[laughter and applause]
- * ONE, TWO AND THREE, HA! *
- THANK YOU, GUYS.
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN A GREAT AUDIENCE.
WE'D LIKE TO CLOSE NOW WITH A GREAT NEW BIT
THAT WE CALL THE WHIPPED CREAM SHUFFLE.
HIT IT.
- YOU PUT CREAM IN MY PANTS, I'LL PUT CREAM IN YOUR PANTS.
- OH-HO-HO-HO.
- YOU PUT CREAM IN MY PANTS, I'LL PUT CREAM IN HIS PANTS.
- STOP.
STOP.
STOP THE WHIPPED CREAM SHUFFLE!
WE HAVE TO EVACUATE.
WE'RE SINKING.
[boat creaks]
- WHAT?
- WE HIT AN ICEBERG AND STARTED TAKING ON WATER.
- WELL, WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
- WE'RE GOING TO GET THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN TO SAFETY.
AND AS FOR YOU?
GOD BE WITH YOU.
- GENTLEMEN, IT WAS AN HONOR
TO PERFORM WITH YOU TONIGHT.
GOOD-BYE.
- YOU PUT CREAM IN MY PANTS,
I'LL PUT CREAM IN YOUR PANTS.
- YOU PUT CREAM IN MY PANTS,
I'LL PUT CREAM IN YOUR PANTS.
- YOU PUT CREAM IN MY PANTS,
I'LL PUT CREAM IN YOUR PANTS.
both: YOU PUT CREAM IN MY PANTS,
I'LL PUT CREAM IN YOUR PANTS.
all: YOU PUT CREAM IN MY PANTS,
I'LL PUT CREAM IN YOUR PANTS.
YOU PUT CREAM IN MY PANTS,
I'LL PUT CREAM IN YOUR PANTS.
YOU PUT CREAM IN MY PANTS,
I'LL PUT CREAM IN YOUR PANTS.
[screaming]
all: YOU PUT CREAM IN MY PANTS,
I'LL PUT CREAM IN YOUR--
- OH, NO. WHAT HAVE I DONE?
[upbeat rock music]
*
- I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS IT.
46 YEARS THIS MILL HAS BEEN THE BACKBONE
OF THE COMMUNITY.
NOW WHAT?
- MY GRANDFATHER WAS ON THE SAW DECK,
DADDY DROVE A LOGGING TRUCK.
HELL, I'VE BEEN HAULING TIMBER SINCE I WAS 14.
IT'S A DAMN SHAME.
- WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO THIS TOWN?
I MEAN, THE MILL IS ALL WE'VE GOT.
THEY CAN'T JUST CLOSE IT DOWN.
BEST WE CAN DO NOW IS GET THIS LAST LOAD IN,
LEAVE WITH OUR INTEGRITY. - YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE SHOULD PROBABLY KEEP AN EYE ON--
[saw buzzing]
OH, NO, IT'S THE BEAVER!
- [cackles]
- AWW, AND HE ATE ALL OUR LOGS.
JUST LIKE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT.
- AWW, HELL, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
THAT DAMN BEAVER HAS EATEN EVERY SINGLE
LOAD OF LOGS WE'VE EVER TRIED TO GET OFF THIS MOUNTAIN.
I SAY WE GO GET HIM!
all: YEAH! - COME ON!
- THERE HE IS. - HUH?
- COME ON, GET HIM. [grunts]
- HE'S OVER THERE.
- [cackles]
- THAT'S IT,
I'M GONNA BASH THAT BEAVER WITH THIS WOODEN BAT.
- YEAH, AND I AM GOING TO SMASH THAT BEAVER
WITH THIS WOODEN GUITAR.
- AND I'LL SHOOT THAT BEAVER WITH THIS WOODEN GUN.
- YEAH. - LET'S GO.
[saw buzzing]
- [belches] - WHOA.
HE SHAVED THIS BAT DOWN TO NOTHING.
- YEAH, AND HE GNAWED MY GUITAR DOWN TO NOTHING.
- AND THIS WOODEN GUN, IT DOESN'T WORK.
I MADE IT IN MY GARAGE.
- YOO-HOO.
[giggles]
- WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?
- VA-VA-VA.
I'M GONNA ASK HER OUT. - HEY. HEY.
- SO, DO YOU WANNA GO ON A DATE?
- SO, DO YOU HAVE ANY SISTERS THAT I MIGHT WANNA MEET?
- I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.
- WHAT BEAUTIFUL HAIR YOU HAVE.
[gasps] THE BEAVER!
- [laughs] [angry groaning]
- [growls] I CURSE THAT BEAVER.
I CURSE HIM TO HELL WITH MY WOODEN HAND!
- [laughing] - WATCH OUT, MITCHELL!
- THE BEAVER! - [screams]
[saw buzzing] - NO!
- THE BEAVER! - THE BEAVER!
- THE BEAVER AT MY OTHER HAND.
I THOUGHT HE ONLY ATE WOOD. [twig snaps]
[screaming] [saw buzzing]
- WELL, LOOK, I DON'T MEAN TO STOP BY UNANNOUNCED,
BUT I'VE GOT SOME GOOD NEWS.
YOU GOT THE JOB. - WAIT, WHAT?
- YOU ARE THE NEW SOCIAL MEDIA REPRESENTATIVE
FOR EASTERN EMERGING MARKETS AND DIGITAL INTEGRATION
FOR NIKE SHOES.
NICE WORK.
- OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE.
HEY, THANKS, BOSS.
NOT YET. YOU GOT THE WEEKEND.
[laughter] - SORRY.
- ON MONDAY, I BETTER HEAR "BOSS."
ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA GET GOING.
- WAIT, WE GOTTA CELEBRATE.
ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO STAY FOR A DRINK OR SOMETHING?
- I ACTUALLY DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL ANYMORE, SO...
- NO WORRIES, WE GOT PLENTY OF NON-ALCOHOLIC STUFF TOO.
- UM...
ALL RIGHT, WHAT THE HECK? WHAT DO YOU GOT?
- I GOT WATER, SODA, ORANGE JUICE, UM, MILK, UM--
- YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL TAKE A GLASS OF MILK.
MILK? SURE THING.
HEY, I HAVE A COUPLE IDEAS ALREADY.
PICTURE THIS: THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
DUNKING OVER THE VICE PRESIDENT.
WEARING...
NIKE SHOES.
YOU GET A PHOTO OF THAT ONLINE, AND IT'S GONNA GO VIRAL.
- OH, NO.
- WHAT? YOU DON'T LIKE MY IDEA?
- YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE JOB, DAN.
- WHAT?
- I CAN'T GIVE YOU THE JOB ANYMORE.
- OH.
WAS IT THE MILK?
BECAUSE I POURED YOUR MILK OUT OF A BOTTLE OF MOUNTAIN DEW?
- YEAH.
- GOD.
- WHY DID YOU INSIST THAT I STAY FOR A DRINK?
- [sighs] I DON'T KNOW.
- ESPECIALLY IF YOU KNEW YOU HAD SOMETHING
THAT WEIRD IN YOUR FRIDGE.
WHY WOULD YOU RISK THAT HAPPENING?
I DON'T KNOW, I MESSED UP.
- DO YOU KEEP ALL YOUR DRINKS IN WEIRD CONTAINER,
OR JUST THE MILK? - JUST THE MILK.
THAT'S REALLY THE ONLY WEIRD THING I HAVE IN MY FRIDGE.
- WHY WOULD YOU EVEN OFFER IT TO ME?
- MAYBE IF I EXPLAIN TO YOU WHY THE MILK
WAS IN THE MOUNTAIN DEW BOTTLE IT WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND.
- I REALLY DON'T THINK SO, BUT GO AHEAD.
- OKAY, WELL, I THINK MILK TASTES BETTER
WHEN IT COMES OUT OF AN UNWASHED MOUNTAIN DEW BOTTLE.
- GOD, NO.
SEE THAT'S ACTUALLY THE WEIRDEST ANSWER
YOU COULD POSSIBLY GIVE.
YOU FUNNEL MILK INTO A MOUNTAIN DEW BOTTLE
BECAUSE YOU LIKE THE TASTE,
NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO GLASS OR YOU HAVE A--
- ALLERGIC TO GLASS?
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW. ANYTHING, YOU KNOW.
- OH, DAN, I GOTTA GO.
- OKAY.
- AND JUST TO BE CLEAR, YOU DON'T HAVE THE JOB.
- OKAY.
WELL, LOOKS LIKE THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO DO
BUT DRINK THIS MILK.
- WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT.
OUR DEBTS KEEP ON MOUNTING.
AND WITH YOU OUT OF WORK FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO.
[sighs] DEAR LORD,
HOW'D THIS HAPPEN TO US?
- I'LL TELL YOU HOW.
[screams]
IT WAS THE BEAVER.
- THE BEAVER?
- THAT BEAVER TOOK AWAY THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE.
- A MAN NEEDS TO WORK.
- CLOSING THE MILL STARTED A CHAIN REACTION
THAT'S SINKING THE ENTIRE TOWN! - WE NEED IT BACK.
- WHEN THE TITANIC WAS SINKING, THE BAND PLAYED ON.
WHY? BECAUSE IT WAS THEIR DAMN JOB!
- WE GOTTA GO TALK TO THE OWNERS.
all: GOODBYE, WIFE.
[distant sobbing]
- DO YOU HEAR THAT?
- THE OWNERS.
[crying]
- HELLO?
[crying]
- ARE YOU OKAY?
- WE'LL BE OKAY, YOU KNOW.
IT'S BEEN A HARD MONTH.
WE LOVE THIS MILL. [cries]
- ALL RIGHT. IT'S OKAY.
[cries]
GET UP THERE, TALK TO THEM.
- WHEN YOU OWN A BUSINESS, YOU PUT YOUR WHOLE HEART INTO IT.
IT'S YOUR LIVELIHOOD.
IT'S YOUR SOUL.
AND THEN TO HAVE SOME SMALL ANIMAL...
- MM-HMM.
- CHEW AND NIBBLE AND BITE
EVERY PIECE OF WOOD AROUND HERE--
- HUNDREDS OF LOGS A DAY.
FROM THE MINUTE YOU WALK IN
UNTIL THE END OF THE CLOSE OF DAY.
I LOVE MY MILL. I LOVE IT.
- I LOVE MY MILL! - I LOVE THIS MILL!
- WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
both: WE LOVE THE MILL.
- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY,
WHAT IF YOU REOPENED, HUH?
THINGS COULD BE A LOT BETTER.
- IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT, FRIENDS.
- WE SOLD 51% OF THE STOCKS TO SOMEONE ELSE.
IT'S JUST TOO LATE.
- BOYS, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO THE NEW OWNER OF THE MILL.
THE BEAVER.
- [laughs]
[yelling] - HIM?
- HE CALLS THE SHOTS, WE DO THE WORK.
- IT'S ALL HIS NOW. - HE OWNS EVERYTHING.
- HE OWNS THE LAMP. - HE'S GOT THIS PIECE OF PAPER,
HE'S GOT MY GOOD MUG, HE'S GOT ALL THE DAMN WOOD NOW!
- HE RUNS THE SHOW.
- WE HAD TO SIGN OVER THE DEED TO THE COMPANY CAR
FOR CHRISSAKES. - IT'S HOW IT RUNS.
- HE'S GOT THE DAMN VENDING MACHINES.
- IT'S AS EASY AS THAT. - YOU TRY TO GET A SODA
WITHOUT HIS SIGN-OFF!
- [sighs]
HMM-HMM-HMM.
[grunts]
- DO YOU TAKE US FOR BEGGARS, YOU BASTARD?
- WE NEED THE MONEY.
- [laughs]
- AHH, IT'S NOT RIGHT. YOU CAN'T LET HIM TAKE CHARGE.
- BOYS, I'M SORRY.
THE BEAVER LOVES THIS MILL.
ALL THAT'S LEFT IS A HANDSHAKE.
- DON'T. NOT THE HANDSHAKE!
[screaming] [saw buzzing]
- [belches] - THE BEAVER BIT THEIR FEET.
- WELL, THAT SHOULD COVER THE WEEK.
[vomiting]
GLASS.
MAYBE I AM ALLERGIC TO GLASS.
- I MISSED THE DAMN BUS AGAIN.
OH, MAN, AM I SICK OF THIS DEAD-END JOB.
- I HEAR YOU, I HEAR YOU.
- I MEAN, LOOK HOW MUCH WORK WE HAVE TO DO.
WHERE DO I START WITH THIS?
- YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.
BUT THINK OF IT THIS WAY.
OUR LIVES AREN'T THAT BAD.
I MEAN, WE GOT STEADY JOBS.
WE GOT EACH OTHER. - AH, SEE?
- NO, WE'RE NOT SUPERSTARS, LIVING THE BIG LIFE,
SINKING THREE-POINTERS LIKE MICHAEL JORDAN.
- YEAH, OR SCORING HAT TRICKS LIKE WAYNE GRETZKY.
- THE SLAM DUNKING LIKE SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
WHO CARES? - PFFT.
- SO LET'S GET SOME POSITIVE ENERGY GOING.
- OKAY. - ALL RIGHT, WE'LL DO OUR WORK,
AND WE'LL MAKE THE BEST OF IT.
- LET'S GET TO WORK, HUH?
- HELLO, MRS. SNYDER?
YOU HAVEN'T PAID YOUR BILL,
SO WE'RE GOING TO SHUT OFF YOUR POWER.
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
ONE DOWN. - YEAH-HA-HA.
HEY, MR. STEVEN? - SPEAKING.
- DAMN. - HI, MRS. DAVIS,
THIS IS THE POWER COMPANY.
- SORRY, WE GOT TO SHUT YOU DOWN.
[chuckles]
- MR. BROWN, HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR POWER, BUDDY.
- YES, I HAVE MY CREDIT CARD RIGHT HERE.
- HEY, DIDN'T HE PAY? - [grunting]
- I LOVE IT!
- * HOLDING ME TIGHT
* THERE'S A FEELING SO RIGHT
* I'LL BE DANCING TONIGHT
* WITH MY UPTOWN BABY
- HE'S BACK ON THE PLAY, HE'S OUT OF THE BREAK.
FOR THREE. both: AH!
- WHOO!
- [Scottish accent] YOU HAVEN'T PAID
YOUR POWER, CAPTAIN.
*
- HEY, YOU GET THE CUBS GAME ON THIS THING?
both: [chuckling]
- HE'S SAFE. - HEY, THAT WAS AN OUT!
- AH, HE'S OUT! - * HOLDING ME TIGHT
* THERE'S A FEELING SO RIGHT... *
- HEY, EVERYBODY. THAT WAS MICHAEL JACKSON.
- * UPTOWN BABY
* TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT - OW!
- YEAH! - * IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT
* I'LL BE DANCING - HEY, OH, WHOA.
OOPS, THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
- * UPTOWN BABY
- NO, CHARLIE, WHOA!
[both muttering]
- * YEAH, YEAH
* UPTOWN BABY
- HEY, WE'RE DONE WITH THE LIST.
- ALL RIGHT! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
THANKS FOR GIVING ME THAT LITTLE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT.
- NO PROBLEM, MAN.
YOU WANT TO GO GET A BUNCH OF BEERS RIGHT NOW?
- YEAH, I DO, BUT, UH,
LET'S JUST HOPE THE BAR PAID THEIR BILL.
- * UPTOWN BABY
- GENTLEMEN, THIS IS GROUND.
IT'S FLYOVER TIME. DO US PROUD.
- COPY THAT, GROUND. - BARREL ROLL,
THAT FORMATION, BOYS. HERE WE GO.
THREE, TWO, ONE, ROLL.
- THIS IS ONE, UH, ANYBODY DO IT?
- THAT'S A NO-GO, ONE. TWO'S SCARED.
- YEAH, I THREW UP JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.
- THIS IS GROUND, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU FLEW STRAIGHT OVER.
- GROUND, SOUNDS LIKE WE WERE A NO-GO ON THAT BARREL ROLL
ON ACCOUNT OF IT BEING, UH, PRETTY SCARY STUFF.
COPY THAT. JUST, UH, CIRCLE BACK.
ROUND, I'M NOT SURE CAN DO THAT.
UH, KALPAKIS SEEMS TO HAVE ACCIDENTALLY OPENED HIS COCKPIT.
- SHIT!
- COPY THAT.
- GROUND, QUICK QUESTION ON THAT ROLL.
- GO FOR THE QUESTION.
- YEA, DO WE HAVE TO?
- THAT'S AFFIRMATIVE.
- COPY THAT.
COULD WE GET A FRESH PAIR OF PANTS UP HERE
BEFORE THAT ROLL? SIZE 32.
- THAT'S A NO-GO. - COPY THAT.
- WAIT A SECOND.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?
- OH!
- [laughing]
- OH, GOD, IT'S THAT GODDAMN BEAVER!
[all screaming]
- NO, IT'S THE BEAVER!
- [screaming]
- WHAT BEAVER?
- SIR, WE DIDN'T TELL YOU, SIR.
BUT BEFORE WE WERE PILOTS,
WE WERE LUMBERJACKS IN A LOGGING TOWN
RANSACKED BY AN EVIL BEAVER.
THAT'S WHY WE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO FLY THESE PLANES.
[screaming continues]
[buzzing]
- [laughing]
[cheering]
[strikes key]
- HEY YA, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
JIMI HENDRIX.
- CAN I HELP YOU WITH ANYTHING?
- ME?
NO, NO, I'M JUST WAITING FOR MY GIRLFRIEND.
SHE'S OVER AT THE WALL BUYING ME A NEW CORDUROY SHIRT.
- WELL, FEEL FREE TO TRY OUT ANY OF THE INSTRUMENTS.
- NO, I DON'T PLAY ANY OF THIS CRAZY CRAP.
ALTHOUGH, THERE WAS A TIME I WANTED TO TAKE PIANO LESSONS,
BUT I NEVER REALLY GOT AROUND TO IT.
- WELL, YOU SHOULD GIVE IT A SHOT.
- [chuckles] ALL RIGHT.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT THIS?
[plays piano] OKAY, THAT'S STUPID.
THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME, I'M NO GOOD AT THE PIANO.
- NO, NO, YOU KNOW, THOSE ARE ACTUALLY THE NOTES
OF A CHORD.
- REALLY? A CHORD?
I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS PLAYING A CHORD.
I WAS JUST-- I GOT LUCKY, I GUESS.
I WONDER IF THIS COULD LEAD TO SOMETHING...
BIG?
[piano playing]
*
* WELL, I'VE NEVER BEEN LUCKY
* AT THE RACETRACK
* AND I'VE NEVER BEEN LUCKY IN LOVE *
* WHEN IT COMES TO THINGS
* GOING MY WAY
* I HAVE TO CHECK "NONE OF THE ABOVE" *
* BUT I'VE ALWAYS BEEN LUCKY PLAYING THE PIANO *
* I'M NOT REALLY SURE HOW IT WORKS *
* I JUST PLOP MY FINGERS DOWN *
AS* AND IT MAKES SOME PRETTY SOUND *
* I GUESS IT'S JUST ONE OF MY CONVENIENT LITTLE QUIRKS *
* BILL JOEL AND STEVIE WONDER HAVE TALENT FOR DAYS *
* I'M SURE THEY PRACTICED HARD TO GET THAT WAY *
* BUT JUST TAKE A WILD GUESS AT WHAT BUTTONS I SHOULD PRESS *
* AND THE SOUND THAT IT MAKES ALWAYS SOUNDS REALLY GREAT *
* LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I PLAY WAY UP HERE *
* AND NOW I'M GOING TO TRY IT ON THE LOWS *
* I'M REALLY LUCKY WHEN I PLAY AT BOTH ENDS *
* DID I FORGET TO MENTION THAT I GOT LUCKY FRIENDS *
TAKE IT!
[band playing]
*
[saxophones playing]
*
* YES, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN LUCKY
* AT PLAYING THE PIANO
* I'M GLAD THAT IT GOT ME THIS JOB *
* I HOPE MY LUCK DON'T RUN OUT *
* AND I DO IT FOR YEARS
* BECAUSE THIS IS A REALLY EASY JOB *
[strikes wrong note]
saxophone playing]
- HEY, THIS IS INCREDIBLE. I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU KNEW HOW TO PLAY SAXOPHONE.
- I CAN REALLY BLOW THAT HORN. - [laughs]
- THE WHOLE TOWN, LOST.
- THESE ARE BEWILDERING TIMES, MY FRIEND.
I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO FIGHT IT ANYMORE.
- YEAH, PLUS WHEN WE TRIED BEING STUNT PILOTS,
THE BEAVER ATE OUR PLANES.
THAT WAS BAD, TOO.
[car engine running] - HEY.
[honking]
- [laughing]
[all groaning]
- NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
DON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM. - YEAH.
- DON'T EVEN GIVE HIM THE SATISFACTION.
- YEAH.
- AW, HE'S FLIPPING US OFF.
- HEY, HE'S MOONING US.
all: OH!
- PAY HIM NO HEED.
- [chittering] - I'LL GET YOU!
- HEY!
- OH, HE'S HEADING RIGHT FOR THAT CLIFF!
[tires squealing]
[crashing] all: OH, WHOA!
- OH. - [chittering]
- OH MY GOD, HE'S GOING TO FALL.
- GOOD. THAT'S WHAT HE DESERVES.
- HELP ME.
- YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF, BEAVER.
- [gasps] - HIS PADDED PAWS
CAN'T HOLD ON TO THE ROCK. - WHAT DO WE DO?
WHAT DO WE DO?
- [squealing]
- HEY, HEY, HEY NOW. THESE ARE SOME NICE COATS.
- NOT BAD, EH?
- WELL, EVERYTHING WORKED OUT GREAT,
AND WE LOOK FANTASTIC.
WOULDN'T YOU AGREE?
BEAVER?
- UH-HUH.
all: [laughing] - YEAH, WELL, ME,
I'M JUST HAPPY THAT WE DECIDED TO SAVE THE BEAVER'S LIFE,
SO HE COULD APOLOGIZE TO US, GET US OUR OLD JOBS BACK,
AND GIVE USE THESE NEW FUR COATS AS A WELCOME BACK GIFT.
- YOU SAID IT. NOW, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE GO BACK AND ALL-- [gunshot]
- OH NO, I ACCIDENTALLY SHOT THE BEAVER
WITH MY WOODEN GUN. I GUESS IT WORKS.
- OH. - NO.
- COME HERE, COME HERE. - I'M SORRY, BEAVER.
HE'S GONE.
- WOW, THE MILL IS OURS.
WELL, BOYS, GRAB AN AX,
'CAUSE WE GOT SOME TREES TO CHOP DOWN.
all: [laughing]
- WHOO. - ALL RIGHT, HACK AWAY, FELLAS.
- I'M SAWING LOGS BACK HERE, BOYS!
[gunfire]
- TIMBER!
- DAMN MY ICEBERG'S BODY.
- OH-HO-HO-HO.
OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO.
- ABSO-LUTELY. - [laughter]