1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:02,134 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, before the internet, 2 00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:03,836 there weren't as many ways to find love. 3 00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:05,537 If you were lucky, you might get on The Dating Game. 4 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:09,875 If you were really lucky, you'd run into Beverly Goldberg. 5 00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:11,377 I've got the perfect man for you, Inez. 6 00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:15,080 His name's Tony. He's 53, non-smoker, works for the city, 7 00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:19,151 and he is literally the most handsome man I've ever seen. 8 00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:23,689 No, I don't know how fast I was going, but you know what I do know? 9 00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,824 No wedding ring. Have I got someone for you. 10 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:30,529 Her name is Delia. She's 34 years old, real outdoorsy just like you, 11 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:34,366 and she is literally the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. 12 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:40,706 (MOUTH FULL) I am telling you, he is literally the most handsome man I've ever seen. 13 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:41,206 (CHUCKLES) 14 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,142 Is Lucky interested in having puppies? 15 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,210 'Cause I know a Springer Spaniel. 16 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,579 Literally the cutest dog I've ever seen. 17 00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:52,484 My mom was eHarmony, JDate, and Grindr all rolled into one. 18 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,319 She could match up anyone. 19 00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,588 Well, almost anyone. 20 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:57,623 Good morning! 21 00:00:57,625 --> 00:01:00,192 Wow, dad, don't you look dapper? Big date tonight? 22 00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:03,595 Actually, I just finished my date from last night. 23 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,864 Was this the aerobics instructor? 24 00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:06,799 The antiques dealer. 25 00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:09,201 No. This was the manager from Coco's. 26 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:12,337 I ordered the steak, she ordered the me. 27 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:12,805 Here we go. 28 00:01:12,807 --> 00:01:15,441 Kids, you know the drill. Give us the room. 29 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:18,811 Come on. This is pure gold. I gotta get this on tape. 30 00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:20,479 You stay, Murray. 31 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:21,146 I stay. 32 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:24,450 Please help me talk some sense into this man. 33 00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:25,617 Mom's been gone for 10 years. 34 00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:28,153 He's dated at least five different women a week. 35 00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:29,021 That's over 2,000 women. 36 00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:32,958 You're saying something that's good, but you're saying it like it's bad. 37 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:36,061 I just think maybe it's time you found someone special. 38 00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:38,931 Maybe someone who doesn't wear a tube top to work. 39 00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:41,967 Hey, what's-her-name was plenty special. 40 00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:45,904 What was her name? Um... Tawny? Tammy? 41 00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:48,340 Taffy? Is Taffy a name? 42 00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:49,274 Just give me a chance, Dad. 43 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,076 I can help you find the perfect woman. 44 00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:53,145 I have a gift. Tell him, Murray. 45 00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:54,079 She has a gift, this one. 46 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:57,216 Fact, 16 of my setups led to marriage, 47 00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:59,818 which resulted in 37 children. 48 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,654 I did that. I created life. 49 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:03,188 She's like god. 50 00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:05,357 Trust me, dad. I know what's best for you. 51 00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:06,725 She knows what's best. The hell she does. 52 00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:11,330 Bevy, you just can't help yourself. You have to mix in. 53 00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:11,964 I'm not mixing in. 54 00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:16,802 I'm just trying to tell you what to do, even though you don't want me to. 55 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:17,803 Just do her thing. 56 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,404 Murray, you're really not helping me right now. 57 00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:22,508 Will you please just give him your honest opinion 58 00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:23,675 about how you feel about this? 59 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,411 You want my honest opinion? Mm-hmm. 60 00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:27,212 Well... (SIGHS) 61 00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:29,715 I think he's doing great on his own. 62 00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:32,050 Get out. Good-bye. 63 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,155 Please, dad, let me find you just one woman. 64 00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,823 You could even write down what you want, 65 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:40,125 and I'll find it. I'm that good. 66 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,660 No one's that good. 67 00:02:42,028 --> 00:02:43,262 Try me. 68 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,129 Fine. 69 00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:46,765 One date, but nothing serious. 70 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,768 I think you're really gonna love being set up by your daughter. 71 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,471 See? Now you're saying something that's bad, 72 00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,540 but you're saying it like it's good. 73 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:57,476 You're very confusing today. 74 00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:58,777 ♪ I'm twisted up inside 75 00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:03,348 ♪ But nonetheless I feel the need to say 76 00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:06,151 ♪ I don't know the future 77 00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:09,621 ♪ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪ 78 00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:13,992 It was October 12, 1980-something. 79 00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:18,030 Every day after school, I had a tradition with my big sis Erica... 80 00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,031 General Hospital. 81 00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:22,634 It was more than a soap opera. It was an obsession. 82 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,303 God, I hate Luke. 83 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,404 Me, too. 84 00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,506 But I'm drawn to his danger. 85 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:28,073 Who isn't? 86 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,042 Erica loved watching her stories, 87 00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:31,276 and I got sucked in, too. 88 00:03:31,278 --> 00:03:33,579 Mostly 'cause the alternative was this... 89 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,013 (SLAPPING) BARRY: Why are you hitting yourself? 90 00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:37,282 Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? 91 00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:39,585 Huh? What'd your face ever do to you? 92 00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:40,219 Get off me, Barry! 93 00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:42,221 Say "I love it when Barry whoops my ass." 94 00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:43,689 I'm not gonna say it. Say it! 95 00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:44,990 I'm not gonna say it. Say it! 96 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,658 I love it when Barry whoops my ass. 97 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:49,928 Oh! Really? Then I'm-a keep on going! 98 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:50,829 (SLAPPING) Aw, man. 99 00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,432 This was what quality time looked like with my brother Barry... 100 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:56,401 Until the day that changed everything. 101 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:59,304 Erica? It's starting. Hurry up! 102 00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:01,373 Get out. You get out. 103 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:02,274 General Hospital's on. 104 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:05,177 Lame. Your puppet show's any better? 105 00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:07,546 He's not a puppet. He's Alf. 106 00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,748 He eats cats and says what he thinks. 107 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,116 Hey, you taped it. You can watch it later. 108 00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:13,552 Hey, don't touch it! I was here first! 109 00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,787 Give me this! Erica, get down here! 110 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:18,523 (BUTTONS CLICKING) Come here. 111 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,260 Dude! Stop! 112 00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:21,994 Don't move. 113 00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:23,362 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 114 00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:25,230 Do you see what I see? 115 00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:26,832 I see it. 116 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:30,302 Back in the day, finding naughty adult stuff was impossible. 117 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:33,272 But somehow, we hit the right combo of buttons 118 00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:35,240 on our cable box and stumbled upon 119 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:38,310 a scrambled channel we didn't pay for. 120 00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,912 (WOMEN GIGGLING) Boobs. 121 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:43,382 I see scrambled boobs. 122 00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:44,349 Okay. (PRESSES BUTTON) 123 00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:46,551 Who's ready to check into General Hospital? 124 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:49,454 Um, I think I'm gonna watch Alf with Barry instead. 125 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,923 Alf? What about Luke and Laura? 126 00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:54,726 He said he's not interested! Now leave us be. 127 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,662 What the hell is going on? 128 00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:58,697 Is Barry forcing you to be here? 129 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,098 No, I'm here by choice. 130 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,035 (WHISPERING) If you're in trouble, blink. 131 00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:06,171 Whatever. 132 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,373 Guess I'll just watch it in my room. 133 00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:11,310 (TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY) 134 00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:12,311 No! 135 00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:13,345 (POUNDS TV) No! 136 00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:15,714 No! It's gone! What happened? 137 00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:17,716 Calm down. We just gotta retrace our steps. 138 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:20,786 Okay. So, yeah, you go back there. 139 00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,054 Okay, so I grabbed it... 140 00:05:22,056 --> 00:05:22,988 And then I came in... 141 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,389 I came in hard, though. Yeah. 142 00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:25,190 And then we shook it about. 143 00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,858 We were clicking, you were tugging with it. 144 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,327 (BUTTONS CLICKING, VARIOUS PROGRAMS PLAYING) 145 00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:30,429 (MUTTERING) "Uh, Erica, get down here." 146 00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:33,365 Bang, bang. Oh! Oh, there! We got it! 147 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,367 Good job, kid. 148 00:05:35,435 --> 00:05:39,304 It was the first thing Barry and I ever bonded over. 149 00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:41,807 I could stay like this forever. Agreed? 150 00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:42,774 (WOMEN GIGGLING) Agreed. 151 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:47,579 For once in our lives, we were on the same channel. 152 00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:51,283 All right. Your perfect woman. 153 00:05:51,285 --> 00:05:52,818 Ooh, here we go. 154 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:53,785 Tell me everything. 155 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,721 All right. For start... 156 00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:57,656 I think she should be at least 5'2", 157 00:05:57,658 --> 00:06:00,859 with kind eyes, and age-appropriate but spry. 158 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:05,430 Whoa, whoa. Don't I tell you what I want here? 159 00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:06,064 Of course. 160 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,834 (MOUTHS WORDS) You're gonna want someone with a great sense of humor. 161 00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,535 Not someone who steals the show, 162 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,337 but she should be sweet and cute... 163 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:16,775 And have a tush like two scoops of vanilla ice cream. 164 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:17,943 Dad! Could be chocolate. 165 00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,344 Are you gonna take this seriously? 166 00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:22,114 I'm trying to, but you're not letting me. 167 00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:24,149 Fine. Tell me what you want. 168 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,250 All right. 169 00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:26,952 She should be... 170 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:30,922 Dangerous, alluring and smart. 171 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,825 Like, really smart. Mensa smart. 172 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:37,129 But when it comes to making sensible decisions, 173 00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:39,131 she should be kinda dumb. 174 00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:41,032 Smart but dumb? 175 00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,534 So dumb. 176 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:45,670 And she should have a slender dancer's body 177 00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:49,040 and be bendy like a Chinese acrobat. 178 00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:49,908 Bendy. 179 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,877 You know what would be nice? 180 00:06:52,211 --> 00:06:53,512 Carly Simon's lips. 181 00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,313 Put it down. Carly Simon lips. 182 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,748 I'm sorry. Are you involved in this? 183 00:06:56,750 --> 00:07:00,285 You said to give him my honest opinion. 184 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:00,986 That's what I'm doing. 185 00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:05,490 How's about this? Long hair, like a mermaid. 186 00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:07,559 Boom! Write it up. 187 00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:11,797 She should be exotic, but not too exotic. 188 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:12,531 A Latin flavor, 189 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:18,036 but it should be impossible to know exactly where she comes from. 190 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,371 Impossible! 191 00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:20,806 And we're done. 192 00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,908 If this is really the type of woman you want, 193 00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:26,044 then, damn it, I'm gonna find it. 194 00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:28,914 I really wanna meet this woman. 195 00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:31,383 (LOWERED VOICE) Can you imagine? 196 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,219 (SHOUTS) Marriage is nice, too! 197 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,188 For the next five days, my mom focused 198 00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:38,490 on her biggest matchmaking challenge yet, 199 00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:40,592 finding Pops the perfect woman. 200 00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:44,262 72 years old? Are you kidding me with this? 201 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:44,830 (LID CLATTERS) 202 00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:47,265 Well, I don't care how good her wig looks, Ruth Applebaum. 203 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:51,236 Don't you call me back until you've got a real lead. 204 00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:52,637 Stop lurking. 205 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,773 We're having frozen pizza for dinner. 206 00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:55,974 Go pop one in the oven. 207 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:56,908 Frozen pizza? 208 00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,711 That's the second time this week. 209 00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:03,348 Just know, six is my limit. 210 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:07,486 I'm not stopping till I find my father the perfect woman. 211 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:08,153 Bevy, 212 00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:11,256 you do realize that your dad's just giving you busy work 213 00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,558 to keep you off his back, right? 214 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:14,159 I know that. 215 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:18,630 Do you think I'm really looking for a smart but dumb Chinese acrobat? 216 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:19,130 I hope so. 217 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:23,001 My father has given me the opportunity to find him his dream woman, 218 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,971 so I'm gonna find him my dream woman. 219 00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:28,206 Why? He's having a blast. 220 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:28,974 Is he really happy? 221 00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:32,544 Very happy! Happiest person I've ever seen. 222 00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:34,045 I know what's best for my father, 223 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:37,883 and it's more than likely one of these 16 lovely ladies. 224 00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:42,420 Turns out, my mom cast a wide net. 225 00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,189 (PHONE DIALING) How about that? 226 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:47,025 She was studying to be a cosmonaut. 227 00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:49,594 You don't see that every day. 228 00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,931 Barry and I spent the next three days 229 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:53,865 staring at the boob tube. 230 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:57,569 And while the quality time was nice, it came with a price. 231 00:08:57,571 --> 00:09:00,705 I've had this migraine that won't go away. 232 00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:02,340 Seriously? Me, too. 233 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:05,577 Maybe squinting at the TV for hours at a time 234 00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,879 just isn't so good for our brains. 235 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,549 I fell down at school today. 236 00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:13,418 I had a scrambled dream last night. 237 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:14,786 (WOMAN GIGGLING) 238 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,988 Maybe we should take a break. 239 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:17,756 Are you insane? 240 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,325 We gotta take this to the next level, bro. 241 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:20,792 How? 242 00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:23,628 I know this dude who knows this other dude 243 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,564 who went up to the roof and got every channel 244 00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:28,600 by jamming a pair of tweezers into the antenna thingy. 245 00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:30,235 It sounds like a great idea! 246 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:30,835 So it's settled. 247 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:33,371 Next time we're home alone, you'll go up to the roof, 248 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,440 and I'll stay down here and see if it works. 249 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,041 Why do I have to go? 250 00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:39,177 'Cause you have tiny little fingers that make it easy to get into places 251 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,279 and poke at live electrical wires. 252 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,280 You're making a lot of sense today. 253 00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:46,351 Listen. No matter what happens, we gotta keep this quiet 254 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,420 and not attract any attention. 255 00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:49,754 Agreed. 256 00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,358 What's happening? What's going on here? 257 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:53,959 What? Nothing. 258 00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:55,894 Can't two best bros do a wolf puzzle in peace? 259 00:09:55,896 --> 00:10:00,765 You guys broke something, you killed somebody, something's going on. 260 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,233 Off to our big double date. (CHUCKLES) 261 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,369 Burned through $100 in international phone calls, 262 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:07,572 but I found Pops a perfect dream woman, so wish me luck. 263 00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:10,041 I mean, wish Pops luck. Not that he needs any luck. 264 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,576 He's always getting lucky. Not like that. 265 00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,612 (GIGGLES) I've had some iced wine. 266 00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,814 I'm excited! How's my hair? 267 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:20,151 Hey, dad. Uh... Do me a favor. 268 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,920 Watch the morons tonight. 269 00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:25,056 What do I get out of it? Your dad's gratitude. 270 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,225 So nothing? Twenty bucks. 271 00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:28,393 Love you, daddy. 272 00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,929 Okay. Okay! 273 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,998 Have fun, boys! 274 00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:33,798 Be safe. 275 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,635 Oh, we will. Safety first. 276 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:39,371 (WALKIE-TALKIE BLIPS) Falcon has eyes on the target. 277 00:10:39,373 --> 00:10:41,172 I repeat... (BREATHING HEAVILY) 278 00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:42,340 Falcon is closing in. 279 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:45,010 Whoa, wait. I wanted to be Falcon. (BLIPS) 280 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:46,111 Fine. 281 00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:46,978 Golden Eagle is on the move. 282 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:50,882 Oh, man, that's way better. I'm that! 283 00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,884 Just pick a name! 284 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:53,885 Fine! 285 00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:57,389 I'm Golden Falcon Shark. Over. 286 00:10:57,391 --> 00:10:59,524 (BLIPS) 10-4. 287 00:10:59,925 --> 00:11:01,493 Whoa! (GASPS) 288 00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:02,627 I'm okay. I'm okay. 289 00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:04,295 It's kind of steep up here. Over. 290 00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:06,364 Be careful. I love you. 291 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,199 I mean... Never mind. Over. 292 00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:10,568 It's okay. It's out there now. 293 00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,404 I love you, too. 294 00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,005 Whatever. Over? 295 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,140 (WALKIE-TALKIE BLIPS) 296 00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,341 All right. 297 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:19,577 I'm tweezing the antenna thing. See anything? 298 00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:20,979 (CLICKING) 299 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,247 No. Still scrambled. 300 00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:26,551 Try jamming your tweezer in there as hard as you can. 301 00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:27,052 Okay. 302 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:29,621 How about now? (SCREAMS AND GRUNTS) 303 00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:31,089 (THUDS) 304 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,590 Still getting nothing. 305 00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,259 (TAPS TV) Tweeze harder. 306 00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:36,428 As our plan was going up in flames, 307 00:11:36,430 --> 00:11:39,064 Pops' night was about to be smoking hot. 308 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:40,765 My mom had searched every tennis club, 309 00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:43,601 Country Club, and book club in the tri-state area, 310 00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:47,172 and tracked down Pops' dream woman. 311 00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:49,674 Sophia. Mwah. I'm so sorry. 312 00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:52,410 My dad's running late, but this is my husband Murray. 313 00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,045 (FOREIGN ACCENT) It's a pleasure to meet you. 314 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:58,183 You, too. So, uh, are you from around here? 315 00:11:58,185 --> 00:11:58,817 No. No small talk. 316 00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:01,853 We'll cover all that when my dad gets here. 317 00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,755 All right. Okay. 318 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,996 Well, I guess a little small talk is okay. 319 00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:12,797 Do you like sangria? 320 00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:15,033 I love it. I'm gonna order some sangria. 321 00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:17,669 I love sangria. Oh. Okay. 322 00:12:17,671 --> 00:12:18,570 Two sangrias, please? 323 00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:19,871 I'd love a sangria. Okay. 324 00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:21,639 Three sangrias. (LOWERED VOICE) I'm sorry. 325 00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,074 Beverly Goldberg? Yes. 326 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,175 There's a phone call for you. 327 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:28,413 (CHUCKLES) Oh. Must be my dad. I'll be back in a jiff. 328 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,381 Don't forget the sangrias. 329 00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:31,983 Thanks. 330 00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:32,417 Hello? 331 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:36,521 Hey, honey, uh, I'm afraid I'm not gonna be able to make it tonight. 332 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:39,023 I'm feeling a little under the weather. 333 00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,358 Dad, you promised. 334 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,993 Down some aspirin and get over here. 335 00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:46,231 (FORCED COUGHING) I think it's better I stay home tonight. 336 00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:49,267 (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) What's that? 337 00:12:49,735 --> 00:12:52,070 Oh, uh, I threw on a record. 338 00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:55,006 You know me. Jazz is my medicine. 339 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,141 Are you at Dexter's? 340 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,776 No! Don't be ridiculous! 341 00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:02,547 Please give a warm Dexter's welcome to the Shorty Flanders Trio! 342 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:06,317 Dad, we had a deal! Don't you dare stand me up! 343 00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,586 Sweetie, it's not you, it's me. 344 00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:11,055 Don't you give me one of your lines. 345 00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:12,190 I'd better get to bed. 346 00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:14,225 I have an early meeting in the morning. 347 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:17,061 A meeting? You're retired 20 years. 348 00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,397 (LINE CLICKS) Hello? 349 00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:21,766 Hello? 350 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:26,304 Are you single? 351 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,606 I know the most handsome attorney. 352 00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:31,810 Are you crazy? Why the hell were you on the roof? 353 00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:34,245 Roof? Who was on the roof? 354 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,313 No one fell off the roof. 355 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,314 I fell off nothing onto nothing. 356 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,250 Enough, okay? Someone better start talking right now. 357 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:42,720 Listen. I know dad is paying you 20 bucks to watch us. 358 00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:46,357 I have something even better to make you look the other way. 359 00:13:48,794 --> 00:13:50,528 A library card? 360 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:51,429 Walk away. 361 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,566 Okay, you two have been acting like best friends all week, 362 00:13:54,568 --> 00:13:58,369 and it's creeping me out, so tell me what the hell is going on. 363 00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,471 Even if we had something to hide, 364 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,406 which we don't... We don't. 365 00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:05,443 We'd never rat each other out. Never. Never. 366 00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:07,445 Hyah! Hyah! 367 00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:10,215 What the hell was that? You have a coordinated handshake now? 368 00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:14,385 That's what brothers do. It's a bond even you can't break. 369 00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:17,622 Fine. Then I'll just tell mom. 370 00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:23,428 Okay, it was Adam's idea, okay? 371 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:26,631 He was the one who found the naked channel in the first place, 372 00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,266 then he got greedy and wanted more, 373 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:30,168 so he went to the roof. It was all him! 374 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:33,671 Are you kidding me? Don't drag me down with you, perv! 375 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:37,408 You got problems, man! You got serious problems! 376 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,009 Son of a... 377 00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:40,044 I was furious my brother sold me out so easily, 378 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:44,315 and I'd let him know with a swift punch to the arm. 379 00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:45,149 (PUNCH ECHOES) 380 00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:48,286 Or not. It was a total accident, 381 00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:49,187 but, oh, that didn't matter. 382 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,421 Never once had we punched face. 383 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:54,959 A threshold had been crossed, and there was no going back now. 384 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:56,928 You punched my face? 385 00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,997 It was an accident! I was aiming for your arm. 386 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,231 Come on, Golden Falcon Shark. 387 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:03,134 It's me. We have the brother bond, right? 388 00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:04,402 (PANTS AND CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 389 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,937 I'm gonna punch your face so hard! 390 00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:07,505 No, no, no, no, no, no! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! 391 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:11,776 While I was on the run, Pops was just getting settled for the night. 392 00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,678 (CLINKING) (GIGGLING) 393 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:14,946 Mmm. 394 00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:16,915 Ahh. Muy bueno. (WOMEN GIGGLE) 395 00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:20,184 Okay. Fun's over. You have a date to keep. 396 00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:23,121 Ooh. This is some real bad timing. 397 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:27,058 See, I'm already on a date. Uh, two, actually. 398 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,826 Stella and Lucy. 399 00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,261 Sandra. Lorraine. 400 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:33,164 Well, whoever you are, please excuse us. 401 00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:35,600 I gotta start bringing some nametags. 402 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,635 Do you know how much time it took me to find you 403 00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:39,270 an amazing woman for tonight? 404 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,774 Well, I found two so-so women in no time. 405 00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,542 Stop working so hard. 406 00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:45,109 Forget it. 407 00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,045 If you want to waste your time with women half your age 408 00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:50,848 in a pit that smells like a shoe, have at it. 409 00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:52,684 Oh, don't be like that. 410 00:15:52,686 --> 00:15:55,186 It's just a date. There'll be others. 411 00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,154 No, there won't be. 412 00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,723 Sophia was perfect, and you blew it. 413 00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,491 All I wanted was to find you someone 414 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:01,859 who will love you and make you happy. 415 00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:04,662 Yeah, well, that's not what I want. 416 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:05,129 Why not? 417 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:08,232 Because I already had that with your mother. 418 00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,737 Go home, Bev, please. 419 00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:20,645 Come on, Adam! You can't hide forever. 420 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,847 Can't you please just forget this ever happened? 421 00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:26,351 No! You've broken the unspoken agreement. 422 00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:27,719 We do not punch face. 423 00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:29,053 You never told me that! 424 00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:30,054 It was unspoken! 425 00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:33,558 But the line has been crossed, and there's no going back! 426 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,995 Starting now, it's all face punches, all the time! 427 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:40,031 Adam, come out. He's not gonna punch you in the face. 428 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,966 (LOWERED VOICE) Nice. You lure him out, 429 00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:43,067 and I'll cold-cock him in the eyeball. 430 00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:46,404 I heard that! (NORMAL VOICE) Okay, you got me. I give up. 431 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:48,072 (LOWERED VOICE) You'll go downstairs with him. 432 00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:50,441 I'll jump out... I still hear you! 433 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,175 Just open the door. 434 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,478 Trust me, Barry doesn't have the guts to punch you in the eyeball. 435 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,913 (NORMAL VOICE) I do, too, have the guts. 436 00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:57,548 I'm, like, 90 percent gut. 437 00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:58,616 (DOOR OPENS) 438 00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:02,120 Fine. The unspoken rule has been broken. 439 00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,521 (SIGHS) 440 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,256 Do what you have to do. 441 00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:06,591 Yes. 442 00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:10,094 Here it comes. Brace your face. 443 00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:12,597 Here comes the hammer. 444 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,800 It's punch time! 445 00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:19,570 Damn it. Told you. 446 00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:23,341 So... 447 00:17:23,409 --> 00:17:25,943 Do you wanna watch scrambled girls? 448 00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:27,478 Nah. 449 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:28,513 Kinda over it. 450 00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:30,248 Yeah, me, too. (SIGHS) 451 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:34,085 For the record, it wasn't just about the boobs for me. 452 00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:34,786 (EXHALES) 453 00:17:34,788 --> 00:17:38,156 It was just cool hanging out with you. 454 00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:39,457 Had its moments. 455 00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:42,593 From that moment on, there was something different between us. 456 00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:46,864 I went from Barry's annoying little brother to his friend. 457 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,032 (BOTH LAUGH) 458 00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:50,234 Then I'll see you in a few days. 459 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:50,802 (LAUGHTER ON TV) 460 00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:54,439 (LET MY LOVE OPEN THE DOOR PLAYING) 461 00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:58,109 Hey, sweetie. 462 00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:01,946 Everyone alive? 463 00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:02,613 Yeah. 464 00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:05,683 Uh, nothing crazy to report. 465 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,152 (SIGHS) 466 00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:10,788 ♪ When people keep repeating 467 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:11,222 (LAUGHING) 468 00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:14,325 ♪ That you'll never fall in love 469 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:17,595 ♪ When everybody keeps retreating 470 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,964 ♪ But you can't seem to get enough ♪ 471 00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,432 Hey. 472 00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:24,902 Mind if I hang out for a bit? 473 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:27,605 What happened to your date? 474 00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:30,308 Eh, wasn't feeling it. 475 00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:32,510 Look. 476 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:39,884 I know you worked hard to find someone for me, and I'm sorry I bailed. 477 00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,886 I'm sorry, too. 478 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,488 You were right. I always mix in, 479 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:47,291 and I think I know what's best for everyone. 480 00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:48,226 But I mean well. 481 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:52,063 And that's the only thing that makes it okay, honey. 482 00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:52,630 (CHUCKLES) 483 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:56,734 It makes sense now why you never get serious with anyone. 484 00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,370 They're just... 485 00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,038 Not mom. 486 00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,208 She was one of a kind. 487 00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,844 (EXHALES) Yeah, she was. 488 00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:10,314 I just wanted you to have someone you loved 489 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,216 to make new memories with. 490 00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:15,520 That's what you guys are for. 491 00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:22,226 Well, just promise me you won't close yourself off forever. 492 00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:24,862 Okay. 493 00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:28,699 But you promise me no more setups. 494 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,768 Deal. 495 00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,505 But when it came to matchmaking, 496 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,241 my mom couldn't help herself. 497 00:19:38,577 --> 00:19:42,513 My god, what a coincidence. It's Sophia. (SIGHS) 498 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,582 You are unbelievable. 499 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,684 Although she does have Carly Simon lips. 500 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:49,387 Am I good, or what? Not bad. 501 00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:53,691 I'm probably gonna need to cancel my morning meeting. 502 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,359 ♪ Open the door 503 00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,861 ♪ To your heart 504 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,263 While my mom found Pops a new connection, 505 00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:01,465 Barry and I went back to our old routine, 506 00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:04,669 although now there was a little more respect. 507 00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:06,504 Huh? My glasses! 508 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:07,972 Oh. Yeah. 509 00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,507 Why are you hitting yourself? Ugh! 510 00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:13,611 Why are you hitting yourself? Aah! 511 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,284 (GRUNTING AND LAUGHTER) 512 00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:20,985 Ow! 513 00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,954 (GRUNTS) (BELL DINGS) 514 00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:25,289 (GRUNTING) Ow! Aah! 515 00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:27,124 (GRUNTS) (LAUGHING) 516 00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:29,093 (BELL DINGS) 517 00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:31,963 My perfect girl? 518 00:20:31,965 --> 00:20:36,000 Well, she should have big blue eyes, and big blonde hair. 519 00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:36,968 Mmm, she sounds fun. 520 00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:38,669 She shouldn't be afraid to speak her mind, you know? 521 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:43,774 I mean, she should have a sensitive side, but still be a hard-ass. 522 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,509 Oh! Sit up straight, honey. 523 00:20:45,511 --> 00:20:48,412 And I want her to take care of me. 524 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,781 Cook, pick up my stuff, 525 00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:51,816 make me hot pockets. Mm. 526 00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:54,585 (MOUTH FULL) by the way, thank you for the hot pocket. 527 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:55,620 All right, and I'm on the case 528 00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:58,522 for my sweet, handsome, delicious boy. 529 00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:01,025 (CHUCKLES AND KISSES) 530 00:21:01,226 --> 00:21:03,060 You know you just described mom. 531 00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:06,330 What? I didn't... Oh, my god! 532 00:21:06,332 --> 00:21:09,533 Mom! I meant a brunette who doesn't cook at all! 533 00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:14,105 And she's gotta be super shy and not related to me at all!