1 00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:04,238 ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, a cruise was everyone's dream vacation. 2 00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:05,506 It was the best game show prize... 3 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,841 A floating luxury hotel, 4 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:09,810 and it was the only vacation with its own theme song. 5 00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:11,679 ** If they could see you now 6 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,182 ALL: ** Out on a Fun Ship cruise 7 00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:17,118 ** Eating fancy food and doing what you choose 8 00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:18,652 ** All I can say is wow 9 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:20,554 ** Hey, look at where you are 10 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,290 ** Tonight we're living... Pow! 11 00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,058 ** Just like a movie star 12 00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:26,660 ** What a fun ship, holy cow 13 00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:28,162 ** They'd never believe it 14 00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:31,365 ** If your friends could see you now ** 15 00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:34,135 Why is this peppy broad all in my face? 16 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,570 She never stops moving. She's like a lady Chihuahua. 17 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,472 That's the vivacious Kathie Lee Gifford, 18 00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:40,674 whose energy and spunk knows no bounds. 19 00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:42,676 She's basically me if I were a sassy redhead. 20 00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:44,512 Well, the best part is she's singing about 21 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,947 making her horrible land-bound friends jealous. 22 00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:48,882 That's exactly what I would do. 23 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,818 Being trapped on a floating motel 24 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,653 is not my idea of a vacation. 25 00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,089 Once you get into international waters, 26 00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:57,525 the laws of man no longer apply. 27 00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:00,494 You can jaywalk or violate federal copyrights. 28 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:02,096 We'll see who's boss now, Mickey Mouse. 29 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,664 None of that's right, 30 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:06,367 but think of your children who've never seen the world. 31 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,901 The closest I've been to another country 32 00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:10,604 is that Chinese buffet place that also serves pizza. 33 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:11,905 Yeah, I like my bathroom here, 34 00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:14,142 where I know where all the levers and papers are at. 35 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,309 You're a piece of garbage! 36 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:16,577 I wish anyone else was my father! 37 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:17,978 How many times do I have to tell you? 38 00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:20,681 What you think of me as a man does not matter to me. 39 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:21,882 Eh, I could pay. 40 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,284 Who is saying those words right now? 41 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,453 Me. I'll spring for the whole megillah. 42 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,288 I think you're confused, Pop-Pop. 43 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,757 We're talking about a luxurious vacation, 44 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,459 not the nickel you tape to our birthday cards. 45 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,461 I wanna treat you, huh? 46 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,229 For Hanukkah or whatever. 47 00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:38,366 You usually buy the boys nail clippers or pencil sharpeners. 48 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:39,467 One time, you gave me the Yellow Pages. 49 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,601 For killing spiders. 50 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,336 I got some Lawry's Seasoned Salt. 51 00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:43,604 Admittedly, that was a re-gift. 52 00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:44,905 And how are you gonna pay for it? 53 00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:46,207 You live above a Burger King. 54 00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:48,075 You don't know my finances. 55 00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,411 I got investments, Lord Big Crap of the County think-he's-better-than-me. 56 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:51,679 Murray, don't you get it? 57 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,881 You and your father have patched things up, 58 00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:56,116 but he wants to take it to the next level. 59 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,752 We're good. When I see him, I don't feel boiling rage. 60 00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:01,689 Maybe you could get closer and feel something even better. 61 00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:02,823 Like a mild warmth? 62 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:03,957 Like love. 63 00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:05,859 The thing you never had as a child. 64 00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:07,695 It's right there for the taking. 65 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:08,929 All right, let's go on the dumb ocean. 66 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,731 Yay! It's a snuggle ship! 67 00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:11,965 Ohh! 68 00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:13,701 ** I'm twisted up inside 69 00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,804 ** But nonetheless, I feel the need to say 70 00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:21,275 ** I don't know the future 71 00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:24,312 ** But the past keeps getting clearer every day ** 72 00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,947 ADULT ADAM: It was Hanukkah, 1980-something, and Erica was 73 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,317 spending her first holiday with the Schwartzes. 74 00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:31,685 I really appreciate you still coming to my folks' house. 75 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,687 I know it's a big sacrifice to give up the family cruise. 76 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,923 Geoff, I'm thrilled to be here. Aww. 77 00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:37,925 Because I would rather eat my fingers and toes 78 00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:39,327 than be stuck on a boat with my family for a week. 79 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:40,494 Gonna walk back that aww. 80 00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:42,162 I'm just excited to have a normal holiday 81 00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:43,831 without family drama. 82 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:46,934 Normal is one thing that the Schwartzes do well. That and Boggle. 83 00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,669 I keep forgetting that normal and boring mean the same thing. 84 00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:49,803 (DOOR OPENS) 85 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,205 There they are! 86 00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:52,340 Five minutes late! 87 00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:53,674 Sorry. Holiday traffic. 88 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,809 You know to plan for traffic, Geoffy. 89 00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,177 Remember what we always say... 90 00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:59,012 TOGETHER: "Lateness is the opposite of greatness." 91 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,448 I know, I know. 92 00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,082 My family also has a saying about being tardy... 93 00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,617 "Why are we even going to this thing?" 94 00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,219 And then we fight and don't go. (CHUCKLES) 95 00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,655 Our first Hanukkah with our son and his girlfriend. 96 00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,290 I'm not a crier, but if I were... Whoo! 97 00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,225 Oh, my God! Joanne's here! 98 00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:12,693 Joanne's here? Joanne's here! 99 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,027 I'm here! 100 00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,529 Joanne, I didn't know you were coming. 101 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:18,499 Erica! My almost sister! 102 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:19,633 (LAUGHING) Oh! Oop! 103 00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:20,801 Coming right in my business. 104 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,803 (SIGHS) Sorry I'm late. 105 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,838 Oh, pshh! What's five minutes? (CHUCKLES) 106 00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:26,507 You just had a whole rhyme about it. 107 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:27,941 Our Jojobean came up with that. 108 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,010 She is the family genius. 109 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,279 So, what have you been up to? 110 00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,547 Mostly just partying at law school. (LAUGHS) 111 00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:35,215 Did you hear that? Law school. 112 00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:36,317 I kinda heard partying. 113 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,018 Oh, I still can't handle it. 114 00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:40,421 My daughter is going to be a lawyer. 115 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,755 And your son's gonna be a doctor. 116 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,223 Eh, an ophthalmologist. 117 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,358 Aren't you an ophthalmologist? 118 00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:45,559 That's why I can say it. 119 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,695 Linda, I thought you weren't a crier. 120 00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:50,531 I am when my baby come homes for Hanukkah. 121 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,766 Joanne, we got the guest room all set up for you. 122 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,902 Geoffrey, you two can take your old bedroom. 123 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:57,671 But you guys converted it into a craft room the day I moved out. 124 00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,840 So push some stuff aside. Do I have to hold your hand? 125 00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:01,174 You're holding Joanne's. 126 00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:03,344 My angel's home! 127 00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,879 ADULT ADAM: While Erica was getting to know more about Geoff's perfect family, 128 00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,416 we were climbing aboard our ocean vessel 129 00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:09,850 for the trip of a lifetime. 130 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,184 Man, what are we gonna do first? 131 00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:13,253 First, I need you to back away from me, okay? 132 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,556 I don't want your Brea Bee relationship musk 133 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,190 spoiling my newly single pheromones. 134 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,726 Pheromones? 135 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,694 Is that why your shirt is glistening like a dog at the beach? 136 00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:22,330 Nah. I pre-oiled my body. 137 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:23,431 I don't want the honeys 138 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:24,532 seeing me ungreased, 139 00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:25,699 but I also gotta be ready to 140 00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:27,200 pop this top off at a moment's notice. 141 00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:28,536 I don't know, Bar. 142 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,203 I think you might be still getting over Ren, 143 00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:32,105 and maybe you shouldn't hang all your self-worth 144 00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:33,006 on a random boat gal. 145 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,542 Opposite. 146 00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:36,410 Who I stroll the lido deck with 147 00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:38,078 literally means everything. 148 00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,279 Everything. 149 00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,114 Yay! St. Johns! 150 00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:44,852 Oh, tropical waters, white sands, fruity drinks! 151 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,820 So, why do you all look like Hawaiian lawyers? 152 00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,422 'Cause we're going to St. Johns! 153 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,090 Yeah, St. John, Canada. 154 00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:52,259 It's a nice town. Good puffin skewers, I hear. 155 00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:53,894 What old man words is he saying? 156 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,096 Puffin. It's like a fat penguin. 157 00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,931 What, are you too good to eat an endangered seabird? 158 00:04:58,065 --> 00:04:59,299 Yes. Ben, when you said 159 00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,835 we were going to St. John's, we naturally assumed 160 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,137 you were talking about the tropical paradise. 161 00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,506 Have you seen the prices of Caribbean cruises? 162 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:06,640 Hmm? No, thank you. 163 00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:08,476 Are you telling me there's gonna be 164 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:09,677 no bikini-clad babes? 165 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,278 Oh, not a one. The average temp is seven. 166 00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:12,580 The average age is 77. 167 00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,014 Those are all the wrong sevens. 168 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,383 That is a stupid way to say thank you. 169 00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:16,484 (BOAT HORN BLOWS) 170 00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:17,585 Quick! Exit the gangway! 171 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,319 No, we have to make this work 172 00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:21,121 for the sake of Dad and Pop-Pop's relationship. 173 00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:22,356 But all I brought 174 00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:23,391 were my flip-flops 175 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,825 and a change of latitude. 176 00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,694 Take my credit card, go buy us some coats 177 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:27,761 and sweatshirts in the gift shop. 178 00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,930 Nice. I'll buy gum and not tell you. 179 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,099 (SIGHS) Hi, I'm Jenny, your cruise director. 180 00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,467 How can I help you get settled? 181 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:36,804 We just got the shocking news that this is an Arctic tour, 182 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:39,840 so we were wondering if there's anything fun to do on board. 183 00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,509 Sometimes you can get a glimpse 184 00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:42,610 of the Northern Lights. 185 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,277 Oh, that's something. 186 00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:45,345 Is it beautiful? 187 00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:46,780 I wouldn't know. 188 00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:47,981 But I've only been on this ship for many years. 189 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,349 Follow-up question... 190 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,485 Why the (BLEEP) would anyone go on a trip like this? 191 00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:52,953 We have HBO? 192 00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:55,923 You're telling me I don't have to go on a beach excursion 193 00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:57,357 or some Mayan ruins? 194 00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:58,692 And there's premium cable? 195 00:05:58,826 --> 00:05:59,827 Hoo-hoo! 196 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,929 What kind of grump would enjoy a trip 197 00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,964 where he's cooped up in a cabin the whole time? 198 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,132 Hey, you hear the good news? 199 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,299 HBO! 200 00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:07,801 Yeah, now it's really Hanukkah, huh? 201 00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:09,202 **** 202 00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,338 Isn't this great? 203 00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,406 Our first holiday with my family. 204 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:13,607 Yeah, I was kinda nervous 205 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:14,775 because I always thought 206 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,410 your family was so normal and perfect. 207 00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:19,046 Totally. Wait. What are you talking about? They are perfect. 208 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:21,081 Come on. Jojobean? Your parents totally favor her. 209 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,282 That's not true. 210 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,384 They gave you grief for being five minutes late, 211 00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:26,153 but she just waltzes in whenever. 212 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:27,755 Plus, there's two of us, and we're in the crappy room. 213 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,190 Um, I think you mean the crafty room. 214 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,759 And it's the best. Cheggit. 215 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:32,926 This bolt of black latex. 216 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,662 What is my mom intending to do with this? 217 00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:35,896 All I'm saying is you don't deserve 218 00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:36,997 to be treated like second-fiddle. 219 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,832 In this house, we have a saying... 220 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:40,601 Choose to be happy, choose to be kind, 221 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:41,569 positivity is in your mind. 222 00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:42,903 No one says that. 223 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,538 Um, I believe this pillow begs to differ. 224 00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:46,139 Yikes. Not yikes! 225 00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:48,208 The opposite of yikes. Yum. 226 00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,177 Yeah, well, your family's bad at opposites, too. 227 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,580 We're great at opposites and everything else. 228 00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,181 Black, white. Up, down. 229 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,348 Schwartzes, Goldbergs. 230 00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,050 Okay. It's like that? 231 00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:59,119 Well, I was just trying to be supportive, but I don't have to. 232 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,854 Great. 'Cause I don't need that kind of support. 233 00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:04,592 Fine. Then I'll just curl up in this heavy damask curtain 234 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,460 and not comment on how messed up it is 235 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:07,427 that they love her more than you. 236 00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:08,829 We're a happy family. 237 00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,598 Oh, I know, and I am thrilled to be here. 238 00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:11,765 Love you so much. Love you more! 239 00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,166 Pleasant dreams, sugarplum. 240 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,235 I will be right here when you wake up, my darling. 241 00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,805 ADULT ADAM: As Erica and Geoff were butting heads, 242 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,473 my dad and Pop-Pop were bonding 243 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:22,375 over their mutual love of the great indoors. 244 00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:23,711 They watched TV. 245 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,278 Man, I love being out on the ocean. 246 00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:27,247 They sampled the ship's cuisine. 247 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,750 You're right, Mur. They let the old folks cut in line. 248 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,619 What's in the bag? Oh, bacon bits. 249 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:32,686 I'm taking some of these home. 250 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:33,787 Smart. 251 00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,122 And they relaxed. 252 00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,124 They even found time for some activities. 253 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,893 I've got a joke for this square, 254 00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:42,162 but let me know if you've heard it B-4. 255 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,231 (SIGHING) Oh, my God. This guy puts his own spin on it. 256 00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:45,633 Not quite a joke, but a smile. 257 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:46,934 Like a New Yorker cartoon. 258 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,201 I don't hate it. 259 00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:49,770 I do. (SIGHS) 260 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,973 Excuse me, ancient and wizened co-passenger, 261 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:54,441 do you happen to have a granddaughter 262 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:57,678 or a great-granddaughter aboard for me to romance? 263 00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:01,081 What? It's a compliment. I want to kiss a younger you! 264 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,216 Barry, this frozen boat trip may not be the best place 265 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:04,618 for you to find a replacement... 266 00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:07,621 Shh! The foxy cruise director just made eye contact. 267 00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:09,422 Love is possible anywhere. 268 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:12,159 Hey, cutie, I'm Jenny, your cruise director. 269 00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,127 You look like you could use something hot and sweet. 270 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,331 Oh, my God. 271 00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:21,101 Was the new love of my life into you instead of me? 272 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,036 Maybe. I mean, stranger things have happened. 273 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,137 No, they haven't, ever. 274 00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:25,472 Good news from the cancer doctor. 275 00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,108 Your tumor is B-9. 276 00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:29,543 Murray, wake up! You won Bingo! 277 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,044 Bingo! (LAUGHS) 278 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,647 Oh, wow! Wow! 279 00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:35,849 Attaboy! That's my son! 280 00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,951 Ben, I can't thank you enough. 281 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:39,853 This cut-rate maritime bus ride 282 00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,955 has been the best Hanukkah gift ever. 283 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:43,957 Murray's having the time of his life! 284 00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:46,526 Well, I'm glad to hear that. I need him in a good mood. 285 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,862 Right? 'Cause what dad doesn't want his son to be happy? 286 00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:50,163 Yeah. 287 00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:51,799 Oh, no. 288 00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,667 Please don't tell me this generous gift 289 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:56,369 is just a facade for some other cynical agenda. 290 00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:57,705 Of course not! 291 00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,339 I do need a little loan, though. 292 00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,308 (SIGHS) How little? 293 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:02,710 Few grand. 294 00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:03,877 Plus the cost of this trip. 295 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:05,979 (SIGHS) 296 00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:09,917 ADULT ADAM: The next day, my sister decided 297 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,819 she was gonna do what Geoff wanted, 298 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:14,688 ignore the fact that his family was screwed up just like hers. 299 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,824 Time to light the candles! Who wants to do it? 300 00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,258 Ha! Definitely not Geoff! 301 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,894 (LAUGHTER) 302 00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:22,529 I don't get it. Why is that funny? 303 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,531 I haven't been allowed to light candles since I was nine 304 00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,199 and I lit the table runner on fire. 305 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:27,735 His klutzy little hands dropped the match. 306 00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:30,704 My face was hurting so much from laughing. 307 00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,740 What an adorable story 308 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,407 about a boy who made an innocent mistake, 309 00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:36,744 which his parents taunt him about well into adulthood. 310 00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:38,411 Thank you for that thorough recap, Erica, 311 00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,347 but I love the memory of almost burning down our home. 312 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:41,915 Blah-blah-boring. 313 00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,184 Let me just light that sucker with my Zippo. 314 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:48,055 Oh, my. You have a lighter with your initials engraved in it. 315 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,023 I'm kind of a smoker now. (GASPS) 316 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,391 Look who's all grown up. (CHUCKLES) 317 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,260 Damn it, Geoffrey! Stop slouching! 318 00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,262 Whoopsies. Standing straight will make me great. 319 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:56,596 That's another one of our fun sayings 320 00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:57,931 that's always directed towards me. 321 00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,200 Should we eat? Way ahead of you. 322 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,770 Wait, where's the brisket? I wait all year for it. 323 00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:05,605 Well, keep waiting, 'cause this year, I thought we'd mix it up. 324 00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,440 Your sister wanted grouper. GEOFF: Fun! 325 00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,609 Who doesn't want to eat a fish with the eyes still on? 326 00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,378 Guys, I have an announcement, 327 00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:13,546 and honestly, I'm a little nervous. 328 00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:14,682 Jojobean, what is it? 329 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:16,316 I'm dropping out of law school 330 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,319 so I can pursue my dream of becoming a professional singer. 331 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,454 Oh. LOU: I'm really disappointed... 332 00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:24,057 That you were nervous to tell us this incredible news. 333 00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:25,392 (LAUGHS) 334 00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,828 My little girl is gonna be the next Madonna! 335 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,763 Yeah! What about law school? 336 00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:31,699 Oh, it was a detour, but now I'm on the path 337 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,266 that I was always meant for. 338 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,468 But you were never in a band or choir, 339 00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:37,871 and you can't really play an instrument or even whistle. 340 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,773 This is a passion I found recently 341 00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:41,341 while humming to my shower radio. 342 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,976 I bet a lot of the greats were just the same. 343 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:45,145 Ooh! Linda Ronstadt, maybe. Sure. 344 00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,414 You know, the music business is notoriously difficult. 345 00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:49,082 I mean, Erica, you pursued music. 346 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,617 Maybe you have some thoughts on this? 347 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,820 Oh, I'm just a crazy Goldberg. 348 00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:55,622 I don't want to rub off on your stable family. 349 00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:58,091 Joanne, you are number one in our hearts 350 00:10:58,225 --> 00:10:59,793 and, hopefully, the Billboard charts. 351 00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:01,061 So follow your dreams, girl. 352 00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,495 Rock 'n' roll! 353 00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:05,833 Or pop or country or... Whatever. 354 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:08,936 ADULT ADAM: Erica was staying out of it, but my mom was diving in. 355 00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:12,472 She had to tell my dad the real reason Pop-Pop took us on the cruise. 356 00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,207 Murray, we need to talk. 357 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,308 (VOICE BREAKING) Give me a sec. 358 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:16,476 Oh! 359 00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:17,778 Your father told you? 360 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,346 Yeah. 361 00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,514 He wants to play shuffleboard with me. 362 00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:22,816 What's that, now? 363 00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:25,118 When I was a little boy, he never played catch with me. 364 00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:27,620 Now I'm getting the father I always wanted. 365 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,356 You wanna warm up, champ? 366 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:30,891 "Champ"! 367 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,360 You hear that? Because I'm his champion. 368 00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:38,698 I am now going to practice and make him proud. 369 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,133 So, Blondie, when's the best time 370 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,368 for me to ask the big guy for the dough? 371 00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:42,970 Never. 372 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:45,839 I'll give you your damn money, but Murray can never find out. 373 00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:47,707 We take this to our graves. 374 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:50,677 Ooh! Fancy pants over here has grave money. 375 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,079 Looks like I came to the right people. 376 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,713 Okay, let's shuffle. 377 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:57,350 Wait. This pathetic game is how I'll earn Jenny's love. 378 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:58,886 Adam, you're gonna be my shuffle partner. 379 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,754 Nah. I'm not a puck guy. 380 00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:03,623 Unless you're talking about A Midsummer Night's Dream. 381 00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:05,292 Then I'd jump at the chance to play a mischievous fairy. 382 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:06,559 Exactly. 383 00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,996 While you keep saying awful stuff like that, 384 00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:10,898 I'll dominate these crusty old men. 385 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,733 No doubt winning Jenny's heart, soul, and bottom. 386 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,904 ADULT ADAM: And so, three generations of Goldbergs shuffled. 387 00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:18,538 We clanked. Look at that. 388 00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:20,207 We scored. Yes! 389 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,541 Barry did whatever this is. 390 00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,476 Yes! 391 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,846 And amazingly, pushing pucks pushed my dad and Pop-Pop together. 392 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,347 Wha, wha, wha, wha! 393 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,482 I'm gonna say something I've never said before. 394 00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,284 Thank you. 395 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,353 This is the best Hanukkah I have ever had. 396 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:34,554 Yeah. For me, too. 397 00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:35,655 Ah. 398 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,457 Oh, best cruise ever! 399 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,893 Yep, things were going great in the North Atlantic, 400 00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:41,929 and not too bad in the Schwartzes' living room. 401 00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,730 Geoff, this is amazing! 402 00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,365 Did you pay someone to do this? 403 00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:46,599 GEOFF: I did it myself. 404 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,735 I took a class in technique as an elective 405 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,104 and just noodled away at that portrait when I had free time. 406 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,605 This is lovely, sweetie. 407 00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:55,242 And it explains the B+ you got in Statistics. 408 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,543 My turn! (CHUCKLES) 409 00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:59,612 Mine's not something you can hold or touch, 410 00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,214 but you sure can feel it. 411 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,216 My gift is my song. 412 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,185 (CLICK, MUSIC PLAYS) 413 00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:06,519 (OFF-KEY) ** It's a little bit funny 414 00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,188 (LAUGHS) 415 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:12,392 ** This feeling inside 416 00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:16,329 ** I'm not one of those who can 417 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,466 ** Easily hide 418 00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:21,935 ** I know it's not much 419 00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:26,974 ** But it's the best I can do 420 00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:30,777 ** My gift is my song 421 00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,645 And this one's for you! 422 00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:34,681 Bum-bum, bum-bum, bum! 423 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,950 ADULT ADAM: In that moment, Geoff finally had enough. 424 00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:38,952 ** And you can tell everybody... ** 425 00:13:39,086 --> 00:13:40,453 (CLICK, MUSIC STOPS) To shut the (BLEEP) up! 426 00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:41,621 Geoff, what the hell? 427 00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,456 How are you people crying over this? 428 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,458 I literally gave you a work of art! 429 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,094 Wait. Did you not like my gift of song? 430 00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:48,495 Honestly, no. I didn't. 431 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:49,829 You're not even the best singer in the room. 432 00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:51,298 Erica, just show her. 433 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,301 So, you're cool with my special Goldbergian brand of support? 434 00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:56,469 Yes. And you admit that your family isn't perfect either? 435 00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,305 We're clearly a mess. Do it. 436 00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:01,274 ** It's a little bit funny 437 00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,176 ** This feeling inside 438 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,711 Where did she get a microphone? 439 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:09,682 ** I'm not one of those who can easily hide 440 00:14:09,816 --> 00:14:14,321 ** I know it's not much But it's the best I can do 441 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:19,692 ** My gift is my song And this one's for you ** 442 00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:21,161 What was that? 443 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,629 Mommy, was she better than me? 444 00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:24,464 It doesn't matter. She shouldn't have done that. 445 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:27,400 Who gives a gift of song when a gift of song has already been given? 446 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,302 My lover does. 'Cause I told her to! 447 00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:30,570 There you go, Geoff! 448 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,005 And don't say "lover" ever again. It's icky. 449 00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:33,440 Felt weird. 450 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,142 And you know what? I'm sick of you guys favoring Joanne! 451 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:36,743 Where is this coming from? 452 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,111 Something's changed in you. 453 00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,280 It's that Goldberg girl. Yeah, her and her family. 454 00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:41,281 Don't you blame her for this. 455 00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,882 Erica's the only one who supports me. 456 00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:45,718 In fact, we're leaving. 457 00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:47,520 I've had a lovely time. Thank you for the fish and music. 458 00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,489 ADULT ADAM: As Geoff told off his family, 459 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:52,559 Barry was ready to tell Cruise Director Jenny how he felt. 460 00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,861 I hope we can wrap this game up before sundown. 461 00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,896 Once it's dark, the temperature plummets. 462 00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,231 I'll keep you warm, girl. 463 00:14:58,365 --> 00:14:59,432 You can't. 464 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,700 No one can. 465 00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:03,003 Hey, I don't know what you're doing after this, 466 00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:04,237 but there's a club on board. 467 00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,339 I'll be there. You should check it out. 468 00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,710 After all that power shuffling, she still prefers you. 469 00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:12,079 It's insane. 470 00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:13,346 Everyone has different tastes. 471 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,949 Different taste is like "Do you like Coke or Pepsi?" 472 00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,986 This is like "Do you like Coke or lukewarm dishwater 473 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,121 "that yaps about Star Wars and wears corrective underwear?" 474 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,690 That was for pelvic alignment! 475 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,358 And I've been patient with you 476 00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:27,027 'cause you just got your heart broken, 477 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,728 but this is too far. Ow! 478 00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:31,564 Hey, Jenny My Cruise Director, I'm in for that club. 479 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:34,367 Jenny My Cruise Director? He has a girlfriend. 480 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:35,602 Bring her. 481 00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:37,570 We're gonna play games, and we even have Kool-Aid. 482 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,606 She's kinky and she likes fruit punch! 483 00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,374 Life's unfair! 484 00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:43,010 It's a club for children, isn't it? 485 00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:44,911 That's right, little sailor! 486 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,647 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, I wasn't the only sailor hitting rough seas. 487 00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,751 Aw, come on! That was a gimme! 488 00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:53,453 True enough, but let's just stay focused 489 00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:55,455 on the special father-son memory. 490 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:56,789 I don't need another memory 491 00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,558 of my idiot son buckling under pressure. 492 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,160 Let's not forget what this trip is all about. 493 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,794 No, no, no. Loan or not, 494 00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:04,297 I'll call a moron a moron when he's a moron. 495 00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:06,199 Loan? Ben's just loaning me 496 00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:08,401 his, uh, shuffleboard thingy. 497 00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,070 See? Look what I'm doing. (CHUCKLES) 498 00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:11,771 Nice cover-up, Nixon. 499 00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:12,972 Your wife gave me the cash I needed 500 00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:14,574 so you wouldn't get ferkakta about the trip. 501 00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:16,943 Damn it, Ben! You said you'd take that to the grave! 502 00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:18,511 Well, I'm old, so I took it near the grave. 503 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,980 You just wanted money from me. Unbelievable. 504 00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,483 **** 505 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,821 ADULT ADAM: After yet another disappointment from Pop-Pop, 506 00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:31,958 my dad was ready to get off the cruise... Port or not. 507 00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:33,093 Murray, where are you going? 508 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:34,427 I gotta find a lifeboat. 509 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:35,828 You're gonna get in a tiny boat 510 00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,497 in the middle of the Labrador Sea? 511 00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:38,898 What are you gonna eat? 512 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,967 I'm sure on the lifeboat, there's provisions and whatnot. 513 00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,369 Biscuits. 514 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,804 Biscuits? What about protein? 515 00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:46,973 You know how you get when you don't eat your meats. 516 00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:50,277 That is why I stole a butter knife from the buffet. 517 00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,812 Those fish come swimming by... Boom! Surprise! 518 00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,414 You hate sushi. 519 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:56,549 There's a flare gun on that lifeboat. I'll cook 'em up! 520 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,118 What about polar bears? 521 00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,552 We're back to the butter knife. 522 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,554 You couldn't chase a possum out from under the house. 523 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,523 How are you gonna kill a polar bear with a butter knife? 524 00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:06,826 With pure adrenaline and the will to survive! 525 00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,395 Stop it. 526 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,630 You are not getting off this boat because of your dad. 527 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:11,798 It's not just 'cause of my dad. 528 00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:13,233 There are other reasons. 529 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:14,367 Were you ever gonna tell me? 530 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:15,868 Of course. 531 00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:18,605 But you two looked so happy and you were getting along. 532 00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,140 What was I supposed to do? 533 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,609 Stop trying to push us together. 534 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,844 Because then you give me the worst gift of all... 535 00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:26,012 Hope. 536 00:17:27,314 --> 00:17:29,082 ADULT ADAM: As my dad was lost at sea, 537 00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:31,718 Geoff and Erica found themselves alone at home. 538 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:33,386 Well, Hanukkah dinner's not looking good. 539 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,122 Oh, God, what have I done? 540 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,456 You stood up for yourself. 541 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:37,657 I know. But I went too far. 542 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:40,059 Maybe. But take it from a crazy Goldberg. 543 00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:41,261 It's gonna be okay. 544 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,096 (DOORBELL RINGS) 545 00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:45,932 What are you doing here? 546 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,034 We wanted to say we're sorry. 547 00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:50,170 You were right. About everything. 548 00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:53,506 You've always been our sweet, reliable Geoffy. 549 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,375 On the other hand, there's Joanne. 550 00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:57,110 (SIGHS) She's a lot. 551 00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:58,445 So we give her a lot. 552 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,079 But that doesn't mean it's not unfair. 553 00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,614 So it changes now. 554 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,516 We popped her balloon about the singing. 555 00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:04,817 It is bad. 556 00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:06,486 She's going back to law school. 557 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:09,055 And from now on, we're gonna be more honest with each other. 558 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,390 Just like the Goldbergs. 559 00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:12,058 But, you know, less so. 560 00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:13,126 Mm-hmm. Yeah. 561 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:14,794 (CHUCKLES) 562 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,730 ADULT ADAM: In that moment, Erica felt like 563 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,899 she really was a part of Geoff's family... 564 00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:21,568 His perfectly messed-up family. 565 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,538 I'm sorry for calling you dishwater. 566 00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,140 You're not. 567 00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:29,142 You're a desirable, sensual being with needs and wants. 568 00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,910 Wow. 569 00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,746 I guess my breakup with Ren rocked me pretty hard. 570 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:37,717 It just feels like no one will ever love me again, you know? 571 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:40,687 ADULT ADAM: In that moment, I saw a Barry that I wasn't that familiar with, 572 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,855 vulnerable, scared, and defeated. 573 00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,457 There was nothing I could say. 574 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:45,992 Or was there? 575 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,295 Yeah, Bar, here's the thing... 576 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,497 Jenny is in love with you. 577 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,199 What? It's basically true. 578 00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:53,900 I went to claim my prize... 579 00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,202 Her body. 580 00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,770 But she told me she was just using me to get to you. 581 00:18:57,904 --> 00:18:59,839 That makes so much sense! Of course it does. 582 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,508 Obviously, you can't speak to her about this 583 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,243 because of all the maritime laws. 584 00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,645 It'd be stuck in an international tribunal for years. 585 00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:07,614 I don't want that. No one does. 586 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,982 But at least you know now you're incredibly special. 587 00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:12,585 And no doubt there's someone perfect out there for you. 588 00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:13,720 On land. 589 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,021 (YOUR SONG BY ELLIE GOULDING PLAYS) 590 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,756 You know, you're a pretty good brother. 591 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,158 Well, I got an older one who's taught me a lot. 592 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:22,429 ADULT ADAM: Sometimes a white lie can solve a problem. 593 00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:25,131 And other times, all you need is the truth. 594 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:26,633 Can I sit? 595 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,168 Why? So you can pretend to be my dad so I'll give you money? 596 00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:31,170 All right, fine. I'm a jerk. 597 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,672 We're on the same page. 598 00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:34,173 Yeah, let me finish. 599 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:36,943 I'm a jerk, so people don't stick around. 600 00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:38,511 See, I thought that was okay. 601 00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:39,612 But I'm getting older. 602 00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:42,749 The other day, I couldn't get my groceries upstairs, 603 00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,984 and I figured no one's gonna help me. 604 00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:46,686 Why would they? 605 00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:49,322 So, you took me on this cruise so I'd give you money? For what? 606 00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:50,990 I don't know. 607 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,025 Maybe a nurse? 608 00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,194 Or someplace that has bars in the shower? 609 00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:56,896 I don't know. It's all terrible. 610 00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:01,668 What's terrible is that you think you have to bribe me to take care of you. 611 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,202 What do you mean? Y-You'd do it for nothing? 612 00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:04,804 Of course I will. You're my father. 613 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:06,906 Thank you. 614 00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:11,711 And now, uh, not for nothing, I enjoyed myself on this tub, 615 00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:12,845 uh, with you. 616 00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:15,648 We had some moments. 617 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,685 Yeah, we did. 618 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:22,522 ADULT ADAM: And there was still one more great moment left. 619 00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:25,992 ** And you can tell everybody 620 00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:28,661 ** That this is your song 621 00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:33,500 ** It may be quite simple, but 622 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:37,036 ** Now that it's done 623 00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:40,640 ** I hope you don't mind I hope you don't mind 624 00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:44,477 ** That I put down in words ** 625 00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:47,079 ADULT ADAM: Turns out, even the hardest journeys are worth it 626 00:20:47,213 --> 00:20:49,882 when you're with the people who matter most. 627 00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,519 **** 628 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,424 On the boat. Let's take a look around, shall we? 629 00:20:57,557 --> 00:21:00,092 All right, here we got our 20-foot picture window. 630 00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:01,361 That's where Dad sleeps. 631 00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:03,396 That's where Dad hit his head, by the way. (CHUCKLES) 632 00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:07,567 Pop-Pop's Hanukkah gifts are here. 633 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,302 Get ready to be underwhelmed. 634 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:10,803 Sweet! A bowling ball? 635 00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,238 With no finger holes. 636 00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,907 Damn it! It's just a 16-pound marble! 637 00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:16,242 Still better than mine. 638 00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:17,444 I got a shower cap. 639 00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:18,845 And it's wet! 640 00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:20,112 But I'm the biggest loser. 641 00:21:20,246 --> 00:21:22,114 He got me a box of trash bags. 642 00:21:22,248 --> 00:21:23,716 I don't know. We can make it work. 643 00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:24,917 (SIGHS) 644 00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:26,085 Nice. 645 00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:27,354 Trash coming in! 646 00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:28,755 Barry, no! Oh!