1 00:00:02,979 --> 00:00:05,882 [uplifting music] 2 00:00:05,982 --> 00:00:10,221 * 3 00:00:10,321 --> 00:00:14,024 - * ACROSS THE NATION 4 00:00:14,125 --> 00:00:18,061 * AROUND THE WORLD 5 00:00:18,162 --> 00:00:21,265 * WHEREVER YOU GO 6 00:00:21,365 --> 00:00:24,935 * WHOEVER YOU KNOW 7 00:00:25,035 --> 00:00:27,204 * PEOPLE 8 00:00:27,304 --> 00:00:32,943 * THEY'RE EVERYWHERE 9 00:00:33,043 --> 00:00:36,880 * IN THE CROWDED STREETS 10 00:00:36,980 --> 00:00:40,817 * AND THE FIELDS OF WHEAT 11 00:00:40,917 --> 00:00:43,954 * FROM UNIVERSITIES 12 00:00:44,054 --> 00:00:47,991 * TO THE SHINING SEA 13 00:00:48,091 --> 00:00:49,326 * THE PUBLIC 14 00:00:49,426 --> 00:00:55,031 * WE GOT A REAL DUMB PUBLIC * 15 00:00:55,132 --> 00:00:56,467 HI, FOLKS. 16 00:00:56,567 --> 00:00:58,869 YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN ALL AROUND THE WORLD. 17 00:00:58,969 --> 00:01:00,204 AND I MET A LOT OF PEOPLE. 18 00:01:00,304 --> 00:01:02,005 AND FOR THE MOST PART, 19 00:01:02,105 --> 00:01:04,875 THEY'RE A BUNCH OF DUMB ASSHOLES. 20 00:01:04,975 --> 00:01:07,010 * DUMB PUBLIC 21 00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:11,014 * WE GOT A REAL DUMB PUBLIC - UHH! UHH! 22 00:01:11,114 --> 00:01:13,317 - * OH, YES, THE PUBLIC 23 00:01:13,417 --> 00:01:19,390 * IS A BUNCH OF IDIOTS 24 00:01:25,229 --> 00:01:28,332 [upbeat music] 25 00:01:28,432 --> 00:01:36,440 * 26 00:01:39,710 --> 00:01:41,144 - CHEERS. 27 00:01:41,245 --> 00:01:44,348 [tense music] 28 00:01:44,448 --> 00:01:47,984 * 29 00:01:48,084 --> 00:01:50,487 - THREE WHISKEYS. 30 00:01:57,994 --> 00:01:59,230 - E-EXCUSE ME, GENTLEMEN. 31 00:01:59,330 --> 00:02:03,334 BUT, UH, ARE YOU...COWBOYS? 32 00:02:05,068 --> 00:02:06,069 - YES, SIR. 33 00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:08,138 - WELL, I'LL BE. 34 00:02:08,239 --> 00:02:10,341 WE'VE NEVER MET ANY REAL COWBOYS BEFORE. 35 00:02:10,441 --> 00:02:12,976 - WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING A COWBOY? 36 00:02:13,076 --> 00:02:16,947 DO YOU FIGHT A LOT OF INDIANS? 37 00:02:17,047 --> 00:02:18,048 - NOPE. 38 00:02:18,148 --> 00:02:20,183 - OH. 39 00:02:20,284 --> 00:02:22,219 - SAY, HAVE YOU EVER LASSOED MAN? 40 00:02:22,319 --> 00:02:24,120 YOU KNOW, DRAGGED HIM THROUGH TOWN? 41 00:02:24,221 --> 00:02:25,322 - [spits] 42 00:02:25,422 --> 00:02:27,558 NOPE. - OH. 43 00:02:27,658 --> 00:02:29,260 - WELL, HOW ABOUT ROBBIN' BANKS, 44 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:31,428 OR FIRING OFF TRICK SHOTS WITH YOUR SIX-SHOOTER, 45 00:02:31,528 --> 00:02:33,397 OR CHALLENGING GUNSLINGERS? 46 00:02:33,497 --> 00:02:35,131 YOU EVER DO ANY OF THOSE? 47 00:02:35,232 --> 00:02:39,002 - NOPE. NOT A ONE. 48 00:02:39,102 --> 00:02:41,605 - WELL, WHAT DO YOU DO? 49 00:02:41,705 --> 00:02:44,341 - WELL, MAINLY... 50 00:02:44,441 --> 00:02:47,644 WE CLEAN UP COW SHIT. 51 00:02:49,546 --> 00:02:52,082 - WHAT? - WE'RE COWBOYS. 52 00:02:52,182 --> 00:02:55,552 SO OUR JOB IS TO CLEAN UP AFTER THE COWS. 53 00:02:55,652 --> 00:02:58,221 - LEADING COWS AROUND FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER, 54 00:02:58,322 --> 00:03:00,457 FEEDING GRASS TO COWS, 55 00:03:00,557 --> 00:03:03,460 BRUSHING COWS' TAILS AND HIDES. 56 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:06,363 AND IF ONE OF THEM SHITS WHERE IT AIN'T SUPPOSED TO, 57 00:03:06,463 --> 00:03:09,032 CLEANIN' UP COW SHIT. 58 00:03:09,132 --> 00:03:10,734 I'M SORRY, BUT I ALWAYS HAD THIS IMAGE 59 00:03:10,834 --> 00:03:13,337 OF COWBOYS FIGHTING AND SHOOTING AND KILLING. 60 00:03:13,437 --> 00:03:17,941 - WELL, MY FRIEND... 61 00:03:18,041 --> 00:03:21,278 THOSE ACTIVITIES ARE OUTSIDE OF OUR JOB DESCRIPTION. 62 00:03:21,378 --> 00:03:24,915 - I SUPPOSE SOME COWBOYS DO ALL THAT STUFF, 63 00:03:25,015 --> 00:03:28,218 BUT THEN THEY PROBABLY AIN'T DOING A VERY GOOD JOB 64 00:03:28,319 --> 00:03:30,554 OF TAKING CARE OF THEIR COWS. [laughs] 65 00:03:30,654 --> 00:03:33,089 - DAMN FOOLS. [chuckles] 66 00:03:33,189 --> 00:03:34,658 - JUST THINK OF ALL THE COW SHIT 67 00:03:34,758 --> 00:03:37,361 THEY'RE NEGLECTING TO CLEAN UP. [laughs] 68 00:03:37,461 --> 00:03:40,631 - THEY PROBABLY EVEN FORGET TO WIPE THE COWS' BUTTS. 69 00:03:40,731 --> 00:03:43,734 - DID HE SAY "WIPING COWS' BUTTS?" 70 00:03:45,302 --> 00:03:47,003 - MY NAME IS BLACK DRAKE. 71 00:03:47,103 --> 00:03:49,373 I RODE 92 MILES TO KILL YOUR SHERIFF 72 00:03:49,473 --> 00:03:51,308 AND KIDNAP YOUR DAUGHTERS. 73 00:03:51,408 --> 00:03:53,143 IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, 74 00:03:53,243 --> 00:03:56,279 WE CAN MEET OUT IN THE STREET. 75 00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:58,982 [door opens] 76 00:03:59,082 --> 00:04:01,485 - [sighs] 77 00:04:01,585 --> 00:04:04,688 - WE KNOW WHAT WE GOTTA DO. 78 00:04:15,466 --> 00:04:16,567 - LOOK, THERE'S BLACK DRAKE 79 00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:17,501 OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET, 80 00:04:17,601 --> 00:04:20,003 BUT WHERE ARE THOSE COWBOYS? 81 00:04:20,103 --> 00:04:23,006 - OH, THERE THEY ARE, THERE. 82 00:04:23,106 --> 00:04:25,308 THEY'RE WIPING THAT COW'S BUTT. 83 00:04:25,409 --> 00:04:26,477 [cow moos] 84 00:04:26,577 --> 00:04:29,613 HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 85 00:04:29,713 --> 00:04:31,882 - WE'RE WIPING THIS COW'S BUTT. 86 00:04:31,982 --> 00:04:35,085 - AREN'T YOU GUYS GONNA DUEL BLACK DRAKE? 87 00:04:35,185 --> 00:04:37,354 - HELL NO. HE'D SHOOT US. 88 00:04:37,454 --> 00:04:40,557 - IT'S OUTSIDE OF OUR JOB DESCRIPTION. 89 00:04:42,626 --> 00:04:45,195 - DID YOU SEE WHAT THEM THERE--THERE DID? 90 00:04:45,295 --> 00:04:46,863 WEIRD. 91 00:04:46,963 --> 00:04:49,466 - WHY ARE YOU WIPING THAT COW'S BUTT ANYWAY? 92 00:04:49,566 --> 00:04:53,069 IT'S A COW, JUST LET IT SHIT. 93 00:04:56,773 --> 00:04:59,476 - MISTER, WHAT YOU JUST SAID, 94 00:04:59,576 --> 00:05:01,545 IT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE. 95 00:05:01,645 --> 00:05:04,047 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 96 00:05:04,147 --> 00:05:05,281 [flies buzzing] 97 00:05:05,382 --> 00:05:08,719 [sniffs] 98 00:05:08,819 --> 00:05:10,821 - OH, GROSS. 99 00:05:10,921 --> 00:05:12,288 UGH. 100 00:05:12,389 --> 00:05:14,057 [door opens] 101 00:05:14,157 --> 00:05:15,191 - HE'S LEAVIN'. 102 00:05:15,291 --> 00:05:17,561 - YOU DID IT. YOU SAVED US. 103 00:05:17,661 --> 00:05:19,996 YOU DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT, BUT YOU SAVED US. 104 00:05:20,096 --> 00:05:23,634 - YEAH, IT WAS SO WEIRD AND SO GROSS AND SO DUMB, 105 00:05:23,734 --> 00:05:26,336 THAT YOU SAVED US FROM BLACK DRAKE. 106 00:05:26,437 --> 00:05:29,072 - YOU'RE VERY WELCOME. 107 00:05:29,172 --> 00:05:30,907 [door opens] 108 00:05:32,643 --> 00:05:35,546 - THOSE ARE THREE DUMB SHITS. 109 00:05:38,449 --> 00:05:40,484 [whip cracks] 110 00:05:48,692 --> 00:05:51,762 - IN LATE 1929, A YOUNG ANIMATOR 111 00:05:51,862 --> 00:05:53,864 WITH DREAMS OF STARDOM TOILED AWAY 112 00:05:53,964 --> 00:05:57,233 IN A SMALL ANIMATION STUDIO IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. 113 00:05:57,333 --> 00:05:59,335 WORKING LATE INTO THE NIGHT, 114 00:05:59,436 --> 00:06:01,371 HE STUMBLED UPON A DESIGN FOR A NEW CHARACTER 115 00:06:01,472 --> 00:06:04,575 TO STAR IN HIS LATEST LOW-BUDGET CARTOON-- 116 00:06:04,675 --> 00:06:07,143 A SMALL CRUDELY DRAWN RODENT 117 00:06:07,243 --> 00:06:10,113 WITH AN UNFORGETTABLE SMILE. 118 00:06:10,213 --> 00:06:11,715 THAT ANIMATOR, OF COURSE, 119 00:06:11,815 --> 00:06:16,419 WAS NONE OTHER THAN GLANARD FRUGNER-- 120 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,756 THE WORST ANIMATOR OF ALL TIME. 121 00:06:19,856 --> 00:06:24,360 AND THAT CHARACTER, WELL, THAT WAS [bleep], 122 00:06:24,461 --> 00:06:26,663 THE WEIRD DEAD MOLE. 123 00:06:26,763 --> 00:06:29,199 OVER THE YEARS, FRUGNER WOULD GO ON 124 00:06:29,299 --> 00:06:31,367 TO CREATE DOZENS MORE CHARACTERS, 125 00:06:31,468 --> 00:06:33,336 NONE OF THEM BELOVED. 126 00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:36,640 THERE WAS TINY, THE SMALL, SMALL, SMALLY. 127 00:06:36,740 --> 00:06:39,543 SCARY, THE KILLER MURDERER. 128 00:06:39,643 --> 00:06:42,378 STINK, THE BAD HAIRCUT. 129 00:06:42,479 --> 00:06:44,548 HENRY HUMAN. 130 00:06:44,648 --> 00:06:47,183 NOTHING, THE INVISIBLE AIR. 131 00:06:47,283 --> 00:06:51,187 LUNCH, AND TAXES. 132 00:06:51,287 --> 00:06:55,458 NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS EVER RECEIVED ANY ACCLAIM, 133 00:06:55,559 --> 00:06:58,361 NOR SHOULD THEY HAVE. 134 00:06:58,461 --> 00:07:02,699 GLANARD'S FILMS CAPTURED NO HEARTS. 135 00:07:02,799 --> 00:07:04,267 - AAH! 136 00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:05,902 - GLANARD HAD DREAMS OF EXPANDING 137 00:07:06,002 --> 00:07:07,604 THE WORLD OF HIS CHARACTERS, BY ERECTING 138 00:07:07,704 --> 00:07:09,305 THEME PARKS IN ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA, 139 00:07:09,405 --> 00:07:11,575 AND ORLANDO, FLORIDA. 140 00:07:11,675 --> 00:07:13,710 HE NEVER DID. 141 00:07:13,810 --> 00:07:15,378 AND NOW WE LEAVE YOU WITH GLANARD'S 142 00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:17,814 NEVER HONORED, NON-CLASSIC SONG 143 00:07:17,914 --> 00:07:20,784 "WHEN YOU WISH UPON THE GROUND." 144 00:07:44,608 --> 00:07:46,610 - HELLO! 145 00:07:46,710 --> 00:07:49,212 - WOW, WHAT A TUNE. 146 00:07:49,312 --> 00:07:50,614 HI, FOLKS. I'M ALEX WINCHELLS, 147 00:07:50,714 --> 00:07:52,348 CHAIRMAN AND CFO. 148 00:07:52,448 --> 00:07:55,485 OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE. 149 00:07:55,586 --> 00:07:57,020 HI, [bleep], HOW ARE YOU? 150 00:08:00,290 --> 00:08:01,424 WELL, I CAN SEE 151 00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:04,895 THAT YOU'RE UP TO YOUR OLD TRICKS. 152 00:08:18,975 --> 00:08:21,544 - RAWLINS, WYOMING, MONTERO CORP'S 153 00:08:21,645 --> 00:08:23,614 NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS-- 154 00:08:23,714 --> 00:08:25,749 THE NATION'S LARGEST CATTLE FARM. 155 00:08:25,849 --> 00:08:28,719 THIS IS THE FACE OF THE FACTORY FARMING INDUSTRY-- 156 00:08:28,819 --> 00:08:31,487 HUNDREDS OF MILES OF LAND, THOUSANDS OF COWS. 157 00:08:31,588 --> 00:08:33,857 THEIR BUTTS? 158 00:08:33,957 --> 00:08:36,860 UNWIPED. 159 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,730 IN RAWLINS, CRUDE AUTOMATED WIPING MACHINES 160 00:08:39,830 --> 00:08:41,698 HANDLE DOZENS OF COWS AT A TIME. 161 00:08:41,798 --> 00:08:44,434 A MICROSCOPIC CLOSE-UP OF ONE OF THE COW'S BUTTS 162 00:08:44,534 --> 00:08:46,302 TELLS A DISTURBING STORY-- 163 00:08:46,402 --> 00:08:50,173 GERMS, BACTERIA, EVEN FECAL MATTER. 164 00:08:50,273 --> 00:08:52,843 THOUGH IGNORANCE AND GREED HAVE GOT US HERE, 165 00:08:52,943 --> 00:08:55,411 IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY. 166 00:08:55,511 --> 00:08:58,381 [upbeat music] 167 00:08:58,481 --> 00:08:59,482 * 168 00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,251 - UH, THIS HERE IS BESSIE. 169 00:09:01,351 --> 00:09:03,086 SHE'S A HUNGRY ONE. 170 00:09:03,186 --> 00:09:05,455 - THIS IS WAYNE DELLER OF BILLINGS, MONTANA, 171 00:09:05,555 --> 00:09:07,590 AND INDEPENDENT FARMER WHO RUNS A SMALL, 172 00:09:07,691 --> 00:09:09,259 FAMILY-OWNED FARM. 173 00:09:09,359 --> 00:09:10,794 - THIS RANCH HAS BEEN IN THE FAMILY FOR MANY YEARS. 174 00:09:10,894 --> 00:09:12,128 WE ONLY GOT ABOUT 50 ACRES, 175 00:09:12,228 --> 00:09:14,564 BUT IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY GRANDDADDY. 176 00:09:14,665 --> 00:09:15,766 GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. 177 00:09:15,866 --> 00:09:17,768 - BY STAYING INDEPENDENT, 178 00:09:17,868 --> 00:09:19,369 WAYNE CARES FOR HIS CATTLE 179 00:09:19,469 --> 00:09:21,271 FAR BETTER THAN ANY FACTORY FARMER. 180 00:09:21,371 --> 00:09:23,573 - I THINK THE CLEANER THEY ARE, THE HAPPIER THEY ARE. 181 00:09:23,674 --> 00:09:24,675 THAT'S KIND OF MY FAMILY'S MOTTO. 182 00:09:24,775 --> 00:09:26,109 THAT'S HOW WE DID IT. 183 00:09:26,209 --> 00:09:27,610 THAT'S HOW MY GREAT GRANDDADDY DID IT. 184 00:09:27,711 --> 00:09:28,745 SO THAT'S HOW I DO IT. 185 00:09:28,845 --> 00:09:30,714 - THE DIFFERENCE IS ASTONISHING. 186 00:09:30,814 --> 00:09:33,116 THEIR BUTTS ARE CLEANER. 187 00:09:33,216 --> 00:09:35,886 IF WE DO OUR BEST TO SUPPORT SMALL FARMS, 188 00:09:35,986 --> 00:09:38,822 WE CAN TAKE THE POWER AWAY FROM MONTERO CORP, 189 00:09:38,922 --> 00:09:40,423 AND PUT THE CATTLE FARMING INDUSTRY 190 00:09:40,523 --> 00:09:41,825 BACK INTO THE HANDS THAT DESERVE IT-- 191 00:09:41,925 --> 00:09:43,660 HANDS THAT WE TRUST. 192 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,929 - * DUMB PUBLIC 193 00:09:46,029 --> 00:09:50,366 * WE GOT A REAL DUMB PUBLIC * 194 00:09:58,508 --> 00:10:04,314 [applause] 195 00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:16,793 [knuckles crack] 196 00:10:16,893 --> 00:10:19,996 [playing piano] 197 00:10:20,096 --> 00:10:28,104 * 198 00:10:57,567 --> 00:10:58,802 [rumble] 199 00:11:00,670 --> 00:11:03,774 [rumbling] 200 00:11:08,879 --> 00:11:11,081 [glass shatters] 201 00:11:11,181 --> 00:11:12,548 [dog barks] 202 00:11:12,648 --> 00:11:15,518 [playing piano] 203 00:11:15,618 --> 00:11:21,057 * 204 00:11:36,706 --> 00:11:41,177 [applause] 205 00:11:41,277 --> 00:11:43,413 [thud] 206 00:11:43,513 --> 00:11:48,418 [cheers and applause] 207 00:11:56,059 --> 00:11:59,229 - [chuckles] NO THANK YOU. 208 00:12:08,939 --> 00:12:10,874 - SO, SARAH, HOW WAS YOUR SECOND WEEK OF SCHOOL? 209 00:12:10,974 --> 00:12:12,542 - AWESOME, I'M IN THE SAME CLASS AS JUSTIN. 210 00:12:12,642 --> 00:12:13,743 - OOH. 211 00:12:13,844 --> 00:12:15,145 [rattling] 212 00:12:15,245 --> 00:12:16,612 - WHAT IS THAT? WHAT IS THAT NOISE? 213 00:12:16,712 --> 00:12:18,214 - [grunting] 214 00:12:18,314 --> 00:12:19,482 all: AAH! 215 00:12:19,582 --> 00:12:20,583 tambourine rattling] 216 00:12:20,683 --> 00:12:22,585 - OOH, OOH, OOH. 217 00:12:22,685 --> 00:12:24,654 HAPPY SEPTEMBER, EVERYONE. 218 00:12:24,754 --> 00:12:26,857 - WHAT THE HELL? WHO ARE YOU? 219 00:12:26,957 --> 00:12:30,093 - RELAX. IT'S JUST ME, SEPTEMBER SANTA, 220 00:12:30,193 --> 00:12:34,030 SPREADING A LITTLE SEPTEMBER MAGIC. 221 00:12:34,130 --> 00:12:37,834 I COME AROUND EVERY SEPTEMBER 18TH AT 1:48 P.M. 222 00:12:37,934 --> 00:12:40,003 - SEPTEMBER 18TH? 223 00:12:40,103 --> 00:12:43,473 - IT'S JUST AS WEIRD AS DECEMBER 25TH. 224 00:12:43,573 --> 00:12:44,740 [laughs] 225 00:12:44,841 --> 00:12:45,876 - NO, IT'S NOT. 226 00:12:45,976 --> 00:12:47,077 DECEMBER 25TH IS THE BIRTH 227 00:12:47,177 --> 00:12:49,045 OF JESUS CHRIST, OUR LORD AND SAVIOR. 228 00:12:49,145 --> 00:12:51,882 - OKAY, OKAY, WE GET IT, SARAH. 229 00:12:51,982 --> 00:12:53,683 UNLIKE DECEMBER SANTA, 230 00:12:53,783 --> 00:12:55,051 I HAVE NO RELIGIOUS AFFILIATIONS. 231 00:12:55,151 --> 00:12:56,686 - HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON. 232 00:12:56,786 --> 00:12:57,820 WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? 233 00:12:57,921 --> 00:13:00,490 - SEPTEMBER SANTA. 234 00:13:00,590 --> 00:13:01,858 - BUT SEPTEMBER SUCKS. 235 00:13:01,958 --> 00:13:03,593 - HEY, CHILL OUT, PAUL. 236 00:13:03,693 --> 00:13:06,829 EVERYBODY LOVES WHEN THE LEAVES START CHANGING COLORS. 237 00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:08,531 - YEAH, THAT'S MORE, LIKE, OCTOBER. 238 00:13:08,631 --> 00:13:12,035 - YEAH, BUT IT HAPPENS A LITTLE BIT IN SEPTEMBER. 239 00:13:12,135 --> 00:13:13,803 AND HEY, YOU CAN GO SWIMMING AT THE BEACH 240 00:13:13,904 --> 00:13:17,073 IN SEPTEMBER, CATCH A WAVE, SURF'S UP. 241 00:13:17,173 --> 00:13:19,109 - NOT REALLY. - YOU COULD. 242 00:13:19,209 --> 00:13:21,277 I WOULD BE COLD, BUT YOU COULD DO IT. 243 00:13:21,377 --> 00:13:23,880 HOO, HOO, HOO. HOO. 244 00:13:23,980 --> 00:13:28,351 - OH, IT'S HOO, HOO, HOO INSTEAD OF HO, HO, HO. 245 00:13:28,451 --> 00:13:30,020 THIS GUY DOES THINGS A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY. 246 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:30,987 IT'S VERY INTERESTING, HON. 247 00:13:31,087 --> 00:13:32,755 - [laughs] YES. 248 00:13:32,855 --> 00:13:34,524 AND WHO COULD FORGET THE SEPTEMBER CLASSIC, 249 00:13:34,624 --> 00:13:38,128 E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL? 250 00:13:38,228 --> 00:13:40,563 DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE HALLOWEEN SCENE? 251 00:13:40,663 --> 00:13:42,865 - YEAH. - WELL, IF THERE WAS 252 00:13:42,966 --> 00:13:45,368 A SUMMER SCENE AND A HALLOWEEN SCENE, 253 00:13:45,468 --> 00:13:48,905 THEN THERE HAD TO HAVE BEEN A SCENE IN... 254 00:13:49,005 --> 00:13:51,841 YOU GUESSED IT-- SEPTEMBER. 255 00:13:51,942 --> 00:13:54,911 HOO, HOO, HOO. HOO, HOO, HOO. 256 00:13:55,011 --> 00:13:56,947 AND, UNLIKE SANTA CLAUS, 257 00:13:57,047 --> 00:13:58,949 I DON'T HAVE A NAUGHTY OR NICE LIST. 258 00:13:59,049 --> 00:14:01,184 I GIVE GIFTS TO EVERYONE, 259 00:14:01,284 --> 00:14:04,220 FROM MOTHER TERESA TO OSAMA BIN LADEN, 260 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,923 ALL THE WAY DOWN TO BARACK OBAMA. 261 00:14:07,023 --> 00:14:10,026 HOO, HOO, HOO. 262 00:14:10,126 --> 00:14:13,629 FOR YOU, PAUL, A WONDERFUL PENCIL. 263 00:14:13,729 --> 00:14:15,731 PERFECT FOR BACK-TO-SCHOOL. 264 00:14:15,831 --> 00:14:17,900 - GREAT. - HOO, HOO. 265 00:14:18,001 --> 00:14:21,704 AND YOU, SARAH, A MECHANICAL PENCIL. 266 00:14:21,804 --> 00:14:23,173 LOOK AT IT GO. YOU FEED THE LEAD IN 267 00:14:23,273 --> 00:14:24,674 THROUGH THE TOP, AND THEN YOU 268 00:14:24,774 --> 00:14:26,309 CLICK IT DOWN TO WRITE. 269 00:14:26,409 --> 00:14:28,144 - CAN I LEAVE? 270 00:14:28,244 --> 00:14:29,145 - YEAH, SWEETHEART, IF YOU WANT. 271 00:14:29,245 --> 00:14:30,981 - WELL-- - SORRY, GO AHEAD. 272 00:14:31,081 --> 00:14:33,616 SHE HAS SOMETHING TO DO. - OKAY. 273 00:14:33,716 --> 00:14:37,887 OH, AND LITTLE JOEY, A PENCIL, 274 00:14:37,988 --> 00:14:40,423 THE BEST GIFT TO WRITE REMINDERS TO YOURSELF 275 00:14:40,523 --> 00:14:42,692 THAT HALLOWEEN IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER. 276 00:14:42,792 --> 00:14:46,396 HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO. 277 00:14:46,496 --> 00:14:48,531 - OH, SEPTEMBER SANTA, RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT. 278 00:14:48,631 --> 00:14:50,266 SO ALL THE GIFTS HAVE TO DO WITH SEPTEMBER. 279 00:14:50,366 --> 00:14:52,702 - YES, JUST LIKE HOW ALL OF SANTA CLAUS'S GIFTS 280 00:14:52,802 --> 00:14:55,305 HAVE TO DO WITH THE MONTH OF DECEMBER. 281 00:14:55,405 --> 00:14:58,241 ANYWAY, IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GET GOING. 282 00:14:58,341 --> 00:15:01,144 I'LL SEE YOU ALL NEXT SEPTEMBER. 283 00:15:01,244 --> 00:15:02,545 - AREN'T YOU GONNA GO OUT THE WINDOW? 284 00:15:02,645 --> 00:15:04,380 - NO, I'M JUST GONNA USE THE FRONT DOOR. 285 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:09,785 AND REMEMBER, PART OF E.T. TOOK PLACE IN SEPTEMBER. 286 00:15:09,885 --> 00:15:12,122 HOO, HOO, HOO. 287 00:15:12,222 --> 00:15:14,824 SEE YOU NEXT SEPTEMBER. 288 00:15:14,924 --> 00:15:17,560 - ALL RIGHT, SEPTEMBER SANTA, GOOD-BYE. 289 00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:20,663 - AND THAT WAS THE TAIL OF SEPTEMBER SANTA. 290 00:15:33,043 --> 00:15:34,677 - GROSS. 291 00:15:34,777 --> 00:15:36,546 I THINK YOUR GRANDPA'S A PACK RAT. 292 00:15:36,646 --> 00:15:39,949 - NO, HE'S ACTUALLY A PRETTY INTERESTING GUY. 293 00:15:40,050 --> 00:15:41,217 I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS PHOTO. 294 00:15:41,317 --> 00:15:43,253 IT MUST BE FROM, LIKE, 1940. 295 00:15:43,353 --> 00:15:46,022 - YOU WERE CLOSE. 1T'S 1944-- 296 00:15:46,122 --> 00:15:49,259 ONE WEEK BEFORE D-DAY. 297 00:15:49,359 --> 00:15:50,893 BRING THOSE PICTURES OVER HERE. 298 00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,628 I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT 'EM. 299 00:15:52,728 --> 00:15:54,864 - IS THAT A PICTURE OF YOU FROM THE WAR, MR. RANKIN? 300 00:15:54,964 --> 00:15:57,333 - OH, MY, MY, MY. LOOK AT THAT. 301 00:15:57,433 --> 00:15:59,735 THAT'S ME. 302 00:15:59,835 --> 00:16:01,837 BUT I WAS A DIFFERENT MAN BACK THEN. 303 00:16:01,937 --> 00:16:04,140 THIS PHOTOGRAPH WAS TAKEN AROUND THE TIME 304 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:05,775 I USED TO DRESS UP AS A SOLDIER 305 00:16:05,875 --> 00:16:07,277 AND GO TO BARS AND RESTAURANTS, 306 00:16:07,377 --> 00:16:09,312 HERE IN THE UNITED STATES, AND TRY TO GET 307 00:16:09,412 --> 00:16:10,980 FREE FOOD AND DRINK BY TELLING PEOPLE 308 00:16:11,081 --> 00:16:12,548 I WAS A WAR HERO. 309 00:16:12,648 --> 00:16:14,650 I WOULD WALK IN, CONFIDENTLY AS A SOLIDER, 310 00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:17,887 SIT DOWN, AND FLASH MY MEDALS TO ANY OF THE WAITSTAFF. 311 00:16:17,987 --> 00:16:19,422 AND I'D EAT MY FILL. 312 00:16:19,522 --> 00:16:23,093 YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW MUCH A PHONY SOLDIER CAN EAT. 313 00:16:23,193 --> 00:16:24,994 - SO YOU WEREN'T A WAR HERO? 314 00:16:25,095 --> 00:16:26,329 - NO, I DODGED THE DRAFT, YOU SEE? 315 00:16:26,429 --> 00:16:28,664 I DRESSED UP AS A WOMAN AND CHANGED MY NAME 316 00:16:28,764 --> 00:16:30,133 FROM SAM TO SOPHIE. 317 00:16:30,233 --> 00:16:32,302 I WOULD WEAR DRESSES AND TALK ABOUT BOYS 318 00:16:32,402 --> 00:16:35,105 I HAD CRUSHES ON ALL DAY LONG. 319 00:16:35,205 --> 00:16:36,472 BUT THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. 320 00:16:36,572 --> 00:16:38,741 I WAS A DIFFERENT MAN BACK THEN. 321 00:16:38,841 --> 00:16:41,277 - YOUR GRANDPA'S A FREAK. 322 00:16:41,377 --> 00:16:43,113 - UH, GRANDPA, WHAT'S THIS ONE HERE? 323 00:16:43,213 --> 00:16:44,880 - LET ME SEE. 324 00:16:44,980 --> 00:16:47,983 OH, MY OLD BASEBALL CARD. 325 00:16:48,084 --> 00:16:49,152 - OH, DID YOU PLAY A LITTLE BALL 326 00:16:49,252 --> 00:16:50,820 AFTER YOU WERE IN THE WAR? 327 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,455 - OH, REMEMBER, I WASN'T IN THE WAR. 328 00:16:52,555 --> 00:16:54,890 OKAY, I DODGED THE DRAFT BY PRETENDING I WAS A WOMAN. 329 00:16:54,990 --> 00:16:56,226 I WAS A COWARD. 330 00:16:56,326 --> 00:16:57,693 I WAS A COWARD BACK THEN, YOU REMEMBER. 331 00:16:57,793 --> 00:17:00,763 BUT SURE, SURE. I PLAYED A LITTLE MINOR LEAGUE BALL. 332 00:17:00,863 --> 00:17:01,964 I EVER TELL YOU THE STORY ABOUT 333 00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:02,998 HOW I GOT ON THIS TEAM? 334 00:17:03,099 --> 00:17:04,500 - MM-MM. 335 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,302 - I NEVER TOLD YOU THAT STORY? - NO. 336 00:17:06,402 --> 00:17:09,139 - THE STORY ABOUT HOW I GOT ON THE KANSAS CITY CLIPPERS? 337 00:17:09,239 --> 00:17:10,940 both: NO. - BLACKMAIL. 338 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:12,742 BLACKMAIL'S HOW I DID IT. IT WAS EASY. 339 00:17:12,842 --> 00:17:15,311 YOU SEE, I WAS UNDERNEATH THE STADIUM BLEACHERS ONE DAY, 340 00:17:15,411 --> 00:17:17,280 LOOKING FOR OLD PEANUT SHELLS. 341 00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:18,314 I USED TO LIKE TO SUCK ON 'EM, 342 00:17:18,414 --> 00:17:19,782 BECAUSE I LIKE THE SALTY TASTE. 343 00:17:19,882 --> 00:17:21,184 WELL, I POP MY HEAD INTO A ROOM. 344 00:17:21,284 --> 00:17:22,918 AND WHO DO I SEE, BUT THE OWNER OF THE TEAM 345 00:17:23,018 --> 00:17:25,355 SCREWING THE MAYOR'S WIFE. 346 00:17:25,455 --> 00:17:26,956 I BLACKMAILED THEM IMMEDIATELY. 347 00:17:27,056 --> 00:17:28,891 I GOT ON THE TEAM THROUGH THAT BLACKMAIL, 348 00:17:28,991 --> 00:17:30,260 AND THE MAYOR'S WIFE LET ME RIDE 349 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,428 THE CITY TROLLEYS FOR FREE. - GREAT. 350 00:17:32,528 --> 00:17:34,764 - I HAD A LOT OF FUN PLAYIN' BALL WITH THOSE FELLAS, 351 00:17:34,864 --> 00:17:36,332 EVEN THOUGH I WAS PROBABLY 352 00:17:36,432 --> 00:17:38,301 THE WORST PITCHER IN LEAGUE HISTORY. 353 00:17:38,401 --> 00:17:39,769 I DID HOLD A RECORD, THOUGH. 354 00:17:39,869 --> 00:17:41,471 - REALLY? WHAT WAS IT? 355 00:17:41,571 --> 00:17:45,040 - I PITCHED 14 GRAND SLAMS IN A SINGLE GAME, 356 00:17:45,141 --> 00:17:46,909 AND THEN I GOT KICKED OFF THE TEAM. 357 00:17:47,009 --> 00:17:48,278 - FOR BEING SUCH A BAD PITCHER? 358 00:17:48,378 --> 00:17:49,745 - NO, NO, I GOT KICKED OFF THE TEAM 359 00:17:49,845 --> 00:17:53,316 FOR STEALING BATS AND SELLING THEM AS FIREWOOD. 360 00:17:53,416 --> 00:17:54,717 BUT THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. 361 00:17:54,817 --> 00:17:57,353 I WAS--I WAS A DIFFERENT MAN BACK THEN... 362 00:17:57,453 --> 00:17:58,821 - YEAH. 363 00:17:58,921 --> 00:18:00,089 - AND MUCH MORE SPINELESS 364 00:18:00,190 --> 00:18:01,657 AND SHIFTY THAN I AM TODAY. 365 00:18:01,757 --> 00:18:04,727 - GRANDPA, I TOLD PETE WHAT A GREAT GUY YOU WERE. 366 00:18:04,827 --> 00:18:08,097 I SAID YOU WERE THE EPITOME OF HONOR AND BRAVERY. 367 00:18:08,198 --> 00:18:09,965 WAS I WRONG? - NO, YOU WEREN'T WRONG. 368 00:18:10,065 --> 00:18:12,067 I CHANGED RIGHT WHEN YOU WERE BORN. 369 00:18:12,168 --> 00:18:14,237 YOU SEE, I KNEW YOU NEEDED A ROLE MODEL, 370 00:18:14,337 --> 00:18:16,972 AND I FIGURED I MIGHT AS WELL BE IT. 371 00:18:17,072 --> 00:18:19,342 - REALLY? 372 00:18:19,442 --> 00:18:21,911 IS THIS ME HERE, IN THIS PICTURE WITH YOU? 373 00:18:22,011 --> 00:18:23,246 - LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE. 374 00:18:23,346 --> 00:18:25,248 YOU? NO, NO, NOT AT ALL. 375 00:18:25,348 --> 00:18:26,849 THIS IS YOUR FRIEND PETE. 376 00:18:26,949 --> 00:18:28,851 THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN SOON AFTER 377 00:18:28,951 --> 00:18:31,120 I PURCHASED HIM FROM HIS PARENTS. 378 00:18:31,221 --> 00:18:32,555 I HAD BIG PLANS FOR LITTLE PETE. 379 00:18:32,655 --> 00:18:35,291 I WAS GONNA PERFORM EXPERIMENTS ON HIM, 380 00:18:35,391 --> 00:18:36,926 MENTAL STUFF MOSTLY-- 381 00:18:37,026 --> 00:18:38,428 LEAVE HIM IN A CLOSET BY HIMSELF, 382 00:18:38,528 --> 00:18:40,062 STARVE HIM FOR PERIODS OF TIME, 383 00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:41,264 AND WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT AND SELL IT 384 00:18:41,364 --> 00:18:42,632 TO THE SCIENCE COMMUNITY. 385 00:18:42,732 --> 00:18:44,066 I WAS GONNA MAKE A MILLION DOLLARS. 386 00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:45,435 I REALLY TOOK TO THE TYPING TOO. 387 00:18:45,535 --> 00:18:47,169 IT WAS A LOT OF FUN. IT WAS A WRIST WORKOUT 388 00:18:47,270 --> 00:18:48,604 THAT I MUCH NEEDED. - YEAH. 389 00:18:48,704 --> 00:18:50,606 - BUT LIKE SO MANY OF MY HOBBIES, 390 00:18:50,706 --> 00:18:53,209 I LOST INTEREST AND GAVE UP ON IT. 391 00:18:53,309 --> 00:18:56,078 AND I LEFT PETE ON SOME ORPHANAGE'S DOORSTEP. 392 00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:58,814 - WAIT A SECOND. THAT'S WHY I'M AN ORPHAN? 393 00:18:58,914 --> 00:19:00,950 - WELL, YEAH, I COULDN'T GIVE YOU BACK TO YOUR PARENTS. 394 00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:03,085 I SUNK THEIR HOUSEBOAT. 395 00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:04,220 - YOU KILLED MY PARENTS? - NO, NO. 396 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,655 I DIDN'T KILL ANYONE. 397 00:19:05,755 --> 00:19:08,458 I SUNK THEIR HOUSEBOAT. - WERE THEY ON IT? 398 00:19:08,558 --> 00:19:09,992 - WELL, YEAH, THEY WERE ON IT. 399 00:19:10,092 --> 00:19:11,093 AND SURE, THEY DROWNED BECAUSE OF IT. 400 00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:12,828 THEY'RE DEAD. 401 00:19:12,928 --> 00:19:15,865 - I SUPPOSE THIS IS BACK WHEN YOU WERE A DIFFERENT MAN. 402 00:19:15,965 --> 00:19:18,301 - THIS WAS A WEEK AGO, PETE. 403 00:19:18,401 --> 00:19:19,802 - YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU 404 00:19:19,902 --> 00:19:22,738 KNEW MY PARENTS ALL ALONG, AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME? 405 00:19:22,838 --> 00:19:24,974 AND THEN YOU KILLED THEM A WEEK AGO? 406 00:19:25,074 --> 00:19:26,842 - WHAT? 407 00:19:26,942 --> 00:19:28,878 - YOU KILLED MY PARENTS! 408 00:19:28,978 --> 00:19:31,046 - WHAT? 409 00:19:31,146 --> 00:19:33,182 - I DON'T THINK HE CAN HEAR YOU. 410 00:19:33,283 --> 00:19:35,885 - CAN YOU HEAR ME? 411 00:19:35,985 --> 00:19:38,120 - I CAN'T HEAR YA. 412 00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:40,356 - WELL, HE IS PRETTY OLD. 413 00:19:40,456 --> 00:19:42,425 MAYBE WE SHOULD CUT HIM SOME SLACK. 414 00:19:42,525 --> 00:19:44,193 - AAH! 415 00:19:44,294 --> 00:19:45,861 IT PISSES ME OFF. 416 00:19:45,961 --> 00:19:46,996 [thud] 417 00:19:47,096 --> 00:19:48,731 KILLIN' ME! 418 00:19:58,974 --> 00:20:00,943 - IN EARLY 1931, 419 00:20:01,043 --> 00:20:04,314 A FRUSTRATED GLANARD FRUGNER WAS OUT OF IDEAS. 420 00:20:04,414 --> 00:20:07,149 HE NEEDED SOMETHING NEW. 421 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:09,151 WORKING LATE INTO THE AFTERNOON, 422 00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:11,220 HE STUMBLED UPON A NEW DESIGN-- 423 00:20:11,321 --> 00:20:13,523 SEVEN CRUDELY DRAWN YOUNG MEN, 424 00:20:13,623 --> 00:20:17,092 WITH SIMILAR ETHNICITIES AND PLAIN FIRST NAMES. 425 00:20:17,192 --> 00:20:18,328 THOSE CHARACTERS WERE NONE OTHER 426 00:20:18,428 --> 00:20:21,263 THAN THE BIRTHDAY BOYS. 427 00:20:21,364 --> 00:20:22,665 THE BOYS WENT THROUGH 428 00:20:22,765 --> 00:20:25,167 SEVERAL INCARNATIONS OVER THE YEARS. 429 00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:26,536 BUT THROUGH IT ALL, 430 00:20:26,636 --> 00:20:30,373 THEY ALWAYS HAD ONE THING--FEET. 431 00:20:30,473 --> 00:20:33,208 AND THAT'S WHAT ATTRACTED BILLIONAIRE TADASHI TANAKA 432 00:20:33,309 --> 00:20:35,411 OF TADASHI TANAKA INDUSTRIES, 433 00:20:35,511 --> 00:20:37,112 THE INTERNATIONAL FOOTWEAR CONGLOMERATE 434 00:20:37,212 --> 00:20:39,014 WHO CHEAPLY ACQUIRED LICENSING RIGHTS 435 00:20:39,114 --> 00:20:40,750 TO ALL FRUGNER PROPERTIES. 436 00:20:40,850 --> 00:20:42,485 HE USED THEM AS CORPORATE BRANDING, 437 00:20:42,585 --> 00:20:45,488 A THINLY VEILED ADVERTISEMENT FOR HIS SHOES. 438 00:20:45,588 --> 00:20:47,423 - WEAR FLIP-FLOPS, THEY'RE GOOD FOR YOUR SPINE. 439 00:20:47,523 --> 00:20:49,492 - HEY, TECHIE, I LOVE YOU. 440 00:20:49,592 --> 00:20:50,893 - * THAT'S HOW THEY BECAME GOOFY ROOFERS * 441 00:20:50,993 --> 00:20:52,027 - MY SHOE! 442 00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:53,796 * 443 00:20:53,896 --> 00:20:55,297 - * I WORE A VEST AND A PUMPKIN FOR A SHOE * 444 00:20:55,398 --> 00:20:56,766 - UNFORTUNATELY, IN THE END, 445 00:20:56,866 --> 00:20:58,734 FRUGNER AND ALL OF HIS CHARACTERS 446 00:20:58,834 --> 00:21:01,203 NEVER DID CATCH ON WITH THE PUBLIC. 447 00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:03,138 EXCEPT OVERSEAS, 448 00:21:03,238 --> 00:21:04,974 WHERE THEY WERE AN ENORMOUS SENSATION. 449 00:21:05,074 --> 00:21:07,410 [upbeat music] 450 00:21:07,510 --> 00:21:11,313 MERCHANDISING WAS THROUGH THE ROOF, 451 00:21:11,414 --> 00:21:14,417 THEME PARKS WERE ERECTED, 452 00:21:14,517 --> 00:21:16,218 AND THE PUBLIC WAS OVERJOYED. 453 00:21:16,318 --> 00:21:18,320 - [singing in Russian] 454 00:21:30,299 --> 00:21:31,801 - THAT'S RIGHT. 455 00:21:31,901 --> 00:21:34,504 I'M HERE IN YUGOSLAVIA'S FRUGNERLAND 456 00:21:34,604 --> 00:21:36,872 AMUSEMENT PARK AND RESORT. 457 00:21:36,972 --> 00:21:40,142 AND LOOK, HERE ARE SOME OF MY NEW FRIENDS-- 458 00:21:40,242 --> 00:21:42,177 THE BIRTHDAY BOYS. 459 00:21:42,277 --> 00:21:44,380 HI, FELLAS. 460 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:46,549 DO YOU THINK WE SOLD A LOT OF SHOES? 461 00:21:49,519 --> 00:21:52,254 CAN YOU--CAN YOU GUYS TAKE THE HEADS OFF? 462 00:21:52,354 --> 00:21:54,023 I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. 463 00:21:54,123 --> 00:21:55,224 TAKE 'EM OFF. 464 00:21:55,324 --> 00:21:58,394 SO HOW DID YOU LIKE DOING THE SHOW? 465 00:22:01,497 --> 00:22:05,034 ALL RIGHT. UH, GREETINGS FROM FRUGNERLAND. 466 00:22:05,134 --> 00:22:08,103 AND REMEMBER-- [clears throat] 467 00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:16,111 GOOD NIGHT. 468 00:22:16,211 --> 00:22:20,149 [upbeat music] 469 00:22:20,249 --> 00:22:22,284 OH, AND IF YOU LIKE GLANARD FRUGNER, 470 00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:25,120 YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT WALT DISNEY. 471 00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:28,057 *