1 00:00:00,133 --> 00:00:03,702 Adult adam: Back in the '80s, before pilates and macrobiotic diets, 2 00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:07,006 Old people were old, except for one, 3 00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:08,240 My grandfather. (snaps fingers) 4 00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:10,876 He was a man who loved risk and took chances. 5 00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:14,613 Get there! Get there! Yes! Come on, come on, come on! 6 00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:17,082 He was a connoisseur of fine spirits. 7 00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:19,451 Oh! Muy bueno. (giggles) 8 00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:22,388 In a word, my grandfather was awesome. 9 00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:24,656 That's game, kiddo. Better luck next time. 10 00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:26,992 Come on, pops. Let me win at least one. 11 00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:28,660 That's a terrible lesson. 12 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,696 I'm gonna beat your ass again real quick. 13 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:33,899 And in wintertime, when his friends retreated to florida, 14 00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:36,101 That's when we always saw a lot more of him. 15 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:39,805 Bev, look at this! Billy joel's coming to town. 16 00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:40,706 You gotta see this! 17 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:43,342 Not now, dad. I've got three lunches to make. 18 00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,811 Look at this picture of him. 19 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:49,248 He's wearing the exact same sunglasses as I am. Yeah. 20 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:52,885 Oh, yeah. I'm gonna call for tickets. 21 00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:53,452 Bevy! 22 00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:55,087 Where's my other black sock? 23 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:55,888 In your sock drawer. 24 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:59,725 That drawer is a wasteland of unmatched pairs. It's chaos! 25 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:00,859 Then wear a different pair. 26 00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,328 I've already got my black one on! 27 00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:04,663 Ugh! This is a nightmare! 28 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:07,199 (crunches) ow! Ow! My tooth! My tooth! 29 00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:09,234 How do you hurt yourself eating cereal? 30 00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,436 I bit the free toy! (pounds counter) 31 00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:14,540 If it doesn't look like cereal, don't chew on it. 32 00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:15,874 Dad, you're in the way! 33 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,843 (stammers) I'm just calling the ticket broker. 34 00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:20,245 You and me are gonna sit front and center. 35 00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,414 Dad, can you please go in the den? 36 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,349 Everywhere I step, there you are. 37 00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:25,717 You're underfoot. Hmm. 38 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:28,687 And billy joel can wait. Bye. 39 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:29,755 Whoa! 40 00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:31,523 Don't say "bye." 41 00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,258 Your s.A.T. Prep course is at 4:00, 42 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:34,827 So get your ass home after school. 43 00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:36,462 (singsongy) I don't know what you're saying. 44 00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:38,564 Well, take off your walkboy. 45 00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:39,965 It's called a "walkman." 46 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,900 Oh, now you can hear me? 47 00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:42,601 I wish I couldn't. 48 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,237 (phone hangs up) the tickets are all sold out. 49 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:48,707 (door closes) let's roam around the bad neighborhoods 50 00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:50,242 Until we find a scalper. 51 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:52,077 Dad, I've got 17 loads of laundry to do. 52 00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:55,214 I'm gonna go put on my shoes, and I'll wait in the car. 53 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:58,417 All right, bevy, today I went with the blue socks, 54 00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,586 But we're just kicking the can down the road. 55 00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:01,286 Can you do me a favor? 56 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,222 (sighs) take my dad to work with you today. 57 00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:05,824 He's been retired 10 years. Why would he want to do that? 58 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,893 I don't care what he wants. I want him out of here. 59 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,028 (lowered voice) go ask him. 60 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:10,929 Hey, albert. 61 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:14,900 How would you like to come to the store with me today? Nah. 62 00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:16,768 Well, I tried. 63 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:17,469 He's your problem now. 64 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,971 Adult adam: My parents were together so long, 65 00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:23,242 They could have an entire fight all about you, inches away, 66 00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:24,910 Without ever making a sound. 67 00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:25,878 (both mouthing words) 68 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:29,615 Hey, albert, vic and the guys were just talking with me the other day, 69 00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:32,784 And, uh, they were saying how much they'd love you to stop by. 70 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:37,189 We all would. For god sake, murray, can't you take a hint? 71 00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:39,358 I don't wanna go. I understand. 72 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:43,095 Adult adam: And sometimes it only took a look. 73 00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:44,463 But I insist. 74 00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:45,898 Fine. 75 00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:48,433 (mouths words) 76 00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:49,601 ♪ I'm twisted up inside 77 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:54,673 ♪ but nonetheless I feel the need to say 78 00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:57,009 ♪ I don't know the future 79 00:02:57,011 --> 00:03:00,612 ♪ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪ 80 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,382 Adult adam: It was January 11th, 1980-something, 81 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,751 And pops was headed back to his old stomping grounds. 82 00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:10,322 Hey, vic. Look at this hobo I found out wandering the street. 83 00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:13,292 Ohh. (chuckles) you kidding me? 84 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,326 Do my eyes deceive me? 85 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:17,062 (strained voice) ohh! Okay. (laughs) 86 00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:19,164 I'm easy. Try picking up that one. 87 00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:22,434 Hell, no. Yeah, go ahead. Bust my balls. 88 00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:23,402 That's what we do. 89 00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:26,171 My god, look at this place. 90 00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,739 I barely recognize it. 91 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:31,143 Yeah, I made some upgrades, expanded the showroom, 92 00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:32,411 Put in track lighting. 93 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:33,712 What the hell's that? 94 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,580 Ah. 95 00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:36,982 We do all our inventory on computers now. 96 00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,750 What is this, the star wars? 97 00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,419 What about sheila the redhead, 98 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,454 Who comes in saturdays to do the books? 99 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,655 Oh, I got rid of her. What? 100 00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,824 Yeah, she'd been stealing from us for years. 101 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:48,193 That's the price you pay for great gams. 102 00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:50,262 Now all you have to look at is vic. 103 00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:52,164 Oh, you've never seen my gams. 104 00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:52,831 Oh, yeah, softball. 105 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:56,501 What's next, you give vic's job to a robot? 106 00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:57,936 I gotta see my office. 107 00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,371 Hey, come here a second. 108 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:02,574 Listen, um... I want you to spend the day with him. 109 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:06,078 He's got a lot of energy, and he tends to get underfoot. 110 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,579 (crash) 111 00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:10,649 Pops: Hey, you've got new glass shelves, too! 112 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,184 Adult adam: While pops was tiring out my dad, 113 00:04:12,186 --> 00:04:17,189 I was trying to keep up with my long-time crush, dana caldwell. 114 00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:19,258 You let me win! 115 00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:21,393 (panting) 116 00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,729 Yeah. That's what I did. 117 00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:24,763 Oh, boy. 118 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:25,497 I should get going. 119 00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:28,200 I've gotta read to kill a mockingbird for english. 120 00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:31,803 You know, I got the cliffsnotes in my room. You wanna borrow 'em? 121 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,338 Okay. (chuckles) 122 00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,007 Adult adam: Yep, it was happening. 123 00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:38,176 I had a girl in my bedroom for the very first time. 124 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,911 Here you go. Thank you. 125 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,214 So... This is your room, huh? 126 00:04:42,216 --> 00:04:45,851 Adult adam: This was it. The moment every man waits for. 127 00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:47,185 Time to show her what goes down 128 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,454 In adam goldberg's private quarters. 129 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:52,858 This is where the magic happens. 130 00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:56,862 Voila. 131 00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:59,364 (gasps) oh, what's that behind your ear? 132 00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:02,567 Soft red ball. Just a little taste. 133 00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:03,802 Do you like transformers? 134 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,771 What are they again? 135 00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:08,940 Hello. They're robots in disguise. 136 00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,942 It's an exciting time in the franchise. 137 00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:13,211 They're branching out from vehicles 138 00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:14,946 To dinosaurs and insects. 139 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,315 (nervously) that is exciting. 140 00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:19,384 Do you like he-man? I guess. 141 00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:21,987 Castle grayskull. 142 00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:25,891 Skeletor lives there. Whatever. 143 00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:28,160 Do you like g.I. Joe? 144 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:29,561 Don't answer yet. 145 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,563 Right this way. 146 00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:35,934 Behold, the u.S.S. Flagg. 147 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,470 That takes up a lot of room. 148 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:40,872 Well, yeah. It's an aircraft carrier. 149 00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,574 It's meant to hold aircraft. 150 00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,042 It's all right there in the name. 151 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:46,311 Adult adam: Yep, this was going perfectly. 152 00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:49,781 But what happened next would really rock my world. 153 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,650 (angelic music playing) 154 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,354 (nervously) I gotta go. 155 00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,955 (music warps and stops) 156 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,957 (huffs) thank you for your time! 157 00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:02,194 Adult adam: ...I said for no reason at all! 158 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:03,061 As baffled as I was, 159 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,329 My dad was even more confused 160 00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:07,332 When he got back from his lunch break. Little bit higher, vic. 161 00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:07,899 Almost got it. 162 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,736 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell is going on here? 163 00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:11,870 Going out of business? 164 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,872 Damn it. I was gonna surprise you. 165 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,141 We don't go for these gimmicks anymore. 166 00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,943 It's a proven sales technique. 167 00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:20,712 I'm just juicing things up a bit. 168 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,849 It's not a furniture store now. 169 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:24,783 It's a hip lounge. 170 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,885 Number one, it is a furniture store. 171 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:32,657 Number two, the two biggest enemies of furniture are smoke and coffee. 172 00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,126 And jheri curl juice. 173 00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:34,693 Three enemies! 174 00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:38,330 (groans) who wants jazz? 175 00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:41,800 Okay. What the hell is going on here? 176 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:45,504 You were supposed to play gin rummy with him in the backroom all day. 177 00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:47,038 Nah, he wouldn't stay put. 178 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:50,142 That old man's got so much energy and charisma. 179 00:06:50,144 --> 00:06:54,079 Now you can learn a thing or two from him. Mm-hmm. 180 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,381 (up-tempo jazz playing) 181 00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:59,050 Ah, charisma. 182 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,686 I don't know what happened. It was going so great. 183 00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:04,723 And then she just ran off for no reason. 184 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:05,424 Why would she do that? 185 00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:08,727 'cause no girl on this planet would ever wanna make out in this room. 186 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:12,697 Seriously, it looks like a nerd bomb went off in here. 187 00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:15,434 I hate to admit it, but the idiot's right. 188 00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:16,468 It was the toys. 189 00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:17,335 So my toys freaked her out? 190 00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:20,172 The fact that you have toys freaked her out. 191 00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:22,274 Listen, chicks like waterbeds 192 00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:27,379 And samurai swords that elegantly hang over a fireplace. 193 00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:28,547 It's a scientific fact. 194 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,949 He's still an idiot. But he's right. 195 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,685 If you want dana to like you, lose the toys. 196 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,287 I can't. They're like family. 197 00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:39,691 What would you rather touch? A boob or a dinobot? 198 00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:41,993 You took too long! 199 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,328 The answer is clearly "boob." 200 00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:47,632 You're in seventh grade, bud. It's time to grow up. 201 00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:49,634 She's right. 202 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:54,339 From now on, you gotta stop playing with toys and start acting like a man. 203 00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:57,609 First step, drakkar noir. 204 00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:00,612 No woman can resist its alluring stink. 205 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:05,183 Now you never apply it directly onto your own skin. 206 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:08,820 You simply mist... (spritzes) 207 00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:09,688 And walk through. 208 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,757 Adult adam: While my lesson on how to be a man had just begun, 209 00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:17,395 My dad was happy his day with pops had come to an end. 210 00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:19,498 There you are. (door closes) 211 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:22,067 How'd it go with my dad? Did you have a good time? 212 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:22,701 Give me a minute. 213 00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:25,604 Can't a man take off his pants? (pants rustle on floor) 214 00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:27,772 Have you been smoking? 215 00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:28,673 A cigar? 216 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,243 Two! With some low-end cognac. 217 00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:37,349 Your dad turned my discount furniture store into the copacabana. 218 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:40,185 Oh. I'm nauseous. 219 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,319 Well, thank you for doing that. 220 00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,322 You owe me. I'd like, uh, some shrimp parm... 221 00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,358 With extra shrimp and extra parm. 222 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,159 I thought you said you were nauseous. 223 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:48,827 I'll fight through it. 224 00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:50,095 Okay, you got it. I'm not moving. 225 00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:53,532 I'm gonna eat right here. All right, don't be such a baby. 226 00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,066 It was only for one day. 227 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,235 Adult adam: Or so she thought. 228 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,803 That one day turned into two. 229 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,139 (pops) ...Kroehler sofas for half that price. 230 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:04,643 Well, it's fine. I got some good leads in the rolodex. 231 00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,944 Al, what are you doing? 232 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,312 Uh, what do you know? 233 00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,848 You found some at that price. 234 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,016 Yeah, I'll take 'em all. 235 00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:15,020 Adult adam: And those two days would turn into the longest week 236 00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,188 Of my father's life. 237 00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:19,324 Now that I was a man, 238 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,726 It was time to break some tough news to some old friends. 239 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:25,897 Sorry, lion-o. Sorry, cheetara. It's time to grow up. 240 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,532 (sighs) 241 00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:28,800 (sadly) thundercats ho! 242 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:29,935 Adult adam: And after five trips, 243 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,671 I had successfully packed up all my toys. 244 00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:33,605 Mom, I'm going out. 245 00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,874 Wear your jacket and your muffs. 246 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:36,775 I'm a grown man! 247 00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,910 (door closes) adult adam: And I was on a mission. 248 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:43,648 A mission to prove that the geeky little kid in me was gone forever. 249 00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:45,850 Literally, nothing could stop me. 250 00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:46,851 It's actually kind of cold out. 251 00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:49,521 Oh, your nose is all pink like a little kitten. 252 00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:51,056 Mom. Meow. 253 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,657 Stop. Meow, meow, meow! 254 00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:54,459 Stop it. (chuckles) 255 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,927 (door closes) 256 00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:58,930 Oh. Hey. 257 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:01,700 Howdy. 258 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:07,272 So... The other day when you were over at my house, 259 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,073 You ran off so fast, 260 00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,842 That I didn't get a chance to tell you something. 261 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,344 The reason why I showed you my toys was 262 00:10:12,346 --> 00:10:17,449 'cause I've outgrown 'em, and I thought maybe your little brother might like 'em. 263 00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,517 You really wanna give all your toys away? 264 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,353 Yeah, I've been meaning to do it for years, 265 00:10:21,355 --> 00:10:23,521 Plus I need to clear some shelf space 266 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:27,492 For my cologne, beer can collection, and jock straps. 267 00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:28,827 Well, that's so nice of you. 268 00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:32,764 Dougie, adam goldberg brought a whole bunch of toys for you. 269 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,266 Cool! 270 00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:38,136 Awesome! 271 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,205 Had it. Have it. 272 00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,039 Sell it. 273 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,507 (toy clatters) dougie: Have it. 274 00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,109 Wanna come in? 275 00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,044 Sure. Okay. 276 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:49,748 (toys clattering) 277 00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,818 Now listen and listen good, you little putz. 278 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,388 That's sergeant slaughter of the renegade squadron, 279 00:10:56,390 --> 00:11:01,292 And you're gonna treat him and all my toys with the respect that they deserve, 280 00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,727 Or so help me, I... 281 00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:04,162 Adam? You coming? 282 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,264 Hey, you bet. (chuckles) 283 00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:08,566 Adult adam: I'd given up my toys, 284 00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:13,438 But pops wasn't giving up on his big plans for the store. 285 00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:14,806 You busy? 286 00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:15,473 Does it matter? 287 00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:22,814 Well, I just discovered that the key to our success has been here all the time. 288 00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,149 (pen clatters) 289 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:27,752 Back in the old days, before I hired you, 290 00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:31,656 I had an ad running on the local tv. 291 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:32,390 Business boomed. 292 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,526 Okay, before you say anything else, 293 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:39,964 Just know that making a commercial is way too expensive for us. 294 00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:42,033 Way ahead of you, mur. 295 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,168 That's why we use this. 296 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:47,806 Hey there, ladies. Put down those vacuum cleaners for a second. 297 00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:49,908 Big al's got something to say. 298 00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,476 (chuckles) 299 00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:53,678 When your man comes home at night, 300 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,513 Don't you want him to see furniture 301 00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:59,651 That looks just as gorgeous as you do? 302 00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:01,786 Hey. 303 00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:03,421 Thanks, sheila. 304 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:09,594 Down at the ottoman empire, we got sofas starting at $35.99. 305 00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,262 Can you buy on credit? You bet! 306 00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,231 With your husband's signature, of course. 307 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:18,303 So come on down and let big al service you. 308 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:21,673 (man reading) 309 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:23,808 I think it holds up pretty well. 310 00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:29,080 I think it's amazing that there was a time when that was okay. 311 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,815 We're not running this commercial. 312 00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:37,522 Albert, you worked so hard making ottoman empire what it is today, 313 00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,791 But don't you think now is the time 314 00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:46,264 To do things like play golf or take a steam or feed the pigeons? 315 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,665 Pigeons. 316 00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:49,400 That does sound fun. 317 00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,736 We agree? No commercial? 318 00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:54,973 No commercial. I totally get it. 319 00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,741 Adult adam: But he didn't get it. 320 00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:59,177 Man: Quiet on the set! (indistinct conversations) 321 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,045 Murray: Damn it, albert. 322 00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:02,213 What did I say? 323 00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:05,250 You're gonna love this commercial, mur. 324 00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:06,251 I'm insane albert. 325 00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:11,356 I price my furniture so low, I require hospitalization. 326 00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:12,857 (chuckles) he's crazy al. 327 00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:15,560 Yeah, I get it. No commercial! 328 00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:16,361 Send everybody home. 329 00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:21,266 Oh, I can't do that. I already hired the crew, bought this straitjacket. 330 00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:22,967 It is cheaper than renting it. 331 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,969 Vic, go away... 332 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,105 Far away. Vic, you stay. 333 00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:30,842 He's the orderly that wheels me back into the loony bin 334 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:33,978 'cause my prices are bananas. 335 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,914 Come here, albert. 336 00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:39,484 Look, I've tried being nice to you all week. 337 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:40,385 I can't do it anymore. 338 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:44,222 You gotta take off the straitjacket and go home. 339 00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,089 Please! 340 00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:46,958 I didn't wanna play this card, 341 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,494 But I do own 51% of the business, 342 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,362 So the decision is mine. 343 00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,163 What are you saying? 344 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:55,200 This commercial is happening whether you like it or not. 345 00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:56,067 Now if you'll excuse me, 346 00:13:56,069 --> 00:14:00,939 I have to go back and get into my mentally unstable character. 347 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,509 You got that covered. 348 00:14:05,144 --> 00:14:08,246 (grunting and panting) 349 00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:11,616 Honey, what happened to all your toys? 350 00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,685 Gave 'em away. It's cool. 351 00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:14,452 Hey. 352 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:17,121 Can you float me roughly $2,000? 353 00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:17,856 May I ask for what? 354 00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:20,491 A waterbed and a decorative samurai sword to hang above it. 355 00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:24,128 A samurai sword will fall off the wall in the middle of the night, 356 00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:26,331 Poke your eye out, puncture the mattress, 357 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,233 And then you'll drown in your sleep. 358 00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:30,134 Is that a "no"? Yes, that's a "no." 359 00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:33,938 Honey, you can't give your toys away. You love 'em so much. 360 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,974 Toys are kids' stuff. 361 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:36,541 I'm a man now. 362 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,643 (dumbbells thud and clink) as of yesterday. 363 00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:41,246 A very happy, happy man. 364 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,649 (spritzes) 365 00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:48,620 That's barry's smell. Why do you smell like barry? 366 00:14:48,622 --> 00:14:51,155 It's drakkar noir. He gave it to me. 367 00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:53,591 I love to spend money on a girl... (click) 368 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,026 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 369 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:58,429 What the hell? What did you two idiots do? 370 00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,131 That could mean so many things. 371 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:04,469 Why did my scrumptious little baby give away all his toys? 372 00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:05,803 We just told him the truth, mom. 373 00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:09,841 Yeah. He'll never get any action with his room full of toys. 374 00:15:09,843 --> 00:15:12,510 He doesn't need any action. He's a little boy. 375 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,412 I'm going over there right now and getting his toys back. 376 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,649 If you do, you're gonna cost him his first girlfriend. 377 00:15:17,651 --> 00:15:20,518 He doesn't need a girlfriend. He's got me. 378 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,386 Ew. Yuck. 379 00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:24,489 I didn't mean girlfriend. I meant... (sighs) 380 00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,057 Main lady. 381 00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:26,925 That is so much worse. 382 00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:32,130 I meant woman in his life that he loves more than anyone else. 383 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:34,265 Mom, you're in free fall. Pull the rip cord. 384 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,301 I'm going over there to get those toys back. 385 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:39,737 You two are grounded for a year. 386 00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:42,240 You hear me? A year. 387 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:46,044 Glad you messed with me? You should know better. 388 00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,812 Hey there. 389 00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:49,981 What great old toys. 390 00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:50,915 I'm from a local charity, 391 00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:54,385 And I was wondering if you'd take 20 whole dollars for them. 392 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:56,554 You're adam goldberg's mother. 393 00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:59,023 Okay, I didn't know you knew that. 394 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,192 Listen... 395 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:05,063 My son adam is at a transitional age right now. 396 00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:09,367 He's starting to mature and to have feelings he's... 397 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,169 Never felt before, and... 398 00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:11,836 I want a turtle. 399 00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:15,440 That's nice. Why don't you go in and get your mom? 400 00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:16,975 (toys clatter) 401 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,244 Go on. Get mama. 402 00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:25,316 (toys clatter) 403 00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:41,332 Hi. (panting) 404 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,700 You must be dana's mom. 405 00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,802 I'm beverly goldberg. 406 00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:45,303 (clatter) 407 00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:48,306 Well, I'll have you over for brunch, okay? 408 00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:51,743 Bye-bye. This was fun. (laughs) 409 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,345 Adult adam: After pops took off his straitjacket, 410 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,782 He finally regained his sanity. 411 00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,283 Hey, can we talk? 412 00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:01,252 It's up to you. You're the boss. 413 00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:05,089 I can give you, uh, 51% of the couch. 414 00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:10,028 Stop it, will ya? I came to apologize. 415 00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:12,397 Look... 416 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:16,401 It's tough always feeling like you're underfoot. 417 00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:17,435 I was doing okay with it, 418 00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:22,206 But then when I walked back in here, uh... 419 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,242 I felt like I mattered again. 420 00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,377 Stop it. You matter. 421 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,513 This is your store, murray. 422 00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:31,382 You've done a hell of a job with it for 10 years. 423 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,018 Better than I could've done. 424 00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:37,722 Which is why I've decided... 425 00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:41,125 To give you this. 426 00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:44,862 That's my 2%. 427 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:49,700 You should be the majority owner. This is your store now. 428 00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:53,137 Thank you, albert. It means a lot. 429 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,707 (exhales deeply) 430 00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:59,911 I'm gonna miss this place. 431 00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:01,012 Oh, you... 432 00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:04,849 You could always come by, like, once a week to check on things. 433 00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:08,286 I can put another desk next to mine in the office. 434 00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:10,121 Nah. I couldn't do that. 435 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:10,688 You could. 436 00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:14,125 Walnut. Danish modern with a teak inlay. 437 00:18:14,127 --> 00:18:15,760 Don't cheap out. 438 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,595 Now come here and give me a hug. 439 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:18,429 Uh, I'm not a big hugger. 440 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:22,133 Get over here, you bastard. (sighs) 441 00:18:22,534 --> 00:18:24,402 (my life playing) 442 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,804 ♪ got a call from an old friend (laughs) 443 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:30,374 ♪ we used to be real close 444 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,479 ♪ said he couldn't go on 445 00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:35,413 Hi. 446 00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:38,883 Hello. What you got there, toys of some sort? 447 00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:39,517 I brought 'em back 448 00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:41,586 'cause I know you didn't really wanna give them away. 449 00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:43,921 What? No, that's not true. 450 00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,357 Your mom came over. That damn woman. 451 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,158 That's okay. 452 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,027 My mom would have done the same thing 453 00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:52,463 If I gave away all my care bears. 454 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,764 Wait. It wasn't the toys? 455 00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:56,367 Then why did you run out of my room the other day? 456 00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,269 I ran out 'cause... 457 00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:00,972 I thought we were gonna kiss. 458 00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:04,408 Not that I didn't wanna kiss. 459 00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:06,077 I just... 460 00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:07,478 Got nervous. 461 00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:10,081 So... 462 00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:13,751 Thank you for bringing my stuff. See you at school. 463 00:19:14,386 --> 00:19:15,920 Thank you! 464 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,191 (mimicking shooting) 465 00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:26,030 Stupid. I was supposed to kiss her. 466 00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,932 Stupid, stupid! 467 00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:30,067 Yeah, you blew it. 468 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:32,570 But we'll work on it. 469 00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:34,071 (mimicking shooting) 470 00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:40,344 Never thought I'd say it, but this computer is way better than sheila's gams. 471 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,847 Hey, mur. We got a tough customer. 472 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,749 You wanna work your magic? 473 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,421 You coming? 474 00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:52,990 You bet your ass. 475 00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:58,095 Adult adam: Yeah, getting older is confusing and complicated, 476 00:19:58,097 --> 00:19:59,163 But no matter how hard we tried, 477 00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:03,401 Pops couldn't slow it down, and that day, 478 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,468 I decided not to rush it either. 479 00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:08,439 (growly voice) I am megatron, leader of the decepticons. 480 00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:11,008 I am optimus prime, and I am a good guy, 481 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,710 And I will kick your butt! (knock on door) 482 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,245 (normal voice) who's there? 483 00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,947 Murray: (muffled voice) get dressed now! 484 00:20:15,949 --> 00:20:19,951 Oh, no! The bad guys are coming for us! Aah! 485 00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:25,056 (robotic voice) my name is megatron. I am good. 486 00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:25,756 (knock on door) 487 00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:26,924 (normal voice) who's there? 488 00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:29,260 Man: (muffled voice) get dressed now. 489 00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:30,661 Oh. 490 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:33,798 (robotic voice) I am good and... 491 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:34,699 This is it. 492 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:38,402 Aah! That hurt! Aah! (laughs) 493 00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:40,638 Hey! I'm murray the maniac. 494 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,608 And I'm committed to insane prices! 495 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,343 Ooh! Aah! (beep) 496 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:46,877 Hello! I'm murray the maniac, 497 00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:50,248 And I'm committed to insane prices! 498 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:53,618 You think that was too much, the way I went, "insane"? 499 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:56,053 (beep) and... Action. 500 00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:57,188 Well, I came out while you were saying "action." 501 00:20:57,190 --> 00:20:59,190 Does that matter? Okay, all right, all right. Cut. 502 00:20:59,192 --> 00:21:00,858 (beep) I'm murray the mania... 503 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,393 Why couldn't we get a good one? 504 00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:03,894 Hi. I'm insane. 505 00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,730 No, it's "insane prices." no. "hello." 506 00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,031 It's "hello." (beep) 507 00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:08,266 Just help me up. Help me up. 508 00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:09,467 Help me up. Just push from behind. 509 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,102 I like what you were doing, man. Thank you. 510 00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:15,706 Hey! I'm murray the maniac, and I'm bananas! 511 00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:18,676 I am just b-a-n... 512 00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:19,543 Vic: "a." 513 00:21:19,545 --> 00:21:20,778 "a." "n." 514 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:21,579 Is it two n's? (beep) 515 00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:25,316 Did we close the whole day for this (bleep)?