1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,070 ADULT ADAM: Ah, Mother's Day. 2 00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,337 For most families, 3 00:00:03,371 --> 00:00:05,073 all you'd have to do is make breakfast in bed, 4 00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:06,740 but for the Goldbergs, 5 00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:09,009 "Smother's Day" was the most dreaded holiday of the year. 6 00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:11,445 It was a 24-hour, nonstop snuggle fest 7 00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:12,946 that got worse as we got older. 8 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:15,483 Oh, my God, what is this disgusting glop? 9 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,985 My one-way ticket out of Mother's Day, sucka. 10 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,654 Oh, balls! Oh, balls! I completely forgot! 11 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:21,989 How could you forget? 12 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,457 It's the worst day of our year, 13 00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:25,025 but it's on display forever! 14 00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:27,328 ADULT ADAM: Behold the Goldberg mantel of shame. 15 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,630 (OMINOUS CHORDS STRIKING) 16 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,467 I know. As the baby, 17 00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:34,968 I'm the one who gets the worst of it! 18 00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:37,438 Or have you forgotten this? 19 00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:39,707 This...actually...happened. 20 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,009 Yeah, in a house full of messed up photos, 21 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,511 that is for sure the worst. 22 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,878 Please, let me join in on your breakfast! 23 00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,847 Here, I can make toast! Already did. 24 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,616 No! That's all I'm capable of! 25 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:52,019 Oh! There she is! 26 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,188 Guess what special day it is, pretty lady? 27 00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:55,956 Happy Mother's Day! 28 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,226 It's Mother's Day! For me! 29 00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,060 Look what I alone made for you! 30 00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:03,164 Aww, my Sugartush charred me a Belgian waffle 31 00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:04,865 and put a poison flower on top. 32 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,735 I woke up at dawn just to make everything right 33 00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,470 for my wonderful mama-bear! 34 00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,905 Aw, Schmoo. Go back to bed. 35 00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,974 Please, no! I mean, 36 00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:15,809 we need him for your Mother's Day photo session. 37 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,111 Oh, my day will be plenty special 38 00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:18,212 with just you and Erica. 39 00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:20,314 (COUGHS) Ugh... 40 00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:21,815 (CONGESTED) Happy Mother's Day. 41 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:24,852 Sorry, but so much sinus pressure. 42 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,488 Oh, no! Your cold got worse. 43 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:30,023 Aw, come on! She's clearly faking! 44 00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,992 Shame on you, Adam! 45 00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:34,195 For the past week, I have been closely monitoring 46 00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:37,198 Erica's cough, sniffles, sore throat, 47 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,700 sour tummy, and uncontrollable eye twitch. 48 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:42,170 See? It does it on its own 'cause it's real. 49 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,405 Aw. Well, I'll go put some blankets on the couch 50 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,906 so you can lie down and watch TV. 51 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,543 Yay! (CHUCKLES) 52 00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:50,744 (IN NORMAL VOICE) And that's how you get out 53 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:51,945 of honoring your mother. 54 00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:53,514 That's right. For weeks, 55 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,883 I've been planting seeds of worry. 56 00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:58,186 A tiny cough here, a body ache there, 57 00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:01,722 every day a calculated move leading to this very moment. 58 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,224 Bastard genius! 59 00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,593 Okay, I built a nest for Erica on the couch 60 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,795 and I ran Barry's blanket through the dryer. 61 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,963 Time for our big photo op, Adam! 62 00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,699 Get your smile muscles ready! 63 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,467 Ugh, fine! I guess I'll be the one 64 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:15,603 who spends Mother's Day with his mother. 65 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:16,870 Yay! 66 00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,105 Let's just make it super fast 67 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,107 'cause I got big plans today with Dave Kim. 68 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,276 Plans? What plans? "Willow"! 69 00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:25,579 It's George Lucas' blockbuster follow-up to "Star Wars"! 70 00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:27,381 (CONGESTED) Wow, it's like super selfish 71 00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:29,383 to pick some movie over your mom. 72 00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:30,718 I don't even know what to say. 73 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,819 I do. 74 00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,421 You're a bad son. Gah! 75 00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:35,756 Let's just go and take these photos super fast 76 00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,391 'cause "Willow"! Yay! 77 00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:38,992 It's Mother's Day. 78 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:41,161 ** 79 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,634 * I'm twisted up inside * 80 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,803 * But nonetheless I feel the need to say * 81 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:53,941 * I don't know the future * 82 00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:57,845 * But the past keeps getting clearer every day * 83 00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,113 ADULT ADAM: It was May 1st, 1980-something, 84 00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,782 and we were spending some quality time 85 00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:04,151 with our dad and David Hasselhoff. 86 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,587 Whoa, wait! 87 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,155 You guys are watching "Knight Rider" 88 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,323 and didn't even invite me? 89 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:10,458 Scootch! 90 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,260 You scootch. I'm already here. 91 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:13,761 That's the best spot on the couch 92 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,162 and I'm sick of you always hogging it. 93 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,431 Damn it! I can't hear the snooty car talk. 94 00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:19,166 Either sit down, or get out. 95 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,134 Of course you take Erica's side. 96 00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:24,037 Once again, the forgotten middle child gets screwed! 97 00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:25,339 Aw, not this crap. 98 00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:27,007 Here we go again with your crazy 99 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,676 middle child conspiracy theories. 100 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,478 Crazy real! 101 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:33,013 You're constantly boned when you're the middle child. 102 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,948 I get the bad spot on the couch, 103 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,017 the runty piece of pizza, 104 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,819 even your crappy hand-me-downs. 105 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,288 You do not! 106 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,523 Dad made me wear your "My Little Pony" overalls 107 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:43,624 'til I was nine! 108 00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:44,992 It's 'cause Dad's cheap, 109 00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,560 not 'cause you're the middle child. 110 00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:47,728 Also 'cause it was funny. 111 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:48,862 That right? 112 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,964 Well, I cannot wait to move to college 113 00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,500 so I can be born anew 114 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:55,235 and live free as a non-middle child! 115 00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,505 (GROANS) Just take my stupid spot on the couch. 116 00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:00,808 ADULT ADAM: For a middle child, getting the couch was an epic triumph, 117 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:03,477 though what happened next was Barry's first real win. 118 00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:04,545 Stop your cross-fire! 119 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,046 Everyone focus on Barry! 120 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,682 Look, a thick-ass envelope from Penn. 121 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,818 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Thick from Penn? 122 00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:11,885 You know it. 123 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,186 I'm gonna rip the ass out of this envelope. 124 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,322 Yeah, go. (PAPER RIPS) 125 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,889 Rip out the ass. Rip it but good. 126 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,758 Boom! Barry did it! 127 00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,192 Barry got in! 128 00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:21,729 Everyone wants Barry! MURRAY: Whoo-hoo! 129 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:22,963 That makes three colleges! 130 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,732 But this is the one, baby! 131 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,835 Best pre-med program on the East Coast. 132 00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:28,902 The best! 133 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,704 Screw you, garbage safety schools 134 00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:32,072 Ithaca and Bucknell. 135 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,074 (CHUCKLES) You're garbage. We don't need you now. 136 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,343 (LAUGHS) Did I get any mail? 137 00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:36,944 Classic. 138 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:40,047 'Cause I just some crazy-good mail, now you want some? 139 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,716 Well, you're not gonna middle child me this time, 140 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:43,884 'cause I'm going to-- 141 00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,753 Going to Penn! BOTH: What?! 142 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,888 Geoff, I did it! I got in! Yes! 143 00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:49,357 Wait, when did you apply to Penn? 144 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,791 Yeah. (CHUCKLES) 145 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,893 So many questions. How? Why? 146 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,363 No. And when? Also no! 147 00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,597 MURRAY: Peanut, you did it! 148 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,798 How is this even happening? 149 00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,600 Well, it was a hard year, 150 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,370 and once my band was causing me more stress than joy, 151 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:03,437 Geoff made me realize 152 00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:04,905 that I really needed some direction. 153 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,774 All I did was get her transcripts, 154 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,075 fill out the applications, 155 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,977 and then cash in my Bar Mitzvah bonds to cover the fees. 156 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,579 I always liked this kid. 157 00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,113 (MURRAY LAUGHS) 158 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,815 No! No! No! 159 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,249 Dad, check it out. 160 00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,985 This weekend, there's an orientation event 161 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,153 at this swanky-ass house in Chestnut Hill. 162 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,923 That's my swanky-ass orientation event. 163 00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,324 Yeah, that's great, pal, 164 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,960 but this Erica news is the best. The best! 165 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:29,763 This is my special moment, and she stole it! 166 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:31,765 Once again, the middle child gets screwed. 167 00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:34,768 I demand you call me peanut and twirl me, damn it! 168 00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,169 Don't touch my body. 169 00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,506 Absolutely not! Ah, my back! 170 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,307 Let's roll, boopie. 171 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,976 So, that's the end of that? We good? 172 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,311 We're great. 173 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,680 Just look at all the stuff our faces are on! 174 00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:49,282 Mugs, keychain, welcome mat, 175 00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:51,519 blankie, car seat cover, 176 00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:52,853 (BABY TALK) baby bib, 177 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,488 (NORMAL VOICE) beach towel! 178 00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:56,089 Why would I want a towel of us? 179 00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:59,092 Uh, so when you're at the beach or getting out of the shower, 180 00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:01,128 you can remember who loves you most? 181 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,963 And here I thought it was weird. 182 00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,197 Doesn't matter, I'm off to go see "Willow." 183 00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,766 Ta! No "ta"! 184 00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,602 I made us reservations for brunch and Flamenco lessons 185 00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:10,270 and a couple's foot soak. 186 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:12,640 While that all sounds fun and also gross, 187 00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:14,608 you promised I could go see "Willow." 188 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:15,943 I didn't promise "Willow." 189 00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:18,512 You want "Willow," but I think we both know 190 00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:20,814 there will be no "Willows" of any kind today. 191 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:21,982 You don't understand. 192 00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,651 "Willow" is the most important movie 193 00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:25,152 in a generation. 194 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,154 And I'm the most important mom in a generation! 195 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,321 Mom trumps "Willow." 196 00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,790 It really doesn't! 197 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:31,859 In 30 years, people will talk about 198 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,194 how the "Willow" trilogy changed their lives. 199 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,363 No! No "Willow" for you, I mean it! 200 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,232 I get one Mother's Day a year and I'm taking it. 201 00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:41,502 This is what I get for being nice to you 202 00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,670 almost the whole morning? 203 00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:45,038 Okay! That's it! No "Willow" for you ever! 204 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,674 You can't just forbid me from "Willow" 205 00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,341 for the rest of my life! I just did. 206 00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,210 Gah! I hate you! 207 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,279 (OMINOUS CHORD STRIKES) 208 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,848 I see. 209 00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:57,718 Okay, then. 210 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,855 Go. Enjoy your movie. 211 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:04,257 Thank you! (SCOFFS) 212 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:07,060 ** 213 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,829 These don't fit. I need a refund. 214 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:12,032 ADULT ADAM: And so I ditched my mom on Mother's Day to see "Willow." 215 00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,601 And when it was over... 216 00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,268 I had seen "Willow." 217 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,037 ADAM: "Willow"! DAVE: "Willow"! 218 00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,438 And Val Kilmer! 219 00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,608 Val Kilmer was totally in the movie! 220 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:23,043 He was, wasn't he? 221 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,344 Wow. 222 00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:26,514 Aw. Aw, man. 223 00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:27,715 Everything okay? 224 00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:29,282 I kind of went to the mat on this "Willow" thing 225 00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:30,684 with my mom. How so? 226 00:07:30,718 --> 00:07:32,620 Well, she said, "No 'Willow'." 227 00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:35,756 And then I got very emotional, cause, you know, "Willow." 228 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,090 So I said, "Yes 'Willow'," 229 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:39,259 and then she said, "No 'Willow'," again, 230 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,961 and then I said I hate her. 231 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:44,297 You told your mom you hate her on Mother's Day? 232 00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,766 Mistakes were made, Dave Kim! 233 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:46,900 But for "Willow"? 234 00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:49,469 I didn't know "Willow" was "Willow" at the time. 235 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,804 That's really not cool, bro! 236 00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:51,972 I know, Dave Kim! 237 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,774 You better make it up to your mom, bro! 238 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,442 (SIGHS) I know, Dave Kim. 239 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,044 But I blame "Willow." 240 00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,979 I told you not to touch my body. 241 00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,214 Okay. I can see you're mad, 242 00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:04,051 but for the record, this whole thing could have been avoided 243 00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,554 if you just cried tears of joy and twirled me. 244 00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,121 Just get me more ice, moron! 245 00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,323 You heard him, Geoff. I did. 246 00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:12,793 Dude, why are you freaking out just 'cause I got into Penn? 247 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,962 'Cause college is supposed to be the place 248 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,130 where I finally break free from your hateful shadow! 249 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,932 I mean it, you're not going. 250 00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:21,268 I got a letter that says otherwise. And a father. 251 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,770 Quiet, broken couch dad! 252 00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:25,172 Dude, 6,000 kids go to Penn. 253 00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,340 Trust me, the last person I'll be hanging with is you. 254 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,076 Stop talking like you're going there! 255 00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:31,278 You may get first choice at everything else, 256 00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:32,913 but you will not take my college! 257 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,749 Mark my words. This will not stand. 258 00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:38,786 This...will... not...stand. 259 00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,520 You know what else won't stand, moron? 260 00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:42,522 Me! Where's my ice?! 261 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,792 GEOFF: I'm so sorry! I couldn't find a proper baggy! 262 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:46,159 Oh! Ugh! 263 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,328 I knew that hug was a mistake. 264 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,529 You can't take it back, it already happened. 265 00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:52,966 ADAM: Happy Mother's Day. 266 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,034 What's this? 267 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,003 I know we had a little dust-up earlier, 268 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,572 but I just want to move on and cap off the day 269 00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:00,808 with a little something special for me Madre. 270 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,042 Appreciate that. Thanks. 271 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,844 Well, happy we cleared the air 272 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,545 and this whole thing is done. 273 00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:06,680 Oh, it's done, all right. 274 00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,015 What's that supposed to mean? 275 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:12,185 My children have always gone to extreme lengths to avoid me. 276 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,855 Erica's been pretending to cough for six weeks 277 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,957 and Barry spent $100 on groceries 278 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,225 just to get out of today. 279 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:21,328 You know about that? Of course. 280 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:25,498 But I didn't mind 'cause my special baby still loved me. 281 00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:28,168 But then my baby said "I hate you." 282 00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,569 On Mother's Day. 283 00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:31,639 I see this is gonna be a whole thing. 284 00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,974 Not a thing. I'm done. 285 00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:36,009 Come on, I said I was sorry. 286 00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,310 If you can't just move on, 287 00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:39,379 that's on you! Be done! 288 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,815 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) 289 00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,083 (MUSIC SLOWS, STOPS) 290 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:45,753 For clarity's sake, when you say "done," 291 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,721 what exactly does that mean? 292 00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:49,389 It means I'm done. 293 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,024 Whatever! I don't care! Be done! 294 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,694 (MUSIC RESUMES, SLOWS, STOPS) 295 00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,562 It's just that "done" can cover 296 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,799 such a wide spectrum of changes to a relationship, 297 00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:01,635 so if you could just add some specifics. Sure. 298 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,203 Specifically, I'm done. 299 00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,272 Done with what? Being snuggly and nice? 300 00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:06,774 Is that the threat? 301 00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:09,877 'Cause lemme tell ya, that'd be delightful! 302 00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,511 (MUSIC RESUMES, SLOWS, STOPS) 303 00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,681 I'm your child! You can't be done with me! 304 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,548 And yet I am. No way! 305 00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,250 Not buying it! You'll never be done! 306 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,919 'Cause you're obsessed with me, lady! 307 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,754 (MUSIC RESUMES, SLOWS, STOPS) 308 00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,923 Honestly, I don't give a hoot you're done. 309 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,224 But-- (CHUCKLES) 310 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:25,893 Just for kicks, tell me how to fix it. 311 00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:28,095 You want to fix it? Then go back in time 312 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,863 to when you were the little squish 313 00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,132 who was over the moon to spend Mother's Day with me. 314 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:34,868 And until then, I'm done. 315 00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,269 ADULT ADAM: Despite the Mom rage, 316 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,471 we all know there's no way Beverly Goldberg 317 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:41,041 would ever be done with her Schmoo. Ever. 318 00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,342 Yep. Won't happen. 319 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,576 She's not coming back. 320 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:44,912 ADULT ADAM: Oh, balls. 321 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,982 Mother's Day was finally over, and I was looking forward 322 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,918 to life in a smother-free house. 323 00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:53,286 Mornin', Sunshine. Morning? 324 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,655 Looks like Mom's still mad and didn't make breakfast. 325 00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,057 But joke's on her 326 00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,492 'cause we got Nintendo Cereal System! 327 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,561 Kiddo? Aren't you supposed to be at school? 328 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:02,763 Nah, it's only-- 329 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:05,632 11:30?! Balls! 330 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:06,767 Nobody woke me up! 331 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,235 Well, don't you have an alarm clock? 332 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,737 I don't need one 'cause Mom always -- 333 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:10,904 Oh. 334 00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:12,773 Balls. Balls! Balls! 335 00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:13,841 (SCHOOL BELL RINGS) 336 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:16,409 Dude, you missed our English lit presentation. 337 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,178 I overslept 'cause my mom didn't wake me. 338 00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:19,412 Don't you have an alarm clock? 339 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:21,949 Why does everyone keep harping on this clock thing? 340 00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,784 You don't need one when you have a loving mother! 341 00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:25,753 Who are you looking at right now? You! 342 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:27,487 No, you're looking at the water fountain. 343 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,823 Aw, crap! My mom also reminds me 344 00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:31,191 to put on my glasses before I leave 345 00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:32,993 and now my lazy eye is activated! 346 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,694 My God. Out of all the days, 347 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,129 why wasn't your mom there this morning? 348 00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:37,965 'Cause she's done, Dave Kim! 349 00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,632 Done? W-W-What does that mean? 350 00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:42,502 I don't know, but it's starting to seem really bad. 351 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,871 Hey, babe. Ugh. 352 00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,205 It's still weird that you two are a thing. 353 00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:46,974 Hells yeah we are. (CHUCKLES) 354 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,176 (SMOOCHING) 355 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,812 Um, your friend is totally watching us. 356 00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,146 No! I turned my head. 357 00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,714 My lazy eye is still on you. 358 00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,216 You're a freaky little guy, huh? 359 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,285 I'm just gonna walk away entirely. 360 00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,888 ADULT ADAM: As the reality of my mom being done set in, 361 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,756 Barry was dead-set on proving 362 00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,992 he should be the only Goldberg to go to Penn. 363 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:07,460 No! It was time for the tired baker man 364 00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:08,796 to make the donuts. 365 00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,530 I like him 'cause he's miserable like me. 366 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,934 I will not leave until you hear my airtight presentation 367 00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,203 of why I should be the one who goes to Penn. 368 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,404 Really, dude? 369 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,306 Geoffrey, wheel in the presentation cart. 370 00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:22,876 (FANFARE PLAYS, WHEELS SQUEAKING) 371 00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,211 Don't need a presentation. 372 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,046 You both can go to the damn college. 373 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,580 Just let the dumbass do his thing 374 00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:28,748 and then he'll go away. 375 00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:30,818 This will only take 80 minutes of your time. 376 00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:33,020 It includes a speech, slideshow, 377 00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,888 rap interlude, Q&A, 378 00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,556 intermission with kosher salami, 379 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,859 followed by an elegant closing ceremony, 380 00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,861 and surprise T-shirt giveaway. 381 00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,362 They're all men's mediums. 382 00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,531 Once I'm done, our dad will be able to choose 383 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,566 without question 384 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,735 which one of us should go to Penn. 385 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,070 Erica. What? 386 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,705 I choose Erica. But I didn't even start. 387 00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,908 Moron, you got into other schools. 388 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,509 The only choice this girl has 389 00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,678 is that couch or that college. 390 00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:00,680 So it's Erica. Yeah, I don't want to step in, 391 00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:02,182 but I think he chose Erica. 392 00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:03,616 How did you even get into Penn? 393 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,518 You flunked out of stupid music college! 394 00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:06,753 I told them that after high school, 395 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,922 I took a long-ass "music sabbatical." 396 00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,623 They ate that up. Dummies. 397 00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,125 I feel good about my choice. 398 00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,794 Erica! I chose Erica! 399 00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,596 Erica, Erica, Erica. 400 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,098 You think you've won, don't you? 401 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,100 I do. 'Cause I did. 402 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,734 'Cause he said Erica, like, ten times. 403 00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:24,204 Hear me now, believe me later. 404 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,573 I'll do whatever it takes to win. 405 00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,608 I will not eat. I will not sleep. 406 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,410 I mean, I might do both, 407 00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:31,644 'cause without them, I'll die. 408 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:34,014 But you will not go to Penn. 409 00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:35,782 So no more presentation? 410 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,284 I stayed up all night preparing slides 411 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,052 and getting ready for the closing ceremony. 412 00:13:39,086 --> 00:13:41,621 Forget the scarf dance, Geoff! 413 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,091 ADULT ADAM: Even though Barry lost out on his top college, 414 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,293 I was ready to admit that I didn't want to lose my mom. 415 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,760 Hey, Pops. Mom home? 416 00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:49,129 No, now that the rain stopped, 417 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,364 she went to Gimbels to return the umbrella. 418 00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:52,732 She leave any messages for me? 419 00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:55,002 Yeah, she did. I wrote it down. 420 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:01,641 "I'm done." 421 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,143 Unbelievable! 422 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,946 She really is done and it's taking its toll on me! 423 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,248 Kiddo, just tell her you're sorry. 424 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,350 I tried, but nothing works. 425 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,719 This morning, I asked her if she wanted to take a bite of my neck meat, 426 00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,054 and you know what she said? 427 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,189 "Nah, man." She called me "man," man! 428 00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,624 That is bad. 429 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,326 There's gotta be some way to fix this. 430 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,928 Yeah, she said to go back in time 431 00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,262 and be the sweet little boy 432 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:23,663 that loved her more than anything. 433 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,332 ADULT ADAM: And then it hit me. 434 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,968 Sears...Photo...Session. 435 00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,403 Wait! That's it! I know exactly what to do! 436 00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,240 Boom! (LAUGHS) 437 00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:36,043 Hey, kid, I... I don't think this is the answer. 438 00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:38,678 I've never been more confident of anything in my whole life. 439 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,213 You really shouldn't be. 440 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:42,049 All right, let's get to work... 441 00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,516 Uh, whoa! 442 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:46,053 You don't happen to have an oversized lollipop, do you? 443 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,320 Yeah, I can't take this photo. 444 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:48,521 Just take the photo. 445 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,789 Just shoot it, dude! 446 00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,591 Look, I don't know why an old man wants this photo, 447 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,360 but I'm thinking I shouldn't be a part of it. 448 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,995 It's not for me! 449 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,896 Trust me, there's nothing weird about it. 450 00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,966 It's for my mom. Not helping! 451 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,768 ADULT ADAM: While I was trying to re-create my mom's favorite photo, 452 00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,103 Barry was trying to destroy 453 00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,372 Erica's college orientation event. 454 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,340 And those are just some of the wonderful aspects 455 00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,875 of campus life. 456 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,377 Let's open this up for questions. Yes. 457 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,212 When do people declare a major? 458 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,347 Query! Let's say a certain applicant 459 00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:17,350 lied to admissions about flunking out of music college. 460 00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,885 Would Penn wanna know about it? 461 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,820 That's an extremely specific question, 462 00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,422 but I guess we'd look into it. 463 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:23,923 Now, about declaring a major... 464 00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:26,393 Would it also be concerning if another applicant 465 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,695 was so selfish that he'd jeopardize his sister's future, 466 00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:30,430 and also once he pooped on the bus? 467 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,099 Another very specific question. 468 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,800 I think I misheard you. What happened on the bus? 469 00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,668 I can speak to that hypothetical 470 00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,537 and assure you that only happened 471 00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,872 'cause the facilities at Colonial Williamsburg 472 00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:41,274 were inadequate. 473 00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,443 Would the school also reconsider an applicant 474 00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:44,944 because he challenged a horse to a fight 475 00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,646 on more than one occasion? 476 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:49,749 Or is that the kind of passionate individual 477 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,218 Penn is looking for? 478 00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:52,652 No. Definitely not. 479 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,787 Should the university be aware 480 00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:57,290 that a certain student once sling-shotted 481 00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,559 her training bra at Donnie Wahlberg 482 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:00,893 at a New Kids concert? 483 00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:02,695 Should the university also be aware 484 00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,564 that another certain student practiced kissing 485 00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:06,099 on a Miss Piggy puppet? 486 00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:09,769 Hey! The university must know the facts! 487 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,605 You accepted an incoming freshman 488 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,641 who was busted in kindergarten 489 00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,043 for eating paste. 490 00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,144 How dare you?! 491 00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,545 And it had glitter in it. 492 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:22,315 Regardless, you accepted a student who will ruin my life! 493 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,251 Okay. Um, I'm thinking this, uh, Q&A 494 00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,685 got a tad off topic. 495 00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:27,587 I'm not ruining your life! 496 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,822 I'm just trying to turn mine around! 497 00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,758 You think it sucks being the middle child? 498 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,326 Well, try being the oldest! 499 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,727 My whole life, 500 00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:37,430 Mom and Dad have held me up to some unrealistic standard 501 00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:39,466 that I will never live up to! 502 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,102 So, instead of hating me for always being second, 503 00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:43,836 how about you thank me, 504 00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,005 because I would give anything to be in your shoes! 505 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,508 Penn's all yours. 506 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,177 But just so you know, 507 00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,912 I was excited to go to college with you. 508 00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,781 I thought it'd be fun. 509 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,349 ** 510 00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,752 ADULT ADAM: After Mother's Day, my mom was done. 511 00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:00,987 And I had the way to undo it. 512 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,655 Beverly. A moment of your time? 513 00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,258 Okay. According to you, 514 00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:07,494 there's one way to undo you being done, 515 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,862 which is to go back to being the little boy 516 00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,464 who loved you so much. 517 00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,633 I think we both know that's not possible, Adam. 518 00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:15,034 Or is it? 519 00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:16,203 (GASPS) 520 00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,505 What the (BLEEP) is that, man?! 521 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,440 You wanted me to go back in the time machine? 522 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,075 Well, I did it! I'm back, baby! 523 00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:24,177 Oh, my God, look at you! 524 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,845 Why would you do this? 525 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,181 I... I thought you wanted me to! 526 00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:29,649 Sweet Lord in heaven, 527 00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,718 you look like a cursed doll! 528 00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,686 This gesture was supposed to show you that I love you! 529 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,589 Adam. If you ever go to prison for something terrible, 530 00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,391 this is the picture they'll show, 531 00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:39,892 and people will look at it and say, 532 00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,694 like, "Oh, yeah, I get it." (CHUCKLES) 533 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,297 You're seriously not gonna accept this creepy photo 534 00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,399 as proof that I love you? No. 535 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:50,237 See, this Adam used to give me snuggles and hugs 536 00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:51,871 and say, "I love you, Mama." 537 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:55,074 And this Adam tells me he hates me, 538 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,076 and quite honestly? I believe him. 539 00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,711 Fine! Believe whatever you want! 540 00:17:58,745 --> 00:17:59,946 Gah! I hate you! 541 00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:01,181 And there it is. 542 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,583 Yes, I hate you, but also? 543 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,718 I love you! So much! 544 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,355 But I also hate you, and at the same time, 545 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,357 I love you, but I hate you! 546 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,958 It can't be both, Adam. But it can! 547 00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:13,893 I hate that you're a nudge that expects me 548 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,095 to dry off with a towel that has your face on it! 549 00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:17,564 (HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS' "IF THIS IS IT" PLAYS) 550 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,065 But I love that you blindly support everything that I do! 551 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:23,603 So, yes, I hate you, and I love you. 552 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,438 Maybe you're done being my mom, 553 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,507 but I will never be done being your son. 554 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:30,042 * And tell me that you need me * 555 00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,412 * Girl don't cry * That is the sweetest thing you've ever said to me. 556 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,214 * And tell me nothing's wrong * Really? 557 00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:35,448 Of course. 558 00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:37,016 * I'll be all right * And let's be honest. 559 00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:38,685 I couldn't be done even if I wanted to. 560 00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:40,052 * One way or another 561 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:42,121 * So, let me go * 562 00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:43,456 * Or make me want to stay * 563 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:44,891 * If this is it * 564 00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,593 * Ooh, wop * 565 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,428 * Please let me know * 566 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:49,962 * Ooh, whoa * 567 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,731 * If this ain't love * Hey. 568 00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:52,932 * You better let me go * Go away. 569 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,100 No. 570 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,302 * If this is it * (SIGHS) 571 00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,803 We got to talk about college. 572 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,538 * I wanna know, oh, oh * Why? 573 00:18:58,571 --> 00:18:59,972 You got what you wanted. 574 00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:01,974 * If this ain't love, baby * You're going to Penn on your own. 575 00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:03,576 * Just say so * You're no longer the middle child. 576 00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,044 Did you mean what you said? 577 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,113 You really wanna go to college with me? 578 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,715 Yes. 579 00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:12,485 I went on my own and completely screwed up. 580 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,821 Honestly, it seemed way less scary 581 00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,623 when I thought you'd be there, too. 582 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,491 I always thought it was easy being the oldest, 583 00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,660 but I get it now. 584 00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:22,128 You have to do everything first 585 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,096 and pave the way for the rest of us. 586 00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:26,966 That I do. Doesn't matter anymore. 587 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,936 'Cause Penn's about to get a double dose of the Goldbergs. 588 00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:31,070 You mean it? 589 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:32,905 See you around campus? 590 00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,073 * If this is it * 591 00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:35,442 Not if I see you first. 592 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:38,678 I might just be the happiest I've ever been. 593 00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:42,449 I've got two kids going to college. 594 00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:44,351 Who wants a hug and a twirl? 595 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,718 (GASPS) All you. 596 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,854 * Please let me know * 597 00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:49,589 (CHUCKLES) We'll twirl later. 598 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:52,792 ADULT ADAM: That night, my brother realized that being in the middle 599 00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,927 meant being surrounded by people who love you. 600 00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:57,764 * Please let me know * Nothing felt better. 601 00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,599 This one may just be my favorite. 602 00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:01,501 (CHUCKLES) Even though you said you hated me 603 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,869 on Mother's Day and made me cry. 604 00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:05,272 I'm gonna hear about this for the rest of my life, aren't I? 605 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,840 I'm sure I'll forget in about 30 years. 606 00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:09,976 * Ooh, ooh * 607 00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,678 * Just say so * 608 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,212 * If this is it * 609 00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,415 ** 610 00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:18,551 Hello, everyone. We're here with 611 00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:20,720 the one, the only Beverly Goldberg. 612 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:21,988 Is it true? 613 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,956 Did Adam really say "I hate you" on Mother's Day? 614 00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,825 Those were his exact words. 615 00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:27,327 "I hate you, Mom." 616 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,195 And it was particularly hurtful 617 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,097 because Adam was my youngest, 618 00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:33,199 and he used to hang out with me all the time. 619 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,536 I was devastated and cried when he said those words. 620 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,671 Have you ever been "done" with your kids? 621 00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,373 Yes, for about two hours. 622 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:43,075 No matter what they do in life, they're mine for life. 623 00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:45,011 If you had to take a break from one of your sons, 624 00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:46,679 which one of them would you be done with? 625 00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:48,180 I thought you were gonna ask me 626 00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:49,416 who would take a break from me. 627 00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,183 (BOTH LAUGH) 628 00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:54,987 You know, I've been thinking a lot about "Willow," 629 00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:56,523 and I gotta say, the movie stayed with me. 630 00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:58,858 Me too, bro! I mean, Val Kilmer! 631 00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:00,059 Val Kilmer! 632 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,329 That dude is awesome in everything he does. 633 00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:05,197 "Top Secret," "Real Genius," "Lost Boys." 634 00:21:05,231 --> 00:21:07,033 Val Kilmer isn't in "Lost Boys." 635 00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:08,200 Of course he is. 636 00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:10,102 He's the vampire with the face and the fangs. 637 00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:13,506 I will bet you 20 large that you are dead wrong, Dave Kim. 638 00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:15,174 You are so on! 639 00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:17,510 We'll just go to the public library, scan the microfiche, 640 00:21:17,544 --> 00:21:19,946 and pore over every People magazine on file. 641 00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:23,049 After hours of researching and cross-referencing, boom! 642 00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:24,517 We will have our answer! 643 00:21:24,551 --> 00:21:26,453 Dude. Our modern world is awesome.