1 00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:04,105 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, my brother discovered rap music 2 00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:05,706 and he was immediately obsessed. 3 00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:06,940 But he wasn't the only one. 4 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,110 Even pro sports players got in on the mix. 5 00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:12,546 And the most famous of all was the Chicago Bears' Super Bowl Shuffle. 6 00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,582 * I didn't come here Looking for trouble 7 00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,917 * I just came to do The Super Bowl Shuffle * 8 00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:20,121 Look at this garbage. You're cocky and overrated, Bears! 9 00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:22,290 The team and the animal. 10 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:25,426 You think I can't grab a trout from a stream? I can! 11 00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,928 They're the worst and so is their stupid shuffle. 12 00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:29,897 * We're not here To start no trouble 13 00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:31,332 * I just came to do The Super Bowl Shuffle * 14 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:32,433 BOTH: (SCATTING) * Super Bowl Shuffle 15 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,534 ADULT ADAM: And after the Bears, 16 00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:35,736 a ton of NFL teams made rap videos. 17 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:38,306 Including our beloved Philadelphia Eagles. 18 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,574 (RAPPING) * Quick six, Wide receiver 19 00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:41,742 * They thought the name was a joke 20 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,144 * But I made them all believers * 21 00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:45,413 See, that's how an NFL team is supposed to rap. 22 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,648 The Eagles have a subtlety the Bears can only dream about. 23 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:50,951 And yet, I still sense opportunity for improvement. 24 00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:54,021 What it needs is real stars. 25 00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:57,458 * Name's Big Tasty I bust a move 26 00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:59,927 * Also my skin is silky and smooth 27 00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:02,496 * I'm Naked Rob and I make the tackle 28 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,965 * I cover my receiver like a wall with spackle 29 00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:07,335 * It's creamy Geoff Schwartz Got hands with no match 30 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,803 * Just throw me the ball And I'll make the catch 31 00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:12,306 * Watch out world We're causing a kerfuffle 32 00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,542 * We rap our rhymes And do the JTP Shuffle * 33 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:17,678 Okay, stop. What is the deal with these lyrics? 34 00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:21,149 Who says kerfuffle and calls out their own silky smooth skin? 35 00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:22,816 When you got it, flaunt it. 36 00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,118 It's true. It's almost buttery. 37 00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,386 It's all very odd. 38 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,855 This is good. All the best football raps 39 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:31,292 strike a delicate balance between simple and awkward. 40 00:01:31,359 --> 00:01:33,127 Roll it! Cut! 41 00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:35,663 Stop it right now. Hand me that football. 42 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:38,132 You might as well be holding a live grenade. You know the rule. 43 00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:42,035 My little schmoopie's are too fragile and squishy to play contact sports. 44 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,672 We're not even playing, we're just singing and shuffling. 45 00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:46,207 This is a gateway ball. 46 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:48,209 It starts with a fun little shuffle, 47 00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:51,212 and then you go out and break your ankle or shatter a pelvis. 48 00:01:51,279 --> 00:01:52,713 I should be rolling at this. 49 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:55,683 We have plenty of safe, fun balls for you to play with. 50 00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:58,486 The fun-est ball of all, beach. 51 00:01:58,552 --> 00:01:59,920 You literally ruin everything. 52 00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:02,156 Aw, you just need to give it a try. Here, catch. 53 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:04,758 Okay, try again. (LAUGHS) 54 00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:07,161 Oh. All right. See, it doesn't even hurt. 55 00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,429 Okay, sports are fun. 56 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,998 * I'm twisted up inside 57 00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:14,835 * But nonetheless I feel the need to say 58 00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:18,506 * I don't know the future 59 00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:22,743 * But the past keeps getting clearer every day * 60 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:25,346 ADULT ADAM: It was February 28th, 1980-something. 61 00:02:25,413 --> 00:02:28,516 The year of my mom's Bevolution, where she tried new things. 62 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,017 Like, cutting my hair with a vacuum. 63 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:31,552 Oh, balls. Do you know what you're doing? 64 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,020 I feel like you don't know what you're doing. 65 00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:35,523 That's the beauty of the Flowbee haircutting system, 66 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,391 I don't have to know what I'm doing. 67 00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:38,892 I prefer the old system 68 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,862 where we go to your salon and Chantal washes my hair, 69 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,364 which feels way too good 70 00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:45,098 and I ask her to do it longer 71 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,468 but then it gets weird and she stops. 72 00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,203 (FLOWBEE STARTS UP) What the hell is this? 73 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,372 I'm experimenting with my Flowbee. 74 00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:54,742 It only takes two minutes to go from drab to fab! 75 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,076 Done. 76 00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:57,278 That's it? 77 00:02:57,345 --> 00:03:00,080 Chantal usually hands me a mirror to look at the back 78 00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:02,583 and brushes the hair off my neck. 79 00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:05,719 Leaning in ever so close to inspect her work. 80 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,321 Please go. 81 00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:09,257 Bevy, what's with all this crap? 82 00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:12,626 A Thighmaster, a Veg-OMatic, a Salad Shooter, 83 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,662 a Pocket Fisherman? 84 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,464 Our people don't fish, fish. 85 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,899 We buy fish and then we shmear it. 86 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:21,302 Shmear? What shmear? White fish? Locks? 87 00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,836 This isn't about shopping. 88 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:25,406 Anything gipper? It's about the Bevolution. 89 00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:28,809 Isn't that about you finding purpose outside of our moron kids? 90 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:31,144 And I found it. Come with me. 91 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,314 So, this QVC, it's a TV show. 92 00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:34,682 It's a whole channel. 93 00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,284 ADULT ADAM: That's right. 94 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:39,453 Before QVC dot com was a world leader in online retail, 95 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:43,257 they invented at-home shopping with their groundbreaking TV channel. 96 00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:46,994 People can shop from their home using just a phone and a credit card. 97 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,629 Who would do something like that? 98 00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:51,198 Yes, I'm calling about the exciting shower radio. 99 00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:52,833 Hang up my phone, Al. 100 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:57,204 But this amazing product allows me to listen to music while I'm wet. 101 00:03:57,271 --> 00:04:02,443 See, Murray, QVC is just regular people like me selling big ideas. 102 00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:04,111 We're living in the future. 103 00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:07,948 Now I only bought that stuff as research to figure out what I could sell. 104 00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:09,783 You know what? That's not a bad idea. 105 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:13,887 Oh, that is so typical. Why would I ever expect my own husband's support? 106 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:17,157 Did you hear what I said? It's not a bad idea. 107 00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:20,294 How can you stand there and mock the love of your life? 108 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:23,297 She's just trying to improve herself, and this is how you act? 109 00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:27,034 Okay, I get it. You're both not used to me being supportive. 110 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,303 Shame. I don't like this look on you, Mur. 111 00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,904 Both of you, listen. 112 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:33,874 I'm sincerely saying that I believe you can do this, Beverly. 113 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,643 You always have great ideas. 114 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:38,245 You never give up. You're made for this. 115 00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,847 So, there's really no angle? 116 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,715 No angle, just love and support. 117 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,984 Why can't anyone accept that I'm capable of this? 118 00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:45,886 I accept it with all my heart. 119 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,521 Thank you for believing in me. 120 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,424 ADULT ADAM: And just like that, QVC did the impossible. 121 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,493 Made my dad a supportive husband. 122 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,496 And Barry was also doing the impossible. Going against my Mom. 123 00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:57,765 Cunningham feeds back, he looks left... 124 00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,833 Boom! Refrigerator Perry busts through the line! 125 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,702 Hey, over here! Mike Quick is wide open! 126 00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:02,936 I forgot my player's name! 127 00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,338 Cunningham heaves it! 128 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:06,374 Yes! 129 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,842 The Ref indicates touchdown and wonders if he'll get a chance to play. 130 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,210 He won't! Good job, dude. 131 00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:11,879 Dude, Barry. Your arm is a cannon. 132 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:15,916 And that's with a Nerf, which is way harder to throw than a real football. 133 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,651 Wow. You know a lot about science. 134 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:20,220 COACH: All right, boys... Uh, time to call it. Real team needs the field. 135 00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:22,690 Damn it. I wish my crazy mom would let me play. 136 00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,191 If she didn't hold me back, 137 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:26,093 I could have been a star wide-receiver for the Eagles. 138 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,195 Forget your Mom, just join the team and don't tell her. 139 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,964 We're talking about Beverly Goldberg! 140 00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:34,535 Her only purpose is to mix into our lives. 141 00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:37,938 So what I'm saying is, I will no longer be able to mix into your lives 142 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,874 because I'm going to become a QVC mogul. 143 00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,610 What? I know. 144 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,546 I won't be around as much to take care of you. It's hard for me, too. 145 00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:49,583 Then I should probably call Chantal and make a series of hair appointments. 146 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:52,920 When won't you be around? I need specifics. 147 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,154 I guess, after school. 148 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:55,923 So, you'll have no idea where I am 149 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:58,659 or what I'm playing during the hours of 3:00 to 5:00? 150 00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,794 If my business takes off, 151 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,230 I may never be at your school again. 152 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:06,934 (CHUCKLES) I'm so sad right now, I need to try on these cleats. 153 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,502 Anyway, off to bed. 154 00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:10,237 Wait. 155 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:12,005 ADULT ADAM: Barry thought he was busted. 156 00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:16,844 But instead my Mom got a business idea that fit like a glove. 157 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,446 Little static cling, there. 158 00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:20,848 (CHUCKLES) Bye now. (DOOR SHUTS) 159 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:24,017 ADULT ADAM: A glove that would fulfill her QVC dreams. 160 00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:27,187 Yep, like a mad genius struck with a lightning bolt of vision, 161 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:30,824 my Mom called inspiration from every part of her life. 162 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,594 She snipped, sowed, measured and worked around the clock 163 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,996 to create the coolest jacket the '80s had ever seen. 164 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,230 Or, so she thought. 165 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:40,000 So, what do you think? 166 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,670 Look, I don't know from fashion. 167 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,973 But if you say it's stylish, I'm sure they'll sell like hot cakes. 168 00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:49,977 See the problem with jean jackets is they're almost entirely jean. 169 00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:55,015 But Bev-wear has fun, flash, doily's and tic-tac-toe. 170 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,950 Those jackets are gonna sell themselves. 171 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,886 I love the new supportive, Murray. 172 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:02,355 Frankly he is different than the man I originally married, but he's great. 173 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,224 So, now what? You show this to QVC? 174 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:07,294 Yes, I already sent them one and I left ten messages. 175 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,498 I find it very unprofessional that they haven't called me back yet. 176 00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:11,699 Even after I threatened them. 177 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,033 Their loss. 178 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,202 You know what we'll do? We'll ship 'em off to Erica, 179 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,404 all her arts and college friends, they'll flip for 'em. 180 00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:21,408 Yes! We'll get the young tastemakers to create some buzz. 181 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:24,077 And then QVC'll come knocking down our door. 182 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,647 You've got a business plan, little lady. 183 00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:29,182 ADULT ADAM: And just like that, my parents were convinced 184 00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,751 the jackets were gonna be a hit. 185 00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,586 These jackets straight up, suck, Dad. 186 00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:34,054 Stop. They do not. 187 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,223 Why would you encourage Mom to start a fashion line? 188 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,992 The lady wears rainbow colored sweaters with duck puns on them. 189 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,260 It's a matter of figure. 190 00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,095 Ew! Look, this important to your mother. 191 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,698 She put her heart and soul into making those jackets. 192 00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:46,399 And that's very disturbing 193 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,401 because they look like they were bought from a craft fair in Hell. 194 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,170 I'm not asking for much here. 195 00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:54,274 Now go sell your mother's expensive home-made jackets to college kids. 196 00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:56,043 Look, this is a lost cause, okay? 197 00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:58,345 You sent me a giant box and I only sold one. 198 00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,347 And honestly, I wasn't very ethical about it. 199 00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:03,450 Okay, when I stumble home from a frat party at 4:00 in the morning, 200 00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:06,119 it is super not cool to trick me into buying stuff. 201 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,354 I'm on a business call, Roomie. 202 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,523 It was dark and you said this was Gucci. 203 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,424 Please just try and sell a few more. 204 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,126 Okay, fine. But just to be clear, 205 00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:16,263 I have zero investment in how this turns out. 206 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,598 I want my money back. 207 00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:19,466 Honestly, the jacket says sexy to me. 208 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,434 Really? 'Cause to me, it just says... 209 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,536 Jacket. 210 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:23,671 Oh, that's bad. 211 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,238 ADULT ADAM: Yep. Bev-wear was nowhere, 212 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,975 but my brother's football career was about to arrive. 213 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,309 Your prayers have been answered. 214 00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:31,545 Big Tasty is finally joining the football team. 215 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:34,314 We've been through this, Goldberg. Your mommy won't allow it. 216 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:37,918 Well, my mommy's going through a time-consuming mid-life crisis, 217 00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:39,286 so now I get to chase my dream. 218 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,922 Our team could use some of that Goldberg moxie. 219 00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,056 What are you playing these days? 220 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,625 Oh, I play it all. 221 00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:46,727 You'll probably have to diagram some new plays 222 00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:49,229 to take advantage of my amazing skill set. May I? 223 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,899 Normally I'd say no, but I wanna see where this goes. 224 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,737 I call it the Hail Barry. 225 00:08:56,804 --> 00:09:01,675 In this play I both throw and catch the winning touchdown as time expires. 226 00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,410 That literally cannot be done. 227 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:07,247 And yet I've done it against my brother Adam over seven times. 228 00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,549 All right, let's hit the field and see what you got! 229 00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:17,024 I'm unconscious! I'm unconscious! I've been knocked unconscious! 230 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,627 Um, Coach, Goldberg says he's unconscious even though he's talking. 231 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:20,761 You okay, Goldberg? 232 00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:22,362 Just a little unconscious, Coach. 233 00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:23,864 hey, just thought of something. 234 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:27,100 Do you have any of those Fig Newtons? They always perk me back up. 235 00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:30,704 Lot of athletes don't know this, but the Newton is a power food. 236 00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,205 Power food, Goldberg? 237 00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:33,741 Man, get off the damn field. 238 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:36,977 I'll handle this. Yeah. We're handling it, Assistant Coach Fast. 239 00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,813 Or should I just say "Assistant?" 240 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,649 Oh, hell no. Okay, walk away, Ike. 241 00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:43,617 (BLOWS WHISTLE) All right. Starter, line up. 242 00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:46,053 Let's move those chains! Where do you want me, Coach? 243 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:47,387 The bench. 244 00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:49,356 But if I'm on the bench, how could I be your star player? 245 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,858 Well, it's like this, Goldberg. 246 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,226 You know when you gaze into the dark night sky 247 00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,395 and you see all those shimmering stars? 248 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:56,664 I got a secret for you. 249 00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,165 They're not alone. 250 00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:01,134 There're a bunch of weak, crappy stars right behind them 251 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,803 on God's great space bench. 252 00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:05,405 Shining their dim, pointless light. 253 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:07,540 Think about it. 254 00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,544 I thought about it, Coach. 255 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,714 And I don't wanna be on the space bench. 256 00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:15,548 Please. I'm a star! 257 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:18,418 ADULT ADAM: And, so, Barry convinced Coach to give him one last shot. 258 00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:20,253 (GRUNTING) 259 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,589 I'm down. I'm unconscious again. 260 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:29,096 ADULT ADAM: My brother had officially been benched and he was not a good sport about it. 261 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,698 Yo, wanna play some Tecmo Bowl? 262 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:33,433 No football for me. Coach said I'm not good enough to start. 263 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,736 But football is your game. 264 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,504 Did you tell him about the Hail Barry? 265 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:41,341 Many times! It just seemed to annoy him. Now I'm stuck on the bench. 266 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,543 Know what I think? Coach is testing you. 267 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:46,113 We're talking about sports, nerd. What do you know? 268 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:47,748 I know sports movies. 269 00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:51,284 And the Coach always benches his star to test his leadership. 270 00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:54,187 Oh, my God. I'm the star of this real life movie. 271 00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:57,424 It's the only logical conclusion. What happens now? 272 00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:00,193 You just need to prove to Coach that you can unite your team 273 00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,562 in a highly unconventional and cinematic way. 274 00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:05,465 That leaves only one clear option. 275 00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:06,734 A football rap. 276 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,569 Speaking as a guy who knows nothing about sports, 277 00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,438 this makes all the sense in the world! 278 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:15,142 Time to blow off practice and write some dope lyrics to bond my squad. 279 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:16,609 Sports! 280 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,812 ADULT ADAM: As Big Tasty put together an uplifting song, 281 00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,814 Bev-wear was falling apart at the seams. 282 00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,215 (SNIFFLING) 283 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,818 Look at that. You made a fresh batch of jackets. 284 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,220 (CRYING AND SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 285 00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,756 What the hell? She sent 'em all back? 286 00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,157 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 287 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,892 No, people want them. 288 00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,660 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 289 00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:37,664 You're not a failure! 290 00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:39,399 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 291 00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:43,336 I'm beyond positive. Those kids aren't even your market. 292 00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,739 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 293 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:48,809 A Bev-wear customer is a sophisticated adult. 294 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:51,311 (WHIMPERS) Yeah. I'll even sell 'em for you. 295 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,346 (CRIES AND SPEAKS GIBBERISH) 296 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:56,750 ADULT ADAM: Selling Bev-wear wasn't easy, 297 00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:59,452 but if anyone could do it, it was my salesman Dad. 298 00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:02,455 Your total is $396.87, 299 00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:05,826 and just for today with every sofa you buy, 300 00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:09,296 you get this charming jacket half-price! 301 00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:10,998 No. All right, 75% off. 302 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,199 Just the couch, please. 303 00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:14,634 Hey, Mur. How does this jacket work? 304 00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,203 The pockets are on the back. 305 00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:17,404 Not now, Al! 306 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:19,973 How about this? Free. You bought the sofa, take it. 307 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,708 This jacket is very ugly. 308 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:25,178 Mur, just come over and unzip a pocket on my back. 309 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,947 I wanna put away these Chiclets. 310 00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:31,051 All right, look. Take the jacket! You don't even have to wear it. 311 00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:32,485 Uh, put it on the snowman. 312 00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:33,686 Let's just forget the whole thing. 313 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,723 Hey! The sofa's free, just take the jacket. 314 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,392 It's a bad jacket. 315 00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,361 Bev can never know the truth. 316 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,063 We'll take 'em to a thrift store 317 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,731 and then tell her that they sold like crazy. 318 00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,499 It's a bad jacket. 319 00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,401 I know that, Al. 320 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,537 (FUNKY HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 321 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,339 (RAPPING) * Big tasty Wide receiver 322 00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,641 * I catch the ball like a golden retriever 323 00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:57,010 * Unlike those dogs, I don't have bad hips 324 00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:59,512 * I fly down the field for touchdown trips 325 00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,714 * Ruben Jr. Quarterback 326 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,817 * I move so fast I can't get sacked 327 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:06,219 * I pass the ball through the air 328 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,555 * Come see me play Pull up a chair 329 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,258 * I'm Sergei Tarbakamus I kick field goals 330 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,360 * Am I nervous? Yeah, I suppose 331 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:14,862 Where the hell is everybody? 332 00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:15,996 SERGEI: * By hitting the mark 333 00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:18,698 * The game is over before it starts 334 00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:21,368 TEAM: (SINGING) * Mellor's watching you 335 00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,336 * He's watching Yes, he's watching 336 00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:28,575 * Quakers fight on through Quakers fight on through 337 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,543 They are really gonna regret this. 338 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:35,883 * If you don't, you're gonna make our coach angry! * 339 00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:37,184 (BLOWS WHISTLE) 340 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,921 Why the hell is my team dancing with so little rhythm 341 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,056 and not out on the field doing drills? 342 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:46,059 Well, as team leader, I thought we could use a little bonding. 343 00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:48,195 I made it clear that you ride the pond. 344 00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:51,899 But... My brother said you were testing me like he saw in the movies. 345 00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:55,135 This is real life, son, where people of your meager skillset 346 00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:59,139 don't play, don't win and don't get carried off on somebody's shoulders. 347 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:00,373 Hey, ease up, Coach. 348 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:04,244 I don't need you to defend me, Assistant Coach. 349 00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:07,447 'Cause, fact is, if I don't play, no one else will. 350 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,150 Come on, fellas. Let's get out of here. 351 00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,056 Really? Not one of you? 352 00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:20,127 Sorry, bro. We barely know you, and this has all been really weird. 353 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,794 Fine! 354 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:25,332 If this team doesn't want me, then I don't want me on this team. 355 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:30,170 Oh, my goodness. I can't believe I made all this money. 356 00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:33,340 That's what happens when you sell out all of your jackets. 357 00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,943 Aren't I right, Al? Right-a-roo, Captain Choo-Choo. 358 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,010 What the hell you talking about? 359 00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:39,512 I hate lying. Don't make me a part of this. 360 00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:43,683 Hey! Who's the business mogul with the wad of cash? 361 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,618 Ha-ha! I am so fired up. 362 00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:48,755 I gotta sow more stuff on jackets right this minute. 363 00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,690 No, no, no! Now's the time 364 00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:54,027 you relax and you enjoy all your success. Right, Al? 365 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:55,628 Okey-dokey, Smokey Jokey. 366 00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:56,696 You okay, Dad? 367 00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:57,797 (SCATTING) 368 00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,766 (CHUCKLES) He is fine. 369 00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:01,134 (DOOR BELL RINGS) 370 00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:03,036 Hi, I'm from Jenkintown Swap Thrift Store. 371 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,471 Is there a Murray Goldberg here? 372 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:07,474 I'm cracking, Murray. I'm out. 373 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:10,377 Yeah, I'm him. Uh, we got a family thing going here. 374 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,646 Look, we always appreciate donations, but we can't take these insane jackets. 375 00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:15,048 Yeah, yeah. Okay. 376 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,649 There's just so many of 'em and it quickly became clear 377 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,151 that we were gonna be stuck with them forever. 378 00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:20,053 Yeah, that's a lot of information. 379 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:23,123 We have a few crazy-bag ladies who will literally take anything off our hands, 380 00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:25,392 but in this case, the jackets just agitated them. 381 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:26,893 No need to go on. 382 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,461 We then dumped them in the alley 383 00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,397 but all the street cats instinctively attacked the jackets. 384 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:31,598 Now I gotta be rude! 385 00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:37,470 So, nobody wanted the jackets? 386 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,973 (STUTTERS) I'm sorry, Bev. 387 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,408 Guess this money is yours. 388 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,843 No, it's for your business. It's just a bump in the road. 389 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,478 Just keep it. 390 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,981 And all your loving support. 391 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,785 The jackets were a failure and so am I. 392 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:03,063 ADULT ADAM: Even though Barry was making the Eagles crush the Patriots, 393 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:05,365 his real life football career was done. 394 00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:06,766 Hey, don't you have a game tonight? 395 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,169 No. Coach wasn't testing me. 396 00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:10,370 He thinks I suck. 397 00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:11,904 I don't know, maybe he's right. 398 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,840 ADULT ADAM: If I knew anything about sports movies, 399 00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:16,909 this was the moment our hero got an inspiring pep talk 400 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,445 from the least likely of places. 401 00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,946 On this day, it was me. 402 00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:23,050 Well, if there's one thing I know, it's that you can't just quit. 403 00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,951 Dude, enough with your dumb sports movies. 404 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:27,120 This isn't from a movie, it's what I learned. 405 00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:31,724 Even if I don't ever get a chance to play, I can still help my team. 406 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,960 Like how you filmed the baseball games like a weird creep. 407 00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:35,762 It's game film. It helps them improve. 408 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,764 Or like when the basketball rolls under the bleachers 409 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:38,865 and you climb under to get it. 410 00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,567 I fit in small spaces. 411 00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:43,970 So, even though you're an unbearable loser with no athletic ability 412 00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:46,539 and everyone talks about you behind your back, 413 00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:48,308 you still find a way to make a difference? 414 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,243 And you can, too. 415 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:51,344 Also, what? 416 00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,746 (PATS) Thanks for inspiring me, loser. 417 00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:55,715 Football team, here I come. 418 00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,786 Thirty-one to nothing in the first half. What a disgrace! 419 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,254 Coach, we're doing our best. 420 00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:03,890 Save the excuses for Ruben Amaro Sr., Ruben Amaro Jr. 421 00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:07,960 Now I want someone here to step up and show them what we're made of! 422 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,028 Anyone? 423 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,965 Big Tasty. Wide receiver. 424 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,734 Dude, now's not the time. 425 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:17,003 I catch the ball like a golden retriever. 426 00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:20,140 What's he doing? Unlike those dogs, I don't have bad hips. 427 00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:23,610 What are you doing? I fly down the field for touchdown trips. 428 00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:25,112 Enough! 429 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,514 * Mallor's watching you 430 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,282 Reuben. * He's watching Yes he's watching 431 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:30,383 I mean it! 432 00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,285 * And the Quakers fight on through 433 00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:33,620 This song is not catchy. 434 00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:37,824 * Quakers fight on through So better play that D 435 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,759 * Play! Play! Play! 436 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,831 (SINGS RELUCTANTLY) * If you don't, you're gonna make our coach angry * 437 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,099 TEAM: Yeah! 438 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,867 Now let's kick Germantown's ass! 439 00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,769 TEAM: Yeah! 440 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,038 Let's go, baby. 441 00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:53,973 I'm glad you didn't quit, Goldberg. 442 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,608 It's a nice ending to your little movie. 443 00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:58,478 Thanks, Coach. But you know what would be an even better ending? 444 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:01,548 We're not doing a Hail Barry and you're still never playing. 445 00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,216 Then you know where to find me. 446 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,818 I'll be on the bench, dong nothing! 447 00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,954 Yes! Whoo! 448 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,456 I don't even need this. 449 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,795 What's going on here? 450 00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:19,232 Just the end of Bev-wear. And the whole stupid Bevolution. 451 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:23,370 The Beverly Goldberg I know never quits, ever. 452 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,172 Well, there is a first time for everything. 453 00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:26,806 I need to tell you something. 454 00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:30,143 Look, when I first met you, when I was trying to make something of myself, 455 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:33,012 I failed at everything that I tried. 456 00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:34,981 Well, I... I always knew you'd make it. 457 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,716 Exactly. 458 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,551 You never stopped believing in me. 459 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,554 I'm giving you back everything you gave me. 460 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,490 Murray... 461 00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:44,657 So, you'll keep at it? 462 00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:48,895 Like you said, Beverly Goldberg never gives up. 463 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,129 Ever. 464 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,267 ADULT ADAM: With that, the Bevolution was back on track. 465 00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:56,203 And Barry was gonna help lead his team, 466 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,570 even if it was from the bench. 467 00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,739 Look alive, team! Let's go, Quakers! 468 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:03,343 Can you believe it, folks? I may just be the sixth grade Latin teacher, 469 00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:06,779 but I can safely say this is the comeback of a lifetime. 470 00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,781 Yes! Touchdown! 471 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:09,882 Watch for the sack! 472 00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:12,885 Yes, yes, yes! Go, go, go! 473 00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,387 Man, Barry rules that bench. 474 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:15,922 I can't take my eyes off of him. 475 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,191 Let's hear some noise, people. 476 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,293 The actual players need us. 477 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,794 Come on. There we go. 478 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,796 Tazz is open. Hail Mary. 479 00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:27,234 He could go all the way! 480 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,902 Yes! Yes! Yes! (WHISTLE BLOWS) 481 00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:32,104 MERRILL REESE: Touchdown! Quakers win! 482 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,041 In all my three weeks of announcing high school football, 483 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:38,245 I have never seen anything like this! 484 00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:40,613 ADULT ADAM: My brother never did become an NFL wide receiver, 485 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,916 but that day, all his sports movie fantasies came true. 486 00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,952 I'm a part of it. I'm holding his heel! 487 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,887 ADULT ADAM: And as fate would have it, 488 00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:52,325 one day, Barry Goldberg would finally get his chance to fly like an eagle. 489 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:57,230 * 'Cause we are the champions 490 00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,099 * Of the world 491 00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:01,901 Welcome to the battle of the JTP. 492 00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:04,571 We've got Philadelphia Eagles Hall of Famer, Mike Quick, 493 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,939 playing automatic QB for both sides. 494 00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:09,576 Ready, set, go! 495 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,644 REESE: Look at the hands on Goldberg. 496 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:15,582 They say he could have been a pro wide receiver if his mother didn't hold him back. 497 00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,684 Schwartz sees nothing but daylight. 498 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:20,987 Very fitting since he's one of Philly's top ophthalmologists. 499 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,088 Damn it, Schwartz! 500 00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:23,189 And, go! 501 00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:24,991 REESE: My God. It's the Hail Barry. 502 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,926 And it didn't work. 503 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:30,096 Because no one can pass to themselves in an actual game. 504 00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,999 (WHISTLE BLOWS) And Naked Rob has gone pants-less. 505 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,634 Ten, go! 506 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,936 REESE: Quick six. Drops back to pass. 507 00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:39,005 Touchdown! Goldberg! (WHISTLE BLOWS) 508 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,206 (PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE) 509 00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,475 On behalf of the entire Eagles organization, 510 00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:45,278 we like to present the winners of the JTP Bowl. 511 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:46,479 And here are your winners, 512 00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:49,115 the one and only JTP! (TEAM CHEERING) 513 00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:51,751 (BAND CONTINUES PLAYING) (CROWD CHEERING) 514 00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:56,423 E-A-G-L-E-S! Oh! 515 00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:05,231 This is the real Beverly Goldberg. 516 00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:06,699 She has graced us today. 517 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:10,337 So I snuck into Barry's room and took one of his jean jackets. 518 00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:13,706 And I decided I was going to decorate them things. 519 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:16,343 The hand was like a Michael Jackson hand. 520 00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:17,810 A pillow on the back. 521 00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:19,211 Very punk rock. (INDISTINCT) 522 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,714 It's very big because it was Barry's jacket. 523 00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,583 This thing weighs a (BLEEP) thousand pounds. 524 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:26,052 And was, like, super big, and I... 525 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,219 Let's get the shoulder pads in... 526 00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,188 Did you ever sell any of your... Not a one. 527 00:21:29,255 --> 00:21:30,957 I had never sold one jacket.