[SIGHS]
This is really nice. The four of us, hanging out.
I feel like we should do this a lot more often.
Wait. We're all together?
Where are Mom and Dad?
Disperse. Disperse!
Get out before mom calls a--
♪ Family meeting ♪
[AIR HORN BLARES]
This is what we get for trying to be a normal family.
All right, you all know the rules for family meeting.
There is a shot clock.
Keep your comments under 10 seconds or...
[HORN BLARES]
We have a situation that effects two of you,
so let me explain.
Liv, do you remember how excited we all were
when you were cast in
♪ Sing it loud! ♪
and you had to race out to Hollywood because filming was starting?
Hmm, the best day of my life? Yeah, no. I think I remember.
Well, in all of the excitement it seems we forgot a few things.
Yeah. Your hairbrush. [CHUCKLES] Your sunscreen.
The fact that you didn't do your final project for sixth grade.
[LAUGHS]
Wait, what? You mean, like I never finished sixth grade?
Well, I just found out this morning. You see, [CHUCKLES]
as vice principal I'm in charge of making sure
that everyone's academic transcripts are up to date.
But it'll be fine because the school says you can complete the project now.
[LAUGHS] Classic.
Liv has homework that's five years late.
KAREN: Actually, Liv...
the teacher says that to pass the sixth grade,
you have to finish the project in class.
[LAUGHS]
What are you saying?
Liv...
you have to go back to the sixth grade.
What?
[LAUGHS] Oh, I didn't think it could get any better.
And then it did!
[HORN BLARES]
I am not going back to the sixth grade.
Well, then you are not going to graduate high school.
Wait...
You said this effected two of us. Who's the other?
Oh, please say Joey has to go back to kindergarten.
Yes, please say that.
I loved it there.
No, this isn't about Joey.
Parker, it's about you.
So, Parker, Liv has to go back to the sixth grade, um...
in your class.
LIV & PARKER: What?
[JOEY & MADDIE LAUGHING]
JOEY & MADDIE: Best family meeting ever!
♪ Better in stereo ♪
♪ B--B--Better in stereo ♪
-♪ I'm up with the sunshine ♪ -♪ Let's go ♪
-♪ I lace up my high tops ♪ -♪ Oh no ♪
♪ Slam dunk, ready or not ♪
♪ Yeah, show me what you got ♪
-♪ I'm under the spotlight ♪ -♪ Holler ♪
♪ I dare you, come on and follow ♪
♪ You dance to your own beat ♪
♪ I'll sing the melody ♪
♪ When you say yea-ah-ah ♪
♪ I say no-oh-oh ♪
♪ When you say stop ♪
♪ All I want to do is go go go ♪
♪ You, you, the other half of me, me ♪
♪ The half I'll never be-e ♪
♪ The half that drives me crazy ♪
♪ You, you, the better half of me, me ♪
♪ The half I'll always need ♪
♪ But we both know ♪
♪ We're better in stereo ♪
Hi.
Hello. [CHUCKLES]
So I'm the new kid.
Don't mind me, I'm just gonna try and fit in. [CHUCKLES]
Don't be shy, Liv.
Hey, everybody...
Let's give my sister a proper sixth grade welcome.
-Oh. -Ready?
Fire!
[SQUEALS]
[GRUNTS]
[CHUCKLES]
I had to make the best of this very humiliating situation,
so I decided if you're gonna be in sixth grade, you better be...
in sixth grade.
I am one of you!
Yes, I am the Spit Wad Queen!
Miss Rooney?
Woah! Oh!
Hi, Mrs. Snodgrass.
Well, I see you're still not mature enough for sixth grade.
Mrs. Snodgrass always hated me.
When I was in sixth grade the first time,
I accidentally called her Mrs. Snotgrass.
[LAUGHS]
What? It was an accident. I swear.
If you're done with your little mini riot,
would it be all right if I began educating?
Oh, Parker. Thank you so much for saving me a seat.
Sorry, sis, but you've dug yourself a pretty deep hole.
I'm gonna need to keep my distance.
Ooh, that's cold, Dr. P. STYLE ::cue()
The man speaks the truth.
You're poison.
Oh!
Oh. Samantha, yeah.
You have two tardies this week. One more and you'll see me in detention.
I just got my second tardy last period.
-[LAUGHS] -How did you know that?
I see all.
After Liv's academic record slipped through the cracks,
I realized how out of date Ridgewood High is.
So I brought in the most sophisticated computer mind in Wisconsin.
That would be me.
I built this super-tiny chip that holds all the power of the internet.
I offered to implant it in Mom's eyeball,
she said no.
[SCOFFS] Coward.
So instead I attached it to these glasses.
Introducing Omnispecs.
It's a supercomputer...
[GLASSES BOOTING UP]
...on my face.
Oh! Isaac. Yeah.
Your library books are five days overdue. Return them.
And thank you for using the school library. [LAUGHS]
Oh! Hi, kids.
Hey! Welcome to team glasses, Mom.
Yeah, you're in good company.
Clark Kent, Harry Potter, and Waldo...
If you can find him.
[CHUCKLES]
Your glasses help you see the world.
My glasses help me rule the world.
-[BEEPING] -Oh. Uh-oh.
Emergency in the biology lab. The mice got out.
Oh dear. I need someone with lightning quick reflexes.
-Maddie, you're with me. Come on. -Need my help, Mom?
Umm...
She needs you to hold my jacket.
Yay! I'm useful.
Hey! Nice Letterman jacket.
I don't know what that is.
[GIGGLES]
Ah, a jock with a sense of humor.
A jock? What, are you new here?
Actually, yeah. It's my first day.
And I'm guessing
they don't just give out Letterman jackets to someone if they're not a jock.
Which is good, because I'm really into jocks.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] You're touching me.
She thinks I'm a jock.
A gentleman would correct this misunderstanding.
That's me! I'm a jock.
And I'm also a Joey.
I'm Kennedy.
See you around sometime, Joey Jock.
Yep. Probably at one of my sports games.
Whoo! Bio lab crisis adverted.
Who cares? A cute girl just talked to me.
Really? Why would she do that?
-'Cause she thinks I'm a jock. -What? Is she new here?
Yes! And she doesn't know any better. The clock is ticking, Maddie.
Make me a jock, please?
Okay, Joey, it is a horrible idea to pretend to be someone you're not.
I know. I know, but I've got a plan.
I'm gonna fool her until she finds me irresistible
and then I'm gonna say,
"Surprise! I'm a tricky rascal." Isn't that cute?
I see you've all had the chance to meet our newest student,
Liv Rooney.
She's a young woman who thought running off to Hollywood
was more important than her academic commitments.
[SNICKERS] Well, you see, about that--
Miss Rooney, you did not raise your hand.
Perhaps you've forgotten how sixth grade works.
This week is group projects week.
Each group will perform part of a classic Shakespeare play.
Oh!
I love Shakespeare.
You also love talking when you aren't called on.
Yes, Evan?
Perhaps Liv could benefit from a trip to the attitude adjustment chair.
STUDENTS: Ooh!
[LAUGHS]
No. No. Please, Mrs. Snodgrass, not the chair.
I swear, I can be better.
Sit. And think about who is to blame for this.
STUDNENTS: Ooh!
All right, students, pick your partners for the group project.
We'll take the new kid.
I was so touched that Parker wanted to be in a group with me.
[GIGGLES] Greatest little brother ever.
I hate presentations, but I knew Liv would do all the work.
I'm no dummy.
You don't see me failing sixth grade.
All right, Miss Hollywood.
Your little brother has taken pity on you.
You may retake your seat.
Yay! Thank you so much, Mrs. Snotgrass.
Excuse me?
STUDENTS: Ooh!
[CLEARS THROAT]
"I have no one to blame but myself." STYLE ::cue()
All right, Joey. Come on out and show me your jock look.
Wanna see my guns?
Hey, Joey. Your arms actually have pretty good definition.
Thank you. It's from holding up all my medals on my Starfleet outfit.
I know it's a bit of an uphill battle trying to turn Joey into a jock,
but ever since Diggie, uh, packed up
I've had a lot of time to waste on lost causes.
And I mean, it really doesn't get any more lost than Joey.
[SIGHS]
Sweet, simple Joey.
So, now it's time to work on your jock walk.
Show me how you walk to class. Go.
Okay.
Okay, uh... What was that? Looked like you were, maybe,
-running away from someone. -Running away?
I'm running to Mrs. Reifsnider's German class.
First one there gets strudel.
[CLEARS THROAT] All right.
So a jock walks with swagger,
confidence.
Never in a hurry.
Nothing starts until the jock gets there. So...
[EXHALES]
Watch me.
S'up?
Now, you can add a quarter smile or a half smile,
but never a full smile.
Start over there.
S'up? [LAUGHS]
How'd I do?
Um... Well, if the goal was slow motion serial killer,
I think your mission was accomplished.
Okay, now we are on to jock speak.
[EXHALES]
-You going to the game this weekend, brah? -Nope. Super busy.
I'm working on a chem project that is quite a pickle!
-I knew that was wrong soon as I said it. -Yeah.
So I was thinking I'd switch from a 2-3 zone
to more of a man-to-man press.
What do you think?
You're the king.
Do what you gotta do, Jack.
You know, a lot of wives tune their husbands out.
How did I get so lucky?
Ooh, I was dealt a great hand.
Thanks, honey.
So?
How was your first day of sixth grade?
Oh, it was so great!
I taught all of the girls how to take a proper selfie.
-Oh. -I was goalie in crab soccer.
And then at the end of the day
all of the kids rallied together and gave me a big hug.
Oh!
[SCREAMS]
What?
Nothing. I just wish we knew someone who could tell the rest of us what to do
on this theater and acting project.
Ooh! I played Little Orphan Annie at my mom's co-op production.
Uh, I mean,
huh, it's a conundrum.
I was thinking we could do a scene from Romeo and Juliet.
Genius!
Leaping lizards!
You're smart enough to be a seventh grader.
Stop.
I knew they were manipulating me, but I didn't care.
I just wanted to blow Snodgrass away.
And honestly, if that was the best performance they could put on,
I was better off doing it myself.
S'up?
You know, just taking my sweet time. I'm a jock.
Nothing starts until I get there. [CLICKS TONGUE]
Oh, hey, brah-- I mean...
Grah-- I mean... [LAUGHS]
Hey, Kennedy.
Hey, Joey. What's up?
Oh, you know, just chillin', basketball drillin'.
Jock stuff. Jocking out.
We should, uh... We should chitty-chitty hang-hang.
I'd love to. How about tonight?
We can watch the game together at your place.
Oh, right. That big sports ball...
Game. [LAUGHS] Why would you--? Why would you wanna watch that?
Isn't this game enough right here?
[GIGGLES] I'll be over for tip off.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Hey! How'd it go?
Terrible! Kennedy wants to watch the big game at our house tonight
and I've already used up all the sporty words I know.
I can't do this! What am I gonna do?
Okay. I think the first thing you're gonna do
is stop screaming in that whiny, high-pitched voice.
[HIGH-PITCHED] Sorry!
[DEEP VOICE] I can't do this! What am I gonna do? STYLE ::cue()
[SPARSE APPLAUSE]
Well...
Thank you, Bobby, Lindsay, Jenny, Mark,
for turning A Midsummer Night's Dream into a midafternoon nightmare.
All right, let's see. Parker, Reggie, Evan...
Liv, you're up.
We hope you enjoy Romeo and Juliet.
Kindly silence all devices.
-I'm off the grid. -[PHONE BUZZES]
My mom's gonna freak out.
O Romeo, Romeo!
Wherefore art thou Romeo?
With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls.
A thousand times good night!
A thousand times the worse, to want thy light.
Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,
that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
Nailed it!
They say playing two parts is tough, but...
whatever.
-Liv, that was exceptional. -Thank you.
I'm giving the group an F.
ALL: What?
The point of a group exercise
is for the group to work on the presentation as a group.
-What... -Liv did everything.
All you boys did was stand there.
You think that curtain just opened itself?
Please, Mrs. Snodgrass, don't blame them. This was all my fault.
Oh, I'm sorry. All my grades are final.
I feel flushed.
I think I'm gonna faint.
Okay. Please, give us another chance.
I mean, don't you always say, "Look for the teachable moment"?
Oh, I do always say that.
Fine, one more chance.
Make it work, or summer school for all of you.
And fair warning...
I'm not as easygoing in the summer.
I can't be here over the summer.
July's when Mother promised I could finally watch television.
Fix this, woman!
All right, Liv, what do we do?
Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We are not putting all of this on me again.
We're not doing any of this, "We don't know what we're doing,"
"Huh, it's a conundrum" Stuff again.
No, see, Mrs. Snodgrass said that we need to work together as a group.
And I know you can rock that Shakespeare stuff at least as hard as I did, so...
-Who's got an idea? -Ooh, I've got an idea!
Yes! Brilliant. Reggie, what's your idea?
I think we should do what you say.
Heh!
You're not understanding this at all.
I am not, Dr. P.
Perhaps we should work as a unit
and come up with a presentation that showcases all of our talents.
Ooh!
Let's do what he said.
Seriously?
Oh, this is gonna be such a long night.
Better not be.
My bedtime's 5:30.
-Oh, yes! -Point--goal! Ha!
[BOTH LAUGH]
Yeah.
[SIGHS]
It's such a great game. What do you think is gonna happen next?
Uh...
They want Lebron...
on the wing.
JOEY: They want Lebron on the wing.
Yes.
We had parker swipe the chip from mom's Omnispecs
and install it into my glasses
so Maddie could tell me what to say.
Right, 'cause he really doesn't know what to say about sports...
Or girls, or life, or...
Anything other than slaying pretend dragons.
Okay, the day the dragons come back,
you are going to be so glad that you have a level-90 necromancer
-in your house. -No, I will never be glad.
Oh, oh, Lebron is money from there.
You can't stop him. You can only hope to contain him.
Wow, you really know your stuff.
Yeah, I do.
Uh, no, he doesn't.
[CHUCKLES, SNORTS]
Oh. Take it to the hole.
-and boom goes the dynamite! -Yes!
-Exclamation point! -[LAUGHS]
[SIGHS] Hey, honey.
Hey, Mom. I thought it was mahjong night.
Oh, well, it is. But I was hoping for a competitive advantage,
and the chip is missing from my Omnispecs.
Wow! That's so weird.
You know, you should probably go look for that thing
somewhere else that's not here or the living room.
Maddie Rooney, did you steal the Omni from my specs?
Okay, so I put it in Joey's glasses
to help him pretend to be a jock to get a girl.
Maddie!
I'm having such a great time tonight.
-So am-- -[SPECS BEEP] STYLE ::cue()
[SHRIEKS]
Joseph Rooney, you are a handsome, wonderful boy
who can get a girl without trickery!
-What's going on? -Um, uh, something's in my eye,
and I would really like it to be out of my eye!
-[BEEPING] -Mom, stop.
The camera mode is overloading the circuit.
-I want him to believe in himself! -Mom!
Joey, you're smoking.
Ooh, thanks, lil' mama.
You're pretty smoking yourself.
No, your glasses are smoking!
Aah, aah!
I'm on fire! I'm on fire!
You're not really a jock, are you?
What gave it away?
I was thinking it was probably everything.
Why'd you lie to me?
I'm sorry. I just thought that if I could get you to hang out with me,
you would like the real Joey.
Okay, that's really messed up,
but kind of cute.
I'll give it a shot.
Okay, tell me something about the real Joey.
Well, I'm a level-90 necromancer...
You know, when the dragons come back, you're gonna be sorry.
Now that we've established
that there are special rules for team "Hollywood,"
let's suffer through their do-over.
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ But soft what light through yonder window breaks ♪
♪ B-B-B-Breaks. ♪
♪ N-N-N-Nailed it. ♪
♪ It is the east and Juliet is the sun ♪
♪ O Romeo ♪
♪ R-R-R-Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo ♪
♪ Art thou not a Montague ♪
♪ You know girl I'm into you ♪
[GASPS]
REGGIE: ♪ Oh snap things just got real ♪
♪ Parting is such sweet sorrow ♪
♪ Sicka-sicka-sorrow ♪
♪ I shall say goodnight Till it be morrow ♪
And then my mom says they go to heaven
and play with my dog, Buttermilk.
Boom!
ALL: Romeo and Juliet.
So, what'd you think?
Congratulations, you passed.
Yes! Thank you so much, Mrs. Snotgrass.
Snodgrass! I meant Snodgrass!
I'll let it sicka-sicka-slide.
Snodgrass, out.
-I am so glad to be done with sixth grade. -I bet.
Oh, and I guess I really don't need this Shakespearean hat anymore.
-Here. -Whoo!
Lookie here.
Hey, nice hat.
-Do you like Shakespeare? -Yeah, right.
Because I'm really into guys who like Shakespeare.
[GIGGLES]
Heard of Romeo?
They call me Joe-meo.
Let's talk about it over lunch, milady.