1 00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:03,559 Mine and Ronnie's favourite. 2 00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:05,319 SHE CRUNCHES 3 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,400 It's easier getting it out with your finger. You get a lot more. 4 00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:12,959 I like using me finger. You are joking?! 5 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,440 You get more on it. 6 00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:18,039 Ooh! You're disgusting! 7 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:22,439 This programme contains strong language and adult humour. 8 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,799 It gets in the corners, your finger, better than this. 9 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:28,119 Are your fingers insured? Mm. Yeah. They need to be. 10 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,919 ♪ In a perfect world... ♪ 11 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,719 THEY SCREAM AND GROAN 12 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,519 Have you ever done 'owt like that? Well, I'm not telling you if I had. 13 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,319 HE SINGS 14 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,639 BOTH: Oh, Barcelona! 15 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,999 Ugh! No, I don't like that this guy's trying to tell me 16 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,359 how to eat my dinner. 17 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,679 ALL: A what? BOTH: Foot fetish? 18 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,119 I'd no idea that was a thing. 19 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:51,599 "Remove my britches! Expose your loins!" 20 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:52,639 I like that. 21 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:53,640 Ooh! Ooh! 22 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,439 Oh, Ronnie! This is weird. 23 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,439 He's a mercenary bugger, in't he? 24 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:00,879 This is why I don't date. 25 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:03,239 That is dicing with the devil. Oh, no! 26 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,559 He suffers for his art, doesn't he? Clearly. 27 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,039 BOTH: A Bentley Continental?! 28 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:10,679 I think I'd rather call it a day, Nutty, wouldn't you? 29 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:15,119 ♪ Who's been arrested now? And for what? ♪ 30 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,239 In the week Artemis II splashed down in the Pacific 31 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:23,799 after popping to the moon and back, we enjoyed lots of great telly. 32 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,879 Gordon Ramsay was giving restaurateurs a rollicking 33 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:28,199 on Channel 4... 34 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:32,039 {\an8}I've seen everything, and I am shocked. 35 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,479 {\an8}That is traditional Greek food. 36 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:35,919 That's not traditional Greek food. 37 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:39,159 There's nowt traditional about that, hon. No, you've been caught. 38 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:43,199 One time I wasn't going to school and I decided to go to Asda instead. 39 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,879 What a choice! And I forgot me auntie worked there, 40 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,879 so I hid behind a bag of Doritos. 41 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:53,239 Attenborough was peering over garden fences again on BBC One... 42 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:55,840 {\an8}She'll need to eat all she can... 43 00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:01,559 ...to produce enough milk for her hungry youngsters. 44 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,279 Did you know hedgehogs were lactose intolerant like you? 45 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,839 No, I didn't know that. That's crazy, innit? How random is that? 46 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,159 What milk must they produce, then? 47 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,519 Well, their milk must not have lactose in it. 48 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:13,879 Lactose-free milk? Lactose-free milk, yeah. 49 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,719 You better have some hedgehog milk soon. No, thank you. 50 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,719 And things were looking shifty on Discovery. 51 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:23,040 Now you can open your eyes and look at your hands. 52 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,159 But here's the catch. 53 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,039 Not everyone can be hypnotised. 54 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:32,439 I'm cynical already, so probably I wouldn't be. No. I don't think so. 55 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,799 I don't know, Dad. I think you'd strut in cynical, 56 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,200 and you'd come out and go, "Where are my trousers?" 57 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,639 In Wiltshire... 58 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,399 So what happened was, Giles, 59 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,079 that two irons, one after the other... 60 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,759 IRISH ACCENT: Irons! 61 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:56,359 ...caused fusing throughout the cottage yesterday 62 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,679 while you were gardening. I'm glad I wasn't there. 63 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,359 So now I'm going to take this off, 64 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:04,279 put in a new fuse. I've got the right number... 65 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,559 ...Giles and his wife, Mary. 66 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:08,079 What could I have done? 67 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,079 You see, if you go online... 68 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,360 Let me hold it. You might be giving it bad vibes. 69 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,759 Don't drip water out of it. 70 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,879 Hold it upright! Something's happening, Mary. It's squirting. 71 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,719 That's cos you're pressing the squirter. Oh, I see. 72 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:25,519 Hold it up. IRISH ACCENT: I'm pressing the squirter. 73 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:26,879 Hold it upright! 74 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,599 Norris McSquirter. 75 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,199 BOTH: Ohh! 76 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,519 My God! 77 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,719 What's happened? Oh, no. It's broken the whole bloody system. 78 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,079 The whole cottage is, um... 79 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:40,199 Did I do that by squirting? Yes, it must be your fault. 80 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,639 For God's sake, Giles! 81 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:46,319 This week, we were navigating the rocky road to love on Netflix. 82 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,079 I think we're all on the spectrum. 83 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,679 I'm definitely borderline ADHD. I know I am. 84 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,079 And Julia certainly is. ADHD? 85 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,399 Oh, she's... OCD, you mean? 86 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,200 That's right, OCD. Get your Ds right. Yes. 87 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,919 Yeah, you see, when you had your first date with Ben, 88 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,479 I just remember you coming back and not shutting up about him, 89 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:10,079 and that is when you know that somebody is mint. Yeah. 90 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:13,240 You know? Thinking, "Bloody hell, even I wanna shag him." 91 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,239 Hello. Hello. 92 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,639 I'm Logan, I'm 25 years old. 93 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,159 25? That's prime time. 94 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:25,079 We've got the same hairstyle, Logan. Yass! Yeah. 95 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,599 Can you tell me about your dating history? 96 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,999 Oh, dating history? Hmm. 97 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,679 It has been zero. 98 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:36,519 Aw, pretty lacklustre. This is his first date, then, love, I expect. 99 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:39,159 I just want somebody who dresses nice... 100 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,479 Oh, yeah. Yeah. ...smells good... Yes. 101 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,199 ...has curvy straight hair... 102 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,639 Oh, quite specific on the hair. 103 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,639 Curvy straight? Yeah. What's curvy straight hair? 104 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:49,919 Is that like a wave? OK... 105 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,720 I'd hit that brief. 106 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:58,159 Look at that - a bunch of red roses. How classy. 107 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,559 You can do this. You can do this, Logan. 108 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:03,079 He doesn't seem ready at all. He's not ready. 109 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:06,160 You can, we're behind you. You absolutely can do this. 110 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,399 Who's this beauty? Who's this? 111 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,799 Logan is meeting Hayley. 112 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,159 Oh, she's lovely. She's lovely. 113 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,239 She likes hockey players fighting... 114 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,999 Oh, so do I, Hayley. 115 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,480 That should be in every sport! 116 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,679 ...and men in suits. 117 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,479 Men in suits! Yes! 118 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,880 So all he has to do is twat someone with a hockey stick and he's sorted. 119 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:32,439 Hello! 120 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:33,880 Oh, how beautiful. 121 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,239 Hi. 122 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,040 Oh, he got nervous. "Hi..." 123 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,319 I'm Hayley. 124 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:42,959 And I'm Logan. Nice to meet you. 125 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,560 Oh, Logan, you should have got up, mate. Never mind, never mind. 126 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,439 No, the poses are taking me out! 127 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,319 Yeah, like I said... 128 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,879 Oh, I'm Logan. Did I mention that? Hi, Hayley. 129 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:02,319 He's nervous though, in't he? Give him a chance. He'll warm into this. 130 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,639 I wish he'd give her the flowers. That might break the ice. 131 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:06,119 I work at a high school 132 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:07,879 as a food service worker. 133 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,559 Serve to the students, perfect food, 134 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,439 all kinds of stuff. 135 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,239 Oh, tell me more about this. 136 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,239 Oh, nice one! Yes! Good, good. 137 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,559 Now you're talking. Go on, Logan! 138 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,079 I'd love it if I had a girlfriend that was a dinner lady 139 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:25,319 and they could bring, like, all the leftovers home. 140 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:29,239 What is your favourite like to do? 141 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,159 I like to crochet and I like model trains. 142 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,799 Oh, he likes to crochet. 143 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,119 Model trains - right up my street. 144 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,919 I could have a conversation with him. 145 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,319 I've got the Flying Scotsman model set at home. You have. 146 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,200 SHE CLEARS HER THROAT 147 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,879 Oh, he's died. He's died a death. 148 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,199 It's awkward silence, Julie. Come on, Logan! 149 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:48,800 Say, "I've brought you the flowers." 150 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,559 Ohh! Oh, she's struggling as well now. 151 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,319 What is...? 152 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,159 What do I come at this with? 153 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:00,839 What are your favourite things? 154 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:03,199 Logan, are you gonna help her out a bit or nah? 155 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,079 It's like she had a list of questions 156 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,399 and she's gone through them in a minute. Yeah, she has. 157 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,399 Now she's stuck. Yeah. 158 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,959 Are those...? 159 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,479 Oh, I'm so sorry. 160 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,079 Yes! Oh, she's looking at the flowers. 161 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:18,639 I mean, these are for you. Ohh. Thank you. 162 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,959 ALL: Aw... 163 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,279 Things are looking up, aren't they? Yes. 164 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,839 What is your favourite TV show? 165 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,599 Hannah Montana. 166 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:27,639 A lot of people teased me before 167 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:30,839 A lot of people teased me before and say it's for little kids, 168 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,519 but I don't care what they say. 169 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,839 Well done for not caring what they say. 170 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,879 Aw, dude, you like what you like. 171 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,319 I was obsessed with that show. 172 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,199 Sometimes, people are really mean to me, 173 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,479 they make fun of me, about me. 174 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,199 Hayley, I'm sorry that happened. 175 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,599 Whew... 176 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,559 He's mirroring her language as well. 177 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,839 Well, Hayley, just... just... just... 178 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:57,159 Just remember, if you need a friend, I'm always here for you. Mmm. 179 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:58,359 Aw! 180 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:02,159 He's cementing it in. "I'm your friend." Oh, my heart! 181 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:06,839 I gotta say, Hayley, you look really nice today. 182 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,239 Aw... 183 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:11,159 He's relaxing! I told you, man! 184 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,279 That is ace. He's a little gent, in't he? He's a gent. 185 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:15,519 He's going for it. 186 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,199 I like that blue jacket. Mm-hm. 187 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,479 I figured you would. 188 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,079 "I figured you would2! Yeah! 189 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,959 He knows what he's doing! 190 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,399 Now look at him. Look how cocky he is! 191 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,719 He's gone from shy to, like, "Yeah, I knew you would." 192 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,200 Ready to go? Yeah. Let's go. 193 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,159 This is so sweet. 194 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,919 You know, I had a lot of fun. 195 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:38,239 Did you? 196 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:39,679 Yeah, I do. 197 00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:42,039 I really like you a lot. 198 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,159 Mostly. 199 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,639 SHE CACKLES 200 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:50,439 Yeah, Mel said that to me countless times. Mostly? Mostly, yeah. 201 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:54,839 "Mostly" is how she finishes most of her compliments. Not 100%. Yeah! 202 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:56,559 Would you like to go on another date with me? 203 00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:58,320 Ohh! What's she gonna say? 204 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,319 Please. 205 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,319 I would like to go on another date with you. 206 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:05,999 Aw! Yeah! 207 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,599 THEY CHEER 208 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:09,639 It was really nice to meet you, 209 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,319 It was really nice to meet you, Logan. 210 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:14,639 It was nice to meet you too, Hayley. Bye. Take care of yourself. Bye. 211 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,360 It's charming, isn't it? Absolutely. 212 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,239 Yeah! Oh, yes, Logan! 213 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:22,599 Let's go, Logan! 214 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:23,999 You did it. I loved that. 215 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:28,359 Josh, do you think we fell in love so quick, like Logan and Hayley? 216 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,359 You did. 217 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,719 Ah! You cheeky bastard! 218 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:34,639 When did you first know you'd fallen in love with Percy? 219 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,959 It wasn't like a bolt of lightning. 220 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,479 It's something that grew. Yes, which I think is more sustainable. 221 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,799 Yeah. It grew over the years. 222 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:43,800 And... 223 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,319 And that was that. 224 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,719 Aw... 225 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,359 That's sweet. 226 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,279 That's adorable. 227 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:53,280 Aw. 228 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:57,759 In Blackpool... 229 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:01,079 How are my two little pals, my niece and nephew? 230 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:04,919 They're all right. Don't get me wrong, I love them to bits. Yeah. 231 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,959 But they just smash everything up. 232 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,279 They don't treat anything with respect. 233 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:11,279 ...Pete and his little sister, Sophie. 234 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,599 I suppose the beauty is, 235 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:13,639 and you're quite lucky that this is 236 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:18,319 and you're quite lucky that this is a bit of a shithole anyway. 237 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:20,839 Oh, you cheeky bastard! 238 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,399 What?! SHE LAUGHS 239 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,279 No, it's good, because then at least you don't have to put it right, 240 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:27,880 do you? 241 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:32,559 On Tuesday night, Gordon Ramsay had something new for us 242 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,919 from across the pond on Channel 4. 243 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,279 Overall, I think he's a good sort. 244 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,159 I wish he was Prime Minister. 245 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,919 Don't be so silly, Giles. 246 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,319 It makes me think you should be sectioned 247 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,199 when you say things like that. 248 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,559 That's the sort of thing a toddler would say. 249 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:51,079 {\an8}When restaurants see me coming... Oh, my God. Uh-oh. Oh, hell no. 250 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:52,479 {\an8}...they cover up their problems. 251 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:54,839 Oh, they all panic when they see Gordon. Yeah. 252 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:58,239 Yeah, because nobody wants an arse-tanning from Gordon. 253 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,279 I've seen enough. 254 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,639 So now I need to go undercover. 255 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,199 Oh, he's got a covert van! 256 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:06,119 007 Ramsay in here. Exactly. 257 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,679 {\an8}With the help of my insider... 258 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,359 {\an8}Keep your head down and speak the truth. 259 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,279 {\an8}...I'll restore the restaurant... Let's get cooking. 260 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:12,519 {\an8}...from the inside out. 261 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:15,119 So, basically, somebody's tipped off Gordon 262 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,479 to say, "We're working in a shithole." 263 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,319 You're like a snitch, aren't you? Yeah. 264 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:20,959 You're doing it for the right reasons, 265 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,600 but you are dobbing all your team in. 266 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,679 In't this just like Kitchen Nightmares, 267 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,079 except he's outside in a van? 268 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,759 Yeah, but you can't say that. It's a Secret Service instead. 269 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,199 Right, OK. 270 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,480 Let's all pretend like it's not that, then. 271 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,119 One o'clock in the morning?! Gordon, go to sleep. 272 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:44,439 Oh, James and Jo have been to Washington, haven't they? Yeah. 273 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:45,959 I'm on my way to Parthenon. 274 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:49,159 Now, this restaurant's been a staple Greek restaurant 275 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,399 in the neighbourhood for years. 276 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,759 Oh, he's undercover. 277 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:54,079 He's got a cap on - that changes everything! 278 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,159 My insider left me key. 279 00:11:56,160 --> 00:12:00,719 It's not that undercover when you've got 20 film cameras there, either. 280 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,079 Jase, come in. 281 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,959 "Quick, quick! Get in, get in, get in." 282 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:06,639 How's he getting in there now, then? Well, he knows. 283 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,400 He'll have had instructions from his informant. Oh, right. 284 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,959 Oh, my goodness me. 285 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:17,399 Oh, my God! Gordon's gone in with his UV light. 286 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,719 I don't know, actually, what he's looking at, but I'm assuming... 287 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,199 It doesn't look good. No! It's bad. 288 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,519 I don't think this thing's been cleaned for months. 289 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:24,839 That is so gross. 290 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:27,199 Look at that. Urgh! Look at the fat. 291 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:28,599 I was always brought up, though, 292 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:28,639 "What you don't see, 293 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,439 "What you don't see, you don't miss." 294 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:31,879 LAUGHING: No, yeah! 295 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:34,279 Oh, boy. This is a band saw. 296 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,879 A band saw... in a restaurant?! 297 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,519 No, no, no. What in the design technology is this? 298 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:42,559 These are so old-fashioned. Mate, that's dirty. 299 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:45,039 Oh! Oh, look at that. It's disgusting. 300 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,959 This is like his wet dream, a filthy band saw. Yeah. 301 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,799 That is disgusting. 302 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,519 Now, this is an ATP test. 303 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,919 Oh, see, Ellie, I've tried to buy one of these machines before. 304 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:57,519 I've seen it on Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners. 305 00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:01,239 This is going to give me an indication of live bacteria. 306 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,279 Some bacteria's healthy, you know. 307 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,279 Er, SOME bacteria's healthy, Jenny. That'll fucking kill you! 308 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,879 Under 30 is acceptable. 309 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,439 A dirty toilet seat will go to 1,400. 310 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:16,279 This is going to be higher than a dirty toilet. Surely not. 311 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:17,759 Oh, my goodness. DEVICE BEEPS 312 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,999 5,550. 313 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,639 Fucking hell, love. 314 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,640 Five times dirtier than a toilet seat?! Yeah. Yeah. Wow! 315 00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:30,279 Just a quick comms check. 316 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,599 Oh, look at his set-up. That's amazing! 317 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:33,799 Look at him. I bet he's... 318 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,159 Jenny, I bet he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing in there. 319 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,799 It's just like a Game Boy to him. LAUGHING: Yeah! 320 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,159 Guys, ready to go? 321 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,959 That's... Pete, the owner, there. 322 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,719 Pete, you're going to be in trouble, mate. 323 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:48,119 You know what you should have on the tables is coffee cups. 324 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,599 That is Susie, Pete's wife. 325 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:50,639 Oh, it's a family affair, then, 326 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,959 Oh, it's a family affair, then, this business. 327 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:56,039 Susie looks well put-together. Susie looks like she's a clean lady. 328 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,479 Why is that kitchen not clean? 329 00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,079 Shit. This is what I swabbed last night. 330 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,519 Urgh! look at him! 331 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,839 He's cutting the lamb chops on that band saw, 332 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,679 where all the bacteria was! 333 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,199 It's all flavour, in't it? Ugh! 334 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,319 I've seen enough. I'm on my way. Stand by. 335 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,359 "Stand by"! Oh, here we go! 336 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,159 I think Gordon's just going to storm in there 337 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,959 and the like, "Right!" Yes, "Shut this restaurant down!" 338 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,599 Hi. 339 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,919 Holy...! Oh, my God! 340 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,719 Look at everyone's eyes. They are all like... 341 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,079 Deer in the headlights, innit? LAUGHING: Yeah, totally! 342 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,360 I cannot believe what I've just been watching. 343 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,159 "We try our best"! 344 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,519 BOTH: "We try our best"? Your best ain't good enough. 345 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:37,159 I've seen everything, and I am shocked. 346 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,119 That's... that's traditional Greek food. 347 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,439 Stop now! 348 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:46,159 I think any Greek person would go, "Don't associate me with that!" 349 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,079 And do you know what really shocked me? 350 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,480 The band saw. When was the last time that was cleaned? 351 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:52,959 Oh, "I don't know"! 352 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,039 He doesn't know. 353 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:58,399 Should be every day, twice a day, after every time it's been used! 354 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:01,199 Breaking news - we're screwed! 355 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,039 "We're screwed"! Like that. 356 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:05,399 He's with them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Not "You're screwed." 357 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,799 He's not against them. No. It's just, "Wake up!" 358 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,079 It's tough love. 359 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,279 Wow... 360 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:13,759 CRAIG: A bit later, after the restaurant was given a new look... 361 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,439 Oh, my! And the kitchen 362 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,999 is now fully equipped with brand-new chopping boards, 363 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,359 incredible knives, pans, you name it. 364 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,959 Jeez. Look at that. That is a real makeover, innit? 365 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,279 They've got loads of free shit. They've got merch. 366 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:26,839 It's worth having a dirty kitchen. 367 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,199 There's one more thing I need to talk to you about, quite seriously. 368 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:32,279 ...Gordon was ready to reveal who the grass was. 369 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,959 Would the insider reveal themselves? 370 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:39,519 Oh! Who's the fucking insider? Ooh! Who's the little snitch? Come on! 371 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,799 The insider was me. Ha! 372 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,319 The wife?! Oh, it's his wife! 373 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:44,799 Typical, you see? 374 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:47,279 Women who've got these stubborn husbands, 375 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,879 they have to go behind the scenes 376 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,639 and take in outsiders to help them. Yes. 377 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,399 Thank you, Chef Ramsay. 378 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,479 Without you, this would never have happened. 379 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,359 He's a national treasure. I say "national treasure" - 380 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,799 not many people know that, the Scottish roots. 381 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,799 Yeah. Used to play for Rangers. Used to play for Rangers. Yeah. 382 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,199 And he also hurt his knee, like myself. 383 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,799 Ah, yes. An old Gordon Ramsay protege. 384 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,519 But I can't cook or play football, so... You know. 385 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,639 And he's got stuff that I can do that he can't. Which is? 386 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,000 Use the air fryer. 387 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,679 In the Cotswolds... 388 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,439 My God, darling, I can't believe that I actually can now say 389 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,039 that I've also survived a scorpion attack. 390 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,719 ...Andrew and his husband, Alfie. 391 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:36,599 Yeah, well, I found it in the bathroom 392 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:39,759 and, with my bare hands, killed it. 393 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,239 You did with your bare hands? 394 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:42,639 Well, I didn't do it with my BARE hands - 395 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:44,359 I pulled a bit of tissue paper off. 396 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,199 I thought you had a shoe or something. 397 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:47,439 No, no, no, no, darling. 398 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,759 I did then use the bin in the bathroom, the wicker one, 399 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,239 to sort of finish it off. My hero! 400 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:54,919 Yeah, but you're lucky. They're not that... 401 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,519 This might be... might be the most butch thing you've ever done. 402 00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:57,559 On Sunday night, Attenborough 403 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:02,239 On Sunday night, Attenborough was keeping it local on BBC One. 404 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,079 You love a nature documentary. Yes. It's your absolute favourite. 405 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,519 You perk up, you come all alight, like a light bulb. 406 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:08,599 THEY LAUGH 407 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:11,199 I haven't got no secrets in my garden. 408 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,319 Neither have I. 409 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:15,119 I've got a bit of grass. I've got a lovely, gorgeous tree. 410 00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:17,479 I've got a shed. I've got... 411 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:18,999 Just what everyone else has got. 412 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:23,639 {\an8}Welcome to a hidden world, right on our doorsteps. 413 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,119 He's 100 next month and he's still grafting. 414 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:27,919 State of the economy, Pedro. Yeah. 415 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,440 Wants to click his heating on, he's going to have to keep grafting. 416 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,319 That's what my garden looks like. Does it fuck! 417 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:39,319 I think your garden looks better in the dark. Well, yeah. 418 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,920 I've got some lights on my bush just at the end. 419 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,320 As dusk falls... 420 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,479 ...most residents of the garden hide away. 421 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,239 Ooh! Let's see who comes out at night. 422 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:57,399 But this is the time when one of them begins to stir. 423 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,719 Who's this? Don't know. 424 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,799 Once, there were over 30 million in Britain. 425 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:06,719 30 million what? What is it? Bees? Birds? What? 426 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:09,839 But, today, fewer than a million remain. 427 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:10,999 What is this animal? 428 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,000 I'm going frog. Barn owl? 429 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:17,679 What is that? What is it? 430 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,239 Tell us what it is, man! 431 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,160 What about moles? We used to have loads of moles, didn't we? Yeah. 432 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,839 Aww! It's a hedgehog. I love hedgehogs. 433 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,319 Yay! It's a Mrs Tiggy-Winkle. 434 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:30,679 Well, I'll tell you something - 435 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,640 round us, the badgers have eaten the whole lot. 436 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,039 Hedgehogs. 437 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,399 Do you know what? I'd see my gran and grandad - I think, every night, 438 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,759 they've got, like, five hedgehogs that visit them. Oh, really? 439 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,639 They've got little houses set up and it's called Hedgehog Village 440 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,159 and they put food in it. 441 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,200 So they're keeping at least five of the one million going. 442 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:54,679 After five months in hibernation, this female is raring to go. 443 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,120 Is it mating season after the old hibernation, is it? 444 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,559 And so it seems, are her fleas. 445 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,239 Eurgh! 446 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,360 Nothing that a quick scratch can't fix. 447 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,199 Oh, I can't get my leg up that high. 448 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,200 I'd just be riddled with fleas. 449 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,279 She needs to be at her best tonight... 450 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,199 Ooh, where you going, girl? 451 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,919 She ain't meeting someone. Date night, this. 452 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:28,039 ...because she's looking for a mate. 453 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,639 Hedgehog sex tonight, Julie, on here. Oh, don't! 454 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,399 Well, how do you have sex with something prickly like that? 455 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,479 HE SNORTS WITH LAUGHTER 456 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:39,159 The problem is, as the only hedgehog in a walled garden... 457 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,679 Aww! Oh, no! She's in a walled garden. 458 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,599 ...she's hardly spoiled for choice. 459 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,399 Well... There's nae fucker around. 460 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,879 That's why they say to have hedgehog highways in gardens now. 461 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:55,959 But Lou and her neighbours have made a small change 462 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,359 that goes a long way to help... 463 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,719 Oh, there - that must be a hedgehog highway. 464 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:05,119 They've opened it all up so they can intermingle? Mm! 465 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:08,199 SHE GASPS Fraternise, even. Mm! Mm! 466 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:13,040 ...opening up her dating pool to 16 gardens. 467 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,239 She's bound to cop off in one of them gardens, isn't she? 468 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:18,600 16 gardens. 469 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,719 And what do you know... 470 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:22,759 Oh, here! 471 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:24,559 Ah... bingo! 472 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:28,199 ...something smells very promising indeed. 473 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,640 Ooh! There's a fella! 474 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:34,119 A male. 475 00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:36,119 Sauntering in round the pot. 476 00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:37,879 Look at him. 477 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,759 Fine specimen. 478 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,159 What? You all right, Baas? 479 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,959 Yeah, no, getting too invested in this. Yeah, you are! 480 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:48,319 He, too, has been attracted by her musky odour. 481 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,279 He maybe likes that in a woman. 482 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,679 Full of fleas and stinks. 483 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:56,239 THEY GRUNT 484 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,519 Here we go. Oh, he's mounting her. 485 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,040 And, of course, he takes care. 486 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:07,199 If you're a hedgehog, love can really hurt. 487 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,360 All right, Billy Ocean! 488 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,999 DISTANT SIREN 489 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,639 She's got what she wanted. 490 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,879 Quick how's-your-father and it's back home to bed. Solid. 491 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,839 But rather than head back to bed, 492 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:23,079 she is making the most of her big night out. 493 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,399 She's looking for more lads. No! 494 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,719 She's not having another one, is she? 495 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,279 Jesus Christ. 496 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:32,959 And she mates with not just a second partner... 497 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,799 What?! 498 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:35,839 ...but a third. 499 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:39,079 Oh! Easy! In one night?! 500 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,600 Well, the randy old thing. 501 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,640 So a single litter may have multiple fathers. 502 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:48,959 Eh?! What?! 503 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,800 Oh, wow. Ooh! 504 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:56,719 It's a way of ensuring genetic diversity among her young. 505 00:21:56,720 --> 00:22:00,319 Well, use whatever excuse you want, love. 506 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:03,279 That's what you tell the children. Yeah. 507 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:07,639 You know, we hear noises in the night. Mm. Out there. 508 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,599 It could be a hedgehog gangbang... 509 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,080 ...going on at the end. 510 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:15,479 In Bristol... 511 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:16,959 So when you play football, you don't run? 512 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,719 He don't run. I don't run. 513 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,679 But you run, like, 5K twice a week? Of course. 514 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:22,999 You don't move on the pitch. Cos you're there. 515 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,559 Nah, not having that. 516 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,559 ...brothers Tremaine, Twaine and Tristan. 517 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,439 Trem, this is what don't make no sense. 518 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,799 Surely you'll be pushing yourself in the games, innit? 519 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:34,599 Is that not the point of running 5K twice a week, 520 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,959 so you can run as much as you need to on a football pitch? 521 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:40,119 Nah. I don't run... I only run... When I was younger, 522 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:42,599 I used to chase lost causes and run down the channel, 523 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,959 but now I'm older now, what am I running down...? 524 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,640 We're talking about football, not relationships. It is! 525 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,719 On Saturday, tough nut Ross Kemp 526 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,839 was back on his Bridge again on BBC One. 527 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,799 See, I've got quite a nose for a liar. 528 00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,039 Mm. 529 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:01,559 I know a liar when I... Yeah. 530 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:02,879 Sniffs them out. 531 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,679 I don't know if I can tell if Twaine's lying, to be fair. 532 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,679 Twaine waffles. Does he? Yeah. You get sheepish. 533 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:11,519 Yeah, I just like... Yeah. That. Yeah, that is it. 534 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,639 This is Celebrity Bridge Of Lies, 535 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,239 where winning is simple. 536 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,079 For you, it is! 537 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:22,079 In the programme, TV's Matt Baker had a go on the Bridge. 538 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,599 Oh, we like Matt Baker from Countryfile. 539 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,840 Bridge, what are we looking for? 540 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,319 Film. Oh, I'm good with films. I'm not. 541 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,079 I'm trying to think of films that I know. 542 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,560 The only one is 12 Monkeys. That's the only one I can think of. 543 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,159 Oh, The Wolf Of Wall Street, Kung Fu Panda. Kung Fu Panda. 544 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,999 Kung Fu something, Jack Black. 545 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,399 Classics. 546 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,279 See? Now, you remember certain films? 547 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:55,400 Yeah. No, I do now. Yeah, yeah. 12 Monkeys, boy! 548 00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,559 Um... 549 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:02,159 Kung Fu Panda. Oh, left or right! Either one. Yeah. Fucking hell. 550 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:03,559 Which way do I want to go? 551 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,879 {\an8}Truth or lie? I'm feeling this way. 552 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:07,319 {\an8}That is the truth. 553 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,279 Very easy start on the Bridge Of Lies, though. 554 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,639 I will say that. It starts getting a lot harder. 555 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:14,319 I might have to go this way, actually. 556 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,759 Yeah, I think I'm gonna go this way. Truth or lie? 557 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,079 No, Matt! No, he's going to another right answer, 558 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,959 so it'll open up summat else. 559 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,279 Yeah, OK, he's going to another right answer. 560 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,639 Dangerous something, Glenn Close. 561 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,279 That could be Dangerous Dogs. 562 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:28,679 Sounds good, doesn't it? 563 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,239 Dangerous Liaison, isn't it? Oh... 564 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,879 12 something, Brad Pitt. 565 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:36,719 What's the Brad Pitt one? 12... 566 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,759 Monkeys. Is it? Are you bantering? 567 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:41,639 Is Brad Pitt in it as well? He is! 568 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,679 Oh, wow. How crazy's that?! 569 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,159 Well, this one is a great film. That's 12 Monkeys. 570 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:48,319 {\an8}Time's a-ticking, Matt. 571 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,039 {\an8}Pick one! I'm going on this one. Truth or lie? 572 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,359 {\an8}It is 12 Monkeys. 573 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:53,519 BOTH: 12 Monkeys. 574 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:53,559 Yeah, you're giving your 575 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,359 Yeah, you're giving your whole life story. 576 00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:56,839 Just step on the bloody thing. 577 00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:01,239 {\an8}Pelican Brief. That opens up The Mighty Something, Emilio Estevez. 578 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:04,279 The Mighty Ducks! Oh, yeah, The Mighty Ducks! 579 00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:06,559 Go, Mighty Ducks! Coach Bombay! 580 00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:10,439 Something Box, Sandra Bullock. 581 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:14,199 Bird Box. Bird Box with Sandra Bollock. 582 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,759 Sandra Bullock, Bird Box. Yes, Bird Box! That's a really good film. 583 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,639 Have you seen it? It's not that good. That's really good. 584 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,239 I liked it. It's not that good. Yes, it is. 585 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,599 It's not that good. It's really good. It's really not that good. 586 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:25,919 That opens up Kiss Of The something Woman, William Hurt. 587 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,280 Kiss Of The Elephant Woman. 588 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:30,399 Kiss Of The Spider Woman. 589 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,639 The Men Who Stare At something, George Clooney. 590 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:35,119 Women? 591 00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:36,520 The Men Who Stare At Women? 592 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:40,039 The Men Who Stare At Goats, is it? 593 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,759 Goats? 594 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,639 Yeah, I know it sounds a bit bizarre. I'm sure there's a film... 595 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,439 Red something, Jennifer Lawrence. 596 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,919 Red Squirrel up the top left, is it? 597 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:51,279 Er... 598 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:52,839 No. What is it, then? 599 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:54,679 I don't think it's Red Squirrel. 600 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,119 Something man, Jim Carrey. 601 00:25:58,120 --> 00:26:00,039 Something man with Jim Carrey. 602 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:01,119 Oh... 603 00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:04,039 Animal Man, Jim Carrey. I'm sure it is. Really? 604 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:05,040 No. 605 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:11,479 Something On A Hot Tin Roof, Elizabeth Taylor. 606 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,239 Man On A Hot Tin Roof. 607 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:14,759 That's Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. 608 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,480 Oh, is it? Oh, I thought it was Man. 609 00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:21,399 Cat On A Hot Tin Roof is Elizabeth Taylor. 610 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,039 How the fuck do you guys know this shit?! 611 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:24,639 Cos we're old. Cos it's old shit. 612 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:26,880 Why is a cat on a hot roof? 613 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,159 War something, Jonah Hill. 614 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,999 War Horse! War Horse! 615 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,919 War Dogs. Oh, yeah. It's War Dogs. 616 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:36,239 Jonah Hill, Miles Teller. They're selling guns. 617 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:37,559 It's War Dogs. There you go. 618 00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,599 Come on! Truth or lie? 619 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:40,639 Yes! War Dogs. 620 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,399 War Dogs! War Dogs! 621 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,199 Come on, we're nearly at the end, Matt. 622 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,479 The Little something, Bette Davis. 623 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:47,919 The Little Beaver. 624 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:49,679 The Little Beaver? 625 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,279 Oh, go on, Bette Davis. Oh, Bette Davis. 626 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,079 The Little what? The Little Fox. 627 00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:54,839 Little something... 30 seconds remaining. 628 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,239 Truth or lie? Little Animal. 629 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:57,519 Is it right? Is it right? 630 00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:58,959 The Little Foxes. 631 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:00,559 BOTH: Yes! 632 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:01,719 Yes! 633 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,079 Oh, Fox-es. Oh, yeah. Oh, you said Fox. 634 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,079 I know, but... Sorry, there was more than one. 635 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,679 Wrong! Yeah, but it don't matter, does it? No! Wrong! Oh... 636 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:10,759 The Green something, Seth Rogen. 637 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,919 It's The Green... Between The Green something and The Green something. 638 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,359 The Green Giant? Er... 639 00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:18,120 Oh, no, that's the guy that does the peas. 640 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:21,719 Sweetcorn, yeah. Sweetcorn. ♪ Green Giant. ♪ 641 00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,319 You've got a 50-50. You've got 18 seconds. 642 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:27,079 Oh, come on! There's only... You've gotta go! Come on! 643 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:30,039 Just jump. Just jump, you silly little man. 644 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:32,039 I think it's a Green Parrot. 645 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:33,719 Truth or lie? Ten seconds. 646 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:34,999 Oh, shit! Is it right? 647 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,279 Come on! It's the truth! 648 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,199 Yes! 649 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,479 CHEERING 650 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:42,439 Yes! He's done it! 651 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,959 He winged that the way I did with my, erm... 652 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,279 CV? ..theory test. 653 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,079 I didn't do any practice for my theory. 654 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,439 I just randomly put ones and I passed it. 655 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:54,759 That's nice to know when we're sat in the passenger seat, Shaun, 656 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:55,640 to be honest. Yeah. 657 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:04,519 In Leeds... 658 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:05,959 So when you're getting into summer, 659 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:07,999 I'm, like, "I need my feet doing. 660 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,839 "I need to get all the hard skin off my feet. 661 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:11,239 "I need to get all my skin sorted." 662 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:13,599 Do you know what I mean? There's stuff to be done, now the sun's out. 663 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,079 ...best friends Danielle and Daniella. 664 00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:17,799 My feet need doing. 665 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,279 My toenails are that long, they're busting through my socks. 666 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,919 I know, I saw. Oh, man. 667 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:24,479 Pterodactyl claws out here, man. 668 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:25,999 Right, we need to sort ourselves out now. 669 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:30,440 100%. Glow-up. It's glow-up time. Operation Glow-Up. Yeah, agreed. 670 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:34,160 Start with me hay fever. How about that? And your beard. 671 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:36,479 On Friday night, 672 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,199 On Friday night, tantalising questions 673 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,479 were being answered on Discovery. 674 00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:44,799 Oh, I love a conspiracy theory! 675 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,159 You think everything's a conspiracy. 676 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,759 Somebody was telling me that we've all got colds at t'minute 677 00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,159 because t'Government's been spraying stuff in t'sky. 678 00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:55,239 Really? That's why we've all got t'same symptoms. 679 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:56,399 No... 680 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,839 Let's face it, we live in a time when fear and distrust 681 00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:01,439 are at an all-time high. 682 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:01,479 Oh, don't we know it?! 683 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,759 Oh, don't we know it?! Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're right. 684 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:05,599 Me no' trust nobody! 685 00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:08,119 Since leaving CIA, I've made it my mission 686 00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,719 to shed light on the lies, cover-ups, conspiracies 687 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,199 and tactics used to conceal them. 688 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,519 Oh, he's a whistle-blower. I like that. 689 00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:17,840 Yes! I love this! 690 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,320 Help me separate fact from fiction. 691 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:26,919 Is this programme even real? 692 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:28,839 Exactly. Maybe... 693 00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:32,679 Maybe this is a conspiracy theory cover-up in itself 694 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:37,519 to actually take our minds away from what they WANT us to believe! 695 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,119 When Thomas Crooks planned his shot 696 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,479 on then-presidential candidate Donald Trump, 697 00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:45,679 he was looking at that, in the distance, on a stage. 698 00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:49,079 Ooh, are we going straight in for the graze on the ear? Donald Trump? 699 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,639 Oh, yeah. Yeah. The assassination attempt. 700 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,959 Who was he? What drove him? 701 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,479 And was this 20-year-old acting alone? 702 00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:59,639 20-year-old acting alone? Hmm... 703 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:00,999 Sounds a bit sus to me. 704 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,519 Maybe Thomas Crooks wasn't just some angry young shooter. 705 00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:07,399 Maybe he was part of something more sinister - 706 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,639 a pawn under the control of the deep state. 707 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,319 So, basically, what they're saying is, 708 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:15,399 is he's been mind-controlled 709 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,759 so that he wants to go and shoot Donald Trump. 710 00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:19,479 There's been loads of films about this. 711 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:21,759 Yeah, brainwashing people. 712 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,079 Cruciatus Curse on Harry Potter. Mm. 713 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,079 And you can just sleep deep, all the way down. 714 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,799 Max Major is one of the country's leading hypnotists. 715 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:30,519 You watch this guy, he's unbelievable. 716 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:32,879 He touches you and you're gone. Yeah. 717 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,719 Do you know what? I think our Claire's been hypnotised 718 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,319 as well, you know. Has she? You'll have to ask her. Yeah. 719 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:41,199 That's why I think he's going to be my perfect partner on this mission. 720 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,959 I like what they're doing here. This makes sense to me. 721 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:45,359 Yeah, I can... I can... 722 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:48,759 Hypnotise, plant the seed, "This is what we want you to do," 723 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:50,079 send 'em back out there. 724 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:51,999 Not everyone can be hypnotised. 725 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:55,519 Some people struggle to focus and resist letting go of control. 726 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,079 That's me. Control freak. 727 00:30:57,080 --> 00:31:01,479 Yeah, you can't trick me! You can't trick me! Not happening! 728 00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:03,959 But Max isn't trying to hypnotise everyone - 729 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:05,999 he's looking for the few, 730 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,359 the few who CAN give up that control. 731 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,999 Oh, so he basically gets the easiest ones to influence. 732 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:14,519 He's almost searching for a prey. Yeah. 733 00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,839 You know, who are the weak ones in the pack? Yeah. 734 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,639 Having identified the most suggestible candidate... 735 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:21,640 And Clyde... 736 00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,239 ...is following orders right now. 737 00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:27,959 Oh, God, he's very programmable. 738 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,399 Clyde. Clyde is going to be the guy. 739 00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:32,759 We've got cameras covering everywhere. 740 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:35,639 ...it was time to carry out the experiment on him. 741 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:38,479 This brain teaser exercise is like an anchor point - 742 00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,919 what the subject will be asked to work on before 743 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:42,599 and after delivering the poison. 744 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:43,719 The poison?! 745 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:45,439 So now they're going to hypnotise him 746 00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:45,479 to poison people 747 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:48,359 to poison people without knowing he's done it? Yeah. 748 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:49,679 And as this hand starts to come in, 749 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:50,999 you'll notice your eyes change focus. 750 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:52,159 And when you notice your eyes, 751 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:53,919 you can just sleep deep, all the way down, deeper. 752 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:55,639 Oh, my God! Did you see how quickly he went? 753 00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:57,239 Out like a light! Ha! 754 00:31:57,240 --> 00:31:59,960 How can he, like, take over someone's mind like that? 755 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:02,799 Amira, my head! 756 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:04,639 Oh, sorry. What the hell?! 757 00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,999 You'll walk over to the table in front of you, 758 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,399 you'll take the glass bottle out of your pocket. 759 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,959 Surely not. Yes, 100%! I believe this! 760 00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:14,839 You'll open it up... 761 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:18,399 ...and you'll dump its contents into the glass of water on that table. 762 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,239 As if he was spiking someone. 763 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,039 That's a lot of instructions. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say! 764 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,680 I'd wake up from hypnosis and go, "Sorry, what was that?" 765 00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:32,599 Ah, there's the glass. Here we go. 766 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,120 Let's see if this goes according to plan. 767 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,720 When he hears that click now... Yeah, click. ..that's his cue. 768 00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:45,840 Up he goes. Oh... 769 00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:48,119 Stop it! 770 00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:49,520 Oh, my God, you're joking. 771 00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:55,239 No... 772 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,920 He's doing it! He's actually doing it! 773 00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,359 I can't believe that, that he's just got up 774 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:05,999 and put the contents of the glass bottle in the water. 775 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:09,439 None the wiser that he's done it. I don't think he is. 776 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:10,879 Now for a little drama, 777 00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:13,479 where we really test the limits of this experiment. 778 00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:14,999 Is he going to keel over now? 779 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,720 Oh, he's gonna start pretending to be poisoned! 780 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:22,639 Oh! Damn! 781 00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:24,200 Andrew went to drama school. Look at that. 782 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,959 Oh, look at him. Clyde don't remember doing it. He's shocked. 783 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:31,199 Look, he's saying, "Oh, what's happening?" 784 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,239 I mean, if that is real, that's really frightening. 785 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,239 Did you see what happened? I know you were doing the... 786 00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,639 Er... I just heard him collapse. That was it. 787 00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,679 He's just poisoned someone. He hasn't, technically. 788 00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:42,999 Clyde has just poisoned someone! 789 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:44,679 Well, he could have done in real life. 790 00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:47,640 And unfortunate for you, Clyde, you're now going to prison. 791 00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:50,639 Is he actually? 792 00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:51,719 No! 793 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:53,599 Dad, honestly, when we were growing up, you were like, 794 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:56,199 "Medicine this, lawyer that, accountant this." 795 00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,559 You should have been saying "hypnotist", shouldn't you, man? 796 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:01,079 I should have. I know, granted, we didn't do any of those things 797 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:03,039 you asked us to do... 798 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,960 ...but, still, I think we would have been hypnotists. 799 00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:10,719 In Leeds... 800 00:34:10,720 --> 00:34:13,039 What breed of chicken are they? Do you know? 801 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:14,879 Yeah, they're Marans. 802 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,359 Oh, my God. 803 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:18,679 I hope you've put a bit of bloody kitchen roll in t'bottom 804 00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,999 of my clean towel basket. 805 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,879 Cost me 12 quid, that! 806 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,319 ...sisters Ellie and Izzi. 807 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:26,639 {\an8}What colour are they? 808 00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:28,159 {\an8}So they're going to be grey. 809 00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:29,799 {\an8}They'll be silver. Aww. Oh! 810 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:31,520 {\an8}Aaaargh! Aaaargh! 811 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,879 {\an8}So the chicks have crapped in me towel basket, 812 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,640 {\an8}crapped on me tray, and now they're eating it! 813 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:43,599 {\an8}Crying out... 814 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,039 {\an8}Oh, my God, it's bleeding everywhere! 815 00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:47,599 {\an8}You'd rather have crap on there 816 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:49,999 {\an8}than crap in your towel basket, wouldn't you? 817 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,359 {\an8}I'd rather not crap anywhere, to be honest. 818 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,959 {\an8}I'd rather not have bird poo all over my house. 819 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,559 {\an8}Aww, look at 'em! 820 00:34:57,560 --> 00:35:01,999 On Friday, something big was making the headlines on the BBC. 821 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:05,839 Wagging her tail for the news is Fudge! She loves it. 822 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:08,560 God, I've never known a dog love the news so much! 823 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:14,279 I can see the tape. 824 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:15,560 SHE LAUGHS Shut up! 825 00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:17,479 Now, since retiring, 826 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,359 Now, since retiring, Steve Wainwright 827 00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:22,319 from Peterborough started to think big, 828 00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:26,039 making super-sized versions of everyday items as a hobby. 829 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,399 God, man, when you retire, you lose your mind. 830 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,279 In all honesty, I want to get to that part of my life. 831 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,599 Because, like, there's... You ain't got nothing else to do. 832 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,519 Yeah. Yeah. Just make big stuff. 833 00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:37,879 After retiring as an ambulance technician, 834 00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:40,519 Steve Wainwright was busy with the household chores. 835 00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:41,759 You know why he's doing this? 836 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:44,199 Because his wife will have made a list of jobs for him to do. 837 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:45,399 Yeah. And he'll be going, 838 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:48,119 "Oh, sorry, I can't, you know, fix the curtain pole 839 00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:50,439 "cos I'm making a big screwdriver." Yeah. 840 00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,319 But then he started to think big. 841 00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,679 He had an idea to make household objects... 842 00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,039 Look at him with his fingers and his acting! 843 00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:00,359 I love this. He should have gone into acting, not making big stuff. 844 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,399 Yeah, he wants a Bafta, this lad. 845 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:06,439 ...in his shed, larger than their actual size. 846 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:06,479 I love tinkering 847 00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:08,799 I love tinkering in the garage and the shed. 848 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:12,679 Do you? Oh, yeah. Or in the greenhouse. Just love tinkering. 849 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:15,599 I just love fucking around, basically. 850 00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:18,319 I went out into my garage, which was my workshop, 851 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,319 picked up a three-pin plug and thought, 852 00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:22,759 "I'm going to make this but ten times its size." 853 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:24,519 ALL: Why?! For what reason? 854 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,839 What could you make ten times bigger? 855 00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:29,319 SHE LAUGHS 856 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:32,519 He's now getting one of the biggest plugs ever on TV. 857 00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,079 Oh, God, this is too cheesy! 858 00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:37,399 It took him two and a half weeks to make, 859 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:39,359 and it's designed as a cupboard. 860 00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:41,319 Oh, isn't that charming, Mary? 861 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,719 Can you remember that week I stood on two plugs, one on each foot, 862 00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:45,319 and I couldn't walk? 863 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:47,879 I do remember that very clearly. And they got infected. 864 00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,839 I had to go to the walk-in. Imagine standing on that fucker! 865 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,279 The first time I saw the plug, 866 00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:53,839 it was out at the front of the garage, 867 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:55,799 and I reversed the car back up the drive, 868 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:56,999 and it was just sitting there. 869 00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:00,239 "And I said, 'What the fuck is that?!' " 870 00:37:00,240 --> 00:37:02,079 And it's just... You had to laugh. 871 00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:03,799 Or cry. 872 00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:05,879 She's going to do one of them. 873 00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:09,439 He sharpened up his incredible DIY skills to make a huge pencil... 874 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:11,919 SHE LAUGHS 875 00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:15,599 I'm dying! He's actually writing with the big pencil! 876 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:18,759 Writing his next ideas down there. 877 00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:21,039 ...made from a garden stake. 878 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:22,279 Go on, Steve! 879 00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:25,199 That's the thing. When you retire early, you've got to fill your days. 880 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,559 Yeah. You know, he's making big shit. 881 00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:29,279 He could have turned to drink and drugs, 882 00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:32,319 but at least, you know, he's just making big shit. 883 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,319 His attention to detail is incredible. 884 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:36,119 He's constantly sizing up the situation. 885 00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:37,439 SHE LAUGHS 886 00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:37,479 He's just wandering around 887 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:40,159 He's just wandering around his friggin' house with big items! 888 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,079 Imagine being his neighbour! 889 00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:43,919 "What are you making today, Steve?" 890 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:45,640 "Just a fucking massive spanner!" 891 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:53,959 In Durham... 892 00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:57,799 I had to go my first-ever boob measure in my whole life. 893 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,199 Can't say I've been to one of them. You don't want to go for one. 894 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,519 It was so awkward. She said, 895 00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:04,999 "Do you want me to step out of the room while you get changed?" 896 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:08,839 I said, "No, I couldn't give a monkey's. It's only a tit." Yep. 897 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,199 ...best friends Abbie and Georgia. 898 00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:13,599 I wouldn't do that. 899 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:16,639 I've got to 26 without having to do that. I just guess. 900 00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:18,279 Yeah, but guessing, she said, 901 00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,639 because I've been guessing for 25 years, 902 00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:25,399 she said the bra I was wearing has been lying on my tissue 903 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,959 where the duck pellets are. 904 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:30,839 Duck pellets?! 905 00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,519 What's it called? 906 00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:36,799 Where you breast-feed. Duck... 907 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,439 Your... your ducts? 908 00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,959 Ducts! Boob duct? She said my... 909 00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,679 Duck pellets?! That's duck food! 910 00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:46,559 She said my bra has been lying on my... 911 00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:48,039 What's it called? 912 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:49,959 I don't actually know! 913 00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:53,719 On that, so... And it can cause issues if you want to breast-feed. 914 00:38:53,720 --> 00:38:56,239 So now I've got bras that will fit and be perfect 915 00:38:56,240 --> 00:38:58,559 if I ever want to breast-feed in the future, 916 00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:00,879 and not... Oh! 917 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:05,479 ...hurt my... duck... duck feathers or whatever you call it. 918 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:09,199 This week it was a creepy bestseller turned into a movie 919 00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:11,519 keeping us on our toes. 920 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:15,239 Oh, I'm excited by this, Nutty. I didn't know this had been made. 921 00:39:15,240 --> 00:39:18,079 This is the book I've just been listening to. Oh, well done! 922 00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,559 I feel like the movie's going to be better than the book. 923 00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:22,879 Don't you think? I doubt it. I doubt it. 924 00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:24,039 Books are always better. 925 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,679 But then, you'd never know, because you don't read. 926 00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:28,960 I'm not illiterate, you know that, right? 927 00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:36,279 Sydney Sweeney.... Yeah? ...big Trump fan. Wow! 928 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:37,360 What, her?! Yeah. 929 00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,400 Oh, is that outside Waterstones? 930 00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:53,599 Oh, that's gorgeous! They've even got their own roundabout! Wow! 931 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:55,599 I'd love my own roundabout. 932 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,159 I'm just going to say, I think you might be overqualified 933 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,719 for this job, with all this experience and a college degree. 934 00:40:00,720 --> 00:40:02,239 No, I know, 935 00:40:02,240 --> 00:40:04,599 I just realised I really enjoy being a housemaid. 936 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:07,279 She's got all them degrees and she still wants to be a housemaid! 937 00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,039 Why can't she get a proper job? 938 00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:10,999 You're going to think it's a little bit small, 939 00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:12,879 but it's got a lot of privacy, 940 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:14,879 and we figured that that was the most important thing. 941 00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:17,599 Oh, this is going to be her room, up in the attic. Up in the gods. 942 00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:19,399 Well, does that mean that she's got the job, then? 943 00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,199 Ta-da! You can make it your own, of course. 944 00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:24,559 Oh, well, yeah, I mean, I'm sold. Come on. 945 00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:26,559 It's lovely. Yeah. That's nice, that. 946 00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:28,559 It's perfect. OK, good. 947 00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:29,639 She likes it, Mary. 948 00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:31,999 It was definitely described a lot worse in the book. 949 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,440 That's not too bad. Oh, here we go with the book! 950 00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:38,400 This is why I hate watching with book readers! 951 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:48,919 Has that got scratches all round it? It looks like it, Simon. 952 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:50,999 Looks like... trying to get out. 953 00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:53,400 Oh! Oh, do you think they'll lock her in on a night? 954 00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:59,479 Lock on the exterior. I wouldn't be liking that. 955 00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:01,319 Thought of somebody being able to lock me in that room! 956 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:03,279 And that's why you're at the top, top, top floor. 957 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:05,759 You can't even jump out. Yeah, and you can scream as much as you like, 958 00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:06,960 but nobody can hear you. 959 00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:12,479 What?! What's going on here?! 960 00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:14,319 Nina! 961 00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:15,439 Where are they?! 962 00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:16,679 Oh! What?! 963 00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,199 Last time I seen someone in the fridge like that, it was Shaun! 964 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:20,919 Where are what? My PTA notes! 965 00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:23,799 Well, they're not going to be in the bloody fridge, Nina, are they? 966 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:25,759 Could be, in this house! Yeah... 967 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,359 I found my phone in the fridge before. 968 00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:27,399 With you around, 969 00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,319 With you around, it could be anywhere, actually. 970 00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:30,399 Hey! 971 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,759 Here's hubby! Come on, calm her down. 972 00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:36,719 What's going on?! Millie threw away my notes for the meeting tonight! 973 00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:39,199 Just sniffing around in his tight vest top. 974 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,039 Yeah. Where's the rest of Take that? 975 00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,280 Come on. It's OK. 976 00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:47,519 I'd be pretty freaked out now, right? 977 00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:49,199 Oh, yeah, what, if you're Millie? Yeah! 978 00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:51,119 Definitely, man. Yeah. 979 00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:54,959 A guy who can deal with my crazy, psychotic self? 980 00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:56,839 That's a win right there. 981 00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:58,160 And with arms like his! 982 00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:01,279 Yeah, he's staying. 983 00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:04,079 Later, having asked Millie to pick up some tickets 984 00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:08,439 for a show on Saturday, Nina went off on one again. 985 00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:09,359 What is this? 986 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:10,719 Uh-oh. Envelope. 987 00:42:10,720 --> 00:42:13,399 They're the Broadway tickets and the hotel reservation. 988 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:15,079 For Saturday? Yeah. 989 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:16,279 It's what you asked for. 990 00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:19,079 But why would I have you book tickets 991 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,479 for the day that I'm driving Cece to Arts Camp in DC? 992 00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:22,559 Why would I do that? 993 00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:26,119 Oh, stop it. No, she said... Nina said Saturday. Don't do that. 994 00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:27,919 Is this banter?! 995 00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:29,879 Oh, my days! 996 00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:31,559 Nina, I did what you asked me to do. 997 00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:33,399 Fine. They're going to come out of your pay cheque. 998 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:35,879 Oh! Oh, my God! 999 00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:38,279 Oh, she's gaslighting her, Lee. Fucking gaslighting her?! 1000 00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:41,519 What's that?! I don't even know. Ha! 1001 00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:43,959 You know, that's more than I have saved. Hey. 1002 00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:45,599 Andrew to the rescue. 1003 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,239 What's wrong? 1004 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:50,959 Millie booked tickets for a non-refundable weekend for us 1005 00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:52,799 that we can't even use. 1006 00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:55,079 Yeah, Millie! Get a grip! 1007 00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:56,999 You don't have to pay for anything. 1008 00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:58,759 Thank you. 1009 00:42:58,760 --> 00:42:59,760 I'm sorry. 1010 00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:04,759 What is going on here? Yeah. 1011 00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:07,199 The vibes are vibing. Mm-hm! 1012 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:09,119 With Nina away from home, 1013 00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:12,239 Andrew came up with a good idea for the tickets... 1014 00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:14,999 OK, well, just, um, how about you and I go? 1015 00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:17,919 Ba-ba-ba-boom! Whoa! Whoa! 1016 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:21,919 Hello! I thought this might be leading up to something like that. 1017 00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:23,559 Yes. Yeah. 1018 00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:25,479 ...and one thing led to another. 1019 00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:27,079 I know that you fucked her. 1020 00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:28,959 THEY GASP 1021 00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,799 Nina! I don't know who you are. 1022 00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:32,839 Ooh! 1023 00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:34,199 I would like you to leave. 1024 00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:35,679 Oh! Oh, really?! 1025 00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:36,839 To his wife?! 1026 00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:38,399 You can't do that. 1027 00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:39,999 Now! 1028 00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:41,359 SHE SQUEALS 1029 00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:43,600 Whoa. Oh. 1030 00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:47,080 Oh! Oh! 1031 00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:52,679 Where's Nina going? That's the bit I find fascinating. 1032 00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:54,599 She doesn't care at the moment, Simon. 1033 00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:56,879 THEY CHUCKLE 1034 00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:58,759 Whoa! Oh, no! 1035 00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:03,359 It's like when you call a quick sub, just after half-time. 1036 00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:06,759 Yeah. Just like that. 1037 00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:07,999 Single bed? All that house 1038 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,319 and they've gone for the single bed in the loft. 1039 00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:12,839 Don't look, Steve. Don't look. 1040 00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:14,719 Ready? 1041 00:44:14,720 --> 00:44:16,079 CORK POPS 1042 00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:18,399 Straight in her face! 1043 00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:22,360 "You broke... You broke my nose!" "You fucking idiot!" 1044 00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:32,759 What's this now? 1045 00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:34,079 Where's she at? Rough night. 1046 00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:35,240 Has he drugged her?! 1047 00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,159 Oh! What happened to the room?! 1048 00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:41,519 Oh, shit! How long has she been out? 1049 00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:43,879 Well, where's the kettle? There was a kettle there, wasn't there? 1050 00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:45,440 She can't even make a cup of tea. 1051 00:44:50,240 --> 00:44:52,759 SHE GASPS No! 1052 00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:55,119 And that's why he had a lock on the outside. 1053 00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:57,439 Andrew, can you hear me? Can you let me out? 1054 00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:58,520 I will. 1055 00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:01,799 Just not yet. 1056 00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:03,479 What do you...? What do you mean? 1057 00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:07,119 What?! Wh... Why? Why, why, why, why, why, why, why?! 1058 00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:09,879 What? What are you talking about? 1059 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:12,439 Andrew, open the door. KNOCKING, DOOR KNOB RATTLES 1060 00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:13,479 Andrew! 1061 00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,759 Where's he going?! Andrew! Go back! 1062 00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:18,159 SCREAMING: Let me out of here! 1063 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:21,199 NINA SCREAMS 1064 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:24,079 What?! I think Andrew did that with Nina, 1065 00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:26,919 and that's why there are all scratch marks on the door. 1066 00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:30,199 SHE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY 1067 00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:32,039 Oh! Oh! Mad laughter! 1068 00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:34,879 That's happiness. That's happiness. Is she laughing? Yeah. 1069 00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:37,199 That's happiness. Why is she laughing?! 1070 00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:40,399 Because she's escaped. 1071 00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:42,839 Oh, my... She planned the whole thing. 1072 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:44,760 Let's get the hell out of here. 1073 00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:49,199 Whoooo! 1074 00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:52,239 Oh! The penny's dropped. 1075 00:45:52,240 --> 00:45:56,639 So she was Millie, in Millie's position. 1076 00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:59,120 Oh, my God. And she's had to recruit the replacement. 1077 00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:02,279 Right! 1078 00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:05,400 You know, this just goes to show, you should never trust men. 1079 00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:09,639 Especially ones with beautiful piercing blue eyes like that. 1080 00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:12,239 And arms like that, as well. Yeah. 1081 00:46:12,240 --> 00:46:14,599 It must be lovely, innit? You know what I mean? 1082 00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:18,119 Finally think, "Oh..." Yeah. "..I'm free." 1083 00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:19,439 Yeah. 1084 00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:20,959 It would be, wouldn't it? 1085 00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:24,199 THEY LAUGH 1086 00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:26,520 ♪ In a perfect world 1087 00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:31,040 ♪ In a perfect world 1088 00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:35,159 ♪ In a perfect world 1089 00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:39,759 ♪ Singing out 1090 00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:42,400 ♪ In a perfect world 1091 00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:46,840 ♪ In a perfect world 1092 00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:51,119 ♪ In a perfect, perfect world. ♪ 1093 00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:53,120 Subtitles by Red Bee Media