1 00:00:00,066 --> 00:00:02,568 Adult adam: Growing up, my mom made every lunch bag 2 00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:04,636 An ornate tapestry of her love for us. 3 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:06,939 Each morning, she made it her top priority 4 00:00:06,941 --> 00:00:08,007 To send us to school knowing 5 00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:10,609 That we meant the world to her. (smooches) 6 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:13,645 And while none of her kids ever really appreciated 7 00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:14,513 Her expressions of affection, 8 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,548 That didn't stop my mom from constantly declaring 9 00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:19,885 How she adored us with every ounce of her soul. 10 00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:21,453 I love you so much. 11 00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:22,855 I love you, too. 12 00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:23,722 I love you. Mom! 13 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,392 Woman: (over pa) and the basketball pep rally is after lunch. 14 00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:29,128 Also, barry goldberg, your mother loves you. 15 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,030 Beverly: You didn't say it with love. 16 00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:33,532 Barry, I love you. (laughter) 17 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:34,933 I love you, boopie. 18 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:35,601 I love you so much. 19 00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:39,271 Hey, you, with the window open, tell my baby I love him! 20 00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:42,007 Adam, if you need to make, call me! 21 00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:42,608 I'll pick you up! 22 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:46,278 Adult adam: My father, on the other hand, was not nearly as effusive. 23 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,047 Why you got to be a moron all the time? 24 00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,516 Don't be a moron. Get your ass home. 25 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:51,050 You're a moron. 26 00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:53,252 Adult adam: Oh, yeah, my dad was miles from sentimental. 27 00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:56,388 Okay, I'm heading off to prom. 28 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,923 Erica, wait. 29 00:00:57,925 --> 00:00:59,658 Can you, uh, get me the remote? 30 00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:00,426 And no matter what we did, 31 00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:05,030 My dad was literally incapable of saying "I love you." 32 00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:08,267 Great pass, bobby! I love you, son! 33 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:09,468 Bar! Hey, bar! 34 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,870 I want to beat the traffic! 35 00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,172 Catch a ride home with bobby! 36 00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,773 Adult adam: He couldn't even say "I love you" 37 00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:17,342 When erica was accepted into the governor's school, 38 00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:19,078 A prestigious summer music program. 39 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,380 But my mother more than made up for it. 40 00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:24,416 And I'm not saying other people don't love their children. 41 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:30,556 I'm just saying I love mine way more than they love theirs. 42 00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:31,290 So, to sum it all up... 43 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:34,560 (voice breaking) mama hawk's gonna miss baby bird. 44 00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:37,896 Here, I bought you a going-away present. 45 00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,832 I'm sure you'll look at it every night. 46 00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:42,935 Oh, good. A photo album. (chuckles) 47 00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:44,937 Not the leather jacket or boots I wanted. 48 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:48,674 And now your father would like to say a few heartfelt words. 49 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:49,942 Uh, no, no, no, I'm good. 50 00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:53,245 Your, uh, 20-minute speech covered all the bases. 51 00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:54,246 (glass clinking) barry: Speech! 52 00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:55,581 Tell your daughter how you feel. 53 00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:58,150 This is gonna be so uncomfortable. Mmm. 54 00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,785 Speech! Speech! 55 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:03,188 Shut up, barry! Take the knife away from him. 56 00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:07,059 Erica, you're, uh, my first kid. 57 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,328 Uh, could have been worse. 58 00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,930 What he meant to say was that he loves you so much, baby. 59 00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:15,300 (chuckles) adult adam: But then my dad really opened his heart. 60 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,635 Sure. 61 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:16,969 Wow. 62 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:20,572 Adult adam: Yeah, for him, that's as open as it gets. 63 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,007 ¶ I'm twisted up inside 64 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:26,912 ¶ but nonetheless I feel the need to say 65 00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:29,214 ¶ I don't know the future 66 00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:33,385 ¶ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶ 67 00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:35,621 Adult adam: It was may 13, 1980-something, 68 00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:38,590 The day I'd finally profess my love for my girlfriend, 69 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:39,758 And nothing would stop me. 70 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,426 What the hell, dude? Those aren't for you. 71 00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:44,830 Hey, don't leave a basketball in front of michael jordan 72 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,899 And expect him not to dunk it. 73 00:02:46,901 --> 00:02:48,767 From downtown! 74 00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:51,637 Idiot. Can't you read? 75 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:52,838 These are for dana. 76 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,540 I'm finally gonna tell her I love her. 77 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,974 What? Isn't it great? 78 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:59,077 He's telling his girl he loves her with baked goods. 79 00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:01,213 You can't tell a girl you love her. 80 00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:02,848 It ruins everything. Trust me. 81 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:03,649 Please don't trust him. 82 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,918 Love is dangerous, and it can hurt people, 83 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:09,121 Like a ninja riding on a saber-toothed tiger. 84 00:03:09,123 --> 00:03:09,922 Please don't trust him. 85 00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:12,591 You can't just say it. It makes you look vulnerable. 86 00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:13,892 And she'll lose all respect for you. 87 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:16,295 Well, I got to do something. 88 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,697 Dana and her family are going away for the summer. 89 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,432 What if she meets a guy while she's in seattle? 90 00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:23,001 Why are you worried about some dude from canada? 91 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:26,138 You just need to relax and maintain the upper hand. 92 00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:27,940 (sighs) I just... 93 00:03:27,942 --> 00:03:28,607 Don't want to lose her. 94 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:31,076 So this is what you do, you March up to dana. 95 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:34,112 You gently cup her beautiful face in your hands, 96 00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:37,616 Look deep into her brown eyes, and attack her one weakness, 97 00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:39,952 Like, "you got gremlin ears, girl." 98 00:03:39,954 --> 00:03:41,587 Don't do that. Do that! 99 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:42,421 Don't do that. 100 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,156 Do that! It's your only choice! 101 00:03:44,158 --> 00:03:46,158 Give me these cupcakes. No! 102 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:46,925 Oh, god! What? 103 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,660 Adult adam: Barry was a man of strong convictions. 104 00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:51,496 Unfortunately, he was never one to follow his own advice. 105 00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,298 What do you mean, you got practice until 5:00? 106 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:56,401 You promised your man you'd watch him do leg curls. 107 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,537 I really didn't, but I will drop by after. 108 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:00,772 I'll bring you one of those frozen burritos you like. 109 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,809 God, you so get me. I love you. 110 00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,144 Adult adam: And in a moment of sheer stupidity, 111 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,480 Barry had accidently dropped the "l" bomb. 112 00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:11,450 His only hope was that lainey didn't hear him. 113 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,019 What did you just say? Adult adam: But she did. 114 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:15,454 I said... 115 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,889 You got gremlin ears, girl. 116 00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:21,193 Barry norman goldberg with the save. 117 00:04:21,195 --> 00:04:23,762 Adult adam: While barry was denying he said the "l" word, 118 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:26,098 My mom was livid that my dad couldn't. 119 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,634 Okay. You're rage-cleaning. 120 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:32,604 Before you wipe a hole in the counter, tell me what I did. 121 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,606 Why can't you just tell the kids you love them? 122 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,708 You tell them 100 times a day. 123 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,210 How much love do these people need? 124 00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:41,313 I only say it so much to pick up your slack. 125 00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:42,314 Why do I got to say it out loud? 126 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,951 I love bacon, but I never actually say it. Bacon just knows. 127 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,753 You always say you love bacon. 128 00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:48,887 Well, that is true. 129 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:51,723 But I tell the kids I love them every day 130 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:52,924 By putting a roof over their heads. 131 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:56,228 Yeah? Well, what gonna happen when erica leaves for the summer? 132 00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:58,897 Where's your fancy love roof then? 133 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:02,000 Well, you've got a point. 134 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,935 Okay, bevy, I'll go do my thing. 135 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:07,673 Adult adam: And that thing was to go sit right in his chair... 136 00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,074 Nope. ...And ignore my mom. 137 00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,176 You really should go tell your daughter you love her. 138 00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:13,145 You weren't in the room. How do you even know this? 139 00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:15,113 You basically yell everything you say. 140 00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:18,817 And for the record, I completely agree with beverly. 141 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:19,851 I'm not saying "I love you." 142 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:23,188 My dad never said it to me, and I turned out fine. 143 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:23,989 No, you're the best. 144 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,590 Why are you busting my chops? 145 00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:26,792 "I love you" isn't something a dad says. 146 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:30,529 Here. Watch me. What are you doing? Why are you moving in on me? 147 00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,097 I love you, mur. Oh. 148 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,465 I love you, mur. Oh. 149 00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:36,101 I love you, murray goldberg. 150 00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:36,902 This is a nightmare. 151 00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:39,438 Adult adam: While my dad was being forced to say "I love you," 152 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,074 I was ready to open up my heart to dana. 153 00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:43,775 Long before texting, the only way 154 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,777 To profess your deepest feelings for a girl 155 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:46,645 Was to pen an epic love letter 156 00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:49,948 And cooly hand-deliver it into her locker. 157 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,150 Will you just stop? You've been dodging me for two days. 158 00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:55,587 It's only been two days? Feels like I've been dodging you for a week. 159 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,422 Oh! Why did you have to say "I love you"? 160 00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,491 It's no big deal. I say it all the time. 161 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,693 Watch. I love you, dan! 162 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,495 Oh, love you, too, bro. 163 00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,130 See? Means nothing. 164 00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:05,464 Hey! 165 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:08,100 Okay, if anything, you need to stop reading into things. 166 00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:11,303 It's not like I said "I love you more than anything in the world" 167 00:06:11,305 --> 00:06:13,538 Or that you're my moon and my sun 168 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,006 And "if you want to get married right now, 169 00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:16,908 "I'd run away and never see my family again." 170 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:20,679 I never said any of those things, so get over yourself. 171 00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:21,713 I have practice, okay? I got to go. 172 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,082 Barry was right. Saying "I love you" ruined everything. 173 00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:28,286 (school bell rings) lucky for me, I wrote it down and could easily take it back. 174 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,688 Or so I thought. 175 00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,890 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 176 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:32,958 There you are. Aah! 177 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,127 Third-period bell just rang. Then you should go. 178 00:06:35,129 --> 00:06:37,162 But I got to get my homework. (thud) 179 00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:38,797 It's more important to be on time 180 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,432 Than to have your homework, am I right? 181 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:41,233 Move it, move it. No... 182 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,668 Adult adam: While I was trying to keep dana from knowing I loved her, 183 00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:46,938 My dad went to erica to finally say it. 184 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,907 Hey. Hey? 185 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,276 You, uh, seem surprised to see me here. 186 00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:53,979 Well, you usually don't make it this far down the hallway. 187 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:56,248 Yeah, well, it's really not on the way to anything. 188 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,650 So, what do you want? (scoffs) 189 00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,319 I, um... 190 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:05,190 Was just thinking that, um, you know, 191 00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:08,560 You're going away for the summer and all, and... 192 00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:12,364 You know, I don't really say it much. 193 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:13,532 I, um... 194 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:14,466 What's happening? 195 00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,935 You know, I just wanted to say... 196 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,470 I love you. What? 197 00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,305 (mumbling) I love you. What? 198 00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:21,440 (mumbling) I love you. 199 00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:22,441 What? You heard me. 200 00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:24,443 I really didn't. (scoffs) 201 00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:28,079 I'm just saying... Oh, god. 202 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,148 ...That I, uh... 203 00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:32,117 Love you. 204 00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:34,319 Are you sick or something? No. 205 00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:35,387 Did you gamble away my college fund? 206 00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:36,855 That's nuts. Where did you get that from? 207 00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:39,157 Well, I know you and mom aren't getting divorced 208 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,959 Because your survival depends on her. 209 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,128 So what is this? You're freaking me out. 210 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:43,829 It's nothing, damn it! 211 00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,897 I just wanted to say "I love you"! 212 00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,833 Okay. Um... 213 00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,234 Thanks? 214 00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:53,205 So, that's it, huh? Is that it? 215 00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:54,172 Okay, all right. 216 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,875 So I guess I'll, I'll be on my way. 217 00:07:58,110 --> 00:07:59,744 (sighs) 218 00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,415 Well, I said the thing to the girl. 219 00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:04,983 We can all get on with our lives. 220 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,285 (gasps) oh, come on. I want details. 221 00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:08,353 She didn't say it back. 222 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,288 They always say it back. 223 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,356 Not in this case. 224 00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:12,257 Maybe you didn't say it right. 225 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:15,460 I want a do-over, murray. Go back up and try again. 226 00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:16,595 No do-overs! 227 00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:17,929 I'm never saying those words again. 228 00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:20,665 Don't say that just 'cause your feelings are hurt. 229 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:21,399 My feelings aren't hurt. 230 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:24,236 I just discovered that I'm not my daughter's cup of tea. 231 00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:27,372 That would honestly rock me to the core. 232 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,640 Yeah, well, you know. 233 00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,442 I mean that's a rejection of you 234 00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:33,778 Both as a father and a human being. 235 00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:34,212 It's fine. 236 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,648 You'd think she'd say it just to be polite. 237 00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:40,785 Okay, it stings a little. This is your fault. 238 00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,187 You set me up. 239 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,255 Well... 240 00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:47,659 That was my first and last "I love you" ever! 241 00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:50,562 Adult adam: It was third period, and I was running out of time 242 00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:52,731 To rescue my love letter from dana's locker. 243 00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,901 Damn it! What am I even listening for? 244 00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:56,568 The movies lied. 245 00:08:56,570 --> 00:09:00,539 Adult adam: Out of options, there was only one logical choice left... 246 00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:01,940 Pull the fire alarm. 247 00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,241 Sure, it was a serious crime. 248 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:06,144 But as long as I played it cool and acted quick, 249 00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:09,881 No one would be the wiser. 250 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,082 Goldfarb! 251 00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,084 My office! Now! 252 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,020 Son, I've been here a long time, 253 00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,855 And I've seen a lot of kids pull that fire alarm 254 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:19,124 For a lot of different reasons. 255 00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,091 What's yours? 256 00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:21,693 Pop quiz in chemistry? No. 257 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,161 Arousing daydream? No! 258 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,564 Had a fart that fooled you? Worse. 259 00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:26,164 Ooh. I'm intrigued. 260 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:29,734 I have an awesome girlfriend, and I wrote her a letter... 261 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,170 Ka-boom. The problem is 262 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:35,106 I stupidly signed the letter "I love you," and now... 263 00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:37,909 Now you're out on a ledge, exposed, 264 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,511 With a giant target on your heart. 265 00:09:39,513 --> 00:09:42,981 There are no more dangerous words than "I love you." 266 00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:43,648 Wow. Yeah. 267 00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:46,451 Just 'cause I wear the same tiny shorts every day 268 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:49,020 Doesn't mean I don't wear many hats. 269 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,322 Coach knows love good. 270 00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:53,358 I even played the russian mail-order game, 271 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,893 And I did not win. 272 00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:58,296 Let's just say... "woo! Woo!" 273 00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,231 It was an express to sad town. 274 00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:02,634 Coach! Coach! I need your help. 275 00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:05,070 What are you doing? He's helping me right now. 276 00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:08,473 Go away! I actually got real adult problems. 277 00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:09,874 I want to be a cheerleader. 278 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,476 We've all been there. Why? 279 00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:13,945 My lady. She's been pushing me away. 280 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,147 But you know the saying, if you love someone, 281 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:19,718 You become a male cheerleader and trap them into loving you. 282 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,554 Dang. You goldberg's feel hard. 283 00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:25,657 You leave it all on the field, just like coach. 284 00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:28,059 Well, don't worry. I can help you both. 285 00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,828 You can help me get my letter back? You got it. 286 00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:33,632 And I can be a cheerleading man? Oh, no. No, god, no. 287 00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:38,770 I got one position open, if you got the nards. 288 00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:42,040 I'm looking for a brave soul to be the team mascot. 289 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,541 Well, my soul's the bravest, coach. 290 00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:46,578 Adult adam: While barry would do anything to stay close to lainey, 291 00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:51,416 My mom was furious with erica for pushing my dad away. 292 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,851 Mom, stop rage-juicing. 293 00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:55,286 If you want to talk, I'm right here. 294 00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:55,920 How could you? 295 00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:58,156 I've done some questionable things lately, 296 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:01,026 So if you could just say out loud what I did first, 297 00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,227 Just so we're all on the same page. 298 00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,996 Your father said "I love you," and you didn't say it back. 299 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,400 Yes. That is definitely the worst thing I've done this week. 300 00:11:08,402 --> 00:11:09,634 Why can't you just say it back to him? 301 00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,336 You have no problem saying "I love you" to me. 302 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:14,673 That's because you say it so much, it's meaningless. 303 00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:15,373 I'm on autopilot. 304 00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:18,543 It's like saying "god bless you" after someone sneezes. 305 00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:20,378 It was a disaster when he said it, 306 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,681 And I'm not gonna make it worse. 307 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,683 What if I make it worth your while? 308 00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:25,583 Wait, are you trying to bribe me? 309 00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:28,553 (scoffs) please, you wouldn't believe what it would take 310 00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,488 To get me to do this. Oh. 311 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,556 I'm not saying no. 312 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:34,893 I'm just saying come in high with your offer. 313 00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:40,965 Is that a new jacket? 314 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,200 It is. I love you, dad. 315 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:47,372 Adult adam: Turns out the price of love is $57 plus tax. 316 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,507 Oh, god! She's opening up her locker! 317 00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,810 Quick, pull the fire alarm. Come on, goldberg. 318 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:54,946 Pulling the fire alarm is morally reprehensible. 319 00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:58,183 All right, people, impromptu drug search! 320 00:11:58,185 --> 00:12:00,518 Open your lockers! 321 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,753 Think we'll start over here. 322 00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,755 I'm searching your locker, caldwell. 323 00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:04,923 Me? Why? 324 00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,691 Well, let's just say I got it on good authority 325 00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,660 There's a butt-load of ludes in there. 326 00:12:08,662 --> 00:12:10,595 What's a lude? Don't play coy with me. 327 00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:13,164 I know a lude-head when I see one. 328 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,766 All right, let's see here. 329 00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:17,635 Okay, search is over, people! 330 00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:20,739 Let's go! Asses to classes! 331 00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:21,673 Stay clean, caldwell. 332 00:12:21,675 --> 00:12:23,241 Adult adam: Even though coach mellor saved me 333 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,443 From making the biggest mistake of my life, 334 00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:30,215 Nothing could save barry from this debacle. 335 00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:33,551 While my brother considered himself an expert at many things, 336 00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:38,289 The fine art of mascot-ing was not one of them. 337 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,257 Turns out the only thing creepier 338 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,725 Than barry spying on his girlfriend 339 00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:44,896 Was the 10-pound, dead-eyed, grinning quaker strapped to his head. 340 00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:48,700 Hey! What are you... Back off! 341 00:12:49,468 --> 00:12:51,202 Barry: Chill! 342 00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,705 Surprise! It's barry! 343 00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:56,241 Oh, my god. What are you doing? 344 00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:57,509 I'm the fighting quaker! 345 00:12:57,511 --> 00:13:00,211 I thought dressing in a giant, rubber donald sutherland head 346 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:03,114 Would be the perfect way of making things less weird between us. 347 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,717 This makes things so much weirder. 348 00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:06,451 Please, just go. 349 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:10,255 Only if you say "I love you" back so it makes things even. 350 00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:11,689 Go on. 351 00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:12,524 (muffled) tell me you love me. 352 00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:15,460 My eyes are in my mouth, so say it right here. 353 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,630 I'm sorry, barry. I'm not gonna say it. 354 00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,565 Ouch. She doesn't love you, bro. 355 00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,333 (bleep) off, lyle and kyle. 356 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:23,067 Whoa! Easy! 357 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:25,236 I will throw you, bro, and not in a cheerleading way. 358 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:28,239 (whistle blows) all right, bring it in! 359 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,141 Cheerleaders and mascot, too. 360 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:33,478 Big away game at central high tonight. 361 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,313 Heated rivalry, big stakes. 362 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:39,083 That means some of you are going to get hurt. 363 00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:41,686 Sprained ankles, jammed fingers, 364 00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:44,622 Not to mention guaranteed off-the-court attacks 365 00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,224 On some of our support personnel. 366 00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,358 I'm sorry. What, now? 367 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,294 I thought you knew about this. 368 00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,596 Last year, some of our more passionate fans 369 00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:54,065 Laid a swift beat down on their mascot, 370 00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:54,766 Bobby the beaver. 371 00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:59,504 Tonight, revenge hangs like a thick fog over the entire squad, 372 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:02,774 Although some of us might be wearing cumbersome, 373 00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:03,541 Vision-hindering costumes, 374 00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:08,246 Which will make us even more of a target than the others. 375 00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:10,248 Uh, coach? 376 00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:13,218 Yes? Our brave, doomed quaker has a question. 377 00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,954 I know you're giving us a general pep talk and all, 378 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,522 But it feels directed mostly toward me. 379 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,958 Oh, my god, barry. Take off the stupid costume. 380 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,626 They're gonna break every bone in your body. 381 00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:23,795 My heart bone's already been broken, girl. 382 00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:25,129 Miller: That's the spirit. 383 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:26,798 Give barry a hug before you go. 384 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,101 It may be some time before you get a chance to do it again. 385 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,370 Not a good time, dan. 386 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:36,407 Adult adam: Even though my mom bribed erica to say "I love you," 387 00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:39,811 She was so giddy with the results that she doubled down. 388 00:14:39,813 --> 00:14:41,412 Dad! There's my guy! 389 00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:44,115 Just wanted to say I love you. 390 00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:46,017 I love you so much. 391 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:46,784 She really does. 392 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,052 What the hell's going on with you two? 393 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,754 Nothing. I just love you, man. 394 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:53,091 Did you put her up to this? First the jacket, 395 00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:53,958 Now new boots? 396 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,727 Are you buying her leather goods 397 00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:58,229 So she'll say "I love you" to me? 398 00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,297 (laughs) 399 00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,965 (singsong voice) guilty! 400 00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,134 (laughing) come on. 401 00:15:03,769 --> 00:15:04,502 I am guilty. Yes. 402 00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:07,538 Stop pulling strings, dad! I love you. Just drop it. 403 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,374 Well, I don't accept it. 404 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,276 What? You can't reject my love. 405 00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:14,679 Oh, I reject it. I reject it but good. 406 00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,381 Take it. Take the "I love you." 407 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:19,484 Just take it, murray. It's love. Take it. 408 00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:22,654 No. She's using it as a weapon. 409 00:15:22,656 --> 00:15:23,554 I love you! 410 00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,590 (gasps) see? It stings doesn't it? 411 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,059 Oh, you want it to sting? 412 00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,994 I love you! Take that. 413 00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:32,196 Is that all you got? I love you! 414 00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:33,331 I love you so much! Eat it! 415 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,166 I love you more! Boom! In your face! 416 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,901 Shut your mouth, 'cause I love you more! 417 00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:39,437 I love you to infinity! I love you! 418 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:43,942 My love knows no bounds all the way to infinity! 419 00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:44,742 Aah! Aah! 420 00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:47,912 Adult adam: While my dad and erica were using love as a weapon, 421 00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:50,315 My brother was at our rival high school 422 00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:51,449 With a target on his back. 423 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,319 The fighting quaker didn't have a fighting chance. 424 00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:55,687 (all chanting) kill the quaker! 425 00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:57,522 (rhythmic clapping) all: Kill the quaker! 426 00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:58,790 Oh, my god! Barry, that's you! 427 00:15:58,792 --> 00:15:59,958 You're the one they're gonna kill. 428 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,093 Dude, just hide on the bus. That's what I do. 429 00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,828 Adult adam: A sane man would have listened, 430 00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:06,030 But my bro was anything but sane. 431 00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:07,966 No! No hiding! 432 00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,033 I'm gonna go out there! 433 00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:11,569 It's the least I can do after you all took me 434 00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:13,404 Into your cheerleading family, 435 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,173 Especially you, lyle. 436 00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,041 Not you, kyle. You suck. 437 00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:20,278 Point is, it's been quite a ride, cheerleaders, 438 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,547 But the ride ends now. 439 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:25,450 Barry, wait. Barry, don't do this. 440 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:26,517 Why do you even care? 441 00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:27,618 Because I love you, okay? God. 442 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,121 You're just saying that 'cause you don't want me to die. 443 00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:32,190 Of course I don't want you to die. 444 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:35,994 But... I really do love you. 445 00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:39,964 Then why didn't you say it back? 446 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,266 I was scared, okay? 447 00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,769 When my mom left, it crushed my dad, 448 00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:48,940 So I swore I'd never be so dumb to fall in love myself. 449 00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:51,109 But... You're just so dumb, 450 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:54,412 You made me fall in love with you anyway. 451 00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:57,548 So... You really love me? 452 00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:04,188 Wait, you're still going out there? 453 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,023 You bet I am. 454 00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:07,158 I'm as strong as all the oceans, 455 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,627 As powerful as a really big magnet. 456 00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:11,462 As awesome as a thunder cat! 457 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:16,634 Because lainey lewis loves barry goldberg! 458 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:21,072 Adult adam: It was a moment my brother would hold onto forever. 459 00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,507 The girl of his dreams loved him back, 460 00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:25,109 And nothing could hurt him now. 461 00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:29,347 Well, nothing except a vengeful mob of angry fans. 462 00:17:30,015 --> 00:17:32,884 But as I watched my brother single-handedly battle 463 00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,519 An entire high school, I realized 464 00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:38,389 That with love on your side, you can take on anything. 465 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,892 Sure, there's nothing more dangerous or scary 466 00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:43,027 Than putting your heart on the line. 467 00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,629 But as I raced into the night, 468 00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:49,233 I knew that love was a risk worth taking. 469 00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:52,603 Adam. 470 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,472 Dana. I... 471 00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,642 What? What's wrong? (paper crinkles) 472 00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,110 I wrote you this whole thing 473 00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:02,580 'cause I was so scared to say it out loud. 474 00:18:02,948 --> 00:18:05,216 I'm not scared anymore. 475 00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:07,885 Dana, I love you. 476 00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,555 I love you. 477 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:11,823 I... 478 00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:14,659 ...Love you, too. 479 00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:18,329 And that's what makes all this so hard. 480 00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:21,933 I just...Didn't know how to tell you. 481 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,668 Tell me what? 482 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:27,638 We're not going to seattle just for the summer. 483 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:31,109 My dad got offered a job there, so... 484 00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:33,678 We're gonna see if we like it. 485 00:18:34,913 --> 00:18:37,248 But you can't just leave. 486 00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:38,783 Here. 487 00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:42,520 My green lantern ring? 488 00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:46,757 Hopefully, I'm there on the first day of school 489 00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:49,193 And you can give it back to me. 490 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:54,298 (kisses) 491 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,634 Goodbye, adam. 492 00:18:57,035 --> 00:18:58,736 Adult adam: That's the thing about young love. 493 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:02,907 As magical as it is, it's just as unpredictable. 494 00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:06,077 Doing some rage-packing, huh? 495 00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:07,578 Well, wonder where I get it from. 496 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,914 Shmoopie, I can't let you leave things this way 497 00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:10,681 With your father. 498 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,451 (scoffs) we were totally fine before you broke us. 499 00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:14,952 No, I get it now. 500 00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,821 Just 'cause I say "I love you" all the time 501 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,290 Doesn't mean you have to. I just... 502 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:22,093 Wanted both of you to know how you feel about each other. 503 00:19:22,095 --> 00:19:25,830 He's my dad. I love him more than anything. 504 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,231 Trust me, he knows. 505 00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:28,499 Adult adam: And she was right. He really did. 506 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:33,504 Even though erica and my dad were never able to actually say the words, 507 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,039 They didn't have to. 508 00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:36,474 Because when it comes to family, 509 00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,075 You know in your heart how they feel... 510 00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:39,277 I love you, I love you, I love you. 511 00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:43,648 Adult adam: And you carry that love with you no matter how far you go. 512 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,017 So... So... 513 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:49,253 Uh, have a nice summer, peanut. 514 00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,989 And, uh... 515 00:19:53,492 --> 00:19:55,960 I know, dad. Me too. 516 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,433 You okay? 517 00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:04,769 Okay, come on. I'm sorry. 518 00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:06,971 Adult adam: Looking back on your childhood is a funny thing. 519 00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:10,708 Sure, the details get fuzzy, and the days blend together. 520 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,044 But the good news is all the hurt fades away, 521 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,879 And you just end up remembering the love. 522 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:20,618 You remember your family. You remember 1980-something. 523 00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:23,487 And you wouldn't change a thing. 524 00:20:23,489 --> 00:20:27,325 Our family's here. Ha! Come on and see our family. 525 00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:28,659 I love you. Oh, geez. 526 00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:29,894 I love you. (laughs) 527 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,629 I love you. I love you. 528 00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,864 (all shouting) 529 00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:38,135 Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight! 530 00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:38,603 Yeah! 531 00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:44,809 Adam: We gather here today to witness the burial of optimus prime. 532 00:20:57,322 --> 00:20:59,257 (upbeat music plays) 533 00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,072 Al: Yeah, kiddo! 534 00:21:15,074 --> 00:21:16,941 Barry, that was amazing. 535 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:19,210 What's up? Who's this? 536 00:21:19,212 --> 00:21:21,045 We assumed it was you. 537 00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:23,180 (music continues)