1
00:00:00,401 --> 00:00:01,467
ADULT ADAM:
When I was kid,
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00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:03,235
my mom would use
every opportunity
3
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:05,904
to squeeze, smooch,
and snuggle her schmoopies.
4
00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:08,007
There was only one time
she expected us
5
00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:10,342
to do it in return...
Mother's Day.
6
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,277
Naturally, we'd use
the opportunity
7
00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:14,146
to mess with her
for a cheap laugh.
8
00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:15,647
Oh, look at my
special calendar
9
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:17,116
hanging in a
high-traffic area.
10
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,050
How'd that get there?
11
00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,485
That's odd.
Didn't notice.
12
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,086
You wanna take a peek,
13
00:00:21,088 --> 00:00:23,389
see if there's
any special day in May
14
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:24,323
that you need to remember?
15
00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:25,524
Nah, I got Cinco de Mayo
on lock.
16
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,826
I think she's talking
about French Labor Day.
17
00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:29,294
No, it's
Star Wars Day!
18
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:31,497
May the 4th be
with you, right?
19
00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:32,798
How could I forget!
That's right!
20
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,767
I gotta go shopping.
I love Star Wars Day.
21
00:00:34,769 --> 00:00:36,068
So do I!
No, no.
22
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,169
How did I forget?
Can I give you a hint?
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00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:38,704
ADULT ADAM: Yep, nothing
brought us kids closer
24
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:41,440
than using Mother's Day
to torture Beverly Goldberg.
25
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:44,610
(GASPS) What?
You're home from
school already?
26
00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:45,044
What a surprise.
27
00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:47,813
I was just going through these
beautiful handwritten cards
28
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,281
you gave me
almost a year ago exactly.
29
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:52,484
Maybe you should come and take
a closer look at this cards,
30
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,286
get a sense
of what they're about
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00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,421
and how they make me feel?
32
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:56,889
Enough jibber-jabber.
33
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,357
I need a pre-dinner meal...
34
00:00:58,359 --> 00:01:00,726
Maybe something
that'll lay a nice base,
35
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:01,960
like pancakes.
36
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:02,694
Screw it. I give up.
37
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,930
Murray, you are taking me
to that Latin place
38
00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:07,166
on Saturday night,
and we are gonna cha-cha
39
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:08,467
'cause these kids
are ungrateful.
40
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:10,402
No, I am not
going to cha-cha.
41
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:13,639
Oh, you will cha-cha,
and I will be dipped.
42
00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:16,475
And you won't drop me
this time.
43
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:18,677
All right, you've had
enough fun, you morons.
44
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,846
Go tell your mom that
you know it's Mother's Day.
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00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:23,282
Aw, but we look forward to
torturing her all year long.
46
00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:25,818
It's one of our
better family traditions.
47
00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:26,685
Do it!
48
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,387
(SIGHS) Hey, Mom?
49
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:32,157
We just realized
that Mother's Day
is this weekend.
50
00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:34,493
What? I had no idea.
51
00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,628
Oh, I can't believe
you remembered.
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00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,264
Oh, I just love
my children so much.
53
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,233
Here comes a tearful hug.
54
00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:42,768
Sacrifice the nerd
and run!
55
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,437
(LAUGHING)
Oh, my favorite!
56
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,106
Tell my story!
57
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:48,474
¶ I'm twisted up inside
58
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:52,678
¶ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say
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00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:55,814
¶ I don't know the future
60
00:01:55,816 --> 00:02:00,285
¶ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ¶
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00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,187
ADULT ADAM:
It was May 3,
1980-something,
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00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:04,289
and my brother and his pals
were about to watch
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00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,625
the most famous TV movie
of the decade.
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00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,627
Dad, I demand
you give me the remote
65
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:11,563
and go make us nachos
as we watch your TV
without you.
66
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:13,465
Did you really think
that would work?
No.
67
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,134
Yes! Now we're gonna miss
the whole movie.
68
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,669
I got a Sony Watchman.
All we need is
nine batteries.
69
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:18,770
All we need
is nine batteries.
70
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:19,972
What are you dummies
going on about?
71
00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:22,941
Tonight, they're airing
a gnarly made-for-TV movie
72
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:23,675
called The Day After,
73
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,145
where America's in a
nuclear war with Russia.
74
00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:27,279
Ka-boom!
America!
75
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:27,813
Jason Robards, y'all!
76
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,782
All of the teachers at school
warned us not to see it,
77
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:31,717
so we have to watch it
78
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,218
to send a clear message
of "Suck it."
79
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,254
If I say yes,
will you shut up?
80
00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:35,721
This is gonna rock!
81
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,724
ADULT ADAM:
But it did not rock.
Not at all.
82
00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:41,727
This does not rock.
Not at all!
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00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:42,895
ADULT ADAM:
Turns out, The Day After
84
00:02:42,897 --> 00:02:45,264
was a terrifying
and all-too-real depiction
85
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,666
of a small town just like ours
facing the fallout
86
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:51,336
after the President waged
a horrible nuclear war.
87
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:52,938
Too real.
War is bad.
88
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,840
So scared.
I'll never be okay.
89
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,441
I like that Steve Guttenberg.
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00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:57,176
He's got a lot of range.
91
00:02:57,178 --> 00:03:00,012
Dad, don't you care
about what you just saw?
92
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:01,280
There could be
a mushroom cloud
93
00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:02,281
outside our window
at any moment!
94
00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:05,217
I say, "Bring on the cloud,"
'cause then maybe
you'll shut up
95
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,485
and I can get back
to watching my shows.
96
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:10,422
ADULT ADAM:
That night, the entire country
watched that movie,
97
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:11,423
and legit panic ensued.
98
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,559
Okay, students,
even though we
warned you all
99
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:15,394
not to watch that
terrifying TV movie,
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00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:17,863
apparently everyone
in this school did,
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00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,398
as well as
100 million other people.
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00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,768
Therefore, we are going to
have an emergency meeting
103
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:25,504
entitled "The Day After
'The Day After.'"
104
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:26,205
Of course,
the gym is booked,
105
00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:29,942
so it'll be "The Day After
The Day After
'The Day After.'"
106
00:03:29,944 --> 00:03:30,876
So, Wednesday.
107
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,311
Oh, my God.
How are you?
108
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:33,679
I had nightmares
all night.
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00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:34,513
I didn't watch
the movie.
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00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:37,015
I spent the night
organizing my
Garbage Pail Kids
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00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:37,883
into a protective binder.
112
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,485
Don't want you to feel
like things are going
too fast,
113
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:41,954
but this is our nest egg.
114
00:03:41,956 --> 00:03:43,388
Well, after watching
that movie,
115
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,991
I realized we don't have
any time to waste.
116
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,726
We should have
our first kiss,
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00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:48,827
right here, right now.
118
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,796
We talking cheek or lips?
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00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:56,802
Uh...
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00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:58,804
Thank you.
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00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,939
I'm a big fan,
big fan of you.
122
00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:03,275
Listen, my parents
are renting a house
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00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:04,643
at the shore this weekend.
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00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:05,210
Come with me.
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00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:06,878
We'll spend each moment
like it's our last.
126
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,380
What is the deal
with this movie?
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00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:10,349
My mom said
I could bring someone,
128
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,651
Well, okay, then!
so I choose you.
129
00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:18,423
The Day After is
the best movie ever!
(CHUCKLES)
130
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:22,694
Oh, my God, she just
invited you down the shore!
131
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:23,161
I know, Dave Kim.
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00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:25,364
But your mom
will never say yes.
I know, Dave Kim!
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00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,432
You gotta
think of something.
I know, Dave Kim.
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00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,834
ADULT ADAM: Lucky for me,
the timing was perfect.
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00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,270
(BETTE MIDLER'S
WIND BENEATH MY WINGS PLAYS)
It was Mother's Day.
136
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:33,438
I'd strike hard and fast
with a schmaltzy gift
137
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,074
featuring the vocal power
of Bette Midler.
138
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,443
It would make my mom
say yes to anything.
139
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:43,181
¶ I can fly higher
than an eagle
140
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:52,057
¶ 'Cause you are the wind
beneath my wings ¶
141
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,795
ADULT ADAM:
Unfortunately, my sister
had the exact same plan.
142
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,264
This is pandering garbage!
You can't do this.
143
00:04:59,266 --> 00:04:59,665
Why not?
144
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,000
Because I'm working
on my own pandering garbage
145
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:05,370
so that Mom will
let me go to college
5,000 miles away.
146
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:06,238
Emory is in Georgia.
147
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,106
That's why I need to ask her
on Mother's Day,
148
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,975
when she's all buttered up
and distracted.
149
00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,777
But we can't both
lower Mom's defenses
150
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:14,246
with an insincere, theatrical
show of our love.
151
00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:16,181
Well, you're just
gonna have to back down.
152
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:19,384
Your dumb thing is
way less important
than college.
153
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:20,352
But when will
I have the chance
154
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,521
to rub cocoa butter
on my lady's shoulders again?
155
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,523
Honestly, I can't imagine
you ever will.
156
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:27,125
But still,
this is my whole future.
157
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,061
Okay, fine.
I'll back down.
158
00:05:29,063 --> 00:05:30,295
But only 'cause
you're my sister
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00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:33,031
and I love you,
so I'll let you have this one.
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00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,633
And you lose, sucker!
161
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,601
Adam, stop!
You stop!
162
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:37,803
Stop!
163
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:39,071
Okay, everyone,
164
00:05:39,073 --> 00:05:42,941
welcome to "The Day After"
emergency assembly.
165
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,410
First of all,
I just want to assure you
166
00:05:45,412 --> 00:05:47,179
that everything
is gonna be okay.
167
00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,280
It will not be okay!
168
00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:50,949
There's nowhere to hide
in a nuclear winter!
Whoa. (CHUCKLES)
169
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,819
What Coach means is
that there could be
a nuclear winter,
170
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:54,753
but it definitely
won't happen.
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00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:58,557
Till it does.
Does not, because
it was just a movie.
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00:05:58,559 --> 00:05:59,958
That will, for sure,
come true.
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00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,393
Look, I know
a lot of you are scared
174
00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:04,229
that the President is gonna
snap, push a button,
175
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,197
and incinerate us all,
176
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:07,432
but I assure you,
it will not happen.
177
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:10,369
When it does,
I'll be safe and snug
178
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:11,169
in my fallout shelter
179
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:15,240
while the rest of you mutants
scrounge for cockroaches.
180
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,909
What, you got no argument
for that one?
181
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:18,643
No, you're right.
182
00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:20,679
That movie has shaken me
to my core.
183
00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:21,713
I have so many regrets.
184
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,482
You got about a week
to fix 'em, Andre.
185
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,717
Well, let's start
with that one right there.
186
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,452
My name is not Andre.
187
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:28,720
I only said it was
in college
188
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:31,556
to make myself seem
more interesting
to the ladies.
189
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:34,025
Let it out!
My name is Jonathan!
190
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,628
And I love you,
Lunch Lady Bernice!
191
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,563
Are you out there?
192
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:42,434
MR. GLASCOTT: You're probably
mashing potatoes.
193
00:06:43,137 --> 00:06:43,935
Oh, boy.
194
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,971
Okay,
this day is a wash.
195
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:48,540
Everybody go home
and hug your loved ones.
196
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,075
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
197
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,043
I know I should be happy
to have the day off,
198
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,612
but I'm, like,
genuinely terrified.
199
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,714
Me too.
I feel so helpless.
200
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,015
LAINEY: I never even got
to party in Daytona.
201
00:06:57,017 --> 00:07:00,085
ADULT ADAM:
While Barry was desperate
to survive nuclear war,
202
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,120
I was using Mother's Day
as a weapon
203
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,455
to get what I wanted.
204
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:06,191
Oh! (SOBBING)
205
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:07,926
Did you like my movie,
Mama?
206
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:11,430
I loved it so much,
I wanna crush
your little face!
207
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:12,697
Apropos of nothing,
208
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:15,400
can I ask you
a totally random question?
209
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:16,301
Anything, sweetie.
210
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:19,171
Well, I have
a really big favor to...
211
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:19,971
ERICA: (LAUGHING) Mom!
212
00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:21,473
I got into Emory,
and I wanna go to Emory,
213
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,175
so I need a check for Emory
so I can go to Emory.
214
00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:25,811
And Happy Mother's Day.
I love you, snuggle, snuggle!
215
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:26,978
Aah! Oh, yes!
216
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,814
My baby's going to college!
217
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:31,950
What? No!
No, no, no, no.
218
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,185
Adam, be happy
for your sister.
219
00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:35,287
This is a huge day.
No, no, no, no, no!
220
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:37,889
Don't make it about me.
It's your day, Mommy.
221
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,825
No! No, no, no, no, no, no!
222
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:41,660
Emory may be
a thousand miles away,
223
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:46,631
but with the love
of my children
and 20 flights a year,
224
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:47,999
we will manage.
225
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:48,633
(LAUGHS)
226
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,902
I'm gonna get
my pilot's license.
227
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:51,636
Boop!
(LAUGHS)
228
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,805
Um, Mama, know what else
is exciting?
229
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,842
Jackie invited me
down the shore next weekend.
230
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:57,542
Oh, no, no.
231
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:59,010
Your sister is going
away to college.
232
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,346
That's enough excitement
for one Mother's Day.
233
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:03,548
But I made up
a whole tap routine
234
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:06,818
celebrating my love for you
on this special day.
235
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:10,388
Yeah!
236
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:14,059
You love your little
baby boopie tapping
his piggy wiggies.
237
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:15,427
¶ Adappa-dappa-doo
238
00:08:15,429 --> 00:08:17,496
¶ Adappa dappa da dappa ¶
239
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:19,598
(LAUGHS)
Thank you, Mama.
240
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,899
(CHUCKLING) Oh, yeah.
241
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:21,833
Happy Mother's Day.
242
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,602
You will pay dearly for this.
243
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:25,537
¶ Emory, Emory ¶
244
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:26,838
(CHUCKLES)
245
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,610
ADULT ADAM:
While everyone was afraid
246
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:32,844
our president
would lead us to war,
247
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:36,047
my big bro would lead
his loved ones to safety.
248
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:38,316
Fellow members of the JTP...
ALL: JTP!
249
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,619
...and the love
of my life, Lainey...
ALL: Lainey!
250
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:41,520
Don't do that.
ALL: Sorry!
251
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:44,556
...I know you're all worried
about a nuclear apocalypse
252
00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:46,157
after seeing
that scary movie on TV,
253
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:48,927
but I want you to know
everything will be okay.
254
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,729
I call it Barry's Bunker.
255
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,831
Sadly, there's limited room
in the bunker,
256
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,533
so some of you
will be left outside to melt
257
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,835
or be eaten
by post-apocalyptic zombies.
258
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:57,636
So, who goes and who stays?
259
00:08:57,638 --> 00:09:00,839
Obviously, you're in,
'cause you're my foxy lady,
260
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:03,308
but the rest of you
much prove your worth.
261
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,010
Geoff Schwartz,
what skills do you have?
262
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,311
I know which berries
are poisonous,
263
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:07,646
'cause I once ate
some bad ones.
264
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,581
Super useful.
Next, Naked Rob.
265
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:13,285
What skills do you have?
And don't say "being naked."
266
00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:13,885
Come back to me.
267
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:17,556
Andy, clearly you're in,
'cause you have
tiny little fingers
268
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:19,190
that are perfect
for shelling nuts.
269
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,325
Plus, you can sleep
in a drawer.
270
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:23,061
Very insulted, but
it's more important to live.
271
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,564
Matt Bradley,
looks like you're in
serious trouble here.
272
00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:27,399
I was an Eagle Scout
and a lifeguard,
273
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:28,733
and I learned
how to frame a house
274
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:29,968
when I did
Habitat for Humanity.
275
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,937
Fine, I guess
you could cook or something.
276
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,738
Well!
I'm glad you're all here,
277
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:37,075
'cause I have something
very important to tell you.
278
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,510
Get out!
Don't worry, guys.
279
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:40,178
We won't have to deal
with this joker
280
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,280
when we're in our
titanium-reinforced bunker.
281
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:44,215
You do know I raised myself
since I was six,
282
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:47,185
so if there's
an end-of-the-world situation,
283
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,987
you'd want me there
real bad.
284
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,957
Yelling at a sandwich for
having too much mustard on it
285
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:52,891
is not a skill.
286
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,025
Well, I can repair a radio,
287
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,860
rebuild an engine,
swing a hammer,
288
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:58,730
catch a fish, start a fire
with small sticks.
289
00:09:58,732 --> 00:09:59,264
What can you do?
290
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:03,168
I can basically do anything.
I can break-dance,
291
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,704
kick a light switch
on and off,
292
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,472
use a hockey stick
as an old-timey cane.
293
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:09,040
Sweetie, those aren't
really survival skills
294
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,810
as much as they are adorable
things I love about you.
295
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,012
Whatever.
I'm your leader.
296
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:14,679
That's my skill.
297
00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:16,448
It kind of seems like
your dad's our leader,
298
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,049
'cause he's
the oldest and wisest
299
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,184
and actually knows
how to survive.
300
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,019
It's settled.
Your dad will keep us safe
301
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,420
when the mutant zombies
attack.
302
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:23,254
Okay.
Fine!
303
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,457
I don't need you
or food or water.
304
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:28,159
I can sustain my life
on my own awesomeness.
305
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:29,794
ADULT ADAM:
As Barry stormed off
in a fury,
306
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,597
I'd strike back at Erica
for stealing my thunder.
307
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:35,133
Armed with my high-tech
VHS editing gear,
308
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,234
I'd manipulate my mom
309
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:39,104
with an even-more-epic
Mother's Day video.
310
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:40,505
Whatcha up to,
schmoopa-lumpa?
311
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:44,142
Oh, I'm just finishing up
a little goodbye video
for Erica.
312
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:44,676
Aww.
313
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:45,810
It's a little early
for goodbyes,
314
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,178
wouldn't you say?
Well, before you know it,
315
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,748
she'll be gone to college and
only coming home on holidays.
316
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,583
I guess that's true.
And then, junior year,
317
00:10:51,585 --> 00:10:53,885
she'll fall for
a handsome Southern fella
318
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:54,586
and get married,
319
00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:56,354
and then she'll see
his family for the holidays.
320
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,789
But then
I won't see her at all.
321
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,791
Well, she'll
come home occasionally
322
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:00,792
until she has kids
323
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,527
and then travel gets
too hard with the twins.
324
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:04,829
Well, the twins
are as much mine
as they are hers.
325
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,532
She's gotta visit!
She has no time.
326
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:08,333
The twins are in school,
327
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,969
and Erica got a job
working the front office there
328
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:12,537
and it's way too consuming.
329
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,172
Anyhow, let's
watch that movie.
330
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,640
(BETTE MIDLER'S
WIND BENEATH MY WINGS PLAYS)
331
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:16,941
ADULT ADAM:
Lucky for me,
I was able to use
332
00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:19,044
the cheesiest effects
the 80's had to offer.
333
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:21,713
Stop it! I'm trying to eat
my Count Chocula!
(TWINKLE)
334
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:24,516
And I showed my mom
a world without Erica.
335
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:26,351
What did I tell you?
Stop filming me...
336
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:29,054
(TWINKLE)
¶ You're everything
I would like to be ¶
337
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:31,489
I'm taking a Spanish quiz!
I will kill you!
338
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:32,123
(TWINKLE)
339
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,792
¶ I can fly higher
than an eagle ¶
340
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:36,361
Okay, I don't know what this
is, but you better stop...
341
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:36,861
(TWINKLE)
342
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,998
I can't wait
to leave this house
and never come back!
343
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:40,765
Get out!
(TWINKLE)
344
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:45,704
¶ For you are the wind
beneath my wings ¶
345
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:51,142
(CLICK)
(CRYING) Oh, my God!
What have I done?
346
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,777
(SNIFFLES)
I told my baby girl
347
00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:54,746
she could move away
from the family,
348
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:57,515
and now I'll never
see her or the twins
349
00:11:57,517 --> 00:12:01,252
because of that damn desk job
at the school.
350
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,787
Are you just giving up?
351
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:05,323
That's not
the Beverly Goldberg I know.
352
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:07,692
Oh, my God, you're so right.
353
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:10,328
I gotta get back that envelope
she put in the mail!
354
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,163
Also, can I go to the beach
with Jackie this weekend?
355
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:16,301
Yes, fine, do whatever!
I gotta get my baby back!
356
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,037
(VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING)
357
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,905
Poo! Who designed
these things?
358
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,574
They're impossible
to get into.
359
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:23,508
Uh, ma'am?
Can I help you?
360
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:26,444
Yes. I accidentally
dropped something in here,
361
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,113
and I desperately need
to get it back.
362
00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:30,281
(LAUGHING) Oh, yeah.
Was it your keys?
363
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:31,349
You'd be surprised
how many people...
364
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:34,586
Actually, it's that letter
right there
from Erica Goldberg.
365
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,154
She's my little baby girl.
(CHUCKLES)
366
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:39,190
Do you have any I.D.?
We can't just give out mail.
367
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,625
It's a federal offense
and all.
368
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,460
Obviously, I knew that,
369
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,629
which is why
I'm just gonna... Bloop!
370
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,765
Hey! I know
where you live!
371
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:47,665
I don't give a (BLEEP)
372
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,734
ADULT ADAM:
As my mom was running away
from a felony,
373
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:52,303
Barry ran to
the smartest man he knew.
374
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:53,404
Pops!
We need to talk.
375
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:56,674
As you can see,
I've been hard at work
on the chalkboard.
376
00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:57,475
Okay, why are people
377
00:12:57,477 --> 00:13:00,378
always dragging chalkboards
around this house?
378
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:00,879
Doesn't matter!
379
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:04,482
There has been
a great betrayal, and
I find myself bunkerless.
380
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:05,450
Just get to the chalkboard.
381
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,853
I've created a list
of my greatest assets.
382
00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:09,888
Do you think
they'll help me survive
383
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:12,757
when this world turns into
a radiated, barren wasteland?
384
00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:15,794
Is this about that terrifying
Day After movie?
385
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,462
Woof, that gave me
the willies.
386
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:18,863
No!
You're supposed to be
387
00:13:18,865 --> 00:13:20,565
my wise and reassuring
grandfather
388
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,133
that tells me
everything's gonna be okay.
389
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,203
I'd like to, Bar,
but look at this list.
390
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,972
You don't have
a single useful skill,
391
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:28,873
and I'm old!
392
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:31,142
We'll be the first to go
when the end comes.
393
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,845
That's not comforting.
Tell me about it.
394
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:34,612
What are we gonna do?
395
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,781
I got kicked out of
dad's pretend bunker,
396
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:39,083
which I pretended first.
That's it.
397
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:41,653
We'll build our own bunker
in the basement.
398
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:42,787
Dad will never allow that.
399
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,355
Then, you just gotta
convince him.
400
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,524
To the chalkboard!
To the chalkboard!
401
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:49,127
Oh, it's here.
There it is.
402
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,030
Emory is gonna be
so awesome.
403
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:52,831
Check out the brochure.
404
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:53,965
They have an incredible
music program,
405
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:57,268
and a brand-new
recording studio
that's open to undergrads.
406
00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:00,038
Or, funner idea,
you stick around here
407
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:03,208
and attend the local
junior college/welding
academy.
408
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:06,344
(LAUGHING) Oh!
Aww, that's sweet.
You're gonna miss me.
409
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,346
But too bad
the check's in the mail
410
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,647
and that ship has sailed.
411
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:12,450
Here's the thing
about that ship.
412
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:15,887
What is my college deposit
doing back in this house?
413
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,689
It's a funny story, really.
414
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:18,489
There is zero chance
415
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:21,226
that this story will amuse
and delight me... zero!
416
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,328
Well (CHUCKLES)
it was in the mail.
417
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:27,665
but I thought (CLICKS TONGUE)
"I don't want it in the mail."
418
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:30,501
So I took it
out of the mail.
419
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,937
Why? Why?
420
00:14:32,939 --> 00:14:34,138
Why? Why?
421
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:37,141
A certain unnamed schmoopie
showed me a video
422
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:39,611
and made me realize
that going to Georgia
423
00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:42,747
is a bad decision for us.
424
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:44,215
Me.
But wait.
425
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,851
I wrote a Mother's Day song
that celebrates
my love for you.
426
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:49,520
Just, please, listen. Um...
(PIANO PLAYS)
427
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:51,256
¶ For she's
a jolly good mother
428
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:53,524
¶ For she's
a jolly good mother
429
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:56,094
¶ For she's
a jolly good mother
430
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,963
¶ Please let me
go to college far away
No.
431
00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:00,665
¶ That no mother can... ¶
Denied.
432
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,467
(STRIKES COUNTER)
Damn it!
433
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,004
Bust out that zinc,
'cause your man
434
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:08,473
is going to the shore
with you next weekend.
435
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:09,841
That's amazing!
436
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:11,276
You ruined my life!
437
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:12,844
Erica, how are things,
dear sister?
438
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:15,113
What's going on?
Well, your little beach bud
made it
439
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,248
so that I can't go
to the college of my dreams
440
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,184
just so he can suck face
with you in the sand.
441
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,052
Her words!
442
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:21,819
But I wouldn't be
opposed to it.
443
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:25,657
I hope it was worth it,
because you just
lost a sister.
444
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,227
My Teddy Grahams!
Uh, what was that?
445
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,029
They're little
graham-cracker cookies
446
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:31,796
shaped like teddy bears.
447
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,531
No, I know what Teddy Grahams
are, Adam.
448
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:34,299
I meant with your sister.
449
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:37,001
I kinda made a video
that ruined college for her
450
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:38,569
so we could hit the beach.
451
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,171
Anyway, does it get cold
at night?
452
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:42,540
Should I bring a jacket?
Um, that's horrible.
453
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:43,975
Yeah, it doesn't sound
that great
454
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:44,642
when I hear it out loud.
455
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,511
Maybe a windbreaker,
'cause the ocean breeze.
456
00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:50,782
I actually think it's best
that I do my own thing
for a while.
457
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,717
(¶¶¶)
458
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:57,055
ADULT ADAM:
After his talk with Pops,
459
00:15:57,057 --> 00:16:01,826
Barry was determined
to brilliantly trick my dad
into building a bunker.
460
00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:04,295
Hey! What the hell?
Sorry, had a hard day.
461
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,464
Thought I'd catch up
on some world events
462
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,799
by listening to the radio.
463
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,969
BARRY: (MIMICS BEEPING)
This is not a test
464
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,770
of the Emergency Broadcast
System.
465
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:16,140
Oh, no, this is real
and completely serious,
466
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,442
'cause the newscaster
said so!
467
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:19,344
We have confirmation
from President Reagan
468
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:22,313
that Russia has launched
a bunch of nukes
at Jenkintown,
469
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,948
just like in
that movie we all saw.
470
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:26,184
It's happening right now
as we speak,
471
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:27,785
live, here in the '80s.
472
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,688
I know, Dad.
This is a very scary moment.
473
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:33,758
It's so real,
I don't know what to do.
474
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:38,029
Ha! I only made
that incredibly
authentic newscast
475
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:40,331
to scare you
into seeing the truth.
476
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:43,568
I told you you're not
building a dopey bunker
in the basement.
477
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,103
Thank you
for keeping an open mind.
478
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,005
I will also need money
for the following items.
479
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:50,842
"Seven hundred pounds
of poured concrete,
lifetime supply of potatoes,
480
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:53,177
"seven bottles of ketchup
for the potatoes..."
481
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:55,613
There's one in the fridge.
Just take that and go.
482
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:56,881
There's more.
We need, "A chicken,
483
00:16:56,883 --> 00:17:00,251
"a cage for the chicken,
medicine for the chicken,
484
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:01,552
"a chicken exercise-wheel,
485
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,921
"a lady chicken to keep
the other chicken company."
486
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:07,392
Please stop asking me to build
a life for this chicken!
487
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,761
Did he say yes
to the bunker?
I said no!
488
00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:11,162
Did you tell him
about the chicken?
489
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:12,764
I don't wanna hear
about the chicken!
490
00:17:12,766 --> 00:17:14,298
The chicken's
the whole thing!
491
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,700
He doesn't care
about the chicken!
492
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,802
Murray, just buy the boy
a chicken.
493
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:20,505
No chicken!
It's just a movie, Barry.
494
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:23,441
Look me in the eye
and tell me for sure...
495
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:27,345
for absolute sure...
that this will never happen.
496
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,747
(¶¶¶)
497
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:32,083
That's what I thought.
498
00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:33,951
ADULT ADAM:
With that, my dad realized
499
00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:35,753
how truly terrified
Barry felt.
500
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,723
Meanwhile, I figured it was
time to make things right.
501
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,092
Come on, Mom,
right this way.
502
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:42,560
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
503
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,695
Wait, there's no cuddle fort
down here.
504
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:47,698
Yeah, I lied.
Erica, he's here!
505
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,467
So, where's
this cute mailman?
506
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,436
Hey!
I lied about that, too.
507
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:53,137
We all need to sit down
and talk.
508
00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:56,240
If this is another
adorable video to con me,
509
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:56,974
it's not gonna work.
510
00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:58,810
Actually, this one's
for both of you.
511
00:17:58,812 --> 00:18:00,344
(BETTE MIDLER'S
WIND BENEATH MY WINGS PLAYS)
512
00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:03,147
ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
that third and final
Mother's Day gift
513
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:05,283
would end up being
the most important gift
514
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,752
I'd ever give
in my whole life.
515
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,487
BEVERLY: Whoo! Good job!
516
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:13,291
Wow. Look at me,
I was so young.
517
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,926
Not anymore.
518
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:16,861
ADULT ADAM:
My video reminded them both
519
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:20,198
that even though the years fly
and we never stop growing,
520
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,700
there are some things...
Number one fan,
Erica Goldberg.
521
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:25,103
...that will never,
ever change.
522
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,971
¶ It must have been cold there
in my shadow ¶
523
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,339
You grew up so fast.
524
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,541
Yeah, but I'll always be
your little girl.
525
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:34,879
I know, and
I'll always be your mama,
526
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:36,481
no matter where you are,
527
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:39,016
even if it's... Georgia.
528
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,218
Georgia?
529
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,886
You mean...
It's like I say...
530
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:45,823
with the love of my children
and 50 flights a year,
531
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:46,491
we'll manage.
532
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:48,626
You said 20 flights.
We'll figure it out.
533
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,361
¶ You always walked
a step behind ¶
534
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:54,098
ADULT ADAM:
In the end, my mom got
her perfect Mother's Day.
535
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,833
Not because
she held us close,
536
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,769
but because
she learned to let go.
537
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:00,838
As for my dad,
he finally realized
538
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,373
just what Barry
needed to hear.
539
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:06,177
Listen, I was thinking
about what you said.
540
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:08,613
And the truth is,
I'm scared, too.
541
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,848
You are?
I'm terrified!
542
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,483
All I wanna do
is protect my family,
543
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,752
and the thought that I might
not be able to do it,
544
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,687
that keeps me up at night.
545
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:20,024
So, what do we do?
Nothing.
546
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:22,126
You just gotta live
the life you got
547
00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:23,494
and keep
the ones you love close.
548
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:28,599
¶ Did you ever know
that you're my hero? ¶
549
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,468
I'm still scared, Dad.
550
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:31,102
I know.
551
00:19:31,104 --> 00:19:33,838
ADULT ADAM: The world can be
a scary, unpredictable place.
552
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,674
But if we can be there
for each other,
553
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:39,043
that's when life
can truly surprise us.
554
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:42,513
President Reagan has been left
"greatly depressed"
555
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:43,714
after watching The Day After
556
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,883
and has decided
to change his policy
557
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,151
on nuclear proliferation.
558
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:48,286
ADULT ADAM:
As crazy as it seems,
559
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:51,189
a single TV movie would
end up saving the planet.
560
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:54,292
And a little video
I made in my room...
561
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:55,226
Mama!
(LAUGHS)
562
00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:57,662
...would forever change
my sister's life.
563
00:19:57,664 --> 00:20:01,365
And in return,
she ended up saving mine.
564
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:03,167
Hey.
565
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:04,569
I talked to your sister,
and she said
566
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:06,304
that you aren't
a total piece of crap
567
00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:07,672
and that you actually
saved her life.
568
00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,006
That's actually
pretty high praise
569
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:11,742
coming from her,
but it doesn't
change the fact
570
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,077
I was a total...
571
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:16,581
¶ I want you to know
I know the truth ¶
Wow.
572
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,049
Uh, thanks.
573
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:20,318
My...compliments
to the chef.
574
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,154
Next time, maybe
just don't say anything.
575
00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:24,155
Got it.
576
00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:25,723
ADULT ADAM:
In the end, I never got
577
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,358
my beach adventure
with my girlfriend.
578
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:30,061
But it didn't matter,
'cause I helped my sister
579
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,863
begin the adventure
of a lifetime.
580
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,131
Thank you, Mommy.
581
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,801
Sure, none of us knew
what the future would hold,
582
00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:41,372
but that's what makes
the journey so exciting.
583
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,474
¶ Oh, and I
584
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:49,480
¶ I can fly
higher than an eagle
585
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:50,581
(¶¶¶)
586
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:56,487
¶ You are the wind
beneath my wings ¶
(MOUTHING)
587
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,223
(¶¶¶)
588
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:03,928
Thought you might enjoy
some great tunes
as you prepare our dinner.
589
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,463
BARRY: Beep.
We interrupt dinner
590
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:07,798
for the Emergency Broadcast
System.
591
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,601
Oh, no! This sounds
serious and real!
592
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,236
We have confirmation
from the White House
593
00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:14,839
that radioactive zombies
have attacked Jenkintown.
594
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:17,141
The military guys say
the only way to outrun them
595
00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:20,444
is with a pair of brand-new,
expensive Air Jordan sneakers.
596
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:23,080
I don't own those!
I'll be the first to go!
597
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:25,583
What should we do?
If the world's gonna end,
598
00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:28,252
I'm gonna snuggle my baby
till the zombies arrive.
599
00:21:28,254 --> 00:21:30,955
Stop! I'll just
wear my Reeboks.