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ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
I loved Halloween,

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00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:05,353
especially the costumes,

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00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:08,965
and no one made dressing up
more special than my Pops.

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But this was gonna be my
first Halloween without him,

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and things were bound to be
a little different.

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[DOORBELL RINGS]

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♪♪♪♪

8
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The hell is this? It's Halloween.

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Traditionally,
people knock on doors.

10
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They're still doing that?

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Uch.

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MURRAY:
Candy's in the bowl!

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[DOOR CLOSES]Don't touch any Reese's Cups.
They're mine.

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Adam! Dave Kim
and his brother are here!

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I'm clearly not
Dave Kim.

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And I'm definitely not
his brother.

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Yeah, I don't care.
What's with the hat?

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I'm the shy and mousy
love interest,

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Adrian from Rocky.

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And I'm Rocky's corner man,
the gruff but loveable Mickey.

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It'll be more obvious
with Adam as our Rocky Balboa.

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An Italian
throwing punches.

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[CHUCKLES]
There's something new.

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What's this?

25
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I don't remember
the Italian Stallion

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wearing ThunderCatsPJs.

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Sorry, guys, but I have
a tiny tickle in my throat.

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[COUGHS WEAKLY]
Do you hear that?

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Not really.It's there,
and it hurts a ton.

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I thought it was just
a tiny tickle.

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An incredibly painful
tiny tickle.

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This whole thing
is incredibly painful.

33
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I'll take some
peanut butter cups.

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MURRAY: Only one!

35
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If all we have left
are Abba-Zabas,

36
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everyone's in trouble.

37
00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:05,326
So you're not coming to
the Halloween dance?

38
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I should probably just
stay home and heal up,

39
00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:08,938
but eat some candy corn
for me.

40
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Candy corn is ass.

41
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It has a chalky
and waxy texture,

42
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and don't get me started
on its mouthfeel.

43
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How dare you?

44
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It's chewy
and just a bit crumbly,

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and it holds its shape just
enough for a good tooth sink.

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Brea, thoughts?Not really.

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As soon as
you said "mouthfeel,"
I kind of shut down.

48
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At least we drove over here
to hear the news in person.

49
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Perfect 98.6. Gah!

50
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When did you take that?
Where did you take that?

51
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Why are you lying
about throat tickles?

52
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Fine. The truth is

53
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Halloween was a special night
for me and Pops.

54
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I'm just gonna
sit this one out.
No big whoop.

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Of course, Schmoopie.
No whoop at all.

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♪♪♪♪

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This is
a huge [BLEEP] whoop.

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I've got to restore
Adam's Halloween spirit.

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Well, we all have our stuff.

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For example, me,

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I'm gonna go watch a special
Halloween "Night Court."

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And you, you've got to heat up
this four-meat lasagna

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and bring it to me.

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And so my mom did
everything she could

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to get me back in the groove
of my favorite holiday.

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She tried treats. Your favorite!

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Ooey-gooey chocolate chewy
for my Schmooey.

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Nope.

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She tried tricks.

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♪♪♪♪

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[LAUGHS] Mwah.

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Not a chance.

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She even tried...
whatever this was.

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Aah!

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Get it?
It's like in Psycho.

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It is psycho!

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The only thing psycho

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is how broad
your shoulders have gotten.

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You're my little
Iron Man!

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Oh, God!

81
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Just use
the knife already!

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♪♪ I'm twisted up inside

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♪♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say

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♪♪ I don't know the future

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♪♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day

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It was October 27th,
1980-something,

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and my brother Barry was not
exactly in the Halloween mood.

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[ MONSTER MASH
PLAYING THROUGH WALLS]

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Enough Monster Mash!

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We get it! [SIGHS]

91
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Monsters need
to let loose, too!

92
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What's the matter, babe?

93
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You usually
love Halloween.

94
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It's the one day a year your
candy habit seems reasonable.

95
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If I want to get into
the medical school
of my choice,

96
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I have to bear down.

97
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That's so inspiring.

98
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When I'm a lawyer,

99
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I'm gonna handle
all your malpractice suits.

100
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It won't matter
who you kill or disfigure,

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I will always be
right by your side.

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Aww.Yeah, aww.

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Come get your treat,
you nasty trickster.

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Blech. Can you guys
do that somewhere else?

105
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Like, nowhere and never?

106
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And why
would I hide it?

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I'd happily demonstrate
my affection for Joanne

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on the 50-yard line
of the Fiesta Bowl.

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Mm, that's so hot.

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The refs would totally
throw a flag

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for illegal use
of our hands and faces.

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Sure. Love finds a way.

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Hey, Barry, could I get
my popcorn machine back?

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How dare you?

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I need it when I want
to make and eat popcorn.

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No, I understand why
you borrowed it,

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but Erica and I are gonna have
a Halloween movie marathon.

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Blood, guts,
and gore? Fun.

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Nah, Geoff's not really
into that,

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so instead,
we're watching the movies

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of America's goofball
sweetheart, Goldie Hawn.

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In Overboard,she's
a rich lady who gets amnesia

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and ends up shacking up
with Kurt Russell

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and his lousy kids.

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On the silver screen,
it's a romp,

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but in the real world,

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it's kidnapping
and sexual slavery.

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I want this back
first thing tomorrow.

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Again, it's mine. So, what are
you guys doing tonight?

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Barry's studying,

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and I don't really
celebrate Halloween.

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I was briefly a Wiccan,

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and once you dabble
in the occult,

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tonight feels
very amateur.

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Well, we got
the popcorn thingy,
so we should rush out.

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Bye, Joanne. Big Tasty.

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Big Tasty?
Who's that?

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You know.
It's Barry's nickname.

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I do not know.
Since when?

140
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Since forever.

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I've been
crushing the rap game

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with my mad rhymes
and sick flow.

143
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You rap? Wow.

144
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How do you not know this
about me?

145
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Maybe you just haven't
done it in awhile.

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You've been so focused
on medical school.

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It's a good thing.Good thing?

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My own girlfriend
doesn't know

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how dope I am
at spitting lyrics.

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Show me,
show me, show me.

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Give me a topic.
Literally anything.

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That pencil.A-one--

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[RAPPING] ♪♪ This pencil,
It's filled with lead

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♪♪ It's also got wood
Did I mention the lead?

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♪♪ W-What? What? ♪♪

156
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What?

157
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I lost my magic.

158
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We all lose things --
like the time.

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[CHUCKLES]
Would you look at that?

160
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It's --Huh.

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Don't worry.
I liked it, Large Yummy.

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It's Big Tasty.

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While Barry feared he'd lost
his hip-hop superpower,

164
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my mom was hellbent on winning
back my love for Halloween.

165
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Hey! I was kind of
watching that!

166
00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:04,608
Ben, I need your help.No thanks.

167
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:05,392
You don't even know
what it is yet.

168
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:07,263
I get the sense
it involves me, so...

169
00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:08,917
Bevy, don't bother the man.

170
00:05:09,091 --> 00:05:10,832
He's never participated
in life in any way.

171
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Why would he start now?

172
00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:14,183
Eh, let her finish so I can
pretend to consider it.

173
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Adam needs some Halloween
grandpa time.

174
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Hmm. No.

175
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You don't have a choice.
You're doing it.

176
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Oh, this one with
the hair and the ideas.

177
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:23,584
All right,
tell me where to stand.

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Yay, his heart
is full and ready!

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00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:28,415
With that,
my Halloween was back on.

180
00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:30,112
Sort of. Let's just
get this over with.

181
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I don't like
looking like a Canadian.

182
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Also, your cardigan isn't
exactly screaming "scary."

183
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:35,944
You want to know
what's really scary?

184
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:38,076
I had three UTIs this year,
so hustle up.

185
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I'm gonna have to
take a tinkle soon.

186
00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:42,646
And so began the worst
Halloween movie ever.

187
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How am I gonna
murder in this?

188
00:05:44,953 --> 00:05:46,346
My face is so hot.

189
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:47,956
Won't they know
the goalie did it?

190
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:51,220
So he's killing the campers.
Can't say that I blame him.

191
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Sleeping on the ground
like a bunch of schnooks.

192
00:05:53,048 --> 00:05:54,789
And cut!
I think we got it.

193
00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:56,225
Got it?

194
00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:57,618
I haven't stabbed
any horny kids yet.

195
00:05:57,792 --> 00:05:59,402
But you have
killed my spirit.

196
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:00,838
That's a wrap
on Pop-Pop.Really?

197
00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:02,840
I'm here.

198
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:04,102
I'm wearing this thing
that smells like your brother.

199
00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:06,235
No offense, Pop-Pop,
it's just--

200
00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:07,889
It's not the same as doing it
with your other grandpa.

201
00:06:08,063 --> 00:06:09,064
I get it.

202
00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:09,934
I'm sorry.

203
00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:11,936
Ah, don't be.

204
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:13,285
Everybody loved
that guy.

205
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:14,896
A little too smiley
for my taste, but you do you.

206
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:16,506
Thank you
for understanding.

207
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,029
Well, thanks for understanding
you're gonna drive me home.

208
00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:20,031
While I was saddled with
giving Pop-Pop a lift,

209
00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,990
my brother was busy
rounding up help

210
00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:23,644
to bring back Big Tasty.

211
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:24,906
What's the emergency,
Barry?

212
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,429
I was in the middle of
Private Benjamin.

213
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:27,212
A sheltered,
wealthy lady in the army?

214
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,736
Sir, no, sir!

215
00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:31,086
The emergency is
Big Tasty is back!Ha!

216
00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:32,696
And he's got
a million-dollar idea.

217
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:35,307
After hearing Monster Mash
over and over,

218
00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:36,744
it hit me.

219
00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:39,573
There's no surer way
to pop super-stardom

220
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:43,141
than writing and performing
a novelty Halloween hit.

221
00:06:43,315 --> 00:06:45,230
What?Damn right, what?

222
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,536
And all he needs is your help
to come up with

223
00:06:46,710 --> 00:06:47,885
the theme, music,
and lyrics.

224
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:49,147
Isn't that everything?No.

225
00:06:49,321 --> 00:06:51,498
I had the idea
for the idea.

226
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:54,283
Legally, anything that's said
from here on out, I own.

227
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:55,893
What?I got one.

228
00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:57,547
♪♪ We did the bob

229
00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,288
♪♪ We did the apple bob ♪♪

230
00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:01,159
That's just Monster Mash
with different words.

231
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:02,944
Nuh-uh.
It's about apples.

232
00:07:03,118 --> 00:07:05,033
Why is this something
you needed immediately?

233
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:06,643
Aren't you kind of focused
on becoming a doctor?

234
00:07:06,817 --> 00:07:09,037
Why do I have to
just be one thing?

235
00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:11,387
Can't I be
Dr. Big Tasty, MD?

236
00:07:11,561 --> 00:07:13,476
Sure, you can. But I
don't think you're gonna
get a lot of patients.

237
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:14,695
I'll get
all the patients!

238
00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:17,741
Even your
stupid eye patients.

239
00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:20,483
I'll cure their blindness
with my bedside manner

240
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:22,833
and crazy syncopation.What?

241
00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:25,923
Let me clear it up for you.
I need an international smash!

242
00:07:26,097 --> 00:07:28,796
Topic, cobwebs. Go!

243
00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:31,233
I love you, Barry, but I think
you're wasting your time.

244
00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:32,974
And mine.Fine!

245
00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:34,802
But every year
during this time,

246
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,543
you'll have to explain
to your kids,

247
00:07:36,717 --> 00:07:38,545
"I know the guy
who wrote that song,

248
00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:40,068
"but I wouldn't
support him

249
00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:42,549
"by coming up with the idea
and writing it for him!"

250
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,855
While Geoff shot down
Barry's novelty-song dreams,

251
00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:47,336
I was heading into
an All-Hallows nightmare.

252
00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:48,598
Thanks for helping me

253
00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:50,252
lug your mother's
pumpkin bread up here.

254
00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:51,949
They are surprisingly
hard and sharp

255
00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:53,864
for something
supposedly made with love.

256
00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:55,344
I can stick those in the wall
of the john. [CHUCKLES]

257
00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:57,215
No leak's gonna get by
those walnuts.

258
00:07:57,389 --> 00:07:58,869
Welp,
I look forward to the tale

259
00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:00,741
of how these loaves saved
your bathroom at Thanksgiving.

260
00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:01,872
Until then.

261
00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:03,395
Whoa, whoa. Wait.
Where you going?

262
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:04,658
I thought you were
gonna stick around

263
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,573
and help me shoo away
those costumed moochers.

264
00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:07,965
As much fun
as that sounds,

265
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:10,446
I think I'm just gonna
head home, go to bed,

266
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:11,578
and wake up
when Halloween's over.

267
00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:16,147
Oh, son of a bitch!
Someone stole my pumpkin.

268
00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:17,758
Pumpkin?

269
00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:19,107
You don't decorate
for Halloween.

270
00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:20,325
Halloween?

271
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,326
No, I was waiting
for it to ripen

272
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,850
in this nice October air.

273
00:08:23,024 --> 00:08:24,025
That was my special
soup pumpkin.

274
00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:25,766
Soup pumpkin?You're damn right.

275
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,594
It was a rare
albino gourd.

276
00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:29,030
That was
weeks of soup.

277
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:30,510
What am I supposed to
do about it?

278
00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:31,685
You're gonna help me
find the bastard who took it.

279
00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:34,557
Or we go to the supermarket,
and I'll buy you

280
00:08:34,731 --> 00:08:36,516
all the weird-colored
vegetables your heart desires.

281
00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:37,865
And let those bastards win?
No way.

282
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:38,648
We're gonna go right now.

283
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,302
We're Halloweening.

284
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:45,002
It was Halloween,

285
00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:47,091
but instead of the quiet
night at home I wanted,

286
00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:49,790
I was having a garbage time
with Pop-Pop.

287
00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:52,053
I understand we're looking for
a white pumpkin

288
00:08:52,227 --> 00:08:54,055
that will yield you
months of soup,

289
00:08:54,229 --> 00:08:56,057
but why exactly are we
wearing trash bags?

290
00:08:56,231 --> 00:08:57,798
We gotta blend in
with costumes.

291
00:08:57,972 --> 00:08:59,669
This isn't a costume.
It's a Hefty Cinch Sak.

292
00:08:59,843 --> 00:09:01,497
Ooh, Cinch Sak.

293
00:09:01,671 --> 00:09:03,847
Someone's mommy pays for
the good stuff.

294
00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:05,501
Now just ring the doorbell,
ask for candy.

295
00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:06,589
I'll case the house.

296
00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:07,764
That's your plan?

297
00:09:07,938 --> 00:09:10,201
A door-to-door pumpkin search
in trash bags?

298
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:11,768
Look at you
following along, huh?

299
00:09:11,942 --> 00:09:13,204
Now, you got
that sock I gave you?

300
00:09:13,378 --> 00:09:15,032
I threw it away.Threw it away?

301
00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:16,860
That's grocery store
socks. Now where are you
gonna put the candy?

302
00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:18,122
Your foot
was just in there!

303
00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:20,081
Oh, check you,
Prince of Persia,

304
00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:22,039
too good to eat sweets
from my calf-highs.

305
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:23,563
Fine! Just give me
the other one, I guess.

306
00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:24,694
[GROANS]

307
00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:26,000
There.

308
00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:27,784
Oh, God.

309
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:28,872
Why is it damp?

310
00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:29,743
There's a cool mist
in the air.

311
00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:31,658
No, there isn't!

312
00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:33,573
And why is it warm
to the touch?

313
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:34,835
It's like the towel
they give you at Benihana

314
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:36,010
before the meal.

315
00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:37,533
Here we are.
Ding-dong we go.

316
00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:39,796
[DOORBELL RINGS]

317
00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:42,451
Trick or treat,
I guess?

318
00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:44,192
What are you
supposed to be?

319
00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:46,107
The only thing that
makes sense is trash.

320
00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:48,326
Well, happy Halloween.

321
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,415
Yeah, happy for you.
Have you seen this?

322
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,678
A poorly drawn circle?

323
00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:53,114
That's a pumpkin.

324
00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:54,376
I don't like your sass,
Zorro.

325
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,421
I'm clearly a witch.Yeah, I bet you are.

326
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,422
Thank you.

327
00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:02,689
When did you draw
a "missing" sign for
a pumpkin?

328
00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:04,908
Just put the Circus Peanuts
in the hot sock
and keep moving.

329
00:10:05,082 --> 00:10:07,694
And so our painful search
for the pumpkin continued.

330
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:10,131
Come on, already.
Let's knock.

331
00:10:10,305 --> 00:10:12,176
Clearly,
no one's home.

332
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:14,004
They left a bowl out with
a sign that says, "Take one!"

333
00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:15,702
Oh, I guess they didn't
take my pumpkin.

334
00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:17,181
Nobody can be
that stupid.

335
00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:19,096
Look, I'm just gonna roll up
this, uh, Cinch Sak,

336
00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:20,663
and you can dump it all
in there.

337
00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:22,578
And break
the trick-or-treater's code?
No way.

338
00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:23,884
[CHOIR SINGING]Holy butt paper!

339
00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:26,974
Is this Halloween
or Christmas?

340
00:10:27,148 --> 00:10:28,976
Why are you so excited about
a tree full of toilet paper?

341
00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:30,717
That's enough Charmin
to last me two weeks.

342
00:10:30,891 --> 00:10:32,762
That's a remarkably short
amount of time.

343
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,198
Will you stop squawking
and start gathering?

344
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:35,939
Now, shimmy up that branch
and get to the top stuff.

345
00:10:36,113 --> 00:10:37,462
Come on.

346
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,029
As my night took another
crappy turn,

347
00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:41,641
Barry was ready to say
good night to Big Tasty.

348
00:10:41,815 --> 00:10:44,513
[SIGHS]
Farewell, dookie rope.

349
00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,384
You will never gleam
on my jacked neck again.

350
00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:48,822
What are you doing with
your mom's jewelry?Please.

351
00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,562
She would never wear anything
this small and tasteful.

352
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:51,999
[NECKLACE JANGLES]

353
00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:53,653
I'm burying everything
that was Big Tasty.

354
00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:55,176
Rest in piece,
Kangol hat.

355
00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:57,569
You protected my head
full of sick rhymes.

356
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,702
Stop. You can't
throw away who you are.

357
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:01,399
And yet, I am.

358
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:03,401
Adios, Adidas tracksuit.

359
00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:05,229
I'll never rap
or occasionally exercise

360
00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:06,100
in you again.

361
00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:09,756
W-What are you doing?
That's my sad box!

362
00:11:09,930 --> 00:11:12,280
I'm saving Big Tasty.

363
00:11:12,454 --> 00:11:14,717
Now, look."Elvira:
Mistress of the Dark."

364
00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:15,936
Even in
black and white,

365
00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:17,372
she pops off the page,
if you know what I mean.

366
00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:18,982
Oh, I do.

367
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:21,202
And she's appearing tonight
at a mall in New Jersey.

368
00:11:21,376 --> 00:11:23,552
This is a sign.It is!

369
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,510
It's like the Halloween
spirits have come to save me.

370
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:26,990
To save Big Tasty.

371
00:11:27,164 --> 00:11:28,426
Now, you're gonna write

372
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,124
the best Halloween rap
of all time.

373
00:11:30,298 --> 00:11:31,603
She'll hear two bars

374
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:33,301
and sign you
to her spooky record label.

375
00:11:33,475 --> 00:11:35,216
This is
the perfect plan!I know!

376
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:36,391
And we can
take the train there,

377
00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:37,479
'cause I'm
a little bit drunk.

378
00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:38,741
You just
gave me an idea

379
00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:40,700
for the biggest hit single
in Halloween history--

380
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,571
Monster Train.

381
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,486
Next stop, gold record!
[LAUGHS]

382
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:47,228
All we need now
are lyrics, music,

383
00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:48,403
and someone
to arrange it all.

384
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:49,273
Follow me!

385
00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:50,710
Monster Train?

386
00:11:50,884 --> 00:11:52,494
I am 1,000% in.

387
00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:53,930
You're surprisingly
enthusiastic.

388
00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:55,366
May I ask why?

389
00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:57,194
I'm just excited
to hear Elvira's reaction

390
00:11:57,368 --> 00:11:58,543
when you
present her with

391
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,023
your fun and quickly
cobbled together song.

392
00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:01,242
She's in it
for the right reason!

393
00:12:01,416 --> 00:12:02,765
And with that...Thank you.

394
00:12:02,939 --> 00:12:04,985
...Barry set out
to make novelty-music history.

395
00:12:05,159 --> 00:12:06,943
There was howling...A-woo.

396
00:12:07,117 --> 00:12:08,640
Bigger.
More wolf-like.

397
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:10,381
...rewrites...

398
00:12:10,555 --> 00:12:11,731
Wait, why is the witch taking
the train to Transylvania?

399
00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:13,210
Wouldn't she just
ride her broom?

400
00:12:13,384 --> 00:12:15,082
Good note.
We need to establish

401
00:12:15,256 --> 00:12:17,301
the witch
lost her broom license.

402
00:12:17,475 --> 00:12:19,042
...and lots of
train sound effects.Chug-a-chug-a-chug-a.

403
00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:21,784
Whoo! All aboard,
ghouls and ghoulettes.

404
00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:24,004
Everyone stop
and cherish this moment,

405
00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:25,309
'cause tomorrow,

406
00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:27,790
your simple,
pathetic lives are over.

407
00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:29,879
And when it was over,
they had a song.

408
00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:31,402
Sort of.

409
00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:32,969
Remember,
you have to call me

410
00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:34,623
after Elvira hears this.

411
00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:37,147
I need to know what she says
word for word.

412
00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:40,368
You're a good sister.Sure. Word for word.

413
00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,587
While Barry had a ticket
for the "Monster Train,"

414
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,894
my Halloween with Pop-Pop
was off the rails.

415
00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:47,244
Oh-ho-ho!
A tree full of two-ply.

416
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:48,985
Life doesn't get better.

417
00:12:49,159 --> 00:12:50,639
I sincerely
hope it does.

418
00:12:50,813 --> 00:12:52,510
Oh, right, I forgot.

419
00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:55,731
Boy Iacocca here wipes
his tush with cotton candy.

420
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:58,081
Cotton candy?
That seems like a big mess.

421
00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:00,127
I just thought, instead of
your nonstop whining,

422
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:01,998
you might be having
a good time or something.Good time?

423
00:13:02,172 --> 00:13:04,740
No offense, but your hunt
for the Great Albino Pumpkin

424
00:13:04,914 --> 00:13:06,176
couldn't get any worse.

425
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:07,221
[THUNDER RUMBLES]

426
00:13:07,395 --> 00:13:09,571
Oh, damn it!

427
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:11,573
Quick,
scurry under that car!

428
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:14,141
Or how about we can just
jump into this pay phone,

429
00:13:14,315 --> 00:13:15,359
where I can
call my mom?Aah!

430
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:17,971
Oh.

431
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:20,147
[COIN DROPS]

432
00:13:20,321 --> 00:13:21,322
[TELEPHONE RINGS]

433
00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:23,324
Adam!
Oh, thank God.

434
00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:24,804
How did you know
it was me?

435
00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:26,718
It takes
only 13 minutes

436
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:28,155
to get to Pop-Pop's house
and back.

437
00:13:28,329 --> 00:13:29,765
I have been calling
and calling.

438
00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:31,288
Where were you?Here and there.

439
00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:32,637
It's Devil's Night,
Adam.

440
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,465
Every year, six million kids

441
00:13:34,639 --> 00:13:35,902
are abducted
and slaughtered.

442
00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:37,555
That seems high.

443
00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:39,862
You tell that
to my manicurist's
manicurist's son.

444
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:41,385
She doesn't do
her own nails?

445
00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:42,691
She doesn't do
anything anymore

446
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,432
since her son went
trick-or-treating

447
00:13:44,606 --> 00:13:46,913
and sickos
scavenged his head for parts.

448
00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:49,567
They stole his eyes,
nose, and teeth.

449
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:52,048
Now every year,
his costume is the same,

450
00:13:52,222 --> 00:13:54,442
human jack-o'-lantern.

451
00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:55,835
But the rest
of the year,

452
00:13:56,009 --> 00:13:57,053
he works in the way, way back
at Circuit City.

453
00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:58,489
So he's doing it!

454
00:13:58,663 --> 00:13:59,969
Murray,
our baby is safe.

455
00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:02,363
Call the police and tell them
to cancel the APB.

456
00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:04,060
I never really called
in the first place.

457
00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:04,756
So what
are you guys doing?

458
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,410
You know,

459
00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:07,890
harassing homeowners
about a white pumpkin

460
00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:09,370
and scaling
a toilet-paper tree.

461
00:14:09,544 --> 00:14:11,111
A toilet-paper tree?

462
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:13,417
Yeah, it's been basically
the worst Halloween ever.

463
00:14:14,462 --> 00:14:15,419
See ya in a bit.

464
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:20,598
So, the worst ever, huh?

465
00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:21,425
Oh, yeah.

466
00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:23,819
you know
what I mean.

467
00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:24,994
Oh, yeah. Sure, I do.

468
00:14:26,735 --> 00:14:28,911
Well, it looks like
the rain stopped,

469
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:30,739
so let's
get you home.

470
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:32,262
Even worse than
a terrible Halloween

471
00:14:32,436 --> 00:14:34,177
was that I'd hurt Pop-Pop.

472
00:14:34,351 --> 00:14:35,396
There was nothing I could do
to fix it--

473
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:36,876
Wait!
There it is!

474
00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:38,878
Or was there?

475
00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:40,880
[ANGELIC MUSIC PLAYING]

476
00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:42,055
Adam, wait!

477
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:44,622
I don't think
that's mine.

478
00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:46,711
Of course it is!
I'm grabbing it.

479
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,496
No, no.
Uh, Adam! Adam! A-Adam!

480
00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:49,889
What the hell?

481
00:14:50,063 --> 00:14:51,542
You stealing my pumpkin,
old man?!

482
00:14:51,716 --> 00:14:53,370
No, no, no, no, no.That's for my
grandpa's soup!

483
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:54,458
Ow! Whoa!

484
00:14:55,546 --> 00:14:56,504
Ohh. Ahh.

485
00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:58,680
Adam! You okay?

486
00:14:58,854 --> 00:15:00,987
[GROANS]
Not even a little.

487
00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:03,990
As I was down for the count,
Barry was counting on Elvira

488
00:15:04,164 --> 00:15:06,688
to makeMonster Train
a smash hit.

489
00:15:06,862 --> 00:15:07,819
Hello, darlings.

490
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:09,430
Oh, my God.

491
00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:11,780
You're just as spooky
and beautiful as I imagined.

492
00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:13,477
Um, what can I sign
for you?A record deal.

493
00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:16,219
We, of course,
split the gate,

494
00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:18,656
and I own my likeness,
Big Tasty, in perpetuity.

495
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:19,962
You'll find it
quite fair,

496
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:21,703
considering everything
we're bringing to the table.

497
00:15:21,877 --> 00:15:23,923
This is starting to be
a whole thing,

498
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:27,622
and, uh, there's a line going
back to the Waldenbooks, so...

499
00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:29,711
Where's your Mistress
of the Dark boombox, huh?

500
00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:32,409
I don't have
or even know what that is,

501
00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,150
so if you have a song
you want me to hear,

502
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:35,673
you're just gonna
have to perform it.

503
00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:37,023
In front of all these
freaks and wack jobs?

504
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:38,241
You mean my fans?

505
00:15:38,415 --> 00:15:39,808
What he means is,

506
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:42,202
once this crowd of
weirdos and hideous loners

507
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:44,334
starts grooving
to Big Tasty's hot track,

508
00:15:44,508 --> 00:15:45,683
you won't be able
to say no.

509
00:15:45,857 --> 00:15:47,816
I think
you'd be surprised by

510
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:49,513
all the things I've said no to
in my life.

511
00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:51,167
Okay.

512
00:15:51,341 --> 00:15:52,864
Jo-Jo!
Drop a funky beat.

513
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:55,084
[BEAT BOXING]

514
00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:56,999
♪♪ First stop, second stop,
third stop, fourth ♪♪

515
00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:59,523
In that moment,
Big Tasty was back.

516
00:15:59,697 --> 00:16:01,917
He'd dusted off his rhyme
skills for the hottest song

517
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:04,485
about a commuter train
for monsters ever.

518
00:16:04,659 --> 00:16:06,008
He rapped his heart out.

519
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:08,576
There was a verse about
Dracula doing the Jumble

520
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:10,360
and the Wolfman
losing his briefcase.

521
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:12,797
Finally,
his novelty-song mic drop.

522
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,799
♪♪ The tracks wind left,
The tracks wind right

523
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,410
♪♪ Chugga-chugga choo

524
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:17,759
♪♪ This monster train
Will bite! ♪♪

525
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:19,282
[RECORD SCRATCH]And thank you.

526
00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:20,936
Oh, I knew it!

527
00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:23,983
One verse in, and
the sultry vampiress loves it.

528
00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:25,723
I do not.

529
00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:27,290
What?
What's wrong with it, Elvira?

530
00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:30,380
First off, the monster train
is just a train.

531
00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:32,643
With monsters!
Hello?

532
00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,167
Why are they
on the train?

533
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,473
To get to their
monster schools
and businesses downtown.

534
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:38,214
So they live
in the suburbs?

535
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:39,868
Obviously.

536
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,696
Because the city has been
overrun by a bad element.

537
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:43,654
Worse than monsters?

538
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:45,569
Elvira, I can't believe
you're this literal.

539
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,528
More like
Mistress of the Nitpick.

540
00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:49,834
Thank you both for being here
and happy Halloween.

541
00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:53,621
Okay,
you can't give up.

542
00:16:53,795 --> 00:16:55,275
Let's get back in the line

543
00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:56,276
and pretend
to be other people.What's the point?

544
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:57,581
Geoff was right.

545
00:16:57,755 --> 00:16:59,235
This was just
a dumb idea.

546
00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:01,368
No, it's not.Joanne, it's over.

547
00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:03,413
I know it's silly.

548
00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:05,328
I used to think I'd be
so many things in life,

549
00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,896
a rapper, a pro athlete,
a business mogul.

550
00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:09,550
What kind of business?I don't know,

551
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:11,117
and I'm clearly
never gonna find out.

552
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:12,596
They're all just
stupid, childish dreams.

553
00:17:13,945 --> 00:17:15,251
Big Tasty's dead.

554
00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:16,818
Barry...Stop.

555
00:17:16,992 --> 00:17:18,820
You've done enough.

556
00:17:18,994 --> 00:17:20,561
I was supporting you.By making me
look like a fool?

557
00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:21,823
Thanks a lot.

558
00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:23,129
♪♪♪♪

559
00:17:26,871 --> 00:17:29,135
After his Halloween
humiliation at the mall,

560
00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:32,268
my brother Barry drowned his
troubles in an Orange Julius.

561
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,749
Well, if it isn't
my little musical friend.

562
00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:36,316
Please,
I'm not in the mood.

563
00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:38,361
Wait, you eat food
like a real human?

564
00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:39,884
Are you even
a Mistress of the Dark?

565
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,060
Well, occasionally,
I come into the light

566
00:17:41,234 --> 00:17:42,191
for a corn dog.

567
00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:44,280
Everything is wrong.

568
00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:45,847
I don't know
who I am anymore.

569
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:47,675
It's just, I--

570
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:51,722
I started to feel like
I was losing a part of myself,

571
00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:52,941
and the only person
who encouraged me

572
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:54,377
to be that guy again
was my girlfriend.

573
00:17:54,551 --> 00:17:55,552
She sounds pretty great.

574
00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:56,684
She's the best,

575
00:17:56,858 --> 00:17:59,730
but I wasn't
very nice to her.

576
00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:01,297
Well, there's one thing
you can do.

577
00:18:01,471 --> 00:18:03,386
I'm not gonna date you
to make her jealous, Elvira.

578
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,606
Any woman who would be
supportive of you

579
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:07,738
after hearing that song
is worth holding on to.

580
00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:14,832
You are more than
the Mistress of the Dark.

581
00:18:15,006 --> 00:18:16,573
You are the mistress

582
00:18:16,747 --> 00:18:18,445
of insights
into the human heart.

583
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:19,750
Thank you, Elvira.

584
00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:21,187
[SPOOKY ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS]

585
00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:23,667
Thank you,
odd boy in a mall.

586
00:18:28,281 --> 00:18:29,412
Hey.

587
00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:31,197
Hey.

588
00:18:31,371 --> 00:18:33,416
Bar, I'm sorry--Stop.

589
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,157
You've got nothing
to be sorry for.

590
00:18:35,331 --> 00:18:37,333
I was afraid of
losing Big Tasty,

591
00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:38,987
and you were the only one
who cared enough

592
00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:40,858
to make sure I didn't.

593
00:18:41,032 --> 00:18:43,165
I would never let
Big Tasty die.

594
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:44,514
He's a part of you.

595
00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:47,778
And I promise to support
all your crazy dreams, too.

596
00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:50,129
Good, because I got
a lot of them.

597
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,479
Like, way too many.

598
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:56,091
My rap name is
MC Joanne Rebecca Schwartz.

599
00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:58,049
You rap?I don't know,

600
00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:00,791
but I feel like I can
do anything with you.

601
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:02,924
Me too.

602
00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:06,449
While Barry realized that
he had something

603
00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:08,321
more special than
a Halloween hit,

604
00:19:08,495 --> 00:19:10,627
I was still recovering
fromgetting hit.

605
00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:12,194
Oh, no.
What happened?

606
00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:13,369
I just
got clocked in the face

607
00:19:13,543 --> 00:19:14,849
with Pop-Pop's
albino pumpkin.

608
00:19:15,023 --> 00:19:16,285
Get over here.

609
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:17,417
Yeah, well, uh,
here's the thing,

610
00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:19,070
it wasn't my pumpkin.

611
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:21,116
I never had
a pumpkin.

612
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:22,422
I made
the whole thing up.

613
00:19:22,596 --> 00:19:24,902
Ben, what did you do?

614
00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:26,382
I was just trying
to give the kid a Halloween

615
00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:28,341
like his other grandpa
used to.

616
00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:30,734
So the trash bags
and the going door-to-door?

617
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,301
Eh, it was
the closest I could get

618
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:33,737
to tricks, treats,
and whatnot.

619
00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:34,738
But like you said,
it was horrible.

620
00:19:34,912 --> 00:19:36,392
It wasn't great.

621
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,525
But you tried.

622
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,396
Yeah, and I screwed it up.
That's what I do.

623
00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:41,484
It's true,

624
00:19:41,658 --> 00:19:43,660
what Pops and I had
was special.

625
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:45,271
But, trust me,

626
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:46,750
this is a night
I'll never forget.

627
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:51,407
Well, you might, after taking
that whack to your noggin,

628
00:19:51,581 --> 00:19:53,757
but, uh, I'll remember
for both of us.

629
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:57,935
[CHUCKLES]

630
00:19:58,109 --> 00:20:00,286
Grandpa-grandson
Halloween love is real.

631
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:02,026
Oh, this one,
blubbering over nothing.

632
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,420
It's not nothing.Ahh.

633
00:20:04,594 --> 00:20:06,117
♪♪ They did the monster mash ♪♪

634
00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:07,684
Oh! Mama's coming in
for the candy pile.

635
00:20:07,858 --> 00:20:09,120
Oh!Yeah.

636
00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:11,079
♪♪ It was a graveyard smash ♪♪

637
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:11,732
Turns out,
there's nothing like
a Halloween adventure

638
00:20:11,906 --> 00:20:12,776
to bring people together.

639
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,693
And it doesn't matter
if you don't believe

640
00:20:16,867 --> 00:20:18,217
in ghosts and monsters,

641
00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:19,392
as long as you believe
in each other.Yes!

642
00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:24,092
Sure, no one can fill
the shoes of the people
we've lost...

643
00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:26,529
You're feeling better!

644
00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:27,835
And your costume
looks amazing!

645
00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:29,445
Your black eye
is so authentic.

646
00:20:29,619 --> 00:20:30,707
Pop-Pop helped me
with it.

647
00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:32,405
...but then again,

648
00:20:32,579 --> 00:20:34,711
sometimes new people help us
carry on old traditions.

649
00:20:34,885 --> 00:20:36,409
Nice.

650
00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:38,585
♪♪ First stop, second stop,
Third stop, fourth

651
00:20:38,759 --> 00:20:39,586
♪♪ Tracks run left ♪♪

652
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,588
Especially the ones who
wouldn't dare give up.

653
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,549
Trick or treat!

654
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:47,768
Who are you
supposed to be?

655
00:20:47,942 --> 00:20:49,335
Girls holding pillowcases?

656
00:20:49,509 --> 00:20:51,032
No, you have to
have a costume.

657
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:53,252
Fine. I'm her and she's me.

658
00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:55,732
You know, our dog walker's
termite specialist

659
00:20:55,906 --> 00:20:58,518
had a daughter who was
full of sassafras.

660
00:20:58,692 --> 00:21:00,955
One Halloween,
a wayward jellybean

661
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:02,783
lodged in her ear canal.

662
00:21:02,957 --> 00:21:04,350
She lost her hearing,
her balance,

663
00:21:04,524 --> 00:21:06,221
then while scuba diving,

664
00:21:06,395 --> 00:21:08,049
she couldn't tell
which way was up

665
00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:11,357
and started going
deeper and deeper down.

666
00:21:11,531 --> 00:21:14,577
The pressure crushed her bones
like a soda can.

667
00:21:14,751 --> 00:21:18,102
Now she works at an arcade,
making change with her mouth.

668
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:19,843
Any Smarties?Just take one.

669
00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:21,845
[BOTH SCREAM]

670
00:21:23,456 --> 00:21:24,457
Happy Halloween!

671
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:27,895
Ooh.

672
00:21:28,069 --> 00:21:28,852
♪♪♪♪