1 00:00:00,401 --> 00:00:02,401 ADULT ADAM: Ah, the teachers of our youth. 2 00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:04,903 They pushed us, inspired our minds, 3 00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:06,572 and made us who we are today. 4 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,841 And when those great teachers got sick, 5 00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:12,044 my mom stepped in to be a sub. 6 00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:14,213 Bonjour, my little French fries. 7 00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:15,948 By the time I'm done with you, 8 00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:17,683 you're going to be eating snails, 9 00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:18,617 not taking baths, 10 00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:21,186 and enjoying the silent art of mime. 11 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,355 (LAUGHS) ADULT ADAM: Like most substitute teachers, 12 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,823 she didn't know very much. 13 00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,258 They're a weird people, hmm? 14 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,193 Then one day, everything changed. 15 00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,829 My mom saw the movie Dead Poets Society. 16 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:31,797 O Captain! My Captain! 17 00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:32,898 YOUNG MAN: O Captain! My Captain! 18 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,701 When Robin Williams inspired those stuffy rich kids 19 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,002 to stand on their desks, 20 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,570 my mom saw her true calling. 21 00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:41,774 Who knew Mork from Ork had such a serious side? 22 00:00:41,776 --> 00:00:43,876 This movie proves that a sub 23 00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:47,046 is the most important person in a child's life. 24 00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:49,615 Come Monday, that's just what I'm gonna do... 25 00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:50,349 inspire my kids. 26 00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:53,385 You mean, your students or your actual kids? 27 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,154 Both. It's a win-win. 28 00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,688 I'm sure they'll see it that way. 29 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,158 MAN: Hey, shut up! You shut up! 30 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:00,259 Good morning, class. 31 00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:03,395 Uh, before we get started, does anyone need to make? 32 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:04,296 Hmm? Anyone? 33 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:05,864 There's gonna be a lot of learning today, 34 00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:08,033 so if you got to make, do it now. 35 00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:09,668 Anyone got to make poo-poos? 36 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:10,469 Stop! 37 00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:11,537 No one has to make! Moving on. 38 00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:14,807 All right, according to this memo from Principal Ball, 39 00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:17,776 Mr. Gluckman has been checked into a rehab facility 40 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,745 to address his relationship with c'caine. 41 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,081 "Please tell the students he has the flu." 42 00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,783 Okay. Mr. Gluckman has the flu. 43 00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:25,451 (CHUCKLES) 44 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,453 I'll be your sub for the next 30 days. 45 00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:28,020 Sweet! A sub! 46 00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:29,621 We get to waste a whole month of critical learning 47 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,423 that'll put us behind for years to come! 48 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,058 No, JTP! History has proven 49 00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:35,627 my mom turns awesome things to garbage! 50 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,729 Aw, who's that handsome fella? 51 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:38,730 Is he single? 52 00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:39,598 This is a nightmare. 53 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,866 Question. Who here is familiar 54 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,468 with the film Dead Poets Society? 55 00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:44,436 Chill, dude. Your mom's gonna show us a movie. 56 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,105 It's a classic sub move. 57 00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:47,473 Oh, we're not watching it. 58 00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:48,474 We're living it! 59 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:49,541 Oh, no. Barry's right. 60 00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,210 In fact, I need a volunteer 61 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:52,711 chosen completely at random 62 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:53,812 to come stand on my desk 63 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,481 and view the world from a new perspective. 64 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,549 Oh, no! She wants us to learn by standing on furniture? 65 00:01:57,551 --> 00:02:00,986 ADULT ADAM: Standing on a desk was how Robin Williams inspired his students. 66 00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:04,123 Unfortunately, not everyone liked to see things 67 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:06,391 from a different angle. 68 00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:07,326 Whoa, whoa! 69 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,128 There's no climbing in school! 70 00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:09,828 Unless it's on a rope 71 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,164 hung dangerously from the rafters of the gymnasium. 72 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,032 Dude, the hot sub told us to do it. 73 00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:16,335 Are you crazy? What do you think you're doing? 74 00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:17,569 (LAUGHING) Ho! Look, everyone! 75 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:21,240 It's the stuffy administration coming to clip my wings! 76 00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,708 No! For the past 30 years, 77 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:25,277 Mr. Gluckman has sloshed corrosive chemicals 78 00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:26,178 all over that old desk. 79 00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,313 It's falling apart. I fear nothing. 80 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,916 Like any great teacher, I encourage my students 81 00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,818 to seize the day! (CREAKING) 82 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,019 Aah! 83 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:49,368 ADULT ADAM: It was January 4, 1980-something... 84 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:52,938 the day a single text message rocked my world. 85 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:53,739 Yo. 86 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:55,641 Get this note to Goldnerd for me. 87 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:56,742 ADULT ADAM: Yep, back in the '80s, 88 00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:58,243 this was our version of sending a text. 89 00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:01,613 You'd have to pass a note the old-fashioned way, by hand. 90 00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:05,784 Only problem was, your messages weren't password-protected. 91 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,920 Mr. Goldberg, since that little paper 92 00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:10,556 is more important than life-saving CPR, 93 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:14,359 maybe you'd like to stand and share it with the rest of us. 94 00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,462 "Ballsssss." 95 00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,698 To be clear... 96 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,633 I did not write this. 97 00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:25,270 "Dude, when did Emmy Mirsky get so dang foxy? 98 00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:28,540 "I mean, holy boobs, Batman! (SCATTERED LAUGHTER) 99 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,576 "Look at those sweatshirt puppies." 100 00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:32,978 Again, I did not write this. 101 00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:33,812 Oh, that sucked. 102 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,448 My intention was to teach you a lesson about note-passing, 103 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:39,151 but instead, I just made us all feel wildly uncomfortable. 104 00:03:39,153 --> 00:03:42,721 (CHUCKLES) Let's just move on to Chapter 6, okay? 105 00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:45,424 Female reproductive... Nope. 106 00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:46,825 Class dismissed. 107 00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:48,727 Next time you get caught with a note, 108 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,296 just do what a normal person does and eat it. 109 00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:52,464 Dude, you can't eat paper. 110 00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:53,966 My mom says it plugs up your bottom. 111 00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:56,802 Small price to pay to avoid total humiliation. 112 00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:57,536 I know, right? 113 00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:59,438 I had to stand up in front of everyone 114 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,641 and talk about my best friend's, you know, stuff. 115 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:03,075 Wait. 116 00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,310 You thought that note was embarrassing for you? 117 00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:06,945 Well, who else would it embarrass? 118 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:07,746 Me! Why? 119 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:08,880 The note said you were hot. 120 00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,082 You should be happy about it. 121 00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:11,883 Are you serious right now? 122 00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:13,418 Dork! 123 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,586 Boy, you really know your way 124 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,722 around relationships with human beings. 125 00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:17,956 I agree I'm flawed, 126 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:20,993 but I honestly have no idea what I said wrong here. 127 00:04:20,995 --> 00:04:21,994 Okay, I'm gonna shed some light 128 00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:24,062 on what it's like to be a freshman girl, 129 00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,330 and it ain't gonna be pretty. 130 00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:28,533 The seniors called me "Frizzica Spazzberg." 131 00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:30,936 Every 9th-grade girl, no matter how she looks, 132 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,504 feels uncomfortable in her own skin. 133 00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,406 There's a hunk of lettuce in your braces. 134 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:35,307 How did you not feel it? 135 00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:36,742 I was going through a salad phase! 136 00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:38,677 My point is, Emmy just needs a friend 137 00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,479 who understands how she feels. 138 00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:41,046 Seriously, though, 139 00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:42,848 there's like a whole head of romaine in there. 140 00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:46,118 I am gonna give you one second to walk away. 141 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:46,351 One! 142 00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:48,153 ADULT ADAM: As I was learning how to be a better friend, 143 00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:51,223 my mom was teaching Barry how to be a better student. 144 00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:52,057 I don't understand! 145 00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:53,425 This is my house, not my school. 146 00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:56,061 Now that I have the teaching tools I learned in a movie, 147 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:59,264 I will not rest until you get an "A" in this class. 148 00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:02,701 Okay, now, the atomic symbol "C" 149 00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,036 stands for what? 150 00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:05,203 Chemistry! Carbon. 151 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:05,771 It stands for Carbon. 152 00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:08,440 But it also stands for chemistry, so half a point? 153 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:11,343 Okay. Name three types of inert gases. 154 00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:14,279 Easy. There's regular, unleaded, 155 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,415 and...farts? 156 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:17,716 Farts? Farts. 157 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,384 The answer is not farts! 158 00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,086 How is fart not a gas? 159 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,288 Science makes no sense, and I don't need it! 160 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,724 Especially 'cause I'm gonna marry Kathy Ireland. 161 00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:28,026 Who? Supermodel Kathy Ireland. 162 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,028 I'm gonna be her lazy mooch of a husband 163 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,564 who lives in her mansion in Ireland! 164 00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:33,799 Now, if you'll excuse me, 165 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,434 I'm gonna go brush up on my Irish culture 166 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:39,338 and (BAD IRISH ACCENT) find me gold at the end of the rainbow, mon. 167 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:42,641 Well, that accent was definitely Jamaican. 168 00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:44,142 Boopie, don't give up! 169 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,811 Mama believes in you! 170 00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,212 Question. Why? 171 00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:48,113 You're a substitute teacher. 172 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,948 Just give the boy a damn "A" already. 173 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,350 You want me to cheat? 174 00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:52,084 Of course I do. 175 00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:54,586 We got to get that moron into some sort of college. 176 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:55,821 Can you believe this, Dad? 177 00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,422 He thinks Barry can't do it. 178 00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:58,857 His answer was "farts." 179 00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,625 Okay, you really want him to buckle down? 180 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,394 Let me go upstairs and get his ass in gear. 181 00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:04,763 By yelling at him and calling him a moron? 182 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,298 No way. That doesn't work. 183 00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:07,399 Barry needs inspiration. 184 00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,868 All I need to do is unlock his potential, 185 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,169 and then the sky's the limit. 186 00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,605 His many limits are the limit. 187 00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:15,640 His answer was "farts." 188 00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:18,043 ADULT ADAM: That day, I was also on a mission 189 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,278 to prove to Emmy I felt her pain. 190 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,414 All right, hormonal disasters! 191 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,483 It's time to pick teams! 192 00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,518 Shirts, Skins, Shirts, Skins, 193 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,720 Shirts, Skins... Okay, so why exactly did we cut math 194 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,389 to sit in on some random gym class? 195 00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:31,189 What you're witnessing 196 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:34,526 is a barbaric practice known as "Shirts vs. Skins." 197 00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:37,863 Nothing is worse than having to awkwardly disrobe 198 00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:38,897 in front of your bros. 199 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:39,664 You got to be kidding me. 200 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:42,634 I know! I mean, why not shorts vs. pants? 201 00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,269 Or red shirts vs. blue shirts? 202 00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:46,938 Sure, it would take some planning the night before, 203 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,774 but I could get a phone tree going. 204 00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:50,776 I mean, we are not the same. 205 00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:52,744 Do you wear thick, baggy-ass clothes 206 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,347 when it's 90 degrees out to hide your body? 207 00:06:55,349 --> 00:06:57,082 I thought you wear that 'cause you love Epcot. 208 00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,650 I've never even been there! 209 00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,284 Why would I love it? 210 00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:00,819 'Cause it's like taking a trip around the world 211 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,188 without leaving the safe confines of Orlando? 212 00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,156 Being a Skin in gym 213 00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:06,858 is nothing compared to being stared at all day. 214 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,493 Well, if you think about it, 215 00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:09,795 my thing's actually way worse 216 00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:13,165 'cause at least you get to cover up with bulky fabrics. 217 00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:15,400 I get no fabrics! None! 218 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,136 You're a douche lord! 219 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,274 Hey, Bar, how's studying with Mom going? 220 00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:22,941 Rad as all get-out. 221 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,510 Only took two minutes to finish all of my homework. 222 00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:26,912 She's really teaching you science stuff? 223 00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:30,749 Let's just say Mom is gonna be very pleased with my answers. 224 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,318 (CHUCKLES) Pops, give us a taste. 225 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:33,952 Question one. 226 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,888 "What is the chemical symbol for sodium?" 227 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:37,589 And my answer? 228 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:40,058 "My mommy is the best mommy ever 229 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:43,428 "of all mommies on Planet Mommy." 230 00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:43,995 Nailed it! 231 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,497 What the hell are you doing, you moron? 232 00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:46,231 Just giving the lady 233 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:47,933 the answers she always wanted to hear. 234 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,669 Pops, what's the atomic weight of chloride? 235 00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:54,773 "Wittle Barry-wary like Mummy's snuggy-wuggies." 236 00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:56,007 Okay, this is just nonsense. 237 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,677 ADULT ADAM: And with that, my dad knew it was time 238 00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,912 to inspire Barry in his own way. 239 00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,215 Look, I hate to tell you this, 240 00:08:03,217 --> 00:08:07,319 but your mom is looking for any excuse to fail you. 241 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,420 What? Why? 242 00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:11,623 Mom telling you to study is just a trick, 243 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:15,126 because she knows you never do what she says. 244 00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:15,794 I do don't do that! 245 00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:19,030 She really wants you to fail so you don't graduate. 246 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:22,467 And no college means you live here forever. 247 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:25,136 And that means she picks out your clothes 248 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,438 for the rest of your life. 249 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,472 But I want Kathy Ireland 250 00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:29,007 to pick out my clothes for the rest of my life. 251 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,476 Well, I hope she enjoys sharing a family bathroom. 252 00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:34,579 No! She likes sushi and smoothies and Malibu! 253 00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:37,449 I don't know what to tell you. Mom will not control me. 254 00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:39,184 I will learn all chemistry... 255 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,151 No, all science! 256 00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,686 Mom says you won't. Oh, I will. 257 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:45,223 Time for me to tear off this plastic shrink-wrap 258 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:46,224 and get to learning. 259 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,259 But the year is half-over. 260 00:08:47,261 --> 00:08:51,162 And that, my friend, is how you truly inspire a kid. 261 00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:54,666 All you did was use his mother as a weapon to rile him up. 262 00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:55,767 I do it all the time. 263 00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:58,069 It's how I got Erica to learn piano, 264 00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:58,703 Adam to ice skate. 265 00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,172 I just tell them that their mom is holding them back. 266 00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,508 You do know that if Bev finds out about this, 267 00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,076 she'll never forgive you. 268 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:05,577 No doubt. 269 00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:08,613 Aw, screw it. You did what you had to do. 270 00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:13,251 ADULT ADAM: It had been days since Emmy talked to me, 271 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:16,054 so I decided to recruit someone who spoke her language. 272 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,524 Okay, before you throw a hard object at me and say "Get out"... 273 00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:20,926 Get out! 274 00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,761 ...I have a big favor to ask, 275 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:25,297 and will pay a huge sum of money to do it. 276 00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:25,931 I'm listening. 277 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,465 I need you to give this note to Emmy 278 00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:28,300 and make her read it. 279 00:09:28,302 --> 00:09:29,334 She's still not talking to you, huh? 280 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,803 Honestly, she's being crazy and irrational, 281 00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:33,038 but as you can see in this note, 282 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,974 I'm the bigger man and still willing to apologize. 283 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,877 "Dear Emmy, you're being crazy and irrational. 284 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,211 "Let me explain the many reasons 285 00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,213 "why your super-silly female body issues 286 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,915 "are all in your head." 287 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:44,683 No. 288 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,651 Fine! Then, then you fix it. 289 00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:48,954 Exactly how much money are we talking here? 290 00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:51,189 $1,000. 291 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,091 Which is what this Megatron will be worth 292 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,460 on the black market in 30 years. 293 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:56,595 I'll do it for 20 bucks. 294 00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:57,429 5 bucks and a Skeletor? 295 00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,030 I'll do it if you just go away now. 296 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,932 ADULT ADAM: And so my sister would help me, 297 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,534 but not by going to Emmy. 298 00:10:02,536 --> 00:10:04,269 Hey, Coach, got a minute? 299 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,104 Kind of busy, female Goldberg. 300 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,006 I'm inventing a new hybrid sport. 301 00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,875 Either, uh, baseball fencing or water-polo squash. 302 00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:14,245 You can't play squash under water. People need to breathe. 303 00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,047 Need to breathe. 304 00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,016 (SIGHS) That makes sense. 305 00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:22,153 "Need to breathe." 306 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:22,621 Uh-huh. 307 00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:25,190 So, my brother's been a bad friend to Emmy Mirsky. 308 00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:27,626 Ah, stabbed in the back by her best amigo. 309 00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:31,329 That is a crime worse than all the murders in the world. 310 00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,531 I don't think that's right, but sure. 311 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:36,635 So, could you help her by blatantly abusing your authority? 312 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:40,505 You want old Coach to exact sweet revenge, huh? 313 00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:41,473 No problem. 314 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,074 You're an amazing teacher. 315 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:43,541 I'm sure of it. 316 00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:46,344 ADULT ADAM: While Erica was looking to teach me a lesson, 317 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,046 Barry was ready to learn. 318 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:48,713 JTP! ALL: JTP! 319 00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:52,817 I need you to teach me everything about chemistry so I can get an "A." 320 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,219 Are you sure you want to join us, bro? 321 00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:57,188 Yeah, you tend to just sort of peter out, insult us, 322 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,156 and then leave us high and dry. 323 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,692 Not this time, my tiny friend I can fit in my pocket! 324 00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:04,596 I have enough anger in me to last for at least three days. 325 00:11:04,598 --> 00:11:05,730 Let's do this! 326 00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,032 What are you doing? 327 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,433 Taking photographs with my mind. 328 00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:10,502 You mean memorizing? Done! Quiz me. 329 00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:11,836 Fire away. Dude. (CHUCKLES) 330 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,738 It takes more than just glancing at our note cards 331 00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:16,808 to know what elements are in Group Four of the Periodic Table. 332 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,977 Titanium, Zirconium, Hafnium, and Rutherfordium. 333 00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:22,113 Whoa. When you've got hate in your heart, you're, like, crazy-smart. 334 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:25,183 Also, it totally proves you were never living up to your potential. 335 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:25,817 Indeed, Geoffrey. 336 00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:29,020 And I will use that potential to stop my mom's evil plan. 337 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:32,824 ADULT ADAM: And he did. Barry was so psyched to teach my mom a lesson, 338 00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:35,326 he couldn't stop teaching himself. 339 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,695 Well, look at you guys studying. 340 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:40,432 Just tutoring my boys. They're having a hard time keeping up. 341 00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:41,533 Keeping up with you? 342 00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:44,002 Turns out science just kind of clicks when I try. 343 00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:46,604 Barry's even read four chapters ahead, for fun. 344 00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:49,474 That's right. He knows stuff we can't even begin to comprehend. 345 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:50,875 Until we read that far into the book. 346 00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,311 Thanks to you telling me about Mom's awful plan 347 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,979 to keep me here to love me forever. 348 00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,281 You're really showing her. 349 00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:59,584 Uh, just maybe you keep your rage-learning between us. 350 00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:00,852 But what's the point of knowledge 351 00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:02,587 if you don't use it to destroy your mother? 352 00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:04,522 You know what would really stick it to her? 353 00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:07,058 If you tell her after you got into college. 354 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:07,726 (CHUCKLES) Yeah. 355 00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:10,662 Imagine how miserable she'll be when I go off to Harvard. 356 00:12:10,664 --> 00:12:11,996 You'll destroy her for sure. 357 00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:15,300 But until then, let's just keep it our secret. 358 00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,134 Our wonderful secret. 359 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,536 ADULT ADAM: As my dad was trying to keep Barry quiet, 360 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:21,206 I was just trying to keep my shirt on. 361 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,640 Shirt. Skin. 362 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:25,643 Shirt, Skin, Shirt, Skin, Shirt, Skin, Shirt. 363 00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:26,978 Yes! I'm golden. 364 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:28,279 Shirt. 365 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,481 Skin. 366 00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:30,415 Skin. 367 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,349 Whoa. Hey, hang on! 368 00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,784 This better be important, Goldfarb! 369 00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,352 It is. You double-skinned. 370 00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,521 Oh, how about that? I did double-skin. 371 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:37,889 But you can't double-skin. 372 00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,557 It's Shirt, Skin, Shirt, Skin. 373 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,192 I can Skin-Skin anytime I like. 374 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,994 If you Skin-Skin, there's no rules! It's chaos! 375 00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:46,331 Maybe now you'll know what it feels like to be a young girl coming of age! 376 00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,098 Wait, is this about Emmy? 377 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,601 The best teachers never reveal if it's about Emmy. 378 00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:50,702 So it is about Emmy! 379 00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:52,137 You should have just eaten the note. 380 00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:52,837 Everybody eats the note! 381 00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:54,839 Why do people think eating paper is a viable option? 382 00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:57,308 Just for the back-talk, you're a Skin for the rest of the week! 383 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,910 No! Now you're a Skin for the rest of the year! 384 00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:01,946 You keep it up, you'll be a Skin for life! You can't do that. 385 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,248 Trust me... On your wedding day, 386 00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:04,816 you will walk down the aisle shirtless. 387 00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,651 No respectable venue would allow that! 388 00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,253 It'll be a beach wedding! (GROANS) 389 00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:11,623 That sounds wonderful and like my worst nightmare. 390 00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,258 ADULT ADAM: That was when I realized 391 00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:16,127 the person I'd enlisted to help me only made it worse. 392 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,130 You did this! You said you wanted my help, so I'm helping you. 393 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:22,167 I meant talk to her and make everything better for me. 394 00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:24,369 Instead, you got Mellor all riled up! 395 00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:25,937 You know he riles easily! 396 00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,372 I wasn't just gonna bail you out. 397 00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,674 You'd never learn if I did that. Learn what? 398 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:32,710 Do you know how hard it was for me to be Frizzica? 399 00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,846 I used to eat lunch in the bathroom stalls. 400 00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:37,515 I'd take the back hallways to avoid boys. 401 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,417 I even spent Saturday nights at home 402 00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:40,952 watching the news with Dad. 403 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,487 He yells so much at the news. 404 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:43,855 It's like he thinks they can hear him! 405 00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:45,356 But you want to know the worst part? 406 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:48,159 Is I had no one to talk to about any of it. 407 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,861 But Emmy does. She has you. 408 00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:53,464 But you're only thinking about yourself instead of being there for her. 409 00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:54,465 (WHISTLE BLOWING) 410 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,134 All right. Enough lesson-learning. 411 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,368 Shirt off. Get in the game. 412 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,304 You'll have to catch me first! 413 00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,973 I'm athletic when determined. 414 00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:06,144 (GROANS) I'm a Skin. 415 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:11,883 Boom! Read it and weep. 416 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,818 Read it to me. It hurts when I look down. 417 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:17,622 It's Barry's chemistry test, and guess what? He aced it! 418 00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,524 Or should I say, I aced him! 419 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,525 Guess you did, huh? 420 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,560 No, you said I couldn't "Captain" him, 421 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,229 but you were wrong, sucka! 422 00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:25,330 You showed me. 423 00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,031 Attention, people in the room. 424 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,500 I have a huge announcement about my future 425 00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:31,135 that I need to rub in my mother's face. 426 00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:34,672 No, no, no. We said we were gonna be rubbing at a much later date. 427 00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:35,106 I'm sorry, Dad. 428 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:38,109 I couldn't wait for Harvard to beg me to join their ranks. 429 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,245 This is too good. It must be rubbed. 430 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:41,946 Wait, did I hear "Harvard"? 431 00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:44,048 I think I heard "Harvard." 432 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:44,916 Oh, you heard it. 433 00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:46,818 Thanks to my newfound love of sciences, 434 00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:50,355 I've officially decided what to do with my life. 435 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,156 I shall be a doctor. 436 00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:53,424 (GASPS) 437 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,626 I give you the JTP. ALL JTP! 438 00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:59,664 Not the Jenkintown Posse. I'm talkin' about the Jenkintown Practice. 439 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,666 An all-in-one medical facility 440 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:04,135 where I'll be CEO and lead surgeon. 441 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,670 I'm the in-house ophthalmologist. 442 00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:06,704 I'm the foot doc, y'all! 443 00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:07,872 And I'ma play drums in the waiting room. 444 00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:11,476 I cannot believe what I'm hearing! Tell me more! 445 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:12,410 No. Let's not. 446 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,912 Sorry, Mom. You lose. 447 00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:16,447 We've heard enough. I will succeed in life 448 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,149 just to spite you. No! 449 00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,083 What'chu have to say about that? 450 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:23,021 This is the happiest (BLEEP) day of my (BLEEP) life! 451 00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:24,555 What? Why is this good news? 452 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:25,823 'Cause I inspired you to learn! 453 00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:29,394 Now, get up on that table and "O Captain! My Captain!" me. 454 00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:31,329 But I thought you secretly wanted me to fail. 455 00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:35,566 Of course not. Uh, who would give you such a nasty idea? 456 00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:39,804 (YELPS) 457 00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:40,805 Maybe we should go. 458 00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,073 What the hell's happening here? 459 00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,475 Ooh, I'd like to stay and quietly watch. 460 00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,611 I may have slightly motivated the kid 461 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:49,580 using you as a springboard for his hate. 462 00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,249 Yeah, you get it. Wait. 463 00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:54,919 My mom genuinely wants me to thrive? This is horrible! 464 00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:59,390 No, it's great! You love science now. We all win. 465 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,892 It's all built on lies! 466 00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:04,329 I fully reject science and all learning! 467 00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:05,863 (SIGHS) I'm sorry, JTP. 468 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,832 We're no longer the JTP. 469 00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,901 We're just the JTP. 470 00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:11,336 ALL: JTP. 471 00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:15,206 Bevy, I only wanted to help the kid succeed. 472 00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:18,743 Well, your way worked. Congrats. 473 00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,178 Wait. Where you going? 474 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:21,879 To quit. 475 00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:23,581 I'm no teacher. 476 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:24,482 And the worst part is, 477 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:29,187 the only thing I inspired in my son is resentment. 478 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,989 (SIGHS) 479 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,192 ADULT ADAM I had messed up with Emmy, 480 00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:36,627 and it would take a miracle to fix our friendship, 481 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,096 or a couple of jerks. Dude. 482 00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,865 Fresh hottie, 9:00. (COUGHING) Nice rack. 483 00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,567 Sorry. Allergies. (CHUCKLES) 484 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:46,604 ADULT ADAM: In that moment, I finally saw how hard it was for Emmy, 485 00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:49,574 and I knew just what I had to do, even if it killed me. 486 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,043 Excuse me. Hi, I'm Adam F. Goldberg. 487 00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:54,245 Not be confused with the other Adam Goldberg. 488 00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:54,679 The artsy dude? 489 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,281 Actually, we both have an appreciation for the arts. 490 00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:58,316 He's more of a multi-hyphenate. 491 00:16:58,318 --> 00:16:59,751 I've been focusing on the written word. 492 00:16:59,753 --> 00:17:01,319 What the hell is your problem, dorknard? 493 00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:03,521 I just heard you talking about my friend here. 494 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,323 Dude! Go away, it's fine. 495 00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,859 No, it's not! I mean, how would you feel 496 00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,460 if every time you walked through school, 497 00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:10,762 the girls talked about your body? 498 00:17:10,764 --> 00:17:13,297 I'd nod and say, "This saddle seats one. 499 00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:15,433 "Unless you're a twin, then it seats two." 500 00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:18,970 Point is, maybe we should just be more sensitive. 501 00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:21,806 It's hard enough to be a freshman hoping you can fit in. 502 00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,941 I'm hoping you can fit in that trash can. 503 00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:26,411 Exactly. Wait, what? 504 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:27,912 Oh! Oh, God! 505 00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:28,880 (PANTING) Not the trash! 506 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,883 That's where Nurse Steve dumps all the old Band-Aids. 507 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,151 Ow! Ow, ow, ow! 508 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,953 Hands off the dork. Or what? 509 00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,288 I sit behind you in Spanish. 510 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,223 Next siesta you take in class, 511 00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:40,992 snip-snip, you lose the ponytail. 512 00:17:40,994 --> 00:17:42,994 But that's where my soul resides. 513 00:17:42,996 --> 00:17:43,561 Come on, man. 514 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,764 She's turning the tables on us, and I don't like it. 515 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,067 Dude, that was badass. 516 00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:50,068 Well, you're a tough girl. 517 00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:53,704 It may take you a few years, but you'll get there. 518 00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:55,273 Trust me. 519 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:58,209 Are you crazy? You almost got trashed! 520 00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,645 I just figured I should be there for you, 521 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,713 no matter how hard it gets. 522 00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:04,048 (CHUCKLES) 523 00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:04,649 Thanks a lot. (SNIFFLES) 524 00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:08,820 Now I'm crying at school 'cause you're such a dumb, great friend. 525 00:18:08,822 --> 00:18:09,153 The dumbest. 526 00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:12,290 (BOTH CHUCKLE) ADULT ADAM: Yep, growing up is an awkward adventure, 527 00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:13,458 but with a little understanding, 528 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:16,661 we can help each other get through the rough spots. 529 00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:17,195 Hey. 530 00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:20,231 Please don't make a big deal out of this. 531 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:26,938 Wow. I get a hug even though I made you a Skin for life? 532 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,806 You also just saved it. 533 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,108 I'm your big sis. 534 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,943 That's what I'm here for. 535 00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,245 I'm gonna hug you again. 536 00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:35,680 Do it and you die. 537 00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:37,215 No, I... 538 00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:42,954 ADULT ADAM: Sometimes, we're so consumed with our own problems, 539 00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:45,656 we can't see what other people are going through 540 00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:50,428 until we open our eyes and our hearts. 541 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:52,130 Dude! Knock first! 542 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,031 What'd you put under the mattress? 543 00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:54,999 Magazine. 544 00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:57,201 Dirty kind with lady parts. 545 00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:00,171 Physics? (SIGHS) 546 00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:01,806 Fine. 547 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:02,974 Look, I love science. 548 00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,576 I'm good at it, and I feel ashamed. 549 00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:08,980 Well, don't. I'm proud of you. 550 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:09,380 You are? 551 00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:12,517 Look, it was wrong to use your mother against you, 552 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:16,821 but now we know how much you can do if you actually try. 553 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,589 Yeah. Who knew? 554 00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:21,559 I'll tell you who knew. Beverly Goldberg. 555 00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:25,096 She believed in you the whole time. 556 00:19:25,098 --> 00:19:26,497 I guess she is a good teacher. 557 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,534 And she's also a damn-good mother. 558 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:33,271 And maybe it wouldn't hurt if you let her know. 559 00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:36,874 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) (WHISTLE BLOWS) 560 00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:38,943 All right! Quiet down! 561 00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,311 I'm your substitute sub, 562 00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:43,281 which means study hall for a month! 563 00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:47,451 Sorry to interrupt. I just came to get my mug. 564 00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,655 Wait! Mom! 565 00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:57,662 O Captain! My Captain! 566 00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:58,529 Sit down, Mr. Goldberg! 567 00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:03,267 On behalf of me and the rest of the Jenkintown Practice, 568 00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:05,703 thank you for believing in us. 569 00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:06,971 And in me. 570 00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:09,807 I said sit down, Mr. Goldberg! 571 00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:11,642 O Captain! My Captain! 572 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:12,977 O Captain! My Captain! 573 00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:13,511 O Captain! My Captain! 574 00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:15,746 What'd I say about standing on the desks? Everybody down! 575 00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:18,849 Dude, they're sticking it to Mellor by standing on school property! 576 00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:21,152 I'm king of whatever class this is! 577 00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:23,254 This school sucks! Screw you, Dad! 578 00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:25,122 Rush rules! I will never die! 579 00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:28,526 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, Beverly Goldberg was way more 580 00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:30,661 than just a substitute teacher. 581 00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:33,531 She was permanent inspiration. 582 00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:36,033 My baby's gonna be a doctor. 583 00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:39,470 Eh, I'll believe that when I see it. 584 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:42,573 (APPLAUSE) (DING) 585 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,475 ADAM: Dad, say something. How do you feel? 586 00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:45,810 I am so proud and happy. 587 00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:49,247 Now that he's gonna be going to medical school, 588 00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:50,081 I cried like a baby. 589 00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,849 Because that means for another four years, 590 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:52,984 he'll still be out of the house 591 00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:56,254 and we can keep the room neat. 592 00:20:57,523 --> 00:20:59,957 And that is how you perform CPR on a man. 593 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:03,694 Whoa, Mr. Goldberg, what is that you have there? 594 00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:04,929 Is that another note? 595 00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,030 What? You just... 596 00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:06,497 You know the rule. 597 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,066 If you get caught with a note, you have to stand up and read it out loud 598 00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:10,868 so that everybody can hear it. 599 00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:13,604 "Hey, Adam. Who's your favorite teacher? 600 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,406 "I know mine's old Glascott. 601 00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,408 "He's hip like us. Dude just gets it. 602 00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:21,479 "Did you know he's in a funk-fusion band called Funk and Games? 603 00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:24,382 "I heard he's playing at the farmer's market this weekend." 604 00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:27,385 I can't read any more. I'm just gonna eat it. 605 00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:30,187 You can't eat paper! It'll plug you up!