1 00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,471 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, America got in shape, 2 00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,473 and that meant getting fit and eating right. 3 00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:08,142 So every chef started becoming health-conscious, 4 00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,778 except Chef Beverly Goldberg. 5 00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:14,482 For my growing schmoopaloo, my famous lasagna burger bomb. 6 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,117 Wow! I can't believe no one's ever thought 7 00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,485 to use lasagna as a bun before. 8 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:20,020 She was always inventing new caloric cuisine. 9 00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:22,923 For Pops, my triple-meat ziti surprise. 10 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:24,325 And the surprise is, 11 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:27,328 the lamb really brings out the beef and chicken. 12 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,530 But that was nothing compared to what she made my dad. 13 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:32,266 And for my handsome man of the house, 14 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:35,002 salad made just the way you like it... 15 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:38,272 A deli tray of cold cuts and cheeses, zero veggies, 16 00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:40,308 served in a bowl of buttermilk ranch. 17 00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:42,476 You see? Salads don't have to be boring. 18 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:45,346 That is, by definition, not a salad. Words have meaning! 19 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,215 Yeah, my mom's cookbook chronicled some of 20 00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,150 the least-healthy recipes known to man. 21 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,119 Strangely, no publishers wanted it. 22 00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:54,222 These rejection letters are so hurtful and specific. 23 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:57,825 "A dietary Vietnam"? "Pure poison"? 24 00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:00,494 "A culinary kick to the crotch!" 25 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:03,331 On the bright side, getting mail is fun. 26 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,233 And these are from the crappy, independent publishers 27 00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:07,501 that make nonsense like textbooks 28 00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,170 and Bibles for children. 29 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,939 ADULT ADAM: Still, all those "no"s didn't diminish her love of cooking. 30 00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:13,507 Or our love of eating. 31 00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:16,844 And save room for dessert, 'cause Mama made her signature 32 00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:19,413 upside-down chocolate peanut butter cheesecake. 33 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,349 There's no top or bottom to it, 34 00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:23,417 so I'm just going right for the middle. 35 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:24,752 You know, Dave Kim's family 36 00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:26,354 all go for a walk after dinner. 37 00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:28,689 If you can walk afterwards, you're doing it wrong. 38 00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:29,757 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 39 00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,192 Talk fast, 40 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,060 I got a flip-flopped cake coming my way. 41 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,429 Cookbook publisher? 42 00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,731 We don't need any books! We're a TV household! 43 00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,400 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 44 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,934 Hi. It's Beverly Goldberg. 45 00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:43,671 Harrison Whitby of Whitby and Sons Publishing. 46 00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,038 No relation. 47 00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:46,940 I'm calling about your cookbook. 48 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,243 Everybody shut up right now. 49 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:51,145 But nobody's saying anything. 50 00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:52,846 I will drown you in that damn cake 51 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,482 if you don't shut your dumb, fat mouth! 52 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,218 (CALMLY) How can I help you, Mr. Whitby? 53 00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:58,952 I think I can help you. 54 00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:01,054 You see, every cookbook that comes across my desk 55 00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:03,757 is low-fat this, no-sugar that. 56 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:04,958 But yours... 57 00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:07,561 Yours is not concerned with health in any way. 58 00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:08,896 Well, that's because I disregard 59 00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:10,631 the most basic dietary guidelines. 60 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:13,834 And that's exactly why I want to publish it. 61 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:16,870 (HUSHED) Holy (BLEEP), Holy (BLEEP), Holy (BLEEP). 62 00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,038 (CALMLY) That's nice news. 63 00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:19,940 I just need a little rewrite. 64 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:23,444 You want me to add more lard, butter, and salt to the recipes? 65 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,813 Uh, it'll kill people, but I'll do it. 66 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:28,416 No. I just need the stories behind the recipes. 67 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,784 Tell me where they came from. Make it personal. 68 00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:32,052 Oh, I can do that. 69 00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,120 People are always telling me, 70 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,122 "I know way too much about you!" 71 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,124 Beautiful. No rush. 72 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,792 Just get it to me in 48 hours. 73 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:40,961 Bevy, who was that? 74 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,062 Destiny. 75 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,731 How the hell did she get this number? 76 00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,666 They're gonna publish my cookbook! 77 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:46,967 Oh, how about that? 78 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,669 Anything is possible! 79 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,671 I deserve everything that's coming to me. 80 00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,005 You really do, Bevy. 81 00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:54,442 I'll make sure to save a spot on my bookshelf. 82 00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,977 Ooh, that's a good idea. I need to make some room, too. 83 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,946 I'm an author! 84 00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,481 * I'm twisted up inside 85 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,016 * But nonetheless, I feel the need to say 86 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,055 * I don't know the future 87 00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:11,959 * But the past keeps getting clearer every day * 88 00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,961 ADULT ADAM: It was December 4th, 1980-something. 89 00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:15,963 Barry and Erica were college roommates, 90 00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,698 and it was amazing... 91 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,132 How little they got along. 92 00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:21,602 You are an idiot! And I'm talking medically. 93 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:24,272 How dare you? I'm pre-med. 94 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,039 I'd be the first to know if I was an idiot. 95 00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,241 Then where are the car keys? 96 00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,009 'Cause they're supposed to be on that hook right there. 97 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,279 Oh, you mean my back-scratchin' hook? 98 00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:33,814 Works better when the keys don't rip up my shoulder meat. 99 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,182 (SIGHS) 100 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,650 There you go. 101 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:38,986 You did it, Hooky. You did it. 102 00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:41,689 ADULT ADAM: Yep, they'd lived together their whole lives, 103 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,124 but sharing a dorm room was a whole different story. 104 00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,559 Did you eat my ramen? 105 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,160 Yeah. I didn't want to walk to the caf, 106 00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:48,729 so I snagged one of your hot and spicy beefs. 107 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,898 But that's my feast from the East! 108 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,833 And you should probably know that I also 109 00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,134 drained your last Mountain Dew. 110 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:55,703 My morning Dew? 111 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,137 That's how I rev up for the day! 112 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,907 Do you have any respect for society's norms? 113 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,876 Somehow they'd managed to keep it civil the whole semester... 114 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,478 Until one fateful night. 115 00:04:04,512 --> 00:04:06,013 Oh, my God, Big Tasty! 116 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:08,416 You're destroying the world record in 110-meter hurdles! 117 00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,418 He's the Carl Lewis of pressing red and blue buttons 118 00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,719 with his feet! It's happening! 119 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,755 Big Tasty's gonna finally take the gol... No! 120 00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,757 Oopsy, was this thing connected to that? 121 00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:17,991 My bad. Get out. 122 00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,327 Yeah, okay. Sorry. 123 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,995 Whoa! JTP, you do not have to listen to her. 124 00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,731 Actually, Tasty, we do. 125 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,165 It's the law of older siblings... 126 00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,567 They get the final say on everything. 127 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,868 That's not a law. 128 00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:28,936 I would know. 129 00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,771 Could've been the son of a lawyer. It is. 130 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,206 Thanks to my older bro, I'm always the one who dealt it, 131 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,342 regardless of who smelt it. 132 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,444 And my older sister decided to take my room. 133 00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,245 So now I sleep on the couch. 134 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,347 Why not take her old room? 135 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:40,581 And have her take it back? 136 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,416 (CHUCKLING) No. I'm not jumping on that carousel. 137 00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,785 My sister gets priority on all my mom's love and affection. 138 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,521 No one cares about your tragic home life, Matt Bradley. 139 00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:49,590 I want to run on a plastic mat! 140 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:50,891 Well, we all have stories. 141 00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:51,959 I'll get the door for you. 142 00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,794 JTP, I demand you stay. 143 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:55,763 Sorry, Tasty. Big sis rules. 144 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,331 Behind this smile is pain. 145 00:04:58,799 --> 00:04:59,933 Don't worry, Bar. I'm staying. 146 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,034 A man of courage. 147 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,270 Oh, you misread that. I-I'm not here for you. 148 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,272 I-I get to stay because it's Erica's will. 149 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,874 This is not fair! 150 00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,208 We're both freshmen! 151 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,410 We're technically equals! 152 00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,711 He does have a point, angelface. 153 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,646 Whoa, whoa, whose side are you on, Schwartz? 154 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,082 Sorry, Big Tasty. Erica's threatening tone was new information. 155 00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:17,785 Geoffrey "Mad Man" Schwartz, 156 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,453 how many times have I saved your life? 157 00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:20,588 None? 158 00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:23,056 I would've if you weren't so boring and risk-averse. 159 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,825 I'm not comfortable being in the middle of this. 160 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,127 You will be in the middle of this. It's decided. 161 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,763 As a neutral third party, you will establish 162 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,265 a system of rules to stop our petty squabbling. 163 00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:33,667 That sounds like a nightmare! 164 00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:36,169 I'm good with it. But just remember who hugs and kisses you. 165 00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,805 Oh, well, there's plenty of that to go around. 166 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:38,939 Come on! 167 00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,974 Get in there. Come in. 168 00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:44,612 Doing all the work. Come on. My guy. 169 00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,780 ADULT ADAM: As Geoff was caught in the middle of Barry and Erica, 170 00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,849 my mom was at the end of her big rewrite. 171 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:52,019 Schmoo, feast your delicious boy eyes 172 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:55,923 on 400 pages of scrumptious family history. 173 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,591 Wow, this has... 174 00:05:57,625 --> 00:06:00,193 So many words. 175 00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,295 Most not about food. 176 00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:03,797 And who is that sturdy fella? 177 00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,433 That's your great-aunt Esther. 178 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,800 Why two eye patches? 179 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,335 This is a funny story. 180 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,838 Uh, she was dragged by a horse through the town. 181 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,105 That is funny. 182 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:14,442 (LAUGHING) Until the reins finally got stuck 183 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,844 in a tree branch, and the horse fell on top of her. 184 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:17,945 (CHUCKLES) 185 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,112 So, of course, they shot it. 186 00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:21,449 And why would you put that in a book about food? 187 00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:24,151 Because the next day, she made a delicious horse stew. 188 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,987 I changed it to lamb because some people can be stuffy. 189 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,623 And she must've had to make a lot since she had 14 kids. 190 00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:32,693 No, no. As I indicated here next to the ingredients, 191 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,327 uh, only six of them lived. 192 00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:35,496 (EXHALES SHARPLY) 193 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:38,165 Disease, war, winter, famine. 194 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,067 Seven of them were just stomped to death. 195 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,471 And you put that right here in a book about food. 196 00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:46,139 So, you clearly know what you're doing. 197 00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:47,708 Would you mind reading the whole thing, 198 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,510 and telling me what you think before I send it in? 199 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,678 I think I get it. 200 00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:52,312 A horse drags a lady, 201 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,716 pancake dippers, a cousin gets stomped. 202 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,850 You got yourself a winner, lady. 203 00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:59,487 This is the only publisher who's shown any interest, 204 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,722 and if he doesn't like it, I don't know what I'll do. 205 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,524 I guess I could... 206 00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,058 Thank you. 207 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,860 ADULT ADAM: While I was dragged like Aunt Esther 208 00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:08,161 into reading my mom's cookbook, 209 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,230 Geoff was pulled between Barry and Erica. 210 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,032 Okay, so you're both holding the binders 211 00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,567 that I stayed up all night creating 212 00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,836 with the guidelines in order to keep this room safe and fun. 213 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,871 These are so stupid. And I want the blue one. 214 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:20,708 You'll find it details solutions to all of your living issues. 215 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,409 Oh, so many words and tabs! 216 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,878 Just tell your loudmouth girlfriend to stop being so bossy. 217 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,714 I will punch your head while you sleep. 218 00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,382 Joke's on you. My skull is crazy-jacked. 219 00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:31,952 Guys, no punching... Asleep or otherwise. 220 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:34,722 In here, you'll find clear instructions on how to share everything. 221 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,857 Like the mini-fridge. No way. 222 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,359 I promised my perishables a safe haven. 223 00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:40,861 You put your sheets in there. 224 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:42,095 You know I run hot! 225 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,131 It's the dead of winter, barfbag! 226 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,866 You should really get your circulation checked. 227 00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:46,934 Already did. 228 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,101 It's a trouble area, like you. 229 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,871 Enough. Consult your binders. I'm not your referee. 230 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,205 Wait, that's it. 231 00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,975 You're our referee... Our Geoff-er-ee. 232 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,210 It works 'cause it's your name and also your new job. 233 00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,312 I'm not staying here full-time to mediate every fight, 234 00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:00,548 conflict, or disagreement. 235 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,415 It would work better than these crappy binders. 236 00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:03,483 Yeah. Swing and a miss, hon. 237 00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:04,752 You didn't even open them. 238 00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,887 We've moved on from your embarrassing binders. 239 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,288 You should, too. You know us. 240 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,923 We can't be trusted to follow the rules. 241 00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,592 And every moment is touch-and-go with me. 242 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:12,960 And I'm no day at the beach, either. 243 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,595 I-I know I don't have a lot going on... 244 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:15,996 Like nothing. I'm secretly worried. 245 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,665 Then it's settled. 246 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:21,068 Geoffrey will be the arbiter of everything that happens within these seven walls. 247 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:22,903 Seven? And it starts now! 248 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,773 Excuse me while I clip my angry, jagged toenails on Erica's bed. 249 00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:27,307 Geoff-er-ee? 250 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,009 Bar, maybe that's a bathroom task? 251 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:31,078 Hmm. That's an interesting fix. 252 00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,179 Thanks, Geoff-er-ee. 253 00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:37,250 Wow. You are really making up for that binder fiasco. 254 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,852 ADULT ADAM: As Geoff was playing referee, 255 00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,688 I was looking for some coaching 256 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,522 on how to deal with my mom's cookbook. 257 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,491 Dude, your mom's book is a horror show! 258 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,593 I know, Dave Kim. 259 00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:48,128 So much tragedy has befallen your people. 260 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:51,031 I can't un-read these things, man! I'm different now. 261 00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,199 I know, Dave Kim. 262 00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,067 How are you gonna tell her she can't submit this? 263 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,502 I don't know, Dave Kim! 264 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,337 I just need to find some way to break it to her 265 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,673 so she doesn't hate me when I destroy her dream! 266 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:02,375 ADULT ADAM: Yep, I had no idea what I'd tell my mom, 267 00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:05,713 until I saw Doc Katman give a master class in bad news. 268 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:10,083 Johnny, I just want to say Rush rules, and so do you. 269 00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:11,919 True, and true. 270 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,186 You're a good dude, dude. 271 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,688 So are you, Johnny. 272 00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,990 But that said, you haven't turned in 273 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,026 one assignment all semester, so... 274 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:21,561 You're going to flunk again. 275 00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,530 Oh, no! The wind's out of my sails! 276 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,667 Luckily, you're a badass, so you can take it. 277 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,202 Whoa. You just devastated me with your words, 278 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,337 but I feel great about it! 279 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,839 Thanks, Doc Whoever-You-Are! 280 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,506 Hmm. Doc, I don't get it. 281 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,643 You gave Johnny Atkins life-destroying news, 282 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,310 and he thanked you for it. How? 283 00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:39,647 It's all about the compliment sandwich. 284 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,348 Compliment sandwich? 285 00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:44,818 You simply wedge your criticism, AKA the meat, 286 00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:47,855 in between two compliments, AKA the bread. 287 00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,857 ADULT ADAM: Yes! That was the answer! 288 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:52,025 Now, I just had to make my mom a compliment sandwich. 289 00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:54,194 There he is! Gah! 290 00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,829 Were you just waiting for me at the door? 291 00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,264 Well, yes, but only for hours. 292 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,599 Now, tell me, tell me, tell me how much you loved it. 293 00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,234 I'll start you off. 294 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,335 "It was perfect." 295 00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:05,405 I-I hear people saying that... Like you, right now. 296 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,674 (CHUCKLES) 297 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,676 And I also want to add... You did it, girl. 298 00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,444 (CHUCKLES) Yeah, well, what about my writing, my stories? 299 00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,913 Were they everything you thought, and more? 300 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,481 Oh, so much more. 301 00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,850 You did it, girl! You said that already. Get to it. 302 00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:19,186 ADULT ADAM: Well, I had given her the top slice of bread. 303 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,553 I guess it was time for the meat. 304 00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:21,789 I hated it hard. 305 00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,290 Change every word. 306 00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:24,925 Excuse me? 307 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,426 But wait, before you get upset... 308 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,661 (STAMMERS) 309 00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:29,596 You did it, girl. 310 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,964 What are you saying to me? 311 00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,700 Oh, balls! My sandwich sucked! 312 00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,968 I cooked you in my lady kitchen. 313 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:38,105 You were my greatest dish, and this is how you treat me? 314 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,073 I wasn't really thinking about your lady kitchen 315 00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,809 when I was reading your lousy book. 316 00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,011 (GASPS) Gasp of gasps! 317 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,413 I have clearly failed as a mother! 318 00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,281 And as a cookbook author. 319 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:51,284 I just want you to know that what you have done to me is worse than any horse stomp. 320 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,821 Because I still have eyes to see 321 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,789 how my beautiful boy betrayed me. 322 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,390 ADULT ADAM: She hated the sandwich, 323 00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:58,658 so I tried one more slice of bread. 324 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:01,328 But...you did it, girl? 325 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:06,666 ADULT ADAM: Barry and Erica had a new tool to help them coexist. 326 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,401 Moron, where are the car keys? 327 00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:09,669 And that tool was Geoff. 328 00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,972 They're right here. Erica, I made you your own set. 329 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,908 And, Barry, I attached your keys to this cumbersome hunk of wood 330 00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:16,109 that I painted in Flyers colors. 331 00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:17,310 Sick! 332 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,179 It's like an orange nunchuck that starts my car. 333 00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,014 Whoa. You're killing it, Geoff-er-ee. 334 00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:23,250 ADULT ADAM: Yep, having a Geoff-er-ee fixed everything... 335 00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,451 Until three hours later. 336 00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:25,953 Ooh! Oh! 337 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,354 What the hell? Yeah. 338 00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,455 Why are they here? 339 00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,590 'Cause our Geoff-er-ee ruled that it was my JTP night. 340 00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:33,961 But why did he allow you to throw deadly lawn darts in the wall? 341 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,328 The lawn darts were actually a compromise. 342 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,864 We started with a fireman's axe. 343 00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,031 There's one on every floor. 344 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:40,000 Whatever. Everyone leave. It's after midnight. 345 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,235 Nuh-uh! Night only starts when I sleep. 346 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:43,804 Geoff-er-ee, you're supposed to be preventing 347 00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,005 this kind of stupidity. 348 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,707 Sure, it's my fault for not clearly defining day and night. 349 00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,676 Actually, I need to be at the Gap early anyway 350 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,978 to add a new level to the jean wall. 351 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:54,314 And if I don't get 12 to 14 hours of shut-eye, I am a wreck. 352 00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:56,349 I think you're struggling with seasonal depression, bro. 353 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,285 For sure. Now everyone shut up. 354 00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,287 You're not going anywhere till you see Mr. Sun. 355 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,522 Fine. You want the room? Then I get the car tomorrow. 356 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,657 What? It's my car day! 357 00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:07,594 I was gonna do fishtails in the ShopRite parking lot! 358 00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:08,796 Geoff-er-ee, throw a flag. 359 00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,998 Again, my fault for assuming you two would demonstrate 360 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,699 the most basic courtesy to each other. 361 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,934 Fine! Take the car. 362 00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:15,502 I'm taking the computer. 363 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,204 Uh-uh! I have a paper due tomorrow! 364 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,839 That you're gonna have to write by hand. 365 00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:20,808 No! Geoff, do something. 366 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:23,743 Bar, the computer's supposed to be for doing actual work, 367 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,212 not to hug vindictively 368 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,746 so as to prevent someone else from using it. 369 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,181 Well, you never specified that. 370 00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:31,418 He got me. I never explicitly said "no computer cuddling." 371 00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,220 Gah! I'll be at the stupid library! 372 00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,388 (SHOUTS) 373 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,656 (LAUGHS) 374 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,758 She walked out, and you almost died. 375 00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,327 It's probably good we didn't use the axe. 376 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,196 ADULT ADAM: While Barry and Erica were pushing Geoff to his limits, 377 00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:46,266 there was no limit to how pushy my mom could be about her book. 378 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,401 Hey! We're watching The Equalizer. 379 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,338 Now we'll never know if things were equalized! 380 00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:54,774 After receiving mixed reviews on my masterwork, 381 00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:57,911 which I took graciously, I am now seeking feedback 382 00:12:57,945 --> 00:13:00,848 that's not the demented ramblings of a jealous teenager. 383 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,215 Yeah, good stuff. 384 00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:03,750 If you could just shimmy to the left a little, 385 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,452 then the remote can do what it does. 386 00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:07,420 I need you to read it and tell me what you think. 387 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,588 Why us? 388 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,324 Well, you're my father, and you'd never lie to me. 389 00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,093 And Murray will give me an honest opinion 390 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:16,196 'cause he lacks the filter necessary for polite society. 391 00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,931 You make a fair point. 392 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:20,267 We'll read your overwhelming book. 393 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,835 ADULT ADAM: And read they did... 394 00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,871 Page after page of dour tales 395 00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:25,472 and unappetizing family history. 396 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:28,141 My mom couldn't wait to hear what they had to say. 397 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,210 Stunned silence is always a good sign. 398 00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,312 But I need to hear how much you liked it. 399 00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:33,947 I liked the part where it ended. 400 00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,616 Oh, poo, you're just being an old grump. Dad? 401 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,586 There's no place for an amputation story 402 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,254 in a chicken piccata recipe. 403 00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:42,655 Oh, no. Was Adam right? 404 00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,424 Maybe he's not a teenage butt stain. 405 00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:45,825 That sounds right. 406 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,427 Now, if you just scooch to your left 407 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,762 and then crouch down really tiny, we're back in business. 408 00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:52,732 ADULT ADAM: My mom finally got that her cookbook wasn't great, 409 00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:54,767 so she brought me an apology that was. 410 00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:58,005 Schmoopy, I made your favorite... 411 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,307 Ooey-gooey marshmallow cookie bars. 412 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,343 Wait, you made me cookie bars after I told you 413 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,512 your life's work was a smelly garbage fire? 414 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:06,914 You never said those words. 415 00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:09,249 Out loud. 416 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:12,819 (SIGHS) Well, it has come to my attention that you may be right. 417 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:16,023 My cookbook might be a tad heavy on death, 418 00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,158 despair, and religious persecution. 419 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,293 And there was more animal violence than I expected. 420 00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,129 It's just my publisher really wanted me 421 00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:24,131 to lean into the history of my food, 422 00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:27,200 but that history is pretty damn dark. 423 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,937 But this cookie doesn't have a dark history to me. 424 00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,271 Every time I felt down, 425 00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,706 you'd make me a pan of these, and I always felt better. 426 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:34,807 You did? 427 00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:36,809 And I think that's what your publisher wants... 428 00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,345 Stories about this family. 429 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,114 And no matter what our day is like, when you cook, 430 00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:44,551 we always find happiness on our plates and in our hearts. 431 00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,519 (GROANS) Write that! 432 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,288 Write that. Write that. 433 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,622 Aah, write it! 434 00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:52,225 No way! I wouldn't know the first thing about writing a cookbook. 435 00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:53,560 You're so good at putting emotion 436 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:56,029 into your movies. Just do that. 437 00:14:56,063 --> 00:15:00,533 I suppose I do know how to tug at the heartstrings in many mediums. 438 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:01,868 Do your thing. Tug away. 439 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,971 And it has to be done by tomorrow at 8:00. 440 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,239 ADULT ADAM: While I got roped into being my mom's ghost writer, 441 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,408 Barry and Erica had written some new rules of their own. 442 00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:09,576 Whoa! 443 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:13,080 Behold, Geoffrey, our elegant tape solution. 444 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,881 We had to take matters into our own hands 445 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,050 because you failed miserably as a Geoff-er-ee. 446 00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:20,153 So, you split the room with masking tape, like on I Love Lucy. 447 00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:23,323 And super smart shows like Brady Bunch and The Munsters. 448 00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,658 One teeny problem... The door's on Erica's side. 449 00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,327 By choice, bro! 450 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,862 I'll use my ninja skills to scale the building 451 00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:31,264 and enter through a window. 452 00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:34,234 And after he falls and dislocates his head, the room will be mine. 453 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:37,404 See, Geoffrey, we didn't need you or your pathetic binders. 454 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,939 We just needed a roll of this. 455 00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,109 Check it. I'm Erica. 456 00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:44,377 I will put that over your mouth while you sleep. 457 00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:45,745 Then my ghost will haunt you 458 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,547 by farting directly into your pillow, 459 00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:49,549 much like I do in the realm of the living. 460 00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,518 What? I hate you! 461 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:52,719 She's hitting me, Geoff! 462 00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,087 Stay over there! Do something! 463 00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,788 This is all your fault, Geoff! Enough! 464 00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:57,957 What is wrong with you? BOTH: Me? 465 00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,692 I get it. You're siblings. 466 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:01,294 You're not meant to be college roommates. 467 00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:05,098 But what's worse than the way you treat each other is how you treat me. 468 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:07,767 Let that stupid tape solve all your problems from now on. 469 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,136 I'm done. 470 00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,537 ADULT ADAM: As Geoff laid down the law, 471 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:13,306 the verdict was in on my draft of my mom's cookbook. 472 00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,575 I love it. Oh, I knew it! 473 00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,910 Beverly Goldberg is gonna be a household name. 474 00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:19,246 Beverly Goldberg? 475 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:20,447 Oh, no, I'm reading the wrong book. 476 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,482 Oh, your book. Your book is crap. 477 00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:26,386 What? But I took out all the blood and historical tragedy! 478 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:27,887 I don't know what that means. 479 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,123 But this right here feels like it was written 480 00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:32,492 by a sappy, sheltered simpleton. 481 00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:34,427 Ouch. Kind of harsh. 482 00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:35,762 Okay, who are you? 483 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:40,333 Her hyper-sensitive son who takes her setbacks personally. 484 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:41,434 What was wrong with it? 485 00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:42,635 It's a schmaltz fest! 486 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,538 Every word is sappy and cloying. 487 00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,507 And why do all the recipes end with a hug? 488 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:51,244 'Cause it's the obvious emotional resolution the audience is craving. 489 00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:54,414 Damn it, why didn't I stay with the ethnic-cleansing, horse-stompings version? 490 00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,116 Because that sounds God-awful, too? 491 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,450 Well, what am I supposed to do? 492 00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,986 Do better! You've got 48 hours. 493 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,222 You want me to rewrite that whole thing? 494 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:04,157 And why 48 hours? 495 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,126 To whip you into a frenzy. 496 00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,795 All the best work comes from terror. 497 00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:09,862 Have fun, now. 498 00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,798 Mama, I'm so sorry. 499 00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,300 I guess I went a little heavy on the hugs. 500 00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,767 You were just trying to help. 501 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,669 I know 48 hours isn't long, 502 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,505 but Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte 503 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,707 did a ton of damage in that time, and so will we. 504 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,642 Adam, it's over. 505 00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:23,710 Why? 506 00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,212 I always say "I could have been a lawyer. 507 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:26,546 "I could have been an author." 508 00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:29,316 But now, I know for sure... 509 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:30,350 I'm nothing. 510 00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:39,058 ADULT ADAM: After Barry and Erica let their rivalry go too far, 511 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,560 they set aside their differences 512 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,962 to put a very important relationship back together. 513 00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:45,365 If you're here to have me settle another argument, it's not happening. 514 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,534 We're not. We came here to say we're sorry. 515 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,868 You were right. 516 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,171 We spent the last 18 years living together, 517 00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,039 and clearly that wasn't meant to extend to college. 518 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,142 You were also right about the way we treated you. 519 00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:56,376 It wasn't great. 520 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:59,679 The only thing we can agree on is that you're the best. 521 00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:02,749 I appreciate that, but you guys got to figure this out. 522 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,984 Oh, don't worry. I think we did. 523 00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,653 (EXHALES DEEPLY) I'm moving out of the dorm, 524 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,489 and into the Jenkintown Posse's Jenkintown Pad. 525 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,124 JTP's JTP! 526 00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:13,493 None of us were loving our living situations. 527 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,228 And we hang out so much together anyway. 528 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,397 Now, we don't have that painful goodbye at the end of each hang. 529 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,666 And this way, we don't have a screechy lady 530 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,534 yelling at us to keep it down. 531 00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:22,602 You get it. 532 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:23,770 Sort of. 533 00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,238 And check out this sick hole. 534 00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:26,606 You can see the wiring and the pipes. 535 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:27,840 And there's bars on the window 536 00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:29,576 because these party animals have to be caged. 537 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:30,777 (LAUGHS) 538 00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,812 But seriously, no one should come and go after dark. 539 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,046 The floor's not level, either. 540 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,648 Look how this bullet we found rolls. 541 00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:37,450 (LAUGHTER) 542 00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,152 I think it's gonna be great. 543 00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:40,287 For all of us. 544 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,554 You know, when you're not my roommate, 545 00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:42,589 you're a pretty good brother. 546 00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:44,924 Not too bad, yourself. 547 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:47,994 I'm not sure this is the safest... 548 00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:50,029 Shh! Look how happy they are. 549 00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:52,265 ADULT ADAM: While Barry and Erica had closed the book 550 00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,367 on living together, I was encouraging my mom 551 00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:57,237 to keep writing her story as a cookbook author. 552 00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:58,971 Adam, I said I was done. 553 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,139 You can't be! 554 00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:01,808 You've always told me my dreams are possible, 555 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,543 so I'm here to tell you the same thing. 556 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,278 I know. But we tried it my way, 557 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,247 and we tried it your way, and neither was good. 558 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,149 But there's another way. We do it together. 559 00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:11,651 You pull back on the horror stories, 560 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,753 and I pull back on the schmaltz, 561 00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:15,222 and then, we meet somewhere in the middle. 562 00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:16,923 You think that would work? 563 00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,124 I know it will. 564 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:22,262 * It's such a pity to say goodbye to you 565 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,496 * Goodbye to you 566 00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,897 I'll get the typewriter. 567 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,766 ADULT ADAM: Sometimes, preserving a relationship just means 568 00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:29,336 adjusting the ingredients. 569 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:32,104 Well, looks like you got this place all to yourself now. 570 00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:35,141 Yeah, I'm thinking about getting a new roommate. 571 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:38,611 I have someone in mind, but I treated him really crappy. 572 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:40,780 What are you saying? 573 00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,516 I'm saying that, 574 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:46,586 if you can forgive me for being such a jerk, 575 00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,455 I would love if you would move in with me. 576 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:49,622 Is this really happening? 577 00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:51,291 If you say "yes." 578 00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,192 * It's such a pity to say goodbye to you 579 00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:55,262 ADULT ADAM: Sometimes, the answers to all our problems 580 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,829 are right in front of us the whole time. 581 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,365 This is amazing, Mom. 582 00:19:58,398 --> 00:19:59,632 And who knows? 583 00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:01,334 They may even be just a phone call away. 584 00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:03,436 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 585 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:04,504 Hello. 586 00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,674 Oh. Hi, Mr. Whitby. 587 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,876 You read the rewrite? 588 00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,478 Oh. 589 00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:13,045 Uh-huh. Okay. Okay. 590 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,082 Well? Tell us. 591 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:20,353 I'm a (BLEEP) cookbook author! 592 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:21,988 (SCREAMS) 593 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,090 ADULT ADAM: In the end, you never know what life's gonna cook up for you. 594 00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:26,659 One thing's for sure... The sweetest moments 595 00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,395 are even better when the people around you 596 00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,029 are there to serve up a hug, 597 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,532 even if it is the obvious emotional resolution. 598 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,033 * Goodbye to you * 599 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,168 ** 600 00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:41,874 ADAM: Wow. A lot of food to eat. 601 00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:58,525 Cheggit. My mom sent me one of her famous honey salt pies. 602 00:20:58,558 --> 00:20:59,892 Ooh, smells delish. 603 00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:01,093 Let me rip into a slice. 604 00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:03,496 It's funny that you say "rip," because this recipe 605 00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:05,432 actually comes from my great-great-uncle Harold. 606 00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:06,899 Every limb of his body was ripped off 607 00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:07,967 by an amateur circus bear. 608 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,068 Oh, my God, what? 609 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,637 Yeah, but don't worry. The bear didn't kill him. 610 00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:12,104 He just left him as a stump and a head. 611 00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:13,272 And that's good? 612 00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:14,674 Well, not for what comes next. 613 00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,543 He was on top of a hill, and lost control of 614 00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:19,412 his crude homemade body wagon, and he was thrown 100 feet 615 00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:22,114 into a nearby river, and bobbed for six miles. 616 00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:23,783 Luckily, another bear came and finished him off. 617 00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:26,052 Two bears? That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard! 618 00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:27,286 Yeah, it's not great. 619 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,489 But bears like honey, so grab yourself a fork.