Okay, move it, move it, move it.
This is not a drill. Special assembly! Special assembly!
Diggie and I broke up, um,
because he decided to be a foreign exchange student, heh, again.
Since then, we haven't seen each other much,
but we're still great friends.
Conversation just kind of flows like it used to, heh.
-Great chat. Such a good chat. -Yeah, totally.
-Go, Porcupines. -Porc...
All right, let's go, people. One, two, three, eyes on me.
Four, five, six, shut your faces!
-Ahem. -Last weekend,
I had a run-in with a wild porcupine.
Because of that, I will not be sitting down anytime soon.
[MADDIE & LIV GIGGLE]
They're really cute, but they're killers. That's why the Porcupine's our mascot.
Wasyour mascot.
We have a new one, which honors our proud Wisconsin heritage.
I introduce the Ridgewood Butter!
[KAREN GASPS]
What?
What? The Butter?
That's dumb. We're the Porcupines.
Yeah, you can't just take Paulie.
-He's part of our family. -This is a travesty.
I just finished hand-knitting my Paulie sweater.
The angry human-leprechaun dude is right. Butter's no mascot.
The decision's been made. The Porcupine is out.
Meet Bobby Butterstick!
Whoo! Hey!
[CHANTING] Ridgewood! Butter! Ridgewood! Butter!
Whoo! Ha, ha.
[STUDENTS BOOING]
Oh, come on, people. Where's your school spirit?
Turn those boos into "bootter."
[STUDENTS BOOING]
♪ Better in stereo Better in stereo ♪
-♪ I'm up with the sunshine ♪ -♪ Let's go ♪
-♪ I lace up my high-tops ♪ -♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ Slam dunk, ready or not ♪
♪ Yeah, show me what you got ♪
-♪ I'm under the spotlight ♪ -♪ Holler ♪
♪ I dare you Come on and follow ♪
♪ You dance to your own beat ♪
♪ I'll sing the melody ♪
♪ When you say yeah I say no ♪
♪ When you say stop ♪
♪ All I wanna do is go, go, go ♪
♪ You, you The other half of me, me ♪
♪ The half I'll never be ♪
♪ The half that drives me crazy ♪
♪ You, you The better half of me, me ♪
♪ The half I'll always need ♪
♪ But we both know We're better in stereo ♪
Home alone.
House to ourselves.
Yeah, we make the rules today.
It's gonna get crazy!
Hey, do you have any coasters?
Do you not understand the meaning of "crazy"?
Parker's school is off today. He's home alone, but I trust him.
Mom is checking in every five minutes.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Make that every three minutes.
I don't have coasters.
But I do have the Cloud-inator 9000.
[WHIRRING]
Whoa! A new robot?
Parker, what did I do to deserve you?
This machine will create a rain shower
right here in this living room.
Why would we want that?
Because we both love tomatoes
but hate store prices.
Take that, grocery man.
Time to make it rain.
[THUNDER CRASHING]
-Oh, dear. -Shut it down! Shut it down!
[SHRIEKS]
[GLASS SHATTERS]
[SIZZLING]
That was so cool!
Only three people could make lightning:
Mother Nature, Thor and my homey Dr. P.
[CHANTING] B-U-T-T-E-R!
Butter is the best by far-- Ah!
No! Who destroyed our mascot?
Last night, the enemies of butter struck.
This was all that they left. STYLE ::cue()
We need to find out what "TRSP" stands for.
I know exactly what "TRSP" stands for:
Team Rooney Ski Patrol.
Our family went on a ski trip last winter and Mom made us all matching beanies.
It was definitely a Rooney. A Rooney did this.
Not me, though. Heh.
I was cutting the ribbon at the new Stop-and-Shop dairy aisle.
All the Rooneys are suspects,
except for you, you beautiful little rat.
[GIGGLES]
I'm gonna be honest, I wish I didn't enjoy that as much as I did.
Bop!
Last night, I left the school at 7 for my mani-pedi.
When I returned at 9 p.m. to change out of my flip-flops,
the Ridgewood Butter had been vandalized.
This was at the scene of the crime!
I need alibis from each of you.
Where were you last night?
Pete and I were at a cooking class.
Me? Ha, ha.
You think I'm capable of vandalism?
I've watched a pack of butterflies peck a man to death.
Who knows what you're capable of, sugarplum?
Cooking class wasn't even my idea.
We got a gift card in the mail.
Uh, okay, I didn't do it, but I can't really tell you where I was.
Oh. Then you're free to leave.
-Sick. -Sit back down!
-Answer the question! -Okay.
Um, okay, uh...
I was...
yodeling.
[MADDIE LAUGHS, THEN SNORTS]
[IN SPANISH ACCENT] We made paella.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] I was gonna have it for lunch today...
Solid alibi.
A little skimpy on the shrimpy.
All right, fine. I'll talk.
I wasn't yodeling by myself. I was yodeling with...
[SIGHS]
-With Artie. ALL: Ahh!
-Where were you? Where were you? -Not telling. Not telling.
-Where were you? -Not telling!
-"Pie-ella"? -Oh, no, no, no.
[IN SPANISH ACCENT] "Paella."
Yodeling's great for my voice, and Artie's, like, weirdly amazing at it.
Last night, Artie and I were rehearsing and wearing blindfolds
to help us visualize the lush green hills of Switzerland.
It seriously worked.
I smelled cow and strudel.
Then I guess you'll have no problem proving your story
by yodeling with Artie before tonight's game.
[ROONEYS GASP]
I am not telling.
Give me an alibi, or you're suspended from tonight's game.
-Ahh! -What?
No! It's the first game of the state tournament.
Maddie, we need you in that game.
-Tell her where you were. -I just can't, okay?
Until you prove differently, say bye-bye to b-ball.
[LIV CLEARS THROAT]
♪ Yodelay-hee-hoo ♪
Oh. Ha-ha-ha.
Sorry, just trying to break up some of the tension.
Joey, what are you doing?
The school needs a mascot.
And I, Bobby Butterstick, will be that mascot.
Yeah, dude, you're butter, not Batman.
For now.
So returning to the scene of your crime?
I keep telling you, I didn't do it.
But I need to figure out who did so I can play in tonight's game.
I just have literally no idea who would do something like this.
-Hmm. -Oh, hey. Dump Truck, you're a dirt bag.
Whoa. That's a very derogatory term.
I prefer to be known as a shady American.
So did you vandalize the mascot?
Nah, all my vandalisms have a certain level of pizzazz.
Milk-bombing the talent show,
cake batter in the water fountains, Diarrhea Tuesdays...
They all say "class."
Ugh. Yeah, no, you're right.
You are way too small-time to pull off something this sophisticated.
Whoa, hey, yo!
Those words cut deep.
I may project a tough exterior, but I am a very sensitive soul.
Heh. Okay.
Well, if he didn't do it, who did? STYLE ::cue()
You're forgetting the most important piece of evidence.
-What's that? -You did it!
Okay, uh, I know it looks bad, but I didn't do it.
Joey, someone must have framed me.
Well, that only happens if someone has an ex-boyfriend with an ax to grind.
[GASPS]
An ex-boyfriend with an ax to grind.
Are you saying Diggie did this?
Uh, no, I'm pretty sure you're saying Diggie did this.
Ah, you're right, I am.
Hey, hey, hey, what did I tell you? Hey, stop.
I'm letting this thing loose in the cafeteria.
Is that good enough for you? Okay.
Come on, tsk, tsk, come on.
Artie, this performance has to be perfect if I'm gonna be cleared as a suspect.
Fret not, Fräulein.
Our fans will finally see us together in front of the whole school together.
Did I say "together"? I meant "as one."
Ugh. Stop being so Artie, Artie.
I'm having a really hard time with my high
♪ Hee-hoos ♪
No, no, no. Half donkey, half owl.
♪ Hee-hoo ♪
[BRAYS]
That was pretty good.
-Really? -We don't want pretty good!
We want perfect!
♪ Hee-hoo ♪
Um, because no.
But I have a solution.
Swiss chocolate.
It opens the esophagus and provides the proper amount of phlegm.
-Mm. Mm-hm. -Yodel forth, my alpine Aphrodite.
Okay.
♪ Yodelay-hee-hoo Yodelay-hee-hoo ♪
♪ Yodelay-hee-hoo ♪
[GASPS]
-The Swiss chocolate really worked. -Can't miss with the Swiss, girl.
I think we just about fixed it.
Where'd you get all the chair material from?
Oh, it's my newest invention, Parker Patches,
made from old underwear and banana peels.
Now, just a little more Parker Paste over here...
And we're done.
Ah, nice work, Dr. P.
Ah, my tush is feeling this cush.
And now my tush is feeling stuck.
I can't get--
-Up close and personal. -Mm-hm.
[SNIFFS]
Did you start wearing cologne?
The ladies enjoy it.
JOEY: Ooh, there's Diggie.
If you wanna play in the tournament, you have to interrogate him.
What? No. Joey, Diggie didn't do it.
Oh, I get it. You're scared to talk to your ex-boo.
Ha, ha. Don't worry, babe.
Bobby Butterstick's got your back.
Why? What? No. What are you doing?
-Unh! -No.
Diggie, my man, what's up? Anything new?
Oh, and where were you last night when someone vandalized the butter?
Ow.
I was playing basketball in the park.
Oh, okay, and were you with anybody else?
No, I was by myself.
Ho, ho, so no one was there to vouch for you.
Dun, dun, duh!
He did it. He's got a tell.
When he's lying, his eyes get extra smoldery.
-Ugh. -Yeah.
Let's tell Kneebauer and get you cleared to play.
No, we're not doing that. I know that Diggie didn't do it.
So last night I went out on my run,
and I happened to see he was shooting hoops in the park,
so I just decided to hide behind a tree and watch him for a couple minutes.
Well, that is super weird.
But he could've done it after you left.
Tsk. Yeah... Well, a couple minutes turned into, like, a couple hours.
Oh, you wanna get back together.
No. I don't.
And besides, it's not gonna happen. He's going to Australia.
All right, all right, whatever you say.
Winkety, wink, wink, wink.
Come on. Let's go tell everyone your alibi.
You were watching Diggie from behind a tree for hours.
No. Joey, we're not doing that.
We're not gonna tell anyone that. It's not an alibi, because nobody saw me. STYLE ::cue()
Hey, Maddie.
I saw you hiding behind a tree in the park for hours last night.
Boom. Alibi.
No. I don't want Diggie to know I was there.
We have to find a clue so we can figure out who framed me.
Yeah, you've gotta find your perp.
Ahh! Wait.
"Perp" is the beginning of "purple," which is the color of our uniforms.
Is that a clue?
No, Lacey, that is not a clue.
I'm not even sure it's a thought.
What about the smudges on that beanie? Is that a clue?
No, that's not a clue-- Wait, yes! That is so a clue.
What is that? Is that paint or blood? I can't tell.
Whoever planted that beanie must have had that gunk on their hands.
You figure out what those smudges are, and you figure out who did this.
I think this is a job for Dr. P.
Oh.
Superintendent Kneebauer's bumper.
Does this meet your high standards, you vandal-snob?
Parker, I need your help.
Can you figure out what these smudges are? Thanks.
Aren't you at least gonna ask how we got stuck to this chair?
Uh...
you built a cloud that shot a lightning bolt
into Mom's brand-new chair, which you fixed with Parker Paste,
which has bonded your butts to the cushion and...
[SNIFFS]
...Reggie started wearing cologne.
BOTH: Whoa.
Now, please help me figure out what those smudges are before my game.
To the laboratory!
You know, I am not loving that cologne.
It isn't for you.
JOEY [CHANTING]: Ridgewood! Butter! Ridgewood! Butter!
[BOOING AND JEERING]
For tonight's game, for your listening enjoyment
and to prove an alibi,
I give you the Ridgewood Yodeling Club.
[CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
[SNAPS]
[PLAYS NOTE]
-♪ Yo ♪ -♪ Yo ♪
BOTH: ♪ Yodelay, yodelay, yodelay-hee-hoo ♪
-♪ Yodelay, yodelay ♪ -♪ Yodelay, yodelay ♪
Whoo!
[LIV & ARTIE CONTINUE YODELING]
Maddie. I come to you not as a brother but as a mascot.
This is the playoffs. You worked all season for this moment.
Just go tell Kneebauer you were watching Diggie.
Oh, man. Ha, ha. I cannot believe I have to admit to this.
I'm gonna be mortified. Okay. Ahem.
No, it's okay.
[MUMBLES]
Stay there. Just...
Superintendent Kneebauer, I have something I need to tell you.
PARKER: Everyone stop!
After extensive testing,
we determined that the smudges are chocolate of a Swiss origin.
I figured it out because I licked it.
What did you need to tell me, Rooney?
That I just solved the crime.
I know who vandalized the mascot.
It was Artie Smalls.
[CROWD GASPS]
CROWD: Whoa!
What?
Artie set up a late-night yodeling practice with Liv yesterday.
He had her wear a blindfold
to imagine the lush green hills of Switzerland,
but really it was so that he could sneak off.
♪ Yodelay-hee-hoo Yodelay-hee-hoo ♪
ARTIE [ON RECORDING]: Do it again. Yodel like you mean it.
Okay.
♪ Yodelay-hee-hoo Yodelay-hee-hoo ♪
♪ Yodelay, yodelay, yodelay-loo ♪
ARTIE: Again! Less donkey, more owl.
Okay. Ahem.
[CONTINUES YODELING]
MADDIE: That's when Artie and his minions vandalized the butter.
But he just couldn't keep his hands off the chocolate, Swiss chocolate.
And that's when he planted the beanie...
which he created using his advanced knitting skills.
And then made sure that the rest of my family all had alibis.
Wait, you were the one that tricked me into going to the dairy-aisle opening.
They called security.
Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is
to be butter escorted out of a dairy aisle?
My yodeling.
-Our paella gift card. -No, no, no.
[IN SPANISH ACCENT] "Paella." STYLE ::cue()
It was Artie in the hallway with the butter knife.
Dun, dun, duh!
A fun tale you weave, Madison.
But no one will ever believe you.
-I believe her. JOEY: Ahh!
Mostly because I don't like your face.
My only question is:
-Why would you frame me? -Why?
[SNAPS]
I'll tell you why.
Because you dumped my brother, Diggie.
Hey, hold on a second here.
Youse twos is brothers?
-Obviously. -Yeah.
The plan was for the Smalls brothers and the Rooney sisters
to live happily ever after, but now only Liv and I are a couple.
Because you broke my brother's heart.
-Artie. -I--
Maddie didn't dump me. I broke up with her.
Also, Liv Rooney and Artie Smalls are not a couple.
I repeat: Liv Rooney and Artie Smalls will never be a couple.
Thank you.
You dumped her?
Why have you stopped sharing your life with me, dear brother?
Because you do stuff like this!
Well, Mom says I'm acting out
because my role model keeps running off to foreign countries like Tundrabania
and Australia and...
[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]
-Maddie, you can play in the game. -Yes!
Artie...
you're mine.
Minions, protect me!
Oh, please.
Suit up, Mads. It's game time.
Hey, Mad-Dog Rooney was born suited up.
Bam! What?
♪ Yodelay-hee-hoo ♪
[SOBS]
You missed a spot.
Attention, everyone. Yeah.
Listen up to me. Okay.
Shut your faces!
So in celebration of Coach Rooney
and the girls' basketball team's first-round victory,
Superintendent Kneebauer has agreed to give us back our mascot.
Let's go, Butter!
Let's-- Oh.
What--? What's Paulie doing here, guys?
Oops, I forgot to tell you. We're back to Porcupines.
What? No, no, no.
I'm Bobby Butterstick.
I burned all my other clothes.
[CROWD BOOING]
[JOEY WHIMPERING]