1
00:00:00,133 --> 00:00:03,702
Adult adam: Back in the '80s,
before pilates
and macrobiotic diets,
2
00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:07,006
Old people were old,
except for one,
3
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:08,240
My grandfather.
(snaps fingers)
4
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:10,876
He was a man who loved risk
and took chances.
5
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:14,613
Get there!
Get there! Yes!
Come on, come on, come on!
6
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:17,082
He was a connoisseur
of fine spirits.
7
00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:19,451
Oh! Muy bueno.
(giggles)
8
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:22,388
In a word, my grandfather
was awesome.
9
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:24,656
That's game, kiddo.
Better luck next time.
10
00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:26,992
Come on, pops.
Let me win at least one.
11
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:28,660
That's a terrible lesson.
12
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,696
I'm gonna beat your ass again
real quick.
13
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:33,899
And in wintertime,
when his friends
retreated to florida,
14
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:36,101
That's when we always saw
a lot more of him.
15
00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:39,805
Bev, look at this!
Billy joel's coming to town.
16
00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:40,706
You gotta see this!
17
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:43,342
Not now, dad. I've got
three lunches to make.
18
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,811
Look at this picture of him.
19
00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:49,248
He's wearing the exact same
sunglasses as I am.
Yeah.
20
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:52,885
Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna
call for tickets.
21
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:53,452
Bevy!
22
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:55,087
Where's my other black sock?
23
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:55,888
In your sock drawer.
24
00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:59,725
That drawer is a wasteland
of unmatched pairs.
It's chaos!
25
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:00,859
Then wear
a different pair.
26
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,328
I've already got
my black one on!
27
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:04,663
Ugh! This is a nightmare!
28
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:07,199
(crunches) ow! Ow!
My tooth! My tooth!
29
00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:09,234
How do you hurt yourself
eating cereal?
30
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,436
I bit the free toy!
(pounds counter)
31
00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:14,540
If it doesn't
look like cereal,
don't chew on it.
32
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:15,874
Dad, you're in the way!
33
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,843
(stammers) I'm just calling
the ticket broker.
34
00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:20,245
You and me are gonna sit
front and center.
35
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,414
Dad, can you please
go in the den?
36
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,349
Everywhere I step,
there you are.
37
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:25,717
You're underfoot.
Hmm.
38
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:28,687
And billy joel
can wait.
Bye.
39
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:29,755
Whoa!
40
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:31,523
Don't say "bye."
41
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,258
Your s.A.T. Prep course
is at 4:00,
42
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:34,827
So get your ass
home after school.
43
00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:36,462
(singsongy) I don't know
what you're saying.
44
00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:38,564
Well, take off
your walkboy.
45
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:39,965
It's called a "walkman."
46
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,900
Oh, now you can hear me?
47
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:42,601
I wish I couldn't.
48
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,237
(phone hangs up)
the tickets
are all sold out.
49
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:48,707
(door closes)
let's roam around
the bad neighborhoods
50
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:50,242
Until we find a scalper.
51
00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:52,077
Dad, I've got 17 loads
of laundry to do.
52
00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:55,214
I'm gonna go put on my shoes,
and I'll wait in the car.
53
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:58,417
All right, bevy,
today I went
with the blue socks,
54
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,586
But we're just kicking
the can down the road.
55
00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:01,286
Can you do me a favor?
56
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,222
(sighs)
take my dad to work
with you today.
57
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:05,824
He's been retired 10 years.
Why would he want to do that?
58
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,893
I don't care what he wants.
I want him out of here.
59
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,028
(lowered voice)
go ask him.
60
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:10,929
Hey, albert.
61
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:14,900
How would you like to come
to the store with me today?
Nah.
62
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:16,768
Well, I tried.
63
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:17,469
He's your problem now.
64
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,971
Adult adam:
My parents were
together so long,
65
00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:23,242
They could have an entire
fight all about you,
inches away,
66
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:24,910
Without ever making a sound.
67
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:25,878
(both mouthing words)
68
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:29,615
Hey, albert, vic and the guys
were just talking with me
the other day,
69
00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:32,784
And, uh, they were saying
how much they'd love
you to stop by.
70
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:37,189
We all would.
For god sake, murray,
can't you take a hint?
71
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:39,358
I don't wanna go.
I understand.
72
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:43,095
Adult adam:
And sometimes
it only took a look.
73
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:44,463
But I insist.
74
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:45,898
Fine.
75
00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:48,433
(mouths words)
76
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:49,601
♪ I'm twisted up inside
77
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:54,673
♪ but nonetheless
I feel the need to say
78
00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:57,009
♪ I don't know the future
79
00:02:57,011 --> 00:03:00,612
♪ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
80
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,382
Adult adam:
It was January 11th,
1980-something,
81
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,751
And pops was headed back
to his old stomping grounds.
82
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:10,322
Hey, vic. Look at
this hobo I found out
wandering the street.
83
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:13,292
Ohh. (chuckles)
you kidding me?
84
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,326
Do my eyes deceive me?
85
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:17,062
(strained voice)
ohh! Okay.
(laughs)
86
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:19,164
I'm easy.
Try picking up that one.
87
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:22,434
Hell, no.
Yeah, go ahead.
Bust my balls.
88
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:23,402
That's what we do.
89
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:26,171
My god, look at this place.
90
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,739
I barely recognize it.
91
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:31,143
Yeah, I made
some upgrades,
expanded the showroom,
92
00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:32,411
Put in track lighting.
93
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:33,712
What the hell's that?
94
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,580
Ah.
95
00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:36,982
We do all our inventory
on computers now.
96
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,750
What is this,
the star wars?
97
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,419
What about
sheila the redhead,
98
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,454
Who comes in saturdays
to do the books?
99
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,655
Oh, I got rid of her.
What?
100
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,824
Yeah, she'd been stealing
from us for years.
101
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:48,193
That's the price you pay
for great gams.
102
00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:50,262
Now all you have
to look at is vic.
103
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:52,164
Oh, you've
never seen my gams.
104
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:52,831
Oh, yeah, softball.
105
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:56,501
What's next, you give
vic's job to a robot?
106
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:57,936
I gotta see my office.
107
00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,371
Hey, come here a second.
108
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:02,574
Listen, um... I want you
to spend the day with him.
109
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:06,078
He's got a lot of energy,
and he tends to get underfoot.
110
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,579
(crash)
111
00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:10,649
Pops: Hey, you've got new
glass shelves, too!
112
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,184
Adult adam:
While pops was
tiring out my dad,
113
00:04:12,186 --> 00:04:17,189
I was trying to keep up
with my long-time crush,
dana caldwell.
114
00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:19,258
You let me win!
115
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:21,393
(panting)
116
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,729
Yeah. That's what I did.
117
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:24,763
Oh, boy.
118
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:25,497
I should get going.
119
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:28,200
I've gotta read
to kill a mockingbird
for english.
120
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:31,803
You know, I got
the cliffsnotes in my room.
You wanna borrow 'em?
121
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,338
Okay. (chuckles)
122
00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,007
Adult adam:
Yep, it was happening.
123
00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:38,176
I had a girl in my bedroom
for the very first time.
124
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,911
Here you go.
Thank you.
125
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,214
So... This is
your room, huh?
126
00:04:42,216 --> 00:04:45,851
Adult adam:
This was it. The moment
every man waits for.
127
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:47,185
Time to show her
what goes down
128
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,454
In adam goldberg's
private quarters.
129
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:52,858
This is where
the magic happens.
130
00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:56,862
Voila.
131
00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:59,364
(gasps)
oh, what's that
behind your ear?
132
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:02,567
Soft red ball.
Just a little taste.
133
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:03,802
Do you like transformers?
134
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,771
What are they again?
135
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:08,940
Hello. They're robots
in disguise.
136
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,942
It's an exciting time
in the franchise.
137
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:13,211
They're branching out
from vehicles
138
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:14,946
To dinosaurs and insects.
139
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,315
(nervously) that is exciting.
140
00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:19,384
Do you like he-man?
I guess.
141
00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:21,987
Castle grayskull.
142
00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:25,891
Skeletor lives there.
Whatever.
143
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:28,160
Do you like g.I. Joe?
144
00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:29,561
Don't answer yet.
145
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,563
Right this way.
146
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:35,934
Behold,
the u.S.S. Flagg.
147
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,470
That takes up a lot of room.
148
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:40,872
Well, yeah.
It's an aircraft carrier.
149
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,574
It's meant
to hold aircraft.
150
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,042
It's all right there
in the name.
151
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:46,311
Adult adam:
Yep, this was going perfectly.
152
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:49,781
But what happened next
would really rock my world.
153
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,650
(angelic music playing)
154
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,354
(nervously) I gotta go.
155
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,955
(music warps and stops)
156
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,957
(huffs)
thank you for your time!
157
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:02,194
Adult adam:
...I said for no
reason at all!
158
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:03,061
As baffled as I was,
159
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,329
My dad was
even more confused
160
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:07,332
When he got back
from his lunch break.
Little bit higher, vic.
161
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:07,899
Almost got it.
162
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,736
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the hell
is going on here?
163
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:11,870
Going out of business?
164
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,872
Damn it.
I was gonna
surprise you.
165
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,141
We don't go for
these gimmicks anymore.
166
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,943
It's a proven
sales technique.
167
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:20,712
I'm just juicing
things up a bit.
168
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,849
It's not
a furniture store now.
169
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:24,783
It's a hip lounge.
170
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,885
Number one,
it is a furniture store.
171
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:32,657
Number two, the two biggest
enemies of furniture
are smoke and coffee.
172
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,126
And jheri curl juice.
173
00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:34,693
Three enemies!
174
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:38,330
(groans)
who wants jazz?
175
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:41,800
Okay. What the hell
is going on here?
176
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:45,504
You were supposed
to play gin rummy with him
in the backroom all day.
177
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:47,038
Nah, he wouldn't stay put.
178
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:50,142
That old man's got so much
energy and charisma.
179
00:06:50,144 --> 00:06:54,079
Now you can learn a thing
or two from him. Mm-hmm.
180
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,381
(up-tempo jazz playing)
181
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:59,050
Ah, charisma.
182
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,686
I don't know what happened.
It was going so great.
183
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:04,723
And then she just ran off
for no reason.
184
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:05,424
Why would she do that?
185
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:08,727
'cause no girl on this planet
would ever wanna make out
in this room.
186
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:12,697
Seriously, it looks like
a nerd bomb went off in here.
187
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:15,434
I hate to admit it,
but the idiot's right.
188
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:16,468
It was the toys.
189
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:17,335
So my toys
freaked her out?
190
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:20,172
The fact that you have toys
freaked her out.
191
00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:22,274
Listen, chicks like
waterbeds
192
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:27,379
And samurai swords
that elegantly
hang over a fireplace.
193
00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:28,547
It's a scientific fact.
194
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,949
He's still an idiot.
But he's right.
195
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,685
If you want
dana to like you,
lose the toys.
196
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,287
I can't.
They're like family.
197
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:39,691
What would you rather touch?
A boob or a dinobot?
198
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:41,993
You took too long!
199
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,328
The answer is clearly "boob."
200
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:47,632
You're in seventh grade, bud.
It's time to grow up.
201
00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:49,634
She's right.
202
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:54,339
From now on, you gotta
stop playing with toys
and start acting like a man.
203
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:57,609
First step, drakkar noir.
204
00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:00,612
No woman can resist
its alluring stink.
205
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:05,183
Now you never apply it
directly onto your own skin.
206
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:08,820
You simply mist...
(spritzes)
207
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:09,688
And walk through.
208
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,757
Adult adam:
While my lesson on how
to be a man had just begun,
209
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:17,395
My dad was happy his day
with pops had come to an end.
210
00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:19,498
There you are.
(door closes)
211
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:22,067
How'd it go with my dad?
Did you have a good time?
212
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:22,701
Give me a minute.
213
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:25,604
Can't a man
take off his pants?
(pants rustle on floor)
214
00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:27,772
Have you been smoking?
215
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:28,673
A cigar?
216
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,243
Two! With some low-end cognac.
217
00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:37,349
Your dad turned
my discount furniture store
into the copacabana.
218
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:40,185
Oh. I'm nauseous.
219
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,319
Well, thank you
for doing that.
220
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,322
You owe me.
I'd like, uh,
some shrimp parm...
221
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,358
With extra shrimp
and extra parm.
222
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,159
I thought you said
you were nauseous.
223
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:48,827
I'll fight through it.
224
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:50,095
Okay, you got it.
I'm not moving.
225
00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:53,532
I'm gonna eat right here.
All right,
don't be such a baby.
226
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,066
It was only for one day.
227
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,235
Adult adam:
Or so she thought.
228
00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,803
That one day turned into two.
229
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,139
(pops) ...Kroehler sofas
for half that price.
230
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:04,643
Well, it's fine. I got some
good leads in the rolodex.
231
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,944
Al, what are you doing?
232
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,312
Uh, what do you know?
233
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,848
You found some
at that price.
234
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,016
Yeah, I'll take 'em all.
235
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:15,020
Adult adam:
And those two days would
turn into the longest week
236
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,188
Of my father's life.
237
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:19,324
Now that I was a man,
238
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,726
It was time to break
some tough news
to some old friends.
239
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:25,897
Sorry, lion-o.
Sorry, cheetara.
It's time to grow up.
240
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,532
(sighs)
241
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:28,800
(sadly) thundercats ho!
242
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:29,935
Adult adam:
And after five trips,
243
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,671
I had successfully
packed up all my toys.
244
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:33,605
Mom, I'm going out.
245
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,874
Wear your jacket
and your muffs.
246
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:36,775
I'm a grown man!
247
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,910
(door closes)
adult adam:
And I was on a mission.
248
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:43,648
A mission to prove that
the geeky little kid in me
was gone forever.
249
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:45,850
Literally,
nothing could stop me.
250
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:46,851
It's actually
kind of cold out.
251
00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:49,521
Oh, your nose is all pink
like a little kitten.
252
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:51,056
Mom.
Meow.
253
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,657
Stop.
Meow, meow, meow!
254
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:54,459
Stop it.
(chuckles)
255
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,927
(door closes)
256
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:58,930
Oh. Hey.
257
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:01,700
Howdy.
258
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:07,272
So... The other day when
you were over at my house,
259
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,073
You ran off so fast,
260
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,842
That I didn't get a chance
to tell you something.
261
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,344
The reason why
I showed you my toys was
262
00:10:12,346 --> 00:10:17,449
'cause I've outgrown 'em,
and I thought maybe your
little brother might like 'em.
263
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,517
You really wanna give
all your toys away?
264
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,353
Yeah, I've been meaning
to do it for years,
265
00:10:21,355 --> 00:10:23,521
Plus I need to clear
some shelf space
266
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:27,492
For my cologne,
beer can collection,
and jock straps.
267
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:28,827
Well, that's so nice of you.
268
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:32,764
Dougie, adam goldberg brought
a whole bunch of toys for you.
269
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,266
Cool!
270
00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:38,136
Awesome!
271
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,205
Had it. Have it.
272
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,039
Sell it.
273
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,507
(toy clatters)
dougie: Have it.
274
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,109
Wanna come in?
275
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,044
Sure.
Okay.
276
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:49,748
(toys clattering)
277
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,818
Now listen and listen good,
you little putz.
278
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,388
That's sergeant slaughter
of the renegade squadron,
279
00:10:56,390 --> 00:11:01,292
And you're gonna treat him
and all my toys with
the respect that they deserve,
280
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,727
Or so help me, I...
281
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:04,162
Adam? You coming?
282
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,264
Hey, you bet.
(chuckles)
283
00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:08,566
Adult adam:
I'd given up my toys,
284
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:13,438
But pops wasn't
giving up on his
big plans for the store.
285
00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:14,806
You busy?
286
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:15,473
Does it matter?
287
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:22,814
Well, I just discovered that
the key to our success
has been here all the time.
288
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,149
(pen clatters)
289
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:27,752
Back in the old days,
before I hired you,
290
00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:31,656
I had an ad running
on the local tv.
291
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:32,390
Business boomed.
292
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,526
Okay, before you say
anything else,
293
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:39,964
Just know that making
a commercial is way
too expensive for us.
294
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:42,033
Way ahead of you, mur.
295
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,168
That's why we use this.
296
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:47,806
Hey there, ladies.
Put down those vacuum
cleaners for a second.
297
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:49,908
Big al's got something to say.
298
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,476
(chuckles)
299
00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:53,678
When your man comes
home at night,
300
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,513
Don't you want him
to see furniture
301
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:59,651
That looks just as
gorgeous as you do?
302
00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:01,786
Hey.
303
00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:03,421
Thanks, sheila.
304
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:09,594
Down at the ottoman empire,
we got sofas
starting at $35.99.
305
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,262
Can you buy on credit?
You bet!
306
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,231
With your husband's
signature, of course.
307
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:18,303
So come on down
and let big al service you.
308
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:21,673
(man reading)
309
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:23,808
I think it holds up
pretty well.
310
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:29,080
I think it's amazing
that there was a time
when that was okay.
311
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,815
We're not running
this commercial.
312
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:37,522
Albert, you worked so hard
making ottoman empire
what it is today,
313
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,791
But don't you think
now is the time
314
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:46,264
To do things like play golf
or take a steam
or feed the pigeons?
315
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,665
Pigeons.
316
00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:49,400
That does sound fun.
317
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,736
We agree? No commercial?
318
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:54,973
No commercial.
I totally get it.
319
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,741
Adult adam:
But he didn't get it.
320
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:59,177
Man: Quiet on the set!
(indistinct conversations)
321
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,045
Murray: Damn it, albert.
322
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:02,213
What did I say?
323
00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:05,250
You're gonna love
this commercial, mur.
324
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:06,251
I'm insane albert.
325
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:11,356
I price my furniture so low,
I require hospitalization.
326
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:12,857
(chuckles)
he's crazy al.
327
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:15,560
Yeah, I get it.
No commercial!
328
00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:16,361
Send everybody home.
329
00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:21,266
Oh, I can't do that.
I already hired the crew,
bought this straitjacket.
330
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:22,967
It is cheaper
than renting it.
331
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,969
Vic, go away...
332
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,105
Far away.
Vic, you stay.
333
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:30,842
He's the orderly
that wheels me back
into the loony bin
334
00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:33,978
'cause my prices
are bananas.
335
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,914
Come here, albert.
336
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:39,484
Look, I've tried being
nice to you all week.
337
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:40,385
I can't do it anymore.
338
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:44,222
You gotta take off
the straitjacket
and go home.
339
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,089
Please!
340
00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:46,958
I didn't wanna
play this card,
341
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,494
But I do own 51%
of the business,
342
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,362
So the decision is mine.
343
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,163
What are you saying?
344
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:55,200
This commercial is
happening whether
you like it or not.
345
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:56,067
Now if you'll excuse me,
346
00:13:56,069 --> 00:14:00,939
I have to go back
and get into my mentally
unstable character.
347
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,509
You got that covered.
348
00:14:05,144 --> 00:14:08,246
(grunting and panting)
349
00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:11,616
Honey, what happened
to all your toys?
350
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,685
Gave 'em away.
It's cool.
351
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:14,452
Hey.
352
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:17,121
Can you float me
roughly $2,000?
353
00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:17,856
May I ask for what?
354
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:20,491
A waterbed
and a decorative samurai
sword to hang above it.
355
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:24,128
A samurai sword
will fall off the wall
in the middle of the night,
356
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:26,331
Poke your eye out,
puncture the mattress,
357
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,233
And then you'll drown
in your sleep.
358
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:30,134
Is that a "no"?
Yes, that's a "no."
359
00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:33,938
Honey, you can't give
your toys away.
You love 'em so much.
360
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,974
Toys are kids' stuff.
361
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:36,541
I'm a man now.
362
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,643
(dumbbells thud and clink)
as of yesterday.
363
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:41,246
A very happy,
happy man.
364
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,649
(spritzes)
365
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:48,620
That's barry's smell.
Why do you smell like barry?
366
00:14:48,622 --> 00:14:51,155
It's drakkar noir.
He gave it to me.
367
00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:53,591
I love to spend money
on a girl...
(click)
368
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,026
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
369
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:58,429
What the hell?
What did you two idiots do?
370
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,131
That could mean
so many things.
371
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:04,469
Why did my scrumptious
little baby give
away all his toys?
372
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:05,803
We just told him
the truth, mom.
373
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:09,841
Yeah. He'll never get
any action with
his room full of toys.
374
00:15:09,843 --> 00:15:12,510
He doesn't need any action.
He's a little boy.
375
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,412
I'm going over there right now
and getting his toys back.
376
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,649
If you do, you're gonna
cost him his first girlfriend.
377
00:15:17,651 --> 00:15:20,518
He doesn't need a girlfriend.
He's got me.
378
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,386
Ew.
Yuck.
379
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:24,489
I didn't mean girlfriend.
I meant... (sighs)
380
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,057
Main lady.
381
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:26,925
That is so much worse.
382
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:32,130
I meant woman in his life
that he loves more
than anyone else.
383
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:34,265
Mom, you're in free fall.
Pull the rip cord.
384
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,301
I'm going over there
to get those toys back.
385
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:39,737
You two are grounded
for a year.
386
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:42,240
You hear me? A year.
387
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:46,044
Glad you messed with me?
You should know better.
388
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,812
Hey there.
389
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:49,981
What great old toys.
390
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:50,915
I'm from a local charity,
391
00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:54,385
And I was wondering
if you'd take 20
whole dollars for them.
392
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:56,554
You're adam goldberg's mother.
393
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:59,023
Okay, I didn't know
you knew that.
394
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,192
Listen...
395
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:05,063
My son adam is at
a transitional age right now.
396
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:09,367
He's starting to mature
and to have feelings he's...
397
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,169
Never felt before, and...
398
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:11,836
I want a turtle.
399
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:15,440
That's nice. Why don't you
go in and get your mom?
400
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:16,975
(toys clatter)
401
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,244
Go on. Get mama.
402
00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:25,316
(toys clatter)
403
00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:41,332
Hi. (panting)
404
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,700
You must be dana's mom.
405
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,802
I'm beverly goldberg.
406
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:45,303
(clatter)
407
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:48,306
Well, I'll have you over
for brunch, okay?
408
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:51,743
Bye-bye. This was fun.
(laughs)
409
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,345
Adult adam:
After pops took off
his straitjacket,
410
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,782
He finally
regained his sanity.
411
00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,283
Hey, can we talk?
412
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:01,252
It's up to you.
You're the boss.
413
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:05,089
I can give you, uh,
51% of the couch.
414
00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:10,028
Stop it, will ya?
I came to apologize.
415
00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:12,397
Look...
416
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:16,401
It's tough always feeling
like you're underfoot.
417
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:17,435
I was doing okay with it,
418
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:22,206
But then when I walked
back in here, uh...
419
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,242
I felt like
I mattered again.
420
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,377
Stop it. You matter.
421
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,513
This is your
store, murray.
422
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:31,382
You've done a hell of
a job with it for 10 years.
423
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,018
Better than I could've done.
424
00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:37,722
Which is why
I've decided...
425
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:41,125
To give you this.
426
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:44,862
That's my 2%.
427
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:49,700
You should be
the majority owner.
This is your store now.
428
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:53,137
Thank you, albert.
It means a lot.
429
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,707
(exhales deeply)
430
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:59,911
I'm gonna
miss this place.
431
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:01,012
Oh, you...
432
00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:04,849
You could always come by,
like, once a week
to check on things.
433
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:08,286
I can put another desk
next to mine in the office.
434
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:10,121
Nah. I couldn't do that.
435
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:10,688
You could.
436
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:14,125
Walnut. Danish modern
with a teak inlay.
437
00:18:14,127 --> 00:18:15,760
Don't cheap out.
438
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,595
Now come here
and give me a hug.
439
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:18,429
Uh, I'm not a big hugger.
440
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:22,133
Get over here,
you bastard.
(sighs)
441
00:18:22,534 --> 00:18:24,402
(my life playing)
442
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,804
♪ got a call
from an old friend
(laughs)
443
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:30,374
♪ we used to be real close
444
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,479
♪ said he couldn't go on
445
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:35,413
Hi.
446
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:38,883
Hello. What you got there,
toys of some sort?
447
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:39,517
I brought 'em back
448
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:41,586
'cause I know you
didn't really wanna
give them away.
449
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:43,921
What? No, that's not true.
450
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,357
Your mom came over.
That damn woman.
451
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,158
That's okay.
452
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,027
My mom would have
done the same thing
453
00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:52,463
If I gave away
all my care bears.
454
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,764
Wait. It wasn't the toys?
455
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:56,367
Then why did you run out
of my room the other day?
456
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,269
I ran out 'cause...
457
00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:00,972
I thought we
were gonna kiss.
458
00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:04,408
Not that
I didn't wanna kiss.
459
00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:06,077
I just...
460
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:07,478
Got nervous.
461
00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:10,081
So...
462
00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:13,751
Thank you for
bringing my stuff.
See you at school.
463
00:19:14,386 --> 00:19:15,920
Thank you!
464
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,191
(mimicking shooting)
465
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:26,030
Stupid. I was
supposed to kiss her.
466
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,932
Stupid, stupid!
467
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:30,067
Yeah, you blew it.
468
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:32,570
But we'll work on it.
469
00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:34,071
(mimicking shooting)
470
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:40,344
Never thought I'd say it,
but this computer is way
better than sheila's gams.
471
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,847
Hey, mur.
We got a tough customer.
472
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,749
You wanna work your magic?
473
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,421
You coming?
474
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:52,990
You bet your ass.
475
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:58,095
Adult adam:
Yeah, getting older
is confusing and complicated,
476
00:19:58,097 --> 00:19:59,163
But no matter
how hard we tried,
477
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:03,401
Pops couldn't slow it down,
and that day,
478
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,468
I decided not
to rush it either.
479
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:08,439
(growly voice) I am megatron,
leader of the decepticons.
480
00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:11,008
I am optimus prime,
and I am a good guy,
481
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,710
And I will kick your butt!
(knock on door)
482
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,245
(normal voice)
who's there?
483
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,947
Murray: (muffled voice)
get dressed now!
484
00:20:15,949 --> 00:20:19,951
Oh, no! The bad guys
are coming for us! Aah!
485
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:25,056
(robotic voice)
my name is megatron.
I am good.
486
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:25,756
(knock on door)
487
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:26,924
(normal voice)
who's there?
488
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:29,260
Man: (muffled voice)
get dressed now.
489
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:30,661
Oh.
490
00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:33,798
(robotic voice)
I am good and...
491
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:34,699
This is it.
492
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:38,402
Aah! That hurt!
Aah! (laughs)
493
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:40,638
Hey! I'm murray the maniac.
494
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,608
And I'm committed
to insane prices!
495
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,343
Ooh! Aah!
(beep)
496
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:46,877
Hello! I'm murray the maniac,
497
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:50,248
And I'm committed
to insane prices!
498
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:53,618
You think that was too much,
the way I went, "insane"?
499
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:56,053
(beep)
and... Action.
500
00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:57,188
Well, I came out while
you were saying "action."
501
00:20:57,190 --> 00:20:59,190
Does that matter?
Okay, all right,
all right. Cut.
502
00:20:59,192 --> 00:21:00,858
(beep)
I'm murray the mania...
503
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,393
Why couldn't we
get a good one?
504
00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:03,894
Hi. I'm insane.
505
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,730
No, it's "insane prices."
no. "hello."
506
00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,031
It's "hello."
(beep)
507
00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:08,266
Just help me up. Help me up.
508
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:09,467
Help me up.
Just push from behind.
509
00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,102
I like what you were
doing, man.
Thank you.
510
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:15,706
Hey! I'm murray
the maniac,
and I'm bananas!
511
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:18,676
I am just b-a-n...
512
00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:19,543
Vic: "a."
513
00:21:19,545 --> 00:21:20,778
"a."
"n."
514
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:21,579
Is it two n's?
(beep)
515
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:25,316
Did we close
the whole day
for this (bleep)?