1 00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:02,770 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, high school athletes 2 00:00:02,903 --> 00:00:04,772 were William Penn royalty. 3 00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:07,341 They were celebrated, they were adored, 4 00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:09,377 and they could do no wrong. 5 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,345 Well, except in one person's eyes. 6 00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:12,846 Why do we even have a Senior Night? 7 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,815 To honor the people like Brea, 8 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:17,185 who devoted so many hours to, um... 9 00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:18,619 Volleyball. 10 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,155 Really? That sounds made-up, but I'll defer to you. 11 00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,356 Well, let's get it over with. 12 00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,358 I've got a 12-cheese calzone in the oven. 13 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,793 That seems like too many cheeses. 14 00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,195 You'd think, but somehow, 15 00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,730 more becomes indecipherably less. 16 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,732 Hey, Brea's mom, if I give you my keys, 17 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,801 will you run home and take it out for me? 18 00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:36,570 Yeah, I'm not gonna miss my daughter's big moment. 19 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,440 Big moment? She taps a balloon across a net. 20 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:40,741 Oh, also 21 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,810 congratulations, Brea. 22 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,345 Thanks. (CHUCKLES) Sort of. 23 00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:45,546 -('80 - S ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) 24 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:49,583 And now, let's honor our senior athletes! 25 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,653 For three years, this gal led the Lady Quakers in sets 26 00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,055 and had more kills than a Serengeti cheetah. 27 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,424 Brea Bee! 28 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,791 Oh! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 29 00:00:57,925 --> 00:00:59,627 Big whoop. 30 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,329 Remember the time you re-created 31 00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,030 Moses leading his people out of Egypt 32 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,298 with Legos and Kool-Aid? 33 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:05,766 That was impressive. 34 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,036 I just want to thank my mom for always supporting me. 35 00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,138 I love you with all my heart. 36 00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:11,605 Come out here, Mom. 37 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,107 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 38 00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,009 What am I seeing right now? 39 00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:18,346 Brian Walls! 40 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:19,780 This one's for you, Mama. 41 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,350 What? Another rose for another mama? 42 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,084 Yeah. All the moms get thanked with a rose. 43 00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,354 Oh, envious spirit, I covet thee! 44 00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:28,256 Sorry. For athletes' moms only. 45 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:31,058 Brian Corbett! 46 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,526 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 47 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,195 I'd like to thank both of my moms. 48 00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:37,431 Hey, uh, w-where'd the roses go? 49 00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,200 (FEEDBACK WHINES) Got it. I've got it. 50 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,702 Hello, jocks and sportos. 51 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:44,372 Um, to use your lingo (CHUCKLES) 52 00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,340 we're gonna take a time-out 53 00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:49,310 so that my special player can honor me. 54 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,745 Adam? Oh, no. 55 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:54,282 You came sliding out of me face-first, 56 00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,449 like a baseballer. 57 00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:57,551 Did I die? Am I dead? 58 00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,253 Unfortunately for you, no. 59 00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:00,721 Hey, Adam, why are you just sitting there? 60 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,157 Bring your taut, athletic tushie up here 61 00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:05,559 and give me all the mother-loving roses. 62 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,796 ** I'm twisted up inside 63 00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:12,099 ** But nonetheless I feel the need to say 64 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,136 ** I don't know the future 65 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:19,940 ** But the past keeps getting clearer every day ** 66 00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:21,975 ADULT ADAM: It was November 3rd, 1980-something, 67 00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:24,144 and while my sister's wedding day was a way's off, 68 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,780 the events leading up to it were in full swing. 69 00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,115 At least, for the groom. 70 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,217 Hi, my love. 71 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:30,584 Can you spare me Saturday afternoon 72 00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:32,119 from who knows when to I have no idea? 73 00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:33,654 I'm sure I'll survive whatever vague 74 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,289 and loosely scheduled thing you're doing. 75 00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:36,757 It's tux shopping with the JTP. 76 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,158 I'm gonna look like Cary Grant 77 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,627 or that guy at the mall who plays the piano. 78 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:40,928 What's his story? How did he end up 79 00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:42,129 in front of a dead escalator? 80 00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:43,964 I'm okay never knowing. But look at you. 81 00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,666 You're on it with wedding activities, 82 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,801 tux shopping, groomsmen softball, 83 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,203 camp friends spa day. 84 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:50,938 It's actually not me that's planning all this stuff. 85 00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:52,406 It is I! 86 00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,675 Geoffrey's and the world's best man 87 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,744 and pre-wedding fun captain. 88 00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,412 Captain? It's not an official rank, 89 00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:00,614 but his body is fit for service. 90 00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:02,416 We should really keep that door locked from now on. 91 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,718 Silence! Just know that on Saturday, 92 00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,320 the man who's settling for you 93 00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:08,689 will be doing some high-octane tux shopping, 94 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:10,558 which may include a rented penguin 95 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,192 for maximum photo adorableness. 96 00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,361 No way! Way. 97 00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:14,528 I have many friends at the zoo. 98 00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:15,629 And enemies. 99 00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:17,130 You know, frankly, it's touch-and-go. 100 00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:19,199 As much as it pains me to say anything nice to you, 101 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:20,534 you're surprisingly on top of it. 102 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,169 True. For weeks, he's done nothing 103 00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:23,604 but wedding stuff and attending to 104 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,038 my intense romantic needs. Mm-hmm. 105 00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:28,041 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to see about a girl. 106 00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:29,610 A girl penguin. 107 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,345 I know. Penguins can be girls. 108 00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:32,580 I didn't believe it either. 109 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,248 Ta! 110 00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,183 So, Erica, what's on your pre-wedding docket? 111 00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,618 Well, Lainey's organizing dress shopping. 112 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,287 Isn't Lainey, like, lost at sea? 113 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,489 No, she's at sea, and no one knows where, 114 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,656 and Erica hasn't spoken to her 115 00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:43,824 in a disconcertingly long time. 116 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,225 She's just busy singing on that cruise ship. 117 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,827 Fun fact about cruises, 118 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,696 the longer the cruise, the more poo 119 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,063 the ship is carrying back to the port. 120 00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:52,232 I'd say that's more fact than fun. 121 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:54,302 But the point is, Lainey is on top of it. 122 00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,437 ADULT ADAM: Or so she thought. (DIALING) 123 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,306 (ALARM BLARING) Erica? 124 00:03:58,439 --> 00:03:59,740 I'm sorry. There's a huge storm on the way, 125 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,074 so they're coming to evacuate us. 126 00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:02,376 What's up? 127 00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:03,877 So, she may not be fully on it. 128 00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,413 Here's a kooky idea. 129 00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:08,716 What if I, Joanne, am your fun captain? 130 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,684 Yes! My sister planning my fiancee's wedding events. 131 00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:11,785 We solved it. 132 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,186 Did we? (CHUCKLES) 133 00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:15,689 Because as much as I love Joanne's wild-card energy 134 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,691 (CHUCKLES) I do have a pretty deep bench 135 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,059 of close friends to pick from. 136 00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:22,630 Well, if you change your mind, here's my business card. 137 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,398 Tom Wiggins, Assistant Manager, Kinko's? 138 00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:26,534 Oh, that's right. (SCOFFS) 139 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,436 I never followed through. 140 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,871 ADULT ADAM: So, Erica reached out to her long list of friends, 141 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:33,073 starting with her old college pal, Ren. 142 00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:34,642 Hey, Lady! 143 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,109 It's so nice to hear your voice. 144 00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:37,711 Sorry I've been so out of touch. 145 00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:39,780 I have been busy planning a wedding for my friend Jill. 146 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,515 Ugh, it is so much work. 147 00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:44,017 (CHUCKLING) I swear to God, never again. 148 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,820 So, what's up? Just saying hey. 149 00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,590 ADULT ADAM: So, she called her next best choice, Valley Erica. 150 00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,859 Erica? Oh, my God. Like, hey. 151 00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,761 Michael, get down from there! 152 00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,629 Glenn, that's not how you use a mouth. 153 00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:58,065 Dustin, that's the cat's food! 154 00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,300 Word of advice, do not have triplets. 155 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,570 Triplets? How long has it been since we spoke? 156 00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,072 Not long. Things move quickly in Scottsdale. 157 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,540 Gotta go. 158 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:08,376 ADULT ADAM: And then her real next best choice, 159 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,910 her old high-school friend Carla. 160 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,645 Hey! Hey. 161 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,146 I was just wondering if you might like to plan 162 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,748 some fun wedding stuff for me. (INHALES SHARPLY) 163 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,250 Ooh, I already have a job that I'm bad at. 164 00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,819 But if you need wings... 165 00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:20,087 I wouldn't get 'em here. 166 00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:22,122 (SIGHS) So, I completely struck out 167 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,724 and have no pre-wedding fun captain. 168 00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:25,158 You know, my sister's dying to help. 169 00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:27,327 Yeah, it's just Joanne doesn't know me very well. 170 00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,463 But you know who does know me well? 171 00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,264 Me. Ooh, is this one of those logic puzzles, 172 00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:33,266 like where the doctor who couldn't operate on the boy 173 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:35,068 turned out to be his mother? It's the '80s. 174 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:37,037 A woman can plan her own wedding events, can't she? 175 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,939 Not sure that's gonna be the takeaway from this decade, 176 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,408 but I guess. Then it's settled. 177 00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,009 I will be my own fun captain. 178 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:45,112 Yay! My fiancee has a shaky and unconventional plan. 179 00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,114 ADULT ADAM: While Erica had decided to do it herself, 180 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:50,150 my mother was still beside herself about Senior Night. 181 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,486 Do you realize how much better athletes are treated 182 00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:53,987 at what we were promised 183 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,657 was an exclusive, elitist private school? 184 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,158 We did have it pretty good. 185 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,127 What are you talking about? You're not an athlete, 186 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,929 unless they turned being a moron into a sport. 187 00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,431 How dare you? 188 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,833 I'm an Olympic-caliber sportsman 189 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,801 who never got a chance to prove it 190 00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:10,704 'cause coaches, teammates, umpires, and equipment managers 191 00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,540 were too intimidated by my dominance. 192 00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:13,941 We can stop talking now. 193 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,342 Murray, we have to do something. 194 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,511 Why should the jocks get special treatment? 195 00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:20,881 Face it, if Barry could hit a baseball like Mike Schmidt, 196 00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,516 wouldn't we love him more? No. 197 00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:24,752 I can hit like Schmitty! 198 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,620 Come out back and pitch to me, old man! 199 00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,155 That doesn't seem like something that's gonna happen. 200 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,890 Touch my pec. Go ahead. 201 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,358 Feel its shape and girthy weight. 202 00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:33,126 I'm not touching your anything! 203 00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,929 Mom! Dad won't recognize my natural abilities 204 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,531 and physical prowess by caressing me! 205 00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,567 Cup your son's boy-bosom! 206 00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:40,768 Do you hear your words? 207 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,169 Fine. If you're not gonna help 208 00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:43,704 either one of your sons, then I will. 209 00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:46,740 Very meaty, dear. 210 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,178 In your face. 211 00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:52,880 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 212 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:57,585 Earl, are you aware that the athletes in this school 213 00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,553 get treated better than all the other kids? 214 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:00,921 I can explain that. 215 00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,155 They are better. 216 00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:04,758 Because they're all strong and coordinated? 217 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,860 Not just that. There's also a swagger. 218 00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,428 Well, this changes now. 219 00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:11,565 I demand that all the kids who are not as gifted athletically 220 00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:13,200 be treated the same as the jocks. 221 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,768 But then how will they learn that they're not as good? 222 00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:17,104 They are as good, Earl. 223 00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,239 And they deserve the rose-kissy thing, too. 224 00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:20,574 The what-zit now? 225 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,209 When all the athletes fawn all over their mothers 226 00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,678 in front of the whole school? I want that for me. 227 00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,880 I mean, you know, for all the other kids. 228 00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,916 But no one cares about their ho-hum achievements. 229 00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,918 Then I'm just gonna have to invoke Title Nine. 230 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,487 What, the law that prevents sex discrimination in schools? 231 00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:35,523 Then Title Eight. Or Ten. 232 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,090 Darn my weakness for vague threats. 233 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:39,126 What will make this all go away? 234 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:42,896 I want the non-athletes to be celebrated and adored, too. 235 00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,898 Feign interest in non-jocks. Got it. 236 00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,500 And the rose-kissy thing. 237 00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,035 Yeah, you've mentioned that twice now. 238 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,904 Okay, you win. The athlete-worshipping culture 239 00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:53,607 of this place ends, starting now. 240 00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:55,543 Yo, Ball-Man, can I borrow your ride? 241 00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,511 Chem lab's boring and I want to go get an ice cream cake. 242 00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:58,779 Sure thing, dawg. 243 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,247 And, uh, when you're done with it, 244 00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:01,915 just park it wherever you want. I'll find it. 245 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,316 (CLICKS TONGUE) 246 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,019 Okay, starting now. 247 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,822 ADULT ADAM: While my mom was pursuing her rose celebration, 248 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:12,092 Erica's wedding run-up was feeling less than celebratory. 249 00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,628 Hi. Erica Goldberg. I'm here to try on dresses. 250 00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:15,996 Perfect. Just let me know 251 00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:17,430 when the rest of your party gets here. 252 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:19,633 Actually, it's just gonna be me today. 253 00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,501 No maid of honor? Again, just me. 254 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:22,670 Sisters? Just me. 255 00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:23,804 Cousins? Nope. 256 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:24,905 Work friends? Flying solo. 257 00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,006 College friends? Going it alone. 258 00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:27,107 New friends? Party of one. 259 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,208 Well, what about your mother? 260 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,342 (CHUCKLING) Oh, God, no. 261 00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:30,644 She's the best, but also the worst. 262 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,145 So I'm doing this round, 263 00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:33,146 and then she promised to come and be awful 264 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,481 when I settle on something. 265 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:35,683 Would you mind if we grabbed 266 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:36,950 some of these champagne glasses? 267 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:38,051 Another client brought way more guests 268 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,252 than we anticipated. 269 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,955 Take 'em all, Beth. Mine's here all by herself. 270 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:43,423 Has that ever happened before? 271 00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,292 Not that I can remember, and I've been here for 15 years. 272 00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:47,227 There's a person here with ears and everything. 273 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,528 So, is that a yes? 274 00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:50,097 Just take the friggin' glasses, Beth. 275 00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:51,865 ADULT ADAM: And so began the loneliest 276 00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,067 wedding-dress-trying-on in history. 277 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:57,137 There was this fun number, and a more modest option. 278 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,306 She was a princess without a court, 279 00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:01,541 a Southern belle whose friends had gone with the wind, 280 00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,611 and whatever this is. 281 00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,713 Why do I keep coming out? There's a mirror in here. 282 00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,581 ADULT ADAM: But without any friends to weigh in, 283 00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,683 my sister was feeling stuck, literally. 284 00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:10,851 Hello? Beth? 285 00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:11,952 Other lady? 286 00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:13,186 Little help? 287 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,487 Oh. Thank God. 288 00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:15,889 I thought you guys forgot about me. 289 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,691 Sorry, Tiffany! I found one more! 290 00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:19,359 (WOMEN LAUGHING IN DISTANCE) 291 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:20,728 I hate you, Tiffany! 292 00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:22,529 I've exhausted all my options, 293 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,898 so you're my fun captain. 294 00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,734 Ah! You handpicked me! 295 00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,969 ADULT ADAM: As Erica welcomed Joanne to the team, 296 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,537 the kids who'd never played on one 297 00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,707 were starting to enjoy the privileges of those who did. 298 00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,342 ** Dave Kim, he's our man 299 00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:37,144 ** If he can't do it, no one can ** 300 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,412 What exactly can no one do that I maybe can? 301 00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:41,448 Win the Science Fair by simulating a wind turbine. 302 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,883 Way to go, Davy. 303 00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:46,386 I don't know what's happening, 304 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,622 but this is farther than I've gotten in my dreams. 305 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,590 "Congrats Matt Schernecke on his sly turn 306 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,159 "as Rooster Hannigan in 'Annie'"? 307 00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,094 That performance was wildly uneven. 308 00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,029 Agreed. The choreography on "Easy Street" 309 00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,197 swallowed him whole. 310 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,566 But the bigger question is, what gives? 311 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,168 (FEEDBACK WHINES) PRINCIPAL BALL: Good day, students. 312 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,136 First off, I'd like to give a verbal high-five 313 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,571 to the kid in the back brace. 314 00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,173 He has a name. 315 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,942 I think it's Adnan, but I'm not positive. 316 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,078 Also, to Adam Goldberg, for locking up 317 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:14,347 the AV club's Oscar Award for his cheeky parody, 318 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,283 "The Second-to-Last Starfighter." 319 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,085 It definitely put the original in its place. 320 00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:19,787 And the rose-kissy thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 321 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,054 I'm... I'm getting to that. 322 00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:22,522 And you're too close to the mic. 323 00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,257 They can't hear me. Just say it. Yeah, okay. 324 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:27,160 And also remember that our less-coordinated students 325 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,561 will be honored Friday 326 00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:31,131 at our first annual Non-Athlete Senior Night. 327 00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,333 Invite your mamas. 328 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,602 Non-Athlete Senior Night? 329 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,070 This is a stretch, even for you. 330 00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,806 Wha? 331 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:40,640 This attention isn't real! 332 00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,442 Just my mom wants her own rose ceremony! 333 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:43,811 A win's a win. 334 00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:46,046 Sydney, I've made a mess. 335 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:47,948 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 336 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,420 ADULT ADAM: My sister finally had a fun captain, 337 00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,889 and Joanne's first move was to call for back-up. (KNOCK ON DOOR) 338 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,157 'Sup, fools? Carla? 339 00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:59,292 I thought you said you were too busy to help. 340 00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:01,061 That's 'cause I don't like being in charge, 341 00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,662 but I'm happy to be the getaway driver. 342 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:03,831 Metaphorically? 343 00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,598 Sure. So, what do we got? 344 00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:08,435 I put together a list of typical bridal activities, 345 00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,838 a spa day, brunch, getting our hair and makeup done. 346 00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:12,205 Ooh, those sound so normal. 347 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,107 That's why we're doing none of them. 348 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,811 We're going to a monster truck rally. 349 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:20,480 Oh. I went yesterday, but I'll go again. 350 00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,983 I don't know. That seems really loud. 351 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,617 What if we did extreme versions 352 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:25,919 of the stuff you already crossed off? 353 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:27,687 Or maybe not extreme at all. 354 00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:28,822 Well, it's your rodeo. 355 00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,457 Yes! A prison rodeo! 356 00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:31,859 My cousin's the head clown. 357 00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:33,260 ADULT ADAM: And with that, 358 00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,462 Erica's special day was gonna be normal. 359 00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:36,629 Kinda. 360 00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:37,865 They hit the spa... 361 00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,132 (RUSSIAN ACCENT) I remove top layer. 362 00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:41,268 Of my skin? 363 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,170 ADULT ADAM: ...they got their makeup done... 364 00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,873 Hot damn! She used every crayon in the box! 365 00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,207 ADULT ADAM: ...and finally, brunch. 366 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,942 Here again? You know it. 367 00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:50,878 They make a kick-ass potato soup. 368 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,880 It's as hearty and thick as the men who make it. 369 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,614 More hit? 370 00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,516 ADULT ADAM: While Erica's special day was a bust, 371 00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:59,019 I enlisted some help squashing my mom's plan 372 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,054 for Non-Athlete Senior Night. 373 00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:02,689 We want you to reverse the cultural changes 374 00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,024 you've made at our school. 375 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,493 Yesterday, I went to lovingly wedgie a band kid, 376 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,028 but I couldn't because he was on the shoulders 377 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,562 of five cheerleaders. 378 00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:11,731 Believe me if it were up to me, that dweeb's underwear 379 00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:14,734 would be gently but hilariously tattered and torn. 380 00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,937 And I've gone two days without someone decorating my locker. 381 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,471 Have I become a nobody? 382 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:19,672 You're always somebody to me. 383 00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:21,074 That means nothing! 384 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,709 None of this makes any sense. 385 00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,677 This morning, that nerd Matt Schernecke 386 00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,679 said hi to me in front of everyone. 387 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:28,581 So embarrassing! 388 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:31,118 If Dave Kim's getting a cupcake from Sydney the cheerleader, 389 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,020 then my cupcake doesn't feel special. 390 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,554 I mean, even though I'm dating Sydney. 391 00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:36,156 Okay, that last argument's kind of convoluted, 392 00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:37,290 but you get it. 393 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,758 I'm persuaded. 394 00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,393 Going back to the old system. 395 00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,362 So, you'll be canceling Non-Athlete Senior Night? 396 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,764 Oh, that I can't do. Your mother was very menacing. 397 00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,267 And she invoked laws I'm too lazy to verify. 398 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,902 But nobody wants it! 399 00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,370 Guys, help me out here. 400 00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:51,905 We don't care about that. 401 00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:53,706 We just want cheerleaders to bake us stuff. 402 00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:56,476 I'm sorry, Mr. Goldberg, fair is fair. 403 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,378 The athletes got their big night, 404 00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,347 the non-athletes get theirs. 405 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,215 ADULT ADAM: Which gave me a crazy idea, 406 00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:05,218 and that meant there was only one person to talk to. 407 00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,719 I need you to turn me into an athlete. 408 00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,388 Are you talking to me or God? 409 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:09,957 'Cause that's a tall order for either of us. 410 00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,658 If I make it onto a sports team, 411 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,227 I won't have to participate in Non-Athlete Senior Night. 412 00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:16,997 Fine! Tell me the sport, I'll make you a legend. 413 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:17,931 Doesn't matter. You pick. 414 00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,399 Well, I'd rule out anything 415 00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,201 that requires a bat, ball, mitt, 416 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:23,603 racket, stick, club, coordination, endurance, desire, 417 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,172 grit, strategy, physical contact, 418 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,573 or a commanding voice for calling signals. 419 00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:27,807 What's left? 420 00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,376 Spring track. In! 421 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,244 What's the minimum I have to do to make the team? 422 00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:32,512 I only know the maximum. 423 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,780 I don't need the maximum. 424 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,248 I just don't want to go to this banquet. 425 00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,650 Whatever the reason, you will be transformed 426 00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,853 from an undersized sack of soft garbage 427 00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,788 into an explosively high-performance 428 00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,256 muscular super jock. 429 00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:44,791 Why exactly are you embracing this challenge 430 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,459 with so much intensity? 431 00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:49,196 To prove to Dad that I am such an elite athlete 432 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,899 that I can even turn the weakest, scrawniest, 433 00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:55,068 and most pathetic among us into Dan Marino. 434 00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:56,870 The Isotoner glove model? 435 00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,005 I didn't know he did sports. 436 00:13:58,138 --> 00:13:59,806 Your training begins now! 437 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,574 I'm gonna need gravity boots and a tractor tire. 438 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,176 Let's go! 439 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,512 (SCOFFS) Here I come, I guess. 440 00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:07,647 ADULT ADAM: While I'd gotten Barry's unbridled help, 441 00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,516 Erica's bridal shower was under way. 442 00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:11,284 There was food... 443 00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:12,719 Wait, are you driving later? 444 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,021 I might be. 445 00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,622 I'd stay away from those. 446 00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:16,856 ADULT ADAM: ...there were games... 447 00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:20,193 Okay, would Geoff rather make out in public, or-- 448 00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:21,661 Whatever the second thing is. 449 00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:22,862 Correct! (LAUGHTER) 450 00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,797 He'd rather die in a house fire. 451 00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,633 ADULT ADAM: ...and, of course, dessert. 452 00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:27,834 (SINGSONG VOICE) Cake time! 453 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,037 Oh, wow, that's big. 454 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,472 Well, it kind of had to be. You'll see. 455 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:33,640 Surprise! (GASPS) 456 00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:34,707 Is it time? 457 00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:35,875 It's so dark and scary in there. 458 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,244 Oh, God. 459 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,012 Erica, you get the first piece. 460 00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,281 Technically the second. I got pretty hungry on the van ride over. 461 00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,482 That's okay, I'm good. 462 00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,851 Why not? Is my boyfriend not hot enough for you? 463 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,853 That's the thing, he's too hot. 464 00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,956 He's sweating all over the frosting. 465 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,191 You should be so lucky as to eat frosting that touched my man. 466 00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,392 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 467 00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:53,693 Knock, knock! Groom in the room! 468 00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,562 It's okay, Geoff. There's nothing to see here. 469 00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,364 Full disclosure, it was gonna be me in the cake, 470 00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:58,698 but with my crippling claustrophobia, 471 00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,067 nobody thought it was a good idea. 472 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,701 The problem isn't who was in my cake. 473 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,903 The problem is that someone was in my cake. 474 00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:06,506 Geez, someone is hard to please. 475 00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:07,874 Look, it's not your fault that you planned something 476 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,509 I intensely hate. 477 00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,111 You just don't know me at all. 478 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,346 ADULT ADAM: While Erica's shower had gone off the tracks, 479 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,683 I was still trying to derail my mom's embarrassing plan. 480 00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:19,552 Schmoop-a-poop, I have our outfits for our big night. 481 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,555 Wow. So much class and pizzazz. 482 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,691 It's a shame neither of us will be wearing those. 483 00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:26,759 As a newly certified high school athlete, 484 00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:28,028 I will not be attending. 485 00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:29,296 That doesn't make any sense. 486 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,930 You're a think-y, not a do-y. 487 00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:32,132 I think-y no more. 488 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,933 I'm a badass jock now, 489 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,902 with all the accoutrements that come with. 490 00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,537 Like these incredibly thin and revealing shorts. 491 00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,107 So you joined a sport? 492 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,409 Not just any sport, track... 493 00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:47,280 A series of athletic contests, running, jumping... the other. 494 00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,349 So, no-can-do on your big public smooch. 495 00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,284 Hmm. 496 00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:52,952 Well, if you put as much energy into that 497 00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:55,422 as you did into depriving me of a moment of thanks, 498 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,390 then you're gonna be the next Carl Lewis. 499 00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,593 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 500 00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:02,929 Can you believe her? 501 00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:05,232 It's actually you I can't believe. 502 00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:06,699 What's that supposed to mean? 503 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:07,800 Your mom. 504 00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:10,237 She sacrifices everything for you kids, 505 00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,405 her time, her life. It's all for you. 506 00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:14,374 Still, she made up an embarrassing event 507 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:15,775 just so I could give her a flower. 508 00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:17,610 Because that's how far she has to go 509 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,412 to get the recognition she deserves. 510 00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:21,314 I guess. 511 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:22,949 No one gets through high school alone. 512 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,918 Everything you did and you achieved, 513 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,920 she was with you every step of the way. 514 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,289 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 515 00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,796 ADULT ADAM: In a bitter twist of fate, my mom had finally gotten 516 00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,465 her Non-Athlete Senior Night, 517 00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,134 but her favorite non-athlete was nowhere to be found. 518 00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:43,470 Now I have to pretend to care about these dorks 519 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,506 who couldn't have gotten off their butts to play a sport. 520 00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:49,809 And yet you came and insisted we sit together. 521 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:55,682 And now, let's meet your Non-Athletic Seniors! 522 00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,385 This fella guided Yearbook through three straight years 523 00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,852 of deadline-meeting publication. 524 00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:03,190 Give it up for Brad Finkelstein! 525 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:04,624 ADULT ADAM: A funny thing happened that night. 526 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,093 People realized that 527 00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:09,096 all the things kids had accomplished off the field 528 00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,397 were also pretty cool. 529 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,066 She anchors the math team and the third chair 530 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,168 in the William Penn orchestra on the oboe. 531 00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:16,969 O-boe she didn't! 532 00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:19,639 Annie Gerwitz! 533 00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:22,008 ADULT ADAM: Yep, it was the night my mom had dreamed of, 534 00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,611 but because I wasn't there, it was just a nightmare. 535 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:27,414 Next, throughout his storied career, 536 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,549 this gentleman put it all out there 537 00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,651 on the floor of the theater! 538 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,086 Adam did theater. 539 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:36,123 His credits span from "Annie" to "Xanadu," 540 00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,457 with two others in between. 541 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:38,691 (VOICE BREAKING) Adam also did "Annie" 542 00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:40,393 and "Xanadu" and two others. 543 00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:43,230 He's a two-time president of the AV club. 544 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,598 Adam was also two-time president of the AV club. 545 00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:49,302 And he made our school's first ever video yearbook. 546 00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:50,470 Adam made whatever that was! 547 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:53,640 Everyone, make some noise... 548 00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:59,379 Mr. Movie, Adam Goldberg! 549 00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,248 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 550 00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:02,415 Yes! 551 00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:06,519 Oh. (LAUGHS) 552 00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,321 ADULT ADAM: Yeah, there was one more good thing 553 00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:09,656 about being a non-athlete. 554 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,691 He's not here. 555 00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:14,294 ADULT ADAM: I knew how to make a dramatic entrance. 556 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,529 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 557 00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:21,501 Thank you. Thank you. 558 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:24,537 But, most of all, Mom, would you please... 559 00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:27,073 Whoa. 560 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,942 I'd just like to thank the greatest, 561 00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,545 most supportive mom in the world. 562 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:34,814 Mom... Yes. 563 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,184 I've got a half-inch-deep thorn in my hand, 564 00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,218 and I don't even feel it. 565 00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:40,687 Sorry, Mom. 566 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:43,290 I realized I didn't get through high school all by myself. 567 00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:45,091 (BREATHES SHARPLY) 568 00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:48,461 My baby cherishes me and puts me on a pedestal! 569 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,263 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Oh! 570 00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:51,431 (BOTH LAUGH) 571 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,300 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 572 00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:56,603 ADULT ADAM: My mom had finally gotten the thing she most wanted. 573 00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,138 Unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for Erica. 574 00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:00,273 You okay? 575 00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:01,841 I've been better. 576 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:02,842 I get it. 577 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:04,744 I'm lucky. 578 00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:08,948 I've got Barry, the JTP, all my camp guys. 579 00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,050 But your friends aren't around when you need them. 580 00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:12,151 And that hurts. 581 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,488 You're very good at knowing how I'm feeling. 582 00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:17,624 That's 'cause I love you. 583 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,492 The worst part is I was mean to your sister 584 00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:21,160 after she tried so hard. 585 00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:23,396 Then maybe I'm not the one you should be talking to. 586 00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,399 Hey. 587 00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:27,900 Joanne, I'm so, so sorry. 588 00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:29,269 (SIGHS) 589 00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:32,372 I'm the one who should be sorry. 590 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:35,375 I throw myself into things and try way too hard, 591 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:38,177 but it's only 'cause I saw a chance to be closer to you. 592 00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:39,912 Really? Duh. 593 00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:42,148 What do you think? I don't want us to be sisters 594 00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:43,783 just because you're marrying my brother. 595 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,619 I want us to be like actual sisters. 596 00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:48,655 I always wanted a sister. 597 00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:50,790 Well, then 598 00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,292 let me start with one more thing I have planned. 599 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,994 Oh, no. I don't need any more activities. 600 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:56,796 Are you sure? 'Cause I think I've learned 601 00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,130 a little more about what you like. 602 00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,668 ADULT ADAM: In that moment, Erica realized 603 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,170 that no matter how far apart your paths may take you, 604 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,573 the most important people in your life 605 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,741 will always be there for you. 606 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,810 Oh, my God! What are you guys doing here? 607 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:12,645 Joanne reminded us how important this is. 608 00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:13,646 So we made it happen. 609 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:18,050 (CHUCKLES) 610 00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,853 ADULT ADAM: Occasionally, someone you never expected steps up 611 00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:23,323 and becomes one of those people who means so much. 612 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,024 (SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) 613 00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:28,661 And sometimes, we realize that they were there all along. 614 00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:34,000 FRIENDS: Oh! 615 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,902 BOTH: Yes! 616 00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:37,937 ADULT ADAM: But either way, as long as you've got your people 617 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,105 by your side... 618 00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,879 you'll be a winner no matter what. 619 00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:54,053 Shopkeep! In addition to wedding dresses, 620 00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:57,023 does this place sell tuxedos for both man and penguin? 621 00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,658 Oh, no. 622 00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:00,393 Oh. There's my guy. 623 00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:01,861 Hi, Barry. Hey, Barry. 624 00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:04,263 My current girlfriend, two former sweethearts, 625 00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:06,599 plus a girl I made out with at a party once? 626 00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:08,535 In my defense, I was sober that day. 627 00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:11,203 This is hilarious, but also... (GAGS) 628 00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:13,272 Oh, my gosh! Look at how red he's getting. 629 00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:14,507 Let's turn this up a notch. 630 00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:16,008 Which one of us is the best kisser? 631 00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:17,877 I-I couldn't possibly... 632 00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:19,078 But I could. (CHUCKLES) 633 00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:22,081 Mama always wins best kisser, 634 00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:23,249 no contest. 635 00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:24,884 C'mon. Let's show 'em how. 636 00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:26,619 This day is so much better than I could have hoped for. (KISSES) 637 00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:28,020 Let me go! Let me go! 638 00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:29,021 No! No!