1 00:00:02,213 --> 00:00:03,314 - AH, FRIDAY AFTERNOON. 2 00:00:03,414 --> 00:00:05,282 PUT IN A GAT WEEK AT WORK. 3 00:00:05,382 --> 00:00:08,185 NOW IT'S TIME TO GO HOME AND CATCH UP ON ALL MY TV SHOWS! 4 00:00:08,285 --> 00:00:10,254 GOT THE WHOLE WEEKEND AHEAD TO CLEAN OUT THE DVR! 5 00:00:10,354 --> 00:00:11,588 - TIM! 6 00:00:11,688 --> 00:00:13,190 GOT AN EXTRA TICKET TO THE WORLD SERIES. 7 00:00:13,290 --> 00:00:14,191 WANT IT? MY TREAT! 8 00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:15,326 - NOPE! SORRY. 9 00:00:15,426 --> 00:00:17,027 I GOT TO CATCH UP ON MY SHOWS! 10 00:00:17,128 --> 00:00:18,929 [whistles] 11 00:00:19,029 --> 00:00:20,131 - HEY, BIG BOY. 12 00:00:20,231 --> 00:00:21,898 YOU WANT TO GO ON A DATE TONIGHT? 13 00:00:21,998 --> 00:00:25,169 CAN SKIP DINNER AND A MOVIE AND JUST GO BACK TO MY PLACE? 14 00:00:25,269 --> 00:00:26,803 - NO CAN DO, LADY! 15 00:00:26,903 --> 00:00:28,038 I GOT TO WATCH MY SHOWS! 16 00:00:28,139 --> 00:00:31,242 [whistles] 17 00:00:31,342 --> 00:00:32,776 - HOWDY-DO, NEIGHBOR? 18 00:00:32,876 --> 00:00:34,145 WHAT'S IN THE BAG? 19 00:00:34,245 --> 00:00:35,812 - POPCORN, SODA, AND BATTERIES! 20 00:00:35,912 --> 00:00:37,414 - CATCHING UP ON YOUR SHOWS, HUH? 21 00:00:37,514 --> 00:00:39,049 - YOU GOT IT. 22 00:00:39,150 --> 00:00:40,217 [whistles] 23 00:00:44,188 --> 00:00:47,558 HERE WE GO. 24 00:00:47,658 --> 00:00:49,993 [TV beeping] 25 00:00:50,093 --> 00:00:51,262 [sighs] 26 00:00:51,362 --> 00:00:52,996 THIS MAY TAKE MORE THAN A WEEKEND. 27 00:00:53,096 --> 00:00:56,833 WELL, BETTER GET STARTED. 28 00:00:56,933 --> 00:01:00,003 - THE BLACK DAWN GROWS NIGH. 29 00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:05,142 NIGH, AND NIGHER STILL. 30 00:01:05,242 --> 00:01:07,077 - ALL LOCKED UP. 31 00:01:07,178 --> 00:01:09,012 DANE, TAKE CARRIE BACK TO THE BUNKER. 32 00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,547 - DANE! 33 00:01:10,647 --> 00:01:11,548 THE GHOULS GOT ME! 34 00:01:11,648 --> 00:01:13,417 [TV blipping] 35 00:01:13,517 --> 00:01:15,419 - PREVIOUSLY ON MOTHERLAND. 36 00:01:15,519 --> 00:01:17,254 - NEXT TIME ON UPTON MONASTERY. 37 00:01:17,354 --> 00:01:19,223 - IT'S OBSTRUCTED PROGRESS. 38 00:01:19,323 --> 00:01:22,393 - AND NOW THE SEASON FINALE OF EMPIRE BOARDWALKERS. 39 00:01:22,493 --> 00:01:23,894 - YOU GOT TO WATCH GONE. 40 00:01:23,994 --> 00:01:25,462 THEY'RE TRAPPED ON AN ISLAND. 41 00:01:25,562 --> 00:01:27,931 - BALTIMORE DRUG UNIT IS THE BEST SHOW OF ALL TIME. 42 00:01:28,031 --> 00:01:30,100 - POLITICAL CHESS RELEASED ALL OF SEASON ONE ON DVD. 43 00:01:30,201 --> 00:01:31,935 - THE AMERICAN ONE'S GOOD, BUT THE BRITISH ONE? 44 00:01:32,035 --> 00:01:33,103 - EACH EPISODE IS LIKE A MINI-MOVIE! 45 00:01:33,204 --> 00:01:34,438 - A MINI-MOVIE! 46 00:01:34,538 --> 00:01:37,841 - IN BALTIMORE WE KILL COPS WHO WEAR WIRES. 47 00:01:37,941 --> 00:01:40,411 - MARKETING MEN IS GREAT, BUT IT'S NO MAD MAN. 48 00:01:40,511 --> 00:01:42,179 - HAVE YOU SEEN MADISON AVENUE MAN? 49 00:01:42,279 --> 00:01:45,282 [shrill, alienating beeping] 50 00:01:54,758 --> 00:01:59,296 - HEAVY IS THE HAND THAT BEARS THE REMOTE. 51 00:01:59,396 --> 00:02:02,999 [maniacal laughter] 52 00:02:03,099 --> 00:02:04,901 [yells] 53 00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:12,108 - IT'S ALL TOO MUCH! 54 00:02:12,209 --> 00:02:15,312 [yells] 55 00:02:15,412 --> 00:02:17,448 THERE'S TOO MANY SHOWS! 56 00:02:17,548 --> 00:02:19,383 - THERE'S TOO MANY SHOWS! 57 00:02:19,483 --> 00:02:21,218 - THERE'S TOO MANY SHOWS! 58 00:02:21,318 --> 00:02:22,419 - THERE'S TOO MANY SHOWS! 59 00:02:22,519 --> 00:02:26,623 all: THERE'S TOO MANY SHOWS! 60 00:02:26,723 --> 00:02:28,259 - HI. 61 00:02:28,359 --> 00:02:30,294 I'M EXECUTIVE PRODUCER, BOB ODENKIRK. 62 00:02:30,394 --> 00:02:32,128 ARE THERE TOO MANY TV SHOWS? 63 00:02:32,229 --> 00:02:33,864 YEAH. 64 00:02:33,964 --> 00:02:36,032 DO YOU HAVE TO WATCH THEM ALL? 65 00:02:36,132 --> 00:02:37,167 YEAH. 66 00:02:37,268 --> 00:02:39,069 SO GET STARTED. 67 00:02:39,169 --> 00:02:42,038 [rollicking rock music] 68 00:02:42,138 --> 00:02:49,980 * 69 00:02:52,749 --> 00:02:55,752 [faint cheering] 70 00:02:55,852 --> 00:03:00,424 - ALL MEN LIVE AND DIE IN THEIR OWN TIMES. 71 00:03:00,524 --> 00:03:03,494 I WANTED MY LIFE'S WORK TO LIVE ON. 72 00:03:03,594 --> 00:03:07,898 I WANTED TO BE A STORYTELLER FOR THE AGES. 73 00:03:07,998 --> 00:03:12,369 ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO GET THAT GOLDEN SHOT. 74 00:03:12,469 --> 00:03:15,238 THAT ONE, PERFECT, SHOT. 75 00:03:15,339 --> 00:03:17,374 - THAT'S A NICE SHOT. 76 00:03:17,474 --> 00:03:18,208 HEY, IS THAT A NIP SLIP? 77 00:03:18,309 --> 00:03:19,710 COME ON! 78 00:03:19,810 --> 00:03:21,077 HEY, JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE NIP SLIP. 79 00:03:21,177 --> 00:03:22,078 COME ON! 80 00:03:22,178 --> 00:03:23,580 - [snarls] 81 00:03:26,016 --> 00:03:29,420 - NO! 82 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,388 A PICTURE'S WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, 83 00:03:31,488 --> 00:03:34,458 BUT THAT GOLDEN SHOT I WAS TALKING ABOUT? 84 00:03:34,558 --> 00:03:37,294 BOY, IT'LL COST YOU. 85 00:03:42,366 --> 00:03:43,800 AT THE END OF A HARD DAY, 86 00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:46,269 IT'S NICE TO KNOW YOU GOT THAT ONE PERSON 87 00:03:46,370 --> 00:03:47,237 WAITIN' FOR YOU AT HOME. 88 00:03:47,338 --> 00:03:48,138 YEAH, MY HOUSE. 89 00:03:48,238 --> 00:03:49,239 [laughs] 90 00:03:49,340 --> 00:03:50,140 YOUR SOUL MATE. 91 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:51,141 YEAH! 92 00:03:51,241 --> 00:03:52,142 [laughs] 93 00:03:52,242 --> 00:03:53,544 - YEAH! 94 00:03:53,644 --> 00:03:54,545 - YEAH! 95 00:03:54,645 --> 00:03:57,180 [laughs] 96 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,082 both: YEAH! 97 00:03:59,182 --> 00:04:00,150 YEAH! 98 00:04:00,250 --> 00:04:01,585 - YEAH, THAT'S HOT. 99 00:04:01,685 --> 00:04:02,619 HOT STUFF. 100 00:04:02,719 --> 00:04:03,720 [laughs] 101 00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:05,021 - HEY! MY SON! 102 00:04:05,121 --> 00:04:06,022 - MY DAD! - YEAH! 103 00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:07,023 - HEY, DAD! 104 00:04:07,123 --> 00:04:08,024 - YOU'RE JUST LIKE ME! 105 00:04:08,124 --> 00:04:09,159 - YEAH! - YEAH! 106 00:04:09,259 --> 00:04:10,293 [laughs] 107 00:04:10,394 --> 00:04:11,962 - YEAH! - YEAH, YEAH! 108 00:04:12,062 --> 00:04:12,963 YEAH. 109 00:04:13,063 --> 00:04:14,297 - WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? 110 00:04:14,398 --> 00:04:15,866 - WHAT? - FIVE BUCKS? 111 00:04:15,966 --> 00:04:18,168 YOU SAID YOU WAS GONNA GET A NIP SLIP TODAY! 112 00:04:18,268 --> 00:04:20,971 - UH, CAN WE HAVE SEX? 113 00:04:21,071 --> 00:04:22,205 YEAH! 114 00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:23,306 - GET OUT OF HERE, TONY! 115 00:04:23,407 --> 00:04:24,941 GET OUT! - [grunts] 116 00:04:25,041 --> 00:04:27,578 - AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU GET A NIP SLIP! 117 00:04:32,282 --> 00:04:34,518 WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF AT ROCK BOTTOM, 118 00:04:34,618 --> 00:04:37,421 AND THE GOLDEN SHOT SEEMS SO FAR AWAY, 119 00:04:37,521 --> 00:04:39,623 IT SURE IS NICE TO HAVE A FEW GOOD FRIENDS. 120 00:04:39,723 --> 00:04:40,624 all: YEAH! 121 00:04:40,724 --> 00:04:41,758 [laughter] 122 00:04:41,858 --> 00:04:42,993 - COME ON. 123 00:04:43,093 --> 00:04:44,127 WHO GOT THE NIP SLIPS TODAY, EH? 124 00:04:44,227 --> 00:04:45,228 WHO GOT THE HOT STUFF? 125 00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:47,163 - [chuckles] 126 00:04:47,263 --> 00:04:48,732 - WHAT? 127 00:04:48,832 --> 00:04:50,734 - THE GUYS AND I GOT YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING. 128 00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:52,235 YEAH. - YEAH. 129 00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:55,071 [laughter] 130 00:04:55,171 --> 00:04:56,172 - YEAH! 131 00:04:56,272 --> 00:04:59,042 [laughter] 132 00:05:02,813 --> 00:05:05,248 - YEAH! 133 00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:06,216 A NEW LENS! 134 00:05:06,316 --> 00:05:07,217 ALL RIGHT! 135 00:05:07,317 --> 00:05:09,219 HOT STUFF! 136 00:05:09,319 --> 00:05:11,054 - NOW YOU'RE BACK IN THE NIP SLIP GAME! 137 00:05:11,154 --> 00:05:12,122 [laughter] 138 00:05:12,222 --> 00:05:14,024 - YEAH! 139 00:05:14,124 --> 00:05:16,627 - YEAH, AND WHAT'S MORE, WE GOT A HOT TIP FOR YOU, TONY. 140 00:05:16,727 --> 00:05:17,494 - YEAH? 141 00:05:17,594 --> 00:05:20,397 - THE HOTTEST OF HOT TIPS. 142 00:05:24,635 --> 00:05:25,802 - HEY, THERE SHE IS, BUDDY! 143 00:05:25,902 --> 00:05:28,371 GO GET HER! 144 00:05:28,472 --> 00:05:32,208 - ONE SEC, FELLAS. 145 00:05:32,308 --> 00:05:33,444 [chuckles] 146 00:05:33,544 --> 00:05:35,779 - HEY DAD, I'M JUST LIKE YOU! 147 00:05:50,126 --> 00:05:51,027 - [snarls] 148 00:06:01,371 --> 00:06:02,539 - [grunts] 149 00:06:07,210 --> 00:06:09,780 - THERE--HEY, HEY. 150 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,716 [grunting] 151 00:06:12,816 --> 00:06:14,451 - DID YOU GET IT, TONY? - TONY? 152 00:06:14,551 --> 00:06:15,752 - TONY, DID YOU GET IT? 153 00:06:15,852 --> 00:06:16,720 - TONY! - WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? 154 00:06:16,820 --> 00:06:19,422 - YEAH. 155 00:06:19,523 --> 00:06:21,224 AND THERE IT WAS. 156 00:06:21,324 --> 00:06:23,193 THE GOLDEN SHOT, 157 00:06:23,293 --> 00:06:28,398 THAT ONE PERFECT SHOT. 158 00:06:28,499 --> 00:06:31,101 - * CROTCH SHOT 159 00:06:31,201 --> 00:06:34,404 - THEY SAY A NIP SLIP'S WORTH A THOUSAND BUCKS, 160 00:06:34,505 --> 00:06:36,306 AND A CROTCH SHOT? 161 00:06:36,406 --> 00:06:39,175 WELL, NAME YOUR PRICE! 162 00:06:43,814 --> 00:06:44,781 [knocks] 163 00:06:47,551 --> 00:06:49,152 - [gasps and squeals] 164 00:06:49,252 --> 00:06:51,354 - YUP, I MADE ENOUGH MONEY TO GET MY SHITTY WIFE BACK, 165 00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:53,389 NOT TO MENTION MY SHITTY KID. 166 00:06:53,490 --> 00:06:55,291 YEAH! - [laughs] 167 00:06:55,391 --> 00:06:57,260 - YEAH! 168 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:58,529 - YEAH! 169 00:07:13,309 --> 00:07:14,711 - THERE IT IS. 170 00:07:14,811 --> 00:07:16,079 - ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS? 171 00:07:16,179 --> 00:07:17,247 I'M GETTIN' FREAKED HERE, MAN. 172 00:07:17,347 --> 00:07:18,549 [crow squawks] 173 00:07:21,718 --> 00:07:22,786 - WE GOT TO LOOK INSIDE! 174 00:07:22,886 --> 00:07:24,721 - ARE YOU NUTS? - COME ON! 175 00:07:24,821 --> 00:07:26,757 THIS IS WHAT WE CAME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE FOR! 176 00:07:26,857 --> 00:07:30,093 - WE BEEN HEARIN' ABOUT THIS GUY FOR YEARS. 177 00:07:30,193 --> 00:07:32,328 WE GOT TO GO SEE. 178 00:07:32,428 --> 00:07:35,131 - WHERE'S HE GO-- WHERE YOU GOING? 179 00:07:35,231 --> 00:07:37,200 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 180 00:07:41,404 --> 00:07:45,609 [porch creaking] 181 00:07:45,709 --> 00:07:46,610 - WHO'S THAT? 182 00:07:46,710 --> 00:07:47,644 WHO'S OUT THERE? 183 00:07:47,744 --> 00:07:48,645 WHO ARE YOU? - [yells] 184 00:07:48,745 --> 00:07:50,213 - GO ON, GET! GIT! 185 00:07:50,313 --> 00:07:52,282 [all yelling] 186 00:07:53,383 --> 00:07:55,285 - GO ON! GIT! GIT! 187 00:07:55,385 --> 00:07:57,120 GODDAMN KIDS! 188 00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:58,188 - GOD DAMN! 189 00:08:00,223 --> 00:08:01,324 - DID YOU SEE HIM? 190 00:08:01,424 --> 00:08:02,759 - NO, THAT'S THE END OF THAT. 191 00:08:02,859 --> 00:08:04,795 I AM NEVER GOING BACK THERE AGAIN. 192 00:08:04,895 --> 00:08:07,163 - YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? 193 00:08:07,263 --> 00:08:08,932 WE GOT TO CHECK OUT HIS WEBSITE. 194 00:08:09,032 --> 00:08:10,901 - WHAT? 195 00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:12,035 [sighs] 196 00:08:23,379 --> 00:08:24,681 ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS? 197 00:08:24,781 --> 00:08:25,949 I'M GETTIN' CREEPED HERE, MAN. 198 00:08:26,049 --> 00:08:26,950 - SHH. 199 00:08:31,922 --> 00:08:34,591 - YOU KNOW, MAYBE THIS ISN'T SUCH A GOOD IDEA. 200 00:08:34,691 --> 00:08:36,192 - COME ON. 201 00:08:36,292 --> 00:08:38,995 THIS IS WHAT WE BOOTED UP FOR. 202 00:08:39,095 --> 00:08:40,864 - [sighing] 203 00:08:45,135 --> 00:08:48,071 [all gasp] 204 00:08:49,439 --> 00:08:51,207 - HERE IT IS. 205 00:08:51,307 --> 00:08:52,809 NO TURNING BACK NOW. 206 00:08:57,247 --> 00:08:59,082 [all gasping] 207 00:08:59,182 --> 00:09:05,689 [crow caws] 208 00:09:05,789 --> 00:09:09,660 "YOU HAVE REACHED OLDMANINTHEWOODS.COM. 209 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,061 "THIS IS MY WEBSITE. 210 00:09:11,161 --> 00:09:13,163 GO ON, GIT." 211 00:09:20,303 --> 00:09:21,371 - WHO THAT? GIT! 212 00:09:21,471 --> 00:09:22,739 [all screaming] 213 00:09:22,839 --> 00:09:25,108 GO ON, GIT! GIT! GIT! 214 00:09:25,208 --> 00:09:26,042 - OKAY! THAT'S ENOUGH. 215 00:09:26,142 --> 00:09:26,977 - HOLD ON. 216 00:09:29,212 --> 00:09:32,248 [all yelling] 217 00:09:32,348 --> 00:09:33,583 - IT'S JUST A POP-UP AD. 218 00:09:33,684 --> 00:09:35,786 [laughter] 219 00:09:40,456 --> 00:09:44,194 - GUYS, WE GOT TO EMAIL HIM. 220 00:09:44,294 --> 00:09:45,028 - NO WAY. - ARE YOU NUTS? 221 00:09:45,128 --> 00:09:46,529 - NO, NO. 222 00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:48,064 - JUST ONE EMAIL, THEN WE'RE DONE. 223 00:09:48,164 --> 00:09:49,099 I PROMISE. 224 00:09:49,199 --> 00:09:52,302 - HURRY UP. 225 00:09:52,402 --> 00:09:55,138 - "HEY, HOW'S IT GOING? 226 00:09:55,238 --> 00:09:59,309 SINCERELY, THE GUYS." 227 00:09:59,409 --> 00:10:00,376 [sighs] 228 00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:02,378 OKAY. THAT'S IT. 229 00:10:02,478 --> 00:10:04,047 - I GOT TO LIE DOWN. 230 00:10:04,147 --> 00:10:05,048 - THAT'S ENOUGH. 231 00:10:05,148 --> 00:10:08,018 [computer beeping] 232 00:10:08,118 --> 00:10:09,652 LOOK. 233 00:10:09,753 --> 00:10:11,654 - AN AUTO-REPLY? 234 00:10:11,755 --> 00:10:12,889 THAT'S WEIRD. 235 00:10:12,989 --> 00:10:15,158 - LOOKS LIKE AN ERROR MESSAGE. 236 00:10:15,258 --> 00:10:16,426 "MAILER DAEMON. 237 00:10:16,526 --> 00:10:18,328 "DELIVERY NOTIFICATION. 238 00:10:18,428 --> 00:10:20,196 "YOUR MESSAGE HAS FAILED. 239 00:10:20,296 --> 00:10:22,098 "DOMAIN NAME NOT FOUND. 240 00:10:22,198 --> 00:10:27,170 RECIPIENT ID SERVER HAS BEEN INVALID FOR 200 YEARS!" 241 00:10:27,270 --> 00:10:29,672 [all yelling] 242 00:10:29,773 --> 00:10:31,241 - OH, MY GOD. 243 00:10:31,341 --> 00:10:33,176 THE COMPUTER HASN'T BEEN PLUGGED IN THE ENTIRE TIME! 244 00:10:33,276 --> 00:10:35,946 [all yelling] 245 00:10:36,046 --> 00:10:39,215 - THAT'S JUST THE PLUG FOR THE PRINTER, BUT STILL! 246 00:10:39,315 --> 00:10:40,183 THE EMAIL THING! 247 00:10:40,283 --> 00:10:41,818 [all yelling] 248 00:10:53,229 --> 00:10:54,130 [laughter] 249 00:10:54,230 --> 00:10:55,131 - YEAH! 250 00:10:55,231 --> 00:10:57,467 - YEAH. 251 00:10:57,567 --> 00:10:59,402 - FRIENDSHIP IS A QUIET THING... 252 00:10:59,502 --> 00:11:00,536 - NIP SLIPS. 253 00:11:00,636 --> 00:11:01,637 [laughter] 254 00:11:01,738 --> 00:11:03,273 - A PETAL CARRIED KINDLY... 255 00:11:03,373 --> 00:11:04,741 - TIT PIC. 256 00:11:04,841 --> 00:11:08,144 - IT STIRS THE SOUL AND GIVES US WINGS... 257 00:11:08,244 --> 00:11:10,046 all: YEAH! YEAH. 258 00:11:10,146 --> 00:11:12,148 - WE FALL, HOWEVER, BLINDLY... 259 00:11:12,248 --> 00:11:13,316 - CLAM CLICK. 260 00:11:13,416 --> 00:11:14,650 all: AW! 261 00:11:14,751 --> 00:11:16,186 [all speaking at once] 262 00:11:16,286 --> 00:11:18,388 - TOGETHER, WHOLE, WE PLEDGE OURSELVES... 263 00:11:18,488 --> 00:11:19,489 - YEAH! 264 00:11:19,589 --> 00:11:21,124 [laughter] 265 00:11:21,224 --> 00:11:22,658 - AT BEGINNINGS AND THROUGH ENDS... 266 00:11:22,759 --> 00:11:23,693 - YEAH! - YEAH. 267 00:11:23,794 --> 00:11:25,295 - YEAH. 268 00:11:25,395 --> 00:11:26,529 - AND O'ER THE EARTH WE FLY... 269 00:11:26,629 --> 00:11:28,164 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I LOVE ALL OF YOU. 270 00:11:28,264 --> 00:11:29,299 all: YEAH! 271 00:11:29,399 --> 00:11:31,334 - ME AND MY SHITTY FRIENDS. 272 00:11:31,434 --> 00:11:33,436 - YEAH. - I GOT YOU BEAT. 273 00:11:33,536 --> 00:11:35,138 TAKE A LOOK. 274 00:11:35,238 --> 00:11:36,306 - HUH? 275 00:11:36,406 --> 00:11:37,473 GLANS GLIMPSE? 276 00:11:37,573 --> 00:11:38,541 - YEAH! 277 00:11:38,641 --> 00:11:40,210 - OH! 278 00:11:40,310 --> 00:11:42,145 - THE GLANS IS THE TOP OF THE PENIS. 279 00:11:42,245 --> 00:11:43,179 YEAH! 280 00:11:43,279 --> 00:11:46,149 [laughter] 281 00:11:56,226 --> 00:11:57,327 - SO MANY PLOT TWISTS, MY HEAD IS SPINNING. 282 00:11:57,427 --> 00:11:58,561 - I WAS CRYING. 283 00:11:58,661 --> 00:11:59,662 - I MEAN, TV IS SO GOOD THESE DAYS. 284 00:11:59,762 --> 00:12:00,964 - BEST MOVIES NOW ARE TV. 285 00:12:01,064 --> 00:12:02,265 - JUST KILL OFF A CHARACTER EVERY WEEK. 286 00:12:02,365 --> 00:12:03,499 - MY DVR'S LIKE, CONSTANTLY RUNNING. 287 00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:04,767 IT'S PROBABLY MAD AT ME. 288 00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:06,336 - THE TV NEVER GOES OFF IN MY PLACE. 289 00:12:06,436 --> 00:12:07,537 IT NEVER GOES--NEVER GOES OFF. 290 00:12:07,637 --> 00:12:08,738 - ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 291 00:12:08,839 --> 00:12:10,306 QUIET DOWN, GUYS. SHH. SHH. HEY. 292 00:12:10,406 --> 00:12:12,408 THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING. 293 00:12:12,508 --> 00:12:14,077 LET'S STRAP IN BECAUSE IT'S TIME 294 00:12:14,177 --> 00:12:15,711 FOR THE SEASON THREE PREMIERE 295 00:12:15,812 --> 00:12:18,248 OF THE WACKY MITCH DUDE HOUR, ALL RIGHT? 296 00:12:18,348 --> 00:12:19,249 [all clapping] 297 00:12:19,349 --> 00:12:20,250 - ALL RIGHT! - YEAH! 298 00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:21,184 - [laughs] 299 00:12:23,453 --> 00:12:26,222 [clock ticking] 300 00:12:30,693 --> 00:12:32,562 - IS THIS SHOW REALLY THAT GOOD? 301 00:12:32,662 --> 00:12:34,397 - YEAH. IT'S THE BEST. 302 00:12:34,497 --> 00:12:35,899 - YOU SURE YOU WANT TO START ON SEASON THREE? 303 00:12:35,999 --> 00:12:37,633 SEASON'S ONE AND TWO ARE AMAZING. 304 00:12:37,733 --> 00:12:39,002 - THAT'S OKAY. 305 00:12:39,102 --> 00:12:40,503 I GAVE UP ON THAT SORT OF VIEWING. 306 00:12:40,603 --> 00:12:43,206 THREW MY DVR OUT THE WINDOW AND I YELLED, AND-- 307 00:12:43,306 --> 00:12:44,007 - SHH! 308 00:12:44,107 --> 00:12:45,541 THE SHOW'S STARTING. 309 00:12:53,516 --> 00:12:54,684 - * OH MINUTE ONE 310 00:12:54,784 --> 00:12:56,286 * HAVING FUN 311 00:12:56,386 --> 00:12:58,588 * EVERYTHING'S BEAUTIFUL UNDER THE SUN * 312 00:12:58,688 --> 00:12:59,622 * THE BIRDS ARE SINGING 313 00:12:59,722 --> 00:13:01,124 * IT'S THE PERFECT DAY 314 00:13:01,224 --> 00:13:02,725 * AND THERE'S ONE MORE THING I GOT TO SAY * 315 00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:05,228 * HELLO AND HERE WE GO 316 00:13:05,328 --> 00:13:09,332 * IT'S THE WACKY MITCH-DUDE HOUR COMEDY SHOW! * 317 00:13:09,432 --> 00:13:10,533 COME ON, MINUTE ONE! 318 00:13:10,633 --> 00:13:12,668 YOU'RE LATE! 319 00:13:12,768 --> 00:13:16,639 THERE HE IS. 320 00:13:16,739 --> 00:13:19,409 LET ME SEE SOME MOVES FROM YOU, BUDDY. 321 00:13:19,509 --> 00:13:21,311 - OH! 322 00:13:21,411 --> 00:13:23,013 - WHAT AN UNBELIEVABLE START TO THE SEASON. 323 00:13:23,113 --> 00:13:24,580 - SHH. 324 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:25,581 - WHAT IS THIS, A KIDS SHOW? 325 00:13:25,681 --> 00:13:27,550 KIDS SHOW? 326 00:13:27,650 --> 00:13:31,554 - * MI-I-I-NUTE TWO-O-O-O 327 00:13:31,654 --> 00:13:34,590 * MINUTE TWO! 328 00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:36,492 TWO! 329 00:13:36,592 --> 00:13:39,295 - STRIKE THREE! 330 00:13:39,395 --> 00:13:41,697 - SO THE WHOLE SHOW'S JUST HIM COUNTING THE MINUTES? 331 00:13:41,797 --> 00:13:43,033 - MINUTE THREE. 332 00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:44,467 - IT'S MUCH MORE THAN THAT. 333 00:13:44,567 --> 00:13:47,603 JUST WATCH. 334 00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:53,076 - * LOVING YOU 335 00:13:53,176 --> 00:13:55,045 - I MISS ANYTHING GOOD? 336 00:13:55,145 --> 00:13:57,247 - MINUTE 46 WAS AMAZING. 337 00:13:57,347 --> 00:13:58,214 I WAS IN TEARS. 338 00:13:58,314 --> 00:13:59,382 - SHH! 339 00:13:59,482 --> 00:14:01,184 - IT WAS TIM, NOT ME! 340 00:14:01,284 --> 00:14:04,420 - [singing in foreign language] 341 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:08,358 * 342 00:14:08,458 --> 00:14:09,692 - * 47 343 00:14:09,792 --> 00:14:11,427 - * MINUTE 47 344 00:14:11,527 --> 00:14:14,764 * 345 00:14:14,864 --> 00:14:16,599 - * 47 346 00:14:16,699 --> 00:14:18,434 - * MINUTE 47 347 00:14:18,534 --> 00:14:25,708 * 348 00:14:25,808 --> 00:14:27,710 - AW. - I DON'T GET IT. 349 00:14:27,810 --> 00:14:28,811 WHY'S HE ALWAYS KISSIN' THE SEVENS? 350 00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:30,746 - SEASON TWO, MAN! - WHAT? 351 00:14:30,846 --> 00:14:33,549 THEY EXPLAIN HIS WEIRD FETISH WITH SEVENS IN SEASON TWO? 352 00:14:33,649 --> 00:14:34,850 all: SHUT UP! 353 00:14:34,951 --> 00:14:36,953 - NO! I WON'T SHUT UP, OKAY? 354 00:14:37,053 --> 00:14:38,921 THIS SHOW'S WEIRD! IT'S STUPID! 355 00:14:39,022 --> 00:14:40,723 I'M NOT GONNA PRETEND I LIKE IT ANYMORE. 356 00:14:40,823 --> 00:14:45,361 - WELL, WE ARE TRYING TO WATCH. 357 00:14:45,461 --> 00:14:46,862 all: OH! 358 00:14:46,963 --> 00:14:48,664 - HEY! - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 359 00:14:48,764 --> 00:14:49,732 - THIS SHOW SUCKS! 360 00:14:49,832 --> 00:14:51,267 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 361 00:14:51,367 --> 00:14:53,970 A LOT OF THE SHOWS YOU GUYS WATCH SUCK! 362 00:14:54,070 --> 00:14:57,373 WASTE ALL YOUR DUMB TIME WATCHING YOUR STUPID SHOWS! 363 00:14:57,473 --> 00:14:59,075 - HE'S WRONG. 364 00:14:59,175 --> 00:15:00,210 - IT'S NOT OUR FAULT YOU DON'T LIKE 'EM. 365 00:15:00,310 --> 00:15:02,445 NOBODY'S MAKING YOU WATCH. 366 00:15:02,545 --> 00:15:03,613 - DICK. 367 00:15:03,713 --> 00:15:05,048 - HE DIDN'T EVEN SEE MINUTE 46. 368 00:15:05,148 --> 00:15:07,317 - WELL, I'M NOT GONNA WATCH ANYMORE, OKAY? 369 00:15:07,417 --> 00:15:11,454 THE BLACK DAWN GROWS NIGH, AND NIGH, AND NIGHER STILL! 370 00:15:11,554 --> 00:15:13,556 AND I'M NOT WASTING ANY MORE OF MY LIFE 371 00:15:13,656 --> 00:15:15,491 IN FRONT OF THIS STUPID BOX! 372 00:15:15,591 --> 00:15:16,526 [screams] 373 00:15:16,626 --> 00:15:19,562 - TIM, NO! 374 00:15:19,662 --> 00:15:20,596 [clattering] 375 00:15:32,408 --> 00:15:33,276 - HEY, DAD. 376 00:15:33,376 --> 00:15:35,078 WANT TO PLAY CATCH AFTER SCHOOL? 377 00:15:35,178 --> 00:15:36,746 - SORRY, BUD. I JUST DON'T HAVE TIME. 378 00:15:36,846 --> 00:15:38,281 I GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO HERE. 379 00:15:38,381 --> 00:15:39,582 YOU UNDERSTAND, OF COURSE. 380 00:15:39,682 --> 00:15:41,084 - HEY, DAD. 381 00:15:41,184 --> 00:15:42,685 WHAT TIME ARE WE GOING TO THE MOVIES ON SATURDAY? 382 00:15:42,785 --> 00:15:44,120 - SORRY, SWEETIE. 383 00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:46,156 I'M GONNA BE PRETTY SWAMPED ALL WEEKEND. 384 00:15:46,256 --> 00:15:48,558 MAYBE ANOTHER TIME, HUH? 385 00:15:48,658 --> 00:15:50,126 - OH. OKAY. 386 00:15:50,226 --> 00:15:51,561 MAYBE ANOTHER TIME THEN. 387 00:15:51,661 --> 00:15:52,662 - MM-HMM. 388 00:15:58,501 --> 00:15:59,302 - [sighs] 389 00:16:06,576 --> 00:16:08,878 - I AM SO SORRY. 390 00:16:08,978 --> 00:16:09,879 I HAD TO STAY LATE AT WORK. 391 00:16:09,979 --> 00:16:11,647 I JUST--I DIDN'T HAVE TIME! 392 00:16:11,747 --> 00:16:16,186 - KEN, I FEEL LIKE WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN MONTHS. 393 00:16:16,286 --> 00:16:17,820 YOU HAVE TO START MAKING TIME 394 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,589 FOR THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE. 395 00:16:19,689 --> 00:16:21,157 YOU HAVE TO. 396 00:16:21,257 --> 00:16:23,393 - [sighs] I KNOW, CLAIR. 397 00:16:23,493 --> 00:16:24,560 YOU'RE RIGHT. 398 00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:26,896 I HAVE BEEN SPENDING WAY TOO MUCH TIME 399 00:16:26,996 --> 00:16:29,199 AWAY FROM THE THINGS I LOVE. 400 00:16:29,299 --> 00:16:32,535 I PROMISE YOU IT'S GONNA CHANGE. 401 00:16:40,810 --> 00:16:41,744 - I KNEW YOU WOULD! 402 00:16:41,844 --> 00:16:42,978 I KNEW YOU WOULD. 403 00:16:43,079 --> 00:16:44,280 - * WELL, THE DAD HAD A FAMILY 404 00:16:44,380 --> 00:16:46,082 * THAT WAS IN HIS WAY 405 00:16:46,182 --> 00:16:49,419 * HE HAD MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO FILL HIS DAYS * 406 00:16:49,519 --> 00:16:52,255 * THERE WERE BURGERS TO GRILL AND FRISBEE TO PLAY * 407 00:16:52,355 --> 00:16:55,491 * HE STILL WENT TO WORK BUT THAT WAS OKAY * 408 00:16:55,591 --> 00:16:58,894 * THE IMPORTANT THINGS TO HIM DIDN'T INCLUDE HIS FAMILY * 409 00:16:58,994 --> 00:17:01,264 * HE'D MUCH RATHER WATER SKI 410 00:17:01,364 --> 00:17:04,767 * MAN, THE DAD LIKED TO WATER SKI * 411 00:17:04,867 --> 00:17:06,269 * HE SAID OUR JOURNEY GOES ON 412 00:17:06,369 --> 00:17:08,070 * WE DO WHAT WE CAN 413 00:17:08,171 --> 00:17:10,840 * ENJOY OUR LIVES AND HELP OUR FELLOW MAN * 414 00:17:10,940 --> 00:17:14,210 * WE GOT TO MAKE TIME FOR WHAT'S IMPORTANT IN LIFE * 415 00:17:14,310 --> 00:17:16,379 * THE DAD LEARNED THIS WITH THE HELP * 416 00:17:16,479 --> 00:17:18,281 - YOU HAVE TO START MAKING TIME 417 00:17:18,381 --> 00:17:20,283 FOR THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE. 418 00:17:20,383 --> 00:17:22,352 - * OF A LADY HE KNOWS 419 00:17:22,452 --> 00:17:23,653 - YOU WANT TO PLAY CHESS? 420 00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:24,987 - NO. 421 00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:29,325 - * OOH, WE GOT TO MAKE TIME 422 00:17:29,425 --> 00:17:32,795 * FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN OUR LIFE * 423 00:17:32,895 --> 00:17:35,331 * BEFORE IT ALL SLIPS BY 424 00:17:35,431 --> 00:17:36,666 - CAN YOU MAKE IT OUT TO KEN? 425 00:17:36,766 --> 00:17:37,967 [laughter] 426 00:17:38,067 --> 00:17:40,703 - "NOTHIN' BUT FUN." 427 00:17:40,803 --> 00:17:42,004 - HEY, KEN. 428 00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:43,839 WHATEVER HAPPENED TO YOUR WIFE AND FAMILY? 429 00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:46,842 - [laughs] I DON'T KNOW! 430 00:17:46,942 --> 00:17:49,679 - * AND THE DAD STAYED UP LATE AND SLEPT TILL NOON * 431 00:17:49,779 --> 00:17:52,948 * HIS WIFE AND KIDS SAID HE WAS A BUFFOON * 432 00:17:53,048 --> 00:17:54,850 * ONE THING'S FOR SURE 433 00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:56,252 * IF HE SEES THEM AGAIN 434 00:17:56,352 --> 00:17:59,355 * IT'LL BE A BUMMER THEN 435 00:17:59,455 --> 00:18:06,128 - * YOU KNOW HE'LL HAVE A BUMMER TIME THEN * 436 00:18:09,732 --> 00:18:10,600 YEAH. 437 00:18:15,871 --> 00:18:17,773 [keyboard clattering] 438 00:18:17,873 --> 00:18:20,776 [modem howling] 439 00:18:22,478 --> 00:18:24,680 - HOW MANY VIEWS MY WEBSITE GET? 440 00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:28,017 - UH, LOOKS LIKE YOU HAD SEVEN HITS THIS WEEK... 441 00:18:28,117 --> 00:18:31,754 AND ONE MORE JUST NOW. 442 00:18:31,854 --> 00:18:33,523 - EIGHT VIEWS? 443 00:18:33,623 --> 00:18:35,891 HOW COME PEOPLE WON'T LEAVE MY WEBSITE ALONE? 444 00:18:35,991 --> 00:18:37,560 YOU SAID YOU'D MAKE IT CREEPY! 445 00:18:37,660 --> 00:18:39,529 - [sighs] 446 00:18:39,629 --> 00:18:41,764 WELL, YOU WANT ME TO TURN UP THE CREEPINESS A BIT MORE? 447 00:18:41,864 --> 00:18:43,966 - YEAH! 448 00:18:44,066 --> 00:18:46,602 - OKAY. 449 00:18:46,702 --> 00:18:48,638 LET ME SEE HERE. 450 00:18:48,738 --> 00:18:50,039 THIS OUGHT TO DO IT. 451 00:18:50,139 --> 00:18:52,442 - OOH! LOOK AT THAT SPIDER. 452 00:18:52,542 --> 00:18:53,809 OOH! A SKELETON HEAD. 453 00:18:53,909 --> 00:18:54,810 THAT'S SCARY. 454 00:18:54,910 --> 00:18:56,312 [cackles] 455 00:18:56,412 --> 00:18:58,481 THANK YOU, I.T. MAN. 456 00:19:09,091 --> 00:19:10,293 - [gasps] 457 00:19:18,768 --> 00:19:19,802 - * OH, MINUTE 1 458 00:19:19,902 --> 00:19:21,304 * HAVING FUN 459 00:19:21,404 --> 00:19:23,739 * EVERYTHING'S BEAUTIFUL UNDER THE SUN * 460 00:19:23,839 --> 00:19:26,842 * THE BIRDS ARE SINGING, IT'S THE PERFECT DAY * 461 00:19:26,942 --> 00:19:29,445 * THERE'S JUST ONE MORE THING I GOT TO SAY * 462 00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:31,647 * HELLO, AND HERE WE GO 463 00:19:31,747 --> 00:19:34,950 * IT'S THE WACKY MITCH DUDE HOUR COMEDY SHOW! * 464 00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:36,085 WATCH YOURSELF, KID. 465 00:19:36,185 --> 00:19:37,987 YOU'RE GONNA RUIN YOUR SUIT. 466 00:19:38,087 --> 00:19:39,822 YEAH. 467 00:19:39,922 --> 00:19:40,856 - YOU! - HUH? 468 00:19:40,956 --> 00:19:42,124 - I HATE YOU! 469 00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:43,359 SCREW YOU! 470 00:19:43,459 --> 00:19:44,494 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 471 00:19:44,594 --> 00:19:45,695 HAVEN'T YOU SEEN MY SHOW? 472 00:19:45,795 --> 00:19:46,796 I'M WACKY MITCH DUDE. 473 00:19:46,896 --> 00:19:47,963 - YEAH, I'VE SEEN YOUR SHOW. 474 00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:49,131 IT SUCKS, OKAY? 475 00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:50,433 IT JUST LOST ME ALL MY FRIENDS. 476 00:19:50,533 --> 00:19:52,067 - DID YOU SEE MINUTE 46? 477 00:19:52,167 --> 00:19:53,936 - NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN MINUTE 46. 478 00:19:54,036 --> 00:19:55,104 WHO CARES? THEY ALL SUCK. 479 00:19:55,204 --> 00:19:56,906 - DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, KID. 480 00:19:57,006 --> 00:19:59,642 WATCH MINUTE 46. 481 00:19:59,742 --> 00:20:00,976 * OH, MINUTE 1 482 00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:02,412 * HAVING FUN 483 00:20:02,512 --> 00:20:03,679 * EVERYTHING'S BEAUTIFUL... 484 00:20:07,049 --> 00:20:09,485 - [coughs] 485 00:20:09,585 --> 00:20:13,155 - WHO DID THIS TO YOU, MINUTE 46? 486 00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:17,860 - IT WAS MINUTE 2. 487 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,863 HE WAS EVIL THE WHOLE TIME. 488 00:20:20,963 --> 00:20:22,465 - OH, MY GOD. 489 00:20:22,565 --> 00:20:25,000 I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. 490 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,302 ARE YOU GONNA BE OKAY? 491 00:20:26,402 --> 00:20:31,341 - I WILL BE IF YOU BELIEVE I WILL. 492 00:20:34,777 --> 00:20:36,111 - I DO. 493 00:20:36,211 --> 00:20:38,814 - [coughs] 494 00:20:38,914 --> 00:20:41,451 - IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW. 495 00:20:41,551 --> 00:20:43,419 - * LIFE IS A JOURNEY 496 00:20:43,519 --> 00:20:44,987 * KEEP ON TRYING 497 00:20:45,087 --> 00:20:46,789 * DON'T STOP LAUGHING 498 00:20:46,889 --> 00:20:48,324 * DON'T STOP CRYING 499 00:20:48,424 --> 00:20:54,063 * MEMORIES LAST EVEN WHEN OUR TIME IS THROUGH * 500 00:20:54,163 --> 00:20:58,468 * JUST NEVER LOSE 501 00:20:58,568 --> 00:21:07,042 * THE LOVE YOU HAVE IN YOU 502 00:21:07,142 --> 00:21:09,945 - PRETTY GOOD SHOW. 503 00:21:18,988 --> 00:21:23,826 - I HAVE PARADED MYSELF ABOUT THIS KINGDOM LIKE A COMMON FOOL. 504 00:21:23,926 --> 00:21:28,598 THE BLACK DAWNOESN'T GROW NIGH, NIGH, AND NIGHER STILL. 505 00:21:28,698 --> 00:21:32,101 IF ANYTHING IT DRAWS FAR, FAR, AND FARTHER AWAY. 506 00:21:32,201 --> 00:21:34,069 NOW, THE WINDS OF CHANGE. 507 00:21:34,169 --> 00:21:36,071 THE WINDS OF CHANGE MAY DRAW NIGH, 508 00:21:36,171 --> 00:21:38,007 BUT I CAN'T TELL ANYMORE. 509 00:21:38,107 --> 00:21:40,175 MY CONFIDENCE IS SHOT. 510 00:21:40,275 --> 00:21:42,712 I WAS SO SURE, 511 00:21:42,812 --> 00:21:44,980 SO SURE THE TRIBES OF THE HINTERLANDS WERE GONNA ATTACK, 512 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:46,716 OR AT LEAST-- 513 00:21:46,816 --> 00:21:49,419 AT LEAST THE DRECKMORE BEASTS OF THE SOUTH HILLS, 514 00:21:49,519 --> 00:21:51,153 BUT I WAS GUESSING. 515 00:21:51,253 --> 00:21:52,722 I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW? 516 00:21:52,822 --> 00:21:55,625 OH, I'M JUST REMEMBERING SOME OF THE THINGS I SAID 517 00:21:55,725 --> 00:21:57,760 WHEN I THOUGHT THE BLACK DAWN WAS NIGH. 518 00:21:57,860 --> 00:22:02,064 OH, I MUST HAVE SOUNDED LIKE SUCH AN ASS! 519 00:22:02,164 --> 00:22:03,098 [sighs] 520 00:22:03,198 --> 00:22:04,099 IT WAS A MESS. 521 00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:05,768 IT WAS A MESS! 522 00:22:05,868 --> 00:22:06,736 [sighs] 523 00:22:06,836 --> 00:22:08,103 WELL, ANYWAY. 524 00:22:08,203 --> 00:22:10,773 CHRISTOPHE SAYS YOU'RE THE BEST WHORE IN THE STABLE, 525 00:22:10,873 --> 00:22:14,910 SO LET'S SEE IF WE CAN'T SEND THIS KING TO BED SATISFIED, EH? 526 00:22:22,117 --> 00:22:24,787 I'M GETTING A BONER! 527 00:22:32,327 --> 00:22:33,429 - ABSOLUTELY.