1 00:00:00,066 --> 00:00:01,433 Adult adam: Back in the '80s, 2 00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:04,103 I saw the movie princess bride 237 times. 3 00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:07,039 Not just because it was andre the giant's greatest performance, 4 00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:10,042 It had magic, adventure, romance, 5 00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:11,643 Rodents of unusual size, 6 00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:13,579 And the greatest one-liners of all time. 7 00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:16,181 Inigo: (on tv) my name is inigo montoya. 8 00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,549 You killed my father. 9 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:18,317 Prepare to die. 10 00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:20,285 Adult adam: It wasn't enough to just watch the princess bride. 11 00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:22,021 I had to experience it. Inigo: You are better than I am. 12 00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,989 Man: (on tv) then why are you smiling? Then why are you smiling? 13 00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:25,691 'cause I know something you don't know. 14 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,860 Because I know something you don't know. 15 00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:29,862 I am not left-handed. 16 00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,764 There's something I ought to tell you. 17 00:00:31,766 --> 00:00:33,932 I'm not left-handed, either. 18 00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:41,507 (groans) screw wrapping paper. 19 00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:42,908 We need some real swords, dude. 20 00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:45,544 Can't you ask your mom? She never says no to you. 21 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:46,779 Sure, dave kim. 22 00:00:46,781 --> 00:00:48,580 Let me ask my safety-crazed mother 23 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:49,982 For a deadly weapon. 24 00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:51,650 Get your head in the game, dude. 25 00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:52,985 Maybe you could ask your dad. 26 00:00:52,987 --> 00:00:54,353 Please. He hates movies. 27 00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:57,756 All he cares about are sports and bread products. 28 00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:00,926 (gasps) wait. That's it. 29 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:01,627 Yes. Good. 30 00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:05,264 Fill your mouth with that delicious buttered bagel I made you. 31 00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:08,267 While I'm here, I wanted to ask for a little favor. 32 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:09,001 No. Imagine a world 33 00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:12,771 Where you can live out your dream of having an athletic son 34 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,807 Instead of a triple-threat theater force. No. 35 00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:18,610 Well, that world can be yours for just $250. 36 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,746 No. 'cause with your help... 37 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:21,980 No. I can become... 38 00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:23,582 You're gonna love this... No! 39 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,951 An olympic-class fencer. 40 00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:27,519 Seriously? Of all sports, 41 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,488 You pick the one with a pointy sword? 42 00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:32,825 You know how your mom's crazy about eye safety. Crazy! 43 00:01:32,827 --> 00:01:35,394 Please. Fencing is my dream. 44 00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:37,262 I thought your dream was to be cast as an ewok. 45 00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,031 I'm too big now. Things change. 46 00:01:39,033 --> 00:01:41,400 Just give me what I want. (door opens) 47 00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:43,535 Pops, the voice of reason. 48 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,037 Help me out here, will you? 49 00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:46,405 Come on, murray. 50 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:47,139 Don't be such a grump 51 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,674 And let the kid do it already. 52 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:51,176 You just walked in. You don't even know what we're talking about. 53 00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:54,480 Well, I know the first thing you always say is no. 54 00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,381 Is that what happened here? He said no? 55 00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:58,350 The moron wants to fence. 56 00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:00,185 I'll spend a fortune on equipment, 57 00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:01,653 And he'll quit after the first match. 58 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,189 You know, this reminds me of a little story. 59 00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:06,325 (sighs) please, don't tell me a story. 60 00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,227 I'm gonna tell you a story. 61 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,528 When bevy was a girl, 62 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:12,131 All she wanted was to be a ballerina. 63 00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:15,000 Sadly, she was a very early bloomer. 64 00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:18,570 The other little girls would keep a wide berth around her 65 00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:19,638 So if she lost her balance, 66 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,575 They wouldn't be crushed beneath her enormous girl body. 67 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,944 Point is, watching her dance 68 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:29,047 Is one of the happiest memories of my life. 69 00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:30,516 Don't you want to have that with your son? 70 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,017 (groans) why do you always have to tell 71 00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:34,319 Such wonderful and touching crap? 72 00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:34,753 Fine. 73 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:37,289 If this is really your dream, I'll buy you the sword. 74 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:40,325 Yes! I'm gonna be like luke skywalker. 75 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:41,393 Scratch that. 76 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:42,794 I'm gonna be like... 77 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:45,197 Name an athlete who's really good at sports. 78 00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:48,000 Michael jordan. Michael jordan! 79 00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:50,936 (groans) 80 00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:53,172 (panting) just poked my eye. 81 00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:54,540 Oh. It's okay. 82 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:57,809 I got glasses. They protected me. 83 00:02:58,278 --> 00:02:59,545 ¶ I'm twisted up inside 84 00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:04,383 ¶ but nonetheless I feel the need to say 85 00:03:05,818 --> 00:03:06,885 ¶ I don't know the future 86 00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:10,289 ¶ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶ 87 00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:12,824 Adult adam: It was April 22, 1980-something. 88 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:13,959 A typical day for my mom... 89 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,294 Power walking and being a yenta. 90 00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:19,831 You won't believe what I heard about gabe and melinda finkleman... 91 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:20,933 Trial separation. 92 00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:23,468 (gasps) what? Is he moving out? 93 00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:26,972 No, he's moving into the room above their garage 94 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:28,006 Like fonzie, 95 00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:30,576 Only this time, it's not cool. Oh! 96 00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:31,577 (both chuckle) "ay." 97 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:34,313 Adult adam: A yenta is a nickname for the world's most intrusive, 98 00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:35,480 Loose-lipped gossip monger. 99 00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:36,715 They're the busiest of busybodies 100 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:40,385 Who have a talent for making your business their business. Psst. 101 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,620 Don't look. 102 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,188 Ginny. 103 00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:43,822 It's linda holman. 104 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,925 Her son brian is going to cornell, 105 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:47,826 But the twin, craig, 106 00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,695 Is spending the year traveling abroad 107 00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,463 So he can "find himself." 108 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:52,030 Translation... 109 00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:54,366 He's got a problem with reefer. 110 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:55,300 Oh. So sad. 111 00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:57,603 Adult adam: A good yenta can dish anytime, anywhere. 112 00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,705 Yeah, it's amazing how marsha's surgery 113 00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:02,574 For sleep apnea left her so top-heavy. 114 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:03,942 You know what I mean? Please! 115 00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:07,079 I need to talk to someone from the outside world. 116 00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:11,283 But most importantly, a yenta is an expert matchmaker. 117 00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:12,484 Miss cinoman! 118 00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:13,485 Miss cinoman, allow me. 119 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,320 Why, thank you, coach mellor. 120 00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:18,090 Please. Call me coach rick. 121 00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:19,625 Well, look at those two. 122 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,860 They seem to be getting along nicely. 123 00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,629 Don't even think about it. Think about what now? 124 00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:26,832 You cannot set up mellor and miss cinoman, understand? 125 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,233 That's a guaranteed disaster for us. 126 00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,869 Disaster! How can bringing together 127 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,938 Two like-minded, single adults 128 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,806 Over chablis and assorted cheeses 129 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:38,176 Possibly turn into a disaster for you? (car door closes) 130 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,778 Coach is my coach, 131 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,079 And whenever he feels feelings, 132 00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:43,982 He makes us run laps until we feel them, too. 133 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,151 And miss cinoman is my music teacher. 134 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:48,620 Spring fling is next week, and I have a solo. 135 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,155 Don't be you and ruin this. 136 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:54,493 Go! Put your foot on the gas and push. 137 00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:57,529 Well, this is very hurtful. 138 00:04:57,531 --> 00:05:00,966 Adult adam: As much as my mom wanted to do right by erica and barry, 139 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,701 There was no way she could curb her meddling 140 00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,671 When the perfect match was just around the corner. (tires screech) 141 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:08,573 Beverly: Coach mellor! Hey, it's beverly goldberg! 142 00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:11,276 Meanwhile, all I had to do was throw one match, 143 00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:14,579 And this fencing sword would become my awesome movie prop. 144 00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:17,015 Go get 'em, pal. No worries. 145 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,050 Just do your best out there. 146 00:05:18,052 --> 00:05:20,652 Listen, I'm kind of running a grift on my old man, 147 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,654 So what do you say we give him a good show 148 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:23,989 And I'll be on my merry way? 149 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,123 Is your dad like a bad dude or something? 150 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,926 Is there always this much talking before these things? 151 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:30,495 Let's just do this, bro. 152 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:33,498 Okay, so maybe it was wrong to screw over my dad, 153 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,200 But I wanted to be inigo montoya, 154 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:38,070 And this was the least painful way. 155 00:05:38,971 --> 00:05:40,806 (groans) 156 00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:42,507 Oh, no! Oh, no! 157 00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:43,942 Oh, god! Why? 158 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:44,576 Or so I thought. 159 00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:47,346 Cut it off of me! Cut the glove off of me! 160 00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:48,714 Intermission. I call intermission. 161 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:51,750 While my dad's hope for a connection with me took a big hit, 162 00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:54,753 My mom was hoping for a love connection. 163 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:58,490 Beverly, thank you so much for your generous donation 164 00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,892 Of unique sweaters for the holiday concert. 165 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,362 Oh, it's my pleasure. (doorbell rings) 166 00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,230 Oh, well, I wonder who that could be 167 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,866 At this late and sexy hour, huh? 168 00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:08,867 How you doing, mrs. G? 169 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,169 I'm here for that large donation of sports balls. 170 00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,004 Of course. Come on in. 171 00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:17,275 Uh, did you, uh, jog here? You seem overheated. 172 00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:19,711 If you ain't running, you ain't living. 173 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,947 Susan. Coach rick. 174 00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:23,782 Do you two know each other? 175 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:24,516 Are you kidding me? 176 00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:28,053 Work at william penn academy and not know susan cinoman 177 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,421 Is like looking at a spice rack 178 00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,189 And not knowing actual cinnamon. 179 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,091 Rick is well-regarded at school 180 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,861 For both his mind and his body. 181 00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:39,898 (laughing) I can't believe I just said that. 182 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:40,599 Ah, please. 183 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:44,302 That's why I eat six pounds of fish every single day. 184 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:45,771 Oh! Feeds both. 185 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,005 Well, speaking of eating, uh, 186 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:47,973 Would you like to just sit back 187 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:52,110 And enjoy this open bottle of wine and beautiful cheese plate? 188 00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:52,711 Sure. 189 00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:55,480 Beverly: Rick, perhaps you'd like to ask susan something 190 00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:56,748 About herself, like, um... 191 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,517 Oh, did you know she used to live in florida? 192 00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:02,053 I do have many questions for susan. Oh. 193 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:03,688 Are you from florida? 194 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:04,890 Tampa. 195 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:07,092 I have a sports background, too. 196 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,794 I grew up racing greyhound dogs. 197 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,762 You must be incredibly fast. 198 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,798 I can tell by the size of your calves 199 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,499 You got a lot of explosion. 200 00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:15,000 Oh, no. 201 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,802 I raced them against other dogs. 202 00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:17,803 (chuckles) oh. Okay. 203 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:20,705 But no one's ever said that about my calves before. 204 00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:22,741 Yeah, well, I'm saying it right now. 205 00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:23,675 Adult adam: There it was. 206 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:26,445 Another perfect match made by a world-class yenta, 207 00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,780 Much to the dismay of the yenta's children. 208 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:32,751 I'm sorry, dad. I just had to bow out gracefully. 209 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:35,187 I wouldn't call that bowing out gracefully. 210 00:07:35,189 --> 00:07:38,523 You made the referee carry you to the car. 211 00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:39,758 She was a strong lady. 212 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,159 She was a strong lady. 213 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,662 But the good news is, is I learned a lot today... 214 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:46,665 Mostly, swords hurt when they jab your body, 215 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:49,201 Which is why I've decided to retire from the game. 216 00:07:49,203 --> 00:07:54,072 In time, I know, we'll both be glad I gave this a shot. 217 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,642 I have to admit that your story 218 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,344 About bevy dancing gave me hope. 219 00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:02,047 For a second, I thought that me and adam 220 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:04,816 Actually found something that we both enjoyed. 221 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,419 You know, this reminds me of a story. 222 00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:08,520 Oh, dear god. 223 00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:09,488 I'll work through it on my own. 224 00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:13,058 Adult adam: Yep. I brilliantly played my dad to get a sword. 225 00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:16,761 Even little bald vizzini would've called my plan inconceivable! 226 00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:20,298 Dude! These swords are badass. How'd you get them? 227 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,500 Simple. I used my dad's love of sports 228 00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:23,768 And the awkwardness of our relationship to get what I wanted. 229 00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:27,506 Wow. Behind the mask and glasses lies a devious mind. 230 00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:31,710 All right, adam and boy whose name I can't remember. 231 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,044 Give me the swords. 232 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,212 Wait, what? Why? 233 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,213 You quit, so I'm returning them. 234 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:38,316 But they're used. I spoke to the manager at herman's sports. 235 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:41,152 He's a total hard-ass. He won't take them back. 236 00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,021 It's store policy, ironclad. 237 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,222 No, I got some divorced dad at school 238 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:46,758 Who wants to buy them to earn back his son's love, 239 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:47,392 So hand them over. 240 00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:50,228 But I need them. I mean... 241 00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:51,463 I have some big news. 242 00:08:51,465 --> 00:08:53,965 You see, I found an even better use 243 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,434 For expensive sporting equipment. 244 00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,736 Imagination. 245 00:08:57,738 --> 00:09:01,506 Oh, I see what's going on here. You played me. 246 00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,408 What? You played me. 247 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,410 Don't insult me like that. 248 00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:06,845 You used my love of sports 249 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:09,514 And the awkwardness of our relationship 250 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:10,248 To get what you wanted. 251 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,484 Well, I wouldn't use those words exactly. 252 00:09:12,486 --> 00:09:14,586 You literally did a minute ago. 253 00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:15,287 Shut up, dave kim! 254 00:09:15,289 --> 00:09:16,755 My name is dave kim, by the way. 255 00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,456 Adult adam: While I had let my dad down, 256 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:21,159 My mom was celebrating the perfect setup. 257 00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:22,561 I did it, ginny. 258 00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:25,564 They stayed past 11:00, and she drove him home, 259 00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:27,399 Partly because he jogged to our house, 260 00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,302 But partly because they wanted private time. 261 00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:32,037 Wow. How do you do it, bev? 262 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,538 Well, I just know that opposites attract. 263 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,074 I mean, she's creative and artistic, 264 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,410 And he likes to wear short shorts in the winter. 265 00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:41,846 Wow. Well, you are just a matchmaking wizard. I know. 266 00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:44,916 But you can't tell anyone. I would never. 267 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,284 This is so juicy. 268 00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,320 I know. But you cannot tell a soul. 269 00:09:48,322 --> 00:09:49,254 I would never. 270 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,021 (telephone rings) oh! 271 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,891 Adult adam: The only problem was that my mom was just a single part 272 00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,359 Of an intricate web of gossiping moms. 273 00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:59,030 Long before the internet, there was the worldwide yenta-net. 274 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:03,768 It was faster than erica and barry could've ever imagined. 275 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:04,669 Yo! 276 00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:05,470 Dude! Did you hear? 277 00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:07,105 Miss cinoman and mellor are doing the wild thing. 278 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:10,108 I heard they hooked up in the pool and now they have to drain it. 279 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,611 Oh, god, no. Where'd you hear that? 280 00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:13,545 Everyone's talking about it. 281 00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:15,046 Apparently they got busy in the band room 282 00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:17,949 And now they got to throw away all the oboes. 283 00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:19,818 Oh, this is bad. 284 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:22,320 Your dopey friends have the biggest mouths in school. 285 00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:23,955 No, no, no, they're cool. 286 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,890 I promise you it's not as bad as we think. 287 00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:27,125 Everybody stop your gossiping! 288 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,561 Nobody wants to hear about susan cinoman 289 00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:31,863 Mashing parts with that neanderthal. 290 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:32,998 Get to class. 291 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,200 Yeah, it's bad. 292 00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:42,440 It's come to my attention that there's been some... 293 00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:46,011 Inappropriate behavior with members of our faculty. 294 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,446 I am offended to my very core 295 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:51,383 That my integrity would be questioned. 296 00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:52,884 We kissed! Coach rick. 297 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:54,519 It absolutely happened. 298 00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:55,787 Big time. 299 00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,689 (both chuckle) 300 00:10:57,957 --> 00:11:00,692 I actually have a question. 301 00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:01,259 Why am I here? 302 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:04,162 You are here, because you caused this kerfuffle. 303 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,364 Now, I don't want to mention any names, 304 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:09,300 But there is another faculty member that has complained, 305 00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:13,805 And our school's bylaws state teachers can't fraternize. 306 00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:16,207 Love don't care about bylaws. 307 00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,342 That is beautiful, coach. 308 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,478 What...He just said doesn't mean anything. 309 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,713 Look, one of the two of you 310 00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:23,882 Is going to have to take a leave of absence. 311 00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,350 If someone must go, then let it be me. 312 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,786 I will be the one who goes gently into that good night. 313 00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:32,257 Hooray, it's settled. So, cinoman's out, mellor's in. 314 00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:32,824 Silver lining. 315 00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:36,961 Now we can go make out in the supply closet without fear of punishment. 316 00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:37,862 (laughs) (growls) 317 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,531 No. Still not okay. 318 00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:43,168 Adult adam: Being an all-knowing yenta, my mom knew exactly 319 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:45,203 Who complained about her matchmaking. 320 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,438 It was this man. (sneezes) 321 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,907 (groans) the lonely and bitter mr. Woodburn. 322 00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:51,710 The only solution... Find a match for him, too. Damn it! 323 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:54,546 59 cents worth of noodles down the drain. 324 00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:57,382 If anybody could get it done, it was beverly goldberg. 325 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:57,949 Can't be done. 326 00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,984 While my mother was determined to open mr. Woodburn's heart, 327 00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:03,988 I was determined to open my dad's eyes to the princess bride. 328 00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,990 Look, I know I manipulated you 329 00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:08,259 Into spending hundreds of your hard-earned dollars 330 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,762 On swords to re-create an epic movie scene, 331 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:13,198 And for that, I'd like to say, "my mistake." 332 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:18,103 Oh! Well, as long as it's your mistake, all is forgiven. 333 00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:19,370 I can sense your sarcasm, 334 00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,406 But I think once you see that movie, 335 00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,941 You'll be so freaking delighted 336 00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:25,110 That you'll have no choice but to forgive me. 337 00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,745 I'm not watching that damn movie. 338 00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:29,547 Do you like romance, pirates, 339 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,483 Wizards, mandy patinkin? 340 00:12:31,485 --> 00:12:33,918 That's a hard no to all those things. 341 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,921 But what I do like is my money well spent, 342 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,624 And that's why I'm gonna force you to fence. 343 00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:42,894 But I'll get poked again, and it stings a little! 344 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,530 Pops, you're the voice of reason. Help me out here. 345 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:48,967 Not after the way you manipulated your father, kiddo. 346 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,935 That was a real putz move. 347 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,170 Look, I can't fence. 348 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:55,340 I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. 349 00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:55,840 Lucky for you, 350 00:12:55,842 --> 00:13:00,111 I got a way you can learn everything about everything. 351 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,981 The encyclopedia? That's your brilliant answer? 352 00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:05,216 Yes. "f" for fencing. 353 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:05,817 Now learn, damn it. 354 00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:08,153 Adult adam: Yep, back before google and wikipedia, 355 00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,020 The only way to look stuff up 356 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:11,823 Was a set of really boring books that covered a lot, 357 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,625 But said a little. There. 358 00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:14,659 Fencing. You're welcome. 359 00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,494 Adam: There's just a small paragraph. 360 00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:17,929 I'll learn nothing from this. 361 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:21,633 "z" for zorro. He was a great fence man. 362 00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,134 Oh, please, zorro sucks. 363 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,837 Don't you dare knock zorro! He is a man of honor. 364 00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:27,372 Then why is he wearing that stupid mask? 365 00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,908 What's he hiding? All I'm saying is 366 00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:30,875 Zorro had enough skill 367 00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:34,913 To sign a "z" wherever he went. A "z"! 368 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,281 Even I can sign a "z." 369 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:37,882 Oh, I'd like to see that. 370 00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:39,617 Gladly. 371 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,321 (grunting) (groans) 372 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,190 What'd you do that for? 373 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,324 Don't just stand there! 374 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,060 We're in "f." find "first aid." 375 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:49,894 Murray: Oh, you moron! 376 00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:52,430 Adult adam: While my dad was feeling the pain of my blade, 377 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:53,998 Miss cinoman was gone, and to coach, 378 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,166 That was as stab in the heart. 379 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:59,337 (voice breaking) hustle up, goldberg! Pick up the pace! 380 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,939 Coach, are you crying? 381 00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:03,908 You only get one cry in life, son, and this ain't it. 382 00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:06,144 Now run till your heart explodes, 383 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:06,811 'cause...Mine just did. 384 00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,913 Adult adam: As coach mellor was barely holding it together, 385 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:13,918 The school choir had completely fallen apart without miss cinoman. 386 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:14,352 Now... 387 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,222 I know you're all wondering what qualifications 388 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,624 Does your principal have to teach you music? 389 00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,926 Well, rest assured, I was a baritone 390 00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:24,796 In my high-school barbershop quartet, 391 00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:25,864 The dapper dougs. 392 00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,165 Isn't your name earl? 393 00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:29,868 Yes, but we had a doug, and he was very assertive. 394 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,703 Sorry. Now, 395 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,171 Match my pitch. 396 00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:35,139 (note plays) 397 00:14:37,142 --> 00:14:39,077 ¶ I don't hear any singing 398 00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,745 (all humming) ¶ let's go-o-o-o 399 00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:42,413 (deep voice) ¶ no, you're down here. 400 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:43,381 (high voice) ¶ I'm up here 401 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,983 (deep voice) ¶ you're down here you're a girl 402 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:45,984 (high voice) ¶ I'm a bo-o-y 403 00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:49,721 ¶ you're a principal what makes you qualified to teach music? 404 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,756 ¶ no offense ¶ no offense taken 405 00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:54,425 ¶ but I would be very careful about that attitude 406 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:59,464 ¶ it leads you down to a very dangerous path ¶ 407 00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,399 (note plays) 408 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,066 (door slams) 409 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,269 Your yenta-ing has ruined our lives. 410 00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:07,238 Coach mellor canceled our next wrestling match. 411 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,975 He said without love, what's the point of sports? 412 00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:11,643 I lost my solo. 413 00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:14,712 Even worse, I'm the bass in a barbershop quartet. 414 00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:17,015 Principal ball chose me over matt ramer, 415 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,583 And he's a dude, a big dude. 416 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:21,286 Okay. I admit I may have over-yenta'd, 417 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,187 And for that, I'm sorry. 418 00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:24,222 But lucky for you, 419 00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:26,858 Your mama's already in the kitchen cooking up a plan. 420 00:15:26,860 --> 00:15:29,127 Adult adam: She had a plan, all right. 421 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,528 Okay, what have we got, people? 422 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:34,399 Adult adam: And that plan was to find love for my jealous science teacher. 423 00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:36,868 Leads for woodburn. Talk to me. 424 00:15:36,870 --> 00:15:38,770 We're thinking edna bishop. 425 00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:39,704 Engaged. Next. 426 00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:42,573 Betty garellick. Engaged. Next. 427 00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,508 Ruth applebaum! 428 00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,877 Moved to jersey. Come on. 429 00:15:45,879 --> 00:15:47,078 I think... 430 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,279 I might know someone. 431 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,114 Who? Her name is gail kaufman. 432 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,382 She works with me at gimbels. 433 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,585 She's super clumsy and dresses in primary brown 434 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:57,689 And always talks about her pet lizard. 435 00:15:57,691 --> 00:15:58,690 (all exclaiming) 436 00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:00,625 But more than anything, I just get the feeling 437 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,927 They would really like each other, you know? 438 00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:03,695 I do know. 439 00:16:03,697 --> 00:16:06,431 Oh, and she doesn't have a ring. 440 00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:07,932 How do I even know that? 441 00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:09,834 Because all yentas know. 442 00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:10,401 (all laughing) 443 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,837 Oh, my god. You're one of them! 444 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:15,206 Oh, don't you dare say that. 445 00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:15,707 But it's true. 446 00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:18,876 Oh, schmoopie, I'm so proud of you! 447 00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:21,045 Don't be proud. 'cause I'm not a yenta. 448 00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:24,082 Beverly: Don't be ashamed. It's a gift. 449 00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:26,150 Hey. 450 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,051 How's your throat skin? 451 00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:31,522 You, uh, stabbed it with a sword, so it feels like that. 452 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,491 Here, you can sell this. 453 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,159 I'm sorry I lied and stuff. 454 00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:38,896 It's fine. This whole thing was a mess. 455 00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:43,167 I guess I was just excited about the overlap. 456 00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:43,801 The what? 457 00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:46,571 The overlap. You know, you like dumb movies, 458 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:47,839 I like awesome sports, 459 00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:50,875 And this fencing thing was finally something 460 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:52,777 We could both enjoy... 461 00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:53,678 At least I thought it was. 462 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,980 Adult adam: He was right. This was no longer about some silly sword. 463 00:16:55,982 --> 00:17:00,284 It was about sharing something with my dad, and I had to fix it. 464 00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:01,919 Dad? Yeah. 465 00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,988 Maybe I could give it one more try. 466 00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:04,956 Honestly, you don't have to. 467 00:17:04,958 --> 00:17:08,226 I do. And you know what? I might even surprise you. 468 00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:11,496 And so, I set out to become like every brave warrior 469 00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:12,497 Who ever wielded a sword. 470 00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:14,532 The time had come to be a real hero, 471 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:18,036 Not just play one from a movie. 472 00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:21,572 Sadly, fighting for real was way harder 473 00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:24,075 Than the stage combat class I took at theater camp. 474 00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:27,178 Adam: You won, gosh! Dang it! Ahhh! 475 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:30,681 It was 4-0, and if I was gonna win this match, 476 00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,950 I'd need more than an encyclopedia. 477 00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,786 I needed a miracle. 478 00:17:34,788 --> 00:17:36,220 (sighs) thank god. 479 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:38,823 Pops, just the man I wanted to see. 480 00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:39,824 Tell me what to do. 481 00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:43,795 Hey, look, you got a nickel in your face mask. 482 00:17:43,797 --> 00:17:45,396 Not the nickel trick now! 483 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,931 I got stabbed in the face. 484 00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:50,334 I need advice, real life-saving advice. 485 00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:51,869 Adam, let's just go home. 486 00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,671 You'll do your princess bride thing. 487 00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,706 Adult adam: Of course. That was my answer... 488 00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,443 The very movie that brought me here in the first place. 489 00:17:58,445 --> 00:17:59,143 Just like inigo montoya, 490 00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:02,747 I'd rise up and fight in the name of my father! 491 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,316 The princess bride. 492 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,185 That's it. 493 00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:08,719 Back for more? 494 00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,289 (imitates inigo montoya) hello. My name is inigo montoya. 495 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:14,325 You killed my father. Prepare to die. 496 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:15,927 What now? 497 00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:20,565 Hello. My name is inigo montoya. 498 00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:23,401 You killed my father. Prepare to die. 499 00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:26,170 Dude, what is your deal? 500 00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:28,973 Hello. My name is inigo montoya. 501 00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:31,309 You killed my father. Prepare to die. 502 00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,111 Your father is right there. 503 00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,279 He sold us our sectional. 504 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,317 Attaboy, kiddo! 505 00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:43,087 Murray: (laughs) my son's gonna be in the olympics! 506 00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:43,688 In the olympics! 507 00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:46,491 Adult adam: I wasn't, but I was still a champion to my dad. 508 00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:48,960 ¶ each morning I get up I die a little 509 00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,261 ¶ can barely stand on my feet 510 00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:52,196 Chorus: ¶ take a look at yourself in the mirror 511 00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:54,298 Adult adam: And even though erica refused to admit she was a yenta... 512 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,967 ¶ lord, what you're doing to me she got her solo back 513 00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,870 Thanks to the matchmaking skills she learned from my mom. 514 00:18:58,872 --> 00:19:02,039 Erica, thank you for telling me about the big sale 515 00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:03,741 On brown pants and shirts. 516 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,243 Of course. 517 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:07,211 Could I get my co-worker to help you? 518 00:19:07,213 --> 00:19:07,979 I'm kind of slammed today. 519 00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:11,749 Gail, would you mind helping my friend here find some slacks? 520 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,618 ¶ somebody to love? 521 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,085 Hi. 522 00:19:14,087 --> 00:19:15,419 I bet you'd be interested to know 523 00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:17,288 Gail here has a giant lizard. 524 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:18,356 Emerald tree or spiny-tailed? 525 00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:20,892 I'll tell you all about it while you try on some corduroys. 526 00:19:20,894 --> 00:19:23,461 (chuckles) okay. (chuckles) okay. 527 00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:25,229 This way. 528 00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:28,666 Schmoopie. Oh, no. 529 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:29,600 No proud hugs. 530 00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:30,935 (chuckles) I'm not a yenta. 531 00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:31,969 Not even a little yenta? 532 00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:33,137 Do you want to hide in a dressing room 533 00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:34,305 So we can hear what they're talking about? 534 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:37,508 We'll stop by housewares and get a glass to press against the wall. 535 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:38,209 Move, move, move. 536 00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,811 Adult adam: Once mr. Woodburn had conveniently met his perfect match, 537 00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:44,348 He didn't care so much about miss cinoman and coach rick. 538 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,317 And that's the power of the yenta. 539 00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,219 Despite the gossip and meddling... 540 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:52,056 All they really want is to find each single person 541 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,558 Somebody to love. 542 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,026 Coach, are you crying? 543 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:59,630 You only get one cry in life, son, and this is it. 544 00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:01,199 Can we stop running now? 545 00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,868 ¶ till the tears run down from my eyes, lord 546 00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,571 ¶ somebody adult adam: Even though I grew up in a small town... 547 00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:09,273 We still had our fair share of adventure and romance. 548 00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:12,109 And while my dad wasn't much for either... 549 00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:15,379 We still managed to find our overlap. 550 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:16,847 'cause that's the thing about family. 551 00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:19,784 Sometimes they demand a lot, but you love them so much... 552 00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:24,088 You can't help but give in and say, "as you wish." 553 00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:26,190 Dad, what are you... 554 00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:29,894 I, uh, watched the movie, and it's not bad. 555 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:32,830 ¶ somebody to love ¶ 556 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,198 (chuckles) 557 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,867 Okay, let's, uh, get this over with. 558 00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:39,136 Okay. So, come over here. 559 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:43,074 Stand right there and try and look enormous. 560 00:20:43,842 --> 00:20:45,710 There we go. 561 00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:49,880 Helen schur says her son is working on wall street. 562 00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:53,684 I just saw him bagging groceries at walmart. 563 00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,286 (groans) I need the phone! 564 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:58,089 You've literally been on it for seven hours! 565 00:20:58,091 --> 00:21:00,858 I'm telling you, dottie anderson's leg... 566 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,026 100% wood. 567 00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:05,429 Four carats my ass, linda schwartz. (laughs) 568 00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:08,099 We all know she's sporting a cubic z. 569 00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:10,268 Oh, they don't own that house. 570 00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:11,535 They're renters. 571 00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:12,103 Said that. 572 00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:15,273 You said that. You said that. (inaudible) 573 00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:19,610 (indistinct conversation) 574 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,412 (bell dings) 575 00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:26,117 (bell dings)