty. 141 00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:00,229 - I’m all about that keto. - No! 142 00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:01,898 - Is that a fucking... - Clip? 143 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,692 I’m a fats man. Gimme all the fats! 144 00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:07,195 That burrito looks pretty carby! 145 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,322 - This fucking guy. - That’s your move? 146 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,491 Diet shaming? Just take the L, man! This is embarrassing. 147 00:08:12,491 --> 00:08:15,203 I’ll show you embarrassing! 148 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,916 Do it, Morty! It’s the only way to save the universe! 149 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,251 How? How is it the only way? 150 00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:26,005 Morty, I’m dying! It’s up to you. 151 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,428 - Rick! - What the hell are you doing? 152 00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:35,932 Saving the universe! I think! Right, Rick? 153 00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:45,358 - This guy's nuts! - Screw you, Morty. 154 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,693 What the hell? You told me I was a hero! 155 00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,946 - You were that night. - What the hell’s going on? 156 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:52,865 Is that angry stone playing... video-clips? 157 00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:55,785 It’s some weirdo Grandpa hired to prove I’m a bad person. 158 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,621 Turns out people that take that job aren’t fun to be around. 159 00:08:58,996 --> 00:08:59,956 Get out of here! 160 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:04,293 Sidewalk’s public property, bro! I can observe all I want from here! 161 00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:07,630 This isn’t our problem, Dad. Please make this loud thing go away. 162 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,507 I was studying for a test. 163 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:10,591 No, you weren’t! 164 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,385 Fucking rock asshole. 165 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,511 Now you’ve done it! 166 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:17,640 As they’ve shamed me, so shall I now shame you! 167 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,813 Mom? Are you drinking wine in there? 168 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,482 No! I’m shitting. 169 00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:28,901 Bitch, I know the sound of a toilet lid moving. 170 00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:30,903 Two birds, one stone. 171 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,738 More embarrassing for Mom than me. 172 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,992 - I wasn’t lying, I was going to shit. - What’s going on here? 173 00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,703 Cosmic being playing embarrassing clips out of spite? 174 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:39,954 Damn, Jerry. Nailed it. 175 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:41,998 I was watching from the upstairs window. 176 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:43,916 Well, watch this, loser! 177 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:47,461 Morty, I’m throwing out some stuff from our last couple adventures, 178 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:50,006 - you got any use for this diamond? - Nope. I’m good. 179 00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,181 This is gonna be fine. 180 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,688 I’m sorry! I can’t stop once I start! 181 00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:09,525 Whatever! Everyone knows I’m embarrassing, 182 00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:12,403 - I’m bulletproof. - Oh my God, this is so sad. 183 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:15,531 Not as sad as you after this! 184 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:19,452 {\an8}The so called "Hottie Snatchers" have spread to Canada and Mexico, 185 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,621 {\an8}grabbing the most attractive residents and taking them god knows where. 186 00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:26,542 {\an8}All Americans, even sub-sevens, are advised to stay indoors. 187 00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:28,377 {\an8}You certainly wouldn’t be safe out there. 188 00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:29,879 {\an8}Not on the air, Michael. 189 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:31,672 BRB, bathroom. 190 00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:33,966 I need to know! 191 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:42,183 It’s okay, It’s not real! They’re just doing it at random! 192 00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,728 Is everything okay? I heard a... 193 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,568 You too? It’s not so bad once you get used to it. 194 00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,697 I don’t deserve this, I just walked downstairs. 195 00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:58,574 Okay, well if Dad’s just gonna stand here, 196 00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:01,285 should I do something? Unless that somehow tees me up. 197 00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:02,286 Walked right into it! 198 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,706 This is our target, Dichotomus Daniel. 199 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:09,377 That was my chair. 200 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,546 - It was a fart. - Birdperson always knows. 201 00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:14,673 It’s true! He’s got that beak! 202 00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:15,966 Get lost, you piece of shit! 203 00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:18,260 Why? So you can do stuff like this? 204 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,269 Morty! 205 00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:30,272 I’m afraid the only way out is through the bottom of this massive 206 00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:31,315 vat of whale semen. 207 00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:33,943 Well, that last one was just for shock value. 208 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:34,985 Fuck this guy! 209 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:38,989 If you can’t take the heat, get out of the watching'! 210 00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,366 You suck! 211 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:43,327 Showing weird shit just cuz we wouldn’t let you treat our lives 212 00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:44,120 like a clip show! 213 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,663 - Get him Morty! - Mess him up, little bro! 214 00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:48,791 What? You gonna beat me up like the piss guy? 215 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,126 Hey! Not cool! 216 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,378 Why don’t you tee up this clip of me kicking your ass! 217 00:11:55,631 --> 00:12:02,096 I’m all rocks now! I never saw this coming... 218 00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,517 Shit! These guys can die? 219 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,644 - I thought they were cosmic. - You know what? 220 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,855 I say we leave this thing in the street, deny any involvement 221 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,106 and just hope this blows over. 222 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,150 Unless, of course, they play this exact clip 223 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,986 on a screen in front of a jury with some kind of built-in bias. 224 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:20,406 As an observer, I try to stay impartial, 225 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,825 but I am not seeing innocence. 226 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:25,911 - It’s not blowing over, Rick. - I’d tell you to stay positive, Morty 227 00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,663 but I do not like the looks of that jury. 228 00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,542 I can’t believe we got ourselves into this mess 229 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,878 over something as petty as what an adventure is... 230 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:37,173 I guess I can admit I got a little loose with the stamps. 231 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,009 Gotcha! Can the stenographer read back that confession, please? 232 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:43,512 Silence! The killing of an observer is unforgivable. 233 00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:47,224 We must now decide whether to end your existence. 234 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:50,311 Your honor! If everyone here has truly seen everything, 235 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:53,522 then you all know that my grandson and I did this whole thing with giants. 236 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,191 Did what whole thing? 237 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:59,278 I will address that! I’m your court appointed defender. 238 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:03,032 Your honor, observe the time Rick and Morty did this with giants! 239 00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:07,077 This is an open and shut case, Morty. Y’know what do ya think is gonna happen, 240 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,787 some magical angel’s gonna show up and... 241 00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:12,124 Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the violation of civil liberties! 242 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,835 The moments are practically identical, your honor, 243 00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:17,713 I move for a mistrial on the grounds it bumps. 244 00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:21,133 If the argument is that Rick and Morty repeat their mistakes, 245 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,802 - the prosecution agrees! - Oh God! 246 00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:26,805 You sound just like the guy we killed. Allegedly. 247 00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:28,557 That was my brother! 248 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:31,977 - I didn’t like his voice either! - Well, this isn’t gonna help our case. 249 00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:34,021 Neither will this next clip! 250 00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:37,233 Morty! I made you a gorilla gun. Pretty cool. 251 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,902 A gorilla gun? Does this do what I think it does? 252 00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:42,363 Where’s your lunch money, punk? 253 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:45,866 Lunch money? Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have a banana? 254 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,996 I thought it would turn him into a gorilla... 255 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,831 Why would you want a bully to be a gorilla? 256 00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:56,043 It was a gun that kills gorillas. Please go easy on him, 257 00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,003 this one’s on me and it won’t happen again. 258 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:00,589 - Morty, this is a bully gun. - Cool! 259 00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:01,840 Any questions about it? 260 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,510 - Not really. - Should be self-explanatory. Have fun. 261 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,596 - Give me your backpack. - You trying to bully me? 262 00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:11,100 Well, how are you going to bully... another bully? 263 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,018 What are you doing? 264 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,692 I feel like this one’s not entirely my fault. 265 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,194 - Okay, how do you feel? - I’m okay. 266 00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,863 I mean, maybe just stop giving me guns, or... 267 00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:27,950 Or make them less ambiguous, way ahead of you. Here. Take this. 268 00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:31,287 This is a gun, and I want to be really specific here. 269 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:34,540 This is a gun that you only use to shoot bad people. 270 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,208 - Are we clear? - Okay, Rick. 271 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:39,587 - When are you going to use that? - When I want to shoot a bad person. 272 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:40,588 Okay. 273 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:43,632 - I had a great time tonight, Jessica. - Hey. Give me your money. 274 00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:45,301 Why don’t you take this instead? 275 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,054 - Jeffrey Dahmer? - Hi. 276 00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,889 - What’s happening? - I don’t know, just run. 277 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:56,353 Let the record show this bit continued for several more guns. 278 00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:58,981 What are we even guilty of in that one, being kind of dumb? 279 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,483 For being dumb over and over! 280 00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:06,488 But your honor, is that not the definition of experimentation? 281 00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:09,158 The foundation of science? And are Rick and Morty 282 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:13,162 therefore not only not not learning, but therefore actively learning? 283 00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:14,830 Observe this example! 284 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,876 How long before Ben Franklin comes back to life? 285 00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:20,628 Holy shit! Yes! 286 00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:23,088 Shit! He came back evil. 287 00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,549 What do you think will happen if we bury him again? 288 00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:26,508 You don’t know? 289 00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:29,053 This is my first time using Pet Semetary soil, Morty. 290 00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,889 I mean as long as we’re asking questions... 291 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,557 We’ve been here so long my phone died. 292 00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:36,435 - It’s not gonna charge your phone! - So you can be curious and I can’t? 293 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:37,645 Fuck, you’re right. 294 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:40,856 We’re sitting on top of brand new science here, let’s gather some data! 295 00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:46,362 - Put your back into it, Morty! - You think it’ll refill the tank? 296 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:47,655 Good pitch, Morty! 297 00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:50,449 Okay! Let’s bury that kangaroo from the waist down. 298 00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,451 Holy shit! Will only his legs come back? 299 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:53,702 Who knows? 300 00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:55,871 I’m having a great time with you tonight, Morty! 301 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,415 - What’s that one? - Ben Franklin! 302 00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,125 Remember we tried wrapping him 303 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:01,669 in tin foil to see if it’d shield him from the evil? 304 00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:02,670 Oh yeah. 305 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,547 Fuck! It’s hot! 306 00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:10,260 Jesus Christ! It cooked him like a pig at a luau. 307 00:16:10,969 --> 00:16:13,514 - It’s so moist. - Rick! That’s a guy! 308 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,391 Man, what is this place doing to us? 309 00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:18,060 Is nothing sacred to you two? 310 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,604 What are these clips? What are we even on trial for anymore? 311 00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:24,358 What’s anyone on trial for, son? Being good or evil. 312 00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:28,070 Look, sure we can be irreverent but we’re far from evil. 313 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:31,448 - We make more friends than enemies! - Let’s run the tape on that one! 314 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,159 Rick, can you make my churros come to life? 315 00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:35,160 On it! 316 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:37,955 Hi! I’m Churry! 317 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,416 - Churry, do you want to have fun? - Let’s go! 318 00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:10,446 This has been the best time of my life, Churry. 319 00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:14,491 Okay, thanks Rick! You can turn him back into a regular Churros now. 320 00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:16,243 What? I can’t turn him back. 321 00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,662 You asked me to bring him to life. Done! 322 00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:21,874 But he’s a churros, he doesn’t have internal organs, a brain, etc. 323 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,418 in order to live, I had to make him functionally immortal. 324 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,171 What? 325 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,804 My family! 326 00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,556 Goodbye, Churry. I’ll miss you. 327 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:48,025 These are just regular churro? Oh my God! No! 328 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:52,070 Mark my words, Morty. I shall leave you as you left me. 329 00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:55,991 On a barren planet. Praying for death! 330 00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,327 I’m starting to see why this lawyer was free. 331 00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:01,038 Okay! Well we never intentionally hurt people. 332 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:02,206 We adventure! 333 00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:04,416 Stuff goes wrong, we don’t just murder for fun. 334 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,460 Here’s a clip about that topic! 335 00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:10,589 I did it, Morty! I killed the versions of us that were in Space Jam! 336 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:13,008 - Help me with the bodies! - How you’d do it, Rick? 337 00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:14,802 It was easy, Morty. They welcomed death! 338 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:15,844 They wanted out, Morty! 339 00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:19,348 No! You don’t get it, they begged me. It was a kindness! 340 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,559 - Was that helpful? - It was for the prosecution! 341 00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:25,729 - Okay, I’ve heard enough! - No, you fucking haven’t. 342 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:28,440 If we’re about to die, at least let us defend ourselves. 343 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,942 - The outrage! - Seems iffy. 344 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,528 I’ll allow it. But no lolly gagging! 345 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,738 I only need one clip, your honor. 346 00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:37,658 If it pleases the court, hold on to your tits. 347 00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,623 I’m a leg, Morty! You like that? 348 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,334 I know you do. 349 00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,503 We already saw that one. 350 00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,464 - No, that’s the other time I did it. - That was your Hail Mary? 351 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:56,176 - I held onto my tits for nothing! - That was mid! 352 00:18:56,176 --> 00:19:00,472 I hereby find Rick and Morty guilty! Time to die! 353 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,608 - What in tarnation? - Plot twist! 354 00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:13,569 Whattaya expect? You gave me access to your tech. 355 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,780 Look, I’m not saying we’re heroes 356 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,740 but in the two minutes I’ve had access to your server 357 00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:21,451 I can observe you’re no better. Here, let’s see a clip. 358 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:28,375 Help! Please! Oh my God! Please! 359 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:36,592 Absurd! If the Observer was in the clip, who was watching? 360 00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:37,593 Glad you asked! 361 00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:39,303 Please! 362 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,099 Jesus Christ. 363 00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:46,935 You can’t shame us for watching! It’s who we are! 364 00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:49,521 Right! And you’d never take advantage of that. 365 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:53,734 Hot copies! Freshly watched! I’ve got Avatar 3 through 6! 366 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:57,446 Friends and Family screening, the VFX aren’t done, but they’re still blue! 367 00:19:57,863 --> 00:20:00,032 It’s not my fault I saw those movies! 368 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,451 Yes! We observe, it’s all we do! 369 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,161 It’s not all you do. 370 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:07,581 I’ll give you guys twenty dollars to fight each other. 371 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,375 Money, money. 372 00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:14,254 As it turns out, you do plenty! You’re just as bad as us! 373 00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:17,716 We’re not all bad, I observe a couple of bad apples! 374 00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,802 Who are you calling an apple? Should we all observe 375 00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,387 what you did with Tom’s wife? 376 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,599 Observe me harder! Harder! 377 00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:29,311 I regret nothing, Tom! The only thing you could never see 378 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,063 was what a treasure Nancy was. 379 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,649 - I’ll kill you! - I’d like to observe you try! 380 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,696 Jeez, Rick! People be fucking each other’s wives. 381 00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:42,991 Marriage is a scam, Morty. Let’s scram. 382 00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:45,160 Wait! I still have more clips! 383 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:48,580 Morty, I appreciate what you were trying to do 384 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,999 with the punch cards, my whole groove thing. 385 00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:53,835 Thanks. So is this a stamp? 386 00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:55,796 Or you gonna make me count this as my adventure? 387 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,714 How about we just ignore this one. 388 00:20:57,714 --> 00:20:59,424 Good call. 389 00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,177 - Eighty cents on the dollar? - Seventy five. 390 00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:03,178 Done. 391 00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:06,640 Whattaya say, Rick? Fly through space, come upon something, 392 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,351 maybe I have a moral objection, stuff gets messy 393 00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,560 and you ultimately bail us out? 394 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,895 Let’s take it for a spin. 395 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,399 Rick and Morty! We’re back, baby! Check the glove box! 396 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,317 Another gun!! 397 00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:52,436 Morty, see you at the frolf mixer tomorrow? 398 00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:53,979 Sure thing Jimmy. 399 00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:57,899 I knew this day would come. 400 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:00,986 God! 401 00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:05,365 Nice! Free Churros.