1
00:00:02,335 --> 00:00:06,138
Okay, we have
three scratchers left,
2
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,307
And we really need
a win here, okay?
3
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:12,845
Cherry...
(laughs nervously)
(tori) okay...
4
00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:14,780
Cherry...
Ohh!
5
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:16,015
Lemon...
6
00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:17,616
Ooh!
Damn!
7
00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:19,518
Cherry!
Whoo! (laughing)
8
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,254
One dollar! (laughing)
oh, my god!
Yes, yes, yes!
9
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,456
Uhh!
Why are we cheering?
10
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,592
Did another state
legalize weed?
11
00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:27,626
No.
12
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,962
We just hit
a winning scratcher,
13
00:00:29,964 --> 00:00:33,198
And, uh, wisconsin is about
this close to legalizing weed.
14
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,534
It's just tough to get
stoners out to vote.
15
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:39,638
Guys, you know how much
I hate scratchers.
16
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,374
My family threw away
so much money on them.
17
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:45,778
My cousin tiffany said
that scratchers were her heroin.
18
00:00:45,780 --> 00:00:48,347
Tiffany smoked actual heroin.
19
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:50,549
Jenny, you're not our mom.
20
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,184
'cause if you were,
that'd be awful--
21
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,752
The things that I think
about you.
22
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:54,987
Ohh...
23
00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:56,188
Now here we go.
24
00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:57,423
Let's go.
Let's do it.
25
00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:59,291
Cherry...
(derrick laughs) ooh!
26
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,226
Cherry...
Yeah!
27
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:04,563
Hey, everyone!
And a turd.
28
00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:08,067
Guess what.
Threepeat and I
29
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,535
Projected
the wallace cooper fund
30
00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:12,171
Would beat the s&p
by 325 basis points,
31
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,173
And it did exactly.
32
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:16,542
(jenny giggles)
33
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:18,644
Got a much bigger
reaction upstairs.
34
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:21,213
(giggles)
anyway, the point is,
35
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:23,715
I made a client
a million dollars overnight.
36
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:27,052
Damn, who was that guy?
He sounds cute.
37
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:28,987
Well, I do not know,
38
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:34,460
But I am sure client number
0006914325134ab12161993
39
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:37,896
Will have a smile on his
or her or their face. (chuckles)
40
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,998
Snooze flash--
you're boring!
41
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,334
Oh, really? Boring?
Is it also boring
42
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,770
That I crushed
the russell small cap index
43
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:47,773
By over 15...
Yeah, okay, I hear myself.
44
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,141
(jenny) mm-hmm.
45
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,742
Well, baby,
I think it's interesting.
46
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:53,278
Really?
No. But I like
your face.
47
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,780
Aw...
(laughs)
48
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,882
I'll take it.
Mwah.
49
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:59,151
This is
our last scratcher.
(exhales)
50
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:00,719
(sighs)
and when we're done
with this,
51
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:03,455
Let's promise ourselves we are
gonna go buy so many more.
52
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:04,890
Hell yeah.
More. (chuckles)
53
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:06,492
Or...
54
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,694
Instead of throwing your
money away on scratchers,
55
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:11,029
You could give it to brody
to invest.
56
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:12,397
He is not gonna
do that for us.
57
00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:13,732
Yeah, he wouldn't even
introduce me
58
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,834
To his rich friend
with the long number.
59
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:18,303
You guys, he just made
a million dollars
60
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,339
For a guy he doesn't
even know.
61
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:22,508
He loves you guys.
Of course he'd help you out.
62
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:25,644
Hold on. You want me
to give my life savings
63
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,847
To the man that I hate
the most in the world?
64
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:32,784
(laughs) how do you expect
to convince me to do that?
65
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,821
(clicks tongue) please.
66
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,690
I'm in.
67
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,629
♪
68
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:46,899
-- Captions by vitac --
69
00:02:53,606 --> 00:02:57,576
You two beat the s&p
by 350 basis points.
70
00:02:57,578 --> 00:03:00,345
That's the most exciting
thing I've ever heard.
71
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:02,548
I know! That's what
I keep saying.
72
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,283
And your timing
couldn't be better,
73
00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:06,351
As I'm choosing someone
to run my new office,
74
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,554
And you two have just shot
to the top of that list.
75
00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:11,456
Ahh, it's happening,
it's all happening.
76
00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:15,694
First, I need to see how you
interact with clients.
77
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,630
That's right, you earned it--
face time.
78
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:22,568
(high-pitched voice) ohh!
(high-pitched voice)
oh, my god, are you kidding?!
79
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:29,708
(normal voice)
sorry, sir.
80
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,510
That's okay. Screaming
like a teenage girl
81
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,512
Swimming in a freezing-cold lake
82
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:36,215
Is the appropriate response
to face time.
83
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:40,319
Today is client review,
so everyone in our roster
84
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,821
Will be coming in
to go over their portfolio.
85
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:47,192
It will be the first time
that you two can see the faces
86
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:48,827
Behind the account numbers.
87
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,629
(normal voice)
I want to see faces, sir.
88
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,432
I want to see
all those faces.
89
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:57,102
While 97% of our clients
have enjoyed record years,
90
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,804
There is 3% who unfortunately
91
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,607
Had their money managed
by one frank gersky.
92
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:04,276
(laughs) gersky the worstsky.
How is that old guy?
93
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:06,645
Not great.
I just fired his ass.
94
00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:10,349
Unfortunately, someone's
going to have to tell
95
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:13,552
Mr. Gersky's clients
that their portfolios
96
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,554
Are now worth roughly half
97
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:17,356
Of what they thought
they were worth.
98
00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:19,925
Well, I feel sorry
for whoever has that job.
99
00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:23,762
It's us.
100
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,564
Of course it's us.
101
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:27,399
Congratulations, boys,
102
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:30,168
Because those are the faces
that you're going to be seeing,
103
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,904
And they'll look
something like...
104
00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:35,574
That.
105
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:45,183
(singsongy) good news.
106
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:47,986
I got you...
A new client.
107
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,455
Is it the tooth fairy?
108
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:51,823
(normal voice) no.
109
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,059
It's tori, derrick,
and harvard's savings.
110
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,794
It's like...
Like $1,200.
111
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,696
I convinced them
to give it to you to invest
112
00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:59,798
Instead of
throwing it away on scratchers.
113
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:00,966
I can't, babe.
114
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,368
The firm's minimum
investment is $5 million.
115
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:05,470
Well, can't you just,
like, be a dude
116
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,972
And tack it on
to somebody else's account?
117
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,474
Just, like... Just, like,
be a really cool dude?
118
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,978
Okay, so when I go to prison
for financial fraud,
119
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,479
I'll just tell my cellmate
120
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,115
I'm in for being,
like, a real cool dude.
121
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:18,750
(laughs)
wait a minute.
122
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,786
You won't make money for people
that you actually know,
123
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:25,557
But you will make money
for client 867-5309?
124
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:28,660
That's a song.
You know that.
Mm-hmm.
125
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:32,230
Plus... It's never a good idea
to invest your friends' money.
126
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,598
Well, not a problem,
127
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,468
'cause they don't
consider you a friend.
128
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:39,237
Come on. Please? I already told
them that you would help them.
129
00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:41,373
Well, you lied,
because I can't.
130
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:45,544
Are you sure I can't
convince you?
131
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,846
Some of that's
monopoly money.
132
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,514
Damn it, harvard!
133
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,450
(elevator bell dings)
134
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,618
Huh. You rang?
135
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:56,021
Oh. Yeah. Look.
This is obviously a test
136
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,823
To determine who runs
the new office,
137
00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,658
So I just wanna say,
whatever happens,
138
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,727
I hope you crash and burn.
Oh--
139
00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:04,463
Dude, thank you.
140
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,598
I hope you fall
right on your face.
141
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,968
Okay, so who do we got?
142
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:13,739
Well, we have a nice lady,
and... White gandhi.
143
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,442
Oof. That guy is so old,
144
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:19,044
This news could
literally kill him.
145
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,279
I don't want to kill
white gandhi.
(scoffs) oh, and I do?
146
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,048
You do? Thanks, man!
Mnh... Don't--
147
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,383
Hey, this is michael wen,
148
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,118
And he'll be going over
your portfolio.
149
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,153
Heyy...
150
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:30,655
Lo... Sir.
151
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,791
Uh, let me ask you this--
financially speaking,
152
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:35,994
Do you have any pre-existing
heart conditions?
153
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:41,867
(clears throat)
154
00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:44,002
Hello. I'm brody moyer.
Nice to meet you.
155
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,438
I'm afraid I have some
upsetting news for you.
156
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,340
Oh, no. Is everything okay?
157
00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:50,776
(groans)
158
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,278
Totally! Yeah! It's just--
159
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,714
It's--I didn't know
you were so... (stammers) tall.
160
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:58,583
What are you, like,
5'4", 5'5"-ski?
161
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,318
(laughs nervously)
you're gonna have
162
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,254
A very tall baby... Boy?
163
00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:03,789
And a girl.
And another boy.
164
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:06,825
I'm having triplets.
(laughs)
165
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:09,761
(high-pitched voice)
no shit?
166
00:07:13,666 --> 00:07:15,367
So? What did brody say?
167
00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:17,169
Well, apparently
there are rules.
168
00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:20,505
Yeah, rule number one--guys like
him don't help guys like us.
169
00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:24,209
Yeah. Rule number two--
your boyfriend's a jerk.
170
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:27,913
But, you guys,
let me finish. Okay?
171
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:30,949
He broke the rules because
he loves you guys,
172
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:34,386
Which is why he bought you
a great stock.
173
00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:35,821
Wow, really? What stock?
174
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,489
Yeah, what are the letters?
I'll look it up right now.
175
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,524
The letters? Um...
176
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,426
The... "j" and--and "b."
177
00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:45,797
Jnb?
Japanese national bank?
178
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:50,368
Yep. Jnb.
No further questions.
179
00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:53,472
Okay.
Oh, my god, you guys,
we're up a nickel!
180
00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:54,873
Yeah!
(laughs) yeah!
181
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,508
Uh-oh! Now it's down
2 cents!
182
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,076
No!
No!
183
00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,678
Oh, and now it's even.
Oh, okay.
184
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,047
Okay.
Back up a nickel!
185
00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:03,315
Yes! (laughs)
yes!
186
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:05,684
Uhh! Uhh!
Man! The stock market
is fun!
187
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,619
Does everybody know
about this?
188
00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:11,323
Hey. Dude.
189
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:12,958
How many people
have you told?
190
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,560
Ah! Who keeps count? I do.
It's four.
191
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,696
Well... Yeah, well,
you got the easy ones.
192
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,197
I have a ticking time bomb
in there, okay?
193
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,366
If I give her any bad news,
there's literally gonna be
194
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,268
Babies shooting all over
the place.
195
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,604
Okay. Do you want me
to tag in?
196
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,039
I have a very delicate
touch with the preggos.
197
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,641
Yeah...
198
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,510
You get this one,
I'll get the next two.
199
00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:33,745
Man, this is a hard day!
200
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,981
Man, this is a great day!
201
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:39,050
I love giving people
great news.
202
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:41,253
How you doing destroying
people's lives?
203
00:08:41,255 --> 00:08:45,423
Uh, you know, okay. It's...
Kinda gettin' warmed up.
204
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:48,627
Looks like mr. Wen
has handled...
205
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,762
One, two, three, four cases,
206
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,197
And you've handled--
207
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:55,033
Let me see if I can do
the arithmetic...
208
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,171
Zero.
209
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:01,172
Yes. Well, in fairness,
210
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,141
My client is pregnant
with triplets,
211
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,409
So she should count as four.
212
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:07,112
Alice, you are a peach,
and I wish you good luck.
213
00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:08,580
Thank you, threepeat.
214
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:10,982
Hey... You're the real
threepeat.
(elevator bell dings)
215
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,118
(laughs)
216
00:09:14,086 --> 00:09:18,089
Oh, no! He's so good
at his job!
217
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,325
(chuckles)
218
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:21,826
Look, I'm sorry, sir.
219
00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:23,828
This part of the job
is a little bit tough.
220
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:27,666
Son, I'd love to pretend
I care,
221
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,734
But I'm... I'm having
such a great day,
222
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,403
I just can't do that.
223
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:32,671
(pats shoulder)
224
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,739
(elevator bell dings,
doors open)
225
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,008
Hey, babe.
Hey, babe.
226
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:40,378
Hey, I'm sorry about before.
I'm kind of having a bad day.
227
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,180
Oh, well, then this will
make you feel better.
228
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:46,551
Everyone downstairs loves you
for investing their money.
229
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,153
Oh! That'd be great,
except one thing--
230
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:49,854
I didn't invest their money.
(chuckles)
231
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,823
Oh, it's cool. I just--
I said that you did.
232
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:53,658
(giggles) I just, like,
made up a stock name.
233
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,527
(laughs) jnb.
234
00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:58,263
Jnb, like japanese
national bank?
235
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:02,567
No. Like jenny and brody.
236
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:05,437
Aww!
(laughs)
237
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:08,573
But you know that jnb
got acquired this morning.
238
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,842
Their stock shot up
6,000%.
239
00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:14,913
Oh. Sweet! They're really
gonna love you. (laughs)
240
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:18,583
Well, yeah, until they try
to cash in their fake stock.
241
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,785
Oh, no!
Look...
242
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,320
Maybe they don't know.
243
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:23,521
(all screaming and cheering)
244
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,390
Boom!
245
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:28,193
Yes! Yeah! (laughing)
246
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:35,233
Can we buy them some
of that jnb stock now?
247
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:39,804
Uh, yeah, now they can afford
one-quarter of one share.
248
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:44,376
Not... If we bought it
yesterday,
249
00:10:44,378 --> 00:10:47,045
If you know what I mean.
250
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:51,082
Okay. Is what you mean,
"I want brody to go to prison"?
251
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:54,519
I don't know how things
go in your world,
252
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:57,656
But in my world, when
I screw up, I use a "meant-ta."
253
00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,624
Okay, I'll bite.
What's a "meant-ta"?
254
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:02,193
It's what you do to get out
of paying, like, late fees.
255
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,629
You know, you call your landlord
or your credit card company
256
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:08,733
And you say, "hey, I didn't
pay on time, but I meant-ta."
257
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:11,836
So you want me to call
a broker
258
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,938
And see if he'll take
a "meant-ta"?
259
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:16,775
I mean, it's never
not worked for me.
260
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:20,178
Okay. All right.
It's worth a shot.
261
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:27,185
Hey, dave, it's brody
from remington trust.
262
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:30,088
I have someone here who wants
to purchase some jnb stock
263
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:33,425
At yesterday's prices using
something called a "meant-ta."
264
00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:36,795
You're kidding me?
265
00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:41,399
Dave wants to talk to you.
266
00:11:42,568 --> 00:11:44,135
(laughs)
267
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:47,372
Hey, dave?
268
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,606
You're an ass.
269
00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:52,110
Whoa. (laughing) hey.
270
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,012
Why don't you just
go downstairs
271
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,514
And explain what you did so they
don't do something stupid?
272
00:11:56,516 --> 00:12:00,085
Oh. You are so condescending.
You know what?
273
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:02,454
Just 'cause someone downstairs
gets a little bit of money
274
00:12:02,456 --> 00:12:05,290
Doesn't mean they're gonna
go crazy, okay?
275
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,292
(elevator bell dings)
276
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:11,763
♪ come with me
277
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:14,065
♪ and you'll be
278
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,967
(thuds)
279
00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:20,705
♪ in a world of pure
imagination ♪
280
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,240
(pencils clatter on ground)
281
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,210
♪ take a look
and you'll see ♪
282
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:29,147
♪ into your imagination
283
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,516
(laughs)
284
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:32,984
I know what you're thinking.
285
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:36,988
You couldn't possibly know
what I'm thinking.
286
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:39,624
Maybe you're right.
I am new money, after all.
287
00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:42,994
(laughing)
about a half hour old.
288
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:45,230
Look, harvard,
we need to talk.
289
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:46,965
Bup-bup-bop.
Biddly-bop-bop. (laughs)
290
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,666
I believe what I have to discuss
291
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,535
Is a little bit
above your pay grade.
292
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:52,737
(laughs)
293
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,472
Aren't you
gonna stop him?
294
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:57,509
Kinda want to see how this one
plays out, to be honest.
295
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:02,113
Let's see here.
Peat, peat, peat...
296
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,549
What's that spell?
Threepeat.
297
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:08,520
Dude! You are such a badass.
How are you doing this?
298
00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:10,722
I don't know. I guess I'm just
good at delivering bad news.
299
00:13:10,724 --> 00:13:13,358
I treat it like a breakup.
Who have you broken up with?
300
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,560
No--no one, but I have been
dumped dozens of times,
301
00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:18,930
And when they do it right,
I always walk away with a smile.
302
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:22,066
Okay. Breakup.
I can do that.
303
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:24,135
Yeah. I'll just
give them the bad news
304
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,537
Like I dumped
my high school girlfriend
305
00:13:25,539 --> 00:13:27,705
My first day at harvard.
Talk about badass.
306
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:30,141
Sorry, dude. When you sleep
with my best friend
307
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,843
In my dad's old jetta
on my birthday,
308
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,745
I drop the hammer.
309
00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:35,446
Honestly...
(elevator bell dings)
310
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,849
I feel sorry for the next client
who comes through that elevator.
311
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:39,751
I can't wait to find out
how much money
312
00:13:39,753 --> 00:13:41,419
You guys made me
this year.
313
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,488
Is that john mcenroe?
314
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:47,625
I can finally afford
to buy my dream.
315
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:50,428
The ostrich farm?
Damn right,
the ostrich farm.
316
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:53,298
Hundreds of acres
of those flightless giants.
317
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:57,168
Manny, this is why
I play tennis!
318
00:13:58,204 --> 00:13:59,904
So where's that genius
gersky?
319
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:01,973
I'm afraid gersky's
not with us right now.
320
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:05,510
Mr. Moyer will be explaining
your portfolio to you.
321
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,513
(voice trembling)
wh-a-at?
322
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:09,948
You like ostriches?
323
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:12,517
Yes, sir. They're low
cholesterol and delicious.
324
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,653
You would eat those
majestic creatures?
325
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:18,056
They mourn their dead,
asshole!
326
00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:23,361
(forced laugh) johnny mac!
327
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:26,231
(high-pitched voice)
good luck!
328
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:27,498
Uh...
329
00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:31,169
What are you doing
in my office,
330
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:34,939
And why in the hell are you
dressed like mr. Peanut?
331
00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:37,976
Bup-bup-bup.
Continue with that tone,
332
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:40,511
And I will take my business
elsewhere.
333
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:43,381
Now what business do you think
that you and I have together?
334
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:48,019
Well, I am the proud owner
of not one, not two--
335
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:50,455
Actually it is two--
shares of jnb.
336
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,758
Are you familiar with it?
I purchased it this morning,
337
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:57,362
And it's already up
6,000%.
338
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:58,630
(laughs)
339
00:14:58,632 --> 00:15:00,632
I, um, I'm afraid I have
some bad news for you,
340
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:02,166
And you're probably gonna
wanna sit down.
341
00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:03,368
(exhales)
(whistles)
342
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,603
Not behind my desk.
Ooh.
343
00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:09,140
Trading in jnb
has been suspended
344
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:10,842
Pending a fraud inquiry,
345
00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:12,410
And the shares have plummeted
346
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,379
In after-hours trading
on the nikkei.
347
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,915
(laughs) tell me something
I don't know.
348
00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:19,617
(laughs) like, um...
349
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:22,120
What any of that means.
I don't know what that means.
350
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:24,355
Your stock is worthless.
What?
351
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,925
You don't have a penny.
Uh... (stammers)
352
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,961
You're flat broke.
(gasps and stammers)
353
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:36,301
Add to cart, add to cart,
buy the cart!
Uh-huh. Yeah.
354
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:38,436
Hey, guys, we need to talk.
355
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,271
Yeah, not now.
Did you know you could buy
356
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:44,075
All this stuff off of skymall
even if you're not on a plane?
357
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:46,544
I'm buying a toaster
with a compass in it.
358
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:48,479
Uh, listen, um,
there's something
359
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:49,914
That I need to tell you.
360
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:53,818
You're not gonna believe this!
Jnb tanked!
361
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,119
What?!
What are you talking about?
362
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,788
Yeah. Just talked
to my money guy.
363
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,923
(chuckles)
we lost everything.
364
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:02,126
I sold my hat to mansfield
for 50 cents!
365
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,661
Damn!
Yeah, I mean, how--
366
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,396
I can't believe I'm poor again!
Oh, my god!
367
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:07,799
It's over! That's it!
Guys, hey!
368
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,635
It's okay, 'cause brody
didn't invest your money,
369
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,370
So you didn't lose anything!
370
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,405
'cause I held on to it.
Look. Hey!
371
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:17,442
It's right here.
"yay, jenny," right?! (laughs)
372
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:19,644
Jenny! Jenny!
373
00:16:21,013 --> 00:16:23,081
Can I use a "meant-ta"?
374
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:26,084
No, you can't-ta.
375
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:28,753
But--but I didn't do
anything.
376
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,089
You let us think we were rich
when we weren't.
377
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,824
Okay, I did do that.
378
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,192
You told us to act like adults
379
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:35,827
And then you treated us
like children.
380
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:37,695
Yeah, I did that, too.
381
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,465
Said you were gonna buy
a piece of land in montana
382
00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:43,701
So we could build a house
together and start over.
383
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:47,038
(clicks tongue) yeah,
that I did not do.
384
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,673
No, but I'll tell you
what you did do.
385
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,942
You broke our trust
and you broke our hearts.
Yeah.
386
00:16:50,944 --> 00:16:53,111
And I can't even cry about it
right now
387
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,413
Because I sold my pocket square
388
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:57,715
For a nickel!
(slams nickel on desk)
389
00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:11,095
Sir.
390
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:12,563
What was the final tally?
391
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,732
Well, threepeat broke
the news to 19 clients,
392
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:19,303
And I... Got yelled at
for two hours by john mcenroe.
393
00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:23,608
You would not believe it,
but that guy's got a temper.
394
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:25,109
Well...
395
00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:26,944
Johnny mac hates losing.
396
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,347
Tell you the truth, that's why
I stopped playing him in tennis.
397
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,449
You beat him at tennis?
398
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:32,784
Of course not.
399
00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:36,220
It's john frickin' mcenroe!
400
00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:40,691
You were well off your game
today, mr. Moyer.
401
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:43,227
I know, I know, and I'm sorry
I let you down.
402
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,596
I just couldn't give those
people any bad news.
403
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,698
Why do you think
I didn't do it myself?
404
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:48,900
Because it's hard?
405
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,701
Oh, give me a break.
I do hard things every day.
406
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:52,670
Just this morning I strapped
a 100-pound weight to my ankle
407
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:55,073
And I jumped into the deep end
of my pool
408
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,808
To play my favorite game--
409
00:17:56,810 --> 00:17:59,477
Stay alive.
410
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,548
Well, then why didn't you
do it?
411
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,483
Because it sucks.
412
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:08,219
Those--those accounts
aren't just numbers.
413
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:11,122
They're people.
And telling them bad things
414
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:13,257
That affect their families
and their lives,
415
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,660
It eats you up.
Hmm.
416
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:16,994
Unless you're dead inside.
417
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,730
Mr. Mansfield, I dropped
the bomb on all the clients,
418
00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:21,899
And then I told jeffries that
he's never gonna make manager
419
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:23,267
And fired a coffee guy.
420
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,103
I'm on a roll. (chuckles)
421
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:28,372
Good for you, mr. Wen.
422
00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:32,143
Dead inside.
Right.
423
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,678
Yeah, but he did
beat my ass.
424
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,613
Yes, he did. He kicked it
up and down the street.
425
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:39,083
If your ass was a drum,
he'd be ringo.
426
00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:41,219
If your ass
was the chicago cubbies,
427
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:44,088
He'd be every other team
in the national league.
428
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,224
(chuckles) yes, I get it,
429
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:48,526
My ass is any number
of easily beaten things,
430
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,229
And threepeat won.
No. No.
431
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,264
I'm gonna call it a tie,
and I'll tell you why.
432
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,333
Hmm?
Because you have heart.
433
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,767
You can learn
or I can teach you
434
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,569
Any number of things
in this business,
435
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,973
But I'll be honest with you--
I can't teach you heart.
436
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:04,075
(exhales) yeah.
437
00:19:04,077 --> 00:19:06,444
I guess
I got a little heart.
438
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:09,380
Ah, crap.
What's wrong?
439
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,549
I gotta go apologize
to some people downstairs.
440
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:14,118
Oh, say, I'm--I'm having
dinner with john mcenroe.
441
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:15,853
Would you like to trade
with me?
442
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,622
No, thank you!
443
00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:22,960
Guys, come on.
444
00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:26,531
I'm so sorry, and I-I don't
know how else to say it.
445
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:29,033
Yeah, well,
I think it's time
446
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,735
We tell you
how we really feel.
447
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,036
I love you.
448
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:34,405
Harvard, man--
come on, dude.
449
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:37,208
What? We were all
thinking it.
450
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,776
Hey, guys, can I talk
to you for a second?
451
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,545
Babe, what are you
doing down here?
452
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,847
Uh, uh... I-I just want
to tell you guys something.
453
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,215
I learned something today.
454
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,650
You know, it's really easy
to lose sight
455
00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:47,385
Of what's important
in business.
456
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:48,886
Cut to the chase!
Come on, man.
457
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,521
I'm underwater on a cane!
458
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,323
Hey, guys, come on,
come on.
459
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:54,058
Can you seriously
get to the good stuff?
460
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:57,128
All right, fine. Uh, I invested
your $1,200 for you...
461
00:19:57,130 --> 00:19:59,897
(clicks mouse)
and you can watch it
right here.
462
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,432
What?
Yeah.
463
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:02,700
Oh, my god, we're up.
464
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,268
What? Okay--
ha ha ha ha! Yeah!
465
00:20:04,270 --> 00:20:06,037
Hit refresh, hit refresh!
Holy...
466
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,271
Yeah!
Still up!
467
00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:09,640
Yeah!
(laughing) whoo!
468
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:13,211
Wow. Hon, what did you
invest in?
469
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,580
It's a fixed-rate cd
set in at 2%.
470
00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:19,283
It's like a savings account.
471
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:21,419
Your friends are literally
gonna be watching
472
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:22,954
A straight line
for 15 years.
473
00:20:22,956 --> 00:20:25,623
(laughs)
474
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,425
Thank you.
475
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:44,909
♪ if you want to view
paradise ♪
476
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:48,646
♪ simply look around
and view it ♪
477
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:52,316
♪ anything you want to,
do it ♪
478
00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:54,585
♪ want to change the world
479
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:58,856
♪ there's nothing to it