1
00:00:04,110 --> 00:00:05,440
Rick, we did it!
We... we got it!
2
00:00:05,470 --> 00:00:07,170
Hurry up, Morty.
Get in!
3
00:00:07,210 --> 00:00:08,540
Chachi!
[Bleep] Chachi, Morty.
4
00:00:08,580 --> 00:00:10,640
Did you get it?
He helped me escape prison.
5
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,180
Did you get the ultimate cube?
6
00:00:13,210 --> 00:00:14,480
Oh, it's purple.
7
00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:15,880
Y-You said it was purple.
8
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,280
I said mine was.
9
00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:18,980
I didn't know they all were.
10
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,150
And now we do, thanks to Chichi.
11
00:00:21,190 --> 00:00:22,490
Chachi.
12
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:26,160
So, uh, w-w-when do I get it?
13
00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:27,590
Get what, a hug?
14
00:00:27,630 --> 00:00:29,306
Let's find a planet
with a garden hose first.
15
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,700
A dragon.
A dragon.
16
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,930
You asked me to cut class
and fight robots with you.
17
00:00:32,970 --> 00:00:34,230
I said, "no."
18
00:00:34,270 --> 00:00:35,476
You said, "millions of lives
depend on it."
19
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:37,170
I said, "I'll do it
for a dragon."
20
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,800
You said, "whatever."
21
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:40,210
I want my dragon.
22
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:41,610
You know who's into dragons,
Morty?
23
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,480
Nerds that refuse to admit
they're Christian.
24
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,580
I want my dragon.
Let me give you rocket shoes.
25
00:00:45,610 --> 00:00:47,080
Let me give you Wolverine claws.
26
00:00:47,110 --> 00:00:48,710
Let me give you
a [bleep] rocket hat.
27
00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:50,296
Just be sure to use it
with the rocket shoes,
28
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:51,550
or it'll rip your head off.
29
00:00:51,590 --> 00:00:53,590
I want my dragon!
I want my dragon!
30
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:54,920
I want my dragon!
31
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,690
Oh.
32
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:57,960
Oh, crap.
33
00:00:57,990 --> 00:00:59,690
Crap.
34
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:04,030
Dad, are you okay?
35
00:01:04,070 --> 00:01:05,860
Your ship crashed in Malta.
36
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,500
I'm okay.
37
00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:10,100
Oh, thank god.
38
00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:12,000
Dad, did you promise
Morty a dragon?
39
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,570
Fuuuuuuu...
40
00:01:45,510 --> 00:01:46,610
Ugh!
41
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,810
Bleed here and here.
42
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:49,980
I'm not co-bleeding.
43
00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:51,610
Under authority of our treaty
44
00:01:51,650 --> 00:01:53,710
'twixt the realms
of dragon and man...
45
00:01:53,750 --> 00:01:55,096
Oh, my god,
it's my first gay wedding.
46
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:56,420
Summer!
47
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,580
...I hereby bind
this noble serpent and rider
48
00:01:58,620 --> 00:02:00,250
at the soul.
49
00:02:00,290 --> 00:02:03,260
Here's your Tome of
dragon spells and lore.
50
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,620
That'll have everything
you need.
51
00:02:04,660 --> 00:02:05,860
Enjoy your dragon.
52
00:02:05,890 --> 00:02:07,490
Okay, dragon,
here's the house rules.
53
00:02:07,530 --> 00:02:10,460
My name is Balthromaw,
54
00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:13,230
breaker of sky,
slayer of mountain.
55
00:02:13,270 --> 00:02:15,830
Rule one... you are now scooper
of your own poops,
56
00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:19,040
or I will take you down like
the black-light poster you are.
57
00:02:19,070 --> 00:02:20,840
I don't got any more rules.
That's it.
58
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,056
I'm guessing you'd rather not
be tagged in this.
59
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,010
Okay, I'll bite.
60
00:02:26,050 --> 00:02:27,350
What's with the talking cat?
61
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:28,950
It's a dragon, dip knob.
62
00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:30,450
I know that's a dragon.
63
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:33,290
I'm talking about
the talking cat in my bedroom.
64
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,190
Jerry, why would I give Morty
a talking dragon
65
00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:37,020
and you a talking cat
at the same time?
66
00:02:37,060 --> 00:02:38,520
Those concepts bump.
67
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,336
If you're talking to a cat,
it's an abnormal event
68
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,760
unrelated to me like
when you went to Pluto
69
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,330
or [bleep] my daughter.
70
00:02:44,370 --> 00:02:47,030
Okay, there's really no need
to get savage.
71
00:02:48,540 --> 00:02:49,670
So?
72
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:51,386
Eh, he says he has nothing
to do with your talking.
73
00:02:51,410 --> 00:02:53,670
Told you.
So then why are you talking?
74
00:02:53,710 --> 00:02:56,140
Why should that matter?
Why should it not matter?
75
00:02:56,180 --> 00:02:58,280
How do I know I'm not
hallucinating?
76
00:02:58,310 --> 00:03:00,250
Rick said this is
an abnormal event.
77
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,320
Do you always need Rick
to tell you what's going on?
78
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:04,350
Maybe it's time you stopped
asking questions
79
00:03:04,390 --> 00:03:06,690
and started having fun.
80
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,120
Oh.
81
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:11,020
Wow, okay.
82
00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,290
So, what do you want?
83
00:03:12,330 --> 00:03:13,730
I want you to take us
to the airport
84
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,330
and get us two
first-class tickets to Florida.
85
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,730
Why, I... I can do that.
86
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,270
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
87
00:03:24,310 --> 00:03:26,940
Oh, this is so cool!
88
00:03:30,980 --> 00:03:33,380
I await your next command.
89
00:03:33,410 --> 00:03:35,710
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Nobody is commanding anybody.
90
00:03:35,750 --> 00:03:39,220
I love soaring through the sky
with you as equals.
91
00:03:39,250 --> 00:03:40,690
W-What do you want to do?
92
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,890
I want to enter my lair
and sleep upon my hoard
93
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,760
until the age of man expires.
94
00:03:46,790 --> 00:03:47,860
Okay.
95
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,430
Split the diff?
96
00:03:49,460 --> 00:03:52,560
20-minute nap
and soar through the sky?
97
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,970
Ugh.
98
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,830
As you command.
99
00:03:55,870 --> 00:03:57,500
Okay, see you soon.
100
00:03:57,540 --> 00:03:58,800
T-This is fun.
101
00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:01,170
Yeah, right.
102
00:04:01,210 --> 00:04:03,410
What's this show called, "ass"?
103
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:06,110
Yeah, it's like "bones,"
but they solve ass crimes.
104
00:04:06,150 --> 00:04:07,256
This ass is a clue.
105
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,450
Are these two gonna hook up?
106
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:10,780
No, and only the lame fans
want that.
107
00:04:10,820 --> 00:04:12,320
Don't tell me
how to enjoy things.
108
00:04:12,350 --> 00:04:14,150
Go to her ass.
That's Brenner.
109
00:04:14,190 --> 00:04:17,020
Go to Brenner ass.
110
00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:18,260
Honeymoon over already?
111
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:19,406
What's that supposed to mean?
112
00:04:19,430 --> 00:04:21,190
Admit it, Morty.
Dragons suck.
113
00:04:21,230 --> 00:04:23,236
Why don't you admit you don't
anyone else to be happy
114
00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:26,200
because you're a sad old fart?
115
00:04:26,230 --> 00:04:27,870
How do you saddle a fart?
116
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:29,330
Holy [bleep] look!
117
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,640
- I love you, ass.
- I love you, Brenner.
118
00:04:31,670 --> 00:04:32,800
No.
Shh.
119
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,440
Ah!
Oh!
120
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,940
And that's the end of the
"Morty gets a dragon" episode.
121
00:04:36,980 --> 00:04:38,110
Are you gonna slay it?
122
00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:40,480
First off,
I always slay it, queen.
123
00:04:40,510 --> 00:04:42,480
Secondly, yes.
Should I pause "ass"?
124
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,550
Nah, it's kind of boring
now that they're together.
125
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,290
Hey [bleep]
126
00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:55,060
Will you shut the [bleep] up
or at least roll over?
127
00:04:55,100 --> 00:04:57,160
Oh, no, it burns.
128
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,500
Oh, my god.
Oh, the fire of... of it all.
129
00:04:59,530 --> 00:05:01,570
Ah, if only I had
prepared better
130
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,340
for this terrifying battle
by remembering
131
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:05,640
the only thing dragons
are known for.
132
00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,350
Careful you don't get heartburn.
133
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,420
I made that Android
with a lot of C4.
134
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:18,180
Oh, I'm sorry.
I imbued it with
135
00:05:18,220 --> 00:05:20,990
a remote-controlled
explode-y potion.
136
00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:22,750
You have bested me.
137
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,420
I am at your service.
138
00:05:24,460 --> 00:05:26,090
Good to be on
the same parchment.
139
00:05:26,130 --> 00:05:27,636
Now, I'm gonna tell
my grandson you ran off
140
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:30,830
with a low-flying 747
while you pack up your...
141
00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:33,230
wait, is this...
why do you have an original
142
00:05:33,270 --> 00:05:36,100
Ecto Cooler juice box from 1989?
143
00:05:36,140 --> 00:05:38,770
I hoard that which
your kind covets.
144
00:05:38,810 --> 00:05:41,810
Give you 20 bucks for it.
Nice try.
145
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,486
What the hell else
are you hoarding down here?
146
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,010
Cha-ching.
"Small soldiers" spin pops?
147
00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:47,650
Don't open that.
I'm not an idiot.
148
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,920
Hey, why do you have future's
self-titled album on vinyl?
149
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:52,380
Look closer.
150
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,390
Oh [bleep] he signed it.
151
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:56,090
Closer.
152
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:58,120
He signed it in Molly
and Percocet?
153
00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,466
I could spend all night
down here.
154
00:05:59,490 --> 00:06:02,360
Do you indulge
in volcanic fumes?
155
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,030
Is it gonna [bleep] up my brain?
156
00:06:05,070 --> 00:06:07,670
No.
I'll do it anyway.
157
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:10,840
Hoo, those were not
cheap tickets,
158
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:14,510
but, um, I'm down to clown.
159
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,280
Uh, w-w-w-why can you talk
again, uh?
160
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:18,710
It's not important, Jerry.
161
00:06:18,750 --> 00:06:20,080
Okay, but why Florida?
162
00:06:20,110 --> 00:06:21,710
Because they don't
ask questions.
163
00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:24,150
They play volleyball,
they party, and they have fun.
164
00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:25,880
Right, right.
165
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:27,090
You can do this, Jerry.
166
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,920
I can do this.
167
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,590
I can do this.
168
00:06:30,620 --> 00:06:33,830
Ugh!
169
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,960
Oh, yeah.
170
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,630
Hey, Jerry, after this game,
171
00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:39,560
come to my yacht
and bring your cat.
172
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,030
You got it, Jipe.
173
00:06:41,070 --> 00:06:42,700
I got to admit, you were right.
174
00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:44,500
I've got to tell you
something, Jerry.
175
00:06:44,540 --> 00:06:47,310
This is the happiest I've ever
been in my entire life.
176
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,980
Oh, gross!
Who shit in the sand?
177
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,380
Someone took a small shit
in the sand
178
00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:54,380
and buried it with, like,
two little kicks
179
00:06:54,420 --> 00:06:56,780
and just left it here
like a land mine.
180
00:06:56,820 --> 00:06:58,980
Why and who?
181
00:06:59,020 --> 00:07:01,120
It was him.
182
00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:04,490
Help!
183
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:05,490
♪ Yo ♪
184
00:07:05,730 --> 00:07:08,490
♪ Percocets, yeah, Molly,
percocets, percosets ♪
185
00:07:08,630 --> 00:07:11,460
♪ Percocets, yeah, Molly,
percocets, percosets ♪
186
00:07:11,670 --> 00:07:14,370
♪ Mask on,
mask off ♪
187
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:17,470
♪ Gas gone, never nod off ♪
188
00:07:21,110 --> 00:07:24,010
I'm being summoned by Morty.
189
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,910
Yeah.
He's, uh, texting me.
190
00:07:25,950 --> 00:07:28,110
Hmm.
How are you responding?
191
00:07:28,150 --> 00:07:29,450
Ugh, I tend not to,
192
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,880
or maybe I'll send, like,
a popular animated gif
193
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:35,190
that could be interpreted in
almost any way. Brilliant.
194
00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:37,160
I summon thee.
195
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:40,930
I summon thee, Balthromaw.
196
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,230
What the hell?
197
00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:44,300
Taylor swift pumping her hands
in the air?
198
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:45,830
What does it mean when...
it means you're lame.
199
00:07:45,830 --> 00:07:46,830
♪ Yo ♪
200
00:07:47,070 --> 00:07:49,730
♪ Percocets, yeah, Molly,
percocets, percosets ♪
201
00:07:49,940 --> 00:07:52,640
♪ Percocets, yeah, Molly,
percocets, percosets ♪
202
00:07:52,870 --> 00:07:55,470
♪ Mask on,
mask off ♪
203
00:07:56,140 --> 00:07:59,480
♪ Gas gone,
never nod off ♪
204
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:03,480
What's the saying?
205
00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:07,390
"Orcs work to live.
Dwarves live to work."
206
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,350
So dumb.
207
00:08:08,390 --> 00:08:09,790
If there's ever a saying
about me,
208
00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:12,060
I'll fly into the [bleep] sun.
209
00:08:14,830 --> 00:08:17,460
Oh, you're small for a dragon,
Rick.
210
00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:20,070
Well, I sleep on an extra big
pile of awesome shit.
211
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,370
Then there will be sayings
about you.
212
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:25,000
Your lessers will hunt you down,
213
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:28,170
and you will be owned or slain.
214
00:08:28,210 --> 00:08:31,040
That's why they call it
a dying breed, brother.
215
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:35,550
Ugh! Ugh!
216
00:08:35,580 --> 00:08:37,220
Oh, god, ugh.
217
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,680
My soul.
Oh!
218
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:40,590
Oh, yeah.
I'm...
219
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,090
I'm... I'm a dragon.
220
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,660
Oh!
Ugh, I'm bonding.
221
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:44,990
I'm bonding too.
222
00:08:45,030 --> 00:08:47,630
Oh!
Yeah.
223
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:48,860
What the [bleep]
224
00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:50,030
Morty, I can explain.
225
00:08:50,060 --> 00:08:51,160
Stop!
226
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:52,500
Why are you still doing it?
227
00:08:52,530 --> 00:08:54,400
Why does it feel better now?
228
00:08:54,430 --> 00:08:56,616
I hope it's not because you're
watching but don't go anywhere.
229
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,440
How did you find us?
230
00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:02,540
We followed the smell
of sulfur and skankery.
231
00:09:02,580 --> 00:09:04,810
Oh!
Oh, yeah.
232
00:09:04,850 --> 00:09:07,050
Oh, man, ugh.
[Bleep] this.
233
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,380
You can take this stupid
fake soul-bond contract,
234
00:09:09,420 --> 00:09:12,420
and you can... mm!
Ah!
235
00:09:12,450 --> 00:09:13,520
No refunds.
236
00:09:13,550 --> 00:09:16,020
Your dragon soul-bonded
with my grandpa.
237
00:09:16,060 --> 00:09:18,390
Oh, my!
I am so sorry.
238
00:09:18,430 --> 00:09:20,160
That is a total violation.
239
00:09:20,190 --> 00:09:21,260
Yeah, no shit.
240
00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:23,130
I'll take care of this at once.
241
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,360
You slut dragon!
242
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,600
What the [bleep] you slut.
243
00:09:25,630 --> 00:09:26,500
- Chill out, dude.
- Slut!
244
00:09:26,530 --> 00:09:27,830
Okay, that's...
you slut!
245
00:09:27,870 --> 00:09:29,100
Y-You don't have to...
slut!
246
00:09:29,140 --> 00:09:30,340
Shame on you!
247
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,846
Shame, you slut!
You slutty, slutty slut!
248
00:09:31,870 --> 00:09:33,746
Ow! Why the [bleep] does it feel
like you're whipping me?
249
00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:37,680
Because your soul got
tangled in a dirty... Ah!
250
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:38,780
- ...slutty...
- Ow!
251
00:09:38,810 --> 00:09:40,080
- ...slut soul!
- Ow!
252
00:09:40,110 --> 00:09:41,180
- Let's go!
- Ow! Ow!
253
00:09:41,210 --> 00:09:42,610
Get to that portal, you slut.
254
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:45,080
Grandpa, do something,
or I will tweet,
255
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,090
and you will be canceled.
256
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,690
Hey, dandruff the great, lighten
up and give the kid his dragon.
257
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:51,920
By whose command?
258
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,120
You have no magic.
259
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,090
Yeah, I know.
I have actual power.
260
00:09:55,130 --> 00:09:56,390
Not here, you don't.
261
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:59,560
True power looks like this...
262
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,530
stone monster.
263
00:10:01,570 --> 00:10:03,970
Stick that up your ass
oh, you're done?
264
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:07,440
I thought the rock monster was
here to introduce a physicist.
265
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:13,010
Spinal cord, uh,
activate morphine.
266
00:10:13,050 --> 00:10:15,210
Oh, I might be [bleep]
267
00:10:15,250 --> 00:10:17,280
Lightning bridge!
268
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:20,550
Okay, he's gone.
Listen up.
269
00:10:20,590 --> 00:10:22,220
There's probably animals
in these hills.
270
00:10:22,260 --> 00:10:24,560
If you spare me, I can make
your crotch a salt lick.
271
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:28,730
Agana aksaka sapooloo.
272
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:32,260
Thank you, Morty.
273
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,530
Figures you'd be higher status
in lame world.
274
00:10:34,570 --> 00:10:36,400
Get your [bleep] together,
lair wrecker.
275
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:37,970
We need to rescue Balthromaw.
276
00:10:38,010 --> 00:10:41,170
Morty, the moral of this story
is bros before dragons.
277
00:10:41,210 --> 00:10:42,670
You know what I'm talking about?
278
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:45,440
Yeah, if he dies while
you're soul bonded, you die too.
279
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:49,580
Morty, the moral of this story
is bros rescue dragons.
280
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,520
Balthromaw, by soul bonding
with multiple riders,
281
00:10:53,550 --> 00:10:57,190
you have violated the treaty
between dragon and mankind.
282
00:10:57,220 --> 00:11:01,630
The dragonarchy sentences you
to hang by the neck until dead.
283
00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:03,460
On the count of three.
284
00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:05,430
One dragonarchy,
285
00:11:05,470 --> 00:11:07,400
two dragonarchy,
286
00:11:07,430 --> 00:11:10,100
2 1/2...
I just wanted to make sure...
287
00:11:10,140 --> 00:11:11,970
three!
288
00:11:12,010 --> 00:11:14,140
Grandpa Rick, what's wrong?
289
00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:16,940
Oh, god. The wizard must have
hung Balthromaw!
290
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:18,680
Well, [bleep] It.
Can we go back then?
291
00:11:18,710 --> 00:11:20,680
W-Well, no, no.
It takes, like, 78 years
292
00:11:20,710 --> 00:11:22,050
to hang a dragon to death, so...
293
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,820
Aw, man.
It's so annoying.
294
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,380
You ever, like, try to swallow
a really big vitamin
295
00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:27,790
with no water?
Ugh!
296
00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:29,120
You know, like
297
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,960
really, like, big one, you know,
298
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:34,030
and it kind of gets,
ugh, stuck in your throat?
299
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,306
It's... it's annoying.
All right.
300
00:11:35,330 --> 00:11:37,800
Morty, go ahead
and activate this golem.
301
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:40,200
Agana aksaka sapooloo.
302
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,650
Dumb.
All right.
303
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,380
Who wants to be infused with,
like, uh, unreasonable power?
304
00:11:57,420 --> 00:11:59,920
Oh, can I be, like,
a sexy arrow-shooty lady?
305
00:11:59,950 --> 00:12:02,750
Yeah, whatever.
There's no rules. I don't care.
306
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,720
Morty, you want superpowers?
307
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,690
No, thanks. I'm fine.
I've got my book.
308
00:12:06,730 --> 00:12:08,360
All right.
Good luck with that.
309
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:09,860
Let's go.
310
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:12,700
God, it's like...
311
00:12:12,730 --> 00:12:13,946
have you ever had too much
orange juice,
312
00:12:13,970 --> 00:12:15,370
or, like, you know how egg yolk
313
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,300
kind of, like,
gets in your throat?
314
00:12:17,340 --> 00:12:18,340
Yeah, we get it.
315
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:19,270
Come on and hurry.
316
00:12:19,310 --> 00:12:21,340
W-We got to free Balthromaw.
317
00:12:21,370 --> 00:12:22,940
Upsulu... I got this.
318
00:12:26,710 --> 00:12:28,550
Morty, how's that book
working out for you,
319
00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:30,750
you [bleep] d-d-dumb-ass?
320
00:12:33,590 --> 00:12:35,350
Huh. You know what?
You're right.
321
00:12:35,390 --> 00:12:37,320
I could get used
to this magic stuff.
322
00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:47,700
There's Balthromaw.
323
00:12:47,730 --> 00:12:49,030
Check this shit out.
Watch this.
324
00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:50,076
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Don't even look.
325
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,340
Don't even bother looking.
326
00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:53,200
Just [bleep] let magic
guide your arrow.
327
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,170
Summer, what the hell
are you doing?
328
00:12:55,210 --> 00:12:57,640
Take this seriously.
Shut the [bleep] up, Morty.
329
00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:59,926
Stop trying to pretend like
magic involves skill or thought.
330
00:12:59,950 --> 00:13:02,256
Summer, make it look like it's
coming out of your butthole.
331
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:03,650
Yeah, yeah.
332
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:05,650
Ah!
333
00:13:05,690 --> 00:13:08,220
Oh, [bleep] My [bleep] Eye, oh!
334
00:13:08,260 --> 00:13:11,320
What in the medieval
equivalent of tarnation...
335
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,460
Jesus Christ!
336
00:13:13,490 --> 00:13:14,960
Summer, you [bleep] idiot!
337
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,130
Power of 12 feet.
338
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:18,000
Uh, ow [bleep]
339
00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:19,530
I take it all back!
340
00:13:19,570 --> 00:13:21,700
I [bleep] hate magic!
341
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:26,300
Ah!
342
00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:27,540
Slut thief!
343
00:13:27,570 --> 00:13:29,440
You're a slut thief!
344
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,480
Pretty fun boat, fun people.
345
00:13:34,510 --> 00:13:37,950
That's great, not being asked
why I can talk.
346
00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:41,490
I'm a talking cat, but
"who cares why?" Is my point.
347
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,990
Well, nice talking to you
for no reason.
348
00:13:46,890 --> 00:13:48,190
Jorge, that was a good one,
349
00:13:48,230 --> 00:13:50,006
but do you know what
a peanut butter gargoyle is?
350
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:51,260
Nah, what's that?
351
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:53,230
Dude, it's when you
take the chick,
352
00:13:53,270 --> 00:13:55,246
put her feet on a cathedral...
sorry to interrupt, guys.
353
00:13:55,270 --> 00:13:58,270
Just want to clarify,
are these real sex positions?
354
00:13:58,310 --> 00:13:59,500
Because if they are,
355
00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:02,140
how are they gratifying
to the male at all?
356
00:14:02,180 --> 00:14:04,040
And if the goal is
to make something up,
357
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:08,110
why not make up
something... Funnier?
358
00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:11,420
I'm asking too many questions,
aren't I?
359
00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:12,720
How ironic.
360
00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:14,590
Get out of Florida,
you overthinking cat.
361
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,860
Why don't you go overthink
[bleep] up north in Georgia?
362
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,290
Hate that cat.
363
00:14:27,930 --> 00:14:29,630
You got any money for a cab?
364
00:14:29,670 --> 00:14:31,200
Why ask questions?
365
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,770
Why not just have fun?
366
00:14:32,810 --> 00:14:34,170
I deserve that.
367
00:14:34,210 --> 00:14:36,980
Attention, citizens of Draygon,
368
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,780
a slut dragon has escaped.
369
00:14:39,810 --> 00:14:43,080
Anyone caught harboring it
is also a slut.
370
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:44,750
That's how it goes.
Ow, my eye.
371
00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:47,690
It pains me that
you can feel my pain.
372
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:48,996
Yeah, how about
you suck your [bleep]
373
00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:50,660
Which is also
somehow my [bleep]?
374
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:54,190
Aw, why can't couples that start
out cheating ever end up happy?
375
00:14:54,230 --> 00:14:56,460
M-Maybe I can find
that wizard's portal spell
376
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:57,730
in here and g-get us home.
377
00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,460
How about finding the spell
that unbinds me
378
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:00,730
from your [bleep] dragon?
379
00:15:00,770 --> 00:15:02,730
No spells can do that.
380
00:15:02,770 --> 00:15:04,870
Only the wizard
can unbind soul bonds.
381
00:15:04,910 --> 00:15:06,270
Uh, who the [bleep] are you?
382
00:15:06,310 --> 00:15:07,986
Who are we?
Who the [bleep] are you, bitch?
383
00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:10,310
Debrah, stop.
We are the slut dragons.
384
00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:12,340
We live in these slut caves
where we [bleep]
385
00:15:12,380 --> 00:15:15,380
Suck, and eat [bleep] and
we kindly ask that you leave.
386
00:15:15,420 --> 00:15:17,880
If the wizard knows we are here,
he will imprison us.
387
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,280
Yeah!
We like it down here
388
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,650
'cause we can [bleep]
woolly mammoths. Get out!
389
00:15:21,690 --> 00:15:23,236
Get the [bleep] out of here, Michael!
Shut up, Michael!
390
00:15:23,260 --> 00:15:24,736
You're the only one
that [bleep] that thing.
391
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,020
Get the [bleep] out of here.
392
00:15:26,060 --> 00:15:27,730
Well, at least
I'm not into [bleep] play.
393
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,930
- [Bleep] You!
- Hey, wait!
394
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,630
Everybody stop, stop!
395
00:15:30,660 --> 00:15:32,200
Listen, this is all my fault.
396
00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:34,870
I started all this when
I tried to control Balthromaw,
397
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:36,070
and that was [bleep] up.
398
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:37,740
Nobody should control anyone,
399
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,240
especially that guy up there.
400
00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:41,770
And, um, you can eat [bleep]
if you want, I guess.
401
00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:42,940
I, uh... I got this, Morty.
402
00:15:42,980 --> 00:15:44,710
Okay, listen up, slut dragons!
403
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:46,440
Wouldn't you rather
be sluts up there,
404
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,010
have a [bleep] world
instead of a [bleep] cave?
405
00:15:49,050 --> 00:15:50,280
What's wrong with you?
406
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,450
This man with a ponytail
makes a valid point.
407
00:15:52,490 --> 00:15:55,290
All dragons are sluts deep down,
even the ones up above,
408
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,520
but we would have to kill
the wizard to be free.
409
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:58,760
He is too powerful.
410
00:15:58,790 --> 00:16:01,330
There is a way
to kill the wizard.
411
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:02,990
Whoa.
Who's this mysterious character?
412
00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:04,760
Shadow jacker,
you haven't come out
413
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,400
of your masturbation cave
in eons.
414
00:16:06,430 --> 00:16:09,870
It's high time I emerge
from my [bleep] cocoon.
415
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:12,100
I grow tired of eavesdropping
and masturbating
416
00:16:12,140 --> 00:16:13,500
to the sounds you all make.
417
00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:14,770
Jesus Christ.
All right.
418
00:16:14,810 --> 00:16:15,886
C-Could use
a little more mystery.
419
00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:17,480
Oh, oh, just now
seeing the staff.
420
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,880
We've never had enough sluts
to defeat the wizard.
421
00:16:20,910 --> 00:16:23,310
Now, with the four fresh,
wet sluts that
422
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:26,880
just landed on our doorstep,
we finally have a chance.
423
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,020
So killing the wizard
will break my soul bond.
424
00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:31,290
Yes, it solves
all of our problems.
425
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,590
We must begin
a 10-slut soul orgy...
426
00:16:33,630 --> 00:16:35,130
Wait, wait, what?
427
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,730
...and become the all-slut
slut Phoenix dragon, slut.
428
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,046
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on. Hold on.
429
00:16:39,070 --> 00:16:40,576
There's got to be
something else in here.
430
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,176
There's got to be another way.
Just give me a second.
431
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,170
I haven't read all this yet.
432
00:16:47,510 --> 00:16:49,510
Maybe don't tell your parents
we did this?
433
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,570
Oh, oh, no.
Oh... wait, please, no!
434
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,070
Ice spell!
Ice spell!
435
00:17:18,100 --> 00:17:19,940
Oh, god!
436
00:17:19,970 --> 00:17:21,640
That just made it last longer.
437
00:17:21,670 --> 00:17:23,340
Ah, it burns longer!
438
00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:25,340
Ah, I could have died fast!
439
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,580
Thank you, strangers.
440
00:17:30,620 --> 00:17:32,266
Well, it's your world now.
Have fun with empowerment.
441
00:17:32,290 --> 00:17:34,226
It seems to make everyone
that gets it really happy.
442
00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:37,490
All right, guys.
I'll use this to open a portal.
443
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,060
Uh, open a portal to earth.
444
00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:41,890
Let's get the hell
out of here fast.
445
00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:43,430
God, look at
this piece of [bleep]
446
00:17:43,460 --> 00:17:46,160
Why is there writing on it?
Who writes on a portal?
447
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,900
Should've taken me up on those
Wolverine claws instead, Morty.
448
00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:52,570
Wait, why did the dragon come?
449
00:17:52,610 --> 00:17:54,810
I was thinking
we could hang out?
450
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,810
Oh, yeah.
Whoa, Jesus.
451
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:58,610
Your dad's been texting me
this whole time?
452
00:17:58,650 --> 00:18:00,140
Uh, he's at an airport
with a cat.
453
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:01,880
Okay, that...
that sounds... wow.
454
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,156
You know, I better check on him.
455
00:18:03,180 --> 00:18:04,880
Big season finale right there,
you know?
456
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:06,420
Better, uh...
better go right now.
457
00:18:06,450 --> 00:18:08,320
Also, I told you not
to get a dragon, Morty.
458
00:18:08,350 --> 00:18:10,396
This is your fault. [Bleep] You,
worst adventure ever.
459
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:11,920
Worst adventure ever.
460
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,860
Yeah, uh, I guess you better be
on your way too, Balthromaw.
461
00:18:14,890 --> 00:18:16,560
Well, I've been thinking.
462
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:20,400
What you said back there in the
cave really resonated with me.
463
00:18:20,430 --> 00:18:22,000
Maybe we could try again?
464
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:23,376
Look, to be honest,
I'm kind of grossed out
465
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,800
with the sexual nature
of how everything unfolded.
466
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,540
I didn't know
how sexual dragons were.
467
00:18:27,570 --> 00:18:30,040
I kind of just wanted to do
some D&D stuff, you know?
468
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,240
And have a soul orgy
with your sister and grandpa
469
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,050
and every dragon
we could find, yeah?
470
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,050
No, look,
can you please just go?
471
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,650
I-I-I really want to shower.
472
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,520
Maybe a quick soul bone
before I go.
473
00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:40,750
I-i-i-I'm good.
474
00:18:40,790 --> 00:18:42,030
I think I just need to be alone
475
00:18:42,060 --> 00:18:44,220
and sort of
un... unpack all this.
476
00:18:44,260 --> 00:18:45,290
What about your grandpa?
477
00:18:45,330 --> 00:18:46,820
Would he want to?
I can wait.
478
00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:48,160
No, I think you better go.
479
00:18:48,190 --> 00:18:49,930
I-I'm gonna take that shower.
480
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,630
If it's just warm liquid you
want trickled over your body,
481
00:18:52,670 --> 00:18:53,900
I could maybe... no, no, look.
482
00:18:53,930 --> 00:18:55,270
I just want to be clean!
483
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,500
I-I-I feel dirty after
everything that's happened.
484
00:18:57,540 --> 00:19:00,240
How about a quick hand bond?
485
00:19:00,270 --> 00:19:02,240
I like doing it.
You're embarrassing yourself.
486
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:03,880
I-i-I'm closing the door.
487
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,910
[Bleep] Soul teasers.
488
00:19:06,950 --> 00:19:09,080
This is a cool car.
I like having fun.
489
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:10,980
That's what I'm talking about.
Keep it moving.
490
00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:12,480
Don't ask why I can talk.
491
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,250
Mm, mm, mm.
Uh-huh.
492
00:19:14,290 --> 00:19:16,690
For sure. For sure.
493
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,120
Where are we going?
494
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,490
Quantum radiator might need
some nanowater.
495
00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:22,660
We... we can stretch our legs.
496
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,300
So, uh, why can you talk?
497
00:19:31,340 --> 00:19:32,700
What is this?
498
00:19:32,740 --> 00:19:35,010
I need you in one spot
for a clean mind scan.
499
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,180
Mind scan?
Look, you're overthinking it.
500
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,140
The point of a talking cat
is to have fun.
501
00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:41,610
I find the insinuation that
I can't ask questions
502
00:19:41,650 --> 00:19:43,150
and have fun condescending.
503
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:45,950
Y-You find it condescending, Jerry?
Yes.
504
00:19:45,990 --> 00:19:48,750
All right. I'm from outer space.
Happy? No.
505
00:19:48,790 --> 00:19:50,990
Exactly, because no answer
would be satisfying.
506
00:19:51,020 --> 00:19:52,260
Because it's a lie.
507
00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:54,590
Let's see the truth.
508
00:19:54,630 --> 00:19:55,690
What in the...
509
00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:00,600
Oh, son of a bitch.
510
00:20:00,630 --> 00:20:02,200
Jerry, don't.
I want to see.
511
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,200
No, you do not.
512
00:20:06,340 --> 00:20:09,470
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
513
00:20:09,510 --> 00:20:11,740
At least now maybe...
514
00:20:11,780 --> 00:20:12,840
get the hell out of here!
515
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:13,840
But I've got nowhere to go.
516
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,180
Get out!
Get out!
517
00:20:15,220 --> 00:20:16,220
Get out!
518
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:28,590
He was in my home where
I keep photos of my parents.
519
00:20:28,630 --> 00:20:29,730
Jerry, I have a device.
520
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:31,060
I-It can make us forget.
521
00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:34,100
No, I don't think we should
forget,
522
00:20:34,130 --> 00:20:35,530
not this.
523
00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:37,670
Someone has to remember.
524
00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:39,400
Someone will.
525
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,670
Did we crash?
526
00:20:42,710 --> 00:20:43,710
Where's the cat?
527
00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:45,680
He, uh, ran away.
528
00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:47,750
Did you scan his brain?
Yeah.
529
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,250
Did you find out
why he can talk?
530
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,150
He's from outer space.
531
00:20:51,180 --> 00:20:53,050
Outer space?
532
00:20:53,090 --> 00:20:54,750
That little...
533
00:20:54,790 --> 00:20:58,190
of course, total mind [bleep]
534
00:21:33,830 --> 00:21:35,960
Now, that's what I call
draggin'.
535
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,360
What?
It's a joke.
536
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,760
You're a dragon
draggin' your stuff.
537
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,270
I understand.
538
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:42,870
So, how you doing?
539
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:44,800
I grow weary of you humans.
540
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,170
How about 50 bucks?
You weary of 50 bucks?
541
00:21:47,210 --> 00:21:48,610
I'm trying to cheat on my wife.
542
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,840
I'm looking for a little magic,
a little fantasy.
543
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,886
You could use some help.
Let's help each other, huh?
544
00:21:52,910 --> 00:21:54,210
50 bucks.
545
00:21:58,320 --> 00:21:59,950
Nice.
546
00:21:59,990 --> 00:22:01,690
Is there a reason you can speak?
547
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,190
Yeah, and I'm ashamed of it.
548
00:22:04,220 --> 00:22:06,760
Then speak of it no more.
549
00:22:06,790 --> 00:22:09,830
Do you wish to eat,
maybe bond a little?
550
00:22:09,860 --> 00:22:11,830
Yeah, I could bond.
551
00:22:11,860 --> 00:22:14,000
How long does it take you
to fly to Florida?
552
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:16,970
Did you get any of that?