1
00:00:00,571 --> 00:00:02,119
Morty, be sure to pee
before we go.
2
00:00:02,182 --> 00:00:03,626
This adventure is gonna be
a long haul,
3
00:00:03,713 --> 00:00:05,317
and I don't feel like
emptying the jug.
4
00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:07,987
Jerry, will you please just let
me automate this [bleep] task?
5
00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:09,598
I didn't ask
for anyone's help.
6
00:00:09,686 --> 00:00:11,211
You two
are welcome to leave.
7
00:00:11,299 --> 00:00:12,772
Mom told me she wanted me
to stay here
8
00:00:12,859 --> 00:00:13,875
to make sure
you didn't die.
9
00:00:13,962 --> 00:00:16,456
Well, you tell your mother
that I'm gonna be fine.
10
00:00:16,544 --> 00:00:18,203
Don't train your child
to lie, Jerry,
11
00:00:18,291 --> 00:00:19,975
even though, you know,
'tis the season.
12
00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:20,947
Then I'll tell her.
13
00:00:21,035 --> 00:00:22,901
Whoa!
14
00:00:23,043 --> 00:00:24,774
I told you,
no more rays.
15
00:00:24,862 --> 00:00:26,245
What ray
did you zap me with?
16
00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:29,337
I made your atomic matrix
slightly lighter than air,
17
00:00:29,432 --> 00:00:31,646
and now your shoes
are heavier than air,
18
00:00:31,734 --> 00:00:33,299
which makes you
neutrally buoyant,
19
00:00:33,387 --> 00:00:36,183
which I find personally
more impressive conceptually
20
00:00:36,271 --> 00:00:38,176
than walking on water,
but what do I know?
21
00:00:38,264 --> 00:00:40,325
I wasn't born into
the god business.
22
00:00:40,413 --> 00:00:41,436
I [bleep] earned it.
23
00:00:41,555 --> 00:00:44,042
Whoa! [ Laughs ]
24
00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,353
Just to be clear,
this doesn't mean you helped me.
25
00:00:46,402 --> 00:00:47,688
It wears off in 10 hours,
26
00:00:47,776 --> 00:00:49,626
and the next hit
will cost you 30 bucks.
27
00:00:49,714 --> 00:00:52,177
Like I'll even be using it
in 10 hours.
28
00:00:52,265 --> 00:00:54,236
[ Whispers ] Siri, set a 9-hour
and 50-minute timer.
29
00:00:54,323 --> 00:00:55,857
Siri: Playing The Beatles.
30
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:58,016
- I need to pee.
- Nope.
31
00:00:58,104 --> 00:00:59,748
Here, I've got a centipede
you can swallow
32
00:00:59,836 --> 00:01:00,885
that makes you
not have to go.
33
00:01:00,972 --> 00:01:02,496
I ain't swallowing
no centipede.
34
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,521
What, you think the centipede
wants to eat your pee?
35
00:01:04,608 --> 00:01:06,221
You're not the victim
in this transaction.
36
00:01:06,308 --> 00:01:08,110
[ Thump ]
Uh-oh, flat tire.
37
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:10,113
How the hell do you get
a flat tire in space, Rick?
38
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,512
Obviously from a sharp thing
in space, Morty.
39
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:13,997
It's just crazy
how much it feels
40
00:01:14,085 --> 00:01:15,127
like getting
a regular flat.
41
00:01:15,214 --> 00:01:17,207
Oh, no, no, that's just
my custom-programmed,
42
00:01:17,295 --> 00:01:19,965
fully immersive flat-tire
indication experience.
43
00:01:20,053 --> 00:01:22,118
I-I can turn it off.
I thought it was cooler
44
00:01:22,206 --> 00:01:24,271
than the celebrity voice
package, but here.
45
00:01:24,468 --> 00:01:28,041
Christopher Walken: Flat tire...
You should be... walkin'.
46
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:29,372
- Oof.
- Yeah.
47
00:01:29,486 --> 00:01:31,772
- Can I come out with you, Rick?
- No, I've seen this movie.
48
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:33,486
Two guys leave
th[burps]e ship.
49
00:01:33,574 --> 00:01:34,926
One guy
goes spinning away.
50
00:01:35,014 --> 00:01:36,373
You're staying in here
where it's safe.
51
00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:38,190
[ Gasps ]
52
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:39,890
[ Pants ]
53
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:42,829
- Morty, goddamn it.
- Come on.
54
00:01:42,917 --> 00:01:44,326
I n... I never
get to be out here.
55
00:01:44,413 --> 00:01:46,339
Ugh, you young people
think space is like
56
00:01:46,427 --> 00:01:47,666
"Saturday Night Live."
57
00:01:47,754 --> 00:01:50,121
You see it every day,
so you dream of being in it,
58
00:01:50,209 --> 00:01:52,467
but it dreams of removing
all the air from your body
59
00:01:52,554 --> 00:01:54,340
and making you float
around it for eternity
60
00:01:54,428 --> 00:01:55,870
as a flash-mummified corpse,
61
00:01:55,957 --> 00:01:59,099
which is also what space wants,
so get back in the car.
62
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:00,974
I'm not in danger.
There's nothing out here.
63
00:02:01,062 --> 00:02:02,677
Literally everything
is out here,
64
00:02:02,765 --> 00:02:05,121
and unlike everywhere else,
I'm too busy to help you.
65
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:07,688
Right, because you're
always so helpful.
66
00:02:07,972 --> 00:02:09,729
Ah!
67
00:02:11,097 --> 00:02:12,885
- God damn it.
- What is that?
68
00:02:12,973 --> 00:02:14,678
Obviously,
it's a space snake.
69
00:02:14,766 --> 00:02:16,298
T-There's snakes
in space?
70
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,754
There's literally everything
in space, Morty!
71
00:02:18,842 --> 00:02:20,646
Now get the [bleep]
back in the car.
72
00:02:20,734 --> 00:02:28,589
[♪♪]
73
00:02:29,050 --> 00:02:36,911
[♪♪]
74
00:02:36,998 --> 00:02:44,787
[♪♪]
75
00:02:45,048 --> 00:02:48,691
[♪♪]
76
00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:50,438
[♪♪] *RICK AND MORTY*
Season 04 Episode 05
77
00:02:50,541 --> 00:02:52,454
[♪♪] *RICK AND MORTY*
Episode Title : "Rattlestar Ricklactica"
78
00:02:53,636 --> 00:02:54,739
Morty: I'm dying, Rick.
79
00:02:54,827 --> 00:02:56,978
[ Groans ]
I can see the black mountain.
80
00:02:57,066 --> 00:02:59,326
People who are really dying
don't keep bring it up.
81
00:02:59,414 --> 00:03:00,639
- Is that true?
- I don't know.
82
00:03:00,727 --> 00:03:02,795
I'm just usually around people
that die faster.
83
00:03:02,892 --> 00:03:04,949
- [ Groans ]
- All right. All right.
84
00:03:05,037 --> 00:03:06,720
J-Just let me analyze
the snake's planet,
85
00:03:06,808 --> 00:03:08,387
so I can whip up
an antivenom.
86
00:03:08,475 --> 00:03:10,287
Computer, you might want
to put a rush on this.
87
00:03:10,374 --> 00:03:12,940
Morty's starting to look
like a '90s Japanese ghost.
88
00:03:13,034 --> 00:03:14,531
Computer: Cutting corners.
89
00:03:14,619 --> 00:03:17,127
Oof, oh, my God,
these snakes are a mess.
90
00:03:17,215 --> 00:03:19,932
19 billion snakes divided
into 10,000 nations
91
00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:22,253
all on the brink
of global war over...
92
00:03:22,377 --> 00:03:24,000
[Laughs] race.
93
00:03:24,088 --> 00:03:25,159
How funny is that?
94
00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:27,154
Imagine being
a racist snake.
95
00:03:27,242 --> 00:03:28,521
"Hey, other snake,
I hate you
96
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,388
because you're
the wrong color, snake."
97
00:03:30,547 --> 00:03:33,035
Oh, my God.
You're not laughing?
98
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,336
Oh, you're dying.
99
00:03:34,511 --> 00:03:37,076
It's a miracle they were able
to fling one this far out
100
00:03:37,164 --> 00:03:38,874
before they slithered
into extinction.
101
00:03:38,962 --> 00:03:41,411
Oh, oh, God,
I killed their...
102
00:03:41,499 --> 00:03:43,644
What's his name,
their Buzz Aspirin?
103
00:03:43,732 --> 00:03:45,038
It's actually
Buzz Advil, Morty,
104
00:03:45,126 --> 00:03:46,515
and, uh, this is
totally different.
105
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:47,605
It's a female snake.
106
00:03:47,693 --> 00:03:49,193
There's an extra layer
of heartbreak.
107
00:03:49,281 --> 00:03:50,894
Wait. Wait.
Morty, Morty, you hear that?
108
00:03:50,982 --> 00:03:52,459
- Listen.
- [ Rhythmic hissing ]
109
00:03:52,742 --> 00:03:54,456
Snake jazz.
110
00:03:54,662 --> 00:03:56,932
Ha. Idiots.
Let's get moving.
111
00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:57,926
We've got a long way to go,
112
00:03:58,013 --> 00:03:59,392
and I'm not sharing
that centipede.
113
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:00,404
Rick, wait.
Go back.
114
00:04:00,492 --> 00:04:03,352
I-I can't be the reason why
19 billion snakes lost all hope.
115
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:04,377
That's right, Morty.
116
00:04:04,465 --> 00:04:06,133
Only 19 billion snakes
can do that.
117
00:04:06,221 --> 00:04:08,603
That species was never
getting beyond this stage.
118
00:04:08,691 --> 00:04:10,805
To paraphrase
the great Jeff Foxworthy,
119
00:04:10,892 --> 00:04:13,084
if you bite your first contact
on its ankle,
120
00:04:13,172 --> 00:04:15,829
you might be
a type-zero-civilization-neck."
121
00:04:17,698 --> 00:04:19,280
What up, homeys?
122
00:04:19,368 --> 00:04:21,251
Shooting hoops, I see.
123
00:04:21,339 --> 00:04:22,769
Hey, who's interested
in a friendly bet
124
00:04:22,856 --> 00:04:24,580
that this white guy
can jump.
125
00:04:24,668 --> 00:04:27,028
Hey, leave the racial stuff
off the court, okay?
126
00:04:27,116 --> 00:04:29,046
Oh, I thought that kind of
talk was part of street ball.
127
00:04:29,133 --> 00:04:31,722
Well, now it's part
of everything else, so chill.
128
00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:33,089
We... We got off
on the wrong foot.
129
00:04:33,176 --> 00:04:35,066
My name is Jerry Smith.
I live in the suburbs.
130
00:04:35,154 --> 00:04:37,117
I'm only here because
I have a certain power
131
00:04:37,205 --> 00:04:39,192
I wanted to kind of celebrate
before it goes away.
132
00:04:39,319 --> 00:04:40,859
Yo, we got a Nazi
up here.
133
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,105
Hey, I think there's
a misunderstanding.
134
00:04:43,192 --> 00:04:44,907
Here, just... just watch.
135
00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:46,120
Huh?
136
00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:47,308
Help! Help!
137
00:04:47,396 --> 00:04:49,196
I-I need that shoe!
138
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,585
No, no, don't touch that shoe
or that money.
139
00:04:52,696 --> 00:04:54,896
Let them be a powerful
but confusing monument
140
00:04:54,984 --> 00:04:56,446
to our
neighborhood's integrity.
141
00:04:56,790 --> 00:04:59,321
Oh, boy, what an adventure,
huh?
142
00:04:59,554 --> 00:05:01,690
Hey, Morty, listen.
I can tell you're pretty upset
143
00:05:01,778 --> 00:05:03,184
about the whole
snake encounter thing,
144
00:05:03,271 --> 00:05:04,478
so I'll tell you what.
145
00:05:04,566 --> 00:05:05,657
I'm just gonna go ahead
and avoid you
146
00:05:05,744 --> 00:05:06,634
for the rest of the day.
147
00:05:06,753 --> 00:05:08,086
[ Cans clatter ]
148
00:05:09,618 --> 00:05:11,400
Play snake jazz.
149
00:05:11,796 --> 00:05:14,148
[ Rhythmic hissing ]
150
00:05:14,299 --> 00:05:20,008
[♪♪]
151
00:05:20,299 --> 00:05:25,748
[♪♪]
152
00:05:26,004 --> 00:05:27,448
I-Is this one friendly?
153
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:28,417
It's a snake.
154
00:05:28,504 --> 00:05:30,578
You ever... You ever see
this one look up at the sky
155
00:05:30,666 --> 00:05:32,706
like it's dreaming
of something more?
156
00:05:32,794 --> 00:05:35,934
No, but, uh, all those ones
marked with red sticker, yeah.
157
00:05:36,022 --> 00:05:37,990
Any snake over 50 bucks
yearns for the beyond.
158
00:05:38,078 --> 00:05:39,428
I-I-I've seen them do it.
159
00:05:39,691 --> 00:05:42,497
[ Hissing ]
160
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,554
Ow! Damn it, Slippy,
come on.
161
00:05:45,642 --> 00:05:47,557
Ow!
Just please.
162
00:05:47,682 --> 00:05:49,797
[ Crying ] I'm sorry.
163
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,856
Man on TV: Everyone has
a plumbus in their home.
164
00:05:53,906 --> 00:05:56,613
First, they take the dinglepop.
165
00:06:00,873 --> 00:06:03,383
Ow!
[Bleep] monster.
166
00:06:07,542 --> 00:06:09,906
[ Radar beeping ]
167
00:06:10,546 --> 00:06:12,046
[ Hissing ]
168
00:06:19,141 --> 00:06:21,116
[ Hissing ]
169
00:06:21,244 --> 00:06:23,626
[ Hissing ]
170
00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:25,264
[ Hissing ]
171
00:06:25,494 --> 00:06:27,630
[ Camera shutters clicking ]
172
00:06:31,833 --> 00:06:33,667
[ Hissing ]
173
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,026
[ Monitors beeping ]
174
00:06:44,313 --> 00:06:46,447
[ Hissing ]
175
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,555
[ Hissing ]
176
00:07:13,251 --> 00:07:14,659
[ Hissing ]
177
00:07:16,259 --> 00:07:17,329
[ Hisses ]
178
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,314
[ Hissing ]
179
00:08:01,052 --> 00:08:02,082
Downbeat.
180
00:08:02,170 --> 00:08:03,410
How do you win
this [bleep] game?
181
00:08:03,497 --> 00:08:04,910
We-We've never
gotten that far.
182
00:08:04,998 --> 00:08:07,237
Guys, did I not tell you
to keep your eye on Jerry?
183
00:08:07,325 --> 00:08:08,755
- We did.
- Then where is he?
184
00:08:08,843 --> 00:08:10,225
Maybe he's having
an affair.
185
00:08:10,313 --> 00:08:13,013
[ Laughter ]
186
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:14,949
But for real,
has anyone seen him?
187
00:08:15,065 --> 00:08:16,784
Grandpa, did you trap him
in a painting again?
188
00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:17,814
I didn't do shit.
189
00:08:17,902 --> 00:08:20,047
Well,
y-y-you made him floaty.
190
00:08:20,135 --> 00:08:21,390
- Asshole.
- Made him floaty?
191
00:08:21,477 --> 00:08:24,462
I saved his life by making
his body slightly lighter than air,
192
00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:26,163
and it expires
in a couple of hours.
193
00:08:26,251 --> 00:08:28,596
Expires, like he'll fall
out of the sky?
194
00:08:28,684 --> 00:08:30,080
He won't by in the sky,
Beth,
195
00:08:30,168 --> 00:08:33,512
unless it's possible for Jerry
to [bleep] up wearing shoes.
196
00:08:34,010 --> 00:08:36,090
- Oh, crap, he's gonna die.
- What were you thinking?
197
00:08:36,775 --> 00:08:39,738
[ Shivering ]
198
00:08:39,895 --> 00:08:44,346
[ Cellphone vibrating ]
199
00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:45,680
Hey, babe.
200
00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:47,588
Jerry,
are you in the air?
201
00:08:47,676 --> 00:08:49,191
Rick told me
he made you floaty.
202
00:08:49,307 --> 00:08:51,089
Made me floaty?
Pfft.
203
00:08:51,177 --> 00:08:53,164
Got to love
Rick's world view.
204
00:08:53,473 --> 00:08:55,405
Yes, I had Rick
make me floaty
205
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,789
so I could
put up some lights.
206
00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:57,893
Now, I'm at
the light store.
207
00:08:57,981 --> 00:08:59,562
- [ Squawking ]
- Get away!
208
00:08:59,650 --> 00:09:03,588
Sorry, this lady at the store
is trying to peck me.
209
00:09:03,682 --> 00:09:07,199
Yes, you can help me find
lights after I'm off the phone.
210
00:09:07,287 --> 00:09:09,317
We're in Rick's ship.
How about we just pick you up?
211
00:09:09,404 --> 00:09:10,890
- You're with Rick?
- Well, why wouldn't I...
212
00:09:10,977 --> 00:09:12,509
Jerry, I paused Beth
with a device
213
00:09:12,597 --> 00:09:14,877
Christopher Walken gave me
after a record session.
214
00:09:14,965 --> 00:09:16,220
Real talk, buddy,
where you at?
215
00:09:16,308 --> 00:09:18,016
- Go to hell, Rick.
- Come on, Jerry.
216
00:09:18,104 --> 00:09:19,659
I can recognize
the sound of a seagull.
217
00:09:19,747 --> 00:09:22,050
Can you recognize the sound
of a man's pants
218
00:09:22,137 --> 00:09:23,458
filling up with rain?
219
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,811
I hope to one day.
220
00:09:26,526 --> 00:09:27,521
Jerry,
I'll tell you what.
221
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,529
Because it's Christmas,
I'm gonna do you a favor.
222
00:09:29,631 --> 00:09:31,848
I won't let you die,
and I won't tell Beth
223
00:09:31,936 --> 00:09:33,213
that you almost
killed yourself.
224
00:09:33,301 --> 00:09:35,843
- Sounds like a win-win to me.
- Come again?
225
00:09:35,931 --> 00:09:38,266
If I survive,
it'll be without you,
226
00:09:38,353 --> 00:09:40,469
and if I die,
it'll be on your ass.
227
00:09:40,556 --> 00:09:42,471
Merry Christmas, bitch.
228
00:09:42,621 --> 00:09:46,927
I am the Jesus Christ
of Christmas!
229
00:09:56,337 --> 00:09:58,918
[ Screaming ]
230
00:09:59,059 --> 00:10:01,094
- [ Cellphone vibrates ]
- ..I be with him?
231
00:10:01,182 --> 00:10:02,595
We both care.
232
00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:05,525
- Whoa. Jerry.
- Yes, honey?
233
00:10:05,613 --> 00:10:06,971
Let us
just come get you.
234
00:10:07,059 --> 00:10:08,546
Beth, I am so touched
235
00:10:08,634 --> 00:10:10,674
that you care for me this much,
but I'm fine,
236
00:10:10,762 --> 00:10:12,367
and I just want to put up these
Christmas lights,
237
00:10:12,454 --> 00:10:14,168
and [Distorted]
I will eat your world.
238
00:10:14,256 --> 00:10:16,593
Honey,
my dad can hear you.
239
00:10:16,681 --> 00:10:17,729
[ Normal voice ]
Got to go.
240
00:10:17,927 --> 00:10:19,905
- [ Distorted ] See you soon.
- Okay.
241
00:10:20,001 --> 00:10:23,788
[ Screams ]
242
00:10:24,204 --> 00:10:25,584
Well, it sounds like
he's fine.
243
00:10:25,672 --> 00:10:28,359
Yeah, I'm almost kind of
rooting for him this time.
244
00:10:28,470 --> 00:10:35,123
[♪♪]
245
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:37,232
One Diet Sprite Remix,
please,
246
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,941
and, uh, is anyone here
an Uber driver?
247
00:10:40,029 --> 00:10:41,459
You can't bring
that boulder in here.
248
00:10:41,546 --> 00:10:43,301
- What?
- I said no boulders.
249
00:10:43,389 --> 00:10:45,046
- This ain't the lake, buddy.
- Drop the rock.
250
00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:47,194
Well, it's kind of a...
A service boulder.
251
00:10:47,282 --> 00:10:48,752
Yeah,
I float without it.
252
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:50,724
Big man
holding a big rock,
253
00:10:50,812 --> 00:10:52,097
think you can
take me down?
254
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,227
No, obviously not.
You're huge.
255
00:10:54,315 --> 00:10:55,277
- Then put it down.
- Put the boulder down!
256
00:10:55,365 --> 00:10:56,418
- If I put it down,
- Drop it!
257
00:10:56,506 --> 00:10:58,094
- I'm going to float.
- Put it down!
258
00:10:58,182 --> 00:11:00,214
And frankly, your bar
has a lot of ceiling fans.
259
00:11:00,302 --> 00:11:01,416
- You think you're better than us?
- Drop the rock.
260
00:11:01,503 --> 00:11:03,602
- Put it down.
- Okay, okay, okay.
261
00:11:03,690 --> 00:11:04,723
Hey, whoa,
what the [bleep]
262
00:11:04,810 --> 00:11:06,391
- Stop doing that.
- I told you this would happen.
263
00:11:06,478 --> 00:11:07,528
Well, stop floating.
264
00:11:07,616 --> 00:11:09,569
- Who said you could float here?
- I can't control it.
265
00:11:09,656 --> 00:11:11,937
[ Indistinct shouting ]
266
00:11:12,564 --> 00:11:15,313
Aaaaaaaaaah!
267
00:11:15,451 --> 00:11:17,386
And take your girlfriend
with you.
268
00:11:17,586 --> 00:11:19,301
[ Grunts ]
269
00:11:19,825 --> 00:11:22,437
[ Snake jazz playing ]
270
00:11:22,524 --> 00:11:24,760
Summer,
how supes shook am I
271
00:11:24,848 --> 00:11:26,365
about your playlisting
fleekness tonight?
272
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:28,079
You love it?
It's snake jazz.
273
00:11:28,167 --> 00:11:30,118
My little brother got bit
by a snake in outer space
274
00:11:30,206 --> 00:11:31,244
and killed it
with a hubcap,
275
00:11:31,332 --> 00:11:32,903
and my grandpa had to scan
its planet's culture
276
00:11:32,990 --> 00:11:34,562
for an antivenom,
and they found this.
277
00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:35,897
It's my jam.
278
00:11:35,985 --> 00:11:39,229
Seriously, my new thing now
is snake jazz.
279
00:11:39,317 --> 00:11:41,185
Can you alter the course
of a species' evolution
280
00:11:41,272 --> 00:11:42,487
like that
without repercussions?
281
00:11:42,574 --> 00:11:43,973
Gee, I don't know,
Nancy.
282
00:11:44,061 --> 00:11:46,237
Can you alter the course
of being a giant [bleep] nerd?
283
00:11:46,325 --> 00:11:47,531
- Sorry.
- Also, later,
284
00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:49,586
we need to discuss
your clothing and your weight.
285
00:11:49,674 --> 00:11:50,859
That's fair.
286
00:11:50,947 --> 00:11:52,735
[ Moans ]
287
00:11:52,934 --> 00:11:53,936
What the hell?
288
00:11:54,023 --> 00:11:55,411
[ Robotically ]
Target acquired.
289
00:11:55,499 --> 00:11:56,867
[ Gunshot ]
290
00:11:56,955 --> 00:12:02,705
[♪♪]
291
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,345
Snakes!
Get back in the car!
292
00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,119
Morty, enough with the...
Snakes!
293
00:12:06,207 --> 00:12:08,041
[ Robotically ]
Target acquired.
294
00:12:09,613 --> 00:12:13,269
Aliens, I am a robot sent back
in time by the Snake Resistance
295
00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:14,803
to protect you
from Serpacorp.
296
00:12:14,891 --> 00:12:17,950
My appearance is designed to be
familiar and to put you at ease.
297
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:21,279
The ape child must be eliminated
to protect our timeline.
298
00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:22,885
Morty,
what the hell did you do?
299
00:12:23,004 --> 00:12:24,804
I was just trying to do
the right thing.
300
00:12:24,892 --> 00:12:26,156
I took a living snake...
301
00:12:26,244 --> 00:12:28,370
[ Groans ]
302
00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:29,859
Get behind me.
303
00:12:29,947 --> 00:12:31,535
- I will protect...
- Aaah!
304
00:12:31,699 --> 00:12:36,684
[♪♪]
305
00:12:37,830 --> 00:12:39,204
Why... Why are they
attacking us?
306
00:12:39,334 --> 00:12:40,593
I-I-I helped them.
307
00:12:40,681 --> 00:12:42,277
You gave them proof that
there was something bigger
308
00:12:42,364 --> 00:12:44,357
and scarier to unite against,
you little idiot.
309
00:12:44,445 --> 00:12:45,952
They would have gone back
into the Dark Ages
310
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,122
for a couple of generations,
311
00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:48,902
but instead,
they dedicated themselves
312
00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:50,192
into making
universe-destroying,
313
00:12:50,279 --> 00:12:52,727
un-thought-out technology
like time travel
314
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:55,330
all so they could try to kill
a little [bleep] sack on Earth
315
00:12:55,417 --> 00:12:56,801
who couldn't let
a dead snake be dead
316
00:12:56,888 --> 00:12:58,811
even after
it bit his ankle.
317
00:12:58,906 --> 00:13:01,210
Next time stay in the [bleep] car.
318
00:13:02,735 --> 00:13:08,051
Narrator: 17 billion snake lives
sended on June 21, 2026.
319
00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:12,579
The survivors lived only to
face a new nightmare,
320
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:15,567
the war between
snake and machine.
321
00:13:16,881 --> 00:13:19,125
In the end,
snake overcame machine
322
00:13:19,213 --> 00:13:20,995
because of what
we couldn't predict...
323
00:13:21,215 --> 00:13:26,528
That an alien, a child from
a distant star, would save us.
324
00:13:26,615 --> 00:13:33,539
[♪♪]
325
00:13:33,822 --> 00:13:40,563
[♪♪]
326
00:13:40,846 --> 00:13:43,277
W-Where are we going?
W-What are we doing here, Rick?
327
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:44,780
We got to get the heart
of Snake Net.
328
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,456
Now, shut up,
and stay close.
329
00:13:46,544 --> 00:13:48,570
[ Robotically ]
Resistance is mouselike.
330
00:13:48,658 --> 00:13:50,889
Whoa, hey, look.
That one's actually really cool.
331
00:13:50,977 --> 00:13:51,995
Come here, little guy.
332
00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:53,822
Ah, you little son of a bitch.
333
00:13:54,036 --> 00:13:55,299
Come on, Morty.
334
00:13:56,911 --> 00:13:59,390
[ Robotically ] Your brood
must be exterminated.
335
00:13:59,478 --> 00:14:01,616
You will not kill her
or her brood.
336
00:14:01,982 --> 00:14:04,778
- Must kill brood and mother.
- Get behind me.
337
00:14:04,929 --> 00:14:06,702
Your brood will seed all life
on this planet.
338
00:14:06,789 --> 00:14:08,904
- That doesn't make sense.
- That didn't make sense.
339
00:14:08,991 --> 00:14:10,481
Hey, it's...
It's Slippy!
340
00:14:10,569 --> 00:14:12,326
Keep up, shit bag.
341
00:14:21,424 --> 00:14:22,908
[ Sighs ]
342
00:14:25,180 --> 00:14:26,452
Beth: Hi, you went directly
to voicemail
343
00:14:26,539 --> 00:14:27,811
because your number
is not in my phone.
344
00:14:27,898 --> 00:14:29,012
Don't leave a message.
345
00:14:29,211 --> 00:14:30,519
Hi, honey.
346
00:14:30,679 --> 00:14:33,595
Uh, look. Morty told me
that you didn't think
347
00:14:33,682 --> 00:14:36,057
I could hang lights
without killing myself.
348
00:14:36,454 --> 00:14:40,577
Look, I want to be a strong man
for you, but the truth is...
349
00:14:41,951 --> 00:14:45,718
The truth is, I'm coming home
with the best lights ever.
350
00:14:48,696 --> 00:14:49,943
Oof.
351
00:14:50,031 --> 00:14:51,398
Whoa,
feel that turbulence?
352
00:14:51,486 --> 00:14:52,685
Nope, I'm on molly.
353
00:14:52,796 --> 00:14:54,248
[ Both laugh ]
354
00:14:54,398 --> 00:14:56,353
- Give me some.
- Ahh.
355
00:14:59,041 --> 00:15:00,622
Siri: 10 hours has expired.
356
00:15:01,547 --> 00:15:03,250
Aaaah!
357
00:15:05,528 --> 00:15:07,064
I don't suppose you guys
will take a bribe?
358
00:15:07,151 --> 00:15:08,682
- [ Hisses ]
- Ah!
359
00:15:12,121 --> 00:15:14,044
Anyone else want legs?
360
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:21,449
God damn it.
Are you kidding me?
361
00:15:21,537 --> 00:15:23,205
I thought there'd be
a time machine in here.
362
00:15:23,292 --> 00:15:25,327
They're not even a quarter
of the way through making it.
363
00:15:25,414 --> 00:15:26,971
I'm gonna have to invent it
for them.
364
00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:28,515
I-I don't know snake math.
365
00:15:28,603 --> 00:15:30,204
Ugh, I didn't want to have
to do this.
366
00:15:30,373 --> 00:15:31,853
[Bleep]
All right.
367
00:15:32,191 --> 00:15:33,963
W-What's going on?
What are you doing?
368
00:15:34,051 --> 00:15:37,059
I'm reminding myself to commit
even more to your [bleep] up.
369
00:15:37,275 --> 00:15:38,356
Hey, assholes.
370
00:15:38,444 --> 00:15:40,613
- [Bleep] you. Takes one to know one.
- What the heck?
371
00:15:41,015 --> 00:15:43,512
Hey, man, you... you okay?
You know what? [Bleep] you.
372
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,734
- What? Screw you.
- Here.
373
00:15:45,821 --> 00:15:47,202
Come on.
Was it really that hard?
374
00:15:47,289 --> 00:15:49,137
What do you think?
Come on, Morty.
375
00:15:49,225 --> 00:15:51,083
Man, I-I-I wonder why
I had a black eye.
376
00:15:51,171 --> 00:15:53,173
Morty, shut the [bleep] up
and put these on.
377
00:15:56,365 --> 00:16:02,818
[♪♪]
378
00:16:02,905 --> 00:16:04,543
Okay,
so w-what are we doing?
379
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:05,855
That book has everything
they need
380
00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:07,371
to create
snake time travel,
381
00:16:07,459 --> 00:16:10,222
a-and they're getting it
in 1985, snake time.
382
00:16:10,310 --> 00:16:12,805
Now, they're gonna do it so
early that it won't involve us,
383
00:16:12,893 --> 00:16:14,229
and they're gonna be
even stupider with it.
384
00:16:14,316 --> 00:16:15,738
Huh,
a-and then what?
385
00:16:15,826 --> 00:16:17,581
We're removing ourselves
from this sloppy,
386
00:16:17,669 --> 00:16:19,559
[bleep] up story
and letting snake time travel
387
00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:21,229
eat its own tail.
388
00:16:26,127 --> 00:16:27,908
[ Hissing ]
389
00:16:27,996 --> 00:16:29,396
[ All hissing ]
390
00:16:57,826 --> 00:17:00,786
[ Hissing ]
391
00:17:29,095 --> 00:17:30,193
[♪♪]
392
00:17:30,281 --> 00:17:32,463
Just have to keep my grip.
393
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,964
Jerry Smith, I am here
to save you.
394
00:17:35,052 --> 00:17:37,522
What? I already told Rick
I don't want help.
395
00:17:37,610 --> 00:17:38,714
I do not know Rick.
396
00:17:38,801 --> 00:17:41,152
I was sent by a society
of human-snake hybrids...
397
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,404
- Classic Rick.
- ..from an alternate version...
398
00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:48,081
I did it!
We're landing!
399
00:17:48,169 --> 00:17:49,417
I knew I could do it.
400
00:17:49,630 --> 00:17:51,279
[ Laughs hysterically ]
401
00:17:51,414 --> 00:17:58,330
[♪♪]
402
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,968
Jesus Christ, Rick,
it's pandemonium out there!
403
00:18:02,056 --> 00:18:03,734
T-This is worse
than when we left.
404
00:18:03,906 --> 00:18:05,711
Rick, look, Summer!
405
00:18:09,016 --> 00:18:12,529
Nobody chokes me
without consent.
406
00:18:12,617 --> 00:18:14,537
Y-You just made things worse,
Rick.
407
00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:16,166
Trust me, Morty.
We helped them press
408
00:18:16,254 --> 00:18:17,199
on the gas pedal.
409
00:18:17,287 --> 00:18:19,280
We just got to wait for them
to blow by a cop.
410
00:18:21,550 --> 00:18:23,465
[ Telephone rings ]
411
00:18:23,787 --> 00:18:25,455
Shleemypants here,
what's up?
412
00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:28,364
Snakes? Time travel?
They did what?
413
00:18:28,451 --> 00:18:31,567
How the [bleep] did...
Okay, okay, I'm on it.
414
00:18:31,654 --> 00:18:35,250
We got a 10-51
on a goddamn snake planet.
415
00:18:35,338 --> 00:18:37,426
Don't look at me.
I'm afraid of snakes.
416
00:18:37,514 --> 00:18:38,840
"I'm afraid of snakes,"
[Bleep].
417
00:18:39,264 --> 00:18:40,987
You afraid of work.
That's what you afraid of.
418
00:18:41,074 --> 00:18:41,977
All right.
All right.
419
00:18:42,064 --> 00:18:43,964
[ Sighs ] Let's go
take care of this.
420
00:18:45,671 --> 00:18:49,183
[ Hisses ]
421
00:18:49,271 --> 00:18:50,686
Oh, look at you.
422
00:18:50,774 --> 00:18:52,285
You a smart snake,
huh?
423
00:18:52,373 --> 00:18:54,160
You using tools now,
huh?
424
00:18:54,295 --> 00:18:55,511
Those tools are gonna
turn into you
425
00:18:55,598 --> 00:18:57,312
manipulating the fabric
of shit.
426
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:58,991
Get over here, mother[bleep] What
the [bleep] you think you doing?
427
00:18:59,078 --> 00:19:02,664
- Don't [bleep] with time.
- You don't [bleep] with time.
428
00:19:02,751 --> 00:19:04,511
[ Snakes hissing ]
429
00:19:04,599 --> 00:19:07,205
- Holy [bleep]
- What happened?
430
00:19:07,293 --> 00:19:09,094
Look, this is better
than them attacking us.
431
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:10,802
Also, that's about
as much curvature
432
00:19:10,897 --> 00:19:12,686
as you're gonna get
from a time-travel story.
433
00:19:12,781 --> 00:19:14,998
You know what? This one counts
as one of your adventures.
434
00:19:15,085 --> 00:19:16,489
Hey, come on.
No freebies.
435
00:19:16,577 --> 00:19:18,595
Aw, man, I-I wanted
to go to Boob World.
436
00:19:18,683 --> 00:19:20,482
Well, now, we can't
because you [bleep] up.
437
00:19:20,598 --> 00:19:22,084
Got to learn a lesson.
438
00:19:22,352 --> 00:19:23,966
You want to go to Boob World,
Summer?
439
00:19:24,054 --> 00:19:25,491
Eh, not today.
440
00:19:25,601 --> 00:19:27,931
[ Sighs ]
This sucks.
441
00:19:28,222 --> 00:19:31,123
[ Panting ]
Hey, honey, check it out.
442
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,161
Jerry,
I was worried about you.
443
00:19:33,248 --> 00:19:35,636
Oh, just killing some snakes
up here like everyone else,
444
00:19:35,724 --> 00:19:37,734
I guess, and finishing
the Christmas lights.
445
00:19:37,822 --> 00:19:40,157
Wait, the whole time?
I was screaming for help,
446
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:41,403
and you stayed on the roof?
447
00:19:41,491 --> 00:19:43,505
I couldn't hear you
over my own screaming.
448
00:19:43,592 --> 00:19:44,676
We've talked about this.
449
00:19:44,764 --> 00:19:46,908
Well,
I'm just glad you're safe.
450
00:19:47,066 --> 00:19:49,423
Well, duh,
of course, I'm safe.
451
00:19:49,598 --> 00:19:50,979
Hey, guess what,
asshole.
452
00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:52,180
I did it without you.
453
00:19:52,267 --> 00:19:53,774
Whoa! Ah!
454
00:19:54,472 --> 00:19:56,594
Oh, God, it hurts.
455
00:19:56,705 --> 00:19:57,872
Huh! What was that?
456
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,532
I healed your leg 50%.
457
00:19:59,620 --> 00:20:01,558
The rest is on you,
big man.
458
00:20:01,646 --> 00:20:04,484
That's what I'm talking about.
Respect, my brother.
459
00:20:04,612 --> 00:20:06,772
Geez, your dad sucks.
All right, Morty.
460
00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:08,702
Let's go enjoy
a little bit of eggnog, huh?
461
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:09,665
All right.
462
00:20:09,752 --> 00:20:11,307
Not so fast, boys.
463
00:20:11,395 --> 00:20:13,206
Yeah, I think you might be
forgetting something.
464
00:20:13,293 --> 00:20:15,176
Merry Christmas, [bleep] nuts.
Get to work.
465
00:20:15,265 --> 00:20:16,418
Geez, I don't see
why you have to be
466
00:20:16,505 --> 00:20:18,158
- smug about it. That's not necessary.
- A bunch of [bleep]
467
00:20:18,245 --> 00:20:19,207
This [bleep] sucks.
468
00:20:19,294 --> 00:20:20,942
Yeah, it's fun until it's you,
huh, shit nog?
469
00:20:21,029 --> 00:20:23,542
Yeah, have fun sewing those
snake costumes together,
470
00:20:23,630 --> 00:20:25,457
- you little tramp.
- You tell them, Morty.
471
00:20:25,545 --> 00:20:27,302
Geez, you guys don't have
to be dicks about it, all right?
472
00:20:27,389 --> 00:20:29,457
Yeah, neither did the guys
before us, but you know what?
473
00:20:29,544 --> 00:20:30,685
They were.
Merry Christmas,
474
00:20:30,773 --> 00:20:31,996
- you shit bags.
- Yeah, ghost of Christmas
475
00:20:32,083 --> 00:20:33,991
future bitches,
you [bleep] idiots.
476
00:20:34,079 --> 00:20:35,897
- So mean.
- Those guys are mean.
477
00:20:36,045 --> 00:20:41,310
[♪♪]
Sync corrections by srjanapala
478
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:47,143
[♪♪]
479
00:20:49,501 --> 00:20:57,156
[♪♪]
480
00:20:57,870 --> 00:21:04,707
[♪♪]
481
00:21:07,838 --> 00:21:09,854
Man, I just want to open
my Christmas presents.
482
00:21:09,942 --> 00:21:12,119
Well, I'm waiting on you
to finish those snake costumes.
483
00:21:12,206 --> 00:21:13,740
I'm almost done.
You know what?
484
00:21:13,844 --> 00:21:15,530
T-They're good enough.
I'm done.
485
00:21:15,618 --> 00:21:17,217
All right.
Let's go.
486
00:21:19,021 --> 00:21:20,501
All right. We're landing.
Come on.
487
00:21:20,589 --> 00:21:22,502
Man, I can't believe
we're almost done, Rick.
488
00:21:22,590 --> 00:21:24,632
I can practically taste
the eggnog.
489
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:25,799
Hey, you know what?
490
00:21:25,887 --> 00:21:27,920
I... I feel like
we're forgetting something.
491
00:21:28,008 --> 00:21:29,878
Oh, yeah, uh, thanks
for reminding me.
492
00:21:29,973 --> 00:21:32,005
Morty, next time,
stay in the car.
493
00:21:32,093 --> 00:21:33,693
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
494
00:21:36,114 --> 00:21:37,440
Did you get any of that?