MADISON: Previously, on Southern Charm...
What?
MADISON: While I was celebrating the birth
of my perfect baby girl...
Shep took the gang to Mexico...
SHEP: Wow, beautiful.
♪ Ah ya ya ya ♪
MADISON: ...which had Austen reconsidering
his position on salad.
AUSTEN: Audrey didn't like salad.
So, talk about the ultimate slap in the face
to, like, do something with a salad.
Ah! Wow.
MADISON: And as Craig and Charley continue to get closer,
Salley found that her friendship with Charley
was getting further away.
MADISON: Meanwhile, when we all got together for dinner...
Each person can pick someone to their right or left.
Give them the thing that they should work on.
MADISON: ...an innocent game quickly went off the rails.
I would like to see Austen stand up for himself.
[tense music]
Venita, you don't know anything about me
and Austen's relationship.
If I had to close my eyes and hear you talk about Austen,
I would say, that man doesn't like you, with my eyes closed.
But you don't, because I don't talk to you, Venita,
- because I don't know you. - You don't. Yeah, you don't.
Okay, Venita, you don't exist in my world.
So just [bleep] off.
♪♪♪
Oh, wow.
♪♪♪
Let's at least dial back a little bit, if we can.
CRAIG: Absolutely not.
You can't be a bully, and then get mad
mad when the person reacts.
- You are a bully. - You got it, baby.
You-- You keep going. You get it all out.
Get it all out, because you talk about me online.
Get it all out, on the table, in front of everybody.
Get it out.
Well, I don't comment about you.
You don't have to keep making digs at me
when I've done nothing to you in my entire ----ing life.
Oh, you've done nothing to me?
Remember when you said, I don't want to be her friend--
I don't, because you sh-- talked me.
What's your response to Venita
saying she's on Paige's side in your breakup?
I'm not... I won't be associated with her.
Do you think he should, like, let everyone know
what Paige is or isn't doing?
Oh... yeah.
I think you should speak your truth,
and let it be known the same way you're speaking
your truth about everything else.
What if he doesn't know?
Then stop answering like you do.
- Ooh! Period. Venita. - Okay.
What she said about me I didn't think was true.
And I think she was just... regurgitating
gossip from the internet.
So, yeah, I'm not friends with her.
That was none of your business then.
You didn't know me and Paige.
And you're still ----ing doing it.
And it's bullsh--.
- Is the tantrum over? - Like, just be nice.
Be a kind person.
Don't make fun of people's breakups.
Don't talk sh-- to people.
- Don't do that stuff. - All right, that's enough.
We're not going to ----ing attack Venita.
Me and Venita, we have our differences.
But that's my ----ing girl.
You might have some points that you want to deliver to Venita.
But this is not the way to do it.
CRAIG: I didn't start it.
I just heard what she said to Austen.
What did she say to Austen?
It doesn't ----ing matter, guys.
It does matter. We're talking about it right here.
She told Austen to stand up against me and all this stuff.
- She knows what she's doing. - Oh, okay.
- It's stupid. - I said it in general.
I didn't make it specific, because I didn't want to dig.
And I didn't want to jab.
CHARLEY: I think that Venita definitely was antagonizing him.
And there was, like, a repercussion to that
because Craig reacts in the moment.
But I get it.
Like, if somebody does something that upsets me,
I'm immediately like, okay, like, bye.
Which is really ----ed up.
I have no doubt that you have reasonable grounds
for your position.
I'm only looking out for you.
Well, it's over now.
VENITA: I'm disappointed Austen doesn't have my back.
But I'm not surprised, because he's not had his own backbone
against his own best friend of nine years.
When Craig gets like this, there's no point to jumping in.
I'm not going to get in his line of fire.
Been there, done that.
Let's go to the bar.
Be right back, guys.
Well, now everyone's leaving.
No, just for a second.
This trip is about wellness and healing.
That's what I want it to be.
But so far, it's not even close.
Of course, we're doing that dumb game that I started.
Sorry. Yeah, this is all my fault.
I'm a moron.
WHITNER: How are you doing, Queen V?
Hi, Whit. It said a lot to hear you
say that in that moment.
Well, I call the balls and strikes as I see 'em.
He does. He's a pretty good mediator.
And I know where you're coming from.
But I also know where he's coming from.
Making sure you understand that you're not faultless here.
I think that in the spirit of healing,
this would have been a great opportunity for Venita
to have said something less provocative.
But it led to some further discussion.
- Roddy, watch out. - Ai yai, yai.
Oh, thank you.
Look at that. Perfecto.
SALLEY: Oh, that looks beautiful.
That's-- That's good.
Wow.
CHARLEY: This is really good.
SHEP: Right? That's my favorite so far.
Are you going to eat your lobster?
I actually have no appetite.
[tense music]
- Do you want my steak? - AUSTEN: Yes.
That's a big piece.
Oh, I'm sorry.
[Salley and Austen laughing]
Oh, no. I'm done. It was delicious.
Gracias. Thank you.
- Hey, guys, girls. - Shep has the floor.
I think everybody's had a long day of traveling.
So, tomorrow, two activities.
Surfing, and then ATVing to a restaurant.
Maybe in the cold, hard light of day tomorrow,
we can be a little more calm with each other,
because that's kind of why we're here.
RODRIGO: Let's go to a bar on the water.
- I think so, too. - [bleep] yes.
SHEP: Yeah.
I would like to, as well.
- So, no flan. - No flan.
- No, no dessert. - We're going to the beach bar.
Bye, everyone.
AUSTEN:
SALLEY:
Thank you so much.
[sighs] Okay.
- Party bus. - Party bus.
Whoop! Whoop!
- Ooh! - I got long legs.
- I wanted a Whitner. - Daddy long legs?
Oh, God, I can feel the heartburn setting in.
Feel the burn.
- Where's Salley? - With Austen.
SHEP: Where are they?
Okay, close the van, please.
[van starts]
[door thudding]
[kissing noises]
[thunder rumbling]
[upbeat music]
[soft music]
Okay, I need, like, five.
[grunting with effort]
♪♪♪
Ah...
- MOLLY: There you go. - Thank you.
- MOLLY: Thank you so much. - Enjoy.
- Have a good day. - Yay. Oh, this looks so yummy.
SALLEY: Charley!
What?
My head hurts.
CHARLEY: I'll come in there.
I'm still asleep.
SALLEY: Me, too. I'm still drunk.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
What time did you come back here?
I don't know.
- [laughs] - What?
How was the kiss?
It was great. It was a great kisser.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
CHARLEY: Oh, my gosh.
Austen's a really good kisser.
Yeah, he is.
- We went to the bathroom. - CHARLEY: That's exciting.
I asked if he would walk me to the bathroom,
and we got there, and there was no one around.
It was, like, super private.
And I just pushed him into the gentleman's room.
- Oh, my God. - And shut the door.
[door thudding]
[kissing noises]
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, literally nothing.
No, we just sat on the couch and talked...
for forever about nothing.
Like, come on. That's just ----ing weird.
SALLEY: Do you want to go have breakfast?
I might have breakfast in the room.
SALLEY: Okay.
CHARLEY: And then go surfing?
And you're gonna go get on an ATV with Austen?
Yeah. I don't want to ride in his, though.
I mean, I will.
Okay, then he can ride on yours.
Aah!
- Hey. - Oh, my God.
Did you go to the gym?
Damn, dude. Gym sounds really nice,
but, yeah, I'm hurting.
Okay. ATV in?
Dude.
Do we have to, like, bring a whole bunch of clothes and...
So, after-- what we're wearing, and lunch,
we're gonna get ready there, and then go to Sayulita.
I thought Sayulita was in California.
- That's Sausalito. - Oh. [laughs]
All right, I'm gonna get in the shower and pack a day bag.
- All right, scoot over, you. - Oh, my God.
Scoot over, you.
How's Venita doing?
That's a great question.
You haven't talked to her?
I haven't left the room.
- Okay. - I just, yeah.
[sighs] You know, um...
I feel bad, because I feel like she deserved a good friend,
and, you know, I just,
I dropped the ball there.
- Have you talked to her? - No. I feel like I should.
I feel bad for her.
- Yeah. - She got steamrolled.
- Oh, for sure, dude. - Yeah.
[knocking]
VENITA: Hello?
- MOLLY: Hi, it's Molly. - VENITA: Hi.
You can come in.
- You can come in. - MOLLY: It's locked.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
Hi.
How are you feeling?
Um... You know,
not great.
- [groans] Sorry. - Not great.
Are you gonna do any of the things today?
What are the choices? Are we doing what?
There's ATVing, or there's learning to surf.
VENITA: Oh, who's doing what, though?
I'm assuming Craig is doing ATVing.
I think most people are doing ATVs.
Um, if you go surfing, I might go with you.
I don't want to do anything that Craig's involved in.
Salley...
[sighs]
[tense music]
MADISON: Coming up...
- CRAIG: Stop. - Why are you yelling at me?
Because you keep getting involved with sh--
that has nothing to do with you.
- I never-- I-- - Leave me alone!
[upbeat music]
So, who do we think's going surfing?
I think it's just me, Whit, and Shep, right?
What up? Hey, girls.
Ready for some activities? Are you on my team today?
Yeah, I am.
- Oh, but your bag is blue. - Hey, baby.
- What's up? - I like it.
Where's your bag?
What?
I like these.
- Looking good. - You look good.
There might be, like, some loose rocks that fly up
- and nick you. - That's okay.
- Okay. Oh, you like that. - Yeah, I do.
Yeah, okay.
- Are you excited to surf? - I'm very excited to surf.
- I'm really scared. - Hello.
- Hey! - May I have two Coors Lights,
and two bottles of water, please?
Good morning, good morning, good morning.
What's up, party folks?
- Hello. - Ready to go surfing?
Yes, sir.
SALLEY: Oh, look at this sexy mother----er.
- AUSTEN: Hola, amigos. - SALLEY: Hey.
How's it going?
[wolf whistle]
Hello!
- Oh, I love that outfit. - Thank you.
Who are we waiting on? Venita, and...
No. But she's...
She's just going through it.
- WHITNER: Whoa. - Oh, my word.
I can't believe that hat made it through the door.
VENITA: I know. I was a little nervous.
You look amazing.
All right. All right.
I'm gonna give you your space,
but I want you to know that I love you.
And you look amazing.
Okay, guys, let's go.
First van is ATV. Second van is surfing.
SHEP: Have fun. Don't let anyone drown.
You're bringing a full bag?
What are you, Diana Ross?
Get up on the surfboard. Have fun.
Molly, can't wait to see pictures.
What does that even mean? Wait, have fun.
Oh, my God. I don't want to see any pictures of me.
Make it to lunch safe, okay?
I've never surfed before,
but I might just sit on the beach and watch.
No, no, no, the beach is amazing.
Yeah, I'm excited to see it.
Now, we all have seen what it looks like
when I get into water.
[Venita screaming]
SALLEY: Is she okay?
Is she drowning? Oh, my God.
- CRAIG: Okay, I got her. - She can't swim?
Holy sh--! Craig just jumped in.
- SALLEY: Oh, my God. - SHEP: Craig!
So, I'm just gonna watch everyone else.
All right, ladies and germs, ready.
[upbeat music]
It's Saturday in Mexico? Let's go.
There's the water.
- 15 years? - Charley was only four.
No, no, no, no.
♪♪♪
Okay, we're here, ladies and gents,
we're gonna go to the surf shop, get our sh-- and go.
Oh!
[speaking Spanish]
Bien. We know how to surf. The girls need an instructor.
All right. If you are good surfers,
those, you can pick out one of the boards.
I heard there's, like, actual bobcats
and sh-- you have to look out for.
- Here? - Yeah, they're everywhere.
- Everywhere? -Like, if you see a bobcat,
like, don't [bleep] with it.
- What do you do? - Hit the gas and take off.
[all laughing]
- Welcome, welcome. - SALLEY: What's up?
- Hola, hola. - Hi, hi, hi.
- Hello. Hi. - Hola.
So, we're gonna go to jungles, beaches,
and tequila-tasting, so follow your guides.
I'm choosing this one.
Ah, my new steed.
Put the bands on.
I want that one. Mexican.
- The Mexican one. I'm Mexican. - Exactly!
I love being Mexican.
I'm so proud of my heritage,
but I wish I could roll my R's.
I mean, I can't even say my own name properly.
R-R-Rodrigo. [laughs]
It doesn't sound right.
- WOMAN: Okay. -[horn honking]
[speaking Spanish]
Rod, you better not hit me, mother----er.
Woo!
Kiss my ass, losers.
Woo!
All right, guys.
Welcome to La Lancha. Look at the waves.
It's good.
It's really good.
This is stunning. Wow.
- Where do I paddle out? - There.
You see those surfers out there?
[energetic music]
Oh, look at Shep.
Oh, look at that.
[cheering]
- Me first. - All right.
Fabulous.
♪♪♪
I surfed once,
maybe 22 years ago.
For some reason, I never got into it.
But now that I'm doing it, I'm like,
oh, I've been missing this my whole life? Jeez.
MAN:
I feel like I could be good at surfing.
[screams]
Just not right now.
[screams]
Woo!
Arriba!
You almost hit me. You little mother----er.
WOMAN: Okay, guys, you can take your helmets off.
Now we're gonna walk towards the beach.
Salley, it looks like you're about to go
to ----ing an OB-GYN.
- You want to take a look? - Kinda.
Wait, wait. How long are we walking?
No, seriously. How long is this hike to the beach?
Five minutes, dude.
Oh, I almost had a ----ing heart attack.
Except I'm not having one now.
[all laughing]
Wow.
I'm getting in that bitch.
AUSTEN: This is pretty great.
The water will suck you right out to the ----ing...
I just hope it sucks me dry.
[all laughing]
- Oh, that feels good. - How's the water?
Really, really ----ing nice, yes.
It's like lukewarm perfection.
I don't think I've ever had my shoes on
at the beach this long.
I might just get in with my shoes on.
- Is that crazy? - Yes.
Is it, though, with all the coral?
- That's ----ing insane. - Okay.
Are you staring at her tits, Whitney?
No, I saw her changing, and I turned around.
She took off her top, and what, he just walked over there,
and goes...
You know, we're all single for the first time.
Me, you, Shep.
- Whitney. - Dude.
I'm gonna toot my own horn for a second now.
Last night, Salley followed me
into the bathroom at the restaurant.
And I was like, "Can I help you?"
She was like, "Oh, come on."
And so we made out.
Nice.
Because I respected the move.
I, like, respected the move.
Even though I never wanted to have more first kisses,
they are, like, the best.
They're just fun.
- I think that like-- - Making out's fun.
I wanna make out with people for a bit.
I think that that's like, what I wanna do.
Yeah.
It's the first time since Audrey
that I've just been, you know what?
Like, you're allowed to do these things now.
Well, yeah, you can't regret making out.
No, you can't.
In fact, I mean, you wake up the next day
and you're like, hee-hee.
Yeah, I don't regret it.
And I don't have guilt about it.
But anyways, what's going on with you and Charley?
You know, we've gotten pretty close.
And her and I have been hanging out a lot.
And, like, I haven't told anyone.
Out of, like, respect for her.
And she's, like, trying to keep things, like, private.
- Okay. - But we have kissed.
Wow.
I know, it was amazing.
Did Charley tell...
Salley?
No, like...
Why doesn't she want people to know?
I don't know.
When we're by ourself in Charleston,
it's so fun.
And then when we get, like, around Salley,
she's so scared to like me.
MADISON: Coming up...
MOLLY: How did you feel when Craig did that?
Did that make you feel, like, gross about him?
It's not a good look, but also, I'm not his keeper.
[upbeat music]
- Hi! - What's up, Moll?
VENITA: Hi, girlie pop!
Surfing, how was it? Did you have a good time?
It was good, it was nice.
- I thought it was really fun. - I got up every time.
Not, like, amazing. The last time,
the last two times were the best.
Did you get any, like, direction on the wave?
- Yeah, yeah. - VENITA: Yeah?
What did that feel like?
- It felt... powerful. - VENITA: Yeah?
Yeah, I'm like, I'm making this wave my bitch.
No, I wasn't that good,
but I could be one day.
So, what, we're all convening to have lunch?
With those who we don't want to ----ing eat with?
MOLLY: Yeah.
We're gonna eat lunch with bullies?
MOLLY: How did you feel when Craig did that?
Did that make you feel, like, gross about him?
I mean, because if he can blow up
on someone, he can blow up on anyone.
And that was quick. He didn't even say his name.
I didn't say his name.
No, I mean [beep], I--
It's not a good look, but also, I'm not his keeper.
You know, like, I just don't want people looking at me
being like, really, really?
It's like, okay, he's his own person.
He's his own person, sure, but, like,
you know, if someone's out there acting a ----ing fool,
I'm not gonna be like, oh, well, you know, we're great,
and I'm dating him, but he's his own person.
I'm gonna let him go do this ----ed-up thing.
I wouldn't do that, either.
Do I agree with the way Craig was speaking to Venita?
No. But, like, I'm in Mexico. I want to have fun.
I don't want to have this, like, serious conversation.
Tide's coming up.
Our boards are about to be taken out to sea.
- Oh, yeah. - VENITA: Hi.
Dude, we got here at the perfect time.
The waves suck now.
That was fun. I'm glad that we did that.
- Y'all ready? - VENITA: Yeah.
- Let's pack it up, pack it in. - CHARLEY: Gonna miss lunch!
Tequila!
Woo!
♪♪♪
That was awesome.
Thank you so much.
GUIDE: Well, enjoy your tequila testing.
- AUSTEN: Thank you. - I'll have some tequila myself.
♪♪♪
CRAIG: Is this aloe?
- AUSTEN: No, this is agave. - It is?
WHITNEY: ----ing burnin' up.
Haven't been out in the sun since 1989.
We know.
- Hello. - Hi, there.
How are y'all?
Good, sweaty from a four-wheeling tour.
Take a load off, relax, have some of our tequila margarita.
CRAIG: I really needed that.
Wow, this is smooth.
I'm going to change.
We have a nice, big bathroom in there if you want to do that.
Oh, my gosh. Look at that dog.
CRAIG: He knows where the air conditioning is.
AUSTEN: Oh, my God. That dog is unbelievably cute.
That dog lives a good life.
Hey, boys, I'm back. Did y'all miss me?
I bet you did.
Have you talked to anyone surfing?
No, I don't have service.
Well, let's drink another margarita.
- Let's do that. - I mean, all right, I guess.
Let's, uh, why not?
I got to go find the bathroom. But I'll be right back.
Okay, okay. I--
I was just curious if you knew that
Craig's been making out with Charley?
What the [beep] ?
That's what he told me on the beach.
I mean, that's weird.
Like, what the [bleep]?
I have given her my blessing. I am like, go for Craig.
Do whatever you want. Like, I don't care.
Just don't lie to me. But that's ----ing nutty.
It's frustrating for me because I have been very up front...
Raise your hand.
Whoa. I'm--
Thank you.
How do you say "shook" in Spanish?
"Yo shook."
You're a good kisser.
Ooh, how pretty.
Is this where we're going?
WHITNER: That makes sense, because it's an agave field.
- MOLLY: This is really cool. - VENITA: It's beautiful.
SHEP: Here we go.
Gracias, mi amigo.
We're going to be crawling out of this ----ing place.
AUSTEN: Hey. What up?
- Epic surf. - Yes!
Epic surf. Like, just sick.
I caught, like, four of the best waves
I've caught in a few years.
Ow, did I just get poked by agave?
Oh no !
- Did you get up? Really? - CHARLEY: Yeah.
Yeah. I've done it before, but...
We went to the beach and the waves were great.
The guys are going to have like, some welcome margies here.
They're really refreshing.
I got up!
Guys, I'm going to take you through
our little experience here. Let's roll up here.
So what we're going to do is just walk into our little garden
and if you guys want to pick, bite, sniff,
- anything there you can. - SALLEY: Austen.
Yeah, not each other, the plants.
Well, that's no fun.
And then in a few minutes we'll go sit down and do a tasting.
Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you today
about what happened at the dinner table last night.
'Cause I just wanted to say something.
I appreciate it.
So you didn't think, like, "You didn't get my back."
It was just like, I didn't expect it to get out of hand...
Anything would have been good, but I really got nothing.
If it was roles reversed, I'd have been like,
[bleep] you, don't talk to her like that.
- Yeah. - Done.
Okay. No. Well, noted.
But, you know, it's fine.
Not it's fine, but I appreciate you coming and talking to me.
Yeah.
I'm embarrassed that I didn't have my friend's back,
but it is a bit refreshing that Venita understands
how things work in a normal friendship.
Real people are able to work out sh--,
and real friends are able to work out sh--.
Craig treats people badly, and I don't like that.
There are two versions of Craig.
- Craig and Craig and Craig? - Yes.
I've been saying this for years.
Mm?
Last night, Craig was at the dinner table.
Today, I mean, Craig, he's been out in full force.
Mmm.
MADISON: Coming up...
Who's getting on the bar for body shots?
MOLLY: I was about to say Salley.
She raised her hand before I could even say it.
Holy crap.
♪♪♪
Try this, go get one.
Stevia is just a sweet-ass thing.
All right, boys and girls, we're gonna start this tasting.
as soon as you guys want, we can go in here.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right, well, [beep] it, let's go rejoin.
- Yeah, let's go rejoin and eat. - Get a margarita.
WHITNER: I love this kitchen setup.
Open kitchen. It's beautiful.
Just cool.
I'm excited about this. Hey.
Oh, man.
All right, sit here?
Austen, please.
Austen just always disappoints me.
Like, if anyone ever treated Austen
the way Venita's been treating me,
I wouldn't be, like... buds with her.
MONTY: All right, so who wants
- to have some tequila? - [murmuring agreement]
I'm gonna grab a bottle.
Okay, so in Mexico,
a tequila tasting is called a cata,
- and that's what we're doing. - Oh, thank you.
We're gonna pour two Blanco tequilas
into these little glasses in front of you.
- Damn. - And give you guys some food.
For the food pairing.
The thing on the far left is a cactus salad,
and then with our ceviche.
Let's start with the tequila on the far left,
and then have some of the salad.
- Cheers. - Cheers, guys.
The citrus in the salad will accentuate
the citrus in our tequila.
That is delightful.
I don't think I've ever had cactus.
Delicious.
The second one right here,
this is the epic strength,
which is 48% alcohol.
Give it a little nip on the tongue,
just to get your mouth ready for it.
- [Venita coughing] - [hissing]
- VENITA: Yes! - Whoa.
MONTY: And I would try it with our ceviche.
Yum. Right?
I mean, that's hot from the inside out.
It tastes good, though.
SALLEY: Can I get another water?
Another glass of water?
MONTY: So, the second cool thing,
we're about to give you guys some reposados.
You see the different colors?
One of them was rum barrel,
and the other one was a Merlot wine barrel.
Christian will pour you guys a repo.
You just say rum or wine.
SALLEY: You didn't even know it's called a merlot.
- It's my Mer-lot in life. - Rum, please.
All right, amigos.
I'm gonna let you guys get into your drinks
and your food here. We're gonna have more
- food coming on the table. - AUSTEN: Oh, hell, yeah.
Is this like a Mexican street corn?
- MONTY: Cheers, guys. - Thank you, Monty.
- Thanks, Monty. - Salud. Enjoy the tequila.
- Why is all the rum gone? - CRAIG: I know.
That's all I want to do, is be ----ing Jack Sparrow.
It's never enough.
Rod, are we doing a tour of Sayulita after this?
Yes.
It's a fun place. There's multiple bars.
It's kind of like King Street, Mexico-style.
We have a hotel there.
We can all just change and shower.
- Together? Shower? - If you want to.
I'm a big shower guy.
I think I'm a heels guy.
Like a heels and short dress guy.
- Porn star. - Sh--!
I just really like stuck porn.
- What's that mean? - You're stuck, like...
Your arm is stuck in something?
You're like, oh no, I'm in the dryer and I can't get out.
What are you doing back there, stepson?
- Oh ! - Oh no!
VENITA: Stepson?
I wonder, but I don't want to see what
Austen's Pornhub search history is.
Oh no, I'm stuck at this tequila tasting.
Gross.
Oh, whoa.
MOLLY: Oh, pork... Chicken, please.
Chicken.
SHEP: Y'all, how great has lunch been?
That chicken with the red salsa is the best.
WHITNEY: Chew with your mouth closed, please.
RODRIGO: Did you guys have a good day?
Yeah, we had a great day. We had some fun surfs.
The ATVs were definitely the highlight
of my day, for sure.
I loved four-wheeling with you guys, it was sick.
My high of the day was making Whitney
suffer through us having fun on the beach,
and he was like, ugh, I don't touch sand.
Sand, the heat, the filthy water, being moist.
Throughout the whole day.
It's just an unpleasant experience.
Did you hear me complain? I was reading
the New York Post in the shade.
These mother----ers are trying to solve world hunger.
SHEP: What'd you guys talk about on this beach?
None of anyone's business, except me and Austen.
All right. My high of the day is that everyone
got to have fun adventures, and no one's fighting.
WHITNER: How about that last part again?
Today was a hugging day.
Wait, wait.
- We haven't gotten dinner yet. - CRAIG: No.
MADISON: Coming up...
I don't care about Craig. I care about our friendship.
Our friendship is fine.
The girls are fighting.
You might feel that our friendship is fine,
but I'm the one that's being, like, lied to.
♪♪♪
[horns honking]
I got next shower.
CRAIG: It's kind of cool that we're checking into a hotel
to just get ready. It's kind of baller.
- Are we all ready? - Yep.
- Let's go. - Got all our stuff?
All right, let's go.
CRAIG: Everyone be careful. It's slippery over there.
Hey, we're going up here, y'all.
You are Pouty McPouterson.
I just need a kiss, baby.
AUSTEN: Oh, my God.
Would you be like a nightmare to date?
No. I'm actually quite lovely.
Really?
Yeah, I do everything for my man.
Hello, why are you bringing up dating me,
you want to date me?
♪♪♪
Hey guys, do you have a favorite local tequila?
Yeah.
Can we have ten shots of that with orange slices, please?
Do you all do espresso martinis?
Yeah, of course.
Can we have an espresso martini for the lovely lady?
AUSTEN: I'll take an espresso martini.
SHEP: Cerveza, por favor.
VENITA: Thank you so much.
CRAIG: Whoever's left down here, anyone?
Here's my card. Can I just keep it going?
- Yeah. - Thank you.
Can I come back there to cheers?
- Yeah. - What?
Everyone, cheers to Shep for bringing us to Mexico.
We may hate each other at times,
but hopefully we love each other more.
- [cheering] - Salud!
I'm really happy to see all of us having fun.
[speaking Spanish]
This is the reason we're down here.
BARTENDER: If you are hungry, just let me know.
Chicken, steak, cheese, shrimp. Two, two, two, two, two.
Okay, perfect.
- Thank you. - All right.
Who's getting on the bar for body shots?
MOLLY: Chime! I was about to say Salley.
She raised her hand before I could even say it.
We obviously know Salley's first up.
Only if you're taking the shot.
- No. - It's okay, don't be a pussy.
Hey.
MOLLY: When people say don't be a pussy,
it's kind of funny because...
Nuts are really sensitive, but pussies take a pounding.
SALLEY: Twist my arm.
- Can we have a lime? - Over here, I got one.
All right, there we go.
Where does the salt go? Does it go here?
You put that salt wherever you want that salt.
- Austen ! - Oh, thank you, thank you.
This is crazy.
I'm trying, I'm trying.
- Yeah. - Okay, Rod.
Oh my God. Oh my God, so much.
VENITA: Oh my God.
Come here.
[cheering]
Holy crap.
What happens in Mexico does not stay in Mexico.
I have to go to church.
Well, lucky for whoever gets that one.
That was ---ing ridiculous.
For the shots we did, I'm going to buy the bottle.
- But you have to pour it. - Can I come around?
Yeah, yeah. He said go.
MOLLY: Are you our bartender?
- AUSTEN: Yeah, yeah. - Are you gonna--
I bought the bottle of tequila, so we're just
- going to pour it out. - Oh, fun. Okay.
I'm a bartender, so now I want to hear about y'all's problems.
- Bartender? - Yes, sir.
Bottle, shot.
Craig feels like getting ----ing hammered.
Craig, after a couple of drinks, becomes more interesting.
Until he reaches the precipice.
Hey, Craig, no more shots.
And falls off a cliff, and that's when I'm like,
Jekyll and Hyde. Then, I don't like Craig drinking.
Hey, nobody gets hurt.
- Hey. - CRAIG: Go all in over here.
Hi!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
AUSTEN: Uno, dos, tres!
CRAIG: I love that so much.
Sh--!
Wow.
This friend group is insanity.
Oh, God, look at Charley.
Charley is doing this.
My first thought was like, damn.
That sucks that she felt like she couldn't call me
and tell me, right after it happened.
Okay, we kissed. And it was like, nothing crazy.
Oh, my God.
It was a kiss that I really just did not want
to tell you about. Sorry.
And now you know about it. The end.
I don't care that y'all kissed.
I care about our friendship.
Our friendship is fine.
- I am sorry. - I don't feel that way.
Fighting. The girls-- The girls are fighting.
Look, I--
You might feel that our friendship is fine,
but I'm the one that's being, like, lied to.
Salley, like, I mean--
AUSTEN: Guys, guys, guys, guys. Salley, guys.
I know.
Okay, look, I'm not denying the fact
that the second that it changed
was whenever I went on the date with Craig.
I think that was just whenever I came to my turning point,
with him and this entire group,
that I was like, oh, sh--, I don't actually want
to hear and share everything with Salley.
- Then don't. - I haven't.
And now I'm getting like, absolutely...
Because you didn't tell me.
I did. Maybe you weren't listening.
You might feel that our friendship is fine,
but I'm the one that's being, like, lied to.
Okay, look, I'm not denying the fact
that the second that it changed
was whenever I went on the date with Craig.
That was my turning point,
with him and this entire group,
that I was like, oh, sh--, I don't actually want
to hear and share everything with Salley.
- Then don't. - I haven't.
And now I'm getting, like, absolutely--
Because you didn't tell me!
Well, I did! Maybe you weren't listening.
You came to me and said-- like, I was-- don't do that.
Can I have a water?
I don't care who you're making out with, whatever.
All I'm saying is there was a shift in our friendship,
and that's what I'm upset about.
Am I wrong?
It sucks to feel like you're willing
to put him above your friend.
Just kind of hurts, I don't know.
Amigos, we're gonna close in 20 minutes.
- You are okay? - Yeah.
SHEP: Hey, everybody, we are going back to the hotel.
- Woohoo! - Let's go.
- We're leaving? - Vamanos!
I would love to get out of this conversation.
How are you feeling right now?
Is it because you thought maybe she was gonna go tell everyone?
No, it was honestly because I just like,
didn't want to talk to anybody about it.
WHITNEY: Let's get the [beep] out of here.
- SHEP: Vamanos! - Vamanos.
♪♪♪
Hey, surfing right here and ATV right there.
All right.
VENITA: Oh my God, so much sexual activity for one night.
- Y'all are in there. - All right, perfect.
See you back there.
[grunting]
Yeah, Salley has said that she feels like
I'm not being truthful.
And I have taken a step back from our friendship.
And I like, all of a sudden understood
why like, every time you're with her,
things change with us. Like Salley--
That's why I like, created a boundary with her,
and I was like, I just don't want
to talk to her like, about Craig.
But it was also killing me by being like,
why do we have to hide this?
CRAIG: Come here.
- Where's Charley? - WHITNEY: Talking to Craig.
This is absolutely dumb. We need to go back.
Salley was yelling at you about us.
- That was insane. - I was honest.
And I was like, he knows I enjoy spending time with him.
I'm going to keep spending time with him.
- What? - She's kind of cool.
CRAIG: I'm happy that Charley has it in her
to stand up to Salley.
Because we really like each other. And it's cute.
Oh my God, it's an hour drive ?
SHEP: Let's go. What is he doing? Where is he going?
What? No. No, I don't want that.
What the [beep] is going on?
Craig! What the [beep] are you doing?
We gotta get the [beep] out of here, Charley.
Why would we leave?
What are we, caged Bengal tigers?
We gotta get out of here, dude.
What's going on?
Yeah, we need to get the [beep] out of here.
Yeah, it's an hour-long drive, all right?
It's time.
CRAIG: I bought a bottle of tequila and beer.
- I got cigarettes. - I want to go.
I got tequila, and beer and cigarettes.
Go!
We're ----ing going, Shep, god damn it.
- [beep] off. - We're good to go.
Hey, look what I found.
It's a bottle of tequila.
- Austen. - It's insane.
Craig, I... drank tequila all night.
- Why would I start now? - 'Cause you're my friend.
Oh my God. Craig. That was insane.
With your hair going into your face like that?
CHARLEY: Oh my God.
AUSTEN: Craig, be nice.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Because you just told me to shut the [beep] up.
The next time you tell me I'm crazy, I'm done.
Craig, chill.
You are freaking out about nothing right now.
What are y'all talking about? What are y'all talking about?
No, it's what is he talking about, not me.
You're so dumb. Leave me alone, please.
You are never in the wrong, ever.
Like, you never own up to your sh--.
I'm not gonna let you do this to me.
- I'm not. - I'm not doing anything to you.
I'm just telling you I'm removing myself from your life.
Craig, don't do this sh--. Don't be an asshole.
- Just [beep] off. - Craig, Craig, stop.
[phone dinging]
So apparently, Craig is going crazy in the car.
Austen, he is 100 out of 10.
Sh--
- SALLEY: Craig, calm down. - Stop!
Why are you yelling at me?
Because you keep getting involved with sh--
that has nothing to do with you.
- I never-- - Just leave me alone.
- ----ing loser. - ----ing asshole.
You're a ----ing loser.
I didn't do anything in this car ride
- to deserve any of this. Did I? - You're a ----ing loser.
You're a ----ing loser. You're a ----ing loser.
You suck.
♪♪♪