1 00:00:01,584 --> 00:00:04,045 [ELECTRONIC BEEPING] 2 00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:05,213 [EXPLOSION] 3 00:00:05,296 --> 00:00:07,340 Ha! Take that, Munch! [SCREAMING] 4 00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:11,886 Why did you kill me? We are teammates. 5 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:14,472 Not anymore. You're dead. 6 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:19,728 [BREATHLESS] Parker, are you excited? It's that time of year again. [SIGHS] 7 00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:22,939 [EXCITEDLY] It's my half-birthday? Where's my half-cake and half-gift? 8 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,276 No, no, even better. 9 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:29,821 It's time for "The Mama's Sweet Baby Boy Pageant." 10 00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:36,244 The mothers of Stevens Point have a pageant where we parade in costume 11 00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:37,662 with our youngest sons. 12 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:40,123 Oh! Best day of the year! 13 00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,000 Worst day of the year, 14 00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:47,005 but it's really important to my mom so I suck it up and die a little inside. 15 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,341 Mom used to make me do the pageant, 16 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:52,302 but then there was a new baby boy for her to dress like a doll. 17 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:55,847 Now I go to laugh and take lots and lots of pictures. 18 00:00:56,723 --> 00:01:00,393 Remember when you were seven and the theme was Mysteries of the ocean? 19 00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:02,145 My favorite. 20 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,939 [NAUTICAL MUSIC PLAYING] 21 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:06,941 KAREN: Oh, look at my little sailor. 22 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:11,988 So this year's theme is Beyond the Arctic circle. 23 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:16,826 Now mama pulled a few strings so you get to be the narwhal. 24 00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:20,413 Can I get a nar-what-what? 25 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:22,707 Whoo! Whoo! 26 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,126 This is a narwhal. 27 00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:29,756 I know it's technically a whale, but let's be honest. It's a sea unicorn. 28 00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:33,802 I've gotta get out of this pageant. It'll be worse than Disco fever. 29 00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,096 [DISCO MUSIC PLAYING] 30 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:39,307 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 31 00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:40,809 ♪ Better in stereo ♪ 32 00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:42,936 ♪ B... B... Better in stereo ♪ 33 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,146 -♪ I'm up with the sunshine ♪ -♪ Let's go ♪ 34 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,357 -♪ I lace up my high tops ♪ -♪ Oh no ♪ 35 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,526 ♪ Slam dunk, ready or not ♪ 36 00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,444 ♪ Yeah, show me what you got ♪ 37 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,863 -♪ I'm under the spotlight ♪ -♪ Holler ♪ 38 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,032 ♪ I dare you, come on and follow ♪ 39 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,326 ♪ You dance to your own beat ♪ 40 00:01:58,410 --> 00:01:59,869 ♪ I'll sing the melody ♪ 41 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,330 ♪ When you say yea-ah-ah ♪ 42 00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,541 ♪ I say no-oh-oh ♪ 43 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,459 ♪ When you say stop ♪ 44 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,878 ♪ All I want to do is go go go ♪ 45 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:12,048 ♪ You, you, the other half of me, me ♪ 46 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,217 ♪ The half I'll never be-e ♪ 47 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:17,679 ♪ The half that drives me crazy ♪ 48 00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:23,309 ♪ You you, the better half of me me ♪ ♪ The half I'll always need ♪ 49 00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:24,978 ♪ But we both know ♪ 50 00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:27,272 ♪ We're better in stereo ♪ 51 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:31,276 -Hey, guys. -Hi! 52 00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:32,402 [SNEEZES] 53 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,238 Oh, no, she's sick. Pete, she's sick. 54 00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:38,658 Whenever one twin gets sick, the other goes down, too. 55 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:41,745 One time Liv got sick in California. 56 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,329 By that afternoon, 57 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,540 Maddie had a fever in Wisconsin. 58 00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,792 You've heard of the black plague? 59 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,545 Well, this is the blonde plague. 60 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,965 Oh, let's not panic. Maybe they've grown out of it. 61 00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:56,718 You know, I saw Maddie this morning. She's fine. 62 00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,094 [SNEEZES] 63 00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,804 Is she, woman? 64 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,348 Is she? 65 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:04,184 [GROANING] Mommy. [COUGHS] 66 00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:05,894 I'm sicky. 67 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:09,356 [GROANS] I'm so cold. 68 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,191 I want my blankie. 69 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,485 I can't get sick. Okay. 70 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,238 [GRUNTS] There, there. All better. 71 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:21,534 -Okay. -Mmm, so hot. 72 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,245 Is this blankie made of fire? 73 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,164 Oh. 74 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:29,751 Well, looks like I'm on plague patrol. 75 00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:32,128 I can kiss that pageant goodbye. 76 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,756 Wait a minute, honey. I can take care of the twins. 77 00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:37,008 What? You would do that for me? 78 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,427 -Sure. -You are such a prince. 79 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,721 [NOSE BLOWING] 80 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:45,308 Does no one see me dying here? 81 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:48,812 Well, hop to it, prince. [LAUGHS] 82 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:50,271 Mama loves you. 83 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,317 Daddy. 84 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:56,361 Bubby. 85 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,864 [RETCHING] 86 00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,742 Liv, honey. Are you all right in there? 87 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:03,952 LIV: Yeah. 88 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:07,372 Good news is I got it all out of me. 89 00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:11,459 Bad news is I think we might need a new toaster. 90 00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:16,881 [CLATTERING NOISE] 91 00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:19,384 Just one second. [RETCHING] 92 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:31,855 [IN A GRUFF VOICE] There's a hundred ways to die 93 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,941 in Clancy's Dairy Farm slash Community Center. 94 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,443 Choose one. 95 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:37,569 Ha! 96 00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:39,863 [WHOOSH AND THUMP] 97 00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,575 There's also a hundred ways to look like a doofus. 98 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,160 Burn! 99 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:50,790 Now stop this tomfoolery and turn the mat over to a real kendo master. 100 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,419 Why, are you hiding one under your orange man perm? 101 00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:58,214 One... STYLE ::cue() 102 00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:02,218 I will destroy you at kendo. 103 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,428 And two, 104 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,347 this is all me, baby. 105 00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:09,642 Fine, then I challenge you to a duel. 106 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:13,646 I'm gonna slice you, dice you, then serve you over rice... 107 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:15,607 You. 108 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,318 Very well. 109 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:21,071 When I win, you will have me over for a sleepover 110 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,114 so your enchanting sister Liv can be bewitched 111 00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:26,159 by the sight of me in my casual evening attire. 112 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:30,163 Nothing lights a girl's candle like footie pajamas. 113 00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,664 You don't have to tell me, brother. 114 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:36,711 Fine, but if I win, I get your minions. 115 00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:38,338 My minions? 116 00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:44,177 I could never part with Taylor, Joel and the other one. 117 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,349 Luckily, that will never happen because of my can-do kendo skills. 118 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:50,433 [SNAPS FINGER] 119 00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,103 [DRUM BEATING] 120 00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:07,367 [KEYTAR MUSIC PLAYING] 121 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,081 [GRUNTING] 122 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:16,960 [YELLS] 123 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,044 JOEY: My heinie. 124 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,554 [GRUNTING] 125 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:28,930 JOEY: Is that a ladybug? 126 00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:30,056 [SCREAMS] 127 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,934 Demon at the summer garden. Minions, seize her. 128 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,521 [JOEY LAUGHING] 129 00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:40,191 [JOEY LAUGHING] 130 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:43,528 I used your fear of ladies and bugs against you. 131 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,782 Your minions are now my mine-ions. 132 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:50,618 Victory music please. 133 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:54,831 [KEYTAR MUSIC PLAYING] 134 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:01,421 Wait. Don't leave me with the ladybug. 135 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,305 Mm, minty. 136 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,516 I could get used to this. 137 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:14,851 Minions! 138 00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,687 To robotics class. 139 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:25,445 Hello, Artie. Have you...? Have you lost weight since yesterday? 140 00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:27,989 Like, I don't know, like three minions worth. 141 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,742 Fake compliment that turned into a burn burn. 142 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,621 You guys are so good at that. 143 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:40,335 [SIGHS] I don't even know the combination to my locker. My... 144 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,671 My minions have always opened it for me. 145 00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,929 I wouldn't worry about it. 146 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:54,182 That's not your locker. [LAUGHS] 147 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,184 Minions, we ride! 148 00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,561 [GALLOPING NOISES] 149 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,147 [TIRES SCREECHING] 150 00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:05,610 Parker, I know you're only here twice a week for robotics class, 151 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,946 but you were not supposed to take projects out of the lab. 152 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:11,032 Mom and Superintendent Kneebauer are right there. 153 00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:13,326 Don't worry. I know what I'm doing. 154 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,375 [RIPPING NOISE] 155 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:21,668 -[KAREN GASPS] -Hey! 156 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:26,423 Oh, no, I have made a horrible error in judgment. 157 00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:30,135 Parker, what is the matter with you? 158 00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,554 And why are you wearing a second skirt? 159 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:35,015 I have four more under this one. 160 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,892 I don't leave the house until I'm completely prank proof. 161 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,729 Now what are you planning on doing with this hooligan? 162 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,939 Are you tough enough to discipline your own kid? 163 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,108 Of course I am. 164 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:48,570 Now, Parker, if you are old enough to get into high school trouble, 165 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:50,655 you are old enough for high school consequences. 166 00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,490 You have detention for the next two days. 167 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,201 I'll make you a snack. 168 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:56,870 Two days? 169 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:59,956 This entire hallway almost got an eyeful of underpants. 170 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,168 I want this little monster in there for the rest of the week. 171 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,837 Well, he kind of has plans on Friday. 172 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:07,922 They've just been canceled. 173 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:17,223 Oh, did mama's sweet baby boy get thrown into detention "accidentally," 174 00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:19,768 making himself unavailable for the pageant? 175 00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,604 Oops. I guess he did. 176 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,402 Line up, detainees. 177 00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:32,989 Superintendent Kneebauer, you're in charge of detention? 178 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,451 Oh, yeah, and you're in for a week of hard labor. 179 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,580 Listen up, maggots. 180 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:45,669 I want this school to shine. First up, graffiti removal. 181 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,048 And we're waiting for what? 182 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,054 Dump truck? What kind of loser calls himself "Dump truck"? 183 00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,847 Who you calling a loser? 184 00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,809 It's lovely to meet you, Mr. Dump truck, sir. STYLE ::cue() 185 00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:02,477 I'm a big fan of your work. 186 00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:05,313 Listen, noob, 187 00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,190 I don't know how they do things in middle school, 188 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,317 but this here is my detention. 189 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:13,029 That's the boss, but I'm the guy. 190 00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:17,534 She lets me say that. We got a little arrangement going on. 191 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,162 You're gonna do what I say, noob. 192 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,456 First, you're gonna empty the rat traps out by the dumpster. 193 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,875 Then you're gonna empty the roach traps out by the dumpster. 194 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,961 And then you're gonna clean the dumpster. 195 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,964 Then you're gonna go to the cafeteria and you're gonna make me some nachos. 196 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,052 Wash your hands after the dumpster. 197 00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:41,266 Anything's better than being mama's sweet baby boy. 198 00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,560 Even a bag of dead dumpster rats. 199 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,395 [RATS SQUEAKING AND CHITTERING] 200 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,938 Mostly dead dumpster rats. 201 00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:48,982 [RATS SQUEAKING AND CHITTERING] 202 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,072 [SNEEZING AND GROANING] 203 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,574 Daddy! 204 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,325 [BELL RINGING] 205 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,327 There's the bell. Gotta go to school. 206 00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,746 [GROANS] 207 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:03,830 Hey, Mom. 208 00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,042 Love that outfit. [LAUGHS] 209 00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:12,672 Daddy's here with the juice. 210 00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:15,008 What? Dad, that wasn't the juice bell. 211 00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:19,429 That was the fluff my pillows bell. This is the juice bell. 212 00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:23,641 Oh, that's the first period bell. I am so late for class. 213 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:29,022 Liv Rooney present, Mrs. Tidwell. I have my pencil and I'm ready to learn. 214 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,108 Oh, oh, honey. 215 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,902 -Honey, you're delirious with fever. -What? 216 00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,820 -Come on, no school for you, sweetheart. -No. 217 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:37,864 -Dad, I'm fine. -No school. 218 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,699 Joey, tell dad that I'm fine. 219 00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:43,203 Wow, Joey, your arms are getting really big. 220 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,208 Is that the rub my feet bell? 221 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:51,378 No, Daddy, it's get the boogies out of my nose bell. 222 00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:54,756 Come on, Daddy, here's a snot sucker. 223 00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:58,885 Second period. It's time for choir. 224 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:02,931 ♪ Amazing grace ♪ 225 00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:05,975 ♪ How sweet the sound ♪ 226 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,227 Thank you. 227 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:10,480 -♪ That saved a wretch ♪ -Come on. 228 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,149 ♪ Like me ♪ 229 00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:20,031 [PANTING] What? What? Tissue, tea, cough drop? 230 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,783 [IN A FRUSTRATED SCREAM] What? 231 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:25,787 [TEARFULLY] If you loved me, you would know. 232 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,752 ♪ I once was lost ♪ 233 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,964 ♪ But now I'm... ♪ 234 00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:40,093 [VOMITS AND COUGHS] 235 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,804 Thank you. [CONTINUES TO VOMIT] [BELL RINGING] 236 00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:48,393 Oh, wow, okay. 237 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,106 Guys, I can crack my own claw. 238 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,280 Hmm. 239 00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:04,075 You're not gonna chew for me, too? 240 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,789 Minions seem like a good idea 241 00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:12,625 until they are smothering you all day long. 242 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,003 Applying your deodorant after gym. 243 00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:17,422 Popping blackheads on your forehead. 244 00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:20,133 Handing you toilet paper under the stall. 245 00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:24,512 Granted, it was six ply and really soft on my bottom. 246 00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:27,682 But still, a man needs his space. 247 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:30,769 Stop it. 248 00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:33,730 [BUZZING] 249 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:36,483 Okay, really, none of this is weird for you guys? 250 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,445 Get off me, get off me, get off me, get off me. 251 00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:42,989 Ah, Artie! 252 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:47,452 [LAUGHS] Oh, I have never been so happy to see you. 253 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,038 Hey, minions. 254 00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:53,708 Dude, you have to take them back. 255 00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:58,171 I thought it would be cool, but I am just not a minion man, man. 256 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:01,508 Joey, minions cannot be given away. 257 00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,093 They must be won back. 258 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,805 I won them from Neville Hosaka in a vicious game of hopscotch. 259 00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:10,517 And now you've won them from me. 260 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,228 Fine, fine, then we'll just have a rematch 261 00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,480 so you can win them back fair and square. 262 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:16,815 I'll have the minions set it up. 263 00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:19,234 You'd do that? 264 00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:22,070 Bless you, brother! 265 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:28,410 [PLAYING THE BLUES ON THE HARMONICA] 266 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,086 Dump truck, where's the noob? 267 00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:41,798 I sent him to scrape the gum off from under every desk in school, boss. 268 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,676 A job like that could break a man. Great work. 269 00:14:46,845 --> 00:14:50,265 Yeah, I bet he's curled up under one of them desks right now, sobbing. 270 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,642 Listening for crying, boss? 271 00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:55,603 Listening for crying. 272 00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:59,524 [RUMBLING NOISE] STYLE ::cue() 273 00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:04,195 Gum scraped. 274 00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:07,365 What's next? 275 00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:09,034 Whoa! 276 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:11,411 You scraped all this gum yourself? 277 00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:15,040 Well, I wanted you to know I was man enough for detention. 278 00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:16,791 No. 279 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:18,752 You're no man. 280 00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:20,962 You're a machine. 281 00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:26,301 Boys, how about a round of applause for the gumball machine, huh? 282 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:31,181 I started the week as a lowly middle school noob. 283 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,849 Now I was the gumball machine. 284 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,643 I had broken the ice, like the horn of the narwhal. 285 00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:39,564 No wait. Not a narwhal, never a narwhal. 286 00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:45,737 Superintendent Kneebauer, I have come to beg for your mercy. 287 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,989 Parker's my sweet baby boy. 288 00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:51,326 Oh, he done wrong, but he paid the price. 289 00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:55,121 Can you find it in your heart to set him free tomorrow? 290 00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:58,500 You know what? I think he's learned his lesson. 291 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,545 This is your last day of detention, gumball machine. 292 00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,798 No, no, no. Not a fan of human contact. 293 00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:07,550 Did you hear that, sweetie? 294 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:10,303 We are going to make it to the pageant after all. 295 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:15,016 Or I'm going to rob a bank and go to actual jail. 296 00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:19,104 It's got to be better than last year's pageant. [SHUDDERS] 297 00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:22,565 [MY HEART WILL GO ON PLAYING] 298 00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:32,242 Gumball machine, we wanted to give you something 299 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,244 to remember your time in the joint. 300 00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:37,414 Gum me. 301 00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,421 You showed me something, little guy. 302 00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:51,678 This is the grossest piece of awesome I've ever held. 303 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,266 But I'm not going anywhere. 304 00:16:57,392 --> 00:17:01,021 That's when I told the guys about "Mama's sweet baby boy pageant." 305 00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:03,690 It was humiliating, but they got it. 306 00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:06,484 There's something about identical orange jumpsuits 307 00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,111 that brings people together. 308 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,238 A whale with a pointy horn?! 309 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:14,409 That's not right, gumball machine. That ain't right at all. 310 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,786 Exactly. 311 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,039 Which is why I need your help to stay in detention. 312 00:17:20,165 --> 00:17:21,166 What can we do? 313 00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:28,673 [SNORING] 314 00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:32,635 We can give Kneebauer a wakeup call. 315 00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,013 You do the honors. 316 00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:39,184 [SNORING] 317 00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,649 [SCREAMING] 318 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,445 When I get down from here, 319 00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:54,240 you little punks are gonna be in detention the rest of your worthless lives! 320 00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:05,335 You're late. 321 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,629 My minions usually serve as my navigation system. 322 00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:10,131 I got lost three times on the way here. 323 00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:12,759 Some hunters found me wandering in the woods. 324 00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:18,181 Yeah, whatever, weirdo. Come on, let's do this. 325 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,901 Okay, come on, just hit me once and I'll take a dive. Kendo up. 326 00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:36,908 Avert your eyes, minions. I don't want you to remember me like this. 327 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,749 Is he allowed to do that? 328 00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:47,752 He's breaking all the rules of minionhood... 329 00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:49,254 For me. 330 00:18:51,423 --> 00:18:54,092 I feel my strength returning. 331 00:18:54,926 --> 00:18:58,680 Okay, it's just like, if there are "Rules of minionhood..." 332 00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:01,599 This is a beautiful moment, Joey. Don't ruin it. 333 00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:08,231 [KEYTAR MUSIC PLAYING] 334 00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:16,865 [GRUNTING] 335 00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:40,597 [COWBOY CHEERING] Wow! Yee-haw! Yeah! Yee-haw! 336 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,015 The king is back! 337 00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:43,391 Minions, we ride. 338 00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:45,602 [SHOUTING AND GALLOPING] 339 00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:50,732 Your little monster of a son and his band of misfits 340 00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:53,401 tied me to a chair and hung me from the ceiling. 341 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:57,906 Sorry, Mommy, I goofed up. 342 00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:02,869 If I didn't carry a multi-tool in my garters, 343 00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:05,121 I never would have gotten out of there. STYLE ::cue() 344 00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:08,375 Parker! Wait, you wear garters? 345 00:20:09,292 --> 00:20:13,004 Just because I'm superintendent doesn't mean I have to stop being a lady. 346 00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:16,675 She revoked my pardon, Mom. 347 00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:20,053 I'm going to be in detention for the pageant. Shucky darns! 348 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,390 Wait a minute. Something's up. 349 00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:25,475 Are you trying to stay in detention 350 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,310 so you don't have to do the pageant with me? 351 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,939 What? No, I just broke bad. 352 00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:36,111 Got in with the wrong group of guys, stopped eating vegetables, 353 00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:37,779 quit flossing before bed. 354 00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,157 I'm riddled with gingivitis. 355 00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:45,036 Okay, okay, you are definitely faking. 356 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:48,081 Honey, if you didn't want to do the pageant with me, 357 00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:49,833 all you had to do was say so. 358 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,461 -I don't want to do the pageant. -Oh, you are doing that pageant. 359 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:57,882 Welcome... 360 00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:01,428 To the "Mama's sweet baby boy pageant." 361 00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:06,725 We bring you, Beyond the Arctic circle. 362 00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:09,811 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 363 00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:14,315 [IN A MONOTONE VOICE] I am the narwhal, the unicorn of the sea. 364 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:18,987 [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] 365 00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:22,198 Hey, mama's sweet baby boy, you better nar-work it. 366 00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:26,828 Hey, guy, I'm about to punch. 367 00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:30,707 How about you keep it down 'cause some of us is trying to enjoy the show? 368 00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:34,002 You go, gumball machine! Whoo! 369 00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:05,950 [SIGHS] Morning, guys. 370 00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:07,494 Hey, girls. Feeling better? 371 00:22:07,577 --> 00:22:11,206 Yeah, I am raring to go for that exam in Mrs. Tidwell's class, 372 00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:13,708 and then it is off to buy a new purse. 373 00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:15,794 One with less chunks in it. 374 00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:20,215 Yeah, I was so sick. 375 00:22:20,298 --> 00:22:23,968 But luckily I was able to shut my body down, and I slept the whole time. 376 00:22:26,638 --> 00:22:28,056 Dad, thanks for taking care of us. 377 00:22:28,139 --> 00:22:30,016 Yeah, not that I really think it was that hard, 378 00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:31,685 but we really appreciate it. 379 00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:37,023 Well, they may not appreciate it, but I do. 380 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,401 Thank you, honey. I owe you one. 381 00:22:39,901 --> 00:22:43,154 Good, you can replace the toaster that Liv ruined. 382 00:22:45,824 --> 00:22:47,534 Ruined? [LAUGHS] 383 00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:48,618 Are you kidding? 384 00:22:48,702 --> 00:22:51,037 This is the best toast I have ever had. 385 00:22:52,706 --> 00:22:54,457 Mmm, tastes like hotdogs.