1 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,105 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, I grew up at the movie theater. 2 00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:05,606 There was nothing I loved more than escaping 3 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,375 into the wonder of the big screen. 4 00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:10,444 The lights, the sound, the snacks, it was magic. 5 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,746 What I loved more than anything was seeing a new movie 6 00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:16,717 from my all-time favorite director, Steven Spielberg. 7 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,719 In fact, I didn't just want to see his movies, 8 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:19,953 I wanted to live them. 9 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,789 Stop playing with your food, moron. 10 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,792 I'm not playing! It's from Close Encounters. 11 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,894 There's your close encounter. Now, eat! 12 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,429 ADULT ADAM: My favorite movie geek hobby 13 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,930 was re-creating all his classics. 14 00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:31,065 Yo. Gahh! 15 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,700 In this case, E.T. 16 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:35,103 Then one day, I came across something so legendary, 17 00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:38,239 it would take my Spielberg obsession to the next level. 18 00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:41,409 Psst. Nerd. Girl nerd. 19 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:42,476 I got your hookup. 20 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:43,911 Really? Let me see it. 21 00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,414 What the hell's happening? Shh! Be cool. 22 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,449 Johnny's my bootleg VHS dealer. 23 00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:50,318 You name it, I'll get it. 24 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,821 ADULT ADAM: Back before everything was on YouTube, 25 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,590 cult videos were passed around like contraband, 26 00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:59,160 and Johnny Atkins had all the goods. 27 00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:02,796 And the piece de resistance... 28 00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:05,466 What I saw next would change my life forever. 29 00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:07,101 That year, two kids from Jersey 30 00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:08,936 made a shot-for-shot re-creation 31 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,638 of Raiders of the Lost Ark. 32 00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,640 Turns out, there were other Spielberg fanatics out there, 33 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,508 and their homemade masterpiece made me feel 34 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,144 like anything was possible! 35 00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:18,679 I thought this was the stuff of geek legend, 36 00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:19,780 but it's real. 37 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,849 Whoa, the guys are super hot. 38 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,819 Your lady really has a type. I feel sad for her. 39 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:29,190 Know what? If these kids can remake Raiders in the basement, 40 00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:30,791 maybe it's time I take the leap. 41 00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,793 If my dream is to become a Spielberg, 42 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:33,927 I've got to write and direct 43 00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:35,929 my own original Indiana Jones story. 44 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,665 If you need a butt double for your movie, 45 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:40,134 you know where to find me. 46 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:43,371 ADULT ADAM: And so, I set off to write my first actual movie script. 47 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,973 And to my surprise, it was fun as hell! 48 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,475 Whatcha doing, boofaloo? 49 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:48,642 Writing a script. 50 00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:50,778 Yay! 51 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:54,014 So, what's the name of your big, fancy new movie? 52 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:58,552 Let's see... Indiana Jones and the 53 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,120 Thunder 54 00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:02,356 Glove 55 00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:03,891 of the Prime 56 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,393 Mutant! 57 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,960 That's it! 58 00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:10,198 Indiana Jones and the Thunder Glove of the Prime Mutant. 59 00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:11,599 It writes itself! 60 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,336 You looked around the room, 61 00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:17,905 and you came up with a title! 62 00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,813 It was March 7th, 1980-something, 63 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,147 and my dad and Pops were having 64 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,849 the most important Philadelphia debate... 65 00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:30,818 Who makes the best cheesesteak? 66 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,853 It's Geno's! Come on, it's Pat's! 67 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,588 It's Geno's! It's Pat's! 68 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,089 You're making a fool of yourself. 69 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,891 Hey! What's all the yelling about? 70 00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:39,293 This old putz thinks 71 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,429 Geno's makes a better cheesesteak than Pat's. 72 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,930 Guys, relax. 73 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,899 Pat's and Geno's sell the same exact thing 74 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,835 right across the street from each other. 75 00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,870 They're both fine, but not the best. 76 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:52,240 If you say Jim's Steaks, you no longer have a home. 77 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,608 Jim's is down the block, Barry! 78 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,311 It's not even on cheesesteak row! 79 00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,913 I'm not saying it's Jim's, Pat's, or Geno's. 80 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:04,084 The best Philly cheesesteak isn't even in Philadelphia. 81 00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:07,421 ADULT ADAM: In Philly, that was blasphemy. 82 00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:09,557 What are you saying? What's he saying, Murray? 83 00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:10,624 I don't know. 84 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,059 It was early December. 85 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:14,462 I was on my way to watch the Flyers play the Devils 86 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:15,629 in New Jersey. 87 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:16,997 Stop! 88 00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:18,966 There's no cheesesteak story that ends in Jersey. 89 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,067 But there is. 90 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,803 I took the wrong off-ramp and got lost. 91 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,873 As night fell, I grew desperate and hungry. 92 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,909 And then, like a cheesy beacon of hope, 93 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:32,480 I saw a lone sandwich shop glowing in the darkness. 94 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,215 Stop. just tell us the name of the sandwich shop already. 95 00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:36,417 That's the thing. 96 00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:38,952 I was so overwhelmed by the flavor 97 00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,120 that I didn't get a chance 98 00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:41,822 to look up from my poppy-seed kaiser roll 99 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,324 to get a name. 100 00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:46,226 Poppy-seed kaiser roll on a cheesesteak? 101 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,061 It can't be done! 102 00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:49,497 Oh, they did it. 103 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,231 It was the poppiest of rolls, 104 00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:53,534 combined with the whizziest of cheeses. 105 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:54,702 It was like eating 106 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:57,605 the sweet butt meat of an angel in... 107 00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,607 Hey! I'm still talkin'! 108 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,709 I didn't finish my awesome true story! 109 00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,243 Well, we know how it ends. 110 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,446 With you being a giant moron, you moron. 111 00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,981 No! I hate it when you call me a moron. 112 00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:10,117 I only call you a moron 'cause you act like a moron. 113 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,585 So it's on you. 114 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,087 Then, it's my life mission to find this Jersey oasis 115 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,623 and take you there. 116 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,326 And when you eat the greatest steak sandwich of your life, 117 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,793 I will prove you wrong, 118 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,663 and you shall never call me a moron again. 119 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:25,533 And what happens when I hate this imaginary sandwich? 120 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,302 Then I'll accept once and for all that I'm truly a moron. 121 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:29,670 No, you won't. Oh, I will. 122 00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:31,505 In fact, if I'm wrong, 123 00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:34,174 I will legally change my name to "Moron." 124 00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:35,809 Okay, I'll take that deal. 125 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:39,513 My crusade for the Hoagie Grail begins now. 126 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,483 ADULT ADAM: While my brother was preparing for his cheesesteak quest, 127 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:45,853 I was prepping my shot list to bring my script to life. 128 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,288 Look what I found and immediately read. 129 00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:50,991 Oh! My Indy script? How'd you get this? 130 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,193 I hid it under my mattress and sleeping body. 131 00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,528 Well, you may not know this, 132 00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:55,829 'cause you're a very deep sleeper, 133 00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,365 but every night at 1:00a.m. sharp, 134 00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:58,999 I lead you to the bathroom to make a pishy. 135 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:01,402 I did not know that. 136 00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,003 Well, point is, I found it 137 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,838 when I moved your unconscious body, 138 00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:07,575 and this, for sure, will be our calling card. 139 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,477 I'm sorry. "Our"? 140 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,512 To be clear, I'm making this movie on my own. 141 00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:12,580 Of course. 142 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,314 I'll just be there to watch 143 00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:15,583 and, also, help you. 144 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,051 You only want to help me for selfish reasons. 145 00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,252 Me 146 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,623 Me 147 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,324 Selfish. You only want to help me 148 00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:25,893 so, if I become a real director, 149 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,761 you can say it's all 'cause of you. 150 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,431 Well, that's the truth, so why wouldn't I say it? 151 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:34,034 Mom, someday, if I'm ever in charge of a sound stage, 152 00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,937 there is no way you're setting foot anywhere near it. 153 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,940 You cannot deny my love and support, Adam. 154 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,609 Mark my words. 155 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,412 One day, I will make everyone who works for you 156 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,980 very uncomfortable with my intrusive energy. 157 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,983 And mark my words. I'm doing this on my own. 158 00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,819 In fact, I'm already in the process 159 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,654 of locking down my cast and crew. 160 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,155 ADULT ADAM: Okay, I exaggerated, 161 00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,725 but this awesome flyer was sure to lock 'em down! 162 00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,960 And that's how movies are made. 163 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,962 But while I was looking for a crew, 164 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,997 Barry was in search of answers. 165 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:08,301 And that's how you prove you're no moron. 166 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,839 ADULT ADAM: He said, making the most moronic flyer of all time. 167 00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:13,441 What's with the flyer, Goldberg? 168 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:16,009 I made this life-changing bet with my dad, and I can't lose. 169 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,778 Blood feud with the old man, huh? 170 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:20,414 I didn't talk to Coach Senior for six years 171 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,249 until we finally arm-wrestled it out. 172 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:23,684 He won. But I let him. 173 00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:25,919 No, my thing's not weird. 174 00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:28,321 I just have to legally change my name to Moron 175 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,390 if I don't find the best cheesesteak in Philly. 176 00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:31,559 But there's a catch. 177 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,861 It's not in Philly. 178 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:35,496 You know? 179 00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:37,431 Oh, Coach knows. 180 00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:40,634 If you need answers, follow me. 181 00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,636 ADULT ADAM: And with those mysterious words, 182 00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:45,873 Barry was one step closer to the Hoagie Grail. 183 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,642 Wait. The answer's in the gym? 184 00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:51,645 Not in the gym, Goldberg... 185 00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:52,813 Under it. 186 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,984 ADULT ADAM: So, it wasn't exactly the catacombs from Last Crusade, 187 00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,052 but this dusty old storage room 188 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:01,154 held the answers Barry needed most. 189 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,690 Cool! 190 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,025 Here. I believe that's exactly what you're looking for. 191 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,627 This is the place! 192 00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:09,429 Such a regal name for a glorious sandwich. 193 00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,331 ADULT ADAM: Donkey's Place, 194 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,366 a confusing name for a cheesesteakery, but, still... 195 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,869 The donkey is the most noble of all work beasts. 196 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:17,605 Now, go. 197 00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,473 Show your father who the real moron is. 198 00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:24,712 In my hand, I hold a map on the back of the menu 199 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,681 that leads to the world's greatest meat sandwich. 200 00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:29,249 We're going tonight. 201 00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,685 Don't argue! Put on your pants and move! 202 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,353 Let's go. 203 00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:36,089 Whoa. You got up so fast. I didn't know that was possible. 204 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,625 It's a win-win for me. 205 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,527 You see, either you're right 206 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,729 and I get the greatest cheesesteak of all time, 207 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,565 or you're wrong and I get the greatest gift of all, 208 00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,099 you're a permanent moron. 209 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:49,269 Prepare to literally eat those words. 210 00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:51,404 To Donkey's in Camden! 211 00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,174 ADULT ADAM: Like Indiana Jones himself, 212 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:57,210 my brother suited up for the ultimate crusade. 213 00:07:57,277 --> 00:08:00,180 Just one problem, Barry was behind the wheel. 214 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,050 This is a living nightmare. 215 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,217 Should I take this exit? 216 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:05,485 No, don't take this exit. 217 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:06,887 Blinkers on. I'm taking it. 218 00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:08,221 I'm not lost. 219 00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:10,658 I'm positive I'm not going the right way. 220 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:13,060 I have a good feeling about this unpaved road. 221 00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,762 Oh, I gotta pee. Hold it. 222 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,196 I got to go. Hold it. 223 00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:17,497 I got to go, Dad. 224 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:20,768 Hey, pelicans! We're near the ocean. 225 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,035 Just drive me in. 226 00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:24,037 BARRY: Uh-oh. I left my wallet at home. 227 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,973 MURRAY: Of course you did, moron! 228 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:27,875 Yo, bro. We heard about your movie. 229 00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,076 JTP wants in. 230 00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,544 Seriously? You want to be in it? 231 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,245 I was thinking more cameraman. 232 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,548 Naked Rob's tired of always being objectified for his body. 233 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:37,050 Technically, you're the one who gets naked, but, yes. 234 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,218 Can I be the prop guy? 235 00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:39,386 You know, everyone's always focused 236 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,121 on the characters in the movie, 237 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,422 but I'm always, like, "Where'd they get that salt shaker?" 238 00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:43,624 And I can be your gaffer. 239 00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:45,125 That way, I can find out what a gaffer is. 240 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,860 I guess I could do whatever job 241 00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:50,130 a handsome, charismatic guy with a camera-friendly smile would do. 242 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,298 You tell me. 243 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,266 Actually, I'm looking for my Indiana Jones. 244 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:56,637 Me? I never would've thought of that. 245 00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,472 Can I help build sets for your movie? 246 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,742 I have over eight years' of stage crew experience. 247 00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:03,076 Please, please, please. 248 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,879 Yo, nerd. I hear you need a snake for your badass movie. 249 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:08,148 I own six, so count me in as animal wrangler. 250 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,683 I'll do costumes 251 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:12,019 'cause doing clothes just for me has gotten old. 252 00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,922 Oh, wow. This is coming together incredibly fast. 253 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,556 All because of one little flyer. 254 00:09:16,624 --> 00:09:19,627 What flyer? No, we read your script. 255 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:20,994 How'd you get my script? 256 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,897 Just read the first page! I promise you'll fall in love! 257 00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,198 Mom! No! 258 00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,834 Leave the nice students alone! 259 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,002 I thought I was clear! No Mom on this movie. 260 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,471 No, you said I couldn't be on set, 261 00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:33,807 which is why I'm here, acting as your agent. 262 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,008 But don't worry. 263 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,477 I'll take my 10% in belly kisses. Ah-ah-ah-ah! 264 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,046 No! I don't need an agent. 265 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:41,915 Food. What about food? Let Mama do the catering. 266 00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:45,152 You know I can make a lasagna so dens, it can feed 62 people. 267 00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:47,788 Fine! You can be my craft-service lady, 268 00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:49,757 but only 'cause a fed crew is a happy crew. 269 00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,659 But you're not to say anything to anyone. 270 00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,661 Oh, yay! We're making a movie! 271 00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,562 I mean, you're making a movie. 272 00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,030 I'm not making anything. 273 00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,300 Except banana bread and 100 phone calls to my friends. 274 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,469 ADULT ADAM: Like always, my smother couldn't stay away. 275 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,538 But there was one family member I happily welcomed on board. 276 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,640 I want in on your movie. 277 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,141 Wha... Seriously? 278 00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,943 Geoff said it's a good script, and that it's not just 279 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:12,713 your mouth-breathing loser friends helping. It's also real people. 280 00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,347 I can't believe it! 281 00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,049 Composing for a minor motion picture 282 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:19,252 is gonna be huge for my music career. So, what do you say? 283 00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,854 Yes! I always knew one day 284 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,690 we'd collaborate on something amazing. 285 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,958 Okay, I don't take notes, and I'll call you when I'm done. 286 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,660 And she's gone. 287 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,328 Concerning. 288 00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,497 Don't be nervous, love bug. Not nervous. 289 00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:33,300 This is everything you've ever hoped and dreamed about. 290 00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:36,269 Now I'm nervous. 291 00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,507 ADULT ADAM: It was the first day of my big movie. 292 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,676 The sets were built. The cameras were loaded. 293 00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:44,678 And I couldn't wait to call, "Action!" 294 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:47,881 Holy balls! Dan, this is unreal! 295 00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,282 How'd you pull it off so fast? 296 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,784 I melded together the old sets 297 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:53,754 from The King and I, Oklahoma, and Damn Yankees. 298 00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:55,288 Also, I have a lot of spare time on my hands 299 00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,924 'cause I struggle socially. 300 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,992 And you can see it in your work, pal. 301 00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,894 Now, where's my actors? 302 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,903 Oh, wow! You guys really look 303 00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:11,839 just like the real characters. 304 00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,774 Are those the security tags from Benetton? 305 00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,042 No. 306 00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:16,409 Uh, excuse me. Trail mix? 307 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,779 Apple slices? Little cup of tuna? 308 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,180 No thanks, craft service. 309 00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,449 Now, please stay in your designated area. 310 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,185 As you wish, Director Goldberg. 311 00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:26,386 Did you hear that, everybody? 312 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:28,188 This squishy tushy monster 313 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:30,724 is in charge of the whole enchilada. 314 00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:33,460 Ignore the kooky food lady, people! 315 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,395 Now, let's make a picture! 316 00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,397 Yeah! Right on. 317 00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:38,799 ADULT ADAM: As my adventure began, 318 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,968 my brother's crusade had come to an end. 319 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,569 There it is! 320 00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:44,571 ADULT ADAM: It was a long, grueling journey, 321 00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:46,807 but as Barry gazed upon Donkey's, 322 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,776 shining like a delicious beacon of hope, 323 00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,610 he knew it would all be worth it. 324 00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:53,246 Nothing could stop him now. 325 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,282 Hey! Open up! 326 00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:57,350 ADULT ADAM: Unless they got there too late. 327 00:11:57,417 --> 00:12:01,221 Please, crusty old man! Just one. One sandwich. 328 00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,691 One. 329 00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:07,460 But choose wisely. 330 00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:11,431 ADULT ADAM: It wasn't an immortal Templar, but the pressure was still on. 331 00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,901 Mmm, oh, yeah. 332 00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:15,368 That's the good stuff I remember. 333 00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,104 I got to admit, not bad. 334 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,538 Unh, it's got a little heat to it. 335 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:20,273 Whoa! Coming on kinda strong. 336 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,541 It's fighting back pretty hard. 337 00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:23,343 Oh, that's a spicy punch to the mouth. 338 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,245 Aah! The biting is relentless! 339 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,347 Aah! What the hell did you put on this thing? 340 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,783 Something called "Donkey Kick Sauce." Ohh! 341 00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:31,618 It was in the condiment section, but sounded special, 342 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,620 so I smeared it all over. 343 00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:36,656 He chose poorly. 344 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,628 What the is wrong with that guy? No idea! 345 00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:43,196 Give me the keys! We're going home. 346 00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,899 Oh, no! 347 00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,903 It's not like we lost the keys. 348 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,571 We know exactly where they are. 349 00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:53,841 ADULT ADAM: While Barry and my dad dealt with a spicy mess, 350 00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:55,876 I was feeling cool in the director's seat. 351 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,277 Or so I thought. 352 00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:58,678 Hey. I made the boulder 353 00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:00,881 that's gonna roll down these temple steps right for Indy. 354 00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:04,284 Um, I think that should be, like, ten times as big. 355 00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:07,454 That makes sense. Man, you're super good at directing. 356 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,323 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, directing is, like, really hard. 357 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,325 Okay, I'm back, and I nailed it. 358 00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,294 Oh! So, you want, like, a big one. 359 00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:16,496 Like... Like, not a rock, but a boulder. 360 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,366 Okay, this one's smaller, so that's on me. 361 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:21,534 ADULT ADAM: And props were the least of my problems. 362 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:24,004 Okay, time for the snake. Where's my wrangler? 363 00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:26,006 Bad news, bro. No snake. 364 00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:28,041 No snake? No snake. 365 00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:29,509 Snake got away. Snake got away? 366 00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:30,844 Snake's gone. Snake's gone? 367 00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,145 No snake. No snake. 368 00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:33,947 Don't worry, he's super fast and hungry. 369 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,182 He'll make himself known. 370 00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,716 I'll just fix it in post. 371 00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:40,687 ADULT ADAM: Then came the problems with the actors. 372 00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:44,591 Whoo! Let's fight a boulder and karate chop a tank! 373 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,927 Matt, stop chugging Jolt Colas. 374 00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,162 Can't! I could do this all day, bro! 375 00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,497 Yo, Adam, I think your Indy 376 00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,732 clearly has a major sugar problem. 377 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:55,802 ADULT ADAM: Then, of course, there were the technical difficulties. 378 00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,370 No, no, no! Dude! 379 00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,339 You can't expose any of the film to actual daylight! 380 00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,408 So, what's the least upsetting way 381 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,176 of saying we got to re-shoot lots and lots of stuff? 382 00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:08,115 It's fine. I'll just cut down on my shot list and fix the rest in post. 383 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,617 Thankfully, my composer would rescue me. 384 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,752 Buckle up, moviemakers. 385 00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:14,421 Guess who just composed 386 00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,924 the greatest movie score of all time. 387 00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,892 Erica! It's my sister, Erica! 388 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:21,194 Oh, thank God you came home from college to help me! 389 00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,829 ADULT ADAM: But it wasn't a movie score... 390 00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,831 ...just a lame pop song to further her own career. 391 00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,934 * Come on, DJ play that song* 392 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,835 * Let's party all night long* 393 00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:32,305 * I'm Indiana Jonesin' for your body* 394 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:36,409 * I'm Indiana Jonesin' for your lips* 395 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:40,413 * You're tearing my heart right out of my chest* 396 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,316 * And now I'm Indiana Jonesin' for that whip* 397 00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,553 Come on! Do the Indy. 398 00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,588 And Indiana Jones whip. 399 00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,590 Yes! 400 00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:52,625 It's fine. I'll fix it in post. 401 00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,461 Let's just keep shooting. 402 00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:57,630 All right, let's go! Everybody out! It's 7:00. 403 00:14:57,697 --> 00:15:00,133 Volleyball team's got to practice. 404 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,169 Coach, I can't just lose my location. 405 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,836 How's about I shoot around you guys, 406 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,272 and then I'll fix it in post? 407 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,307 Shoot around them? They just put up a net in front of the set. 408 00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:09,943 Everyone, stop asking questions. Too many things have changed. 409 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:11,678 My shot list is useless! 410 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:12,779 Uh, help? 411 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:14,281 Hey, you found my snake. 412 00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,583 Guys. He's looking for food. Just go limp, bro. 413 00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:19,286 It's fine! I'll fix it in post. Let's just keep shooting. 414 00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,154 Adam, uh, maybe you should take five. 415 00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,656 Sure! I've got nothing but time! 416 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,325 It's not like this whole thing depends 417 00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:27,294 on what I decide every... 418 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,429 Ha! He's melting down! 419 00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:30,863 ...single second! 420 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:31,999 Aah. 421 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,834 Balls! 422 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:36,803 BEVERLY: Boopie! 423 00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:37,904 Shake it off, Goldberg! 424 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:41,374 BEVERLY: Oh! Oh! 425 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,310 I'll fix it in post. 426 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,078 ADULT ADAM: While I was in production hell, 427 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,714 Barry and my dad were stuck at the worst place on earth, 428 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,982 a Jersey bus station. 429 00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,917 Looks good. That from Donkey's? 430 00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,219 Oh, yeah, worth the trip 431 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,820 for the best cheesesteak on the planet. 432 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:56,323 Hear that? "Best on the planet." 433 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,991 That's proof that I'm right. 434 00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:01,794 Truth is, Barry, I'm never calling you a moron ever again. 435 00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:03,396 Really? Yeah. 436 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,865 I'm beginning to think, after today, 437 00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:07,934 that you're an actual moron. 438 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:10,803 And if you are an actual, factual moron, 439 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:13,106 then to keep calling you one is just plain mean. 440 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,808 No, I don't want to not be called a moron for that reason. 441 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,378 I want to not be called a moron 'cause I'm not a moron. 442 00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:21,048 How 'bout "Barry"? You like "Barry"? Is "Barry" good for you? 443 00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,915 That's even worse! 444 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,551 ADULT ADAM: And then it happened. 445 00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:27,354 Barry saw his opportunity to prove to our dad, 446 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,489 once and for all, he wasn't a moron. 447 00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,058 That's it. 448 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:33,926 We're eating a Donkey steak if it's the last thing I do! 449 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,929 Sit down and do not mess with that man's sandwich. 450 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,232 We'll just switch it with our flaming hot one! 451 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:41,501 He's a giant. He'll never notice the spicy. 452 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,270 That's not how spicy works. 453 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,677 Hey! 454 00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:52,045 Oh, crap! 455 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,748 Sir, please don't chase my son! 456 00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,285 He's a moron! It's not his fault! 457 00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,164 BARRY: Ow! 458 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,333 My cheesesteak-eating arm! 459 00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,804 Please don't. I have to win a bet! 460 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:21,774 ADULT ADAM: After my disastrous day of filming, 461 00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:23,910 I was truly left a broken man. 462 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:26,279 Fix it in post. I'mma fix it in post. 463 00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,148 Let... Let me take a look. 464 00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:30,750 ADULT ADAM: And so, I screened the only usable footage I had. 465 00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,619 That's why I got into showbiz. 466 00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:34,821 Do you think any of them noticed me gaffing? 467 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,356 That's a wrap, weirdos! 468 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:37,790 Out of my gym! Go! Go! Go! 469 00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,659 Come on, scram! ANDY: Aah! 470 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,428 ADULT ADAM: It wasn't great. Question... 471 00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:44,364 Just how much can you fix in post? 472 00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:45,898 Honestly, I don't care 473 00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:47,934 'cause I, like, suck at directing stuff. 474 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,971 Don't say that. You are my little Stevie Spielboopie. 475 00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:55,007 I'm not. I'm gonna be painfully honest here. 476 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,043 I always said I wanted to direct, 477 00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,478 but I didn't really know what it meant. 478 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:01,514 And now I do, and I hated every second. 479 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,217 But this is all you've ever talked about. 480 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:07,454 If not this, what else are you gonna be? 481 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,157 I guess... Nothing. 482 00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,993 And so, I abandoned my first directing gig 483 00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,962 feeling hopeless and broken. 484 00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:18,565 But not nearly as broken as Barry's cheesesteak-eating arm. 485 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:19,699 How's the arm? 486 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,668 Broken. Like the rest of me. 487 00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:24,304 So, you lost some car keys. Who cares? 488 00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:26,639 The fact is, I am a total moron, 489 00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,475 and I deserve to be called one. 490 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:31,544 Do you know why I point out your stupidity 20 times a day? 491 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,380 'Cause all I do is make stupid choices? 492 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,982 For sure. 493 00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:38,117 But you're also a really smart kid. 494 00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,253 And it's a father's job to help make sure 495 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,655 his kids grow up to make smart choices. 496 00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,657 So, when you call me a moron, 497 00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,693 it's just 'cause you really want the best for me? 498 00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:47,894 Something like that. 499 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,562 And under everything, it just means, "I love you." 500 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,164 Don't push it, moron. 501 00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:56,569 But, uh, yes. For sure. 502 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,239 ADULT ADAM: That day, the real treasure my dad and brother found 503 00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:00,807 wasn't a sandwich at all. 504 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:03,142 Admit it, it's the best, right? 505 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:04,244 You know what? 506 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,712 Leaving those keys behind 507 00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:07,380 may be the smartest thing you've ever done. 508 00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:11,284 You chose wisely. 509 00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:15,087 What is his deal? 510 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,224 Where you going, schmoops? 511 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:19,192 Returning this camera, 'cause I'll never need it again. 512 00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:20,927 No, I can't let you do that. 513 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,630 Mom, please don't make this about you. 514 00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,064 I'm not. 515 00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,900 Adam, what you do with your life is not my story. 516 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,402 I know that now. 517 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:32,305 But I can't let you quit your dream of being Spielberg. 518 00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:33,740 You really should. Come on. 519 00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:36,643 There must have been some little part of this that was fun. 520 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:39,412 I guess when I was by myself writing. 521 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,581 Well, that's a start. Just writing? 522 00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:44,417 Adam, you may not be a big star like Spielberg, 523 00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:47,254 but I know you'll find your way to shine just as bright. 524 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,722 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, when you let your loved ones see you 525 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,123 for who you really are, 526 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,593 that's where the adventure truly begins. 527 00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:54,861 Here we go, Dan. 528 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,062 You're an evil billionaire who hustles pool 529 00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:57,397 for religious artifacts. 530 00:19:57,464 --> 00:19:59,899 Do it with feeling and purpose. 531 00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:02,769 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, my real quest was finding my calling. 532 00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,671 It feels good to just be the writer. 533 00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:06,906 One might say I made that happen. 534 00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:08,875 No! You did not make anything happen! 535 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,877 I mean it. 536 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:12,779 ADULT ADAM: And there was one person who saw it in me the whole time. 537 00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,814 But thanks, Mama. 538 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,250 Of course, schmoopy. 539 00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:19,286 And action! 540 00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,887 Eight ball, corner pocket. 541 00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,822 Ugh! 542 00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,657 BOY: You're calling the eight ball? 543 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,893 Why, that's ludicrous, Indiana Jones! 544 00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:29,095 DAN: Eight ball, corner pocket. 545 00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:30,697 Ugh! 546 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,432 Yes! 547 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,876 I watched all three Indy movies. 548 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:46,713 And now I really know what kind of song you're looking for. 549 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,180 Erica, I'm not directing... 550 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,417 Just give me another chance! 551 00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:54,287 * I'm Indiana Jonesin' for that music * 552 00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:58,458 * I'm Indiana Jonesin' for those skeleton bones * 553 00:20:58,525 --> 00:21:01,694 * I'll throw you the idol you throw me your whip * 554 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:06,699 * I'm Indiana Jonesin' for Indiana Jones * 555 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,001 * Yo, girl, it's Indy make some room * 556 00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:11,137 * Wanna take you back to my Temple of Boom * 557 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:15,207 * Girl's so hot that I say, "Damn, you belong in a museum" * 558 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:16,843 * All around the map from Paris to Prague * 559 00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:18,878 * No, they named me after the dog * 560 00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:21,047 * Drop you like you're a German soldier * 561 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:22,982 * Run over you like a big-ass boulder * 562 00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:26,819 * Indiana Jones you can raid my ark * 563 00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:29,522 * And, also I'm afraid of snakes * 564 00:21:29,589 --> 00:21:30,890 No.