1
00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:02,770
ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
high school athletes
2
00:00:02,903 --> 00:00:04,772
were William Penn royalty.
3
00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:07,341
They were celebrated,
they were adored,
4
00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:09,377
and they could do no wrong.
5
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,345
Well, except
in one person's eyes.
6
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:12,846
Why do we even have
a Senior Night?
7
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,815
To honor the people
like Brea,
8
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:17,185
who devoted so many hours
to, um...
9
00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:18,619
Volleyball.
10
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,155
Really? That sounds made-up,
but I'll defer to you.
11
00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,356
Well, let's get it
over with.
12
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,358
I've got a 12-cheese calzone
in the oven.
13
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,793
That seems like
too many cheeses.
14
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,195
You'd think, but somehow,
15
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,730
more becomes
indecipherably less.
16
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,732
Hey, Brea's mom,
if I give you my keys,
17
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,801
will you run home
and take it out for me?
18
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:36,570
Yeah, I'm not gonna miss
my daughter's big moment.
19
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,440
Big moment?
She taps a balloon
across a net.
20
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:40,741
Oh, also
21
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,810
congratulations,
Brea.
22
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,345
Thanks. (CHUCKLES)
Sort of.
23
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:45,546
-('80
- S ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
24
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:49,583
And now, let's honor
our senior athletes!
25
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,653
For three years, this gal led
the Lady Quakers in sets
26
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,055
and had more kills
than a Serengeti cheetah.
27
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,424
Brea Bee!
28
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,791
Oh!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
29
00:00:57,925 --> 00:00:59,627
Big whoop.
30
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,329
Remember the time
you re-created
31
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,030
Moses leading
his people out of Egypt
32
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,298
with Legos and Kool-Aid?
33
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:05,766
That was impressive.
34
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,036
I just want to thank my mom
for always supporting me.
35
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,138
I love you with all my heart.
36
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:11,605
Come out here, Mom.
37
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,107
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
38
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,009
What am I seeing
right now?
39
00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:18,346
Brian Walls!
40
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:19,780
This one's for you,
Mama.
41
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,350
What? Another rose
for another mama?
42
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,084
Yeah. All the moms
get thanked
with a rose.
43
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,354
Oh, envious spirit,
I covet thee!
44
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:28,256
Sorry.
For athletes' moms only.
45
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:31,058
Brian Corbett!
46
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,526
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
47
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,195
I'd like to thank
both of my moms.
48
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:37,431
Hey, uh,
w-where'd the roses go?
49
00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,200
(FEEDBACK WHINES)
Got it. I've got it.
50
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,702
Hello, jocks and sportos.
51
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:44,372
Um, to use your lingo
(CHUCKLES)
52
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,340
we're gonna take a time-out
53
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:49,310
so that my special player
can honor me.
54
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,745
Adam?
Oh, no.
55
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:54,282
You came sliding out of me
face-first,
56
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,449
like a baseballer.
57
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:57,551
Did I die?
Am I dead?
58
00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,253
Unfortunately for you, no.
59
00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:00,721
Hey, Adam, why are you just
sitting there?
60
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,157
Bring your taut,
athletic tushie
up here
61
00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:05,559
and give me all
the mother-loving roses.
62
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,796
** I'm twisted up inside
63
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:12,099
** But nonetheless
I feel the need to say
64
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,136
** I don't know the future
65
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:19,940
** But the past keeps getting
clearer every day **
66
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:21,975
ADULT ADAM:
It was November 3rd,
1980-something,
67
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:24,144
and while my sister's
wedding day was a way's off,
68
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,780
the events leading up to it
were in full swing.
69
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,115
At least, for the groom.
70
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,217
Hi, my love.
71
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:30,584
Can you spare me
Saturday afternoon
72
00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:32,119
from who knows when
to I have no idea?
73
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:33,654
I'm sure I'll survive
whatever vague
74
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,289
and loosely scheduled thing
you're doing.
75
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:36,757
It's tux shopping
with the JTP.
76
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,158
I'm gonna look like
Cary Grant
77
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,627
or that guy at the mall
who plays the piano.
78
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:40,928
What's his story?
How did he end up
79
00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:42,129
in front of
a dead escalator?
80
00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:43,964
I'm okay never knowing.
But look at you.
81
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,666
You're on it
with wedding activities,
82
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,801
tux shopping,
groomsmen softball,
83
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,203
camp friends spa day.
84
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:50,938
It's actually not me that's
planning all this stuff.
85
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:52,406
It is I!
86
00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,675
Geoffrey's and the world's
best man
87
00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,744
and pre-wedding fun captain.
88
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,412
Captain?
It's not
an official rank,
89
00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:00,614
but his body
is fit for service.
90
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:02,416
We should
really keep that door
locked from now on.
91
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,718
Silence! Just know
that on Saturday,
92
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,320
the man who's
settling for you
93
00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:08,689
will be doing
some high-octane tux shopping,
94
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:10,558
which may include
a rented penguin
95
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,192
for maximum
photo adorableness.
96
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,361
No way!
Way.
97
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:14,528
I have many friends
at the zoo.
98
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:15,629
And enemies.
99
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:17,130
You know, frankly,
it's touch-and-go.
100
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:19,199
As much as it pains me to say
anything nice to you,
101
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:20,534
you're surprisingly
on top of it.
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00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,169
True. For weeks,
he's done nothing
103
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:23,604
but wedding stuff
and attending to
104
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,038
my intense romantic needs.
Mm-hmm.
105
00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:28,041
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to see about a girl.
106
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:29,610
A girl penguin.
107
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,345
I know.
Penguins can be girls.
108
00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:32,580
I didn't believe it
either.
109
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,248
Ta!
110
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,183
So, Erica, what's on
your pre-wedding docket?
111
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,618
Well, Lainey's organizing
dress shopping.
112
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,287
Isn't Lainey, like,
lost at sea?
113
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,489
No, she's at sea,
and no one knows where,
114
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,656
and Erica hasn't spoken
to her
115
00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:43,824
in a disconcertingly
long time.
116
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,225
She's just busy singing on
that cruise ship.
117
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,827
Fun fact about cruises,
118
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,696
the longer the cruise,
the more poo
119
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,063
the ship is carrying
back to the port.
120
00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:52,232
I'd say that's more fact
than fun.
121
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:54,302
But the point is,
Lainey is on top of it.
122
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,437
ADULT ADAM:
Or so she thought.
(DIALING)
123
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,306
(ALARM BLARING)
Erica?
124
00:03:58,439 --> 00:03:59,740
I'm sorry.
There's a huge storm
on the way,
125
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,074
so they're coming to
evacuate us.
126
00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:02,376
What's up?
127
00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:03,877
So, she may not be
fully on it.
128
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,413
Here's a kooky idea.
129
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:08,716
What if I, Joanne,
am your fun captain?
130
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,684
Yes! My sister planning
my fiancee's wedding events.
131
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:11,785
We solved it.
132
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,186
Did we? (CHUCKLES)
133
00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:15,689
Because as much as I love
Joanne's wild-card energy
134
00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,691
(CHUCKLES)
I do have a pretty deep bench
135
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,059
of close friends
to pick from.
136
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:22,630
Well, if you change your mind,
here's my business card.
137
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,398
Tom Wiggins,
Assistant Manager, Kinko's?
138
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:26,534
Oh, that's right.
(SCOFFS)
139
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,436
I never followed through.
140
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,871
ADULT ADAM: So,
Erica reached out
to her long list of friends,
141
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:33,073
starting with her old college
pal, Ren.
142
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:34,642
Hey, Lady!
143
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,109
It's so nice
to hear your voice.
144
00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:37,711
Sorry I've been
so out of touch.
145
00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:39,780
I have been busy planning
a wedding for my friend Jill.
146
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,515
Ugh, it is so much work.
147
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:44,017
(CHUCKLING)
I swear to God,
never again.
148
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,820
So, what's up?
Just saying hey.
149
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,590
ADULT ADAM: So,
she called her next
best choice, Valley Erica.
150
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,859
Erica? Oh, my God.
Like, hey.
151
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,761
Michael,
get down from there!
152
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,629
Glenn, that's not
how you use a mouth.
153
00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:58,065
Dustin,
that's the cat's food!
154
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,300
Word of advice,
do not have triplets.
155
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,570
Triplets? How long has it been
since we spoke?
156
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,072
Not long. Things move quickly
in Scottsdale.
157
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,540
Gotta go.
158
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:08,376
ADULT ADAM: And then her real
next best choice,
159
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,910
her old high-school friend
Carla.
160
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,645
Hey!
Hey.
161
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,146
I was just wondering
if you might like to plan
162
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,748
some fun wedding stuff
for me.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
163
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,250
Ooh, I already have a job
that I'm bad at.
164
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,819
But if you need wings...
165
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:20,087
I wouldn't get 'em here.
166
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:22,122
(SIGHS) So, I completely
struck out
167
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,724
and have no pre-wedding
fun captain.
168
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:25,158
You know, my sister's dying
to help.
169
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:27,327
Yeah, it's just Joanne doesn't
know me very well.
170
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,463
But you know who does
know me well?
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00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,264
Me.
Ooh, is this one
of those logic puzzles,
172
00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:33,266
like where the doctor who
couldn't operate on the boy
173
00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:35,068
turned out to be
his mother?
It's the '80s.
174
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:37,037
A woman can plan her own
wedding events, can't she?
175
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,939
Not sure that's gonna be
the takeaway from this decade,
176
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,408
but I guess.
Then it's settled.
177
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,009
I will be
my own fun captain.
178
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:45,112
Yay! My fiancee has a shaky
and unconventional plan.
179
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,114
ADULT ADAM:
While Erica had decided
to do it herself,
180
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:50,150
my mother was still beside
herself about Senior Night.
181
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,486
Do you realize how much better
athletes are treated
182
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:53,987
at what we were promised
183
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,657
was an exclusive,
elitist private school?
184
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,158
We did have it
pretty good.
185
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,127
What are you talking about?
You're not an athlete,
186
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,929
unless they turned
being a moron
into a sport.
187
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,431
How dare you?
188
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,833
I'm an Olympic-caliber
sportsman
189
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,801
who never got a chance
to prove it
190
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:10,704
'cause coaches,
teammates, umpires,
and equipment managers
191
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,540
were too intimidated
by my dominance.
192
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:13,941
We can stop talking now.
193
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,342
Murray, we have to
do something.
194
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,511
Why should the jocks
get special treatment?
195
00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:20,881
Face it, if Barry could hit
a baseball like Mike Schmidt,
196
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,516
wouldn't we
love him more?
No.
197
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:24,752
I can hit like Schmitty!
198
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,620
Come out back and pitch to me,
old man!
199
00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,155
That doesn't
seem like something
that's gonna happen.
200
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,890
Touch my pec.
Go ahead.
201
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,358
Feel its shape
and girthy weight.
202
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:33,126
I'm not touching
your anything!
203
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,929
Mom! Dad won't recognize
my natural abilities
204
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,531
and physical prowess
by caressing me!
205
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,567
Cup your son's boy-bosom!
206
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:40,768
Do you hear your words?
207
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,169
Fine. If you're not gonna help
208
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:43,704
either one of your sons,
then I will.
209
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:46,740
Very meaty, dear.
210
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,178
In your face.
211
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:52,880
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
212
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:57,585
Earl, are you aware that
the athletes in this school
213
00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,553
get treated better
than all the other kids?
214
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:00,921
I can explain that.
215
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,155
They are better.
216
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:04,758
Because they're all strong
and coordinated?
217
00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,860
Not just that.
There's also a swagger.
218
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,428
Well, this changes now.
219
00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:11,565
I demand that all the kids who
are not as gifted athletically
220
00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:13,200
be treated the same
as the jocks.
221
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,768
But then how will they learn
that they're not as good?
222
00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:17,104
They are as good, Earl.
223
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,239
And they deserve
the rose-kissy thing, too.
224
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:20,574
The what-zit now?
225
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,209
When all the athletes fawn
all over their mothers
226
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,678
in front of the whole school?
I want that for me.
227
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,880
I mean, you know,
for all the other kids.
228
00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,916
But no one cares about
their ho-hum achievements.
229
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,918
Then I'm just gonna have
to invoke Title Nine.
230
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,487
What, the law that prevents
sex discrimination in schools?
231
00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:35,523
Then Title Eight. Or Ten.
232
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,090
Darn my weakness
for vague threats.
233
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:39,126
What will make this all
go away?
234
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:42,896
I want the non-athletes to be
celebrated and adored, too.
235
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,898
Feign interest in non-jocks.
Got it.
236
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,500
And the rose-kissy thing.
237
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,035
Yeah, you've mentioned that
twice now.
238
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,904
Okay, you win.
The athlete-worshipping
culture
239
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:53,607
of this place ends,
starting now.
240
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:55,543
Yo, Ball-Man,
can I borrow your ride?
241
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,511
Chem lab's boring
and I want to go get
an ice cream cake.
242
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:58,779
Sure thing, dawg.
243
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,247
And, uh,
when you're done with it,
244
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:01,915
just park it
wherever you want.
I'll find it.
245
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,316
(CLICKS TONGUE)
246
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,019
Okay, starting now.
247
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,822
ADULT ADAM:
While my mom was pursuing
her rose celebration,
248
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:12,092
Erica's wedding run-up was
feeling less than celebratory.
249
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,628
Hi. Erica Goldberg.
I'm here to try on dresses.
250
00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:15,996
Perfect.
Just let me know
251
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:17,430
when the rest
of your party
gets here.
252
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:19,633
Actually, it's
just gonna be me today.
253
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,501
No maid of honor?
Again, just me.
254
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:22,670
Sisters?
Just me.
255
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:23,804
Cousins?
Nope.
256
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:24,905
Work friends?
Flying solo.
257
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,006
College friends?
Going it alone.
258
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:27,107
New friends?
Party of one.
259
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,208
Well, what about
your mother?
260
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,342
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, God, no.
261
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:30,644
She's the best,
but also the worst.
262
00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,145
So I'm doing this round,
263
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:33,146
and then she promised to come
and be awful
264
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,481
when I settle on something.
265
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:35,683
Would you mind
if we grabbed
266
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:36,950
some of
these champagne glasses?
267
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:38,051
Another client brought
way more guests
268
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,252
than we anticipated.
269
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,955
Take 'em all, Beth.
Mine's here all by herself.
270
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:43,423
Has that ever happened
before?
271
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,292
Not that I can remember, and
I've been here for 15 years.
272
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:47,227
There's a person here
with ears and everything.
273
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,528
So, is that a yes?
274
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:50,097
Just take
the friggin' glasses, Beth.
275
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:51,865
ADULT ADAM: And so
began the loneliest
276
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,067
wedding-dress-trying-on
in history.
277
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:57,137
There was this fun number,
and a more modest option.
278
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,306
She was a princess
without a court,
279
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:01,541
a Southern belle whose friends
had gone with the wind,
280
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,611
and whatever this is.
281
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,713
Why do I keep coming out?
There's a mirror in here.
282
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,581
ADULT ADAM:
But without any friends
to weigh in,
283
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,683
my sister was feeling stuck,
literally.
284
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:10,851
Hello? Beth?
285
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:11,952
Other lady?
286
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:13,186
Little help?
287
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,487
Oh. Thank God.
288
00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:15,889
I thought you guys
forgot about me.
289
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,691
Sorry, Tiffany!
I found one more!
290
00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:19,359
(WOMEN LAUGHING IN DISTANCE)
291
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:20,728
I hate you, Tiffany!
292
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:22,529
I've exhausted
all my options,
293
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,898
so you're my fun captain.
294
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,734
Ah! You handpicked me!
295
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,969
ADULT ADAM:
As Erica welcomed Joanne
to the team,
296
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,537
the kids
who'd never played on one
297
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,707
were starting to enjoy the
privileges of those who did.
298
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,342
** Dave Kim, he's our man
299
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:37,144
** If he can't do it,
no one can **
300
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,412
What exactly can no one do
that I maybe can?
301
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:41,448
Win the Science Fair by
simulating a wind turbine.
302
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,883
Way to go, Davy.
303
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:46,386
I don't know
what's happening,
304
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,622
but this is farther
than I've gotten in my dreams.
305
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,590
"Congrats Matt Schernecke
on his sly turn
306
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,159
"as Rooster Hannigan
in 'Annie'"?
307
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,094
That performance
was wildly uneven.
308
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,029
Agreed. The choreography
on "Easy Street"
309
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,197
swallowed him whole.
310
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,566
But the bigger question is,
what gives?
311
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,168
(FEEDBACK WHINES)
PRINCIPAL BALL:
Good day, students.
312
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,136
First off, I'd like to give
a verbal high-five
313
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,571
to the kid in the back brace.
314
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,173
He has a name.
315
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,942
I think it's Adnan,
but I'm not positive.
316
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,078
Also, to Adam Goldberg,
for locking up
317
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:14,347
the AV club's Oscar Award
for his cheeky parody,
318
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,283
"The Second-to-Last
Starfighter."
319
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,085
It definitely put
the original
in its place.
320
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:19,787
And the rose-kissy thing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
321
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,054
I'm... I'm getting to that.
322
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:22,522
And you're too close
to the mic.
323
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,257
They can't hear me.
Just say it.
Yeah, okay.
324
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:27,160
And also remember that
our less-coordinated students
325
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,561
will be honored Friday
326
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:31,131
at our first annual
Non-Athlete Senior Night.
327
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,333
Invite your mamas.
328
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,602
Non-Athlete
Senior Night?
329
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,070
This is a stretch,
even for you.
330
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,806
Wha?
331
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:40,640
This attention
isn't real!
332
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,442
Just my mom wants
her own rose ceremony!
333
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:43,811
A win's a win.
334
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:46,046
Sydney, I've made a mess.
335
00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:47,948
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
336
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,420
ADULT ADAM: My sister finally
had a fun captain,
337
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,889
and Joanne's first move
was to call for back-up.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
338
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,157
'Sup, fools?
Carla?
339
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:59,292
I thought you said
you were too busy to help.
340
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:01,061
That's 'cause I don't like
being in charge,
341
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,662
but I'm happy to be
the getaway driver.
342
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:03,831
Metaphorically?
343
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,598
Sure. So, what do we got?
344
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:08,435
I put together a list of
typical bridal activities,
345
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,838
a spa day, brunch, getting
our hair and makeup done.
346
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:12,205
Ooh, those sound
so normal.
347
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,107
That's why we're doing
none of them.
348
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,811
We're going to
a monster truck rally.
349
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:20,480
Oh. I went yesterday,
but I'll go again.
350
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,983
I don't know.
That seems really loud.
351
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,617
What if we did
extreme versions
352
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:25,919
of the stuff
you already crossed off?
353
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:27,687
Or maybe not extreme at all.
354
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:28,822
Well, it's your rodeo.
355
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,457
Yes! A prison rodeo!
356
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:31,859
My cousin's
the head clown.
357
00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:33,260
ADULT ADAM: And with that,
358
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,462
Erica's special day
was gonna be normal.
359
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:36,629
Kinda.
360
00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:37,865
They hit the spa...
361
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,132
(RUSSIAN ACCENT)
I remove top layer.
362
00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:41,268
Of my skin?
363
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,170
ADULT ADAM: ...they
got their makeup done...
364
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,873
Hot damn!
She used every crayon
in the box!
365
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,207
ADULT ADAM:
...and finally, brunch.
366
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,942
Here again?
You know it.
367
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:50,878
They make
a kick-ass potato soup.
368
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,880
It's as hearty and thick
as the men who make it.
369
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,614
More hit?
370
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,516
ADULT ADAM:
While Erica's special day
was a bust,
371
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:59,019
I enlisted some help squashing
my mom's plan
372
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,054
for Non-Athlete Senior Night.
373
00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:02,689
We want you to reverse
the cultural changes
374
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,024
you've made at our school.
375
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,493
Yesterday, I went to
lovingly wedgie a band kid,
376
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,028
but I couldn't because
he was on the shoulders
377
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,562
of five cheerleaders.
378
00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:11,731
Believe me
if it were up to me,
that dweeb's underwear
379
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:14,734
would be gently
but hilariously
tattered and torn.
380
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,937
And I've gone two days
without someone
decorating my locker.
381
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,471
Have I become a nobody?
382
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:19,672
You're always somebody
to me.
383
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:21,074
That means nothing!
384
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,709
None of this makes any sense.
385
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,677
This morning,
that nerd Matt Schernecke
386
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,679
said hi to me
in front of everyone.
387
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:28,581
So embarrassing!
388
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:31,118
If Dave Kim's getting
a cupcake from Sydney
the cheerleader,
389
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,020
then my cupcake
doesn't feel special.
390
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,554
I mean, even though
I'm dating Sydney.
391
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:36,156
Okay, that last argument's
kind of convoluted,
392
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:37,290
but you get it.
393
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,758
I'm persuaded.
394
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,393
Going back
to the old system.
395
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,362
So, you'll be canceling
Non-Athlete Senior Night?
396
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,764
Oh, that I can't do.
Your mother was very menacing.
397
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,267
And she invoked laws
I'm too lazy to verify.
398
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,902
But nobody wants it!
399
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,370
Guys, help me out here.
400
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:51,905
We don't care about that.
401
00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:53,706
We just want cheerleaders
to bake us stuff.
402
00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:56,476
I'm sorry, Mr. Goldberg,
fair is fair.
403
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,378
The athletes got
their big night,
404
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,347
the non-athletes get theirs.
405
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,215
ADULT ADAM: Which gave me
a crazy idea,
406
00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:05,218
and that meant there was
only one person to talk to.
407
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,719
I need you to turn me
into an athlete.
408
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,388
Are you talking to me
or God?
409
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:09,957
'Cause that's a tall order
for either of us.
410
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,658
If I make it onto
a sports team,
411
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,227
I won't have to participate
in Non-Athlete Senior Night.
412
00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:16,997
Fine! Tell me the sport,
I'll make you a legend.
413
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:17,931
Doesn't matter.
You pick.
414
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,399
Well, I'd rule out anything
415
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,201
that requires a bat,
ball, mitt,
416
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:23,603
racket, stick, club,
coordination, endurance,
desire,
417
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,172
grit, strategy,
physical contact,
418
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,573
or a commanding voice
for calling signals.
419
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:27,807
What's left?
420
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,376
Spring track.
In!
421
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,244
What's the minimum
I have to do to make the team?
422
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:32,512
I only know the maximum.
423
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,780
I don't need the maximum.
424
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,248
I just don't want to go
to this banquet.
425
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,650
Whatever the reason,
you will be transformed
426
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,853
from an undersized sack
of soft garbage
427
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,788
into an explosively
high-performance
428
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,256
muscular super jock.
429
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:44,791
Why exactly are you embracing
this challenge
430
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,459
with so much intensity?
431
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:49,196
To prove to Dad that
I am such an elite athlete
432
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,899
that I can even turn
the weakest, scrawniest,
433
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:55,068
and most pathetic among us
into Dan Marino.
434
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:56,870
The Isotoner glove model?
435
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,005
I didn't know he did sports.
436
00:13:58,138 --> 00:13:59,806
Your training begins now!
437
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,574
I'm gonna need gravity boots
and a tractor tire.
438
00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,176
Let's go!
439
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,512
(SCOFFS) Here I come,
I guess.
440
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:07,647
ADULT ADAM: While I'd gotten
Barry's unbridled help,
441
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,516
Erica's bridal shower
was under way.
442
00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:11,284
There was food...
443
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:12,719
Wait, are you
driving later?
444
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,021
I might be.
445
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,622
I'd stay away from those.
446
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:16,856
ADULT ADAM:
...there were games...
447
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:20,193
Okay, would Geoff rather
make out in public, or--
448
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:21,661
Whatever the second thing is.
449
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:22,862
Correct!
(LAUGHTER)
450
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,797
He'd rather die
in a house fire.
451
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,633
ADULT ADAM: ...and,
of course, dessert.
452
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:27,834
(SINGSONG VOICE)
Cake time!
453
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,037
Oh, wow, that's big.
454
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,472
Well, it kind of
had to be. You'll see.
455
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:33,640
Surprise!
(GASPS)
456
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:34,707
Is it time?
457
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:35,875
It's so dark and scary
in there.
458
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,244
Oh, God.
459
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,012
Erica, you get
the first piece.
460
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,281
Technically the second.
I got pretty hungry
on the van ride over.
461
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,482
That's okay, I'm good.
462
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,851
Why not? Is my boyfriend
not hot enough for you?
463
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,853
That's the thing,
he's too hot.
464
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,956
He's sweating all over
the frosting.
465
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,191
You should be so lucky
as to eat frosting
that touched my man.
466
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,392
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
467
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:53,693
Knock, knock!
Groom in the room!
468
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,562
It's okay, Geoff.
There's nothing to see here.
469
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,364
Full disclosure,
it was gonna be me
in the cake,
470
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:58,698
but with my crippling
claustrophobia,
471
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,067
nobody thought
it was a good idea.
472
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,701
The problem isn't who
was in my cake.
473
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,903
The problem is that
someone was in my cake.
474
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:06,506
Geez, someone
is hard to please.
475
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:07,874
Look, it's not your fault
that you planned something
476
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,509
I intensely hate.
477
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,111
You just don't know me at all.
478
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,346
ADULT ADAM:
While Erica's shower
had gone off the tracks,
479
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,683
I was still trying to derail
my mom's embarrassing plan.
480
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:19,552
Schmoop-a-poop, I have
our outfits for our big night.
481
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,555
Wow. So much class
and pizzazz.
482
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,691
It's a shame neither of us
will be wearing those.
483
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:26,759
As a newly certified
high school athlete,
484
00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:28,028
I will not be attending.
485
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:29,296
That doesn't make any sense.
486
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,930
You're a think-y,
not a do-y.
487
00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:32,132
I think-y no more.
488
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,933
I'm a badass jock now,
489
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,902
with all the accoutrements
that come with.
490
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,537
Like these incredibly
thin and revealing shorts.
491
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,107
So you joined a sport?
492
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,409
Not just any sport,
track...
493
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:47,280
A series of athletic contests,
running, jumping... the other.
494
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,349
So, no-can-do
on your big public smooch.
495
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,284
Hmm.
496
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:52,952
Well, if you put
as much energy
into that
497
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:55,422
as you did into depriving me
of a moment of thanks,
498
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,390
then you're gonna be
the next Carl Lewis.
499
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,593
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
500
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:02,929
Can you believe her?
501
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:05,232
It's actually you
I can't believe.
502
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:06,699
What's that
supposed to mean?
503
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:07,800
Your mom.
504
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:10,237
She sacrifices everything
for you kids,
505
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,405
her time, her life.
It's all for you.
506
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:14,374
Still, she made up
an embarrassing event
507
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:15,775
just so I could give her
a flower.
508
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:17,610
Because that's how far
she has to go
509
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,412
to get the recognition
she deserves.
510
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:21,314
I guess.
511
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:22,949
No one gets through
high school alone.
512
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,918
Everything you did
and you achieved,
513
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,920
she was with you
every step of the way.
514
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,289
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
515
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,796
ADULT ADAM:
In a bitter twist of fate,
my mom had finally gotten
516
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,465
her Non-Athlete Senior Night,
517
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,134
but her favorite non-athlete
was nowhere to be found.
518
00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:43,470
Now I have to pretend to care
about these dorks
519
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,506
who couldn't have gotten off
their butts to play a sport.
520
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:49,809
And yet you came
and insisted
we sit together.
521
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:55,682
And now, let's meet
your Non-Athletic Seniors!
522
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,385
This fella guided Yearbook
through three straight years
523
00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,852
of deadline-meeting
publication.
524
00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:03,190
Give it up for
Brad Finkelstein!
525
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:04,624
ADULT ADAM:
A funny thing happened
that night.
526
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,093
People realized that
527
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:09,096
all the things kids
had accomplished off the field
528
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,397
were also pretty cool.
529
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,066
She anchors the math team
and the third chair
530
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,168
in the William Penn orchestra
on the oboe.
531
00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:16,969
O-boe she didn't!
532
00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:19,639
Annie Gerwitz!
533
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:22,008
ADULT ADAM: Yep,
it was the night my mom
had dreamed of,
534
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,611
but because I wasn't there,
it was just a nightmare.
535
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:27,414
Next, throughout
his storied career,
536
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,549
this gentleman
put it all out there
537
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,651
on the floor
of the theater!
538
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,086
Adam did theater.
539
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:36,123
His credits span from "Annie"
to "Xanadu,"
540
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,457
with two others in between.
541
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:38,691
(VOICE BREAKING)
Adam also did "Annie"
542
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:40,393
and "Xanadu"
and two others.
543
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:43,230
He's a two-time president
of the AV club.
544
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,598
Adam was also
two-time president
of the AV club.
545
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:49,302
And he made our school's
first ever video yearbook.
546
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:50,470
Adam made
whatever that was!
547
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:53,640
Everyone, make some noise...
548
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:59,379
Mr. Movie,
Adam Goldberg!
549
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,248
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
550
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:02,415
Yes!
551
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:06,519
Oh. (LAUGHS)
552
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,321
ADULT ADAM: Yeah, there was
one more good thing
553
00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:09,656
about being a non-athlete.
554
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,691
He's not here.
555
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:14,294
ADULT ADAM: I knew how to make
a dramatic entrance.
556
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,529
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
557
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:21,501
Thank you.
Thank you.
558
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:24,537
But, most of all,
Mom, would you please...
559
00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:27,073
Whoa.
560
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,942
I'd just like to thank
the greatest,
561
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,545
most supportive mom
in the world.
562
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:34,814
Mom...
Yes.
563
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,184
I've got
a half-inch-deep thorn
in my hand,
564
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,218
and I don't even feel it.
565
00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:40,687
Sorry, Mom.
566
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:43,290
I realized I didn't
get through high school
all by myself.
567
00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:45,091
(BREATHES SHARPLY)
568
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:48,461
My baby cherishes me
and puts me on a pedestal!
569
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,263
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
Oh!
570
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:51,431
(BOTH LAUGH)
571
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,300
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
572
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:56,603
ADULT ADAM:
My mom had finally gotten
the thing she most wanted.
573
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,138
Unfortunately, the same
couldn't be said for Erica.
574
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:00,273
You okay?
575
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:01,841
I've been better.
576
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:02,842
I get it.
577
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:04,744
I'm lucky.
578
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:08,948
I've got Barry, the JTP,
all my camp guys.
579
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,050
But your friends aren't around
when you need them.
580
00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:12,151
And that hurts.
581
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,488
You're very good at knowing
how I'm feeling.
582
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:17,624
That's 'cause I love you.
583
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,492
The worst part is
I was mean to your sister
584
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:21,160
after she tried so hard.
585
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:23,396
Then maybe I'm not the one
you should be talking to.
586
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,399
Hey.
587
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:27,900
Joanne, I'm so, so sorry.
588
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:29,269
(SIGHS)
589
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:32,372
I'm the one
who should be sorry.
590
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:35,375
I throw myself into things
and try way too hard,
591
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:38,177
but it's only 'cause I saw
a chance to be closer to you.
592
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:39,912
Really?
Duh.
593
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:42,148
What do you think?
I don't want us to be sisters
594
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:43,783
just because
you're marrying my brother.
595
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,619
I want us to be like
actual sisters.
596
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:48,655
I always wanted a sister.
597
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:50,790
Well, then
598
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,292
let me start
with one more thing
I have planned.
599
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,994
Oh, no. I don't need
any more activities.
600
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:56,796
Are you sure?
'Cause I think I've learned
601
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,130
a little more
about what you like.
602
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,668
ADULT ADAM: In that moment,
Erica realized
603
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,170
that no matter how far apart
your paths may take you,
604
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,573
the most important people
in your life
605
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,741
will always be there for you.
606
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,810
Oh, my God!
What are you guys
doing here?
607
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:12,645
Joanne reminded us
how important this is.
608
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:13,646
So we made it happen.
609
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:18,050
(CHUCKLES)
610
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,853
ADULT ADAM: Occasionally,
someone you never expected
steps up
611
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:23,323
and becomes
one of those people
who means so much.
612
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,024
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
613
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:28,661
And sometimes, we realize that
they were there all along.
614
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:34,000
FRIENDS: Oh!
615
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,902
BOTH: Yes!
616
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:37,937
ADULT ADAM: But either way,
as long as you've got
your people
617
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,105
by your side...
618
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,879
you'll be a winner
no matter what.
619
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:54,053
Shopkeep! In addition
to wedding dresses,
620
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:57,023
does this place sell tuxedos
for both man and penguin?
621
00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,658
Oh, no.
622
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:00,393
Oh. There's my guy.
623
00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:01,861
Hi, Barry.
Hey, Barry.
624
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:04,263
My current girlfriend,
two former sweethearts,
625
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:06,599
plus a girl I made out with
at a party once?
626
00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:08,535
In my defense,
I was sober that day.
627
00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:11,203
This is hilarious,
but also... (GAGS)
628
00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:13,272
Oh, my gosh!
Look at how red he's getting.
629
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:14,507
Let's turn this up
a notch.
630
00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:16,008
Which one of us
is the best kisser?
631
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:17,877
I-I couldn't possibly...
632
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:19,078
But I could.
(CHUCKLES)
633
00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:22,081
Mama always
wins best kisser,
634
00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:23,249
no contest.
635
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:24,884
C'mon.
Let's show 'em how.
636
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:26,619
This day is so much better
than I could have hoped for.
(KISSES)
637
00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:28,020
Let me go!
Let me go!
638
00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:29,021
No! No!