1 00:00:00,067 --> 00:00:01,166 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, 2 00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:04,036 everyone had their favorite guitar-shredding rock god. 3 00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:06,005 But there's only one musical bad boy 4 00:00:06,007 --> 00:00:08,140 who rocked my world. 5 00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:10,209 Weird Al. 6 00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:11,810 Dare to be stupid? 7 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:12,277 You know it! 8 00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:13,979 Weird Al made me want to write comedy. 9 00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:17,383 The way he'd parody a pop song never ceased to amaze me. 10 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:19,418 Is that my Cher wig from Halloween? 11 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:20,019 Darn right. 12 00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:22,721 Can I borrow some hair spray? I think I need more body. 13 00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:23,422 You are so weird. 14 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:27,026 Weird Al even inspired me to write my own parody songs. 15 00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:27,559 Good news, bro. 16 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,561 I've decided to honor you in song. 17 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:30,162 It's about time! 18 00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,364 You know the Wang Chung song Everybody have fun tonight? 19 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:35,034 Well, I changed all the lyrics to make them all about you. 20 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:37,770 Ah, you've improved the song. Let's hear it. 21 00:00:37,772 --> 00:00:40,873 ¶ Everybody have fun tonight 22 00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:43,776 ¶ My brother Barry is a wang tonight 23 00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:46,378 ¶ Barry's gonna kick your ass tonight ¶ 24 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,213 Yep, Weird Al was my comic muse, 25 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,816 and I finally had the chance to see him live. 26 00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:53,919 Mom, I have the single greatest news on the planet. 27 00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:56,188 You have that terrible disease that makes you stop growing, 28 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:58,724 and you're gonna stay my little schmoopie forever. 29 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:01,393 No. Weird Al is playing at the Mann Music Center. 30 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,630 And you want to take your mama as your date. Aw. 31 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:07,099 Stop hearing what you want and listen. 32 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:08,400 He has two shows this week, 33 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,636 and Dana's in town visiting her grandma. 34 00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:11,937 I'll surprise her with tickets! 35 00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:14,206 While I find his Hawaiian shirts festive, 36 00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:14,973 you're much too young 37 00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:17,476 to go to a family-friendly comedy show unsupervised. 38 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:21,413 Please, you have to say yes. Dana's the love of my life. 39 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:22,414 (GROANS) 40 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,483 I mean, after you. (GROANS) 41 00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:25,918 The best mama in the world. 42 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:26,452 (GROANS) 43 00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:29,121 I'll let you sniff the top of my head for two seconds. 44 00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,122 Thirty. Five. 45 00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:31,356 Ten. Five. 46 00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:32,758 Thirty. Done. 47 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,093 (MUSIC PLAYING) 48 00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:35,394 ¶ I'm twisted up inside 49 00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:39,531 ¶ But nonetheless I feel the need to say 50 00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:42,334 ¶ I don't know the future 51 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:46,271 ¶ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶ 52 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,740 ADULT ADAM: It was February 12, 1980-something, 53 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:51,543 the day my brother actually got involved in school. 54 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,879 What's that? Just a lame old sign-up sheet 55 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:56,181 for kids that want to become peer counselors. 56 00:01:56,183 --> 00:01:59,318 (CHUCKLES) It's a boring old club for nerds. 57 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,819 You're not a nerd, are you? 58 00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:03,589 'Cause this here, this is nerd city. 59 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:05,457 Sign me up. What? No. 60 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,125 You're underselling it, 61 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:08,393 which means it's awesome, and I want in. 62 00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:08,994 (SIGHS) 63 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:11,263 Look, Mr. Goldberg, I have dreamt of starting 64 00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:14,399 a peer-counseling program at this school for years. 65 00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:16,001 I need emotionally mature students 66 00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:18,537 who are a healing presence in school. 67 00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:19,471 Well, you just got yourself 68 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,940 an officially licensed school therapist. 69 00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:24,977 No! Wow. Do not tell people that. 70 00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:26,278 It's too late. I signed the sheet, 71 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:29,414 which means I can advise anyone on anything, 72 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,350 and they have to listen to me. 73 00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,317 That's not what it means. 74 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:35,988 Fellas, I've recently become a fully licensed and bonded 75 00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:37,623 medical psychiatrist, so if any of you want 76 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:41,059 to work through your personal issues, this is your safe space. 77 00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:42,227 I really miss my grandpa. 78 00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,796 You're short, be taller. Boom. Next! 79 00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:45,764 There's this girl I like, 80 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,099 but she won't give me the time of day. 81 00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:49,201 Well, that's 'cause you suck at nunchucks, bro. 82 00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:52,771 The fastest way to a girl's heart is some sweet chuckin'. 83 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:53,372 Boom. Next! 84 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,541 I feel like my father doesn't respect me. 85 00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:56,341 So be less boring. 86 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:57,376 Boom! Next! No, stop! 87 00:02:57,378 --> 00:03:00,312 No one listen to a word this douche-monger just said. 88 00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,614 Naked Rob, just open up to your dad a bit. 89 00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:03,749 Nothing earns respect more 90 00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:04,716 than being honest with how you feel. 91 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:07,686 And, Andy, it's perfectly normal to miss your grandpa, 92 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:08,887 no matter what size you are. 93 00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:11,590 And, you, this girl, who's clearly me, 94 00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:12,424 just wants to be friends. 95 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:15,561 My heart hurts, but I appreciate the open communication, 96 00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,596 and it only makes me like you more. 97 00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:18,197 Well, well. 98 00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:20,666 God gives you one Goldberg and counters it with another. 99 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,935 You're right. She's the worst. 100 00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:23,535 JTP out. 101 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:26,004 Erica, look, I'm not gonna beat around the bush about this. 102 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,639 I need you to become a peer counselor. 103 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:30,909 You're smart, you're popular, and only you can undo 104 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:32,477 the terrible damage that your brother 105 00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:34,179 is going to wreak upon this school. 106 00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:35,314 I appreciate the offer, but-- 107 00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,983 I'll give you an "A" in any class you want. 108 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:38,684 What? You can do that? 109 00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:41,286 Open up a file cabinet and make a mark with my pen? 110 00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:43,222 (CHUCKLES) Yeah, I can do that. 111 00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:45,090 Seems wrong to give me an "A" in gym 112 00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:47,159 when I've been cutting all year. 113 00:03:47,161 --> 00:03:48,093 That said, I won't notice 114 00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,128 'cause I'll be too busy counseling peers and stuff. 115 00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:51,797 (CHUCKLES) Deal. (MILK CARTON CLATTERS) 116 00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:54,566 Here's your informational binder 117 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,134 and your therapy puppet. 118 00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:57,369 This is usually for smaller kids, 119 00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,471 but the burners like it, too. (CHUCKLES) 120 00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:02,241 ADULT ADAM: As Erica was getting ready to connect with others, 121 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:05,544 I was about to reconnect with the love of my life. 122 00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:06,778 Hi, Mrs. Goldberg. 123 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,247 Dana. 124 00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:09,915 I brought you some coffee beans from Seattle. 125 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:14,419 Aw. That is so thoughtful for someone who drinks coffee. 126 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,021 I don't. I'm a tea drinker. 127 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,289 You've known me for two years, 128 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,191 but thanks for the partial gift, Dana. 129 00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:20,826 That's very sweet. (CHUCKLES) 130 00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:23,595 Adam, Dana brought me a bag of beans! 131 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:27,199 Dana Eleanor Caldwell, are you ready for the greatest, 132 00:04:27,201 --> 00:04:29,534 most romantic weekend of your life? 133 00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:30,636 (GIGGLES) In this box, 134 00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,304 I've prepared our greatest hits, 135 00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:35,340 and we're gonna tackle each one. 136 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,644 Laser tag, ALF marathon, 137 00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,979 Super Mario Bros., 138 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:41,613 pogo ball. 139 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,483 You in? Um, sure, it's been a while. 140 00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:47,219 Come on! Pogo balling is just like riding a bike. 141 00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:50,155 Oh! We should also ride bikes. 142 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,523 Classic us. (GIGGLES) 143 00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:53,659 ADULT ADAM: But to our surprise, 144 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:56,828 our greatest hits suddenly felt like misses. 145 00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,430 Pogoing on a ball is fun. 146 00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:00,799 Well, it's kind of hard in these jellies. 147 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,701 But they're cute, right? 148 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,169 Yeah, they're shoes. 149 00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,070 We were off to a slow start, 150 00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:07,806 but a romantic Beefaroni dinner would change that. 151 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,709 Is it me, or did your tree house get smaller? 152 00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,210 No. Same size. 153 00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,546 Guess it's us who got bigger. 154 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,115 You want an Ecto Cooler? 155 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:20,218 Chef Boyardee himself recommends it with the beef. 156 00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:23,121 Yeah, I'm just gonna grab a Perrier. 157 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,456 (THUDS) 158 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,024 Balls! 159 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,195 Maybe I should spend a little time with my grandma. 160 00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:30,829 No, wait! 161 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,297 I actually have a big surprise for you. 162 00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:37,035 You and me are going to our first rock concert together! 163 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,103 No way! Who is it? 164 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:40,372 Only the greatest artist of our time. 165 00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:41,406 Madonna? Better! 166 00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:42,341 The Police? Better! 167 00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:43,909 Michael Jackson? Well, he's worked with all three, 168 00:05:43,911 --> 00:05:45,677 but in a way, he's improved their work 169 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,012 by making it super funny! 170 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,247 (GASPS) Weird Al Yankovic! 171 00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:51,383 The guy who sings about food. 172 00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:55,587 Sure, some songs are about food, like Eat it, Lasagna, 173 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:58,056 I love rocky road, and My bologna. 174 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:01,460 But he also sings about love and life and hernias! 175 00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:04,296 I didn't realize you were still into him. 176 00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:05,263 And the best part... 177 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:08,500 I got us Al shirts to wear to the concert. 178 00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,001 Ladies' choice. (CHUCKLES) 179 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:10,702 But if I were a lady, 180 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:14,005 I'd want to see my man in a jungle tiger pattern. 181 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:14,506 Rawr! 182 00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:15,907 As I was planning our big date, 183 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:18,477 Erica helped Naked Rob make a big breakthrough. 184 00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:21,680 I can't thank you enough for all the help with my dad. 185 00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:23,615 I really think we turned a corner. 186 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:26,385 That's my job, Naked Robert. I'm here for you. 187 00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:28,987 So great to have someone I can trust and-- 188 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,422 How dare you! What? 189 00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:33,458 Healing my nutjob friends behind my back? 190 00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,227 You're not legally authorized for that. 191 00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:37,095 Only I am! Not anymore, pal. 192 00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,331 Mr. Glascott asked me, and you know what? 193 00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:41,266 It feels awesome to actually help people. 194 00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,802 Unlike you, who just leaves behind a wake of broken souls. 195 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:47,506 All you did was charm Naked Rob with your feminine wiles. 196 00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:50,642 If it was anyone else, I'd totally out-counsel you. 197 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:51,476 It's adorable you think that. 198 00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:54,413 Then I challenge you to a counsel-off. 199 00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:55,280 Name anyone. 200 00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:57,048 First one to fix that person's brain 201 00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,751 is crowned champion adviser. 202 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:00,919 First of all, not a word, 203 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,688 and second, when you lose, you quit. 204 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,123 Same goes for you, sucker. 205 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,925 Go ahead. Pick anybody. 206 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:07,793 The more depressed, the better. 207 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:10,896 Do you even know what the signs of depression actually are? 208 00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:11,463 Of course! 209 00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:15,000 I just need you to say them so you can understand them better. 210 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:17,202 (SIGHS) Fine. Number one, fatigue. 211 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:21,239 Will you two stop yapping? I'm exhausted from a hard day. 212 00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,941 Number two, lethargy. 213 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,443 (GROANING) Oh, so far. 214 00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:25,243 Number three, irritability. 215 00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:30,048 I told you two morons, put the remote in the side pocket! 216 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:31,817 Four, persistent aches and pains. 217 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:36,521 (GROANS) Oh, now I hurt my back from stretching! 218 00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:37,556 Five, mood swings. 219 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,257 Eh, Love Boat's on! 220 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:42,060 And finally, sudden exhaustion. 221 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,161 (SNORING) 222 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,663 BOTH: Dad! 223 00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:46,164 All right, first one to fix that man's 224 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:46,998 crippling depression wins. 225 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,167 This is gonna be really hard. 226 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:49,601 (SNORING) 227 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:52,037 ADULT ADAM: As Erica and Barry were playing therapist, 228 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,172 Dana and I were playing Mario Bros., 229 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,241 but even though we were on the same side, 230 00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:57,609 we felt miles apart. 231 00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:59,544 Hey, snuggle bunny, and also Dana. 232 00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:02,481 Gear up, we're gonna leave in five minutes. 233 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:03,849 Even though we all agree 234 00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:06,184 Adam should be taking me to his first comedy concert. 235 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:09,187 The good news is Adam will be all yours soon enough. 236 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:13,558 What do you mean? Look at how they're playing "super immigrant plumbers." 237 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,228 Their thumbs are in it, but their hearts aren't. 238 00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:19,498 No way. Adam and Dana are as solid as ever. 239 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,132 Did you see them pogo ball? 240 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:22,400 That's a sport for lovers, 241 00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:25,737 and they were just going through the motions. 242 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,172 Oh, my God. No! 243 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,741 Adam and Dana are so wonderful together! 244 00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,409 Since when do you like Dana? 245 00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:32,777 I adore the girl. 246 00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:33,879 Got to say, I'm surprised, 247 00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:36,515 given all the passive-aggressive interactions, 248 00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:39,217 not to mention the aggressive-aggressive ones. 249 00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:43,955 But deep down, I think she's sweet and kind and beautiful, 250 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:46,758 and it helps that she lives 3,000 miles away 251 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,461 and I get Adam 98% of the time! 252 00:08:49,463 --> 00:08:51,830 That's the whole problem right there, Bevy. 253 00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,298 They've been apart too long. 254 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:56,101 Let's hope that Weird Al is just what they need 255 00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:58,236 to bring them back together. 256 00:08:58,238 --> 00:08:58,870 What? 257 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,071 CROWD: (CHANTING) Weird Al! 258 00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:04,476 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, Weird Al! 259 00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:05,310 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 260 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:06,778 Oh, my God. This is amazing! 261 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,680 We got to get a photo of the two of us. 262 00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:09,614 Yeah, that'd be nice! 263 00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:13,218 Make sure you get Weird Al's whole body in it. 264 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,022 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 265 00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:24,462 ADULT ADAM: Barry and Erica's counsel-off was on. 266 00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:26,031 It was a mano-a-mano battle 267 00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:28,366 of who could fix Dad first. 268 00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,368 Hey, big guy. 269 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,370 How you feeling today? You look sad. 270 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:33,305 Are you sad? Can I help? 271 00:09:33,307 --> 00:09:36,508 I'm not giving you money. I'm not here for money. 272 00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:37,309 I'm here for you. 273 00:09:37,311 --> 00:09:38,510 You're afraid to open up to me. 274 00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:41,913 Feels like we can tackle this with some word association. 275 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,248 You ready? No. 276 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,683 Abandonment. Stop. 277 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:45,517 Family. Go! 278 00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:47,586 Love. Leave! 279 00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:48,820 You seem angry, bro. 280 00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:50,889 Know what cures me when I'm angry? 281 00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,757 Screaming into something. 282 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,559 Here. Try my rage pillow. 283 00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:55,460 It'll make you feel better. 284 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:58,363 What? You're supposed to yell in it, not throw it at me! 285 00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:01,066 What's the matter with you? That's my favorite pillow! 286 00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,667 I do feel better. 287 00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:03,468 ERICA: Hey, Mur-man. 288 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,403 It's safe to tell me your dark secrets. 289 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:07,472 What's with the puppet? What's going on? 290 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:08,106 Get out of here! 291 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:11,876 You're getting sleepy. When you wake up-- 292 00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:13,878 What the hell's wrong with you two? 293 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,513 Forget what that dope's doing. 294 00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:17,716 All I'm looking for is a smile on your face. 295 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:20,251 Let me see that smile. Yeah, smile for Barry. 296 00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:21,052 No. Shut up. 297 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,921 Smile for Erica! Fine. 298 00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:26,658 If I smile, will you both leave? 299 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,426 Mmm-hmm. 300 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,429 That's your smile? Why? God, what is that? 301 00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:32,864 Yeah, this is what you wanted. 302 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,165 It's so wrong and disturbing! 303 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,000 Look at it! Stop it! 304 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,636 Look at the joy on my face! Are you my dad? 305 00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,037 Now get over here and hug me! 306 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,472 This was a terrible mistake! I'm so sorry! 307 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:43,375 No, wait! Don't leave me alone with that face! Oh, my God! 308 00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:45,143 That's right! Run! 309 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,144 Okay, that didn't count. 310 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,813 Just pick someone else we can counselor-ate. 311 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:49,681 Forget the competition! 312 00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:53,084 Don't you realize we have a dad who can't even smile? 313 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,053 That's like an actual problem. 314 00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,187 I see what you're saying. 315 00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:58,123 You forfeit! Barry wins. The puppet's mine. 316 00:10:58,125 --> 00:10:59,891 Forget the puppet! I want the puppet! 317 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:03,194 Take the stupid puppet. I'll just help Dad myself. 318 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,397 Damn it. You've made this a hollow victory. 319 00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:06,598 And now I'm worried. Wait up. 320 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,868 As Barry and Erica were on a mission to help my dad, 321 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:12,170 I was on a mission to meet my hero. 322 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,371 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Look! There he is! 323 00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,907 His glasses are so much bigger in real life. 324 00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,743 People, please, please, please, settle down. 325 00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:19,778 No, we're too far back. 326 00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,946 Come on. Let's elbow our way to the front. 327 00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:24,449 Can we maybe just do something more fun instead? 328 00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:25,283 How can you say that? 329 00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:26,985 Wasn't it fun when we slow-danced 330 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,319 to I Think I'm a Clone Now? 331 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,188 Only 'cause I like the Tiffany song. 332 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,558 I closed my eyes and imagined the original lyrics. 333 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:34,125 You faked it? 334 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:37,429 I just don't like Weird Al like I used to, okay? 335 00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:37,796 Ouch! 336 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,598 Not gonna lie, random child. That stings. 337 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,834 Oh, God. I'm sorry, Mr. Weird. 338 00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,803 Mr. Al. She didn't mean it. 339 00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:45,603 Sounded like she did, bro. 340 00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:47,138 Please don't judge me by her words. 341 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,640 I don't even know her. Adam! 342 00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:50,842 How do you know my name, strange lady? 343 00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,545 Seriously? You're picking him over me? 344 00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:54,412 I don't know what to do! 345 00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,114 I've never been asked to choose between 346 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,849 two people I love equally. 347 00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,884 I'm so out of here. 348 00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:00,585 Fine! Go! 349 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:03,221 I'll just be here cold chillin' with my new best buddy, Al. 350 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:07,492 Ooh. (CHUCKLES) I really wouldn't make me part of your plan. 351 00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:10,628 Look. I didn't even want to be here. 352 00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:11,396 I just wanted to hang out, 353 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,799 not ride bikes or play laser tag or pogo ball. 354 00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:20,004 What are you saying? I just don't think we get each other anymore. 355 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:24,042 Ooh! 356 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,711 She looks super mad! 357 00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:28,146 Kind of like that time I asked Prince 358 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:34,419 if I could turn When doves cry into When spuds fry. 359 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,020 You know, spuds are potatoes. 360 00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:36,721 No, it's genius. 361 00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:40,091 It's just... things are so bad with Dana. 362 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,593 You know, sounds to me like 363 00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:44,062 you and Agnes just drifted apart. 364 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:46,798 Doesn't mean you don't love each other, Todd. 365 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:47,966 You just grew up. 366 00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:51,936 As Dana was slipping away, Erica and Barry were trying 367 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,571 to get a grip on my dad's depression. 368 00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:57,041 You kids made the right choice coming to old Glascott. 369 00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:57,609 Let's do this. 370 00:12:57,611 --> 00:13:00,512 Well, technically, we came to you for a recommendation. 371 00:13:00,514 --> 00:13:02,147 And I recommended myself. 372 00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:04,048 I come highly recommended. (CHUCKLES) 373 00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:08,253 Look, if anyone knows the ins and outs of depression, 374 00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:08,720 it's me. 375 00:13:08,722 --> 00:13:11,589 I'm proud to say that I've slayed that dragon many a time. 376 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:14,392 Dad's coming down the hall. Get in position. 377 00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,228 Mr. Goldberg. 378 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:17,896 Got your call. 379 00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:20,331 What'd these morons do that I had to leave work early? 380 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,633 Please, have a seat, Mr. Goldberg. 381 00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:24,502 We need to have a very serious discussion 382 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:25,136 about you. Me? 383 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,807 Your kids are concerned that you might have a real case of the blues. 384 00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:31,776 Luckily, I'm here to help, and so is Carl. 385 00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:35,113 He's a real sad sack, too. Why don't you two talk? 386 00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,315 (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Hey, Mr. Goldberg. 387 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,116 What's up, buddy? 388 00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:39,951 What's with everybody and puppets? 389 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:40,785 You can talk to me. 390 00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:42,487 Is that what this is all about? 391 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:43,588 You're worried about me? 392 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:46,224 You're very moody and sleepy and angry. 393 00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:49,561 And you sit a lot. I'm not depressed. 394 00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:49,994 I'm a dad! 395 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,329 (NORMAL VOICE) Let me get this straight. 396 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,031 You don't struggle getting out of bed every morning 397 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:53,932 because, what's the point? No. 398 00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:56,901 You don't desperately fear being alone again at Thanksgiving? 399 00:13:56,903 --> 00:13:59,971 No. You've never faced the bottom of an ice-cream pint 400 00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,173 and thought, "Screw it. I'm going again"? 401 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,475 No. You don't write "Help me" 402 00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:06,177 in the steam on the shower door? 403 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,078 What? Nothing. 404 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,747 Okay, well, look. I'm glad that we could help you, Mr. Goldberg. 405 00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:12,951 If you guys don't mind, I need to take a personal day. 406 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:15,253 Hey, kiddo. 407 00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,655 I know you're hurting, but you're never gonna be 408 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:20,458 over one girl until you're under the next. 409 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,794 Whoa! Shut the (BLEEP) up, Dad. 410 00:14:22,796 --> 00:14:26,197 What he means is don't give up on Dana. 411 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:26,998 We can still fix this. 412 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,568 But Al's my number one hero, and I believe anything he says. 413 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:32,971 What exactly did Weird Al say to you? 414 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,139 All that matters is that he was right. 415 00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:37,675 People change and love dies. 416 00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,777 ADULT ADAM: At that moment, all my mom wanted 417 00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,246 was to fix my broken heart. 418 00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:44,082 And so she did the only logical thing. 419 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:46,284 Weird Al! Over here, Weird Al! 420 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,720 We need to talk! It's about love! 421 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,154 (CLATTERS) Who said that? 422 00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:51,956 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. 423 00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:53,992 Who is this who speaks of love? 424 00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,927 (SIGHS) Beverly Goldberg. 425 00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:58,897 I'm sure you remember my delicious boy, Adam. Of course. 426 00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:03,101 Super-tall mute dude with dreadlocks and a droopy eye? 427 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,903 Please tell him I said... 428 00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:08,840 No, look. You made him think his relationship was over, 429 00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:10,308 and now you're gonna fix it. 430 00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,010 It's not happening. Oh, it's happening. 431 00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,244 You're gonna get on that tour bus, 432 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,347 take it into the suburbs, and put on a private concert 433 00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:18,616 for Adam and Dana with all their favorite songs. 434 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,652 Such as? Every rose has its thorn. 435 00:15:20,654 --> 00:15:22,120 Every toe has its corn? 436 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,621 The wind beneath my wings. 437 00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,056 The bed above my springs. 438 00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:27,392 Material girl. Bacterial Earl! 439 00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,927 Heaven is a place on earth. 440 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,995 Kevin is a dude with girth. 441 00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:32,130 Careless whisper. 442 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:32,997 Your hairless sister. 443 00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:35,833 Fight the power. Smell the flounder? 444 00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:36,701 Stop it. Listen. 445 00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:39,570 A private concert isn't gonna bring those kids back together. 446 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:43,508 But do you know what can? A mother's love. 447 00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:46,044 You think? Yes. 448 00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:48,313 Only you can fix this. 449 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:52,116 Their future is in your hands. 450 00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,785 Thank you, Weird Al. 451 00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,853 Thank you so much. 452 00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:56,487 (GIGGLES) 453 00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,890 Move it! I need to fix my baby's relationship. 454 00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:02,126 Okay, why do I even pay for security? 455 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:06,864 She was clearly crazy, and you just stood there! Ugh! 456 00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:10,401 ADULT ADAM: After some sage advice from Weird Al, 457 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,937 my mom decided to put on a show of her own. 458 00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:15,239 There he is! Come on in, smushie. 459 00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:17,608 You know Dana. Have a seat. 460 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,043 Oh, God. What have you done? 461 00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:20,478 What is this? Why are you here? 462 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,714 All I'm asking is for a minute of your time. 463 00:16:22,716 --> 00:16:26,417 After that, you can both move on with your lives. Please. 464 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:28,019 (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) 465 00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:30,054 Now, what I'm about to show you 466 00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:31,089 was gonna be played at your wedding, 467 00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:34,425 so when the day comes, act surprised. 468 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,060 (BEVERLY CHUCKLES) 469 00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:37,128 Remember this? 470 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:38,396 DANA: Wow, I actually do. 471 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,665 I lost my kite, and you gave me yours. 472 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,868 I was so nervous talking to you. 473 00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:47,405 That was the night of our first kiss. 474 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,741 Yeah. Best birthday ever. 475 00:16:49,743 --> 00:16:53,044 Wait. Were you, like, lurking around the whole time? No. 476 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,380 Then how did you-- Moving on. 477 00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,715 Dude, were you spying on us? 478 00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:58,383 What? No. 479 00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,351 I was cleaning the closet, and, you know-- 480 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,321 Shh! Just focus on your love. 481 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:03,955 ADAM: What the... 482 00:17:03,957 --> 00:17:05,323 You took that hanging off the roof? 483 00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:08,426 A photographer does what she needs to do to get the shot. 484 00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:12,797 The point is, it's always been Adam and Dana. 485 00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,899 You can't just throw that away. 486 00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:18,202 Enough! All those photos are in the past. 487 00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,070 There's nothing to show now 488 00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:22,573 'cause Dana lives in Seattle and I'm stuck here. 489 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,844 It just isn't the same. 490 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:32,717 He's right. 491 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,987 Seeing those photos, it's... It's not us anymore. 492 00:17:35,989 --> 00:17:39,023 I just wish you two didn't leave it like this. 493 00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:40,625 You deserve so much better. 494 00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,194 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 495 00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:46,330 I just thought I could fix it. 496 00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:48,166 I'm kind of surprised. 497 00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:50,601 I always thought you didn't like me. 498 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,603 Oh, Dana. 499 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:57,275 You'll always be the best first love my baby could have. 500 00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:01,279 Besides me, of course. 501 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:01,913 (CHUCKLES) 502 00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,781 ADULT ADAM: In that moment, Dana realized 503 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:04,649 my mom was right. 504 00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:07,051 We couldn't leave it like this. 505 00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:09,320 (KING OF SUEDE PLAYING) 506 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:18,996 ¶ There's a sale on our Gabardine suits today 507 00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,598 (WINDOW OPENS) 508 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,867 ¶ They're all 30% off from yesterday What are you doing? 509 00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:25,736 This is how you won me over two years ago. 510 00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:28,372 So this is how I want to say goodbye. 511 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:32,643 ¶ There's Fortrel polyester, leather, wool, and tweed 512 00:18:32,846 --> 00:18:34,545 You're playing Weird Al. 513 00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,614 I thought you don't like him anymore. 514 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,382 I may have outgrown him, 515 00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:40,585 but it doesn't mean I still don't like him. 516 00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:44,989 I just thought we'd be together forever, you know? 517 00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,691 And maybe we will. 518 00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:47,558 But for now, 519 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,194 I think we're supposed to be apart. 520 00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:51,662 That still doesn't change the fact 521 00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:54,899 that you will always be my first crush. 522 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:57,168 My first kiss. 523 00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:59,070 My first love. 524 00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:04,075 You keep it. To remember me. 525 00:19:04,077 --> 00:19:06,777 I will always remember you, Adam. 526 00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:10,047 ¶ 30 years in the same location I have stayed 527 00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:12,583 ADULT ADAM: Truth is, it wasn't how I saw things ending 528 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:14,619 with the girl from down the street, 529 00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:15,753 but part of growing up 530 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,489 is learning when it's time to move on. 531 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,191 Hey, can we talk? 532 00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:21,959 No. Not about feelings. 533 00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:22,727 We just want to apologize. 534 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,663 Yeah, we didn't realize you being so lazy and angry 535 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,398 is actually you crazy happy. 536 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,836 I'm a simple guy. I sit in my chair. I watch TV. 537 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,804 I yell at you two morons. 538 00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,873 And honestly, that's my happy place. 539 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:38,442 Well, it's good to know we don't have to worry about you. 540 00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:40,178 Hey, that means you care. 541 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:42,713 You know, now would be a perfect time 542 00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:44,048 for you to actually smile. 543 00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:46,417 Pass. Worth a try. 544 00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:47,685 ¶ Well, I never made it past the second grade 545 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,454 In the end, Erica and Barry did make my dad smile, 546 00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:53,591 and they also discovered there was someone else in the house 547 00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:55,993 who could use their help. Hey, what's wrong? 548 00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:58,996 Just packing up my greatest hits with Dana. 549 00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:00,565 It's over. 550 00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:02,833 Oh, God. I'm so sorry. 551 00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,936 You want to talk about it? No. 552 00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:08,639 Come on. Let's go to Wawa. Tastykakes on me? 553 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:11,475 ¶ 30 years in the same location I have stayed 554 00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:13,578 ADULT ADAM: That's the thing about growing up. 555 00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,646 You try to hold on to things until you realize 556 00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:18,716 maybe change is a good thing, and if you're lucky, 557 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,385 your family is there to guide you through it all. 558 00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:26,023 ¶ 'Cause it's my destiny to be the King of Suede ¶ 559 00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,925 (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) 560 00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:30,027 Roll it! Roll it! 561 00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:42,640 Are you kidding me? No, I won't sing it! 562 00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:45,309 Bar, our little brother needs our love and support right now. 563 00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:46,844 A good parody song is gonna help. 564 00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,980 That would make me feel better. 565 00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:50,681 (GROANS) Fine. 566 00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,350 1, 2, 3, 4. 567 00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:55,686 ¶ Everybody have fun tonight 568 00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:59,624 ¶ My brother Barry is a wang tonight 569 00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:03,494 ¶ Brother Barry's so dumb tonight 570 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:06,897 ¶ Can't even tell his left from right 571 00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:07,598 Barry, take it! 572 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,269 ¶ My brother Barry is a stupid jerk ¶ 573 00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:13,571 I can't! I can't do this! 574 00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:15,539 Where's my rage pillow? 575 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:16,641 (MUFFLED SCREAMING) 576 00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:17,942 You know, this song's actually kind of funny. 577 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:21,212 I know! And that's exactly why I sent Weird Al a demo. 578 00:21:21,214 --> 00:21:25,182 ¶ My brother Barry is a wang tonight ¶ 579 00:21:25,184 --> 00:21:26,851 Who's this Barry? 580 00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:29,253 This song offers no context! 581 00:21:29,255 --> 00:21:30,721 Total amateurs!