1 00:00:02,654 --> 00:00:05,701 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, there was no more awesome rite of passage than spring break. 2 00:00:05,788 --> 00:00:07,877 Thanks to MTV's infamous week-long coverage, 3 00:00:07,964 --> 00:00:09,879 every kid in America wanted to be there. 4 00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:12,229 Beastie Boys! MTV! 5 00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:13,796 Spring Break! ALL: '80... 6 00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:18,540 I cannot believe I'm spending spring break in sucky Jenkintown 7 00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:20,977 instead of on a Fort Lauderdale beach the way God intended. 8 00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:23,240 I heard that the beer flows like water down there. 9 00:00:23,327 --> 00:00:26,461 Like, literally, you turn the faucet on and boom! Beer! 10 00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:29,681 That's 'cause all their water is reserved for wet T-shirt contests. 11 00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:31,074 ERICA: The city of Fort Lauderdale 12 00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:33,685 actually elected Spuds MacKenzie as their mayor! 13 00:00:33,772 --> 00:00:36,819 America's favorite party dog is their mayor? 14 00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:38,429 How could we not be in Florida right now? 15 00:00:38,516 --> 00:00:40,910 Wait a minute... Florida. That's it! 16 00:00:42,694 --> 00:00:44,392 Look! Pops sent us a postcard 17 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,742 from his condo complex in Fort Lauderdale! 18 00:00:46,829 --> 00:00:48,657 That's ground zero for all the horniness! 19 00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:50,528 Damn it, why didn't I actually read his card 20 00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:52,530 instead of automatically throwing it in the garbage? 21 00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:56,056 Look, Pops says his place has a beach house and a pool with a bar! 22 00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:58,884 We had MTV Spring Break under our nose and didn't even know it. 23 00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:00,669 We got to get there. True, but how? 24 00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,758 Question... Can you cry hysterically? 25 00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:05,587 Oh, for sure. It's well established I'm an emotional time bomb. 26 00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:06,805 Follow me. 27 00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:09,504 I just miss Pops so much 28 00:01:09,591 --> 00:01:12,289 that I can't stop the sad water dripping from my eye holes. 29 00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:14,161 And now I'm crying 'cause you're crying. 30 00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:16,250 I miss him, too, Bar. 31 00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:17,947 Wait, this gives me a fresh idea. 32 00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:19,557 What if we went to visit him? 33 00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:22,691 Please, Mom? Let me see my grandpapa in Georgia? 34 00:01:22,778 --> 00:01:23,822 Florida, honey. 35 00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:25,476 Ugh, so swampy. 36 00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:27,565 Oh, well, this is about Pops and not us. 37 00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:29,872 Well, then, it's decided. Look out, world! 38 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:31,961 The Goldbergs are going to Florida! 39 00:01:32,048 --> 00:01:33,528 ADULT ADAM: Oh, yes! 40 00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:36,531 Erica and Barry's spring break dreams were happening! 41 00:01:36,618 --> 00:01:37,706 MURRAY: Stop! Oh, no, wait, here's Murray. 42 00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:39,316 Nobody speak. 43 00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:42,276 There's no way I'm paying for all you morons 44 00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:45,017 to go gallivanting around the sub-tropics. 45 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,107 You weren't even in the room. How do you know what's going on? 46 00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:48,673 I heard money being spent! 47 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,501 Well, there is one way this trip 48 00:01:50,588 --> 00:01:52,416 could cost you a fraction of the price. 49 00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:53,548 Well, that's what I want to do. 50 00:01:53,635 --> 00:01:55,898 That thing. Whatever her cheap idea is. 51 00:01:55,985 --> 00:01:59,162 ADULT ADAM: And so Erica and Barry scored the ultimate spring break... 52 00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:00,250 One without parents. 53 00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:03,427 Spring break is awesome! 54 00:02:03,514 --> 00:02:05,951 I saw a girl wearing a bikini on the plane! 55 00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:07,953 It was unsanitary, but she went for it.Damn. 56 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,217 We're not in Jenkintown anymore, Goldbergs. 57 00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:11,653 Welcome to spring break. 58 00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:15,309 Whoa! A female body inspector? Where do you train? 59 00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:16,745 Wherever female bodies are. 60 00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:18,703 See you fools on the beach. 61 00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:21,445 Really hoping this year I get to make out with a Beastie Boy. Fingers crossed! 62 00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:23,447 This is gonna be so rad! The raddest! 63 00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:26,058 Lucky for you, the party has arrived! 64 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,712 BOTH: Spring break! 65 00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:30,367 ALL: Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! 66 00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:37,331 ADULT ADAM: It was spring break 1980-something, 67 00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:39,507 which typically meant one thing in Jenkintown... 68 00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:41,552 Damn cold front moving in. 69 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:43,337 I meant to pull out the ol' compression socks, 70 00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:44,642 keep that foot blood moving. 71 00:02:44,729 --> 00:02:46,035 Know what else is good for the cold? 72 00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:49,734 Mink, sable, fox... Fur in general. 73 00:02:49,821 --> 00:02:52,172 Yep, back before we cared about tiny animals, 74 00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:55,349 the fur coat was coveted by every yenta in America. 75 00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:57,612 What is this? What are you jamming in my face? 76 00:02:57,699 --> 00:03:00,745 Just a luxurious coat that shows off how much my husband loves me. 77 00:03:00,832 --> 00:03:02,225 How many coats do ya need? 78 00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:03,879 I got you that brown one with the hood. 79 00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:05,707 That was eight years ago! 80 00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:08,579 And so, my mom's quest for the coat began. 81 00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,451 It started with the subliminal messages. 82 00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:14,629 Beverly deserves a fur coat to show her how I feel and stuff. 83 00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:16,979 [SNORING] 84 00:03:17,066 --> 00:03:20,156 Soon, the hints got less subtle and just became ugly demands. 85 00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:23,115 For the love of God, just buy me a stinkin' fur coat already! 86 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,292 Since when do you want a fur coat? 87 00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:29,426 I've been dropping hints and serving extra meaty dishes for six months! 88 00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:30,688 Well, you could've just asked. 89 00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:32,864 I would've said no a long time ago. 90 00:03:32,951 --> 00:03:35,911 You do know that Essie and Ginzy and Linda all have them, right? 91 00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:37,826 I don't know who those people are. 92 00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:39,088 They're my best friends. You've had dinner with them many times. 93 00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:40,611 But it's fine! 94 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,613 I don't need a warm luxury jacket. 95 00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,615 I'll just go out in the cold and freeze to death. 96 00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:49,925 [GASPS] [CHOIR MUSIC PLAYS] 97 00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:50,969 What's that? 98 00:03:51,056 --> 00:03:52,841 It's a fur coat! 99 00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:54,712 I know. I bought it for you. 100 00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:56,845 Oh, why did you buy it for me? 101 00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:58,934 'Cause I wanted to show you how I feel and stuff. 102 00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:01,110 It's a fur coat! 103 00:04:01,197 --> 00:04:03,982 It's a fur...coat! 104 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,594 It's a fur...coat! 105 00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:09,031 A fur coat! A fur coat! 106 00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:10,946 In case it wasn't clear, it was a fur coat. 107 00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:13,427 It's a fur [BLEEP] coat! 108 00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:16,647 Ooh, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you! 109 00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:19,084 She loved the coat and she made sure everyone knew it. 110 00:04:19,171 --> 00:04:20,303 Beverly, we're starting. 111 00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:21,609 Sure you don't want to lose the top layer? 112 00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:23,567 I'm fine. Thank you. 113 00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:25,395 My husband bought me a fur coat. 114 00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:27,179 He does very well for himself. 115 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,531 It's safe to say the coat paid off just as much for my dad. 116 00:04:30,618 --> 00:04:33,447 There you go. Rib pot pie with no peas or carrots. 117 00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:35,710 It's just crust and meat! 118 00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,059 Thank you! 119 00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:39,148 Don't thank me. Thank Minky. 120 00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:41,585 "You're welcome. I was a great gift!" 121 00:04:41,672 --> 00:04:43,283 And one that could help me, too. 122 00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,502 It is a great gift! 123 00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:47,504 Even though it's a sad dead animal 124 00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:48,984 whose spirit still haunts that dead pelt. 125 00:04:49,071 --> 00:04:50,333 I'd like to borrow it. 126 00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:52,509 Boofaloo, I love you just as much as this coat, 127 00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,424 but there's no way I'm ever taking it off my body. 128 00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:56,078 What if I told you there's a way 129 00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:58,167 Minky can be on national television 130 00:04:58,254 --> 00:05:00,691 and discussed by consistent working actor Jack Palance? 131 00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:03,128 He's in all those Westerns and other stuff. Go on! 132 00:05:03,215 --> 00:05:05,609 There's a new show called Ripley's Believe It or Not! 133 00:05:05,696 --> 00:05:07,219 And I have a surefire way to get on it. 134 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,484 But it all hinges on your amazing, deeply upsetting coat. 135 00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:14,401 Nothing would fill my friends with more red-hot jealousy than my coat being famous. 136 00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:15,706 So it's a yes? 137 00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:18,361 Not just yet. I have terms. 138 00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:21,451 Giving you my prized Minky is done only with the understanding 139 00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:22,931 that I trust you as an adult. 140 00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:24,498 An adult? Wow. Big step. 141 00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:27,936 Go make my coat a star, Schmoo. 142 00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:31,243 So, we're saying Bigfoot was spotted in suburban Philly? 143 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,636 That's the beauty of the show... 144 00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:35,204 It's up to them to believe it or not. 145 00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:36,945 Please, no one in their right mind 146 00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:39,513 would ever buy that Sasquatch hangs near a Wawa. 147 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,558 Aah! Bigfoot lives among us! 148 00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:43,473 Balls! 149 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,519 [GROWLS] Ah! I've angered it! 150 00:05:45,606 --> 00:05:46,955 Balls! 151 00:05:47,042 --> 00:05:49,131 ADULT ADAM: As my mom's pelt was pelted, 152 00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:51,742 Erica and Barry were ready to hit spring break. 153 00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:54,745 Welcome to the Manners of Envurrary, kiddos. 154 00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:57,400 My red-hot winter retreat. 155 00:05:57,487 --> 00:05:59,359 This here's our beach club. 156 00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:01,709 Yeah, where is the beach? 157 00:06:01,796 --> 00:06:03,928 Thirty minutes. By car. 158 00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:05,147 Which I don't own. 159 00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:06,714 'Cause I can't drive. 160 00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:09,630 Tell your grandkids no splashing 161 00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:12,372 or running or yelling or horseplay. 162 00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,243 That's Itzel playing cribbage. 163 00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:16,419 I'm handling it, Itzel! 164 00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:18,073 Try to steer clear of Itzel. 165 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,988 [GAGS] 166 00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:22,904 Sorry, the cigar smog makes me queasy. 167 00:06:22,991 --> 00:06:24,296 Can we go to the pool? 168 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,776 ADULT ADAM: It was now clear they weren't 169 00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:27,952 in the spring break seen on MTV. 170 00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,998 This was the grandparent part of Florida, 171 00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:31,782 filled with the oldest of farts. 172 00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:33,001 Here's a knish. 173 00:06:33,088 --> 00:06:34,959 It's all they had at the snack bar. 174 00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:37,919 A knish? A fried dough pocket filled with potatoes and oil. 175 00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:40,574 I know what a knish is. It's the last thing I want to eat in the sun. 176 00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:42,619 We have no choice! 177 00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:44,099 Let's just sit and lay low... 178 00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:45,492 We can't sit. 179 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:47,842 This little footrest is all I could find for us. 180 00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:51,019 The old fart altacockers get up at the crack of dawn to reserve chairs. 181 00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:53,630 I'm not waking up at the crack of dawn for a pool chair. 182 00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:54,805 We have to, Barry. 183 00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:57,155 From now on, we come here at 5:00 a.m. 184 00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:59,680 and sit on a chaise in the darkness until the day starts. 185 00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:02,160 Screw that! I'll just float all day in the pool. 186 00:07:02,247 --> 00:07:04,511 No. Rafts and kickboards are against the rules. 187 00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,295 Same goes for running, chicken fighting, 188 00:07:06,382 --> 00:07:08,036 diving, and cannon-balling. 189 00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:10,342 But that's my signature entry into the water! 190 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:13,171 Hey, kiddo, we need to talk about the rules if you want to go swimming. 191 00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:15,870 You got to wear the required bathing cap. 192 00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:18,350 No, I'm not gonna wear a required bathing cap. 193 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,657 You got to wear the required bathing cap. 194 00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:22,616 Look at all that hair, Albert! 195 00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:24,966 I'm handling it, Itzel! 196 00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:26,750 That's all gonna end up in the filter 197 00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:28,883 if she doesn't wear the required bathing cap! 198 00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:31,712 You got to wear the required bathing cap. 199 00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:33,278 Let me help! Ow, ow, ow! 200 00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:35,759 Okay! It's on fine! Oh, you look great. 201 00:07:35,846 --> 00:07:38,545 Like a beautiful, non-slip shower mat. 202 00:07:38,632 --> 00:07:40,590 ADULT ADAM: Yep, the once-promising trip to Florida 203 00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:42,766 was looking like a colossal bust. 204 00:07:42,853 --> 00:07:45,377 And back home, my friends were helping me to avoid getting busted. 205 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,467 This isn't working. Oh, man! 206 00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,207 We got to fix this or my parents are gonna kill us! 207 00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:50,382 Oh, God. I'll go get Erica. 208 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,384 She's in Florida on spring break. 209 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:55,344 Wait, my girlfriend went to MTV Spring Break and didn't even tell me? 210 00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:56,998 Sounds like trouble in paradise. 211 00:07:57,085 --> 00:07:58,608 Dave Kim smells a door opening. 212 00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:00,305 What? I'm not gonna hide my feelings, bro. 213 00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:01,698 I'm actively rooting against you. 214 00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:03,091 [SNIFFS] What's that smell? 215 00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:04,222 Fire. Fire? 216 00:08:04,309 --> 00:08:05,310 Fire! [BARKS] 217 00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:06,398 There's fire on the coat! 218 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,444 I see the fire, Dave Kim! 219 00:08:08,531 --> 00:08:10,881 ADULT ADAM: With ninja-like reflexes, I dealt with the blaze. 220 00:08:10,968 --> 00:08:12,970 And in the process, I killed Minky. 221 00:08:13,057 --> 00:08:15,364 I just destroyed the one thing my mother loves more than me. 222 00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:17,366 What do I do? I'd blame Lucky. 223 00:08:17,453 --> 00:08:19,934 Just say that she ripped it to shreds and then burned it. 224 00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:22,414 Just blame Geoff. He's not gonna be around much after the break-up. 225 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,329 Here's an even crazier idea. 226 00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:25,853 I don't lie or blame anyone. 227 00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,332 But what other option is there? 228 00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:30,031 I tell the truth. 229 00:08:30,118 --> 00:08:31,902 I don't understand a word you're saying. 230 00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:34,644 My mom gave me the coat 'cause she finally thinks I'm an adult. 231 00:08:34,731 --> 00:08:38,213 So I'll do the adult thing and just apologize for this awful accident. 232 00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,215 Honesty. Huh. 233 00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:42,957 Interesting. It's so crazy it just might work. 234 00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:44,611 You have any idea how much it cost to get a fur coat? 235 00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:46,961 You have broken the unbreakable bond between a mother and child! 236 00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:49,137 578 hours of me working myself to the bone just so my wife... 237 00:08:49,224 --> 00:08:51,835 I have failed as a mother for raising such a careless, inconsiderate little boy... 238 00:08:51,922 --> 00:08:54,272 They don't seem to appreciate the honesty idea. 239 00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:57,667 They will soon. I just got to take my lumps and then we'll all move on. 240 00:08:57,754 --> 00:08:59,321 [MURRAY AND BEVERLY YELLING INDISTINCTLY]They still mad? 241 00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:01,845 Very. No more TV. No more movies. No more Walkmans. 242 00:09:01,932 --> 00:09:03,064 Gone! Gone! Tell him things, Bevy! 243 00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:04,935 Or G.I. Jims. She's telling you! 244 00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:07,895 But I'm sure they'll start to value my honesty any minute now. 245 00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:09,984 You never even liked Minky! You like making movies, right? 246 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,160 Well, I'll show you a movie! All you ever saw was some poor, dead animal 247 00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,814 sewn together for my... Your dad driving to the bank... 248 00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,685 Oh, sweet God, this has to stop! 249 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,383 Excuse me? 250 00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:21,169 I am the only child in history who did the adult thing 251 00:09:21,256 --> 00:09:23,911 and took full responsibility for my mistakes! 252 00:09:23,998 --> 00:09:26,174 I get you're mad, but enough already! 253 00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:28,698 Hey! We'll say when we're done, big shot! 254 00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:30,700 Don't you walk away from your father! 255 00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:32,615 You take one more step, and it's over! 256 00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:34,225 Murray! He took one more step! 257 00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:37,011 Hey, mister, stop walking or it's curtains for you! 258 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:38,969 He's still walking, Bevy! 259 00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:41,493 Wrestle him to the ground. Use your hips and groin to pin him down! 260 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,539 No, I'm not gonna do that. Stop! 261 00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:44,975 He didn't listen when I yelled. 262 00:09:45,062 --> 00:09:46,542 That's my only move as a parent. 263 00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:48,675 It's as if we lost all our power. 264 00:09:51,025 --> 00:09:52,722 We've lost all our power. 265 00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,898 ADULT ADAM: As my parents lost control, 266 00:09:54,985 --> 00:09:56,987 Barry and Erica were trying to steer spring break back on track. 267 00:09:57,074 --> 00:09:59,599 Was that a hearty soup or what? 268 00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:01,470 And a bottomless bowl! 269 00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:03,951 Got to love that early bird dinner. 270 00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:06,562 Oh, yeah. That soup was so rich and beany. 271 00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:08,999 Yeah. Also, this place sucks! 272 00:10:09,086 --> 00:10:10,479 The fact that you don't get it means 273 00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:12,437 that this place is turning you into one of them, man. 274 00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:15,658 Stop. I'm the same Party Pops you've always known! 275 00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,660 If that's true, then take my hand. 276 00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:19,444 Come with us, Party Pops. 277 00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:22,404 Join us on the brown, sandy beaches of Fort Lauderdale. 278 00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:24,232 It'll be strange to bring our grandfather 279 00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:27,148 to an inflatable dance club, but we'll do it together. 280 00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:28,889 As a family. 281 00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:30,455 Why aren't you taking my hand? 282 00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,501 I'm sorry, but no one's going to 283 00:10:32,588 --> 00:10:35,373 some farkakte beach party at this hour! 284 00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:36,679 Then where are you going? 285 00:10:36,766 --> 00:10:39,856 To bed, and so should you. 286 00:10:39,943 --> 00:10:42,467 It's 5:50. The sun is right there. 287 00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:44,774 This is just wrong! 288 00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:48,256 Carla and Johnny Atkins are partying poolside with the Beastie Boys, 289 00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:50,388 and we're stuck in this geriatric nightmare. 290 00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:52,695 If Pops won't let us go to MTV Spring Break, 291 00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:55,263 then we'll just have to bring MTV Spring Breakto us. 292 00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,049 ♪ No sleep till 293 00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:01,704 ♪♪ 294 00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:02,879 Time to get our hair wet. 295 00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:05,012 Hells yeah. Let's break some rules. 296 00:11:05,099 --> 00:11:08,450 ♪♪ 297 00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:15,500 ♪ Foot on the pedal Never, ever false metal 298 00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:17,024 Marco! Marco! Polo! 299 00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:19,591 [BOTH BLOWING] 300 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:20,854 [BOTH BREATHE DEEPLY] 301 00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:22,029 [BOTH BLOWING] 302 00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,422 ♪♪ 303 00:11:24,509 --> 00:11:25,685 ♪ No sleep till 304 00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:27,904 ♪♪ 305 00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:31,647 ♪ No ♪ No 306 00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:32,822 ♪ Sleep ♪ ♪ Sleep ♪ 307 00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:35,782 We got a crime in progress, Officer. 308 00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:38,698 I want to go to sleep, but some hooligans broke into the pool 309 00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:40,090 and are throwing a party. 310 00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:41,918 How big of a party are we talking about, sir? 311 00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:44,051 If I had to guess, 200 kids. 312 00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:45,574 On our way. 313 00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:48,751 These damn punks are gonna get what's coming to them. 314 00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:55,236 Check it! I just spent the last four hours 315 00:11:55,323 --> 00:11:58,805 creating brand-new punishments to remind Adam we're in charge. 316 00:11:58,892 --> 00:12:01,068 "No video games, no smiley pancakes, 317 00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:03,723 "no pillow forts, no acting in school musicals..." 318 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,377 Strike that one. I can't deprive the world of his brilliance. 319 00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:09,293 You realize he's just gonna say no again and walk out? 320 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,774 But why? Barry and Erica never did that. 321 00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:13,907 'Cause they were always guilty as hell, and they knew it. 322 00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:15,735 You're right. 323 00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,824 Adam's my perfect little snuggle monkey who told the truth, 324 00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:18,999 and we just yelled for days. 325 00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:21,175 Come on. All kids are the worst. 326 00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,177 I guarantee Adam is guilty of something. 327 00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:26,093 So we just need to figure out what he's hiding from us. 328 00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,269 And then we bust him 329 00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:31,707 and we make him feel guilty and bad about himself! 330 00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:33,535 And then he listens to us again. 331 00:12:33,622 --> 00:12:35,929 I'm really excited about this plan. 332 00:12:36,016 --> 00:12:38,148 It's a great plan, and we're great parents. 333 00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:39,454 We are great parents. 334 00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:43,153 ♪♪ 335 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,329 There's nothing under his mattress, 336 00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:47,810 not even an M-80 or a switchblade. 337 00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:49,725 Whoa, whoa, wait. Lock box. 338 00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:51,509 Let's see what Adam's up to. 339 00:12:57,037 --> 00:12:58,734 That's not good. It doesn't matter. 340 00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:00,518 All that matters is what's in this box. 341 00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:04,435 There's a note. I can't look. Read it. 342 00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:06,742 MURRAY: Oh, that damn honest moron. 343 00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:09,353 It's actually, uh, Father's Day gift ideas. 344 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,965 Now what? Well, we do exactly what Adam would. 345 00:13:12,052 --> 00:13:13,923 Be adults and come clean. 346 00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:18,623 We were robbed! 347 00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:20,451 What? Enough with the questions! 348 00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:22,889 Can't you see your mom's a mess? 349 00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:25,674 ADULT ADAM: As I was caught in my parents' web of lies, 350 00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:28,459 a spring break rager was cooking at Pop's place. 351 00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:31,462 Another round of knishes coming up because that's what I do. 352 00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:34,814 Look at me! My body's on four different chaises, 353 00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,990 and I didn't even have to use a towel to reserve 'em! 354 00:13:37,077 --> 00:13:39,122 Freeze! Everyone down! Down! 355 00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:41,081 Don't shoot! I'm all potential! 356 00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:44,127 We got a call about an out-of-control party! Where is everyone? 357 00:13:44,214 --> 00:13:47,304 It's just me and no one else. I swear. 358 00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:49,654 [MICROWAVE BEEPING] 359 00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:54,877 We see you reaching for the little microwave handle. Come out now. 360 00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:58,794 She's not coming. Send in the dogs. 361 00:13:58,881 --> 00:13:59,969 No dogs! I'm here. I'm coming out. 362 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:01,057 What's in your hand? Drop it! 363 00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:03,059 A knish! It's just a knish! 364 00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:04,931 Sweet Mother of Mercy, I hate Florida! 365 00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:06,454 ADULT ADAM: Yep, it's true. 366 00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,499 My siblings were America's first knish bandits. 367 00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:11,024 Meanwhile, I was facing an actual crime scene. 368 00:14:11,111 --> 00:14:13,330 Balls! Oh, God, oh, balls! 369 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:14,941 I can't believe we were robbed! 370 00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:18,901 We really were. Those robbers came in and robbed us real bad. 371 00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:20,598 So they found all your jewelry? 372 00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:23,950 Uh, no, no. They, uh, mostly just focused on this room, but, uh... 373 00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:27,823 They broke all your toys and your tiny Donkey Kong machine. 374 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:31,087 But why? Adam, these are bad people. 375 00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:33,655 Yes. Bad people. 376 00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:36,440 There's no point in trying to figure out why they did this. 377 00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:37,833 [COINS JINGLE] They left my piggy bank. 378 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:38,921 It's just loose change. 379 00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:40,923 And Pops' coin collection? 380 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,533 I think they were just trying to send a message. 381 00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:44,231 And the message is, 382 00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:45,928 "Don't ask any more questions about this crime." 383 00:14:46,015 --> 00:14:48,235 We got to call the police. 384 00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:50,063 No. If you call the police, they said they'd come back and kill you. 385 00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,412 What? What? 386 00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:53,109 You talked to them? They left a note! 387 00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:54,719 Where is it? That's evidence. 388 00:14:54,806 --> 00:14:56,765 It was written in blood on the wall! 389 00:14:56,852 --> 00:14:59,376 I don't want to live here anymore! 390 00:14:59,463 --> 00:15:01,596 You don't need to be scared. 391 00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:07,167 You are a sweet boy who wants to buy batteries for his father for Father's Day. 392 00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:09,909 Wait. How do you know I was gonna buy batteries for Father's Day? 393 00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:16,263 The robbers said so. It was in their blood message scrawled above your bed. 394 00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:17,699 So troubling. 395 00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:19,614 It was your mother's idea.My idea? 396 00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:22,008 It was you. 397 00:15:22,095 --> 00:15:25,576 You guys ransacked my room and broke my tiny Donkey Kongmachine 398 00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:27,491 and then lied about it! 399 00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:30,451 When I messed up, I told the truth like an adult. 400 00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:32,148 You'd think my parents could do the same thing. 401 00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:34,498 Exactly... We're the parents. 402 00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:37,110 That means when we say you're grounded, you don't walk out the door. 403 00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:39,764 If anyone is grounded here, it's you guys. 404 00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:43,029 Now go to your room and think about what you've done. 405 00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:46,423 You think you can just go around punishing us like... 406 00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:51,124 I'm going to my room. 407 00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:53,822 But not to think about what I've done! 408 00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,129 Go! 409 00:15:59,219 --> 00:16:00,960 I can't believe this. [SIGHS] 410 00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:02,962 We were supposed to be having the craziest week of our lives. 411 00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:05,094 I know! 412 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:07,227 I was finally gonna live out my number-one dream of riding a sea turtle. 413 00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:08,924 You two are so lame. 414 00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:10,970 How can anyone not love spring break? 415 00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,189 Please don't tell me that you got to party with the Beastie Boys? 416 00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:15,844 No. But I did barf on Larry "Bud" Melman! 417 00:16:15,931 --> 00:16:17,933 Whoa. Whoa. 418 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:19,239 I stole a jet ski and then I got chased by the Coast Guard 419 00:16:19,326 --> 00:16:21,415 and then I crashed the jet ski into a pier. 420 00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:23,156 I'm lucky to be alive. It was so funny. 421 00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:24,809 That is funny. So cool. 422 00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:26,072 So what'd the po-po snag you guys for? 423 00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:27,682 [CHUCKLES] 424 00:16:27,769 --> 00:16:30,772 You know, just, uh, typical spring break craziness. 425 00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:31,903 [LAUGHS] 426 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,688 We, um [QUIETLY] stole a knish. 427 00:16:33,775 --> 00:16:34,689 What'd you say? Can't hear you, bro. 428 00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:36,082 Stole a kni... 429 00:16:36,169 --> 00:16:36,996 What? Enunciate! 430 00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:38,998 We stole a knish, okay? 431 00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:41,652 Like, from a wet T-shirt contest? 432 00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:44,394 Nope. Just a regular ol' knish at a retirement home. 433 00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:45,874 You stole from old people, dude? 434 00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:47,267 That's not cool. My step-dad's old. 435 00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:49,312 Goldberg and Goldberg, you're free to go. 436 00:16:49,399 --> 00:16:50,618 Pops, thank God! We're saved! 437 00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:52,402 You kiddos okay? 438 00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:56,189 No! Some grumpy-ass altacocker called the 5-0 on us. 439 00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:59,844 Whoever ratted us out is the lamest old fart of all the farts. 440 00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:02,456 Or he's not a lame fart at all. We don't know. 441 00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:03,761 I bet you it was that putz Itzel. 442 00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:05,241 It was for sure Itzel! 443 00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:07,200 It was me, okay? 444 00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:08,723 Why are you protecting Itzel? 445 00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:11,204 I'm not! It was a mistake. 446 00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:14,033 What? You called the police on your own grandchildren? 447 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,035 The Pops we know would hop the fence, 448 00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:17,906 crank the music, and steal all the knishes. 449 00:17:17,993 --> 00:17:19,821 Yeah, dude. What happened to that Pops? 450 00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:23,042 I... I guess Pops moved to Florida and you know what? 451 00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:25,435 He likes it. 452 00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,046 Sorry to be such a disappointment. 453 00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:31,398 ♪♪ 454 00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:36,881 BEVERLY: Hey. 455 00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:38,753 Can we talk, Schmoopy-poops? 456 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,320 No, and don't call me that. 457 00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,365 Look, everyone makes mistakes. 458 00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:46,021 You ruined a fur coat, we terrified you with a deadly home invasion. 459 00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:49,285 We're just not used to a kid who's not a total lying moron. 460 00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:52,071 Point is, we taught you to be a kind, honest human being, 461 00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:53,724 and you lived up to that. 462 00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:55,900 I'm sorry we couldn't do the same. 463 00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:57,989 Well, you guys tried to ground me and I refused to listen. 464 00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,556 I'm sorry. 465 00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:02,603 No more apologies. It just makes me feel worse. 466 00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:05,693 Here, Mama fixed your Donkey Kinggame. 467 00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:06,824 Let's just move on. 468 00:18:06,911 --> 00:18:08,391 Whoa! 469 00:18:08,478 --> 00:18:09,697 What the hell is that? 470 00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:11,655 M-Money. Just normal, everyday money. 471 00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:12,917 Where did you get all of this? 472 00:18:13,004 --> 00:18:16,225 See... Lucky ate your wallet. 473 00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:17,748 [STAMMERING] No, no, no! 474 00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:20,403 It was Ed McMahon! He stopped by to tell me 475 00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:23,711 I'd won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes and gave me a big check, 476 00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:25,278 but I asked for it all in singles. 477 00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:26,931 No, no! Forget all that. 478 00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:28,194 I'm a stockbroker. 479 00:18:28,281 --> 00:18:30,152 No, wait! A CPA. 480 00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:31,893 No, wait! A male exotic dancer. 481 00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:34,113 Oh, God. 482 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,244 I borrowed it from Dad, okay? 483 00:18:35,331 --> 00:18:36,506 I didn't lend you that money! 484 00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:38,334 I may have grabbed a dollar here and there 485 00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:40,597 for the past two years to save up for a DeLorean. You get it. 486 00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:42,251 You know what? You're grounded. 487 00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:43,992 You're grounded until you go to college! 488 00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:45,689 You stole money from your own father?Go up on to your room. 489 00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:47,213 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 490 00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:50,564 I am very disappointed in your lies and deceit, mister! 491 00:18:50,651 --> 00:18:54,133 Oh, thank God! He's been robbing us blind! 492 00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,569 Our little baby is a thief! 493 00:18:55,656 --> 00:18:58,093 He's as bad as the other morons! Maybe even worse! 494 00:18:58,180 --> 00:18:59,703 Now we have all our power back 495 00:18:59,790 --> 00:19:02,402 and I can go back to being a great mama again! 496 00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:04,621 Whoo-hoo! I can yell at him again! 497 00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:06,493 [LAUGHS] And I'm gonna yell at him but good. 498 00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:07,624 I know. 499 00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:14,588 Hey! We woke up at 5:00 and booked a shuffleboard court. 500 00:19:14,675 --> 00:19:16,155 Who's ready to get hustled? 501 00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:17,939 And I'm wearing a swim cap so I don't shed 502 00:19:18,026 --> 00:19:20,333 when we go for a non-splashy dip after. 503 00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:21,551 Kiddo, you don't have to pretend 504 00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:23,901 to like this place on my account. 505 00:19:23,988 --> 00:19:26,948 Look, we're sorry for what we said. You're not an altacocker. 506 00:19:27,035 --> 00:19:29,168 Maybe I have slowed down a bit, 507 00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:30,865 but I don't want to hold you back. 508 00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:34,390 Go to the beach, have your MTV Spring Break. 509 00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:36,262 It's not a spring break without you. 510 00:19:36,349 --> 00:19:39,961 [INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYING] 511 00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:41,528 Come on. Take my hand. 512 00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:43,834 No, I'll just get in the way. 513 00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:46,576 Okay, so you eat dinner super early 514 00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:49,623 and you called the SWAT team on our two-person knish party, 515 00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:53,322 but the Pops we know will always be the life of the party. 516 00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:56,325 ♪♪ 517 00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:58,197 I always like a good party. 518 00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:00,155 ♪ No sleep till 519 00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:01,678 Let's ride. 520 00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:03,593 Whoa! 521 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:05,682 Pops, since when do you drive a Jag? 522 00:20:05,769 --> 00:20:08,032 I don't. I just stole the keys from Itzel 523 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,686 when he was yelling at some kids. 524 00:20:09,773 --> 00:20:11,514 Now, that's the Pops I know. 525 00:20:11,601 --> 00:20:14,300 ADULT ADAM: And so, while they were off breaking rules, 526 00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:16,737 I was shocked to learn my world had been put back together. 527 00:20:16,824 --> 00:20:19,000 What the...? 528 00:20:19,087 --> 00:20:21,089 We used the money you took from your dad's pants to fix your room. 529 00:20:21,176 --> 00:20:24,527 But why? I stole all that money from you guys. 530 00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:27,922 Look, there are no real adults here. Let's just call it even. 531 00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:30,316 Are you sure you don't want to use the money towards another fur coat? 532 00:20:30,403 --> 00:20:32,796 No coat warms me as much as you. 533 00:20:32,883 --> 00:20:34,885 ♪♪ 534 00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:38,933 Also, a very angry young lady threw red paint on Linda Schwartz's coat 535 00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,587 when they were out to dinner, so... 536 00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:42,241 Totally get it. 537 00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:44,286 ADULT ADAM: Truth is, even when you slow down, 538 00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,245 you can still be the life of the party. 539 00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:47,724 And even though Erica and Barry 540 00:20:47,811 --> 00:20:49,422 didn't actually meet the Spuds MacKenzie, 541 00:20:49,509 --> 00:20:53,382 thanks to Pops, they still got theMTV Spring Break of a lifetime. 542 00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:54,557 ♪ No! ♪ No! 543 00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:56,037 ♪ Sleep! ♪ Sleep! 544 00:20:56,124 --> 00:20:58,300 ♪ Till Brooklyn! ♪ Till Brooklyn! 545 00:20:58,387 --> 00:20:59,475 ♪ No! ♪ No! 546 00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:01,129 ♪ Sleep! ♪ Sleep! 547 00:21:01,216 --> 00:21:02,348 ♪ Till Brooklyn! ♪ ♪ Brooklyn! ♪ 548 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,178 REAL BARRY: So, the knish incident... 549 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,006 We had nothing to do in the evening, 550 00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:11,357 so we went to the pool, the clubhouse there. 551 00:21:11,444 --> 00:21:13,359 We were playing music. 552 00:21:13,446 --> 00:21:15,143 I was hungry, so I put a potato knish in the microwave, 553 00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:16,666 and while the microwave was going, 554 00:21:16,753 --> 00:21:17,885 I heard, "Freeze! Police!" Freeze! 555 00:21:17,972 --> 00:21:19,887 So I ducked underneath the kitchen counter. 556 00:21:19,974 --> 00:21:22,672 Five seconds later, the microwave dings, 557 00:21:22,759 --> 00:21:24,805 and I hear the policeman outside say, "Send in the dogs," 558 00:21:24,892 --> 00:21:27,938 so I slowly raised my hand up and told them I'm right here. 559 00:21:28,025 --> 00:21:29,592 You were almost in jail because of a knish. 560 00:21:29,679 --> 00:21:31,159 Because of a potato knish, yes.[LAUGHS]