1 00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:03,204 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, before the internet, 2 00:00:03,271 --> 00:00:05,239 there weren't as many ways to find love. 3 00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:07,475 If you were lucky, you might get on The Dating Game. 4 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:10,778 If you were really lucky, you'd run into Beverly Goldberg. 5 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,181 I've got the perfect man for you, Inez. 6 00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:16,717 His name's Tony. He's 53, non-smoker, works for the city, 7 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:20,954 and he is literally the most handsome man I've ever seen. 8 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:24,658 No, I don't know how fast I was going, but you know what I do know? 9 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:27,428 No wedding ring. Have I got someone for you. 10 00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:31,999 Her name is Delia. She's 34 years old, real outdoorsy just like you, 11 00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:36,204 and she is literally the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. 12 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:41,075 (MOUTH FULL) I am telling you, he is literally the most handsome man I've ever seen. 13 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,310 (CHUCKLES) 14 00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,178 Is Lucky interested in having puppies? 15 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:46,480 'Cause I know a Springer Spaniel. 16 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,317 Literally the cutest dog I've ever seen. 17 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:53,087 My mom was eHarmony, JDate, and Grindr all rolled into one. 18 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,888 She could match up anyone. 19 00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:57,057 Well, almost anyone. 20 00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:58,726 Good morning! 21 00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:01,495 Wow, dad, don't you look dapper? Big date tonight? 22 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:04,732 Actually, I just finished my date from last night. 23 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,467 Was this the aerobics instructor? 24 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:07,601 The antiques dealer. 25 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:10,471 No. This was the manager from Coco's. 26 00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:12,673 I ordered the steak, she ordered the me. 27 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,007 Here we go. 28 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,544 Kids, you know the drill. Give us the room. 29 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:19,380 Come on. This is pure gold. I gotta get this on tape. 30 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:20,881 You stay, Murray. 31 00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:22,483 I stay. 32 00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:25,153 Please help me talk some sense into this man. 33 00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,020 Mom's been gone for 10 years. 34 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,889 He's dated at least five different women a week. 35 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,091 That's over 2,000 women. 36 00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:34,462 You're saying something that's good, but you're saying it like it's bad. 37 00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:37,365 I just think maybe it's time you found someone special. 38 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,201 Maybe someone who doesn't wear a tube top to work. 39 00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:43,204 Hey, what's-her-name was plenty special. 40 00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:46,440 What was her name? Um... Tawny? Tammy? 41 00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:48,976 Taffy? Is Taffy a name? 42 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,244 Just give me a chance, Dad. 43 00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:51,945 I can help you find the perfect woman. 44 00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:53,781 I have a gift. Tell him, Murray. 45 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,048 She has a gift, this one. 46 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:58,186 Fact, 16 of my setups led to marriage, 47 00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:00,754 which resulted in 37 children. 48 00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:03,056 I did that. I created life. 49 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,358 She's like god. 50 00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:06,360 Trust me, dad. I know what's best for you. 51 00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:08,496 She knows what's best. The hell she does. 52 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:11,832 Bevy, you just can't help yourself. You have to mix in. 53 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,667 I'm not mixing in. 54 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:17,305 I'm just trying to tell you what to do, even though you don't want me to. 55 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,072 Just do her thing. 56 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,708 Murray, you're really not helping me right now. 57 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,211 Will you please just give him your honest opinion 58 00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,745 about how you feel about this? 59 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,814 You want my honest opinion? Mm-hmm. 60 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,416 Well... (SIGHS) 61 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,484 I think he's doing great on his own. 62 00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,052 Get out. Good-bye. 63 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:37,157 Please, dad, let me find you just one woman. 64 00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:38,692 You could even write down what you want, 65 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,594 and I'll find it. I'm that good. 66 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:41,662 No one's that good. 67 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,697 Try me. 68 00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,233 Fine. 69 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:48,068 One date, but nothing serious. 70 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,838 I think you're really gonna love being set up by your daughter. 71 00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,674 See? Now you're saying something that's bad, 72 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:55,609 but you're saying it like it's good. 73 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,478 You're very confusing today. 74 00:02:58,312 --> 00:02:59,847 * I'm twisted up inside 75 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:03,351 * But nonetheless I feel the need to say 76 00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,521 * I don't know the future 77 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,623 * But the past keeps getting clearer every day * 78 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,463 It was October 12, 1980-something. 79 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,666 Every day after school, I had a tradition with my big sis Erica... 80 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:20,133 General Hospital. 81 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,203 It was more than a soap opera. It was an obsession. 82 00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:24,638 God, I hate Luke. 83 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,206 Me, too. 84 00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:27,941 But I'm drawn to his danger. 85 00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,142 Who isn't? 86 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,844 Erica loved watching her stories, 87 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:32,513 and I got sucked in, too. 88 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,882 Mostly 'cause the alternative was this... 89 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,484 (SLAPPING) BARRY: Why are you hitting yourself? 90 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,386 Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? 91 00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,087 Huh? What'd your face ever do to you? 92 00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,522 Get off me, Barry! 93 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,123 Say "I love it when Barry whoops my ass." 94 00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:44,525 I'm not gonna say it. Say it! 95 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,159 I'm not gonna say it. Say it! 96 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,895 I love it when Barry whoops my ass. 97 00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:50,698 Oh! Really? Then I'm-a keep on going! 98 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,833 (SLAPPING) Aw, man. 99 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,602 This was what quality time looked like with my brother Barry... 100 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:57,405 Until the day that changed everything. 101 00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:59,307 Erica? It's starting. Hurry up! 102 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,142 Get out. You get out. 103 00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:03,477 General Hospital's on. 104 00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:05,979 Lame. Your puppet show's any better? 105 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:08,749 He's not a puppet. He's Alf. 106 00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,651 He eats cats and says what he thinks. 107 00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,085 Hey, you taped it. You can watch it later. 108 00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:14,555 Hey, don't touch it! I was here first! 109 00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:16,790 Give me this! Erica, get down here! 110 00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,526 (BUTTONS CLICKING) Come here. 111 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,595 Dude! Stop! 112 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:22,663 Don't move. 113 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:23,931 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 114 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,232 Do you see what I see? 115 00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,602 I see it. 116 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:31,739 Back in the day, finding naughty adult stuff was impossible. 117 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,508 But somehow, we hit the right combo of buttons 118 00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,410 on our cable box and stumbled upon 119 00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:39,146 a scrambled channel we didn't pay for. 120 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:41,482 (WOMEN GIGGLING) Boobs. 121 00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:44,217 I see scrambled boobs. 122 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,586 Okay. (PRESSES BUTTON) 123 00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,721 Who's ready to check into General Hospital? 124 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,524 Um, I think I'm gonna watch Alf with Barry instead. 125 00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:53,260 Alf? What about Luke and Laura? 126 00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,763 He said he's not interested! Now leave us be. 127 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,531 What the hell is going on? 128 00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,232 Is Barry forcing you to be here? 129 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,101 No, I'm here by choice. 130 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,036 (WHISPERING) If you're in trouble, blink. 131 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,375 Whatever. 132 00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,176 Guess I'll just watch it in my room. 133 00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,311 (TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY) 134 00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:12,913 No! 135 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,415 (POUNDS TV) No! 136 00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:16,884 No! It's gone! What happened? 137 00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,886 Calm down. We just gotta retrace our steps. 138 00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:21,522 Okay. So, yeah, you go back there. 139 00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:22,690 Okay, so I grabbed it... 140 00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:23,757 And then I came in... 141 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,058 I came in hard, though. Yeah. 142 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:26,394 And then we shook it about. 143 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,061 We were clicking, you were tugging with it. 144 00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:29,329 (BUTTONS CLICKING, VARIOUS PROGRAMS PLAYING) 145 00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:31,499 (MUTTERING) "Uh, Erica, get down here." 146 00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,867 Bang, bang. Oh! Oh, there! We got it! 147 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,369 Good job, kid. 148 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:40,273 It was the first thing Barry and I ever bonded over. 149 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,476 I could stay like this forever. Agreed? 150 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,144 (WOMEN GIGGLING) Agreed. 151 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:48,549 For once in our lives, we were on the same channel. 152 00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:51,819 All right. Your perfect woman. 153 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,353 Ooh, here we go. 154 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:54,755 Tell me everything. 155 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,657 All right. For start... 156 00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:58,759 I think she should be at least 5'2", 157 00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:02,295 with kind eyes, and age-appropriate but spry. 158 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,933 Whoa, whoa. Don't I tell you what I want here? 159 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,668 Of course. 160 00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,837 (MOUTHS WORDS) You're gonna want someone with a great sense of humor. 161 00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,739 Not someone who steals the show, 162 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,907 but she should be sweet and cute... 163 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:17,445 And have a tush like two scoops of vanilla ice cream. 164 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:18,979 Dad! Could be chocolate. 165 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,280 Are you gonna take this seriously? 166 00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:22,783 I'm trying to, but you're not letting me. 167 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:24,518 Fine. Tell me what you want. 168 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:25,853 All right. 169 00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,055 She should be... 170 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:32,059 Dangerous, alluring and smart. 171 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,828 Like, really smart. Mensa smart. 172 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,831 But when it comes to making sensible decisions, 173 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,533 she should be kinda dumb. 174 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,502 Smart but dumb? 175 00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,471 So dumb. 176 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:46,474 And she should have a slender dancer's body 177 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:49,477 and be bendy like a Chinese acrobat. 178 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,711 Bendy. 179 00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:51,879 You know what would be nice? 180 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,482 Carly Simon's lips. 181 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,383 Put it down. Carly Simon lips. 182 00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:57,985 I'm sorry. Are you involved in this? 183 00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:00,854 You said to give him my honest opinion. 184 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,389 That's what I'm doing. 185 00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:05,993 How's about this? Long hair, like a mermaid. 186 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,561 Boom! Write it up. 187 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:12,199 She should be exotic, but not too exotic. 188 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,901 A Latin flavor, 189 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:18,506 but it should be impossible to know exactly where she comes from. 190 00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:19,840 Impossible! 191 00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,875 And we're done. 192 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,911 If this is really the type of woman you want, 193 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,046 then, damn it, I'm gonna find it. 194 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,917 I really wanna meet this woman. 195 00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,384 (LOWERED VOICE) Can you imagine? 196 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,122 (SHOUTS) Marriage is nice, too! 197 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:37,424 For the next five days, my mom focused 198 00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,660 on her biggest matchmaking challenge yet, 199 00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:41,962 finding Pops the perfect woman. 200 00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,698 72 years old? Are you kidding me with this? 201 00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:46,667 (LID CLATTERS) 202 00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,602 Well, I don't care how good her wig looks, Ruth Applebaum. 203 00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:51,238 Don't you call me back until you've got a real lead. 204 00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:53,841 Stop lurking. 205 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,308 We're having frozen pizza for dinner. 206 00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:56,476 Go pop one in the oven. 207 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,778 Frozen pizza? 208 00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,713 That's the second time this week. 209 00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:04,885 Just know, six is my limit. 210 00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:07,855 I'm not stopping till I find my father the perfect woman. 211 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,422 Bevy, 212 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:12,392 you do realize that your dad's just giving you busy work 213 00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,027 to keep you off his back, right? 214 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:16,163 I know that. 215 00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,999 Do you think I'm really looking for a smart but dumb Chinese acrobat? 216 00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,500 I hope so. 217 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:23,837 My father has given me the opportunity to find him his dream woman, 218 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:26,674 so I'm gonna find him my dream woman. 219 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,742 Why? He's having a blast. 220 00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,010 Is he really happy? 221 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:33,280 Very happy! Happiest person I've ever seen. 222 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,315 I know what's best for my father, 223 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:39,119 and it's more than likely one of these 16 lovely ladies. 224 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:43,290 Turns out, my mom cast a wide net. 225 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,092 (PHONE DIALING) How about that? 226 00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,027 She was studying to be a cosmonaut. 227 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:49,597 You don't see that every day. 228 00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,734 Barry and I spent the next three days 229 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:55,803 staring at the boob tube. 230 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,606 And while the quality time was nice, it came with a price. 231 00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:00,708 I've had this migraine that won't go away. 232 00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:03,376 Seriously? Me, too. 233 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:06,747 Maybe squinting at the TV for hours at a time 234 00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:08,949 just isn't so good for our brains. 235 00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,550 I fell down at school today. 236 00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:13,821 I had a scrambled dream last night. 237 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,488 (WOMAN GIGGLING) 238 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,390 Maybe we should take a break. 239 00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:18,659 Are you insane? 240 00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,661 We gotta take this to the next level, bro. 241 00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:21,962 How? 242 00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:24,598 I know this dude who knows this other dude 243 00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,934 who went up to the roof and got every channel 244 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,269 by jamming a pair of tweezers into the antenna thingy. 245 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:30,704 It sounds like a great idea! 246 00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:31,939 So it's settled. 247 00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,307 Next time we're home alone, you'll go up to the roof, 248 00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:35,909 and I'll stay down here and see if it works. 249 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,510 Why do I have to go? 250 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,213 'Cause you have tiny little fingers that make it easy to get into places 251 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,082 and poke at live electrical wires. 252 00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:43,684 You're making a lot of sense today. 253 00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:47,187 Listen. No matter what happens, we gotta keep this quiet 254 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,689 and not attract any attention. 255 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:49,757 Agreed. 256 00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:53,794 What's happening? What's going on here? 257 00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:55,062 What? Nothing. 258 00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:57,698 Can't two best bros do a wolf puzzle in peace? 259 00:09:57,765 --> 00:10:01,601 You guys broke something, you killed somebody, something's going on. 260 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,403 Off to our big double date. (CHUCKLES) 261 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,739 Burned through $100 in international phone calls, 262 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,642 but I found Pops a perfect dream woman, so wish me luck. 263 00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:10,911 I mean, wish Pops luck. Not that he needs any luck. 264 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,746 He's always getting lucky. Not like that. 265 00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,514 (GIGGLES) I've had some iced wine. 266 00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:16,850 I'm excited! How's my hair? 267 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:20,854 Hey, dad. Uh... Do me a favor. 268 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:23,090 Watch the morons tonight. 269 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,759 What do I get out of it? Your dad's gratitude. 270 00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,695 So nothing? Twenty bucks. 271 00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:28,996 Love you, daddy. 272 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,398 Okay. Okay! 273 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,000 Have fun, boys! 274 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,634 Be safe. 275 00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:37,905 Oh, we will. Safety first. 276 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,107 (WALKIE-TALKIE BLIPS) Falcon has eyes on the target. 277 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:41,809 I repeat... (BREATHING HEAVILY) 278 00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,443 Falcon is closing in. 279 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,445 Whoa, wait. I wanted to be Falcon. (BLIPS) 280 00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:46,780 Fine. 281 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,448 Golden Eagle is on the move. 282 00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:51,451 Oh, man, that's way better. I'm that! 283 00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:53,120 Just pick a name! 284 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,587 Fine! 285 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:58,258 I'm Golden Falcon Shark. Over. 286 00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,526 (BLIPS) 10-4. 287 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,962 Whoa! (GASPS) 288 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,496 I'm okay. I'm okay. 289 00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:04,832 It's kind of steep up here. Over. 290 00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:07,034 Be careful. I love you. 291 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,902 I mean... Never mind. Over. 292 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:11,171 It's okay. It's out there now. 293 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:12,405 I love you, too. 294 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,507 Whatever. Over? 295 00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:15,642 (WALKIE-TALKIE BLIPS) 296 00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,544 All right. 297 00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,013 I'm tweezing the antenna thing. See anything? 298 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,648 (CLICKING) 299 00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:23,717 No. Still scrambled. 300 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:26,920 Try jamming your tweezer in there as hard as you can. 301 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,221 Okay. 302 00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,023 How about now? (SCREAMS AND GRUNTS) 303 00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,658 (THUDS) 304 00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:33,326 Still getting nothing. 305 00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,095 (TAPS TV) Tweeze harder. 306 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,497 As our plan was going up in flames, 307 00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:40,233 Pops' night was about to be smoking hot. 308 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,135 My mom had searched every tennis club, 309 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,437 Country Club, and book club in the tri-state area, 310 00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:47,174 and tracked down Pops' dream woman. 311 00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,878 Sophia. Mwah. I'm so sorry. 312 00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:53,747 My dad's running late, but this is my husband Murray. 313 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:55,248 (FOREIGN ACCENT) It's a pleasure to meet you. 314 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:58,685 You, too. So, uh, are you from around here? 315 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,120 No. No small talk. 316 00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,655 We'll cover all that when my dad gets here. 317 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:03,757 All right. Okay. 318 00:12:10,697 --> 00:12:12,665 Well, I guess a little small talk is okay. 319 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,201 Do you like sangria? 320 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,803 I love it. I'm gonna order some sangria. 321 00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:18,171 I love sangria. Oh. Okay. 322 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,272 Two sangrias, please? 323 00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:20,908 I'd love a sangria. Okay. 324 00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:22,542 Three sangrias. (LOWERED VOICE) I'm sorry. 325 00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:23,877 Beverly Goldberg? Yes. 326 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,545 There's a phone call for you. 327 00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:29,049 (CHUCKLES) Oh. Must be my dad. I'll be back in a jiff. 328 00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:30,383 Don't forget the sangrias. 329 00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,285 Thanks. 330 00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,221 Hello? 331 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,357 Hey, honey, uh, I'm afraid I'm not gonna be able to make it tonight. 332 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,659 I'm feeling a little under the weather. 333 00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,294 Dad, you promised. 334 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,296 Down some aspirin and get over here. 335 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:47,167 (FORCED COUGHING) I think it's better I stay home tonight. 336 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:49,269 (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) What's that? 337 00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,940 Oh, uh, I threw on a record. 338 00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,675 You know me. Jazz is my medicine. 339 00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:56,877 Are you at Dexter's? 340 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,279 No! Don't be ridiculous! 341 00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:03,550 Please give a warm Dexter's welcome to the Shorty Flanders Trio! 342 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:07,020 Dad, we had a deal! Don't you dare stand me up! 343 00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:09,522 Sweetie, it's not you, it's me. 344 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:11,558 Don't you give me one of your lines. 345 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,060 I'd better get to bed. 346 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,395 I have an early meeting in the morning. 347 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,865 A meeting? You're retired 20 years. 348 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,399 (LINE CLICKS) Hello? 349 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,768 Hello? 350 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,207 Are you single? 351 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:29,877 I know the most handsome attorney. 352 00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:32,579 Are you crazy? Why the hell were you on the roof? 353 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,882 Roof? Who was on the roof? 354 00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,183 No one fell off the roof. 355 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,051 I fell off nothing onto nothing. 356 00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,753 Enough, okay? Someone better start talking right now. 357 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,991 Listen. I know dad is paying you 20 bucks to watch us. 358 00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,359 I have something even better to make you look the other way. 359 00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:50,530 A library card? 360 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,832 Walk away. 361 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,869 Okay, you two have been acting like best friends all week, 362 00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:59,239 and it's creeping me out, so tell me what the hell is going on. 363 00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:01,274 Even if we had something to hide, 364 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,642 which we don't... We don't. 365 00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:05,445 We'd never rat each other out. Never. Never. 366 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,916 Hyah! Hyah! 367 00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:11,784 What the hell was that? You have a coordinated handshake now? 368 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:15,355 That's what brothers do. It's a bond even you can't break. 369 00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,624 Fine. Then I'll just tell mom. 370 00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:24,932 Okay, it was Adam's idea, okay? 371 00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:27,400 He was the one who found the naked channel in the first place, 372 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,136 then he got greedy and wanted more, 373 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,338 so he went to the roof. It was all him! 374 00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:34,807 Are you kidding me? Don't drag me down with you, perv! 375 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,877 You got problems, man! You got serious problems! 376 00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:39,046 Son of a... 377 00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:41,581 I was furious my brother sold me out so easily, 378 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:44,751 and I'd let him know with a swift punch to the arm. 379 00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:45,953 (PUNCH ECHOES) 380 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:49,056 Or not. It was a total accident, 381 00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:50,223 but, oh, that didn't matter. 382 00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:52,025 Never once had we punched face. 383 00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:54,962 A threshold had been crossed, and there was no going back now. 384 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,031 You punched my face? 385 00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,067 It was an accident! I was aiming for your arm. 386 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,501 Come on, Golden Falcon Shark. 387 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,836 It's me. We have the brother bond, right? 388 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,305 (PANTS AND CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 389 00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,274 I'm gonna punch your face so hard! 390 00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,009 No, no, no, no, no, no! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! 391 00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:12,579 While I was on the run, Pops was just getting settled for the night. 392 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:13,880 (CLINKING) (GIGGLING) 393 00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:14,948 Mmm. 394 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,218 Ahh. Muy bueno. (WOMEN GIGGLE) 395 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:21,221 Okay. Fun's over. You have a date to keep. 396 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:24,091 Ooh. This is some real bad timing. 397 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:27,660 See, I'm already on a date. Uh, two, actually. 398 00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,462 Stella and Lucy. 399 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,264 Sandra. Lorraine. 400 00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:34,101 Well, whoever you are, please excuse us. 401 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,603 I gotta start bringing some nametags. 402 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,705 Do you know how much time it took me to find you 403 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,440 an amazing woman for tonight? 404 00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:43,343 Well, I found two so-so women in no time. 405 00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:44,978 Stop working so hard. 406 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,346 Forget it. 407 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,381 If you want to waste your time with women half your age 408 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,584 in a pit that smells like a shoe, have at it. 409 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,653 Oh, don't be like that. 410 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,655 It's just a date. There'll be others. 411 00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:56,956 No, there won't be. 412 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:59,526 Sophia was perfect, and you blew it. 413 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,328 All I wanted was to find you someone 414 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,030 who will love you and make you happy. 415 00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:04,998 Yeah, well, that's not what I want. 416 00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,333 Why not? 417 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,235 Because I already had that with your mother. 418 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,739 Go home, Bev, please. 419 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:21,781 Come on, Adam! You can't hide forever. 420 00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,750 Can't you please just forget this ever happened? 421 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,919 No! You've broken the unspoken agreement. 422 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,255 We do not punch face. 423 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,522 You never told me that! 424 00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,324 It was unspoken! 425 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:34,594 But the line has been crossed, and there's no going back! 426 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:38,465 Starting now, it's all face punches, all the time! 427 00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:41,168 Adam, come out. He's not gonna punch you in the face. 428 00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,935 (LOWERED VOICE) Nice. You lure him out, 429 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,537 and I'll cold-cock him in the eyeball. 430 00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:47,507 I heard that! (NORMAL VOICE) Okay, you got me. I give up. 431 00:16:47,574 --> 00:16:49,042 (LOWERED VOICE) You'll go downstairs with him. 432 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:51,044 I'll jump out... I still hear you! 433 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,745 Just open the door. 434 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,747 Trust me, Barry doesn't have the guts to punch you in the eyeball. 435 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,483 (NORMAL VOICE) I do, too, have the guts. 436 00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:57,950 I'm, like, 90 percent gut. 437 00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,486 (DOOR OPENS) 438 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:02,589 Fine. The unspoken rule has been broken. 439 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,057 (SIGHS) 440 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,258 Do what you have to do. 441 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,694 Yes. 442 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,097 Here it comes. Brace your face. 443 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:12,599 Here comes the hammer. 444 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,802 It's punch time! 445 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,572 Damn it. Told you. 446 00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,343 So... 447 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,945 Do you wanna watch scrambled girls? 448 00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:27,847 Nah. 449 00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,082 Kinda over it. 450 00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:31,751 Yeah, me, too. (SIGHS) 451 00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:34,521 For the record, it wasn't just about the boobs for me. 452 00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:35,888 (EXHALES) 453 00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:38,158 It was just cool hanging out with you. 454 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,060 Had its moments. 455 00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:43,963 From that moment on, there was something different between us. 456 00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:47,267 I went from Barry's annoying little brother to his friend. 457 00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:48,835 (BOTH LAUGH) 458 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,670 Then I'll see you in a few days. 459 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,071 (LAUGHTER ON TV) 460 00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:54,441 (LET MY LOVE OPEN THE DOOR PLAYING) 461 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,111 Hey, sweetie. 462 00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,315 Everyone alive? 463 00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:03,550 Yeah. 464 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,685 Uh, nothing crazy to report. 465 00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:08,888 (SIGHS) 466 00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:11,090 * When people keep repeating 467 00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:12,292 (LAUGHING) 468 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:15,162 * That you'll never fall in love 469 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:18,498 * When everybody keeps retreating 470 00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,300 * But you can't seem to get enough * 471 00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:21,434 Hey. 472 00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:24,904 Mind if I hang out for a bit? 473 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,607 What happened to your date? 474 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,310 Eh, wasn't feeling it. 475 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,946 Look. 476 00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:40,287 I know you worked hard to find someone for me, and I'm sorry I bailed. 477 00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:41,888 I'm sorry, too. 478 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,691 You were right. I always mix in, 479 00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,294 and I think I know what's best for everyone. 480 00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,429 But I mean well. 481 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:52,499 And that's the only thing that makes it okay, honey. 482 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:53,900 (CHUCKLES) 483 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,337 It makes sense now why you never get serious with anyone. 484 00:18:57,404 --> 00:18:59,372 They're just... 485 00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,040 Not mom. 486 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,811 She was one of a kind. 487 00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:06,846 (EXHALES) Yeah, she was. 488 00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:10,883 I just wanted you to have someone you loved 489 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,219 to make new memories with. 490 00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,522 That's what you guys are for. 491 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:22,229 Well, just promise me you won't close yourself off forever. 492 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,765 Okay. 493 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,701 But you promise me no more setups. 494 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:30,770 Deal. 495 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,275 But when it came to matchmaking, 496 00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,244 my mom couldn't help herself. 497 00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:43,149 My god, what a coincidence. It's Sophia. (SIGHS) 498 00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:45,585 You are unbelievable. 499 00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:47,354 Although she does have Carly Simon lips. 500 00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:50,623 Am I good, or what? Not bad. 501 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:54,126 I'm probably gonna need to cancel my morning meeting. 502 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,062 * Open the door 503 00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:57,930 * To your heart 504 00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:00,367 While my mom found Pops a new connection, 505 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,602 Barry and I went back to our old routine, 506 00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:05,338 although now there was a little more respect. 507 00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:06,806 Huh? My glasses! 508 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,141 Oh. Yeah. 509 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,677 Why are you hitting yourself? Ugh! 510 00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:13,613 Why are you hitting yourself? Aah! 511 00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:20,487 (GRUNTING AND LAUGHTER) 512 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,654 Ow! 513 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:22,955 (GRUNTS) (BELL DINGS) 514 00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:26,192 (GRUNTING) Ow! Aah! 515 00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:27,594 (GRUNTS) (LAUGHING) 516 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,095 (BELL DINGS) 517 00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,366 My perfect girl? 518 00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:36,669 Well, she should have big blue eyes, and big blonde hair. 519 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,170 Mmm, she sounds fun. 520 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,239 She shouldn't be afraid to speak her mind, you know? 521 00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:44,677 I mean, she should have a sensitive side, but still be a hard-ass. 522 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,679 Oh! Sit up straight, honey. 523 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,948 And I want her to take care of me. 524 00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:51,451 Cook, pick up my stuff, 525 00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:53,185 make me hot pockets. Mm. 526 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,288 (MOUTH FULL) by the way, thank you for the hot pocket. 527 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:56,456 All right, and I'm on the case 528 00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:59,158 for my sweet, handsome, delicious boy. 529 00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:01,027 (CHUCKLES AND KISSES) 530 00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:04,030 You know you just described mom. 531 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:07,467 What? I didn't... Oh, my god! 532 00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:10,837 Mom! I meant a brunette who doesn't cook at all! 533 00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:14,106 And she's gotta be super shy and not related to me at all!