1 00:00:01,878 --> 00:00:04,014 [hammering] 2 00:00:04,115 --> 00:00:06,217 [drilling] 3 00:00:06,317 --> 00:00:09,453 [overlapping chatter] 4 00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:13,624 - OH! 5 00:00:13,724 --> 00:00:15,959 [laughter] 6 00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:17,628 - AW! 7 00:00:17,728 --> 00:00:19,963 [laughter] 8 00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,798 [upbeat music] 9 00:00:21,898 --> 00:00:24,268 - OH! [laughter] 10 00:00:24,368 --> 00:00:27,538 - HEY, GUYS! MARCO! 11 00:00:27,638 --> 00:00:28,939 - POLO! 12 00:00:29,039 --> 00:00:31,408 - MARCO! - WHOA! 13 00:00:31,508 --> 00:00:33,544 [thud] 14 00:00:33,644 --> 00:00:35,011 [turns off music] [hammering stops] 15 00:00:35,112 --> 00:00:36,980 [laughs] 16 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,150 WHEW! [laughter] 17 00:00:39,250 --> 00:00:41,051 [turns music back on] 18 00:00:41,152 --> 00:00:43,287 [laughter] 19 00:00:43,387 --> 00:00:46,056 [overlapping chatter] 20 00:00:46,157 --> 00:00:49,059 [laughter] 21 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:50,394 - [groans] 22 00:00:50,494 --> 00:00:52,563 - NOW BACK TO MOMS WITH JOBS. 23 00:00:52,663 --> 00:00:54,865 - I CAN'T BE PREGNANT! 24 00:00:54,965 --> 00:00:58,935 I'M A BIG-TIME MARKETING EXECUTIVE IN NEW YORK CITY! 25 00:00:59,035 --> 00:01:00,471 [laughter] 26 00:01:00,571 --> 00:01:02,573 [laughter on rooftop continues] 27 00:01:02,673 --> 00:01:05,309 - HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! KNOCK IT OFF! 28 00:01:05,409 --> 00:01:09,045 YOU'RE GIVING 'EM SHINGLES! [laughter] 29 00:01:09,146 --> 00:01:10,514 - I CAN'T GO TO A PTA MEETING 30 00:01:10,614 --> 00:01:13,550 BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO TO A BUSINESS MEETING! 31 00:01:13,650 --> 00:01:14,585 - [laughs] 32 00:01:14,685 --> 00:01:17,020 [staple gun firing] 33 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:19,122 - OW! - OW, OW, NO, NO, NO, NO! 34 00:01:19,223 --> 00:01:20,924 - HEY, I'M ROOFY HARRY! 35 00:01:21,024 --> 00:01:21,958 [staple gun fires] 36 00:01:22,058 --> 00:01:25,462 - [groans] 37 00:01:25,562 --> 00:01:26,497 [phone beeps] 38 00:01:26,597 --> 00:01:27,864 [laughter on rooftop continues] 39 00:01:27,964 --> 00:01:29,500 HELLO, TV NETWORK? 40 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:31,502 I'M TRYING TO WATCH YOUR SHOW, 41 00:01:31,602 --> 00:01:35,239 BUT THE GUYS ON MY ROOF ARE WAY FUNNIER! 42 00:01:35,339 --> 00:01:38,041 PUT THEM ON THERE! COME ON! 43 00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:39,009 [phone beeps] 44 00:01:39,109 --> 00:01:40,411 [orchestral music] 45 00:01:40,511 --> 00:01:42,413 - WELCOME TO THE NETWORK. 46 00:01:42,513 --> 00:01:43,714 [laughter] - THANK YOU. 47 00:01:43,814 --> 00:01:45,449 THANK YOU. 48 00:01:45,549 --> 00:01:47,384 - THANK YOU. - THANK YOU. 49 00:01:47,484 --> 00:01:48,919 - * WELL, FIRST THERE WERE AMOEBAS * 50 00:01:49,019 --> 00:01:50,954 * AND THEY STARTED TO MINGLE * 51 00:01:51,054 --> 00:01:53,257 * AND SOON THERE WERE ROOFS AND GUTTERS AND SHINGLES * 52 00:01:53,357 --> 00:01:54,991 * THEN THE FELLAS THAT WERE WORKIN' * 53 00:01:55,091 --> 00:01:56,493 * GOT TO SHIRKIN' AND A-SMIRKIN' * 54 00:01:56,593 --> 00:01:58,695 * AND THAT'S HOW THEY BECAME GOOFY ROOFERS * 55 00:01:58,795 --> 00:02:00,597 * MAYBE EVERYTHING WE'VE EVER NEEDED * 56 00:02:00,697 --> 00:02:03,934 * HAS BEEN RIGHT OVER OUR HEADS ALL ALONG * 57 00:02:04,034 --> 00:02:06,837 * ROOFERS 58 00:02:06,937 --> 00:02:08,171 - HELLO, NETWORK? THANKS FOR PUTTING THE SHOW ON. 59 00:02:08,272 --> 00:02:09,172 IT'S GREAT. 60 00:02:09,273 --> 00:02:12,409 [rock music] 61 00:02:12,509 --> 00:02:20,351 * 62 00:02:23,454 --> 00:02:27,157 [rock and roll music] 63 00:02:27,258 --> 00:02:28,359 - [laughs] 64 00:02:28,459 --> 00:02:30,093 [shattering glass] - ANARCHY... 65 00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:32,496 [laughter] CHAOS... 66 00:02:32,596 --> 00:02:34,731 [shattering glass] DEBAUCHERY... 67 00:02:34,831 --> 00:02:38,369 COMPLETE AND UTTER IDIOCY. 68 00:02:38,469 --> 00:02:44,040 OOH, THAT'S IT! THAT'S THE LAST STRAW! 69 00:02:44,140 --> 00:02:45,442 - WHAT IS IT, DEAN STRICKLER? 70 00:02:45,542 --> 00:02:49,346 - IT'S THOSE LUNATICS OVER AT THETA HOUSE! 71 00:02:49,446 --> 00:02:52,683 THEY'VE GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME, CRAWFORD! 72 00:02:52,783 --> 00:02:56,253 ALL THEY CARE ABOUT IS CHUGGING BEER 73 00:02:56,353 --> 00:02:57,421 AND CAUSING TROUBLE. 74 00:02:57,521 --> 00:02:59,122 WELL, I WANT THEM EXPELLED. 75 00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:00,757 DO YOU HEAR ME, CRAWFORD? 76 00:03:00,857 --> 00:03:04,428 I WANT THEM KICKED OFF CAMPUS FOR GOOD! 77 00:03:04,528 --> 00:03:06,530 - SORRY, DEAN STRICKLER, 78 00:03:06,630 --> 00:03:09,566 BUT I DON'T THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO DO THAT, SIR. 79 00:03:09,666 --> 00:03:12,002 - AND WHY NOT? 80 00:03:12,102 --> 00:03:14,505 - WELL, YOU SEE, YOU'RE NOT THE DEAN OF THEIR COLLEGE. 81 00:03:14,605 --> 00:03:17,274 THEY'RE AN UNRULY FRATERNITY 82 00:03:17,374 --> 00:03:18,575 AT A UNIVERSITY IN NEW ENGLAND, 83 00:03:18,675 --> 00:03:21,077 AND HERE WE ARE, 3,000 MILES AWAY, 84 00:03:21,177 --> 00:03:23,480 IN YOUR CONDO IN SCOTTSDALE, ARIZONA. 85 00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:26,283 THE MAN WHO WOULD BE ABLE TO KICK 'EM OFF CAMPUS 86 00:03:26,383 --> 00:03:28,018 WOULD BE THE DEAN OF THEIR SCHOOL, 87 00:03:28,118 --> 00:03:31,288 BUT UNFORTUNATELY, THAT'S NOT YOU. 88 00:03:31,388 --> 00:03:33,156 YOU'RE NOT THE DEAN OF ANY SCHOOL. 89 00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:35,959 YOU'RE A FURNITURE SALESMAN. 90 00:03:36,059 --> 00:03:37,528 THE ONLY REASON PEOPLE CALL YOU "DEAN STRICKLER" 91 00:03:37,628 --> 00:03:39,195 IS THAT IT'S YOUR NAME. 92 00:03:39,296 --> 00:03:41,398 "DEAN" IS YOUR FIRST NAME, YOU SEE, 93 00:03:41,498 --> 00:03:43,600 NOT YOUR JOB TITLE. 94 00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:45,936 SO I GUESS THAT'S THE REASON 95 00:03:46,036 --> 00:03:49,306 THAT YOU CAN'T HAVE THE THETAS KICKED OFF CAMPUS. 96 00:03:49,406 --> 00:03:51,542 - IS THAT WHY? - YEAH. 97 00:03:51,642 --> 00:03:54,711 - [groans] THOSE THETAS! 98 00:03:54,811 --> 00:03:58,048 THEY PROBABLY KNEW THIS ALL ALONG. 99 00:03:58,148 --> 00:03:59,916 IT'S ALL A PART OF THEIR DIRTY-- 100 00:04:00,016 --> 00:04:05,021 - NO, THAT DOESN'T REALLY MAKE ANY SENSE, SIR. 101 00:04:05,121 --> 00:04:07,458 - IT DOESN'T, DOES IT? 102 00:04:07,558 --> 00:04:11,762 STILL, THEY BETTER NOT PLAN ANY OF THEIR HIGH JINKS 103 00:04:11,862 --> 00:04:14,765 FOR THIS WEEKEND'S HOMECOMING DAY PARADE, 104 00:04:14,865 --> 00:04:16,633 OR I SWEAR, I'LL GRAB THEM BY THE-- 105 00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:19,436 - MMM, NO, YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO THAT EITHER. 106 00:04:19,536 --> 00:04:21,204 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. 107 00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:23,607 I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU'RE SO HUNG UP ON THE THETAS. 108 00:04:23,707 --> 00:04:25,509 I MEAN, YOU'VE NEVER MET THEM. 109 00:04:25,609 --> 00:04:27,678 ONLY REASON YOU KNOW ABOUT 'EM AT ALL IS 110 00:04:27,778 --> 00:04:31,448 YOU READ ABOUT THEIR LAST PARTY IN THIS NEWSPAPER. 111 00:04:31,548 --> 00:04:32,683 GUESS IT'S MY FAULT. 112 00:04:32,783 --> 00:04:34,551 I AM YOUR PAPERBOY, AFTER ALL. 113 00:04:34,651 --> 00:04:36,353 THE ONLY REASON I CAME IN HERE 114 00:04:36,453 --> 00:04:38,389 IS THAT YOU OFFERED ME A SODA, 115 00:04:38,489 --> 00:04:41,091 AND IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN, 116 00:04:41,191 --> 00:04:43,594 SO I SHOULD PROBABLY BE GOING. 117 00:04:43,694 --> 00:04:45,261 GOTTA FINISH THE OLD PAPER ROUTE. 118 00:04:45,362 --> 00:04:48,465 HAVE A GOOD DAY. 119 00:04:48,565 --> 00:04:50,501 - OOH, THOSE THETA-- - OOH! 120 00:04:50,601 --> 00:04:54,337 AND, UH, ONE OTHER THING. MY NAME'S NOT CRAWFORD. 121 00:04:54,438 --> 00:04:56,306 IT'S RIVINGTON. 122 00:04:56,407 --> 00:04:57,841 - [exhales] 123 00:04:59,843 --> 00:05:01,077 GOOD-BYE. 124 00:05:01,177 --> 00:05:02,178 [door slams] 125 00:05:02,278 --> 00:05:04,415 [upbeat music] 126 00:05:04,515 --> 00:05:08,084 - * ROOFERS 127 00:05:08,184 --> 00:05:10,687 [rock music] 128 00:05:10,787 --> 00:05:14,491 - OH, MAN, OUR DATES WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE. 129 00:05:14,591 --> 00:05:16,126 - YEAH. HEY, WHAT'S THIS? 130 00:05:16,226 --> 00:05:18,194 BLL-BLL-BLL-BLL-BLL! AAH! 131 00:05:18,294 --> 00:05:20,631 - [groans] STAY FOCUSED, GUYS. 132 00:05:20,731 --> 00:05:21,665 OUR DATES WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE. 133 00:05:21,765 --> 00:05:24,100 - YEAH. HEY, WHAT ARE THESE? 134 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,503 BLL-BLL-BLL-BLL-BLL! AAH! 135 00:05:26,603 --> 00:05:28,539 [soundtrack laughter] 136 00:05:28,639 --> 00:05:31,575 - HEY, KEEP IT DOWN OUT THERE! 137 00:05:31,675 --> 00:05:33,644 - SORRY, MR. VILLANUEVA. 138 00:05:33,744 --> 00:05:35,612 - SORRY, MR. VILLANUEVA. 139 00:05:35,712 --> 00:05:37,347 - WELL, SORRY DON'T BUY THE MOOSE! 140 00:05:37,448 --> 00:05:40,283 - [laughs] 141 00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:42,218 OH, MAN! 142 00:05:42,318 --> 00:05:44,087 HUH? AAH! 143 00:05:44,187 --> 00:05:47,357 [groans] OH! 144 00:05:47,458 --> 00:05:48,825 DARN ROOF! 145 00:05:48,925 --> 00:05:51,828 [somber music] 146 00:05:51,928 --> 00:05:58,101 * 147 00:05:58,201 --> 00:06:01,104 all: * ON THE ROOF, ON THE ROOF, ON THE ROOF * 148 00:06:01,204 --> 00:06:02,639 * ON THE ROOF, ON THE ROOF * 149 00:06:02,739 --> 00:06:04,608 * ON THE ROOF, ON THE ROOF 150 00:06:04,708 --> 00:06:06,643 * ON THE ROOF, ON THE ROOF * 151 00:06:06,743 --> 00:06:09,780 * ON THE ROOF, ON THE ROOF 152 00:06:16,987 --> 00:06:19,155 [guitar chord] 153 00:06:21,892 --> 00:06:25,562 - WE WERE LOST IN THE RAT RACE... 154 00:06:25,662 --> 00:06:27,598 JUST FACES IN THE CROWD... 155 00:06:27,698 --> 00:06:31,134 MOVING LIKE ANTS THROUGH THE SAME MONOTONOUS ROUTINE. 156 00:06:33,069 --> 00:06:34,871 CAN'T YOU SEE? WE'RE SUFFOCATING, MAN! 157 00:06:34,971 --> 00:06:37,674 WE'RE MISSING OUT ON OUR OWN LIVES! 158 00:06:37,774 --> 00:06:40,310 IT'S TIME TO GET OUT THERE AND SEE THE REAL AMERICA! 159 00:06:40,410 --> 00:06:41,578 - LET'S DO IT. 160 00:06:41,678 --> 00:06:44,481 - LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. 161 00:06:44,581 --> 00:06:47,718 [upbeat rock music] 162 00:06:47,818 --> 00:06:49,252 * 163 00:06:49,352 --> 00:06:50,453 AND SO WE HEADED OUT... 164 00:06:50,554 --> 00:06:52,355 GONE TO SEE AMERICA. 165 00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,457 - YEAH! - WHOA! WE'RE DOING IT! 166 00:06:54,558 --> 00:06:56,259 - WHOO! - WHOO! 167 00:06:56,359 --> 00:06:59,162 * 168 00:06:59,262 --> 00:07:01,732 THE ROAD WAS OPEN, AND WE COULD GO ANYWHERE WE PLEASED. 169 00:07:01,832 --> 00:07:05,869 AND WHEN WE GREW WEARY, WE STOPPED FOR REPLENISHMENT. 170 00:07:05,969 --> 00:07:10,574 * 171 00:07:10,674 --> 00:07:12,008 HI! - OH! 172 00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:13,443 THIS IS A LOT OF STUFF. - [laughs] OH! 173 00:07:13,544 --> 00:07:16,446 NACHOS RIGHT HERE. 174 00:07:16,547 --> 00:07:18,414 MMM! - WOW! 175 00:07:18,515 --> 00:07:20,483 - REJUVENATED IN BODY AND SPIRIT... 176 00:07:20,584 --> 00:07:22,519 - OH! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! 177 00:07:22,619 --> 00:07:24,354 WE CAN GO TO D.C. D.C.'S HERE! 178 00:07:24,454 --> 00:07:25,355 both: YEAH! 179 00:07:25,455 --> 00:07:26,356 - WE SET OUR SIGHTS 180 00:07:26,456 --> 00:07:27,624 ON OUR NATION'S CAPITAL, 181 00:07:27,724 --> 00:07:29,793 WHERE IT ALL BEGAN. 182 00:07:29,893 --> 00:07:36,299 * 183 00:07:36,399 --> 00:07:37,300 [laughs] 184 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,904 * 185 00:07:41,004 --> 00:07:42,238 OH, THANK YOU. - I'LL GET YOU SOME WATER. 186 00:07:42,338 --> 00:07:44,140 - CHEERS. - [laughs] 187 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:45,141 - WHO HAD THE SLIDER? 188 00:07:45,241 --> 00:07:46,409 - I DID. - HE DID! 189 00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:48,144 HE SEEMED NEAT. - WHAT A COOL GUY. 190 00:07:48,244 --> 00:07:50,446 - THE BEST TRIP EVER. 191 00:07:50,547 --> 00:07:51,848 - THAT WAS GOOD. 192 00:07:51,948 --> 00:07:56,286 * 193 00:07:56,386 --> 00:07:58,188 - THIS IS GOOD. 194 00:07:58,288 --> 00:07:59,255 * 195 00:07:59,355 --> 00:08:02,225 - OUR SPIRITS CAME ALIVE. 196 00:08:02,325 --> 00:08:04,494 WE COULD GO ANYWHERE WE WANTED. 197 00:08:04,595 --> 00:08:07,330 SERIOUSLY, ANYWHERE WE WANTED TO GO. 198 00:08:07,430 --> 00:08:11,334 * 199 00:08:11,434 --> 00:08:13,704 I KNEW THAT THERE WAS A BACK STORY. 200 00:08:13,804 --> 00:08:14,671 - HEY, WHO HAD THE EXTRA CHEESE? 201 00:08:14,771 --> 00:08:16,506 - OH, SHIT! - OH, YEAH! 202 00:08:16,607 --> 00:08:18,374 - IS THIS GONNA BE GOOD? - OH, IT'S GONNA BE-- 203 00:08:18,474 --> 00:08:20,543 - I BET IT IS. - OKAY, I'M DIGGING IN. 204 00:08:20,644 --> 00:08:21,978 I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY. 205 00:08:22,078 --> 00:08:24,114 - TELL US ABOUT THIS SPORTSZONE. 206 00:08:24,214 --> 00:08:25,716 - ARE YOU GUYS ENJOYING THE CITY? HAVE YOU SEEN A LOT? 207 00:08:25,816 --> 00:08:27,550 - NO, WE CAME HERE, AND THEN WE'RE HEADING OUT 208 00:08:27,651 --> 00:08:29,319 IN ABOUT 40 MINUTES. 209 00:08:29,419 --> 00:08:31,487 * 210 00:08:31,588 --> 00:08:34,324 OH! YOU DA MAN! WHOO-OOP! 211 00:08:34,424 --> 00:08:35,692 * 212 00:08:35,792 --> 00:08:38,361 THAT'S BARBECUE CHICKEN PIZZA. 213 00:08:38,461 --> 00:08:40,664 AND IT'S ALMOST GONE. HA! 214 00:08:40,764 --> 00:08:43,734 - [laughs] OH! THAT WAS AWESOME. 215 00:08:43,834 --> 00:08:46,603 INSPIRATION WAS OUR COMPASS, 216 00:08:46,703 --> 00:08:48,038 FRIENDSHIP WAS OUR CARRIAGE, 217 00:08:48,138 --> 00:08:50,173 AND A RESTAURANT LOCATOR PLACE MAT WAS OUR MAP. 218 00:08:50,273 --> 00:08:52,508 - WE GOTTA GET DOWN HERE! 219 00:08:52,609 --> 00:08:55,345 [men singing in Spanish] 220 00:08:55,445 --> 00:08:59,382 * 221 00:08:59,482 --> 00:09:01,217 WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THIS PIZZA, 222 00:09:01,317 --> 00:09:03,486 IT'S THE SAME EXACT THING THAT IT WAS IN SALT LAKE CITY. 223 00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:04,655 IT'S SO GOOD. 224 00:09:04,755 --> 00:09:06,356 THIS MUST BE THE SAME RECIPE. 225 00:09:06,456 --> 00:09:09,359 [men continue singing in Spanish] 226 00:09:09,459 --> 00:09:10,593 * 227 00:09:10,694 --> 00:09:12,663 THERE IT IS! THERE IT IS! 228 00:09:12,763 --> 00:09:14,330 - FREE TO GO WHERE WE PLEASED, 229 00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:16,667 FREE TO TAKE ANY ROAD. 230 00:09:16,767 --> 00:09:18,268 FREE REFILLS ON ANY LARGE SOFT DRINK. 231 00:09:18,368 --> 00:09:19,836 THANK YOU. - PERFECT. 232 00:09:19,936 --> 00:09:23,506 - WE GAZED INTO THE HORIZON WITH KNOTS IN OUR STOMACH. 233 00:09:23,606 --> 00:09:24,474 GARLIC KNOTS. 234 00:09:24,574 --> 00:09:25,776 * 235 00:09:25,876 --> 00:09:28,344 - OH, LOOK WHAT IT IS! - AH! 236 00:09:28,444 --> 00:09:30,947 MMM! CHEERS! 237 00:09:31,047 --> 00:09:34,685 * 238 00:09:34,785 --> 00:09:36,519 DOUBLE SHOT! [laughs] 239 00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:37,821 - OH! 240 00:09:37,921 --> 00:09:39,389 - WE WENT LOOKING FOR AMERICA, 241 00:09:39,489 --> 00:09:42,759 BUT WE ENDED UP FINDING OURSELVES... 242 00:09:42,859 --> 00:09:44,695 A GREAT DEAL ON JALAPENO POPPERS. 243 00:09:44,795 --> 00:09:45,896 WE ENDED UP FINDING OURSELVES 244 00:09:45,996 --> 00:09:46,763 A GREAT DEAL ON JALAPENO POPPERS. 245 00:09:46,863 --> 00:09:48,231 SORRY I PAUSED THERE. 246 00:09:48,331 --> 00:09:49,666 I THINK I GOT SOMETHING STUCK IN MY THROAT. 247 00:09:49,766 --> 00:09:51,601 - PROBABLY ONE OF THESE POPPERS. 248 00:09:51,702 --> 00:09:53,303 - PROBABLY. 249 00:09:53,403 --> 00:09:55,605 PROBABLY. 250 00:09:55,706 --> 00:09:57,073 - OH. - OH. 251 00:09:59,575 --> 00:10:00,476 [upbeat music] 252 00:10:00,576 --> 00:10:01,577 - A, B MARK. 253 00:10:01,678 --> 00:10:04,514 [electronic music] 254 00:10:04,614 --> 00:10:05,381 [cheers and applause] 255 00:10:05,481 --> 00:10:07,350 [clang] 256 00:10:07,450 --> 00:10:08,819 - THEY'RE PROS. 257 00:10:08,919 --> 00:10:10,553 I MEAN, NOT PRO ACTORS. THEY'RE PRO ROOFERS. 258 00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:12,655 BUT THAT'S KIND OF NEAT. 259 00:10:12,756 --> 00:10:13,556 - [laughs] - OH! 260 00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:15,258 - YEAH. 261 00:10:15,358 --> 00:10:16,760 - GUYS, I GOT A QUESTION ABOUT THE JOKE ON PAGE FOUR. 262 00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:18,628 THE PUNCH LINE IS, 263 00:10:18,729 --> 00:10:21,331 "I'D RATHER PUT GRAVEL ON A 9/12 PITCH." 264 00:10:21,431 --> 00:10:25,535 [laughter] - THAT'S GOING IN? 265 00:10:25,635 --> 00:10:26,903 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 266 00:10:27,003 --> 00:10:28,338 THIS GRAVEL STUFF, I THINK IT'S FUNNY. 267 00:10:28,438 --> 00:10:29,672 I THINK IT'S FUNNY. 268 00:10:29,773 --> 00:10:31,174 THE WHOLE PLOT LINE ABOUT THE TAR PAPER, 269 00:10:31,274 --> 00:10:34,010 THAT'S--THAT'S REALLY JUST A METAPHOR, RIGHT? 270 00:10:34,110 --> 00:10:36,612 - WHAT THE HELL IS THIS GUY TALKING ABOUT? 271 00:10:36,713 --> 00:10:38,448 - HE'S MAKING ABOUT AS MUCH SENSE 272 00:10:38,548 --> 00:10:40,516 AS GRAVEL ON A 9/12 PITCH. 273 00:10:40,616 --> 00:10:43,486 [laughter] 274 00:10:43,586 --> 00:10:45,756 GOD, A GOOD ONE. 275 00:10:46,890 --> 00:10:50,326 - WHAT WAS THAT? NOTHING? 276 00:10:50,426 --> 00:10:51,527 - NOTHING, FRENCH. 277 00:10:51,627 --> 00:10:55,631 - THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, PUNK. 278 00:10:55,732 --> 00:10:57,901 PUNK ASS. 279 00:11:00,070 --> 00:11:01,772 I MEAN, NOBODY'S WINNING AN EMMY, 280 00:11:01,872 --> 00:11:03,539 BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT IT'S ABOUT. 281 00:11:03,639 --> 00:11:05,375 NOT ANYMORE. 282 00:11:07,778 --> 00:11:09,212 [upbeat music] 283 00:11:09,312 --> 00:11:11,647 [rock music] - ATTENTION, MR. PRESIDENT. 284 00:11:11,748 --> 00:11:13,516 I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE. 285 00:11:13,616 --> 00:11:15,485 GET YOUR PEN OUT, 'CAUSE THERE ARE 286 00:11:15,585 --> 00:11:16,652 A FEW PROBLEMS IN THIS COUNTRY 287 00:11:16,753 --> 00:11:18,621 THAT HAVE COME TO MY ATTENTION. 288 00:11:18,721 --> 00:11:19,823 TAKE SOME NOTES. 289 00:11:19,923 --> 00:11:22,859 QUIZ ON FRIDAY, SUCKERS! 290 00:11:22,959 --> 00:11:25,095 ONE, TWO, THREE, UHH! 291 00:11:25,195 --> 00:11:27,230 * LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE PROBLEMS IN AMERICA * 292 00:11:27,330 --> 00:11:29,065 * HERE ARE THE PROBLEMS IN AMERICA * 293 00:11:29,165 --> 00:11:31,201 * THESE ARE THE PROBLEMS IN AMERICA * 294 00:11:31,301 --> 00:11:33,804 * LISTEN TO THE PROBLEMS IN AMERICA * 295 00:11:33,904 --> 00:11:35,705 * A TEACHER IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE * 296 00:11:35,806 --> 00:11:37,473 * AFTER THE GRAD SCHOOL THAT HE'S DONE * 297 00:11:37,573 --> 00:11:39,910 * HE CAN'T GET A JOB 'CAUSE THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN * 298 00:11:40,010 --> 00:11:41,577 * THAT'S PROBLEM NUMBER ONE 299 00:11:41,677 --> 00:11:43,847 * PROBLEM TWO HAS TO DO 300 00:11:43,947 --> 00:11:45,849 * WITH THE OIL OVERSEAS 301 00:11:45,949 --> 00:11:48,184 * AND THE BLOOD WE SHED TO SHIP IT HOME * 302 00:11:48,284 --> 00:11:50,186 * WHILE WE PRETEND TO LIVE FREE * 303 00:11:50,286 --> 00:11:52,088 * AND GUESS WHAT, MR. PRESIDENT * 304 00:11:52,188 --> 00:11:54,390 * NUMBER THREE IS CORPORATE GREED * 305 00:11:54,490 --> 00:11:56,126 * COME ON 306 00:11:56,226 --> 00:12:02,732 * 307 00:12:02,833 --> 00:12:05,035 * THERE ARE THREE PROBLEMS IN AMERICA * 308 00:12:05,135 --> 00:12:06,970 * THREE PROBLEMS IN AMERICA * 309 00:12:07,070 --> 00:12:08,972 * JUST THREE PROBLEMS IN AMERICA * 310 00:12:09,072 --> 00:12:11,574 * ONLY THREE PROBLEMS IN AMERICA * 311 00:12:11,674 --> 00:12:14,710 YO. CHECK IT. TO ALL MY FANS. 312 00:12:14,811 --> 00:12:16,746 I RECENTLY GOT BACK FROM A WORLD TOUR, 313 00:12:16,847 --> 00:12:18,648 WHERE I WITNESSED THE STRUGGLE OF PEOPLE 314 00:12:18,748 --> 00:12:20,083 FROM AROUND THE GLOBE. 315 00:12:20,183 --> 00:12:22,718 EVERY COUNTRY HAD THEIR PROBLEMS, 316 00:12:22,819 --> 00:12:25,388 AND IT CHANGED MY WHOLE PERSPECTIVE. 317 00:12:25,488 --> 00:12:27,824 DEAL WITH THAT! 318 00:12:27,924 --> 00:12:30,660 * SOUTH AFRICA HAS 98 PROBLEMS * 319 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,762 * IRAN HAS 67 PROBLEMS 320 00:12:32,863 --> 00:12:34,831 * GERMANY'S GOT 27 PROBLEMS * 321 00:12:34,931 --> 00:12:36,699 * CANADA'S GOT 8 PROBLEMS 322 00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:38,801 * AMERICA'S THE BEST 323 00:12:38,902 --> 00:12:40,670 * TAKE IT FROM ME 324 00:12:40,770 --> 00:12:43,006 * WE ONLY GOT THREE PROBLEMS * 325 00:12:43,106 --> 00:12:45,842 * OUR PROBLEMS, WE ONLY HAVE THREE * 326 00:12:45,942 --> 00:12:47,878 ALSO, I JUST LOOKED BACK 327 00:12:47,978 --> 00:12:49,445 OVER MY LIST OF PROBLEMS IN AMERICA, 328 00:12:49,545 --> 00:12:51,948 AND PROBLEMS TWO AND THREE FALL UNDER THE SAME CATEGORY 329 00:12:52,048 --> 00:12:53,749 OF CORPORATE GREED. 330 00:12:53,850 --> 00:12:56,486 BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, WITHOUT CORPORATIONS, 331 00:12:56,586 --> 00:12:57,820 I WOULDN'T HAVE SOME OF THE STUFF IN AMERICA 332 00:12:57,921 --> 00:12:59,522 THAT I REALLY LOVE. 333 00:12:59,622 --> 00:13:02,058 SO LET'S COMBINE TWO AND THREE 334 00:13:02,158 --> 00:13:03,894 AND THEN CROSS 'EM OFF THE LIST! 335 00:13:03,994 --> 00:13:05,862 THAT JUST LEAVES US WITH UNEMPLOYMENT LINES, 336 00:13:05,962 --> 00:13:07,797 OR ANY SORT OF LINE FOR THAT MATTER. 337 00:13:07,898 --> 00:13:10,633 LINES ARE THE MAIN PROBLEM IN AMERICA! 338 00:13:10,733 --> 00:13:12,435 * THERE IS ONE PROBLEM IN AMERICA * 339 00:13:12,535 --> 00:13:14,670 * ONE PROBLEM IN AMERICA 340 00:13:14,770 --> 00:13:16,306 * ONE PROBLEM IN AMERICA * 341 00:13:16,406 --> 00:13:18,341 * LINES ARE THE PROBLEM IN AMERICA * 342 00:13:18,441 --> 00:13:20,810 * LINES ARE THE PROBLEM IN AMERICA * 343 00:13:20,911 --> 00:13:23,379 * LINES ARE THE PROBLEM IN AMERICA * 344 00:13:23,479 --> 00:13:26,816 GOD BLESS THIS COUNTRY, THE BEAUTIFUL U.S. OF A.! 345 00:13:26,917 --> 00:13:28,551 [soundtrack laughter] - WHOA! 346 00:13:28,651 --> 00:13:30,686 I GOT SANDPAPER STUCK TO MY HAND! 347 00:13:30,786 --> 00:13:32,188 [laughter] 348 00:13:32,288 --> 00:13:34,557 - HEY, ROOFERS, THERE'S A PACKAGE FOR YOU. 349 00:13:34,657 --> 00:13:36,927 all: OH. 350 00:13:37,027 --> 00:13:38,728 [soundtrack laughter] 351 00:13:38,828 --> 00:13:40,897 - THERE'S A NOTE. 352 00:13:40,997 --> 00:13:42,832 - IT'S FROM OUR EX-GIRLFRIEND. 353 00:13:42,933 --> 00:13:44,500 [laughter] 354 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:45,868 "DEAR ROOFERS, 355 00:13:45,969 --> 00:13:48,038 "REMEMBER THAT NIGHT IN MONTE CARLO? 356 00:13:48,138 --> 00:13:50,573 "SAY HELLO TO YOUR... DAUGHTER"? 357 00:13:50,673 --> 00:13:51,574 - [gasps] 358 00:13:51,674 --> 00:13:53,709 [all gasp] 359 00:13:53,809 --> 00:13:55,345 - YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING US. 360 00:13:55,445 --> 00:13:58,281 - YOU KNOW, I USED TO GO AND SEE 361 00:13:58,381 --> 00:13:59,715 THE BEATLES PLAY AT THE CAVERN CLUB. 362 00:13:59,815 --> 00:14:01,184 THIS WAS BEFORE THEY GOT REALLY BIG. 363 00:14:01,284 --> 00:14:03,286 THAT WAS REALLY SOMETHING. 364 00:14:03,386 --> 00:14:07,924 - WELL, UH, I USED TO KNOW THE GOOFY ROOFERS. 365 00:14:08,024 --> 00:14:10,793 [indistinct chatter] 366 00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:13,997 - WELL, THAT TOPS ME. 367 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,334 - [scoffs] 368 00:14:18,434 --> 00:14:20,536 SORRY TO RUIN YOUR PEANUT PARTY. 369 00:14:20,636 --> 00:14:23,806 - WE CAN'T RAISE A BABY! WE WORK ON A ROOF! 370 00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,541 [soundtrack laughter] 371 00:14:25,641 --> 00:14:28,311 - THANKS FOR WATCHING THIS WEEK'S EPISODE, FOLKS, 372 00:14:28,411 --> 00:14:30,580 BUT BEFORE WE GO, WE WOULD LIKE TO PAY TRIBUTE 373 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:32,182 TO ONE SPECIAL PERSON 374 00:14:32,282 --> 00:14:33,916 WHO HELPED US GET TO WHERE WE ARE TODAY. 375 00:14:34,017 --> 00:14:36,752 AND THAT PERSON IS... 376 00:14:36,852 --> 00:14:38,754 THE PRESIDENT OF THE NETWORK. 377 00:14:38,854 --> 00:14:40,290 THANK YOU. 378 00:14:40,390 --> 00:14:41,724 [orchestral music and applause] 379 00:14:41,824 --> 00:14:43,693 - THANKS, BOYS, 380 00:14:43,793 --> 00:14:45,428 BUT I CAN'T TAKE ALL THE CREDIT. 381 00:14:45,528 --> 00:14:47,663 THERE'S SOMEBODY THAT I WOULD LIKE TO THANK AS WELL. 382 00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,399 [drum roll] 383 00:14:49,499 --> 00:14:51,001 OUR NETWORK'S LARGEST CORPORATE SHAREHOLDER, 384 00:14:51,101 --> 00:14:53,636 BILLIONAIRE TADASHI TANAKA. 385 00:14:53,736 --> 00:14:55,571 [applause] 386 00:14:55,671 --> 00:15:00,977 - [laughs and shouts] 387 00:15:01,077 --> 00:15:03,980 [cheering] 388 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,017 - I'LL SHOW YA. 389 00:15:07,117 --> 00:15:09,352 [orchestral music] - I CAN'T MAKE LUNCH! 390 00:15:09,452 --> 00:15:12,288 I HAVE TO DO LUNCH! [soundtrack laughter] 391 00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:18,461 [guitar chord] 392 00:15:18,561 --> 00:15:19,629 [overlapping chatter] 393 00:15:19,729 --> 00:15:21,031 - GOT ANOTHER PITCHER OF WATER. 394 00:15:21,131 --> 00:15:22,798 - HEY! - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! 395 00:15:22,898 --> 00:15:23,933 THANKS SO MUCH. - WHAT'D I MISS? 396 00:15:24,034 --> 00:15:25,168 WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? 397 00:15:25,268 --> 00:15:27,837 - WOMEN. THE "FAIRER SEX," IF YOU WILL. 398 00:15:27,937 --> 00:15:29,472 - YEAH. 399 00:15:29,572 --> 00:15:31,874 - TIM OVER HERE WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT THE BREASTS. 400 00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:33,143 - YOU'RE TAKING THAT OUT OF CONTEXT. 401 00:15:33,243 --> 00:15:35,811 WHAT I SAID WAS, I FIND THE BREASTS 402 00:15:35,911 --> 00:15:37,847 TO BE ATTRACTIVE, YOU KNOW? 403 00:15:37,947 --> 00:15:40,250 THEY'RE JUST SORT OF, WELL, SEXY TO ME. 404 00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:42,685 - NO, I GET IT. I GET WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM. 405 00:15:42,785 --> 00:15:47,190 - PRIME EXAMPLE--I ACTUALLY HAVE A THING FOR THE BUTTOCKS. 406 00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:49,292 - SO WHAT IS IS ABOUT THAT PART THAT, UH-- 407 00:15:49,392 --> 00:15:50,760 IT JUST CATCHES YOUR EYE, OR-- 408 00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:54,297 - SOMETIMES, YEAH, BUT, I KNOW, THE BUTTOCKS, RIGHT? 409 00:15:54,397 --> 00:15:56,766 BUT YEAH, THE BUTTOCKS FOR ME! 410 00:15:56,866 --> 00:15:58,501 - NO, ACTUALLY, I GET IT. 411 00:15:58,601 --> 00:16:00,770 IT CAN BE KIND OF AROUSING IN A WAY. 412 00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:01,637 - THAT'S A GREAT WAY OF PUTTING IT. 413 00:16:01,737 --> 00:16:03,139 - WHAT? 414 00:16:03,239 --> 00:16:04,507 - THAT'S A GREAT WAY OF PUTTING IT. 415 00:16:04,607 --> 00:16:06,109 - OH! 416 00:16:06,209 --> 00:16:08,144 - ESPECIALLY IF IT'S-- WELL, I SHOULDN'T SAY IT. 417 00:16:08,244 --> 00:16:10,380 IT'S KIND OF WEIRD. - COME ON, SAY IT, GO ON! 418 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,348 - WELL, IF IT'S FIT, YOU KNOW? 419 00:16:12,448 --> 00:16:15,118 SORT OF SUBSTANTIAL BUT, LIKE, SHAPELY. 420 00:16:15,218 --> 00:16:16,986 - OH. - AH, WHAT AM I SAYING? 421 00:16:17,087 --> 00:16:18,721 I DON'T KNOW. - NO, NO, NO, NO. 422 00:16:18,821 --> 00:16:20,256 - IT'S OKAY. 423 00:16:20,356 --> 00:16:21,491 YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU NEED TO BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. 424 00:16:21,591 --> 00:16:22,625 - RIGHT. - YEAH. 425 00:16:22,725 --> 00:16:24,026 - HEY, I GOT MY OWN QUIRKS. 426 00:16:24,127 --> 00:16:26,929 I MEAN, IF I SEE A WOMAN WITH A SYMMETRICAL FACE-- 427 00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:29,932 - EYES, NOSE, MOUTH, ET CETERA. 428 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:31,901 - RIGHT, RIGHT. IF SHE HAS, LIKE, NICE SKIN 429 00:16:32,001 --> 00:16:33,536 AND A PROPORTIONAL BODY-- 430 00:16:33,636 --> 00:16:35,605 - LIKE THE CLASSICAL IDEA OF BEAUTY. 431 00:16:35,705 --> 00:16:37,307 - EXACTLY! 432 00:16:37,407 --> 00:16:40,476 IF SHE FITS THE CLASSICAL IDEA OF BEAUTY, IT JUST-- 433 00:16:40,576 --> 00:16:42,145 - I'M JUST TRYING TO PICTURE THIS, THOUGH. 434 00:16:42,245 --> 00:16:43,012 SO, UH-- - OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 435 00:16:43,113 --> 00:16:44,580 I GOTTA SAY THIS, 436 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,582 AND I'VE WANTED TO SAY IT MY WHOLE LIFE. 437 00:16:46,682 --> 00:16:49,051 IF SHE'S NOT WEARING CLOTHING, YOU KNOW? 438 00:16:49,152 --> 00:16:51,387 LIKE, NO CLOTH OR COVERING. 439 00:16:51,487 --> 00:16:53,556 OR--OR IF SHE IS WEARING CLOTHING OR CLOTH, 440 00:16:53,656 --> 00:16:57,593 BUT THERE'S A SUGGESTION THAT MAYBE IT MIGHT FALL OFF, 441 00:16:57,693 --> 00:17:00,029 I JUST--I TUNE IN AGAIN! 442 00:17:00,130 --> 00:17:01,931 I SWITCH IT ON! - YEAH. 443 00:17:02,031 --> 00:17:03,399 - I COULD SEE THAT, YEAH. 444 00:17:03,499 --> 00:17:05,301 - BUT WHAT IF SHE'S GOT A GREAT PERSONALITY, 445 00:17:05,401 --> 00:17:08,171 YOU KNOW, SHARES SOME OF YOUR INTERESTS AND GOALS? 446 00:17:08,271 --> 00:17:11,407 - AND SHE'S LOYAL, YOU KNOW, BUT SHE'S NOT OVERBEARING. 447 00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:13,243 - WHEN I MEET A WOMAN LIKE THAT, 448 00:17:13,343 --> 00:17:16,179 IT'S LIKE-- HEY, WHAT DO I KNOW? 449 00:17:16,279 --> 00:17:19,482 COUNT ME IN, I GUESS. - YEAH! 450 00:17:19,582 --> 00:17:21,284 - I MAY EVEN GET AROUSED, TO BORROW CHRIS'S TERM. 451 00:17:21,384 --> 00:17:24,887 - WHAT? - HE SAID HE'D GET AROUSED. 452 00:17:24,987 --> 00:17:26,722 - OH, YEAH. WILD, HOW IT ALL WORKS. 453 00:17:26,822 --> 00:17:29,058 - YEAH. - HEY, GUYS. 454 00:17:29,159 --> 00:17:31,026 BUY SOME DRINKS AND QUIET DOWN OR LEAVE. 455 00:17:31,127 --> 00:17:33,095 THE LADY'S TRYING TO DO A SHOW. 456 00:17:33,196 --> 00:17:35,898 [rock music playing] 457 00:17:35,998 --> 00:17:39,135 - OH, OKAY, ABSOLUTELY. WE'LL LEAVE. 458 00:17:39,235 --> 00:17:40,470 - BYE. - SORRY ABOUT THAT. 459 00:17:40,570 --> 00:17:42,638 - EXCUSE ME. - SORRY. SORRY ABOUT THAT. 460 00:17:42,738 --> 00:17:43,839 - SORRY. 461 00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:46,142 [upbeat music] 462 00:17:46,242 --> 00:17:48,644 - I'M DEAN STRICKLER, 463 00:17:48,744 --> 00:17:51,881 AND YOU HAD BETTER BE READY TO GRADUATE 464 00:17:51,981 --> 00:17:55,551 FROM YOUR TWIN BED TO THIS BEAUTIFUL NEW QUEEN-SIZED. 465 00:17:55,651 --> 00:18:00,156 GOOD NEWS--YOU, YOUNG MAN, ARE HEREBY SUSPENDED 466 00:18:00,256 --> 00:18:02,592 FROM THIS BEAUTIFUL NEW HAMMOCK, 467 00:18:02,692 --> 00:18:04,227 NOW ON SALE. 468 00:18:04,327 --> 00:18:06,562 MY NAME IS DEAN STRICKLER, AND I SELL FURNITURE. 469 00:18:06,662 --> 00:18:08,831 I'M NOT IN CHARGE OF A COLLEGE. 470 00:18:08,931 --> 00:18:09,832 THERE. I SAID IT. 471 00:18:12,935 --> 00:18:14,304 [upbeat music] 472 00:18:15,871 --> 00:18:17,106 - [exhales] 473 00:18:17,207 --> 00:18:20,376 [hammering] 474 00:18:25,815 --> 00:18:26,782 [taps] 475 00:18:38,261 --> 00:18:41,464 [sobbing] 476 00:18:44,867 --> 00:18:46,536 - THANKS, EVERYBODY! 477 00:18:46,636 --> 00:18:48,137 [cheers and applause] - THANK YOU! 478 00:18:48,238 --> 00:18:49,205 - HEY! - WHOA! 479 00:18:49,305 --> 00:18:54,344 [cheers and applause] 480 00:18:54,444 --> 00:18:56,812 - YEAH, IT WAS A GOOD RUN, THOUGH, IT WAS. 481 00:18:58,914 --> 00:19:00,816 - HEY, GU--HEY, GUYS. 482 00:19:00,916 --> 00:19:02,785 IT'S ME, MR. VANDELLO. 483 00:19:02,885 --> 00:19:04,220 HOW'S IT GOING? 484 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,389 I'M A BIG FAN OF THE SHOW. 485 00:19:06,489 --> 00:19:09,259 HEY, WOULD YOU SIGN MY BOOK FOR ME? 486 00:19:10,326 --> 00:19:12,161 - SURE. - GREAT. 487 00:19:12,262 --> 00:19:14,264 I LOVE YOUR SHOW. 488 00:19:14,364 --> 00:19:16,198 I CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT SEASON. 489 00:19:16,299 --> 00:19:19,569 - [laughs] - [mutters] 490 00:19:19,669 --> 00:19:22,838 - ACTUALLY, THERE WON'T BE A NEXT SEASON. 491 00:19:22,938 --> 00:19:25,040 - WHAT? 492 00:19:25,140 --> 00:19:27,142 - IT GOT CANCELED. 493 00:19:27,243 --> 00:19:30,313 - THAT'S TOO BAD. - I DON'T KNOW. 494 00:19:30,413 --> 00:19:32,114 I THINK IT WAS PRETTY INEVITABLE, REALLY. 495 00:19:32,214 --> 00:19:34,817 I MEAN, GOOFY ROOFERS? 496 00:19:34,917 --> 00:19:36,286 IT'S PRETTY STUPID. 497 00:19:36,386 --> 00:19:37,820 - SURE, IT SOUNDS FUNNY FOR A SECOND, 498 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,290 BUT IT'S NOT LIKE THAT CAN SUSTAIN ITSELF. 499 00:19:40,390 --> 00:19:41,257 - WHAT'S RELEVANT ABOUT IT? 500 00:19:41,357 --> 00:19:43,025 WHAT'S TIMELY OR RELATABLE 501 00:19:43,125 --> 00:19:44,159 ABOUT A BUNCH OF ROOFERS 502 00:19:44,260 --> 00:19:45,328 SMACKING EACH OTHER AROUND? 503 00:19:45,428 --> 00:19:47,297 - I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. NOTHING. 504 00:19:47,397 --> 00:19:49,031 - IT'S A HACK JOB, YOU KNOW? A LARK. 505 00:19:49,131 --> 00:19:51,367 AND YOU CAN'T BE WASTING PEOPLE'S TIME WITH THAT CRAP. 506 00:19:51,467 --> 00:19:53,736 - IT'S JUST NOT WORTHY OF BEING BROADCAST, 507 00:19:53,836 --> 00:19:56,772 WHETHER IT'S A SITCOM OR A RUNNING GAG ON A SKETCH SHOW. 508 00:19:56,872 --> 00:19:59,108 I MEAN, THIS IS TV WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE. 509 00:19:59,208 --> 00:20:00,710 - IT'S A BIG PRODUCTION-- 510 00:20:00,810 --> 00:20:02,278 CREW, TRUCKS, ELECTRICIANS, AND FOR WHAT? 511 00:20:02,378 --> 00:20:04,680 GOOFY ROOFERS? NO, THANK YOU. 512 00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:06,716 - AND THE WORST PART OF IT ALL, 513 00:20:06,816 --> 00:20:10,620 THINK OF THE VIEWERS COMING HOME FROM WORK, 514 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:12,855 TIRED, JUST LOOKING FOR A LITTLE BIT OF ENTERTAINMENT. 515 00:20:12,955 --> 00:20:17,192 DO YOU REALLY THINK THEY WANT GOOFY ROOFERS? NO WAY. 516 00:20:17,293 --> 00:20:19,061 - IT'S A COMPLETE GODDAMN WASTE OF TIME. 517 00:20:19,161 --> 00:20:21,931 - MM-HMM. - WELL, I LID IT. 518 00:20:22,031 --> 00:20:24,967 HEY, YOU GUYS WANT TO COME FIX MY ROOF AGAIN? 519 00:20:25,067 --> 00:20:26,201 IT STILL HAS A HOLE IN IT. 520 00:20:26,302 --> 00:20:27,903 IT'LL BE JUST LIKE OLD TIMES-- 521 00:20:28,003 --> 00:20:31,641 YOU KNOW, BEFORE THE TV SHOW AND THE TELL-ALL BOOKS. 522 00:20:31,741 --> 00:20:33,909 MAYBE AFTER ALL, EVERYTHING YOU WERE LOOKING FOR 523 00:20:34,009 --> 00:20:36,646 WAS RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE AND OVER YOUR HEADS, 524 00:20:36,746 --> 00:20:38,881 JUST LIKE YOUR THEME SONG SAYS. 525 00:20:38,981 --> 00:20:41,851 [upbeat music] 526 00:20:41,951 --> 00:20:42,952 * 527 00:20:43,052 --> 00:20:44,153 [laughs] 528 00:20:44,253 --> 00:20:47,222 - YEE-HOO-HOO! - [laughs] 529 00:20:47,323 --> 00:20:49,892 * 530 00:20:49,992 --> 00:20:51,226 [laughter] 531 00:20:51,327 --> 00:20:57,032 * 532 00:20:57,132 --> 00:21:00,636 - * ROOFERS 533 00:21:03,005 --> 00:21:04,206 [upbeat music] 534 00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:06,175 - I'M BACK, BABY! 535 00:21:06,275 --> 00:21:07,042 I ALREADY TOLD YOU SOME OF THE PROBLEMS 536 00:21:07,142 --> 00:21:08,210 I HAVE WITH AMERICA, 537 00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:09,845 BUT I AIN'T DONE YET. 538 00:21:09,945 --> 00:21:11,046 NOW I'M GONNA TELL YOU 539 00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:16,619 THREE THINGS THAT I LOVE! 540 00:21:16,719 --> 00:21:18,554 * I REALLY LOVE GOOD WI-FI * 541 00:21:18,654 --> 00:21:20,790 * AND A MAJOR LEAGUE BALL GAME 542 00:21:20,890 --> 00:21:22,492 * SEASON ONE OF GOOFY ROOFERS * 543 00:21:22,592 --> 00:21:24,860 * THAT SHOW IS SO INSANE 544 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,996 * YEAH, WHEN IT COMES TO AMERICA * 545 00:21:27,096 --> 00:21:29,399 * THE WOMEN CAN'T BE BEAT [glasses clink] 546 00:21:29,499 --> 00:21:31,300 * BUT A GIRL WITH A GREAT MIND AND BODY * 547 00:21:31,401 --> 00:21:33,335 * THAT'S THE ONE I WANT TO MEET * 548 00:21:33,436 --> 00:21:35,505 * I REALLY LOVE DAVE MATTHEWS * 549 00:21:35,605 --> 00:21:37,807 * HIS CONCERTS ARE A THRILL * 550 00:21:37,907 --> 00:21:39,609 * AND WHEN I'M CRAVING MOZZA STICKS * 551 00:21:39,709 --> 00:21:40,876 * I HEAD TO TV SPORTSZONE GRILL * 552 00:21:40,976 --> 00:21:42,177 [chomps] 553 00:21:42,277 --> 00:21:44,113 * I LOVE THE COLLEGE LIFESTYLE * 554 00:21:44,213 --> 00:21:46,215 * THE FRATS ARE ALL SO GREAT * 555 00:21:46,315 --> 00:21:48,350 * I BUY MY CHAIRS FROM DEAN STRICKLER * 556 00:21:48,451 --> 00:21:50,219 * BEST SALESMAN IN THE STATE * 557 00:21:50,319 --> 00:21:52,422 * I'M JUST NOW STARTING TO REALIZE * 558 00:21:52,522 --> 00:21:54,590 * THAT MY LIST IS MORE THAN THREE * 559 00:21:54,690 --> 00:21:56,125 * BUT THERE'S TOO MUCH GOOD STUFF * 560 00:21:56,225 --> 00:21:57,126 * IN THIS COUNTRY THAT I LOVE * 561 00:21:57,226 --> 00:21:59,429 * THE LAND OF THE FREE 562 00:22:01,196 --> 00:22:03,065 - OH! SHAVING! 563 00:22:03,165 --> 00:22:04,266 [laughter] 564 00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:06,068 YOU'RE NOT SHAVING. 565 00:22:06,168 --> 00:22:07,703 OH! [laughs] 566 00:22:07,803 --> 00:22:10,139 [laughter] - * DOO DOO DOO DOO 567 00:22:10,239 --> 00:22:12,274 - [laughs] OH! 568 00:22:12,374 --> 00:22:14,544 - CHECK ME OUT. I'M A ROOF! 569 00:22:14,644 --> 00:22:17,312 [laughter] - AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! 570 00:22:17,413 --> 00:22:18,848 [thud] 571 00:22:18,948 --> 00:22:20,315 [laughter stops] 572 00:22:20,416 --> 00:22:23,118 [groans] 573 00:22:23,218 --> 00:22:25,788 - SOMEBODY CALL 911! 574 00:22:25,888 --> 00:22:31,627 [siren wailing]