1 00:00:02,779 --> 00:00:04,748 [doorbell rings] 2 00:00:04,848 --> 00:00:08,018 - THE TICKETS. 3 00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:09,086 - WHAT TICKETS? 4 00:00:09,186 --> 00:00:10,387 - I GOT US TWO TICKETS 5 00:00:10,487 --> 00:00:12,789 TO THE FREDONIA DESERT MUSIC FESTIVAL. 6 00:00:12,889 --> 00:00:14,425 - OH. 7 00:00:14,525 --> 00:00:15,626 - YUP. 8 00:00:15,726 --> 00:00:16,760 THAT'S THEM. 9 00:00:16,860 --> 00:00:19,763 [quirky music] 10 00:00:19,863 --> 00:00:21,665 * 11 00:00:21,765 --> 00:00:23,300 OH. HERE'S A TICKET. 12 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:24,668 [laughs] 13 00:00:24,768 --> 00:00:26,603 "THIS IS NOT A TICKET." 14 00:00:26,703 --> 00:00:27,704 HM. 15 00:00:27,804 --> 00:00:30,707 [quirky music] 16 00:00:30,807 --> 00:00:33,043 * 17 00:00:33,144 --> 00:00:34,478 NOW, THIS! 18 00:00:34,578 --> 00:00:35,879 [groans] 19 00:00:35,979 --> 00:00:37,948 THEY REALLY GO ALL OUT. 20 00:00:38,048 --> 00:00:40,717 THIS IS A CRATE. 21 00:00:40,817 --> 00:00:43,053 GO GET THE CROWBAR. 22 00:00:43,154 --> 00:00:44,421 - ALL I COULD FIND IS A CROWBAR. 23 00:00:44,521 --> 00:00:45,822 - THANKS. 24 00:00:45,922 --> 00:00:54,398 * 25 00:00:54,498 --> 00:00:56,867 - FOLLOW ME. 26 00:01:00,804 --> 00:01:02,306 - NO, DON'T. 27 00:01:04,007 --> 00:01:05,309 - IS THIS THE FESTIVAL? 28 00:01:05,409 --> 00:01:06,109 - NO. 29 00:01:06,210 --> 00:01:07,110 COME, DANIEL. 30 00:01:07,211 --> 00:01:08,445 WE HAVE MUCH TO DO. 31 00:01:08,545 --> 00:01:10,314 - IN THE MEADOW OF SOUND YOU WILL FIND A ROCK. 32 00:01:10,414 --> 00:01:13,116 ON THAT ROCK YOU WILL FIND THE TINIEST SEED. 33 00:01:13,217 --> 00:01:15,986 NOW, TAKE THE COMPLIMENTARY SHUTTLE HOME. 34 00:01:16,086 --> 00:01:17,454 - COME ON. 35 00:01:21,658 --> 00:01:23,927 [doorbell rings] 36 00:01:24,027 --> 00:01:25,329 - WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 37 00:01:25,429 --> 00:01:31,835 * 38 00:01:31,935 --> 00:01:33,370 - THE LEAVES ARE THE TICKETS. 39 00:01:33,470 --> 00:01:37,308 THE LEAVES ARE THE TICKETS! 40 00:01:37,408 --> 00:01:39,576 - NO, THEY'RE NOT. 41 00:01:40,844 --> 00:01:43,714 [laid back rock music] 42 00:01:43,814 --> 00:01:51,755 * 43 00:01:54,124 --> 00:01:55,025 [warped music] 44 00:01:55,125 --> 00:01:56,159 - LISTEN WITH YOUR EARS, 45 00:01:56,260 --> 00:01:58,061 NOT YOUR EYES. 46 00:01:58,161 --> 00:01:59,696 HEAR IT FOR THE FIRST TIME. 47 00:01:59,796 --> 00:02:00,931 DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M DOING? 48 00:02:01,031 --> 00:02:02,266 I'M SPINNING THE RECORD BACKWARDS 49 00:02:02,366 --> 00:02:04,568 AND IT SOUNDS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. 50 00:02:04,668 --> 00:02:08,239 SO A SIMPLE SHIFT IN PERSPECTIVE CAN TAKE WHAT WAS ONCE FAMILIAR 51 00:02:08,339 --> 00:02:11,107 AND MAKE IT SEEM LIKE A REVELATION. 52 00:02:11,208 --> 00:02:14,144 YOUR HOMEWORK IS TO WALK HOME BLINDFOLDED 53 00:02:14,245 --> 00:02:16,713 AND LIST EVERYTHING YOU SMELLED. 54 00:02:16,813 --> 00:02:18,048 - OH. 55 00:02:18,148 --> 00:02:22,219 - AND REMEMBER TO RAGE AGAINST THE SILENCE 56 00:02:22,319 --> 00:02:24,688 AND RATTLE THOSE CAGES! 57 00:02:24,788 --> 00:02:25,922 LET ME HEAR YOU! 58 00:02:26,022 --> 00:02:27,491 RAGE! 59 00:02:27,591 --> 00:02:28,792 COME ON! 60 00:02:28,892 --> 00:02:30,294 RATTLE THOSE CAGES! 61 00:02:30,394 --> 00:02:32,162 HIT THOSE DESKS! 62 00:02:32,263 --> 00:02:33,630 I CAN'T HEAR YOU, MR. ROBLING. 63 00:02:33,730 --> 00:02:35,932 - YEAH! - COME ON, MR. KIRCHUCK! 64 00:02:36,032 --> 00:02:37,167 [yelling] 65 00:02:37,268 --> 00:02:39,102 GET DOWN ON THE GROUND, MAHONIE! 66 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:41,638 GIVE ME A HULA, MR. SPENCER! 67 00:02:41,738 --> 00:02:42,873 - [howls] 68 00:02:44,475 --> 00:02:45,809 - MR. TURNER, WHAT IS GOING ON? 69 00:02:45,909 --> 00:02:49,746 WHY ARE THESE BOYS MAKING SUCH A RACKET? 70 00:02:49,846 --> 00:02:52,816 - WHY, BECAUSE I ASKED THEM TO, HEADMASTER PRIMWICK, 71 00:02:52,916 --> 00:02:55,486 BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO WOULD RATHER 72 00:02:55,586 --> 00:02:57,220 THEY QUIETLY LAY DOWN THEIR MINDS 73 00:02:57,321 --> 00:03:00,857 AT THE ALTER OF YESTERDAY'S REGURGITATED TRIPE. 74 00:03:00,957 --> 00:03:02,659 - THAT'S IT, MR. TURNER. 75 00:03:02,759 --> 00:03:04,261 YOU'RE FIRED. 76 00:03:04,361 --> 00:03:06,997 PACK YOUR THINGS AND LEAVE. 77 00:03:07,097 --> 00:03:13,804 BOYS, I'M TAKING OVER THIS CLASS EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. 78 00:03:13,904 --> 00:03:16,573 - SORRY, BOYS. 79 00:03:19,710 --> 00:03:20,777 - WAIT! 80 00:03:20,877 --> 00:03:22,846 YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKE, HEADMASTER PRIMWICK. 81 00:03:22,946 --> 00:03:24,180 - YOU GET DOWN, MR. FOWLER. 82 00:03:24,281 --> 00:03:25,749 - SURE, MR. TURNER'S TEACHING METHODS 83 00:03:25,849 --> 00:03:28,118 MAY HAVE BEEN A LITTLE UNORTHODOX, 84 00:03:28,218 --> 00:03:32,956 BUT WAS HE SO WRONG? 85 00:03:33,056 --> 00:03:34,325 IS IT SO WRONG THAT HE TOOK US 86 00:03:34,425 --> 00:03:36,627 BEYOND THE CONFINES OF THE CLASSROOM, 87 00:03:36,727 --> 00:03:41,598 LEADING US OUTSIDE, OFF THE PATH, THROUGH A MEADOW, 88 00:03:41,698 --> 00:03:44,735 BY A BOG, AND DIRECTLY INTO A THICKET 89 00:03:44,835 --> 00:03:46,236 FILLED WITH THISTLES? 90 00:03:46,337 --> 00:03:47,638 - WHAT? 91 00:03:47,738 --> 00:03:49,172 - THISTLES. 92 00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:51,141 - THISTLES. SHARP LITTLE-- 93 00:03:51,241 --> 00:03:54,445 - YES, THAT'S WRONG! 94 00:03:54,545 --> 00:03:57,280 - WAS HE SO WRONG TO HAVE US TEAR THE PAGES OUT 95 00:03:57,381 --> 00:04:00,517 OF OUR MUSTY OLD TEXTBOOKS, PASTING THEM TOGETHER 96 00:04:00,617 --> 00:04:02,252 INTO A SERIES OF SHORTER BOOKS, 97 00:04:02,353 --> 00:04:05,021 WHICH HE IN TURN SOLD AT A LOCAL STORE? 98 00:04:05,121 --> 00:04:06,256 - YES, THAT'S WRONG. 99 00:04:06,357 --> 00:04:08,892 - IS IT SO WRONG THAT HE OPENED OUR EYES 100 00:04:08,992 --> 00:04:10,394 TO THE WORKS OF MELVILLE? 101 00:04:10,494 --> 00:04:11,895 - HERMAN MELVILLE. 102 00:04:11,995 --> 00:04:13,530 WELL, NO THAT'S-- - NO. 103 00:04:13,630 --> 00:04:16,633 MR. TURNER'S COUSIN, MEL VILLE, 104 00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:18,402 WHO IS IN THE STATE PENITENTIARY 105 00:04:18,502 --> 00:04:20,003 FOR PIGEON RACING. 106 00:04:20,103 --> 00:04:23,239 - PIGEON RACING? 107 00:04:23,340 --> 00:04:24,541 - WE'RE WORKING ON THE APPEAL. 108 00:04:24,641 --> 00:04:27,143 - IS IT SO WRONG THAT HE SPENT HOURS 109 00:04:27,243 --> 00:04:29,446 REGALING US WITH NOT ONLY CLASSIC TALES 110 00:04:29,546 --> 00:04:32,349 BUT NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE? 111 00:04:32,449 --> 00:04:34,217 - THE COMPLETE BOX SET. 112 00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:35,752 - HEADMASTER PRIMWICK, WHAT I THINK 113 00:04:35,852 --> 00:04:40,691 THEY'RE TRYING TO ASK IS, IS IT SO UNFORGIVEABLE 114 00:04:40,791 --> 00:04:43,594 THAT I BROKE FREE OF YOUR PRECIOUS CURRICULUM 115 00:04:43,694 --> 00:04:47,230 BY REPLACING THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANK 116 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,300 WITH THE DIARY OF FRANK CALIENDO? 117 00:04:50,401 --> 00:04:53,637 AND FURTHER STILL, IS IT SO WRONG 118 00:04:53,737 --> 00:04:56,039 THAT I BASED THE ENTIRE MIDTERM ON THAT BOOK, 119 00:04:56,139 --> 00:05:01,512 AND PRINTED SAID MIDTERM ON NOT PAPER, BUT WHAT, BOYS? 120 00:05:01,612 --> 00:05:03,647 all: SLICES OF TURKEY. 121 00:05:03,747 --> 00:05:05,482 - YOU BROKE THE COPY MACHINE! 122 00:05:05,582 --> 00:05:07,451 - GUILTY AS CHARGED. 123 00:05:07,551 --> 00:05:09,252 - MR. TURNER, THERE IS A LINE, 124 00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:11,688 AND YOU CROSSED IT SOME TIME AGO. 125 00:05:11,788 --> 00:05:13,424 - YOU TALKING ABOUT THE PUBE CONTEST? 126 00:05:13,524 --> 00:05:14,891 - WHAT PUBE CONTEST? 127 00:05:14,991 --> 00:05:18,061 - MR. TURNER CHALLENGED US TO CATALOGUE OUR PUBES-- 128 00:05:18,161 --> 00:05:19,696 LENGTH, WIDTH, AND CURLINESS-- 129 00:05:19,796 --> 00:05:22,533 ALL USING THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM. 130 00:05:22,633 --> 00:05:25,536 I'M NEARLY FINISHED. 131 00:05:25,636 --> 00:05:26,803 SEE? 132 00:05:26,903 --> 00:05:27,638 - NICE JOB. 133 00:05:27,738 --> 00:05:31,374 - MR. TURNER, IS THIS TRUE? 134 00:05:31,475 --> 00:05:33,844 - ALL'S I CAN SAY IS... 135 00:05:33,944 --> 00:05:35,311 YUP. 136 00:05:35,412 --> 00:05:36,980 - MR. TURNER, YOU WILL LEAVE 137 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,549 AND YOU WILL NOT COME BACK. 138 00:05:38,649 --> 00:05:42,152 YOU'VE PROVEN YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT THESE CHILDREN. 139 00:05:42,252 --> 00:05:45,589 - HEADMASTER PRIMWICK, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, 140 00:05:45,689 --> 00:05:47,558 BUT DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT I DON'T CARE 141 00:05:47,658 --> 00:05:50,060 ABOUT THESE KIDS OR THAT WHAT I DO 142 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:54,164 HAS NO EDUCATIONAL VALUE OR THAT I LACK CHARACTER 143 00:05:54,264 --> 00:05:59,603 BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE BEING TOLD WHAT I ALREADY KNOW. 144 00:05:59,703 --> 00:06:01,237 NOW, COME ON, GENTLEMEN. 145 00:06:01,337 --> 00:06:03,306 WE'VE GOT A CONTEST TO FINISH! 146 00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:04,274 [all cheering] 147 00:06:04,374 --> 00:06:06,076 - LET'S GO! 148 00:06:06,176 --> 00:06:08,111 - YEAH! 149 00:06:10,981 --> 00:06:13,817 - WHAT KIND OF A FEATURE FILM IS THIS? 150 00:06:18,354 --> 00:06:19,289 - HEY. 151 00:06:19,389 --> 00:06:20,857 WHY SO BLUE, BROTHERS? 152 00:06:20,957 --> 00:06:22,225 - HEY, HEATH. 153 00:06:22,325 --> 00:06:23,627 WE'RE JUST MISSING OUT ON THE BIGGEST 154 00:06:23,727 --> 00:06:25,261 CONCERT EVENT OF THE SUMMER. 155 00:06:25,361 --> 00:06:26,597 - THE LEAVES WEREN'T THE TICKETS. 156 00:06:26,697 --> 00:06:28,665 - [scoffs] THAT'S NOTHING. 157 00:06:28,765 --> 00:06:32,803 1969, 100,000 DREAMERS DESCEND UPON A DAIRY FARM 158 00:06:32,903 --> 00:06:35,972 IN UPSTATE NEW YORK FOR THREE DAYS OF PEACE, LOVE, 159 00:06:36,072 --> 00:06:40,143 AND LEGENDARY MUSIC, AND I WASN'T THERE. 160 00:06:40,243 --> 00:06:41,311 - WHOA. 161 00:06:41,411 --> 00:06:42,813 YOU MISSED WOODSTOCK? 162 00:06:42,913 --> 00:06:45,048 - THEY SAY IF YOU REMEMBER IT, YOU WEREN'T THERE. 163 00:06:45,148 --> 00:06:50,721 WELL, I DON'T REMEMBER IT AND I WASN'T THERE. 164 00:06:50,821 --> 00:06:54,324 - RIGHT. - 1967, MONTEREY POP FESTIVAL. 165 00:06:54,424 --> 00:06:56,793 JIMMY HENDRIX LIGHTS HIS GUITARS ON FIRE, 166 00:06:56,893 --> 00:07:00,631 AND I'M THIS CLOSE TO GETTING TICKETS. 167 00:07:00,731 --> 00:07:02,633 - WELL, DID YOU GET 'EM? - NOPE. 168 00:07:02,733 --> 00:07:05,936 I WAS IN OHIO VISITING A COUSIN OF A FRIEND. 169 00:07:06,036 --> 00:07:07,303 - BADASS. 170 00:07:07,403 --> 00:07:09,806 - BUT LIFE HAS A WAY OF BALANCING OUT. 171 00:07:09,906 --> 00:07:11,675 WHEN THE BEATLES SOLD OUT SHEA STADIUM, 172 00:07:11,775 --> 00:07:13,910 I GOT THE LAST TICKET OF THE NIGHT. 173 00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:15,311 - WOW. - YEAH. 174 00:07:15,411 --> 00:07:17,447 I WAS DOUBLE-PARKED AND PELL AVENUE 175 00:07:17,548 --> 00:07:19,282 RIGHT IN FRONT OF A FIRE HYDRANT. 176 00:07:19,382 --> 00:07:20,617 - THE LAST PARKING TICKET OF THE NIGHT? 177 00:07:20,717 --> 00:07:22,285 - THE LAST PARKING TICKET OF THE NIGHT. 178 00:07:22,385 --> 00:07:24,120 THE WHO LIVE AT LEEDS. 179 00:07:24,220 --> 00:07:26,089 ME? ALONE AT HOME. 180 00:07:26,189 --> 00:07:27,724 FRAMPTON COMES ALIVE. 181 00:07:27,824 --> 00:07:30,126 I SPENT THE WEEKEND AT MY GRANDMA'S FRIEND'S HOUSE 182 00:07:30,226 --> 00:07:31,662 SLEEPIN' ON A PLASTIC COUCH. 183 00:07:31,762 --> 00:07:34,397 YEAH, THE ONLY CONCERT I EVER MADE WAS ALTAMONT. 184 00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:35,899 FRONT ROW. 185 00:07:35,999 --> 00:07:38,068 MY BEST FRIEND WAS MURDERED BY A HELL'S ANGEL. 186 00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:39,369 - WOW. 187 00:07:39,469 --> 00:07:41,304 - WELL, CATCH YOU ON THE FLIP-FLOP, BOYS. 188 00:07:41,404 --> 00:07:42,773 BY THE WAY, WEAR FLIP-FLOPS. 189 00:07:42,873 --> 00:07:44,107 THEY'RE GOOD FOR YOUR SPINE. 190 00:07:44,207 --> 00:07:46,209 - SEE YOU, HEATH. 191 00:07:46,309 --> 00:07:48,712 - I HATE THAT GUY. 192 00:07:54,785 --> 00:07:59,489 - LET'S BE FRANK: THE DIARY OF FRANK CALIENDO. 193 00:07:59,590 --> 00:08:02,258 CHAPTER ONE. "I AM BORN." 194 00:08:02,358 --> 00:08:03,594 GO! 195 00:08:03,694 --> 00:08:07,030 - IT WAS A COLD JANUARY MORNING. - AS CHRIS ROCK! 196 00:08:07,130 --> 00:08:08,565 - [imitates Chris Rock] I CAN'T BELIEVE 197 00:08:08,665 --> 00:08:09,800 THE BABY CAME OUT THAT UGLY. 198 00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:11,301 - TELL ME, WHY WAS IT UGLY, CHRIS? 199 00:08:11,401 --> 00:08:13,336 - [imitates Chris Rock] IT WAS--SEE, THAT LOOK LIKE 200 00:08:13,436 --> 00:08:14,771 SOMETHING OUT OF PREDATOR. 201 00:08:14,871 --> 00:08:16,472 - AND WHAT DID JOHN MADDEN THINK OF THIS BABY? 202 00:08:16,573 --> 00:08:18,274 - [imitates John Madden] I-I WOULD HAVE EATEN IT. 203 00:08:18,374 --> 00:08:19,375 I MEAN, THAT'S THE KIND OF-- 204 00:08:19,475 --> 00:08:20,644 [laughter] 205 00:08:20,744 --> 00:08:22,112 - HANG ON. HANG ON A SECOND. 206 00:08:22,212 --> 00:08:23,814 "EATEN THE BABY." 207 00:08:23,914 --> 00:08:25,882 YOUR FIRST TIME WITH A WOMAN AS JEFF GOLDBLUM. 208 00:08:25,982 --> 00:08:27,618 - [imitates Jeff Goldblum] AH, VERY WEIRD. 209 00:08:27,718 --> 00:08:28,985 - AS ROBIN WILLIAMS. 210 00:08:29,085 --> 00:08:30,553 - [imitates Robin Williams] OH, MY GOODNESS! 211 00:08:30,654 --> 00:08:32,022 - SANDLER! - [imitates Adam Sandler] MOMMY! 212 00:08:32,122 --> 00:08:33,590 - I WANT MY CLINTON! 213 00:08:33,690 --> 00:08:35,626 - [imitates Bill Clinton] I WOULD JUST STOP AT A CLUB 214 00:08:35,726 --> 00:08:37,027 AND SAY HELLO TO THE LADIES. 215 00:08:37,127 --> 00:08:38,494 [laughter] 216 00:08:38,595 --> 00:08:41,231 - TELL ME HOW YOU DIE, AL PACINO. 217 00:08:41,331 --> 00:08:45,602 - [imitates Al Pacino] THAT BUS WAS COMING AT 200 MILES AN HOUR! 218 00:08:45,702 --> 00:08:47,203 IT WAS COMIN' AT ME 65. 219 00:08:47,303 --> 00:08:49,039 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'... 220 00:08:49,139 --> 00:08:52,508 THIS IS A PLACE YOU NEVER WANT TO BE! 221 00:08:52,609 --> 00:08:54,210 - "WANT TO BE." 222 00:08:57,013 --> 00:08:58,581 - I AM THE KEY MASTER. ARE YOU THE GATE KEEPER? 223 00:08:58,682 --> 00:08:59,783 - [laughs] 224 00:08:59,883 --> 00:09:01,351 GHOSTBUSTERS! I LOVE IT! 225 00:09:07,624 --> 00:09:10,661 - HEY, TO MIKE, WHO, STARTING TOMORROW, 226 00:09:10,761 --> 00:09:14,130 WILL NO LONGER BE THE WILD AND CRAZY GUY WE ONCE KNEW. 227 00:09:14,230 --> 00:09:15,531 - ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU. 228 00:09:15,632 --> 00:09:17,067 - WE'RE JUST GOOFING AROUND, MIKE. 229 00:09:17,167 --> 00:09:18,969 LAUREN'S A GREAT GIRL, AND YOU'RE GONNA LOVE 230 00:09:19,069 --> 00:09:22,839 MARRIED LIFE, BUT FIRST, WE'VE GOT A LITTLE SURPRISE. 231 00:09:22,939 --> 00:09:25,341 - STRIPPERS! - WHAT? NO. 232 00:09:25,441 --> 00:09:27,010 - AW, YEAH! 233 00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:28,411 - WHOO! 234 00:09:28,511 --> 00:09:30,213 - WHOA! 235 00:09:30,313 --> 00:09:31,247 - ALL RIGHT! 236 00:09:31,347 --> 00:09:32,849 YEAH! 237 00:09:32,949 --> 00:09:34,417 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! STOP! 238 00:09:34,517 --> 00:09:36,419 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 239 00:09:36,519 --> 00:09:38,254 GUYS. 240 00:09:38,354 --> 00:09:39,823 WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE? 241 00:09:39,923 --> 00:09:41,792 - WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, MIKE? 242 00:09:41,892 --> 00:09:44,560 - WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? 243 00:09:44,661 --> 00:09:48,431 WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? 244 00:09:48,531 --> 00:09:50,100 YOU GOT STRIPPERS. 245 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,268 I PROMISED LAUREN THERE WEREN'T GONNA BE 246 00:09:52,368 --> 00:09:53,737 STRIPPERS AT THIS THING. 247 00:09:53,837 --> 00:09:55,571 - MIKE, THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE A BACHELOR PARTY. 248 00:09:55,672 --> 00:09:57,440 FOR THE STRIPPERS! - YEAH! 249 00:09:57,540 --> 00:09:58,809 - AND WE'RE NOT GONNA TELL OUR WIVES. 250 00:09:58,909 --> 00:09:59,943 YOU THINK I WANT KIM KNOWING 251 00:10:00,043 --> 00:10:01,344 I WAS PARTYING WITH STRIPPERS? 252 00:10:01,444 --> 00:10:02,345 NO THANKS. 253 00:10:02,445 --> 00:10:04,414 - [sighs] 254 00:10:07,751 --> 00:10:10,754 ALL RIGHT, BUT LAUREN CANNOT FIND OUT ABOUT THIS. 255 00:10:10,854 --> 00:10:12,288 [all cheering] 256 00:10:12,388 --> 00:10:13,589 - ALL RIGHT! 257 00:10:13,690 --> 00:10:14,657 - YEAH! 258 00:10:14,758 --> 00:10:16,693 - ALL RIGHT! - YEAH! 259 00:10:16,793 --> 00:10:19,195 - THE STRIPPERS ARE STRIPPING! 260 00:10:19,295 --> 00:10:21,197 - THESE ARE SOME GREAT STRIPPERS, JEFF. 261 00:10:21,297 --> 00:10:22,933 VERY SEXY. - YEAH! 262 00:10:23,033 --> 00:10:24,735 - YEAH, WHERE'D YOU FIND 'EM, JEFF? 263 00:10:24,835 --> 00:10:26,536 - I JUST CALLED ONE OF THOSE NUMBERS IN THE PHONE BOOK 264 00:10:26,636 --> 00:10:30,406 AND SAID, "HEY, GIVE ME THE TWO SEXIEST STRIPPERS YOU GOT." 265 00:10:30,506 --> 00:10:31,942 - THEY'RE SEXY, ALL RIGHT. 266 00:10:32,042 --> 00:10:34,044 HEY, GUYS, FOR AN EXTRA 50 BUCKS, 267 00:10:34,144 --> 00:10:37,047 YOU CAN TAKE ONE IN THE BACK AND, YOU KNOW, SCREW! 268 00:10:37,147 --> 00:10:40,550 - KNOCK-A-DA BOOTS! - YOU ARE COMING WITH ME! 269 00:10:40,650 --> 00:10:42,485 - WHOO! - HOO-HOO-HOO! 270 00:10:42,585 --> 00:10:43,754 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 271 00:10:43,854 --> 00:10:45,555 WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE. TIM, TIM, TIM. 272 00:10:45,655 --> 00:10:47,223 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, MAN? 273 00:10:47,323 --> 00:10:48,624 - WHAT? 274 00:10:48,725 --> 00:10:50,761 - I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WERE THAT TYPE OF GUY. 275 00:10:50,861 --> 00:10:53,429 THE TYPE OF GUY WHO WOULD CHEAT ON HIS WIFE. 276 00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:54,597 COME ON. 277 00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:56,132 - [sighs] 278 00:10:56,232 --> 00:10:57,300 NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. 279 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:58,869 I'M SORRY. 280 00:10:58,969 --> 00:11:02,038 I CAN'T DO THAT TO MEG, BUT IF I WASN'T MARRIED... 281 00:11:02,138 --> 00:11:04,707 - OH, I'D SAY "PLOW AWAY." SURE, SURE. 282 00:11:04,808 --> 00:11:05,976 - GOD, LOOK AT JEFF. 283 00:11:06,076 --> 00:11:07,844 THAT LUCKY GUY'S NOT MARRIED, HUH? 284 00:11:07,944 --> 00:11:10,213 - WELL, COME ON. LET'S GET BACK TO IT. 285 00:11:10,313 --> 00:11:12,515 - HERE WE GO! - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! 286 00:11:12,615 --> 00:11:13,817 STOP THE MUSIC! 287 00:11:13,917 --> 00:11:16,219 JEFF, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS? 288 00:11:16,319 --> 00:11:17,921 - YEAH. I'VE BAGGED TONS OF STRIPPERS. 289 00:11:18,021 --> 00:11:19,856 CANDY, CRYSTAL, SAMANTHA. 290 00:11:19,956 --> 00:11:21,224 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 291 00:11:21,324 --> 00:11:23,359 BUT IS THERE SOMETHING MAYBE A LITTLE DIFFERENT 292 00:11:23,459 --> 00:11:25,261 ABOUT THIS STRIPPER? 293 00:11:27,663 --> 00:11:29,732 - BLONDE HAIR? - EXACTLY. 294 00:11:29,833 --> 00:11:31,334 YOU'RE A BRUNETTE MAN. 295 00:11:31,434 --> 00:11:34,104 WE ALL KNOW HOW MUCH THAT BRUNETTE STREAK MEANS TO YOU. 296 00:11:34,204 --> 00:11:35,772 - THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A HUGE MISTAKE. 297 00:11:35,872 --> 00:11:37,774 GOT TO KEEP MY STREAK ALIVE, BABY. 298 00:11:37,874 --> 00:11:39,542 - YES. NOW, PLEASE. 299 00:11:39,642 --> 00:11:44,314 LET'S ALL JUST WATCH THE SEXY STRIPPERS STRIP FOR US, OKAY? 300 00:11:44,414 --> 00:11:45,782 CRANK IT UP! 301 00:11:45,882 --> 00:11:47,617 - HE'S DOING THE PECK THING! 302 00:11:47,717 --> 00:11:48,684 - IT IS PRETTY COOL. 303 00:11:48,785 --> 00:11:50,086 - YEAH! - HEY. 304 00:11:50,186 --> 00:11:52,155 I THINK I'M GONNA TAKE OFF. - WHAT? 305 00:11:52,255 --> 00:11:54,157 HEY, YOU'RE NOT WORRIED YOUR BOYFRIEND BILL 306 00:11:54,257 --> 00:11:55,291 IS GONNA FIND OUT. 307 00:11:55,391 --> 00:11:57,093 - NAH, I'M JUST NOT THAT INTO THE ACT 308 00:11:57,193 --> 00:11:59,362 OF TAKING CLOTHES OFF TO TECHNO MUSIC. 309 00:11:59,462 --> 00:12:01,031 IT'S JUST NOT FOR ME. 310 00:12:01,131 --> 00:12:05,035 - WELL, THAT MAKES ONE OF US, BECAUSE I LOVE IT. 311 00:12:05,135 --> 00:12:06,536 - MIKE? 312 00:12:06,636 --> 00:12:08,138 - OH, SHIT. - LAUREN! 313 00:12:08,238 --> 00:12:10,807 - WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? 314 00:12:10,907 --> 00:12:12,742 - IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. - NO? 315 00:12:12,843 --> 00:12:14,310 OKAY, WELL WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT IT IS, 316 00:12:14,410 --> 00:12:16,847 BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE MY FIANCE IS A CLOSETED-- 317 00:12:16,947 --> 00:12:19,983 - STRIPPER ENTHUSIAST. - RIGHT. 318 00:12:20,083 --> 00:12:21,885 OKAY, I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE ATTRACTED TO-- 319 00:12:21,985 --> 00:12:24,554 - THE IDEA OF HAVING STRIPPERS AT MY BACHELOR PARTY? 320 00:12:24,654 --> 00:12:25,688 - EXACTLY. 321 00:12:25,788 --> 00:12:26,789 THERE'S NO WAY WE'RE GONNA 322 00:12:26,890 --> 00:12:28,258 GET MARRIED KNOWING YOU'RE-- 323 00:12:28,358 --> 00:12:31,261 - VERY HAPPY GETTING A LAP DANCE. 324 00:12:31,361 --> 00:12:35,031 LOOK, LAUREN, I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET, 325 00:12:35,131 --> 00:12:38,434 BUT THIS IS WHAT GUYS DO AT BACHELOR PARTIES. 326 00:12:38,534 --> 00:12:39,970 WE GET STRIPPERS. 327 00:12:40,070 --> 00:12:41,604 - LAUREN, IT WAS MY IDEA. 328 00:12:41,704 --> 00:12:43,139 MIKE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. 329 00:12:43,239 --> 00:12:46,742 ALL HE DID TONIGHT WAS TALK ABOUT YOU. 330 00:12:46,843 --> 00:12:48,644 - I LOVE YOU, LAUREN. 331 00:12:48,744 --> 00:12:50,380 - OH, MIKE. 332 00:12:51,848 --> 00:12:55,385 ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH OF THIS LOVEY-DOVEY JUNK. 333 00:12:55,485 --> 00:12:58,554 THOSE BEAUTIFUL BUNS AREN'T GONNA STRIP THEMSELVES. 334 00:12:58,654 --> 00:13:01,724 - YEAH! - WHOO! 335 00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:03,393 - LAUREN'S THE COOLEST. 336 00:13:03,493 --> 00:13:04,527 - YEAH. 337 00:13:04,627 --> 00:13:06,196 [laughs] 338 00:13:06,296 --> 00:13:08,398 WE'RE GONNA HAVE A GREAT MARRIAGE! 339 00:13:08,498 --> 00:13:10,100 all: YEAH! 340 00:13:11,634 --> 00:13:13,870 [laughter] 341 00:13:13,970 --> 00:13:15,805 - GREEN BEAN FLOYD. 342 00:13:15,906 --> 00:13:18,141 [laughter] 343 00:13:18,241 --> 00:13:21,177 - I AM A GREEN BEAN FLOYD WANNABE. 344 00:13:21,277 --> 00:13:23,413 THAT'S WHAT THEY SHOULD WRITE ON MY TOMBSTONE. 345 00:13:23,513 --> 00:13:25,348 "HE TRIED TO BE GREEN BEAN. 346 00:13:25,448 --> 00:13:26,883 DIDN'T MAKE IT." 347 00:13:30,586 --> 00:13:32,889 - ROCK AND ROLL. 348 00:13:32,989 --> 00:13:34,857 YOU GET ROCK AND ROLL. 349 00:13:34,958 --> 00:13:36,592 - I LEARNED EVERYTHING FROM THOSE OLD BLUES 350 00:13:36,692 --> 00:13:38,494 AND FOLK GUYS, MAN. 351 00:13:38,594 --> 00:13:39,829 - I MEAN, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE US 352 00:13:39,930 --> 00:13:43,967 OR THE STONES OR, UH, AC/DC. 353 00:13:44,067 --> 00:13:47,870 NONE OF THAT HAPPENS WITHOUT YODELIN' SAMMY WATKINS. 354 00:13:47,971 --> 00:13:49,940 - * THERE'S A JUNE BUG ON MY SHOULDER * 355 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:51,975 * AND A CRICKET UP MY SLEEVE 356 00:13:52,075 --> 00:13:54,044 * I GOT A COCKROACH ON MY NECKTIE * 357 00:13:54,144 --> 00:13:56,046 * THERE'S BUGS ALL OVER ME 358 00:13:56,146 --> 00:13:59,249 [sloppy guitar music] 359 00:13:59,349 --> 00:14:02,252 * 360 00:14:02,352 --> 00:14:03,987 - "THERE'S A JUNE BUG ON MY SHOULDER. 361 00:14:04,087 --> 00:14:05,588 THERE'S A CRICKET UP MY SLEEVE." 362 00:14:05,688 --> 00:14:07,523 OKAY, THAT'S ROCK AND ROLL. 363 00:14:07,623 --> 00:14:09,292 - WHEN I WAS GROWING UP, A LOT OF MY FRIENDS 364 00:14:09,392 --> 00:14:10,994 WERE LISTENING TO HIP-HOP OR PUNK ROCK, 365 00:14:11,094 --> 00:14:12,362 AND I DON'T KNOW. 366 00:14:12,462 --> 00:14:13,796 IT JUST DIDN'T REALLY DO IT FOR ME, 367 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,966 BUT THEN I HEARD GREEN BEAN FLOYD'S 368 00:14:16,066 --> 00:14:18,634 POSSUM PUDDLE. 369 00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:19,936 I GOT THAT. 370 00:14:20,036 --> 00:14:21,804 - * OLD HARRY WAS A POSSUM 371 00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:23,839 * WITH A WHITE TONGUE PLAIN 372 00:14:23,940 --> 00:14:25,141 * BUT WHEN HE CAME A-SWIMMIN' 373 00:14:25,241 --> 00:14:26,977 * HE WAS LAUGHIN' IN THE RAIN * 374 00:14:27,077 --> 00:14:28,511 * IN THE BACK YARD IN THE PUDDLE * 375 00:14:28,611 --> 00:14:29,812 * BY THE DRAIN... 376 00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:31,114 - AND IT HURT ME RIGHT HERE. 377 00:14:31,214 --> 00:14:33,816 HURT ME GOOD, AND I GOT--I WAS HOOKED. 378 00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:35,185 - OH, BOY. LOOK AT THAT ONE. 379 00:14:35,285 --> 00:14:37,387 TENDERFOOT WILLIAMS. GOD. 380 00:14:37,487 --> 00:14:39,689 THERE'S A SONG ON HERE ABOUT A JUNE BUG 381 00:14:39,789 --> 00:14:41,024 JOINING A BASEBALL TEAM. 382 00:14:41,124 --> 00:14:42,592 SLICK KIP WIMPTON. 383 00:14:42,692 --> 00:14:44,160 AH, GOD. 384 00:14:44,260 --> 00:14:46,762 THIS ONE'S ABOUT TWO INCHWORMS ON A DATE. 385 00:14:46,862 --> 00:14:47,863 - SO IN RUNNING FOR BLOOD, 386 00:14:47,964 --> 00:14:48,965 I WAS DOING THIS KIND OF THING. 387 00:14:49,065 --> 00:14:51,968 [fast electric guitar music] 388 00:14:52,068 --> 00:14:53,736 KAP HAPLAN WAS KIND OF A... 389 00:14:53,836 --> 00:14:56,739 [folksy guitar music] 390 00:14:56,839 --> 00:15:00,776 * 391 00:15:00,876 --> 00:15:03,913 - YOU CAN HEAR THESE GUYS ACROSS ALL TYPES OF MUSIC THESE DAYS. 392 00:15:04,014 --> 00:15:05,081 IT'S A TRIP, MAN. 393 00:15:05,181 --> 00:15:06,416 [cheers and applause] 394 00:15:06,516 --> 00:15:09,385 [wild dubstep music] 395 00:15:09,485 --> 00:15:11,354 * 396 00:15:11,454 --> 00:15:13,823 - HERE'S MY TRACK, NASTY BIZNASS. 397 00:15:13,923 --> 00:15:17,193 [wild dubstep music] 398 00:15:17,293 --> 00:15:19,629 NOW, HERE'S SKEETER CLEET CALLAHAN'S 399 00:15:19,729 --> 00:15:20,830 WALKIN' 'ROUND IN MUD. 400 00:15:20,930 --> 00:15:21,764 - * OH, THE TATER BUG 401 00:15:21,864 --> 00:15:22,832 SAID TO THE LITTERBUG 402 00:15:22,932 --> 00:15:24,934 LET'S BAKE US A BRAMBLE PIE 403 00:15:25,035 --> 00:15:26,836 * THE LITTERBUG SAID TO THE TATER BUG * 404 00:15:26,936 --> 00:15:28,438 * WE CAN DO IT ON THE FOURTH OF JULY * 405 00:15:28,538 --> 00:15:33,043 * MM-HMM-HMM-HMM HMM-HMM-HMM-HMM * 406 00:15:33,143 --> 00:15:35,878 - YOU HEAR THAT? IT'S LIKE THE SAME SONG. 407 00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:37,913 - CALE DONK, I MEAN, THAT GUY 408 00:15:38,014 --> 00:15:41,251 WAS METAL 50, 60 YEARS BEFORE ANYONE. 409 00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:47,990 - WHISTLING? 410 00:15:48,091 --> 00:15:49,792 THAT'S PRETTY METAL. 411 00:15:49,892 --> 00:15:50,893 - * I MADE A $1.10 412 00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,128 * COLLECTIN' OLD CANS 413 00:15:52,228 --> 00:15:53,163 * WIM-TIM-LADDIE-TOTTIE 414 00:15:53,263 --> 00:15:54,197 * WHITTLE-TEE-DEE 415 00:15:54,297 --> 00:15:55,265 * WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT 416 00:15:55,365 --> 00:15:56,632 * THERE'S A BUG ON ME 417 00:15:56,732 --> 00:15:59,602 * HOO, THERE'S A BUG ON ME 418 00:15:59,702 --> 00:16:01,604 * THERE'S A BUG ON ME 419 00:16:01,704 --> 00:16:03,373 - THAT IS REAL MUSIC, OKAY? 420 00:16:03,473 --> 00:16:05,808 IF YOU LISTEN TO A SONG LIKE THAT ON THE RADIO TODAY, 421 00:16:05,908 --> 00:16:07,377 PEOPLE COULDN'T LISTEN TO IT. 422 00:16:07,477 --> 00:16:09,279 THEY WOULDN'T ACCEPT IT BECAUSE IT'S TOO REAL. 423 00:16:09,379 --> 00:16:12,148 - IT ALWAYS SOUNDED TO ME LIKE RATTLIN' CAM HOLLINS WAS ALWAYS 424 00:16:12,248 --> 00:16:14,650 FIGHTING WITH HIS GUITAR, JUST TRYING TO RIP THAT TRUTH 425 00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:17,953 AND THAT EMOTION, THOSE GUTS RIGHT OUT OF IT, MAN. 426 00:16:18,054 --> 00:16:19,655 I DON'T KNOW HOW HE DID IT. 427 00:16:19,755 --> 00:16:22,692 [clumsy plucking on guitar] 428 00:16:22,792 --> 00:16:24,827 - WHOO. 429 00:16:24,927 --> 00:16:26,296 WHOO! 430 00:16:26,396 --> 00:16:28,131 * 431 00:16:28,231 --> 00:16:30,066 - THIS IS BILLY FRICKLMAN, FOLKS, OKAY? 432 00:16:30,166 --> 00:16:32,235 THIS IS THE ORIGINAL BUG MAN. 433 00:16:32,335 --> 00:16:36,972 ROCK AND ROLL FOR THE PAST 70 YEARS IS DUE TO THIS MAN. 434 00:16:37,073 --> 00:16:38,208 - * THERE'S A CRICKET ON MY KNEE * 435 00:16:38,308 --> 00:16:39,542 AND MY KNEE ON A CRICKET 436 00:16:39,642 --> 00:16:42,245 [singing indistinctly] 437 00:16:42,345 --> 00:16:43,813 - TELL US ABOUT THE BUGS. 438 00:16:43,913 --> 00:16:45,047 TELL US ABOUT WHAT BUGS YOU GOT-- 439 00:16:45,148 --> 00:16:46,082 - [high-pitched mumbling] 440 00:16:46,182 --> 00:16:47,250 - WHAT'S IN YOUR CAN? 441 00:16:47,350 --> 00:16:49,752 - [high-pitched mumbling] 442 00:16:49,852 --> 00:16:52,021 - ALL RIGHT. 443 00:16:52,122 --> 00:16:53,889 [hums] 444 00:16:53,989 --> 00:16:54,990 SEE, THIS IS IT. 445 00:16:55,091 --> 00:16:57,227 [laughs] 446 00:16:59,795 --> 00:17:00,996 - I TEND TO THINK WE'RE SORT OF 447 00:17:01,097 --> 00:17:02,732 CARRYING THE TORCH FOR THESE OLD TIMERS. 448 00:17:02,832 --> 00:17:04,267 I REALLY DO. I REALLY DO. 449 00:17:04,367 --> 00:17:05,668 - CALE'S SAYING "[bleep] YOU. 450 00:17:05,768 --> 00:17:07,069 I'M WHISTLIN'. 451 00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:08,804 I'M NOT GONNA [bleep] PLAY AN INSTRUMENT. 452 00:17:08,904 --> 00:17:09,939 I'M GONNA [bleep] WHISTLE." 453 00:17:10,039 --> 00:17:11,073 THAT'S WHAT I'M LIKE. 454 00:17:11,174 --> 00:17:12,675 THAT'S WHAT I DO. 455 00:17:12,775 --> 00:17:16,078 - I MEAN, HAVE YOU EVER HAD A CRICKET UP YOUR SLEEVE? 456 00:17:16,179 --> 00:17:17,613 RIGHT. NEITHER HAVE I. 457 00:17:17,713 --> 00:17:18,948 BUT THAT'S WHAT-- 458 00:17:19,048 --> 00:17:21,016 [laughs] 459 00:17:21,117 --> 00:17:23,619 THAT WAS WHAT THEY WERE EXPERIENCING. 460 00:17:23,719 --> 00:17:24,420 [laughs] 461 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,756 IN THEIR LIVES AT THE TIME. 462 00:17:26,856 --> 00:17:34,264 [laughs] 463 00:17:34,364 --> 00:17:36,266 OH. 464 00:17:36,366 --> 00:17:38,234 OH. 465 00:17:38,334 --> 00:17:40,670 WE OWE THEM EVERYTHING. 466 00:17:52,782 --> 00:17:53,949 [laughter] 467 00:17:54,049 --> 00:17:55,751 - BOYS! BOYS. 468 00:17:55,851 --> 00:17:57,320 SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN CHURCH? 469 00:17:57,420 --> 00:17:58,654 MASS IS ABOUT TO START. 470 00:17:58,754 --> 00:18:00,190 - WE'RE NOT GOIN' TO CHURCH, FATHER. 471 00:18:00,290 --> 00:18:01,557 WE'RE TAKING A PERSONAL DAY. 472 00:18:01,657 --> 00:18:02,325 [laughter] 473 00:18:02,425 --> 00:18:03,593 - BOYS, YOU DON'T WANT 474 00:18:03,693 --> 00:18:05,561 TO GO TO HELL WHEN YOU DIE, DO YOU? 475 00:18:05,661 --> 00:18:07,763 - HELL DOESN'T SOUND TOO SCARY TO ME. 476 00:18:07,863 --> 00:18:08,998 COULDN'T BE WORSE THAN CHURCH. 477 00:18:09,098 --> 00:18:11,467 [laughter] 478 00:18:11,567 --> 00:18:13,035 - IT'S MUCH WORSE THAN THAT, MITCHELL. 479 00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:15,638 IT'S A TERRIBLE, AWFUL PLACE. 480 00:18:15,738 --> 00:18:16,772 - OOH. 481 00:18:16,872 --> 00:18:18,007 - COME ON, GUYS. 482 00:18:18,107 --> 00:18:19,141 LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. 483 00:18:19,242 --> 00:18:20,843 - ALL RIGHT. 484 00:18:20,943 --> 00:18:22,011 - YOU'LL BE SORRY. 485 00:18:22,111 --> 00:18:23,513 - LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. 486 00:18:23,613 --> 00:18:25,047 [all cheering] 487 00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:26,749 [tires squealing] 488 00:18:26,849 --> 00:18:29,185 [crashing] 489 00:18:39,962 --> 00:18:41,397 - WHERE ARE WE? 490 00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:43,233 - I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S REALLY HOT. 491 00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:45,668 I'D SAY LOW 90'S, AND IT'S A DRY HEAT 492 00:18:45,768 --> 00:18:47,303 LIKE PALM SPRINGS. 493 00:18:47,403 --> 00:18:49,572 - OH, WHAT HAPPENED? 494 00:18:49,672 --> 00:18:50,706 - I DON'T KNOW. 495 00:18:50,806 --> 00:18:52,475 LAST THING I REMEMBER WAS LOSING CONTROL 496 00:18:52,575 --> 00:18:55,645 OF MY SWEET CAR, AND NOW THIS. 497 00:18:55,745 --> 00:18:57,413 - OH, MY GOD. 498 00:18:57,513 --> 00:19:00,650 YOU GUYS DON'T THINK WE'RE IN HELL, DO YOU? 499 00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:01,651 - [gasps] 500 00:19:01,751 --> 00:19:03,519 OH, NO! A BAT! 501 00:19:03,619 --> 00:19:05,555 [all yelling] 502 00:19:07,690 --> 00:19:08,858 - YIKES. 503 00:19:08,958 --> 00:19:11,361 - THAT WAS CLOSE. - YEAH. 504 00:19:11,461 --> 00:19:13,763 OH, NO! A--A SPIDER! 505 00:19:13,863 --> 00:19:18,668 [all yelling] 506 00:19:18,768 --> 00:19:19,469 - [gasps] 507 00:19:19,569 --> 00:19:21,537 OH, NO! A SINGLE FLAME! 508 00:19:21,637 --> 00:19:22,538 [all yelling] 509 00:19:22,638 --> 00:19:23,539 - A PIT! 510 00:19:23,639 --> 00:19:25,107 [all yelling] 511 00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:33,115 - [wicked laughing] 512 00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:34,584 HELLO, BOYS. 513 00:19:34,684 --> 00:19:35,685 WELCOME TO HELL. 514 00:19:35,785 --> 00:19:36,786 I'M THE DEVIL. 515 00:19:36,886 --> 00:19:39,822 [all yelling] 516 00:19:41,090 --> 00:19:42,157 - THE DEVIL? 517 00:19:42,258 --> 00:19:43,993 OKAY, NOW, THAT IS SCARY. - YEAH. 518 00:19:44,093 --> 00:19:46,362 - THIS IS AN AWFUL, SCARY PLACE. 519 00:19:46,462 --> 00:19:47,863 LOTS OF BAD STUFF HERE. 520 00:19:47,963 --> 00:19:48,964 WE CAN--THERE'S A SPIDER. 521 00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:49,999 [all whimpering] 522 00:19:50,099 --> 00:19:51,133 - THE FLAME. A COUPLE FLAMES. 523 00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:52,268 [all gasping] 524 00:19:52,368 --> 00:19:54,103 - LET'S SEE, UH, THERE'S A BAT. 525 00:19:54,203 --> 00:19:56,739 UH, I BELIEVE THERE'S A PIT, 526 00:19:56,839 --> 00:19:59,609 AND YOU'RE GONNA BE HERE FOR ETERNITY, SO. 527 00:19:59,709 --> 00:20:02,144 [all yelling] 528 00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:03,846 - PLEASE, GOD. PLEASE FORGIVE US. 529 00:20:03,946 --> 00:20:05,381 WE DIDN'T MEAN TO BE BAD. 530 00:20:05,481 --> 00:20:08,751 PLEASE TAKE US AWAY FROM THIS DARK AND SCARY PLACE. 531 00:20:08,851 --> 00:20:11,253 - AH, COME ON. 532 00:20:11,354 --> 00:20:13,956 WHATEVER. 533 00:20:14,056 --> 00:20:16,191 - WHOA. 534 00:20:16,292 --> 00:20:20,663 - GUYS, I THINK WE'RE IN HEAVEN. 535 00:20:20,763 --> 00:20:22,398 - YES. 536 00:20:22,498 --> 00:20:23,966 YOU ARE IN HEAVEN. 537 00:20:24,066 --> 00:20:25,568 WELCOME, BOYS. 538 00:20:25,668 --> 00:20:27,102 [laughs] 539 00:20:27,202 --> 00:20:28,270 - THANK GOD. 540 00:20:28,371 --> 00:20:29,739 HELL WAS JUST TOO SCARY. 541 00:20:29,839 --> 00:20:31,140 - YEAH. 542 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,610 - WAIT, THERE'S NOT A BAT UP HERE, IS HERE? 543 00:20:34,710 --> 00:20:35,645 - OH, YES. 544 00:20:35,745 --> 00:20:36,579 WE HAVE A BAT. 545 00:20:36,679 --> 00:20:38,614 BUT WE KEEP HIM IN A BAT CAGE. 546 00:20:38,714 --> 00:20:39,649 PERFECTLY SA. 547 00:20:39,749 --> 00:20:40,750 [all sighing] 548 00:20:40,850 --> 00:20:41,817 - YOU CAN LOOK AT HIM. 549 00:20:41,917 --> 00:20:43,453 - AND THERE'S NO FLAME. 550 00:20:43,553 --> 00:20:46,656 - OH, YES, WE HAD A FLAME, BUT WE EXTINGUISHED IT. 551 00:20:46,756 --> 00:20:48,458 SEE? IT USED TO BE OVER THERE. 552 00:20:48,558 --> 00:20:50,159 TOOK CARE OF IT. MM-HMM. 553 00:20:50,259 --> 00:20:51,394 - WHAT ABOUT A PIT? 554 00:20:51,494 --> 00:20:52,428 - THERE IS A PIT. 555 00:20:52,528 --> 00:20:54,229 PEOPLE HATE THE PIT. 556 00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:56,532 THAT'S WHY WE FILLED IT WITH SAND, SEE? 557 00:20:56,632 --> 00:20:58,468 YOU CAN BARELY TELL IT USED TO BE RIGHT THERE. 558 00:20:58,568 --> 00:20:59,769 - GOOD. - MM-HMM. 559 00:20:59,869 --> 00:21:01,371 - WELL, EVERYTHING HERE SEEMS GREAT. 560 00:21:01,471 --> 00:21:02,905 - OH, THANK YOU. - WELL, HOLD ON. 561 00:21:03,005 --> 00:21:04,374 ONE LAST QUESTION. - HM? 562 00:21:04,474 --> 00:21:06,008 - THERE'S NOT A SPIDER HERE, IS THERE? 563 00:21:06,108 --> 00:21:08,411 - OH, YES. THERE IS A SPIDER. 564 00:21:08,511 --> 00:21:11,981 BUT WE KEEP IT IN THE-- IT'S OWN SPIDER CAGE RIGHT-- 565 00:21:12,081 --> 00:21:13,516 OH, WAIT A MINUTE. 566 00:21:13,616 --> 00:21:17,119 THE SPIDER CAGE IS EMPTY. 567 00:21:17,219 --> 00:21:18,388 [yells] 568 00:21:18,488 --> 00:21:19,689 THE SPIDER GOT OUT! 569 00:21:19,789 --> 00:21:22,592 [all yelling] 570 00:21:22,692 --> 00:21:25,495 - * WELL, UP IN HEAVEN GOD STARTED TO SHOUT * 571 00:21:25,595 --> 00:21:28,698 * THEY ALL GOT SCARED 'CAUSE THE SPIDER HE GOT AWAY * 572 00:21:28,798 --> 00:21:30,666 * THE SPIDER'S OUT OF HIS CAGE * 573 00:21:38,641 --> 00:21:41,811 [boisterous rock music] 574 00:21:41,911 --> 00:21:44,847 - * WAY DOWN YONDER IN TENNESSEE * 575 00:21:44,947 --> 00:21:47,750 * I WENT A-COURTIN' WITH A BUMBLE BEE * 576 00:21:47,850 --> 00:21:49,485 * SHE WORE A BONNET MADE OF SATIN * 577 00:21:49,585 --> 00:21:51,387 * AND A DRESS SO BLUE 578 00:21:51,487 --> 00:21:53,389 * I WORE A VEST AND A PUMPKIN 579 00:21:53,489 --> 00:21:55,625 * FOR A SHOE 580 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,228 - * WHEN WE GOT MARRIED 581 00:21:59,328 --> 00:22:01,163 * ALL THE GUESTS BROUGHT MOONSHINE * 582 00:22:01,263 --> 00:22:03,433 * AND I DID A LITTLE DANCE 583 00:22:03,533 --> 00:22:05,267 * I PUT MY SHIRT ON BACKWARDS 584 00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:06,836 * AND A TOAD ON MY SHOULDER 585 00:22:06,936 --> 00:22:09,672 * OOH, THERE'S CRICKETS IN MY PANTS * 586 00:22:09,772 --> 00:22:10,606 - HOO! 587 00:22:10,706 --> 00:22:11,941 - * MY DARLIN' IS A BUG 588 00:22:12,041 --> 00:22:13,242 * MY DARLIN' IS A BUG-- 589 00:22:13,342 --> 00:22:15,645 - THESE GUYS ARE REALLY JAMMIN'. - YEAH. 590 00:22:15,745 --> 00:22:18,113 YOU KNOW, I WAS SUPPOSED TO SEE THESE GUYS AT FREDONIA FEST. 591 00:22:18,213 --> 00:22:19,682 - REALLY? HOW WERE THEY? 592 00:22:19,782 --> 00:22:23,085 - WOULDN'T KNOW. I MISSED IT. 593 00:22:23,185 --> 00:22:26,489 - HM. - YEAH. 594 00:22:26,589 --> 00:22:31,761 - * I SQUISHED MY DARLIN' WHEN I GAVE HER A HUG *