1 00:00:00,067 --> 00:00:01,433 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, 2 00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:02,735 we all wanted to be a badass fighter pilot 3 00:00:02,737 --> 00:00:05,971 thanks to the cinematic masterpiece that was 'Top Gun,' 4 00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:08,674 and no one loved it more than my big bro. 5 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:11,176 You're handsome and clear for takeoff. 6 00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:13,612 Yeah, he was a real Maverick. 7 00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,647 His fighter jet was our beat-up station wagon, 8 00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:18,117 and his co-pilot, my annoyed sister. 9 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:21,754 Dear God, you have been flipping knobs for five minutes! 10 00:00:21,756 --> 00:00:22,888 Just go already. 11 00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,023 We ain't going anywhere 12 00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:26,792 till tower clears us for takeoff. 13 00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:28,394 You're clear. 14 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:29,528 (ENGINE TURNS OVER) 15 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,330 (TIRES SCREECH) ADULT ADAM: But as fate would have it, 16 00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:32,698 my brother's high-flying dreams 17 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,100 were about to become a reality. 18 00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:38,070 (GASPS) Great Goose's ghost. 19 00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:40,739 Today, our lives change forever, boys. 20 00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,307 Behold. 21 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:44,510 Junior ROTC. 22 00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,378 That's like pre-pre- military training. 23 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,447 Dude, I think they give you free camo when you sign up. 24 00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:50,449 Sweet. Now I can hide from my mean cousin 25 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,785 when we visit my uncle's farm. 26 00:00:56,857 --> 00:00:58,490 (CLEARS THROAT) 27 00:00:58,492 --> 00:00:59,091 Morning, gentlemen. 28 00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:01,160 Interested in joining up with Junior ROTC? 29 00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:02,995 I need able-bodied leaders with fire in their bellies 30 00:01:02,997 --> 00:01:04,763 looking to make a difference. 31 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:05,864 That's so weird. 32 00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:08,434 I'm an able-bodied person with a fiery belly 33 00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:11,503 who's ready to fly your jets and push your envelopes 34 00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:12,538 and play shirtless beach volleyball. 35 00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,207 What? It's proven to be a nice diversion 36 00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:17,342 from the pressures of flight school. 37 00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:18,043 What's your name, son? 38 00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:20,679 Barry Norman Goldberg, nickname not yet decided. 39 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:24,049 You will be amazed by our strength and determination, sir! 40 00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:25,918 (BELL RINGS) (SIGHS) 41 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,820 I've got English on the third floor. 42 00:01:27,822 --> 00:01:28,654 So many stairs. 43 00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:30,355 Naked Rob, piggyback. 44 00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:33,759 You got it, bro. Never leave a man behind. 45 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,894 (GRUNTS) 46 00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:38,931 ¶ I'm twisted up inside 47 00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:43,869 ¶ But nonetheless, I feel the need to say 48 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:46,205 ¶ I don't know the future 49 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:50,642 ¶ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶ 50 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:53,345 ADULT ADAM: It was November 22, 1980-something, 51 00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:56,949 and I was spending the day with my loyal best bud, Pops. 52 00:01:56,951 --> 00:02:00,385 Your mom was nuts to take away my license. 53 00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:01,687 Look at me go! 54 00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:02,254 (ENGINE REVS) 55 00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:05,390 ADULT ADAM: Despite his age, my grandpa was the youngest dude I knew. 56 00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:07,426 Winner! Balls! 57 00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:09,661 You want to go hustle some suckers at air hockey? 58 00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:12,731 I'm old with a wallet full of cash. 59 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,167 How do I play this ice ping-pong? 60 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:18,003 (LAUGHS) After we hustled some kids in air hockey, 61 00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,772 Pops set his sights on our next target. 62 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,308 Whoa, whoa. Look at this. 63 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,743 Free movie tickets. 64 00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:27,079 What do you say we play a couple more chumps? 65 00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:29,648 Mom says to be weary of timeshare people. 66 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,916 They're the gypsies of the mall. 67 00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:34,086 All we got to d o is listen to them jabber for a half-hour 68 00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:38,190 and then see Mad Max Thunderdome on their dime. 69 00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,591 Sign me up. 70 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,293 (CHUCKLES) 71 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,396 Howdy, folks. And welcome. 72 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,664 I'm John Calabasas, 73 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:51,136 the president and CEO of John Calabasas' timeshares. 74 00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,239 Thank you very much. That's very kind. 75 00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:55,374 Oh, stop. Thank you so much. 76 00:02:55,376 --> 00:03:01,346 Folks, who would like to live in the condo of their dreams? 77 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,381 For two months out of the year. 78 00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:04,917 I'm talking about timeshares, y'all. 79 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,618 Question. Yes, sir. 80 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,987 If we decide not to buy today, 81 00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,322 do we still get the movie tickets? 82 00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:13,692 That's the deal, but I can promise you this, sir, 83 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,493 at the end of today, 84 00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:16,662 you're not gonna be thinking about movie tickets. 85 00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:18,530 You're gonna be thinking about 86 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,632 Boca Sands Resort and Tennis Club. 87 00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:24,303 I'm intrigued about this exciting opportunity. 88 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:27,706 Movie tickets all locked up. 89 00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,441 ADULT ADAM: So began an epic speech 90 00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,376 designed to pull in old suckers. 91 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,045 Lucky for me, Pops was young at heart. 92 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:37,049 Complete with sauna and recently disinfected steam room. 93 00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:40,519 The best overly air-conditioned chain restaurants 94 00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,554 that open for dinner at 3:00 PM. 95 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:46,692 Not only is it sunny year-round in our community, 96 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:51,296 the women outnumber the gentlemen three to one. 97 00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:52,598 Sold! 98 00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,267 Oh, my God. 99 00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,803 Pops actually bought a place in Florida? 100 00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,338 Right? It's a nightmare. 101 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:02,441 Hello? We're gonna have our own beach condo. 102 00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:04,443 Think of all the spring breaks, 103 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:05,177 the Latin guys, 104 00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:08,914 the romantic walks on the beach with the Latin guys. 105 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:09,848 Why do I come to you? 106 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,650 You need to chill. It's a timeshare. 107 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:12,884 He'll be gone two months a year. 108 00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:16,288 Everyone knows a timeshare is a gateway property. 109 00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:17,889 Two months becomes six. 110 00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:18,624 Six become a year. 111 00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,325 And a year turns into forever. 112 00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:24,029 So? Pops is old, and that's what all old people do. 113 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,698 Stop saying that. Pops isn't old. 114 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:27,332 He's 80. 115 00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:29,568 Who cares? I measure age in spirit. 116 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,437 Well, I measure age by when you were born. 117 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,905 And for Pops, that's 1903. 118 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:37,109 Holy crap. Seriously? Oh, yeah. 119 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:40,445 Shut up! Everyone, shut up! 120 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,580 I got Barry news. 121 00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:42,781 Everybody stop talking. 122 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,216 What is it, snuggle monster? 123 00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:45,651 I joined the military. 124 00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:46,985 Boom! What's that now? 125 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,720 Good stuff. What branch? 126 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,589 The one with the planes and boats. 127 00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:51,757 You're welcome, America. 128 00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:54,192 I just need you to sign this permission slip. 129 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,327 Absolutely not. 130 00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:56,295 Being a soldier is number one 131 00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:59,564 on my list of jobs too dangerous for my children. 132 00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:00,365 List? What list? 133 00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,533 Oh, God. Not the list. 134 00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:03,935 I knew one day my kids would join the workforce, 135 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:07,372 so like a good mother, I compiled a list of occupations 136 00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:09,074 that are strictly off-limits. 137 00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,176 Why can't I be a construction worker? 138 00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:12,978 Eating lunch on a suspended beam 139 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,080 with your legs dangling down? 140 00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,948 No way. No pro sports? 141 00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,550 Except golf, but you can't drive around 142 00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,152 in one of those buggies with no seat belt. 143 00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,988 Astronaut? Your sensitive tummy at zero g? 144 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,256 Deli guy. Meat slicer. 145 00:05:24,258 --> 00:05:25,324 Government clerk. Paper cut. 146 00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:27,759 Robot technician. Robot uprising. 147 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,695 This is nuts. Pops was in the army. 148 00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:32,864 And he is a hero. Couldn't be prouder of him. 149 00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,566 But I want to be a hero. 150 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:35,834 And you can be... 151 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,102 As an orthodontist or a maitre d' 152 00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:42,107 or as one of those guys who tests pillows for softness. 153 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:44,810 ADULT ADAM: Yep. All hope was lost. 154 00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,144 I'll sign it. 155 00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:47,045 And then found. 156 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,581 Really? I did ROTC. 157 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,182 It changed my life. 158 00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:52,751 And I fully support this as long as your mother never finds out. 159 00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:57,489 And one more thing. If you do this, there's no quitting. 160 00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:59,491 I mean it. 10-4, good buddy. 161 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:00,759 That's trucker talk. 162 00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,294 Aye-aye, matey. 163 00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:03,929 That's pirate. 164 00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:04,830 Hmm. 165 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,565 ADULT ADAM: While Barry was committed to the army, 166 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,767 I was committed to showing Pops 167 00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:10,102 just how young he was. 168 00:06:10,104 --> 00:06:12,471 ADAM: There he is, rockin' the new duds. 169 00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:13,739 You dig 'em, homey? 170 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,140 They're roomy where I need them, 171 00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,042 but kind of drafty where I don't. 172 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,810 Perfect! Let's go hit the town 173 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:21,613 and live it up while we're still young. 174 00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:22,414 What the... 175 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,282 How did your Zubaz get so high? 176 00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:26,251 They ride up. I don't know. 177 00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:27,919 They have a mind of their own. 178 00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,755 Now all you can see is 'Frankie says'. 179 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:30,522 No one will know to relax. 180 00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:33,291 Who is this Frankie, and why does he want me to relax? 181 00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:37,796 All you need to know is you look half your age in those Zubaz pants. 182 00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,398 Way too young for Florida. 183 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,533 Oh, so that's what this is about. 184 00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,268 Kiddo, it's just two months. 185 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:47,172 Two months in middle-school years is like a decade. 186 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,373 Come on, pal. 187 00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,008 Pops says relax. 188 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,544 Don't you use that catchphrase against me! 189 00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:54,513 I will not relax! 190 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:55,380 Where you going? 191 00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:58,784 To my other grandpa, the one who'd never leave me. 192 00:06:58,786 --> 00:06:59,317 Pop Pop? 193 00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:00,852 You really want to replace me 194 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,721 with that spiteful old bastard? 195 00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:05,357 Already done. Have fun in Florida. 196 00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:07,926 I'll be living it up here with Pop Pop 197 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,695 having crazy amounts of fun. 198 00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:12,431 This is fun. 199 00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:13,765 So much fun. 200 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:14,933 Shh. I'm reading the stocks. 201 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,736 (PLASTIC SQUEAKING) ADULT ADAM: Yep. This was my grandfather Ben. 202 00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:20,505 He was the anti-Pops who could never catch a break. 203 00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:23,708 Damn IBM! I should have invested. 204 00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:25,043 I'd be a millionaire. 205 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,045 Instead, I lost it all on Cigaroos. 206 00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:30,148 What's that? Cigarettes for kids. 207 00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:30,982 Yeah. 208 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,184 They had a spokesbunny. 209 00:07:32,186 --> 00:07:35,554 Isn't that adorable? It was a slam dunk! 210 00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:37,823 ADULT ADAM: As I was bonding with Pop Pop, 211 00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,124 Barry was ready for action. 212 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,693 Barry Norman Goldberg reporting for duty, sir! 213 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:43,595 Son, I told you three times. I know you're here. 214 00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:46,398 Question. When do we get our nicknames assigned, 215 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,400 'cause I'm thinking I'm gonna be Sky Shark. 216 00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:48,967 I call Sky Tiger. 217 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,102 Dude, I told you Sky Tiger was my nickname. 218 00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,371 No one's Sky Tiger. I'm Sky Shark. 219 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:54,606 There can't be two skies. 220 00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:55,740 I was kind of thinking Thunder Shark. 221 00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:58,310 Oh, that's good! No, bro! I'm the shark! 222 00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,412 (ALL SHOUTING) 223 00:08:00,414 --> 00:08:01,012 Enough! 224 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:03,348 Instead of nicknames, how about this. 225 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:04,249 Give me 20 push-ups. 226 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,618 If my body's already in peak physical condition, 227 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,620 can I pass and practice instead? 228 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,489 Practice what? Volleyball. 229 00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,823 You know, for when we go to the beach 230 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,158 and flex our young, glistening bodies. 231 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,359 I'm kind of body-conscious, 232 00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,228 so I'm not gonna pop off my shirt at the beach, 233 00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:17,729 if that's cool. He's got an outie. 234 00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:19,531 Shh! There's no volleyball. 235 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:22,067 Son, if you're not here to work, you're worthless to me. 236 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:24,002 But I was led to believe I'm special. 237 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,606 You want special treatment? Drop and give me 40! 238 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:33,078 Hey! How was training, big guy? 239 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,346 Captain Wallace says I'm, like, 240 00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,815 better than Rambo, the real one. They're friends. 241 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:39,518 Well, I'm just proud that you're sticking with it. 242 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,353 Oh, yeah. Stick-to-it Barry. 243 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,555 That's what they call me. 244 00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:46,191 Mom! 245 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,293 Dad secretly signed a permission slip 246 00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:49,694 to get me in basic training. 247 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:52,364 Now I need to have you secretly get me out of it. 248 00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:53,565 What? Shh! 249 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:54,266 Dad won't let me quit, 250 00:08:54,268 --> 00:08:57,135 but Captain Wallace is super demanding and angry. 251 00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:57,936 He called me worthless. 252 00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,804 Are you (BLEEP) kidding me? 253 00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:01,907 I know. Right? Worthless? 254 00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,375 Well, obviously, he's never seen you 255 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,610 ride a tandem bicycle with your mother. 256 00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:06,811 I was doing most of the pedaling. 257 00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:08,980 Are you sure he called you worthless? 258 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,448 Maybe he called you wonderful? 259 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:13,351 No. You have to get me out of this, ma. 260 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:16,454 Unless you want me to fly secret missions 261 00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,689 to dangerous foreign lands. 262 00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,991 You can't go on a secret mission. 263 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:20,959 They won't let you call home, 264 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,695 and they don't know what kind of cheese binds you up. 265 00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:25,997 So, you'll help? Don't worry, Snuggy-Boo. 266 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:26,898 I'll get you out. 267 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:30,001 Now, drop and give me 20. 268 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:30,902 Huggies. (CHUCKLES) 269 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:35,373 ADULT ADAM: And with that, Beverly Goldberg went to war. 270 00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:38,310 ADULT ADAM: While I was still upset about our fight, 271 00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:41,079 Pops was ready to extend an olive branch. 272 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,214 Hey, sweetheart. You seen Adam? 273 00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:46,551 I got him one of those Atari-Nintendo games. 274 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:50,355 It's just like the red-car, blue-car game that we play at the arcade. 275 00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:53,692 Aww, that's so cute. But he's hanging with Pop Pop. 276 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,460 Pop-pop? I thought he was bluffing. 277 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,028 You can always hang with me, 278 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,296 you know, make the little nerd jealous. 279 00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:02,834 It'd be pretty damn petty of me to use you as some pawn. 280 00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,135 Oh, I'm totally cool with it. 281 00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,438 We can, like, go to the mall. 282 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,407 So, this is all a ploy to get me to buy you stuff? 283 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:12,444 See? We get each other. 284 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:13,745 I'll drive. 285 00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:16,681 ADULT ADAM: As Erica and Pops had formed an alliance, 286 00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:18,783 my mom was waging war. 287 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,318 You, sir! 288 00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:21,353 We need to talk. 289 00:10:21,355 --> 00:10:22,854 Mrs. Goldberg, I told you. 290 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,423 Yelling hours are between 9:00 and 12:00. 291 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,725 This is my lunch break. 292 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,193 Eat your tater tots, Earl. 293 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,694 I'm here for him. 294 00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:30,929 What's happening right now? 295 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,430 This is Beverly Goldberg. 296 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:33,465 She's the Delta Force of mothers. 297 00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:37,802 And I'm here to tell you that Barry will not be returning to your course. 298 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,738 And I'm here to tell you that your husband called 299 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:40,972 and said under no circumstances 300 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,408 should I let your son weasel out of this. 301 00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:44,275 He called? 302 00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:45,677 Oh, this just got good. 303 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:46,878 BEVERLY: Okay, then. 304 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,313 Well, I have demands. 305 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,915 Instead of yelling, you will motivate my baby 306 00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,717 with kindness and encouragement. 307 00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:56,388 And you will never, ever call him worthless again. 308 00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:58,390 Well, considering you're asking me 309 00:10:58,392 --> 00:11:01,960 to undo years of proven and effective military training, 310 00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,128 the answer is no. 311 00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:04,629 BEVERLY: Or is it yes? 312 00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,231 According to the school handbook, 313 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:07,932 any parent is permitted on school grounds 314 00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:09,834 to tend to the well-being of their child. 315 00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,904 Oop. That gives me the legal right 316 00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:15,240 to be my son's wingmom. 317 00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,341 Uh-oh. Wingmom? 318 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,376 Wingmom. That's not a thing. 319 00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,244 Oh, it is. 320 00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:20,912 I'll see you at 0900. 321 00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:22,681 No, you won't. Yes, she will. 322 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:25,850 That woman isn't setting one foot in my class, 323 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:26,618 and you know why? 324 00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:28,753 'Cause it's absurd and unrealistic 325 00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:30,655 and will never happen on my watch. 326 00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:33,792 Due to circumstances both beyond my control and beyond reason, 327 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:38,596 I'd like to welcome a new ridiculous addition to our class. 328 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:39,931 It's me. What? 329 00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:42,701 You were supposed to get me out of this, not join me! 330 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:45,804 But now we can both feel the need, 331 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,772 the need for speed. 332 00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:48,473 Together. 333 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,308 I feel that need alone, not with my mom! 334 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:53,178 I promise you won't even know I'm here, Little Schmoo. 335 00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,345 (ALL LAUGH) Little Schmoo. 336 00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:55,680 Now that should be your code name. 337 00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:58,516 No! It's Sky Shark. That better not stick. 338 00:11:58,518 --> 00:11:59,818 Infantilizing, bro! 339 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,153 Oh, no. The tastemakers have spoken. 340 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,421 It's sticking! 341 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,790 ADULT ADAM: With my mom officially enlisted, 342 00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:06,725 I had officially signed up 343 00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:10,028 for a day of fun and laughter with Pop Pop. 344 00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,664 Hey, where's all the loose change? 345 00:12:12,666 --> 00:12:15,100 You promised me pocketfuls of quarters. 346 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:15,700 Hmm. 347 00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:18,837 While we're here, might as well play a few games. 348 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:19,471 What do you think? 349 00:12:19,473 --> 00:12:21,272 The only game I played when I was a kid 350 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:24,242 was stop the Irish from stealing our jobs. 351 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:25,977 Okay. 352 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,979 There's got to be coins in the fountain. 353 00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:28,646 I'll hold your legs. 354 00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:32,550 ADULT ADAM: My playdate with Pop Pop couldn't get any worse... 355 00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:33,251 Holy balls! 356 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,220 ADULT ADAM: ...Until we ran into my ex. 357 00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,689 What's he doing here? How's my hair? 358 00:12:37,691 --> 00:12:38,556 Looks like a Chia thing. 359 00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:40,592 Shut up and laugh like I said something funny. 360 00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,127 Since when are you funny? 361 00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,729 (LAUGHS) 362 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,632 So fun. 363 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,502 Oh. Hey, Pops. 364 00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:51,936 Adam. 365 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,439 Didn't expect to see you here... 366 00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:55,740 With her. 367 00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:56,574 Yeah, I'd love to chat, 368 00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,443 but Pops and I are hitting up Benetton. 369 00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,078 Need some resort wear to be ready 370 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,813 to jet down to Florida with my main man. 371 00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:05,750 Well, I'm happy that you found someone to spend time with. 372 00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,452 Oh, this one's the best. 373 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,920 Hope you're having fun, too. 374 00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,555 (BLOWS RASPBERRY) So much fun. 375 00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:14,225 Today, I watched Pop Pop pick up his prescription 376 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,527 and berate the pharmacist 377 00:13:15,529 --> 00:13:18,463 while I played with the blood pressure machine. 378 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,264 Classic us. 379 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,466 Ah, I see what's going on here. 380 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,369 You're only hanging out with me to hurt his feelings. 381 00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:25,170 (CHUCKLES) Well done. 382 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:28,907 In your face, Al. I'm his favorite grandpa now. 383 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,475 Not a competition, Ben. 384 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:31,376 Oh, yes. It sure is. 385 00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:32,744 I've been waiting for this for years. 386 00:13:32,746 --> 00:13:35,513 You think you're so great with your pockets full of paper money 387 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:36,681 and your genuine kindness. 388 00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:37,949 Well, no more. 389 00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,150 I'm the Pops now. 390 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,285 You're not the Pops. 391 00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:41,152 I'll always be the Pops. 392 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,222 No, no. I'm taking it because I hate being called Pop Pop. 393 00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:47,025 Then pick another name, like, uh... 394 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,726 Poppy. Oh, hell, no. 395 00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:49,861 Pap Pap. (GROANS) 396 00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:50,728 Paw Paw. No, no, no. 397 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,865 Face it. I finally beat you, and this little weirdo is my prize. 398 00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:56,334 Enough! I've had it with both of you. 399 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,037 No one gets to be my Pops! 400 00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,674 And for the record, I still won. 401 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:03,541 WALLACE: Come on, Goldberg. 402 00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,577 The only way out of my class is over that wall, 403 00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:06,444 you lazy sack of nothing. 404 00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:09,013 Don't you listen to him. You're a sack of everything! 405 00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:11,583 You need to push that lazy, worthless body, 406 00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:13,218 or you'll be a loser forever. 407 00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:16,487 Your body is a sweet treasure, and you're a winner! 408 00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:17,956 Say, "I'm a winner!" 409 00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:20,058 (GROANS) I can't. 410 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,993 Too hard! WALLACE: You don't know hard. 411 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:24,762 Now stand up and start from the beginning. 412 00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:25,363 Oh, no, no. 413 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,699 He's done. Come with me and rest up, baby. 414 00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:28,366 Really? Really? 415 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,201 Really? Barry has low energy today 416 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,871 because he overslept and didn't get a complete breakfast, 417 00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:35,840 but I have raisins, so we're good. 418 00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,342 Oh, are we, now? 419 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:37,942 We are. 420 00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:39,410 The school manual clearly states 421 00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:42,313 that nutritional health is one of the most... Fine. 422 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:45,416 Then everyone else will attack the course except for Goldberg, 423 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:48,519 who's gonna sit on the side and eat his box of raisins. 424 00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:51,322 Sir, yes, sir! It's nature's candy, sir! 425 00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,690 Yes. I've had raisins. 426 00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,759 I can't believe these came from grapes, sir. 427 00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:56,895 I wonder who came up with the idea for them, sir. 428 00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:57,795 Are you done? No, sir! 429 00:14:57,797 --> 00:15:01,232 Permission to share a few plump raisins with my platoon, sir! 430 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:01,799 Denied! 431 00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:04,002 Just go sit on the bleachers and shut up. 432 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,804 The rest of you, move it! 433 00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:09,507 Feels pretty good having a wingmom, huh? 434 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:14,212 Mmm. The sun makes them taste so sweet. (CHUCKLES) 435 00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,982 Hey, there, soldier. How was your day? 436 00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:20,551 Tough as balls, but you were right, Dad. 437 00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:21,686 It feels good to stick it out. 438 00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:24,889 It does. I bet you're starving. 439 00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,925 How about a snack? 440 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,527 Raisin? Mom, he knows. 441 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,461 He knows? He knows. 442 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,063 Wait. Do you know? Wingmom? 443 00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:33,798 He knows. How do you know? 444 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:34,599 I have my sources! 445 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:35,667 What? Captain Wallace tattled? 446 00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:38,870 Bevy, how could you go behind my back and try and help him? 447 00:15:38,872 --> 00:15:42,473 How could you sign that permission slip behind my back? 448 00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:43,708 Because it's important. 449 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,544 ROTC was the only way I could go to college. 450 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:50,014 It's literally the first thing in my life I ever saw through. 451 00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:53,117 And thank God I did, because the guy I was before 452 00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:56,721 wouldn't have had a shot with you or any of this. 453 00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,856 Look, look, you guys both win. 454 00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:01,125 Thanks to mom, I get to protect my country 455 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,694 in a way that suits my lifestyle, 456 00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:05,430 being a hero without working hard. 457 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,199 Well... 458 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,268 Mission accomplished. 459 00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:18,910 Oh, so good. 460 00:16:21,715 --> 00:16:22,947 ADULT ADAM: Officially grandfather-less, 461 00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:28,019 I decided to go to my favorite place in the world to cheer up. 462 00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:29,020 (ADAM SIGHS) 463 00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:33,891 Right there with you, Pac. You can't rely on anyone. 464 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,029 I got next game. 465 00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,932 Not talking to me, huh? 466 00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:42,567 All right. Let's play for it. 467 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:45,436 If I beat you, then you got to listen to me. 468 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:48,573 If not, I'm gone. Deal? 469 00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:51,209 You? Play me? 470 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,945 At Ms. Pac-man? My best game? 471 00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:56,180 Let's just say your old grandpa 472 00:16:56,182 --> 00:17:00,184 may have some skills that might surprise you. 473 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,593 ADULT ADAM: It was a game of legend. 474 00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:09,694 Our entire relationship was on the line. 475 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:14,766 In that moment, Pops played that machine like he never played it before. 476 00:17:14,768 --> 00:17:18,169 Ha! I did it! I win! 477 00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:19,704 Actually, you lost. 478 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:20,538 Well, that's crazy. 479 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:24,342 My angry ghosts killed that pac-woman over and over. 480 00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:26,611 You're not the ghosts. I'm not the ghosts? 481 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:29,147 You're the Pac-woman. I'm the Pac-woman? 482 00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,948 You're the Pac-woman. 483 00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:35,920 Well, (CLEARS THROAT) I guess it's goodbye. 484 00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:37,622 ADULT ADAM: As I was losing my wingman, 485 00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:41,292 Barry was ready for another day with his wingmom. 486 00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,661 Mom, ROTC's in 20 minutes. 487 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,030 Why aren't you dressed in your camo sweater? 488 00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:48,066 Honey, I'm not going. 489 00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:49,000 But you are. Alone. 490 00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:52,503 What? You never leave your wingman, and you're my wingmom. 491 00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,306 Here. I want to show you something. 492 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:58,576 This is a picture of your dad at his ROTC graduation. 493 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,445 Who does he look like to you? 494 00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,980 (TOP GUN ANTHEM PLAYS) Me. 495 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:06,084 Look, your dad had nothing growing up, 496 00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:08,252 but he was able to make so much of himself 497 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,421 because he wasn't a quitter. 498 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:15,526 I think I protect you so much, I've turned you into one. 499 00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:20,331 That's why I'm ripping up my list of dangerous jobs. 500 00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:24,302 Whoa. Does this mean those jobs are no longer off-limits? 501 00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:27,538 What you want to be in life is up to you, 502 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:30,208 no matter how scary it is for me. 503 00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:33,811 Even a trapeze artist? Don't push it. 504 00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,153 Goldberg... 505 00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,555 We don't normally say this in the military, but... 506 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:48,526 Where's your mother? I'm flying solo today, Captain. 507 00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,063 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, even without a wingmom, 508 00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:53,831 Barry could still soar on his own. 509 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:56,534 As for me, when Pops walked out of that arcade, 510 00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:59,103 I realized I could never fly as high without him. 511 00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:01,906 I've been informed that you're a sucker for a sales pitch, 512 00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:04,008 so I figured you may want to sit for this. 513 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:07,445 Depends what you're selling. Us. 514 00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,383 By a show of hands, how many of you fine folks 515 00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:15,586 have a grandson who you've helped raise? 516 00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:21,692 And how many of you are willing to forgive said grandson 517 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:24,395 for acting like a selfish putz? 518 00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:28,766 'Cause the truth is, no matter where you live, 519 00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:33,070 you'll always be my hero, always be my best friend, 520 00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:35,039 always be my Pops. 521 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,308 Sold. 522 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,779 ADULT ADAM: And that's how I made peace with my Pops. 523 00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,447 Sometimes it takes almost losing someone 524 00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:47,251 to make you realize just how much you need them. 525 00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:48,920 As for Pop Pop, he'd always be 526 00:19:48,922 --> 00:19:51,556 the kind of grandfather who didn't need much, 527 00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:52,657 but deep down inside, 528 00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:53,891 I knew that he still needed me. 529 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:57,528 And, to be honest, I needed him, too. 530 00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:01,165 That's the thing about the people we love. 531 00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:02,366 They're there at our lowest... 532 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,969 Well done, boys. Only one thing to do now. 533 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,538 Yeah, there is! ALL: Yeah! 534 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,808 ...And they're there when we're flying high, 535 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:14,612 helping us celebrate our biggest victories. 536 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:31,929 Truth is you can win any battle 537 00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:34,632 when your family's got your back, 538 00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,167 'cause no matter what life throws at you, 539 00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:39,637 it's easy for a Maverick when he's got Goose at his side. 540 00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:41,038 Winner! Dang it! 541 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,909 That's life in the fast lane, kiddo. 542 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:52,250 ADAM: How many girls do you think you've dated in your life? 543 00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,518 Too numerous to mention. 544 00:20:55,989 --> 00:20:57,788 Sir! I figured it out. 545 00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:00,157 I know why you were so mad at my nicknames. 546 00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:00,925 They weren't good enough. 547 00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,159 Lucky for you, I got some more. 548 00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:04,962 I was very clear. No call signs, no nicknames. 549 00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,697 But what about sky monkey? No. 550 00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,499 Air dragon? Air jordan? No. No. 551 00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,434 Thunder hornet? Sky dagger? No. My God. 552 00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:11,636 Sky monkey. You already said that. 553 00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:13,070 Wolf man. Iron beagle? No! No. 554 00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:15,506 Mach nine? Mock turtleneck? No. No. 555 00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,775 Handsome Barry? Tall Barry? No. No. 556 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,577 Applesauce? Yes! That's the one! 557 00:21:19,579 --> 00:21:23,648 Applesauce. You are applesauce. 558 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:24,181 No! Oh, yes. 559 00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:27,918 That's just filler. I was saying that so you could warm up to Sky Shark. 560 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,420 Pick Sky Shark!