1
00:00:00,735 --> 00:00:03,535
Rick: Morty?!
2
00:00:03,571 --> 00:00:05,237
- Morty!
- Rick?
3
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,639
- Hey, Morty?!
- Rick?
4
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:10,376
Are you far away,
or are you inside something?
5
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:12,077
Is this a camera?
6
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,612
Is everything a camera?
7
00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:15,280
Rick:
Morty, the garage, Morty.
8
00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:17,282
Come to the garage!
9
00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:18,350
Morty?
10
00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:19,985
Rick? W-where are you?
11
00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:21,387
On my work bench, Morty.
12
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:23,166
Are you invisible and you're
gonna, like, fart on me?
13
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,190
Flip the pickle over.
14
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,691
What, I'm gonna touch it,
15
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:27,537
and you're gonna tell me it's
an alien dick or something.
16
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,261
Come on,
flip the pickle, Morty.
17
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:32,197
You're not gonna regret it.
The payoff is huge.
18
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,199
I turned myself
into a pickle, Morty!
19
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:36,402
Boom! Big reveal...
I'm a pickle.
20
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:37,669
What do you think about that?
21
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,538
I turned myself
into a pickle!
22
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,607
W-what are you just
staring at me for, bro.
23
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,142
I turned myself
into a pickle, Morty!
24
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,476
And? And?
25
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,311
What more do you want
tacked on to this?
26
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:49,048
I turned myself into a pickle,
and 9/11 was an inside job.
27
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,482
Was it? Who cares, Morty?
28
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,317
Global acts of terrorism
happen every day.
29
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,164
Uh, here's something
that's never happened before...
30
00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:55,521
I'm a pickle.
31
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,656
I'm Pickle Rick!
32
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:36,528
Are you going to,
I mean, you know,
33
00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:38,464
is this the first part
of some magic trick?
34
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,632
I don't do magic,
Morty, I do science.
35
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,734
One takes brains, the other
takes dark eye liner.
36
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,736
Well, can you move?
Can you fly?
37
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,383
I wouldn't be much
of a pickle if I could.
38
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:49,541
All right, well, do pickles
live forever or...
39
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:52,444
Morty, stop digging for hidden
layers and just be impressed.
40
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,213
I'm a pickle.
I-I'm just trying
41
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:55,725
to figure out
why you would do this...
42
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,316
Why anyone would do this.
43
00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:59,651
The reason anyone would
do this is, if they could,
44
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,820
which they can't,
would be because they could,
45
00:02:01,856 --> 00:02:03,555
which they can't.
46
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:05,268
Morty, we have to get going,
or we're gonna be late.
47
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,803
Where's your grandpa?
Right here, sweetie.
48
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,660
I'm a pickle! What?!
49
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,129
Why would you... ugh!
50
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,475
Look, we're running late.
We have to go.
51
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:12,698
Where are you guys going?
52
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,267
We have an appointment
downtown
53
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:18,137
that was set a week ago
and agreed upon by everyone,
54
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:19,538
including you.
55
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,274
Oh, my God. Beth, oh,
it totally slipped my mind.
56
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,543
Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle.
57
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,478
I mean, I don't know
if I can... ooh, geez.
58
00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:29,448
Rick, did you do this on purpose
to get out of family counseling?
59
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,116
- Morty!
- It's okay, Beth.
60
00:02:31,152 --> 00:02:32,384
I understand
Morty's suspicion.
61
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:33,785
I've misled him before.
62
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:37,122
Morty, turn me so we're
making eye contact.
63
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:40,392
Morty, I assure you,
I would never find a way
64
00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:42,494
to get out of family therapy.
65
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,329
I hope my lack
of fingers doesn't prevent
66
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:45,697
the perception
of my air quotes.
67
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,544
Can't you just turn yourself
back into a human?
68
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:48,600
Great question, Summer.
69
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:49,868
The unfortunate answer is
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00:02:49,904 --> 00:02:51,637
I did this
to challenge myself.
71
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,405
And it could take
hours or even days
72
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,741
before I'm able to figure out
how to return to human form.
73
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,643
But, I mean, you know,
your mom could put me
74
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,178
in a purse or a pocket,
you know,
75
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,412
if she really needs me to go.
76
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:02,614
Nobody needs anything.
Okay, it's fine.
77
00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:04,261
I mean, you should just
stay here and figure out
78
00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:05,717
how to stop being
a pickle, okay?
79
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:08,654
Hey, Rick, why is there
a syringe of mysterious fluid
80
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,322
hanging directly over you?
81
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,691
Also, why is the string
attached to it running through
82
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,493
a pair of scissors
attached to a timer?
83
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,695
And why is the time set
to 10 minutes from now,
84
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:20,299
exactly when we would
have left for therapy?
85
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,501
Well, Morty, if you know
must know,
86
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,803
the syringe is completely
unrelated to this discussion,
87
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:27,272
and, therefore, it does not
warrant further explanation.
88
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:29,942
Enough. Kids, it's time to go.
We don't want to be late.
89
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,610
W-w-what are you
doing there, Beth?
90
00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,445
What are you doing there,
sweetie?
91
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,258
Well, I mean, you don't
want to get pierced by a needle
92
00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:36,726
full of liquid unrelated
to your situation.
93
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:37,750
How's that gonna help?
94
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:38,884
Can't argue with that.
95
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,219
Great. We'll see you later.
96
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:41,587
Hey, hey,
be careful with that.
97
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,966
It's for something else.
98
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,534
It's really important,
99
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,258
so don't break it.
100
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,827
Okay, I may have
up here.
101
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:53,198
Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut,
dah, pap, pap, pap, pah.
102
00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:54,800
T-t-tah, tah.
103
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,679
Oh, great.
104
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,314
Stupid cat.
105
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,429
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I know what it looks like
106
00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:13,986
to you, Izzy,
but I'm not a snake!
107
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:15,865
I've seen the YouTube videos,
I know cats are scared
108
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,834
of cucumbers and pickles because
they think they're snakes.
109
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,391
I'm not a snake!
110
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,792
I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle!
111
00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:21,860
Whoa!
112
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:24,196
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
113
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:29,268
Oh, crap, that sun is bright.
114
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:30,535
Okay, come on.
115
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:31,881
This can't really be
the way I go out.
116
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:33,505
This is the mega-genius
equivalent
117
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:36,441
of dying on the toilet.
118
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:39,478
So hot.
119
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:42,481
This is how I'm gonna die.
120
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,758
Oh, God, moisture.
121
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,560
Oh, God, the moisture...
Dial it back, God.
122
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:57,429
Dial it back a little bit here!
123
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,730
Oh! Oh.
124
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,502
Oh, God!
125
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:05,304
Perpendicular, perpendicular!
126
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,972
Oh, shit!
127
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,974
Oh! Oh!
128
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,651
Oh!
129
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:28,760
Come on. That's it.
130
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,562
Come get this delicious brine.
131
00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:31,697
Aah!
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00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:35,867
- Come on!
- Come on, mother-!
133
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,502
Come on!
134
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,359
Yes!
135
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:02,627
How is this even
family therapy
136
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,996
if Dad's not invited
and Grandpa won't come?
137
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,366
Yeah, and what's courageous
about eating a hot dog?
138
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,601
It's nobody's choice
to be here, you knobs.
139
00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:12,337
The family was told to get
counseling by your principal,
140
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:14,039
even though it's not
the family that was
141
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,408
huffing pottery glaze
in the art room
142
00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:18,410
and desk wetting
in history class.
143
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:20,112
Oh, the Smith family,
144
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,613
minus a dad.
145
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,482
You're patients
of Dr. Wong, too?
146
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,484
Temporarily...
By order of the school.
147
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:28,954
Me too. How long have
you all been eating poop?
148
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,523
We... have never...
149
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:32,558
eaten poop.
150
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,426
Uh, me, neither.
151
00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,828
Say, where did my family
get off to?
152
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:39,464
Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong.
153
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,533
Come on in.
154
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,739
I was told there was a grandpa
that might be joining us?
155
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,941
He got wrapped up
in an experiment.
156
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:51,777
He's a scientist.
157
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:54,045
Like, legit,
like on a an inter-galactic,
158
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,680
sci-fi level.
His work is very...
159
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:56,982
He turned himself
into a pickle.
160
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:59,518
Morty, Mom's talking.
I'm sorry.
161
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:01,153
I suppose that's a good segue
162
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,555
into our little
discipline cases here.
163
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:06,158
Does Grandpa turn himself
into a pickle a lot?
164
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:09,428
What?! No!
What kind of question is that?
165
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:12,164
The kind that wasn't designed to
attack or hurt you in any way.
166
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:14,733
Oh, Jesus Christ,
one of these.
167
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:18,403
No, my father has never turned
himself into a pickle before.
168
00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:20,505
He's unpredictable
and eccentric.
169
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,874
The whole family is.
Speaking of which...
170
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:25,811
Okay, let's open things up
to the whole family,
171
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,746
and let me ask this.
172
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,916
Why do we think Grandpa
turned himself into a pickle?
173
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,594
Wow. Ugh!
174
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,432
Hey, listen, I know this
is your world not mine.
175
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:49,212
The sooner I can get out,
the sooner I can go back
176
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:53,171
to taking big craps, and you can
go back to subsisting on them.
177
00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:54,906
You are one driven rat.
178
00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:58,944
Could you be
a little more driven?
179
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:02,013
To the right.
180
00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:03,615
Yes, yes, yes!
181
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,817
Come on, come on, come on!
Fresh, fresh, fresh!
182
00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,819
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
was this your friend?
183
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:11,656
Don't worry, he died doing what
he loved, being a dumb... rat.
184
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,945
Oh, yeah!
185
00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,937
Aaaah!
186
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,705
I didn't say
my father is perfect,
187
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,073
I said his work is important.
188
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,808
And she's saying
what's important is
189
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,944
that Grandpa lied to you
to get out of coming here.
190
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,112
Oh, he did not!
191
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,647
Let's do an experiment here.
192
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,782
I get the impression
this family values science.
193
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:13,151
So raise your hand
if you feel certain
194
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:15,287
you know what was
in the syringe.
195
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:18,690
Raise your hand if
you know for certain
196
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,860
the syringe does not
contain anti-pickle serum.
197
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,063
Beth, your hand did
a little thing there.
198
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,676
Do you really not see
what's happening here?
199
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,233
Tell me. Well, Dr. Wong...
200
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,868
By the way, racist name...
201
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,137
Obviously, Morty and Summer
are seizing on your
202
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,539
arbitrary pickle obsession
as an end run
203
00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:36,708
around what was supposed
to be their therapy.
204
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,276
Oh, I think
this pickle incident
205
00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:39,878
is a better path
than any other
206
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,846
to the heart of
your family's dysfunction.
207
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:43,915
I think it's possible
that you and your father
208
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:46,217
have a very specific dynamic.
209
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,652
I don't think it's one
210
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,132
that rewards emotion
or vulnerability.
211
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:50,755
I think it may punish them.
212
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:53,024
I think it's possible that
dynamic eroded your marriage,
213
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:55,093
and is infecting
your kids with a tendency
214
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:57,862
to misdirect their feelings.
215
00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:58,964
you.
216
00:09:58,999 --> 00:09:59,965
- Mom!
- Mom!
217
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,099
both of you, too.
218
00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:05,014
By the way, you might
notice that in spite of
219
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,238
your numerous
distinctive features,
220
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:10,942
I never gave you a name
like Scar or Stripe or Goliath.
221
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:13,078
That's because, to me,
you aren't special.
222
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,580
You were special to rats.
Now they're dead.
223
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,716
I guess it was me
you should have impressed.
224
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,051
God damn it, I love myself.
225
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:32,097
Pickle Rick!
226
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,879
Get that parkour.
227
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:49,347
Get that parkour!
228
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,019
Hey, it's cool.
229
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,298
Just need to find
the nearest exit.
230
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,955
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
No need to freak out.
231
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,225
Whoa!
232
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,681
Who in the toilet
is this?
233
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:10,802
What is it?
234
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,971
A pickle? A rat? Both.
235
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,651
It says it's a scientist.
236
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:15,974
Where is it?
237
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,842
It seems to be
using the air ducts
238
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,844
and the mail tubes
to get around.
239
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,080
It's been gathering
office supplies, we think,
240
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,281
to build weaponry.
241
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,717
But look what it
did on the mezzanine.
242
00:11:25,752 --> 00:11:29,988
It transferred a bottle from
the trash to the recycling bin.
243
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,692
Whatever this thing is,
it's shaming us.
244
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,994
We have 34 armed guards,
and we can't kill a pickle?
245
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,862
32 armed guards.
246
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,764
He killed two.
247
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,266
It's on the phone.
248
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,702
Put him on, and locate
the phone he's using.
249
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,403
Hello.
250
00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:48,239
Rick: Hi, um, can you, uh,
please let me out.
251
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,941
Your mere presence
in this building
252
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:51,843
violates international law.
253
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,779
I couldn't let you out even
if you hadn't killed two men.
254
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,182
You should know
those men killed themselves.
255
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,750
And how is that?
256
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:00,452
They didn't
let me out.
257
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:01,886
Solen'ya.
258
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,254
Shut your mouth
and do your jobs,
259
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:04,689
you children!
260
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,291
Uh, is this not
a good time or...?
261
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:09,260
Some of my men
are calling you "Solen'ya"...
262
00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:12,330
The Pickle Man,
an old wives tale.
263
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,132
He crawls from
bowls of cold soup
264
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,234
to steal the dreams
of wasteful children.
265
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:17,802
That'd be
a lucky break for you.
266
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:20,772
Go, shoot to kill.
267
00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:23,475
Aaah!
268
00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:35,198
We got him.
269
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:36,287
- Ah.
- Ah.
270
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:37,822
Rick: Because this pickle
271
00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,958
doesn't care
about your children.
272
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,459
And I'm not gonna
take their dreams.
273
00:12:41,495 --> 00:12:44,262
I'm gonna take their parents.
274
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:03,081
Solen'ya! He's coming!
275
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,850
It's because I threw
half-way my sandwich!
276
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,485
He's just a pickle!
277
00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:08,853
He's a monster.
278
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,356
He's not the only one.
279
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:23,468
You can stay, dead to the world
and die in this room.
280
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:27,772
Or you can kill a pickle for me
and earn your freedom.
281
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:31,910
There is no freedom while
you're leader breathes.
282
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,978
Our country is a prison.
283
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,780
Then Catarina is a prisoner.
284
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,349
Perhaps I could arrange
her escape, as well.
285
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:41,953
She lives, Jaguar.
286
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,389
Where is this pickle?
287
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,925
What do you think is
in the syringe, Beth?
288
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,260
You're the one that costs
$200 an hour. You tell me.
289
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,007
- Anti-pickle serum.
- It's anti-pickle serum.
290
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:54,065
Your kids think it might be
anti-pickle serum.
291
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:57,468
My kids pee their desks
and suck on unbaked vases.
292
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,838
They're just angry at me
for divorcing their father.
293
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,406
I never said
I was angry at you.
294
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,808
That's the point of
pottery-enamel huffing, Summer.
295
00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:05,543
You do it so you
don't have to say
296
00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:07,345
"I'm angry at mommy"
out loud.
297
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,080
Oh, my God! Oh, there...
298
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:11,249
There's pictures of people
eating poop in there!
299
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:14,986
It's not my job to take
sides or pass judgment.
300
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:17,488
Do you think when your father
asks for that syringe,
301
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,891
you could ask him... He won't
have to ask for it, okay?
302
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:20,892
He won't need it.
303
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:22,227
He'll just make more.
304
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:23,928
He doesn't need
anything from anyone.
305
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:27,298
You admire him for that.
306
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,033
It's better than
making your problems
307
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,335
other people's problems.
308
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,254
Oh, come on!
309
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:03,034
Pickle Man, you should
know this isn't personal!
310
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:04,280
You should know
that isn't original.
311
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:05,603
They have my daughter.
312
00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:07,505
There's nothing I won't do
to see her again.
313
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:10,108
Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do
to see my daughter,
314
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,910
but killing you gets me
to her quicker
315
00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:13,945
than your derivative
bullshit.
316
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,418
I never bullshit, Pickle Man.
317
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,587
This can only end
with one of us dead,
318
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,355
and I have never died.
319
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,124
That will be your
downfall, Jaguar,
320
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:28,960
not being open
to new experiences.
321
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,673
Is it done?
322
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:43,474
Jaguar?!
323
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,476
Rick:
Jaguar couldn't make it.
324
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:46,577
Do it.
325
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,947
Okay, you win, Pickle Man.
326
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,281
I'm unsealing the building.
327
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,550
No, thanks.
I'm coming for you now.
328
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:55,520
Pickle Man, there's
$100 million worth of bonds
329
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,021
in a safe on level two.
330
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,222
I'll give you
the combination.
331
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,091
That money belongs
to the people.
332
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,026
Shut up and call me
a helicopter, you prick!
333
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,494
Do we have a deal?!
334
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,496
Take that money,
give it to Jaguar's daughter
335
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:06,497
when you set her free.
336
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,032
Or I'll be visiting you.
337
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:09,500
Jaguar's daughter is dead.
338
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:10,702
Huh, so you're a liar.
339
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,236
Jaguar was an animal.
340
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,005
You're an intelligent pickle.
341
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,340
We can do business.
342
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:17,175
I don't think so.
See you soon.
343
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,710
- Is the helicopter here?
- Yes.
344
00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,211
And the police
are on the way.
345
00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:21,346
What do we tell them?
346
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:22,513
Ooh! Aah!
347
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,349
Tell them we were robbed.
348
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:31,122
Hey!
Hey, what are you doing?!
349
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,491
I'm right here!
350
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,507
Farewell, Solen'ya.
351
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,179
F-15s are scrambled.
352
00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:57,582
This helicopter will be
shot down in seven minutes.
353
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,350
Well, my daughter
is about five away,
354
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,019
and I've got about
eight to live.
355
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,321
Pickle Man, it's too late
for me to tell my daughter
356
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,689
I love her, but not for you.
357
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:06,424
Oh, well, uh, she knows.
358
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,237
I mean, we don't really
buy into that kind of crap,
359
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:10,061
to the extent that love is
an expression
360
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:12,530
of familiarity over time,
my access to infinite timelines
361
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,298
precludes the necessity
of attachment.
362
00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:16,667
In fact, I even abandoned
one of my infinite daughters
363
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,069
in an alternate
version of earth
364
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:20,671
that was taken over
by mutants.
365
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,041
Okay. Good luck with that.
366
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,309
Wait. Do I have
infinite daughters?
367
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:28,379
Huh? Uh, no.
No, nope, sorry about that.
368
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:31,249
Nope, just me.
369
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,051
Yeesh!
370
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,354
I...
371
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,056
am...
372
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:39,590
afraid...
373
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,092
that my kids
will get expelled.
374
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:42,693
Good. Summer, you go.
375
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,129
I am mad...
376
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:47,131
that I can't huff enamel
377
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:50,134
without people assuming
it's because my family sucks.
378
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:53,571
I hope to be seen one day
379
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,151
as someone that just
likes getting high.
380
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:56,407
Good job.
381
00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,543
Morty, do you have
an "I" statement?
382
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,579
I am sad...
383
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,247
that I peed.
384
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:06,717
I'm sad that I peed in class
instead of a toilet.
385
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:10,088
Look at this family go.
You guys are pros.
386
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:13,091
What do you guys think about
doing this once a week?
387
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:17,195
Ugh.
388
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,369
You must be Rick. Mm-hmm.
389
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,271
I've heard a lot
about you today.
390
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,307
Your family
is crazy about you.
391
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,075
Your daughter holds you
in very high regard.
392
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,410
You're a lucky fella.
393
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,345
Yeah, thank you.
Uh, sweetie, you don't still
394
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:36,547
happen to have that
syringe in your purse?
395
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,519
Dad...
396
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:45,790
I would like you to tell me
what's in the syringe.
397
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:49,827
It's a serum that I need to,
uh, to stay alive.
398
00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:53,264
I have had a rough day.
399
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,567
And, uh, I've sustained
a lot of damage.
400
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:59,337
I'm pretty close to death,
which the serum will prevent.
401
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:02,573
By changing you from
a pickle to a human.
402
00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:03,875
Yes.
403
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:07,211
Rick, why did you lie
to your daughter?
404
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:08,646
So I wouldn't
have to come here.
405
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,314
Why didn't you want
to come here?
406
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,817
Because I don't respect therapy,
because I'm a scientist.
407
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,597
Because I invent, transform,
create, and destroy
408
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,265
for a living, and when
I don't like something
409
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,889
about the world, I change it.
410
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:20,224
And I don't think going to
a rented office in a strip mall
411
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,160
to listen to some
agent of averageness
412
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:23,672
explain which words
mean which feelings
413
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,396
has ever helped
anyone do anything.
414
00:19:25,431 --> 00:19:27,243
I think it's helped a lot
of people get comfortable
415
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,200
and stop panicking,
which is a state of mind
416
00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:30,902
we value
in the animals we eat,
417
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:32,637
but not something
I want for myself.
418
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:33,871
I'm not a cow.
419
00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:36,140
I'm a pickle...
When I feel like it.
420
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,709
So... you asked.
421
00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:41,212
Rick, the only
connection between
422
00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:43,481
your unquestionable
intelligence and the sickness
423
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,417
destroying your family
is that everyone in your family,
424
00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:49,687
you included, use intelligence
to justify sickness.
425
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:52,557
You seem to alternate
between viewing your own mind
426
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:56,427
as an unstoppable force
and as an inescapable curse.
427
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:57,862
And I think
it's because the only
428
00:19:57,897 --> 00:20:00,264
truly unapproachable
concept for you
429
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,733
is that it's your mind
within your control.
430
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:05,803
You chose to come here,
you chose to talk
431
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:09,640
to belittle my vocation, just as
you chose to become a pickle.
432
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:12,176
You are the master
of your universe,
433
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:14,745
and yet you are dripping
with rat blood and feces.
434
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:17,882
Your enormous mind literally
vegetating by your own hand.
435
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:20,718
I have no doubt that
you would be bored senseless
436
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,521
by therapy, the same way
I'm bored when I brush my teeth
437
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:24,755
and wipe my ass.
438
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,657
Because the thing
about repairing,
439
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:30,428
maintaining, and cleaning is
it's not an adventure.
440
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,663
There's no way to do it
so wrong you might die.
441
00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:34,532
It's just work.
442
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:35,967
And the bottom line is,
443
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:38,936
some people are okay going
to work, and some people...
444
00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:41,339
well, some people
would rather die.
445
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,941
Each of us gets to choose.
446
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:47,812
That's our time.
447
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,513
I'm going to
give you guys my card
448
00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:50,915
and hope to hear
from you again.
449
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,528
And if you have any friends
or family that eat poop
450
00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:55,219
and would like to stop,
give them my number.
451
00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:59,557
I, um...
452
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,659
I'm sorry I lied
to get out of the thing.
453
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:02,893
I... I shouldn't lie to you.
454
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,495
Oh, it's fine.
455
00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:06,330
I mean, thank you,
and, yeah, you shouldn't.
456
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:07,932
But I hope you know
that's not what
457
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,634
that session
was supposed to be.
458
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,936
Oh, no, I mean, I know
it was Morty peeing his pants
459
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,871
and Summer snorting glue
or whatever...
460
00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:18,276
She huffed enamel, and we never
even talked about it.
461
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,488
Well, there was so much
more at stake.
462
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:24,815
I mean, that shrink,
what a monologuist.
463
00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:26,951
Are we gonna go back?
464
00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:29,220
Sweetie, could I get...
Get that syringe now?
465
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:31,555
Oh, my God, yes!
Dad, it's in my purse.
466
00:21:31,591 --> 00:21:33,424
Oh, I'm sorry.
You must be in agony.
467
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:36,427
Eh.
468
00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:42,633
Jesus.
469
00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:46,270
Jesus Christ.
Therapists, man.
470
00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:47,605
Weird breed.
471
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,507
Man, I missed having hands...
472
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,476
and blood and a stomach.
473
00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:53,644
We should get a drink.
474
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,413
Really? Like, go somewhere?
475
00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:57,715
Yeah, let's drop the kids off
and go tie one on.
476
00:21:57,750 --> 00:21:59,984
Absolutely.
477
00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:02,320
I... I liked her.
478
00:22:02,355 --> 00:22:05,022
So what are you thinking,
like, Smokey's Tavern?
479
00:22:05,058 --> 00:22:06,390
Maybe Shoney's?
480
00:22:06,426 --> 00:22:08,392
Yeah, either one. Either one.
481
00:22:40,660 --> 00:22:42,760
Rick: You'll never get away
with this, Concerto.
482
00:22:42,795 --> 00:22:44,862
That is where you're mistaken,
Mr. Sanchez.
483
00:22:44,931 --> 00:22:48,766
This shall be my greatest
performance of all time!
484
00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:52,636
This is it, Morty.
We're goners.
485
00:22:52,672 --> 00:22:54,004
We're not getting
out of this one.
486
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,573
After everything
we've been through,
487
00:22:55,608 --> 00:22:56,618
this is how we're gonna die.
488
00:22:56,642 --> 00:22:57,875
Make peace with your god.
489
00:22:57,910 --> 00:23:00,010
Oh, geez, Rick,
I-I-I don't want to die!
490
00:23:00,046 --> 00:23:03,013
And now for the E-splat!
491
00:23:05,084 --> 00:23:06,884
Jaguar!
492
00:23:10,456 --> 00:23:12,556
Who? Who was that, Rick?
493
00:23:12,592 --> 00:23:15,126
That, Morty, is why
you don't go to therapy.