1 00:00:00,368 --> 00:00:02,935 ADULT ADAM: Back in the day, trick-or-treating was my jam. 2 00:00:02,937 --> 00:00:06,038 I'd spend months making the most epic Halloween costumes 3 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:07,272 the '80s had ever seen. 4 00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:10,075 I was a master of tape and glue-gunning. 5 00:00:10,077 --> 00:00:12,444 My costumes were not only awesome, 6 00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:14,013 but they were also topical. 7 00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,781 I'm the coolest E.T. Ever. 8 00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:18,150 And I'm Elliot, E.T.'s owner! 9 00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:21,720 ...until my mom turned them into couples costumes. 10 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:22,921 Look out, Jenkintown. 11 00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:24,790 Here comes a Ghostbuster! 12 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:25,624 It was embarrassing. 13 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:28,827 And I'm his Stay Puft Marshmallow mom. 14 00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,396 And every year, it got worse. 15 00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:33,198 Freeze, creep. I'm Robocop. 16 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:39,571 And I'm ED-209, Omnicorp's first foray into robotic policing. 17 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:40,439 I'm Indy! 18 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,074 ...and it got more frustrating. 19 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:42,641 And I'm Mork. 20 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,511 I thought you said you were going as Mindy. 21 00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:46,812 Why would I be going as Mindy? 22 00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:50,616 Well, I guess we're Mork and Indy. (CHUCKLES) 23 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:51,417 But not this year. 24 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:55,020 My girl was in town, and she'd be the Ripley to my Alien. 25 00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:56,188 I love us. 26 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:56,989 Me too. 27 00:00:56,991 --> 00:01:00,392 Which I why I want you to have this. 28 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,261 Oh, my God. 29 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:03,328 Our promise ring. 30 00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:04,329 I know you gave it back when you moved, 31 00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:07,833 but I think we've proved nothing can stand between us. 32 00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,601 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) 33 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,437 Hey, boopie. What the hell! 34 00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:14,506 It's me. It's mama. I'm the Predator. 35 00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,308 (SMOOCHING SOUNDS) 36 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:16,909 Stop it. 37 00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:19,378 The Predator doesn't talk with smooches. 38 00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:20,079 He clicks. 39 00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:23,615 Well, this Predator kisses instead of kills. 40 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:24,883 You're ruining the property. 41 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,219 Or is Preda-mom making it better? 42 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,755 I told you, this year, I'm doing a couples costume 43 00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:32,991 with the person I'm actually in a couple with. 44 00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,593 Hi, Mrs. Goldberg. 45 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:35,394 Dana. Look. 46 00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:39,264 Your Alien movie has nothing to do with my costume, 47 00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,333 at least not that I know of. 48 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:42,034 (CHUCKLING) God. 49 00:01:42,036 --> 00:01:44,536 What? Oh, my God. What is... 50 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:48,540 It's your favorite comic book, Alien versus Predator? 51 00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,576 Now, when did these two get to know each other? 52 00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:53,078 You said our costume was Mom-proof. 53 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,346 I forgot about the crossover. 54 00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:56,882 This is a very happy coincidence. 55 00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:57,749 We're gonna make quite the trio. 56 00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:01,520 No. You are not following us around tonight in that costume. 57 00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,789 You want me to follow you around without a costume? 58 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:06,291 Come on. I'm gonna look crazy. 59 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:09,428 I don't need my mom's help to go trick-or-treating. 60 00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,029 I'm going with Dana. 61 00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:12,064 Not you. 62 00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:13,899 Oh. Okay. 63 00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:17,136 I guess I'll just go. 64 00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:19,371 Have a good time without me. 65 00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:21,940 If you need me, just call my name... 66 00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:23,609 For anything. 67 00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,478 Or I could just stay if you want. 68 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,046 (FOOTSTEPS) 69 00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:28,780 Did someone call me? 70 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,650 I thought I heard, "Please don't go." 71 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,152 No? 72 00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:35,487 Is there another way out of here? 73 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:36,622 Nope. 74 00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,457 (SIGHS) 75 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,859 Call if you need me. 76 00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:42,261 ¶ I'm twisted up inside 77 00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:46,865 ¶ But nonetheless, I feel the need to say 78 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:49,668 ¶ I don't know the future 79 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:53,705 ¶ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶ 80 00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,641 ADULT ADAM: It was October 31, 1980-something, 81 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,843 and my siblings were hard at work 82 00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,478 strategizing how to beat Halloween. 83 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,347 Okay, here's our path through Jenkintown. 84 00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,916 First, we hit Tom McFadden's kegger, 85 00:03:03,918 --> 00:03:06,818 then we head north and hit these three parties. 86 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,954 Ooh, are you planning a candy route? 87 00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,322 We should combine our data. 88 00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:11,156 May I? You may. 89 00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:13,258 Nerd punch! Ow! 90 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:13,825 What was that for? 91 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:17,129 Dude! Your girlfriend came across the ocean to be with you. 92 00:03:17,131 --> 00:03:18,263 Dana lives in Seattle. 93 00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:19,865 Exactly. Do you really think 94 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,833 she wants to spend her one night in America 95 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,735 collecting candy like a little toddler? 96 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,404 But that's what we always do. 97 00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,439 It's what you did. You're adults now. 98 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:31,109 Just listen to your deep, yet still high weird voice. 99 00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,010 Hurtful, but continue. 100 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:35,013 It's Halloween, dude, a night for romance. 101 00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:37,216 This holiday's all about girls getting scared 102 00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:40,152 and running to a big, strong man for protection. 103 00:03:40,154 --> 00:03:41,253 It's evolution. 104 00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,955 Idiot punch. Ow. 105 00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:43,655 But he's got a point. 106 00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:46,091 We do pretend to be scared to make it easy for boys 107 00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:47,726 because we feel bad for them. 108 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:48,293 Wow. Okay. 109 00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,495 So I should take her someplace scary. 110 00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:51,897 Like JCPenney? 111 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:52,631 What? What? 112 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,866 They put a bunch of spider webs up in their mattress display. 113 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,502 You know they're fake, but they make you think, 114 00:03:57,504 --> 00:04:00,005 "What if my bed had spiders?" 115 00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:00,539 Oh, my God, no. 116 00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:03,675 There's a frat at Villanova that runs an awesome haunted house. 117 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:04,276 Take her there. 118 00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:07,346 What? You want me to pay money to get tortured 119 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:08,647 when candy is free? 120 00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:09,281 Nut up, bro. 121 00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,483 It's just a stupid haunted house. 122 00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:12,317 You'll be fine. 123 00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,686 Hey. Ready to head out? 124 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,221 Uh, yeah. Question. 125 00:04:16,223 --> 00:04:18,090 What would you rather do tonight... 126 00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:19,925 Get unlimited free nougaty candy... 127 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:22,094 (MUMBLING) ...or go to a haunted house? 128 00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:22,527 What? 129 00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:23,795 (MUMBLING) Or go to a haunted house? 130 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:26,331 What? Free candy? (CHUCKLES) 131 00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:29,201 Or go to a lame haunted house, super-boring? 132 00:04:29,203 --> 00:04:31,136 A haunted house does sound cool, 133 00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:33,538 although, I might need you to protect me. 134 00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,641 Told you. Haunted house it is. 135 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,310 Hopefully they have friendly ghosts like Casper. 136 00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,846 Actually, Casper weirds me out, too. 137 00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,848 Nerd punch! Ow! 138 00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:45,284 ADULT ADAM: As I was facing my first grown-up Halloween, 139 00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:48,720 my mom was facing her first one alone. 140 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:49,354 What are you up to? 141 00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:52,224 Hiding a deadly razor in some candy. 142 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,227 Okay. Don't you judge me. 143 00:04:55,229 --> 00:04:56,328 I'm just creating a visual aid 144 00:04:56,330 --> 00:05:01,099 to show Adam the dangers of getting candy from strangers without his mother. 145 00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:04,436 See? This used to be fun-size. 146 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,204 Now it's terror-size. 147 00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:06,938 You know what's terrifying? 148 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,308 The fact that you still want to go trick-or-treating 149 00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:13,011 in matching costumes with your almost-adult son. 150 00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:14,846 I don't want to. 151 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,049 I have to for his safety. 152 00:05:17,051 --> 00:05:19,985 Halloween is a night where gangs of street toughs 153 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:23,355 roam the sidewalks looking to rough up children 154 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,856 and take their candy. 155 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:25,891 Street toughs? 156 00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,359 In Jenkintown? 157 00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:28,026 They drive in. 158 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,162 And don't even get me started on the kidnappers. 159 00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:32,364 They hitch a ride with the street toughs. 160 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:33,298 So they're all carpooling. 161 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,599 Maybe they're taking the bus. 162 00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:35,701 What kind of bus is this? 163 00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,703 The point is, I don't do this for me. 164 00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:39,338 Trick-or-treating is a nightmare, 165 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,740 and I can't wait for Adam to give it up. 166 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:42,941 Hey, ma, me and Dana decided 167 00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,577 to go to a haunted house this year. 168 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:46,411 We'll be back by 9:00. 169 00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:48,246 But what about trick-or-treating? 170 00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:50,549 I have a visual aid to prove a point 171 00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:51,650 that now doesn't matter. 172 00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:52,918 Yeah, we're over it. 173 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,555 But... We always... 174 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,591 We al... We always... 175 00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,293 Candy. 176 00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:02,861 Just go. 177 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,498 (DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES) Well, there you go, Bevy. 178 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:07,432 Nightmare's over. 179 00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:10,235 Yeah. This is just what I wanted. 180 00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:11,203 (CHUCKLES) 181 00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:15,440 Maybe I'll make myself useful by dusting or by... 182 00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:17,843 Sitting in my room in the dark 183 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,511 to save on electricity. 184 00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:22,013 I'll figure something out. 185 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,385 Could I eat that? 186 00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:29,388 Well, that's never stopped me before. 187 00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:30,155 Moron! 188 00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,157 There's a razor in it. 189 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:34,726 You win this round, old man. 190 00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:38,330 ADULT ADAM: While my mom's Halloween was falling apart, 191 00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,399 mine was coming together. 192 00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,601 Aww. I love this ring. 193 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:43,568 I'll never take it off again. 194 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,837 Besides being a beautiful symbol of our love, 195 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,540 that bad boy really makes your eyes pop. 196 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:48,940 Aww. 197 00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,643 (SCREAMING) (CHAINSAW MOTOR REVVING) 198 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:52,444 Whoa. 199 00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:54,846 I didn't think this was gonna be so scary. 200 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:55,614 (SCREAMING) 201 00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:58,417 Don't worry, girl. Ad-Rock's here to protect you. 202 00:06:58,419 --> 00:07:00,218 ADULT ADAM: Yep, I was the man. 203 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,254 In that moment, I couldn't believe 204 00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:03,855 I ever doubted Barry and Erica. 205 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:06,892 And then a moment later, I remembered why I did. 206 00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,127 (DOOR HINGES CREAK AND DOOR SLAMS) 207 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,063 But since this was all for love, 208 00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:15,333 I knew I could handle some cobwebs and fog... 209 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,235 (GROWLS) (BOTH SCREAM) 210 00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:17,936 ...but not a werewolf... 211 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,071 (CHAINSAW MOTOR REVS) ...or a dude with a chainsaw. 212 00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:22,240 And so I used Dana as a human shield... 213 00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,409 Aah! Aaah! Balls, balls, balls, balls! Aaaah! 214 00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:27,846 ...and then ditched her and ran for my life. 215 00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,716 Oh. Hey. Lost you in there. Sup? 216 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:32,984 Hopefully she didn't notice. 217 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,753 You used me as a human shield. 218 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:35,587 She noticed. 219 00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,022 Babe, it, it was just a goof. 220 00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:39,825 As you ran out, you screamed, "Kill her, not me!" 221 00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:43,195 You got to commit hard to the bit, right? 222 00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:44,262 Oh, God. 223 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:45,697 My ring's gone. 224 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,299 I must have lost it back there. 225 00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,334 You got to go get it for me. 226 00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,001 Um... 227 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,837 Can I just get you a new one? 228 00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,772 I lied about it making your eyes pop. 229 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:54,573 It makes them look gross. 230 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:57,108 (SCOFFS) Whatever. 231 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,177 Are you mad? 232 00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,345 No. 233 00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,080 I'm just tired. 234 00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:04,115 I actually think I'm gonna go. 235 00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,984 Happy Halloween. 236 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,622 She's not tired, bro. 237 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,290 (GASPS) It can talk! 238 00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,526 While my Halloween had turned sour, 239 00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:17,128 Pops was busy handing out sweets. 240 00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:18,363 Ooh! Look at you! 241 00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:22,767 It's Spider-guy, Strawberry Flapjacks, and hey! 242 00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:24,636 It's Herman the Frog. 243 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:25,670 Wokkity! Wokkity! 244 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:29,074 Everything you're saying is wrong. 245 00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,642 Enjoy! 246 00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:35,347 Oh, there she is. Happy Halloween, pumpkin! 247 00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:37,349 There will be no more happy Halloweens, 248 00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:40,252 not if I can't be out there with my little nub-nub. 249 00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:41,520 I assume that's Adam. 250 00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:43,188 Adam is my nub-nub, yes. 251 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,422 I don't care for nub-nub. 252 00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:46,525 It... It sounds wrong to the ear. 253 00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:47,993 It's just... Adam was the last one. 254 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,295 Now what's the point to Halloween? 255 00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:52,364 Hey. You still got me. 256 00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:53,832 Come on, hand out some candy. 257 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:57,035 Dad, have you been handing out this candy the whole time? 258 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,303 Yeah, why? 259 00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:01,506 Uh, where is my deadly candy bar? 260 00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:02,274 What's happening? 261 00:09:02,276 --> 00:09:04,342 Where's my deadly razor candy bar? 262 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:05,110 What's happening? 263 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:07,812 I jammed a lady razor into a delicious treat 264 00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:10,815 to show Adam any crazy person could do it. 265 00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:12,217 Why would you do that? 266 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,718 You know what a safety nut I am! 267 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,053 I did it for safety! 268 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,923 That is the opposite of safety! 269 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:18,323 I know! 270 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,926 Oh, God. I got to go find it! 271 00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,827 I must save the children! 272 00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:25,030 ADULT ADAM: And save them she would. 273 00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,298 Safety check! 274 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:28,099 Give me your candy. No. 275 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,768 I'm not asking, I'm taking. 276 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:30,936 Give it. No! 277 00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:32,370 Give it! 278 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,673 Young man! Young man. 279 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,976 I'm not a street tough, I'm a concerned mama. 280 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:39,544 I'm here for safety. 281 00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:40,679 Run towards safety. 282 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:43,081 Run towards safety and away from the razors. 283 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,550 Spider-Man, give me your (BLEEP) candy! 284 00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:47,018 I'm saving lives. 285 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,853 I'm saving lives! 286 00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:52,357 ADULT ADAM: Halloween was in full swing, 287 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:55,460 and the night would be more trick than treat. 288 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:59,564 Yo! Guess who I am. 289 00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:00,265 Bruce Lee? 290 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:03,268 What? No! I'm Chuck Norris! 291 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:03,868 Oh, yeah. 292 00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:07,439 It's kind of hard to read. Can I fix it? Please do. 293 00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:10,742 Perfect. 294 00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:12,077 You're a good person. 295 00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:13,945 Thanks for nothing, jerks! 296 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:17,315 You ruined my Halloween, you ruined my relationship, 297 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,883 and you ruined my underpants. 298 00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:21,820 I haven't actually checked yet, but I know what I'm in for! 299 00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:25,423 Can we do this later? Suck Norris and I have several parties to hit. 300 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,257 What? 301 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:27,292 No, you can't go. 302 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,327 I took your stupid advice, and I freaked out 303 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:30,795 in that haunted house like a scared little baby. 304 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:34,232 Dude, it's not our fault you're a nervous, jumpy, wuss-bag. 305 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,468 Dana dropped her promise ring in that haunted house. 306 00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:38,336 Barry, you got to go in there and get it. 307 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,305 No way. We have six parties to hit. 308 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,807 Come on, just help me. You're always bragging 309 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,477 that you're literally not scared of anything on earth. 310 00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:47,078 Or stuff in the sky, like birds or meteors. 311 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,281 And you've said many times that you have the strength of 10 men. 312 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,516 And 44 medium-sized children. 313 00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:53,652 And you have claimed you're an unstoppable killing force. 314 00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:58,156 I did karate kick a jellyfish at the beach that one time. 315 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:01,393 It stung pretty bad, but he floated away lifeless. 316 00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:03,795 My god! Just go and do it already. 317 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:04,629 Oh, fine. 318 00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:05,797 I guess this is my burden to bear 319 00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:09,467 since I'm the one born with extra testosterone and no fear. 320 00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:10,168 You'll really help me? 321 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:14,439 Dude, if anyone can find that ring, it's this guy. 322 00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:16,574 ADULT ADAM: As I was in search of my ring, 323 00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,643 my mom was hunting down her razor candy. 324 00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:22,313 I'm home! Come quick, I need your help. 325 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:28,353 Holy crap! 326 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:33,458 Did you take all that from the tiny hands of little children? 327 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:34,893 And this. 328 00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:38,229 Bevy, the razor's not in there. 329 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,732 But it might be in here. 330 00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:42,567 I threw it away! 331 00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:45,804 You power-walked out of here like a panther! 332 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,172 We couldn't find you! 333 00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:50,141 Well, this is concerning. 334 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:53,311 You... You have another bag, don't you? 335 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,180 ADULT ADAM: She did. 336 00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:57,882 (GRUNTS) 337 00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:01,086 She also had three more in the car. 338 00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:03,088 Heavy. I got it. 339 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:04,823 How far did you walk? 340 00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:08,126 Well, I didn't know if that razor made it to the next town. 341 00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:09,728 I had to be sure. 342 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:10,361 (THUDDING) 343 00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,731 ADULT ADAM: And all those kids she stole candy from 344 00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:15,433 were for sure gonna get their revenge 345 00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:16,167 with a few dozen eggs. 346 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:19,437 What are they doing? Egging our house! 347 00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:20,605 Which we deserve. 348 00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,007 This is gonna stain our aluminum siding! 349 00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,542 Again, well-deserved! 350 00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:27,312 Just give them the candy back. 351 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:28,313 (THUDDING CONTINUES) 352 00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:31,249 The only thing they're getting is a lecture. 353 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,717 ADULT ADAM: My mom stormed into the dark night 354 00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:37,222 to defend our home against Kermit the Frog and Strawberry Shortcake. 355 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:41,659 This is a waste of groceries! 356 00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:42,060 (GRUNTS) 357 00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:45,130 ADULT ADAM: But it became an alien standoff. 358 00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:48,032 Predator versus Alf. 359 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:51,736 BEVERLY: Look both ways when you cross the street! 360 00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:55,974 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, years of power-walking made her a power-runner, 361 00:12:55,976 --> 00:13:00,612 and Alf's little legs were no match for my angry smother. 362 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:04,182 Hey, Bar, we don't say this stuff much, 363 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:07,018 but you're a good brother for going in there for me. 364 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:11,022 Yeah, yeah. Thanks, I'm just gonna... Yeah, yeah. 365 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:12,724 Are you okay, man? Of course I'm okay. 366 00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,492 Why wouldn't I be okay? I'm an adult. 367 00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:16,895 (CHAINSAW MOTOR REVS) Aah! What was that? 368 00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:17,462 Are you okay, man? 369 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,864 Yeah! I just had the bravery shakes, God. 370 00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:21,966 What's happening with you right now? 371 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,201 Look, I know for some reason 372 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,170 you think I have extra testosterone and no fear. 373 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:30,175 Yeah, 'cause you've said those exact words for the last 10 years. 374 00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:31,976 Right, but the truth is, 375 00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:35,180 I actually have a normal amount of testosterone 376 00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,715 and a tremendous amount of fear. 377 00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:38,716 Then why would you say it? 378 00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:41,619 I say it 'cause people finding out about my fear 379 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:44,389 is my greatest fear. (GROANS) 380 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:45,857 Fine! Erica, you go in. 381 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:50,061 Pass. Seriously? You're scared of haunted houses, too? 382 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:50,695 Hell, no. 383 00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,430 But there's a frat guy I made out with in there, 384 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:56,167 and if I see him, I know I'll fall right back into it. 385 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,369 And that's my greatest fear. 386 00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,338 Or at least something I would like to avoid. 387 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,673 Come on! Safety in numbers! 388 00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:03,808 We just have to stick together. 389 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,210 Okay, let's do this. 390 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:07,946 But, wait! How's my hair? 391 00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:11,382 Good. 392 00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:12,050 Yeah. 393 00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:14,586 ADULT ADAM: And with that, the three of faced our fears. 394 00:14:14,588 --> 00:14:20,258 The plan was simple, stick together at all costs. 395 00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,727 (DOOR HINGES CREAK, DOOR SLAMS) 396 00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,028 (ALL GASP) 397 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:27,031 (CHAINSAW MOTOR REVS) (ALL SCREAM) 398 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:30,768 (CHAINSAW STOPS) 399 00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:33,137 Yo, pretty, pretty. 400 00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:35,773 Hey, Anton! Go, just go. Leave me. 401 00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:37,508 But what about sticking together? 402 00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,944 So, Anton, did you like, um, 403 00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:42,347 lose my number or something? 404 00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:48,119 The ring's got to be around here somewhere. 405 00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,521 (ROARS) (BOTH SCREAM) 406 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,957 My ankle! Adam, help me! 407 00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:55,193 I can't hear you through the fog! 408 00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:55,960 That's not how fog works! 409 00:14:55,962 --> 00:15:01,299 Goodbye, Barry! You were a terrible brother, but I love you! 410 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,401 ADULT ADAM: That night, I wasn't the only one 411 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,136 facing an angry monster. 412 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,704 Shame on you kids. 413 00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:11,576 Running around like hooligans in the night, egging my house. 414 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:14,312 (CHUCKLES) Your mothers have failed as mothers, 415 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:17,548 and they are gonna be livid when I call them. 416 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:18,683 Hello. 417 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:21,252 May I give you another take on this situation? 418 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,020 Not now. I'm on a roll. 419 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:24,889 Has it occurred to you that these children's parents 420 00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:27,258 might think differently, given all the facts? 421 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,061 It has not occurred to me and will continue to not occur to me. 422 00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:34,365 Well, it occurs to me you've become everything you fear on Halloween. 423 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:35,800 Please. I have not. 424 00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:37,635 You hid a razor in a chocolate bar. 425 00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:38,403 To prove a point. 426 00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:42,040 You stole candy from children like a street tough. 427 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,041 To protect them. 428 00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:46,210 And then there's the kidnappings. 429 00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:47,912 All I did was round them up 430 00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,547 and force them into my house and... 431 00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,517 Oh, my God, that is bad. (GASPS) 432 00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:53,184 Hiya, guys. 433 00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:56,921 On your way out, you'll each find a bag of candy 434 00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,222 that I put a $5 bill in, 435 00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:01,626 so maybe you shouldn't mention this to your parents. 436 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,262 And by the way, have a happy Halloween. 437 00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,164 Your wife's nuts, dude. 438 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,299 (LAUGHING) Oh, yeah. 439 00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:11,602 Kermit's right. 440 00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,504 I really did lose it tonight. 441 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,373 It's just Halloween. Who cares? 442 00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:19,544 Don't you understand what this night means to me? 443 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:20,979 (SIGHS) 444 00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:21,746 No matter how old Adam got, 445 00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:25,950 he was always so happy when we would go out and get candy. 446 00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:28,252 His smile, the excitement, 447 00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:31,255 his sweaty little hand reaching up to grab mine, 448 00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:37,128 and now his sweaty little hand is grabbing someone else's. 449 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,464 He'll never need me again. 450 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:44,002 You got anything savory? 451 00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:47,572 Please leave. 452 00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,176 ADULT ADAM: That night, my mom realized 453 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,145 it was time to let go of her kids on Halloween, 454 00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:57,448 and my dad realized he could help her through it. 455 00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,717 Hey. Look at me. 456 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:03,654 I'm an alien man just like you. Na-nu, na-nu. 457 00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:04,655 What are you doing? What is this? 458 00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,291 I thought, "Well, if you're in a couples costume, 459 00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:09,060 "you might as well be with someone 460 00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:11,429 "you're in an actual couple with." 461 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,965 You put together this stupid thing for me? 462 00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:18,136 Yeah, you know, I'm not one for sentimental crap. 463 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:19,103 God! Son of a bitch! 464 00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:20,438 Just take it off. I can't! 465 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:24,142 This is a child's helmet. It's like sucking on my head. 466 00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,276 My head's in a vacuum. 467 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:26,377 Why would you just jam it on? 468 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,514 The more you pull it off, the more it clamps! 469 00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:30,748 Why would you do this? 470 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:31,983 I just thought, you know, 471 00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:33,818 you can't have Halloween with the kids anymore, 472 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,621 and maybe you could have Halloween with me. 473 00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:39,891 That is so sweet. 474 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,159 And I would love that. 475 00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,293 Mama, I need you! 476 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,195 Move! Boopie, what's wrong? 477 00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:47,498 It's Barry! He twisted his ankle in the haunted house. 478 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,199 Oh, no. Where's Erica? 479 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,968 She's in there, too, with a frat boy named Anton. 480 00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:52,570 Oh, hell, no! 481 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,439 ¶ We're running with the shadows of the night 482 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,341 All right, so we'll put a pin in the couples costume. 483 00:17:57,343 --> 00:18:00,511 Maybe after Adam goes to college. 484 00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:02,847 ¶ They'll come true (GROANS) 485 00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:05,950 ¶ In the end 486 00:18:10,023 --> 00:18:11,956 (GROWLS) 487 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:14,459 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, that night, 488 00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:18,596 the scariest thing in that haunted house was my mom. 489 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:19,964 What the... 490 00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,165 BEVERLY: Move it! 491 00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:21,999 Out of my way! 492 00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:23,334 ¶ You said, oh, girl Back off, punk! 493 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,103 ¶ It's a cold world Oh! 494 00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:28,106 ¶ When you keep it all to yourself Mom kick! 495 00:18:29,175 --> 00:18:29,841 Mom slap! 496 00:18:29,843 --> 00:18:31,509 ¶ I said, you can't hide You! Out! 497 00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:33,478 Damn it! Call me? ¶ On the inside 498 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:37,415 ¶ All the pain you've ever felt Do not call her! 499 00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:39,951 ADULT ADAM: Dana's ring wasn't the only thing I found that night. 500 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:44,689 I also discovered that my mom and I made quite the team. 501 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:45,623 I found the ring. 502 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,892 Then go. I'll stay and find your brother. 503 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,061 ¶ We're running with the shadows of the night Thanks, mama. 504 00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:52,463 You got it, my little alien. 505 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:53,531 ¶ So, baby, take my hand 506 00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:56,300 ADULT ADAM: And even though that was our last couples costume, 507 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,603 it turned out to be the best one ever. 508 00:18:58,605 --> 00:19:00,071 ¶ Surrender all your dreams to me tonight 509 00:19:00,073 --> 00:19:04,575 As much as my mom savored every single Halloween when I was little, 510 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:07,545 this was the one she'd remember forever. 511 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:09,647 Aah! My ankle. 512 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:13,084 It's all right, love bug. You're safe now. 513 00:19:13,086 --> 00:19:15,319 You hear that, Bar? Mom saved us. 514 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,688 We are the luckiest kids in the world. 515 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,056 You're grounded for a month. 516 00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,191 For sure. (CHUCKLES) 517 00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:23,861 ¶ Use every alibi and words you deny 518 00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:27,331 ¶ That love ain't meant to last 519 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,934 ¶ You can cry tough, baby 520 00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:31,602 ¶ It's all right ADULT ADAM: That's the thing about love. 521 00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:33,404 ¶ You can let me down easy When you face your fears... 522 00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,072 ¶ But not tonight ...you can finally take off your mask 523 00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,408 and show people who you really are. 524 00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:41,479 ¶ We're running with the shadows of the night 525 00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:44,115 ¶ So, baby, take my hand, it'll be all right 526 00:19:44,117 --> 00:19:45,516 Sorry for using you as a human shield and all. 527 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:49,854 ¶ Surrender all your dreams to me tonight Well, you went back in. 528 00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,189 ¶ They'll come true It was so scary in there. 529 00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:54,492 ¶ In the end It was, but losing you was even scarier. 530 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:55,793 ¶ We're running with the shadows of the night 531 00:19:55,795 --> 00:19:57,395 You know, Halloween isn't over. 532 00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:58,796 It... It's not too late to get some candy. 533 00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,665 ¶ So, baby, take my hand it'll be all right Candy sounds great. 534 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:03,234 ¶ Surrender all your dreams to me tonight ADULT ADAM: So my first 535 00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:05,570 adult Halloween ended the way it always did, 536 00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:06,470 with me and Dana getting candy. 537 00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:09,640 ¶ They'll come true in the end And it couldn't have been more perfect. 538 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,309 You gonna go keep him safe? 539 00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:12,543 ¶ We're running with the shadows of the night 540 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:16,614 Actually, I think he'll be all right without me. 541 00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,416 ¶ So, baby, take my hand, it'll be all right 542 00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:20,751 But watching from a distance can't hurt. 543 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,921 ¶ Surrender all your dreams to me tonight ¶ 544 00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,623 ADULT ADAM: Growing up, there's a lot to be afraid of, 545 00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:29,860 but when you know in your heart your family has your back, 546 00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:32,530 nothing in life is scary. 547 00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:43,241 BOY 1: Yo, man, this place is really crazy. 548 00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:47,311 BOY2: I KNOW. God, it looks scary in the dark. 549 00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:49,113 Oh, this is so creepy. 550 00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:50,581 Look at the cobwebs. 551 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,984 Whoa. What's that? 552 00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:53,884 What was that? 553 00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:55,753 MAN: Aah! (BOYS SCREAMS) 554 00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:02,994 BEVERLY: Who wants waffles? 555 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,763 Kids, come on down! 556 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,298 Here you go, Murray. (PLATE SHATTERS) 557 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:11,302 Oops. I almost forgot... I need to get the kids' lunch money. 558 00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:14,805 Mom's got to stop wearing her old Halloween costume. She won't. 559 00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:18,276 BEVERLY: Whoever's standing there, let go of my purse. 560 00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:19,143 Her new perm didn't settle right. 561 00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:21,779 She doesn't want anyone to see what's going on under there. (THUMPING) 562 00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:24,915 BEVERLY: (LAUGHS) Still getting the hang of this thing. 563 00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,984 Yeah, we should go. 564 00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:28,219 BEVERLY: Help your mother. 565 00:21:28,221 --> 00:21:30,888 You have 30 seconds to comply.