Adult adam: Ferris bueller's day off.
The epic '80s teen movie
By the epic '80s teen movie director, john hughes.
Ferris was effortlessly cool, confident
And charismatic,
And every teenage boy wanted to be him,
Especially me and barry.
Barry and adam with tv: You're abe froman?
That's right. I'm abe froman.
The sausage king of chicago?
Yeah. That's me.
(both chuckling) oh my god.
Ferris is so awesome.
One day, I'm gonna eat in a fancy restaurant.
And one day, I'm gonna be able to pull off this beret,
Just like ferris. Never!
Only I can pull that off! Give me mom's beret!
Adult adam: Yep, we constantly fought about
Which one of us was most like ferris.
Are you kidding me right now?
In what world are you the ferris? Barry: Duh.
We're both cool, we both date hot ladies,
And we both have horrible sisters.
All of that applies to me, too.
(scoffs) if anything,
You're the sickly, goober best friend, cameron.
Me?
You're the emotional wreck who wears a hockey jersey all the time.
That's classic cameron, dude.
Don't you dare call me "the cameron", cameron!
I'm ferris, bro. Deal with it.
Deal with this.
(toilet flushes)
Oh my god! Oh my god!
Adult adam: But in reality, I wasn't ferris.
I was this.
Hey, guys! Want to be in the school's video time capsule?
It'll be a learning tool for future generations.
Yeah, you're a learning tool for all generations.
(all laughing) good one.
Dude, enough with the camera.
It's creepy and intrusive and weird. Just like you.
Thank you for the feedback.
Adult adam: While I knew
I was miles from ferris,
Barry lived in a straight up fantasyland.
'sup, math club?
Calcu-later!
'sup, band geeks? Staying out of treble?
I have no idea who you are.
Hey, lover girl! How ya been?
Awful. I just got voted onto the homecoming court.
We made it?
Yes! I'm gonna need a big crown, you know,
'cause I have a huge head.
Oh, wow. You really, um, misread that badly.
You lost, like, big-time.
Anthony balsamo won in a landslide.
Barry: Wait.
You and your dreamy ex-boyfriend
Are sharing a float in the parade?
Together?
That's the most romantic of all modes of transportation!
Chill! We were a disaster when we dated.
We never talked. All we did was make out.
This is not getting better! Erica: Um...
You're on the homecoming court?
I thought we agreed it was for stupid, lame losers.
(scoffs) it's totally for stupid, lame losers.
Then why are you doing it?
I wanted to be a part of it. Yeah, well, so do I!
But you're not supposed to admit it. So... Are we...
Still sure that I didn't win?
Both: Yes! All right.
I'm gonna go help make the float.
So lame and fun. (squeals)
Ugh!
This sucks!
I can't compete with anthony balsamo.
He's a dreamboat.
Well, if it makes you feel better, you and lainey
Lasted way longer than I thought. Well...
I'm gonna be even more dreamboatier than anthony balsamo.
I'm gonna be...
Ferris bueller.
It's time I have an epic day off.
Good luck, knob. Mom will catch you in 2 seconds.
Spoken like ferris' shockingly unlikable sister, jennifer grey.
I want out of this family.
That's literally something jennifer grey says.
(oh yeah by yello playing) a day off is exactly what I need
To get my mojo back.
Life moves pretty fast.
If you don't stop and look around once in a while,
You could miss it.
(music stops) again, dude, I don't know who you are.
I'm ferris bueller!
God! Read a book!
¶ bow, bow
¶ chik, chika-chika ¶
Adult adam: It was April 27, 1980, something,
And my loving smother was walking in
On yet another mess she had to clean up.
I was gone for 2 minutes!
What the hell happened in here?
We wanted milkshakes,
And we couldn't find the lid to the blender,
So we just used barry's hands.
It did not work.
The lid was right here. You didn't even look for it.
I don't know why I put up with you. I...
Both: "I could have been a lawyer."
Adult adam: My mom used that catchphrase to remind us
Of the imaginary career she'd given up to raise us.
Shh!
Stop folding so loudly!
We can't hear the tv!
You know, I did not sign up for this.
I could've been a lawyer!
This is the third time I'm calling you down for dinner!
Stop ignoring your mother!
I could've been a lawyer!
You know I could have been a lawyer?
Don't get fresh.
I've given up everything for you people.
No offense, but being a lawyer's like a whole thing,
And you only went to one semester of college.
I don't believe this. I would like nothing more
Than to be out there in the workforce
With my shoulder padded power suit
And my thermos full of homemade soup...
Maybe chicken noodle or maybe a nice bisque.
Or stew.
Probably stew.
And we're back to cooking again.
Admit it. You complain about doing mom stuff,
But you secretly love it.
I'll have you know that virginia kremp has been trying
To get me to work part time at the flower shop for years,
And I think it's time I finally take her up on it.
As of tomorrow,
I will officially start my second job.
What's your first job?
Being a mom!
(chuckling) unbelievable.
Tomorrow, I am going to work,
No matter what happens.
How could this happen?
Murray, feel his hands. They're cold and clammy.
I don't want to get sick.
(sighs) I'm fine. I'll get up.
Not a chance, mister. (sighs)
Don't you worry. Mama's gonna stay right here
And nurse you back to health.
No! I mean...
(softly) no.
Are you seriously buying this bullcrap?
I mean, he told me in school he would do this.
He's faking it like ferris bueller.
Erica?
Is that you?
Please don't be upset with me.
You have your health. Be thankful.
That's literally a line from the movie!
Please just watch the movie. It's all in the movie.
We don't have time to watch movies right now.
Clearly, your brother is very sick
And needs his rest. (mouthing)
Now go eat breakfast and get to school. Move!
(erica scoffs)
Bevy, it's your first day of work.
I'm not gonna let the moron ruin it.
I'll stay with him, okay?
But he needs constant care.
All you'll do is loaf around in your chair,
Watch hours of television,
And eat whatever you want.
Adult adam: In that moment, my dad realized my mom was right.
This could be his day off, too.
I'm incredibly offended.
Just to prove you wrong,
I will stay with barry all day!
Oh, feel better, but don't stop needing me!
(groans)
(oh yeah playing) they bought it.
The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands.
You fake a stomach cramp,
And when you're bent over moaning, you lick your palms.
It's a little childish, but hey... (music stops)
Stop! I told you, man...
Stop touching my camera!
You're not ferris!
Adult adam: Now all barry had to do was outsmart my old man.
Later.
Have fun with your thing, erica.
Adult adam: That part was beyond easy.
Next, barry headed over to pops' retirement community
To pick up some sweet wheels. Hey.
How you doin'? Barry goldberg.
Give me your firebird.
Okay. Wow. I...
(chuckles) didn't expect that.
Okay. Thing is, is I'm skipping school,
And you can't tell anyone.
That may be a little difficult.
I'm taking the day off, too.
What? You're stealing my thing!
Your thing? I'm the one that needs the day off.
You're a dumb kid! Your problems are meaningless.
It's been brought to my attention that my whole being
Might not be well-received at school.
Just like cameron.
Admit it. Admit you're the cameron.
My leopard vest and boyish charm say otherwise.
That's my look! I'm ferris!
Enough! I'll be the camden.
The two of you can be the fergus.
Does that mean you'll help us?
Normally, I wouldn't let you kids skip school,
But let's be honest.
You both need a day off.
Well, then, let's hit the road.
(oh yeah playing)
If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.
I did. It's mine.
(engine starting) (engine revving)
¶ bow, bow
¶ chik, chika-chika ¶
Do you have a kiss for daddy?
Not now, barry. I just got a call.
My grandmother passed.
(chuckling) that was me!
I called the school so you could skip.
Wait. So meemaw's not dead?
No!
I assume not.
I don't have eyes on her, but most likely.
Oh, my god. What is wrong with you?
It's what ferris does,
And everyone loves him for it. Erica: Idiot!
Lainey's grandmother helped raise her,
And you just told the school
That she got flattened by a semi.
Come on. I need my sloane.
I even got you a distracting white fringe jacket.
I can't leave, okay? It's homecoming.
Plus, I have to call my aunt
And tell her that her mother is alive.
(sighs)
You suck at this.
Shut up!
But he's right. Let's just go home.
No! We got a day off to have, kiddo.
Wait, you're actually encouraging them both to skip school?
Sorry, sweetheart. They need this.
God, I am so sick of everyone bending over backwards
For these two losers, because they fail at life.
Whatever, jennifer grey.
Have fun in school while we live it up.
Fine! You want me to be jennifer grey, you'll get her.
But not the awesome one in dirty dancing. (engine revving)
¶ chik, chika-chika ¶ (tires squealing)
And that was my fringe jacket!
Adult adam: After a bit of a shaky start,
Barry's day off was under way.
With me at his side,
We would take philly by storm and relive the movie.
First up was the museum.
¶ oh, yeah
¶ the moon ¶
Where are the boobs?
Adult adam: Unfortunately, trying to re-create your favorite scene
From a movie isn't as easy as you'd think.
Just take my hand! Stranger danger!
Hey! Come here! It's from a movie!
Adult adam: Next up was the phillies, and it was gonna be legendary.
Hey, batter! Hey, batter!
Swing, batter!
Hey, butter! Hey, butter!
Sweet, butter!
Are you saying "sweet butter"?
Shut up. I don't know sports.
(bat cracks) (crowd cheers)
Foul ball! Look alive, boys!
Yes! (player thudding)
(crowd booing)
Adult adam: But, unfortunately for us,
The day was becoming legendary for all the wrong reasons.
And we weren't the only ones struggling that day.
You okay? You seem blue.
It's just barry's sick, (music stops)
And I feel really guilty being here.
Aw, honey. Welcome to being a working mama.
You want to get out of that house, and then when you do,
You can't help but feel like you're missing out, right?
Thanks, ginny. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
(chuckles) and here I was, ready to...
Bail and go check on him.
(both laughing)
(breathlessly) come on.
Oh, bev.
No, your family will still be there
To love you when you get home.
That means a lot. (chuckles)
In fact, you've inspired me.
I think I'm gonna take the van (keys jangling)
And do some deliveries
Or whatever it is you do with a van. 'kay. Bye.
Wait! You forgot the flowers!
Adult adam: As my mom was ditching the first day of her new job,
We were making a last-ditch effort
To get a tiny taste of ferris bueller.
(keys jangling)
Keep it close, pal.
(classical music playing)
Hello. May I help you?
Yes, my good man. I am abe froman,
The cheesesteak king of philadelphia.
And I am gabe froman, the emperor of soft pretzels.
Get out of here! You're terrible!
Take it easy, ferguses. Hmm.
I don't see those names on my list.
But that's fine. We have a beautiful table for you right by the window.
Whoa! Whoa! You're gonna seat us just like that?
He just said he's the pretzel emperor.
That's not even a thing.
Well, we pride ourselves on accommodating all of our guests.
So, if you'll follow me...
No, sir, I will not follow you!
Make it difficult for us to sit.
Yeah! We need to outsmart you
With our comedic shenanigans.
I'm sorry. I don't understand what's happening right now.
You're supposed to act snooty
And threaten to call the police.
I would never call the police.
Now, if you and the pretzel emperor will follow me...
Call the police! I demand it!
Don't call the police.
Call the police! Don't call the police.
We'll just get our car from valet.
We don't have a valet.
Then you better call the police.
Adult adam: And with one simple toss of the keys...
Keep it close, pal.
...Barry was completely robbed of his day off.
(bell dings)
(triumphant music playing)
Adult adam: Unlike the movie, the firebird was never seen again.
(car thudding) (tires squealing)
Even worse, my mom was flying home
To give her sick little schmoopie some tlc.
(car thudding) beverly: Ow! I hurt my bottom!
Adult adam: But she had promised my dad
She wouldn't walk through that front door...
(snorts) ...To go see barry before the workday was done.
(snoring)
So instead, she decided to climb the trellis
And go through the window.
Ow!
Oh, poop!
Mama's coming, baby.
Oh, it's in my pantyhose! Damn it!
We are definitely overwatering this lawn. My pedicure!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
How's work going?
(door closes) I told you. He's fine.
Something's wrong. He didn't come to the window.
I've got to get up there and put my lips on his forehead.
It's the only way to get an accurate temperature.
You can't stay away, can you? You're crazy.
If stealing a van and trying to break into my own home
So I can snuggle my boy is crazy,
Then I don't want to be sane.
You stole a van? No time to explain,
Mostly 'cause it makes me look bad.
Barry needs me!
Adult adam: Luckily, my brother had followed the movie to a "t"
And rigged an elaborate pulley system to a mannequin
To fake out my mom.
(snoring)
See? The kid's totally fine. Really?
Adult adam: But beverly goldberg was a lot smarter
Than the mom in the movie.
(snoring)
(telephone ringing)
Hello?
Barry's ditching school. Beverly: Wow.
Thank you for telling me nothing of note.
Did you even hear what I said?
Yes, narc. I'm also ditching work.
Are you gonna tattle on me, too?
But I... Get back to class, or you're grounded.
What do you mean, the car's already been reported stolen?
The question is, how did you know it was stolen?
I didn't. I mean, I did, because I reported it,
But I didn't really.
I'm gonna go.
No, you're gonna wait for someone
To come and question you.
(knuckles cracking)
Drugs?
Thank you, no. I'm good.
No, I meant are you in here for drugs?
No.
Why are you here?
Drugs.
So, you gonna tell me your story or what?
Fine. You want to know what's wrong?
I know what's wrong. I just want to hear you say it.
In a nutshell, I hate my brothers.
They think my life is so easy,
But I have problems, like everyone else.
Like what?
My friend got on the homecoming court,
And I didn't go out for it
Because we both agreed it's stupid.
Well, then, what's the problem?
I don't know. I guess, deep down,
I really wanted to be on it.
Then why didn't you go for it?
If there's one thing I know,
Being on the junior royal court opens a lot of doors.
'cause it's lame, and I didn't want people to make fun of me.
But I guess that's what I do.
Instead of taking risks, I just keep my head down.
Maybe that's why barry bothers me so much.
He's not afraid to look like an idiot.
Well, if you ask me,
You ought to spend more time worrying about yourself
And less time worrying about your brother.
All right, you're free to go.
It's about time.
Feels like I've been sitting here for 30 (bleep) years.
¶ chika-chika bow, bow ¶
Adult adam: Meanwhile, barry became so depressed
That he'd never be ferris bueller, he became catatonic.
Come on. It's not that bad.
We had a great day.
Barry went comatose,
We got pelted with garbage on national tv,
And someone stole your car.
Enough! You can't force a perfect day.
You got to just go out and live it
The best way you can as you, no one else.
That's exactly what ferris would say.
Great. Even our 80-year-old grandfather is cooler than us.
Man. Look at the guy.
I think he blew a microchip.
Pops: You okay, kiddo?
Blink if you can hear me.
¶ oh, yeah
¶ oh, yeah ¶
(music stops)
Did he just... Yep.
I'm coming, schmoopie!
Let my body be your life preserver!
Adult adam: Just like ferris had been relentlessly tracked down
By principal rooney,
Barry had been tracked down by my mom.
(barry gasping)
Beverly: Hold on to my bosom and kick with your legs.
Please! I was about to hit bottom!
Beverly: Let me breathe air into your lungs.
Barry: Gross!
Adult adam: It was official.
Barry's day off was a total failure.
And even worse, my mom ended up grounding him for a month.
¶ when barry was in egypt's land
¶ let my barry go ¶
You okay? I'm dying.
Dude, get up. It's homecoming.
You got to be there for lainey.
What's the point? I'm grounded.
Maybe ferris can sneak out, but not me.
Not cameron.
What if I told you that ferris isn't even real?
I know. It's just a movie.
That's not what I mean.
There's this theory that he's just a figment of cameron's imagination.
That would make cameron the hero
And ferris just the guy he wants to be.
So...
Even if I'm cameron, I can still be ferris?
Exactly.
Why are you cheering me up?
I met a dude who made me take a good look at myself.
Adult adam: Just then, my brother realized erica was right.
Maybe barry was cameron, but that didn't mean
He didn't have a little ferris in him, too.
Come on. Let's go to homecoming.
You said you were grounded. Hey,
I'm barry goldberg, and if anyone can outsmart mom, it's me.
Later! Have fun with your thing, erica.
Adult adam: Once again, barry had no problem sneaking past my dad.
Beverly: Squishy...
I know you're grounded, but that doesn't mean mama doesn't love you.
(beverly gasps)
Adult adam: And for 30 seconds, he had slightly fooled my mom.
(marching band playing)
(crowd cheering)
Boyfriend a no-show, huh?
Call me old-fashioned, but a guy who stands you up
Deserves to get cheated on. (chuckles)
(feedback)
(twist and shout playing)
(marching band stops)
¶ oh, shake it up, baby, now
Oh, no.
¶ twist and shout
¶ come on, come on come on come on, baby, now
¶ come on and work it on out
¶ well, work it on out, honey
¶ you know you look so good
This isn't what I meant, you dope!
¶ you know you got me going now
¶ just like I knew
Adult adam: Even though barry was making a fool of himself,
(cheers and applause) something happened he never expected.
Every single person in that audience loved ferris bueller, too.
Uh, who is that crazy dude?
That's my boyfriend.
¶ ahhhhh
he's doing it.
He's actually doing it.
¶ ahhhhh
¶ ahhhhhhhhhh
I'll go get him. No. Let him go.
Sometimes moms need to know when to take a day off, too.
¶ come on, come on, come on come on, baby, now ¶ sing, baby, sing!
Adult adam: That's when my mom realized
There was a reason she wasn't a lawyer.
She already had the best job in the world.
As for me, I realized
I didn't want to be ferris bueller or cameron or anyone else in the movie.
I wanted to be the guy
Who sat behind the camera, making it.
I wanted to be john hughes.
¶ shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now
Adult adam: Of course, no one could be,
But I might as damn well try.
¶ ahhhhh
¶ ahhhhhhhhhh
(crowd applauding) whoo!
Adult adam: That's the thing about the movies we grow up with...
We always wish we could be part of the fantasy,
And for one brief moment, my brother actually was.
You're still here?
(chuckling) it's over. Go.
Go home. Get out of here.
I don't get why I'm doing this.
Trust me. This will make you famous one day.
That's it. Go home. Get out of here.
You're done. Goodbye.