1 00:00:00,067 --> 00:00:01,200 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, 2 00:00:01,202 --> 00:00:03,002 my mom was obsessed with Thanksgiving. 3 00:00:03,004 --> 00:00:05,904 When it came to her cooking, everything had to be perfect. 4 00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:08,707 She even made practice turkeys before the big day. 5 00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:10,709 Mmm! I need feedback. 6 00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:11,677 That's good! 7 00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,278 But not great. What? 8 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,013 I'm going again. 9 00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:16,682 ADULT ADAM: To my mom, it was a time for family. 10 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:17,783 For my dad, it was a hassle. 11 00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:20,886 Why do we got to schlep all the way here to go shopping 12 00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:22,654 when we got a perfectly good market 13 00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:23,989 a minute away from our house? 14 00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:25,758 Well, I thought this time of year, 15 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:26,558 a change of scenery would... 16 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,094 Oh, look! Murray, there's your father! 17 00:00:29,096 --> 00:00:30,829 What are the odds we'd run into him 18 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:33,098 in a totally random grocery store? 19 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:35,934 You got a bag boy to tip you off, didn't you? 20 00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,169 So, I have eyes everywhere. 21 00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:38,937 What? Does that make me some kind of villain? 22 00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:40,873 Bevy, every year you ask me to invite 23 00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:44,576 that spiteful, miserable man to Thanksgiving. 24 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:45,911 You got to give it up. 25 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:46,545 You're right. 26 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,614 He's your father, and I have no right to... 27 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:51,483 Hi! Ben, look! It's your son, Murray! 28 00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:53,986 You remember Murray. 29 00:00:53,988 --> 00:00:55,187 Hi, Dad. How you doing? 30 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:58,824 My foot's still got that thing. And I need eye surgery. 31 00:00:58,826 --> 00:00:59,992 Yeah, good stuff. 32 00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:02,428 So, any plans for the holiday, Ben? 33 00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:03,395 BEN: Yeah, I got it right here. 34 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:06,498 This compartment is the stuffing. That's the sweet potatoes. 35 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,566 That gray circle, that's the turkey. 36 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,202 Come on, wouldn't a home-cooked meal be much better than that? 37 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,671 That depends. You know what happened the last time I ate your cooking. 38 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:17,042 That was right after we got married. That was ages ago. 39 00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:18,110 Your turkey was drier than the sun. 40 00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:22,915 It was like eating the inside of a vacuum bag filled with pencil shavings. 41 00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:25,117 I did not enjoy the meal. 42 00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:25,851 You? No. 43 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,220 It was the first time I'd ever cooked Thanksgiving by myself. 44 00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:31,090 My kids were little. They were hanging all over me. 45 00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:34,860 I didn't even have a baster. I was baster-less! 46 00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,763 No baster could fix your food crimes. 47 00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:40,866 Sorry, pal. You deserve better. 48 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:44,203 Nice seeing you, Dad. BEN: Eh, it was okay. 49 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,037 BEVERLY: This is not over. 50 00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:48,440 You invite that callous, hurtful man to Thanksgiving right now! 51 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:51,944 See, I see why you're hocking me all the time to invite him. 52 00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:55,314 You just want to show my dad that you're a good cook. 53 00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,282 The best cook. 54 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,318 And family is important and stuff. 55 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,252 Well, it's not gonna happen. 56 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:03,856 It's bad enough you invite my moron brother every year. 57 00:02:03,858 --> 00:02:05,924 Oh, stop. Marvin's not that bad. 58 00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:08,560 Gobble, gobble! Hide your turkeys, ladies! 59 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:11,396 (BOTH LAUGH) You little muskrat! 60 00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:12,798 (BLOWING) Oh! 61 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,399 Looking good, Uncle Marvin. 62 00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:15,868 I'm feeling good. I lost 10 pounds. 63 00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:18,303 I gained six, lost four, gained two. 64 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:19,438 Also, your voice is weird. 65 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,141 It is. I, I'm hoping this isn't where it lands. 66 00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:24,676 (CHUCKLES) That's the spirit. 67 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,912 (IN DEEP VOICE) Mur-man! 68 00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,914 Ah! Hey! 69 00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:30,349 What's with the, uh, pajamas? 70 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,885 You mean these certified medical scrubs? 71 00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:35,554 As you know, I'm almost a fully licensed chiropractor. 72 00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:38,624 Ah. Good. Another one of your half-baked schemes. 73 00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:39,458 Schemes? What schemes? 74 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,927 First, you were breeding alpacas. 75 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,630 Then you were selling alpaca wool. 76 00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:45,998 Then came alpaca burgers. 77 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,168 What the hell was I supposed to do with a dozen dead alpacas? 78 00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:49,735 Regardless... 79 00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:53,005 Those were all obvious steps to chiropractology. 80 00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:54,773 I don't know if that's the official title. 81 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,441 They reveal that to us at graduation. 82 00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:57,876 That's something to look forward to. 83 00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,244 You see that? Negativity. 84 00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:00,612 I could take away all of your stress 85 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:04,449 just with a single (IMITATES CRACKING) crack of your cervical spine. 86 00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:05,117 (SCOFFS) No. 87 00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:06,919 Come on. Come on! Come on! Aah! No! 88 00:03:06,921 --> 00:03:08,353 I'm serious. Stay away from me. 89 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,621 Hey, come over here. Come on. No, no, no, no. 90 00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:12,090 Don't struggle. I don't want to break anything. Come on. No. no! 91 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:12,824 (GRUNTS) Get off me! 92 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,893 This feels dangerous and unsafe! 93 00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:15,594 It is if you fight it! 94 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,863 Oh, I hate Thanksgiving! I hate it so much! 95 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,866 I'm a healer! Let me heal you! Make it stop! 96 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,134 ¶ I'm twisted up inside 97 00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:26,271 ¶ But nonetheless I feel the need to say 98 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:29,541 ¶ I don't know the future 99 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:33,278 ¶ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶ 100 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,280 ADULT ADAM: It was November 20th, 1980-something, 101 00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:38,450 and Pops was ready to pass down a Thanksgiving tradition. 102 00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:41,987 Erica, guess what. I got something for you. 103 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:42,754 A car? 104 00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,423 No. Did you get me a car? 105 00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:46,091 No. Did anyone get a car? 106 00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,560 No. What is it with you kids and wanting a car? 107 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:51,730 It's kind of like, we don't have a car, 108 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:52,998 but we want one. 109 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:53,565 Like a car. 110 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,467 Look, this is even better. 111 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:58,537 I want you to take over the Thanksgiving toast. 112 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:01,006 My grandfather passed it down to me, 113 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:01,974 and now I pick you. 114 00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:04,243 Ha! You have to keep a lame-ass 115 00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:05,410 family tradition alive. 116 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,512 You see, that's why I'm picking your sister 117 00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:10,282 'cause she's the heart and soul of this family, 118 00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:12,818 who'll keep this tradition alive. 119 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:13,785 Lies! 120 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:14,553 I'm the heart, soul, 121 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:17,022 and deadly fists of this family, not her! 122 00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:17,623 I want to do it! 123 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:20,392 You're right, kiddo. If you really want to be toastmaster general, 124 00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:22,394 then you deserve a fair shot. 125 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:23,795 You're so dead. 126 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:26,598 Saying words good is my specialness. 127 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,267 To life! 128 00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:30,002 You're clearly picking me. 129 00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:31,570 I'm picking you. 130 00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,105 To life. 131 00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,473 Dad, I, I know you're swamped 132 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:37,075 watching your big football contest. 133 00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:37,843 Go, blue team. 134 00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:39,711 I actually like the green team. 135 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,113 Fun stuff. Listen, 136 00:04:41,115 --> 00:04:42,581 I don't want to waste your time, 137 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:43,582 but I thought you should know 138 00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:47,519 that I might be working on my best video project yet. 139 00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,087 What's happening? 140 00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,023 I just need six more hours of therapeutic massage 141 00:04:51,025 --> 00:04:54,059 under my belt before I'm board-certified. 142 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,527 This isn't a good time. 143 00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:57,562 Gotcha. (POPPING LIPS) 144 00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:59,598 Anyway, now that I'm getting older 145 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:00,866 and growing as an artist, 146 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:03,568 I'm venturing away from robot movies 147 00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:07,806 and fart-based comedy skits to more serious work, 148 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,841 with real emotional impact. 149 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,510 This still isn't a good time. 150 00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,745 The moment felt right. It's not. 151 00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:14,446 Roger that. 152 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:15,981 ¶ Beep, bap, bee-bap, boop ¶ 153 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,216 Point is, I need a better wide-angle lens 154 00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,752 to fully realize my vision, but they're quite pricy. 155 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:25,324 My vision is I won't have any children asking me for money. 156 00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:26,692 Go away! 157 00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:28,160 Okay, okay, but this counts as an hour. 158 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:29,961 I'm gonna go get the paperwork for you to sign. 159 00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:33,665 Look, all I want you to do is watch what I have already. 160 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:34,633 I think you'll see what I mean. 161 00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:37,736 ADULT ADAM: That year, I discovered the song Cat's In The Cradle. 162 00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,571 Like any teenage kid, the catchy chorus 163 00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:42,841 and "My dad is a jerk" lyrics spoke to me. 164 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:46,244 ¶ And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon 165 00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:48,714 ¶ Little boy blue and the man in the moon 166 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:52,851 ADULT ADAM: What I didn't realize, it spoke to my dad even more. 167 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,420 ¶ But we'll get together, then 168 00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:58,490 ¶ You know we'll have a good time then ¶ 169 00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:01,827 Oh. That song. (REMOTE CLICKS) 170 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:04,763 Always manages to hit you hard, you know? 171 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:07,432 I guess. It's only halfway done. 172 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,870 You finish it. 173 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:13,572 Wait. For real? 174 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:14,539 Yeah. Before I change my mind. 175 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,409 ADULT ADAM: Turns out Cat's In The Cradle made my dad feel things, 176 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:20,278 and like any good son, I'd use this to manipulate him. 177 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:24,583 Hey, Dad, they just released a new Dungeons & Dragons module. 178 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:25,751 Can you drive me to the hobby shop tonight? 179 00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:29,054 I understand none of that, but I feel good saying no. I'm off to work. 180 00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:32,190 Okay, but when you coming home, dad? I don't know when. 181 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:36,294 ADULT ADAM: All I did was subliminally remind him of the song. 182 00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:38,263 We'll get together then. 183 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,765 Damn. 184 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:40,499 Let's just go now. 185 00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:42,534 ADULT ADAM: As I was working over my old man, 186 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:45,170 Barry was working out a new toast. 187 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,204 "F" is for family. 188 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,673 "A" is for how awesome this family is. 189 00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:49,908 "M" is for "Mmm, turkey." 190 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,610 "I" is for my eyes that get to see you all. 191 00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:56,948 "L" is for LL Cool J who probably also celebrates Thanksgiving. 192 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:57,682 "Y"? 193 00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:00,485 Because he's American, like us. 194 00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:01,153 Family! 195 00:07:01,155 --> 00:07:04,523 (CLEARS THROAT) I mean, you got charm. 196 00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,358 Uh, but what you don't have is a good speech, 197 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,427 or charm. I just said that to cushion the blow. 198 00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,695 Damn it. What am I supposed to do? 199 00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:12,597 Erica's so smart and emotional 200 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:15,867 and has these female hormones that make her feel stuff. 201 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:16,768 How do I compete with that? 202 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,070 Well... (CLEARS THROAT) The first thing you got to do 203 00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:20,305 is lie down and let your Uncle Marvin 204 00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:24,109 crackle your spine bones and your neck tendons to release toxins. 205 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,510 Okay. Okay? 206 00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:27,512 Okay! Okay! 207 00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:31,183 Right there? Yeah. Facedown. There you go. 208 00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:33,418 Got to get a good stretch on here. 209 00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:35,053 This flank. 210 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:35,921 Hey! 211 00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:36,922 Aah! Oh! 212 00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,490 That... That hurts my body. 213 00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:39,758 That means it's working. 214 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:40,425 As for your speech, 215 00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:42,093 there's one thing that I learned in back-cracking school, 216 00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,161 and that's how to captivate a client. 217 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,663 Go on. You see, in the manual, it says 218 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:47,699 that constant talk and distraction helps them ignore 219 00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:51,069 the searing pain that is spinal alignment. 220 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:51,903 That makes sense. 221 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,606 It's not just about using your words. 222 00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,708 It's also about flash! 223 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,710 (BONES CRACK) Ah! 224 00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:00,846 Flash! You're right. 225 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:03,014 That's what I need to add to my toast! 226 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:03,615 Exactly. 227 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:07,652 Now, just get up there and show them what you got, kid. 228 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,922 BARRY: I'm good. 229 00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:13,425 You look good. 230 00:08:13,427 --> 00:08:17,095 ALF: (ON TV) Get away with murder, so to speak. 231 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,631 Right now, I could walk over... 232 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:20,966 Well, what's going on in here? 233 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:23,902 Just watching ALF and playing cat's cradle. 234 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,136 No relation to the song. 235 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,872 You know the song, right, Dad? 236 00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:27,506 (HUFFS) That song. 237 00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:31,176 You know what would push this father/son moment over the top? 238 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,211 You whip us up a malt to share. 239 00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:35,981 That's a great idea, pal. 240 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,216 What's going on? 241 00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:40,252 Just some father/son bonding time. 242 00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:41,520 Tell me what you've done to him, 243 00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:43,355 or I'll make you go outside and play catch with your dad 244 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:45,423 on the lawn in front of the entire neighborhood. 245 00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:48,693 No. And not with one of those soft nerf balls, either. 246 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,729 Not the hard, white ones with the sewing on them. 247 00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:53,398 That's right. Baseballs. 248 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:53,999 Okay, okay! 249 00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,835 Truth is, Cat's in the Cradle makes dad bend to my will 250 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,970 'cause the words make him sad. 251 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,906 How selfish can you be? 252 00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:02,140 I'm sorry. I'll stop. 253 00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:04,476 You most certainly will. 254 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:07,178 After you use your evil to help me. 255 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,113 Seriously? Play the song. 256 00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:10,048 Get him to invite Pop Pop to Thanksgiving 257 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,150 so he can finally see what an amazing cook I am. 258 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:15,987 Isn't your thing, like, way more selfish than mine? 259 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,322 Oh, yes. (CHUCKLES) 260 00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:20,792 Now that man will eat my food and his words. 261 00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:21,293 (CHUCKLES) 262 00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:23,628 And also, family's important and stuff. 263 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:26,631 There's a lesson in there. Figure it out. 264 00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,067 Gobble, gobble. 265 00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:33,004 ADULT ADAM: It was almost dinnertime, 266 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:36,474 and even though I manipulated Dad into inviting Pop Pop, 267 00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:37,976 the old grouch was a no-show. 268 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,812 Do we have to wait for Pop Pop? I'm starving. 269 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,314 Just give me a scoop. 270 00:09:42,316 --> 00:09:44,816 Hey! Don't ruin the presentation. 271 00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:47,319 Half of eating is done with the eyes. 272 00:09:47,321 --> 00:09:48,587 Murray, where's your father? 273 00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:50,088 He'll be here any minute. 274 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:53,358 Still waiting on Dad, eh? (LAUGHS) 275 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,526 That's weird. 276 00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:56,995 I thought you called him, Murray. 277 00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:57,896 (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) 278 00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,965 Okay, you're really laughing it up, 279 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:02,133 which tells me you've done something idiotic 280 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,369 and you want me to hear about it. Go ahead. 281 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:05,570 After you called our father 282 00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:08,673 to invite him to Thanksgiving, I called him back, 283 00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:10,942 and I said that I was going to pick him up. 284 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,143 (LAUGHING) But I never did. 285 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:16,348 You know, even for you, this is incredibly stupid. 286 00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:16,948 Uh, it's brilliant, 287 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,717 and you have your son Adam to thank for it, 288 00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:22,120 'cause he keeps on playing that Cat's in the Cradle song. 289 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,121 (CHUCKLING) And, uh, everyone knows 290 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,056 that it's the greatest revenge song ever written. 291 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,459 How do you get revenge from that song? 292 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:27,959 Hello? 293 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,762 It's about a boy who gets shafted by his dad, 294 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:31,396 just like we were. 295 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:34,633 And then he grows up, and his dad calls him to hang out, 296 00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:36,067 and then the boy is just like, 297 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,570 "Ha! I've been waiting for this moment. 298 00:10:38,572 --> 00:10:40,438 "I have my own life now. 299 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,207 "So suck it, old man!" Click! 300 00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:43,408 That's not what it's about! 301 00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:46,077 It's about spending time with your kid. 302 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,512 Pfft! What you talkin' 'bout, Murray? 303 00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:48,980 It's right there in the lyrics. 304 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:52,217 ¶ The cat eats the baby with the silver spoon ¶ 305 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:53,218 Those aren't the words! 306 00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:55,520 It didn't eat a baby. No baby got eaten. 307 00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,922 The cat eats the baby... No baby gets eaten. 308 00:10:57,924 --> 00:11:00,458 ...with the silver spoo... Would you wake up? 309 00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:03,261 A cat cannot use a spoon. 310 00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:04,262 It's got paws. 311 00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,197 A cat can very easily 312 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:08,967 just pick up a spoon like so 313 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,068 and... (IMITATE SPLASH) 314 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,437 (KEYS JINGLE) Hey. Whoa! Stop! 315 00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:15,106 Wh... It's dinner time. Where are you going? 316 00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:15,740 To get my father. 317 00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:17,642 You're gonna ruin my ruthless revenge plot against dad! 318 00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,978 What kind of Thanksgiving is this? Hey... 319 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,546 ADULT ADAM: What we didn't know... (DOOR CLOSES) 320 00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:24,282 ...was Thanksgiving was about to get awesome. 321 00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,785 Why don't we just hear a toast while we're waiting? 322 00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:30,789 Erica, show us what you got. Thank you, Pops. 323 00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:31,990 (CLEARS THROAT) 324 00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:34,626 Well, I'm just gonna speak from the heart and say... 325 00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:38,630 BARRY: (VOICE AMPLIFIED) Ladies and gentlemen-men-men-men, 326 00:11:38,632 --> 00:11:40,265 are you prepared for the ultimate 327 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:43,868 Thanksgiving extravaganza of love-love-love-love? 328 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,604 ADULT ADAM: And with that, Barry appeared from the smoke 329 00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:48,173 to take Thanksgiving to a new level. 330 00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:50,208 ¶ Never surrender ¶ What the heck is this? 331 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,077 An idiot giving a Thanksgiving toast. 332 00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:55,947 Y'all's about to get touched, ninja pilgrim-style. 333 00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,282 Turkey. Yah! 334 00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:58,349 ADULT ADAM: It was educational. 335 00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:01,686 And so that's when Chris Colombo married Pocahontas 336 00:12:01,688 --> 00:12:05,023 and they feasted upon corn, or maize, 337 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:08,193 named after its a-maize-ing taste when buttered. 338 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:10,395 ADULT ADAM: It had music. 339 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:13,531 It was packed with metaphors and symbolism. 340 00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,533 (GRUNTING) 341 00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:17,802 It had pyrotechnics. 342 00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:20,371 And breaks for hydration. 343 00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,574 It had emotional pandering... 344 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,309 Look at us. Love. 345 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:25,343 He leaps from half-court! 346 00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:27,746 ADULT ADAM: ...and a cinematic climax. 347 00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,414 Three points for family! 348 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,949 The nuclear weapons are disarmed! 349 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:34,018 The Goldbergs saved the world! 350 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,820 In conclusion, Thanksgiving! 351 00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:38,590 ADULT ADAM: (LAUGHS) And it was awesome! 352 00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:42,594 Wait! You actually enjoyed that confusing pile of garbage? 353 00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,195 It was a real experience. 354 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,397 I feel like I just went to Atlantic City. 355 00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:49,300 I liked the part where you showed the baby pictures. 356 00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:50,301 But it made no sense! 357 00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:52,570 How can a slam dunk disarm nuclear weapons? 358 00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:56,107 Can't wait to hear what you got in store, Erica. 359 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:56,608 Uh... 360 00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,777 I think we should space them out a bit. 361 00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,578 No! Please. 362 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:01,513 Talk from the heart. 363 00:13:01,515 --> 00:13:03,047 Uh... We should wait on Pop Pop, 364 00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:06,518 because that is the right thing to do. 365 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:07,986 So I'll be upstairs. 366 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:08,686 Not writing a speech. 367 00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,955 Just, uh, waiting for them to show up, so I'll be gone. 368 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:14,526 ADULT ADAM: As Erica retreated, Pop Pop was on the warpath. 369 00:13:14,528 --> 00:13:15,493 I can't believe you people... 370 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:18,997 Making me wait outside nearly seven minutes in the dead of fall. 371 00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:22,300 It was just a little mix-up, Dad. Marvin will apologize. 372 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,568 You want me to apologize to him, 373 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,104 the man who picked me up from soccer practice at midnight? 374 00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:26,971 I had a thing. That's it! 375 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,973 I'm not stepping one foot in that house as long as he's here! 376 00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:31,810 Good. Now I got something to be thankful for. 377 00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:33,211 (EXCLAIMS) 378 00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:36,447 Hey! What are you doing dropping the pants? That's my thing. 379 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,918 I'm the one that invented dropping your slacks at the door. 380 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,287 It's Thanksgiving. Pull up your pants. 381 00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:42,987 How you doing, Ben? 382 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:43,988 You think you're better than me? 383 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:47,158 (CHUCKLES) Speaking of better, try my turkey, Ben. Taste. 384 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,360 No, no, no. I learned my lesson a long time ago. 385 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,095 Here. Heat this up. I'm starving. 386 00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:54,532 Come on. You can't have Thanksgiving from a box. 387 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:55,834 Just take a taste, Ben. 388 00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:56,935 I'm not kidding you. 389 00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,002 Take a damn taste. 390 00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,371 I'll take a taste! I'm eating out here! 391 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:01,739 Everyone, just calm down. 392 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:05,844 Adam, uh, why don't you just play your Cat's In The Cradle video? 393 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,513 Oh, hey! Son of a bitch. I love that song. 394 00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,348 That's got that nice message in it. 395 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:10,949 That right? 396 00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,717 Yeah, there's this needy brat 397 00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,953 who's been pestering his dad for years. 398 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:16,354 His dad just wants to be left alone. 399 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,990 All right, so, now, years later, they're on the phone, 400 00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:22,660 but his son now... Oh, he's finally into his own crap. 401 00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,028 So his father hangs up the phone 402 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,064 because now he's got what he's always wanted. 403 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,832 To be left the hell alone. (DOOR OPENS) 404 00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:29,767 It's a revenge song! 405 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,669 The son wins in the end! 406 00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:32,503 No one wins! 407 00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:35,540 It's about the struggle to not let time slip away. 408 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:36,140 No one thinks that! 409 00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:38,743 (DOOR SLAMS) Adam. Do your Jedi mind trick. 410 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:40,078 Play the video and make people listen to you. 411 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:43,381 That's why you've been playing that damn song all the time? 412 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,483 Oh, balls. You were screwing with my mind? 413 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:48,553 Mom was the one that tricked you into inviting Pop Pop 414 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,221 so she could force-feed him turkey. 415 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,522 What? What? 416 00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:52,290 What? I can't hear! 417 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,592 I'm outside here! Speak louder! ¶ Never surrender ¶ 418 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:58,663 Who's ready for a high-octane, tear-jerkin' Thanksgiving toast? 419 00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:00,465 Oh, boy. This is real bad timing. 420 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:03,067 Watch out, Russia. It's the American baseball team, 421 00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:05,970 and they're hitting home runs for family. (GASPS) 422 00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:07,772 Oh! My decorative gourds! 423 00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:09,774 Dude! You're stealing my whole speech! 424 00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:12,911 No, it's different! You did basketball. I'm doing baseball. 425 00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:14,879 What? Doesn't matter. I win. 426 00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:17,148 I forgot what it was for, but I beat you. 427 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,684 You don't even know what this is about? 428 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,085 I dislike you so much! 429 00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:24,022 BEVERLY: Stop it! Stop it! Everybody stop it! Barry! 430 00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,290 Stop it! It's Thanks (BLEEP) giving! 431 00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:29,327 I don't care what it is! I want these crazy people out of my house! 432 00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:30,962 No! I'm so close! 433 00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,030 Ben, try my yams. 434 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,197 I learned my lesson. No. 435 00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,466 No yams! I'm taking out the leaf! 436 00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:36,968 No! Not the leaf! 437 00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,102 What's happening? 438 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,605 (GRUNTS) Aah! 439 00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:42,974 I feel so left out! 440 00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:45,843 MURRAY: Ugh, my back. 441 00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:48,112 ADULT ADAM: It was a Thanksgiving stalemate. 442 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,280 My dad wanted everyone out, 443 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,516 and Marvin was refusing to come in. 444 00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:53,618 What are you still doing here? 445 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,119 Thanksgiving's over. Go home. 446 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,154 No. We can still save this thing. 447 00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:59,223 Barry, help me set the table around your father. 448 00:15:59,225 --> 00:15:59,791 I can't move! 449 00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:03,461 I sold 80-pound vacuums door to door with a shattered pelvis. 450 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:03,928 Suck it up! 451 00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:07,365 Marvin, get inside. Murray threw his back out, and we need your magic hands. 452 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:08,933 Yes, I can see how you might think, 453 00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:12,370 based on my consistent claim that I'm a chiropractor, 454 00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:15,673 how I might be of some service in this particular situation. 455 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:18,242 You can't help? What kind of a male nurse are you? 456 00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:19,911 I am a chiropractor, damn it. 457 00:16:19,913 --> 00:16:22,780 At least, I will be once the school is recognized by the state. 458 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,983 There's no way that man's touching me! 459 00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:27,118 Okay, that's enough. I have something to say. 460 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,421 Again, it's very bad timing. 461 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,890 Look, maybe we're a garbage family, 462 00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:35,593 and maybe we don't always get along. 463 00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:38,863 But, you know, maybe that's okay. 464 00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:41,132 Maybe that's a good thing. 465 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:44,168 I mean, Barry's one of the biggest idiots of all time, 466 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:47,238 but he gave the best toast this family's ever seen. 467 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,973 Yes! Ignoring the first part. 468 00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:52,210 And if this utter dope can pull that off, 469 00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:53,344 well, then I'm sure my dopey uncle 470 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:58,049 has learned enough at back school that he can fix my dad. 471 00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:01,719 No! Do not get inspired by her speech! 472 00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:03,988 'Cause the fact is it's Thanksgiving! 473 00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:06,991 And if a family can't believe in each other 474 00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:09,127 on a day like today... 475 00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:10,028 Well, then, when can we? 476 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:13,297 ADULT ADAM: Sure, it was insulting, but also deeply moving. 477 00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:17,468 That night, Erica proved that she could toast with the best of them. 478 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:18,836 What is happening? 479 00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:20,605 (DOOR BURSTS OPEN) 480 00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:24,342 Your faith in me is all the training I need. 481 00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:25,376 (SCREAMS) No! 482 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:26,477 You can do it, Marvy. 483 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,346 No! It's all you, Uncle Marv. 484 00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:31,549 No! Give it a shot, Marv! 485 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,017 I'm a little drunk. 486 00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:33,818 I'm going in! 487 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:35,987 Don't go in! What are you doing? 488 00:17:35,989 --> 00:17:37,255 (GRUNTS) Flash! 489 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,023 (BONES CRACK) 490 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,069 How you feel? 491 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,206 I actually feel better. MARVIN: Yeah? 492 00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,908 Look, he's standing straighter! 493 00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:59,644 I told you I'm a God! (LAUGHS) 494 00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,646 Marvin saved Thanksgiving! 495 00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,748 Marvin. Marvin! 496 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:04,482 (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) 497 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:05,983 ADULT ADAM: Even though Marvin took all the credit, 498 00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:07,985 my mom still got the moment she always dreamed of. 499 00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:11,656 Damn it, Marvin! You're... You're hogging the yams! 500 00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:12,924 Ah, buh, buh, buh! 501 00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:15,827 Look at my old man loving your food. 502 00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:18,229 Guess you finally got what you wanted. 503 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:18,996 Raised a moron. 504 00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,898 BEVERLY: Yeah. It's great. 505 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,433 But look at them all there. 506 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,769 ¶ He learned to walk while I was away ¶ 507 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,671 Family and stuff. (CHUCKLES) 508 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:28,306 Yeah. Family and stuff. 509 00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,541 ADULT ADAM: It turned out to be our best Thanksgiving ever. 510 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:33,511 And even though Barry and Erica battled over the best speech, 511 00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:37,515 in the end, Pops reclaimed the crown. (SPOON CLINKS) 512 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,617 I'd like to make a little toast. 513 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:44,922 Normally, this holiday makes me think of the love of my life. 514 00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,290 My wife, Irene. 515 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:49,393 But as I look around this table tonight, 516 00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:53,598 I realize we shouldn't dwell on the loves we've lost. 517 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:58,002 'Cause there's more than enough love right here. 518 00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:01,339 Cheers. 519 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:02,406 MURRAY: Hear, hear. (GLASSES CLINK) 520 00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:05,042 (SNIFFLES) Thinks he's better than us, that bastard. 521 00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:07,378 If anyone would like a spinal adjustment, 522 00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:08,980 meet me on the couch when this is over. 523 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:12,016 ¶ I said, "Not today, I got a lot to do" 524 00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:12,817 ¶ He said, "That's okay" 525 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:17,321 ¶ And then he walked away, but his smile never dimmed and said... 526 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:17,922 I don't get it. 527 00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:22,193 How on earth can you think this song's about being a lousy father? 528 00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:23,794 Just a theory. 529 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,163 Well... 530 00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:28,699 I watch you with your kids. You're, um... 531 00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,868 Not like me. 532 00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:33,337 You're a good father to them. 533 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,373 Even to the weird one. 534 00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:39,911 I don't know which one that is, but thank you. 535 00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:42,547 (CAT'S IN THE CRADLE CONTINUES PLAYING) 536 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:50,955 ¶ Well, he came from college just the other day 537 00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:52,957 ¶ So much like a man, I just... 538 00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:54,225 Hey. The... The video over? 539 00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:56,160 (STUTTERS) I got nervous, so I left. 540 00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:59,063 Yeah. It, uh, played well. 541 00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:03,100 Noticed my name on the end there. 542 00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:04,602 Since when am I your producer? 543 00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:06,370 Since you paid for the lens. 544 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,906 I couldn't have done it without you. 545 00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,675 Any of it. 546 00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:13,511 ¶ Little boy blue and the man in the moon 547 00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:15,279 So... 548 00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:16,647 Yeah. 549 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:17,348 Yeah. 550 00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:20,218 ¶ But we'll get together then, Dad 551 00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,852 You okay? 552 00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:24,522 Yeah. I'm good. 553 00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:32,697 ¶ And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon 554 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:38,736 ¶ And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon 555 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,205 ¶ Little boy blue and the man in the moon 556 00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:44,642 ¶ When you comin' home, son? I don't know when 557 00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:48,713 ¶ But we'll get together then, Dad ¶ 558 00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:52,650 A few guys from the water polo team invited me on a ski trip. 559 00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:55,886 No. Would you just hear me out before you say no? 560 00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:56,520 I already said no. 561 00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:58,155 Well, I wrote a little song about father/daughter relationships 562 00:20:58,157 --> 00:21:02,793 that just may make you realize that our time together is fleeting. 563 00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:03,561 (TV TURNS OFF) 564 00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:07,098 ¶ A butterfly emerges from a cocoon 565 00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:12,536 ¶ A dad and daughter gaze at the moon 566 00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:14,972 ¶ Fathers and daughters and fathers of daughters 567 00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:19,277 ¶ And the man in the moon is neglecting his daughter... ¶ 568 00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:19,810 Wow! 569 00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:23,414 That song made me realize how precious our time is. 570 00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:24,782 So I can go on the ski trip? 571 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:27,551 No. I want you by my side all weekend. 572 00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:29,920 This really backfired on me, huh?