1 00:00:00,135 --> 00:00:02,860 Back in The 80's, National Anthem Vacation 2 00:00:02,861 --> 00:00:05,462 was the best road-trip comedy ever. 3 00:00:05,497 --> 00:00:07,965 Yep, the Griswold family tore across America, 4 00:00:07,999 --> 00:00:10,367 and no one loved it more than my mom. 5 00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:13,904 Yes! This movie has everything I love and deserve! 6 00:00:13,938 --> 00:00:16,140 So pack your bags so I can unpack them 7 00:00:16,174 --> 00:00:18,208 and then repack them again properly 8 00:00:18,243 --> 00:00:21,678 because the Goldbergs are going on vacation! 9 00:00:21,713 --> 00:00:22,913 I don't know, Mom. 10 00:00:22,947 --> 00:00:25,349 That family's trip seemed super stressful and difficult. 11 00:00:25,383 --> 00:00:26,750 And they like each other. 12 00:00:26,785 --> 00:00:28,252 But we have one week left 13 00:00:28,286 --> 00:00:30,754 before Barry and Erica jet off to college. 14 00:00:30,789 --> 00:00:31,889 It's 10 minutes away. 15 00:00:31,923 --> 00:00:33,123 On nice days, I might walk. 16 00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:36,059 And Adam's starting life as a high-school upperclassman. 17 00:00:36,094 --> 00:00:37,628 Now when the juniors throw food at me... 18 00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,329 They'll be my peers. 19 00:00:39,364 --> 00:00:41,532 - Such a dork. - You shame us daily. 20 00:00:41,566 --> 00:00:45,102 So we're gonna take one last unforgettable family vacation 21 00:00:45,136 --> 00:00:47,971 before everybody starts the next big chapter in their lives! 22 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,139 What do you say? 23 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,908 We love you, but pass. 24 00:00:50,942 --> 00:00:54,011 You're gonna pass on a trip to Disneyland? 25 00:00:54,045 --> 00:00:56,380 - Oh, balls! - I love you now! 26 00:00:56,414 --> 00:00:58,382 Ah, that's right! Embrace your mama! 27 00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,083 Star Wars just opened a ride there! 28 00:01:00,118 --> 00:01:01,351 It's called "Star Tours"! 29 00:01:01,386 --> 00:01:03,320 You get to travel to the forest moon of Endor! 30 00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:05,689 Well, I "Endor" you. Boop! 31 00:01:05,723 --> 00:01:07,424 Even you can't ruin this. 32 00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:10,327 Star Wars teaming up with Disney is just so big! 33 00:01:10,361 --> 00:01:12,729 Sure, I wish they'd dedicate a whole land to Star Wars, 34 00:01:12,764 --> 00:01:14,731 but that's just a little boy's dream! 35 00:01:14,766 --> 00:01:16,733 Barry? 36 00:01:16,768 --> 00:01:19,536 Wanna give mama a huggy 'cause she's the best in the game? 37 00:01:19,571 --> 00:01:21,338 I'm not going to Disneyland! 38 00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:23,807 I'm a grown adult man who will be starting 39 00:01:23,842 --> 00:01:26,076 a fully accredited university in a week. 40 00:01:26,110 --> 00:01:27,978 But you love that Snow White. 41 00:01:28,012 --> 00:01:30,247 You've had a crush on her since you could talk. 42 00:01:30,281 --> 00:01:31,615 Which was late for your age. 43 00:01:31,649 --> 00:01:32,850 But still. 44 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:34,284 Sure, Ms. White has pretty hair 45 00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:36,186 and she's patient with those dwarves 46 00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:37,754 in a way you know you'd just vibe with her, 47 00:01:37,789 --> 00:01:39,089 but not at all! 48 00:01:39,123 --> 00:01:40,224 Who cares! 49 00:01:40,258 --> 00:01:42,059 I can't believe we're flying to California! 50 00:01:42,093 --> 00:01:44,061 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 51 00:01:44,095 --> 00:01:45,762 That won't give me enough time 52 00:01:45,797 --> 00:01:47,264 squished together with my squishies. 53 00:01:47,298 --> 00:01:48,999 We're driving! 54 00:01:49,033 --> 00:01:51,301 To the airport and then we're flying? 55 00:01:51,336 --> 00:01:52,703 When will I learn not to hug 56 00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:54,538 until I hear all of the details? 57 00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:56,940 It'll be just like the Griswolds. We're gonna see America! 58 00:01:56,975 --> 00:01:58,909 This America? I've seen it. 59 00:01:58,943 --> 00:02:00,444 It's all corn. 60 00:02:00,478 --> 00:02:03,947 Look, I just finished following the Grateful Dead in a van with Geoff. 61 00:02:03,982 --> 00:02:05,949 - I'm not going back out there. - Me neither! 62 00:02:05,984 --> 00:02:07,951 If you don't, I won't pay for college. 63 00:02:07,986 --> 00:02:09,319 Yay, everyone's in! 64 00:02:09,354 --> 00:02:10,587 What's all the noise? 65 00:02:10,622 --> 00:02:12,723 I can barely hear myself eat my creme cookies. 66 00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:14,391 We're driving to Disneyland! 67 00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:16,360 I get the feeling I don't have a say in this. 68 00:02:16,394 --> 00:02:18,295 Hmm, I get that feeling, too! Yay! 69 00:02:18,329 --> 00:02:19,463 Why did I come in here? 70 00:02:19,497 --> 00:02:20,998 And I got a Polaroid 71 00:02:21,032 --> 00:02:22,566 so I can take a photo diary of our trip! 72 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:23,634 Come on, squeeze together. 73 00:02:23,668 --> 00:02:25,135 I don't want to be near your dad. 74 00:02:25,169 --> 00:02:26,603 He smells like coffee and onions. 75 00:02:26,638 --> 00:02:29,506 Squeeze in. You ain't exactly cinnamon and sugar, sweetheart. 76 00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:31,475 I don't know where my body ends and Adam's begins. 77 00:02:31,509 --> 00:02:33,577 This trip is already the worst thing that's ever happened to me! 78 00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:35,112 Just take the damn picture! 79 00:02:35,146 --> 00:02:40,617 Synced and Corrected by YesCool www.addic7ed.com 80 00:02:40,652 --> 00:02:43,287 It was the last week of summer, 1980-something, 81 00:02:43,321 --> 00:02:44,988 and the Goldbergs were about to hit the road. 82 00:02:45,023 --> 00:02:47,658 Of course that meant my dad was excited about one thing, 83 00:02:47,692 --> 00:02:48,892 saving money. 84 00:02:48,927 --> 00:02:50,260 Lose the bathrobe. 85 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:54,031 It's a traditional Jedi cloak revered the galaxy over. 86 00:02:54,065 --> 00:02:56,433 Well, I'd revere a tank top if I were you, 87 00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:58,568 because I'm not using the air conditioning. 88 00:02:58,603 --> 00:03:00,637 You're not cheaping out on this trip, Murray. 89 00:03:00,672 --> 00:03:02,139 We have to make it perfect 90 00:03:02,173 --> 00:03:03,740 so that no matter how old they get 91 00:03:03,775 --> 00:03:05,309 or where they are in the world, 92 00:03:05,343 --> 00:03:07,210 they'll want to do this for years to come. 93 00:03:07,245 --> 00:03:08,845 An annual trip? 94 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:10,480 I was just sitting, enjoying my cookies. 95 00:03:10,515 --> 00:03:12,382 Now our financial future is in doubt? 96 00:03:12,417 --> 00:03:13,884 Good news, everyone! 97 00:03:13,918 --> 00:03:15,619 I'm bringing my banjo. 98 00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:17,220 - No. - Roger that. 99 00:03:17,255 --> 00:03:19,790 Attention, uneducated masses! 100 00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:21,124 As you all know, 101 00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,859 I'll be attending college in a week, 102 00:03:22,894 --> 00:03:24,661 so I need to be in tip-top shape... 103 00:03:24,696 --> 00:03:26,063 Mind and body. 104 00:03:26,097 --> 00:03:27,364 Is that why you're holding 105 00:03:27,398 --> 00:03:29,566 your mom's titanium leg pretzel? 106 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,168 This thigh-blasting machine 107 00:03:31,202 --> 00:03:32,970 is my ticket to physical dominance. 108 00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,838 Just do your dumb thing in the car. 109 00:03:34,872 --> 00:03:36,306 Where's your sister? We got to get going. 110 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:37,674 Saying goodbye to her boyfriend. 111 00:03:37,709 --> 00:03:38,976 You really don't want to come 112 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,511 and be jammed in a station wagon with my family for a week? 113 00:03:41,546 --> 00:03:42,846 And I answered my own question. 114 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,047 Look, I'll be on the road, too. 115 00:03:44,082 --> 00:03:45,949 The Dead have four more concerts left this summer. 116 00:03:45,984 --> 00:03:47,718 I'm hoping by the last one, I finally like them. 117 00:03:47,752 --> 00:03:49,886 Erica! Let's go! 118 00:03:49,921 --> 00:03:51,455 Um... 119 00:03:51,489 --> 00:03:53,824 One more thing, we need to talk. 120 00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:54,891 Oh? What is it? 121 00:03:54,926 --> 00:03:55,993 Erica! 122 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,060 Gas is burning! 123 00:03:57,095 --> 00:03:58,195 You know what? It's nothing. 124 00:03:58,229 --> 00:03:59,629 It... It can wait until after your trip. 125 00:03:59,664 --> 00:04:01,665 I don't want to spoil it. 126 00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:04,034 I better get moving, too. B-bye! 127 00:04:04,068 --> 00:04:05,802 Erica! 128 00:04:05,837 --> 00:04:07,137 We're doing it! 129 00:04:07,171 --> 00:04:09,239 The Goldbergs are going on vacation! 130 00:04:14,412 --> 00:04:16,146 We couldn't even leave! 131 00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:17,914 But eventually we did. 132 00:04:17,949 --> 00:04:20,117 And once we hit the highway, it was smooth sailing. 133 00:04:20,151 --> 00:04:22,953 Of course, there were some bumps inside the car. 134 00:04:22,987 --> 00:04:25,055 Gah! You keep smashing into me! Stop it! 135 00:04:25,089 --> 00:04:26,723 No can do, Ad-Rock. 136 00:04:26,758 --> 00:04:29,359 And be warned, as my muscles grow, expand, 137 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:31,561 and explode outward, I'll need more space. 138 00:04:31,596 --> 00:04:33,230 Why do I always have to sit in the middle? 139 00:04:33,264 --> 00:04:34,965 'Cause windows are for college men, 140 00:04:34,999 --> 00:04:36,333 not high school losers! 141 00:04:36,367 --> 00:04:38,402 Yeah, you keep calling yourself a college man, 142 00:04:38,436 --> 00:04:40,670 but come next week, you're in for a rude awakening. 143 00:04:40,705 --> 00:04:41,838 What's that supposed to mean? 144 00:04:41,873 --> 00:04:43,607 It means you might be in college, 145 00:04:43,641 --> 00:04:45,409 but you're just gonna be a lowly freshman, 146 00:04:45,443 --> 00:04:47,377 totally starting from scratch socially. 147 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,913 Have you not seen the work I've been doing on my thighs? 148 00:04:49,947 --> 00:04:51,181 College is gonna love me. 149 00:04:51,215 --> 00:04:53,717 Or the safety of the only world you've known 150 00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:54,785 will have vanished, 151 00:04:54,819 --> 00:04:56,686 and you'll discover that there's no place 152 00:04:56,721 --> 00:04:59,790 for an emotionally out-of-control doof with a thigh device. 153 00:04:59,824 --> 00:05:02,092 What? I am not an emotionally out-of-control doof! 154 00:05:02,126 --> 00:05:03,160 You are! 155 00:05:03,194 --> 00:05:04,795 Adam, quit working your brother up. 156 00:05:04,829 --> 00:05:05,996 He's gonna strain his groin. 157 00:05:06,030 --> 00:05:08,098 Erica, switch seats with me, please. 158 00:05:08,132 --> 00:05:10,934 Hey, if a guy says he needs to talk, is that bad? 159 00:05:10,968 --> 00:05:12,936 Ooh. Is that a good "ooh"? 160 00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:14,805 Uh. Is that a good "uh"? 161 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:16,139 You and Geoff are toast! 162 00:05:16,174 --> 00:05:18,542 And not good toast with tons of marmalade and butter. 163 00:05:18,576 --> 00:05:21,011 Bad toast that's burnt and breaking up with you. 164 00:05:21,045 --> 00:05:22,946 He's not breaking up with me! 165 00:05:22,980 --> 00:05:24,648 He just got real serious, 166 00:05:24,682 --> 00:05:26,483 and then said he didn't want to ruin my vacation 167 00:05:26,517 --> 00:05:28,552 by telling me something and sped off and... 168 00:05:28,586 --> 00:05:30,053 Oh, my God, Geoff's breaking up with me! 169 00:05:30,088 --> 00:05:31,088 You should call him. 170 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,389 How? He's on the road, too! 171 00:05:32,423 --> 00:05:34,091 I guess you just won't know for a week. 172 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,892 But hey, look on the bright side... 173 00:05:35,927 --> 00:05:37,027 Star Wars. 174 00:05:37,061 --> 00:05:38,095 Yeah, that sounds fun 175 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,797 and so much more important than my relationship! 176 00:05:40,832 --> 00:05:42,065 You know what's fun? 177 00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:43,600 A sing-along! 178 00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:44,768 Oh, come on! 179 00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:46,937 I'll start us all off. 180 00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:48,638 ♪ Row, row, row your boat 181 00:05:48,673 --> 00:05:50,273 ♪ Gently down the stream 182 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,341 Jump in! 183 00:05:51,375 --> 00:05:53,143 ♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily 184 00:05:53,177 --> 00:05:54,277 ♪ Life is but a dream 185 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,345 Anyone now! 186 00:05:55,379 --> 00:05:57,314 ♪ Row, row, row your boat 187 00:05:57,348 --> 00:05:58,815 ♪ Gently down the stream 188 00:05:58,850 --> 00:06:00,083 There's your cue! 189 00:06:00,118 --> 00:06:01,651 ♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily 190 00:06:01,686 --> 00:06:02,752 ♪ Life is but a dream 191 00:06:02,787 --> 00:06:03,820 Make it yours. 192 00:06:03,855 --> 00:06:05,755 ♪ Row, row, row your boat 193 00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:07,157 ♪ Gently down the stream 194 00:06:07,191 --> 00:06:08,258 Just the girls! 195 00:06:08,292 --> 00:06:10,227 ♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily 196 00:06:10,261 --> 00:06:14,564 ♪ Life is but a dre-e-e-am 197 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:17,801 That was great! 198 00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:21,004 Yep, our vacation was off to a slow start. 199 00:06:21,038 --> 00:06:22,772 But somewhere along the open road, 200 00:06:22,807 --> 00:06:25,242 things were about to kick into high gear. 201 00:06:25,276 --> 00:06:27,310 What the hell is this nut job doing? 202 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,579 Hey! Go around! 203 00:06:29,614 --> 00:06:31,948 I think she's flirting with you, Murray. 204 00:06:31,983 --> 00:06:34,251 Whoa, it's just like in the movie! 205 00:06:34,285 --> 00:06:35,485 But when you see it in real life, 206 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,920 it just comes off as wildly reckless! 207 00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,923 You're being very aggressive! 208 00:06:39,957 --> 00:06:41,291 He's spoken for! 209 00:06:41,325 --> 00:06:42,359 Show her your wedding ring! 210 00:06:42,393 --> 00:06:44,361 I think she's eyeballing me. 211 00:06:44,395 --> 00:06:45,695 Move your melon, Murray, 212 00:06:45,730 --> 00:06:48,198 so I can enchant her with a coy wink. 213 00:06:48,232 --> 00:06:49,332 This can't be real. 214 00:06:50,835 --> 00:06:52,335 Oh, it's real, all right. 215 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:55,038 My fruit guy's nephew was seduced by a road hussy 216 00:06:55,072 --> 00:06:56,640 and he woke up in a bathtub 217 00:06:56,674 --> 00:06:59,543 missing his kidney, spleen, corneas, and rectum. 218 00:06:59,577 --> 00:07:01,244 There are road hussies? 219 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:02,646 Geoff's on the road! 220 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:03,713 And single. 221 00:07:03,748 --> 00:07:04,915 We don't know that! 222 00:07:07,418 --> 00:07:09,686 As Pops' blonde beauty sped away, 223 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,588 we headed towards our first pit stop, 224 00:07:11,622 --> 00:07:13,190 the Old West. 225 00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:16,660 See, back in 1980-something, it was 1880-something. 226 00:07:16,694 --> 00:07:19,162 Would you look at this place? 227 00:07:19,197 --> 00:07:21,264 It's like stepping back in time! 228 00:07:21,299 --> 00:07:23,700 The hotel room prices are certainly up-to-date. 229 00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:25,068 Howdy, folks. 230 00:07:25,102 --> 00:07:28,705 Welcome to Durango Gulch, population 237. 231 00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:30,307 Oops. 232 00:07:30,341 --> 00:07:32,108 Looks like 236. 233 00:07:32,143 --> 00:07:33,677 Funny stuff, Quick Draw McGraw. 234 00:07:33,711 --> 00:07:35,212 But, um, where's the pay phones? 235 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:37,047 It's the 19th century, ma'am. 236 00:07:37,081 --> 00:07:40,350 I don't reckon to know what hifalutin contraption you're speaking about. 237 00:07:40,384 --> 00:07:42,686 Okay, so you're just gonna keep doing the thing? 238 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,421 Great. I'll be in the saloon. 239 00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:48,391 Ooh, looks like we got a real cowboy here. 240 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:49,926 You just step off the trail, pardner? 241 00:07:49,961 --> 00:07:51,962 I'm walking like this because I blasted my thighs 242 00:07:51,996 --> 00:07:54,097 with unbridled intensity for 300 miles. 243 00:07:54,131 --> 00:07:55,565 How would you two little wranglers 244 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,234 like to be my deputies? 245 00:07:58,502 --> 00:08:00,537 "Little wrangler"? 246 00:08:00,571 --> 00:08:03,440 I'm a man who could grow twice the mustache you have 247 00:08:03,474 --> 00:08:05,275 except then you'd be humiliated, 248 00:08:05,309 --> 00:08:06,376 and I'd become sheriff, 249 00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:08,144 and I don't want that responsibility. 250 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,481 Ohh... Ow, ow. Ohh. 251 00:08:11,515 --> 00:08:14,651 Not cool, man! Not cool! 252 00:08:14,685 --> 00:08:17,287 Yeah, I don't think he totally gets what this place is. 253 00:08:18,823 --> 00:08:20,624 There's no way he's breaking up with me. 254 00:08:20,658 --> 00:08:22,826 I mean, look at me. I'm a catch. 255 00:08:22,860 --> 00:08:24,828 I guess I am a little bossy, 256 00:08:24,862 --> 00:08:26,229 but what man doesn't like that? 257 00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,066 Damn it! He's so leaving me! 258 00:08:30,101 --> 00:08:31,067 Love isn't real! 259 00:08:31,102 --> 00:08:32,535 Neither is your ID. 260 00:08:32,570 --> 00:08:33,970 Oh, sure, you don't have phones, 261 00:08:34,005 --> 00:08:35,772 but you check my fake driver's license? 262 00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:36,873 Pick a century! 263 00:08:40,511 --> 00:08:42,946 Yo, wanna go ride a dead-eyed mule in a circle? 264 00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,314 It's super sad! 265 00:08:44,348 --> 00:08:47,217 No! I'm not going on some dumb kid's ride. Just leave me alone. 266 00:08:47,251 --> 00:08:49,719 Are you really still upset that I accurately suggested 267 00:08:49,754 --> 00:08:51,855 you're not ready for the next major step in your life? 268 00:08:51,889 --> 00:08:55,292 Please, your devastating words had no effect on me. 269 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:56,760 I know I'm a man! 270 00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:00,764 Oh, no! 271 00:09:00,798 --> 00:09:03,133 Bandits have surrounded the stagecoach! 272 00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:04,200 And I'm gonna prove it! 273 00:09:04,235 --> 00:09:06,136 Is there one man brave enough 274 00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:09,005 to stop these banditos with this here lasso? 275 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:12,175 I am that one man, Fake Sheriff. 276 00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:13,910 You know your way around a rope, son? 277 00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:15,211 Of course I know ropes. 278 00:09:15,246 --> 00:09:17,480 I've played tug-of-war and the board game Clue... 279 00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:20,183 But we lost that piece, so we use an old checker. 280 00:09:20,217 --> 00:09:23,353 Now just swing this thing in a slow circular pattern. 281 00:09:24,722 --> 00:09:25,789 Yah! 282 00:09:25,823 --> 00:09:27,524 Yah! 283 00:09:27,558 --> 00:09:28,625 Yah! 284 00:09:28,659 --> 00:09:30,327 Yah! Yah! 285 00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:34,531 Is that one of those cheap plate-glass windows 286 00:09:34,565 --> 00:09:35,999 that cowboys are always crashing through? 287 00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:37,200 It is not. 288 00:09:39,003 --> 00:09:40,403 Morons! 289 00:09:40,438 --> 00:09:43,673 I mean, who gets kicked out of an imaginary Western town? 290 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,508 Those rooms were non-refundable! 291 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,843 Well, this is just perfect. 292 00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:48,411 Where are we supposed to stay tonight? 293 00:09:48,446 --> 00:09:50,513 Don't you worry about me. 294 00:09:54,952 --> 00:09:57,087 Hey, Al. Ready to go? 295 00:09:57,121 --> 00:09:58,555 You know it, sweetie. 296 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,990 I'm gonna miss you guys. 297 00:10:01,025 --> 00:10:02,826 You know, you're welcome to stay. 298 00:10:02,860 --> 00:10:05,061 I'm being polite. Punch it! 299 00:10:07,164 --> 00:10:08,298 Okay. 300 00:10:08,332 --> 00:10:10,133 We're still together mostly. 301 00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:12,469 Don't worry, I've already thought of 302 00:10:12,503 --> 00:10:14,304 a cheap, available place for us to sleep. 303 00:10:14,338 --> 00:10:17,173 That night, our hotel didn't have four stars. 304 00:10:17,208 --> 00:10:18,341 It had four wheels. 305 00:10:18,376 --> 00:10:20,009 Stop fluffing me, I'm not a pillow! 306 00:10:20,044 --> 00:10:21,111 Then get softer! 307 00:10:21,145 --> 00:10:23,246 Will you two dopes shut up? 308 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,015 My God, this trip sucks. 309 00:10:26,050 --> 00:10:27,817 At least it's the last one we'll ever take together. 310 00:10:27,852 --> 00:10:30,987 Until Mom forces us to do this all again next year. 311 00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:33,757 Dummy, we're going off to college. 312 00:10:33,791 --> 00:10:36,159 We're not doing this again. Ever. 313 00:10:36,193 --> 00:10:38,428 Yeah, we're not just moving out. 314 00:10:38,462 --> 00:10:40,330 We're moving on for good. 315 00:10:40,364 --> 00:10:42,432 In that moment, I realized our family 316 00:10:42,466 --> 00:10:44,467 was truly going their separate ways. 317 00:10:44,502 --> 00:10:46,770 No more crazy adventures with my brother or sister. 318 00:10:46,804 --> 00:10:48,438 And no more middle seat. 319 00:10:48,472 --> 00:10:50,006 I'm okay with it. 320 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,375 But there was one person who would never be okay with it. 321 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,795 Our family vacation was still on truck for Disneyland, 322 00:10:55,814 --> 00:10:58,115 but my mom's mind was on a different path. 323 00:10:58,149 --> 00:10:59,783 Murray, the kids aren't gonna go away to college 324 00:10:59,818 --> 00:11:02,019 - and never come back, right? - I dunno. 325 00:11:02,053 --> 00:11:03,787 Sure they're growing up, but they love us 326 00:11:03,822 --> 00:11:06,423 - and want to stay in our lives forever! - I dunno. 327 00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:08,692 My children will spend every summer with me 328 00:11:08,726 --> 00:11:10,294 until the day I die! 329 00:11:10,328 --> 00:11:11,829 And even then, they're gonna carry my urn 330 00:11:11,863 --> 00:11:13,597 on every vacation they ever take. 331 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,833 - Of course! - Well, you're finally agreeing with me? 332 00:11:15,867 --> 00:11:17,835 Of course they're screwing me at the pump! 333 00:11:17,869 --> 00:11:19,870 $9 to fill up a tank? 334 00:11:19,904 --> 00:11:23,240 Our babies are choosing to de-latch from our collective bosom 335 00:11:23,274 --> 00:11:25,876 and all you care about is gas mileage! 336 00:11:25,910 --> 00:11:27,111 What do you want from me? 337 00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,846 I don't know what those morons are gonna do. 338 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,247 But I do know they're here now, 339 00:11:30,281 --> 00:11:33,016 so let's, uh, drive around or, uh, whatever. 340 00:11:33,051 --> 00:11:34,151 That's right! 341 00:11:34,185 --> 00:11:35,619 They're with us now! 342 00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,754 So if we make this trip extra special, 343 00:11:37,789 --> 00:11:39,490 they're gonna want to come back for more! 344 00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:41,258 Yeah, I dunno. 345 00:11:41,292 --> 00:11:43,660 As my mom was trying to keep her family together, 346 00:11:43,695 --> 00:11:46,864 my sister was trying to keep her relationship from falling apart. 347 00:11:46,898 --> 00:11:48,599 Hey, Geoff, it's Erica. 348 00:11:48,633 --> 00:11:51,969 Just checking in to see what you meant by, "We need to talk." 349 00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:55,038 Probably just wanted to say how we have no problems 350 00:11:55,073 --> 00:11:56,807 and we're a perfect couple. 351 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,543 Okay, well, have fun on the road, bye! 352 00:11:59,577 --> 00:12:02,346 Unfortunately, she couldn't leave just one message. 353 00:12:02,380 --> 00:12:04,748 Here's what "We need to talk" means to me. 354 00:12:04,782 --> 00:12:06,250 It means we have a problem. 355 00:12:06,284 --> 00:12:07,551 So is... Is it me? 356 00:12:07,585 --> 00:12:08,919 You're the problem, Geoff! 357 00:12:08,953 --> 00:12:10,521 Maybe I don't want you! 358 00:12:10,555 --> 00:12:12,256 Come back to me, my widdle Geoffy-weffy. 359 00:12:12,290 --> 00:12:13,357 You're a butt! 360 00:12:13,391 --> 00:12:15,125 And not just the tiny part of the butt, 361 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:16,226 but the whole mound. 362 00:12:16,261 --> 00:12:18,795 The cheeks, the smelly region, all of it. 363 00:12:20,131 --> 00:12:21,999 Okey-doke. I think I got it. 364 00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:23,100 Thanks, Dr. Schwartz. 365 00:12:23,134 --> 00:12:24,268 Oh, I almost forgot. 366 00:12:24,302 --> 00:12:26,170 Geoffrey called and passed on a message of his own. 367 00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:27,271 What did he say? 368 00:12:27,305 --> 00:12:29,673 He said he needs to tell you in person, 369 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,975 but it's big and possibly upsetting. 370 00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:34,077 That doesn't help at all. It just makes everything worse! 371 00:12:34,112 --> 00:12:35,412 Sure thing, honey. Bye now. 372 00:12:37,448 --> 00:12:38,849 Why didn't you get a slushie? 373 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,384 They had your favorite... Blue. 374 00:12:40,418 --> 00:12:43,020 Real men don't drink that delicious crap. 375 00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,488 They drink boiling-hot coffee. 376 00:12:44,522 --> 00:12:45,889 But you hate coffee. 377 00:12:45,924 --> 00:12:47,858 That was Yesterday Barry. 378 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:50,494 But now my taste buds and skittish tummy have matured. 379 00:12:52,764 --> 00:12:54,665 How could you put this in your body? 380 00:12:54,699 --> 00:12:56,700 Ugh! 381 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,068 I love it. 382 00:12:58,102 --> 00:13:01,205 Okay, Bar, clearly I freaked you out about starting college... 383 00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:02,439 I'm not freaked out! 384 00:13:02,473 --> 00:13:03,774 If anything, I'm freaked in! 385 00:13:03,808 --> 00:13:06,109 - That doesn't mean anything. - You don't mean anything! 386 00:13:06,144 --> 00:13:08,178 You're a tiny boy who doesn't know the struggles 387 00:13:08,213 --> 00:13:10,714 of a fully grown college gentleman! 388 00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:13,650 Hot! Hot! 389 00:13:16,454 --> 00:13:18,088 This is hard to watch. 390 00:13:18,122 --> 00:13:20,557 But the good news is we'll be in Anaheim in two days. 391 00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:21,925 Change of plans! 392 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:25,095 I've got a surefire way to make sure everybody loves this vacation... 393 00:13:25,129 --> 00:13:27,064 Make it way longer! 394 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,365 Oh, balls. 395 00:13:28,399 --> 00:13:31,535 We are gonna hit every major attraction from here to California. 396 00:13:31,569 --> 00:13:32,703 But that'll take forever. 397 00:13:32,737 --> 00:13:34,137 What about my "Star Tours" ride? 398 00:13:34,172 --> 00:13:37,341 Schmoopie, it's about the journey, not the destination. 399 00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:39,776 Ha! You have to appreciate the journey! 400 00:13:39,811 --> 00:13:42,546 Ah, see? Barry's excited! Who else? 401 00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:44,948 Might as well, my relationship is probably over. 402 00:13:44,983 --> 00:13:46,950 See? Another one of my babies didn't say no! 403 00:13:46,985 --> 00:13:48,018 Murray? 404 00:13:48,052 --> 00:13:49,519 I don't care what we do, as long as it's free. 405 00:13:49,554 --> 00:13:50,621 Ah! See? 406 00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:53,690 Everyone's in and happy and we're making memories, 407 00:13:53,725 --> 00:13:56,360 and this is gonna be the best Goldbergs vacation ever! 408 00:13:57,695 --> 00:13:59,630 Say, "Cheese"! 409 00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:02,199 And so we saw America. 410 00:14:02,233 --> 00:14:04,801 In all its weird and magnificent glory. 411 00:14:04,836 --> 00:14:06,937 There were sculptures made of cars, 412 00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:08,805 mountains made of faces, 413 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,008 one big hole. 414 00:14:11,042 --> 00:14:12,809 But what took our breath away the most 415 00:14:12,844 --> 00:14:15,746 was the crappy motel our dad insisted staying at. 416 00:14:15,780 --> 00:14:18,282 This is the kind of motel where people live full-time. 417 00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:19,516 Uh, it's gross. 418 00:14:19,550 --> 00:14:20,817 It's cozy. 419 00:14:20,852 --> 00:14:22,486 There's police tape around the pool. 420 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:26,023 That shows the police have already been here. So it's safe. 421 00:14:26,057 --> 00:14:28,191 Look! They got one of those Magic Fingers bed massagers. 422 00:14:28,226 --> 00:14:29,293 No! 423 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:30,927 Nobody touch anything 424 00:14:30,962 --> 00:14:32,929 until I hit it with some Lysol Pine action. 425 00:14:32,964 --> 00:14:34,298 I'm turning it on! 426 00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:36,600 My thighs and tummy muscles are still sore! 427 00:14:38,036 --> 00:14:40,871 Let's soothe my aching bones! 428 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:44,608 Lemme turn it down. 429 00:14:46,244 --> 00:14:47,678 Damn it, moron! 430 00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:49,079 They don't have any more rooms! 431 00:14:49,113 --> 00:14:51,348 What do you do with these things? 432 00:14:51,382 --> 00:14:53,950 I've got a super fun idea that solves everything! 433 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,287 Who can sleep like this? 434 00:14:57,322 --> 00:14:59,890 Yeah, we barely slept a wink that night. 435 00:14:59,924 --> 00:15:01,558 And we were so exhausted the next morning, 436 00:15:01,592 --> 00:15:03,393 everyone passed out in the car. 437 00:15:03,428 --> 00:15:04,828 And I mean everyone. 438 00:15:24,782 --> 00:15:27,250 Do you think this will affect our time at Disneyland? 439 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,555 Barry, this is all your fault! 440 00:15:31,589 --> 00:15:33,323 You and your stupid bed massager. 441 00:15:33,358 --> 00:15:35,692 I know! I'm not a man! 442 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:38,895 I'm starting college, but the truth is I still feel like a boy. 443 00:15:38,930 --> 00:15:40,530 Like sad, pathetic little Adam here. 444 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:41,598 Hey! 445 00:15:41,632 --> 00:15:42,766 Will you shut up? 446 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:43,934 I mean, look at this! 447 00:15:43,968 --> 00:15:46,036 Now I'll never get to a phone and learn the truth 448 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,471 that I definitely don't wanna know! 449 00:15:47,505 --> 00:15:48,605 My God! 450 00:15:48,639 --> 00:15:50,707 You're both just selfish jerks! 451 00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:51,875 You know, I actually thought 452 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:54,244 I was gonna miss you next year, but good riddance! 453 00:15:54,278 --> 00:15:55,412 Stop! 454 00:15:55,446 --> 00:15:56,747 Tell me the truth... 455 00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:59,816 Are you all gonna head out the door for college and never look back? 456 00:16:01,953 --> 00:16:03,587 I see. 457 00:16:04,722 --> 00:16:07,557 Every one of these pictures breaks my heart. 458 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,760 You all look sad or angry or miserable. 459 00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:11,762 And that is not what I wanted. 460 00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:13,797 Bevy... No! 461 00:16:13,831 --> 00:16:15,966 Let's just go home and be done with it. 462 00:16:17,001 --> 00:16:19,069 I can't take another day of family vacation 463 00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,171 if this is the last one I'm ever gonna have. 464 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,628 Our car and our Mom were broken, 465 00:16:26,927 --> 00:16:28,861 and all we wanted was to go home. 466 00:16:28,895 --> 00:16:30,563 I thought we had more suitcases than this. 467 00:16:30,597 --> 00:16:31,630 We did. 468 00:16:31,665 --> 00:16:33,032 At least this horrible trip is over. 469 00:16:33,066 --> 00:16:35,601 But it wasn't. Not for my dad. 470 00:16:35,635 --> 00:16:38,704 He was about to head down a road we never expected. 471 00:16:38,738 --> 00:16:40,306 You know what I think? 472 00:16:40,340 --> 00:16:41,941 I think you're all [BLEEP] in the head. 473 00:16:41,975 --> 00:16:43,642 - Whoa! - Motel language! 474 00:16:43,677 --> 00:16:44,777 You're just gonna give up? 475 00:16:44,811 --> 00:16:45,844 - Yeah. - Kinda. 476 00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:47,079 Do we have a choice? 477 00:16:47,113 --> 00:16:49,982 Your mom worked her ass off to plan you a great vacation, 478 00:16:50,016 --> 00:16:51,684 and I didn't know why. 479 00:16:51,718 --> 00:16:53,319 But, damn it, I do now. 480 00:16:54,354 --> 00:16:55,654 Murray, what are you saying? 481 00:16:55,689 --> 00:16:57,456 I'm not sure about the future, 482 00:16:57,490 --> 00:16:59,692 but right here, right now, 483 00:16:59,726 --> 00:17:02,494 there's no amount of money I wouldn't spend 484 00:17:02,529 --> 00:17:04,530 for my family to have a great vacation. 485 00:17:04,564 --> 00:17:05,698 Dad's suddenly thoughtful! 486 00:17:05,732 --> 00:17:07,199 He must've banged his head in the accident! 487 00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:08,300 Are you serious? 488 00:17:08,335 --> 00:17:10,603 To keep this family together, 489 00:17:10,637 --> 00:17:12,638 I would spend every last penny. 490 00:17:14,608 --> 00:17:16,041 Hey, Goldbergs, need a lift? 491 00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:17,943 Thank God! Everybody get in! Come on! 492 00:17:17,978 --> 00:17:19,812 Geoff! How did you find us? 493 00:17:19,846 --> 00:17:22,081 Well, you left my dad a lot of very upsetting messages, 494 00:17:22,115 --> 00:17:23,882 so I drove here as fast as I could. 495 00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:25,851 I followed your suitcases like bread crumbs! 496 00:17:25,885 --> 00:17:27,753 So, what did you want to talk to me about? 497 00:17:29,856 --> 00:17:31,090 Well... 498 00:17:31,124 --> 00:17:34,627 I had such an amazing time doing nothing this summer, 499 00:17:34,661 --> 00:17:37,162 that I want it to continue. 500 00:17:37,197 --> 00:17:38,564 I'm not going to school in the fall. 501 00:17:39,165 --> 00:17:40,699 Oh, my God! That's it? 502 00:17:40,734 --> 00:17:43,202 Well, yeah. I mean, it's a pretty big deal. 503 00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:44,536 My dad's not thrilled. 504 00:17:44,571 --> 00:17:45,838 And your messages didn't exactly 505 00:17:45,872 --> 00:17:47,506 fill him with hope for my future. 506 00:17:47,540 --> 00:17:49,642 You jerk! I thought you were breaking up with me! 507 00:17:49,676 --> 00:17:51,076 What? Never. 508 00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:52,778 You're the greatest thing that ever happened to me. 509 00:17:53,413 --> 00:17:54,913 I never doubted it. 510 00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:57,416 Turns out some trips are about finding your way, 511 00:17:57,450 --> 00:17:59,551 and not losing track of where you're headed. 512 00:17:59,586 --> 00:18:03,355 - Hey, Bar. About what I said. - No, you were right. 513 00:18:03,390 --> 00:18:04,590 I'm not ready for college. 514 00:18:04,624 --> 00:18:05,724 Of course you are. 515 00:18:05,759 --> 00:18:07,426 You're Big Tasty. 516 00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:10,596 You attack everything you do with the full force of your being. 517 00:18:10,630 --> 00:18:13,265 Trust me, college is gonna be a piece of cake for you. 518 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,600 You really think so? 519 00:18:14,634 --> 00:18:15,768 I know so. 520 00:18:16,569 --> 00:18:17,870 Thanks, Ad-Rock. 521 00:18:17,904 --> 00:18:20,372 Venturing out can be scary, 522 00:18:20,407 --> 00:18:21,573 but it's easier to take that trek 523 00:18:21,608 --> 00:18:23,442 when you're riding with the people you love. 524 00:18:23,476 --> 00:18:25,844 Family vacations are hard. 525 00:18:25,879 --> 00:18:28,814 They're stressful and expensive, 526 00:18:28,848 --> 00:18:30,749 and uncomfortable. 527 00:18:30,784 --> 00:18:32,251 But the thing that makes them great 528 00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,687 are the memories of doing it all together. 529 00:18:34,721 --> 00:18:36,221 We're really here. 530 00:18:37,057 --> 00:18:38,090 Thank you, Mama. 531 00:18:38,892 --> 00:18:40,426 Anything for you, schmoo. 532 00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:42,695 Maybe next year we can go to Walt Disney World. 533 00:18:42,729 --> 00:18:43,762 That sounds pretty cool. 534 00:18:43,797 --> 00:18:44,930 Yeah, I guess I'd try it. 535 00:18:44,964 --> 00:18:47,166 Wait... You guys would wanna do this again? 536 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,734 I'm open to it. 537 00:18:48,768 --> 00:18:51,070 Ah! My schmoopies will be with me forever! 538 00:18:53,473 --> 00:18:55,541 Are we too late? 539 00:18:55,575 --> 00:18:58,310 - We got lost. - Intentionally. 540 00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:00,279 Just in time, Pops! We're running for it! 541 00:19:18,998 --> 00:19:21,333 Oh, sorry, park's closed. 542 00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:23,669 What? Oh, no! Someone do something! 543 00:19:23,703 --> 00:19:25,337 I'm here! 544 00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:27,906 Don't worry, schmoo. Mama's got this. 545 00:19:27,941 --> 00:19:29,041 In that moment, 546 00:19:29,075 --> 00:19:30,642 Beverly Goldberg did what she did best... 547 00:19:30,677 --> 00:19:33,045 She lied her ass off. 548 00:19:33,079 --> 00:19:35,848 She told elaborate, far-fetched tales of our journey. 549 00:19:35,882 --> 00:19:38,217 Apparently, we were attacked by bald eagles 550 00:19:38,251 --> 00:19:40,119 and a motorcycle gang? 551 00:19:40,153 --> 00:19:43,122 There was a tornado, and then a tsunami. 552 00:19:43,156 --> 00:19:45,524 And then another tornado. 553 00:19:45,558 --> 00:19:49,194 She wove a tapestry of lies so intricate, so beautiful, 554 00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:51,330 by the end, none of us knew what was real. 555 00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:52,898 ...and that is when little Adam 556 00:19:52,932 --> 00:19:55,968 had to help his grandpa by sucking out the venom. 557 00:19:56,002 --> 00:19:59,204 Wow, you guys have been through a whole lot as a family. 558 00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:01,340 And you know what? I had no idea there were zebras in Arizona. 559 00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:03,242 Zebras are the piranhas of the sand. 560 00:20:03,276 --> 00:20:05,911 Well, you know what? All I meant was the park is closed now. 561 00:20:05,945 --> 00:20:07,279 But it opens in 15 minutes. 562 00:20:08,748 --> 00:20:10,682 Why didn't you say something? 563 00:20:10,717 --> 00:20:12,451 Well, I tried, but you were going on and on and on. 564 00:20:12,485 --> 00:20:14,286 But go on in! Come on, the park's all yours! 565 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,054 Rusty, you're the best! 566 00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:17,890 Let's do it, Adam! Let's go ride "Star Tours"! 567 00:20:17,924 --> 00:20:19,258 No, no! 568 00:20:19,292 --> 00:20:22,127 I think I know something that would be more fun for the whole family. 569 00:20:23,630 --> 00:20:26,598 We finally made it to the happiest place on Earth. 570 00:20:26,633 --> 00:20:29,034 And as magical as it was, thanks to my mom, 571 00:20:29,068 --> 00:20:32,171 I realized the best part of the Goldberg vacation 572 00:20:32,205 --> 00:20:33,539 was the journey. 573 00:20:33,573 --> 00:20:36,375 To this day, we still travel as a family. 574 00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:38,343 Of course, it never gets easier, 575 00:20:38,378 --> 00:20:40,512 but I wouldn't trade it for the world. 576 00:20:52,653 --> 00:20:54,470 _ 577 00:20:54,471 --> 00:20:58,111 Synced and Corrected by YesCool www.addic7ed.com 578 00:20:58,112 --> 00:21:00,247 _ 579 00:21:01,324 --> 00:21:02,386 Wakey, Wakey. 580 00:21:03,834 --> 00:21:04,928 Get out. I was just dreaming on 581 00:21:04,929 --> 00:21:06,022 scoring a touchdown for the Eagles! 582 00:21:06,585 --> 00:21:07,729 But I brought you breakfast. 583 00:21:08,149 --> 00:21:09,507 Well, finally! I've been trying to 584 00:21:09,508 --> 00:21:10,865 take my meals in my room for years. 585 00:21:10,866 --> 00:21:15,345 Give me! This is awhole lot of liquids. 586 00:21:15,346 --> 00:21:19,926 Oh, No! Adam, stop! I shouldn't 587 00:21:19,927 --> 00:21:24,506 have stold it from the hotel! 588 00:21:24,507 --> 00:21:25,507 Yeah, I'm gonna miss you!