1 00:00:00,267 --> 00:00:01,033 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, 2 00:00:01,035 --> 00:00:03,969 there was nothing more exciting than the chance of a snow day. 3 00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:05,304 We all remember the morning ritual. 4 00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:08,874 We'd wake up at dawn, hop out of bed at lightning speed, 5 00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:11,210 rush downstairs, grab your radio, 6 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:12,077 and pray to the snow gods. 7 00:00:12,079 --> 00:00:14,913 REPORTER: The following schools are closed in Montgomery County... 8 00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:16,915 It's gonna happen. I can feel it. 9 00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:18,183 Shut up. You're gonna jinx it. 10 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:19,952 Please, God, if you give us a snow day, 11 00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:22,287 I promise I'll be a good boy for the rest of my life. 12 00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:25,391 ...Abington High closed, Germantown West closed, 13 00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:27,426 William Penn Academy... open. 14 00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:28,594 Balls! Why? 15 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,496 I'm back to being a bad boy. 16 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:31,497 This is on you, Mother Nature. 17 00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:33,265 ADULT ADAM: Sadly, we were that one school 18 00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,900 that never closed for snow. 19 00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:36,402 REPORTER: Abington High closed, 20 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,503 Germantown West closed... Please, please, please. 21 00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:41,640 Say it. Say "closed." I will fist-punch the radio if you don't say "closed." 22 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:42,741 ...William Penn Academy open. 23 00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,977 Balls! Balls! I hate everything! 24 00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:47,346 I'm a man of my word! Ow! 25 00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:49,548 ADULT ADAM: Every time, it was the same heartbreak... 26 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,683 Until the snow gods finally showed mercy. 27 00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,385 REPORTER: William Penn Academy... closed. 28 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,722 Wait... Am I still asleep, or did he just say William Penn is closed? 29 00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,824 He said "closed." School is closed. 30 00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:01,560 This is the best day of my life! 31 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,028 (LAUGHING AND CHEERING) 32 00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:05,464 I feel so alive! (LAUGHING) 33 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:11,470 Yeah! Snow day means a full day of snuggle time with mama! 34 00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:12,671 Yeah! Get in here! Get it! 35 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,607 I'm so happy, I don't have the will to fight her off! 36 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,109 (LAUGHING) 37 00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:21,213 ALL: (CHANTING) Snow day! Snow day! Snow day! 38 00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:22,548 ¶ I'm twisted up inside 39 00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:26,718 ¶ But nonetheless I feel the need to say 40 00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:29,788 ¶ I don't know the future 41 00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:33,525 ¶ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶ 42 00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:35,894 ADULT ADAM: It was snow day, 1980-something, 43 00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,263 and my sister was seizing the day... 44 00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,132 ...by sleeping through it. Aah! 45 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:42,101 Oh, good. You're finally up. 46 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,102 God! What the hell? 47 00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:45,170 Someone was snoring the day away, lazybones. 48 00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:49,174 Mom, today is a day that's been gifted to me by the universe. 49 00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:50,509 Please don't ruin it by being you. 50 00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:53,779 You only have one more college essay left to write, 51 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:54,613 and then you're done. 52 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,548 That has nothing to do with snow day. 53 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,349 Of course it does. 54 00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:59,151 You're physically trapped in the house with me, 55 00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:01,420 and all the roads and stores are closed. 56 00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:04,189 Yay! Let's get you into Penn State. 57 00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,992 No! Put away the word processor. 58 00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:08,760 I am not writing my college essay. 59 00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:11,563 Squishy, I can help you. I read the topic... 60 00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,731 "Describe a personal hero 61 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,533 "who's changed the course of your life." 62 00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,768 Mom, stop. Let's brainstorm. 63 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,837 What makes a hero? Hmm? 64 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,606 Someone who's great at... 65 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:21,673 Crafting, matchmaking, 66 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:25,444 parming chicken or shrimp or eggplant or meatballs. 67 00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:28,480 Listen, I did write about someone in the family, 68 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:29,281 but it's a "he." 69 00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:31,750 Yay! It's me! I am he, and he is me. 70 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,887 Bevy, she clearly picked someone else, 71 00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:37,789 perhaps a decorated war vet who had a date 72 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:40,225 with two different Shirleys last night. 73 00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:42,394 That's right. Pops? (SCOFFS) 74 00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:43,395 You picked the random old guy 75 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,531 who just hangs around our house all day, 76 00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:46,632 eating our smoked fish? 77 00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:50,335 (CHUCKLES) Choo-choo! Next stop, Lametown. 78 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,938 Hey, I liberated an entire country. 79 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,439 I helped saved lives. 80 00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:55,841 (IMITATES SNORING) 81 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,277 Oh! Oh, sorry, I drifted off to sleep there. 82 00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,846 Okay, this turned ugly fast. 83 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,080 Now, if you'll excuse me, 84 00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:04,349 I have a full day of doing nothing ahead of me. 85 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:08,887 I honestly don't see a world where it's anyone but me. 86 00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:10,355 But thank you for your service. 87 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:13,058 ADULT ADAM: My mom would stop at nothing to be Erica's hero. 88 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:16,061 Meanwhile, me and Big Tasty started our snow day 89 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,663 with an epic cartoon marathon. 90 00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:18,397 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 91 00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:21,133 Did you two get into my four-quadrant popcorn tin? 92 00:03:21,135 --> 00:03:23,202 Relax. We were just sniffing it. 93 00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:24,603 Stand up and show me your fingers. 94 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,439 If I see any cheese dust, you're both grounded. 95 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:28,607 Dust-free. You happy? 96 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:29,808 Dude, you're unbelievable. 97 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,577 Popcorn is the snack of the people. 98 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:34,146 No. It's a snack for dads only. 99 00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:35,314 I get one tin a year 100 00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,416 from my armoire dealer in Cincinnati. 101 00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,518 It's the only thing that gets me through the season. 102 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,920 There are so many sad things in that sentence, 103 00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:44,223 but I honestly think the winner is "Cincinnati." 104 00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:46,458 Well, just keep your hands off the tin. 105 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,526 That's it. End of story. 106 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,695 And the same goes for the thermostat. 107 00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:50,796 Yeah, I see you two looking. 108 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,497 That's 'cause it's colder in this house 109 00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:53,899 than it is outside. Yeah, man. 110 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,568 Can't you spare like two more degrees? 111 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,170 If you two are so cold, 112 00:03:58,172 --> 00:03:59,671 go out and shovel the walkway. 113 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:02,107 That ought to work up a sweat but good. 114 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:02,507 (BOTH SIGH) 115 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:05,110 ADULT ADAM: Murray Goldberg had a lot of dumb dad rules, 116 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:07,412 but nothing equaled his hard line on snow. 117 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,148 And no monkeying around out there when you're done. 118 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,783 This weather is treacherous. 119 00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:12,651 Oh, here we go. 120 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,320 Another lecture on the dangers of cold weather. 121 00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:17,422 I'm serious. It's not safe out there. 122 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:21,593 You got frostbite, avalanches, and deadly icicles. 123 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,794 Icicles aren't deadly. 124 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:23,729 They're refreshing and delicious. 125 00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:27,432 They're knives that can fall from the sky at any moment. 126 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,100 Sky knives! 127 00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:29,668 They kill a billion people a year. 128 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:32,204 That seems high. Dad, come on. It's snow day. 129 00:04:32,206 --> 00:04:36,775 Can't we at least go outside and build one tiny awesome snow fortress? 130 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:37,476 Absolutely not! 131 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:41,013 You shovel that walkway before it turns into ice. 132 00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:42,314 And no forts... I mean it! 133 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:46,118 Naturally, we did the opposite 'cause forts are awesome! 134 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:46,551 Good job, dude. 135 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:50,188 I can't feel my fingers, but this definitely was two hours well spent. 136 00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:53,058 Do you think maybe we should shovel the walkway a little 137 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,326 so Dad doesn't totally freak? 138 00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:57,129 Yeah, we should... After a quick expansion. 139 00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:58,563 Quick's good. Whatcha thinking? 140 00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:00,065 I'm picturing a master bedroom 141 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:03,368 with an attached bath, butler's quarters, a dojo, 142 00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:06,605 one of those maze gardens, all of the rooms from Clue, 143 00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:07,773 an indoor basketball court. 144 00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:10,509 A basketball court inside a snow fort? 145 00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,144 That's just the first floor. 146 00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,546 The second level's where the party's at. 147 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,814 Hot tub, sauna, fire pit. 148 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,350 You don't think that'll create an awful lot of heat? 149 00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:20,986 Yeah... once the word gets out. 150 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,521 MURRAY: Son of a bitch. 151 00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:23,055 A fort? 152 00:05:23,057 --> 00:05:26,391 I told you dumbasses to shovel the walk! 153 00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:28,627 Crap! It's Dad. 154 00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,896 He's coming for us. We're so dead! 155 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,030 You get your asses out of there 156 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:35,334 before that thing collapses and traps you in an icy tomb. 157 00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,469 Stay strong. We're untouchable in here. 158 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:40,572 "Untouchable?" I'll show you untouchable! 159 00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,007 He's shimmying! 160 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,743 Oh, no! He's entering the snow fort! 161 00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,345 I never thought this would happen! 162 00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:47,512 MURRAY: Ah! I'm stuck! 163 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,815 I can't move my arms! My arms are stuck! 164 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,950 How are your arms stuck? 165 00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,318 It's snow. It's soft. 166 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,621 I'm wedged in! My circulation's failing me! 167 00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:59,191 I can feel it! I'm gonna die in here! 168 00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,459 (BOTH LAUGH) 169 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:01,693 He thinks he's dying. 170 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,096 Stop laughing! Stop laughing at me right now! 171 00:06:04,098 --> 00:06:06,264 Why are we hiding from this man? Look at him. 172 00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:09,267 These are my last breaths! I can see my last breaths! 173 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:12,170 He's so scared and vulnerable, and it's hilarious. 174 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:13,939 This is how it's gonna end for me... 175 00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:16,208 In an icy igloo with you two morons. 176 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,410 He's freaking out. Shut up and help me! 177 00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,379 You got it, pal. 178 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,749 (GRUNTING) 179 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:25,217 You're not trying to help me. 180 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:28,019 You're just playing with my face to mess with me. 181 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,721 Dude, you push like this. 182 00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:31,590 Stop! 183 00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,091 (BLEEP) 184 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,559 (BLEEP) 185 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:35,827 (BLEEP) 186 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,996 ADULT ADAM: As we continued to mess with my dad, 187 00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,765 my mom was cleaning Erica's room. 188 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:42,734 Okay, she was ransacking it like an FBI agent. 189 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:47,672 It was a desperate attempt to uncover the person Erica chose as her hero. 190 00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:48,573 And then she found it... 191 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:51,343 Hidden in plain view behind the circuit board of a Lite-Brite, 192 00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:55,547 the piece of paper that would change my mom's life forever. 193 00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,984 Dad, I stumbled upon something incredible 194 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,952 hidden in Erica's room, and I need to tell someone, 195 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,621 but I can't because she'll never forgive me. 196 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:05,090 Okay, you twisted my arm, so here it is. 197 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,026 I'm Erica's hero. Me, baby, me! 198 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,928 Well, I'm glad this worked out for you. 199 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,329 You know what this means, right? 200 00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,632 I have succeeded as a mother. 201 00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,534 Now, I know there were times when I quietly wondered 202 00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:19,237 if I had failed as a mother, but now I know the truth. Success! 203 00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:22,174 Did it ever occur to you that Erica hid that essay 204 00:07:22,176 --> 00:07:24,910 so you wouldn't overreact like you are right now? 205 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:28,780 Did it occur to you that none of this matters because I'm her hero? 206 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,283 Bevy, you snooped. You broke her trust. 207 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:34,486 If I were you, I wouldn't speak a word of this. 208 00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:35,454 Obviously. 209 00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:37,289 Erica will never, ever know. 210 00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:39,090 ADULT ADAM: And she wouldn't... for 10 minutes. 211 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:41,359 ¶ Suddenly, I'm up on top of the world What the... 212 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,295 "A Daughter and Her Hero"? 213 00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,197 ¶ It should've been somebody else Oh, damn it. You know? 214 00:07:45,199 --> 00:07:48,767 Know what? That I'm your greatest American hero? 215 00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:49,267 No, that's not true. 216 00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:53,238 (LIP SYNCS) ¶ Believe it or not I'm walking on air 217 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:57,075 ¶ I never thought I could feel so free 218 00:07:57,077 --> 00:08:00,479 For the record, it is none of your business who my hero is. 219 00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:04,015 ¶ Who could it be? 220 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:07,786 ¶ Believe it or not it's just me ¶ 221 00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,621 (MUSIC STOPS) I take it back, okay? 222 00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,857 I take back every single word I wrote. 223 00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:13,291 You think you can just take it back 224 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,494 like a bathing suit you've worn three times 225 00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:16,995 with the tags tucked in? 226 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:17,863 (LAUGHS) 227 00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,865 No way. I'm your hero. No! 228 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:23,134 Our history together will show I think you're the absolute worst. 229 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,871 But now I'll forever know how you really feel about me, 230 00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:31,009 which is, "Everything my mother does comes from her heart." 231 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,345 Stop using my words against me. 232 00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:34,312 You are not my hero. 233 00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:36,448 I read a document that says otherwise. 234 00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:37,983 God, you ruin everything! 235 00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:40,685 And yet I'm your "beacon on the hill." 236 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:41,720 I resent you so much right now. 237 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,856 But yet you love me "more than anyone." 238 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,992 This is "my worst nightmare." 239 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,527 And it's my dream. (CHUCKLES) 240 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,996 Like the song says, I'm walking on air. 241 00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:51,830 And I'm walking out. 242 00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,598 ADULT ADAM: As Erica's secret was out, 243 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,400 Barry and I were launching a secret plan 244 00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:56,968 that would change everything. 245 00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,971 Young Adam, we have been given a gift. 246 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:04,476 We have seen with our very eyes the underbelly of our enemy. 247 00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:05,076 Dad? Yes! 248 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:08,847 The one who oppresses us by ruling over the popcorn, 249 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:11,016 temperature, and remote control. 250 00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:13,318 He always makes me watch Hee Haw! 251 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:13,852 Hee Haw, Barry! 252 00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:16,821 We discovered something new in that ice fort... 253 00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:18,323 That Dad's vulnerable. 254 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:21,359 And when we mess with him, it's super fun. 255 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:22,627 I agree. It was joyous. 256 00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:24,362 But we're back in the house now. It's over. 257 00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:27,599 Or do we continue the good times and laughter forever? 258 00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:29,267 You mean mess with Dad 259 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,436 outside the whimsical world of the snow fort? 260 00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:35,407 Of course! Now we know he's all bark and no bite. 261 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:37,142 I bet he doesn't even think we're morons. 262 00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:38,443 But that's his hurtful catchphrase. 263 00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:42,480 From this moment on, I say we do the things that annoy him 264 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,715 and entertain us. 265 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:44,916 Like sitting in his chair 266 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,586 or leaving that last drop in the orange juice container? 267 00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:50,322 Damn right! It's a snow-day revolution! 268 00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:52,157 ADULT ADAM: And our first battle was this. 269 00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:55,360 You two are grounded! No telephone! No Atari! 270 00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:58,196 No robits! Now get upstairs! 271 00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,198 Want to go sledding? Sure. 272 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:00,899 Sledding? 273 00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,233 Didn't you hear what I just said? 274 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,135 Oh, we heard it. It's just... (CHUCKLES) 275 00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,004 we're gonna pass on the grounding. 276 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,106 (BOTH LAUGH) 277 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,240 What the hell just happened? 278 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:12,110 ADULT ADAM: What happened was a revolution. 279 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:16,281 ADULT ADAM: My brother and I were in full rebellion mode, 280 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,882 and we were ready to take it up a notch. 281 00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:22,153 Bevy! Where's my tin of holiday popcorn? 282 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:26,524 Looking for something? Mmm! Flavored corn deliciousness. 283 00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:27,993 What have you done? 284 00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:28,927 Looks like you're not the only one 285 00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:32,631 who can enjoy four types of gourmet popcorn whenever he wants. 286 00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,332 You better not have touched white cheddar. 287 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,534 Oh, I touched the white cheddar but good. 288 00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:38,370 That quadrant was for dads only! 289 00:10:38,372 --> 00:10:40,772 Seriously, what's wrong with you? Yo, Ad-rock! 290 00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:44,542 ADULT ADAM: And then we went where no Goldberg had gone before. 291 00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:46,444 You chilly? I sure am. 292 00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,179 Might as well just crank up this bad boy. 293 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,348 Hey, you know no one touches that thermostat. 294 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:54,719 It stays locked in at a comfortable 63 degrees, no higher! 295 00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:57,088 87... Temperature of the rich. 296 00:10:57,090 --> 00:11:00,492 Eighty-seven degrees? What do you think this is, the sun? 297 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,794 We reign over the thermostat now. 298 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:04,796 Okay, you saw me at a low point, 299 00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,732 and now you're giving me a taste of my own medicine. 300 00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:09,134 (MUFFLED) So good. 301 00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,869 Sweet and savory. 302 00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:13,238 Damn it, stop eating all the caramel! 303 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:13,738 No can do. 304 00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:16,341 You see, until now, your main weapon was dad rage, 305 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:19,077 but that all changed when your middle-aged body 306 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,245 corked up our snow tunnel. 307 00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,380 Nothing has changed, nothing. 308 00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:23,882 (CHUCKLING) Oh, it has. 309 00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:26,584 We went into that snow fort as scared boys, 310 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,953 but we emerged as fearless men 311 00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:30,855 who now find your anger silly. 312 00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,625 Fine. You don't want to respect me? I'm out. 313 00:11:33,627 --> 00:11:37,629 I retire from being involved in your lives in any way. 314 00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:39,464 Trust me, there will be a time 315 00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:43,334 when you come to me in desperate need of your dad, 316 00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:44,069 and I won't help you. 317 00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:45,637 ADULT ADAM: Our snow-day rebellion had worked. 318 00:11:45,639 --> 00:11:48,173 The balance of power had shifted in our house, 319 00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:49,374 and we were kings! 320 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:50,608 Dear God. You were right. 321 00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:53,044 We can mess with dad out of the snow fort, too. 322 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,313 I feel so alive and sweaty from the heat! 323 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:58,183 This must be what the other Adam Goldberg in school 324 00:11:58,185 --> 00:11:59,384 feels like all the time. 325 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,953 He's a loose cannon and lives on his own terms! 326 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:05,023 Dude! Now we can finally live our snow day 327 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:07,559 the way the gods of winter intended it! 328 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:08,426 Car toboggan. 329 00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:10,161 It combines the fun of water-skiing 330 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:12,197 with the treacherous danger of luge. 331 00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:13,398 I like what I'm hearing. 332 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,399 Sit down and hold on 333 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:17,102 'cause I'm gonna drive fast and take chances. 334 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:18,536 (ENGINE STARTS) 335 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,205 Snow day! 336 00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,041 Life without a dad rules! 337 00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:25,210 ADULT ADAM: As we set out on our fatherless snow day, 338 00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:28,680 my sister was doing everything she could to avoid our mom. 339 00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:29,814 Mom isn't down here, is she? 340 00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:32,150 I haven't felt her looming presence 341 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,586 in over an hour, so you're safe. 342 00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:35,086 Thank God. 343 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,788 That woman finding out that she's my hero 344 00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:39,424 is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. 345 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,058 Speaking of heroes, 346 00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:43,428 have I told you about all my rich life adventures? 347 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,162 Yes. Many times. 348 00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:46,331 I bet you didn't know that after the army, 349 00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,767 I joined the USO and entertained the troops 350 00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,702 with a death-defying circus act. 351 00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:53,638 I need help, Pops, not your old-man yarns. 352 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,908 They're not yarns. I trained a lion. 353 00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:58,376 His name was Stan. 354 00:12:58,378 --> 00:12:59,277 There you are, boopie. 355 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,445 I need your fashion expertise. 356 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,982 Which iron-on should I put on my purple jumpsuit, 357 00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:06,651 me as the wind beneath your wings 358 00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,753 or we're two peas in a pod? 359 00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:09,320 Hmm. I pick none. 360 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:12,457 Well, you go to pick one so we can wear them on our ski trip this weekend. 361 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,926 Let's be clear, I am going skiing with Lainey 362 00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:17,529 and also 10 boys who I know a little bit. 363 00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:18,329 And your hero. 364 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,131 I'm sure you want me to tag along. 365 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,500 In what world does that make sense? 366 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:23,535 If Barry went on a ski trip, 367 00:13:23,537 --> 00:13:25,470 he'd want to bring his hero, Chuck Norris, 368 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,772 and Adam would definitely want to ski with Crispin Glover. 369 00:13:27,774 --> 00:13:31,709 So it makes perfect sense that you would want to bring your hero, me. 370 00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:34,379 Okay, weird Crispin Glover doesn't ski, 371 00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,881 and Chuck Norris likes a desert climate, 372 00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:38,283 so you're not going. 373 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:38,750 I get it. 374 00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:41,753 It's embarrassing having your mom as your hero. 375 00:13:41,755 --> 00:13:43,588 But don't worry, I can be cool. 376 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,890 Hang with the hunkos in the bubbly tub 377 00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:48,493 with my ski gogs on. (CLICKS TONGUE) 378 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:49,861 Oh, my God. I don't (GAGS) 379 00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:51,596 even know how to respond to that. 380 00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:52,897 I know! It's gonna be great! 381 00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:55,200 Just like when we carpool to school together 382 00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:57,001 so we can have a little gossip time. 383 00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,136 (GAGS) I just can't... 384 00:13:58,138 --> 00:13:59,504 And I'm gonna take you 385 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,172 to my Friday-night scrapbooking club 386 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:04,576 so you can see how your real hero cuts loose. 387 00:14:04,578 --> 00:14:05,810 (GAGS) 388 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,145 Decoupage. 389 00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:08,279 So, let me get this straight. 390 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,315 You being my hero basically undoes 391 00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:11,816 everything good in my life? 392 00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:13,618 Yay! We're gonna be slope sisters. 393 00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,920 I got to go bedazzle my ski boots. 394 00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:17,088 Ugh! 395 00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,624 Thinking you should have picked a different hero, 396 00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:23,962 one who's literally put his head in a lion's mouth? 397 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,663 Wait a minute. You're right. 398 00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:27,031 I chose to write about Mom, 399 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,234 so I can just write about someone else. 400 00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:30,501 Now we're talking. 401 00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:31,903 I'll write about myself, 402 00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:34,472 how I survived my crazy "smother" 403 00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:35,306 and became my own hero. 404 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,809 At this point, very little surprises me. 405 00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:39,744 Thank you, Pops! You are my hero! 406 00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:43,348 I mean, for giving me the idea to write about myself. 407 00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:44,949 You bet. 408 00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:50,421 (CHUCKLING) Oh, man! 409 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,023 That was awesome! 410 00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,625 I know you don't have your license, 411 00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:55,693 but it's your turn to drive. 412 00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:57,762 Adam? 413 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:01,232 Huh. 414 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,601 ADULT ADAM: Turns out we would need our dad 415 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:06,271 just way sooner than expected. 416 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:07,238 Fancy meeting you here. 417 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,708 Good to see you're keeping warm on this wintry day, Father. 418 00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,043 Bup-bup. Not the dad. 419 00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:14,946 (LAUGHS) Hilarious as always. 420 00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:15,747 Speaking of funny stuff, 421 00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:18,049 do you recall when you told me there would be a time 422 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:19,951 I'd come to you in desperate need? 423 00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:21,152 Well, that moment is now upon us. 424 00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:23,922 Are you kidding? It's been, what, 20 minutes? 425 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,490 Time sure does fly, doesn't it? 426 00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:27,058 Well, whatever you did, it's on you. 427 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,794 Yeah, you're teaching me a lesson about respect. 428 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:30,662 Noble goal. 429 00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:32,797 In return, I'd like to teach you 430 00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:35,133 the highs and lows of car tobogganing, 431 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:38,069 the recreational pastime that's sweeping the nation. 432 00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,203 What did you do? 433 00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:41,105 I lost Adam. 434 00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,141 Get my pants. 435 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:47,312 There's my little typer monkey. 436 00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:48,680 What you click-clacking about? 437 00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:50,381 Got more to write about your hero mama? 438 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:53,685 Oh, just making a few tiny tweaks to my college essay. 439 00:15:53,687 --> 00:15:54,085 Tweaks? 440 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,354 Can't believe it gets much better than that. 441 00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:57,121 Oh, it's better. 442 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,456 My first tweak was when I, like, 443 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,292 threw the whole thing out and started over. What's that, now? 444 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,428 Yeah, my new essay is about my inner hero 445 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:06,864 and how I overcame the greatest obstacle of all. 446 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:08,266 Me? 447 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,134 It says I'm the obstacle? Yep. 448 00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,137 (GASPS) And ruiner of dreams? For sure. 449 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,772 Strangler of hope? Yep. 450 00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:18,042 A vampire draining your human sprite? 451 00:16:18,044 --> 00:16:21,479 Oopsie, that is supposed to say "spirit." 452 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:22,046 Good eye. 453 00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:25,249 Oh. This is about me going on the ski trip. 454 00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:26,818 Okay, how's about I just sit it out? 455 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,453 Just please don't send this in. 456 00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:29,053 And print. 457 00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:31,055 (PRINTER CLICKING) Please stop that horrible printing sound. 458 00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:35,093 I wish I could, but I pressed the button, and it can't be stopped. 459 00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:36,894 It can if I drown it out. 460 00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:41,299 (BLENDER WHIRRING) The blending stops when the printing stops. 461 00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,067 You can blend all you want, lady, 462 00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:45,370 but I'ma print all day long. 463 00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:49,140 Beverly, Adam is lost in the snow! 464 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,208 It's an emergency! 465 00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:53,444 I can't hear you. I'm proving a point. 466 00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:58,649 ADULT ADAM: My sister had finally finished her new college essay 467 00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:01,119 about heroically triumphing over her "smother," 468 00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:03,888 but my mom had one last trick up her snowsuit. 469 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,957 Where are you going? Out. 470 00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:07,925 Where? All of Philly's shut down. 471 00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:10,061 I'm gonna snowshoe over to the Dress Barn 472 00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:12,397 and see about their annual blizzard sale. 473 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,565 Blizzard sale? That's not a thing. 474 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:15,333 Eat my dust, sucka. 475 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,468 Penn State's gonna know I'm your hero. 476 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,003 Wait! Get back here! 477 00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,506 ADULT ADAM: But their race to the mailbox didn't go as planned 478 00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,708 because we forgot to shovel the driveway. 479 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,310 No! Do not take that to the mailbox. 480 00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:26,978 Don't you dare. 481 00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:28,980 It's too late. You'll never catch me. 482 00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:29,380 Get back here! 483 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,617 ADULT ADAM: And so began the slowest high-speed chase 484 00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:33,518 in Goldberg history. 485 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:34,852 I wrote a better, more hurtful one. 486 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:38,589 Those stupid sons of bitches at Penn State will never read it. 487 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:41,225 Not if I beat you to the mailbox, old lady. 488 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:42,593 Ha! I'm pulling ahead! 489 00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:43,728 No, never! 490 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,396 Oh! Oh! Aah! 491 00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:48,633 (BOTH GRUNTING) 492 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:52,170 You are not my hero! 493 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:56,407 No! Erica, that's all I had left, 494 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:57,408 and you ruined it. 495 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,477 Mom, it's just a stupid college essay. 496 00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,612 Why make this the biggest deal in the world? 497 00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:04,415 That essay was the only proof I had 498 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,651 that you still want me as your mom. 499 00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,052 Come on. That's not true. 500 00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:10,388 Every day, you roll your eyes at me 501 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:12,256 and you tell me I ruin your life. 502 00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:15,993 And I know you're a teenager, and that's how it goes, 503 00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,628 but it hurts. 504 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,363 And then I read this essay. 505 00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:21,132 And it was just nice to be reminded 506 00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:24,402 that you still think nice things about me sometimes. 507 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:30,374 Look, even though you have real impulse-control problems, 508 00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:34,612 and you threw me down on a sheet of ice, 509 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,447 you shouldn't need some essay to know 510 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:40,218 that you really are my (QUIETLY) hero. 511 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,519 What was that? 512 00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:42,820 You're my stupid hero, okay? 513 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,255 ¶ Look at what's happened to me... 514 00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:47,592 I know I don't say it, but I would be lucky to grow up 515 00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:51,696 to be as strong and confident and passionate as you are. 516 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,532 ¶ Suddenly I'm up on top of the world Oh, sweetie. 517 00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,201 You already are all of those things. 518 00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,804 ¶ It should've been somebody else 519 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:03,708 ¶ Believe it or not, I'm walking on air I'm your hero. 520 00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:08,279 ¶ I never thought I could feel so free... 521 00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:09,380 Dad? 522 00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:10,615 You okay? 523 00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:13,784 You were right. Snow is nature's weapon. 524 00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:15,119 I kind of hurt my ankle. 525 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:16,587 Come on. I'll get you home safe. 526 00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:20,825 ¶ Believe it or not, it's just me (EXHALES HEAVILY) 527 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:21,559 (SNIFFLES) 528 00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:24,529 You're gonna yell at us when we get home, aren't you? 529 00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,764 Oh, yeah. Good. 530 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,666 ADULT ADAM: That's the thing about your heroes. 531 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,568 Even when we say we don't need them, 532 00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,136 they'd still have our backs. 533 00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:35,573 But every once in a while, heroes need a little love, too, 534 00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:40,878 or at least a reminder of why they were so important in the first place. 535 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,947 I think this belongs to you. 536 00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:47,652 So does this. I melted a Butterfinger on some Jiffy Pop. 537 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,687 Consider it our apology, 538 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,223 you know, 'cause you're the dad 539 00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:53,224 and we like it that way. 540 00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:55,359 If you need us, we'll be shoveling the walkway 541 00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,794 like we should have done in the first place. 542 00:19:56,796 --> 00:20:01,332 ADULT ADAM: And with that, our dad was back to being our dad again. 543 00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:02,133 But that snow day, 544 00:20:02,135 --> 00:20:04,569 he realized there's much more to being a father 545 00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:06,671 than enforcing the rules. 546 00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:07,171 Hey! 547 00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:08,940 You snow babies gonna fight back? 548 00:20:08,942 --> 00:20:09,540 ¶ Believe it or not 549 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,577 ADULT ADAM: So, yeah, our snow day didn't go as planned, 550 00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:16,380 but turns out, it really was the day we'd always hoped for. 551 00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:17,048 Take that, old man! 552 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,417 ¶ Believe it or not, I'm walking on air ¶ 553 00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,852 Oh, good. The walkway's shoveled. 554 00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:23,254 Ooh! 555 00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:23,854 Oh! 556 00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:25,856 Oh! You're gonna be one sorry Schmoo! 557 00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:29,026 ADULT ADAM: And that night, even though it was freezing outside 558 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:31,362 and we were lobbing balls of ice at each other, 559 00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:34,098 we played in the snow as a family for hours. 560 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,533 ¶ Believe it or not, it's just me ¶ 561 00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:37,935 Because in the end, nothing keeps you warm 562 00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:40,571 like being around the people you love most. 563 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,740 (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) 564 00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:46,277 ADAM: I have off school today, for it had snowed. 565 00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:50,014 The tree's have frozen over, and there's icicles everywhere. 566 00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,415 Yeah, we're live here. 567 00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,951 (BOTH SCREAMING) 568 00:20:56,322 --> 00:20:59,223 Ugh! I am so glad I'm finally done with that college essay. 569 00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:02,994 You know, sweetheart, it's not too late to write about a real hero. 570 00:21:02,996 --> 00:21:04,595 Ship's kind of sailed at this point. 571 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,564 That ship might circle back to port 572 00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:09,700 when you take a gander at some circus adventures 573 00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:10,268 after the war. 574 00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,970 Oh, Pops, you don't have to make stuff up. 575 00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:14,472 You'll always be a hero to me. 576 00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:17,642 But I spent four hours digging this up... 577 00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:20,177 Ah, damn it. She's gone. 578 00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,045 (PROJECTOR WHIRRING) 579 00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:23,047 And there they are, folks, stretching it. 580 00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:25,149 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 581 00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:26,784 You handsome devil. 582 00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:31,255 All right! Come on down and see it.