1 00:00:01,878 --> 00:00:02,913 [indistinct chatter] 2 00:00:03,013 --> 00:00:05,816 - WHAT UP, GUYS? SENIOR YEAR, BABY. 3 00:00:05,916 --> 00:00:07,384 [all cheering] 4 00:00:07,484 --> 00:00:09,986 - GUYS, GUYS, GUYS, LET'S MAKE A PACT 5 00:00:10,087 --> 00:00:13,357 TO LOSE OUR VIRGINITIES BEFORE WE GRADUATE. 6 00:00:13,457 --> 00:00:14,758 WHO'S IN? 7 00:00:14,858 --> 00:00:16,059 COME ON. 8 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:17,094 - OKAY. - YEAH. 9 00:00:17,194 --> 00:00:18,762 [laughter] 10 00:00:18,862 --> 00:00:21,132 [Pomp and Circumstance playing] 11 00:00:21,232 --> 00:00:23,967 - OH, SHIT, THE SONG STARTED. 12 00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:25,236 - WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME. 13 00:00:25,336 --> 00:00:28,038 [all gasping and grunting] 14 00:00:28,139 --> 00:00:30,174 - WELCOME TODAY 15 00:00:30,274 --> 00:00:32,876 TO OUR MATRICULATION CEREMONY, 16 00:00:32,976 --> 00:00:35,179 AND WE'RE VERY HAPPY TO HAVE YOU ALL, 17 00:00:35,279 --> 00:00:36,813 UH, IN HONOR. 18 00:00:36,913 --> 00:00:38,949 I'M GONNA CALL NAMES NOW. 19 00:00:39,049 --> 00:00:40,251 - HI, SAMANTHA. 20 00:00:40,351 --> 00:00:43,019 WOULD YOU MAYBE WANT TO-- 21 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,188 - LISTEN, MEGAN, IT CAN BE QUICK SEX. 22 00:00:44,288 --> 00:00:45,789 - [gasps] - OW! 23 00:00:45,889 --> 00:00:47,358 - IT DOESN'T EVEN NEED TO BE GOOD. 24 00:00:47,458 --> 00:00:48,359 - YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO ENJOY IT, 25 00:00:48,459 --> 00:00:50,261 JUST AS LONG AS IT'S SEX. 26 00:00:50,361 --> 00:00:51,995 - YOU LOOK REALLY PRETTY TODAY. 27 00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:53,797 - SO-- - OOH. 28 00:00:53,897 --> 00:00:55,166 [whoosh] - WHOOP--HA HA HA. 29 00:00:55,266 --> 00:00:57,401 - HERE'S A DOOZY. I WANT TO HAVE SEX. 30 00:00:57,501 --> 00:00:59,770 - WHEW, THIS IS GONNA BE A LOT HARDER THAN I THOUGHT. 31 00:00:59,870 --> 00:01:01,838 - I KNOW, WE SHOULD HAVE MADE THIS PACT YEARS AGO. 32 00:01:01,938 --> 00:01:03,274 - SHUT UP OVER THERE. 33 00:01:03,374 --> 00:01:04,508 - MRS. HAMMERMILL, WOULD YOU TAKE MY VIRGINITY? 34 00:01:04,608 --> 00:01:06,243 [laughs] 35 00:01:06,343 --> 00:01:07,778 - ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. 36 00:01:07,878 --> 00:01:09,880 ALL SEVEN OF YOU, GET UP HERE. 37 00:01:09,980 --> 00:01:11,882 COME ON UP. - [groans] 38 00:01:11,982 --> 00:01:14,518 - MR. KOWALICK, EXPLAIN YOURSELF. 39 00:01:14,618 --> 00:01:16,253 - IT'S JUST, WE ALL MADE A PACT TO LOSE OUR VIRGINITIES 40 00:01:16,353 --> 00:01:18,255 BEFORE WE GRADUATED. - OH, GOD, ANOTHER PACT. 41 00:01:18,355 --> 00:01:21,124 THIS HAPPENS EVERY YEAR. 42 00:01:21,225 --> 00:01:22,626 [sighs] FINE. 43 00:01:22,726 --> 00:01:25,496 WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HAVE SEX WITH THEM? 44 00:01:25,596 --> 00:01:26,963 [crowd murmuring] 45 00:01:27,063 --> 00:01:28,599 - [groans] 46 00:01:28,699 --> 00:01:30,334 FINE, I'LL HAVE SEX WITH THIS ONE. 47 00:01:30,434 --> 00:01:33,270 - [laughs] WHOA, REALLY? 48 00:01:33,370 --> 00:01:35,906 - MISS DINGLE, FROM THE AMERICAN GROUP OF SOUTHERN LADIES. 49 00:01:36,006 --> 00:01:37,308 LET'S HEAR IT FOR HER. [applause] 50 00:01:37,408 --> 00:01:38,842 WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF YOU? 51 00:01:38,942 --> 00:01:41,077 - SUPERINTENDENT, HI. I MADE A PACT WITH MY FRIENDS-- 52 00:01:41,178 --> 00:01:43,180 - YES, I WILL HAVE SEX WITH YOU. 53 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:44,481 - YES. - BUT THEN WE'RE GONNA BE 54 00:01:44,581 --> 00:01:45,916 IN A RELATIONSHIP, AND I WILL REQUIRE 55 00:01:46,016 --> 00:01:47,384 YOUR TIME, EMOTIONAL SUPPORT, 56 00:01:47,484 --> 00:01:49,353 AND FREQUENT TRIPS TO THE AIRPORT, MR. MITCHELL. 57 00:01:49,453 --> 00:01:52,523 - OH. NEVER MIND. 58 00:01:52,623 --> 00:01:54,858 - ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GONNA PASS HER UP ON THAT? 59 00:01:54,958 --> 00:01:57,828 - YEAH. - VERY DISAPPOINTING. 60 00:01:57,928 --> 00:01:59,029 - PRINCIPAL BLATHER, I DID IT. 61 00:01:59,129 --> 00:02:00,231 I LOST MY VIRGINITY. 62 00:02:00,331 --> 00:02:01,498 - AND VERY QUICKLY. - YES. 63 00:02:01,598 --> 00:02:03,133 - NICE JOB, MR. KOWALICK. - THANK YOU. 64 00:02:03,234 --> 00:02:05,969 - VERY PROUD OF YOU. - THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 65 00:02:06,069 --> 00:02:09,240 - AND THE REST OF YOU DO NOT GRADUATE. 66 00:02:09,340 --> 00:02:10,341 - WHAT? - WHY NOT? 67 00:02:10,441 --> 00:02:12,142 WE PASSED ALL THOSE CLASSES. 68 00:02:12,243 --> 00:02:14,211 - WE TAKE OUR PACTS VERY SERIOUSLY HERE 69 00:02:14,311 --> 00:02:15,479 AT THIS HIGH SCHOOL, 70 00:02:15,579 --> 00:02:18,715 AND I CANNOT IN GOOD CONSCIENCE 71 00:02:18,815 --> 00:02:22,018 ALLOW A BUNCH OF VIRGINS OUT INTO THE WORLD. 72 00:02:22,118 --> 00:02:24,154 [laughter, jeers] 73 00:02:24,255 --> 00:02:26,089 - VIRGINS SUCK! 74 00:02:26,189 --> 00:02:28,992 [upbeat rock music] 75 00:02:29,092 --> 00:02:37,200 * 76 00:02:39,370 --> 00:02:41,538 [light classical music] 77 00:02:41,638 --> 00:02:43,173 - HI, FOLKS. 78 00:02:43,274 --> 00:02:44,675 I WANTED TO TAKE A MOMENT TO CALL YOUR ATTENTION 79 00:02:44,775 --> 00:02:46,577 TO SOMETHING I FIND QUITE INTERESTING 80 00:02:46,677 --> 00:02:48,945 THAT'S BEEN EVOLVING IN OUR SOCIETY. 81 00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:50,113 IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, 82 00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:51,515 THE CONCEPT OF WHAT MAKES A FAMILY 83 00:02:51,615 --> 00:02:54,351 HAS CHANGED QUITE A BIT IN THE 21ST CENTURY. 84 00:02:54,451 --> 00:02:55,752 MAYBE IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE USED TO, 85 00:02:55,852 --> 00:02:57,921 BUT SOMETIMES A FAMILY DOESN'T HAVE TO BE 86 00:02:58,021 --> 00:03:00,357 A MOM, A DAD, TWO KIDS, A DOG, 87 00:03:00,457 --> 00:03:02,158 AND A HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS. 88 00:03:02,259 --> 00:03:04,194 THE CONTEMPORARY FAMILY CAN INCLUDE 89 00:03:04,295 --> 00:03:05,562 A STEPMOTHER OR STEPFATHER. 90 00:03:05,662 --> 00:03:08,665 SOMETIMES THERE ARE TWO MOMS OR TWO DADS. 91 00:03:08,765 --> 00:03:10,334 A FAMILY CAN BE SEVERAL CHILDREN 92 00:03:10,434 --> 00:03:12,002 AND A LOVING AUNT OR UNCLE. 93 00:03:12,102 --> 00:03:14,004 A FAMILY CAN ALSO BE A GRANDMOTHER, 94 00:03:14,104 --> 00:03:16,873 HER GRANDKIDS, AND A HELPFUL NANNY. 95 00:03:16,973 --> 00:03:18,642 A FAMILY CAN BE TEN DADS. 96 00:03:18,742 --> 00:03:21,412 THAT'S IT, JUST TEN DADS WITH NO KIDS. 97 00:03:21,512 --> 00:03:22,746 A FAMILY CAN ALSO BE TEN KIDS 98 00:03:22,846 --> 00:03:25,616 WITH NOT ONE DAD BETWEEN THE LOT OF THEM. 99 00:03:25,716 --> 00:03:28,251 A FAMILY CAN BE ONE KID ALL BY HIMSELF, 100 00:03:28,352 --> 00:03:30,287 ALONE IN THE WOODS. 101 00:03:30,387 --> 00:03:32,055 OR MAYBE A FAMILY DOES HAVE A MOM, 102 00:03:32,155 --> 00:03:33,557 A DAD, AND TWO KIDS, 103 00:03:33,657 --> 00:03:37,160 BUT TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT THAT DAD. 104 00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:38,362 HE'S A WOMAN. 105 00:03:38,462 --> 00:03:40,130 LET'S SAY YOU GOT 30 KIDS, 106 00:03:40,230 --> 00:03:41,264 A HYUNDAI ELANTRA, AND 3 QUARTS OF MILK. 107 00:03:41,365 --> 00:03:43,500 THAT'S A FAMILY. 108 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,136 A FAT GUY, A WATERMELON, AND A STACK OF MAGAZINES? 109 00:03:46,236 --> 00:03:47,704 FAMILY. 110 00:03:47,804 --> 00:03:49,306 HOW ABOUT A COLLECTION OF PEOPLE 111 00:03:49,406 --> 00:03:52,275 WHO MAY LOOK VERY MUCH LIKE A FAMILY 112 00:03:52,376 --> 00:03:55,312 BUT I PROMISE ARE OF NO RELATION WHATSOEVER? 113 00:03:55,412 --> 00:03:56,413 GUESS WHAT. I LIED. 114 00:03:56,513 --> 00:03:59,416 THAT'S A FAMILY. SUE ME. 115 00:03:59,516 --> 00:04:00,951 OR MAYBE YOU GOT A FAMILY, 116 00:04:01,051 --> 00:04:02,319 BUT THEN THEY GET ALL JUMBLED UP 117 00:04:02,419 --> 00:04:05,088 WITH SOME OTHER FAMILY. 118 00:04:05,188 --> 00:04:07,090 FAMILY. PICTURE, IF YOU WILL, 119 00:04:07,190 --> 00:04:09,326 THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF RHODE ISLAND. 120 00:04:09,426 --> 00:04:10,961 NOW PICTURE THEIR THANKSGIVING. 121 00:04:11,061 --> 00:04:12,295 [laughs] 122 00:04:12,396 --> 00:04:14,064 LET'S TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT THIS FAMILY 123 00:04:14,164 --> 00:04:15,932 WHOSE DAD TURNED OUT TO BE A WOMAN. 124 00:04:16,032 --> 00:04:18,301 THERE'S STILL SOMETHING FISHY ABOUT THEM, ISN'T THERE? 125 00:04:18,402 --> 00:04:20,270 MAYBE IT'S THAT MOM. 126 00:04:20,371 --> 00:04:22,339 WAIT A SECOND. THAT'S NO WOMAN. 127 00:04:22,439 --> 00:04:24,441 THAT'S A MAGAZINE. 128 00:04:24,541 --> 00:04:27,378 A JEW, A CATHOLIC, AND A MUSLIM WALK INTO A BAR. 129 00:04:27,478 --> 00:04:29,446 DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY IT? 130 00:04:29,546 --> 00:04:32,449 A TRAIN LEAVES CHICAGO HEADED EAST AT 40 MILES PER HOUR. 131 00:04:32,549 --> 00:04:34,217 DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT. 132 00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:36,086 PULL MY FINGER. 133 00:04:36,186 --> 00:04:37,554 FAMILY. 134 00:04:37,654 --> 00:04:39,890 WELL, I THINK I'VE MADE MY POINT. 135 00:04:39,990 --> 00:04:42,192 THERE ARE LOTS OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF FAMILIES OUT THERE. 136 00:04:42,292 --> 00:04:45,295 AND AS FOR ME... 137 00:04:45,396 --> 00:04:47,998 I GOT TEN DADS. 138 00:04:48,098 --> 00:04:49,533 WELL, THANKS FOR LISTENING, 139 00:04:49,633 --> 00:04:51,368 AND SAY HI TO YOUR FAMILY FOR ME. 140 00:04:51,468 --> 00:04:53,203 [laughs] - WE LOVE YOU, SON. 141 00:04:53,303 --> 00:04:54,438 - I LOVE MY DADS. 142 00:04:54,538 --> 00:04:56,373 [laughter] - WE LOVE YOU! 143 00:04:56,473 --> 00:04:58,108 - WE LOVE THIS GUY. 144 00:04:58,208 --> 00:05:00,377 [overlapping chatter] 145 00:05:00,477 --> 00:05:02,178 [cheerful music] 146 00:05:02,278 --> 00:05:04,347 - I'M DOING IT! 147 00:05:04,448 --> 00:05:06,316 [overlapping chatter] 148 00:05:06,417 --> 00:05:10,286 [all cheering] 149 00:05:10,387 --> 00:05:19,195 * 150 00:05:19,295 --> 00:05:20,797 [jazzy music] 151 00:05:21,798 --> 00:05:24,701 [rock music] 152 00:05:24,801 --> 00:05:32,809 * 153 00:05:37,448 --> 00:05:38,749 [computer beeping] 154 00:05:38,849 --> 00:05:41,384 - STILL NO I.D. ON THAT SUSPECT? 155 00:05:41,485 --> 00:05:43,253 - SURVEILLANCE AND INTEL CAN'T FIND AN IMAGE OF HIM. 156 00:05:43,353 --> 00:05:45,321 HE'S LIKE A GHOST. 157 00:05:45,422 --> 00:05:48,391 - THIS GUY KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. 158 00:05:48,492 --> 00:05:51,595 DO YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE? 159 00:05:51,695 --> 00:05:53,564 YOU ASKED ME TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX. 160 00:05:53,664 --> 00:05:55,065 WELL, YOUR WISH JUST CAME TRUE. 161 00:05:55,165 --> 00:05:57,233 I ASSEMBLED THE BEST CRIMINAL IMAGE RENDER TECHS 162 00:05:57,333 --> 00:05:58,301 IN THE COUNTRY. 163 00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:00,136 - SKETCH ARTISTS? 164 00:06:00,236 --> 00:06:02,005 - DON'T LET THEM HEAR YOU SAY THAT. 165 00:06:02,105 --> 00:06:03,740 - THIS BETTER BE GOOD, FOX. 166 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,009 - RICK... 167 00:06:06,109 --> 00:06:08,945 WHAT DO YOU GOT? 168 00:06:11,515 --> 00:06:12,549 WHOA, RICK! [laughs] 169 00:06:12,649 --> 00:06:14,184 WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE, BUD? 170 00:06:14,284 --> 00:06:15,619 - WELL, I, UH, LOST MY INSPIRATION, 171 00:06:15,719 --> 00:06:18,054 YOU COULD SAY. - YOUR INSPIRATION 172 00:06:18,154 --> 00:06:20,591 IS THE DESCRIBED PERPETRATOR. 173 00:06:20,691 --> 00:06:22,025 - I THINK THIS SHOWS THE INTERNAL CONFLICT 174 00:06:22,125 --> 00:06:23,694 OF THE PERP. 175 00:06:23,794 --> 00:06:26,530 - THAT IS TERRIBLE. - IT'S NOT TERRIBLE, KERI. 176 00:06:26,630 --> 00:06:28,599 I MEAN, HE'SING HIS BEST HERE. 177 00:06:28,699 --> 00:06:30,366 PROBABLY NOT THE BEST IDEA FOR A WANTED POSTER, 178 00:06:30,467 --> 00:06:31,835 BUT CUT HIM SOME SLACK. 179 00:06:31,935 --> 00:06:35,038 - I GOT SOMETHING THAT YOU'RE GONNA LOVE. 180 00:06:35,138 --> 00:06:36,206 - WHAT THE HELL? 181 00:06:36,306 --> 00:06:38,341 CARL, HELP ME OUT HERE BUDDY. 182 00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:40,243 I JUST SAID, "WANTED POSTER," 183 00:06:40,343 --> 00:06:42,613 AND THIS AIN'T NO WANTED POSTER, PAL. 184 00:06:42,713 --> 00:06:44,180 - WE CAN'T PUT THAT UP ON LAMPPOSTS. 185 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:45,415 - HE KNOWS THAT, KERI. 186 00:06:45,516 --> 00:06:47,784 HE'S NOT A MORON. 187 00:06:47,884 --> 00:06:49,520 - [whispering] RICK, I GOT TO LEAVE EARLY. 188 00:06:49,620 --> 00:06:50,821 I GOT TO PICK UP A SUIT FOR A WEDDING. 189 00:06:50,921 --> 00:06:52,689 - ALL RIGHT. OKAY, THAT'S FINE. 190 00:06:52,789 --> 00:06:55,992 - YOU WANT SOMETHING YOU CAN REPRODUCE QUICKLY? 191 00:06:56,092 --> 00:06:57,327 TAKE A LOOK AT THIS SHIT. 192 00:06:57,427 --> 00:07:00,597 - THIS GUY'S THE BEST. 193 00:07:00,697 --> 00:07:02,666 - THAT LOOKS LIKE A TREE. - IT'S A MOSAIC. 194 00:07:02,766 --> 00:07:04,601 A THOUSAND TINY PICTURES OF THE PERP. 195 00:07:04,701 --> 00:07:07,203 - CAN ANY OF THOSE PICTURES BE ENLARGED? 196 00:07:07,303 --> 00:07:10,140 - YEAH, I GOT IT RIGHT HERE. 197 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,842 [sniffs] 198 00:07:11,942 --> 00:07:14,144 - I'M GUESSING THAT'S THE ONLY ONE YOU'VE GOT. 199 00:07:14,244 --> 00:07:15,746 - SMART MAN. [laughs] 200 00:07:15,846 --> 00:07:17,548 - WITH A LINED FACE AND A CHESTNUT MOP 201 00:07:17,648 --> 00:07:19,382 ATOP HIS HEAD, THE KILLER STRUCK 202 00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,084 IN THE INKWELL MOON OF THE NIGHT. 203 00:07:21,184 --> 00:07:25,255 HE WAS THE SIZE OF A TREE BUT QUICKER THAN THE RAVEN. 204 00:07:25,355 --> 00:07:27,057 I WENT WITH PROSE. 205 00:07:27,157 --> 00:07:28,424 - WELL, YOU'RE GONNA BE FIRED QUICKER THAN THE RAVEN 206 00:07:28,525 --> 00:07:30,627 IF YOU KEEP THAT CRAP UP. 207 00:07:30,727 --> 00:07:32,295 - THESE GUYS ARE IDIOTS. - THEY'RE NOT IDIOTS, KERI. 208 00:07:32,395 --> 00:07:34,531 THEY'RE MY FRIENDS. 209 00:07:34,631 --> 00:07:35,832 - HEY, AM I REALLY FIRED? - NO, OF COURSE NOT. 210 00:07:35,932 --> 00:07:37,768 - [sighs] ARE WE DONE HERE, FOX? 211 00:07:37,868 --> 00:07:40,470 - [clears throat loudly] 212 00:07:40,571 --> 00:07:43,574 - HERB, MAN. WHAT DO YOU GOT? 213 00:07:43,674 --> 00:07:46,877 - OKAY, SO IT'S NOT DONE YET, BUT-- 214 00:07:48,411 --> 00:07:51,381 [macaroni clattering] 215 00:07:51,481 --> 00:07:53,016 THE GLUE'S STILL DRYING, 216 00:07:53,116 --> 00:07:54,484 SO IT WILL LOOK DIFFERENT... - MM-HMM. 217 00:07:54,585 --> 00:07:55,518 - WHEN-- - OKAY, CALM DOWN. 218 00:07:55,619 --> 00:07:57,187 THIS IS A GREAT START. 219 00:07:57,287 --> 00:07:58,555 WE'LL CHECK BACK IN ON YOU, UNCLE HERB, OKAY? 220 00:07:58,655 --> 00:08:00,456 - HE'S YOUR UNCLE? - [sighs] 221 00:08:00,557 --> 00:08:04,127 YES. HE NEEDED A JOB, OKAY? 222 00:08:04,227 --> 00:08:07,130 - GUYS, THESE COMPOSITE SKETCHES ARE AWFUL. 223 00:08:07,230 --> 00:08:08,398 all: WHY? 224 00:08:08,498 --> 00:08:10,133 - THINK ABOUT IT. 225 00:08:10,233 --> 00:08:11,868 all: OH, YEAH. 226 00:08:11,968 --> 00:08:14,270 - WELL, WE'RE GOING WITH THE RAVEN POEM. 227 00:08:14,370 --> 00:08:15,271 - YEAH! - ALL RIGHT! 228 00:08:15,371 --> 00:08:16,439 YAY, JASON. 229 00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:17,841 - [laughing] - WAIT. 230 00:08:17,941 --> 00:08:19,442 AREN'T YOU GONNA LOOK AT MINE 231 00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:22,045 WHEN IT'S DRY AND FINISHED? 232 00:08:24,347 --> 00:08:25,749 [jazzy music] 233 00:08:29,285 --> 00:08:30,420 [jazzy music] 234 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,123 [tender music] 235 00:08:33,223 --> 00:08:41,832 * 236 00:08:41,932 --> 00:08:44,334 - I'M SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT, UNCLE HERB. 237 00:08:44,434 --> 00:08:46,469 - I GET IT. ARE YOU OKAY? 238 00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:48,138 - NO. 239 00:08:48,238 --> 00:08:50,373 THE SARGE JUST FIRED ME THERE OUT IN THE HALLWAY 240 00:08:50,473 --> 00:08:51,908 IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. 241 00:08:52,008 --> 00:08:54,611 SAID I SLEPT MY WAY TO THE TOP OF THE RANKS. 242 00:08:54,711 --> 00:08:57,714 IT WAS-- IT WAS VERY EMBARRASSING. 243 00:09:03,453 --> 00:09:05,155 [chuckles] YEAH. 244 00:09:05,255 --> 00:09:06,189 THAT WAS FUNNY. 245 00:09:06,289 --> 00:09:08,124 - NO. 246 00:09:08,224 --> 00:09:10,060 EAT IT. 247 00:09:11,461 --> 00:09:15,398 [crunching] 248 00:09:15,498 --> 00:09:18,401 [both laughing] 249 00:09:18,501 --> 00:09:20,403 IT POPS. 250 00:09:20,503 --> 00:09:21,972 [light classical music] 251 00:09:22,072 --> 00:09:25,308 - A NEPHEW, HIS UNCLE, AND A PILE OF MACARONI. 252 00:09:25,408 --> 00:09:28,044 THAT'S A FAMILY. 253 00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:31,547 [jazzy music] 254 00:09:31,648 --> 00:09:36,086 [dramatic music] 255 00:09:36,186 --> 00:09:37,553 - WELCOME TO THE SHOW. 256 00:09:37,654 --> 00:09:38,989 TONIGHT, WE'LL BE DISCUSSING ONE OF AMERICA'S 257 00:09:39,089 --> 00:09:42,225 MOST BELOVED CORPORATIONS, COCA-COLA. 258 00:09:42,325 --> 00:09:43,559 AS ANY SODA FAN KNOWS, 259 00:09:43,660 --> 00:09:45,428 THERE ARE ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN THE WORLD 260 00:09:45,528 --> 00:09:47,130 THAT KNOW THE SECRET FORMULA TO COKE. 261 00:09:47,230 --> 00:09:49,265 BUT WHAT MIGHT SURPRISE YOU IS THAT THESE TWO 262 00:09:49,365 --> 00:09:51,567 ARE ACTUALLY FORBIDDEN FROM TRAVELING TOGETHER 263 00:09:51,668 --> 00:09:54,004 OR REALLY SPENDING ANY TIME TOGETHER. 264 00:09:54,104 --> 00:09:56,006 IT'S A SAFETY PRECAUTION, BECAUSE IF SOMETHING HAPPENS 265 00:09:56,106 --> 00:09:59,475 TO THESE MEN, WELL, THE FORMULA IS GONE FOREVER. 266 00:09:59,575 --> 00:10:01,511 WHICH BRINGS ME TO TONIGHT'S GUEST, 267 00:10:01,611 --> 00:10:02,879 ONE OF THE GUYS THAT KNOWS 268 00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:04,614 THE SECRET FORMULA FOR COCA-COLA. 269 00:10:04,715 --> 00:10:06,282 THANKS FOR BEING ON THE SHOW. - YEAH, WELL, 270 00:10:06,382 --> 00:10:08,384 THANKS FOR HAVING ME. IT'S VERY NICE OF YOU TO SAY. 271 00:10:08,484 --> 00:10:10,253 HEY, GO, COKE. - ALL RIGHT. 272 00:10:10,353 --> 00:10:12,322 - OOH. 273 00:10:12,422 --> 00:10:14,124 OW! THAT'S A GOOD COKE. 274 00:10:14,224 --> 00:10:15,291 - VERY GOOD. 275 00:10:15,391 --> 00:10:16,760 SO IS IT TRUE ONLY YOU 276 00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:18,161 AND ONE OTHER PERSON KNOWS THE FORMULA? 277 00:10:18,261 --> 00:10:19,595 - UH, YES, THAT IS THE BIG COKE SECRET. 278 00:10:19,696 --> 00:10:21,297 THAT IS THE BIG ONE. MM-HMM. 279 00:10:21,397 --> 00:10:22,632 - AMAZING. AND I'M CURIOUS. 280 00:10:22,733 --> 00:10:24,300 WHERE IS THE OTHER GUY ON A NIGHT LIKE TONIGHT? 281 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:25,401 - WELL, WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM? 282 00:10:25,501 --> 00:10:27,370 HE'S RIGHT OVER THERE. 283 00:10:27,470 --> 00:10:30,473 [crowd murmuring] 284 00:10:30,573 --> 00:10:32,642 - HEY. - WAIT, WHAT? 285 00:10:32,743 --> 00:10:34,110 - YEAH, I'M THE OTHER COKE GUY. HOW YOU DOING? 286 00:10:34,210 --> 00:10:36,813 - YEAH, THAT'S THAT DUMB, STUPID SON OF A BITCH. 287 00:10:36,913 --> 00:10:38,581 - OH, HO, HO, WATCH IT, YOU LITTLE DIPSHIT. 288 00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,016 COME ON. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS UP TO? 289 00:10:40,116 --> 00:10:41,885 - HEY, WE'RE TALKING COKES. COME ON UP. 290 00:10:41,985 --> 00:10:43,119 - OH, YEAH. - YEAH, YOU'D LOVE IT UP HERE. 291 00:10:43,219 --> 00:10:44,788 - ALL RIGHT. - BIT OF A RAPPORT. 292 00:10:44,888 --> 00:10:46,656 - OH, HERE WE GO. - OH, WE GOT A RAPPORT, DAVE. 293 00:10:46,757 --> 00:10:48,124 HOW ARE YA, BUDDY? COME HERE. 294 00:10:48,224 --> 00:10:49,192 - HEY! [laughter] 295 00:10:49,292 --> 00:10:51,461 - I'M SORRY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 296 00:10:51,561 --> 00:10:52,562 - OH, HE GAVE ME A RIDE. - YEAH. 297 00:10:52,662 --> 00:10:54,630 WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS, DAVE. 298 00:10:54,731 --> 00:10:56,299 - NO, NO. I--YOU CAN'T BE. 299 00:10:56,399 --> 00:10:57,633 IT'S A SECURITY RISK. 300 00:10:57,734 --> 00:10:59,369 I MEAN, IF THERE'S A FIRE OR A FLOOD 301 00:10:59,469 --> 00:11:03,206 OR THE ROOF COLLAPSES, THAT FORMULA'S GONE, GUYS. 302 00:11:04,407 --> 00:11:06,409 - SHE'S RIGHT. 303 00:11:06,509 --> 00:11:08,044 ALL RIGHT, WELL, 304 00:11:08,144 --> 00:11:09,712 YOU GUYS DO YOUR TALK SHOW. 305 00:11:09,813 --> 00:11:10,881 I'M GONNA GO CATCH A MOVIE OR SOMETHING. 306 00:11:10,981 --> 00:11:12,415 - GREAT. - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, 307 00:11:12,515 --> 00:11:13,750 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 308 00:11:13,850 --> 00:11:15,952 WHAT MOVIE ARE YOU GONNA GO CATCH? 309 00:11:16,052 --> 00:11:18,688 - I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE AN ACTION MOVIE. 310 00:11:18,789 --> 00:11:21,324 - HE'S GONNA GO SEE A HEART-PUMPING, 311 00:11:21,424 --> 00:11:22,458 ACTION-PACKED FILM. 312 00:11:22,558 --> 00:11:24,928 - HEY, YOU WANT TO GO? 313 00:11:25,028 --> 00:11:26,897 - YES, I DO. VERY MUCH, LET'S GO! 314 00:11:26,997 --> 00:11:28,498 - ALL RIGHT! - HEY, GUYS, GUYS! 315 00:11:28,598 --> 00:11:30,133 YOU CAN'T GO SEE THE MOVIE TOGETHER. 316 00:11:30,233 --> 00:11:31,802 - [groans] - IT'S A SAFETY RISK, OKAY? 317 00:11:31,902 --> 00:11:33,336 YOU THINK THE TWO GUYS THAT KNOW THE FORMULA 318 00:11:33,436 --> 00:11:34,337 FOR PEPSI ARE FRIENDS? 319 00:11:34,437 --> 00:11:35,939 NO. 320 00:11:36,039 --> 00:11:37,673 - YEAH! THEY'RE STANDING RIGHT OVER THERE. 321 00:11:37,774 --> 00:11:40,343 - OH, HO, HO, THERE HE IS. 322 00:11:40,443 --> 00:11:41,477 - WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS. 323 00:11:41,577 --> 00:11:43,046 THEY'RE GREAT FRIENDS. 324 00:11:43,146 --> 00:11:45,348 - SO YOU KNOW THE FORMULA FOR PEPSI? 325 00:11:45,448 --> 00:11:46,817 - YEP. GO, PEPSI. 326 00:11:46,917 --> 00:11:48,584 - OH, NO, NO, NO. - THEY SHOULDN'T BE HERE. 327 00:11:48,684 --> 00:11:50,086 - GO, COKE. - THEY SHOULDN'T BE HERE. 328 00:11:50,186 --> 00:11:51,587 - WHY NOT? THEY CAN BE ANYWHERE THEY WANT. 329 00:11:51,687 --> 00:11:53,123 - WHAT IF SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENED? 330 00:11:53,223 --> 00:11:55,525 - SOMETHING HAPPENED TO HIM, I'D WANT TO DIE TOO. 331 00:11:55,625 --> 00:11:56,827 - AW, YEAH. - WE'RE THE SAME WAY. 332 00:11:56,927 --> 00:11:58,394 - SAME WAY. - WE'RE THE SAME WAY. 333 00:11:58,494 --> 00:12:00,063 - HEY, YOU GUYS STILL GOING TO SEE THAT ACTION MOVIE? 334 00:12:00,163 --> 00:12:01,664 - YEAH, YEAH. YOU COMING OR WHAT? 335 00:12:01,764 --> 00:12:02,933 - YEAH, YOU KNOW IT. - AWW! 336 00:12:03,033 --> 00:12:04,500 - OH, THEY'RE COMING IN FAST! 337 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:09,305 [overlapping chatter] 338 00:12:09,405 --> 00:12:11,574 - GUYS! 339 00:12:11,674 --> 00:12:13,476 YOU CAN'T GO TO THE MOVIES TOGETHER! 340 00:12:13,576 --> 00:12:16,246 - AW, DAVE, WE ALWAYS GO TO THE MOVIES TOGETHER. 341 00:12:16,346 --> 00:12:18,714 - YEAH, 'CAUSE THE TWO OF US IS BEST FRIENDS 342 00:12:18,815 --> 00:12:20,216 WITH THE TWO OF THEM, HUH? 343 00:12:20,316 --> 00:12:21,985 [laughter] WHO'D HAVE THUNK IT, HUH? 344 00:12:22,085 --> 00:12:23,586 - WATCH IT. WATCH OUT FOR THIS GUY. 345 00:12:23,686 --> 00:12:27,190 - DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE FUTURE OF THE WORLD'S COLAS 346 00:12:27,290 --> 00:12:28,491 IS IN YOUR HANDS? 347 00:12:28,591 --> 00:12:30,493 - WHAT ABOUT US? 348 00:12:30,593 --> 00:12:33,529 [crowd murmuring] 349 00:12:33,629 --> 00:12:35,365 [sneakers squeaking] 350 00:12:46,809 --> 00:12:48,444 - WHO ARE YOU? 351 00:12:48,544 --> 00:12:49,645 - WE'RE THE TWO GUYS WHO KNOW 352 00:12:49,745 --> 00:12:51,681 THE SECRET FORMULA FOR TAB. 353 00:12:51,781 --> 00:12:54,450 - WE'RE BROTHERS, YOU KNOW. 354 00:12:54,550 --> 00:12:56,486 [can tabs pop] 355 00:12:56,586 --> 00:12:58,388 [both slurping] 356 00:12:58,488 --> 00:13:00,390 - [groans] 357 00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:02,625 - GO, TAB. 358 00:13:02,725 --> 00:13:05,628 - UH-HUH. 359 00:13:05,728 --> 00:13:08,064 - LOOK, SO COKE AND PEPSI CAN'T AFFORD TO HAVE YOU GUYS 360 00:13:08,164 --> 00:13:09,499 SPENDING SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER, REALLY. 361 00:13:09,599 --> 00:13:11,634 - YEAH, WE SHOULD PROBABLY BE VERY CAREFUL, 362 00:13:11,734 --> 00:13:13,369 FOR IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO US, 363 00:13:13,469 --> 00:13:16,372 NOBODY WOULD KNOW HOW TO MAKE TAB COLA. 364 00:13:16,472 --> 00:13:18,141 - RIGHT. 365 00:13:18,241 --> 00:13:20,176 SO JUST FOLLOW THE VERY SIMPLE SAFETY PRECAUTIONS 366 00:13:20,276 --> 00:13:21,611 THAT HAVE BEEN PUT IN FRONT OF-- 367 00:13:21,711 --> 00:13:23,546 - NO ACTING-PACKED FILMS FOR US. 368 00:13:23,646 --> 00:13:25,148 - NO, SIR. 369 00:13:25,248 --> 00:13:28,684 FOR IF WE WERE TO DIE, IT WOULD BE A CATASTROPHE. 370 00:13:28,784 --> 00:13:32,522 - A CATASTROPHE TO THE GREATEST DEGREE. 371 00:13:32,622 --> 00:13:38,361 [both slurping] 372 00:13:38,461 --> 00:13:40,130 - WELL, THIS IS GETTING ALL VERY WEIRD, DAVE. 373 00:13:40,230 --> 00:13:41,631 UH, THANKS FOR HAVING US, BUT WE'D LIKE TO LEAVE. 374 00:13:41,731 --> 00:13:43,066 GOOD-BYE. - YEAH. 375 00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:44,300 - THANK YOU. - HAVE A GOOD ONE. 376 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,636 - YEAH, WEIRD SHOW, DAVE. - UH, I-- 377 00:13:46,736 --> 00:13:48,471 - HEY. - HEY. 378 00:13:48,571 --> 00:13:50,373 - HEY. 379 00:13:50,473 --> 00:13:51,674 - WHAT? 380 00:13:51,774 --> 00:13:53,043 - DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW 381 00:13:53,143 --> 00:13:55,011 WHAT'S THE SECRET FORMULA FOR TAB? 382 00:13:55,111 --> 00:13:57,547 - OKAY, WHAT IS IT? 383 00:13:57,647 --> 00:13:59,615 - WE CAN'T TELL. 384 00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:03,553 - WE FORGOT. 385 00:14:03,653 --> 00:14:05,488 [light classical music] 386 00:14:05,588 --> 00:14:07,390 - BROTHERS. 387 00:14:07,490 --> 00:14:09,092 - BROTHER? 388 00:14:09,192 --> 00:14:11,327 DON'T WANDER TOO FAR FROM ME, BROTHER. 389 00:14:11,427 --> 00:14:13,863 * 390 00:14:13,964 --> 00:14:16,466 [siren wailing, indistinct radio chatter] 391 00:14:16,566 --> 00:14:18,301 [dramatic music] 392 00:14:18,401 --> 00:14:20,303 - SERGEANT DALE MADDOX HERE TO ALERT YOU 393 00:14:20,403 --> 00:14:22,538 TO A SET OF CRIMINALS WHO MAY BE ENDANGERING 394 00:14:22,638 --> 00:14:23,940 YOUR COMMUNITY. 395 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:25,942 BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THIS MAN, 396 00:14:26,042 --> 00:14:27,677 WANTED IN RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA, 397 00:14:27,777 --> 00:14:29,079 FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER. 398 00:14:29,179 --> 00:14:30,313 LOOKS LIKE THREE DUCKS TO ME, 399 00:14:30,413 --> 00:14:32,748 BUT I COULD NEVER DO THOSE THINGS. 400 00:14:32,848 --> 00:14:34,584 RESIDENTS OF CONCORD, NORTH CAROLINA, 401 00:14:34,684 --> 00:14:36,719 BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR JAKE WEESON, 402 00:14:36,819 --> 00:14:38,154 WANTED FOR GRAND THEFT AUTO 403 00:14:38,254 --> 00:14:41,191 AND FOR SPEEDING IN THAT VERY SAME AUTO. 404 00:14:41,291 --> 00:14:42,692 WRAPPING UP THE WHOLE BUNCH, 405 00:14:42,792 --> 00:14:43,960 RESIDENTS OF SAN ANTONIO, 406 00:14:44,060 --> 00:14:45,728 BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR CARL PIELER, 407 00:14:45,828 --> 00:14:48,764 WANTED FOR THREE COUNTS OF MANSLAUGHTER. 408 00:14:48,864 --> 00:14:50,666 THIS IS A DRAWING 409 00:14:50,766 --> 00:14:52,768 OF THE LEAD DETECTIVE IN THE CASE. 410 00:14:52,868 --> 00:14:54,470 IF YOU DO KNOW WHAT CARL PIELER LOOKS LIKE, 411 00:14:54,570 --> 00:14:57,240 PLEASE CONTACT THE MAN WHO LOOKS LIKE THIS PICTURE 412 00:14:57,340 --> 00:14:59,009 AND TELL HIM ALL ABOUT IT. 413 00:14:59,109 --> 00:15:02,545 THIS IS SERGEANT DALE MADDOX, FROM THE DRAWING ROOM. 414 00:15:02,645 --> 00:15:05,215 KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND YOUR PENCILS SHARP. 415 00:15:05,315 --> 00:15:08,351 KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN AND YOUR MEMORY ALERT, 416 00:15:08,451 --> 00:15:11,321 AND ALWAYS BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR CRIMINALS, 417 00:15:11,421 --> 00:15:13,556 AND ALWAYS SHARE THAT INFORMATION 418 00:15:13,656 --> 00:15:14,757 WITH YOUR LOCAL POLICE 419 00:15:14,857 --> 00:15:16,859 OR A DIFFERENT AUTHORITY 420 00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:20,663 WHO HAS GOOD CONNECTIONS WITH THEM. 421 00:15:20,763 --> 00:15:23,166 [jazzy music] 422 00:15:25,701 --> 00:15:26,869 [jazzy music] 423 00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:29,505 [dramatic music] 424 00:15:29,605 --> 00:15:32,175 - [sighs] 425 00:15:32,275 --> 00:15:35,178 [sighs] [knock at door] 426 00:15:35,278 --> 00:15:37,180 - STEVEN, AREN'T YOU GONNA COME DOWN? 427 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:38,848 YOUR DATE COULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE. 428 00:15:38,948 --> 00:15:41,684 - ISN'T IT OBVIOUS, DAD? 429 00:15:41,784 --> 00:15:43,486 SHE'S NOT COMING. 430 00:15:43,586 --> 00:15:45,455 - OH. 431 00:15:50,793 --> 00:15:54,130 - MY LIFE IS OVER. 432 00:15:59,769 --> 00:16:02,505 [cheerful synthesizer music] 433 00:16:02,605 --> 00:16:04,874 * 434 00:16:04,974 --> 00:16:07,343 DAD? 435 00:16:07,443 --> 00:16:08,778 - I KNOW I'M NO SARAH HANSON, 436 00:16:08,878 --> 00:16:10,713 BUT NO SON OF MINE GETS STOOD UP 437 00:16:10,813 --> 00:16:12,348 TO THE BIG DANCE. 438 00:16:12,448 --> 00:16:14,584 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 439 00:16:14,684 --> 00:16:17,620 - WELL, YOU CAN START BY TELLING ME HOW I LOOK. 440 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,622 HUH? 441 00:16:19,722 --> 00:16:22,458 - YOU LOOK... 442 00:16:22,558 --> 00:16:23,859 GREAT. 443 00:16:23,959 --> 00:16:25,628 - AND YOU DON'T LOOK TOO BAD YOURSELF. 444 00:16:25,728 --> 00:16:26,662 - HEY, COME ON. 445 00:16:26,762 --> 00:16:28,298 KNOCK IT OFF. 446 00:16:28,398 --> 00:16:30,766 MY DAD'S GONNA HEAR US. 447 00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:33,903 - [laughs] GOOD ONE, SON. 448 00:16:34,003 --> 00:16:37,207 NOW LET'S GO TO THAT DANCE. 449 00:16:37,307 --> 00:16:38,674 - DAD, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO-- 450 00:16:38,774 --> 00:16:42,345 - STEVEN, WHAT HAVE I ALWAYS SAID TO YOU, SON? 451 00:16:42,445 --> 00:16:45,381 WHEN THE GLENNS DO SOMETHING, THEY GO ALL THE WAY. 452 00:16:49,385 --> 00:16:51,254 - AFTER YOU. - THANK YOU. 453 00:16:51,354 --> 00:16:54,357 - * MILES AWAY FROM NOWHERE 454 00:16:54,457 --> 00:16:58,728 * I'M A STRANGER TO THIS LAND * 455 00:16:58,828 --> 00:16:59,695 [muffled music playing] 456 00:16:59,795 --> 00:17:02,565 - WHOA, CHECK IT OUT. 457 00:17:02,665 --> 00:17:11,141 * 458 00:17:12,608 --> 00:17:13,643 - STUDENTS, 459 00:17:13,743 --> 00:17:15,845 DISTANCE, PLEASE. 460 00:17:15,945 --> 00:17:19,549 - [laughs] 461 00:17:19,649 --> 00:17:21,251 - PSST, HEY. 462 00:17:21,351 --> 00:17:24,554 PSST, STEVEN, WHO'S THE CHICK? 463 00:17:24,654 --> 00:17:26,322 - SHE DOESN'T GO HERE. 464 00:17:26,422 --> 00:17:28,724 - LET ME DANCE WITH HER. - NO. 465 00:17:28,824 --> 00:17:30,193 - LET ME DANCE WITH HER, 466 00:17:30,293 --> 00:17:31,927 OR I'M GONNA GLUE YOUR FRICKIN' EYELIDS 467 00:17:32,027 --> 00:17:33,296 TO THE CEILING. 468 00:17:33,396 --> 00:17:36,632 - OKAY, OKAY. GOD, CRAIG. 469 00:17:36,732 --> 00:17:39,735 - [huffs, sniffs] 470 00:17:39,835 --> 00:17:43,038 'SCUSE ME. MIND IF I CUT IN? 471 00:17:43,139 --> 00:17:45,708 - CRAIG DOLAND? 472 00:17:45,808 --> 00:17:46,976 STEVEN, DO YOU MIND? 473 00:17:47,076 --> 00:17:50,246 - WHAT? - [gasping] 474 00:17:55,951 --> 00:17:57,653 - IS THAT YOUR DAD? 475 00:17:57,753 --> 00:18:00,323 - UH, NO. 476 00:18:00,423 --> 00:18:02,992 YEAH. I DON'T KNOW. 477 00:18:03,092 --> 00:18:06,996 - SHE'S HOT. 478 00:18:07,096 --> 00:18:10,600 - HEY. 479 00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:11,834 DAD? 480 00:18:11,934 --> 00:18:13,269 - OH, HI, STEVEN. 481 00:18:13,369 --> 00:18:14,537 CRAIG AND I WERE ABOUT TO STEP OUTSIDE 482 00:18:14,637 --> 00:18:17,072 AND CATCH A BREATH OF FRESH AIR. 483 00:18:17,173 --> 00:18:18,574 I THINK HE HAS CIGARETTES. [giggles] 484 00:18:18,674 --> 00:18:22,912 - NO-- 485 00:18:23,012 --> 00:18:24,980 - * ALL ALONE I'M DANCING 486 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,718 * IN THE SHADOW 487 00:18:28,818 --> 00:18:30,786 - [sniffles] 488 00:18:30,886 --> 00:18:32,555 [knock at door] 489 00:18:32,655 --> 00:18:33,989 - STEVEN? 490 00:18:34,089 --> 00:18:35,425 - GO AWAY. 491 00:18:35,525 --> 00:18:37,760 - I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. 492 00:18:37,860 --> 00:18:39,595 - FORGET IT. 493 00:18:39,695 --> 00:18:43,566 WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TALK TO CRAIG DOLAND? 494 00:18:43,666 --> 00:18:44,767 - PLEASE. 495 00:18:44,867 --> 00:18:46,636 I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE. 496 00:18:46,736 --> 00:18:48,571 I-- 497 00:18:48,671 --> 00:18:53,843 [crying] 498 00:18:53,943 --> 00:18:56,646 - LOOK, I'M TIRED-- 499 00:18:56,746 --> 00:18:58,548 DAD? 500 00:18:58,648 --> 00:18:59,782 ARE YOU OKAY? 501 00:18:59,882 --> 00:19:02,117 - I MESSED UP. 502 00:19:02,218 --> 00:19:04,220 - LOOK, I-IT'S FINE. I'VE BEEN DITCHED BEFORE. 503 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,855 I DON'T WANT THE APOLOGIES, OKAY? 504 00:19:05,955 --> 00:19:07,290 I'VE HEARD 'EM BEFORE. - YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME. 505 00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:08,824 - LET'S JUST ACT LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED. 506 00:19:08,924 --> 00:19:10,293 - I'M SCARED. - I'M A LOSER. 507 00:19:10,393 --> 00:19:11,694 I'LL ALWAYS BE A LOSER. - IT'S BIGGER THAN THAT. 508 00:19:11,794 --> 00:19:12,962 - AND THERE'S NOTHING THAT I CAN DO ABOUT IT. 509 00:19:13,062 --> 00:19:15,064 - HE FINGERED ME, OKAY? 510 00:19:15,164 --> 00:19:18,000 CRAIG DOLAND FINGERED ME. 511 00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:19,435 GO AHEAD. 512 00:19:19,535 --> 00:19:23,739 CALL ME A WHORE, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. 513 00:19:23,839 --> 00:19:26,642 [sobbing] 514 00:19:29,812 --> 00:19:31,747 - NO. 515 00:19:31,847 --> 00:19:34,850 I WON'T. 516 00:19:34,950 --> 00:19:37,920 [soft synthesizer music] 517 00:19:38,020 --> 00:19:40,290 I'M SO SORRY, DAD. 518 00:19:40,390 --> 00:19:42,024 JUST KNOW THAT IT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING 519 00:19:42,124 --> 00:19:44,093 BETWEEN US, OKAY? 520 00:19:44,193 --> 00:19:46,496 'CAUSE YOU'RE STILL MY DAD, 521 00:19:46,596 --> 00:19:48,864 AND I'M STILL YOUR SON, 522 00:19:48,964 --> 00:19:51,667 AND CRAIG DOLAND OR ANY OTHER GUY FINGERING YOU 523 00:19:51,767 --> 00:19:53,068 CAN'T CHANGE THAT. 524 00:19:53,168 --> 00:19:55,638 - REALLY? 525 00:19:55,738 --> 00:19:56,939 - YEAH. 526 00:19:57,039 --> 00:19:59,509 NOW, KEEP IT DOWN. 527 00:19:59,609 --> 00:20:02,545 MY DAD'S GONNA HEAR US. 528 00:20:08,951 --> 00:20:11,787 [rock music] 529 00:20:11,887 --> 00:20:13,022 DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 530 00:20:13,122 --> 00:20:14,857 - GLENNS GO ALL THE WAY. 531 00:20:14,957 --> 00:20:22,765 * 532 00:20:22,865 --> 00:20:23,999 - WHOA, WHOA! 533 00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:25,635 WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? 534 00:20:25,735 --> 00:20:27,303 L--KNOCK IT OFF! 535 00:20:27,403 --> 00:20:29,104 I WAS TRYING TO MAKE A NICE POINT 536 00:20:29,204 --> 00:20:32,207 ABOUT NEW FAMILIES AND BEING OPEN-MINDED. 537 00:20:32,308 --> 00:20:33,876 NOT INCEST, OKAY? 538 00:20:33,976 --> 00:20:35,778 THAT'S YOUR GODDAMN DAD. 539 00:20:35,878 --> 00:20:37,680 JESUS CHRIST. 540 00:20:37,780 --> 00:20:41,851 FORGET IT. FORGET THE WHOLE THING. 541 00:20:41,951 --> 00:20:42,985 [jazzy music] 542 00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:47,857 [jazzy music] 543 00:20:47,957 --> 00:20:49,559 - HEY, YOU WANT SOME PEPSI? 544 00:20:49,659 --> 00:20:51,361 SURE YOU DON'T WANT ANY PEPSI? - I DON'T WANT ANY. 545 00:20:51,461 --> 00:20:52,762 - COME ON, HEY. GIVE ME THAT POPCORN. 546 00:20:52,862 --> 00:20:54,497 - DON'T GET MAD AT ME. - AW, TAKE A SIP. 547 00:20:54,597 --> 00:20:55,898 YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS, DAVE. - I'M FINE. 548 00:20:55,998 --> 00:20:57,032 HEY, SHH, SHH! 549 00:20:57,132 --> 00:20:59,669 - HEY. 550 00:20:59,769 --> 00:21:01,371 - WE'RE HERE TOO. 551 00:21:01,471 --> 00:21:03,773 - OH, BROTHER, I AM HAVING SUCH FUN HERE 552 00:21:03,873 --> 00:21:05,408 AT THE MOVIE CINEMA. 553 00:21:05,508 --> 00:21:07,643 - YES, BUT THE THRILLS OF THE SILVER SCREEN 554 00:21:07,743 --> 00:21:09,078 ARE NO MATCH FOR THE DANGER THAT LIES 555 00:21:09,178 --> 00:21:10,646 ABOVE OUR VERY HEADS. 556 00:21:10,746 --> 00:21:12,782 - FOR THE CEILING COULD COLLAPSE AT ANY MOMENT. 557 00:21:12,882 --> 00:21:14,650 - THAT IS THE GREATEST DANGER OF ALL. 558 00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:16,786 - SHH. JUST WATCH THE MOVIE. 559 00:21:16,886 --> 00:21:18,153 [sirens wailing] 560 00:21:18,253 --> 00:21:20,122 - WE'VE BEEN SHUSHED. [tires screech] 561 00:21:20,222 --> 00:21:22,024 - I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WE WERE SHUSHED. 562 00:21:22,124 --> 00:21:23,926 - EXCUSE ME. 563 00:21:24,026 --> 00:21:25,160 - YES? 564 00:21:25,260 --> 00:21:27,597 - I OVERHEARD YOU TALKING. 565 00:21:27,697 --> 00:21:30,065 YOU SOUND VERY IMPORTANT. 566 00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:32,101 ARE YOU? - INDEED, WE ARE, 567 00:21:32,201 --> 00:21:33,202 FOR WE ARE THE KEEPERS OF THE SECRET 568 00:21:33,302 --> 00:21:35,705 OF THE FORMULA OF TAB COLA. 569 00:21:35,805 --> 00:21:37,673 - DEAR ME. 570 00:21:37,773 --> 00:21:39,041 THE CEILING! 571 00:21:39,141 --> 00:21:42,845 IF IT COLLAPSES, YOU'D BE KILLED! 572 00:21:42,945 --> 00:21:44,179 - THAT IS OUR VERY WORRY. 573 00:21:44,279 --> 00:21:45,848 - ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY JUST CALM DOWN. 574 00:21:45,948 --> 00:21:47,750 THE CEILING ISN'T GONNA COLLAPSE, OKAY? 575 00:21:47,850 --> 00:21:49,251 THAT'S COMPLETELY CR-- [low rumble] 576 00:21:49,351 --> 00:21:52,287 - WHOA. - OH! OH, MY-- 577 00:21:52,388 --> 00:21:54,089 - BROTHER, THE GROUND IS SHAKING. 578 00:21:54,189 --> 00:21:55,658 [rumbling stops] 579 00:21:55,758 --> 00:21:59,462 - [exhales] - [whimpers] 580 00:21:59,562 --> 00:22:01,230 [rapid gunfire] 581 00:22:01,330 --> 00:22:05,501 - [shuddering] 582 00:22:05,601 --> 00:22:06,902 - MY BROTHER IS DEAD. 583 00:22:07,002 --> 00:22:08,971 I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS THE FORMULA. 584 00:22:09,071 --> 00:22:11,073 [shrieking] 585 00:22:11,173 --> 00:22:12,775 - OH, MY GOD, THEY'RE-- OH, THEY'RE BOTH DEAD. 586 00:22:12,875 --> 00:22:13,943 OHH. 587 00:22:14,043 --> 00:22:15,978 - LET'S GO. 588 00:22:17,179 --> 00:22:18,180 [rapid gunfire] 589 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,315 OOH, OOH, AH, OH, HEY, WHOA. 590 00:22:20,416 --> 00:22:22,117 - ARE YOU OKAY? - NO, I STUBBED MY TOE. 591 00:22:22,217 --> 00:22:23,519 - ARE YOU HURT? - YEAH, I'M VERY HURT. 592 00:22:23,619 --> 00:22:25,488 [overlapping chatter] 593 00:22:25,588 --> 00:22:26,922 - THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T GO TO THE MOVIES. 594 00:22:27,022 --> 00:22:28,290 - DAVE, I DON'T NEED TO HEAR IT RIGHT NOW. 595 00:22:28,390 --> 00:22:30,092 MY TOE IS HURTING ME SO BAD. 596 00:22:30,192 --> 00:22:31,561 - YEAH. - AAH!