1 00:00:04,770 --> 00:00:06,746 - Cynthia... - Oh my god, no. 2 00:00:06,747 --> 00:00:08,059 - No. - I told you! 3 00:00:08,060 --> 00:00:10,349 - Hold on. - Will you please... 4 00:00:10,694 --> 00:00:12,737 not marry me, I choose Veronica. 5 00:00:12,738 --> 00:00:13,671 - What?! - Yes! 6 00:00:13,672 --> 00:00:15,849 - Called it. - Why would he choose Veronica? 7 00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:17,355 Because he loves her. 8 00:00:17,356 --> 00:00:18,894 If it's any consolation, Summer, 9 00:00:18,895 --> 00:00:21,142 none of it mattered, and the entire show was stupid. 10 00:00:21,143 --> 00:00:22,605 Okay, I've got an idea, Rick. 11 00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:24,590 You show us your concept of good TV 12 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,439 and we'll crap all over that. 13 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:27,782 I thought you'd never ask. 14 00:00:30,093 --> 00:00:32,334 Cool, is that crystallized zantonite? 15 00:00:32,335 --> 00:00:34,081 It conducts electrons across dimensions. 16 00:00:34,082 --> 00:00:36,551 20% accurate, as usual, Morty. 17 00:00:36,552 --> 00:00:39,198 The important thing being I just upgraded our cable package 18 00:00:39,199 --> 00:00:41,798 with programming from every conceivable reality. 19 00:00:41,799 --> 00:00:43,462 Wait, does that mean we get Showtime Extreme? 20 00:00:43,463 --> 00:00:44,975 How about Showtime Extreme in a world 21 00:00:44,976 --> 00:00:46,534 where men evolved from corn? 22 00:00:46,535 --> 00:00:48,525 We're not so different. We're both corn of action. 23 00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:50,167 Yeah. But one of us 24 00:00:50,168 --> 00:00:51,728 is dead corn! 25 00:00:51,729 --> 00:00:52,758 - Boring. - Summer, 26 00:00:52,759 --> 00:00:54,369 you just spent three months 27 00:00:54,370 --> 00:00:55,976 watching a man choose a fake wife. 28 00:00:55,977 --> 00:00:58,719 So what? It would be better if the people were corn? 29 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,146 Jerry, you don't get it. This is infinite TV 30 00:01:01,147 --> 00:01:03,219 from infinite universes. Look. 31 00:01:03,220 --> 00:01:05,231 This shit is delicious. 32 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,719 A movie about a guy eating shit. 33 00:01:07,875 --> 00:01:09,749 A violent antique show... 34 00:01:11,013 --> 00:01:13,328 - It's a pleasure to have you. - The pleasure's all mine. 35 00:01:13,329 --> 00:01:15,754 Letterman from a time line where Jerry is famous. 36 00:01:15,755 --> 00:01:17,353 - Wait. - What in the hell? 37 00:01:17,354 --> 00:01:18,737 I agree. Where is this going? 38 00:01:18,738 --> 00:01:20,393 No, the other thing. Go back! 39 00:01:20,394 --> 00:01:21,908 Really? Alright fine. 40 00:01:21,909 --> 00:01:23,551 Glenn, this is a court order. 41 00:01:23,552 --> 00:01:25,176 It says you can't eat shit anymore. 42 00:01:26,151 --> 00:01:27,863 Alright, Jerry. When you're right, you're right. 43 00:01:27,864 --> 00:01:29,255 Now I'm hooked. 44 00:01:30,011 --> 00:01:33,011 Original version by @pauloloppes English subtitles by Robelin 45 00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:03,589 Coming up next on "Shmloo's the Shmloss", 46 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:04,980 Shmlony has a nightmare. 47 00:02:04,981 --> 00:02:06,837 Shmlantha, Shmlona. 48 00:02:06,838 --> 00:02:10,299 Amazing. A dimension were all proper nouns begin with "Shml". 49 00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:14,314 Shmlove, Shmlandula, Shmlonathan. 50 00:02:14,315 --> 00:02:16,501 Alright, that actually got old pretty quick. 51 00:02:17,076 --> 00:02:21,186 Rick, will you please go back to me on David Letterman? 52 00:02:21,187 --> 00:02:24,019 Infinity is a big number, Jerry. I don't remember the channel. 53 00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:25,355 Go back! Go back! 54 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,399 You speak the true true. 55 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,181 Oh my god! Dad's in Cloud Atlas! 56 00:02:30,182 --> 00:02:31,689 I'm in Cloud Atlas! 57 00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:32,791 What's Cloud Atlas? 58 00:02:32,792 --> 00:02:34,769 Sometimes, small true true 59 00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:36,781 different than the big true true. 60 00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:38,273 How is this possible? 61 00:02:38,274 --> 00:02:40,324 Infinite time lines, infinite possibilities. 62 00:02:40,325 --> 00:02:42,658 Including a time line where Jerry is a movie star. 63 00:02:42,659 --> 00:02:45,659 Look you guys are getting excited about the wrong aspect of this device. 64 00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:47,278 Look at this. 65 00:02:47,279 --> 00:02:50,019 And now, another quick mystery. 66 00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:52,320 I just want to know who could've done something like this. 67 00:02:52,321 --> 00:02:53,596 It's a travesty! 68 00:02:53,597 --> 00:02:54,811 I did. See this knife 69 00:02:54,812 --> 00:02:56,740 and all the blood on it? Here's my fingerprints. 70 00:02:56,741 --> 00:02:58,619 Guilty! I sentence you to life in prison! 71 00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:01,512 -Here's another quick mystery. - My mother's dead! 72 00:03:01,513 --> 00:03:03,438 And I killed her. Here's the weapon. 73 00:03:03,439 --> 00:03:05,437 Handcuff me, thank you very much. 74 00:03:05,438 --> 00:03:07,101 Guilty! Sentence to murder. 75 00:03:08,384 --> 00:03:10,021 - Here's another... - I'm the killer. 76 00:03:11,186 --> 00:03:13,189 That one was really quick, wasn't it? 77 00:03:13,190 --> 00:03:14,666 Now who wants to watch 78 00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:17,041 random crazy TV shows from different dimensions 79 00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:20,190 and who wants to narcissistically obsess 80 00:03:20,191 --> 00:03:21,261 about their alternate selves? 81 00:03:21,262 --> 00:03:22,843 - Narcissistically obsess. - I'm not obsessed about myself. 82 00:03:23,944 --> 00:03:25,793 Here. This scan your retinas 83 00:03:25,894 --> 00:03:27,474 And let you view parallel time lines 84 00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,506 through genetically matching versions of your eyes. 85 00:03:29,507 --> 00:03:30,534 Go fetch! 86 00:03:30,535 --> 00:03:31,891 - This is so cool! - Ladies first! 87 00:03:32,611 --> 00:03:33,780 I'm proud of you, Morty. 88 00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:35,518 Hey man, I don't give a crap about myself, Rick. 89 00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,271 Let's watch some crazy stuff, yo! 90 00:03:37,524 --> 00:03:38,895 I'm Ants in my Eyes Johnson. 91 00:03:38,896 --> 00:03:41,036 Here in Ants in my Eyes Johnson's Electronics, 92 00:03:41,037 --> 00:03:43,135 I mean there's so many ants in my eyes 93 00:03:43,136 --> 00:03:46,319 and there's so many TV's, microwaves, radios, 94 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,290 I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure 95 00:03:48,291 --> 00:03:49,530 what we have here in stock 96 00:03:49,531 --> 00:03:51,264 because I can't see anything. 97 00:03:51,394 --> 00:03:54,009 Our prices, I hope aren't too low! 98 00:03:54,010 --> 00:03:56,624 Check out this refrigerator! Only $200! 99 00:03:56,625 --> 00:04:00,001 What about this microwave? Only $100! That's fair! 100 00:04:00,002 --> 00:04:01,425 I'm Ants in my Eyes Johnson. 101 00:04:01,426 --> 00:04:04,131 Everything's black, I can't see a thing, 102 00:04:04,132 --> 00:04:06,061 Also I can't feel anything either. 103 00:04:06,062 --> 00:04:08,325 Did I mention that? But that's not as catchy 104 00:04:08,326 --> 00:04:10,832 as having ants in your eyes, so, that always goes, 105 00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:12,510 you know, oh by the way 106 00:04:12,511 --> 00:04:14,694 I can't feel. It's a very rare disease. 107 00:04:14,695 --> 00:04:16,340 All my nerves 108 00:04:16,341 --> 00:04:19,148 they don't allow for the sensation of touch. 109 00:04:19,149 --> 00:04:20,601 So I never know what's going on. 110 00:04:20,602 --> 00:04:22,439 Am I standing? Sitting? I don't know. 111 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:25,361 Are we sure we want to do this? Look at our own alternate lives? 112 00:04:25,362 --> 00:04:27,496 You're right. Maybe we should just play Yahtzee. 113 00:04:27,497 --> 00:04:28,662 Give me those. 114 00:04:29,613 --> 00:04:30,672 What do you see? 115 00:04:30,883 --> 00:04:31,979 Whiteness. 116 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,847 Pure whiteness. 117 00:04:35,790 --> 00:04:37,487 You're my best friend, Jerry Smith. 118 00:04:37,488 --> 00:04:38,860 I love doing cocaine with you. 119 00:04:39,694 --> 00:04:42,503 I love doing cocaine with you too, Johnny Depp. 120 00:04:42,714 --> 00:04:44,543 Haven't we spent enough time on you? 121 00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:48,032 I'm performing surgery... 122 00:04:48,033 --> 00:04:50,387 But not on a horse, on a human. 123 00:04:50,388 --> 00:04:51,763 That's great, Beth. 124 00:04:51,764 --> 00:04:53,827 You always wanted to be a real surgeon. 125 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,234 I am a real surgeon. 126 00:04:56,706 --> 00:04:58,409 - Summer's turn. - Finally! 127 00:05:00,106 --> 00:05:01,146 I don't see anything 128 00:05:01,147 --> 00:05:03,159 Well, you should select a different time line, 129 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:05,107 I mean if your father and I achieved our dreams 130 00:05:05,108 --> 00:05:06,622 there's a chance you weren't even born. 131 00:05:06,623 --> 00:05:09,758 That came out wrong. That came out very wrong. 132 00:05:09,759 --> 00:05:10,978 Fine. I'll find a world 133 00:05:10,979 --> 00:05:12,928 where you bothered to have me. 134 00:05:16,305 --> 00:05:17,876 We're playing Yahtzee. 135 00:05:17,877 --> 00:05:19,795 Yahtzee is fun. We love Yahtzee. 136 00:05:19,796 --> 00:05:21,393 It's a fun game for fun families. 137 00:05:21,394 --> 00:05:23,550 Could I... get those goggles back for a second? 138 00:05:23,551 --> 00:05:26,702 It's a 45 horsepower, with anti-lock brakes, 139 00:05:26,703 --> 00:05:30,136 and it's the official car of Mr Sneezy 3D. 140 00:05:30,137 --> 00:05:33,281 It's the brand new Sneezy Excel. 141 00:05:33,282 --> 00:05:36,364 The horn when you honk it, makes a sneeze noise. 142 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:40,202 It's light, it's right, and it's sneezy... 143 00:05:40,203 --> 00:05:41,617 dizzy... 144 00:05:42,770 --> 00:05:44,251 DE luxe. 145 00:05:44,252 --> 00:05:45,743 I'm Mr Sneezy. 146 00:05:46,823 --> 00:05:48,393 Seems like TV from other dimensions 147 00:05:48,394 --> 00:05:50,226 have a somewhat looser feel to it. 148 00:05:50,227 --> 00:05:53,045 Yeah, it's got an almost improvisational tone. 149 00:05:53,046 --> 00:05:55,455 It's in theaters now! Coming this summer... 150 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,744 Two brothers, in a van, 151 00:05:57,745 --> 00:05:59,604 and then a meteor hit, 152 00:05:59,605 --> 00:06:02,055 and they ran as fast as they could 153 00:06:02,056 --> 00:06:03,916 from giant cat monsters, 154 00:06:03,917 --> 00:06:05,996 and then a giant tornado came, 155 00:06:05,997 --> 00:06:10,313 and that's when things got knocked into twelfth gear. 156 00:06:10,907 --> 00:06:14,019 A Mexican armada shows up 157 00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:17,319 with weapons made from tube tomatoes. 158 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,578 And you better bet your bottom dollar 159 00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:22,828 that these two brothers know how to handle business. 160 00:06:22,829 --> 00:06:25,867 In Alien Invasion Tomato 161 00:06:25,868 --> 00:06:29,041 Monster Mexican Armada Brothers 162 00:06:29,042 --> 00:06:31,728 Who Are Just Regular Brothers Running 163 00:06:31,729 --> 00:06:34,295 In a Van From an Asteroid 164 00:06:34,296 --> 00:06:36,892 And All Sorts of Things: The Movie. 165 00:06:37,113 --> 00:06:38,800 Hold on, there's more. 166 00:06:38,801 --> 00:06:40,176 Old women are coming, 167 00:06:40,177 --> 00:06:42,788 and they're also in the movie, and they're gonna come 168 00:06:42,789 --> 00:06:46,161 and cross attack these two brothers. 169 00:06:46,420 --> 00:06:48,784 But let's get back to the brothers, because they're... 170 00:06:48,785 --> 00:06:50,489 they have a strong bond. 171 00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:52,104 You don't want to know about it here, 172 00:06:52,105 --> 00:06:54,185 but I'll tell you one thing. The moon, 173 00:06:54,186 --> 00:06:56,932 it comes crashing into Earth. And what do you do then? 174 00:06:56,933 --> 00:06:59,172 It's two brothers and... 175 00:06:59,173 --> 00:07:00,826 and they're gonna... It's called 176 00:07:00,827 --> 00:07:02,625 Two brothers. Two brothers. 177 00:07:02,626 --> 00:07:04,493 It's just called Two Brothers? 178 00:07:04,494 --> 00:07:07,091 Holy crap, I am winning a Nobel Prize. 179 00:07:07,092 --> 00:07:08,775 Come on! Time's up! 180 00:07:09,203 --> 00:07:10,848 I'm taming a lion. 181 00:07:10,849 --> 00:07:11,978 No, wait... 182 00:07:12,283 --> 00:07:15,462 There are film cameras. I might be a lion tamer in a movie. 183 00:07:15,463 --> 00:07:17,333 You got the idea, I work with lions. 184 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:21,936 We're not playing Yahtzee, 185 00:07:21,937 --> 00:07:23,878 we're playing Chutes and Ladders. 186 00:07:23,879 --> 00:07:26,491 Seems like when I exist, life gets a little more, 187 00:07:26,492 --> 00:07:28,435 I don't know, predictable? 188 00:07:28,436 --> 00:07:30,870 When two people create a life together, 189 00:07:30,871 --> 00:07:33,870 they set aside their previous lives as individuals. 190 00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:35,710 Give me a break. We're not heroes 191 00:07:35,711 --> 00:07:38,325 for having unprotected sex on Prom Night. 192 00:07:38,326 --> 00:07:41,079 I get it. Now that you know you could've had it better, 193 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,217 You resent me for holding you back. 194 00:07:44,218 --> 00:07:46,483 Now that we know you think the tables are turning 195 00:07:46,484 --> 00:07:48,600 we know you thought they were unturned tables. 196 00:07:48,890 --> 00:07:50,024 What are you talking about? 197 00:07:50,025 --> 00:07:51,354 All this time, you've been thinking 198 00:07:51,355 --> 00:07:54,225 "What if that loser Jerry hadn't talked me out of the abortion?" 199 00:07:54,406 --> 00:07:56,557 Now, you know. You'd be a doctor. 200 00:07:57,388 --> 00:07:58,864 You'd also be drinking wine 201 00:07:58,865 --> 00:08:01,231 alone in a house full of exotic birds 202 00:08:01,232 --> 00:08:03,464 and I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht 203 00:08:03,465 --> 00:08:04,905 banging Kristen Stewart. 204 00:08:04,906 --> 00:08:06,365 You thought about getting an abortion? 205 00:08:06,366 --> 00:08:07,703 Everyone thinks about it. 206 00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:10,179 Obviously, I'm the version of me that didn't do it. 207 00:08:10,180 --> 00:08:11,481 So, you're welcome. 208 00:08:11,482 --> 00:08:13,040 Yeah, you're welcome. 209 00:08:13,041 --> 00:08:14,764 Thank you guys so much. 210 00:08:14,765 --> 00:08:16,664 It's a real treat to be raised 211 00:08:16,665 --> 00:08:19,992 by parents that force themselves to be together instead of being happy. 212 00:08:19,993 --> 00:08:21,541 Do we have any wafer cookies? 213 00:08:23,706 --> 00:08:25,785 Oh boy, looks like you guys have been checking out 214 00:08:25,786 --> 00:08:27,141 alternative lives and realizing 215 00:08:27,142 --> 00:08:29,163 you don't have it as good, huh? That's too bad. 216 00:08:29,164 --> 00:08:30,845 Me and Morty are having a blast, 217 00:08:30,846 --> 00:08:33,175 we just discovered a show called Ball Fondlers. 218 00:08:33,176 --> 00:08:34,734 I don't wanna rub it in or anything 219 00:08:34,735 --> 00:08:37,463 but you guys clearly backed the wrong conceptual horse. 220 00:08:42,468 --> 00:08:43,610 BALL FONDLERS 221 00:08:50,264 --> 00:08:52,640 - I'm in heaven right now. - It might be the best day of my life. 222 00:08:53,057 --> 00:08:54,316 So now, what do we do? 223 00:08:54,579 --> 00:08:56,786 That show Ball Fondlers sounded kind of interesting. 224 00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,056 - Dad! - What?! 225 00:08:58,057 --> 00:09:00,690 They're having fun in there! What do you guys want from me? 226 00:09:00,691 --> 00:09:02,629 Every family on this block has to wonder 227 00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:04,280 if they're together by choice. 228 00:09:04,281 --> 00:09:06,460 Our family just has interdimensional goggles 229 00:09:06,461 --> 00:09:08,447 to show us for a fact that we're not. 230 00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:09,496 Well, I'm leaving. 231 00:09:09,497 --> 00:09:11,265 You can't leave, you're 17. 232 00:09:11,266 --> 00:09:12,783 Yeah, and I'm not pregnant. 233 00:09:12,784 --> 00:09:15,761 I'm gonna have better judgment that you guys had at my age. 234 00:09:15,762 --> 00:09:18,542 I'm gonna... move to the South West and... 235 00:09:18,543 --> 00:09:21,145 I don't know, do something with turquoise. 236 00:09:21,826 --> 00:09:25,177 It's Saturday Night Live! 237 00:09:25,178 --> 00:09:26,391 Starring... 238 00:09:26,392 --> 00:09:28,149 a piece of toast! 239 00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:30,522 Two guys with handlebar mustaches! 240 00:09:30,523 --> 00:09:33,337 A man painted silver who makes robot noises! 241 00:09:33,338 --> 00:09:35,204 Garmanarnar! 242 00:09:35,205 --> 00:09:36,409 Threes... 243 00:09:38,556 --> 00:09:39,897 I'll get back to that one. 244 00:09:39,898 --> 00:09:41,544 A hole in the wall 245 00:09:41,545 --> 00:09:43,642 where the men can see it all! 246 00:09:43,643 --> 00:09:47,869 And returning for his 25th consecutive year, 247 00:09:47,870 --> 00:09:51,860 Bobby Moynihan! 248 00:09:51,861 --> 00:09:53,601 Interesting fun fact: 249 00:09:53,602 --> 00:09:55,676 Moynihan and Piece of Toast hate each other. 250 00:09:55,677 --> 00:09:58,334 Apparently, they've got some real creative differences. 251 00:09:58,469 --> 00:10:01,490 Are you tired of real doors cluttering up your house 252 00:10:01,491 --> 00:10:03,587 when you open 'em and you actually go somewhere, 253 00:10:03,588 --> 00:10:04,886 and you go to another room? 254 00:10:04,887 --> 00:10:07,253 Get on down to Real Fake Doors! That's us! 255 00:10:07,254 --> 00:10:08,616 Fill a whole room up with 'em. 256 00:10:08,617 --> 00:10:10,094 See, watch. Check this out 257 00:10:10,250 --> 00:10:12,361 Won't open. Won't open 258 00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,685 Not this one. Not this one. 259 00:10:14,686 --> 00:10:15,903 None of them open! 260 00:10:15,904 --> 00:10:17,685 fakedoors.com is our website, 261 00:10:17,686 --> 00:10:19,751 so check it out for a lot of really great deals 262 00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:23,405 on fake doors! 263 00:10:30,818 --> 00:10:32,114 Wait a minute, Rick. 264 00:10:32,115 --> 00:10:33,472 I thought this was a commercial. 265 00:10:33,473 --> 00:10:34,894 - What's going on? - Relax, Morty. 266 00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:37,402 Don't worry about it, just see where this goes. 267 00:10:38,606 --> 00:10:41,187 Step on, we all got places to be! 268 00:10:41,488 --> 00:10:42,849 Son of a bitch. 269 00:10:44,925 --> 00:10:46,811 That must be where he lives. 270 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:47,889 Okay. 271 00:10:49,825 --> 00:10:51,680 Making himself a sandwich now. 272 00:10:54,666 --> 00:10:55,689 Hey everybody. 273 00:10:55,690 --> 00:10:56,993 This is my house. 274 00:10:56,994 --> 00:10:59,272 Just made a sandwich. Peanut butter and jelly. 275 00:10:59,273 --> 00:11:01,673 Still here, still selling fake doors 276 00:11:01,674 --> 00:11:03,945 - What?! - Oh my god, it's still the commercial! 277 00:11:03,946 --> 00:11:06,068 We have fake doors like you wouldn't believe. 278 00:11:06,069 --> 00:11:08,409 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors! 279 00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:10,736 Call us up and order some fake doors today. 280 00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:12,868 Don't even hesitate, Don't even worry. 281 00:11:12,869 --> 00:11:14,413 - And don't even... - I'm bored. 282 00:11:14,414 --> 00:11:15,705 - Changing... - Hold on! 283 00:11:15,706 --> 00:11:17,472 give it a second thought. That's our slogan. 284 00:11:17,473 --> 00:11:19,700 See it at the bottom of the screen, below our name. 285 00:11:19,701 --> 00:11:22,300 Here's another slogan, right below that one. 286 00:11:22,301 --> 00:11:24,616 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors! 287 00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,951 Get in here quick, get out quicker, 288 00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:29,081 with an arm of fake doors in your arms. 289 00:11:29,082 --> 00:11:30,146 You can change it. 290 00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:31,300 Don't even worry about it! 291 00:11:32,282 --> 00:11:34,097 I hate mumumununsdays. 292 00:11:34,098 --> 00:11:36,408 And I really could go for some enchiladas. 293 00:11:37,552 --> 00:11:38,677 Hey Rick, that's pretty cool. 294 00:11:38,678 --> 00:11:41,470 It's just like Garfield, only instead it's Gazorpazorpfield. 295 00:11:41,471 --> 00:11:43,381 Hey, isn't Gazorpazorp where... 296 00:11:43,382 --> 00:11:45,405 where the sex robots came from, remember? 297 00:11:45,406 --> 00:11:46,745 - That whole thing? - Yeah... 298 00:11:46,746 --> 00:11:49,275 That's a pretty... a pretty... That's true. 299 00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:52,868 - That's right. - Let's watch some more Gazorpazorpfield. 300 00:11:52,869 --> 00:11:54,841 Hey John, it's me, Gazorpazorpfield. 301 00:11:54,842 --> 00:11:57,531 Boy, **** you, John, you **** dumb 302 00:11:57,532 --> 00:11:59,148 stupid idiot. 303 00:11:59,149 --> 00:12:01,952 Come on, Gazorpazorpfield. Go easy on me. 304 00:12:01,953 --> 00:12:04,664 You dumb, stupid, weak, 305 00:12:04,665 --> 00:12:08,201 pathetic, white... white... 306 00:12:09,286 --> 00:12:11,418 guilt. White guilt, 307 00:12:11,419 --> 00:12:14,911 milquetoast, piece of human garbage. 308 00:12:14,912 --> 00:12:16,871 Jeez, Gazorpazorpfield. That's, you know... 309 00:12:16,872 --> 00:12:18,947 You're pretty mean to me, but that takes the cake. 310 00:12:18,948 --> 00:12:20,222 I don't give a ****. 311 00:12:20,223 --> 00:12:22,861 I'm Gazorpazorp-****-field, bitch. 312 00:12:22,862 --> 00:12:25,155 Now give me my **** enchiladas! 313 00:12:25,156 --> 00:12:26,335 Rick, you know... 314 00:12:26,336 --> 00:12:29,096 Did they use Bill Murray for this? Sounds a lot like Bill Murray. 315 00:12:29,097 --> 00:12:30,817 No Morty, it's Lorenzo Music. 316 00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:32,636 In this reality, he's still alive. 317 00:12:32,637 --> 00:12:34,331 Okay. Was his name Lorenzo Music? 318 00:12:34,332 --> 00:12:36,169 Yeah, I'm pretty sure. He also did the voice 319 00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:37,797 of that one guy from Ghostbusters, 320 00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,154 which is really strange, because 321 00:12:39,155 --> 00:12:41,453 it's the same character Bill Murray played in the movie, 322 00:12:41,454 --> 00:12:42,504 but when they made the movie, 323 00:12:42,505 --> 00:12:45,752 Bill Murray did the voice of Gazorpazorp... Garfield, I mean. 324 00:12:45,753 --> 00:12:48,432 That's pretty cool, Rick. So all that happened in this reality too? 325 00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:51,189 I don't know. I'm just making conversation with you, Morty. 326 00:12:51,190 --> 00:12:54,058 What do you think? I know everything about everything? 327 00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:57,272 Did you really talk me out of the abortion? 328 00:12:57,273 --> 00:12:59,931 Well... We blew a tire on the way to the clinic. 329 00:13:00,297 --> 00:13:01,768 I think, in my head, 330 00:13:01,769 --> 00:13:03,779 I was doing it all for the kids. 331 00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,786 And now the first kid is going... 332 00:13:05,787 --> 00:13:07,924 to do something with turquoise. 333 00:13:07,925 --> 00:13:09,386 Which is either code for crystal meth 334 00:13:09,387 --> 00:13:10,800 or a gateway to it. 335 00:13:10,801 --> 00:13:12,795 So we didn't do the kids any favors, 336 00:13:12,796 --> 00:13:16,146 so we should stay together for each other and ourselves, 337 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,085 or... 338 00:13:18,086 --> 00:13:19,511 Or? 339 00:13:21,182 --> 00:13:22,547 Man, woman, 340 00:13:22,548 --> 00:13:24,033 and now trunk man? 341 00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:26,472 We know scientists created men that have a trunk 342 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:29,354 that allows them to have sex with both male and female partners, 343 00:13:29,355 --> 00:13:32,297 but we don't like the idea of these people getting married! 344 00:13:32,298 --> 00:13:33,334 Put a line in the sand, 345 00:13:33,335 --> 00:13:34,501 - everybody! - people? 346 00:13:34,502 --> 00:13:36,963 Vote no on proposition XW2. 347 00:13:36,964 --> 00:13:38,213 The act that says gay... 348 00:13:38,214 --> 00:13:40,387 trunk people can get married. Who needs it? 349 00:13:40,388 --> 00:13:41,745 Not on my watch! 350 00:13:41,746 --> 00:13:44,512 Paid for by Michael Denny and the Denny Singers. 351 00:13:46,041 --> 00:13:47,714 Hi, I'm a trunk person. 352 00:13:47,715 --> 00:13:50,865 And I want... I feel love in my heart too, just like you. 353 00:13:50,866 --> 00:13:54,313 I want to be able to express that love with both a man and a woman. 354 00:13:54,314 --> 00:13:55,879 And I won't be able to, 355 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,361 if Denny and the Denny Singers get their way. 356 00:13:58,362 --> 00:14:00,961 Let the trunk people have sex and get married. 357 00:14:00,962 --> 00:14:02,969 Paid for by... trunk people. 358 00:14:03,832 --> 00:14:05,850 I love me Strawberry Smiggles. 359 00:14:06,127 --> 00:14:08,766 I hope nobody ever gets my hands on me 360 00:14:08,767 --> 00:14:11,119 and tries to steal my Strawberry Smiggles. 361 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,261 I'm gonna eat every last one of them 362 00:14:13,262 --> 00:14:14,602 because then, they'll be in my stomach, 363 00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:16,641 and nobody will ever be able to eat them. 364 00:14:16,642 --> 00:14:19,429 Except for me, because they're gonna be all inside my stomach. 365 00:14:20,097 --> 00:14:21,915 My name is Mr... 366 00:14:21,916 --> 00:14:23,699 Tophat Jones 367 00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:26,049 and God forbid anyone ever take my smiggles. 368 00:14:26,050 --> 00:14:27,506 My little painted smiggles. 369 00:14:27,507 --> 00:14:28,895 I'm keeping them all for me! 370 00:14:30,464 --> 00:14:31,879 Last bite. 371 00:14:32,677 --> 00:14:34,904 Now they're all resting comfortably in my stomach. 372 00:14:34,905 --> 00:14:36,350 Hoo, am I feeling good. 373 00:14:36,351 --> 00:14:37,822 No! Get away from me! 374 00:14:37,823 --> 00:14:40,512 Get away from me and my Strawberry Smiggles! No! 375 00:14:42,410 --> 00:14:44,913 Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ! 376 00:14:44,914 --> 00:14:46,960 It hurts! My entrails are out! 377 00:14:46,961 --> 00:14:48,786 Why would you even want to eat these?! 378 00:14:49,206 --> 00:14:51,062 They're soaked with my stomach acid! 379 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,739 Jesus Christ, lord savior! 380 00:14:53,740 --> 00:14:56,774 Holy Spirit! Save me! Take me to the light! 381 00:14:56,775 --> 00:14:58,778 Oh my god, I see demons! 382 00:14:58,779 --> 00:15:00,228 I see demons are coming! 383 00:15:00,229 --> 00:15:02,195 Jeez, Rick, oh my god. 384 00:15:02,196 --> 00:15:05,010 It's a pretty hardcore stuff, you know, for a cereal commercial. 385 00:15:05,011 --> 00:15:06,303 You know Morty, 386 00:15:06,304 --> 00:15:08,087 you want to sell boxes of cereal, 387 00:15:08,088 --> 00:15:09,690 you gotta pump the gas a little. 388 00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:11,220 Pedal to the metal, Morty. 389 00:15:11,594 --> 00:15:14,143 In a world where muscular Mannies are common 390 00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:16,326 and they're common strong, 391 00:15:16,327 --> 00:15:20,295 there's only three unmuscular Michaels. 392 00:15:20,296 --> 00:15:22,154 Get down. Hurry, run! 393 00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:26,186 And that's when real... 394 00:15:26,187 --> 00:15:28,139 Turbulent Juice 395 00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:30,784 is coming, and you gotta take care of it. 396 00:15:30,785 --> 00:15:33,801 With Turbulent Juice, turbulent tables, 397 00:15:33,802 --> 00:15:36,831 no room is safe from the turbulent power 398 00:15:36,832 --> 00:15:38,886 of Turbulent Juice. 399 00:15:39,528 --> 00:15:40,602 What in the hell? 400 00:15:40,603 --> 00:15:42,008 Sex sells, Morty. 401 00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:44,595 Sex sells what? Was that a movie, 402 00:15:44,596 --> 00:15:46,257 or like, does it clean stuff? 403 00:15:46,726 --> 00:15:48,641 Hey Dad. What's going on? 404 00:15:48,642 --> 00:15:51,476 Your mother and I are gonna be spending some time apart, Morty. 405 00:15:51,477 --> 00:15:54,300 And your sister found out she was a non-wanted pregnancy. 406 00:15:54,719 --> 00:15:56,986 - What? - Speaking of "what?", Morty, 407 00:15:57,822 --> 00:16:00,563 What should we watch next? 408 00:16:00,564 --> 00:16:02,024 What about this? 409 00:16:02,025 --> 00:16:04,046 Baby Legs, you're a good detective, 410 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,749 but not good enough, because of your baby legs. 411 00:16:06,750 --> 00:16:09,363 So I'm partnering you up with Regular Legs. 412 00:16:09,364 --> 00:16:10,602 - Hey there. - Detective, 413 00:16:11,121 --> 00:16:13,501 this is upsetting to me, because I feel 414 00:16:13,502 --> 00:16:15,253 like I don't need no regular leg partner. 415 00:16:15,254 --> 00:16:17,088 Baby Legs, don't talk back to me. 416 00:16:17,089 --> 00:16:19,347 Good luck, you two. There's a criminal to kill. 417 00:16:20,818 --> 00:16:22,548 Wow! You sure found this guy quick. 418 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,663 Yeah, because I'm a good detective. 419 00:16:24,664 --> 00:16:26,341 Look, Baby Legs, it's the criminal! 420 00:16:26,342 --> 00:16:28,906 ****, I'm the killer. I'm running, I'm running real quick. 421 00:16:28,907 --> 00:16:31,679 Baby Legs, here we go! 422 00:16:33,074 --> 00:16:35,354 That's the sound I make when I'm trying to run fast. 423 00:16:37,489 --> 00:16:39,565 All right, I'm not gonna get him on. 424 00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:41,261 I just learned a really valuable lesson. 425 00:16:41,262 --> 00:16:42,731 I'm coming, Baby Legs. 426 00:16:42,732 --> 00:16:44,664 I'm Regular Legs. 427 00:16:45,836 --> 00:16:47,906 - We got him! - That was good teamwork. 428 00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,730 Baby Legs and Regular Legs, 429 00:16:49,731 --> 00:16:51,739 I'm proud of you two for working together, 430 00:16:51,740 --> 00:16:53,568 And Baby Legs, I know it was hard 431 00:16:53,569 --> 00:16:56,143 for you to come to the conclusion that you need a partner, 432 00:16:56,144 --> 00:16:58,806 - but I'm proud of you that you did it. - Thanks, chief. 433 00:16:58,807 --> 00:17:00,316 Now get the **** out of here! 434 00:17:00,317 --> 00:17:01,738 Pretty cool, Morty? 435 00:17:02,663 --> 00:17:03,806 I thought it was cool. 436 00:17:03,807 --> 00:17:05,879 I don't give a **** what you think, Jerry. 437 00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:13,003 You doing okay? 438 00:17:14,504 --> 00:17:15,917 I kinda know how you feel, Summer. 439 00:17:15,918 --> 00:17:17,754 No you don't. You're the little brother. 440 00:17:17,755 --> 00:17:20,366 You're not the cause of our parents' misery, you're just a symptom of it. 441 00:17:22,158 --> 00:17:24,199 - Can I show you something? - Morty, no offense, 442 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,067 but a drawing of me you made when you were 8 443 00:17:26,068 --> 00:17:27,882 isn't gonna make me feel like less of an accident. 444 00:17:27,883 --> 00:17:29,248 That out there, 445 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:30,843 that's my grave. 446 00:17:31,488 --> 00:17:32,656 Wait, what? 447 00:17:32,657 --> 00:17:34,792 On one of our adventures, Rick and I basically 448 00:17:34,793 --> 00:17:36,672 destroyed the whole world. 449 00:17:36,673 --> 00:17:38,498 So we bailed on that reality 450 00:17:38,499 --> 00:17:41,935 and we came to this one, because in this one, the world wasn't destroyed. 451 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,761 And in this one, we were dead. 452 00:17:43,762 --> 00:17:45,144 So we came here, 453 00:17:45,145 --> 00:17:47,673 and we buried ourselves and we took their place 454 00:17:47,674 --> 00:17:51,013 And every morning, Summer, I eat breakfast 20 yards away 455 00:17:51,014 --> 00:17:53,694 from my own rotting corpse. 456 00:17:53,695 --> 00:17:55,872 So you're not my brother? 457 00:17:55,873 --> 00:17:58,427 I'm better than your brother. I'm a version of your brother 458 00:17:58,428 --> 00:18:00,521 you can trust when he says don't run. 459 00:18:00,522 --> 00:18:02,346 Nobody exists on purpose, 460 00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:03,987 nobody belongs anywhere, 461 00:18:03,988 --> 00:18:05,422 everybody's gonna die. 462 00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,136 Come watch TV. 463 00:18:09,987 --> 00:18:12,343 Mrs Sullivan always planned to leave 464 00:18:12,344 --> 00:18:14,279 everything to her cats. 465 00:18:14,649 --> 00:18:17,764 But sometimes plans need a helping paw. 466 00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:21,695 What are the kitties to do? 467 00:18:21,696 --> 00:18:24,070 But buckle together and work as a team. 468 00:18:24,071 --> 00:18:26,983 Mrs Sullivan, I... please forgive me for being forward, 469 00:18:26,984 --> 00:18:29,042 but your eyes are so beautiful. 470 00:18:30,127 --> 00:18:32,023 Wait, this is an actual movie? 471 00:18:32,024 --> 00:18:34,847 This fall, sparks will fly. 472 00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,668 Mrs Sullivan! 473 00:18:39,145 --> 00:18:41,318 Between one guy who can't get a break... 474 00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:43,665 There's something about you, Mrs Sullivan... 475 00:18:43,666 --> 00:18:46,709 and 9 cats who break all the rules. 476 00:18:47,771 --> 00:18:49,520 Last will and testameow: 477 00:18:49,521 --> 00:18:51,952 Weekend at Dead Cat Lady's House II. 478 00:18:51,953 --> 00:18:54,107 Somebody in Hollywood just lost their job. 479 00:18:54,108 --> 00:18:56,676 Written and directed by Jerry Smith. 480 00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:59,023 I wrote and directed that? What am I? Nuts? 481 00:18:59,024 --> 00:19:00,753 Hey Morty, you just missed a preview 482 00:19:00,754 --> 00:19:02,566 for your dad's Citizen Kane. 483 00:19:02,567 --> 00:19:03,579 Doesn't matter. 484 00:19:04,104 --> 00:19:06,456 If your mother and I had to split custody, 485 00:19:06,457 --> 00:19:07,683 who would you guys choose? 486 00:19:07,684 --> 00:19:08,748 Doesn't matter. 487 00:19:08,749 --> 00:19:12,040 Breaking news: Academy Award winning actor Jerry Smith 488 00:19:12,041 --> 00:19:14,386 is leading police on a slow-speed pursuit 489 00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:16,856 after suffering an apparent breakdown. 490 00:19:16,857 --> 00:19:18,795 - Don't even think about it. - Come on, 491 00:19:18,796 --> 00:19:22,013 are you kidding me, Jerry? It's just a bunch of dumb tabloid crap. 492 00:19:22,014 --> 00:19:24,419 It's my life, and we're watching it. 493 00:19:25,996 --> 00:19:29,541 You did it, Beth. You really nailed it. 494 00:19:29,867 --> 00:19:31,711 You're a surgeon. 495 00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,887 A human surgeon. 496 00:19:34,856 --> 00:19:36,156 You win. 497 00:19:36,891 --> 00:19:38,555 Where the hell am I going? 498 00:19:39,048 --> 00:19:40,955 What are you asking me for, Jerry? 499 00:19:40,956 --> 00:19:42,884 I'm sitting here trying to figure out 500 00:19:42,885 --> 00:19:44,844 why the cops don't just take you out. 501 00:19:44,845 --> 00:19:46,663 They got a clear shot to your head. 502 00:19:46,664 --> 00:19:48,728 I can't believe our tax dollars pay for this. 503 00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,974 Jerry? Jerry Smith? 504 00:20:01,035 --> 00:20:03,964 Beth Sanchez, I have been in love with you since high school. 505 00:20:03,965 --> 00:20:06,037 I hate acting, I hate cocaine, 506 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,270 I hate Kristen Stewart. 507 00:20:07,271 --> 00:20:08,884 I wish you hadn't got that abortion 508 00:20:08,885 --> 00:20:11,492 And I've never stop thinking about what might've been 509 00:20:39,402 --> 00:20:41,802 Ball Fondlers? Huh? Ball Fondlers? 510 00:20:41,803 --> 00:20:43,869 - I can go for some Ball Fondlers. - Yeah, Ball Fondlers. 511 00:20:49,988 --> 00:20:52,988 Original version by @pauloloppes English subtitles by Robelin 512 00:21:19,913 --> 00:21:21,424 Hamster in butt world weather 513 00:21:21,425 --> 00:21:23,319 is done, and now it's sports time. 514 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,202 - Hello there. - Good day to you miss. 515 00:21:25,203 --> 00:21:28,333 So the hamsters live inside the rectums of those people? 516 00:21:28,334 --> 00:21:30,193 Yes, sweety. That's where they live. 517 00:21:30,194 --> 00:21:31,868 How does that work? 518 00:21:31,869 --> 00:21:34,027 Do the butts look like little apartments inside? 519 00:21:34,592 --> 00:21:36,908 And can they leave the butt, and walk around on their own? 520 00:21:36,909 --> 00:21:39,565 I don't know, I'm watching the same thing you guys are! 521 00:21:39,566 --> 00:21:41,289 Grampa Rick, if they leave the butt, 522 00:21:41,290 --> 00:21:42,945 and the person wanders off, 523 00:21:42,946 --> 00:21:44,996 how would they find their butt person again? 524 00:21:44,997 --> 00:21:47,275 I don't know, Summer. I can't even hear the TV! 525 00:21:47,276 --> 00:21:48,360 Alright! That's it! 526 00:21:48,361 --> 00:21:51,576 We're just gonna go there so you idiots can ask your stupid questions all day. 527 00:21:52,097 --> 00:21:53,582 Family vacation!