1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:04,599 Ooh! Feels nice with the nappy off! You're sweet. Yeah. Yeah. 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:06,599 This programme contains strong language and adult humour. 3 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:08,399 Oh, she's got me! Oh she's wee'd! Oh, no! 4 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:09,719 LAUGHTER 5 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,759 I'm covered in wee! 6 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:14,039 ♪ In a perfect world... ♪ 7 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:15,479 SHE SCREAMS 8 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:17,159 THEY GROAN 9 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,479 Have you ever done owt like that? Well, I ain't telling you if I had! 10 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,759 HE IMITATES HORN 11 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,039 Oh... BOTH: Barcelona! 12 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:25,359 Ugh! 13 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,679 No, I don't like that this guy's trying to tell me how to 14 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:28,839 eat my dinner. 15 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:29,879 A what?! 16 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:30,919 Foot fetish?! 17 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,439 I had no idea that was a thing. 18 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,639 "Remove my britches. Expose your loins." I like that. 19 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:37,239 Oh! Oh! 20 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,719 THEY LAUGH 21 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:39,839 Oh, Ronnie! 22 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:40,959 This is weird. 23 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,879 Ooh, he's a mercenary bugger, isn't he? 24 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,119 This is why I don't date. 25 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,639 That is dicing with the devil. Oh, no! 26 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,959 He suffers for his art, doesn't he? Clearly. 27 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,279 A Bentley Continental?! 28 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,719 I think I'd rather call it a day, Nutty, wouldn't you? 29 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,679 ♪ Who's been arrested now? 30 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,999 ♪ And for what? ♪ 31 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,639 In the week, Nasa's Artemis II rocket set off 32 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,120 to the dark side of the moon... 33 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,759 ...we enjoyed lots of great telly. 34 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,999 The big man was lording it up on BBC one. 35 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,079 {\an8}Lord Sugar is on the hunt for the next big thing. 36 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:17,719 He hasn't felt the need to change his name to Lord Sweetener, Nutty. 37 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,759 Why on earth would he? Oh, that's so unfunny! 38 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,599 Do you remember when I had a good sense of humour? Is that...? 39 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,959 Is that the standard of joke that I might...? 40 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,599 That's, like, one of the worst jokes I've ever... 41 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,199 That's the reason I've stopped coming to London. 42 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:32,999 I think my jokes have gone downhill. Nutty. I'd say, "Have you watched 43 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,280 "anything by Lord Sweetener recently?" 44 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:39,679 Brides were getting more than they bargained for on MAFS. 45 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,359 He would rather starve himself, 46 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:45,039 which turned into the opposite problem as he got older 47 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:48,759 and he turned into a gluttonous pig. 48 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:53,719 I loved your wedding speeches for the fact of it was so... 49 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,279 It was me, you and Brian. Yeah. 50 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,759 Now, Brian was panicking 51 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:02,759 because he thought he was going to say, "Hello, my name's BRAIN." 52 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,319 Yeah, well, he is dyslexic. You hadn't written anything, 53 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:10,199 and I was that nervous that I just read off my phone at 2x speed. 54 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,559 Yeah, it's like having an auctioneer there. 55 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,919 "Hello. Welcome to the wedding. Thank you, everybody, for coming." 56 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:16,839 "I've known Pete for 30 years. He's a fantastic lad. 57 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,120 "Thank you very much. The buffet is now open." 58 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:24,759 And they were making keep-fit sound easy on the BBC. 59 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,759 {\an8}Strength training puts stress on our muscle fibres 60 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,759 {\an8}and can cause microscopic damage to them. 61 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,759 Ate, seem it's not good for you, some of it, is it? 62 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:37,559 It is. That's not. They grow back stronger, 63 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,919 Do they? Yeah. It's like what they call... 64 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,799 I think it's called myofibrilisation, where they grow... 65 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,479 Christ, have you chewed on a book or something?! 66 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:47,400 HE LAUGHS Christ, you're getting on my nerves! 67 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,119 In Wiltshire... 68 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,519 What can we do about these ants, Mary? 69 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,519 Oh! Oh, one's just bit me! 70 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,879 Oh, my God! What's happening? 71 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,719 I've just been bitten by an ant, Mary! You have not. 72 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,199 Yeah, there's two of them. Ant and Dec. 73 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:09,799 MARY CHUCKLES 74 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,319 ...Giles and his wife Mary. 75 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:15,839 Oh, Mary! You're not serious. They... They don't bite, do they? 76 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:19,119 Look. They were literally... I've just... They weren't in that jar. 77 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,479 They were in the jar, Mary. All... Oh, my God! 78 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,439 Look at the thing! Look at the lid. Oh, no! That's horrible! 79 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:25,399 Look at how many... Who left the lid off? 80 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,679 Ant and Dec, and all their family. 81 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,239 Let go of the jar. 82 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,599 Oh, my God, they're all over my hand! 83 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,799 And they've gone into the jar, you imbecilic person! 84 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,479 It wasn't me who left the jar loose. 85 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:38,759 On Thursday night, 86 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,159 beginners in business were at it again on BBC One. 87 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,159 You see, the thing is with Lord sugar, 88 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,519 you know, he goes, "You're fired." 89 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,079 What he doesn't actually realise is that the legislation 90 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,519 now with regards to employment law has changed considerably, 91 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:55,919 and if he's not careful that he will end up in a tribunal. 92 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,239 Yeah. And you don't want that on your hands. 93 00:03:58,240 --> 00:03:59,279 Not at his age. 94 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:00,600 You're fired. 95 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:06,959 Do you know what? I can't take my eyes off Alan Sugar's ear lobes. 96 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:10,399 Big old ear lobes, them, aren't they? Whose ear lobes are bigger? 97 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,959 Mine or Alan Sugar's? Alan's. 98 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,799 Good morning. In the programme, Lord Sugar was remoting in with 99 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,759 another creative challenge for the teams. 100 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:23,119 ...and the UK spends an astonishing £9 billion a year 101 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,759 on products for their pets. 102 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:29,759 Nine billion on THAT guy?! I can believe that. Really? Yeah. 103 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,119 Alan Sugar doesn't really know much about animals. 104 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,759 That's just one trip to the vet. SHE LAUGHS 105 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:39,119 So you're going to come up with a new pet lifestyle brand, 106 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:42,759 design an innovative pet product. 107 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:46,159 I like that. This is a bit of me. I would excel at this task. 108 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,159 The biggest purchase I've made recently, 109 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:51,759 self-cleaning litter trays. Oh! 110 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,399 That's the kind of shit they need to be coming up with. Yeah. 111 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,759 Planning to pounce on a winning idea... 112 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,079 Now, imagine if you had the power to leave your dog voice notes. 113 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:00,279 Voice notes?! 114 00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:02,839 I speak to my dogs all the time, don't you? So do I. 115 00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:07,759 In my head, OK, there's a dog bed, right? And dog owners communicate 116 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:10,119 and leave, like, little voice messages for their dogs. 117 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:11,639 I don't think Perkins would like that very much. 118 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,479 No, it would confuse him, he'd think we're there. He thinks we're there. 119 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,439 Surely that would freak the dog out, though. 120 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,919 Yeah, dog's having a nap, and next thing, "Woof! 121 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,759 "Where's that come from?!" 122 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,199 The logo needs to be minimalistic and chic. 123 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,919 Like, I thought of Maison de Chien, which means House of Dog. 124 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,239 That sounds kind of sick, innit? Yeah, that sounds sick, 125 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,599 Maison de Chien. 126 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:33,319 Chic Canines, or Chic Le Chien. 127 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:36,799 Chic le Chien?! I know chic is... Posh. Yeah. Posh Dogs. 128 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,519 In French, wouldn't it be the other way around? Le Chien Chic. 129 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,839 Yeah, that just sounds way better. Le Chien Chic. 130 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:48,039 Chic is very much like Paris, chic... It's very, like, elegant. 131 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,959 Did she say chic is really...? "It's like Paris, it's like chic, 132 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,439 "so chic is chic." THEY LAUGH 133 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,440 Just to confirm, the brand name is going to be Chique Le Chien. 134 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,079 She spelled it wrong! That's not how you spell it! 135 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,559 That's not how you spell it! 136 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,559 Yeah, that's not right. It should be C-H-I-C. Yeah. 137 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,679 I think if we can have the Chique bigger than the Le Chien... Yeah. 138 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,999 "Yeah. We want the misspelt Chique even bigger, please." 139 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,279 Like that. Perfect. 140 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,759 Cheek-wa. Cheek-wa Le Chien. 141 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:18,759 I mean, seriously?! And they're all going with it! 142 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:21,239 It's a shame because it looks quite good, as well. 143 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:22,719 It does look quite nice, but it means fuck all. 144 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:25,159 Can I just double-check the spelling of Chic Le Chien? 145 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,279 Good question. 146 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:28,680 C-H-I-Q-U-E. 147 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,439 That's not the spelling of chic. 148 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,199 Oh, you G! Ha-ha! I love her. 149 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,319 Well done, Karishma. She's spot-on there, you know. Yeah, she is. 150 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,119 How would you usually spell it? 151 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:44,479 So it would be C-H-I-C. C-H-I-C. Oh, like chic! 152 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:45,879 Like chic. Yeah, like chic! 153 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,319 "Oh, so you spell chic like chic? SHE LAUGHS 154 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,759 "Right, yeah. OK. Yeah, I see what you're saying now." 155 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,759 So if you write a rough script for this, keep it short and sweet. 156 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,319 Oh, so they're coming up with the messages that you're going to hear 157 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:58,959 in the bed, right? Yeah. Weird. 158 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,119 "Hey, baby, I miss you. I'm running late, but I'll be home soon. 159 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,999 "Love you so much." SMACKS LIPS 160 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,079 "See you soon. Bye!" 161 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:06,919 Who would say that to their dog?! 162 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,559 "Hey, baby, I miss you." Have you ever said to Pickle, 163 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:10,999 "Hey, baby, I miss you"? No. 164 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,199 I would leave, in a high-pitched woman's voice, Nutty, 165 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,999 I'd leave a message... "Chicken!" Oh! 166 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,839 So this is going to be audio-activated. 167 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,559 Any loud bang, an ambulance, a knock on the door. 168 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,039 Hey, baby, I miss you. I'm running late... Like that. 169 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,719 ...but I'll be home soon. That clap just triggered it. 170 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:28,879 That's clever. 171 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,679 Love you so much. See you soon. Bye! Bye! Aw! 172 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,119 That dog's going to get fed up with that, man! 173 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,519 That noise is going to get... 174 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,119 She's going to get sick of the sound of her own voice, you know! 175 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,439 We initially started with a round bed. Then I was like... 176 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:42,279 RECORDING PLAYS AGAIN 177 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:46,759 Oh, no! It's too sensitive. It's going off for everything! 178 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,719 Obviously it does go off with quite sensitive sounds. 179 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,479 RECORDING PLAYS AGAIN 180 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:52,919 Oh, wow! 181 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,239 THEY LAUGH Oh, no. 182 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,679 It'd fucking drive anyone mad, that! 183 00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,359 LAUGHTER 184 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:02,519 The dog... Has it got on/off? "Let me out!" 185 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:05,239 Oh, guys, you know, today's a big, busy day. We've got the pitch... 186 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:06,719 RECORDING PLAYS AGAIN 187 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,279 THEY LAUGH 188 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,599 "Hey, baby!" THEY LAUGH 189 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,919 I'm just going to switch that off. 190 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,519 Love you so much. See you soon. Bye-bye. Bye! 191 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,039 "Bye!" THEY LAUGH 192 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,759 She's switching it off. She don't even like herself. 193 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,119 She's switching the bastard off and it's her voice! 194 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,479 I've spunked so much money on pets over the years. 195 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,839 I block it out because I don't want to remember, 196 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,560 because I'd just upset myself. Exactly. 197 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:34,520 But I can tell you what I wouldn't be wasting my money on. That! Yes. 198 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:37,799 In Hull... 199 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,199 Do you know, I went to fill my car up the other day. 200 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:43,279 Oh, you're not panic buying, are you? No. I suppose you went to 201 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,639 the petrol station, put loads of petrol in, loads of bog rolls 202 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,519 and everything. No, no, I just filled the car up! 203 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:51,039 ...best friends Jenny and Lee. 204 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,399 Oh, I didn't half notice the difference 205 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,279 because I always fill my car up when it's half full. Mm. 206 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:57,999 Always. 207 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:02,439 So... And I went and I thought, "What a difference!" Is it? 208 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,079 Yeah. Bloody too expensive. Really? It lasts me six months. 209 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:10,079 I was going to say, you don't fucking go anywhere! I know! 210 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:13,479 No, but now... The furthest you go is the petrol station! 211 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,479 On Wednesday, 212 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:20,519 Disney+ took us on a flying visit to meet our favourite buzzing insects. 213 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:23,519 Oh, the bees. Oh, you like all this shit, don't you? 214 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:24,959 I just love bees. 215 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,079 You've always loved bees. I know. That's one thing, consistently since 216 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,679 I've known you, you do love a bumblebee. 217 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:34,479 What if I told you bees could be the most important animals 218 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,119 on the planet? 219 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,159 I'd believe you. I'd BEE-lieve you. 220 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,759 Ah! 221 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:43,759 There are over 20,000 species of bees... 222 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,639 Wow! I never knew that. I didn't know that. 223 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,159 I just thought they were just a bee. 224 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:50,759 ...and together they pollinate a third of the food we eat. 225 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,879 Like, what type of food? Potatoes. Everything. 226 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,280 They pollinate a spud?! 227 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,719 I'm kind of here for this. Yeah. Kind of creeped out. Kind of here. 228 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:03,719 I'm in the middle of doing a bee jigsaw. 229 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,519 Are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Different types of bees. 230 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,160 They all look the same. It's a bugger! 231 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,399 In the mountain forests of Japan... 232 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,479 Has your sister had any encounters with bees while she's been in Japan? 233 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:17,999 We don't really have many... 234 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,479 ...much conversations about bees. I'll have to ask her. 235 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:24,839 ...the Asian honeybee faces a much more frightening foe. 236 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,719 What could that be? 237 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,359 Giant hornets... 238 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,919 Oh, they're bad bastards, them hornets! 239 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,439 They're awful! All right! Bloody hell! Calm down! 240 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:35,919 Oh, my God, look at them! 241 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,600 ...known by some as "murder hornets". 242 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,479 THEY EXCLAIM 243 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,279 Because that is what they do. 244 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,679 Oh! Oh, you see what they're doing?! 245 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:50,039 Why have they got things like that in their life? 246 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,719 I don't know. Who needs them? 247 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:56,159 A nearby hive is in the firing line. 248 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,760 Oh, shit. Watch your back, lads! 249 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,160 Oh, no, this is dreadful. I don't want to see this. 250 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,279 SHE GASPS 251 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:07,719 Oh, it just attacked! 252 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,279 Oh! God! You arsehole! 253 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,759 Luckily, the entrance is too narrow for the giant. 254 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,199 Oh, it's too narrow. Thank Christ for that, then. 255 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,799 The hornet flies off. 256 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,360 Couple of weeks on Ozempic, it's straight back in! 257 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:23,759 "Recognise me?" Yeah. "I'm back!" 258 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:27,759 The hornet marks the hive with a chemical scent 259 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:32,720 that will guide her and her clan right back. 260 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,519 That's horrible! So they're going to come back in masses? 261 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,359 This is like a nightmare. Well, I think you're overreacting. 262 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,679 I can't.... Why can't you just watch a nature documentary without 263 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,279 being hysterical? 264 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,480 I've never seen such a horrible thing as a murder hornet! 265 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:54,919 Workers race to collect fragrant leaves to mask the hornet's scent. 266 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:56,719 Well...! 267 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,759 That's clever, isn't it? Yeah. 268 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,239 That's what I used to do when I'd been out smoking. 269 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,599 On the walk home, I'd get a leaf and I'd rub it on my fingers 270 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,039 so that when I got in, my mum was like, "Let me smell your fingers!" 271 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:10,880 This extraordinary behaviour is a rare example of tool use. 272 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,519 Look, he's wiping it. Yeah. He's using the leaf like a cloth. 273 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,079 And look at them all working together. 274 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:18,520 The bees work quickly. 275 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,799 But not fast enough. 276 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:23,959 Aw. 277 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,519 We're going to be upset, Mary. Here they come again. 278 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,040 The hornet's back... 279 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,279 ...with her sisters. 280 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,639 Oh, God. There's three of them! 281 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,119 Oh, what the bloody hell? 282 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:40,599 And together they slice their way in. 283 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,599 Oh! Daniella! 284 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,120 No! They're eating the entrance. 285 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,079 Oh, it's in. It's in. Oh, no. 286 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:52,199 Oh, no! 287 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,799 Why don't all the bees just gang up on that big hornet now 288 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,639 and just sting him in the face? Yeah. Twat it. 289 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,880 The bees' only hope for survival... 290 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,599 ...is to respond as one. 291 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:04,919 Oh, yeah. Attack! 292 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,200 Oh, swarm it, swarm it! Swarm it, swarm it! 293 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,759 Hold... 294 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,039 Now! 295 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,000 Go on! That's it! Get in! 296 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:20,039 They're all on him, too! Phwoar! Go on. Sting the bastard. 297 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:23,039 Sting him up! Swarm him! Sting him up! Swarm it! Swarm it! 298 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,719 Yes, bite it, bite it, bite it! Beat them up! 299 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,319 The bees vibrate their wings together 300 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,639 to generate extreme heat. 301 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:32,479 That is perfect. They're going to cook him. 302 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,799 They're setting it on fire with their wings. 303 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:35,719 That's mental. 304 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:38,479 And nuke it. Nuke it, yeah. 305 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,799 Brilliant. 306 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:45,159 The temperature in the centre reaches 115 degrees. 307 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,439 What? Ah, wow. 308 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,919 Hot enough to fry a hornet. 309 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,999 And then chuck its fried body out to warn the others. Yeah. 310 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:57,039 Did somebody order a hornet? One fried hornet coming up. 311 00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,999 Send it back out fried. "There's your mate." 312 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,040 The next invader gets the same treatment. 313 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:09,559 Yes! Yes! And here's another one. Yeah, get that one as well. 314 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:13,919 Their collective action has achieved the near impossible... 315 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,680 Oh, it's like... What? Innit? 316 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:19,840 ...and saved the colony. 317 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,879 That is wild. Is wild. 318 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,879 I mean, what's that last hornet going to do? 319 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,279 Go back and tell everybody. Well, they'll be going, 320 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,119 "John and Kevin have just been killed in that hive out there. 321 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,679 "You want to watch them. Vicious little gits! 322 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:34,960 "Thought we were bad!" 323 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:45,719 In Blackpool... 324 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,359 I'll tell you what, It was an emotional roller-coaster on Friday. 325 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,159 Why? So Paige went to me, 326 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,519 "Will you drop Eva off at nursery?" 327 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:54,879 LAUGHTER I said, "All right." 328 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:58,479 Fucking hell. Yeah. Your kids? Yeah. 329 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,999 ...Pete and his little sister Sophie. 330 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,439 I dropped her off at pre-school, 331 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,759 and I just got in the car, and I just started crying, 332 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:06,279 cos I'm like... Aw, don't! 333 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,679 She's getting so grown up now. 334 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,999 I'm welling up now. Urgh! Aw! 335 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,879 Like, she's such a big girl, 336 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:17,519 not in a like... You get my drift. Yeah. 337 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:19,439 And I'm just like... She's just straight in. Aw. 338 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,719 She went, "High five." Straight in. Not arsed. Not arsed. 339 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,599 Yeah. They don't give a shit about me now. 340 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,599 Gone. Daddy's just off to cry in the car. 341 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:30,959 You have a nice day. I'm going to have a little sob in the car park. 342 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,239 On Thursday night, 343 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:35,279 it was time to set sail and go full steam ahead into 344 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,999 the brand-new series of this on BBC One. 345 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,039 Hey, see, when watching this, did you book a holiday? 346 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,520 No. Oh, yeah, I did. Skegness. 347 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,159 Race Across the World. 348 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,599 Skegness. 349 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,440 Race Across the Humber Bridge. 350 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:55,720 Do they go around the whole world? 351 00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:01,079 You know what, right? Because that takes 365 days, I think. 352 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:06,719 No, it takes 350... 365 days for the sun to orbit the earth. 353 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,519 No, it doesn't. No, to get around the whole earth, 354 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,839 it would take a year. 355 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:15,600 The sun, not a person. The sun. 356 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,999 Palermo in Sicily! Palermo in Sicily! 357 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,559 How lovely. 358 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,559 Equipped with the essentials... 359 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,279 Right, Molly? Are you ready for this? 360 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:28,879 I can't look. ..time to find out where the race will take them. 361 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,239 Your final destination is Hatgal. 362 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,199 Hatgal. Where is that? 363 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,199 "Hot gal." 364 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,039 Hot gal. Hot gal, you know? 365 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,039 Where the hell is that? Yeah. In Jamaica. 366 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,479 First checkpoint. Fiskardo. 367 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:48,679 Fiskardo. Greece. Fiskardo. That's giving Greece. 368 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,399 No, it's not. That's giving... Fiskardo. 369 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:55,999 To the east, in the wine-dark sea of the Ionian archipelago, 370 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,359 the Greek village of Fiskardo. 371 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:00,319 Oh. You're right! 372 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,759 Well done, darling. Honestly. Stick with me. 373 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,119 It's near Meganisi. 374 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:05,919 I've actually been to Fiskardo last year. 375 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:08,799 Have you? Yeah. Smelt of fish. 376 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,079 "Fishkardo". 377 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:14,079 We need to find out where Fiskardo is, because it's not on the map. 378 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:15,679 Do you know what, lad? Train station. 379 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:17,999 There might be a stop called Fiskardo. 380 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,199 I don't think there will be, 381 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,879 because it's in a completely different country. 382 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,080 It's in a remote island. 383 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,439 I don't think this place exists. It's like Narnia. 384 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,279 Oh, this isn't boding well, is it? 385 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,639 Well, they're youngsters. 386 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:31,879 They need to ask somebody. 387 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,160 Come on, go and ask someone how to get to Fiskardo. 388 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:42,119 Oh. Well done. She's googled it. Oh, she's googled it. Clever. 389 00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:46,039 So I think the fastest way is if we can find a ferry over to Naples. 390 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,359 I'm sure that we can connect. Very quick. 391 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,199 Sort of up, across and down. 392 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,439 OK, now you're... Now we're talking. Now you're talking, bruv. Come on. 393 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,759 So there's always an option to get somewhere 394 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:59,639 via water rather than having to fly. 395 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:00,999 Mm-mm. I didn't know that. 396 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,999 Two lads are over there. Oh. So they're doing the same as us. 397 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,359 Yeah. We can give them the game face eyes. 398 00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:10,479 Andrew and Molly are there now with Jo and Kush. Yeah. 399 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,799 That must be... Well, at least you know you're on 400 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:13,759 level pegging, don't you? 401 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,119 Well, at least you know you're going the right way. Yeah. 402 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:19,559 After that, we just take an island hop, then to Kefalonia. 403 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,879 A smaller ferry to Kefalonia. Yes. Perfect. 404 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,479 See? Father and daughter. 405 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,799 Look at that. Doing so well together. 406 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:26,839 That could be us. 407 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,320 And how much will it be for two? 408 00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:33,599 Ooh, that's quite a lot of their budget. 409 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:34,879 We're ten short. 410 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,039 Aw! Aw! 411 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:37,399 Is there anywhere we could change money? 412 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,759 Oh, they need to change the currency. Mm. 413 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,559 Oh, that's going to delay Molly and Andrew. 414 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,959 Well, yeah, cos they've got to go and change money now, haven't they? 415 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,279 We'll be able to go on this ferry. 416 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,599 Hey, the boys have got their ticket. 417 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,959 You wouldn't give us a tenner for a tenner? No? 418 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,640 Aw, that's a shame. Thought not. That's a shame. 419 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,559 I ain't going to lie, I'm right there with you. 420 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,999 I'm right there. Oh, no. I'd feel too bad. 421 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,000 I'd have to help. 422 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:06,599 Yes! Help them out! Good karma. No! It's a race! 423 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,520 No. Oh, lad, what are you trying? 424 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:12,759 "What are you trying? What are you trying?" 425 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,799 I'm with Kush. Oh, you would be. 426 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,839 Scusi. We need to get our ferry tickets. 427 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,600 Would you have ten euro and I'll give you £10 sterling? 428 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,399 Grazie. I can hug you. Grazie. Not a problem. 429 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,999 Oh, yes! Aw. Aw. 430 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,359 Look at that. 431 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:31,319 Aw. Someone... Someone's helped them out. 432 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,719 After a long haul ferry to Greece, 433 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:38,119 the teams took to their heels for the race to the first checkpoint. 434 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:40,999 "Continuing on foot, look for the local map stand." 435 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,359 That's the map stand. Map stand. 436 00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:44,679 "And if you can find an off road short cut..." 437 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,639 An off road short cut! 438 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:49,519 "..to your first checkpoint Hotel Emelisse." 439 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,039 Oh, that's nice. So they've got the hotel where they need to go. 440 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:55,239 I mean, that's quite confusing. Oh, nice-looking hotel. You just find 441 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,039 an offroad short cut behind the back of the trees, 442 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:58,839 see the brown cat, go left, 443 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,159 hang a right and then go through the well and you're at your hotel. 444 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,559 And you'll be there. 445 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,639 We need to find the maps. 446 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,959 There's one here. Right, Molly, this way. 447 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:07,919 Wait a minute. No. 448 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,199 There's the map stand. 449 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,799 No, it's not a map stand. 450 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,959 Well, what's that? That's a bloody map stand, you silly get. 451 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,879 What's that, then, Andrew? Scotch mist. 452 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,319 Hotel. There it is. Oh, it's right there. Where are we? 453 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:20,999 Oh, the lads, they're on it. Oh, come on. 454 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,639 Surely they're in the lead. 455 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,599 We follow the water. 456 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,959 Kush and Jo seem to be doing well now. Yeah, they do. 457 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,799 They seem to have got it in their head now, haven't they? Yeah. 458 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,919 I've seen three of these. It is. I was right. 459 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,199 Yes, you were right, Molly! 460 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,559 You absolutely were bang-on the money. 461 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:37,959 You're right. We need to back up the headland. 462 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,999 Oh! You'd be fuming with your dad if he wasn't listening to you 463 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,919 and you were right all along. 464 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:46,599 See, we would also become insufferable if we were right 465 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,359 and the person we were with was wrong. 466 00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:49,639 We couldn't let that go. 467 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,439 Usain Bolt can do it in ten seconds. Yeah. 468 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,119 Who's it going to be? 469 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,479 Molly! Come on. Come on! 470 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,519 Andrew's puffed out, mate. Yeah. 471 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,799 Well, I would be if I had a fucking house on my back like that. 472 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,999 Oh, my God. Let's get in there and sign that book! 473 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,599 Oh, there's the book. Who's first? Open the book. 474 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,119 There's the book. There's the book and the pen. 475 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:08,760 Oh, and the pen. Sorry. 476 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,919 Oh! Oh! Bastards. Every time, 477 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,279 cliff-hanger. It's almost like they want us 478 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,959 to watch the next one. Well, I won't now, 479 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,720 out of principle. I absolutely will, because I'm hooked. 480 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,519 In Leeds... 481 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:27,879 I said to Nat this morning, I went, I says, "Nat, I've decided." 482 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,639 I went, "I don't think I want to have another baby this year. 483 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,599 "I want to wait till next year." 484 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,879 ...sisters Ellie and Izzi. 485 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:37,959 And he actually jumped up like this 486 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,479 and started doing a happy dance like that. 487 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:45,280 And he was like going, "Hallelujah, hallelujah!" 488 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,399 And I says to him, "Well..." I went, "Nat." 489 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,759 I went, "I am going to want to have one next year. 490 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,119 "I just think I've got too many projects on this year 491 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:57,479 "to be able to have a baby." He went, 492 00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,039 "I'm going to start a project next year." I went, 493 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,399 "Oh, yeah? What project are you going to start?" 494 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,040 He went, "I'm going to put a swimming pool in the back garden." 495 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,359 I shouldn't have told him that. Gives him time to book in 496 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:10,960 for the snip. Yeah, exactly. 497 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,399 This week there was fresh meat heading up 498 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,679 the aisle Down Under on E4. 499 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,679 Oh, it's my favourite. 500 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,239 It's Married at First Sight. 501 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,239 You do like this, don't you? I do. 502 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:26,959 I was going to renew my vows. 503 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,240 Well, I wanted to. But Ray didn't. No. 504 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,039 People used to, years ago, 505 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,399 talk about the cost of getting married. 506 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,439 Nowadays... It's the cost of getting divorced. Exactly. 507 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:44,479 That's why we're still together. Yeah. Can't afford it, can we? No. 508 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:48,439 Next to enter the experiment is an extroverted bride 509 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,999 who is hoping to find her equally eccentric soulmate. 510 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,399 Oh, this sounds like me. Extroverted and eccentric. 511 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,919 I'm Juliette, I'm 27, and I'm a receptionist from Melbourne. 512 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,239 Oh, Juliette. Juliette. 513 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,639 So I just like to say yes to almost everything. 514 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,999 Me, too! LAUGHTER 515 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:10,559 She's probably got a car sticker that says, "One life. Live it." Mm. 516 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,319 I'm Joel, I'm 31. I'm from Sydney, and I'm a model. 517 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,880 He's fucking 31?! I'm older than him. 518 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,239 Eh, he looks nice in that suit, don't he? 519 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,319 He is good-looking. He's catalogue material, him. 520 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:30,039 Catalogue? Yeah. Who has a catalogue nowadays? 521 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,799 Well, no, but... Kays catalogue or was it Littlewoods? 522 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,639 Yeah. Both. Grattan's. 523 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,319 So I'm a model now which I never thought 524 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,679 in my wildest dreams would ever happen. 525 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,999 I was a fat Uber driver for six years. 526 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,759 A fat Uber driver? 527 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:44,159 For six years? 528 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:46,479 See, Dad? Look, miracles can happen! 529 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,839 What were you like? What's going on? 530 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,119 Are they going to actually show that? 531 00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:51,479 But like... like, I want them to. 532 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,759 I, like... That's a request. 533 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:55,439 Are you having a laugh? 534 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,239 Is that the same guy? Yes! 535 00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:58,839 That's an interesting angle. 536 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,280 He WAS a fat Uber driver! 537 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:08,759 Here comes the bride! Oh! Here comes Juliette! 538 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,240 How's it going, guys? 539 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,760 Why did he turn around like that? 540 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,239 That was a really weird turn! 541 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:21,599 That really was. 542 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:23,599 Hi, hubby! Hello, darling. 543 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,519 Mwa! You look gorgeous. 544 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,879 OK. He's saying all the right things. 545 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:31,079 Well, this isn't your typical man meets woman story. 546 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,039 What does he mean? What's he mean by that? 547 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:35,399 From the moment I saw you, I just had this funny feeling 548 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,400 that it was going to take less than two sightings to marry you. 549 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:40,679 What? 550 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:41,799 Is that another shit joke? 551 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,679 OK, carry on, Joel. 552 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:47,279 Who is this perfectly manicured, dapper, suave, sexy... 553 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,639 Modest! Modest. Don't forget modest. 554 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,959 ...who says what he thinks and who is unapologetically himself 555 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,159 at all times, with no exceptions 556 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,479 for anyone, anything, any time or any place? 557 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:56,759 HE LAUGHS 558 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,000 He reminds me of Borat. 559 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:00,919 Oh, yeah. It's like a... it's like a spoof. 560 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,279 He is giving Borat. It's like he's a spoof. 561 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,679 Joel's an extravagant man, for sure, 562 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,959 but I love that about him. 563 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:09,479 Oh, OK. 564 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,039 She likes him. Well, see, she wants summat different. 565 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:13,999 Yeah, she's definitely going to get summat different. 566 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,439 Yeah, like a clown. 567 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,239 I think he's going to make me laugh a lot. 568 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,079 And that's something I said to the experts, 569 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:20,519 I want someone to make me laugh. 570 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:22,879 Oh, why did you say that? Yeah. 571 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,279 This isn't going to stop. Why did you tell the experts that? 572 00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,639 You see, now, if you were in Juliette's position 573 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:31,039 and I was your brother there, you know, watching all this unfold, 574 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,399 I'd be saying, "Let's just pull the plug on this." 575 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,319 Yeah. "The dude's obviously a helmet." 576 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:40,159 And it wasn't long until Joel had another speech to make. 577 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:43,119 Good evening, everyone, and thank you for coming. 578 00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:44,519 It's the wedding dinner. 579 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:46,879 Oh, God. He's got to do another speech, darling. 580 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,439 Someone needs to take the mic off of Joel, please. Yeah. 581 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,319 One thing about me is that I have an insatiable appetite, 582 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,159 not just for food, but for life... 583 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:55,319 Aww. 584 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:56,959 ...for love, and of course... 585 00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:58,960 ..for my love. Yes. 586 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:03,199 You called him Borat, and he just did Borat! 587 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:06,039 Oh, my God. Oh, real recognise real. 588 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,039 He's based his personality off of Borat. 589 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:11,039 I hope you're excited to move in with me because I'm a real catch. 590 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,800 Think more along the lines of anchovy than bluefin tuna. 591 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,479 Um... OK. 592 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,159 Nobody's laughing. 593 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:19,719 I am! 594 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,359 I'm only joking. 595 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:24,040 I'm talking about my old self, which was smelly and undesirable. 596 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,759 Oh... Oh, nice. 597 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:28,039 My hay fever is so ferocious, 598 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,879 you can hear me sneezing from outer space. 599 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,199 Oh, no! This is unattractive. 600 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:34,879 And when I'm not sneezing, I'm snorting. 601 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:36,239 Ah! Oh... 602 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,759 Every three seconds, I have an urge to clear sewage from my throat. 603 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:40,919 Huh? 604 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,239 Oh, what?! 605 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:43,999 Why is he saying things like this? 606 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,399 Through highs and lows, my loyalty will remain 607 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,719 as strong as my BO after a Barry's class. 608 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:49,719 Oh, yuck! 609 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,480 Oh! Oh, God! 610 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,359 I wouldn't even sit there waiting for the sweets. I'd be off. 611 00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:58,879 Thank you. 612 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,279 Anything nice to say about Juliette? 613 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,999 Somehow, I've got a feeling Juliette's opinion's 614 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,959 starting to change a little. 615 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:09,159 Yeah, I'm definitely a bit... a bit worried. 616 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,719 A bit worried?! I'd be very worried. 617 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:13,279 I'd be running for the hills, pet. 618 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,519 She's thinking, "We've got ourselves a fucking live wire." Yeah. 619 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,879 "This isn't legally binding, is it, love?" 620 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:22,719 "Just double checking. It's not legal, this, is it? 621 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,279 "You know, it's just a fictional thing! 622 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,560 "If we do want to call it off at any time..." 623 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:37,479 In Manchester... 624 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:40,119 I don't think Martha looks like you, sweetie. 625 00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:41,759 She looks like her dad. 626 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,519 She does. She looks like her dad. 627 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:45,239 She looks like Dan. Yeah. 628 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,999 ...Alison, her husband George and her daughter Helena. 629 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,399 Oh, look at her little feet. 630 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,239 Look at her little feet! 631 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:56,319 She's been collecting, in her hand, 632 00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:58,319 fibres and mulch. Has she? 633 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,679 And I've been having to remove it from her. 634 00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:02,679 But I thought, you could do some felting with that. 635 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,119 What, as a little keepsake? 636 00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:06,959 Yeah, that'd be nice. It'd stink! 637 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,520 But she's very good at collecting fibre. 638 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,719 That's like belly buttons, though, isn't it? Mm. 639 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,919 Has she got a good belly button? Looks like a cinnamon swirl. 640 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:19,399 Oh, does it? Yeah. That's nice. 641 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,719 On Tuesday, some familiar faces 642 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,079 had tips and tricks for a better life on the BBC. 643 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:29,439 I love, um, self-help books and manuals, Nutty. 644 00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:30,959 There was one I bought called 645 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,559 Life Was Never Meant To Be A Struggle. 646 00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:36,199 Well, it's not, for you. That's right. 647 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,719 We all want simple ways to feel better. 648 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,199 Maybe you want to know how to kick start your day. 649 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,799 Absolutely, I do want to know how to kick start my day. 650 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,359 Stay in bed another hour. 651 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:47,919 Yeah! 652 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:49,439 Pull the covers up. 653 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,799 Or perhaps you're having trouble remembering things. 654 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:52,959 Oh, dear. Mum! 655 00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,959 Oh, Sarah, more fish. Mum! More salmon. 656 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,759 Following in the footsteps of Dr Michael Mosley 657 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:01,079 in his hit podcast Just One Thing... 658 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:04,119 Sad about Michael Mosley passing, isn't it? It is, yeah. 659 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:05,959 He wanted to encourage people. 660 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:08,959 And the idea was that if you did just one thing, 661 00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:12,119 it would be better than nothing, and it could make a huge difference. 662 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,920 I can't believe how much it has changed my life. 663 00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,839 Just one thing. That's it, you see. 664 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,639 I want to know the secret, the just one thing. 665 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:23,959 But I don't know if I do, 666 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,319 because then I might actually have to do something. 667 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,119 Exactly. I don't want to do anything. 668 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:29,839 Not even one thing. 669 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:32,639 Now, I know it can be easy to worry 670 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:35,439 when starting a brand-new fitness and health regime. 671 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:38,239 I've got a gym pass, and I use it... 672 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:39,919 ...for the cafe. 673 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:41,679 It's a nice cafe. It is. 674 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:45,479 But I have just one thing that can increase strength, 675 00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,119 improve blood sugars, 676 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:49,079 and even give us stronger bones, 677 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:52,279 all for the minimum effort possible. 678 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,919 I'm all for that, aren't you? Minimal effort. 679 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:56,559 That sounds good. This is us. Yeah. 680 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,999 This is us, totally. Minimum effort. 681 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,559 The last bit, minimum effort. Yeah, that's what we need. 682 00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:04,559 I'm on my way to meet 70-year-old retiree... 683 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:05,720 Martin Kemp! 684 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:11,159 ...Alastair, whose exercise journey has been far from easy. 685 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,439 Hello! Hey, Roman. Hello! 686 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,359 Oh, it's Alastair. Mm-hm. 687 00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,839 Take a seat. Thank you. I will, thank you very much. 688 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:19,319 Yeah. 689 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,559 Your Just One Thing is... 690 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:23,599 What? 691 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:24,919 ...easy exercise. 692 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:26,239 HE LAUGHS 693 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:27,679 What's he laughing for? 694 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:29,279 What we're going to do, we're going to stand up. 695 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:30,599 OK. OK, I can do that. Right. Right. 696 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:31,879 Oh, we're going to stand up. 697 00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:33,519 I'm not standing up, pal. 698 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:35,999 I want you to sit down... Uh-huh. ..slowly. 699 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,479 Oh! Oh, yeah. 700 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:38,759 Got you. The squatting. 701 00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:41,679 Come on, let's give it a good go. Ready? 702 00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,039 HE GROANS 703 00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:45,759 Dad's out! 704 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,519 One, two... 705 00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:48,959 Right. 706 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:50,919 ...three... Right. 707 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,679 OK, I can do that. Right. 708 00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:53,919 Oh. 709 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,919 I feel that pulling on my calf now. 710 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,160 Oh, really? Yeah. 711 00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:01,599 ...four... Oh, I can feel it in the legs. ..five. 712 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:02,839 And we're sat. 713 00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:03,959 Oh! 714 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:05,439 LEE LAUGHS 715 00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,719 Oh... That's what I'm like. 716 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,439 ...four, five. Well done. 717 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,159 That wasn't bad. 718 00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,119 Do you want to stand up now to the count of five? 719 00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:15,679 No. I'd have a heart attack. 720 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:20,119 Most adults in the UK sit down for eight hours or more each day. 721 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:23,039 That's a lot... You do a lot more than that. Of sitting down? Yeah. 722 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,719 I sit down more than eight hours a day? 723 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:29,319 Absolutely. Chee, talk to your dad. 724 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:32,879 So my list of exercises are keeping the group on their toes. 725 00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,399 Am I doing it right? Yeah... Oh, I fell! 726 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:38,959 It's the lowering down slowly that's the easy exercise part. 727 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:42,119 And it's been no sweat, literally, for Linda... 728 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,439 Oh, Linda, go yourself! 729 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,320 ...as she's smashing her heel lowering and wall press ups. 730 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,679 Slower going towards the fridge door, 731 00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:54,119 than it is when I'm coming away from it. 732 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,479 I can see that's quite good. Quite easy. 733 00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,079 Imagine if you were walking past Linda's house 734 00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,599 and you saw her doing that. Yeah. "What are you doing, Linda?" 735 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,200 "Oh, poor Linda, she's lost it!" 736 00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,919 And she has more top tips when it comes to arm lowering. 737 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,359 All I use is two cans of soup. 738 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,879 Ah! Oh, hang on, what's Linda doing? 739 00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:14,279 She never stops, Linda! 740 00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:16,039 So it's just a case of 741 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:17,959 arms up... 742 00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:20,719 ...and then slowly down. 743 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:22,599 There you go! Go on, girl. 744 00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:24,919 See, you can do that while the kettle's boiling. 745 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:26,039 Yes, you could. 746 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:27,599 Before you go and sit down! 747 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,039 THEY LAUGH 748 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:30,959 This is 6kg. 749 00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:32,520 SHE LAUGHS 750 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,239 Look at that. 751 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,719 Shoulder press! See, I could do that exercise. 752 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:42,119 That exercise is fun. 753 00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:43,879 I could do that. You don't need tins of soup. 754 00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:45,680 You just need a sausage dog. Exactly! 755 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:49,479 In Yorkshire... 756 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:51,759 Oh, look what we've got for Easter! 757 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:53,759 They're real live chickens. 758 00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:56,879 Oh, my God, those little chickens! 759 00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,719 ...Sara and her daughter-in-law, Lara. 760 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,039 Oh, my goodness. Aren't they adorable? 761 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:03,239 Oh, they are adorable. 762 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:04,719 Are they going down to Bev? 763 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:06,319 Yeah, they're going to move in with Bev. 764 00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,679 They're going to be proper grown-up chickens. 765 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,279 Oh, we love you. Bless you, darling. 766 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:13,239 Hello, Milly and Molly, or whatever you're called. 767 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,559 I'm not sure if we're allowed to name them yet. 768 00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:17,159 I might go put them in their warm... 769 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:18,639 Yeah, put them in... Go put them back. 770 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:20,999 Thank you, darling, for showing them to us. Don't let them get cold. 771 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,319 They're lovely. Little babies. All right. Bye. 772 00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,599 Bye-bye, chickens. Happy Easter! 773 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:27,199 BBC NEWS THEME PLAYS 774 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,119 On Friday, there was a regional crime 775 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,719 making the headlines on the BBC. 776 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:33,599 Well, it's the... 777 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:34,959 Fuck's sake. 778 00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:36,920 Why does it always land butter side down? 779 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:42,480 Fudge'll lick it off for you. 780 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:47,639 Fudge'll clean it for you. That's what dogs are good for. 781 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:51,639 I have started watching the news whilst I'm on the treadmill, 782 00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:55,639 because it's half an hour and I feel like it's a good use of time. 783 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,679 It's all about stacking habits, 784 00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,039 so I'm working out and burning calories, 785 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:03,959 but I'm also keeping abreast of current affairs. 786 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,439 You mean depressing yourself? Well, no, not always, 787 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,959 cos sometimes they have, like, a nice little juicy, fun story. 788 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:10,959 Now, the residents of two villages in East Yorkshire 789 00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:14,319 are scratching their heads over a vintage mystery. 790 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:15,599 Oh? 791 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:18,439 Oh, I heard about this on the radio! 792 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,479 Bags full of empty bottles of New Zealand wine 793 00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:23,479 keep being dumped on grass verges... 794 00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:25,279 Christ, who's dumping that? 795 00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:28,239 They must be bloody pissed, drinking all that. 796 00:34:28,240 --> 00:34:30,599 At least they're putting them in bags! 797 00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:32,639 Yeah, they're not complete animals! 798 00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:35,039 ...leaving people in Hotham and North Cave 799 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:38,159 wondering who has acquired such a taste for Sauvignon blanc. 800 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:41,679 Ooh, somebody's got a bit of a penchant for Sauvignon blanc. 801 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:43,360 And - and fly-tipping. 802 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,559 Well, you can cut me out of the inquiries, 803 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:48,119 because I'm White Zinfandel. 804 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:50,999 I would never be Savvy B. Yeah. 805 00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:55,399 At first sigh, the villages of Hotham and North Cave 806 00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,119 are typical picturesque East Yorkshire villages... 807 00:34:58,120 --> 00:34:59,879 What's going on in Hotham? Eh? 808 00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,159 I know, yeah! 809 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,879 I mean, what a beautiful place to have all them bottles dumped. 810 00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:06,439 Auntie Jane's just been to Whitby. It wasn't her, wasn't it? 811 00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:09,039 Well, no, it's not Auntie Jane, because she likes... 812 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:10,479 Pinot Grigio. 813 00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:12,159 ...but beneath the surface, 814 00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:16,559 there's a crime involving wine that's happening repeatedly. 815 00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:19,599 I'll tell you what. My sister lives up there, don't she? 816 00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:22,159 She likes to drop a wine, Janet. 817 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:26,519 Residents say hundreds of empty bottles of Sauvignon blanc... 818 00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:28,279 Someone's been going hard. Yeah! 819 00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,639 So, that one with the blue top, that's an Oyster Bay. 820 00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:33,159 I love your knowledge of mid-range white wine 821 00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:36,319 available from a supermarket near you. 822 00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:37,919 ...particularly Villa Maria, 823 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,919 said to pair nicely with seafood and tangy goat's cheese. 824 00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:43,399 Our Louise loves a Villa Maria Sauvignon blanc. 825 00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:44,919 It's our Louise's favourite! 826 00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:46,999 Ooh, wonder if it's our Louise. 827 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:49,359 Well, we've found where you can buy Villa Maria from. 828 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:51,879 This is Tesco, the nearest major supermarket from Hotham, 829 00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:53,599 five and a half miles away, 830 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:56,039 and this is £10.75 a bottle. 831 00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:58,759 £10.75. Well, it won't be you, then. 832 00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:00,439 That's one thing. 833 00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:02,199 I'll count you out. 834 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,519 Villagers have told us when they catch the culprit, 835 00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:06,279 they'll have a drink to celebrate - 836 00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:07,879 but it won't be white wine. 837 00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:11,719 I bet everybody's looking at each other in the village now. 838 00:36:11,720 --> 00:36:14,079 "He likes a drink." Yeah. "And she do." 839 00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,599 All I would do is, if somebody's drunk 48 bottles of wine, 840 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:20,120 who's got a really red face and nose in the local area? 841 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:22,840 That should give it away. 842 00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:32,759 In southeast London... 843 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:34,319 Can I tell you this story? Go on, then. 844 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:38,079 There I was out there, cleaning the drive up the other day... 845 00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:40,639 Yeah. ..and the lady from across the road, 846 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,279 "Oh," she said, "I've got some printing here for you." 847 00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,799 ...Sue and her husband Steve. 848 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,479 I said, "For me?" 849 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:51,479 She said, "Yeah. Was you trying to print this off?" 850 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:54,639 You know the report for the eye? When you had you cataracts? 851 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:56,079 Yeah. I went, "Yeah. 852 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:57,839 What, it went over the road to their house, 853 00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,279 on their printer? Printed over there! 854 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:03,679 It saves on paper and ink, doesn't it? 855 00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,119 Hey?! 856 00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:09,039 So, it's gone to the house across...?! It's gone over the road! 857 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,559 How the hell have I managed that?! 858 00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:14,079 This week, top tier comics 859 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:17,279 were still trying not to chuckle on Prime Video. 860 00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:18,520 BLEATING LAUGHTER 861 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:21,919 Why...? Why are you laughing like that? 862 00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:24,359 Cos it's the... Last One Laughing, Mary. 863 00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,120 Oh. I was just getting it out of my system. 864 00:37:29,720 --> 00:37:31,999 Who will be the last one to laugh? 865 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,279 Probably Amazon, 866 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:36,519 because ultimately they're making money out of this. 867 00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:38,119 In the final, 868 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:41,319 it was Sam Campbell and David Mitchell going head-to-head... 869 00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:43,119 Yeah. I think we've done... 870 00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,079 ...we've acquitted ourselves well. 871 00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:48,199 It's the two driest people that are left. Yeah. 872 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:49,599 They're going to have a dry-off. 873 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,999 ...and Jimmy had a trick up his sleeve. 874 00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:53,600 OK, we've got to find a winner. 875 00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:58,959 Oh! How lovely. It's the trolley. The trolley! 876 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:00,679 Why is he taking afternoon tea in? 877 00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,079 Hi, guys. 878 00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,039 Congratulations on making it this far. 879 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:06,079 Yes. Please take a seat. 880 00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:08,039 I'm immediately looking at the squirty cream. 881 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:09,319 Yeah. Oh, yeah. 882 00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:12,599 As a special treat, I've got some delicious food for you. 883 00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:15,119 You can eat as much as you like, but there is a catch. 884 00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:16,359 You have to feed each other. 885 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:18,720 No! Oh, for goodness' sake! 886 00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,279 Oh, my God! They've got to feed each other. 887 00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:24,919 How are they going to keep a straight face doing that? 888 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:26,679 Would you like some squirty cream? 889 00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:28,039 Yeah. 890 00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:30,760 Me and David are on the same page! 891 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:41,119 I would be gone already. Yeah. I would be gone. 892 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:42,399 I'll have a squirt. 893 00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:43,919 Oh, will you ever?! 894 00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:45,040 Mm... 895 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,040 Ooh, he's looking at him real seductive! 896 00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:56,079 Nat could seduce me with a can of squirty cream like that. 897 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,439 Oh, you'd be putty in his hands, wouldn't you? I would. 898 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:00,720 Don't make it sexual. No, no, no... Whatever you do. 899 00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:02,719 Oh, David. 900 00:39:02,720 --> 00:39:04,199 Oh, God! 901 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:05,639 Eeh... I'd be hopeless, I would. 902 00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:07,439 Yeah, and me. I would have cracked by now. 903 00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,679 Uh, ever seen a little flick, Lady And The Tramp? 904 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:13,959 Oh! I think you'd have to take control of one end. Yeah, yeah. 905 00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:15,399 Oh, no! 906 00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:18,360 No, don't do Lady And The Tramp. You'll ruin eclairs for everyone. 907 00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:23,599 Oh! Oh! 908 00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:24,760 Don't back off. 909 00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:28,759 Oh, my God! 910 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,480 Aah! Oh, God! 911 00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:35,039 How are they still not laughing? I don't get it. 912 00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:36,719 Banana? 913 00:39:36,720 --> 00:39:38,319 You think so? Yeah, OK. 914 00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:40,639 No. No, not a banana. 915 00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,400 Oh, this is going to be sexual. Oh, no. 916 00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:45,560 Eat it. 917 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:49,239 No, I'm done, I'm done! 918 00:39:49,240 --> 00:39:51,480 The eye contact! Ohhh! 919 00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:55,840 Mm! Is it banana-y? 920 00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:00,159 How are they doing that with a straight face? 921 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:01,439 It's really good. 922 00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,079 Maybe the potassium. 923 00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:05,359 Maybe the potassium! 924 00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:07,159 No, Sam - Sam's great. 925 00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:08,919 INTERCOM CHIMES 926 00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:11,799 OK, we're going to count down. You have 10 seconds remaining. 927 00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,719 Nobody's going to laugh here now. 10 seconds remaining. 928 00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:17,839 Uh-oh. You pull out all the stops. Pull out all the stops. 929 00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:19,640 David! ..seven... 930 00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:22,879 Just tickle him. Tickle him. 931 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,759 Right, just launch all the food at each other. Food fight. 932 00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:26,760 ...three... 933 00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:29,360 MUFFLED 934 00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:34,720 Oh...! Two... one! 935 00:40:37,720 --> 00:40:39,439 Oh, wow! 936 00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,079 Fair play. 937 00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:42,679 Both of them didn't crack. 938 00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:44,999 Nobody. Nobody even smirked. 939 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:48,000 You've both played an incredible game. 940 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:52,399 One of you will be declared the winner of Last One Laughing. 941 00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:53,559 Who's it going to be? 942 00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,480 The person that caused the most laughs today... 943 00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:59,359 ...is... Is... David. 944 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:00,439 Sam. 945 00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:03,439 Sam even made Bob Mortimer laugh, and he won it last time. 946 00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:04,959 ...David Mitchell. 947 00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:07,319 Oh, he's won! Oh, he won it! Oh, there they are. 948 00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:09,759 David was always going to be really hard to beat, though. 949 00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:11,319 You don't laugh at me a lot. 950 00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:13,879 No, I don't have to laugh at you, Lee. 951 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,359 I do laugh at you sometimes. 952 00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:18,239 Are you laughing at me or with me? 953 00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:19,879 I'm laughing with you. 954 00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:23,040 You're a liar. You're a liar! 955 00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:26,799 In Wiltshire... 956 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:29,759 I've had the whole packet of cheese scones. 957 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:31,119 Why? Well, I had... 958 00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:34,679 You know these pregnancy style cravings that women have? 959 00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:38,279 Yeah. I had a pregnancy style craving for cheese scones. 960 00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:40,679 ...Giles and his wife, Mary. 961 00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:43,079 So, today... Well, I'm going to have to punish you. 962 00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:45,639 I've put on half a stone. Yeah, I'm not surprised. 963 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,959 I'm going to have to get some sort of thing like a Taser 964 00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:50,959 and Taser you when you've eaten. 965 00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:53,879 Taser? Taser! Taser. 966 00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:55,799 "You'll be..." For domestic use. 967 00:41:55,800 --> 00:42:00,199 "You'll be tasered the next time you go to that oven." 968 00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,679 on Tuesday, there were more sandy celebs 969 00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:05,599 getting surprised on Paramount+. 970 00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:08,759 I never actually really asked about your past dating life. 971 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,599 You don't want to know. Let's start now. 972 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:11,919 Yeah, let's... Ask away, Harry. 973 00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,359 We haven't got enough time. We've got to watch this now. 974 00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:17,519 The celebs have landed in paradise. 975 00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:19,479 That's my favourite place, Mary. 976 00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:21,360 Where? Tenerife. 977 00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:25,159 Was that Jedward? 978 00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:28,159 He's called Edwin or something, from a boyband. 979 00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,119 Is he? Er... 980 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:32,079 Jesus, what's going on? I'm Irish. 981 00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:33,319 There's only so much sun I can take. 982 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,799 It is Jedward! Oh, my God! 983 00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:38,119 It's coming back to me who he is, nutty. 984 00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:39,560 He's called Cedric or something. 985 00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:45,119 I have not watched this in years. 986 00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:47,079 I think watching this is going to validate the whole reason 987 00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,600 why I don't normally watch this anyway. 988 00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,279 I'm only tuning in because Jedward's on it. 989 00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:55,240 I can't believe it. 990 00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:58,479 I'm Helen. 991 00:42:58,480 --> 00:42:59,559 Helen Flanagan. 992 00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:01,359 Rosie! Rosie! 993 00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:03,079 I'm John. 994 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:04,760 Oh, John! Oh, John! 995 00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:09,359 I am an international pop star... 996 00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:12,119 Uh... I... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, there. 997 00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:15,319 International? Well, I think they are, Lee. What?! 998 00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:17,839 ...with my twin brother Edward, from Jedward. 999 00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:19,199 Jedward! 1000 00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:22,039 Didn't I say Cedric, Mary? I was almost... 1001 00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:24,599 I said Cedric or Edwin. Ugh! 1002 00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:27,239 I'm feeling jepic and jexy. 1003 00:43:27,240 --> 00:43:30,159 Well, I have always found them a little bit jannoying, 1004 00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:32,079 you know what I mean? Yeah! But... 1005 00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:34,039 Yeah. ..let's see how he fares on this. 1006 00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,600 Yeah. Jeluded, I think is the... 1007 00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:39,439 Hello, girls! 1008 00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,279 God, what are the girls going to say about this bunch? 1009 00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:43,999 Look who it is! 1010 00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,359 How does he do that? He looks old and young at the same time. 1011 00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:47,719 What is going on right now?! 1012 00:43:47,720 --> 00:43:49,399 I think I've slid in your DMs... 1013 00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:51,799 Oh, I've slid into your DMs. Oh... 1014 00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,759 I want Jedward to slide into my DMs. 1015 00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:55,999 You're too old. 1016 00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:57,559 Look at this. 1017 00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:59,919 We got the sun, we got the breeze. 1018 00:43:59,920 --> 00:44:02,520 Exactly. We got Helen Flanagan in her leopard print. 1019 00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,159 Oh, he likes Helen, doesn't he? Oh, he likes Helen! 1020 00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:09,439 "It's date night." 1021 00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:10,719 It's date night! 1022 00:44:10,720 --> 00:44:12,639 Oh, it's date night! Date night! 1023 00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:14,959 How lovely. Who's going with who? Now, who's going with who? 1024 00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,479 "Girls, you are in control." 1025 00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:19,079 Oh, no! 1026 00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:24,159 "It's up to you to decide which boy you want to date." 1027 00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:25,359 I hope this isn't like - 1028 00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:28,439 you know, when you're getting picked for sport, for PE. 1029 00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:32,159 {\an8}I'm really torn between Toby and John. 1030 00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:34,519 Oh, good. Oh, she did say John. She did say John. 1031 00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:35,959 Oh, well... He's got a chance. Come on. 1032 00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:38,319 She was with that footballer, wasn't she... Yeah. 1033 00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:40,039 ...and then she's gone for David Haye - 1034 00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:44,479 so, natural progression, you would go for a member of Jedward. Yeah. 1035 00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:47,519 Toby, I feel like I get on with him personality wise. 1036 00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:50,199 {\an8}Also with John, as well, because he's really funny and he's quirky. 1037 00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:51,959 Oh, he's too quirky for me. 1038 00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:53,879 The Irish do tend to be good fun, 1039 00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:55,479 Giles, have you noticed? 1040 00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:56,839 Y... Yes. 1041 00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:59,159 They've got picky bits on the table! 1042 00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:00,399 Picky bits, little bit of little picky bits. 1043 00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:01,719 A love a little picky bit one, you know? Yeah. 1044 00:45:01,720 --> 00:45:04,039 Picky bits on the table?! 1045 00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:05,799 That's our generation. 1046 00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:07,399 Oh, awful. 1047 00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:09,039 Remember, lads, open body language. Not too open. 1048 00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:11,039 Straight open. How are you doing? Not too open! 1049 00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:12,280 No, that's a bit much. 1050 00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:16,439 Please pick John, Helen. 1051 00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:17,759 Hey, John! Who's this? 1052 00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:19,359 She's going for Jedwin, nutty. 1053 00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:22,039 That is like Leicester winning the Premier League. 1054 00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:24,319 That is the analogy I would give. 1055 00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:25,399 Shall we have a drink, darling? 1056 00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:27,399 Yeah - I can feed you a raspberry, because that's really nice. 1057 00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:28,599 Are you gonna feed me? Yeah. There you go. 1058 00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:29,639 Oh... 1059 00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:31,079 There you go. 1060 00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:33,000 Now chew on it. Mm, juicy. 1061 00:45:35,720 --> 00:45:38,039 Eat that raspberry now, and contain yourself. 1062 00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:39,959 Close your eyes and swallow. 1063 00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:42,759 I think she just finds him funny, see? 1064 00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:45,719 You know what I mean? Well, aye. His personality. 1065 00:45:45,720 --> 00:45:48,079 I feel like my biggest achievement are definitely my children. 1066 00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:49,599 Yeah. Like, I'm obsessed with my kids. 1067 00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:52,480 I can't see John stepping into the stepdad role, I'm sorry. 1068 00:45:54,720 --> 00:45:57,279 John would be great with her kids. 1069 00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,159 Oh, it'd be like free child entertainment. 1070 00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:00,959 It'd be like taking them to a holiday camp 1071 00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:02,719 if he were in your front room. Exactly. 1072 00:46:02,720 --> 00:46:05,079 I'd love one more. I'd love to have one more. 1073 00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:06,559 Shall we... Shall we go up to the bedroom? 1074 00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:08,479 Blinkin' heck. 1075 00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:10,720 Look at your face! 1076 00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,159 He might be able to laugh her into bed, here. You never know, do you? 1077 00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:18,559 If you and I went to a beach and all of your exes were there... 1078 00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:20,079 There'd be no sunbeds left. 1079 00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:21,919 There would be no room on the beach. 1080 00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:24,239 Literally. The lifeguard would have closed the beach. 1081 00:46:24,240 --> 00:46:26,079 Yeah. Literally be rammed. 1082 00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:28,399 It's nothing to be proud of. Oh, no. I'm sorry. 1083 00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:30,840 ♪ In a perfect world 1084 00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:34,920 ♪ In a perfect world 1085 00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:38,319 ♪ In a perfect world 1086 00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:44,039 ♪ Singing, oh 1087 00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:46,400 ♪ In a perfect world 1088 00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:51,719 ♪ In a perfect world 1089 00:46:51,720 --> 00:46:56,239 ♪ In perfect, perfect world. ♪ 1090 00:46:56,240 --> 00:46:57,680 Subtitles by Red Bee Media