1
00:00:00,401 --> 00:00:02,401
ADULT ADAM:
Ah, the teachers of our youth.
2
00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:04,903
They pushed us,
inspired our minds,
3
00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:06,572
and made us who we are today.
4
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,841
And when those great teachers
got sick,
5
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:12,044
my mom stepped in to be a sub.
6
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:14,213
Bonjour,
my little French fries.
7
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:15,948
By the time
I'm done with you,
8
00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:17,683
you're going
to be eating snails,
9
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:18,617
not taking baths,
10
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:21,186
and enjoying the silent art
of mime.
11
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,355
(LAUGHS)
ADULT ADAM: Like most
substitute teachers,
12
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,823
she didn't know very much.
13
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,258
They're a weird people,
hmm?
14
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,193
Then one day,
everything changed.
15
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,829
My mom saw the movie
Dead Poets Society.
16
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:31,797
O Captain!
My Captain!
17
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:32,898
YOUNG MAN: O Captain!
My Captain!
18
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,701
When Robin Williams inspired
those stuffy rich kids
19
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,002
to stand on their desks,
20
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,570
my mom saw her true calling.
21
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:41,774
Who knew Mork from Ork
had such a serious side?
22
00:00:41,776 --> 00:00:43,876
This movie proves
that a sub
23
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:47,046
is the most important person
in a child's life.
24
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:49,615
Come Monday, that's just
what I'm gonna do...
25
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:50,349
inspire my kids.
26
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:53,385
You mean, your students
or your actual kids?
27
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,154
Both.
It's a win-win.
28
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,688
I'm sure
they'll see it that way.
29
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,158
MAN: Hey, shut up!
You shut up!
30
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:00,259
Good morning, class.
31
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:03,395
Uh, before we get started,
does anyone need to make?
32
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:04,296
Hmm? Anyone?
33
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:05,864
There's gonna be
a lot of learning today,
34
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:08,033
so if you got to make,
do it now.
35
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:09,668
Anyone got
to make poo-poos?
36
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:10,469
Stop!
37
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:11,537
No one has to make!
Moving on.
38
00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:14,807
All right,
according to this memo
from Principal Ball,
39
00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:17,776
Mr. Gluckman has been checked
into a rehab facility
40
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,745
to address his relationship
with c'caine.
41
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,081
"Please tell the students
he has the flu."
42
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,783
Okay.
Mr. Gluckman has the flu.
43
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:25,451
(CHUCKLES)
44
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,453
I'll be your sub
for the next 30 days.
45
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:28,020
Sweet!
A sub!
46
00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:29,621
We get to waste a whole month
of critical learning
47
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,423
that'll put us behind
for years to come!
48
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,058
No, JTP!
History has proven
49
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:35,627
my mom turns awesome things
to garbage!
50
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,729
Aw, who's that
handsome fella?
51
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:38,730
Is he single?
52
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:39,598
This is a nightmare.
53
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,866
Question.
Who here is familiar
54
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,468
with the film
Dead Poets Society?
55
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:44,436
Chill, dude.
Your mom's gonna
show us a movie.
56
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,105
It's a classic
sub move.
57
00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:47,473
Oh, we're not watching it.
58
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:48,474
We're living it!
59
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:49,541
Oh, no.
Barry's right.
60
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,210
In fact,
I need a volunteer
61
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:52,711
chosen
completely at random
62
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:53,812
to come stand on my desk
63
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,481
and view the world
from a new perspective.
64
00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,549
Oh, no!
She wants us to learn
by standing on furniture?
65
00:01:57,551 --> 00:02:00,986
ADULT ADAM: Standing on a desk
was how Robin Williams
inspired his students.
66
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:04,123
Unfortunately, not everyone
liked to see things
67
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:06,391
from a different angle.
68
00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:07,326
Whoa, whoa!
69
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,128
There's no climbing
in school!
70
00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:09,828
Unless it's on a rope
71
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,164
hung dangerously from
the rafters of the gymnasium.
72
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,032
Dude, the hot sub
told us to do it.
73
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:16,335
Are you crazy?
What do you think
you're doing?
74
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:17,569
(LAUGHING) Ho!
Look, everyone!
75
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:21,240
It's the stuffy administration
coming to clip my wings!
76
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,708
No!
For the past 30 years,
77
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:25,277
Mr. Gluckman has sloshed
corrosive chemicals
78
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:26,178
all over that old desk.
79
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,313
It's falling apart.
I fear nothing.
80
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,916
Like any great teacher,
I encourage my students
81
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,818
to seize the day!
(CREAKING)
82
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,019
Aah!
83
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:49,368
ADULT ADAM:
It was January 4,
1980-something...
84
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:52,938
the day a single text message
rocked my world.
85
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:53,739
Yo.
86
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:55,641
Get this note
to Goldnerd for me.
87
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:56,742
ADULT ADAM:
Yep, back in the '80s,
88
00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:58,243
this was our version
of sending a text.
89
00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:01,613
You'd have to pass a note the
old-fashioned way, by hand.
90
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:05,784
Only problem was,
your messages weren't
password-protected.
91
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,920
Mr. Goldberg,
since that little paper
92
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:10,556
is more important
than life-saving CPR,
93
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:14,359
maybe you'd like to stand
and share it
with the rest of us.
94
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,462
"Ballsssss."
95
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,698
To be clear...
96
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,633
I did not write this.
97
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:25,270
"Dude, when did Emmy Mirsky
get so dang foxy?
98
00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:28,540
"I mean,
holy boobs, Batman!
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)
99
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,576
"Look at those
sweatshirt puppies."
100
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:32,978
Again,
I did not write this.
101
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:33,812
Oh, that sucked.
102
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,448
My intention was to teach you
a lesson about note-passing,
103
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:39,151
but instead, I just made us
all feel wildly uncomfortable.
104
00:03:39,153 --> 00:03:42,721
(CHUCKLES) Let's just
move on to Chapter 6, okay?
105
00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:45,424
Female reproductive...
Nope.
106
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:46,825
Class dismissed.
107
00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:48,727
Next time you get caught
with a note,
108
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,296
just do what
a normal person does
and eat it.
109
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:52,464
Dude,
you can't eat paper.
110
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:53,966
My mom says
it plugs up your bottom.
111
00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:56,802
Small price to pay
to avoid total humiliation.
112
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:57,536
I know, right?
113
00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:59,438
I had to stand up
in front of everyone
114
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,641
and talk about
my best friend's,
you know, stuff.
115
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:03,075
Wait.
116
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,310
You thought that note
was embarrassing for you?
117
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:06,945
Well, who else
would it embarrass?
118
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:07,746
Me!
Why?
119
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:08,880
The note said
you were hot.
120
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,082
You should be happy
about it.
121
00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:11,883
Are you serious
right now?
122
00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:13,418
Dork!
123
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,586
Boy, you really know
your way
124
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,722
around relationships
with human beings.
125
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:17,956
I agree I'm flawed,
126
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:20,993
but I honestly have no idea
what I said wrong here.
127
00:04:20,995 --> 00:04:21,994
Okay, I'm gonna
shed some light
128
00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:24,062
on what it's like
to be a freshman girl,
129
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,330
and it ain't gonna
be pretty.
130
00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:28,533
The seniors called me
"Frizzica Spazzberg."
131
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:30,936
Every 9th-grade girl,
no matter how she looks,
132
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,504
feels uncomfortable
in her own skin.
133
00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,406
There's a hunk of lettuce
in your braces.
134
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:35,307
How did you not feel it?
135
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:36,742
I was going through
a salad phase!
136
00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:38,677
My point is,
Emmy just needs a friend
137
00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,479
who understands
how she feels.
138
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:41,046
Seriously, though,
139
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:42,848
there's like a whole head
of romaine in there.
140
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:46,118
I am gonna give you one second
to walk away.
141
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:46,351
One!
142
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:48,153
ADULT ADAM: As I was learning
how to be a better friend,
143
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:51,223
my mom was teaching Barry
how to be a better student.
144
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:52,057
I don't understand!
145
00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:53,425
This is my house,
not my school.
146
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:56,061
Now that I have the teaching
tools I learned in a movie,
147
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:59,264
I will not rest until
you get an "A" in this class.
148
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:02,701
Okay, now,
the atomic symbol "C"
149
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,036
stands for what?
150
00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:05,203
Chemistry!
Carbon.
151
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:05,771
It stands for Carbon.
152
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:08,440
But it also stands
for chemistry,
so half a point?
153
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:11,343
Okay. Name three types
of inert gases.
154
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:14,279
Easy. There's
regular, unleaded,
155
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,415
and...farts?
156
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:17,716
Farts?
Farts.
157
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,384
The answer is not farts!
158
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,086
How is fart not a gas?
159
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,288
Science makes no sense,
and I don't need it!
160
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,724
Especially 'cause I'm gonna
marry Kathy Ireland.
161
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:28,026
Who?
Supermodel
Kathy Ireland.
162
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,028
I'm gonna be
her lazy mooch of a husband
163
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,564
who lives in her mansion
in Ireland!
164
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:33,799
Now,
if you'll excuse me,
165
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,434
I'm gonna go brush up
on my Irish culture
166
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:39,338
and (BAD IRISH ACCENT)
find me gold at the
end of the rainbow, mon.
167
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:42,641
Well, that accent
was definitely Jamaican.
168
00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:44,142
Boopie, don't give up!
169
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,811
Mama believes in you!
170
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,212
Question. Why?
171
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:48,113
You're a substitute teacher.
172
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,948
Just give the boy
a damn "A" already.
173
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,350
You want me to cheat?
174
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:52,084
Of course I do.
175
00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:54,586
We got to get that moron
into some sort of college.
176
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:55,821
Can you believe this,
Dad?
177
00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,422
He thinks Barry
can't do it.
178
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:58,857
His answer was "farts."
179
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,625
Okay, you really want him
to buckle down?
180
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,394
Let me go upstairs
and get his ass in gear.
181
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:04,763
By yelling at him
and calling him a moron?
182
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,298
No way.
That doesn't work.
183
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:07,399
Barry needs inspiration.
184
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,868
All I need to do
is unlock his potential,
185
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,169
and then
the sky's the limit.
186
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,605
His many limits
are the limit.
187
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:15,640
His answer was "farts."
188
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:18,043
ADULT ADAM: That day,
I was also on a mission
189
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,278
to prove to Emmy
I felt her pain.
190
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,414
All right,
hormonal disasters!
191
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,483
It's time to pick teams!
192
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,518
Shirts, Skins,
Shirts, Skins,
193
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,720
Shirts, Skins...
Okay, so why exactly
did we cut math
194
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,389
to sit in on some
random gym class?
195
00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:31,189
What you're witnessing
196
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:34,526
is a barbaric practice
known as "Shirts vs. Skins."
197
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:37,863
Nothing is worse than
having to awkwardly disrobe
198
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:38,897
in front of your bros.
199
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:39,664
You got to be kidding me.
200
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:42,634
I know! I mean,
why not shorts vs. pants?
201
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,269
Or red shirts
vs. blue shirts?
202
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:46,938
Sure, it would take some
planning the night before,
203
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,774
but I could get
a phone tree going.
204
00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:50,776
I mean,
we are not the same.
205
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:52,744
Do you wear thick,
baggy-ass clothes
206
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,347
when it's 90 degrees out
to hide your body?
207
00:06:55,349 --> 00:06:57,082
I thought you wear that
'cause you love Epcot.
208
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,650
I've never even
been there!
209
00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,284
Why would I love it?
210
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:00,819
'Cause it's like taking
a trip around the world
211
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,188
without leaving
the safe confines
of Orlando?
212
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,156
Being a Skin in gym
213
00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:06,858
is nothing compared
to being stared at all day.
214
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,493
Well, if you
think about it,
215
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:09,795
my thing's
actually way worse
216
00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:13,165
'cause at least you
get to cover up with
bulky fabrics.
217
00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:15,400
I get no fabrics!
None!
218
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,136
You're a douche lord!
219
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,274
Hey, Bar, how's studying
with Mom going?
220
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:22,941
Rad as all get-out.
221
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,510
Only took two minutes
to finish all of my homework.
222
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:26,912
She's really teaching you
science stuff?
223
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:30,749
Let's just say Mom is gonna be
very pleased with my answers.
224
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,318
(CHUCKLES)
Pops, give us a taste.
225
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:33,952
Question one.
226
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,888
"What is the chemical symbol
for sodium?"
227
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:37,589
And my answer?
228
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:40,058
"My mommy
is the best mommy ever
229
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:43,428
"of all mommies
on Planet Mommy."
230
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:43,995
Nailed it!
231
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,497
What the hell are you doing,
you moron?
232
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:46,231
Just giving the lady
233
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:47,933
the answers
she always wanted to hear.
234
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,669
Pops, what's the atomic weight
of chloride?
235
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:54,773
"Wittle Barry-wary
like Mummy's snuggy-wuggies."
236
00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:56,007
Okay, this is just nonsense.
237
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,677
ADULT ADAM: And with that,
my dad knew it was time
238
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,912
to inspire Barry
in his own way.
239
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,215
Look,
I hate to tell you this,
240
00:08:03,217 --> 00:08:07,319
but your mom is looking
for any excuse to fail you.
241
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,420
What? Why?
242
00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:11,623
Mom telling you to study
is just a trick,
243
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:15,126
because she knows
you never do what she says.
244
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:15,794
I do don't do that!
245
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:19,030
She really wants you to fail
so you don't graduate.
246
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:22,467
And no college means
you live here forever.
247
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:25,136
And that means
she picks out your clothes
248
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,438
for the rest of your life.
249
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,472
But I want Kathy Ireland
250
00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:29,007
to pick out my clothes
for the rest of my life.
251
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,476
Well, I hope she enjoys
sharing a family bathroom.
252
00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:34,579
No! She likes sushi
and smoothies and Malibu!
253
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:37,449
I don't know
what to tell you.
Mom will not control me.
254
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:39,184
I will learn all chemistry...
255
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,151
No, all science!
256
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,686
Mom says you won't.
Oh, I will.
257
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:45,223
Time for me to tear off
this plastic shrink-wrap
258
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:46,224
and get to learning.
259
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,259
But the year is half-over.
260
00:08:47,261 --> 00:08:51,162
And that, my friend,
is how you truly
inspire a kid.
261
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:54,666
All you did was use his mother
as a weapon to rile him up.
262
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:55,767
I do it all the time.
263
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:58,069
It's how I got Erica
to learn piano,
264
00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:58,703
Adam to ice skate.
265
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,172
I just tell them
that their mom is
holding them back.
266
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,508
You do know that
if Bev finds out about this,
267
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,076
she'll never forgive you.
268
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:05,577
No doubt.
269
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:08,613
Aw, screw it.
You did what you had to do.
270
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:13,251
ADULT ADAM: It had been days
since Emmy talked to me,
271
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:16,054
so I decided to
recruit someone who
spoke her language.
272
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,524
Okay, before you
throw a hard object at me
and say "Get out"...
273
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:20,926
Get out!
274
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,761
...I have
a big favor to ask,
275
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:25,297
and will pay a huge sum
of money to do it.
276
00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:25,931
I'm listening.
277
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,465
I need you to give
this note to Emmy
278
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:28,300
and make her read it.
279
00:09:28,302 --> 00:09:29,334
She's still not
talking to you, huh?
280
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,803
Honestly, she's being
crazy and irrational,
281
00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:33,038
but as you can see
in this note,
282
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,974
I'm the bigger man
and still willing
to apologize.
283
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,877
"Dear Emmy, you're being
crazy and irrational.
284
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,211
"Let me explain
the many reasons
285
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,213
"why your super-silly
female body issues
286
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,915
"are all in your head."
287
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:44,683
No.
288
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,651
Fine!
Then, then you fix it.
289
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:48,954
Exactly how much money
are we talking here?
290
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:51,189
$1,000.
291
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,091
Which is what this Megatron
will be worth
292
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,460
on the black market
in 30 years.
293
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:56,595
I'll do it for 20 bucks.
294
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:57,429
5 bucks and a Skeletor?
295
00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,030
I'll do it
if you just go away now.
296
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,932
ADULT ADAM: And so
my sister would help me,
297
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,534
but not by going to Emmy.
298
00:10:02,536 --> 00:10:04,269
Hey, Coach,
got a minute?
299
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,104
Kind of busy,
female Goldberg.
300
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,006
I'm inventing
a new hybrid sport.
301
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,875
Either, uh, baseball fencing
or water-polo squash.
302
00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:14,245
You can't play
squash under water.
People need to breathe.
303
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,047
Need to breathe.
304
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,016
(SIGHS)
That makes sense.
305
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:22,153
"Need to breathe."
306
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:22,621
Uh-huh.
307
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:25,190
So, my brother's been
a bad friend to Emmy Mirsky.
308
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:27,626
Ah, stabbed in the back
by her best amigo.
309
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:31,329
That is a crime worse than
all the murders in the world.
310
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,531
I don't think
that's right, but sure.
311
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:36,635
So, could you help her
by blatantly abusing
your authority?
312
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:40,505
You want old Coach to exact
sweet revenge, huh?
313
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:41,473
No problem.
314
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,074
You're an amazing teacher.
315
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:43,541
I'm sure of it.
316
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:46,344
ADULT ADAM:
While Erica was looking
to teach me a lesson,
317
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,046
Barry was ready to learn.
318
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:48,713
JTP!
ALL: JTP!
319
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:52,817
I need you to teach me
everything about chemistry
so I can get an "A."
320
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,219
Are you sure you want
to join us, bro?
321
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:57,188
Yeah, you tend to just
sort of peter out, insult us,
322
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,156
and then leave us
high and dry.
323
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,692
Not this time, my tiny friend
I can fit in my pocket!
324
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:04,596
I have enough anger
in me to last for
at least three days.
325
00:11:04,598 --> 00:11:05,730
Let's do this!
326
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,032
What are you doing?
327
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,433
Taking photographs
with my mind.
328
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:10,502
You mean memorizing?
Done! Quiz me.
329
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:11,836
Fire away.
Dude. (CHUCKLES)
330
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,738
It takes more than just
glancing at our note cards
331
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:16,808
to know what elements
are in Group Four of
the Periodic Table.
332
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,977
Titanium, Zirconium, Hafnium,
and Rutherfordium.
333
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:22,113
Whoa. When you've got
hate in your heart,
you're, like, crazy-smart.
334
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:25,183
Also, it totally proves
you were never living up
to your potential.
335
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:25,817
Indeed, Geoffrey.
336
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:29,020
And I will use that potential
to stop my mom's evil plan.
337
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:32,824
ADULT ADAM: And he did.
Barry was so psyched
to teach my mom a lesson,
338
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:35,326
he couldn't stop
teaching himself.
339
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,695
Well, look at
you guys studying.
340
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:40,432
Just tutoring my boys.
They're having
a hard time keeping up.
341
00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:41,533
Keeping up with you?
342
00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:44,002
Turns out science just
kind of clicks when I try.
343
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:46,604
Barry's even read
four chapters ahead, for fun.
344
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:49,474
That's right. He knows
stuff we can't even
begin to comprehend.
345
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:50,875
Until we read that far
into the book.
346
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,311
Thanks to you telling me
about Mom's awful plan
347
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,979
to keep me here
to love me forever.
348
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,281
You're really
showing her.
349
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:59,584
Uh, just maybe you keep
your rage-learning between us.
350
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:00,852
But what's the point
of knowledge
351
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:02,587
if you don't use it
to destroy your mother?
352
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:04,522
You know what would
really stick it to her?
353
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:07,058
If you tell her after
you got into college.
354
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:07,726
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
355
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:10,662
Imagine how miserable she'll
be when I go off to Harvard.
356
00:12:10,664 --> 00:12:11,996
You'll destroy her
for sure.
357
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:15,300
But until then,
let's just keep it our secret.
358
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,134
Our wonderful secret.
359
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,536
ADULT ADAM:
As my dad was trying
to keep Barry quiet,
360
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:21,206
I was just trying
to keep my shirt on.
361
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,640
Shirt. Skin.
362
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:25,643
Shirt, Skin, Shirt, Skin,
Shirt, Skin, Shirt.
363
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:26,978
Yes! I'm golden.
364
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:28,279
Shirt.
365
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,481
Skin.
366
00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:30,415
Skin.
367
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,349
Whoa. Hey, hang on!
368
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,784
This better be important,
Goldfarb!
369
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,352
It is.
You double-skinned.
370
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,521
Oh, how about that?
I did double-skin.
371
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:37,889
But you can't
double-skin.
372
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,557
It's Shirt, Skin,
Shirt, Skin.
373
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,192
I can Skin-Skin
anytime I like.
374
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,994
If you Skin-Skin, there's
no rules! It's chaos!
375
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:46,331
Maybe now you'll know what
it feels like to be a young
girl coming of age!
376
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,098
Wait,
is this about Emmy?
377
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,601
The best teachers never reveal
if it's about Emmy.
378
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:50,702
So it is about Emmy!
379
00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:52,137
You should have just
eaten the note.
380
00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:52,837
Everybody eats the note!
381
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:54,839
Why do people think eating
paper is a viable option?
382
00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:57,308
Just for the back-talk,
you're a Skin
for the rest of the week!
383
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,910
No!
Now you're a Skin
for the rest of the year!
384
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:01,946
You keep it up,
you'll be a Skin for life!
You can't do that.
385
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,248
Trust me...
On your wedding day,
386
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:04,816
you will walk down
the aisle shirtless.
387
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,651
No respectable venue
would allow that!
388
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,253
It'll be a beach wedding!
(GROANS)
389
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:11,623
That sounds wonderful
and like my worst nightmare.
390
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,258
ADULT ADAM:
That was when I realized
391
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:16,127
the person
I'd enlisted to help me
only made it worse.
392
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,130
You did this!
You said you wanted my help,
so I'm helping you.
393
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:22,167
I meant talk to her and make
everything better for me.
394
00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:24,369
Instead, you got Mellor
all riled up!
395
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:25,937
You know
he riles easily!
396
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,372
I wasn't just gonna
bail you out.
397
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,674
You'd never learn
if I did that.
Learn what?
398
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:32,710
Do you know how hard it was
for me to be Frizzica?
399
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,846
I used to eat lunch
in the bathroom stalls.
400
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:37,515
I'd take the back hallways
to avoid boys.
401
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,417
I even spent
Saturday nights at home
402
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:40,952
watching the news
with Dad.
403
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,487
He yells so much
at the news.
404
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:43,855
It's like he thinks
they can hear him!
405
00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:45,356
But you want to know
the worst part?
406
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:48,159
Is I had no one to talk to
about any of it.
407
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,861
But Emmy does.
She has you.
408
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:53,464
But you're only thinking
about yourself instead of
being there for her.
409
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:54,465
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
410
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,134
All right.
Enough lesson-learning.
411
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,368
Shirt off.
Get in the game.
412
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,304
You'll have
to catch me first!
413
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,973
I'm athletic
when determined.
414
00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:06,144
(GROANS)
I'm a Skin.
415
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:11,883
Boom!
Read it and weep.
416
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,818
Read it to me.
It hurts when I look down.
417
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:17,622
It's Barry's chemistry test,
and guess what?
He aced it!
418
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,524
Or should I say,
I aced him!
419
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,525
Guess you did, huh?
420
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,560
No, you said I couldn't
"Captain" him,
421
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,229
but you were wrong,
sucka!
422
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:25,330
You showed me.
423
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,031
Attention,
people in the room.
424
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,500
I have a huge
announcement
about my future
425
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:31,135
that I need to rub
in my mother's face.
426
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:34,672
No, no, no. We said
we were gonna be rubbing
at a much later date.
427
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:35,106
I'm sorry, Dad.
428
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:38,109
I couldn't wait
for Harvard to beg me
to join their ranks.
429
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,245
This is too good.
It must be rubbed.
430
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:41,946
Wait, did I hear
"Harvard"?
431
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:44,048
I think I heard "Harvard."
432
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:44,916
Oh, you heard it.
433
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:46,818
Thanks to my newfound
love of sciences,
434
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:50,355
I've officially decided
what to do with my life.
435
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,156
I shall be a doctor.
436
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:53,424
(GASPS)
437
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,626
I give you the JTP.
ALL JTP!
438
00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:59,664
Not the Jenkintown Posse.
I'm talkin' about
the Jenkintown Practice.
439
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,666
An all-in-one
medical facility
440
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:04,135
where I'll be CEO
and lead surgeon.
441
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,670
I'm the in-house
ophthalmologist.
442
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:06,704
I'm the foot doc, y'all!
443
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:07,872
And I'ma play drums
in the waiting room.
444
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:11,476
I cannot believe
what I'm hearing!
Tell me more!
445
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:12,410
No. Let's not.
446
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,912
Sorry, Mom. You lose.
447
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:16,447
We've heard enough.
I will succeed in life
448
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,149
just to spite you.
No!
449
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,083
What'chu have to say
about that?
450
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:23,021
This is the happiest (BLEEP)
day of my (BLEEP) life!
451
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:24,555
What? Why is this good news?
452
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:25,823
'Cause I inspired you
to learn!
453
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:29,394
Now, get up on
that table and
"O Captain! My Captain!" me.
454
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:31,329
But I thought you secretly
wanted me to fail.
455
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:35,566
Of course not.
Uh, who would give you
such a nasty idea?
456
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:39,804
(YELPS)
457
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:40,805
Maybe we should go.
458
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,073
What the hell's
happening here?
459
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,475
Ooh, I'd like to stay
and quietly watch.
460
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,611
I may have slightly
motivated the kid
461
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:49,580
using you as a springboard
for his hate.
462
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,249
Yeah, you get it.
Wait.
463
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:54,919
My mom genuinely
wants me to thrive?
This is horrible!
464
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:59,390
No, it's great!
You love science now.
We all win.
465
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,892
It's all built on lies!
466
00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:04,329
I fully reject science
and all learning!
467
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:05,863
(SIGHS)
I'm sorry, JTP.
468
00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,832
We're no longer the JTP.
469
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,901
We're just the JTP.
470
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:11,336
ALL: JTP.
471
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:15,206
Bevy, I only wanted
to help the kid succeed.
472
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:18,743
Well, your way worked.
Congrats.
473
00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,178
Wait. Where you going?
474
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:21,879
To quit.
475
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:23,581
I'm no teacher.
476
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:24,482
And the worst part is,
477
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:29,187
the only thing
I inspired in my son
is resentment.
478
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,989
(SIGHS)
479
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,192
ADULT ADAM
I had messed up with Emmy,
480
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:36,627
and it would take a miracle
to fix our friendship,
481
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,096
or a couple of jerks.
Dude.
482
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,865
Fresh hottie, 9:00.
(COUGHING)
Nice rack.
483
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,567
Sorry. Allergies.
(CHUCKLES)
484
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:46,604
ADULT ADAM: In that moment,
I finally saw
how hard it was for Emmy,
485
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:49,574
and I knew
just what I had to do,
even if it killed me.
486
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,043
Excuse me.
Hi, I'm Adam F. Goldberg.
487
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:54,245
Not be confused with
the other Adam Goldberg.
488
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:54,679
The artsy dude?
489
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,281
Actually, we both have
an appreciation
for the arts.
490
00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:58,316
He's more
of a multi-hyphenate.
491
00:16:58,318 --> 00:16:59,751
I've been focusing
on the written word.
492
00:16:59,753 --> 00:17:01,319
What the hell is your
problem, dorknard?
493
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:03,521
I just heard you
talking about
my friend here.
494
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,323
Dude! Go away, it's fine.
495
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,859
No, it's not! I mean,
how would you feel
496
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,460
if every time
you walked through school,
497
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:10,762
the girls talked
about your body?
498
00:17:10,764 --> 00:17:13,297
I'd nod and say,
"This saddle seats one.
499
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:15,433
"Unless you're a twin,
then it seats two."
500
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:18,970
Point is, maybe
we should just
be more sensitive.
501
00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:21,806
It's hard enough
to be a freshman
hoping you can fit in.
502
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,941
I'm hoping you can fit
in that trash can.
503
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:26,411
Exactly. Wait, what?
504
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:27,912
Oh! Oh, God!
505
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:28,880
(PANTING)
Not the trash!
506
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,883
That's where Nurse Steve
dumps all the old Band-Aids.
507
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,151
Ow! Ow, ow, ow!
508
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,953
Hands off the dork.
Or what?
509
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,288
I sit behind you
in Spanish.
510
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,223
Next siesta
you take in class,
511
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:40,992
snip-snip,
you lose the ponytail.
512
00:17:40,994 --> 00:17:42,994
But that's where
my soul resides.
513
00:17:42,996 --> 00:17:43,561
Come on, man.
514
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,764
She's turning the tables
on us, and I don't like it.
515
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,067
Dude, that was badass.
516
00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:50,068
Well, you're a tough girl.
517
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:53,704
It may take you a few years,
but you'll get there.
518
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:55,273
Trust me.
519
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:58,209
Are you crazy?
You almost got trashed!
520
00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,645
I just figured
I should be there for you,
521
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,713
no matter
how hard it gets.
522
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:04,048
(CHUCKLES)
523
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:04,649
Thanks a lot.
(SNIFFLES)
524
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:08,820
Now I'm crying at school
'cause you're such
a dumb, great friend.
525
00:18:08,822 --> 00:18:09,153
The dumbest.
526
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:12,290
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
ADULT ADAM: Yep, growing up
is an awkward adventure,
527
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:13,458
but with a little
understanding,
528
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:16,661
we can help each other
get through the rough spots.
529
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:17,195
Hey.
530
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:20,231
Please don't make
a big deal out of this.
531
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:26,938
Wow. I get a hug even though
I made you a Skin for life?
532
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,806
You also just saved it.
533
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,108
I'm your big sis.
534
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,943
That's what
I'm here for.
535
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,245
I'm gonna
hug you again.
536
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:35,680
Do it and you die.
537
00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:37,215
No, I...
538
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:42,954
ADULT ADAM: Sometimes,
we're so consumed
with our own problems,
539
00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:45,656
we can't see what
other people are going through
540
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:50,428
until we open our eyes
and our hearts.
541
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:52,130
Dude! Knock first!
542
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,031
What'd you put
under the mattress?
543
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:54,999
Magazine.
544
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:57,201
Dirty kind
with lady parts.
545
00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:00,171
Physics?
(SIGHS)
546
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:01,806
Fine.
547
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:02,974
Look, I love science.
548
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,576
I'm good at it,
and I feel ashamed.
549
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:08,980
Well, don't.
I'm proud of you.
550
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:09,380
You are?
551
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:12,517
Look, it was wrong to use
your mother against you,
552
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:16,821
but now we know
how much you can do
if you actually try.
553
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,589
Yeah. Who knew?
554
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:21,559
I'll tell you who knew.
Beverly Goldberg.
555
00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:25,096
She believed in you
the whole time.
556
00:19:25,098 --> 00:19:26,497
I guess she is
a good teacher.
557
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,534
And she's also
a damn-good mother.
558
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:33,271
And maybe it wouldn't hurt
if you let her know.
559
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:36,874
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
560
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:38,943
All right!
Quiet down!
561
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,311
I'm your substitute sub,
562
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:43,281
which means study hall
for a month!
563
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:47,451
Sorry to interrupt.
I just came to get my mug.
564
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,655
Wait! Mom!
565
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:57,662
O Captain!
My Captain!
566
00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:58,529
Sit down,
Mr. Goldberg!
567
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:03,267
On behalf of me
and the rest
of the Jenkintown Practice,
568
00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:05,703
thank you
for believing in us.
569
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:06,971
And in me.
570
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:09,807
I said sit down,
Mr. Goldberg!
571
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:11,642
O Captain! My Captain!
572
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:12,977
O Captain! My Captain!
573
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:13,511
O Captain! My Captain!
574
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:15,746
What'd I say about
standing on the desks?
Everybody down!
575
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:18,849
Dude, they're sticking it
to Mellor by standing
on school property!
576
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:21,152
I'm king of
whatever class this is!
577
00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:23,254
This school sucks!
Screw you, Dad!
578
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:25,122
Rush rules!
I will never die!
579
00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:28,526
ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
Beverly Goldberg was way more
580
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:30,661
than just
a substitute teacher.
581
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:33,531
She was permanent inspiration.
582
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:36,033
My baby's
gonna be a doctor.
583
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:39,470
Eh, I'll believe that
when I see it.
584
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:42,573
(APPLAUSE)
(DING)
585
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,475
ADAM: Dad, say something.
How do you feel?
586
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:45,810
I am so proud and happy.
587
00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:49,247
Now that he's gonna be going
to medical school,
588
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:50,081
I cried like a baby.
589
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,849
Because that means
for another four years,
590
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:52,984
he'll still be
out of the house
591
00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:56,254
and we can keep
the room neat.
592
00:20:57,523 --> 00:20:59,957
And that is how
you perform CPR on a man.
593
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:03,694
Whoa, Mr. Goldberg,
what is that you have there?
594
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:04,929
Is that another note?
595
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,030
What? You just...
596
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:06,497
You know the rule.
597
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,066
If you get caught with a note,
you have to stand up
and read it out loud
598
00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:10,868
so that everybody
can hear it.
599
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:13,604
"Hey, Adam.
Who's your favorite teacher?
600
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,406
"I know mine's
old Glascott.
601
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,408
"He's hip like us.
Dude just gets it.
602
00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:21,479
"Did you know he's
in a funk-fusion band
called Funk and Games?
603
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:24,382
"I heard he's playing at the
farmer's market this weekend."
604
00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:27,385
I can't read any more.
I'm just gonna eat it.
605
00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:30,187
You can't eat paper!
It'll plug you up!