(birds chirping, sprinkler whirrs and clacks)
(panting)
(all shouting)
(shouting slows, distorts)
WOMAN: Why have you come to Belize?
Been asking myself that same question.
Seemed like a good idea.
Four days of peace and quiet.
(phone ringing)
Drink de rum, have de party.
Dance de...
Just hang out.
(phone continues ringing)
(muffled ringing, water burbling)
I couldn't believe it. A free vacation...
-Oh, Jesus Christ. -Oh! Hey, Cobi.
Buddy, how you doing?
-Good? -I'm good...
-Hey, Cobi. Hey. -Hey, Joel.
Hey, uh, Gus was right behind me; I don't know where he is.
-Did you guys fly in together? -Uh, yeah.
Well, same connection from Dallas.
I flew from Indianapolis. He came from Grand Rapids.
What the hell you doing up there?
-Chasing the dream, bro. -Oh, yeah?
-Do they have those up there? -They have them.
I didn't say I didn't know where it was. I said it's not
-where I thought it was. -Where did you think it was?
I don't know. Some island in the Caribbean or something.
-We're in Central America. -I know that now.
They promised that my bag will arrive with the next flight
-and they'll deliver it. -Oh.
Somebody's wearing the same clothes till they get home.
-(chuckling) -(spluttering) -You're still my funny guy.
Man, we're good on maracas, man. Thank you. I don't get it.
If he can live anywhere he wants to,
why would he choose to live here?
Well, isn't this place supposed to be, like,
party fucking central, Girls Gone Wild and shit?
Doubt that. We're on the Mosquito Coast.
-It's all about the taxes. -He's here for a tax break?
The rich retirees he sold the properties to
moved here for the tax breaks, and now he's staying here
-for the tax breaks. -How do you know?
Dude, I'm a financial consultant.
I spend all day on this stuff.
If someone had told me 20 years ago that people
would entrust Cobi with their life savings...
I can hear you. I'm right here.
LEX: Wow.
Oh. Okay.
You got to be kidding me.
(chuckles) It's kind of funny.
Who the fuck is he calling a loser, anyway?
-(man shouts in Spanish) -Look both ways, gentlemen!
Both ways!
-Is this a fully-stocked bar I see? -Nice.
-Got one for each. -Look at this.
-Nice bag. -Nice leather.
Didn't know where Belize was, huh?
Take this map. That's for you.
(vendors shouting)
COBI: Hey! Nice gift,
Milo, right?
We all got one of those?
Come on, Lex. Flash me some ass, for old times' sake.
You gonna make a vlog? Instagram? Post some Vines?
Yes. Definitely. If I knew how to do any of those things.
GUS: Get on top of that shit. That's the only way to know
what your kids are really doing. You got to track
-their social media. -What are you,
their dad or the NSA?
(lively, indistinct chatter)
* *
Hey, guys, when is the last time that the five
of us were in the same place at the same time?
Please don't say "jail."
-Check it out. -What?!
-Oh, man. -Give me that. -(laughter)
-Let me see. -Look at you. You look the same.
-GUS: Let me see that! -Yeah, you looked old even back then.
-Look at that. -Oh!
-No! Milo with hair! -(laughs)
-(laughing): Yo, that is crazy. -Yeah.
When, uh, they knocked down the dorm, I snagged
an old floorboard. I made this frame.
No, you didn't.
(sniffs) No, I didn't.
-Got it in Bed Bath & Beyond. -(laughter)
That's a gift for Milo?
Yeah. What'd you get him?
I didn't get him anything.
Excuse me. There a Rite Aid on the way to this place?
COBI: It's safe to get out here, right?
The fuck is this guy doing?
Hello.
Hey.
So, we all chipping in? That's the plan?
How you doing?
How 'bout that?
Johnny Walker Blue?
-That's, like, 200 bucks. -$250, U.S.
-Split four ways. -Three ways. I got him something.
Unlike you guys, I was brought up with manners.
-Hey, look at this. -Oh, yeah.
Milo's Magic 8 Ball.
Remember that whiny-ass kid at the end of the hall?
He was always bullshitting
he went to house parties on the Southside.
And then Lex took him out.
One end of the dorm to the other.
Center of the forehead. And he literally
shit his pants on the way down.
-We getting this or what? -Ask the 8 Ball.
It says, "Buy me and hurry the fuck up out of here."
LEX: Where the hell is this place?
* *
(electronic chiming)
(whirring, rattling)
Hey! Milo!
We're here!
(laughing)
Wow.
GUS: That's got to be worth $3 million.
COBI: Yeah, but your money goes further down here.
It's still in the millions.
-Beautiful. Are you kidding? -Oh, man! -(laughing)
-COBI: That's ridiculous. -(laughter)
Milo.
Welcome to Belize.
Holy fucking shit!
-(laughing): Oh. -GUS: Oh, hell yeah.
-Wow. -Hell, yeah!
COBI: Whew.
Oh, man.
Unbelievable.
-Look at this. -LEX: Yo.
Yo.
MILO: Great to see you.
GUS: All right.
All right. When do I move in?
This is pretty impressive.
Of all my friends' beachfront villas,
this is definitely my favorite.
(laughter)
(sudden pop)
How's he get to retire at his age?
Apparently, he got this amazing offer for the company
right out of the blue. 24 hours later,
boom, sold, just like that.
How do you know?
He called me. About three weeks ago,
when he was trying to decide what to do.
Why didn't he call me?
"An amazing offer out of the blue."
Always was a lucky son of a bitch.
Milo always had smarts.
-Give him that. -There's no artistry in selling
real estate, Gus. It's about timing.
-Anyone could do it. -Why didn't you do it?
-Exactly. -Yeah, right. Like that's me. -(laughter)
-Okay. -You got, like, a soda or something?
-Yeah, just inside. On the left. -There you go! -Nice.
You're my first guests.
-Good call. -(chuckles)
That's what I'm sayin'.
-To old friends. -To Milo.
Happy retirement, you lucky bastard, and...
for flying us all down here.
You always had a big heart, bro.
-Yeah! Hear, hear! Thank you. -Yes. -Cheers.
Oh, shit. I told Helena that I'd call her
when I got here. Damn it.
How is Helena?
Uh, fine. Says hi.
You get a signal here, Milo?
MILO: No. The mountains screw it up.
But you know where you get it? You see that palm tree
over there, the one that's bending down?
Top of that sometimes you get signal.
Oh. All right.
(Cobi sighs)
So what are we looking at here, your own private beach?
Uh, yeah, actually. You can only get to it by boat.
Closest neighbor is four miles that way.
You don't want to walk it, though,
'cause it turns into mangrove swamp.
(grunting)
-There is no signal, is there? -Uh, no.
(laughter)
Gotta go higher!
Keep going!
(laughs)
ALL: Oh!
Hey! Assholes!
Sorry, man! My bad!
-* * -(laughter, shouting)
Oh, yeah!
Oh, no!
Oh, my God!
(laughter, shouting)
-Oh! -(laughter)
Oh!
Aah!
Really, you fuckers?
(laughter)
Oh!
(grunts)
-(groans) -(laughter)
ALL: Cheers!
-Losers, are we? Huh? -Yeah!
-Take that. -(shouts) -Damn it!
-Gus, you're not gonna change? -Hilarious.
You done good, kid.
At least one of us fucking clowns
finally cracked it, right?
Look, still buddies.
Don't you think that's pretty special?
Yeah, I do. I just wish you would've come down here
when I started the business.
You'd have been a great right-hand man.
Lord knows I could've used your help.
Man, if I'd have come down here
three years ago, when you started, right now,
I'd be lying in some skanky dope house
with a pipe in one hand
and some strung-out beach bunny in the other.
-Actually, that sounds pretty good, right? -(laughs)
-(electronic chiming) -(Lex sighs)
-Time to go. -All right.
(chatter, laughter, lively music playing)
Whatever you want, it's on me.
Why don't you let us treat you, Milo?
No, you hold on to your money.
Hey, it's not like we can't afford it.
Oh, really? He's owed me
ten grand for two years.
If he'd just acknowledge it
occasionally. Not that I need it.
I'll order for everyone.
Or we could order ourselves.
I think we know how the system works-- waitress, notepad.
-Hi. -Oh, hi.
-Good to see you again. -Come, meet my friends.
This is Lex. We grew up, like,
-Hi, Lex. -two blocks away from each other,
which means he knows far too much about me.
All the filthy secrets.
MILO: Don't listen to a word he says.
This is Joel, absolutely the smartest,
possibly the kindest guy I know.
-Oh, really? -And this is Gus.
Uh, recently divorced, so,
if there's anyone you know who's...
I'm fine, thank you.
I've never seen this man before in my life.
Please have him removed from the building.
-(laughter) -MILO: His name is Cobi.
Actually, he's one of my best friends.
Almost was my business partner.
(laughter, indistinct conversation)
Things getting any better?
With the kids, since you moved?
Not really.
I thought I'd just... leave 'em alone for a while.
Let 'em come to me... when they're ready.
I'm still waiting. (chuckles)
(sniffing)
-(laughing) -What? -Is it good?
-It's free. -(laughs)
(lively chatter, rhythms playing)
(laughing): Oh, my God.
I did not know Belize looked like that.
-You clocked that. -Yeah?
MAN: That one right over there!
Milo!
See?
We can't avoid each other...
even if we wanted to.
-Lawrence. -I'm having something dropped off at your villa.
Don't. I'm retired.
I'll call you, tell you where to take it.
Who was that?
A friend.
COBI: Hey, Lex, what do you actually do now?
Ah, me and this guy are trying to flip some houses.
What? Hey, I set up loans for that sort of thing.
We should talk.
Well, right now, he does the flipping,
and I hang the dry wall, but...
Wait, I thought you were moving to Chicago...
Yeah. Didn't work out.
Why not?
Tell you some other time.
(horns honking in distance, lively chatter)
So where's the driver?
Who said anything about driving?
-Where we going? -Nightcap.
(dance music throbbing)
-* Yuh better link me 4:00 o'clock on de road * -* Hey *
-*On de road* -* Hey *
* Yuh better link me 4:00 o'clock on... *
* We on de road with de wickedest trucks, Lawd *
* We had de big bad sound system and de wickedest box, ah *
* All de gyal and dem that we know *
* Got de wickedest cuts, Lawd *
* And we ah make nuff noise *
* When we pull up in de wickedest spots, huh *
* Ah-ah, ah... *
* I don't know why anymore *
* Oh, no *
* So, come on, feel the noise *
* Girls, rock your boys *
* We'll get wild, wild, wild *
* We'll get wild, wild... *
* *
* Ah, tell you have it... *
-* Everybody let me see you clap those hands * -(cheering)
* Everybody let me see you clap those hands *
* Clap those hands, clap those hands, clap those hands *
* Clap those hands, clap those hands *
* Clap those hands, clap those hands, clap those hands *
* Clap those hands, clap those hands *
* Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. *
-Oh, man. -JOEL: Haven't done that in years.
-LEX: Yeah, we could tell, man. -(laughter)
-I think I herniated something. -(laughter)
I'm serious.
-So are we, like, middle-aged now? -(groaning)
How does that happen?
JOEL: One minute, you're looking forward
to everything, and the next,
you're looking back over your shoulder.
Every time you get a headache,
you think it's a fucking brain tumor.
-(laughter) -What?
GUS: I'm serious!
Man, whatever.
If something ever happens to me,
this place, this villa--
it's yours.
I don't have any family,
so, I left it to the four of you.
True.
No, I... It's all settled.
I talked to the lawyers and everything.
In case I choke on an oyster, or something.
I'd rather you had it than... some corrupt local official.
-COBI: I told you I'd find the way back. -LEX: Is that junior?
Did he make it back?
Hey, guys!
(sighs)
Oh. This is, uh, Angel.
She's from... "Bell-man-plan...?"
-(with accent): Belmopan. -Belmopan.
Uh, she gave me a ride home, so, uh,
I invited her in for a nightcap.
My house is your house.
Thank you.
(laughs)
(laughter)
-Good night, everybody! -LEX: Good night.
Good night!
(soft chuckling)
Think we should.... w-we should say something, right?
Say something like what, Joel?
Like, the guy's married.
-But we were best men at his wedding. -And?
Uh, he doesn't know what he's doing.
I think he has a pretty good idea.
(quietly): Joel! Joel!
-Cobi! -(quietly): Joel!
(loud whisper): Cobi?
Yo!
What are you doing?
-Having a drink. -(laughter)
What are you doing?
Rockin' place.
Thank you.
It's actually... my buddy's place,
but I get to use it
whenever I fly down.
Are we gonna make them porno?
Holy shit! That is my favorite film genre.
ANGEL: You want to see this?
-Hello. -Hello.
(giggling)
Yeah.
Strip for me then, boy.
-(giggling) -Oh, all right.
Yes. That's how me like it.
Yes. Yes, take off that.
-Okay, so... -Oh, yes.
-Mmm. -(Cobi sighing)
Mmm...
Oh... man.
-All right. All right. -Yes, yes, yes.
-All right? -Yes. Like this.
Want me do it on top?
-(bed thumping rhythmically) -ANGEL (quietly): Fantastic.
Hey.
(both groaning)
Yes! Yes!
(thumping continues, Gus laughing)
-Shh. Just... -Don't look at me!
-Shh. -Me can't be quiet. -(quiet laughter)
-Dig it out! Dig it out! -Dig it out! -Dig what out?
-Did it out! -Dig what out?
It's kind of tragic, though.
What was she, like, 20?
-You know he could be her dad. -(grunts, muttering)
I don't think you could be her dad.
(laughter)
Fuckin' blackmail his ass.
Why do you want to blackmail him?
Many reasons, Lex.
Many fucking reasons.
-ANGEL: Oh, yes! -Oh.
(phone ringing)
Who's calling you at 3:00 in the morning?
-Business. -Thought you...
-I thought he retired. -LEX: Hey.
He's leaving us the villa? What was that about?
That was strange.
Oh, yes! Give me that. Oh!
Look, Lawrence...
You already done that, huh?
And I already told you I had made my decision.
-(Angel screaming) -MILO: There's always
a next time and a next time.
Yes! All right, yes, all right, yes!
All right, yes!
Oh, yeah.
MILO: This has never
been my... All right, that's not my...
-(Cobi grunts) -You approached me.
Oh, yeah!
-(grunts) -Okay.
-Because I'm out! -Yes! Oh...
-Listen! -Yes! Oh!
Oh, yes, that's right!
Give it to me! That's about it. Come, come, come, come!
-Come! Oh! -(gasps)
(zapping)
I don't know what I was drinking, but when I woke up,
I thought I was in Belize.
(Lex chuckles)
Do you know what cowboys used to eat to cure hangovers?
-Rabbit turds. -Please don't tell me you tried it.
Maybe.
Milo, the whole trip has been worth it
just to see Joel dancing.
Morning.
Care for some coffee?
No.
Please can someone open the gate? Me want to go home.
Sure. Cobi!
COBI (in distance): Yeah!
Be a gentleman, let your friend out.
Uh, yeah. Uh, sorry. Be right down.
You boys was pretty mash up last night
with your crazy dancin'.
Me don't know which part you learn to dance.
How are you?
-I am good. -Good.
(Cobi sighs)
Mm... You all behave yourselves now.
Okay if I make some breakfast?
Yeah.
What are you making?
GUS: I'm gonna wing it, see what he's got in here.
-Look at that, the man's got skills. -Gotta be more
than a hash slinger in my position.
What position?
Divorced. I got two teenage daughters.
I gotta prove that I can do everything their mom can,
only better.
What's it like being single again?
Who says I'm single?
Oh, nice. Who is she?
I'm single.
(coughs)
Oh.
Milo?
There's something on the bottom of your pool.
LEX: You think it just fell in?
As opposed to what? It was...
taking a dip and it got a cramp?
Go and get it, Cobi.
Why do I have to?
'Cause I asked you. There's shovels in the garage.
Bury it behind those trees over there.
-Why don't you bury it? -'Cause I've got to arrange
for someone to disinfect my pool.
(sighs) Man.
Goddamn it.
-Why am I always the fucking guy? -(laughs)
I mean, seriously.
I'm always the guy.
-You're the man, Cobe. -Why don't you help out?
I'm coming, I'm coming.
You know, every time I go on vacation, this happens.
Oh, God.
-Does that make you horny? -Shut the fuck up.
Oh.
-JOEL: Why are we doing this? -You're not, Joel, I am.
You'd think he'd have a groundskeeper or something
to take care of this kind of stuff.
Oh, yeah, you're nothing in Belize
unless you have your own goat burier.
-Get out of here. -JOEL: You realize what's happening, right?
We're all beholden to him now.
Why, because he paid for the trip?
Oh, that's right, you weren't there. He...
-He said he's leaving us the villa. -Shoo, go away.
-What? -Yeah.
When'd he say that?
When you were balls-deep in a tween.
I mean, really, Cobi,
how are we supposed to look Helena in the eye?
I can't think of a reason why you'd need to look her
in the eye, Joel, but, you know, thanks for caring. Wait!
He's giving us the villa?
He said if anything happens to him, he'd leave it to us.
You don't think he's sick or anything, do you?
And that's why he got us all here?
He got us here to show off. It's obvious.
COBI: Joel's jealous.
-(grunts) Asshole. -(laughing)
My new glasses.
-You want to fight? -(laughing)
Don't fucking touch me, man.
(clanking, whirring)
Nice house.
Oh, listen, a friend of mine offered us his boat.
I figured we'd go pick up some supplies, go fishing,
motor up the coast. Guatemala's two hours that way.
Sure you don't want us to stay here
and dig another hole for you?
MILO: See you downstairs in half an hour.
Bring your bathing suits.
Hey.
What's up with the box?
Oh, that's paperwork.
Has to do with the sale of the company.
Ah. Hey, the guys told me what you said last night,
about leaving us the villa.
-Yeah, it's yours, man. -Well, obviously,
I hope it never is...
but, you know, appreciate the gesture.
Everything okay?
You know, you should bring Helena down here.
What? Oh.
Uh, yeah,
she'd love it.
You ever think about her and Joel--
how they used to date?
-20 years ago. -Yeah, but
he really loved her. You ever wonder
if they keep in touch?
Guatemala, you said it was, what,
-two hours away from here? -You happy, Cobi?
Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?
I just wondered if you ever regretted
not getting involved with this,
with me.
When you had the chance.
Mm...
You didn't really want to take that risk though, did you?
I don't know, I guess... I don't really think about it.
Maybe you should.
Maybe you should, next time
you're sitting in your little office
with its vertical blinds
and its fluorescent lighting
and its lunch hours...
I'm just busting your balls. Come here.
-You did good. -Yeah.
-You did all right. -Yeah.
(Milo chuckles)
Least you're not bullshitting us like Gus, right?
(quiet chuckle) Gus.
Uh...
Downstairs in 20, yeah?
Okay.
(all laughing, whooping)
-COBI: Yeah! -GUS: Oh, that's nice.
-COBI: Come on, faster, faster! -GUS: Yeah! (laughs)
MILO: Only grab essentials.
-(bottles clinking) -Is that heavy?
-No, I'm good. -Need me to help?
-Nah. -No? This one?
MILO: Uh-uh.
-COBI: This? -MILO: No.
(laughing): Holy shit!
* *
(whoops)
(laughing)
-Here we go! -Whoa! -Oh, man.
-Two against one. -Yeah.
COBI: Yeah, so I started playing golf.
-GUS: No. -COBI: It's great for taking clients out.
-GUS: You any good? -COBI: No, you don't want to be.
-You got to let 'em win. -(laughs)
Jesus, listen to you guys.
Don't any of you have any ambition left?
Maybe we're happy with who we are.
MILO: Where's the fire in your belly?
-Huh, Cobi? -What?
You don't know about fire
in your belly, but I'll tell you what,
you're gonna find fire in your cock, aren't you?
-Yeah. -"Here, Helena,
"I brought you a present back from Belize--
-gonorrhea." -Easy.
I guess you better hope that Joel doesn't go tell her.
Fuck's sake, man.
So, Milo, this boat dude, is he, like, a good buddy or what?
MILO: Not really.
To be honest, most of them down here are total cunts.
Place attracts them.
Then why'd he lend you the boat?
He didn't.
Someone put a goat in my pool.
Are you saying we stole this boat?
Milo, that doesn't sound smart, brah.
-What the fuck are you doing? -Just take it easy,
I'm just flexing a little muscle.
You do remember how to do that, don't you Joel?
You just implicated us in piracy!
Jesus Christ, Milo.
I cannot believe I chose you guys
-to stand shoulder to shoulder with me. -No, no, no,
some of us have responsibilities, man,
I have a business. I have kids, bro.
Look, I don't know what's going on down here,
-but can we just... -Take us back now!
Do it, Milo! Just take us back!
Or what?
(engine slows)
(engine stops)
You do it.
Assuming you can navigate the reefs
and the mud flats, help yourself.
(gulls keening, water slapping against hull)
-No? -Why are you being such a prick?
No, no, you don't get to call me that, see,
'cause I'm the captain.
(engine starts)
Captain Prick.
Don't worry, we're not really stealing it.
We're just gonna leave it someplace
where it'll be difficult for the owner to find.
It's schoolyard rules around here.
Somebody pushes, you push back, that's all.
JOEL: You know what? I really don't give a fuck.
If you're gonna pull shit like that, tell us first.
(birds screeching)
(bird squawking)
Jump off, Joel.
Where?
Jump off.
You serious? There's...
-Yeah. -There's nothing to walk on.
-Careful. -The fuck...?
Jesus Christ.
-Catch. -Aah!
Ow, you fucking ass.
You broke my glasses.
Tie us off, will you?
The only pair I have.
MILO: I got it. Go ahead.
JOEL: Which way?
MILO: Straight ahead. Walk for daylight.
(birds squawking, insects buzzing)
(beep)
(insect buzzing)
So, like, where do we go to get a cab, man?
Cab?
(panting): We hike, amigos.
(deep sigh)
(bird screeches)
Hey, Milo...
when you eventually tell this guy where the boat is,
you know, you don't need to mention...
like, us, right?
Gus was telling me that you're lonely, Joel,
-that you're going inside your shell. -GUS: What'd he say?
He thinks you might be clinically depressed.
Says you have this inability
to form meaningful relationships.
That's bullshit. I said no such thing.
It's probably for the best-- I mean, look at him.
Wife's taking him to the cleaners.
What makes you think that?
Who got the house?
(panting)
(birds squawking, chirping)
Oh, fuck!
-Goddamn it! -You all right? You okay?
GUS: Can we slow the fuck up? I'm wearing loafers,
for Christ's sake.
I honestly think he's gone completely nuts.
GUS: Think he's been living alone too long.
Motherfucker went all Colonel Kurtz on our asses.
(bird hooting in distance)
COBI: Oh, great.
Just what I wanted-- melanoma.
-Right. I'm leaving. -LEX: How?
-Get on a plane. -You're just gonna go?
Why not?
Well, he'll probably never speak to you again,
-for one thing. -Perfect.
GUS: I think he's in trouble.
-Yeah, something's going on. -Yeah, isn't that the time
-we need to be there for him? -Yeah, but if he is in trouble,
do we really want to be dragged into it?
If he needs our help, yeah.
Why can't any of you stand up to him?
Like, you're so in awe
just 'cause he has a big fuckin' house.
Hey, come on, Joel, we're a team.
We're best buds.
No, we're not.
(chuckles) We don't even like each other.
LEX: I'll tell you something, if you were in trouble,
he'd be there for you in a fuckin' minute.
Bullshit, Lex. The only thing we have in common
is the fact we knew each other back in the day.
I mean, I'm a grown man, I have a life--
I don't have to have loyalty to him or any of you.
Wow!
Thank you, man.
Jesus, if that's the way you feel, why the fuck did you even
-come down here? -You want to know why?
Because Gus said he wouldn't come
-unless I came. I'm sorry, Gus, -Hold up. No. Joel, hold up...
but I didn't want to be the reason that
-he didn't get a vacation. -No, don't turn
-this shit around on me, brah. -Wait,
-you didn't want to come, either? -I...
I wasn't sure if I was gonna be able to come.
-The man just willed us his villa. -If you believe that,
-you're moron. -Well, maybe he just got
overexcited because we're all here.
We're going home.
So if you could... if you could call us a ride...
You all want to go?
If you do, that's fine-- it's just that Joel
has a habit of speaking for all of you.
-He can't help it, it's his inner teacher. -GUS: Nah.
We all want to split.
MILO: All right. Flight's at 11:00.
I'll make sure you're on it.
Can I make a suggestion, though?
Stay for dinner.
Let me explain today.
Your ride'll come in time to...
get you to your flight.
Fair enough?
(sighs)
All right.
I'm sorry.
I know I pissed you guys off,
and if there's any way I can make it right...
-I guess I misjudged... -JOEL: Us. Yes.
MILO: You know, that's not really what I was about to say,
but thank you for interrupting me, Joel.
-COBI: You sure you want all that? -Mm-hmm.
Yes, I am.
But thank you... Mom.
(Milo sighs)
Can I...
speak honestly to you all about something?
-I doubt it. -Would you just...
-GUS: Joel, Milo, just-just... -fuck right off?
-say what you want to say. -I mean-- no, forget it!
Wait for your cab, and then go home, would you?
When are you gonna get out there again, huh?
Out where?
Dating.
Oh.
(chuckles softly) Haven't really given that a lot of thought.
LEX: Hey, remember that French chick
you used to see, before Lindsay? Um...
Uh, Kimmy.
-She was batshit crazy. -(chuckling)
Mind you, they're the best in bed.
-The French? -The lunatics.
(chuckling)
Can't beat low self-esteem in the sack.
They're up for anything.
Your Kayla
was probably like that, wasn't she, Lex?
-Why would you say that? -'Cause she tried
-to cut her wrists. Can't get lower -GUS: No, no...
-That's off-limits. Off limits. -self-esteem than that. What?
No. If you're gonna do it, you do it.
Would you not talk about that, please?
Like, for the next 45 minutes?
What else should we talk about?
MILO: How about how Joel is still in love
-with Helena? -Why do you keep bringing her up?
I don't need to listen to this. And thank you
for including me, but I don't want any part
-of your villa. -You don't want it?
-No. -No, of course you don't. You know why?
'Cause you always thought
you were better than me, more deserving,
and for the life of you, you cannot figure out
why I have all this and you got... what?
How ironic that the person who has everything
is so desperately unhappy.
-And you are so ecstatic? -You have
five fuckin' bedrooms, but you still can't sleep.
"I want my Helena back." Why don't yougo back
to your Midwestern duplex, Joel,
and mark off the days until you got the balls
to take the overdose.
And, Cobi, what are you?
You're like some puffed-up, low-level accountant?
I'm a financial consultant!
(shouting): Jesus Christ, Milo,
you know, you've been on my case
since I... fuckin' got here!
Just... you know what? Just spew it out!
Because you've clearly got a bug
-up your ass about something. -You think
you are this big fish in a small pond,
-Okay. -and that is pretty much what you are,
-you're a pond life. Lexy, -Whatever. Fine.
I love you, bro, but you are a loser,
and what pisses me off more than anything else
is how comfortable you are with that.
So you go back to whoever's couch it is you're crashing on
or weekend drum circle.
-And, Gus... -I've been waiting for this all day.
you are a fraud.
You are living this gigantic lie
in your... suit, with your fucking fountain pen,
and you lie to us?
And what's worse is you lie to yourself.
And about what? Because you can't
face the fact that you fucked up?
That you had it all, you lost it.
You made your choices.
I made mine.
Now, get the fuck out of my house.
A cat just walked in.
MALE VOICE (with accent): Where is da boat?
(chuckles): I have no idea what you're talking about.
(quiet panting)
(trembling breaths)
(quiet gasp)
(panting)
Open your mouth.
(sniffles)
(Gus groaning, crying)
(snorts)
(crying)
No bother with the police.
We are the police.
24 hour!
Bring us that boat.
Or...
(mimics gunshot)
(lips smacking quietly)
(sniffling)
Milo.
He's dead, Joel.
You can't die on us.
(voice breaking): Half his head came apart.
(crying)
(retching)
(engine whirring)
(liquid dripping)
Where's the phone? We got to call the police.
-He is the police! -No, the police
don't go around in fucking cat masks
-shooting people! -He left in a police boat!
-We'll go to the embassy and explain. -No, you don't get it!
He blew Milo's head off because we took the boat!
They'll have a 24-hour emergency line or something.
(shouts, panting)
-Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, -Ow.
oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
(panting)
Uh, what-what do you think their 911 is?
(crying)
-I'll try 911. -Put down the phone!
Motherfucker took my DNA. He can use that
to place the black guy from Chicago
in any crime scene he wants. So you can't
call the police, Joel. There'll be an investigation.
-We want an investigation! -By a Third World police force?
Milo just left us his villa, man.
His four broke-ass friends, we turn up and then this?
(crying): I'm being framed for murder.
-By who?! -I don't know! -Let's go!
-Let's just go! -If we run,
they will track us down!
-Who, the cat? -Yes, Lex, the cat,
-who may or may not be the fucking police! -Does Belize
-have an extradition treaty? -You would know that.
-You were a lawyer. -Corporate! I did tax fraud!
Well, maybe that come up in your class!
Maybe it did! How the fuck would I know?!
-Google it! -If you do that, there will be an online record
of us searching for extradition,
-which makes us look guilty! -COBI: Listen!
He would've killed us if he wanted to, right?
He just wants his boat back.
So that's what we do.
We get rid of the body
in case somebody shows up.
We clean this place up.
And then we bring the boat back to the marina.
Then we get the...
fuck out of here.
We go home, get on with our lives.
We don't have to see each other
or talk about this ever again.
* *
(grunting)
(thud)
* *
(clattering)
(coughs)
(shell casing plops into water)
(seal cracks)
(flames whoosh)
(crying)
(whirring)
(birds chirping)
(rattling, whirring)
(grunts)
Hi.
Is... Mr. Milo at home?
Uh, no. He's away.
Oh.
W-We're house-sitting, at, uh...
You have hurt your arm.
Right, it was, uh...
too many beers.
Or maybe were you fighting?
American men, you love to fight, no?
So, right, you don't need to...
you don't need to clean today, 'cause we...
we had a-a party last night and...
so we-we already cleaned up. It's-it's-it's clean.
-Why? -We didn't think it would be nice
to leave you with a big mess.
No. I mean why did you have a party?
Oh.
-It was my birthday. -We're having a reunion.
-Well, it was a birthday reunion. -It was a reunion.
Both.
So, why don't you just... You can take the day off and...
No. (chuckles)
I'm not your housekeeper.
We're looking for a boat that has been stolen.
We thought maybe Mr. Milo could help with our investigation.
-He's where? -COBI: Guatemala. He's, uh,
showing a property. He'll be back
-the day after tomorrow? -Okay.
I come back then.
Uh, excuse me.
Why would Milo know anything
-about a stolen boat? -I don't know.
Maybe he doesn't. Whoever took it must be crazy.
It belongs to a man named Jesús.
He's very dangerous. A psychopath.
When people cross him,
he cuts off their hands and feet.
So, I'm sure it will appear.
Okay.
Bye.
I'm getting out of here.
-Jesus fucking Christ! -(panting)
-Lex, I need some pants! I burned my suit! I need -What?
-some pants! I'm getting back -I burned my pants! -Wait!
-to Chicago if I got to walk through fucking Mexico. -Stop!
-Wait! I left my camera -Can't get on a plane without pants!
-on the boat! -You got any cash?
-The camera! I left it on the boat! -All right! Who gives
-a shit?! You can have mine! -I filmed us!
(Cobi panting)
It shows us, calling each other by name,
on the boat, it even shows us in here, with Milo.
It's like a fucking episode of America's Most Wanted!
* *
Sorry.
* Yeah *
* All right *
* The line I shoot *
* I never miss *
* I can make love to you, baby *
* You can't resist, 'cause I'm a man *
* A man among men *
* That's spelled "M" *
* That's spelled "A" *
* "N" *
* Man, man *
* Man... *
* I'm a man *
(instrumental interlude)
* Yeah *
* Come on, come on *
* You got to come on *
* All these women *
* And all these women, and all these women *
* And all these women *
* And all these women, and all these women *
* And all these women, they're so *
* So romantic... ow! *
* Fuck that *
* *
* The line I shoot *
* I never miss *
* Make love to me, baby *
* I can't resist *
* I'm a man *
* 500% more man *
* The coolest hand, well, you know, that's me *
* That's spelled "M" *
* "A" *
* "N" *
* Man. *
* *
(song ends)