1
00:00:02,702 --> 00:00:04,770
You're going to lose.
2
00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:08,674
You're going to lose.
You're going to lose.
3
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:11,610
Jenny's birthday present
isn't a competition.
4
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,646
Oh, that's right, because
you're going to lose.
5
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:17,116
You're going to lose.
You're going to lose.
6
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,618
No, not this year.
7
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,720
I got this from the startup
company on the 13th floor.
8
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,055
They just went under,
9
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:24,723
And they have the best
leftover swag.
10
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,058
Look at this.
11
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,593
"dogtagd.Net"?
12
00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:30,262
Isn't that
the dog sex site?
13
00:00:31,264 --> 00:00:33,132
It's a mapping app to find
available dogs
14
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,600
In your area, okay?
15
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:35,801
To have sex with?
16
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,336
No!
17
00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:41,240
For your dog to play with!
What is wrong with you guys?
18
00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:43,609
Plus, I got one more thing.
Boo-yeow!
19
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:45,477
Dogtagd novelty dog poop.
20
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,180
♪ how you like me now?
(snaps fingers)
21
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,515
Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey!
22
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,850
No holding hands!
It's flu season!
23
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,652
(laughs)
24
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,387
What's with that gift?
25
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,556
Oh, uh, it's my birthday
tomorrow.
26
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:58,791
No, it's not. Jenny!
27
00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:01,493
Why didn't you tell me
it's your birthday tomorrow?
28
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,362
Well, it's just a birthday.
I don't know.
29
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:06,031
I don't want to make a fuss.
Well, I do
want to make a fuss.
30
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:07,566
And I'm telling you
right now,
31
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,535
I'm the best gift giver
on the face of this planet.
32
00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:11,236
I'm gonna kick
everyone's ass here.
33
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:14,206
Whoa!
It's not a competition.
34
00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:16,408
(singsongy) psycho!
35
00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:20,212
I don't know, I just never
really cared about gifts.
36
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:22,381
In fact, the best gift
that I ever got
37
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:23,982
Was for my 8th birthday,
38
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:27,252
When my mom let me dig a hole
in our backyard. (chuckles)
39
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,922
So your gift was a hole?
40
00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:32,391
That's right...
A hole.
41
00:01:35,895 --> 00:01:37,563
Brody, you're missing the point.
42
00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,398
It's not about money,
you know?
43
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,067
It was so thoughtful.
And me and my brothers,
44
00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:44,269
We used to sleep in it.
Yeah.
45
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:47,072
Yeah, well, I'm gonna
get you a gift
46
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:49,608
That's gonna blow
your hole away.
47
00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:52,811
(laughs)
48
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:55,814
♪
49
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:58,884
-- Captions by vitac --
50
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,292
Bro, great news.
Hey.
51
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,328
I just bought a pair
of jet skis.
52
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,497
You mean, like, his and hers?
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
53
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:13,699
Except there's no "hers,"
it's just "his"
54
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:16,101
And "his other one."
55
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:18,437
I thought we agreed
that you wouldn't buy
56
00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:20,105
Any more personal watercrafts
57
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:22,007
Until you at least
learned how to swim,
58
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:23,342
Or had money.
59
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:25,244
It's all good.
It's the end of the quarter.
60
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,745
Mansfield's about
to hand out bonuses.
61
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:29,481
Mr. Wen.
You're getting a bonus?
62
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,351
Congratulations.
I hadn't heard.
63
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,954
Mr. Moyer, come here.
64
00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:39,158
The only way to justify
a morning cigar
65
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,792
Is to be either
out on a golf course
66
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,961
Or in a meeting, and since
I was just fined last week
67
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:46,365
For chipping golf balls
up at that helipad,
68
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,167
Welcome to our meeting.
69
00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:50,302
Okay. So what's
our meeting about?
70
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:52,371
Oh, I think you know.
71
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,806
Is it about me searching
for jenny's birthday gift
72
00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:57,176
On company time?
73
00:02:57,178 --> 00:02:59,344
It is now!
74
00:03:00,713 --> 00:03:02,848
So a gift for jenny?
75
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:07,853
I say, what do you get
the girl who has nothing?
76
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,522
I'm actually the best
gift giver in the world.
77
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,692
You're not even the best
gift giver on this balcony.
78
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,528
Guess what I got my wife
for her last birthday.
79
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,530
I'll--I'll tell you if you're
in the right ballpark.
80
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,900
I would have no idea.
I got her a ballpark.
81
00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:26,638
Look at this view. Huh?
Tell me what you see.
82
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,908
Some very nervous people
on a helipad.
83
00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:34,246
Pussies.
84
00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:37,216
I see limitless opportunity.
85
00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:38,684
You know what they see
86
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,619
When they look out
their windows downstairs?
87
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,188
Nothing.
They don't have windows.
88
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:46,158
Closest thing they're gonna
come to an expensive cigar
89
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,794
Is about ten seconds
from...
90
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,263
Now.
91
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,065
Well, they happen to be
really nice people.
92
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,499
No, I didn't say
they weren't.
93
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,268
They just have a very
different world view.
94
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:57,970
(cigar thuds)
95
00:03:57,972 --> 00:04:01,273
Ooh, sweet! Morning cigar!
96
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:03,175
You know, if you--
if you do buy jenny
97
00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:06,445
A nice gift--and you should,
because she deserves it--
98
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:09,881
You're going to be injecting
money into the equation,
99
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,450
And that changes everything.
100
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,086
Hey, I'm not worried.
Like jenny always says,
101
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,687
Money can't buy happiness.
102
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,757
And like I always say,
bullshit!
103
00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:23,562
Money absolutely can buy
happiness.
104
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,697
Listen, jenny is one of
the happiest people
105
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:29,468
I have ever met, and the best
gift she ever got was a hole.
106
00:04:30,903 --> 00:04:33,405
Let me--let me just
tell you something.
107
00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:35,807
Money put my girls
through the finest schools
108
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:37,276
In this country.
109
00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,544
Money also let me build
110
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:41,280
That maternity ward
at the hospital.
111
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:45,317
And money is going to pay for
that helicopter's new window.
112
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:48,520
(hits ball)
fore!
113
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,295
(gasps) oh, wow!
114
00:04:56,297 --> 00:05:00,799
A sweatshirt from
dogtagd.Net?!
115
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,734
That's the dog sex site,
right?
116
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,803
Okay, it's not
a dog sex site.
117
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,805
It's a way for dogs to meet
other like-minded dogs
118
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,340
To play with.
119
00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:10,609
Well, I will wear it proudly.
(giggles)
120
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:12,210
Oh! (gasps)
ooh! Surprise!
121
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,546
A poop, too?
(laughs)
122
00:05:16,549 --> 00:05:18,717
Well, I'm giving you
something
123
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:21,320
That nobody else here
can give you.
124
00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:22,821
(laughs) what are you doing?
125
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:26,591
I have over 10,000
gay twitter followers.
126
00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:28,860
And after I tweet this
picture of you and I,
127
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:31,029
They will all be
following you.
128
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,231
Are you ready?
Uh-huh.
129
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:36,435
Congratulations.
You just got gayed.
(laughs)
130
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:39,104
Thanks, but I'm--
I'm not on twitter.
131
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,605
Oh!
132
00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:42,574
I went halfsies
on the poop.
133
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,076
(harvard) okay, okay,
okay.
134
00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:46,078
Winning gift coming through.
135
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,946
Okay.
Oh.
136
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:53,385
Don't be intimidated by the size
of my package. (laughs)
137
00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:57,222
All right, jenny, go ahead
and open it up.
138
00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:59,725
Uh...
Okay.
139
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:03,328
Oh, wow, that's me.
140
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:05,364
(laughs)
141
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,599
Yeah, look closer.
You see it?
142
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:09,401
It's a mosaic.
(laughs)
143
00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:12,671
It's you made out of a bunch
of tiny photos of me. (laughs)
144
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:15,474
Oh, wow, harvard, I--
um...
145
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,676
I don't know what to say.
146
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:21,012
It's not serial killer-y
at all.
147
00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:23,415
Your serve.
148
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:25,851
Well, uh, you certainly
set the bar...
149
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:28,420
In a secret room
in your basement, but, uh,
150
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:31,223
I happen to have
a pretty good gift myself.
151
00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:32,991
(laughs) you didn't have to.
152
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:35,160
But I'm really, really
glad that you did.
153
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,628
(giggles)
154
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:40,232
Ooh! A hoodie!
Yeah.
155
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,801
Damn, dude, that hoodie doesn't
even have a logo on it!
156
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:45,771
Oh, it's nice!
Thanks.
157
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:48,473
Oh! So soft! (laughs)
(laughs)
158
00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:51,543
Oh, holy freaking crap,
this is soft.
159
00:06:52,678 --> 00:06:56,381
Oh. It's wonderful.
I love it. Thank you.
160
00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:57,816
Guys, guys, do you...
161
00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,451
Wanna know how I did the mole
on your cheek?
162
00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:01,920
No!
No!
163
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,923
Relax. It is not
what you're thinking.
164
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,391
Oh, my god.
165
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:07,859
It's my butt.
166
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,795
(groaning)
167
00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:12,264
Okay, there's no question
I'm getting a bonus, right?
168
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:13,799
I've hit all my targets,
169
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,567
I have worked three
saturdays a month.
170
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,002
I even shagged golf balls
off that helipad
171
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:20,372
For mansfield, and those balls
come in fast, man!
172
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:24,176
Well, don't tell me.
Tell mansfield.
173
00:07:24,178 --> 00:07:25,777
You're right.
174
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,113
I shouldn't be afraid
of my boss.
175
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,915
He's just a man.
176
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:32,784
He doesn't have
special powers.
177
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:40,058
Who doesn't have
special powers?
Ohh!
178
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,131
Did you want to tell me
something, mr. Wen?
179
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:49,034
Uh, yeah, sir.
I, uh, have been thinking
180
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:51,903
A lot about my quarter, and I
can say with absolute confidence
181
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:56,074
That I definitely believe
that I, uh, quite possibly
182
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:59,845
Deserve a bonus
of some type if...
183
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:01,146
You agree.
184
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,782
I think you've just answered
your own question,
185
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,250
Don't you, mr. Wen?
186
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:08,119
Yes.
187
00:08:09,388 --> 00:08:10,789
And look at you.
188
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,591
You seem pretty pleased
with yourself.
189
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,826
I recognize that look
from my very own mirror,
190
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,162
Of course.
(chuckles)
191
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:20,499
I got jenny an henri pétard
cashmere hoodie,
192
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:22,167
And she loves it.
193
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,869
Thataboy!
(laughs)
194
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,437
(laughs) all right!
Yeah.
195
00:08:25,439 --> 00:08:26,938
You ruined her.
What?
196
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:31,309
See this bordeaux?
197
00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:32,944
It is spectacular.
198
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,579
In fact, it's one of
the top five vintages
199
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:35,914
In the history of grapes.
200
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:38,350
My mentor gave me
a case 20 years ago
201
00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:39,885
When I made partner.
202
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,586
If you drink this wine,
203
00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:44,756
It will ruin all other
wines for you forever.
204
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:46,424
Oh. Well, that's impossible.
205
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:47,993
I've had
lots of good wine before.
206
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,295
I spent a semester
abroad in France.
207
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:51,997
Fair enough.
Drink up.
208
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,469
Ooh. That's good.
Really good.
209
00:08:57,471 --> 00:08:59,538
Here it comes.
Three, two...
210
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,306
Oh, my god,
I'm finding taste buds
211
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:03,074
I never even knew I had.
212
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:06,411
Is it possible to taste color?
My tongue is alive!
213
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,913
Ooh!
214
00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:10,215
And finally...
I miss my dad.
215
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:11,983
Yeah.
216
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,752
And now any other wine
you ever drink
217
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,755
Will taste like cat piss.
218
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:19,357
Just like the hoodie
that you got for jenny
219
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,593
Will make all of her other
clothes feel like
220
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,995
She is slow-dancing
with a cactus.
221
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:26,331
You've exposed her
to the finer things.
222
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,199
There's no going back now.
223
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,834
Sir, you don't know jenny.
224
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,703
It gives me no joy
to be right.
225
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,204
Well, that's not true.
226
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:36,107
It gives me tremendous joy
to be right.
227
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,810
I-it gives me no joy
to see your relationship
228
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,479
Come undone
by virtue of a gift.
229
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:42,948
I bet you're wrong.
230
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:45,450
I bet this gift brings
jenny and me even closer.
231
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:48,486
I'll take that bet.
If I'm right, I get your bonus.
232
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:50,221
Fair enough.
And if I'm right?
233
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:51,957
You get a unicorn.
234
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,124
What?
235
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,126
What's it matter?
You can't win.
236
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:57,095
Fine. Fine, fine, fine.
If you win,
237
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,464
I will put up the final
bottle of this bordeaux.
238
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,266
It's a bet.
Fine. Let's drink to it.
239
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:04,903
This is the 2007
wine of the year.
240
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:09,574
Mm-hmm.
It is the second-best
wine you will ever have.
241
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:12,177
Let me know
how that tastes.
242
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,947
(shudders)
243
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,551
Cat piss, right?
244
00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:22,020
Yeah.
245
00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:28,727
You stroke that thing
any harder,
246
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:31,062
It's gonna have to
buy you dinner.
247
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,932
(laughs) it's the softest thing
that I have ever felt.
248
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:36,034
Of course that douche has to
go out and get you a gift
249
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,602
That makes all our gifts
look crappy.
250
00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:39,170
Hey, he is not a douche,
okay?
251
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:41,640
It's just a hoodie.
Anybody could have bought it.
252
00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:45,777
Whoa! Not that hoodie.
(inhales) it's an henri pétard.
253
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:49,080
What?
He only uses wool made from
the underbelly of goats
254
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,516
Who have spent their entire
lives beings pampered,
255
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:53,351
Groomed,
and gently masturbated.
256
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,619
Ooh.
257
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:58,089
I wish I was a goat.
258
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,628
Fine, but you know what?
That does not mean
259
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,797
That brody went crazy
on his gift.
260
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:08,633
Look. See? He paid $40...
For shipping.
261
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:12,837
Oh, my god!
This thing cost $630?
262
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:16,374
What?! The only way
a hoodie is worth $630
263
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:20,712
If there's a $600 bill
in those pockets.
264
00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:29,287
This cost $630?
265
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:31,056
I don't know.
I didn't check the price.
266
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:32,891
Do you think
that impresses me?
267
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:36,061
Not unless "impresses"
means "makes angry."
268
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,297
Why? What's going on?
I can't keep this hoodie.
269
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,332
I thought you loved it.
I do love it.
270
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,435
I just don't want it.
Why don't you want it?
271
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:46,171
I do want it.
I just can't keep it.
272
00:11:46,173 --> 00:11:49,140
It costs more than my rent,
and I don't want to be a snob.
273
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:52,343
Well, you're worse than a snob.
You're, like, a reverse snob.
274
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,012
(gasps)
275
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:57,716
How dare you,
276
00:11:57,718 --> 00:12:00,118
And what does that mean?
277
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,555
It means that you
purposely don't like things
278
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,090
Because they're expensive.
279
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,425
I just don't want
this hoodie! Okay?
280
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,461
It's not me,
and if you think it is,
281
00:12:09,463 --> 00:12:12,764
Then maybe you don't know me
very well. (whimpers)
282
00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:18,236
Just looks to me like
you really love it.
283
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:22,040
Of course I love it!
I just hate it!
284
00:12:23,776 --> 00:12:27,846
Again, not happy about
you and the girl, but...
285
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:30,281
Very happy to be right!
286
00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:40,158
See? You didn't need
brody's hoodie.
287
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,728
You got dogtagd!
(laughing) yeah!
288
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:46,097
Okay, we need to talk.
289
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,066
You can say a lot
of bad things about me.
290
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:50,668
I work too hard,
I use too much hair product--
291
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,904
Wow, I'm really
too self-critical.
292
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:55,840
But... The one thing
you cannot say about me
293
00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:57,675
Is that I'm not
a thoughtful gift giver.
294
00:12:57,677 --> 00:13:00,145
(clapping)
295
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:03,014
Bravo.
296
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:06,417
Save that for your $25-an-hour
therapist.
297
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:09,554
Therapists make
way more than that.
298
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,790
Seriously?
299
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:15,894
Why am I not a therapist?
I hate my parents.
300
00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:18,663
Brody, the hoodie was beautiful.
301
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:20,231
You just didn't
think it through.
302
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:21,833
Yeah, look, man,
it's not your fault.
303
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,168
You only knew her
for a few weeks.
304
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:24,702
We've known her for years.
305
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,137
That's why your gift
sucked ass.
306
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,973
First of all, my gift
did not suck ass.
307
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:31,309
Secondly, I know jenny
very well.
308
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,344
In fact, I would argue
that my gift
309
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,413
Was the most thoughtful
of anyone's here.
310
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:38,449
Oh, no. I know you ain't
talkin' to me.
311
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,752
Okay, derrick,
let's start with you.
312
00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:42,787
Exactly how much thought
did you put
313
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,222
Into getting jenny that gift?
314
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,690
I put a ton of thought
into it.
315
00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:47,225
What thought exactly
was that?
316
00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:49,093
I looked in the box
and I thought,
317
00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:51,196
"hey, it's too small for me."
318
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:55,133
And, tori, you gave jenny
the gift of internet fame,
319
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,568
But you hadn't even
checked to see
320
00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:57,869
If jenny was even on twitter.
321
00:13:57,871 --> 00:14:01,439
In my defense, I'm not
clear on her last name.
322
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:05,543
Tori, it's miller.
It says it right here.
323
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:08,112
And I also went in on
the dog poop with derrick.
324
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:11,449
So you literally gave
half a shit? Impressive.
325
00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:16,888
Okay, let's talk about
your gift, harvard.
326
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,790
I have nothing to hide.
I mean, look at it.
327
00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:20,291
My gift is all about jenny.
328
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,594
Your gift is literally
made of you.
329
00:14:22,596 --> 00:14:24,162
Objection! Hearsay!
330
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:26,364
Yes! We all heard you
say it.
331
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:30,768
Withdrawn.
332
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,904
Now, jenny, since we met,
333
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,639
How many half-movies
have we seen?
334
00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,374
I don't know.
I do. Three.
335
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:39,077
We always leave early
because you get too cold.
336
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:41,112
What's your point?
My point is that I gave you
337
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,181
The warmest thing that's
ever been on your body.
338
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:44,883
And by the way,
how does that hoodie fit?
339
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,150
Fits perfectly,
doesn't it?
340
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:47,752
Is that an accident,
or is it because
341
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:50,221
I always hear you complain
that a small fits too small
342
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,323
And a medium fits too big,
so I found the only hoodie
343
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,425
That comes
in a small and a half?
344
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,363
And, jenny, one final question.
345
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:01,065
What is that tiny, dirty
blue square of soft fabric
346
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,902
That lives on your pillow?
My baba?
347
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:06,070
I'm sorry, could you say that
one more time for the room?
348
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:09,340
Sure. My baba.
Your baba!
349
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:12,210
The blanket that you've
had since you were a baby,
350
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:14,979
And the softest thing
your skin has ever touched.
351
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:17,382
Until that hoodie.
352
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:20,118
Now you can tell me
that gift was too expensive,
353
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,753
But you cannot say
that it was thoughtless,
354
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:24,055
Because I promise you, no one
has ever put more thought
355
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:26,190
Into getting a gift
than I did for you.
356
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:30,328
I rest my case.
357
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:44,242
Mr. Mansfield, I, uh,
just want you to know
358
00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:45,944
I understand why
I'm not getting a bonus.
359
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,313
Well, that's a hell
of an icebreaker.
360
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,515
Come on in. Sit down.
I want to hear this.
361
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:53,117
Okay. Well, uh, I realize now
that I was content
362
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,753
To hit my targets
rather than exceed them.
363
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:58,756
Uh, some weekends, I simply
skim the nikkei reports.
364
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,292
And quite often,
I use the office computers
365
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,962
To search for kardashian
nip slips.
366
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,731
Well done, mr. Wen.
367
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,533
That's the first time
you've been self-critical
368
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,301
Since you've been with us,
so it pleases me
369
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,003
To give you... Your bonus.
370
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,038
Thank you, sir.
371
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,741
You've done some
real nice work on yourself.
372
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:18,776
'cause as carl jung once said,
373
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,679
"he who looks inside,
awakes."
374
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:24,282
I think it all started
when my parents told me
375
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:26,584
I was not good enough
for a goldfish.
376
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:30,455
Get your feet...
Hmm?
377
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:32,623
The hell off my furniture,
and take care
378
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,993
Of all of that personal crap
on your own time.
379
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,995
Go on, get out of here.
380
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,563
Mr. Moyer?
Sir?
381
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:40,598
Come on in.
382
00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:44,335
Here's your bonus, son.
Please don't open it in here.
383
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,338
I have a certain image of you,
and I don't want it ruined
384
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,041
By seeing you giggle
like a geisha.
385
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:52,010
I don't understand.
386
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,778
It's a japanese hostess.
When they laugh,
387
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:56,247
They cover their mouth,
and they do this thing...
388
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:59,183
No, I get the reference.
I-I just--I lost the bet.
389
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,853
Oh, come on, son, I'm not gonna
take hard-earned money
390
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,489
Away from you just because
you made a-a silly bet.
391
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,657
I'm a--I'm a businessman
and I'm a grownup.
392
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:09,160
You will, however, notice
in the memo section
393
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:12,563
Of that check, I wrote,
"naa naa, na na na."
394
00:17:13,565 --> 00:17:16,234
Just to remind myself
I was right.
395
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,136
Thank you, sir.
396
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:20,405
Jenny. Can I help you?
397
00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:23,207
Hi, mr. Mansfield, sir.
Um...
398
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,810
I was just bringing brody
something work-related
399
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,912
That he asked for.
400
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:30,481
Uh... A tampon
and a nickel.
401
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:36,354
That's awkward.
402
00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:42,160
(sighs) hi.
(chuckles nervously)
403
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:46,330
Um... What you did
down there
404
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:48,499
Was really awesome.
405
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:50,768
And maybe I am
a reverse snob.
406
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,638
I just... I have never
had anything as nice...
407
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,507
(laughs)
as that hoodie before.
408
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:59,710
But then again, I've never
dated a guy like you before.
409
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,212
(laughs)
410
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:04,482
Mmm. Now can I please
have my hoodie back?
411
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,717
(laughs)
it's the only thing
I've ever gotten
412
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:09,320
That's better than my hole.
(chuckles, stops)
413
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:15,560
Oh, god, I've been telling
that story for 20 years,
414
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:18,296
And I just now heard
how it sounds.
Yeah.
415
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:20,665
Okay...
(chuckles)
416
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,800
Well, happy birthday--
again.
417
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:25,670
Thanks! So you coming
downstairs for the party?
418
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,138
Yeah. I just have to do
one thing first.
419
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:28,873
Okay.
Okay.
420
00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:32,677
I thought you'd like to know
421
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,345
That jenny totally
loved the hoodie,
422
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:35,980
Is even more into me
than ever, and, uh...
423
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:37,348
(inhales) what's
the other thing?
424
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:40,485
Oh, yes! Naa naa, na na na!
(laughs)
425
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,488
You'll find the bottle
of bordeaux
426
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:45,156
Behind you
on that table.
427
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:46,424
It has your name on it
428
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:47,859
With a "congratulations"
card next to it.
429
00:18:47,861 --> 00:18:49,827
Wait. So you knew all along
that I'd win the bet?
430
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,430
Of course I didn't know.
I don't have special powers.
431
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:55,133
Bless you.
(sneezes)
432
00:18:57,536 --> 00:18:59,003
Thank you.
433
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:01,772
No, I had hoped she was the kind
of girl who could handle it.
434
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:04,575
Truth be told, my wife
didn't come from money, either,
435
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:08,913
Although she got used to it
pretty freaking quick.
436
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,982
So you ruined your wife?
437
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:13,784
Oh, I ruined the hell
out of her.
438
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:16,854
There's nothing better than
ruining the right woman.
439
00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:20,191
I hope I get the chance.
Thank you so much for the wine.
440
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:21,759
Open it on a special occasion,
441
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,128
Like maybe when--
when you make partner.
442
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:27,265
(giggles)
443
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:33,371
(dance music playing)
444
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:35,273
Can I buy you a drink?
445
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,241
Uh, actually,
I brought something
446
00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:39,010
That I was gonna save
for a special occasion,
447
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,611
But this seems pretty special.
448
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,547
Oh, no, you know what?
I'm not really a wine person.
449
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:46,617
Trust me, you are about to be.
(chuckles)
450
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,819
Happy birthday.
(cups clink)
451
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,657
Ahh...
452
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:55,693
Ooh. You know what would
make this way better?
453
00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:10,975
Something bad has happened!
454
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:15,780
Ooh. Now that is delicious.
455
00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:18,749
I love that I can't ruin you.
456
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:21,986
Although I think
you ruined me for other girls.
457
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:24,055
Hmm.
458
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,623
What you looking for?
459
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,391
I was just waiting
for harvard to come in
460
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:30,194
With some sort of
a douche-related insult.
461
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:32,063
Where is harvard anyway?
462
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,799
(shovel scraping,
police radio chatter)
(humming)
463
00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:38,002
Good evening, officer.
What are you doing?
464
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:41,872
I am digging a hole
for a girl.
465
00:20:42,874 --> 00:20:45,009
I bought her a present,
and, she, uh,
466
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,912
She hated it. And I got
pretty upset about that.
467
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:51,249
So... I said to myself,
this is the answer.
468
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:52,783
Dig a hole,
make it big enough...
469
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:55,319
(chuckling)
so she can get inside.
470
00:20:56,488 --> 00:21:00,658
(laughing)
she is going to die.
471
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:02,760
What?