ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, there was no more awesome rite of passage than spring break.
Thanks to MTV's infamous week-long coverage,
every kid in America wanted to be there.
Beastie Boys! MTV!
Spring Break! ALL: '80...
I cannot believe I'm spending spring break in sucky Jenkintown
instead of on a Fort Lauderdale beach the way God intended.
I heard that the beer flows like water down there.
Like, literally, you turn the faucet on and boom! Beer!
That's 'cause all their water is reserved for wet T-shirt contests.
ERICA: The city of Fort Lauderdale
actually elected Spuds MacKenzie as their mayor!
America's favorite party dog is their mayor?
How could we not be in Florida right now?
Wait a minute... Florida. That's it!
Look! Pops sent us a postcard
from his condo complex in Fort Lauderdale!
That's ground zero for all the horniness!
Damn it, why didn't I actually read his card
instead of automatically throwing it in the garbage?
Look, Pops says his place has a beach house and a pool with a bar!
We had MTV Spring Break under our nose and didn't even know it.
We got to get there. True, but how?
Question... Can you cry hysterically?
Oh, for sure. It's well established I'm an emotional time bomb.
Follow me.
I just miss Pops so much
that I can't stop the sad water dripping from my eye holes.
And now I'm crying 'cause you're crying.
I miss him, too, Bar.
Wait, this gives me a fresh idea.
What if we went to visit him?
Please, Mom? Let me see my grandpapa in Georgia?
Florida, honey.
Ugh, so swampy.
Oh, well, this is about Pops and not us.
Well, then, it's decided. Look out, world!
The Goldbergs are going to Florida!
ADULT ADAM: Oh, yes!
Erica and Barry's spring break dreams were happening!
MURRAY: Stop! Oh, no, wait, here's Murray.
Nobody speak.
There's no way I'm paying for all you morons
to go gallivanting around the sub-tropics.
You weren't even in the room. How do you know what's going on?
I heard money being spent!
Well, there is one way this trip
could cost you a fraction of the price.
Well, that's what I want to do.
That thing. Whatever her cheap idea is.
ADULT ADAM: And so Erica and Barry scored the ultimate spring break...
One without parents.
Spring break is awesome!
I saw a girl wearing a bikini on the plane!
It was unsanitary, but she went for it.Damn.
We're not in Jenkintown anymore, Goldbergs.
Welcome to spring break.
Whoa! A female body inspector? Where do you train?
Wherever female bodies are.
See you fools on the beach.
Really hoping this year I get to make out with a Beastie Boy. Fingers crossed!
This is gonna be so rad! The raddest!
Lucky for you, the party has arrived!
BOTH: Spring break!
ALL: Spring break! Spring break! Spring break!
ADULT ADAM: It was spring break 1980-something,
which typically meant one thing in Jenkintown...
Damn cold front moving in.
I meant to pull out the ol' compression socks,
keep that foot blood moving.
Know what else is good for the cold?
Mink, sable, fox... Fur in general.
Yep, back before we cared about tiny animals,
the fur coat was coveted by every yenta in America.
What is this? What are you jamming in my face?
Just a luxurious coat that shows off how much my husband loves me.
How many coats do ya need?
I got you that brown one with the hood.
That was eight years ago!
And so, my mom's quest for the coat began.
It started with the subliminal messages.
Beverly deserves a fur coat to show her how I feel and stuff.
[SNORING]
Soon, the hints got less subtle and just became ugly demands.
For the love of God, just buy me a stinkin' fur coat already!
Since when do you want a fur coat?
I've been dropping hints and serving extra meaty dishes for six months!
Well, you could've just asked.
I would've said no a long time ago.
You do know that Essie and Ginzy and Linda all have them, right?
I don't know who those people are.
They're my best friends. You've had dinner with them many times.
But it's fine!
I don't need a warm luxury jacket.
I'll just go out in the cold and freeze to death.
[GASPS] [CHOIR MUSIC PLAYS]
What's that?
It's a fur coat!
I know. I bought it for you.
Oh, why did you buy it for me?
'Cause I wanted to show you how I feel and stuff.
It's a fur coat!
It's a fur...coat!
A fur coat! A fur coat!
In case it wasn't clear, it was a fur coat.
It's a fur [BLEEP] coat!
Ooh, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you!
She loved the coat and she made sure everyone knew it.
Beverly, we're starting.
Sure you don't want to lose the top layer?
I'm fine. Thank you.
My husband bought me a fur coat.
He does very well for himself.
It's safe to say the coat paid off just as much for my dad.
There you go. Rib pot pie with no peas or carrots.
It's just crust and meat!
Thank you!
Don't thank me. Thank Minky.
"You're welcome. I was a great gift!"
And one that could help me, too.
It is a great gift!
Even though it's a sad dead animal
whose spirit still haunts that dead pelt.
I'd like to borrow it.
Boofaloo, I love you just as much as this coat,
but there's no way I'm ever taking it off my body.
What if I told you there's a way
Minky can be on national television
and discussed by consistent working actor Jack Palance?
He's in all those Westerns and other stuff. Go on!
There's a new show called Ripley's Believe It or Not!
And I have a surefire way to get on it.
But it all hinges on your amazing, deeply upsetting coat.
Nothing would fill my friends with more red-hot jealousy than my coat being famous.
So it's a yes?
Not just yet. I have terms.
Giving you my prized Minky is done only with the understanding
that I trust you as an adult.
An adult? Wow. Big step.
Go make my coat a star, Schmoo.
So, we're saying Bigfoot was spotted in suburban Philly?
That's the beauty of the show...
It's up to them to believe it or not.
Please, no one in their right mind
would ever buy that Sasquatch hangs near a Wawa.
Aah! Bigfoot lives among us!
Balls!
[GROWLS] Ah! I've angered it!
Balls!
ADULT ADAM: As my mom's pelt was pelted,
Erica and Barry were ready to hit spring break.
Welcome to the Manners of Envurrary, kiddos.
My red-hot winter retreat.
This here's our beach club.
Yeah, where is the beach?
Thirty minutes. By car.
Which I don't own.
'Cause I can't drive.
Tell your grandkids no splashing
or running or yelling or horseplay.
That's Itzel playing cribbage.
I'm handling it, Itzel!
Try to steer clear of Itzel.
[GAGS]
Sorry, the cigar smog makes me queasy.
Can we go to the pool?
ADULT ADAM: It was now clear they weren't
in the spring break seen on MTV.
This was the grandparent part of Florida,
filled with the oldest of farts.
Here's a knish.
It's all they had at the snack bar.
A knish? A fried dough pocket filled with potatoes and oil.
I know what a knish is. It's the last thing I want to eat in the sun.
We have no choice!
Let's just sit and lay low...
We can't sit.
This little footrest is all I could find for us.
The old fart altacockers get up at the crack of dawn to reserve chairs.
I'm not waking up at the crack of dawn for a pool chair.
We have to, Barry.
From now on, we come here at 5:00 a.m.
and sit on a chaise in the darkness until the day starts.
Screw that! I'll just float all day in the pool.
No. Rafts and kickboards are against the rules.
Same goes for running, chicken fighting,
diving, and cannon-balling.
But that's my signature entry into the water!
Hey, kiddo, we need to talk about the rules if you want to go swimming.
You got to wear the required bathing cap.
No, I'm not gonna wear a required bathing cap.
You got to wear the required bathing cap.
Look at all that hair, Albert!
I'm handling it, Itzel!
That's all gonna end up in the filter
if she doesn't wear the required bathing cap!
You got to wear the required bathing cap.
Let me help! Ow, ow, ow!
Okay! It's on fine! Oh, you look great.
Like a beautiful, non-slip shower mat.
ADULT ADAM: Yep, the once-promising trip to Florida
was looking like a colossal bust.
And back home, my friends were helping me to avoid getting busted.
This isn't working. Oh, man!
We got to fix this or my parents are gonna kill us!
Oh, God. I'll go get Erica.
She's in Florida on spring break.
Wait, my girlfriend went to MTV Spring Break and didn't even tell me?
Sounds like trouble in paradise.
Dave Kim smells a door opening.
What? I'm not gonna hide my feelings, bro.
I'm actively rooting against you.
[SNIFFS] What's that smell?
Fire. Fire?
Fire! [BARKS]
There's fire on the coat!
I see the fire, Dave Kim!
ADULT ADAM: With ninja-like reflexes, I dealt with the blaze.
And in the process, I killed Minky.
I just destroyed the one thing my mother loves more than me.
What do I do? I'd blame Lucky.
Just say that she ripped it to shreds and then burned it.
Just blame Geoff. He's not gonna be around much after the break-up.
Here's an even crazier idea.
I don't lie or blame anyone.
But what other option is there?
I tell the truth.
I don't understand a word you're saying.
My mom gave me the coat 'cause she finally thinks I'm an adult.
So I'll do the adult thing and just apologize for this awful accident.
Honesty. Huh.
Interesting. It's so crazy it just might work.
You have any idea how much it cost to get a fur coat?
You have broken the unbreakable bond between a mother and child!
578 hours of me working myself to the bone just so my wife...
I have failed as a mother for raising such a careless, inconsiderate little boy...
They don't seem to appreciate the honesty idea.
They will soon. I just got to take my lumps and then we'll all move on.
[MURRAY AND BEVERLY YELLING INDISTINCTLY]They still mad?
Very. No more TV. No more movies. No more Walkmans.
Gone! Gone! Tell him things, Bevy!
Or G.I. Jims. She's telling you!
But I'm sure they'll start to value my honesty any minute now.
You never even liked Minky! You like making movies, right?
Well, I'll show you a movie! All you ever saw was some poor, dead animal
sewn together for my... Your dad driving to the bank...
Oh, sweet God, this has to stop!
Excuse me?
I am the only child in history who did the adult thing
and took full responsibility for my mistakes!
I get you're mad, but enough already!
Hey! We'll say when we're done, big shot!
Don't you walk away from your father!
You take one more step, and it's over!
Murray! He took one more step!
Hey, mister, stop walking or it's curtains for you!
He's still walking, Bevy!
Wrestle him to the ground. Use your hips and groin to pin him down!
No, I'm not gonna do that. Stop!
He didn't listen when I yelled.
That's my only move as a parent.
It's as if we lost all our power.
We've lost all our power.
ADULT ADAM: As my parents lost control,
Barry and Erica were trying to steer spring break back on track.
Was that a hearty soup or what?
And a bottomless bowl!
Got to love that early bird dinner.
Oh, yeah. That soup was so rich and beany.
Yeah. Also, this place sucks!
The fact that you don't get it means
that this place is turning you into one of them, man.
Stop. I'm the same Party Pops you've always known!
If that's true, then take my hand.
Come with us, Party Pops.
Join us on the brown, sandy beaches of Fort Lauderdale.
It'll be strange to bring our grandfather
to an inflatable dance club, but we'll do it together.
As a family.
Why aren't you taking my hand?
I'm sorry, but no one's going to
some farkakte beach party at this hour!
Then where are you going?
To bed, and so should you.
It's 5:50. The sun is right there.
This is just wrong!
Carla and Johnny Atkins are partying poolside with the Beastie Boys,
and we're stuck in this geriatric nightmare.
If Pops won't let us go to MTV Spring Break,
then we'll just have to bring MTV Spring Breakto us.
♪ No sleep till
♪♪
Time to get our hair wet.
Hells yeah. Let's break some rules.
♪♪
♪ Foot on the pedal Never, ever false metal
Marco! Marco! Polo!
[BOTH BLOWING]
[BOTH BREATHE DEEPLY]
[BOTH BLOWING]
♪♪
♪ No sleep till
♪♪
♪ No ♪ No
♪ Sleep ♪ ♪ Sleep ♪
We got a crime in progress, Officer.
I want to go to sleep, but some hooligans broke into the pool
and are throwing a party.
How big of a party are we talking about, sir?
If I had to guess, 200 kids.
On our way.
These damn punks are gonna get what's coming to them.
Check it! I just spent the last four hours
creating brand-new punishments to remind Adam we're in charge.
"No video games, no smiley pancakes,
"no pillow forts, no acting in school musicals..."
Strike that one. I can't deprive the world of his brilliance.
You realize he's just gonna say no again and walk out?
But why? Barry and Erica never did that.
'Cause they were always guilty as hell, and they knew it.
You're right.
Adam's my perfect little snuggle monkey who told the truth,
and we just yelled for days.
Come on. All kids are the worst.
I guarantee Adam is guilty of something.
So we just need to figure out what he's hiding from us.
And then we bust him
and we make him feel guilty and bad about himself!
And then he listens to us again.
I'm really excited about this plan.
It's a great plan, and we're great parents.
We are great parents.
♪♪
There's nothing under his mattress,
not even an M-80 or a switchblade.
Whoa, whoa, wait. Lock box.
Let's see what Adam's up to.
That's not good. It doesn't matter.
All that matters is what's in this box.
There's a note. I can't look. Read it.
MURRAY: Oh, that damn honest moron.
It's actually, uh, Father's Day gift ideas.
Now what? Well, we do exactly what Adam would.
Be adults and come clean.
We were robbed!
What? Enough with the questions!
Can't you see your mom's a mess?
ADULT ADAM: As I was caught in my parents' web of lies,
a spring break rager was cooking at Pop's place.
Another round of knishes coming up because that's what I do.
Look at me! My body's on four different chaises,
and I didn't even have to use a towel to reserve 'em!
Freeze! Everyone down! Down!
Don't shoot! I'm all potential!
We got a call about an out-of-control party! Where is everyone?
It's just me and no one else. I swear.
[MICROWAVE BEEPING]
We see you reaching for the little microwave handle. Come out now.
She's not coming. Send in the dogs.
No dogs! I'm here. I'm coming out.
What's in your hand? Drop it!
A knish! It's just a knish!
Sweet Mother of Mercy, I hate Florida!
ADULT ADAM: Yep, it's true.
My siblings were America's first knish bandits.
Meanwhile, I was facing an actual crime scene.
Balls! Oh, God, oh, balls!
I can't believe we were robbed!
We really were. Those robbers came in and robbed us real bad.
So they found all your jewelry?
Uh, no, no. They, uh, mostly just focused on this room, but, uh...
They broke all your toys and your tiny Donkey Kong machine.
But why? Adam, these are bad people.
Yes. Bad people.
There's no point in trying to figure out why they did this.
[COINS JINGLE] They left my piggy bank.
It's just loose change.
And Pops' coin collection?
I think they were just trying to send a message.
And the message is,
"Don't ask any more questions about this crime."
We got to call the police.
No. If you call the police, they said they'd come back and kill you.
What? What?
You talked to them? They left a note!
Where is it? That's evidence.
It was written in blood on the wall!
I don't want to live here anymore!
You don't need to be scared.
You are a sweet boy who wants to buy batteries for his father for Father's Day.
Wait. How do you know I was gonna buy batteries for Father's Day?
The robbers said so. It was in their blood message scrawled above your bed.
So troubling.
It was your mother's idea.My idea?
It was you.
You guys ransacked my room and broke my tiny Donkey Kongmachine
and then lied about it!
When I messed up, I told the truth like an adult.
You'd think my parents could do the same thing.
Exactly... We're the parents.
That means when we say you're grounded, you don't walk out the door.
If anyone is grounded here, it's you guys.
Now go to your room and think about what you've done.
You think you can just go around punishing us like...
I'm going to my room.
But not to think about what I've done!
Go!
I can't believe this. [SIGHS]
We were supposed to be having the craziest week of our lives.
I know!
I was finally gonna live out my number-one dream of riding a sea turtle.
You two are so lame.
How can anyone not love spring break?
Please don't tell me that you got to party with the Beastie Boys?
No. But I did barf on Larry "Bud" Melman!
Whoa. Whoa.
I stole a jet ski and then I got chased by the Coast Guard
and then I crashed the jet ski into a pier.
I'm lucky to be alive. It was so funny.
That is funny. So cool.
So what'd the po-po snag you guys for?
[CHUCKLES]
You know, just, uh, typical spring break craziness.
[LAUGHS]
We, um [QUIETLY] stole a knish.
What'd you say? Can't hear you, bro.
Stole a kni...
What? Enunciate!
We stole a knish, okay?
Like, from a wet T-shirt contest?
Nope. Just a regular ol' knish at a retirement home.
You stole from old people, dude?
That's not cool. My step-dad's old.
Goldberg and Goldberg, you're free to go.
Pops, thank God! We're saved!
You kiddos okay?
No! Some grumpy-ass altacocker called the 5-0 on us.
Whoever ratted us out is the lamest old fart of all the farts.
Or he's not a lame fart at all. We don't know.
I bet you it was that putz Itzel.
It was for sure Itzel!
It was me, okay?
Why are you protecting Itzel?
I'm not! It was a mistake.
What? You called the police on your own grandchildren?
The Pops we know would hop the fence,
crank the music, and steal all the knishes.
Yeah, dude. What happened to that Pops?
I... I guess Pops moved to Florida and you know what?
He likes it.
Sorry to be such a disappointment.
♪♪
BEVERLY: Hey.
Can we talk, Schmoopy-poops?
No, and don't call me that.
Look, everyone makes mistakes.
You ruined a fur coat, we terrified you with a deadly home invasion.
We're just not used to a kid who's not a total lying moron.
Point is, we taught you to be a kind, honest human being,
and you lived up to that.
I'm sorry we couldn't do the same.
Well, you guys tried to ground me and I refused to listen.
I'm sorry.
No more apologies. It just makes me feel worse.
Here, Mama fixed your Donkey Kinggame.
Let's just move on.
Whoa!
What the hell is that?
M-Money. Just normal, everyday money.
Where did you get all of this?
See... Lucky ate your wallet.
[STAMMERING] No, no, no!
It was Ed McMahon! He stopped by to tell me
I'd won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes and gave me a big check,
but I asked for it all in singles.
No, no! Forget all that.
I'm a stockbroker.
No, wait! A CPA.
No, wait! A male exotic dancer.
Oh, God.
I borrowed it from Dad, okay?
I didn't lend you that money!
I may have grabbed a dollar here and there
for the past two years to save up for a DeLorean. You get it.
You know what? You're grounded.
You're grounded until you go to college!
You stole money from your own father?Go up on to your room.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I am very disappointed in your lies and deceit, mister!
Oh, thank God! He's been robbing us blind!
Our little baby is a thief!
He's as bad as the other morons! Maybe even worse!
Now we have all our power back
and I can go back to being a great mama again!
Whoo-hoo! I can yell at him again!
[LAUGHS] And I'm gonna yell at him but good.
I know.
Hey! We woke up at 5:00 and booked a shuffleboard court.
Who's ready to get hustled?
And I'm wearing a swim cap so I don't shed
when we go for a non-splashy dip after.
Kiddo, you don't have to pretend
to like this place on my account.
Look, we're sorry for what we said. You're not an altacocker.
Maybe I have slowed down a bit,
but I don't want to hold you back.
Go to the beach, have your MTV Spring Break.
It's not a spring break without you.
[INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Come on. Take my hand.
No, I'll just get in the way.
Okay, so you eat dinner super early
and you called the SWAT team on our two-person knish party,
but the Pops we know will always be the life of the party.
♪♪
I always like a good party.
♪ No sleep till
Let's ride.
Whoa!
Pops, since when do you drive a Jag?
I don't. I just stole the keys from Itzel
when he was yelling at some kids.
Now, that's the Pops I know.
ADULT ADAM: And so, while they were off breaking rules,
I was shocked to learn my world had been put back together.
What the...?
We used the money you took from your dad's pants to fix your room.
But why? I stole all that money from you guys.
Look, there are no real adults here. Let's just call it even.
Are you sure you don't want to use the money towards another fur coat?
No coat warms me as much as you.
♪♪
Also, a very angry young lady threw red paint on Linda Schwartz's coat
when they were out to dinner, so...
Totally get it.
ADULT ADAM: Truth is, even when you slow down,
you can still be the life of the party.
And even though Erica and Barry
didn't actually meet the Spuds MacKenzie,
thanks to Pops, they still got theMTV Spring Break of a lifetime.
♪ No! ♪ No!
♪ Sleep! ♪ Sleep!
♪ Till Brooklyn! ♪ Till Brooklyn!
♪ No! ♪ No!
♪ Sleep! ♪ Sleep!
♪ Till Brooklyn! ♪ ♪ Brooklyn! ♪
REAL BARRY: So, the knish incident...
We had nothing to do in the evening,
so we went to the pool, the clubhouse there.
We were playing music.
I was hungry, so I put a potato knish in the microwave,
and while the microwave was going,
I heard, "Freeze! Police!" Freeze!
So I ducked underneath the kitchen counter.
Five seconds later, the microwave dings,
and I hear the policeman outside say, "Send in the dogs,"
so I slowly raised my hand up and told them I'm right here.
You were almost in jail because of a knish.
Because of a potato knish, yes.[LAUGHS]