1 00:00:00,066 --> 00:00:02,201 Adult adam: This is my mom, beverly goldberg, 2 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,636 A shoulder-padded, country-haired mother warrior 3 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:06,905 Whose top priority was always her kids. 4 00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:10,509 Before helicopter moms and attachment parenting, 5 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,245 She was the original smother. 6 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,348 Snuggle bug, circular motions. 7 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:20,352 We've had this discussion. Just give it to me. 8 00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:21,553 See? 9 00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:22,955 Feel that difference? Make a bunny face. 10 00:00:22,957 --> 00:00:26,392 She was all over us from early in the morning 11 00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:27,393 To late at night. 12 00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:29,628 Who wants a sleepover snack? 13 00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:30,362 (chuckles) 14 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,265 First one to fall asleep gets their bra frozen. 15 00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,433 Why are you in here? 16 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,935 She even found a way to smother us at school. 17 00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:39,038 (gasps) mom? Don't mind me. 18 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,205 Soccer tryouts are this afternoon. 19 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,808 You need that to protect your special spot. 20 00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:44,576 I know what it's for. Just leave. 21 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,278 But nothing put a bounce in her step 22 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,548 More than planning our futures for us. 23 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:50,849 Oh, this is just so exciting! 24 00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:54,319 So many choices, how are we ever gonna decide? 25 00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,055 "we"? No, I'm deciding. 26 00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:59,792 Oh, if it were your decision, you'd go to hawaii university. 27 00:00:59,794 --> 00:01:04,263 Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 28 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:06,632 They have a college in hawaii? 29 00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,201 How did they get a school on an island? 30 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:13,572 Oh, my! I got to check this out! Aloha! 31 00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:14,606 What's this? 32 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:18,077 A prestigious college right in our hometown of philadelphia? 33 00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:19,278 Yeah, there's no way in hell 34 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,581 I am living at home and going to drexel. 35 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,783 Hear you loud and clear. 36 00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:26,351 Hello, drexel. 37 00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,687 I'm beverly goldberg. This is erica. 38 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,656 I don't want to build her up too much, 39 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,691 But she is literally the best student 40 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:33,592 That ever has been or will be. 41 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:37,129 (chuckles) uh, besides having a great personality, 42 00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:41,100 She gets good grades, does meals on wheels, model un 43 00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,669 And is a volunteer swim instructor at the "y." 44 00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,571 For the love of god, stop talking! 45 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:49,074 You're parading me around like a poodle and it's embarrassing. 46 00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:50,142 Honey, I'm your mother. 47 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,743 It is my job to strong-arm people 48 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,946 Into seeing how amazing you are. 49 00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:54,613 Look around. 50 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,783 No other mothers insist on being so involved. 51 00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:58,484 Betsy: Beverly! 52 00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:01,086 Adult adam: But that wasn't true. 53 00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:04,156 Her name was betsy rubenstone, the other smother. 54 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:07,392 She was head of the pta, chair of the fall festival 55 00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:10,329 And eight other parent committees. 56 00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:11,063 My mom volunteered, too, 57 00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:16,301 But betsy was just made better, stronger, faster. 58 00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:18,670 Ah, betsy! 59 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:19,271 Oh! Mwah! 60 00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:22,274 So, what school are you thinking about for carin? 61 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:24,610 She's already been early-accepted to yale. 62 00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:25,644 (clicks tongue) 63 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:29,014 Today's all about getting a jump-start for michael. 64 00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:31,783 Isn't he a sophomore? It's never too early. 65 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,152 I mean, he only has a 3.8, 66 00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:34,186 So I'm pushing the extracurriculars. 67 00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:36,455 He's on the debate team, tours middle schools with dare, 68 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,157 And he was just riffin "west side story." 69 00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:41,460 Riff? That's... What? Like third lead. 70 00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,395 Michael's too busy to be tony. 71 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:44,163 He's swamped. (sighs) 72 00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:46,398 He can't even be student council treasurer this year, 73 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,499 Even though he always runs unopposed. 74 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,669 Betsy and my mom had been at war for years 75 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,804 Over whose kids were better. 76 00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:53,705 (bell dings) 77 00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:56,542 My little science wiz. Isn't he amazing? 78 00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:57,976 (coughing) she built it for him. 79 00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:00,012 (bell dings) betsy was winning. 80 00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:03,815 Well, barry's busy, too. Um, he makes up rap songs. 81 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,817 They call him big tasty. 82 00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:06,919 And he does karate 83 00:03:06,921 --> 00:03:09,721 And plays harmonica and basketball. 84 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,356 Barry made varsity? 85 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:12,758 More like street ball. 86 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,594 He plays in the street and in our driveway, 87 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:16,395 Which leads to the street. 88 00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:19,565 I'm not sure you can put that on a college resume. (laughs) 89 00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:20,899 It's a gray area. You know. 90 00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:24,469 Point is, though, he will be going to an ivy league school. 91 00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,838 Probably not yale 'cause I haven't heard great things. 92 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,807 Check it out, hawaii university! 93 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:32,644 It's real, and he said they accept americans! 94 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:33,278 (laughs) 95 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,847 He's kidding! Oh, class clown. Kids love him. 96 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:38,917 Sense of humor, it's such a commodity in today's economy. 97 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:41,253 Hi. Anyway, bye-bye, now. 98 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:42,421 What's the matter? 99 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,022 You're not going to school in hawaii. 100 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,391 It's surrounded by sharks, and even if I did let you go, 101 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:50,896 It would be a stretch because you don't have a single club on your resume. 102 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:51,396 Not true. 103 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,832 I'm founding member of the beat-box club. 104 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,734 It's not official, but that's by choice 105 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,936 'cause then we'd be sellouts. 106 00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:00,439 (beat-boxing) 107 00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:04,610 Listen, I just heard there's an opening 108 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:07,346 For school treasurer, unopposed. 109 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,615 Think about it. It's a guaranteed... 110 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,316 (beat-boxing) ...Wi-in. 111 00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:14,653 So, I do nothing and automatically win? Yes. 112 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:15,921 Nah. Come on. Name your price. 113 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,957 Eight bucks, and I get to eat in front of the tv tonight. 114 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,425 Deal. Yeah! 115 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,361 I love politics. 116 00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:23,395 ♪ I'm twisted up inside 117 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:27,499 ♪ but nonetheless I feel the need to say 118 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:30,569 ♪ I don't know the future 119 00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:35,207 ♪ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪ 120 00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:37,809 Adult adam: Back in the '80s, 121 00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,344 You couldn't just lay on your couch 122 00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:40,846 And stream a movie to your phone. 123 00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:43,015 You actually had to spend an hour venturing 124 00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:46,852 To a wondrous place called a video store, 125 00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:48,954 And it was awesome! 126 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,122 Let's just make this fast, okay? 127 00:04:50,124 --> 00:04:53,925 Pick a movie, and don't go behind the curtain! 128 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:54,660 The stakes were high. 129 00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:56,862 If someone already rented the movie you wanted, 130 00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:58,430 You were out of luck. 131 00:04:58,432 --> 00:04:59,364 No! 132 00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:01,400 Temple of doom is checked out! 133 00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,268 Some putz checked it out! 134 00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:04,303 Just pick any movie. 135 00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,305 Look, rhinestone. Rambo sings in it. 136 00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:10,175 Does rambo sing while ripping a man's heart out of his chest? 137 00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:10,909 Doesn't say. 138 00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:15,547 When you were out of options, there was one last hail mary, 139 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:16,715 The return bin. 140 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:17,816 If your movie was in there, 141 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,251 It was like winning the lottery. 142 00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:22,788 At least for an obsessive movie geek like me. 143 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,023 (gasps) yes! 144 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,925 I am the luckiest man alive! 145 00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:28,927 Yeah, we all have our stories. 146 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,863 Let's just get going. Here's my card. 147 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,599 Temple of doom. Overrated. 148 00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:36,335 You want to see a good film, kid, 149 00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:37,903 Watch bergman's, the seventh seal. 150 00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:40,005 Or devil's manners, that's my student film. 151 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,473 It's pretty much the quintessential... 152 00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:44,042 No, thank you, and let's get going. 153 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,110 Uh, we're in a big rush. 154 00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:49,214 (computer beep) yeah, you have a movie out. 155 00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:51,049 Slap shot. Overrated. 156 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:53,185 If you ask, paul newman should not... 157 00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:53,819 I did not ask you, 158 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:56,154 And I know I returned that movie. Please check again. 159 00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,957 I didn't realize that my computer was hal 9000 160 00:05:58,959 --> 00:05:59,891 And it could change at will 161 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,693 And blast us out the pod bay doors. 162 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,229 Nothing you say makes any sense. 163 00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:08,633 Please check again because I am 100% positive 164 00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:10,402 That I returned that movie. 165 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,737 You guys lost it. 166 00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,739 Dad, I just want to watch my movie. 167 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:16,074 Okay, how much do I owe you? 168 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,042 To restore your account, 169 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,845 You would have to purchase the unreturned video. 170 00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:23,115 (beeping) which would be $59.99. 171 00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:24,850 That's crazy! I'm not paying that! 172 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:27,452 Come on. This is the only video store in town. 173 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:29,087 It's not like we have a choice. 174 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,889 We do have a choice! 175 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,457 I am not leaving here 176 00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:37,462 Until you clear my account and I get my justice. 177 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,499 (typing) (computer beeping) 178 00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:41,233 What are you doing? 179 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:44,369 Just marking temple of doom as in stock. 180 00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:47,606 Let's get out of here. Come on, now, now! 181 00:06:50,209 --> 00:06:52,944 Is mom here? Yeah, she just got home. 182 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:53,712 Damn it! 183 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:56,615 Don't mind me. Just go back to your sandwich. 184 00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:57,649 Adult adam: In that moment, 185 00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,684 Pops saw that his sweet, little granddaughter 186 00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:02,354 Was actually a master of deception. 187 00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:05,190 There's my beautiful mermaid. How was swim class? 188 00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:08,960 Little emily goodman finally put her face in the water. 189 00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,762 Oh, you are an inspiration. 190 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,665 Thanks, mom. I'm so proud of you. 191 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:14,966 (erica sighs) 192 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:18,103 "swim class, Thursday the 27th. 193 00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:20,972 "emily goodman, face in water." 194 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:25,911 Uh-oh, I'm looking at some pretty shady stuff here, 195 00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,813 And I know shady. 196 00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:28,380 Okay. 197 00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:31,650 I'm gonna let you in on a secret that's so gigantic, 198 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:34,753 That it could rock this family to its very core. 199 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,588 Maybe I shouldn't... Here it is. 200 00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:39,090 I've never taught a swimming lesson in my entire life, 201 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,992 I don't do model un. Or meals on wheels 202 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,295 And it feels so good to finally tell someone! 203 00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:46,198 Wait. You scammed your mom? 204 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:46,865 That's very risky. 205 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:49,968 How has she not been at one of your swim lessons? 206 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:53,905 I specifically chose the ymca pool 'cause she hates it. 207 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,874 It's so humid, it makes her hair frizz. 208 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,176 And the model un. Thingy? 209 00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,511 I swore I'd quit if she showed up, 210 00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,713 And she knows better than to call that bluff. 211 00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:02,914 But how did you get in the yearbook? 212 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:05,283 Turns out my sister's desperation 213 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:08,353 Spawned a new invention... 214 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,422 The photo bomb. 215 00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:14,125 (camera shutter clicking) 216 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,394 And I thought she was good. 217 00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:17,762 She is, but I'm better. 218 00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:21,333 And I have to be, 'cause if she ever finds out, she'll kill us both. 219 00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:22,701 Why am I getting killed? 220 00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,135 'cause you're in on it with me. 221 00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:25,103 Since when? 222 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,872 Since I just told you! 223 00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:27,672 How did this happen? 224 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,241 I just came here to have a pastrami sandwich! 225 00:08:29,243 --> 00:08:32,878 You better come clean with your mother before she finds out. 226 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,113 Or I fake-join the debate club 227 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,115 And create a whole other level of lies! 228 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,718 Thanks, pops! You're the best! 229 00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:44,756 (gasps) finally! There's my baby. 230 00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:47,425 (sniffs) what's that weird smell? 231 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,260 That's the smell of clean. 232 00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:51,229 You're free to start reversing the process now. 233 00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,198 How was school? Sweet! 234 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,633 Fed a sea gull a french fry. 235 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,968 We're not near the ocean. How do they get there? 236 00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,337 No, I was talking about student council. 237 00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:00,972 Oh, that. Yeah. 238 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,574 Not happening. What? 239 00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:04,009 Michael rubenstone is running now. 240 00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:06,778 You said this was a guaranteed win and I wouldn't have to try. 241 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,614 That's what I'm good at. Since when is michael running? 242 00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:12,350 He's already got a full plate. 243 00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,251 I'm okay with it, 244 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,886 Mostly 'cause I don't give a crap. 245 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,154 You can beat michael rubenstone. 246 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:20,225 I mean, what has he got that my delicious boy doesn't? 247 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,927 Cookies! His mom made them, 248 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:26,364 And they're the perfect mix of chewy and crunchy. 249 00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:28,366 Mmm. 250 00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:30,068 Mmm. 251 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:33,872 Oh, so we're baking political cookies now, huh? 252 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:36,942 You wanted war? (chuckles) 253 00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:39,678 You've got it, betsy rubenstone. 254 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,580 (sighs) 255 00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:45,183 (bleep) that is good! 256 00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:45,850 Good morning, guys. 257 00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:47,919 Vote for michael. Michael for treasurer. 258 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:51,423 You guys know michael, right? Betsy rubenstone. 259 00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,525 We need to talk. Beverly! 260 00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:57,262 Look at you pulling off that outfit for the most part. 261 00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,930 Cut the chitchat. I'm on to you. 262 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:02,133 You said michael was too busy to run for treasurer. 263 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,001 Well, he found the time 264 00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,003 'cause he has a passion for politics. 265 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,004 No, he doesn't! 266 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:06,838 All kids hate everything. 267 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,140 He's only running because you have it out for me. 268 00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,809 Why don't I make michael drop out of the race 269 00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,277 And give poor barry the win? 270 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:13,878 No! You leave michael in. 271 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:17,549 I'm barry's campaign manager now and we will crush you. 272 00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,217 I'd love to see that. Well, good luck. 273 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,619 Good luck to you. Don't need it. 274 00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:21,987 Neither do I. Think you do. 275 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,455 Think you do. Do you? 276 00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:24,723 (softly) I do. I don't. 277 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,925 What? Just kidding. I don't. 278 00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,093 Oh. 279 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:29,227 Things were really heating up 280 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,762 Between my mom and betsy rubenstone, 281 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:36,067 While back home my dad was about to lose his cool. 282 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:40,572 Murray: Oh, what did you do with the tv guide? 283 00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:45,276 My father had found the video he swore he had returned. 284 00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:45,844 (sighs) 285 00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:49,447 So he did what any honorable man would do. 286 00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:52,117 Hide the evidence. 287 00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:57,622 What you doing? 288 00:10:57,624 --> 00:10:59,224 Nothing. Is that slap shot? 289 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:02,560 Are you kidding me? You swore you returned it. 290 00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,129 You said you were 100% positive! 291 00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:07,165 I've never been 100% positive about anything in my life. 292 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:11,269 Whatever! Let's just end this stupid feud and return the movie. 293 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,604 Nope, dad is gonna teach you 294 00:11:12,606 --> 00:11:15,674 A very valuable life lesson here, okay? 295 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:19,244 If you never admit you're wrong, 296 00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:20,078 You're never wrong! 297 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,947 Either you take that tape back to the video store 298 00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:24,149 Or we got real problems, man! 299 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,785 What are you getting at? You know what I'm getting at! 300 00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:29,154 I really have no clue. I don't either! 301 00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:31,189 Just return the tape! 302 00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:37,195 As erica spun her web of lies, 303 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,830 Pops tried to avoid getting caught in it. 304 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:41,533 Pops, pops, thank god. Um, I need you to listen 305 00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:44,235 To this fake argument about, uh, trickle-down economics 306 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,771 In case mom asks me about the debate team. 307 00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:49,507 You're writing speeches for a debate 308 00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:50,341 You're not a part of? 309 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,177 Yes, and we need to make it good. 310 00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:53,845 No "we." stop saying "we." 311 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,980 "trickle-down economics is a pejorative term 312 00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:57,782 "used by liberal-media hacks." 313 00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:58,416 This is crazy! 314 00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:02,721 Wouldn't it just be easier if you actually did this stuff? 315 00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:05,724 I mean, it would look great on the college resume. 316 00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:08,593 Oh, it would, but I can't. 317 00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:09,527 (sighs) 318 00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:12,363 I'm gonna let you in on another huge secret. 319 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:13,164 No! Here it is. 320 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,933 This is the opposite of what I want. 321 00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:19,270 Back in freshman year when I actually did model un, 322 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,272 There was an incident. 323 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:24,142 It was my sister's dark origin story. 324 00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:25,410 Back before erica was erica, 325 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:29,547 She was an overachieving, first-class stress case! 326 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,349 Senegal? Really? 327 00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,350 Their main export is the peanut! 328 00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:36,087 If I'm getting a country in africa, I'm getting libya! 329 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,455 Girl: Erica? I am libya! 330 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,124 Girl 2: Hey! I've got every country now. 331 00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:40,091 Uh-huh, that's right, patel! 332 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:43,061 (indistinct shouting) I declare a new world order! 333 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:45,330 I was such a stress case under so much pressure 334 00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:47,932 From mom, dad, my teachers, everyone. 335 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,502 So that's when I started hanging out with the popular kids. 336 00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:53,071 And you know what they do after school? 337 00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:55,306 Nothing. They do nothing! 338 00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,976 They're never stressed-out, so I quit all of it. 339 00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,211 But aren't you just as stressed 340 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:02,580 Trying to keep this whole charade alive? 341 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,348 Oh, yeah, it's way worse! 342 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:06,551 Then just apologize and go back to being a weirdo again. 343 00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,686 I can't do that. They hate me. 344 00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:13,558 Kiddo, sometimes you just have to swallow your pride 345 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,127 And ask for forgiveness. 346 00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:19,531 (bell dings) 347 00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:20,698 Well, what have we here? 348 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:25,370 Just take the tape, and I no longer owe you $59. 349 00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,472 That is correct. 350 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,008 (keyboard clacking) you now owe me... 351 00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:32,410 (beep) ...$106.75. 352 00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:34,112 What are you talking about? That's crazy. 353 00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:40,185 Late fees, 61 days overdue times $1.75, and let's see. 354 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:43,388 Yes, definitely a $2 rewind fee. 355 00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:45,023 Just give me the movie. No. 356 00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:47,425 Come on. Give me the movie. No. 357 00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:48,092 No! 358 00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:50,962 Okay, that's it. I ban you from video heaven. 359 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,063 Oh, no, no, no! 360 00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:53,998 I ban you! That's right! 361 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,534 I am never coming in here again ever! 362 00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:57,769 That's what I said. (bell dings) 363 00:13:57,771 --> 00:14:01,673 And slap shot is a great movie. 364 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,442 While my dad was losing his battle, 365 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:07,178 My mom was determined not to lose hers. 366 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:10,281 Hi. Uh, can I speak to julianne crump, please? 367 00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:13,685 Hello, mrs. Stevens. Is your daughter kelly there? 368 00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,887 Okay, your son kelly. I'm sorry. 369 00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,021 Oh, you've already committed your... 370 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,357 Your vote to michael rubenstone? Huh. 371 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:24,229 Okay, what can I do to convince you to vote for barry? 372 00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:27,899 Yes, erica is single. (door opens) 373 00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:31,769 What the hell is this? 374 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,438 (gasps) surprise! 375 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,174 Get it? Vote for barry. 376 00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:37,909 Barry. Berry. 377 00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:38,476 Barry. 378 00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:41,079 They sound the same, and you're both delicious! 379 00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,514 Mom. Kids like cookies! 380 00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:45,250 Why don't you just bake some cookies? 381 00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:48,453 Because "cookie" doesn't work with "barry." 382 00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,688 Well, this doesn't work either! 383 00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,324 That's right! I got berried! 384 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,293 Ninth grade girls threw them at me. 385 00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:56,794 There's supposed to be a hierarchy. 386 00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:59,330 They ignored the hierarchy! 387 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:00,765 I quit. You can't quit. 388 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:03,334 We cannot lose this thing. Not now, not ever. 389 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,736 Why do you even care so much? 390 00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:06,704 I don't care. Do I look like I care? 391 00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:10,008 (scoffs) look how casual I am. 392 00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:12,744 I don't want to be stupid treasurer. 393 00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:14,012 Do you even know what a treasurer does? 394 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:19,150 A treasurer is one of the most important jobs a school has. 395 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,552 You get to handle all the money. 396 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,288 So it does involve treasure. 397 00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:25,757 And you get to run the student government 398 00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,525 When the president, the vice president, 399 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:30,028 And the secretary all get sick. 400 00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:32,297 I want this job. What do we have to do? 401 00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:33,531 You just keep being delicious. 402 00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:37,302 Uh, let your campaign manager deal with all the nitty-gritty. 403 00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:39,637 Here's your speech. Memorize it. 404 00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:40,772 Okay. 405 00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,907 But no more berries! You have my word. 406 00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:47,078 The next day, there were no berries in sight, 407 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,915 But barry was everywhere. 408 00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:01,759 Have you seen this? This is so freaking embarrassing. 409 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,494 Oh, my god, it's you. 410 00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,463 No, it's not. 411 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:10,101 No. No, no, no. 412 00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:15,540 In what universe, in what reality 413 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:18,309 Would you think this is even a little bit okay? 414 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,911 Just look at that delicious face! 415 00:16:19,913 --> 00:16:24,115 That's a face you want to eat. And vote for. 416 00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:26,851 Fired! You're fired as campaign manager! 417 00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:27,919 I have just fired you! 418 00:16:27,921 --> 00:16:29,620 You can't fire me. I'm your mother. 419 00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:31,622 Then I fire you as my mother! 420 00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:32,757 If you fire me as your mother, 421 00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,058 Then I have failed as a mother. 422 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:35,159 Then you've failed as a mother. 423 00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,362 How dare you say I've failed as a mother? 424 00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:40,098 You know what? I bet that betsy rubenstone 425 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,899 Plastered posters all over the school. 426 00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:44,335 If anyone failed as a mother, it's probably her somehow. 427 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:48,940 Wait, this was never about me beating michael, was it? 428 00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:51,209 It was about you beating betsy! 429 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:56,147 You always complain about her being overbearing and pushy. 430 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,915 You're way worse. 431 00:16:57,917 --> 00:16:59,917 (poster drops) 432 00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:04,255 Adult adam: I was so excited for my dad to get home, 433 00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:07,025 I could barely enjoy my algebra homework. 434 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:10,194 What's in the bag? Tell me it's indiana jones. 435 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,062 Even better. 436 00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:16,534 Who needs a movie when you've got a video-game-machine thing? 437 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:17,168 (chuckles) 438 00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,803 Are you joking with me right now? 439 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,973 This is atari. I have nintendo. 440 00:17:21,975 --> 00:17:23,141 There's a difference? 441 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,276 Why are you giving me misguided gifts? 442 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,545 What happened at the video store? 443 00:17:27,846 --> 00:17:29,981 We lost her, son. 444 00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:31,516 She's gone. 445 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:32,950 I went in with the best intentions, 446 00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:38,623 But things were said, and now we're banned for life. 447 00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,091 Whose life, mine or yours? 448 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:42,760 The video-store guy wasn't clear about that. 449 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:43,795 How could you do this? 450 00:17:43,797 --> 00:17:45,329 You know how important movies are to me! 451 00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:48,699 Well, I think what we have here is a valuable life lesson. 452 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,768 You know what's a lesson that I've learned? 453 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,071 Never count on my dad to do the right thing. 454 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:56,407 Adult adam: While I was a casualty of my father's war, 455 00:17:56,409 --> 00:18:00,645 My mom was finally gonna wave the white flag. 456 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:01,979 Oh, hi, bev! 457 00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,449 Love what you've done with the hair. 458 00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:06,617 You make such brave choices. 459 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,619 Look, I come in peace. 460 00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:13,191 All this bad blood, it... It's got to stop. Uh... 461 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,525 Barry's dropping out. 462 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:17,862 Of high school? Of the election. 463 00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:19,764 So you guys win. 464 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,099 So unexpected. 465 00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:24,802 And yet, I knew this would happen. 466 00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:28,172 (africa playing) whoo! 467 00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:30,174 Whoo! 468 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,944 Oh, winner! (laughs) 469 00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,879 What? Oh, no! 470 00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:35,847 Oh, my god, that must mean 471 00:18:35,849 --> 00:18:37,715 They really loved the speech I wrote! 472 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:41,452 Yep, I, uh... I definitely think the speech helped clinch it. 473 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,188 This is for all you out there with overbearing parents 474 00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:46,657 With no sense of shame or boundaries! 475 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:50,561 Now, I don't know how this exactly ties into being a treasurer. 476 00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:53,598 But I do know if I can survive the berries 477 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,666 And the pictures of me being like this... 478 00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,335 ♪ hurry, boy, it's waiting there for you 479 00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:00,605 ...Then I'm definitely the dude to lead this school. 480 00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:03,307 'cause all moms suck! Who's with me? 481 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,611 ♪ it's gonna take a lot to take me away from you 482 00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:07,512 (cheers and applause) 483 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:10,548 ♪ there's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do 484 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,517 We did it! We really did it! 485 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:15,019 (laughs) I mean, you... You did it. 486 00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,388 This has nothing to do with me. 487 00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:19,957 Congrats. Thank you. 488 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,325 Good race. It was. 489 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,360 I know. Do you? 490 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,629 I do. Drive safely. 491 00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:26,164 I will. 492 00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:31,335 Adult adam: My mom would have some tough competition along the way, 493 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:36,641 But beverly goldberg would always be the original smother. 494 00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:42,113 And erica was finally able to embrace her original self. 495 00:19:42,115 --> 00:19:43,581 (taps on door) 496 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,416 Hey, I know it's been a while. 497 00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:48,819 Um, I want to say I'm sorry for everything in the past. 498 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:52,256 But I'd love to be a part of model un if you'd have me back. 499 00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:54,325 You can sit next to me. Pull up a chair. 500 00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:56,093 You want to be the u.S.A.? 501 00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:56,961 No, no, no, it's fine. 502 00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,030 I was thinking... Senegal? 503 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:02,867 Adult adam: As for my dad, he learned there were very few things 504 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,835 Worth swallowing his pride for. 505 00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,704 But his kid was one of them. 506 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,140 Don't talk. I know I'm wrong. 507 00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:12,777 I know I'm banned. But I'm not here for me. 508 00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:16,781 I'm here for someone who loves movies as much as you do. 509 00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:20,251 ♪ but she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation 510 00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:20,985 Here. (sighs) 511 00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,853 It's a video-store membership. 512 00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:24,121 I'm banned. You're not. 513 00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:26,357 I've prepaid for 50 movies, 514 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,826 Which should last you about a month. 515 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:33,898 ♪ hurry, boy, she's waiting there for you 516 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:39,770 ♪ gonna take a lot to drag me away from you 517 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:40,271 ♪ yeah 518 00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:47,311 ♪ gonna take some time to do the things we never have 519 00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:49,380 ♪ ooh, ooh 520 00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:54,385 Man on tv: Up next, rhinestone, starring sylvester stallone. 521 00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:55,486 Oh, rhinestone! 522 00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:57,555 I hear stallone sings in this one. 523 00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,724 Is there nothing that man cannot do? 524 00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:02,627 No! He's rambo! He's rocky! 525 00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:04,629 He doesn't do country music. 526 00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:07,999 Where's the remote? (sighs) 527 00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:09,800 What the... 528 00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:10,935 Temple of doom? 529 00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,904 Didn't you rent that a couple of months ago? 530 00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:17,742 (bell dinging) 531 00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:20,945 Oh, balls.